Plumbing the Death Star - Is Being a Werewolf a Hassle? (Feat. Michael Shanks)

Episode Date: February 21, 2016

In which our heroes warn the villagers, lock themselves away and hide from the full moon as they wonder if being a werewolf is really that much of a hassle? We discuss the Ninja Turtles choice of attire, the problem of eugenics in a fantasy world, and what things are metaphors for other things. Jackson assumes he's the mayor, Zammit thinks its more of a blessing than a curse, and Michael just wants to make werewolf puns. So sync up with your werewolf brethren, get howling, and slowly take over the world because that is absolutely going to happen. That's just simple mathematics.Want to help us run the perfect grassroots political campaign? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make mayor-wolf a reality.Hankering for some sweet geeky loot every month? Do us a favour and go to http://www.geekfuel.com/sanspants and sign up to receive your (possible) Teen Wolf today!Remember to check out Sporadic’s production of Doctor Who’s Midnight https://www.adelaidefringe.com.au and you can follow Michael Shanks on twitter @timtimfed or watch The Wizards of Aus here; https://t.co/60nPkLG7u8. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sandspants Radio, I killed a dog, don't tell the cops about it. episodes before everyone else. All these links are in the show notes of this very episode. Also, are you in Adelaide for the Adelaide Fringe? Why not check out Sporadic's production of Doctor Who's Midnight? They're screening every night from this Wednesday to Saturday, so go check them out. Not familiar with Doctor Who? Don't worry about it. It's a great jump and on point to be enjoyed by fans and non-fans alike, especially if you love sci-fi stories with a twist of paranoia, which I do. The basic premise is that there's some kind of mind control mimic thing that's in a shuttle full of people and everyone's just freaking out. Ah, this is the best. So just go check it out. It's at the Arch Theatre on Holden Street. Tickets range from 15 bucks to 23. Just go

to adelaidefringe.com.au and search for Doctor Who for more details. Now, enjoy the show. Oh, and after the show, go watch The Wizards of Oz, that's AUS, on YouTube for more of that talented Michael Shanks. Now, enjoy the show. Hey everybody and welcome to another episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, Is being a werewolf a hassle? Um, yes. How so? Well, if you're a werewolf, you've got to plan your life around being a werewolf,

and that sounds like a real nightmare. One night a month, right? One night a month. Yeah. Is it a male analogy for having a period? Yes. Yes, absolutely. Correct. I've literally never thought of that before until that's happened. one nine a month yeah yeah is it a male analogy for having a period yes yes absolutely correct i've literally never thought of that before until that's it kind of makes sense like there's a lot about cycles it's like your wife is like look i'm on my period you're like well i'll be a werewolf soon well that's that's like a really sexist take on it as well it's like every when women get their

periods they are essentially awful things that just murder the fuck out of everyone. Which is true. They become wolves. Actual wolves. Actual giant wolves. Is it one? Are there grades of werewolf? Like, I always wondered that.

What kind of werewolf are we talking here? Are we talking werewolf that is like, I can't control it. There's a moon. I'm a wolf. Dang. Or are we talking like, I can control this werewolf. No, because if you can control it, you just wear a trench coat and a hat like the Ninja Turtles do. But they're not very inconspicuous.

It's clearly a turtle man in a coat. Wait, are we living in modern times? Yes. I think fictitiously, and I'm talking on my arse here, as time went on, werewolf became more of a power. Back in the day, it was like a curse you know we'd write it like oh the terror i have to become a werewolf stay away friends but now it's like oh i'll become a wolf and fight the government or something you know fight the government that's my favorite werewolf stories for one day a month, werewolf man comes. That's senator werewolf to you.

Is he fighting the government from within? From the inside, yeah. Not even subtle. He's like, yeah, I'm a senator werewolf and I'm fighting the government. Lycanthropole. Yes. I think for sake of argument, we have to say that it's the kind of werewolf where it's a curse. We have to cope with this. But it's not even really a curse. It's a curse that you know it's going to happen.wolf where it's a curse. We have to cope with this. See, I would think...

But it's not even really a curse. It's a curse that you know it's going to happen. But you can't control yourself. No, but you know it's going to happen and this particular day, this particular evening, you're like... You're following the moon shot. Well, if you were a fucking werewolf, you would be.

That is true. Like, there's no reason why you wouldn't. In fact, you'd be kind of reckless if you weren't. Then... Maybe I hate the village I'm in. Maybe it's a threat. I'm like, when the full moon comes. When's that?

I don't even fucking know. It could be any time. Or you were a cannibal before the curse happened, and it's just like the luckiest thing. Hannibal Lecter should be so lucky to be bitten by a whale. Like a fucking wendigo curse. Still in that. Oh, yeah.

Like you eat the flesh of a human being. You become like a spooky goat man. If it's a curse, and I wouldn't really call it a curse. It's just like once a month, this happens. It's a hassle. And even then,

not really. But it's like, you lock yourself up, you chain yourself up, and you sort of know it's going to happen. It never works, does it? You always get out. You always break out.

You don't know how strong a werewolf is. But by like maybe the third month, I'd be like, all right, I broke out of the rope. If I'm the mayor of this village, which I'm assuming I am. The mayor wolf? Yes! So you're the mayor.

I'll just say don't make shitty puns. Mayor wolf is great. Mayor wolf is a good name for a film. In my mind, he still wasn't hiding it. Everybody's just like, yeah, we've got a mayor wolf, so maybe don't fuck with us. No, but say I'm the mayor You're the mayor

Alright And it's the third month And I'm like Look Mr. Joel Zammett the werewolf Yes So I've noticed that you One Are shitty at judging your strength

Two You've eaten a lot of people's livestock I know look I am a werewolf And you've killed some kids As I said Accidents happen These are the problems of being a werewolf.

Can you leave? I could, but that's a bit rude, don't you think? No, I think that's totally justified. Yeah, that's quite fair, considering really I'd be pushing for your death. Yeah. That's actually pretty kind of lenient of me to be honest. Well, like, I would just burn down your house where you slept. In modern times or oldie times?

Oldie times. I'm picturing oldie times for some reason. You said slept in modern times or oldie times? oldie times I'm picturing oldie times for some reason you said before in modern times you flip and flop if it's modern times no mayor is coming to your house then it's the cops if it's in old times, fair enough, I'm exiled

that makes sense, I'll chuff off to the highlands actually is there a way to utilise a werewolf for your town? like, say we were running this town, we find a way to utilise a werewolf for your town? Like, say we were running this town. We find out Zamet's a werewolf. Yep. Can we, like, benefit from this in any way? I don't know if you could train a

werewolf. I think you could use the spectre of a werewolf to perhaps, like, warn off, like, marauders if we're in the past, in which case we could do, we could pull a village and essentially, like, contrive a fake werewolf. Yeah, that could happen happen or even just a big sign that says we got a well uh well let's see they're very like it depends like be where we'll yeah here you go be wet no i was gonna make it not even anything worth my time i guess it depends on how much in control this werewolf is.

