Plumbing the Death Star - Is it Better to be Blipped or Not Blipped?

Episode Date: July 17, 2022

It's a question as old as time: would you rather be slopped off to heaven or have heaven slop you off? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspans Network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. And today we're asking the important questions like, is it better to be blipped or not blipped? So, in Avengers, or the MCU, more specifically Avengers and Infinity War and then Endgame,

a little thing called the blip happened. A little baby thing, maybe you've heard of it. Yeah, on a snap or in Australia, we're like, the click. Yeah, the slop. Everybody got slopped. Yeah, do you reckon it was a universal consensus, everyone calling it the blip? Because I don't think I would have called it the blip.

No, I would have called it the wham, bam, goodbye. Goodbye, man. The dusting? The great dusting? The time everyone became ash? Oh, they're back. Yeah. Just a grand tragedy.

I probably would have given it a kind of comedic nickname like the blip. Yeah. Would have been like the incident. The incident. The horror of 2017? When was it? Close. 2018?

Oh, yeah. I'm pretty sure it's 2018 and then they come back in 2023. The 2018 massacre, maybe I would have called it. Well, it's called the blip when they come back. Oh, okay. So they're not calling anything when everyone goes? A sad thing that happened. The sad thing that happened and then the blip.

It is funny because it is a sad thing that happened, but that is fixed. Yeah. But also it's kind of not fixed. Because I guess you'd call it because it's like a chunk of period of time where people were just gone. Yeah, yeah. And then they're back again. Yeah. It's just like, yeah, I don't know.

We don't have a word for that is the struggle. Yeah. We've got a TV show that's about that. The 4400? Yeah, 4400. I'd be like, oh, man, it was fucked up when the 4400 happened, but in real life. Yeah. Maybe it's like the 4400, but like billion.

Are people going to get powers? Oh, no. No, no, no. Well, what's the current number of 4,400 though? Isn't it world population? 7 billion. So 7 billion.

Oh, yeah. 3.5 billion. Oh, my God. We got 3.5 billion. What? Like the 4,400. Stop saying numbers. You're scaring me.

36. Ah! But in that situation, in the blopping or the flipping flopping, there's two things that can happen to a fella. Oh, come with the flip flop. That's all right. You can die or you can watch a friend die. Yeah.

You can disappear into nothingness for five years and come back. Where time, you don't. Some people don't even know that they got blipped or flip flopped or whatever. Yeah. Slopped off. No one knows about the great slopping. Yeah. You don't Some people don't even know That they got blipped Or flip flopped Or whatever Yeah Slopped off Yeah No one knows about The great slopping

Yeah Yeah Or you stick around And you live in a world Which for five years Is in kind of utter chaos Because half the population Is completely gone

Yeah And you think they're dead Yeah Yeah They're not coming back So Why would you ever think They're coming back

That's an insane thing To even think about. This is the hope. Yeah. Why is everyone crying? Because everybody's gone. Come on. Spider-Man got enough.

Come on. He got a deal with another movie. Spider-Man will come back. Spider-Man's dead. Spider-Man's coming back. He's coming back. You know he's coming back. He's not dead. He's coming back.

Come on. He'll be back soon, I think. Yeah. Yeah. I said, he's coming back. He'll be back soon, I think. Yeah, well, I think at the outset, obviously, it depends on who you know that got

slogged off. Yeah. Because say we were lucky enough that our loved ones and each other, we survived. We didn't get blipped. Well, obviously I'm sad for everyone else. But then the world is quieter now. That is a yappity in the back of my head. You can finally go home and sit on the couch and read a book about a man who falls off a cliff and gets caught by the balls and is hanging off the cliff face by a branch stuck on his balls for six weeks.

You're disdain for the genre of choice that I like to read. It's mysterious and palpable. But yes, it would be quieter if he lost people on the roads. He's got to cut off his balls if he wants to live. But he doesn't want to cut off his balls.

27 hours, but 7 hours of balls. I don't think you're nuts for that strong. Six weeks. He's got a degree of water that falls into his mustache Jackson gets really excited he comes into work and he's like

you're not gonna believe this book I'm reading he had ants crawl on his legs they had to suck learn how to contort himself shit into his hands and then use that shit

to attract the bird and then he'd eat the bird's head you're like Jackson who cares somehow that's boring to me. Did he die?

No, he lived. It's a pretty amazing story. I couldn't give a lot of a shit. This is a really beautiful, heartbreaking story. The human spirit and perseverance. I couldn't give a shit and I wish you'd stop talking to me.

