Plumbing the Death Star - Is Gotham better than Metropolis? (Feat. Mr Sunday Movies)

Episode Date: July 27, 2015

In which our heroes scour through the Gotham Gazette, flick through the Daily Planet and start chatting to some locals to see if they’d rather live in Gotham or Metropolis. We look at each city’s rogue gallery, the likely collateral damage that would inevitably take place and the level of corruption of the local police department amongst other things. Jackson’s late for work again no matter where he goes, James would rather risk a building fall on him than live out in the boonies and Zammit just wants to buy some milk without getting mugged. It’s a gamble where no one’s the winner where we find the ideal place to settle down and raise our kids.Want to help superheroes learn about mortgages? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in interest rates. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least fourteen books about living amongst masked vigilantes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Sans Pants Radio, please don't feed the monkeys. This episode was brought to you by Charlie Roberts. Are you related to Julia Roberts? She was amazing in The Star Lord. I hope you enjoy the episode. Thank you. Hey, everybody, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like,

where would you rather live, Gotham or Metropolis? I would say, ultimately, I'd rather live in Gotham. Really? Yes. I know, it seems like the unpopular answer because you're like, Metropolis is so clean. Right? Yeah.

Sure, go on. Elaborate. Okay, so I think everybody thinks they're like, hey, a better superhero is Superman, right? Clearly, yes. Like, of the two, if you're having someone protecting you, you want it to be Superman.

He seems nicer. There is no competition. Between Superman and Batman. But imagine that you're out for Sunday dinner. Sure. you you want it to be nicer yeah there is no competition between superman and batman but imagine that you know you're out for sunday dinner uh-huh and you're walking home down a busy street mugger jumps out yep pulls the knife on you uh-huh superman doesn't give a fuck he's more worried about the comets that are coming or the aliens batman he's down on your level. You know what I mean? Well, yeah, but the thing is, for Batman to stop a mugger, Batman has to be, first off, just happens to be watching that corner that I'm getting mugged on, and it's not always going to be Crime Alley.

Gotham's just scum and villainy everywhere. So he can't just be, you know, wandering every dark alleyway. Also, I live in Gotham, so probably I'm not going to walk down a dark alleyway To begin with but let's just say I have So for Batman There's a lot of things that have to line up for Batman To be at that exact moment in time to stop that mugger And then he's got to swing down from the rafters

Or like a gargoyle statue And he can't just step in and go Hey stop he's got to like instill fear Yeah so he's got to wait for So he's got to wait for a good while whilst you're shitting your pants. That's true. So he's got to wait for a lightning strike to just illuminate his shadow on the wall

and the mugger's going to be like, oh, shit, there's Batman. Then he's going to swing down, punch the mugger in the face. I've already shat myself. And there's a lot of time in there for that mugger to stab me. At least there's a chance.

Yeah. Superman is like whatever. He might be in his fortress to stab me. At least there's a chance. Superman is like whatever. He might be in his fortress of solitude. He's like an absolute dad to your town. But I still think it would be quicker for him to get the fortress of solitude to you than the roof to you. Depending on your version. If Superman is just sitting around in Metropolis

with his superhero and like, someone's getting mugged. I wouldn't even notice I had been almost mugged. That's true. You'd be like, hey, that was great. Did something just happen? Am I okay? Why is this guy's neck broken?

Yeah, all right. Or, better yet, if Superman does nothing, I'll be like, okay, cool, mugger, here's my wallet, here's my thing. I'm just going to call the cops. Oh, yeah. Because they're not as corrupt as Gotham PD. And I guess they wouldn't necessarily kill you, would they? They shouldn't, hopefully.

Yeah, but see... Metropolis's villains aren't like, hey, we're going to, like, Joker gas you to death or throw a penguin-shaped bomb at me. That's a good point, though, because you've got to look at who's in the city, what villains. I feel like with Metropolis,

say if Superman gets in a scrap with like Brainiac or Zod, the whole city's just falling down. In terms of property damage, you want to be living in Gotham. Worst case scenario, Ace Chemicals blows up. And then it's not even your problem. Or like the Joker will like poison the water supply or whatever. And it's just like, you know,

the bloody mayor of Gotham is like, look, for the next week, you can't drink water. Joker's poisoned it again. Bottle water is the go. Do you remember the episode in the Batman 66 show where he turned everything, all the water into Jell-O? No, that's amazing. I don't know why, but I have a very distinct memory of that.

