Plumbing the Death Star - If You Found Aladdin's Lamp What Would Your Three Wishes Be? (Ft. Tom Walker)

Episode Date: July 28, 2019

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Sans Pants Radio, where I read the books, you don't have to... I don't know. Oi, nerds! Wanna watch us play Dungeons & Dragons? Well, this August, we're gonna be doing that over on twitch.tv slash sanspantsradio. That's right, D&D's for Twitch feature in Plumbing the Death Star is running a three-part campaign where we get to push D&D face-first in the mud and then take its lunch money.

Part 1 starts August 11th for us, but August 10th for the rest of the world. To find out the exact times and dates, head on over to our Twitter, at Sandspans Radio, or at D&D is for Nerds for more information. Hello and welcome to Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, if you found Aladdin's lamp, what would your three wishes be? I'm Tom Walker. I'm Jackson.

And I'm Xander. Wonderful. And us three are all here and we found how to speed. I think the hardest I know this is not a hurdle posed by the question but I would not think to rub the lamp yeah no, to be honest hey, my first wish is for an empty lamp

we're going to need to throw this thing out. This is no good. Even without wishes, I'm running this thing under a tap. This is dirty. I can't imagine. I don't want a lamp with a dude in it. A shirtless dude.

Yuck, this lamp's gross. I can't imagine grabbing a lamp and trying to polish it. First of all, if i've entered the cave of wonders so if we all recall in aladdin yes jafar is like enter the cave of wonders you diamond in the rough yes voice we recall i remember him you diamond in your rough yes grab only the lamp do not touch any of the gems or treasures. Okay, yeah, of course. Jafar, as we all know, was voiced by

Orson Welles during a champagne commercial. They let Orson drink too much of the champagne. They should have been spitting it out. No! Orson, please spit it in the bucket. I'm not going to waste free

champagne. I won't sell you a bucket Disrespect a container by splitting in it Awesome Please It was a nightmare Immediately I'm touching stuff As soon as you get in there

I love that sick gem And I'm going to pick it up Let's get this out of the way In any Disney movie that you're in Jackson You immediately die. And in such a violent way that everyone leaves the movie. You know, it's like you touch something

and the big lion's mouth closes. I like walk in, pick up a gem, lock eyes with Jafar as he's like, why? Then the lion's head squishes me. That's right. Yeah, you're the guy at the start of Aladdin. Fuck. Getting in there, looking at all the treasure and being like, what was I not meant to touch? That's right Yeah you're the guy at the start of Aladdin Fuck Getting in there looking at all the trash and being like

What was I not meant to touch Is this one of those the floor is lava type things Where I can only touch the gems Your last words would absolutely be Did you say touch or don't And then I know You know and then I know Touch everything or touch nothing

Just as you go in there, what's a lamp? Hey, dude, I'm an urchin. I have never had anything lit up other than by a candle. I don't know what you want from me, dude. I live and die by the sun, my man. I don't know what you want me in here looking for, but I hope that it spells out lamp. Getting in there, because if we recall as well, the lamp

is like really high up on like a pile of rocks that you've got to climb. I'm just going to be like, nah, turn around and go back. It's too high up. I don't know. I need a ladder or whatever. You would have seen one flight of stairs and just knowing that it would kill you, just slam your palm onto a ruby

rather than take the cardio. Thank God. All right, so you're up there. You're touching this lamp. Obviously your first... Start rubbing that shit. You're rubbing the shit out of this lamp, as we all are wont to do.

Does licking the lamp count as rubbing it? I'm like... The genie comes out Oh my god Dude what the You've got the spout fully in your mouth The genie comes out That was so deep

Something went wrong I feel very bloated It's great to hear the Give him the lamp But you're just like I don't know why you wanted it man I feel Like I want to riff

Just a wet genie Coming up and being like You weren't sucking off the lamp were you No I'm really wiping the sides of your mouth That's a crazy accusation Wet with lamp grease lamp, wait. No! No, not at all! I'm really wiping the sides of your mouth. That's a crazy accusation. Wet with lamp grease.