Is there a movie about it? No, I don't care. And then it's followed up with, oh, I should go. It'd be so great to be in the wilderness. I'm like, Jackson, stop fetishizing survival stories. That's even more fucked up

than me not caring about them. No, but I reckon it'd be all right. It would be good to cut off your hand onto a rock, yeah. Anyway, so while you're doing that, finally at peace, I've been blipped, I guess, for you to finally be able to do that. I'm allowed to read books I like. That's a nice benefit of Dushy getting blipped.

I'm bullied less. Yeah, I guess because I think I'd like to be, yeah, the one that was slopped off. Yeah, fair. For me, it's like, I don't know. And you're five years younger. For you, it was the worst five was slopped off. Yeah, fair. For me, it's like, I don't know. And you're five years younger. For you, it was the worst five years of your life. For me, it was just Tuesday, but also nothing.

For me, it was Tuesday at 3.20 p.m. And then it was Tuesday again, I think. Maybe. I thought it was Tuesday, 3.21pm, but it turns out it was not. It was five years later. What's cool about being blipped is, like, are you legally dead now? I don't know. Does that mean any debts you have, anything like that is wiped square?

Because they're like, well, you died. You know what I mean? Well, I think if the hospital population, like, got blipped off, I think the economy would have done something. I think things are so far fucked that the things that happened, like your debts you accumulated and all that kind of stuff, is sort of another thing. Five years is such a funny period of time too because it's probably just enough time for the world to start recovering. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So when you come back, you've done more problems, because then suddenly, like, you know, your mobile phone that you were using, they've reused the number. Imagine you passed your- Oh, God, immediate housing crisis. Immediately. You know, your loved ones have moved on

and have a new partner, and you're like, oh, what about- Your husband. Oh, okay. I understand it's been five years for you, but for me, it's literally been a minute. So as you can understand, it is quite a shock.

I am getting full-on heartbroken right now in front of you. This happened in a second. Do you want to get back together? Well, I've had a better life with this person over the last five years. Yeah, but the life before that... Five years? I moved on very quickly.

Yeah, about 20 to 25 minutes after the mockening or whatever. Oh, shit. Is that what they're calling it? No. If you pass your debt on to your next of kin, which is a thing that happens,

then when you come back, you're like, you keep it. Well, you become their next of kin, you know, which is a thing that happens. Then when you come back, you're like, you keep it. Well, you become their next of kin. Oh, shit. Is that a thing that does happen?

Like you can't, I thought you can't pass on that. Maybe not anymore. I thought, I mean, there are some like vulture companies that do do that. I think maybe that some like legislation

was like, what if instead we give, yeah, we could do that. And I'm feeling, I could be wrong as shit. Look. But I hope I'm not.

But I could be very wrong. But I hope that I'm very much not. But it was maybe some legislation that was like, what if we did that? And I'm really hoping people went, please, no, that's fucked up. Don't do that. Don't do that at all. It might also mean it's not a thing in Australia. We might be okay.

We might be fucked in America. It wouldn't shock me, but we might be okay. I feel you can't pass on debt. You can pass on inheritance. I thought you could pass on that. You shouldn't be able to pass on that. I think there's stuff where, for example, if you're old enough

to buy a house, you can then have a guarantor. If you're, say, 70, and you're like, well, I'm going to get a 30-year loan, and they're like, well, no. But you can, maybe, is that something? What does douche want? When a person dies, the executor of their estate is responsible

for paying off any outstanding debts using assets left behind by the deceased. So they repossess all of your stuff to pay off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if that doesn't equal what happens then. I mean, I guess if I'm like, I got a house, but I got a debt, and they think I'm dead, and so they're like, okay, well, sell the house. They just repossess your house.

And then that hopefully pays off that debt. Yeah, yeah. And then my next of kin will get the remainder. You would hope so. Unless your debt is in a joint name with someone, and then they just get 100% of the debt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100% of the debt?

That sucks. So if you're married, of the debt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100% of the debt? That sucks. So if you're married, you're married? No, that makes sense because if you're married and you're like, you both have, say, a mortgage together

and you owe the bank like 600k, you cock it and while your partner is still left with that 600k debt, but you would have your super in Australia

and you have like a, generally, if you have like a death insurance. Life insurance, maybe. Yeah. So you would then be able to use that to pay off that, which means. Whoa, life insurance is an interesting one, because they would have paid out a lot of money for life insurance

if you come back. So you'd have to owe the insurance company. You might be in heaps of debt. That's so funny. They're like, you're in debt. Why? Because you died. No, I didn't

god I'm standing right here well it depends because if you died and then you're I think a payout for an accident for like a death

like that I think it's like $250,000 it depends it depends on your insurance so for example if you had like $250,000

or they say you have like a house and it's like $600,000 and then your like your death gives your next of kin or your spouse that 500k for a good death insurance.