I guess that's a weird question about werewolves, isn't it? Because you're becoming a werewolf. Yeah. Literally as we talk. Right now, and it's gross to watch. But, like, that werewolf is not... It's still you, but it's, like, a different you. Because you're not in control of it.

It's Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde, or Mr Jekyll, Dr whatever it is. It's that. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde or Mr. Jekyll, Dr. whatever it is. It's that. It's the exact same story, isn't it? I mean, I feel as though one of them has got to be based on the other, I fear. Surely, but then also a werewolf will often look like if you're a real fat guy, you get a real fat werewolf.

Also, werewolves don't remember what they do, do they? Because they wake up like, what did I do? It's almost in that way way, like an analogy of being like a drunk, which I actually think Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde may have been about. Yeah, I actually get the feeling it was. Because we imagine it today, I think, a bit like the Hulk, but it was just like two dudes, effectively. Like, the other guy wasn't special.

Yeah, and like, Jekyll hated Hyde. Yeah. Like, fucking hated him with a passion. See, for some reason, we're talking about jekyll hated hyde yeah like fucking hated him with a passion um but the see i'm for some reason we're talking about jekyll hart and i'm remembering um the van housing no the the tv show the miniseries you ever see that oh start that irish lad yeah he's in bbc one bbc one right yeah yeah which was pretty good really and in that he communicates with with his like alt in itself he leaves himself little text messages so that oh yeah like becomes dr jekyll

he looks down and he's like oh fuck this guy or when he becomes mr hyde he's like oh what a fucking he sends the the least dank memes to my me and his text messages it's not even funny um down vote but uh with a werewolf you don't have that liberty because a werewolf is just an animal, yeah. You can't reason with the wolf. No, and you can't be like, you can't write on your wall of your little hut, like, hey, don't eat chickens today because you've just gone.

That's why I say you'd have to invest, really, in a sort of really strong jail. It'd be hard. Do you reckon you could make like relationships with like other people as well? Yeah, I think if you were like open about it, like upfront, I'd be like, hey, look. But are we positing a world

where there's plenty of fantasy creatures around? In which case, what fantasy creature would be best wed to a werewolf? Oh, that's true. That is true. Another werewolf? I mean, that would make sense. Because then you sync up and both go and eat chickens.

In your eugenics world. Don't mix the fantasy creatures. Well, I guess because I'm like, you know, it's not even like you have to sync up because you already do. Oh, man. Oh, man. I'm just imagining like a lot of werewolves. Oh, yeah.

And just being like, fucking hell. Being in a fantasy world, being like, oh, it's full bloody moon tomorrow, werewolf night. Because it's going to be so fucking many of them. Imagine the house. That's true. You'd have to lock them away, but werewolf. You'd essentially clear out a zoo for a week

if this was actually a societal problem. And for that week, or a prison. And just chuck them in a for a week if this was actually a societal problem and for that week we'd or a prison yes uh and just chuck them in there for like a week and it's a sort of a thing struggle is like how do you tell do you have like a group of people going village to village seeking out people that they suspect to be whales because you wouldn't want to do it on full moon because then there's lots of them well yeah but but how do you how do you know well i figured the whale was a bit open about it like Like, hey, yo, it's me. Oh, in this world they're like... But see, then there's a lot of exiled werewolves.

Yeah, it's true. Like, again, I'm mayor of this town, and someone's like, I'm a werewolf. I'm like, well, fuck off then. Also, I'm now thinking modern world for some reason. I'm in the modern realm now. We're flipping and flopping. We're like, we don't exist.

It'd be kind of having they'd be like like how can you detect like a potion or something well the classic way that they detected back in when

they thought werewolves back in werewolf times back in werewolf times in France you know how we had like the witch hunts in Britain and stuff they had werewolf hunts

in France anyway how they determined is that they cut the skin because they believed that to become a whale, if you turned inside out, and that everybody had fur underneath their skin. Good. So they would cut the skin.

All right. No, I'm there. Peel skin off. That's pretty... It's rough, but if that's how we got to find out, that's how we got to find out. Okay. You know what I mean.

Sure. That's all I'm saying. All right. So that is now canon. I guess so. All right. Well, then there you go. You go, all right. You turn inside out. That's all I'm saying. All right, so that is now canon. I guess so. All right, well, then there you go. You go, all right, you turn inside out. You've got fur on the inside.

We're just going to do a bit of a test. So everyone line up. Yeah. Peel their skin. I wouldn't line up for that test. You know, I wouldn't be cool with that. It's got to be mandatory. Werewolf, get him!

Like, I'm not beta from Star Trek. I'm not cool with just having my skin like ripped apart I feel like How much can you do? Can you use like a tiny portion? Well I mean Presumably the hair is everywhere So yeah

You could even just do it like Somewhere harmless Is there a harmless place to take skin from? How much do I get? If I'm getting like a square inch off Like a skin patch What do you call it? Like a little inch or something?

Yeah Like inch by inch Just check? Yeah Surely I'd go thigh I feel like thigh would be a good place to go That's true Skin patch, what do you call it? Like a little inch or something? Yeah. Like inch by inch? Just check? Yeah. Surely. Yeah, I'd go thigh. I feel like thigh would be a good place to go. That's true.

Nobody really looks at thigh that much. Yeah. And then everybody likes... Buttocks. Yeah, buttocks. Buttocks. Peel a bit back. We're Australian.

We usually have that, you know, like if you don't want to wear your bum on your nose, slip, slop, slap. Yeah. Classic Australian fucking summers. I've literally never heard that So that makes no sense to me I think it's too bum on your nose Oh, this might have been

I think it's Is it like skin cancer? Yeah This might have been about I want to say maybe 10 years ago It was this big ad campaign It's like If you don't want to wear your bum

On your face Remember slip, slop, slap Because Australian summers are shit As we can attest Because we're so very sweaty boys Yep, yep It's all good So yeah The butt would be a nice place To like get a skin Plus then like it doesn't stand out And stuff as a shit, as we can attest. Because we're so very sweaty boys. Yep, yep. It's hot. So, yeah.

The butt would be a nice place to get a skin. Plus, then, it doesn't stand out and stuff. Put breeches on. But hang on. If we're living in a fantasy society wherein there are mass amounts of, like, lycanthropes and werewolves... Yeah, would we have tags? Would we be recognisable?