That would be a hassle living in Gotham. It would be. You're turning and you tap and it's just like... It would clog it up. It would just clog it up. Yeah, you wouldn't even know it was jelly until you went out and checked your water tank and you'd be like,

ah, I see. This is a Joker shenanigan. It seems like his thing, yeah. Also, Metropolis is more likely to be invaded by Zod or Brainiac or Doomsday. It's pretty localized. If Zod, Doomsday, Brainiac is coming to Metropolis,

eventually it's gonna come to Gotham. Yeah, but no, that's the thing. Superman will sort it out. But after, you know, like, mass destruction, Batman will sort out Joker, and I'm not gonna know about it. You know what I mean? I will see Zod's ship in the sky and be like, this is me done.

If Superman, like, fucks up, and he's like, I done bad, Brainiac won, shit, he gave me some Kryptonite and now I'm powerless. Still living in Gotham, I'm like, well, fuck. What did Batman come to do with this? Hey, Batman, can you fix that? No. I'm afraid not. Trice or Sam.

All right. He's kind of like magic Superman, so he might be able to help you out. Okay, do you have his number? No, he won't give it to me. Batman, you... Hey, Batman, if he's Magic Superman, could he magic your parents back to life? Why would you say that? So you're saying you'd rather live in Metropolis?

Because in Metropolis, you've got collateral damage, you're more likely to die. You're more likely to be squashed by a piece of concrete or something. But in Gotham, I'm more likely to be murdered. Or my family is more likely to be murdered. Yeah, it's more corrupt. But only if you... Okay, so scenario.

Okay. I want you to play out this scenario for both cities. Sure. You wake up in the morning Yep You go to work at like say an insurance firm Something whatever So I'm not like a mid-level gangster

No you're just a guy Just a guy You go home You go out to get some milk You come back home Okay Now in Metropolis Alright

How does that play out? Okay That's like you wake up in the morning And on the news they're like Clean up from Zod's invasion Sure Like the M16 is out of action. The, like, you know,

the highway to Gotham is just, it's not working. It's all covered in debris. Yeah. You go to work, your train is probably stopped by Doomsday fighting Superman on the track. You'd be like, yes, Doomsday Day.

Don't have to go in. Hey, boss, I've been Doomsday. There's a Doomsday on the track and he's like, I'm on the train too. Is that you back there? Just wave. Oh, hey, hey. I'll come to you.

We'll just get off at the next stop. I get it. Work is probably going to get interrupted by something. Surely. Comet's coming. You know? Yeah. Like that's just happened surprisingly often in bloody metropolis.

Lex Luthor is probably coming up with some wily scheme to take down Superman. Yeah, or you're going to be, like, working and your boss is going to come in and be like, hey, we've just been bought up by LexCorp and you're all fired, sorry. Turns, yeah. No, I was going to say, I feel like as well, like, you might run into, like, I don't know,

what's that guy who sucks your powers? What's his name? Oh, who? He's like a leech guy, but he's not a leech. I think, oh, no, I think I know who you mean. Yeah, like he'd just grab you and then, like, drain everything out of you and toss you aside. Yeah, exactly. Like, just like your fucking mean yeah like he'd just grab you and then like drain everything out of you and toss you aside yeah exactly like just like your city so he'd like

life force like and then you you just like get it all back in an alleyway but over like the course of two days you come out more destruction from the doomsday fight you go to parasite you go to get some milk. That place is mugged by just basic muggers. Superman doesn't do anything about it because he's got other shit to take care of. But I've seen Superman in the movies. He like gets a girl's cat from the tree and stuff.

So he does do the small stuff if he's there. So if there's a mugger trying to like steal my milk, he'll save me from that. Yeah, but is he only getting cats out of trees so that the people of Metropolis are like, Superman's a good guy. It's like a politician-y scheme. Oh, okay. Everyone's like, Superman, what a good guy getting cats out of trees.

Because surely the fire department could do that. That's true. In that specific scenario, though, the girl's like, Mum, Superman was here and he got my cat. And she's like, don't tell lies. And you hear her get slapped. Oh, God. Superman, happy to take a cat, but won't stop child abuse. my cat and she's like don't tell lies and you hear a slap and you hear her get slapped superman happy that's real everybody look at that fucking hell superman so okay maybe he'll save you and then you go home and my building has

been level yeah your belly's been level and you're like i guess i'm living in the tent city outside of town okay scenario plays out in in gotham all right so i i exit I exit my apartment in like, you know, scum city. What's the shit town? The Narrows. I leave Narrows. The moment I step out the door, I'm mugged. By Fish Mooney's crew. They're almost Gotham.

