Plumbing the Death Star - If You Could Have Any Super Power What Would it Be?

Episode Date: January 24, 2016

In which our heroes run faster than a speeding bullet, become more powerful than a locomotive and leap tall buildings in a single bound as we discuss which superpower would be the best to have. We try to sneak into a music festival, work out the logistics of fighting with flame-teeth and have a battle of The Primes. Jackson picks hole (no seriously, he picks holes), Zammit has no choice but to fight himself and Duscher just wants to see the world and himself burn. So join the gang as they celebrate a hundred episodes the only way they know how; in an arbitrary fight where there are no winners and everyone goes home disappointed. Here's to a hundred more! Want to have a hole as your face and a face as your hole? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can be the only one to touch it, but not really. Sometimes get bored of not being in pain? Do us a favour and go to http://www.geekfuel.com/sanspants and sign up to be in intense physical pain!In Melbourne on the 18th of February? Come see us live at the Eureka Hotel in Richmond. Doors open at 6:30, we start talking at 7! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio. I like your pants around your knees. and sign up today. Every box comes with an exclusive t-shirt, so if you don't have a t-shirt, that's pretty handy. Be a bro, head to geekfuel.com forward slash sanspants, and for this month only, get a special flash item. They ship anywhere in the world, so what are you waiting for? That's geekfuel.com forward slash sanspants. Get your geek on, you nerd. Hi, guys, and welcome to this week's very special 100th episode of Plumbing the Death Star.

We did it. We made it, people. It's a century years old. This week's very special 100th episode of Plumbing the Death Star. We did it. We made it. It's a century years old. 100 years old of Sandspans. Radio presents Plumbing the Death Star. So yeah, to all of us who emailed us after our first couple of episodes being like, how about you fucking watch a movie for once?

We have. Anyway, this week's question is if you could have any superhero power what would it be any superhero power superhero power if you could have any power

alright if you could where the question are we a mutant where the question is yes if you could have any superpower

what would it be there you go okay I've got the power have any superpower what would it be? There you go. Okay. A hole. So like the old Bugs Bunny cartoons where he had like a hole he could take around. I want that. That's not a superpower that's a special hole. I mutated it. It fell off my belly and then I was like i was like you create a hole and then you can go into that hole and then what no no no so it's like um basically um like a hole and if i it's like a circle yeah and if i remember bugs bunny had it once and so did winnie the pooh and if i put it on a thing it basically creates a hole in that thing

in the in the shape like in that that that circle shape so if i wanted to go through a window that was shut, I just put my hole on it, climb out, take my hole off on the other side. Press your hole against the window. Yeah. Press my hole against the window, climb through it. So it's kind of like a shitty version of phasing. Yeah, but through only a hole that's about the size of a dinner plate.

It's not even as big as your body. Okay, I have to make it as big as my body to make it any kind of worthwhile. But imagine that for things like surgery. Put it on someone's belly, I can look inside, sort things out. No, you put it in someone's belly and you'll be able to step through them.

Oh, yeah. Oh, no. What if you put it in the ground? Then I'll come out in China. Or whatever. Because, like, well, yes. Space. The other side of the world. Well, yeah, I'd come out in China Or whatever Because like Well yes Space The other side of the world Well yeah I'd come out in space

But imagine What would happen if you go through like this But it's like a magic hole Bad things I imagine Pure velocity Like I would reach maximum velocity And assuming my hole circumnavigates The burning center of our planet

I just fire out the other side Like a rocket into space Into space but then like Maybe not into the stratosphere And fall back down perfectly into the hole Into the hole And you guys can just wait at the other end Here with the net

Scoop me up But think about the practical applications Of having a hole That you can put wherever to get through things In day to day life You know what we also have Jack? Doors Some things don't have doors

Like what? Caves Sometimes they are hard to find Why are you going in there? For it to explore What is your use of a cave? Well I don't need a cave defined. What are you going in there to explore? What is your use of a cave? Well, I don't need a cave.

What is the use of a hole? I just think in everyday life, having a hole that meant I could get through things without having to worry about doors, without having to worry about barriers, would be very useful. Oh, what's that? You can't get into a concert because you don't have a ticket? Chuck a hole on a wall, scoot on through, you're fine. Until they're like, hey, where's your ticket? I'd be like, how would I have gotten in without one?

