Plumbing the Death Star - Is Being a Toy in Toy Story a Living Hell?

Episode Date: July 19, 2026

Two out of three of the boys went and saw Toy Story 5 and came out with too many questions. Jackson wants to know what a toy takes pleasure in and if being used for their intended purpose is great for them, Zammit posits that children are like heroin to a toy and then kidnaps toys for a nefarious experiment and JD (rightly) accuses Jackson of being a horrible, disgusting pervert. So gather your toys, enter a realm of imagination and let them experience the pleasure they crave while you experience the joy of a fantasy you crave. It doesn't have to be sexual. We would prefer it if it wasn't. We cannot say the same for Jackson whomst would do unspeakable things to his alive toiler.Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. I'm mostly, Joe. Plumbing the Net Star is a comedy pop culture podcast and asked the important questions like, is being a toy and Toy Story a living hell? So recently, myself and Dutja, we've seen Toy Story 5. We did.

Separately. Separately, not together. We don't socialize out of work. Yeah. I went to a 9.30 p.m. screening on a Tuesday night by myself in the opening week. Didn't feel good. The movie was good, though. I forget how I saw it, but I know I did.

I think you went to like a midday session. Yes, I think I did. Midday session also by yourself. Yeah, oh yeah, alone. It was me and like two other people, two other adults in the screening. Mine was a full adult screening too, but I was the only person alone. Oh, that's really good, dude. How's everyone's dates going?

I'm here for work. Yeah. I'm here for work. I'm not a pervert for God's sake. Well, I mean, like going to see Toy Story 5 at 9.30 p.m. That doesn't, that doesn't, to be. me say I'm a big pervert. Does it read as pervert? Yeah. Middays, clinton close. But if you went to like the 9.30 a.m. by yourself?

Obviously, anybody seeing Toy Story before 10 a.m. is a pervert. No, they're a sex criminal. No one is. They are a sex criminal or they've got children. Either way. Okay. But they're going by themselves at 9.30 a.m. I'm like, yeah. Yeah, they turn them away at the door. Okay. That's what all this interview should do. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, in Toy Story 5, they introduce a bunch of things that are not even, and we kind of got this in Toy Story 4, but there's stuff that you go, is that even a toy, but it is alive. Yeah. Like Forky.

But in Toy Story 4, Forky is at least like a kid's made him. Yeah. But in Toy Story 5, there's a bunch of tech products. Yeah. Which are revealed to be alive. Okay. Kind of like the etcher sketch in the earlier Toy Story series. That's not the same fucking thing.

Okay. For God's sakes. Well, tell a fella who hasn't seen Toy Story 5. What do you mean by all these little guys who are alive? So there's a kind of like a... Well, this is a device that must exist, but I only... This Toyser 5 is the only time I've seen it. It's like a toilet potty training digital device.

I was also confused about this. How does a screen teach a kid to shit? I don't know. But it's got like a little pixelated screen, and then it's got three buttons, one, two, and like a flush button or a toilet paper button. And presumably it teaches a kid how to shit. But I don't know. Then there's like a little GPS and a little camera.

And GPS, like, I'm sorry, I'm just going to look, because, you know, we're not starting toilet training just yet, but maybe soon. What is this gadget? I don't know. I think it sings at one point, like, hey kid, guess what this is it? I'm the toy that helps you shit. What would you search for? Toilet Trainer Machine? Look up Conan O'Brien Toy.

Don't look up toilet trainer machine. Don't put your baby in a device. Okay. That's not going to work out. well. Conan O'Brien toy because it's called a smarty pants. Yeah.

A lot of people are very horny for it. Conan, yeah. Wait, is it voiced by Conan? Yeah. Yeah. But the thing with all of these tech objects, right? And a lot of objects in this movie is because they need batteries

and to be charged. And these toys are from like the early 2000s, I believe. They are in a kind of horrible living coma until Jesse puts batteries back in them. Yes. And I think that there's some, That's like, what hell to be like alive until somebody just forgets to replace your batteries and then you rot as your rubber slowly degrades and your circuitry deteriorates.

But like, you're still kind of alive and you could be brought back to life if somebody puts batteries in you. There's also another toy that they find that is low on battery. It needs to charge. Oh, that might be the same one, I think. That is the potty training toy. And it's kind of like he's drunk. It's just like, man, watching Toy Story 5, I was like, it's not a good life to be a toy. No.

It's horrible. So, but you can other toys replace, get the batteries? Yeah, but if you're trapped in a drawer, like these three toys are and have been for about a decade. Yeah. Well, no, because Smarty Pants isn't stuck in a draw. No, Smarty Pants is outside. And everyone's just sitting on him and being like, we fucking, yeah, they hate him, which is fair enough. Yeah, yeah. Why do they hate him?

He's annoying and drunk, because he's actually. it's not his fault. He's just low on battery and the toys can't comprehend. He's, he's, he's, he's, I don't know. I am repulsed by him. Yeah, fair enough. I can see that. I mean, I guess if your job is to watch children go to the bathroom, it feels like, I don't know.

Not saying you're outright, that you're a sex criminal, but it feels sex criminal. Well, he kind of gets pissed off when he finds out that his kids been taking shits without him. Yeah, he does. And he sees, well, he knows that pissed up. he's the toilet and he realizes that she's been shitting without his aid and he's kind of like a proud dad because he's like, wow. But here's a thing, okay? Let's talk about it.

The toilet training device. Now, we know in Toy Story that you receive joy and, like, value from being put into imaginative scenarios. Yeah. The toys want to be played with. Yes. So they enjoy being played with. But the tech toys have never been played with before because they are tech. As a plot point in the movie, they get played with and they're like, what's the game?

like, what the fuck is this? I've never experienced this before. So when he helps that child shit, was that fulfilling fam? Clearly, that's like the same thing. Yes, that's... He's being used. And when you use a toy, you're playing with a toy.

Yeah, so I guess the tech thing is basically if... So if we would extrapolate this out... Yeah. To be like, okay, if every item is being used for its intended purpose and has some sentience or sapiens, say like a fork, not to use, like not forky, but a fork fork, if we were using that fork to eat, same concept.

It moans when you suck off the fork. I love going, I love getting putting, I love when a kid puts me in their mouth, says the fork. Fuck, dude. Skets of spaghetti. Was that you? No. Well, spaghetti must be really good. Jackson moans every time.

Yeah, moan every time he's putting it in there as well. Oh, yeah. Oh, slat on me. fucking god. Oh, yeah. That does sound like how you eat spaghetti, though. Oh, my fucking God. Oh, this is so good spaghetti.

Oh, fuck, I'm gonna come. Oh, I'm gonna come. I hate to place. I'm gonna bust. I'm gonna bust. Jackson, I'm gonna politely and I think you'll agree with me and understand. Ask you to never come to my home again. Who's the fork?

The fork was getting off on it. Yeah. I was getting off silently. That's a terrible excuse. What? You gave me the fork. I look at this situation, it's their fork. It's like a prank.

That's a good prank. Give him the common moor. It's so funny because I guess you could make that happen if you drew a little face on the fork. God, you're getting sucked on fork. So yeah, so I guess, yeah. Well, a pacifier. I mean, talk about getting sucked on.

Let's go there. Okay. Every toy will get sucked on depending how young. This Woody or Jesse and Joy getting the head sucked up like a big lollipop. Well, in a way I would argue, yeah. I reckon it would be kind of like a little tickle on the balls as opposed to a jerking of the shaft. Because while it's not the intended use, they're probably still getting some enjoyment out of it. Right.

To go to your fork orgasm metaphors. Well, I guess. Because, like, also you have a kid, right? And, like, initially, once you're out of the packaging, and we'll get to this as well, because toys have multiple kids. Yeah. But you have a kid. And if that kid plays by sucking on your head,

then that's all you know. Well, you come out of the package and get... Well, we do know that there is intended use and there is an unintended use, even involves playing with them because of Sid. Have I? First Toy Story, he plays with them by fucking them up and they hate it. That's a good point. Have I misremembered?