Anyway, so we go on. Fish Mooney. Fucking Fish Mooney. So I'm already like, okay, I'm down some money, so I go, damn, okay, I'm down some money. So I go, damn, all right. Go down to the local milk bar. Crime's already in process.

Maybe Robin is there punching a dude. And I'm like, hey, can I just get some milk? And then Batman's like, did you pay for that? And I'm like, yeah, look, I just got mugged. Look, I'll do an IOU. You better give him an IOU. You're like, I'll write it down. Do you have a pen?

He's like, of course I do and he gives me an IOU one milk sign Xamarin there we go thank you I leave the grocery store

someone steals my milk yep of course so I'm like fuck now I'm down like A I'm down milk and B I'm down you know

IOU milk yeah yeah you gotta pay them for money you didn't use them negative milk so now I walk back not negative milk so i'm negative i walk back to my apartment i probably get try to get like mugged again and like give me money like i've already been mugged yeah so they're gonna stab me yeah i'll stab you yeah um hopefully batman is like still in earshot so he's

like what's that stabbing i'll come for a save you um but by that time i'm already been stabbed and like thanks batman Can you patch this up? And he's like, um, my butler usually does that. I don't really, I'm not a doctor. I'm not a field drill. I'll pick you up. I know a guy. He picks me up.

Yeah. Now I'm like, no, I've got to work to fuck. So Batman has hoisted me, bleeding, over his shoulder. Now he's swung me into the Batcave. Oh, God. And there's Alfred, he stitches me up I don't want any of that and then I'm like, you're Alfred Pennyworth

he's like, yes I am young sir I'm Master Alfred Alfred Pennyworth Tangerine Michael K Michael K there you go young sir you're all patched up

you're Alfred Pennyworth you're all patched up and i'm gonna be like oh fuck you're alfred pennyworth you're bruce wayne's but oh fuck batman is bruce wayne now i know great now i'm a target thank you batman fuck then you get a text your boss is like where are you yeah like with an r instead of i't tell you Oh my god You are late Just like oh my god And then as I leave the Batcave Like the Joker or the Penguin's gonna be like watching that guy That guy, who's he?

And then I'm gonna get kidnapped Like I'm nobody I'm like who's Batman? I'm like how do you not know? Hassle Yeah And all I wanted was milk And I'm still hungry because I haven't had cereal yet

Plus Let's be honest If you're living in Gotham and something goes wrong you've got like a good 80% chance of becoming a super villain like just that's probably going to happen you know you lost your milk you're like I guess I'm a milk themed villain like I guess that's my only option because I don't have any milk and I'm mad about it

yeah I guess I am mad about it it's sort of Batman's fault milk villain here we go it's the milk man mad about it. Yeah, I guess I am mad about it. It's sort of Batman's fault. Shit. Yep. Milk villain. Here we go. It's the milk man. Yeah, the milk man is going to attack pretty much every morning so that Batman can't have his cereal and I know where he lives.

So, yeah. Look, we've created a villain! You're right. That's how that's ended up. Because Batman does create his own villains. Exactly. And Gotham, just like if you like something or dislike something a lot, chances are the whole city has a demon bat under it that makes villains. That's just how Gotham works. I was going to say, because of that demon bat,

I'm thinking Metropolis might be winning. It looks nicer when it's standing. Yeah, that's true. But it also depends on the time period. Because in some versions, Batman has Gotham under control. And he's got a team of 12 people helping him. Other times he's like, I walk alone. It depends if you've got the Bat family with you or not.

Because if you've got the Bat family, then it might be like, leave house, mugged. Oh, no, Huntress has sorted you out. You walk down to the milk bar, Robbins, you know, Red Robbins there, whatever. So I guess that's okay. It depends how dead the Joker is at that point as well. Oh, yeah. You know he's coming back, but this is the Joker-free zone. You'd be like, this is great.

This is the golden age of golf. I'm still getting stabbed, but less. Yeah. And what might also be nice is, in a weird sense, all of those villains would become a bit of a soap opera for you. A little bit. Because you're not even part of it, somebody would be like, hey, did you know the Falcons are in power again?