That'd be like you snuck in The same way anyone fucking sneaks into shows And then I drop the hole down on the ground And leap in You didn't even get to see the band Here's a weird question What if I didn't get to see the band? But I didn't pay, so I kind of break even.

What would happen if I leapt into the hole and then grabbed the hole on my way out? Like, as I fell, grabbed it and pulled it with me. Oh, no. Do I just get trapped in the stone of the earth? You'd be crushed. You'd die. Your body would maybe merge.

And I'd never... Yeah, you're gone. The hole might survive. You'd die. Your body would maybe merge. And I'd never... Yeah, you're gone. The hole might survive. And there's just a hole in the middle of the planet. Did anyone pick up the hole? Well, anyone... No, just me, because it's a mutant power we established.

All right. Yeah. All right, what are you... Okay. So let's say... So on a scale of one to ten, you've started with a 1, and that's good. You can only get better from here. Are you going to try and fight crime with this, and how?

Oh, it's easy. So what I do, right, is that I'm like, it's easy. Imagine this. I'm walking along in my suit, like my The Hole costume or whatever. I see some crooks. They're beating up an old woman.

I throw my hole down. They fall in the hole. I see some crooks. They're beating up an old woman. I throw my hole down. They fall in the hole. I pick my hole up. How do you prevent the old lady from falling in the hole as well? Also, that's a good question, but you haven't stopped them. You've killed them. The Punisher style.

Yeah. Not all superheroes have to abide by the bullshit no killing rule. I am pro-killing. The hole, pro-killing. You're not really pro-killing because it's like where's the body you can't find it unprovable unprovable they're just going from different and you know what to be honest lads if i had hole-based powers i'd use them to do crimes i'm not a superhero i'd be a super villain oh that nice bank would be a shame if someone had a magic hole actually Actually, it's very good for, yeah, for super villainy. Imagine this.

Good, Dusha. Please do that. Yep. Wobble the mic around. Yeah, I should. Put down a hole on the roof of a bank. Yeah. Leap down.

Yep. Put, take my hole with me. How? As I leap down, I grab it and pull it with me down the hole that I made. I might need two holes. How about as you generate holes? Okay, fine. As I leap down, I grab it and pull it with me down the hole that I made. I might need two holes. How about you generate holes? Okay, fine.

Whatever. No, because having one hole and generating holes takes your power from like a one to about a six. That's true. Fine, I can generate holes. No, no, no. One hole. One hole. You've picked it. Because my choice is multiple holes.

I drop down into the bank vault carrying my hole through. Whatever. Drive a truck up to the bank alongside the wall. Place a hole on the wall so that it goes into the truck. Throw all the money from the vault into the truck. Climb back through the hole. Pull my hole off

the other side of the wall. Drive away. I'm confused by how your hole works. Because you've been applying it so that you can walk. Originally it was so like you put it on one thing and you would just walk through it. Where if you're putting it on the truck, you're going through two walls. Well, if the truck's really close to the bank.

Fine, cut a hole in my truck. There we go. Like a my hole sized hole in the truck Or you fucking back the truck up to the goddamn wall Just fucking take a gun cold block everyone Who cares Like open the fucking back of the truck You idiot

Or just like piff it through the window of the cab Trucks already have holes They have windows and doors You idiot What about this I want to kill a high profile man a high profile

like person I go to the side of his house to the side of his study put the hole up against the wall there he is shoot him through the hole take the hole off scot-free prove I did it how did I get inside that room? It was locked there you go, now it's a two I would say that the easiest way to prove

that would be the fact that you're probably dumb enough that you bought a registered gun and also you're a superhero that can just phase through walls pretty much I just hide my hole when the cops come around I am not Jackson Bailey hole man I press my hole up against nothing

where's my hole officer point it out point out my hole officer have a look be funny if like if you to hide it you always kept it on your belly yeah so just like straight through yourself just like put your arm in your belly and come out the back imagine this imagine you know if i can hold my hole yeah and then i get into a fight and somebody Imagine, you know, if I can hold my hole. Yeah. And then I get into a fight and somebody swings a fist at me and I just hold my hole. Oh, no. Wait, actually, it just goes through the hole into my face still.