Go on. In Toy Story 2 or maybe the end of one when Andy gets a baby sister. Yeah. Does one of the toys not get sucked on? And then they come back and they go, that was fucking awful. I think you might be right. I think they get sucked on and they hate it. Yeah.

So they must be. Do I think you're right. But that means that there is some correlation between the way you're, meant to be used. So, a pacifier with a little face, when it's getting sucked on by a baby. He's going, this is fucking awesome. I'm having the time of my

life. Exactly. Yeah, because in Toy Story 5, Lily pad, Lily, when a girl whose name I forget, Bonnie. Bonnie, got it. Damn, I didn't even just look it up. Just remember it. It came back to me like a dream. He's just describing thoughts fucked up. Yeah, but he's

very proud. Don't take this from it. When was the last time you remembered something? Oh, no, never, dude. I would never. Yeah. Not the kind of guy I am. I ain't remembering shit. Yeah, dude.

If it's gone, it's gone. For me, sometimes it's gone and it's back. Some people have like a mental library. I have a mental toilet. Okay. Well, that's four thoughts. Time to flush. Never to be seen again.

Lily gets joy from Bonnie playing games on her and using her. True. But we also see that there's like two different types of play because Smarty Pants gets used, which they miss and they like reminisce about. But then later in the movie, he gets played with like he's just a toy toy. And he enters that kind of, you know, like, I think it starts in Toy Story 3, there's like a realm that they go to

where the fiction becomes real. They go to Toy Space or whatever. Yeah, they go to Toy Space. They go to Toy Toy Story. Yeah. Yeah. So there are two kinds of pleasure You can get a choice of words.

There are two types of enjoyment you can experience as a toy. Another word for enjoyment. It's pleasure. You'll find the first time. You're a toy pleasure. Yeah. Which is one being used for your intended purpose. Yes.

Does that mean if you do cowboy adventures with Woody? Yeah. He in some way prefers that. Yeah. I reckon. Yeah. Because that's like double plus good. Yeah.

That's like, that's peak toy toy toy story. Yeah. Where Buzz is pissed off. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because you do. He's like, I meant dust in my boots. Yeah.

Like, he do see that as well. When he's doing the imagination adventures, he's always like, oh, yeah, cool. Woody's the sheriff and, like, and he loves that. And he goes to space, you can kind of see, like, yeah, it's not for him. But then what about this? Because Woody has the string on his back. Yeah. So does that, okay, does that getting played with feel really good?

No, because he gets a caught on stuff and he never responds unless someone's doing an... Yeah, but he gets it caught on stuff. That's not playing with it. If you got your penis caught on something, walking around, dude, You'd hate it. Yeah. If I'm caught on a hook or something. Yeah.

But if someone pulls on it to play with it, I'm like, God, what a beautiful day I'm having. Exactly. This is a way, you pulling on my penis is way better than when the hook in my house pulled on it. Yeah. I thought the hook was good. This is good. Turns out the hook was just neutral or bad. Yeah.

All I'd ever known was the hook. I could finally detach that dick high hook for. my room. You've really changed hearts and minds today when you've decided to pull on my penis for fun. Oh, sorry, for play. For play. The dick sounds like it was a bad idea. Yeah.

That was probably a mistake. It was perfect. Yeah, well, I thought it was good. Yeah, exactly. Because that's all you knew. Yeah, it never became a mistake. Maybe it just became a regret. Yeah, exactly.

You didn't know how good you could have it. Yeah, so I think if when, you know, Bonnie or Andy or whoever pulls on Andy, Woody's string, and he's like, there's a snake in my boo. I reckon there's a part of him, which is like, because he's an animal at that time, he's like, I'm chuffed. Oh, there's a snake in my boot. Yeah, I'm going to say, my voice, it isn't my voice, but it is my voice will say it, and that's going to roll a little bit. That's going to be sick.

I really don't like Jackson's interpretation of how it grows down. There's a snake in my boot. Well, actually, yeah, you'd be just, like, you'd be, uh, Jack, like, make no, like, there's eye go. So, pull the string, there's a snake in my boot. Oh. That's basically what's happening. You go, Dad, there's something wrong with my Woody toy. He makes his extra noise.

I don't remember this from the TV. Hey, Dad, remind me, and Woody's roundup, did he ever make, like, a little orgasm noise? I don't know, but when I played with the, yeah. Yeah, I think that's just the one you got. Is Andy's dad's toy? There's a theory. Oh, that's a theory. I don't think it's ever confirmed.

Yeah, yeah. But he is an old toy for Andy to have. Yeah, because he's famously, Al from Al's toy bond wants to sell him or something. Yeah, exactly, because he's worth a lot of money. Yeah. Which comes into the other, I mean, there's the tech side of being a toy that if you're like a, you know, a speak and spell and you run out of batteries, you enter a coma forever. So even... Yeah, that's death.

We get that in real life, too. But it's not death. No. Because you put batteries, he's back. I'm... Yeah, it's a stasis. It's a stasis. It's a whole.

Also, there's a lot of moving parts in, like, a tech that will just break. Break and stop working. Like a human body. Like a human body. And also there's like a lot of, like, you know, like recycle tech as well. Well, that's, I mean, you know, this comes up every time we talk about toy story. But say you break down a speak and spell to recycle it. What happens to the toy, to their life?

Where's the toy soul live? Yeah. Surely in the face. Yeah. Surely. It's in the face. The face is the heart of the toy. Yeah.

It's the eyes and men. Oh, no, but no, it's the same problem because then Mr. Potato Head. Yeah, that's true. Mr. Potato Head. Oh, no, no, no, no. His face stays alive. It's his face. You're right. Because, yeah, it's a... Because he can go on a tortilla wrap. Yes, that's a good point. And that's his face. Oh, yeah, it's your face. So I guess it's your senses.

Yes. But, oh, no, no, I was going to say, the camera tech that the little girl has in Toy Story 5 does have an eye. Yeah. But no mouth. But she can still talk. Oh. Yeah. And how does she talk? The GPS, I don't know, she does talk. The GPS is like a crocodile head, so it's got a face.

So it is the poop machine. I'm just thinking of, I'm just thinking of forky, right? Yeah. Because he's got the eyes and the lips. And that's how you're like, oh, yeah, there's a face there. So I guess there's some, like, level of toy magic in the face. Well, what about this? If I put a face on my house, okay, say I.

When you open the door, and it comes. Oh Damn I'm in a bad position What is the house intent Is it like just being lived in Is it like when people come and go What is it

What is the intent of a house I guess to provide shelter Yeah when people live in it Enter your house and you like You just sit down It's like Yeah You go

Oh fuck But if I get rid of Living in the house Am I constantly edging the house And then if you have a party That's when it comes But then you're like If I get rid of the

face, I'll kill my house. Yeah, that's sad. You know? Well, this, in a way, comes to, you know, the great debate. When you shit in a toilet, does it like it or hate it? Likes it. Yeah, well, exactly. That's its intended purpose.

Yeah. It's like, oh, I hate that. I don't know. You think a toilet might hate being shit again? No, I think it's probably just neutral. Yeah. Well, if you give it a face, say I gave my toilet a face. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Drew Joker makeup On the sister Well the Joker would The Joker would love Shit hate piss Yeah, I think you're right I think the Joker

Pirs I think the Joker Toilet might hate Being use as a toilet You're right What does it want What does the Joker What's to kill Batman?

The Batman toilet Yeah, right You're right Where's Batman? Shut up I'm kidding Oh, I'm gonna read this book Fuck

Fuck dude I'm gonna hell. Yeah, extra spicy. Use the downstairs toilet. My upstairs toilet is the Joker. It just wants to kill Batman. Yeah, use the downstairs one.

Yeah, he just keeps going on about the bat. I don't know how to satisfy him. I guess you make your downstairs toilet into Batman. But then they can only, like, communicate through the pies. They constantly flushing. To get back at each other. I fucked up my house. The Joker toilet keeps clogging itself up.