Wasn't it funny to hear a tinny rendition of Never Had a Friend Like Me coming out of my... What is in you, Jackson? I'd force myself to throw up, I guess, into the sand. Is that what you wanted, Jafar? This guy? Dude, you should have told me to look for the

blue pervert who lives in a Here he is. who lives in a gravy boat. That would have been easier. I guess it's an ancient Arabian lamp. I want you to go in there and look for the one thing without nipples. What a request.

Okay, so we've licked or sucked off the lamp. Yeah. And out pops the genie. We've slapped the lamp around. The genie has popped out to be like, dude. Stop it. Please. Just hocking it at the wall. Catching it again. Why would I

carry this back when I can simply dribble it like a basketball? Just like kicking it along the ground. Like a can. As a street rat, I am led to street rat behaviours. Playing soccer with it or whatever. I've kicked it to Jafar by now. I've got both my hands deep in my pockets and I'm kicking the lamp around like I'm having a bad day.

I'm Charlie Browning my way up the tiger. I like that also each of us have just returned to Jafar with it. None of us have robbed it for us. We have robbed it for ourselves. I'd be just like, here you go. All yours.

See you later. I'm taking this camel. Do I invoice you? I don't know. Is this an honor system? I'm taking this camel. Do I invoice you? Well, I don't know. Is this an honor system? Anyway. I'm going to go back there and touch all those rubies. Now that the lamp's out, it's good, yeah? Yeah.

I guess I'll, I don't know, take a shovel? A big sack? There's heaps of gold in there. Now that the cat's dead, do you just want to dig our way into where it is? It's all there. It's underneath. If we just excavate, it it is? It's all there. It's underneath. If we just excavate, it should be. It's so easy, dude.

Anyway, man. Don't touch anything. You're like on a ladder chipping away at like a lion's tooth. I'm going to take this whole big lion statue. Man, this looks sick. I'm going to put this in my sad urchin's hovel. Cool. So we have this shiny thing.

There's a blue cunt coming out of it. He's asking us, what do we want? Mr. Joel Zammett, sir, what will your pleasure be? Is he doing his whole spiel of like, I want freedom as well? No, you've got to bring that up. And I'm not doing that. That's a real, like, I feel like he's acting like an Uber driver. I feel like the first question you have for each other is,

hey, how you been? Have you been in there long? Yeah. Is it cr it cramped in there like if i'm asking some questions busy millennia or whatever and then there's like an awkward pause and then he's like been in that been in there ages you're like oh yeah because when does like aladdin find out that he's bound well is it pretty early okay so i've the one i've seen the most recently is the live action remake yeah and that happens when aladdin is like if you could have any wish, what would it be? Which is a weird thing to ask your genie. That's like getting in your Uber and being like, where would you drive to?

What do you want to do today? I don't know, dude. Hey, man. I'm going to walk in this store and buy you any shirt you like. I'll put on the spot. And I was like, oh, I don't know. You've been around and granted some wishes. What would you wish for?

What's the best wish you've seen? That's a good one to begin with. You don't want to embarrass yourself as well. What's like a normal wish? Someone you thought was cool. I'm not the most self-confident. So I'd be like, yeah, well, what's good? And if he was like, oh, free me, I would be like, oh, really?

Oh, I wish for you to have a genie then. Yeah. Yeah, I want to see what you do. I wish for you to have a genie. I want you to put your bloody words where your mouth is. You know what I mean? Yeah. I have two wishes left.

If you use your first wish to free your genie, I guess I'll free you. But like, oh, hey, look who has a fancy car already. So I think you'll find that my other two wishes are going to extend this schlong. Okay, so first off, I think we're all wishing for less wishes. I wish I had no wishes. I'm going to analysis paralysis. So I'm trying to cut down my options

We all know you can't wish for more But surely the opposite Alright I guess You used your first wish to wish for less wishes So I guess you have one wish left Is that what you wanted? Thank god So much of my money

Finally I'm free Thank God So much of my money Dude Finally I'm free I'm sorry I know that must be weird for you to hear That's also sad for the genie being like Are you going to use your final wish to free me? And you're like no Dude no

I had one wish that I used to get rid of another wish I haven't even had my wish yet Exactly I just have a full schedule Just one wish will do me. Well, what would your one wish be? Oh, boy, oh, boy. It's a tough...

You can't make anyone fall in love with you and you can't bring anyone back from the dead. Those are the two stipulations. And no more wishes. Immediately there go my two first wishes, which were bring back JFK and have him fall madly, deeply in love with me. That's so sad.