Okay. Of course. That was dumb of me. You have to put your own face and then just punch through it. Where would you want your face to go? You have a whole face. Where would your face go? That's so scary. What happens to my face?

Where does anything go? And also the hole's bigger than your face. So where does your head start? No, Jackson, you've just created a nightmare. Yeah, where... Where does it... Like, if you put the hole on your face, or on a wall, where does that bit of wall go? It just doesn't exist.

For a bit. Does that mean you die? Like, when I fall over and the hole comes off and I'm dead on the ground? What happens if you make a person's head? Because like if

someone is punching it right, what if you put it on the top of your head and put it all the way down? Just keep pulling it over your head head well that'd be okay because as i pulled it over my head like it would just just be a i don't know i feel like we're dealing with a level of physics far beyond us because surely if i put the hole over my head yeah because the hole just makes a hole between me and the thing

my head would just go through it really, you know what I mean? ah yeah, you'd put the hole into your face and your face would just go through the hole so you'd just have a ring around your face it doesn't really achieve anything but if you put the hole on someone else's face would they?

because you said only you can touch it but everyone else can go through it It would be the same thing You put the hole over someone's face They'd be like, well that's weird But my head's in a hole now But also not really It's just like you put a ring around my head

And I'm fine But your head doesn't disappear So then if you put it against a wall Then you're making a ring around a wall No because No hang on You're right then you're making a ring around a wall no because no hang on you're right you're right because it has to be a negative space oh god

realistic because otherwise how are you putting things through it when it's on a wall then because it does have to create a passageway I guess so if I did put it on my head my head would disappear and that means that I could hold it on my head, my head would disappear. And that means that I could hold it in front of a guy's hand, because his hand would just

disappear into the hole. But then it would come out the other end. Does that mean that my hole effectively creates, like, say, a meter long hole? Like, there's, like, a meter long inside the hole that you can't... Yeah, that's the only way, because it would have to be... It can't just be like a millimetre.

It would have to be, yeah, like a metre. It has to be TARDIS style where it's like bigger on the inside of the hole. Yes. Okay. So it's like a tunnel. So if you put it over a guy's head... So if you put it on the floor, it would just So if I put a child in it, that child's just gone. I was gonna say... As you're filling it with rabbits!

Oh, Jack, no. They just disappear forever. I was thinking it's kind of like if Jack, no. They just disappear forever. That's... Because I was thinking it's kind of like if you have, like, one side of the hole. Okay. And then you have another side of the hole, right? So you've got two sides of the hole. Okay.

And you kind of have this... You create a passageway in between. So like a portal between the holes. Like you make a portal between the holes that... Like the portal gun. Yeah. Yeah, for us, it only looks like a millimetre thick But really it's bending That would have been cleverer to take Well

I don't understand how your hole works is all Like it could be that But at this moment in time I'm terrified Because you don't have a head And Where is my head Where are the children And where are their bunnies

The thing is the children will come back once I take the hole off them. Where they went, I don't know. What they tell people. Your cry would just be like, I'm going to put my hole on you. Exactly. So what do we give me out of 10?

8. 1.5. 1.1. Because it's good for crimes. Oh, yeah, look, it's good for crimes. If you're committing crimes. I'd make your man's head disappear. I'd say a 2.

Okay, I'll take a 2. Maybe a 3. Maybe a 4? You kind of know. Maybe an 8. Nah, maybe it's up to an 8. Maybe a 3. Actually, a 3 because of the whole, you know, a man is dead.

Like, a man in a locked room has a gunshot in his head. How did he die? The riddle of that question, the answer to that riddle is easy. Jackson's hole. Hey, isn't there that superhero that makes a magic hole? Wait, superhero? What? You mean magic?

That's what I mean. Like that's when people were like, oh, how did he die in this locked room? They'd be like, in this city, there's that guy who can make holes in walls it was probably him because there is I thought you were talking about a character who's actually called magic there is that guy who does create these holes yeah but to like they teleport but she goes through limbo

she goes through hell mine that's rough that is just a hole alright yeah a solid three I'll take a three see if you can top that I want to be on fire, like the human torch. But, like, the human torch doesn't feel pain, I will. Why would you choose that?