That gets like, you know, great. I then put that on the house that I don't own as much or don't owe the bank as much to make it going. So then it's kind of like, yeah, you come back. You're like, well. Well, the bad news is you're not married anymore and you don't have that house. Well, yeah, my wife has that house. Yeah.

And she used it to pay... But that wife is no longer your wife. Yeah, but imagine you come back and get immediately hit by a truck. And your insurance company's like, he's back. Fuck, he's gone. Well, the thing is, you get... Can't pay life insurance twice.

No way. You get slopped off at the moment when it happens, right? But then when you get slopped back, it was like, it has to be at the exact moment you got slopped off. Yeah, but- So if you were about to get hit by a truck, the moment you got dusted, and then you come back, and you're like, what the hell? And then you get hit by a truck.

No, I think with Hulk's click- The truck would have moved. I think Hulk was like, I'm going to do then you get by a truck. No, I think with Hulk's click... I think Hulk was like, I'm going to do it so it's safe. There's like people in planes and stuff. Nobody slonked back off into the sky or whatever. No one got slurped off into the sun. But show those people that died not due

to getting slogged off, but just due to the slogging off happening. I.e. people in a plane. But I think he was like, I think someone maybe Kevin Feige was like, no, no, no, no,ging off happening, i.e. people in a plane. And so then you've got like- But I think he was like, I think that someone, maybe Kevin Feige was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've heard the podcast

Pom in the Death Star. I've seen it every fucking day. And I know that you fucking, three fucking cunts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I have a lot to say about fucking- They love to run their flippin' mouth. I wish they got blipped

because then I would have gotten like a fucking five years apiece. I could have made my fucking 35 movies over five years. We're about to listen to their dog shit. Jesus Christ. Imagine we get blipped. We come back. It's been five years later.

We're going to do so many episodes of our other podcast, Baseless Speculation, to catch fucking up. Five years of no Marvel movies. Oh, my God. Base reaction to dying. Yeah, it was tight. For me, it felt like no time had passed, but now I've got no wife. Yeah, yeah.

But yeah. I think selfishness is like, I think I prefer to be blipped off because then I don't have to deal with grief. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, immediately. However, when I come back, depending how much has changed, then I've got to deal with a lot of grief very quickly. You're telling me that both my parents have died in the last five years and my wife has moved.

And she shot the dog. And she shot the dog. And, like, you know, the cats that I got, you're so big. No. They don't know who you are anymore. Yeah, you're a stranger. You kiss at me. And you're not even in the house anymore anyway

Because you don't have a wife Oh yeah She remarried I think I'd like to stick around Yeah, I'm thinking stick around too Yeah A lot of it depends on Better life experience

If I stick around and say yeah If I'm hiring If I'm looking to hire someone for a job And I see on their resume that they got slurped versus a non-slurped, I'm going the non-slurped. They're tougher, more resilient. They've lived longer.

You lived a whole extra five years. Also, if I'm back in my head, I'm like, what if it happens again? The people who got slurped off, they're going to get slurped off again. I feel it will happen to them more than it will happen to me. If I don't get slurped, I'm immune to get slurped off. They're going to get slurped off again. Like, I mean, I don't know. It just keeps happening. I feel it will happen to them more than it will happen to me. If I don't get slurped, I'm like, I'm immune to being slurped. Yeah.

Although I will probably get some kind of, no, actually, I guess it's a reverse of a complex. I'll be like, oh, all of my friends got slunked off to heaven. Yeah. They were chosen. I have been left behind. Like that Christian film left behind. Yeah.

What if one of those Christian, I forget which domination of it, but they're like, yeah, this is the rapture. Well, I mean, presumably people thought that would be right. Everybody got slonged off to heaven. We are. Well, it makes sense because, yeah,

that sweet, innocent Spider-Man definitely made it to heaven. That garbage Tony Stark. Yeah, he's still around. Bullshit. Yeah, I guess I'm one of the sinners. Can we rename Earth to Dogshit Haven? It's where dog shit goes to feel safe.

It's a haven for dog shit. Dear aliens, welcome to dog shit Haven. If you've got some dog shit that needs to feel comfortable and protected, send it down here, apparently. We're full of dog shit. Everybody that was not dog shit got slopped off to the fucking holy land.