So the Batman toilet keeps spewing. Oh my God. My downstairs toilet's covered in spirit. God, damn it's a Joker toilet. I shouldn't have given myself a Joker and Batman toilet. That was a big mistake I now realized. God damn it. Just like the aesthetics on having upstairs.

I was sick of upstairs downstairs. I went Joker and Batman. And now, fucking look at me. How would you resolve that? Because my first thought is take the Joker toilet, angle it so it can see outside, and then drop the Batman's toilet from a hide. And be like, see, he's that, okay? Let me shit and you like normal again.

Why wouldn't he remove the Joker toilet? Drop his face off. Or get the assistant of the Joker toilet and put it on the Batman. Oh, smart. Like, yeah, face off him. Yeah. I've lost my mind. I've lost my mind that I'm face-offing my Joker and Batman and Batman.

See what happens. See what fucking happens. And then the upstairs toilet, which now no longer has any Batman or Joker parts. She's fucking sad about using it. She's draw Two-Face on it. And Robin. Yeah. My toilets are constantly fighting.

But each other, like, the same toilet. It's just doesn't fighting the wall. Well, two-face toilet, and then you put a little coin on the lid that it flicks. Never double lens on ads It just keeps trying to flush robin Yeah You can really ruin your house You can wreck your house

By making your toilets Batman characters Yeah yeah yeah But then so in Toy Story as well The other side of it is that in this one In Toy Story 5 Bonnie she fears That um What the hell is the kid's name?

Andy Bonnie Oh no not Bonnie Jesse Yeah Fears that Bonnie is getting sick of her again which happened to her with a previous kid and you kind of realize that like that's just the life of a toy and Toy Story 4 talks about this too

that's the life of a toy forever well yeah they're constantly abandoned it's this funny thing where the toys are so important like we've got to be there for the kids but then oh no we're getting abandoned and you want to grab Woody by his little plastic head and squeeze it and say you're a toy

you're a child's toy this is going to happen to you every time the only world will you remain with a kid forever is where the kid has severe problems. It refuses to grow up. This is going to happen to you forever. This is the hell of being a toy. Yes.

Is that your... Well, I think that this might be just a... It's weird because it's kind of the same problem as any immortal. Yeah. In that it's like, yeah, the people that you love and you want to either grow with or spend time with, they will grow up and die. And then you will remain the same constant. You will, maybe you will break down.

Maybe you will, like, you will lose a limb or something like, you know, if you can still have that bodily pain. Yeah, that will happen. But you will remain alive. Yeah, absolutely. And everyone you know and love will won't. And so then, yeah, the whole point of a toy is to kind of be these immortal observers. And I guess if they have this tiny bit of joy or toy pleasure, as it were, from being played

with, I think, yeah, they, I mean, it's good that we keep having kids, I guess. guess, right? But it's also funny because, like, I guess maybe back... But then we keep making other kids and I guess we put them in the landfill. No, it's help. Because that's the thing. Because maybe back in the day, maybe like the 1800s, maybe even, you know, up until like the 1960s, even 70s. If you had a toy, you would keep that toy and you might give it to your kid. Yeah. But as toys become more commercially available, like, the toys you had as children, where are there? Yeah. Yeah. So some of the stuffed animals that I had growing up,

I don't know if my parents did this deliberately, or if it was an accident. But their dog, the little Jack Russell, was no longer with us. Rest in peace. Rip. To a real one, I'm here. Yeah, it's a real one. It did love to go into all the little plush toys and rip all their faces off. Well, there you go.

There you go. Now, did he just happen to get into the toys? Oh, my parents are like, well, they need to go. Yeah, fuck he does. He's not playing with them anymore. Give him the dog. He's a 30-year-old man. It'd be weird

It'd be crazy for him to play with the toys. And also, more of them as well, with, like, the whole passing with your toys onto your kids, etc. as well. Something that, you know, we, as a new parent who has, like, all the, like, those older toys or whatever,

it's like, the safety concerns. Yeah. Like, how much of this is the lead paint metal? Yeah, exactly. How much is this has deteriorated? How much of this is like... A train set full of lead, dude. And so...

That's awesome. It was, they had, like, one of those little... They kept sucking on it. Well, you know, like, those... carriages, like, it's like a, it's like a shipping container, but on the back, so it was one of those on the train. And I remember as a kid lifting off the top of it, and it was full. I mean, like, it was like a, I think I probably had something similar. Yeah, yeah. And like, you get these now where you can test these old toys. Yeah. The whole, there's like, you know, basically his market

available to be like, hey, are your parents giving you toys to give to your kids? And you don't know what the hell it's made of? Hey, here's this test. Which I think is great. But yeah, it's like, imagine that. You're like, oh, sweet. I mean, hand it down from. I've been with this family for so long and what's that? What are they swiping me with? What are they saying? Why am I in the bin now? Yeah, exactly.

Well, why have I been destroyed? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, why have I been putting an incinerator and destroyed? Because I'm dangerous to a kid. Exactly. And you don't know that either. And like, initially, like, well, it's sort of, um, because it comes in cycles. You're like, oh, I'm being played with.

Oh, and now I'm being in store. Oh, I get to see my kid again. Yeah. When they're an adult and they have a kid in their own, and I'm being played with. And that moment when then you get bought out again, that last time. You don't know you're so excited. You think it's time.

Or like six times this happened or whatever. You're like, oh, I'm getting played with. And then you're not. You're getting disintegrated. Well, I mean, like, I don't know, because like, the toys and toy story, we kind of see this a little bit. And I think, like, hey, if you're just like fully abandoned, that sucks. Yeah. But, I mean, being incinerated and stuff like that, like, if a toys just live forever, hey, we all die. It's just toy death.

Well, I guess the abandoned men. number three, and they all are very accepting of their death. Yeah, they go, well, which is almost like maybe, and like it's a very common trope with like any immortal character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They long for death. You know what, hey, at least we're going out together. How many life cycles

would you get through, Derek? So you're made immortal right now. Me, not a toy? No, no, you, Jackson Bailey, as you are currently, you get, it's like, hey, right now you're just going to live forever, you're not going to change anymore. Um, am I, is it like a death becomes her situation where I'm still vulnerable to damage? No. Okay.

You, you know what? Actually, yes, you're vulnerable to damage. Fuck. But, like, you can't get sick. So like, so. So I'm not going to die of disease, but if I get hit by a train, we're not dead. You might be mangled. Oh, so I live through the train. That's bad.

You know what? Yeah, you're right. You know what? Death becomes, can't they, like, get a surgeon and someone? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, if you're lucky. Well, in death becomes her, they're falling apart. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're sticky-tapping each other together.

Great movie. Yeah, good stuff. Well, let's say you're, like, we'll go to classic immortal rules, like you will just regenerate. Okay. But you get given a button. Yeah. And when you press a button, you die. I think, I mean, we've spoken multiple times about being immortal on the show before.

And for me, I think I've come up with multiple good strategies. Just go over them again. One is to live my life up to a point where I no longer, I decided. I don't care about the people in my life anymore. I give up and then I leave. And then I leave and then go live in China for a lifetime. Then Brazil, Mogadishu. Well, being 35 and having this happen is kind of weird because you will get,

because like 35 is like a strange time to be stuck out because you're too old to, you've cleared the normal making friends age. Yeah. But also 35, you're going to lose touch with people within, like, let's say younger 23, I mean, already going to be hard to bond with because you're secretly 100. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, like, 50-year-olds aren't going to want to hang out with it, 35-year-olds. So you just end up in this, like, weird, like a lifetime of friendship and relationships when you're 35, I guess, is 10 years.

Yeah, that's a good point, because even if I go, say, I moved to China. Yeah, and I... You're going to dab up some 30 to 40-year-olds. Yeah, but I can't, I can't, if I fall in love and I get married and have a kid, eventually she's going to be like, hey, babe, I noticed that I'm, I'm 60. And you've You look beautiful and beautiful. And then you say, I got to go.