You're like, what? Is that because of all the Calendar Man stuff that happened in April? And they'd be like, yeah, it was. You're like, this town. Have you heard of the Emperor Penguin? Who's he? He's taken over the Penguin. Oh, my God, what a night.

To be honest, in Gotham, you're more likely to join like a crime syndicate of some kind because of employment yeah yeah like you just you got nowhere else to go i'm just okay as as like myself as say like a teacher or working in media metropolis seems like a logical choice because if i'm a teacher in in gotham i'm probably going to get either stabbed by my students yeah or the school i'm working in is going to be inevitably used as a ransom for something yeah yeah yeah you got kids with you yeah you're gonna like go down to check the boiler and there's a penguin bomb to it and you're like yeah fucking hell okay kids out penguin alarm like yeah yeah it's happening there's a specific

button to shape like a penguin like a penguin One shaped like a smile Press the penguin button, here we go But penguin and Joker and that Don't tend to kill the kids So that's always good I think your chance of death is actually super unlikely In Gotham However, the media side of things

We all know that particularly like the Joker If you're like a newsman Or anything like that He's coming for you He wants some public eye things we all know that like particularly like the joker if you're like a newsman or anything like that oh yeah he's coming for you he wants him he wants some you know public eye he loves the press yeah so that's that's a stress i'm a target yeah could you imagine like i'm a media studies teacher could you imagine trying to teach that in gotham yeah guys you don't want to do this don't the joker will kill you he's gonna be here in three, two, one. Oh, here he is. Yeah, hole in the wall. Yeah, hole in the wall.

Okay, guys, guest speaker today. The Joker. Basically on the job training. Jack Napier, apparently. No, that's not your name. Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Joker, everyone, you know him.

I know him. Come on, Joker. Have you... By the way, kids. Yeah, so this is... Look at this. This is what you're going to look forward to for the next 10 years,

if you live that long. Exactly. Just to be clear, I'm a teacher of this. I'm not an actual journalist. No camera crew here. I just teach this. I'm more of an academic. If anything, I'm keeping you busy like you're the job joker.

Exactly. I guess the thing with getting mugged in Gotham is like, well, the Bat family could help you. But if you're mugged in Metropolis, then the police can do their job. They're a better police force. Yeah, that is true. Corruption is less corrupt. I feel corrupt can be hugely low in in metropolis and it's hugely i mean it'd be like corporate corruption like lex but who gives a shit whatever that's got nothing to do with me

exactly lex is just obsessed with bringing down superman you know what fine look at that's a soap opera granted it's a soap opera with more collateral damage also like a soap opera risk of your your city being put on some weird fucking bubble and taken into space. Yeah. Super high in Metropolis. That's true. That you could wake up and you'd be like,

I guess we're in space today. Sure. Good. Do I go to work? I guess. Is this safer than normal? It seems safer. It seems okay.

Guys. All right. However, I will bring in No Man's Land, which is the one Batman story I know because I read the novelization. Goodness. Nerd. So, even that is sort of, you know,

I think it was a giant earthquake happened or something. And even the government's like, nah. We're just not going in there. Fuck Gotham. The amount of times Gotham's become like, blow up the bridges. It's our thing. We don't want to deal with it.

It's happening in those games as well. Yeah, the Arkham City. They're always walling it off. So when the American government are like, this place, fuck it off, I think that means it's bad. Yeah, you're right. Happened in the movies as well. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, you never hear like, you know, Metropolis has been walled off. Metropolis, wall that off, because no, no, you're right. Happened in the movies as well. Yeah, that's true. You never hear like, you know, Metropolis has been walled off. Metropolis, wall that off. There's no thank you. That is true. Because they're always like, it's the city of tomorrow. It's the city of the future.

You'll love it. Look how shiny it is. Okay, so those are only two cities though. Yeah, sure. Like Metropolis, Gotham. DC has something weird that I noticed. Yeah. Something weird I noticed.

I was like looking at like Metropolis and Gotham on Wikipedia, the DC wiki or whatever, and then I saw that there's heaps of different cities. There's Star City, there's Port City, I think. Coast City. Coast City. Every single superhero in the DC universe gets one city. They get a city.

It's fucking like... No, they get a city and their family get a city. Yeah. What if I was raised in Gotham and I'm like, I don't want to be part of the Bat family, but I do want to fight crime with Batman. Is it like the mob? Nightwing gets Bloodhaven, which is like an offshoot of Gotham.