Yeah, because I'm not a religious person, but I reckon that would just be the first... I'd be like... And then a magical escape movie was right. But that would just be the first. I'd be like. Oh, my God. And then a magical-as-a-cage movie was right. But then if you change the whole trajectory of your life and when everybody blumps back five years later. Well, I think because, like, everyone got derped off to heaven or whatever. Yeah.

Like, you would find out within the five years that it was a result of a Thanos attack. Yeah. Because people know too much for it to just be totally unreported. Yeah, true, true. At what point are you throwing your priest vestments in the bin? Being like, it was a lie! Like the front cover of Spider-Man, Spider-Man no more.

Jolder shop, priest man no more. Church no more. That's ridiculous. Like four years in, you're reading Thanos did. Thanos! That's not the biblical gospel! If that happened to you Really quickly

Everyone got blipped You're like I need to find a fucking church They don't even say They don't even say what it is I think realistically If that happens though I'm like

Well there's no point Going to church Because I've already I've fucked it Yeah actually you're right Oh shit If I think the rapture Has happened

You have no idea How much I'm gonna sin There will not be A hog nor a hole man no more. If I think the raptures happen, you have no idea how much I'm going to sin. There will not be a hog nor a hall that will remain unslurped. As I'm unzipping my pants and putting them around my ankles, I guess all bets are off. I got some... I'm going to go

see a man about a hall and his hog. I'm going to see a man about some, yeah, indecency I need to do. And five years later, everyone comes back and I'm like, oh. I've lost all personality traits except eating ass. I am too far gone. Hello, my beautiful wife.

Welcome back. I understand you've been gone for what appears to you maybe a minute. But for me, it's been five very long and interesting and sexually exploring years i have become sort of less than human more like a sex imp in your yeah yeah um yeah you know that you ever watch like say the kinsey uh movie star liam neeson where he was like i'm gonna try and see on and see on the scale of sexuality where I fall. I did that hard. Yeah, I think I broke the barrier.

I don't know what barrier. You know how they broke the sound barrier with the Concorde plane? I did that, but with the boar tree. Honey, you seem exactly the same to me. No, I'm not. What are you saying? Yeah, I kind of wanted to do like a Marquis de Sade kind of situation.

I've been in something I've been calling the horny castle for the last five years. Sort of a palace of filth. Welcome to my sex castle. We are in the dog shit haven. We changed Earth's name to dog shit haven a while back.

Because it's where dog shit feels safe. And this is the sex paradise. Yeah, I live in a sort of sex paradise. But on the outside, I look this way. Inside, different guy. So unfortunately there were, or maybe not, look, fortunately for me, there were a lot of people that remained behind that kind of adhered to my beliefs, shall we say. And we sort of form this fuck compound.

I sort of run a cult now, I guess. A lot of people coming back discovering their husbands and wives are mine. It turns out when half the population goes, a lot of the rules go, polygamy, well, it's good for me. That's our slogan. Polyg well, it's good for me. That's our slogan. Polygamy, it's good for me. I know me and me don't technically rhyme, or it's like a half rhyme, but the point is important enough

that we've done it in our slogan. We had a lot of meetings, a lot of debate about that. That was the only one thing we couldn't agree on. Between slurping off, we had a discussion. How was heaven, honey? Still misunderstanding. How was heaven? You? Misunderstanding still. You're back, I see. You got unraptured. Did you see it? Can you see

it in heaven? That's crazy. I didn't know that. That's a lot of people. Seems crowded. More crowded than it was before. A little less space before. Hold on. Oh, no. I don't think modern society is ready for me. I think I might need to go into hiding.

Yeah. Until the second Roman Empire or something. I need, call me the new Caligula. Yeah. When they got you out of heaven, was that a time machine? Because if so, can I borrow it? Can I get slopped off? Can I go for five years?

Yeah. To the old Roman times. Can I go there? Did you go somewhere? You know, Dushan became a priest. He'd be a very biased bear. He didn't want to come to these parties. He didn't want to come to Horny Castle.

Fair enough, I guess, now that I think about it. I like to imagine that I'm a priest for about six weeks. And then, like, I just missed the first step of Fornicastle, so I'm like, too far gone. Too much for me. Yeah, you've got to get in at the beginning, otherwise it's just a wall of arse. Just a wall of gaped arse.

It's like a frog in a pod where you turn it up a heat, you know? You've come in, oh, it's boiling hot, and you're like, no, it's quite comfortable in the... This is like a boring Tuesday for us. Yeah. All right, everyone. Stand on top... Lie on top of each other.