Oh, it'd be great. Yeah, and no wishing for more wishes. But again, none of us were going to do that. Can you wish for, like, omnipotence? Well, Jafar does. Jafar wishes to be more powerful than the genie, but in doing so, he becomes a genie. So it's dangerous.

It's like a monkey paw situation, though. Well, it is and it isn't. It's not for Aladdin. Aladdin doesn't get monkey pawed. Jafar does. It seems like one of those things where, like, as long as you just devote a little bit of time to technical manualing, writing it out, as being like, hey, I wish for being really strong,

but not in a way that harms me or those around me. And not in a way that kills me because my muscles can no longer hold up my body or whatever. The same way you go into a hairdresser with a picture of a hairstyle that you like from a bunch of angles. Maybe this is the way you go to the genie. You don't want to leave it up to the genie. All right. I want to be King Midas, but I get to choose when it happens. And you know that's annoying the genie, which makes me like the genie less.

I wish I could know the perfect wish. Oh, that's sneaky. And then that's good because that uses your first wish and then your next wish is, of course, the perfect wish, less wishes. Then you're done. Then you're done. Done. Gotcha, genie.

All right, thanks, man. We just finished our speed run of the Aladdin plot. Back in the lamb. Grab that lamb, you. I'm just going to huck this fucking dumb lamp away and go back to using a candle like a real person. Freak. I'm keeping this lamp to lick.

I got a taste for it now. I had to fill it up with spices. It's funny to wish for things that I can just easily do. I wish I was holding the lamp in my left hand. Yeah. Wow. This guy's for real. Can you do it back into the right hand?

Whoa. You have one wish left, Jackson. Are you sure? This is amazing. No way you could do the left again. Thanks, dude. That was a ride. You have been my worst master in my

entire millennia of being a genie. I hate you. We can't say this usually, but I swear to God, I hate you. If you had freed me, I'd have killed you. I'm telling you right now. Looks like I've made the right decision, genie boy. I'm so glad.

I'm so happy with my wishes. Well, it seems this is you passing the lamp back and forth between your left and right hands. Wow, the power was inside me all along. I can just do this. Whoa, thanks, Jeannie. You've inspired me. No, no, no, no.

Throw the lamp away. Walk home. Okay. So first wish, obviously, better lamp. Electric. This lamp sucks. Give us a better lamp Thank you

Are we talking electric lamp or electrified lamp? That's the monkey for element Electric Electric shark dead in the sand Perfect, now that I like That's quite an extreme monkey Paul Often they're unfortunate, not just outright death I wish for a better lamp

And it spawns a mile above, falls on top of you, blam. Yeah. I like to imagine- I like a touch lamp. Can you wish for the genie to never be able to be freed? The genie's like, I would love to be freed. I'm like, well, I wish you could never be freed.

Okay, well, guess I'll be granting that. Sweet. Guess it doesn't technically infringe any of the rules. Hey, you can't wish for more wishes. Yeah. Can you wish for the exact same amount of wishes that you have at the moment that you wish? Thereby granting a wish,

but meaning you stay steady at three wishes. You get the rush of having a wish granted. He's done it. He's done it. Just treading water. You're making wishes. Yes. Genie's like, it's time to grant a wish.

Please just make a wish. All right, I wish to have the same amount of wishes. I guess he's not wishing for more. It's funny that at a certain point the genie could just stop granting it and just not grant the wish and you wouldn't know. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, granted. Yeah, the wish happened. Whoa.

Can we do it again? Yeah, there you go. It's happening. I notice there's no, like, you know, magic or dust or something. You've done it enough times. I'm out of juice. I just, you know, make it like a bit of, you know, dazzle dazzle me. Just saying. I wish, you know, make it like a bit of, you know, dazzle dazzle me. Just saying.

I wish you were a mortal rat. That's what I would do. And then Ginny becomes a rat and scurries away. Hey, wait, I'm not done with my two other wishes. Come back. Oh, fuck. Oh, good. My two other wishes.