Would it be, like, internment camps? Yeah. Would it have, like, a mark on you like like i because like i'm you know i know i know what you are but i really if you're talking about a fantasy world really are werewolves any worse than say a wizard no that's a good point that's well except for a wizard has a logic you know like a wizard could do far worse things yes some and some wizards do uh yeah but you've seen in the sbs2 upcoming comedy other wizards uh premiering soon um but um you know a wizard

could potentially like like candle's not gonna fuck up your shit unless you're fucking up candle's shit the werewolf is just like it's the tasmanian devil i'm gonna fuck up everyone you've got good wizards and bad wizards. All werewolves are evil. Much like the characters Jack and Skuldrick on the upcoming SBS2 comedy. But all werewolves aren't evil.

They're neutral. Well, are they? They're like animals. Exactly. Is a wolf evil? Well, a werewolf does seem to have a big bloodlust

from every single iteration of a werewolf I've seen. I've never seen a werewolf that's just like, oh, fuck, I'm a wolf now. Christ. Shit. I'm just going to curl up like it's falling.

Oh, that'd be so adorable. Seeing like a little werewolf, but like I'm so cold. Curling up by a fire. I'm assuming it's all hunger, like just base impulses. Yeah. So like just, yeah.

So are you saying that if we lived in a town with a werewolf, say somebody had convinced me to not exile you. Yeah. What we do is come the night before full moon, we lived in a town with a wolf, say somebody had convinced me to not exile you, what we do is come the night before full moon, we give you a plate of raw chicken or whatever, we put it in your room, and we're like, when you get a wolf, eat the raw chicken,

you won't fucking hang up. All I need is some raw chicken, maybe a sheep, and I'm just going to gobble that up, get a delicious food belly. I hope that you're paying for this. This shouldn't be taxpayer's money. Like I don't want the rest of the village to eat. But you might want to be like, well, look.

What are you bringing to the town? I'm not eating your town. But that's not what you're bringing. That's what you're not bringing. Yeah, exactly. You know, it's like. I'm not murdering your children while you sleep. I still think it's much easier to burn them while he sleeps.

Yeah, I agree. Burn his house down. It's cheaper. I'll have none of this. I'm going to bite you and you'll be a werewolf. I would be so sus of every wolf. And I would shoot every wolf that I saw. Like in a medieval...

Not a medieval, like a fantasy society. Which are always kind of medieval. Yeah, for some reason. But like, I don't think I'd want any werewolves or vampires or anything that changes from one thing to another thing in my town. Werewolves are people too. Get rid of the witches too. They can fuck right off.

Werewolf are at it. Why not? Probably. Just like, he basically looks like a humanist. Well. What fantasy creatures would benefit society? That's a good question. I mean, orcs seem to be pretty good in like industrialist workers.

Yeah. Like if you watch like Lord of the Rings, they're always like building shit. Plus they're not terribly clever. So I feel like they're not going to ask for much in return that's true they could they could be they could be slaves yeah well yeah but you know they're not very pleasant so you would you'd make them you'd put them in the mines or something i'm like that's that's where the dwarves go i guess yeah that's true i'm so sorry for the orcs they don't help it yeah yeah also in the token, I think they're actually just tortured elves. Yeah, that's right.

It's rough. I think they say that. Which is a shame. Even more sadder. I mean, trying to think of other fantasy creatures similar to a werewolf. I was going to say fey, but they're not similar at all. But they're another kind of creature that you'd potentially do a lot of worse. Well, that's good.

Making changelings and shit. Because they're like another kind of creature that you'd potentially do a lot of worse well that's good making changelings and shit because they're just they're not even evil they're just like trickster cunts being like oh look at you your face gonna be a pot plant and then you fuck off you're like i've got a face of a fucking pot plant fuck this except you can't say that because your face is a bloody pot plant what you can do is photosynthesize centaurs are like horse werewolves that couldn't make up their mind so they're just like fuck it both what if you had like a half man half wolf like what happens if a centaur gets bit by a werewolf yes though that is true i'm afraid would it like the top half of the man part because it's only we only see like men and women like the humans becoming werewolves is it only that part that becomes the werewolf or do you get like a weird horse wolf

thing going on what happens if a werewolf bites just a normal horse do you get like a horse but are you telling me that if you lived if you were the mayor of a village yeah right and there were mayors Mayors are cool Mayors are cool Mayors are alright Like what a good job Mayor is Right Not modern

It was just like Mutton chops Mutton chops A big tall top hat Yeah we all picture The same mayor Yeah No he's got a sash

That says mayor A little bit portly Yeah Why the fuck is that Yeah why are we all Sort of picturing The Monopoly man That's very weird But so say you're Why the fuck is that? Why are we all sort of picturing the Monopoly man?

That's very weird. But so say you're the mayor of a village, and I'm like, let me give you the situation around your village. You've got centaurs in the forest, werewolves in the town, fae on the hill nearby, and mermaids in the lake. You're going to be like, hey, everybody come down to my village? Like, is that your, like, all-inclusive Joel Zammett policy? Let the fucking centaurs in?

You're going to get some kids trampled, my friend. Yeah, that's the thing. And I got a whole village of men and women. Yeah, it would be super hard not to be super racist in that setting. You'd want segregation. You'd be demanding it. You kind's i mean that's rough but no like look i'm a i'm a 21st century man living in fantasy century yep that's the one sure uh i'd be like no no no have been inclusive multicultural sure no come on in i mean look centaurs have a really nice culture. Please come down.

The mermaids, they make real good fish cakes. Let's try some of them. I guess the thing with centaurs and mermaids is that you can communicate with them. It's so good. Fae, look, they're annoying. But look, hey, they have fun. I say keep Fae out. Keep the werewolves out.

But everyone else can come in. The werewolves, but things you can't... You would treat werewolves, because they're not come in The werewolves But things you can't You would treat werewolves Because they're not a different race They're basically people with diseases Put them in hospital Try and find a cure That's true I think we would be looking for a cure

In these modern times Yeah It's not like you're a different race to me It's like you are my brethren In medieval times I'm not expecting a cure If we update this for modern times I'm looking at doctors to cure werewolfism

But there are no diseases that do this That kind of turn you into a different State of mind Or only affect you for a certain period Yeah but rabies does Permanent Werewolfism ends Rabies does not

Yeah that's true. But I guess that if our society had kind of grown up with it, grown up with it, whatever, formed with it, then we would be trying to do something about it. If it's modern day and werewolves exist, and we're assuming that werewolves exist from a sort of fantasy medieval era, everyone's a werewolf. Like, everyone is a werewolf.

Yeah, that's a good point. Because they are vicious creatures. In every single werewolf fiction, a werewolf. Like, everyone is a werewolf. Because they are vicious creatures. In every single werewolf fiction, a werewolf bites more than one person. So therefore, it's an exponential growth of the virus. So it's probably standard for us all to be werewolves. That's a really good point.