Nah, because I only get to pick one power. Yeah, that's true. I'm immune to pain, isn't one of them. That's true. On fire is. You can't be, like, flame retardant. You have to just be flame. Yeah. How long does the human body take to cook are you okay it causes me pain but it isn't damaging my body so like okay i have the pain of being on fire but it's not like after i go i'd never use it i'd use it all the time you'd be on

pain wait you could use it for a bit every like if you needed to punch a guy you could be like okay flame on flame off can you flame just your hand? Yeah. Or your whole body? No, I can flame just my hand if I want. Well, that's okay. Yeah, it's fine then. Where's the least, like, what's the toughest part of the human body in terms of pain?

Heel? Hand. Scalp? Why are you getting that information from? No, seriously. Teeth. Oh, flame teeth! Teeth don't hurt.

No, they don't have nerve endings. Not after I visit my dentist they won't. Hi, I have flame powers. Can you remove the nerves in my teeth? No, because if you just hit the tip of your teeth and they bit someone Oh, owie. Oh, owie.

Oh, good. And they burn and you Like a fingertip. Yeah, good. And they burn and you... Like a fingertip. Yeah, but where? Like nails? Nails. Nails.

Hair? Hair. But just above the root so it's not touching your head. Hope for a good gust of wind so it looks sick. Yeah. And but some guy to solve the problem. See? Good.

What would you... How would you use it? so you're just burning people is that your basic like fight crime by just hugging someone screaming in pain as you catch fire they scream in pain as they catch fire and then i turn mine off and i'm like oh god that hurt but i'm fine like it doesn't burn you know what i mean like yeah so you don't end up like actually damaged you just hurt yeah as though you were getting damaged yeah so you can use that pain to kind of fuel you to carry on it keeps me grounded well tell me you wouldn't just like pump yourself full of painkillers all the time well two things would happen yes i'd become probably a heroin addict

to or alternatively just sort of like what happens with Wolverine where I just be like I'm used to pain now yeah I like the heroin addict scenario better

me too imagine coming into like you're like a cop and they're like okay look we gotta bust up this fucking

crack house and you go in and you come back out and you're like one of the junkies is just on fire

what the fuck I think he's passed out but he's on fire I tried to put him out, but he's on fire. I tried to put him out and... Nothing. He didn't go, what is this? And then he fucking got up and walked out.

Can I go home? I've had a long day. Because I don't know really how to cope with that. Yeah, no, I would fucking smash some heroin. It'd be sick. I feel like it's going to be hard for you to fight crime then if like you're like especially if someone's like hey fireman

there's like a dealer in my neighbourhood can you stop give me his name give me his number where did you live maybe not heroin. Maybe something a little bit less intense. Maybe just meth. A bit of aspirin. Yeah, take an aspirin.

Take a couple of aspirin. Panadol. It hurts, but not as much. Panadol Fort. There you go. What's cool is that if you were in a pool and there was people swimming in the pool and you turned on fire, you could boil the people in the pool. He's turned to steam.

That's all right. That is good. I didn't think about that. Could evaporate people's pools. You could be like a firefighter in a way. What? My favorite type of firefighter. They're like, oh no, there's a fire.

I got to save these people. I started it. A fire I did. I'm a hero now everyone everyone's saved because of me are you immune to your flames or every flames I feel like

that I'd be just immune to flame because there's no real there's no way you're gonna have a specific flame so in that scenario then you'd be pretty good as a firefighter you'd be there like as a firefighter. Yeah. You'd be there, like, naked. There's, like, clothes that are irrelevant at this point, and they're going to burn anyway.

The fire chief pumps you full of heroin and sends you in. You did a good thing today. Go get him, heroin lad. You got it. Give him a medicine. Just give him a medicine. Give him a medicine first. Got got it. Give me my medicine. Just give me my medicine. Give me my medicine first. Gotta burn the bugs under my skin.