Bloodhaven becomes a concentration camp. It's super hectic. It doesn't sound very nice. Bloody Robin comes back and Batman's like, you fucked up. I was going to say, did Nightwing just fuck up there? Yeah, the heaps. What happened for your beat, basically, to become a concentration?

What the hell did you do? A lot of things happened in between. Can you just imagine Batman's glare when you came back and he's like, why are you back? And you're like, I, um... Yeah, Bloodhaven's a concentration. What? I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.

Yeah, exactly, which is way worse. Oh, my God, yeah. Like, I just stopped for a sub. There we go. Did Nightwing run a circus recently? Didn't he go back to the circus? That's awesome, I hope so. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he did.

I heard something about a circus. So, okay, so I guess the question is, if you're... That's great. If you're choosing another city, not Metropolis or Gotham, what you really want to do then is choose what hero do you want to be protecting you from crime? Yep. I kind of want, where's Flash?

Is Flash in? Star City. Is he? No, he's in Star City's Arrow. Yeah. Flash is, I should know this. Not Coast City. That's Aquaman.

Coast City is, no. Coast City is Green Lantern. Where's Aquaman got? Oh, he's got some port. Bayside. Bayside. Aquaman. Coast City is, no, Coast City is Green Lantern. Who, where's Aquaman got? Oh, he's got some port. Bayside. Bayside, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which you don't want, because Aquaman's in the sea. Yeah, yeah. If you get mugged, you're going to be like...

There'd always be a tidal wave as well. Tidal wave, the Black Manor dude, those weird gross, like... Well, what I'm thinking is that if I'm mugged, like, Aquaman doesn't know. Like, at least Superman's got a skin. But I think that's a common misconception about Aquaman. Like he'll come in land. Yeah. I think old Aquaman, yes.

New Aquaman like the last. But I just feel like, yeah, the new 52 Aquaman's great. He's like fighting crime in the city and everyone's like, what the fuck are you doing? Get to the sea. There's nothing happening at the sea. There's got to be something. But surely there's so much happening like with Atlantis and stuff that he's just like never in his city. Yeah, he's pretty, he's reg sea. It's going to be something. But surely there's so much happening with Atlantis and stuff

that he's just never in his city. Yeah, he's regal. He's out there, isn't he? He's busy. He's got stuff to do. He's running an empire. Exactly. He doesn't have time to stop me getting stabbed.

Yeah. So I guess if you lived in Bayside, you just kind of accept that Aquaman's... He's there sometimes. Yeah, yeah. It's super easy to imagine all of these superheroes as dads and the city as a kid. Like, Aquaman's like their dad that he comes around sometimes.

He's got toys and presents for you. And you're, like, excited when he comes around. But you don't expect him to stay. No, you're right. Superman's like a super distant dad who you're like, oh, my God, he showed me attention. Holy shit. Superman's like your military dad

who you idolise and he's like a war hero. But he's never really there. I was going to say, you never live up to his legacy. Also that also you're like i live in a city where central city sorry flash that's i just looked it up sorry no good it's good to know because i think central city is where i'd go yeah because i think the flash can sort it out pretty quickly and he can be kind of everywhere at once yeah well that's true yeah he does and he does according to that show he stops a lot of like minor crime yeah well he doesn't have that many villains. He doesn't have a rogues gallery like Batman.

He's got some guys. Freeze gun guy. Yeah. Flame gun guy. Mr. Cold. Weather man. Reverse flash. There's a gorilla.

Reverse flash. Gorilla Grodd. Yeah, gorilla that can read minds. I want to work for that guy. I want to see that. So, like, you know, if you're in Metropolis, oh, fuck, Brainiac's destroying the city. You're in Central City, it's like, oh, there's Gorilla Grodd down in the park.

Reading everyone's minds. Everyone, hey, you got a bag of peanuts? Let's go feed him. This would be good times. Yeah, like if you replay that scenario we had at the start, that's like, you leave your house, you get on the train, you're like, oh, Gorilla Grodd's in the park. As you drive by.

Oh, is he friendly, Gorilla Grodd? No, he's a bad guy, but he's like a mastermind. So, the park drive by oh is he friendly gorilla grod no he's a bad guy but he's like a mastermind so like what a candy friendly yeah if he read my mind if you're a gorilla with like intentions of just wanting to hug a gorilla would you be like oh all right no he hates humans yeah he's from like a gorilla city and stuff yeah yeah gorilla city was one of the cities when i looked up dc. What about, this isn't a city, but Themyscira, where Wonder Woman's from. We wouldn't be welcome there. No. We would in the new comics.