I say, what's the time? Oh, time for Italy. Hey, we're out of spaghetti. She goes, what does he mean by that? I'm being better. I like you just like badly changing your name every time. Jackson Bailey. Yeah.

You're looking for Jackson Bailey. I'm Jackson Bellissimo. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, you've come from China, so you're just Chinese Jackson. We're looking for a Chinese Jackson? No, I'm Italian Jackson. I'm Italian Jackson. Never heard of Chinese Jackson before in my life. That sounds handsome, though.

Yeah, sounds handsome. Probably a great guy. Have you checked China? Yeah, he sounds like it might be mean. Chinese Jackson's like he's probably Chinese, I would say. Completely Italian. Yeah, Mama Mia. See? When the moon hits my eye, like a big pizza pie, that's more, eh?

Yeah, exactly. What are you talking about? I got to get him a little moped and I got my car. coffee? Yeah, exactly. But I mean, like, if I've given you the rules where you can live how I just described, you could also, I guess, just live on the water for a bit, see what's going on? Yeah, yeah. What does it think? Okay, so how many life... So I have a button, and if I press that button, I die. I think quite a few.

I think for me, once I detach, the hardest part will be the first detachment, okay? Where I detach from the people in Life One, and I say... Oh, yeah, once you clear of the first detachment, yeah, I'm good. Yeah, I reckon you're throwing that button away, you're like, fuck it. Yeah, whatever. Some seagulls peck it at it. No, no, fuck! Dead on the beach, clutching a seagulls.

I like the idea that, like, you're just carrying it around, and then you just put it in your backbones. Sit down and die. You lost it. Actually, that's a good point. How long are you lost if you've just got a button that if you press you die? 20 minutes.

I'm feeling like with it. Oh, no. I click that. out, it's like a landmine. Okay, you're going to have to tape my hand. Okay, cut my hand off it. Tape my hand, then we've got to cut it off

and we've got to put this in cement. Yeah, exactly. And then bury it. Because I need pressure on this constantly. Yeah, so, but I mean, if I can go, say I can go to a bank or something and I say put this in a safety deposit box. myself and my future generations

will be checking it in this family heirloom this button, don't press it and don't accidentally press it too of the utmost importance that's so funny because like in a long enough time spare like an earthquake or anything that like shake that back it's like the chances of it being pressed

the mental sensitive as well like some I don't know some fucking ant gets in there just like steps on it Yeah. Well, maybe we'll make it so that the... Yeah, you have to hold down the button consistently for 10 seconds. Or maybe, hey, it's like a fingerprint register. Yeah, sure.

It's magic. It's magic and only you compress it. If I look into the mirror and say, get three times. Yeah, I want to die, I want to die. Kill me, kill me, kill me. But then, yeah, I think countless. Yeah, I do my trick. Yeah, because you become...

You become other. Yeah. You've probably... You'll probably live... two, maybe, depending on the people in the room, half to five life cycles, normal human style, and then you start to devolve, or evolve, depending on which way you want to look at it.

Exactly, exactly. So, like, honestly, shout out to Woody for staying a toy. Yeah, absolutely. 100% not. He's made a toy since what? But then also, that's another thing. He never speaks about pre-Andy. No.

Prandy. Yeah, Prandy. He never talks about his life. But Jesse opens up pre-Bri-Bee. Bonnie? No. Jessica? No.

Jesse wasn't her by Jessica. But also, maybe Woody didn't have a kid before Andy. But we also seen Toy Story 5 that just opening the packaging will activate a toy. Yeah, that's what brings them to life. Yeah, well, what about toys that don't have packaging? I don't know, like a teddy bear. Teddy bear, when you have a bunch of toys in a toy store, we do see this in Toy Story, too. They are alive pre-kid.

Yeah. So, like, theoretically, Woody could have been in-packing. packaging from like 1950 till like 1991 or whatever. Yeah. And then he gets, and he finds him and goes, oh, I like this toy. And that's where Woody goes, wow, gee weird. Because we see a lot of buzzes still in there in the packaging activate as well. Yeah.

And in Toy Story 5, there's a shipwreck of buzz toys. Yeah. And they get stranded on a desert island and they're alive. Ah. But then those buzzers try and make their way to Andy. To Starkman. To Star Command. They try to make the way to Jesse for various reasons.

But in the process of that, one of them gets picked up. picked up by a kid who finds him just like on a footpath. Yeah. And then they're like, we need to save this buzz from this kid because they still think they're buzz. And they see him and that buzz is being cuddled by the kid and that buzz gives them a look like, leave me alone, this is good. Yeah. So there's like a moment between toy and kid. Do they imprint like a mother guy? Well, it's kind of like, it also seems like that, and I don't know if this is just

buzz. It seems to be just exclusive to the buzz line. Because Buzz doesn't know he's a toy. Yeah. And then would he just screams at him, you're a toy fuck with! Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're allowed one F-bomb in any toy story. Fuck, Buzz! This ain't buying, it's fucking with style.

Very creative with it. Yeah, exactly. Oh, fuck, we're in the incinerate. A fuck. Time to get fucking cooked, cunts. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude. But yeah, so Buzz doesn't

know he's a toy, but then other toys know their toys. But out the packet, we never see, Buzz is the only one we see come out of... Forky... Well, forky, what does Forky think he is? A forky? Yeah, what?

No, Forky? I can't remember. I think he's just kind of... Forky's fucking annoying, I know. He's kind of crazy. Does he scream a lot? Oh, yeah, because he gets sentience. Yeah, and he just goes... Existential crisis.

Yeah, exactly. You've heard screaming. So if I did Joker make up all my toilet, that's the moment it comes to life. Well, that's its one. bad day. Yeah. Exactly.

God, we need Joker toilet and one of those multiversal DC crossover. I like the idea that you make a Batman toilet and then you come back later

and it's the Joker toilet. And you go, oh, he's a bad man who laughed. Yeah. Oh, we taking a big shit

in you was your one bad day. That's what turned you to Joker. Damn. Sorry about that. Yeah. But you are a toilet

so I don't feel that bad. I was using you how you're meant to be used. You should have making coming noises. That should be the best thing you're life actually.

I don't think I could shit in a toilet that made coming noises. I think it would be hard. Is it my only toilet? When does it start moaning? Worst possible situation, take a shit, hits the water, toilet moans,

you feel movement. You go, oh no, that gave me a semi. That's really good. Because then I'm fucking my toilet. Sorry, fellas. eating shit.

Something bad's going to happen in that room. Jerking off on the toilet because the toilet is alive. And loving it? But it's, yeah, fuck. It's bad to imagine you're sitting there. You start to shit. It's like, yes.

Oh, yeah. Well, you're here. You should try something else. I'm a toilet. Jerk off in me. It's right. I'm a toilet. The door shut.

No one's going to know. You've been working hard. Exactly. You're just doing the middle of your work day. Yeah. Doesn't matter. No one's going to know. Jerk off in the company.

Everyone does it. Trust me, I see. I see it. I see it. I'm the joking toilet. The only one who works here that does a jerk over the toilet. People think it's weird. They talk about you.

Exactly. When they're all jerking off around me. Yeah. Do it all together? They leave me out? Yeah. No jerk off in the toilet. They just know you're not like a real one.

I'm getting manipulated by the toilet. Yeah, that's what happens when you paint a joker face on your toilet. God damn. What if your toilet's alive, but then when you take a shit, it licks your ass to clean it? So it's got like a big tongue in there? Yeah. So it's like a bidet, but like you press the button. And a tongue comes out.

I'm fucking that toilet. So first of all, first of all, okay, before we get that to anything else, I'm having sex with the tongue toilet, no doubt. Okay. So let's get that straight. I don't even logistically. No, how you would start that.