I wish to hunt a rat. Yes. And then I catch it. I wish to eat a rat whole and live. This was a great day. This was a great day This was a great day Squeak, squeak Oh boy, the human body is a squeak True miracle, squeak, squeak, squeak

You've basically turned yourself into Evangelion Ratatouille Where it's climbed Inside your head and skull The rat's using various tendons And veins to move me. To seek revenge. Understandable.

Because there's many things you can do to the genie. The genie never expects you to send the wishes. He expects good things to happen to him. Can you kill somebody? You can't bring back someone from the dead, but can you kill somebody? You can for sure kill somebody. Oh, yeah. Hey, okay.

First wish. You know that weird prick upstairs? He's dead. Kill him. Just end him. Yeah, done. Sweet. Well, that was pretty vague.

I know you meant Jafar. I think you meant Jafar. Yeah, what probably happened is someone with a comb over an agrabah fell over dead. And everyone's like, what happened to... I mean, he was... He's not so happy. I mean, he stood too close at the office. He's a weird cunt.

They're not wrong, but it's such a funny view to go back into town and see Jafar and be like, Genie, what the fuck? Genie's like, I thought he was cool. Do you know how Robin Williams talks like that? It's me, Mrs. Doubtfire. I'm Patch Adams. Laughter is the best and only medicine.

Can someone take care of my large bulbous red nose? I'm Patch Adams. Laughter is the best and only medicine. Can you, I've, hang on. Why does someone take care of my large bulbous red nose? So, so you wish one person dead, right? Yeah. That's one wish. Sure. But if I was to wish a town dead. That's still one wish.

Is that still one wish? You could wish for the heat death of the universe. Yeah, I'm trying to like maximize how much I could just, you know, ruin things. I reckon with one long run on sentence sentence that you then grant at, say, the end of a month or a week, basically you are, you could be a delayed death note for sure. Yeah, absolutely. You're just going to write it all out, set times,

and then you could slowly pick off all of your enemies. Take a deep breath, really maximise it, and then your one wish is one fucking paragraph of insatiable desire. Surely it ends at, so it ends at the full stop, the wish, right? If I was like, I wish for a million dollars and a donkey and like, can I just keep adding and and the wish will continue? Or will the genie slap me in the mouth? I think he might, that might be just like, ah, that is several wishes.

I feel like the ands don't, ah. There's got to be a loophole to the more wishes. What about- Okay, here's what I think. If you wish for a donkey holding a million dollars, that is one wish. That's true. Basically, you've got to treat it like caveats.

Yeah. I want a donkey holding a million dollars with a belly full of caviar. I wanted the worst possible shits for my donkey i want to be able to slice open that fucking donkey feast on its lovely donkey granite and eat the delicious thanks genie what have i wished for like clones of me that I could control the actions of? Okay. And then I use up my two wishes, pass the lamp onto a clone of me.

Then they rub the lamp. Have I effectively got more wishes? Yes. What if I wish for more genies? He doesn't say anything about that. I think that's a pretty accepted hack of the genies hey he doesn't say anything about that i think that's yeah that's a pretty accepted like a hack of the genies uh operating system yeah if i'm like well i wish for three more genies and lamps and then i get them that's i've up now i'm getting nine you get them you lick your way through the lamps so many wishes eventually i rule the world surely what if i was like i wish for all

the previous wishes that you've ever granted to become null and void. Oh. And now, a quick word from our sponsors. Also, hey, plumbing is sweet as a summer breeze and all, but did you know that we produce at least eight other podcasts? Maybe you wish we'd stop talking about superheroes and Star Wars and dog dicks, and instead sort out which kind of frog is the superior frog,

or what would be the best kind of metal to be crushed under? If this sounds like you, then why not head to sansandspantsradio.com and search for Shut Up A Second, a nonsense podcast that's far better than it has any right to be. Well, I mean, you might not know. He's been in the lamp for thousands of years. But surely there were some things that happened that really affected...

Somewhere in Agrabah, someone's fancy shirt just disappears. No! My perfect shirt! Fuck, a perfect shirt's a great wish. That is good. That is a good wish. Just be like the perfect shirt that never gets dirty. That is always pressed. The perfect outfit.