Oh, that's true. The new comics of Wonder Woman have this, like, reoccurring thing where it's like, Wonder Woman, are you dumb? Because, like, in the new comics, she's not made of clay, because that's ridiculous. They're like, no, you're a demigod. Your mom and Zeus banged.

And she's like, what? And they're like, are you dumb? Did you think you were made of clay? And then there's a bit where he's like the forge guy of the gods. Ah, Mephisto. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Hephaestus? Hephaestus, sorry, you're right, you're right.

He's like... Mephisto's a He-Man character. Yeah, I was going to say, I'm like, that doesn't seem right. So isn't he like a Marvel devil? Mephisto? He is, yeah. But he's also a He-Man character. Yeah, yeah. Like a guy with a giant metal fist?

Yeah, a giant metal fist, exactly. He had that toy. But they're like in Hephaestus' forge, and there's all these guys working on the forge and stuff, and Wonder Woman tries to save them. And she's like, oh, he's chained them up. And he's like, no, no, no, these are the guys that all of the Amazonians throw in the sea.

Wonder Woman's like, I thought we were all girls. And he's like, Wonder Woman, are you dumb? Did you think you were all? That's not how people work. Wonder Woman's like, shit, I don't know shit. I don't know anything about where I live. So in the comics at the moment, there are like male Amazonians. So we could go there.

We'd be protected. We'd be the worst males there. We would be out of shape, not good at anything. We'd have to do CrossFit. It would be the worst. But Wonder Woman's fucking, she's kind of got the same problem Aquaman does. She's never there. Plus she's the god

of war now, so she's got a whole bunch of shit to deal with. She's not going to look after us. She's like the dad that is super busy with work and you're like, can we hang out? And he's like, I'll get some paperwork. Okay. That's the Wonder Woman.

I want to choose Coast City. Hell Jordan, though. When Coast City gets destroyed and he goes nuts and tries to resurrect it and he becomes like, look at all these green ghost people because of my city and goes insane. Oh, he brings everybody back. Yeah. As a ghost person?

I think so. It doesn't quite work out. I forget. All I know is he goes insane and kills all the Green Lanterns. Why do you want that, Sidney? Because I kind of... You want to be a Green Ghost. I kind of like the idea that I am involved

in my superhero psychosis. Like, I am directly involved there. But you could take, like, a face from the Joker talks and you'd be like, I'm contributing, I'm part of this. I'm part of the game! Yay! Yeah, but Batman isn't gonna go insane, whereas Hal Jordan did. Yeah.

And I kind of like to imagine my ghost being like yes! So you're like, this was shit before, because again, he was never there when he was, it was because of aliens. But now, it's okay! I'm kind of, yeah, that kid is basically like, the kid kind of died, maybe got hit by a car on the dad's okay. I'm kind of, yeah. That kid is basically like the kid kind of died, maybe got hit by a car on the dad's watch

and is kind of angry at the dad. And now he's just like, yeah, I want to see you grieve. That's a super weird city to watch. Yeah, that is. Like, yes, I want my superhero grieving because of me. And just never get past the anger phase of grief. But then when he finally snaps out of being a crazy man, you're gone.

Yeah, you just disappear. You've got a very limited life. Like me in bloody Coast City, I'm just checking out Gorilla Grodd and living a regular life. I'm like, oh no, that guy made half of the city pretty cold, but not as cold as if he'd been Mr. Freeze. So, oh, well. I guess it's not too big a deal.

What do you think the chances of being in a city and you could date a superhero, and would that be of benefit to you? Does that make sense? Like, if I date Wonder Woman, which, by the way, could never happen. No. Fix it all.

Well, yes, there's that. She would destroy me. Yeah, she'd have no time. Are you safer, though, I guess? I suppose. So, like, kind's that. She would destroy me. Yeah, she'd have no time. Are you safer, though, I guess? I suppose. So like kind of like a prison bitch? No, but if I was dating a superhero, I'd probably end up in a fridge. Like I'm the kind of guy that they would just target and I'd be like, ah, fuck.