But I couldn't sit on it so to eat my shit. Because I don't want, the way I'm imagining having sex with the tongue toilet is it's like licking my entire underside. Kind of like a tongue-only blowjob, but the tongue is the size of a book. Yeah.

But if that tongue's been eating human shit, I don't want that anywhere near my dick. Yeah, fair enough. You want to clean the tongue. Yeah, so if I go in the, I think you're going to have two toilets. It's just shitting toilet. I'm my fucking toilet.

Yeah. Yes, probably. Oh, exactly. Like a little attachment, like a tongue scraper for it. Yeah. No, there's no level of, I could not ever clean that toilet and oven. Does it like a high pressure hose on the tongue toilet's tongue? I know, I still wouldn't feel clean.

If I'd seen it eat my shit, I just don't think I could do it. But if it was pristine, I'd say, hey, toilet, you're just for fucking fucking... I'm gonna fuck this toilet. Why? You asked. I did ask.

That's not us. I did ask. I don't think there's anything a toilet could do that would make me fuck the toilet. Yeah, fair enough. To each their own, that's fine. I understand you.

I like... It's even rare for me to jack off into a toilet. Oh, yeah, me too. The toilet doesn't have a huge tongue. So The vibe of jacking off in the toilet It's grim

It's grim and clinical Yes, I don't like it I don't like the vibe I'm sure like there's like yeah Fluorescent lights going for some reason Well jacking off in a shower can be sensual Yeah You know you're naked, you're warm

You're enjoying, yeah The pressure on your bag But jacking off in the toilet It feels like you need to rub one out real quick so you can get back to water Also you're looking You're in the cubicle You're looking around

Yeah exactly Yeah you're right The door opens, like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Also, like, I feel like that if I'm ever looking at the toilet like that for too long, I'm spewing, like, that's the only time I'm ever like. You're right, your visual feel is toilet. Yeah.

For me, personally, one of the least sex. Unless it out of tongue, which case, you're jockeying off in their three days. I'm having sex with that toilet. Yeah. No doubt. No doubt, dude. No doubt in my mind. I like, just go back to Toy Story.

Just quickly. Okay. Maybe one, dude. That's fine. Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I think that the world in which the toy story creates, being a toy is actually not really a living hell. It's just that the needs that they have are not perfectly one-to-one for what human beings mean. That's kind of what I mean about wanting to squeeze Woody's head and say, you're a toy.

Their desires are incompatible with the way reality works. That's not what I'm saying. No, I disagree. I think they're there. Well, their needs do. align with reality. Yeah. It's not,

their needs aren't, it's not like a one for one of like, okay, for us as people, like most people, you know, the hierarchy of needs. Yeah.

It's like, you know, you shelter, food, air, companionship, etc. Oh, no,

it's companionship, one of them. Like, fuck. No, because what I think, Laslo's, Maslow's hierarchy.

Where's like living in a cave? Is that good? That's number one. That's cavemen. That's shelter. That's shelter. That's living in a graveyard of needs. cave having big rock, eating fish from river.

Yeah. That actually does sound old. That's shelter, that's companionship, and that is food. So, companionship can be big rock. Yeah. If you love your rock, that's companion. That's probably the first toy, dude. Toy story style.

Somebody draws a face in a rock. And the rock goes, oh. And then like, and talk about useless. Like, you know, you're playing with it. Then your brain like a mammoth or something. Oh, true. Oh man, that rock is having a time of its life. As it's like, you're slowly going down on like a mammoth head or another caveman.

Oh, yeah. It's like slow motion, the classical music is playing. That rock is blissing out. The tears running down its face. Clonk. Grong. Yes, sir. Grug's fucking dead.

Grong is stonks. The rock is like, Dude, tell you what, in Caveman times, if we're, like, walking around and I see Grog's rock as a smiley face on it, I'm like, why do you do that? Like, I look at my rock and I'm like, should I be doing a smiley face in my rock? I'd be jealous of rock. I might either steal his rock or I'd draw my own one. Realize it wasn't as good and then steal his rock. I think I'd be like, how'd you do that? How you fight rock with face-on?

What is how-do-that? What is how? Why am I rocking to a face? Shit rock. Where face? Where face on rock? And then he's like, I put face on rock. And I'm like, what fuck you saying?

How put face rock? What fuck you saying, grog? Fuck you. And I go, face? And I point to my face. And he goes, yeah, and I slam the rock. And I look at it. No face, only red.

You put. Who face? Who face that? Who face on rock? put. What fuck? Grunk, what fuck happening? Croc's just like, try again.

Bum, bam, bam, bam, bam. Grog hurts. And no work. No face just red. Grog's like, turn round. Okay. Back in the air. Classical music, that's a lasting new year is a rock going...

What happened? Well. Yeah, I just think that, like, being a toy is just, it's not like a one-for-one for being a human being. No, that's true. That is true. Getting played, like, the fear that we have of, like, the abandonment, all the fact that they're in stasis for ages. And I know that the toys in the movie, like, whenever, like, when Smarty Pants gets new battery, he's like, fuck, I'm back.

Whoa! And then he finds his friends, and they, like, reunite reminous. Yeah. When toys, I mean, toys outside abandoned, but like the,

we've seen like Bo Peep and stuff like that. They rescue abandoned toys and then just band together so they're just hanging out with all the toys. They're not getting played with, but they're like...

I think that's the only natural really, like place that a toy who has... Because like Jesse has so much trauma. She's got so many abandonment issues, but that's gonna keep happening. So I guess... Maybe it gets easier.

Yeah. Well, you either have to say. You either have to accept it and be like, Abandonment is part of life. Well, could it be... She might have just lived a longer life than a normal toy as well. Maybe abandonment's not really a thing

because most of the time a toy ends up in the garbage. Yeah, well, I think a lot of them do. Could it be something along the lines like being played with? One day played with that kind of stuff. That's like, that's your base need. That's almost like your lizard brain. Yeah. Sort of thing. So, like, that's the primitive

brain of a toy. Basically being like, you know, we have this desire and need and want to be played with and then And if we're not and we get abandoned, it's like, you know, we have this deep feeling of depression and sadness. And we like, you know, we don't want that. So we try everything in our power to not have that and be constantly played with. That's why we're doing these cyclical things. But then to basically go, go, go on and go, right, actually we don't need to be played with. We are abandoned and we're making our own society, our own group, our own toys or whatever. Like, that's basically them reaching that next level, kind of almost like, you know, that's their version of Nirvana. Yeah. Well, I think you have to. the evolution of like a toy to be like, yeah, we are, we were created to be played with, but, you know, that's just doing what people want, like, that's just doing what the man wants us to do. We need to break that cycle and do our own thing.

Absolutely. And so then you get to that next level, which is the sort of, you know, philosophical thing. What if playing's just smoking for toys, smoking cigarettes? Because it feels awesome, but it's really addictive. And then when you don't have them, you're sad. It breaks your heart. Yeah. And it's kind of bad for you because it is so addictive.

And it's only ever going to lead to heartbreak. Yes, absolutely. Heartbreak and abandonment and maybe death. Yeah, so maybe it's less about cigarettes and more about smoking meth. Okay. Feels awesome, makes you fast, makes you itchy. Children are toy meth. Toy heroin?

Toy heroin? Yeah, because getting played with the first time must feel amazing. And they're never going to experience that before. Well, like, that must be kind of part of it. Say you're like an action man or whatever. And they're constantly chasing that first toy high. Yeah, the first time you're played with where you're karate chopping bad guys and getting thrown in the mud or whatever, you're like, fuck yeah. This is the greatest feeling I've ever had.

Then your kid turns like 12. They get an Xbox. And you go, I will never ever experience that high again. So for a toy, a child is heroin. Yeah, I think so, in a way. But just with the Xbox statement, in Toy Story 2, Rex is having a good time playing Super Nintendo. That's a toy playing a thing. And is that thing alive?

Is that... By Toy Story 5 rules, yeah, it should be. No face on a Super Nintendo. Oh, that's true, that's true. That's a good point. Not alive. Not alive. But Etcher sketch is alive.