Like, if, say, a werewolf in his lifetime, or her lifetime, bites, you know, how many people are we going to say? Like, a hundred? I'd say, in one night how many gonna bite in one night you're probably gonna bite if you're going biting well it also depends on the area you know like uh american werewolf in london like at the beginning they're on the moors there's not too many people to bite but by the time he gets into london he can fuck that shit up but i feel like it'd work kind of like a virus does now so let's say they're biting

two people a night two people a night which is like every time work kind of like a virus does now. Let's say they're biting two people a night. Two people a night. Which is like every time. So once a month, it's two people turning into werewolves. Yeah, okay. So like every year, it's 24 people. Okay, and the average lifespan. So over like, say, 60, 70 years.

But that's just one werewolf. Exactly. And each one of those people that it bites then does 24 people per year. So you're right. And each person that it bites, 24 people per year. We'd just be werewolves we would have a werewolf society that's so strange

I really like the film Contagion but if Contagion was just like a really like dry look at an outburst of werewolves yes that would be so good that would be fucking awesome that would be amazing

what's happened well one day a month it's just a half oh my god we're all fucking werewolves like our whole society would just end up revolving around

like the full moon. It'd be like, full moon's coming. Everybody get ready because obviously there's going to be rioting on the streets. Would it be everyone either bunker down, so chain yourself up? You're all werewolves. Or would it be like, no, one night a week we just cut fucking loose. It is an orgy of bloodshed. Every month the purge happens.

The werewolf purge happens every month. Because it's a thing. Fighting, yeah. You'd hate to be a farmerge happens every month. Because it's a thing. Fighting. Yeah. You'd hate to be a farmer. No, you'd want to be a farmer. No, you wouldn't. Once a month you eat all of your money.

No, but society would want that though. What? As in like you would be employing lots of people to raise sheep because you all are fucking eat, right? Yeah, I guess. Oh, I guess. Yeah. You'd have a lot of, there'd be a lot of.

The demand for livestock would go through the roof that's true but still if i'm like sick i have like you know my next shipment of sheep um that i'm sending out tomorrow oh no i'm a werewolf oh i ate my shipment yeah but dang if you were a vegan as a human but you were a werewolf yes you try... How would you go about preventing your unconscious bloodlusty self from breaking your veganistic rules? You'd have to put yourself in a jail cell. You were lined with tofu. You've got that hunger, just put yourself up with being cured.

I assume as well, if in this society, becoming a werewolf was just something that happened to everybody, we would also have facilities for people who didn't want to participate in the werewolf purge surely well we'll be like you can kick it in a cell for the night yeah everything be wicked all the doors be reinforced that kind of stuff every house would have its own inbuilt cell you know yeah just so that that's what you have a panic room yeah you'd also have your own little livestock chamber i'd imagine yeah yeah true because that's so weird to be like house has you'd also have your own little livestock chamber i'd imagine yeah true because that's so weird to be like house has you know your bathroom your bedroom your kitchen

your livestock in fact that would probably be locked so other people couldn't get it so every night the full moon's gonna happen you have like a family camping trip out the back in your sheep and you just kill them all and the next day you'd go to the luckiest farmer on the planet or in any universe and just go buy more sheep. How fun would it be to be like, all right, full moon's coming tonight. Everyone, let's go to the livestock chamber, hunker down, close the door,

there's like four sheep there. You and your family just sit there, playing cards, just waiting. Just waiting for it. Yeah, that's true. Sheep walking around you. However, are we assuming that all werewolves transform at the exact

same time because what often happens in werewolf things is like they don't transform until they see the moon or until they're hit by moon light

exactly stupid as fuck well if that's the case though that's really dangerous if you're all hunkered together because say you know your whole family's

there and one person is hit by the werewolf thing, you know, 10 minutes earlier. That's 10 minutes of them being a werewolf. Yeah, and you're just people. You would kind of want to run into that moonlight so that you could... So I was thinking it's like a time of day thing, like as in, oh, there it is, happens. No, but if it's hit by the moon, can you just stay inside?

That's true. No moonlight. Or is it going to be like fucking Pirates of the Caribbean? You stick your hand in the middle of moonlight. Get a little bit of werewolf hand, take it back. You better start believing in werewolves. You're in one. Yeah?

You're in a werewolf. Yeah, when you're fucking that werewolf. That's sweet. I was going to say something. What the fuck was it? How do werewolves work? Because if it's a time of day thing, I don't think that's going to be too much of a hassle.

Because again, look, I can take precautions. Because like Batman, always be prepared. Yeah, well, you would just learn to be prepared. And you can maybe inform a town how to be prepared about it. Do you have to bite your kids? Shit. Of course. Oh, man.

Tranquilizers. If we're again in a universe where werewolves are now the standard, because enough time has gone past, if two werewolves have a kid are they automatically werewolf is that how adorable doesn't the doesn't the end of that movie and it's a long time since i've seen that and i've tried to purge it from my memory like the twist is that the guy is a half vampire half werewolf because of his blood. Sure, yes. Because of his parentage. So he wasn't bitten by half of a wolf.

Oh. And half of a vampire. Yeah. So, yeah, I guess it's just like... He's still got, like, the two bite marks, but, like, one's a werewolf fang, one's a werewolf fang. One's, like, half a werewolf joy.

Yeah, okay. Well, I guess if you're giving birth to werewolf kids... That's actually real adorable. Like, just think about, like, you know, I love babies, but so, like, you know, the full the full moon and like a three-month-year-old turning into a wolf cub that is cute that is just adorable it's kind of cool to imagine like this this world yeah that where everybody's well spot where it's the full moon and you get these people that are like no that's like a bad part of me and they just like wear like have like a huge umbrella or shit

like to go out during the full moon they They're like, I'm not changing. They would get ripped to shreds, though. Oh, yeah. Or is that the thing? As a wolf, would you actually be attracted to a human that already has lycanthropy, even if they haven't done the transformation? Yeah, that's true. Do you know?

Because it might not smell like fresh meat. It might still smell like wolf. Yeah, that's a good point. I honestly don't know. That's a strange world to live in. It is. One thing that's always bothered me is why do we assume vampires and wolves hate each other? Yeah, I don't get that because they're not like a yin and yang type thing.

No. Like they're really quite unrelated. Well, it's like in nature, bats and wolves. You see it all the time. It's a wolf eating a bat or a bat eating a... What's this? It's like monkeys and... Snakes? Cobras?

Mongoose and cobras, that's the one. No, but it is a good question. A giant flying fox just hassling a wolf. Swooping up a bat. Because there's actually no reason, other than the fact that these are two... They're not even like two creatures that are of the same design.

It's not like a vampire becomes a bat during full moon. I suppose they just both had enough like cultural precedent that it was like the first crossover, you know? It was the alien versus predator of several decades ago. Some like serf sitting in a field being like, what if the yon vampire fought yon werewolf? And everyone was like, that's trash. Because it's parts of Dracula or the lore of Dracula where you can turn into a wolf as well.