Use a drill. Everyone gape. Three, two, one. I walk in, I'm like, what is that smell? Oh, my God. Hey, man, how cool is, well, whatever this is? House of being a priest or whatever? Oh yeah, I found out that it was Thanos

and not God, so I don't care anymore. I'm actually priest no more. Just casually like sucking on a dildo like a lollipop. That's cool, man. That's sick. Jackson, could you not do that while I'm talking to you? Do what? Do what?

Sorry, I'm practicing for tonight. We've got a big party. Every night's a big party. Ah, man, the back of my laptop is naked and disgusting. Everywhere I go, I see people look and give it stares of discomfort and shame. If only there was a way of making it pure and right in the eyes of God.

Oh, shit. Yes, there is. Sandspantsradio.com slash shop and cover it in far too many stickers. Now no one will question my morals or my faith in the heavenly creator, for I have covered up my laptop's gross dirty bits. Thank you, SandsPantsRadio.com slash shop

for this wondrous gift. Jackson, you're too far gone. Yeah, I'm hearing that. Yeah, I felt that pretty much within the first 30 to 40 minutes. Jackson, you're too far gone. Yeah, I'm hearing that. Yeah, I felt that pretty much within the first 30 to 40 minutes of the slops slipping in. The slops slipping in. So it's maybe bad if I stick around. I don't think I should stick around.

I should get slopped off. Yeah. I should get flapped off to heaven, I think. Yeah. Yeah, I guess it really just depends, like, who, if your loved ones and you're like, if you're, say, a Hawkeye. Yeah. And all your loved ones also, then, like, you know, they get slapped off, but you're slapped behind. Yeah, like, there's, like, a lot of depression there.

Absolutely. You're very lonely. Yeah. Very lonely. So maybe, like, if that happened to me, maybe I do try and fight the Yakuza. I don't know how well I'd go. You're no Hawkeye, which is a cruel thing to say to a friend. Wife and your cats

come back and be like, where's my husband? Oh, slayed by the Yakuza. How long in? Oh. He went to that queen. Ten days.

But look at his credit card statement. He bought a samurai sword on the same day. Samurai sword. Tattoo parlor. Snake tattoo. Yeah. He had a big first day.

How does one begin when they're going to take down the Yakuza? What's step one? Well, what's step three after getting the tattoo and samurai sword? Japan's probably a good get to Japan. That's step three? Step four? I guess. Ask around.

You don't want to be The guy asking for The U.S.A. He works for SHIELD Yeah that's true So I guess he would have Files You work for SPR Media

Yeah we don't have Files on the U.K. Hey listeners Joel Zahman here Another little Podcast We're just doing A listener submitted

Questions But we're only taking Questions to Sam Pomendio About the Yakuza And where they are And what they're weak to Where they are and what they're weak to Nah you're too coherent

There's gonna be a lot of tears And a gulping between air Hey another solo broadcast My good friend's cat's wife They're all gone And there's gonna be questions I just think it's wife, they're all gone. And if you've got any questions, I just think it's unfair that they are gone.

I think one makes sense. And it's unfair that they're gone. And the accuser are alive. So if anyone's got any tips, just email us in. Somebody catching the train

to one of those Captain America group meetings taking out their headphones, being like, it used to be funny. Yeah, I know where the Yakuza are at. I'll just send them a text. I'll send them a bus. Japan.

God damn it, I know. Japan. Who are they? That's good. That was not going to go there. Tearing up a ticket to Italy. I thought Yakuza sounded like an Italian word. Yakuza!

Yakuza! You know, like, Yakuza. Where's the Yakuza? I thought that was it. Then I was wrong. Yeah, guys, welcome back to the episode. Turns out I didn't know shit. I thought the Yakuza, they were from, were from like I texted it was called Yakuza

and it was from Italy thank you I did my own they're bad guys I might have bitten off more than I can chew

but I put it out there so I'm gonna commit yeah I made a promise to start up the Patreon again and that was one of the

strange girls alright we'll do our best. Me and Adam, I guess he was very enthusiastic about getting a sword. Yeah. Lesson,

and I said it was a samurai sword. He bought his own broadsword. Do you think if we, say all of us got blipped, when we came back, would we keep doing plumbings? No. I just think that- Yes. I think that's funny for people that have been say all of us got blipped yeah when we came back would we keep doing plumbings no I just think

yes I think that's funny for people that have been out of time for five years to continue to do their same job in the media

five year break where people have forgotten we exist we come back in hey welcome back sorry for the break hey welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Nest

we're asking porn questions like what's Spiderman up to these days? What's he been doing? I was looking up some Sony emails. What's changed? It's weird, like PTSD every time we see the date. Everyone's got to send it back to like, you know, like 2018.