You never could. You can never solve your problem. Well, you know what? It's kind of on you, because you said you didn't have to use it. No, of course not. You're like, I will use it. I will risk heroin and pain to... See, there's a good little story arc there.

He can't catch on fire, but he can feel the pain. And then that responsibility of like, do I be a hero by going into these burning buildings and rescuing people? But then getting real fucking hurt by it and then becoming on heroin just to deal and cope with it. That'd be all right. So you've got an interesting little storyline. Better storyline than Holman.

I feel like that my guy would just be like eventually I'd just start burning down places and be like, why are you doing this? I'd be like, if everyone's on fire, I don't have to save anyone. I thought you were going to say like, you know syndrome in The Incredibles is like when everyone's special, no one is.

I thought you were going to say, when everyone's on fire, no one is. That would also be my end goal. Yeah, just like burn down, just to set fire to everything. Yeah. The world is on fire. The world burns. Real quick, became a supervillain. Like, he started saving people, but then like, it's been a week.

It's too hot. It's too hot. It's too hot. It hurts. If everyone's on fire, then no one is. It's real hot, it hurts. Yeah, but you control it. You can turn the fire off. No.

Not gonna happen. Just opting not to turn it off. Like, you clearly, you're screaming. I'm fine. No, I'm not screaming, you're screaming you're screaming i'm good like this is okay for me i i feel as a super like as a power goes it's interesting and you've got some nice little little potentials of interesting storylines but the fact that you're kind of i don don't know if I've read a comic about Burning Man. Oh, Burning Man, yes! The fact that you're opting either to use it

just for shits and gigs, even though it's causing a lot of pain, because I can get behind someone being like, oh, okay, he's invulnerable, but he does feel pain, but he feels responsible to help people. That's kind of cool. That's fine, he's got power. But you're like, nah, nah,

I'm just going to sit here and watch the cricket while i'm on fire screaming fetch me a fucking bed because my beer would evaporate and that would be the true pain and then it's like you know you could turn it off i don't yeah actually it's like, you know, you could turn that off, I don't. Actually, it's pretty funny to be completely on fire except for my hand turning the beer. And then when you move it

to your mouth, your mouth goes off and you drink that and you turn it back on. Turn it off. Why are you doing this to yourself? Well, I think you get like

an eight for power but like a five for how you're using it. Like a five, three for how you're using it. Sometimes you just get bored of not being in pain. It's like, why do you do this? To feel something.

But you feel things all the time. Yeah, but not pain. Not intense physical pain. Now you've got to like... Most of the time I'm just tired, so I just wanted to mix it up. You've got to like... You start by burning a bonfire. Then you wanted to mix it up. You got to like, you start by like, you know, burning like, you know,

a bonfire and you start to like, you know, maybe a shack and like, and like a bum, like a hospital, it's like escalating it more and more. Just like, I just,

I just want to, I just want to feel something now. Burning cigarettes out in your body, shit like that. Yeah. Crazy. You've gone crazy. Full on crazy.

Heroin. That'll slow me down. Yeah. Crazy. You've gone crazy. Full on crazy. Heroin. That'll slow me down. Yeah, I'm going to give you a four. Yeah, four. Better than a whole man. Yes.

Only a little bit. I would be one of those comic books that would come out and people would be like, what the fuck is Mark Millard on this time? This is interesting. And a train wreck.

And a train wreck. And a train wreck. All right, Zalma. I'm sure you can get better than four. I was thinking, basically, either... Do you want to fly? Is that your choice? No. Run really fast?

Multiman. See how I duplicate myself and reabsorb myself? Nah, you're too egotistical. I am. You would end up hating your dupes. Nah. Your dupes would hate you as well As long as we know

That whoever's the prime is Then we're good But you wouldn't You don't want to bow down To a prime Zabit And multiple men does If he touches them He absorbs them

Yeah but that's multiple men He's a humile guy Yeah you've only got the powers You're not multiple men So I've just got the power To duplicate myself And reabsorb myself Yeah