I wish for the perfect outfit. Oh, yeah, this is a little caveat. I wish for the perfect outfit Oh yeah, this is a little caveat I wish for the perfect outfit for any occasion Yes Then you're just good Or is he going to give you like a If he gives me a fucking wardrobe I'll be very mad I was going to say like a tuxedo jumpsuit

Type situation This is not perfect One of those t-shirts that looks like a tux Good for formal and leisure. Yeah, I guess you have to define whether the genie who has been trapped in a lamp for thousands of years is up to date on the latest fashion. All he wears is two bracelets.

Yeah, that's true. And has a ghost tail. I wish you had regular legs. Fuck yeah. Tiny little boy legs. Fuck, finally. You're making me sick with that ghost tail. I hate that you're blue. Fuck yeah Tiny little boy legs Fuck finally You're making me sick with that ghost tail I hate that you're blue

I wish you were just like not blue I wish I knew where in that smoke your genitals are Just a big floppy genie dong Yeah That's such a relief I wish I was the genie and you were the human What do you want? I wish I was the genie and you were the human. Wait, no. What do you want?

Hey, buddy, while I got you here, you're going to want to lick this lamp. First thing you do as a human, you've got to give this thing a go. It tastes like metal and dust and sand. It's so delicious. That's funny then, like putting yourself in that situation because now you want to be freed being like,

anyway, I know I wasn't going to free you, but now that... But you're much better than I. You're a good person. You're cool. You flip us back up. Yeah, I'll free you. What if you wish to be a genie who's free

and then you wish me free and then we all get out. Okay, no. All right, back I go. Back in the loop. Yeah. I do like the idea of giving Genie like another Genie that he could kind of prove that he would free that Genie.

But then I also like the idea of giving Genie other kind of experiments. Okay. Like giving him the trolley problem. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Just trying to find the moral center of the Genie from Aladdin. Genie, I wish for you to solve this trolley problem.

I wish I could self-suck, genie. I don't know how to do it. Teach me. Suddenly a pile of ribs appears beside you. So you're wishing for that? Okay, my first wish is for you to be able to self-suck. And my second wish is for you to teach me how I guess I know now

I guess my third wish is for a tasteful studio for us to study in thanks man you wasted two come on show me how with your third wish I could just make it so. I know, but I'm a lifelong learner.

I like the experience. I love earning. I love the milestones. It's the journey, not the destination, Jeannie. Come on. It's funny to wish, yeah, like Jeannie wishes, but not Matt. Like, I wish you could get me in shape. I wish for a personal trainer and realistic goals okay i wish i have the body of

a man who kept a routine for six weeks yeah yeah i wish to know what it felt like to have an honest day's work and actually like have that gratification yeah give me an honest i wish i had a job genie yeah i wish you employed like a seven out of ten job yeah something i don't hate but i'm happy to go to every day i wish i had childlike wonder back you know i kind of miss it be nice now we're going into that yeah that's sad that the three of us have manifested a genie and we're like yeah yeah i don't know man when i'm looking at my life i can't there's no quick fix for this we gotta change what's at the bottom. Yeah, we've got to go in there with those foundations.

I wish I was happy. Genie's like, listen, man. Okay, fine. I'll bring someone back from the dead. That's going to be easier. I'll break my rules, please. Please just give me that. Dude, anyone in love with you right now, whatever.

Dead, living, future, I don't mind. Whatever you want. I can't do that. future, I don't mind. Whatever you want. I can't do that. Like, I can't do those other things, but I properly, like, I can't do that. Those are roles. This is something else entirely. And you still want to have a podcast?

Okay. Oh, boy. All right. I don't know how we're going to do this one, Papa. What about wishing the genie back in his lamp because he fried the genie back in his lamp because he fried to death? I've got three wishes. I wish you were gone.

Christ, that's good. Going out to Jafar. There's a blue ghost in there. Be careful. Dude, you've got to check this guy out. I have a poo with me, yeah? Yes. I wish he was a dude.

The monkey, yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure. Somewhere in your tummy. A poo, me, yeah? Yes. I wish he was a dude. The monkey, yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure. Somewhere in your tummy. A boo, yeah. I wish my monkey was a human being. Yeah.

That's a rough one. Why? But yeah, I reckon I'd be like, hey, yeah, make a boo with man. Go on. Chop, chop. What are you gaining out of it? I mean, Nate. Oh, yeah, I guess.