No face on an Etcher sketch. Could draw a face, though. Can draw a face, doesn't draw a face, doesn't talk. If you have an Nintendo 60... It walks. Yes. And I believe there's trucks and stuff and, like, toy cars that are alive in earlier Toy Stories. They drive around, but they don't talk.

Yes, so who are they? Who are they? Who's this? Who's the scar? And like, yeah, when Sid makes all those monstrosities, what happened? I don't know. The baby's head doesn't talk. No, that's a good point.

Even though the baby's head has a mouth. It has a mouth and yet it chooses not to scream. Interesting. So I guess the soul of the toy does not exist in the mouth like we thought. Honestly, if you... Unless the baby... I mean, look, there is only one toy with a mouth that doesn't talk and it could... It's a fucked-up toys.

So maybe... He's to traumatized. Or it's just opposite or to talk. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't have anything good to say. Yeah. But what about... Okay, say you had a Nintendo 64.

Yeah. Okay, by Toy Story 5 logic, could be alive. If you then loaded up Mario 64 and you went on that first screen where you can contort Mario's face, he's just like, I stop with that. Hey, I'm alive over here. Or, well, I think by Toy Story rules, that Mario's face would be the Nintendo 64's face. That's true. It would talk to the talk.

So we talk through... So that's like the avatar of the 64. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, depending who, what you're playing on the 64, the 64 would then have other avatars to talk to that? Yeah, we just talk through all of the games that you play, which is freaky.

It's freaky to imagine Mario turning around to face the camera and being like, where's a Woody? Yeah. Mamma me. Mama me. Bring him back. Oh, I'm scared. And, you know, whatever.

Yeah. Well, I guess, like, it's a life cycle of like a, like, say, a 64. better or worse than, say, a woody? Way worse. It was worse, but theoretically it could be better. So say, I was thinking about like a die-cast car, like we said before. I had die-cast cars as kids, and what would happen to them? They would get left outside, and then they would get buried by mud and soil.

And then the magpie might find it and put it in its nest. They will never, but, hey, even that's something. Most likely, it's just going to end up fossilized, basically. Buried alive, basically, and never touched again. Yeah. Alive, conscious, but buried under, you know, inches and inches and inches of soil. Does that pretty much instantly put them into like a coma? I don't know. You'd hope so. There's a discussion amongst the toys when they're in the attic.

Well, they just say, they say it's time to retire, basically. Yeah. And they go, we just got to go live in the attic and just hang out. There's a dusty or weezy, sorry? Yeah. From the second one who's, like, abandoned. No one plays with them anymore. And he just lives, like, kind of.

Sad. Sadly and alone. But at least he can socialize with the other toys. But in Nintendo 64, theoretically, you put that in the attic. I'm not playing it anymore. Then it's 2025. You go, hey, damn, that's worth a bit of money. I'm a salad on eBay.

Somebody plays it, you know, buys it, plays it a little bit. And they go, wait a second. This control is annoying. Yeah, yeah. This is a bad design. I'm going to put this in the attic. Yeah, I can't. Do they fall into like maybe it's like a, like a hibernation.

But like, you know, they choose to do it. That would be your own. That's sort of the vibe I get. Or like it is sort of just like they fade. They basically, because it's less death, the more like they fade away. Yeah. But then they can come back.

Yes. Kind of like Dark Souls in a way. Where the hollows need some kind of activity and purpose to be alive. otherwise they kind of lose sapience and sentience gradually over time becoming like zombies that's kind of what happens to the toys So like say I get a Woody right Andy's Woody

You steal from a little kid Push him over Push him over Like God it's so easy to steal his toy from this kid Children are bad at fighting guys And no one's even gonna believe the kid When they say that I stole his toy Yeah exactly

Why would a man do that That's crazy talk But I understand why people say It's easy like taking candy from a kid now Yeah exactly Like taking a little toy from a little kid It's great. Anyway.

We gave your son a baby chino this morning, and it had a marshmallow in it, and that really fucked him up. Yeah, it threw him real bad. Taking candy from a baby at that point would have been doing him a favor. He was very just like, what happened? I'm not outside. What's going on? Yeah.

What is this? I'm wearing Jackson's hat. We're disorienting the fuck out of the baby. Yeah, so like, yeah, you see, take Andy's toys. And then after that, we gave him big sugary drink, and then, put him to bed. That's a good move. Gop that,

Johnny baby. He slept for ages. That's crazy. Sugar crush. Yeah. So yeah, we say, all right, take Andy's toy. Yeah.

And I'm like, ha, ha, I got your toy. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to do nothing. Yeah. I then put him in the attic and I just forget about him until I am 80. Oh, yeah. So, like, presumably, let's say it's like, you know, I've kept him up in there for, let's say,

like, you know, 60 or years, right? What has happened to that toy? Has the toy, yeah, is it like slowly, surely he's fading, his consciousness, his sapiens, his being is just like just drifting away and then suddenly it's just nothing. And then if a kid finds it, they've broke into my attic, I've died. Old man Zammond who stole toys from all of us. He's finally old and frail.

Let's get our toes back and kill him. They've straggled me in my sleep and they've opened up the attic and all these kids now playing with my rightfully stolen toys. And so they grab the toy and now the Woody's being finally played with after 60 years of nothing had been played with. Yeah. Is that enough to then re-spark that magic

or is it already gone? The way that we see it in Toy Story is like if the toys are old and weathered then their personality matches them. So Woody has a bald spot now from his hat. Okay. And like he's, but he's also gotten fat. Yeah, I don't know how that happened.

They didn't explain that. He's got his stuffing's falling out. Yeah. But if he's getting bigger, it should have fallen in. Yeah, but maybe like the layer is... He could be getting wet? Yeah. Distributing strange.

Yeah, he could be full of worms. I think he's full of worms. Maybe just like a little tiny rat. Yeah. It's just taken up. He's just full of spider eggs. He's full of so many spider eggs. Bonnie's going to pick him up.

He's just going to burst into spiders. That's my canon. Imagine being a stuffed toy. There you go, yeah, I'm abandoned. But I'm full of spiders. And that's close. I'm going to play it with on the inside. I remember like,

speaking of like, you know, almost abandoned toys. Yeah. Like, my brother had like a stuffed, it was like a monkey. Yeah. Called monkey.

That's crazy. I have a monkey called monkey too. Interesting. Monkey, my monkey's a gorilla. Yeah, he was not a gorilla. Yeah.

He's teenage years. He then turned that monkey into a place where he put his cigarettes. Wow. What? That's, how did they go in monkey?

rectally. How do you think? Because there was a hole in the monkey. So he put it in the monkey. Hey, that's not as bad as it could have gone. It's 11. Hey, what's up? Yeah, monkey. Yeah, my owner, he grew up. He still placed me though by inserting cigarettes into my ass.

There's a whole pack. It's right up there. Oh, no. Oh, wow. That makes more sense than one at a time, but I was imagining one at the time. Yeah, I know. I'm supposed to clarify. But yeah, like, it just, you know, it just became a little...

The two things that I thought, might have happened there. One of them, I was like, you're going to say that he turned him into a bong somehow? Oh, that rocks. Because toys do get turned into bombs. Yeah. I stuffed toy trickier to do. And then the other one, the classic, was going to be worried, you're going to say he was fucking. Yes, that's been on my mind. It wasn't, but I don't want to. But if you're a toy, the relationship, I know it feels fucked up. In pop culture, pop culture, book smart, the one of the girls, she's fucking a toy. It's like a thing. People fuck your toys. never fucked my toys at the record show.

I don't believe that. Exactly. If you were going to take a survey of which one of us had made love to their toy, well, all things are pointing at you. If I had to take a guess on who had fucked something that is full of stuffing, you would get my first and second

vote. Maybe third. Whether it was a toy or like a pillow or like a fucking... I wasn't really much of a pillow fucker. Much of or not. No, like not at all. I wasn't a, I wasn't a pillow.

fuck up. It seems like something we do. I agree. Or a couch, if you'd somehow had a hole in a couch. It's so funny to fuck a couch.