So what the fuck? They'd be like, no, we're buds. We're bros. Wouldn't that be confusing if you're like werewolf and he becomes a Dracula and you're like, oh, okay. I don't know what's going on. Because it's also that. I thought I had a handle on the situation. Clearly not.

Weird. Le-bay. Comes at bat. You're like, aye, what the fuck is happening tonight? Where I think it think is it an underworld where it's like the werewolves started as like

bodyguards for the vampires or that definitely in true blood at some point werewolves are like bodyguards for some vampires I know they hate each other in the Hugh Jackman

Van Helsing movie but I couldn't tell you why but it just seems to be like no there's a blood feud between vamps and werewolves it just happens is it because they're both

like these monsters that can integrate into human society? Yeah. So there's like a bit of a, I don't know, like a sort of, huh? I guess. I just think it's some old like just narrative like hand trope.

Hey, all right. I was almost as good as Marewolf. I'm starting to think of like a centaur trying to integrate society. It's just real funny. Centaur's cast head on chairs. In a suit. We had an early joke in our show,

The Wizards of the Worlds, where like the main character is talking to somebody who like he found, like there's a scene in the show where he's going around like door knocking on people's doors who are like fantasy creatures, like trying to kind of like get them to fit in a little bit better because they're kind of making assholes of themselves and he goes to meet someone on the list and they just seem to be a normal person but they're like behind a fence they're like you know

like what are we going it's like oh you seem like like really normal that's that's great and then he's like i'll get you a cup of tea and he gets like higher and you realize he's a giraffe centaur and he's just like he was just going to be a full-size giraffe but where the giraffe's head would be is where the waist of the human would be so like a centaur to the giant neck that's amazing unfortunately we we cut that scene that's a shame that is a shame i don't know how top heavy it would be yeah also as the visual effects guy on the show i was like i have no idea how to do this like this is gonna be really hard um even like in a medieval society like a centaur is just not like at least a werewolf they're always archers right like in video games

centaurs are always archers and like rtss why is that why are they fucking archers they're horses yeah like why would being like oh like as a human i'm kind of good at archery but if i was half horse fuck i know i'd really nail it can you imagine how quick i'd maybe it's like they're real centered on their like fat horse body i mean to bring in history um but the mongolians like the reason why they were so fucking good and why they overtook so much of like the then known world because mongolians are centaurs yeah because well basically yeah like they were real good centaurs um no they they their horseback archery was just second to none and that's how they took out so many other places whereas real good centaurs. No, their horseback archery was just second to none, and that's how they took out so many other places. Whereas I guess centaurs already have the leg up there.

So yeah, they've already got the horse bit, so they're running around and shooting. So that's probably why they're good at archery. But it doesn't make any sense. I mean, look at them. They're not real good. They shouldn't be good at archery. There's actually nothing a centaur should be good at.

Like, you know what I mean? Except for like being like a showrunner horse that's also its own manager. So it can like... Jousting though. Jousting, oh yeah, that'd be great. Oh wait, no, no, no. Because a good point of like the whole point of jousting

is to knock off your rider. Yeah, that's true. You can't knock off a centaur. Whereas in this, it's just like you pierce good point of the whole point of jousting is to knock off your rider. Yeah, that's true. You can't knock off the centaur. Whereas in this, it's just like you pierce the torso of the centaur and it just pops off the horse. It's to the death. Yeah, it would have to be. I like to think that for every crossover animal like that,

there's the byproduct, which is the inverse, and that somewhere there is the naked waist down of a man with just a horse's front legs that just doesn't make any sense oh boy is he standing in your mind on his human legs or all trying to but they're much smaller and weaker than his like front horse legs it's so unpleasant because I

imagine I mean sure I guess if it's like the inverse because Santa's really muscular they'd be like real muscular legs but I'm just imagining like really white pasty naked legs yeah I'm picturing like you know the pinky demon from doom especially it's like visualized in doom 3 it's like there's like huge hulking beast to the front but just like a little tiny little useless legs yeah that's a real unpleasant animal and plus i'm assuming it's not sentient like because the center is like a horse isn't sentient but when you give it a human sort of

brain as a horse yeah yeah it's just like i'm like winning and kicking it's gross yeah it would be hilarious it'd be like flopping around like a fish out of water you'd be like this is real sad yeah he's walking around just taking a shit as horses do like you're like i i am out of a human butt yeah oh boy this is unpleasant yeah throw that in a river those are the things you drown in the fantasy world. Yeah, exactly. Those are like, I think a mage has just gone awry. Made one of these, throw it away.

I like though, if you saw that thing, you'd be like, I'm throwing that in the river. But that means there's a centaur about. And that's pretty cool. The inverse of that is happening somewhere. Same with a mermaid, you know? Fish top off, human legs. Which is so good because with human legs they're designed for on land but it'll drown but which one would you rather sleep with if you had to choose between like a mermaid

with an angel question and i always would choose fish like legs human top half i think i could go the same because the visual of the alternative is so visually whatever like giant fish like a giant fish head i can have a conversation with you know like making gross fish noises and flopping around and you're like yeah if it doesn't have human ears how will it hear me apologizing afterwards see but you're both going in the wrong direction right it's not about top half or bottom half left side or right side half a fish on side, half a beautiful woman on the other. Talking like this out one corner of her mouth. But there's no symmetry there.

Because I'm not picturing a half human, half humanoid fish. No. I'm picturing like a half trout. Yeah, like trout on one side, human woman on the other side. So where the human woman has her eye, the trout has its eye, which is like giant. It's sort of like on the breast. And in my mind, the fish doesn't really know what's happening. The fish side is just like...

And its eye's blinking unknowingly. It would always sort of be like half in the water, like half out. And I'm like, I guess I'm making sweet love in the shallows. And she's like, kill me. It's not a great coupling. Could you even make sweet tender love to a mermaid of either kind? Sweet awkward love to a half fish woman.

I'm not super knowledgeable of fish genitals. They lay eggs. Then you come home and you jerk off on those eggs until you spawn them. I do not want to imagine the genitals of my left side fish woman. That's a tangled mess. Can you get other aquatic animals that are half person, half that? I'm thinking a clam.

Half a clam, half a person. Is it just like a human sewn inside a clam so it's sitting down, folded up? Then it opens up and the bottom half is a shell. All it can do is a mexican wave yeah it's just loads of like man clams on the beach mexican way man clam is a great band name it is that'd be kind of gross if you were a werewolf yes living in in say living

in modern times but we're not living in a werewolf society how would you reckon it would be a hassle for you in like obviously in medieval times you go and you kill a chicken look in medieval times it's going to be a huge hassle because like it's old folksy racism they're gonna put you down because of course they are they're gonna hunt you and you're gonna die modern times though if we're aware of it if we're a werewolf of it there you go getting in on it it's good um you'd be fine no but no but i'm assuming that not everybody're a werewolf of it there you go, getting in on it it's good you'd be fine I'm assuming that not everybody is a werewolf and it's the kind of thing you've got to keep secret like we're talking

medieval werewolf rules, modern day so we're no longer in our society of everyone being a werewolf 95% of the population we're American werewolf in London modern times, you just got bitten on the English Roger Moors one foggy night. And now every full moon you're becoming a werewolf. You become Roger Moore.