Get over the lamp and the carpet as well. I'm a street rat. My best friend is a monkey. I want him to be able to talk back. Can you teach a boo, like, sign language? Yeah. Again, can you teach? Not let him learn.

Can you teach? I want him to know. I want you to sit down and dedicate several years to teaching my monkey sign language. It's the journey, genie. Just about to die. It will be able to sign to me, this was inefficient. You had a fucking genie, you stupid idiot.

Oh, shit, that's right. Hey, genie. I wish for you to teach me sign language too. I'm sorry. I didn't get any of that. No, he's that's right. Oh, hey, Genie. I wish for you to teach me sign language, too. I'm sorry. I didn't get any of that. No, he's just doing hand. I don't even know if you really did it. He's doing like ma-ma-ma-ma.

I don't know. I don't speak monkey. I don't know what he's saying. Genie, get over here. Genie, give me a fucking second. I'm ready to use that second wish. I don't bin those flashcards. It's great to imagine the genie being like,

you got three wishes and you're like, yeah, I'll have to think about that. And then just never using them. The genie is tied to you forever. He can't go anywhere. Die on your deathbed, never having used them. So many things that happen into the people in your life and you're like, I wish there was something I could do.

The genie being like like what the fuck? Yeah, man. I don't know if I want to waste it though on this specifically. Can you wish to live longer? Like you can't bring someone back from the dead, but if I at 80 wish to be young again, could he do that? Yeah, I reckon so. I wish I was a baby.

I wish I was a baby and you and my daddy raised me. That's one wish. Because I'm not going to be able to make another wish until I'm 10. Yeah. Why did I choose 10? Is that the legal age of wishes? The legal wishing age.

I just accepted that. Why did I just accept that? If I wish to be a baby again, do I retain? Is it a Benjamin Button situation? I think you have to clarify it The Benjamin Button situation would be very bad Because that means you're just still an old man But you're a baby

You're a grotty little baby With a full set of teeth like Renesmee Yeah Yeah Because if I'm just a regular baby Then at like five I'm going to make five year old wishes And waste them Hey guys, very exciting, happy to let you know We've all just a regular baby, then at like five, I'm going to make five-year-old wishes and waste them. Hey, guys, very exciting.

Happy to let you know we've all had a regular baby. Yeah, it's a... No Benjamin Button situation here. Okay, deathbed wishes. Sure. One, wish this was a lifebed. I wish there was a better vibe in this freaking room. Two, stop that beeping.

Oh, no. Wait, no, wait. Boogie stop that beeping. Oh, no, wait, no, wait. Boogie! Damn it. Oh, dang. It's like if you hate your son or daughter-in-law, I wish that my didn't ever meet

them. Yeah. Oh, man, you could remove people from existence pretty easily. Yeah, you can't wish for someone to be brought back from the death, but you can delete people. Yeah. Just Sims style, you can't wish for someone to be brought back from the dead, but you can delete people. Just Sims style. You can't wish people to be brought back from the dead, but you can create new people as well.

Oh, yeah, you can create new people. Well, I mean, like Aladdin becomes the sultan of Alia Barba. Yeah, people just come out of nowhere during that song. They were manifested. They weren't camel wranglers just waiting in the wings. Yeah. You can manifest a country. Yeah.

You can manifest. What happened to Agrabah's population after that one fucking song? Because there was a real burst in it. Yeah, the Ababwa refugee people. Because they've got nowhere to go back to. Is anyone looking to hire a treasure holder? I had a real good gig for approximately two and a half minutes, but now I haven't worked in weeks,

and my family, who also got magicked into existence, are starving. If you need someone to dance near a lion, I'm your guy. What happened to them? Did they disappear, or they just, they're around. There's something for Aladdin to deal with in his first year of sultancy, I guess. Yeah, the population boom of Agrabah is unsustainable.

I wish for everybody in Agrabah to have their own personal genie. Oh, what have you done? What have you done? You've created the kind of bullshit apocalypse that's not going to be fun. Hey, what happens? Say I get a genie, you three get a genie as well. Which I guess is the premise of the question. And I wish to be the king of Agrabah.