I know earlier in the episode I said I'd fuck a toilet. But I know I wasn't a pillow or stuff to fuck up. But I know it feels wrong to imagine that that's something

that could happen. But if your relationship with a kid as a toy is not familial, it's more like having sex with a childhood friend. when you're both grown up.

In a way. If Andy as an adult fucked Woody, you know, it's not... Well, the toys... No, yeah, you're wrong because the toy's relationship

with the child is always like... The toy takes a stance, like you were saying in this episode, earlier in the episode, the toys usually have like a parental bond with the kids. Yeah, that is true. Sounds like you grow old and fuck your dad

I know, but I'm just saying that even if that did, like I don't know it for the toys that would be as, because it's still kind of like you're getting played with. It's really hard to form a sentence right now, Jack. My mouth wants to like wrap itself around words, but I'm struggling. I know you're not going to believe this, but I think this could be the first time ever you're on the wrong side of history.

Because I'm like, what? Not in your defense I'm trying to like Okay, so That is a scary place You're finding yourself You want to agree with Jackson I don't too hot

Okay Why is in your defense being That's what I'm saying Like that's how I'm saying That's how right But I'm like okay Yeah, you're a toy And say you know

You're a stuffed toy You're getting played with Up until what Let's say I don't know Yeah 12 Yeah 12 Like and that's when you

You know You're hitting puberty Yeah And so yeah chances are You're jerking off or whatever and then suddenly like, I don't know, you're like, oh, what's this? And like, you grab a toy.

You start cleaning yourself with it. That's also that. That's arguably worse. It's kind of the... It's kind of the same. No, because here's the thing. Wait, why is it worse? So, let me...

I'm trying to explain. Jackson... One I'm like, I don't care. It's an inanimate object. I have their love for this. I'm using it as a cleaning tool. One is I have formed an attachment to this thing, and I'm... I'm making love to Mike Woody.

I'm assuming that Jackson thinks that the toys enjoy getting fucked. So, okay. When you play with the toys that you enter a realm of imagination. Am I correct? And that realm of imagination is the best. When poopie playtime or whatever, he enters that realm, which he's never experienced before, he's like blown away by how pleasant it was. Okay.

Now imagine... Is this like... Basically, if for the toys, is this heroin too? Well, there's not, say you're being grounded on by somebody going through puberty. And when they're grinding on you, your stuffed teddy bear or whatever, they are imagining that you are somebody they're attracted to. There's a sexual fantasy happening. Is that that different from the imagination realm?

You are once again entering the realm of imagination. It's just that because puberty has happened to the kid, it has a sexual overgoon. A sexual overtone. There's such a big difference between playing and jacking off. No, he's growing in the realm of imagination. Are you, are you, are you, so in the imagination realm, when they enter it, they are themselves. Yeah.

Are they when in, say, they play a role. So, they're playing a role, but I was like, say, you're, you're grinding on Woody. Yeah. You're grinding away on Woody. And you're imagining. Using his pool string as a coppering. And you're there like imagining, I don't know, some beautiful... I'm imagining it's a beautiful...

Beautiful person you're imagining. Yeah. You're like, damn, I wish I was at a party grinding my dick against their luck. Yeah. Yeah. Now, are you imagining that Woody is like... He's like, I'm entering Imagine Realm. Yeah.

And are we being like, okay, I'm imagining that we're in this party. And then my best friend Jackson is grinding up against me. And I am Woody? Or are they the person that you are imagining the best... So what I'm imagining is imagine I've got a soft toy, okay, and I'm extremely... Not Woody? Okay. Well, Woody, it would just be difficult to have sex, okay, of all the toys.

Say I have a soft toy, okay? I have, you know, cuddles the bear, okay? And I... I had a little stuffed bear called cuddle. I think it's one of the toys that my two parents' dog hadn't ripped the face of. Oh, pick a different toy, okay? Let's say I have a stuffed toy joker. Mm-hmm.

And I've become a teenager and I'm extremely horrid. Okay, and I'm like, I just need to fuck, I just need to grind to come because I'm like 16 or whatever And I imagine that the soft toy joker is the the girl at school I have a crush on or whatever And I enter an imagination realm I'm not really, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's that's the the toy will enter that realm become that thing I'm imagining And once again, they get to enter that realm of imagination And so they become your crush. Yeah, okay.

That's how I imagine it would work. At first I was the enemy of the Batman, and now I'm a human pussy. Just a disappointed human pussy. Like, I hate Jackson's imagination. Imagine a person. Yeah, I'm having sex with a human-sized pussy. Imagine just a person, you see a sick bit of it. Why does you always think I'm a big giant pussy?

Every time, Batman. Every time. It is great that he's still the joke. My child grew up to just see people. as holes, Batman. I never even get a face anymore. Batman's out here, he's the toilet, okay? Upstairs, he's the upstairs toilet.

He just said, yeah, poor little stuff, Joker, covered in calm, yelling at Batman toilet. He doesn't even seem as a real person anymore, Batman. Come closer. Why don't you wash yourself in me, Joker? You're in. Toil it! Toil it, back man!

Anyway, like, I'm not saying it's okay. I'm not advocating for it. I'm just saying by the rules of Toy Story. Fucking your toys good for the toy. Well, yeah, I did kind of... Well, in the imagination realm, yeah. We do see in Toy Story, does I say when like, Rex is like a big...

Yeah, Big Rex. But does he become Big Godzilla? Or does he become Big Godzilla? Or does he still Rex, right? He still Rex, yeah. So does this... Are they just the same as they ever are, are they same as they ever were? Same as it never was. It's just not my beautiful wife.

Yeah. This is not my cumstain joking. This is not my Batman toilet. How did I get here? So, yeah, is it just, we're experiencing it as them and because we're experiencing as them, they themselves are themselves. Or does just Andy have a shit imagination? I think it's Andy has a shit imagination. No, no, no, it's like...

Bonnie, too. It's not quite... You're misremembering slightly, because, like, when... Actually, I don't even think this makes the movie, because I'm pretty sure they replaced it with the... They replaced it with a different opening, but it's a deleted scene. Yeah.

Where Rex is pretty much playing a Godzilla role when they're trying to take down Rex. Yeah. Rex doesn't have Rex's personality at that way. Yeah. But he still looks like Rex. He still looks like Rex be bigger. Yeah, so I'm just imagining then... But, like, they put, like...

So, the clothes... The toys... clothes and outfits, like, asshole, the toy. Yeah. Poopie pants, whatever the fuck. Oh, shitty bomb time. Wash your ass, Jr. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In one of the imagination, when he's getting played with for the first time, he gets Conan's hair. Yeah, and like clothing. He becomes like a guy. So I'm just imagining, so in Jackson's little fantasy, where he's railing the Joker doll. When Jackson was a teenager and fucking every toy he had. Yes.

And so what's happening, though, is a Joker doll, he's not becoming, like, Jackson's crush. He's coming, like, maybe the Joker doll just has Jackson crush's hair, and that may be easier. Well, I don't know. That's a good question. It would be more likely to have a human pussy or human asshole and then have Joker's arms and legs. Yeah. Wow. That's a really cool look. This is what you were doing as a team when he were fucking all of your toys and the couch and the toilet.

It's really horrible to him. That's really good. Yeah, it's very awful. But I don't know if a more adult imagination is going to be more complete a transformation. Or less. Well, yeah. Could be more powerful. Could be more powerful.

Yeah. Well, I feel like, no, because otherwise the... Yeah. Like, they wouldn't be worried about going to Al's toy born. Oh, that's, yeah. But they're not going to get played with them. They're not going to be played with. The only time as an adult that you enter the realm of imagination with an object, really, is sexual.