Yeah then whoever gets reabsorbed Is the prime So that means that In a punch on Yeah It's just You can'tbed is the prime so that means that in a punch on yeah it's just you can't punch on with yourself oh that sucks

you can't punch on with yourself you can't feel pain Zamit I can I know true pain I can feel pain someone else can punch me but what happens Zamit if say

when you first you pop out two Zamits no I can tell you exactly what will happen straight off the bat with you you pop out two new Zamets they'd both be like you're not reabsorbing me we're fucking off and you'd be like

fair enough I was going to say imagine if you pop out two and you're like anyway reabsorb back to me and they're like yeah okay and you're like sick you pop out four and then one of the ones you popped out is like everyone reabsorb back into me and you're like no I'm the prime and he's like no fucking I'm the prime

and then it's a battle of reabsorbing. That's sick, though. Can you force reabsorb? Yep. That's scary, Sam. Yeah. At any moment. He absorbs a baby at one point.

A baby multiple, man? Yeah. How'd that happen? Odd thing, I think, because one of the multiple, one of his duplicates impregnates, I think, Siren, and then she gives birth. For some reason, I thought you were going to say Sue Storm. And then he holds it because he thought

maybe he was the prime that impregnated her. But because the duplicate impregnated her it was just another dupe. So he's holding his baby as it just reabsorbs. Traumatic for everyone. What the fuck? Multiple man has a bad time. He does.

The good read though. Alright, fine. You're right. I am too egotistical. I would hate it. You does. The comic book. He does. It's a good read, though. All right, fine. You're right. I am too egotistical. I would hate it. Yeah, you would end up fighting your own multiple man. Transform into a car. That's much better.

There we go. Now we have arrived. Now I'm on board. Can people drive you? They can sit in the driver's seat, they can maybe have some control but not as... It's like a tug of war. A constant tug of war. You're like, turn left.

You're like, no! So, Transformers are made out of that bullshit Transformium or whatever it's called. You're made out of flesh. Yes, I am. You're a flesh car? Yes. A flesh car.

I want to say no, but yes. Flesh car. Flesh car. I would not drive you. I imagine the steering wheel Is teeth Basically Yes a flash car

Like it's sturdy Like a car So when I transform Into a car I'm like about as sturdy As a car So you know Fiberglass kind of

You know sturdy But it feels like a person Oh good You've got the pain aspect That's me on board So basically You sit down And you're like

Oh this is nice leather No no no You sit down It's like This is like Sitting on a person. That's foul. If I open up the engine, is it like organs? Yes. Like a

giant heart pumping. That's so disturbing. And like headlights of your eyes, obviously. With like light coming out of them. In the middle of the steering wheel is my mouth. Is that how you talk? Yes. Is the exhaust pipe your butthole of course it is that's how a car works come on use your fucking head dude how do you fight crime

do you run people down yes like night rider what do you pretend to be a taxi and then eat them yes what happens if you transform back into a man whilst you're in the car? I guess I absorb their powers. Do you make another car or do you make your car bigger until eventually you eat enough before you become a boss? Is that how it goes down? I think there'd have to be a level

of killing them if they're in the car. Yeah, I think that's fair. Maybe that's how you feed now. Maybe that is how I have to get fed Just throw a few cats in there Turn from car to human Who's doing that? Or do you like hold the cat, become a car Go back, eat

I guess I'd have to get a sidekick That is not a sidekick That is a slave Sidekick called sidecar Yes That's so good Or just get hole man Chuck a whacker

Fucking hole on your roof Yep, throw a few cats in there Take it off I don't know if hole man Is that willing To join The amazing changing car man Or whatever you're called

What would I be called? How do you like Amazing changing car man Amazing changing car man Sidekick sidecar, yeah? In like Day to day life Like The people of New York Or whatever city you're defending Amazing changing car, man. Sidekick sidecar, yeah? In day-to-day life, the people of New York

or whatever city you're defending, do they know you exist? Is it like... Or are people just like, oh, skin car! I think that'd be like a... No, because the human aspect would have to be the secret identity, so all public appearances of the amazing changing car man

would simply just be car man. So it be almost be like the sentient car so people would be like flesh car flesh car comes just flesh car strikes again perfect flesh car and his amazing sidekick sidecar wait it's a sidecar become a sidecar no no sidecar is just a dude that his name is sidecar and always drives me does he he live in constant terror that when she's driving you, she's going to one day you're going to reform and eat her? Maybe that's why she is my sidekick, because of fear. Out of fear. Yeah. She was at the

used car lot, she was like, no, that one, that one, this one's made of skin. This is unique. Unlike in Transformers where Shia LaBeouf drives Bumblebee, that but more terrifying. Exactly. She'd turn on the radio, which is me talking. You try and turn off the radio. I'm like, no, you can't.