You're going to fridge me, aren't you? Like, yep. That's the danger of dating a superhero, you know? That's why you want to be like as far away from it all as possible. Ultimately, you want to live in the country. Yeah. Not much going on there. No, mm-mm.

But the Superman, he landed in a fucking country. Oh, yeah, not Smallville. Not Smallville. Anywhere but Smallville. Anywhere but Smallville. Because, I mean, how often do you see somebody... From Alabama kind of thing? Yeah, like you don't see bloody...

I don't want to live in the country. That's not life Yeah I would rather Die in the city I'd rather be a Green ghost Than disappear forever

No you're right though It's probably the best It's probably safest Let's be honest Yeah I think dating A superhero would be The worst choice So I think

If there was like a city Like say Gotham Where there's a lot Of the Bat family And you end up say Dating Red Robin Yeah you'd be like just a target oh yeah instantly like you're right you would kind of want to not even just like not even just dating a friend yeah because he's just knowing buddies they'll get killed yeah yeah it's kind of like if you live in gotham you want to be as uninvolved as possible i think you're right gotham's the worst

choice because you're either going to die or join a gang because you don't have any other options. And you're going to get so badly beaten. Oh, just every day. The Joker's going to be like, I'm going to have no money. No savings. No. Riddler's going to be like, we're pulling a thing today. You're at Ace Chemicals.

You say you've moved from Metropolis into Gotham, so you've got money. You stored it in the bank. Someone's going to steal that. Yeah, exactly. And your bank's going to be like, sorry, we... Penguin tunneled in. His umbrella was a drill or something.

Literally nothing we can do. Sorry, you're poor now. Your account balance is zero. Everyone's account balance is zero. We're fucked. Recession? I don't know. What are we doing here?

Always in a recession? Yeah. Just like, you know, a big lever. Just shut it down. Just sorry, buddy. Sorry. Kind of what it seems like is living in Gotham is more of a constant danger. Yeah.

But living- I think that's more street level. That sounds terrifying to me. I'd rather a building just fall on me. Yeah. Yeah, to be honest. Yeah. Plus also, a building falls on me, instant death.

Joker, you know. Beats the shit out of you. He's a crowbar. That guy, there's a story recently who made a slight crack at the Joker. He goes, the reason you're like this is because you've got no friends or whatever. So the Joker then harassed this guy for years and would just, the guy changed his name and moved away. And the Joker would just show up every few years and be like, best friend what's happening and just drove this guy crazy and he'd like protect him like he wasn't trying to kill him yeah yeah it was just like harassing him for years

you don't want that to happen no you don't like if you're driving along the interstate and you see bloody joker's car there you're gonna be like oh my god don't look don't look exactly then he's gonna see you're not looking and be like like cut him off accidentally you make eye contact you. You make eye contact. You don't make eye contact. What do you do? What do you do? And it depends on him.

What kind of day he's having. Yeah. Because he might be like, I'm just going to murder you. You're like, yeah, well, you're my new best friend. You don't want either of them,

frankly. So Metropolis, your danger is that you'll probably die. Yeah. Chances are. Yep. A comet will land on it.

You go into space. Doomsday racks your birthday party. Walks A comet will land on it, you go into space, doomsday, racks your birthday party, whatever. Walks in, smashes the cake, walks out. Like,

oh, shit. That was an ice cream cake, piece of shit. In Coast City, I mean, it's not too bad. The Flash one. Yeah.

Central City. Central City. I know, but you'll probably get letters. No. You're right. Bayside Central City. Central City. I know, but you'll probably get letters. No. You're right. Bayside, whatever. Bayside, you got a chance of being dragged by fish people and being eaten.

Like, that's always a worry. It seems nice, though. You're by the beach. Yeah, Bayside seems pretty good. And whatever, like, you got the cops dealing with most of the big crimes. Yeah. Yeah, I'm thinking, yeah, Bayside. Bayside's nice. Yeah.

They normally stop those tidal waves, don't they? Well, yeah, and plus, if they happen enough, you're prepared. You've got like a tidal wave bunker. Yeah, I'm surprised everybody in Bayside doesn't live in those like stilt houses just so that like, look, when it does flood, we'll be okay. And it will. The downside of living in Bayside is that when people are like, where do you live?

You're like, Bayside, and they're like, Aquaman. Oh, yeah. And you're like, yeah, yeah. He's pretty good. And they're like, come on, mate. You're like, no, no, like he's super Bayside. And they're like Aquaman. And you're like, yeah, yeah, he's pretty good. And they're like, come on, mate. You're like, no, no, like he's super strong too. He's got a trident. They're like, yeah, but he's fucking Aquaman.