Like it doesn't happen very much You think about getting lost in the woods all the time Yeah but not with an object No that's true I'm not imagining I don't get like You don't pick up a rock and go Damn if I was lost in the woods

Or pretend the rock is me In the woods or something So the only time you're doing it with like a sex toy That's where you enter the rock And for a vibrator A dildo or a flashlight They go this is normal for the Joker toy He goes I've had to make some adjustments

I've had to make some adjustments I still think that life is a toy I'll have discussed so much unless you're Jackson's toy or toilet I don't think it really is that much of a hell I think they go through because like in a regular human life

there's going to be ups and downs and you will die and I'm sorry if you're finding that out from plumbing the death stop but your days at some point will be numbered you are mortal sorry about that And I guess like with a toy, it's just because with Toister, it's condensed for us.

But like, if you extrapolate it out, like, what he's like straight up chilling, bro? Yeah. They're a weird creature in that it's just, it's sort of combining like the long lifespan, say, of like a Tolkien elf. Yeah. Because they live such long lives and they see, you know, people like, it's a good example of when like the dog or whatever. It's so it's like, come on, let's go. And it's old as shit. Yeah.

They're just like, ah, dang, because they just don't age. Yeah. And this weird kind of combination of that mixed with like, you know, they're so alive for such a brief moment of time. Yeah. In terms of like eight years or ten years of being played with. I think it's a really weird thing where actually the toys and toy story, most of them, are for a toy relatively young. Yeah. Like in a weird way.

Where I reckon that there's got to be this adjustment period where you go through, if you're lucky, like two or three kids. Yeah. You get used to the pattern. And that's kind of like you then have to hit a point. And Woody does this in four where you go, is this what I want out of life? Yeah. Or do I have to like forge my own path? Yeah.

I guess it's weird in a way because it's almost like the message of the toys of a toy story is that it really should be anti-consumerism. Yes. It really should be that. Like anti-capitalism, what kind of stuff. But like the toy story as it exists is very, well, no, you need a Woody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yes. Of course.

It's very pro-consumerism. Absolutely. But like, yeah, the kindest thing is to donate to. Yeah. But also that there's no way, unless you're very lucky, that that's a sustainable life. So every toy, like the idea of a toy handed down for more than three generations, surely that toy enters family heirloom territory at that point. And also, most toys are going to degrade.

Yeah, yeah, even like some of the toys that we currently have. Yeah. Johnny Baby's already kind of ruined few of them. So it's like, yeah, the lifespan of like some of those toys are not long. Once she can comprehend movies, show him Toy Story and be like, you did this to your toys. That's a really good idea. I think so, too. Yeah, I would have seen, I'm pretty sure I saw the first Toy Story in a cinema.

I would have been four? Yeah, I fucked me up, dude. I had like three or four nightmares of all of my toys coming to life and killing me. I loved Toy Story when I saw it, and it didn't scare me. You know what he's doing with his toys. Fair enough. Not at five. Not until he was like...

Four and five. I was thinking of all you were relating to Sid. Oh, right, I was doing that to them. See? You have a famous story where you're like, yeah, me and my friend when we were a teen, no? No, I would have been like, yeah, we yank the hell out of a stretch-upstrom. We got it an action man, yeah.

Put him on an ant, he'll covered in honey. So what happens? Yeah, he didn't have you stretched your armstrong and stretched him out like real. Yeah, until he burst and then you stained to the carpet. Yeah. No, that was, he wasn't a stretch of Armstrong. He was some action man, bad guy.

We just stabbed it with knives. Dr. X. He's Dr. X. Yeah. I'm glad you're... Sid was creative. You're just stabbing him with knives? Yeah. We wanted to see what the goo was.

Turns out it was goo. There's like a moment in your life, I think. Roundabout, like, when you're 20 years old and you're like, podcaster. You're serial killer. We're lucky. We live in the good time life. No, I don't even think it's serial killer. It's just like...

He'd be in prison with some kind of... Like, not like... Bafoonery. No, not like sex crime pervertedness, but like... Or like one of the chill ones, like, was caught jacking off on a wall. The Berlin Wall. That's one of the chill ones? A chill and jacking off on a wall.

Well, no one's literally getting hurt. So, yeah, it is one of the chill ones. You think it was either I go, time to become a podcaster. Time to jack off on a wall. time to fuck the outside of a library Time to fuck the slot where you've returned the book You're a men

That would hurt I don't think that would feel very good at all Only one way to find out Exactly Five final thoughts I think that this is really Really kind of put everything to perspective for me

And I think that like toys They're just like straight chilling I don't think it actually is a bad life at all I think it's just different from humans And when we look at And we go, whoa, if I, if that was me, me a human being, if I wasn't played with for 10 years, I'm, and then I would, but like for a toy, that's kind of, it's probably normal. We're just seeing them deal with, like, you're right, because we haven't seen the older toys. Yeah, well, that's what I'm, yeah, I think, yeah, I agree is that the toys we see in toy story, this is like, not like puberty, but this is like the tumultuous beginning of your life where you go, oh, I'm not getting played with, oh, no, and then you kind of like what he does, you have to be like, well, that's not, yeah, not sustained. as a life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like, even if you go, oh, I'll go in the attic, oh, no, I don't want to be in the attic. But eventually you're in the attic long enough, you might just go, you know what, fuck it. I'm out of the out of it. Is it kind of like what we're experiencing, kind of is like, I guess a prolonged or like a, I guess we're watching their midlife crisis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And to be just like, oh, yeah, they're really just trying to capture that the thing that the first thing they ever had, which was like, yeah, that first time they were playing with that and stuff. And yeah, like, yeah. I don't know if it's midlife crisis.

I think it's more like, yeah. when somebody like in high school is in a breakup and they're like, my life is ruined. And you're like, hey, you're 17. You're going to be fine. I think it's like that they go, I'm not getting played with. And you go, it's going to be okay. It's kind of the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All my friends are getting played with it. I'm not getting played with.

My life is over. I've been stalled this penis ice. Oh. And that's only complicated matters. It's not bad to like, you know, average experience. Someone said it's the same, but I don't really believe them. I don't see how. Well, that's Plum and the Death Star. On that note, I've been Joel.

I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. This was one of those ones where I'm going to think back to what we said, and I'm going to say, that was a good one. I'm going to get messages and I'm going to be like, people are going to be like, oh, fuck your toys. And I'm going to be like, what are you saying? Why did you fuck my toys? What the hell? What's wrong with you people?

And I'm going to be like, oh, boys, appetizing. is what's the end down? I don't know why. Maybe is it all the things we keep saying? Let us know your tier ranking. Hook toilet toy. What's the best? Where do they rank? Let us know in the comments. We'll see you next week because you're all going to come back off this week.

Well, I mean, hey, listening to this episode and think about our advertising and sign up to Badbury Boys again. There's never been a better time, even just for this month. Even just for this week. I think that is over the home. There's never been a better time to get... The best time to give Plumbing the Nestle money was yesterday. The second best time is right now.

Exactly. Links in the show notes. Please support us. And God bless us. Everyone. Every one of you. Bye-bye. Welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Nestle. Let's do that again.

Take your time. Yeah, coughs out. Take your time. Oh, no. Oh, gentlemen. Gentlemen, please. That actually did feel really good. That was horrible.

Yeah, it's stuff. I'm going to get heaps into open-mouth coughing like a baby. I'm going to have to heat into open-mouth kissing. No, you won't. Yeah. He's right. I'm calling you out. He's right.

Yeah, he's. It's Bush. Do the episode. Just rotate at your dick, head. You went the wrong, God, you went. stupidly that. Yeah, he's fine.

Yeah, he... It's still, yeah. Do the episode. Still ear. What's the word for the bush? I don't know. That's not it forward. You could have just rotated...

If you rotated it... What way? What the fuck have you done now? No, that's better. Fucking sure. Hey, there's the right way, the wrong way, and the stupidest imaginable way. Whatever Jack wants to do. And it's the right way.

but slower and double.