That's not a radio. It's just my voice. Don't silence me. Oh, your radio would be your voice box. She'd just be poking your voice box. That's so idiotic. And like, you know, it doesn't like Bumblebee trying to get Shia LaBeouf and fucking Megan Fox together.

They'd just be hearing like, fuck. Your little gross steering wheel mouth fuck each other nah do it in the back seat is good fucking me where is my dick yeah i was wondering where your job is it's the gear stick come on clearly get your fucking head in the game do you have to like work it up to move it? Nah, it's erected 24-7. Don't even worry. You get priapism the moment you became a car. Do you still, like, live a normal life as a journalist? And then they're like, a crime's happening,

and you're like, oh, let me just duck away. I imagine you spin to become the car. Like, after, like, we'll be dedicated to it, so you spin for a while. Then you become a car and run down the criminals And eat them Just like Constantly like honk honk It's really fucking scary to imagine

The grill as your mouth And you just chomp people like that I'm on board I can get behind that Second mouth Steering wheel mouth and then grill mouth. And then when you become a man again, you've just got a mouth in your belly. Simple. Well, nasty.

But efficient? Yeah, so like six. 6.5. All right. So I think here's the question in the big superhero battle in the middle of New York between whatever the fuck you were called

Burning Man Hole Man and the amazing Jameson Carr and Flash Car who wins I can put holes in front of you that you get lost in I'm on fire so Flash Car would be cooked yeah you'd burn Flash Car you get lost in. That's rude. I'm on fire, so a flesh car would be cooked.

Yeah, you'd burn flesh car. You would hop in flesh car and burn it from the inside. You would burn flesh car. However, I would run hole man over. Yeah. Because you'd put a hole in my bonnet. I'm like, that's still just my bonnet. I can't drive you over.

Damn. That car is more than a meter long. You'd put a hole in the road. That's true. Yeah, but it's not a big hole. It's like a pothole. I guess you could put it on the bonnet and just jump through me.

I could put it on the bonnet and jump through you and take your heart with me. No. That's confusing. It just depends how your hole works, really. Jackson's not even sure. I don't question it.

I just use it. I think Burning Man might win simply because... How doped up on heroin are you in this battle? Doesn't matter. I'm on fire anyway. Could I just put half of you in a hole and then remove the hole and chop you in half?

Maybe. You'd be doped up on heroin. It wouldn't even hurt you. You'd just stand around like, what are we doing? Burn my face off. Where's my face gone? Who cares? I the same thing with you Because you need to eat things To kill them

Yeah sure I'm funked on heroin Put me in the car I'm still on fire Yes you're still on fire Even if I transform back into a man Then your insides would be It's like heartburn Really really I think everybody

dies in the city he's kind of like thank god a bit everyone dies but I die of an OD oh good everybody dies and they're like

burning man you did it burning man did what oh no burning man choked on her and vomit

it's not the ending that he wanted. If you've got 5 minutes or 50 Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in Or bring your classes with you For outdoor runs, walks and hikes Led by expert instructors on the Peloton app Call yourself a runner Peloton All Access Membership Separate Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running That's the ending he deserved

And on that note I've been Fleshcar I've been the hole man and I've also been burning man here's to 100 episodes and 100 more we did it guys we are arrived

and if you have a best super power that is better than one of our three which I strongly disagree good luck tweet us at sanspantsradio to let us know superpower that is better than one of our three, which I strongly disagree. Good luck. Tweet us at Sandspanceradio to let us know what that is or comment on the Facebook link or email us or yell into the void. Yeah.

We'll find it out. Just yell into a hole we'll get there. Exactly. Jackson's probably yelling to my hole. And yeah, sick. Apart from that, don't do heroin and have a nice time, kids. Bam. Want to hear more of our bullshit?

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