Okay, we're safe. I sure, because it'd be like in Captain America when he comes back from being frozen in time. So much time has passed. Like, yeah, give me a bunker for 2018. Maybe just like a month a day. Yeah. Just to catch us up. Just to catch us up.

I think, though, that like five years wouldn't really make... Obviously, personal relationships makes a big difference. But five years, like the way the world looks, probably wouldn't be that much different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, five years of a hellscape. Yeah, it's been five grim years. That's the difference.

Well, it's probably been like three grim years and two good years. Yeah, that's true. But you're about to have another grim one. Because I'd assume... Because I was like, Tony Stark and, say, Hulk, or at least Banner, smart people that would hopefully look at this as like, what is the problem? We kind of did. Yeah.

And maybe we're trying to do something to kind of help the world come to terms with this. But we see in the MCU TV series that, no, they didn't do anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People just expected to go back to- People were just angry. Yeah, regular life. People were like, fuck yeah, Thanos was right. I don't win. Global warming would slow down and then speed up big.

I like what happened in 2020. Yeah. All right. Also, with Sam Wilson, when he tries to go for a loan at the bank, the bank is like, well, no, you can't get a loan. That's right. Because you've been disappeared for five years, which means banks are still operating.

It shocks me that there's a lot of things that were still operating after the initials. Oh, banks, you could drop a bomb on a bank. Banks are the cockroaches of institutions. Because it just seems like there'd be so many things that just wouldn't happen, at least for a good while. Yeah. And yeah, I would have imagined, like, the five years, things would

still be pretty dire, but apparently everything would just kind of carry on. Depends on who gets blipped. That's true. But we're legally dead if we get blipped, right? Yes. I don't know. There's a memorial for everyone. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is crazy. That's 3.5 billion names. Yeah, that's a lot of names. Is there a tombstone for me somewhere? No. Can I go visit my own grave? Why didn't they give me a tombstone?

Maybe. No. Again, your loved ones, if they're around, they might have. Oh, okay. Would you guys put a tombstone? If I die, would you make a tombstone for me? Of course I would.

Thank you, Zammett. You don't have to. Zammett's doing it I'd take a piss on a tree and be like That was in memory of Jackson I guess it would be like The people we lost as opposed to every individual name When you're dealing with that many Large scale number

How do you verify Yeah I don't know And if you were wanting to get off the grid, you could fake your own blipping. Absolutely. You could be like, yeah, I was blipped. And then when everyone comes back, he's coming back. He doesn't come back. Hang on.

Piece of shit. He just wanted to disappear. You're like, damn it, where are you being? I thought you were blipped. Yeah, I just wanted some alone time. I needed a five year break. Look, no one was more surprised than me that people came back. I honestly wasn't thinking that that was the eventuality.

Imagine if this got free. It would also be funny for people to come back. Yeah. And then you've gone into hiding for five years and you hear that people are coming back. So you come back. You're like, why does everyone else look the same but you look older? Don't know. You definitely look like you aged five years.

No one else does. I got sucked or slurped off or whatever we're calling it. My slurping was just harder. I just got slurped off harder. I experienced some kind of, I'd make a lie, a slurp hole. I was in a slurp hole. I was on an alien planet. Maybe it was red.

I don't know. It was weird. Yeah, it was just I experienced like a living dream for five years. Spider-Man was there. Yeah, for sure. Just throwing in

so many tears. Spider-Man was there, but there was a But you had fangs. You had fangs. Spider-Man was a vampire? Yeah, I think it was a weird

it was a hazy dream. Sort of like a vampire. It was energy shields are sort of safe. If you did that, and then people were like, this is the only person, for 3.5 billion people,

this is the only person that, first off, aged, and secondly, had a vivid memory, or at least a dream, you would get questioned, right? Oh yeah,

you're getting picked up by S.H.I.E.L.D. and studied. I like the idea as well of going into hiding, but after two years you get bored, and you're like, I came back earlier. I got free from heaven. And everybody else comes back, you're like, oh, they were in heaven.

Of course. And then heaven did a mass dump, I guess. Back to dog shit haven for you. Didn't you get blipped? No, I didn't. I've been here the whole time. Did you not see me? We didn't even check.