Not so bad. Not so bad. Scary for Roger Moore. But to become a werewolf. He sees a bunch of them. What? What is happening? Am I a Roger werewolf?

Whoa, existential. Would it be hassle for you in like a modern day because i think it would uh because i think you can't be open in a medieval society if i'm like i'm a werewolf people are like that's okay i believe crocodiles are satan like sure you can be a werewolf fine modern day people are gonna be like no you're not i mean a lot of people still hate people for being gay like they're not going to be cool with you being a monster. Especially because gay people are harmless. Werewolves will eat you.

I don't know about gay people being harmless. There's a book I'd like you to read. It's called The Bible. A real good friend of mine, Jesus Christ. A friend of ours. I think if I knew it was coming. First month.

What happened? That was scary. I probably ate my partner and a couple of friends. I think if I knew it was coming look first month okay whoa scary what happened that was scary I probably ate my partner and a couple of friends that's just what happened it depends where I am

on that full moon in my like I for some reason I imagine at the drive-in I don't go to the drive-in but sure there we are

I also kind of have some touchstone of a werewolf in a drive-in so that must be from something I feel like that's like that kind of 1950s yeah sort of were touchstone of a werewolf and a drive-in, so that must be from something. I feel like that's like that kind of 1950s sort of werewolf. I imagine a werewolf in like a

Letterman jacket for some reason. I was also imagining me in a Letterman jacket. I don't own a Letterman jacket. What's a... It's like, you know, like that 1950s varsity football... Yeah, I was picturing like an American baseball jacket. Yeah. We're all thinking of Teen Wolf. We're all thinking of Teen Wolf.

We're all thinking of Teen Wolf. We're all thinking of Teen Wolf. We're all thinking of Teen Wolf. That's hilarious. Amazing. Okay, so we'll sweeten up our... I still don't know where the mayor's from. All right, so first month's going to be a hassle. So you haven't been killed in the first month. How many months does it take for you to notice that you're a werewolf?

That is a good fucking question Yeah, because for the first few months you're just like Why am I naked covered in blood? I just black out once a month You'd be going to the police Or at least Suggs or a hospital or something To be like, this is happening Once a month I'm blacking out and I'm covered in blood

See, I wouldn't go to the police because I'd be like I think I've been the problem You'd be like, am I like a really old, not very clever twist? Not again. Like, I'm the bad guy? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'd go to a hospital or something.

Like, what's happening? Every month, I just wake up. Coming to my... Someone's blood. See? Periods. Periods. Periods.

Yeah. There's a lot of weird associations there. Which is, werewolves should be like, how cool. Just be like, yeah, fuck it, werewolves. Yeah, it's hip to be a square wolf. Yeah, exactly. Good. What do you think your reaction would be?

Say you didn't kill anyone. You're not woken up covered in blood, but you're woken up in a room that's torn apart after a day. Yeah. Do you think you, yourself, right now, how quickly till you jump to werewolves six months i'm not very clever wow i would be like what am i doing six months we're assuming like like true reality yeah absolutely i can't be a werewolf that's absurd that's official i wouldn't even think i can't well that just wouldn't even enter my mind for a while It'd be like I've got something

That happens Where like I just get Rage Was I drinking? See I don't think I'd ever figure it out Until it really became

Probably be like Well I'm just filming this You know Cause I'm a filmmaker I mean I just set up Like a webcam Yeah also pretty practical Yeah

I'd be like What happened? I think it would take me Six months to work that out as well Right Webcam of course Oh shit I can see what's's going on i think that'd be like give me two and i'd be like i'm a werewolf i guess that's because you secretly probably believe right now that wolves exist look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't you don't believe wolves exist maybe

i'm such an idiot it would take me a long time. Because the only way I'd find out I was a werewolf is if I filmed myself. However, it would take me a long, long time to realize that when this happens, it was always at the same time of month. Same. Yeah, that's a good point. Because I'd be like, oh, this keeps happening. But just irregularly. Because I don't know what month it is now. I just need out a month.

How often are you paying attention to the full moon? Never. And they're going to be like, when did it happen? About three weeks ago. I was like, oh, that's six weeks. I would never be like, oh, it was literally... I only know full moons because I'm always on Thailand beaches, having raves, sweet raves.

Every time I have a sweet Thailand beach rave, I kill everybody. I forget about it. Thailand beach rages are the prop. Beach rage. Beach rage. Beach rage, that's the problem. I just go too hard

too quickly that must be the problem attack everyone I'm sure surely the moment you saw like claw gouges in the plaster

I would assume that something else had come in yeah I would never assume that I had metamorphosized into

did I wrestle a bear am I that good every month you're revenant I'd be telling everybody Because like what the fuck happened I don't know By month two it happened again I'd be freaking out

From that day onward I'd be filming every single night And then I'd be like I'm a werewolf I like that that's our reaction There you go Okay Of course

I was so confused No this makes sense Alright I'm a werewolf When that wolf bit me I like that that's our reaction. There you go. Okay. Of course. I was so confused. No, this makes sense. All right. I get it now. I'm just a werewolf. When that wolf bit me. Oh, actually, because that's true. Before this happens to us, we all have had an encounter where a wolf has bitten us.

Yeah, that's a good point. Like a proper wolfman werewolf as well. We're waking up being like, what the fuck? You're going to believe me when the wolfman bit me? No. No, none of that. Couldn't have been. Unlikely. Well, because actually, speaking speaking of true reality like no silliness if i was bitten by a wolf alone in like a smoky forest real which

isn't a word but it should be a path and then i told people that they would jokingly say oh but you're gonna be yeah that's true and so therefore they would put on the idea in my head like because you know that's such a that's such a classic event yeah they'd be like how did you you got bit by a wolf you didn't die surely you're gonna be yes that would put the idea into your head and then the moment when you woke up and there were gouges in the wall you'd be like ah of course no i'd be like oh my friends are putting a prank prank on me because i was bitten by a wolf and then now on this full moon they've like an elaborate and rude prank they have wrecked my house is that why werewolves don't like vampires and vice versa is because they're sort of taking out their turf like as in like that was my mo like i bite you you become a vampire i become a werewolf like no that's my thing you took my thing that's what

made me special fuck you yeah that's not like the worst explanation petty being a vampire though it's just it's so much better right because you can like fly you can control it you can just be like a normal dude it can be a mist you can be a mist if you want that's true like vampires are sexy it's like nah but whales are sexy they're kind of like primal. That Taylor Lautner. He's a hunky, hairless boy. He's a hairless boy. He's the opposite of a werewolf. He's super hairless for a little werewolf boy. It's just an odd time.