Gotham's good for the Batman kudos. Yeah, you're right. Exactly. Like Batman. And also the street cred. Like I survived Gotham. Yeah, you're right. Can you imagine being like, say, even shit,

even like your early 30s being being like i lived in gotham yeah you're right you're not dead you're like i'm not even part of a gang like what the fuck i've never left my house don't get me wrong but uh you know it's been good it's a bit okay you wouldn't leave your house though would you no why would you god why would you it's it actually sounds so awful but then if you didn't leave your house you'd end up being like a hermit-themed villain. Oh, yeah, you would. Yeah, exactly. Like, that's the thing.

If you lived in Gotham, you'd be super scared of liking anything too much. If you lived at the museum, you'd be like, man, I'm really into, like, paleontology. Oh, no. I'm going to commit paleontology crimes now. Like, stealing bones. Yeah, if I was in Gotham.

Just dresses, bam, bam, big bones. Just like, hey. That'd beam. Just dresses Bam Bam, big bones. That'd be great. If I was in Gotham, you'd be just like always on constant alert to see if your friends would be liking something too much. Oh, okay. Like, you're not really into Pokemon. No, you're not. No, you're not.

Have a break. Go outside, but not for too long. And then you become like so obsessed with stopping people from like having an obsession that you yourself would have an obsession and then you would become like an obsession based villain it's just not worth it it's just not worth that demon is just it's a hassle in the whole city like any of that i think metropolis is the best choice yeah for a quick death for a quick death like come to metropolis for a quick death. Everywhere else.

I mean, like, of the two. Ultimately, you know, Bayside, Coastal City, Star City. Fucking wherever Green Arrow is. Gorilla City? Gorilla City? That's like a jungle city, yeah. Yeah? It looks like if you got... You get killed by gorillas.

Do you see Congo? It's that. Yeah, it is. You guys are both men of media, though, right? Yeah. Metropolis would have great opportunities for that. Oh, for sure Like better than fucking Gotham

Yeah Gotham has Jack Ryder Who did radio and then became a villain Because of course he did So that's his origin is it? It genuinely is Like the amount of times I've looked it up I'm like who the hell is this Jack Ryder character?

He's called like the maniac or the creep or something Oh no Literally he just He did radio and then one day he became a villain. Like, was it a one-time thing? I don't. Like he did it once or was it? It's just. Like when they say, don't do marijuana because it will kill you that one time that you do it all the time.

He just does it one time and he's done. I genuinely can't remember. It seems to, like from memory, just one day he changes and becomes a villain. He's got like a big green hairdo. It's ridiculous. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know him. Yeah, a villain. He's got, like, a big green hairdo. It's ridiculous. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know him. Yeah, I do.

I don't know this guy at all. I'm thinking, and also, as a teacher, I'd prefer to teach in Metropolis because I know those kids have a bright future. Yeah, exactly. In Gotham, they don't. No, you're like, you're going to join gangs. Yeah. Join gangs, become a villain, or die.

If you're very lucky, your parents will be murdered and Batman will look after you until you die. That's what you hope for in Gotham. Wow. Bleak. Gotham's super bleak. I feel kind of sorry for it, but at the same time, it kind of just erases it.

Yeah, so should we just blow up the bridges of Gotham and just... Separate it from the world yet again. And, like, just no man's land it again. Yeah, and live in Metropolis and hope that a comet doesn't hit us. And just hope the comet hits Gotham. Because Batman can no man's land again. Yeah, and live in Metropolis and hope that a comet doesn't hit us. And just hope the comet hits Gotham.

Because Batman can't do shit. No. So what if we got Superman to just like pretend to save the comet but kind of just guide it into Gotham? I feel like Superman's going to have trouble killing a city. But we can try. I reckon we could get him on side. Yeah, he gave it a pretty good red hot go in Man of Steel. Yeah, that's true.

That's true. So I think it'd be like, look, this time you're doing it intentionally. Eh? Eh? And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've been James. I think, yeah, I think I'll move to Coastal City.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll move that. It's the hut in the middle of the country. It's the nothingness. It's the nothingness. Mr. Bum-Bum. Mr. Bum-Bum. Yes. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sanspantsradio.com.