Nobody ever called, so my friends hated me, and that's why I didn't contact you guys. Not knowing that your friends got blipped and just getting upset thinking that they just don't want to talk to you. All my friends have blocked me. I'm messaging all my friends, and there's just nothing in the group chat. No one's even looking at the fucking thing.

I hate my friends. I bet they've got a dope group chat without me in it. Imagine getting your phone, like the five-year catch-up of group chat. Oh, no. Throw your phone out. Because again, banks are apparently around. And again, you've got like, oh yeah, you were like

fucked off for five years. Would you still have accrued, say, if you had a bank positive, would you have accrued interest? Probably. Yeah, probably a little bit. Unless they've used it. It depends what assets you own, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And if you, yeah, good point. Because if you own assets, that money's gone. Oh, yeah, you're legally dead. I forgot. Fuck. Oh, yeah, I don't think your bank account attributed to a legally dead guy would accrue You get no money, no house, no wife, no nothing. Yeah, what in the,

what the hell? Like, just the bureaucracy around coming back. It's gotta be a nightmare. You gotta prove, because not only do you have nothing, if you wanna get it back, you have to prove you're you and alive. Honey, it's me, I'm alive!

I've never seen you before in my life. Aww! So cruel! I've only seen you before in my life. So cruel. I've only been back for a minute. You're already denying my existence. But, like, how do you prove you're you? I mean, I guess you can be, like, photos. Yeah, this is my ID, my social security number, my passport.

Yeah, yeah. Unless, you know, your loved ones threw it out. It seems like they're trying to get rid of you. But I guess why would you keep it yeah I know if you're like if

one of your relatives dies or a loved one dies or something you're not like gotta make sure the fucking social security numbers kept safe

yeah yeah yeah I mean like you probably would for like your immediate loved ones yeah like a passport though maybe it's got a picture

on it I think who could be bothered throwing it out I think like memento wise immediate loved ones. Like a passport, though? Maybe it's got a picture on it. Who could be bothered throwing it out? Memento-wise, this is like, every card that's got a photo of a person on it. Maybe a passport. We travelled together.

Before she disappeared and ghosted me. What the hell? We were there, we were watching a cooking show on Netflix and I looked over and she's dust. what the hell? We were sitting, we were there, we were watching like a cooking show on Netflix and I looked over and she's dust. What the hell? She just left. She just left. What the hell? Didn't even get a divorce, just left.

She disappeared and took one of the cats. So you're just saying that through the empty spot on the couch. What the hell? What the hell? Where's my wife gone? Where's my wife and my one cat? What the hell? What the hell? Where's my wife gone? Where's my wife and my one cat? What the hell?

I'm divorced now, bitch. I guess I am. I don't know. Maybe she's just going to the bathroom. Yeah, I'll wait a bit. Are the cats just covered in dust? Where did this dust come from? What the hell? I got a vacuum now and I'm divorced. What the hell?

Actually, imagine same scenario, but I'd fallen asleep on the couch. I wake up. Yeah, where's my wife and one cat? What the hell? I had two cats and a wife. Now I've only got one cat and nothing. Had a lot of dust in my house. Oh, don't get the vacuum.

Like a dusty house. Accidentally vacuum up my wife and cat, not realizing. Do you need that for them to come back? I don't get the vacuum. Dusty house. Accidentally vacuum up my wife and cat, not realizing. Do you need that for them to come back? I don't know. Well, I don't know they're coming back. Yeah, you think they've gone for good. Then you hear people got blipped and you're like, don't connect it to your wife at all. I can't believe this has happened.

3.5 billion people blipped and my wife and my one cat have left. What the hell? I would love to talk to my wife about all the people missing but she's gone. I need to file a missing person report and missing cat. Sir, sir, do you know what's going on? Yeah, I know. It's unrelated

I think. Sir. This is unrelated. What happened? Well, I was asleep. Covered in dust for some fucking reason. I don't know. She left the door open when she left. We don't even have a chimney for this to work. What the hell?

What the hell is happening? I vacuumed it. I pulled up by the vacuum slammer there. This is covered in dust. Why did you bring that in? I don't know. Maybe some crook came and left dust and took my wife and cat. I'm freaking out.

Okay, what the hell? Sir, can you sit down? I've got some bad news for you. What? Oh, she divorced me? No. Everybody's been what we're calling slopped off.

What does that even mean? What the hell? You're telling me that my wife slopped off another man? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Too late. You're off again. I'd like to think that

how dare you besmirch her good night? Oh, my God. Yeah, she's divorced you. Whatever. Get out of the way. She's divorced? What the hell? My cat divorced me, too?