Yeah, I'm thinking about it now. Vampires and werewolves. Similarities. It's passed on through a bite. End of similarities. A werewolf turned become a wolf? vampire sometimes sometimes turns into a wolf when does a vampire turn into a wolf?

it's like one of the like in Dracula like the novel it's like he can become a creature of the night which is like bats rats and wolves so he can be a rat as well but that's neither here nor there that doesn't really help our case if i can be a bat rat or wolves like are they if they're my special abilities in a video game like i'm never hitting rat i know rats only for like puzzles where you need to like get in a small hall and you're like oh god you're like this is real boring

yeah exactly but like like i'm just trying to think if they're like could they be the same thing werewolf and vampire? Like one's just a more intense version of the other? Like a werewolf is just like a vampire That's just gone full wolf Yeah, like a vampire gets fangs And they're kind of canines Sort of like a wolf's mouth So like where the virus

Kind of fucked up and mutated a bit? Yeah, like a different strain of whatever causes werewolves Or whatever caused vampires because it's like shutting everything else off and just becoming wolves. Yeah. I guess that's our theory. Anyway.

Yeah, well, because wolf would be the lesser. Yeah. Like it would start as vampirism and wolf would be like the screw up, right? Yeah, surely. Because it's like you're not in control of it. Yeah, you're just kind of one little aspect of the vampiric thing.

Yeah. But you can be a daywalker. Oh, that's true. You can be a daywalker. That's the benefit of being a werewolf. According to Twilight, so can anyone. No, no. As long as you can deal with being glisteny.

That's a big deal for them for some reason. I've never seen a Twilight, but why is that so bad? To be glittery? It's not bad. It's just like... well, yeah, yeah. I suppose it's exposing if you're trying to be secret. If I saw a glittery lad out in the street, I'd be like, sick.

He's just going out somewhere, like, fun. I want to know why all the vampires are so ripped. Like, none of them have blood, but they're so jacked to fuck for some reason. There's not an unhealthy looking one. Which is creepy as fuck, because they're all, like, hundreds and hundreds of years old. It's like, as a nine...

If we think of like, think of an 80-year-old guy who looks young, deciding to go and fuck high school girls. It's terrifying. And then times that 80-year-old by like 10. It's so creepy. It's very strange. But he's kind of stuck mentally as a child, I guess. I think, yeah.

Like as a 17-year-old. He doesn't act like an old person. But aren't they all like wise? They're all like knowledgeable. I don't know Twilight very well. Edward actually never seems that wise. He kind of seems like an idiot a lot of the time. They all have teenage problems and shit.

I think it's funny that like the werewolf boy, hairless Taylor Lautner, he's like competing with Edward, but like he's so young comparatively is a very strange situation to be in the world of twilight yeah yeah it's almost as if they're badly thought out and terrible yeah it could be maybe maybe so i think living in a modern day world yeah if i knew i was a werewolf wouldn't be a hassle i'd be taking like horse tranquilizers clever horse tranks for you yourself drink some

of that delicious trank out like a light i could turn into a werewolf whatever he's passed out yeah right before i turn into a werewolf i'm just gonna get a bunch of raw meat and fill that with a drug so i don't have to drug myself as a human i just i just eat it as the wolf because the wolf's not gonna know yeah just in case because I don't know if I'd trust Because presumably the cellular transformation When you come from human to wolf Is sort of an all encompassing cleansing Oh that's a good point

Oh how funny would that be You take tranks And you're like you're fucked Because it's horse tranks You are completely fucked You're gone You transform to wolf Wolf's like sweet

Does his wolf business You turn back You're now back in the tranks Yeah that's true You're now back in the train future. Yeah, that's true. You're like, goddammit. And plus you wake up and your apartment's fucked anyway. Dammit.

Okay, say if you got bitten by a werewolf, only it's not a wolf. It's a werecreature of some sort. What would it be? If you have one day a month, you turn into a different animal. Is it a weredolph different animal is it a weird dolphin well i always thought where dolphin would be real funny because you'd want to be in the sea and then when you changed back you'd want to be near the land otherwise you die either way like if you're just like on the bus and the moon comes out and you're like put me in the bath put me in

the bath please put me in water i will die or if you're like miles beneath the ocean and you're like oh no no no you've got to swim up for like best case scenario you just get the bends and die slightly later like god damn this curse i like that one because that means you have to get bit by a were-dolphin you have to be like in the shallows you're like you know you're walking home like through sea world on like a late foggy night just What would that even look like? Because it'd be kind of... Like a muscly human dolphin. Yeah, it'd be a muscly dolphin.

It'd be fucking scary. That is like infinitely more scary than a werewolf. Turning around and seeing like a muscly dolphin person and you're like, I don't know what is going to happen to me. Ostrich. Where ostrich? Okay, good. Yeah.

You're not going to cause that much... You'll knock things over, but like you're not gonna cause that much you'll knock things over but like you're not gonna eat a flightless bird you're charmingly silly enough that at parties your friends can like see like oh bring bring jolly he's gonna do his like ostrich thing he's gonna put him in the full moon there he goes running around running around kicking shit yeah i can't fly off so if i suddenly like in-flight, because I was a bit like a were-eagle, the same problem is... Or even if you, like, landed and didn't fall, you could be miles away.

Like, you could be on a different continent. Like, where the fuck is this? Like a were-seagull just wake up on a boat. And then you've got to wait for a month before you can, like, go back. And even then, it's potluck. You just woke up, like, somewhere else in the world. You've just got to hope that you'll fly in the right direction.

Maybe Carmen Sandiego was a were-eagle and that's why nobody knew where the fuck she was. She moved so quickly. Um, were-tortoise. Because I'm not going to get far. That's true. I'm just going to transform. Get maybe to the other end of the room and come back.

Like a were-slug or a were-snail. No, because then someone will just stand on me. That's true. Like your human-sized slug. Oh, God. Yeah, but still, if somebody sees you, they're just going to

pour salt on you. Yeah, exactly. They'll be like, no, I'm a man. Because you've got to be kind of like cute enough that if a human saw you, they would...

You've either got to be cute or scary enough so the human wouldn't kill you. Exactly. Otter. Otter. Hang on. Let's make a clarification.

That'd be cute. When we become the were-axe, are we becoming like a werewolf like a human looking a humanoid looking version of that yeah well that snail is real fucking scary yeah

and I think people will kill me I don't know maybe but I think no matter what you do you want to be something that's real harmless doesn't have teeth see that's why like an ostrich is not too bad it's got a beak

yeah but you're like a big buff man ostrich you can have teeth if you're like a why an ostrich is not too bad. It's got a beak. Yeah, but you're like a big buff man ostrich. You can have teeth if you're like a herbivorous animal. Like any herbivorous animal. Yeah, that's true. I mean, if you're a bunny, you've got teeth, but you're just going to fucking rape Coles' carrot aisle. Yeah. Because basically whatever it is...