And then you two wish to be the king of Agrabah. What if you get a conflicting wish? What happens? It feels like it's a Magic the Gathering stack situation. Or potentially, given they're genies. If the genies get together and are like, listen, my guy's asking to also be the king of Agrabah. Is it cool if we just both be

kings? Like a timeshare maybe. That sounds annoying. Or I think we just have one big crown that we both wear at the same time. Maybe there's a cord between or it's just one long oval that sits over all of our heads. It's good to imagine us sitting on a very wide throne

and whoever's in the middle being like, I've got to piss. I'm so sorry, everybody. We've got to get up and move. I never need to shit or piss again. Oh, that's good. And you've got to be careful. And also I stay alive and it's all normal.

I wish I never shat or pissed again is not how you want to phrase that. Congratulations. You're bursting like a balloon or it's all coming out the mouth. I wish I didn't have an arsehole. Thank you. Wow. Well, no, still one of them. I still wish I had whatever pleasure senses are in my arsehole,

but it wasn't a tube. I wish the male G-spot was located in the exact center of my chest. That's good. And then I get the lamp and start jabbing it. I wish this lamp was fuckable. Okay, Genie, here's my first wish.

Hey, how wide is that spout? About two centimeters. I wish my dick was 1.8 centimeters wide when I read it. Why? No worries. Don't worry about it. Second wish.

What is the exact dimension? I wish you were not looking at me for about five, ten minutes. Second wish, please turn around. Poor Jeannie going into a lamp. Third wish, I wish that was better. I wish that actually felt good. Boy, I wish I'd remembered to spit on my dick before I fucked your lamp. Cut to the present, but just in a slightly wetter

dong and like a hint of a smile fuck that sucks because I've ruined the shape of my penis for the rest of my life it doesn't change back what I mean is

shit like inside of his spout well that sucks I thought that was going to be way better now my penis is very thin dang I don't even get to keep the lamp that's very funny to give the lamp to Jafar and be like I'm done with it sorry I cummed in it it's yours

but you wish it was very only when erect so when it You're like, I'm done with it. Sorry I cummed in it. It's yours. But you wish it was very only when erect. So when it becomes flaccid, it's normal. As soon as you get on it, it's like. Oh, man. Like tapers. Hey, what's wrong with your penis? It is a long story.

All right, listen. There are some things that are meant for very specific purposes. You ever wanted to fuck a lamp, but you're like, how am I going to do this? I figured out how. I'm the guy. Holy fuck. Would the genie... Fucking the genie's laugh is so funny.

I'm using two wishes to get there. One for win. One for win. And one to make the genie turn around. It's all three wishes dedicated to one very specific goal. I think that's the best way to do it, frankly. I think I've utilised those wishes in a way, you know. We've had a lot of ideas here, but I've come out the most satisfied.

Definitely, yeah. And I've wrecked the genie's home. He's not going back in that. I don't know what the difference... Like, the genie can go in there. Is the genie... Is it like... Is he...

Does he fill the lamp? Do you know what I mean? Or is it like a little place in there? He does say it's very crammed and he goes, it's in there. Is there just like a little bit of cum on like the carpet? Does he now have a roommate that is a singing massive Little Jacksons? Like Osmosis Jones style? Because he has to shrink down small enough to be in there that now he can see all of their little faces being like, ha ha!

We are cum! First wish I wish for my cum to be sapient. Second wish Second wish! A la kazoo! How wide was the span of your

lamp? I'm filling your lamp with little ma's. Thank you, Jeannie. Goodbye. Bye, man. This has been great. This rules, man. Thanks, A. Dude, this freaking rules.

You're talking to him while you're fucking the lamp. This is really good. I gotta tell you, I had second thoughts just before I put it in. But it's actually super good. Dude, thanks so much for these wishes. This rules. This is seriously maybe one of my top 10 days. Right, it's happening right now.

Bro, this wish. Oh, I can't get enough. Straight up, thank you. When I'm done here, I'm coming in for a hug, man. We haven't known each other long. Dude, you're my best friend, Jeannie. I have never had a friend like you. And on that note, I've been Jackson Bailey.

I've been Joel Sandman. I've been Tom Walker. Fuck that lamp. Fuck the lamp. Fuck the lamp. Fuck the lamp! Lamp! If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to sanspantsradio.com and you'll find all our other content there. There's heaps! And if you want to support us, head to sanspantsplus.com

Thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time. Good night for now. But not forever. Kisses.