What the hell? What the hell? I like to think I'd just be like... I'd start to believe that I never had the people that got blipped. I think there were only 3.5 million people on Earth anyway. All these pictures of you and other people? I don't know these guys. That's a weird figure.

Who the fuck is this? I think it was just me. I thought to read this book about this man's balls on a tree or whatever. I think probably the last star was always just me and Joel Dush from memory. I don't think there was a third guy. That doesn't make sense at all.

There's got to be that house that belongs to no one. It's a studio. Yeah. It doesn't have to belong to anyone. It's where I work.

It's where I work. There's one cat and no one there. Who owns it? I think it's a cat's house. Stinky. I won't investigate. I've never just thought to open that sliding door.

I like that you're not ever telling me the truth. You're just letting me live in that delusion. Yeah, man. I don't know, man. Whatever. Turn to an app or whatever. Our listenership's down. Our listenership halved.

I wonder why. I think that's always how many people we had listening. Yeah. Payroll has stopped. You notice you've not been paid? Yeah, I didn't notice that. That's weird. We'll figure it out.

It'll solve itself. So yeah, I think it really depends on the circumstance of who else is getting blipped. From a personal perspective, like a selfish thing, I hope I get blipped because then it's like, you don't deal with that five years of grief. But then when you come back, yeah, there's a lot of catch up. I think it's way better to not be blipped because if you're blipped, you literally are living your normal life and then one second later you're in hell.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where, like, people don't, like, you don't know what the fuck's going on. But if you're not flipped, you have five years of adjusting. Yeah. And that sucks. But then you get the sweet reward of your loved one's return. I think that is, yeah, I think dealing with the five years, even though it is terrible, is much easier for your brain to comprehend. Yeah.

Yeah, but the excitement of, like, catching up of, like, five years of comprehend. Yeah, but the excitement of catching up of five years of things. Yeah, but it's also a lot of bad things. Oh, yeah, it's not good. It's chaotic. Yeah, you've got no wife. Your cats are old and don't know who you are. Your job fell through,

but you've got seven movies you want to see that are all out at the same time. Finally got enough they're going to keep up with that Fantastic Beasts trilogy or whatever. Maybe they made four and five. Avatar 3 and 4. Only Avatar. That's good.

That's nice. What do you mean they cancelled Fantastic Beasts after the film? What do you mean? It is dog shit and no one cared about it. None of the movies have been good. What? Were you over in the first one? I was also dog shit?

Oh. Surely it wasn't that dog shit. Oh. At least Avatar 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6. Oh, they were good. Don't worry. They were good. I'm watching them.

They kept me going. Okay, so like video games, for instance. In 2018, you're just playing Red Dead Redemption 2. You get back and then what, Breath of the Wild 2 is out? You get back and, oh look, Red Dead Redemption Online is still going. Oh, cool. No updates.

Also, you're kind of imagining that, yeah, the video game industry or the movie industry or the film industry keeps going. I just don't think a lot of things keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just don't think a lot of things keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just don't think a lot of things keep going. Payday 3's coming out? Oh, that's exciting.

I played Payday 2 a couple of years ago and now the third one. Wow. I think it is probably much better to stay behind. Yeah, it's better to be left behind than sucked off by God and then spat back out into a world you

don't even recognize anymore. Yeah, I think you're right. So at least I'm not legally dead. Yeah, legally it's easier. That seems annoying to sort out. Yeah. I don't like dealing with paperwork. It seems like a lot of paperwork to prove you're real. Yeah, no, thank you. Yeah, we'll stick around.

Fuck getting slopped off. Yeah, fuck getting slopped off. This is the first time I've said, slopped off? No, thank you. Yeah, no, no, no,. Fuck getting slopped off. Yeah, fuck getting slopped off. This is the first time I've said, slopped off? No, thank you. Yeah, no, no, no, no. We're getting slopped on. Yeah, slop me on, please. Slop me on.

And I want to remember the rare occasion when it's all unanimously that we just want to be all slopped on. Yeah, we want to be slopped off. Isn't the option between slopped on, slopped off?

Vote slopped on. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. We hope you too were slopped on. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. We hope you too were slopped on. Yeah, I hope you too, yeah. Unless you want to be slopped off, in which case, crazy answer, but whatever, we respect it. More power to you. Enjoy

that fucked up world. Dog shit haven is where the shit's feel safe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. it's at. Where the shits feel safe.