But animals don't have teeth. I think tortoise was the best. Yeah, it's got a little beak as well yeah they got a beak they got a snappy beak oh fuck they do they should be like a snapping turtle

one of them sick cunts they're scary already yeah yeah I'd rather be I'd rather be attacked by the wolf than like a fast humanoid like

sword mouthed turtle snapping turtle it's like a wolf will bite you and just pierce your skin that might chop your hand off and nobody wants that. No.

How about you, Michael? What do you want to be? I stupidly didn't even think of something. The tortoise is pretty good. Because you're going to be slow. Because they are herbivorous tortoises, right? Yeah, yeah. You're probably not going to attack.

You're going to want a lot of lettuce. You could just be like starfish and just know when it's going to happen and you just get in a bath. Because you can't move to get lost in the ocean. Yeah's true like at the you're gonna transform in the bath and then a day later transform back you can't uh you can't cause any harm because you're just stuck there nobody's gonna kill you if they see you in the bath yeah they're gonna be like oh you're starfish again if you're only there for a day whoever whoever sees you is going to be like, I need to deal with this tomorrow because this is too weird.

Shut the door. What happened? What happened? You were at, there was a. What? I was out yesterday. Getting away with this one. All right then.

You just wouldn't question it. I think Starfish is a good answer. I think it is. Plus, limber generation. Yeah, yeah. That's wouldn't question it. I think starfish is a good answer. I think it is. Plus, limber generation. Yeah, that's pretty sick. That's true. So, hold on. If somebody, because if you cut a starfish in half,

it sort of becomes two organisms, right? Yeah. So, if you got cut in half as your West starfish, when you transform back, are you two living humans? Because that's scary. You're two living, like, half humans. It's screaming, and then you'd have to wait until, like, a month, and then you'd have to grow a little bit more,

and then, yeah. It'd be a long process. Would you become two kids? That's gross. No, you'd become two dudes. But little dudes. No, just two... Like two perfectly miniaturized versions of yourself.

Yeah. That would immediately fight to the death of any film about cloning. Oh, yeah. I was going to say, you're going to have to kill the other one. And then you'd just be like, lone you, like little.

I don't like that. It's very traumatizing. I kind of think wolf is maybe a bit better at the end of the day. So really, a wolf, not that much of a hassle. Kind of good, comparatively, like what it could be.

Let's not overlook all the death. Like the uncontrollable, presumably like friends and family death. Yeah, but once that's happened, you know. Yeah, you can only kill your whole family once. That's true. That's only once, plus enemies. Yeah, and then you're like, whatever.

Like I've grown accustomed. I don't have, I'm not attached to anyone. And again, if you want to not kill your friends and family, just turn them into werewolves. And you have a sweet werewolf society. And then it's not really a hassle at all because it's no longer your problem, it's society's problem.

It's inevitable anyway. Well, this might be something that we've overlooked from the get-go about werewolf mythology that we may have gotten wrong. Can a werewolf turn a human into a werewolf? Because what always seems to happen, now that I think about it, is that the person who becomes a werewolf

is sort of bitten not by any werewolf, it's by like the master werewolf or like the king werewolf because then the werewolf spends the rest of the film just murdering not just like ah bite you're at lol like it just goes oh yeah it's kind of the same to get cured you got to kill the person who turned you into well yeah but i figured if you if that werewolf can turn you into well there's nothing to say that you can't turn someone else into a werewolf what's and but if he's a king werewolf. But I figured if you if that werewolf can turn you into a werewolf, there's nothing to say that you can't turn someone else into a werewolf. But if he's a king werewolf, how did he become king? And if he becomes a king werewolf, what does

that even mean? And how does he get special superpowers of turning other people into wolves? That's true. This has more questions. That's just a confusing mess. And that's why you keep them out of your town. So anyway, guys, pitching the movie, Marewolf, opening scene, how do we get

there? a person who's already a werewolf is elected mayor I think it's like what was happening like Joel's being bitten by a werewolf you are the mayor and you're like I don't want to do in this town and you're like oh yeah

well I'm gonna see about that. And you put on a little suit next time. And you have to become mayor before you become a werewolf again in order to allow yourself to stay in the village. That's a good film. It's like a good time frame, a good limit. We've got to be like

a grassroots program. I've got 28 days to really build this up. You've got to become mayor for legitimate means as well I mean, well, I'm spreading werewolf hate throughout the village Vote for me Oh yeah, I'm crotchety I'm old and I don't like these new werewolves And like

The vote for mayor is of The late afternoon of a full moon So like It's touch and go We're counting votes as I'm turning into a wolf. We're like... Straightening your tie like... The end of the movie is you're elected mayor

and the whole town who you've won over just by being a good citizen is like, Yay, the new mayor! And they're like booing you, the old mayor, because you're this like fascist. And they're all cheering and cheering and cheering and then a cloud opens up Full moon hits

And you just murder everyone Because you immediately Turn into a werewolf So it's like Turn into a werewolf Murder the ex-mayor And everyone's just Clapping and cheering on

I was imagining I think you kill All the voters And the ex-mayor Is the only one spared And he's like What? This is my house

I knew it I knew it For some reason I was imagining, like, they're like, you know, the new mayor is Joel Zammett, and everyone cheers, and as they cheer, the moon hits you. You're like, brr, turn into a werewolf, and it freeze frames, and it's like, I can't see me, love no button,

and that's just the credits roll. Like a cheer that turns into a how. Like, yeah! And freeze frames, romantic comedy movie starts credits start but then it cuts back to the film and yeah pandemonium well like you'd like you'd like the old classic 80s thing where it frees frame and like later on zamit went on to do this later on to just slaughter the townshend yeah township township and then just like cuts back slaughtering perfect credits and on that note i've been Zamet or a werewolf.

I've been Jackson and the Mayor. I've been Michael Shanks for some reason. Townsfolk. And where can we find you next and more? Well, you can see my show, The Wizards of Oz, on SBS On Demand at the moment, or you can watch it from February

on YouTube slash Tim Tim Fed in gorgeous Ultra HD 4K, or follow me on Twitter at the moment, or you can watch it from February on YouTube slash TimTimFed in gorgeous Ultra HD 4K. Or follow me on Twitter at TimTimFed. And all those will be in the show notes of this very episode. Check them out! Yeah! Ooh! Get him!

Oh, oh, oh, oh! No. I feel like with neighbors as close to you that you can't commit enough feeling a good werewolf out get drunk I gave it a go if you think this show is worth at least a dollar why not donate to our patreon account