Plumbing the Death Star - Is the Protagonist of the Song One Week by Bare Naked Ladies Potentially The Worst Man Alive in Music?

Episode Date: February 21, 2021

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SANS PENCE RADIO, Australia's most family-friendly podcast network. Good morning everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, is the protagonist of the song One Week by Barenaked Ladies potentially the worst man alive in music. So good morning, everybody. Good morning. Welcome to class. Today, the professor's plumbing the deck. The star.

Yeah, we're doing a bit of... Bare naked ladies. One week. Bad bloke. Bad head fella. So we're looking at, I guess, we're analysing the text. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

It's a... Text analysis. Yeah, text analysis. And also a character analysis. I was meant to say insufferable in the intro, but I didn't. No, but that's fair. You got the point across.

There was a lot of words. Much like the song. So it's a textual analysis on actually just what is happening in the song, but also on the person who is saying these. The protagonist. The main character on the hero's journey that is One Week. Mr. Bare Naked himself. So Mr. Bare Naked, ladies, has said,

it's been one week since you looked at me. I think you'll find it's actually, he says, it's been. Oh, I'm so sorry. It's been one week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said, I'm angry. Five days. Well, I think it's worth doing the chorus

and just examining the situation here. Five days since you laughed at me saying, get that together, come back and see me. Three days since the living room realized it's all my fault but couldn't tell you. Yesterday you'd forgiven me, but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry. Okay, straight off the bat, there isn't really a lot of problems

presented here that aren't the person who's saying it's fault. It's been one week since you said you're angry. So one week ago, the person, the song, the person the protagonist is talking about was angry. The antagonist. The antagonist. This whole chorus is basically one giant red flag. I think it's revealed a little later on, but the antagonist of this song is his girlfriend.

Yeah, I think it's his girlfriend. So one week ago, angry, but then five days ago, happy. You laughed at me. I don't know if that's happy. You're saying, get that together, come back and see me. Get that together. What does that mean? Okay, laughed me out of the house, maybe? Laughed at me, get that together, come back.

What's get that together? Get it together. Get that together, come back and see me. I'm angry, then two days have passed. I'm still angry. She's still angry, he hasn't done much in terms of like realizing that together. So it's more like come back and see me. Maybe laughing at their attempt to kind of brush it off.

And then three days. So it's been quite a while. And now the protagonist realizes maybe I fucked up. Three days since the living room. The infamous living room incident. So she was angry and then... She says, I'm angry, and he's like, why could that be? I wonder who at?

And then three... She cocked her head to the side and said she's angry. I'm angry. That's bad. I'm angry. I'm angry, because the cock to the head is sort of a question. Obviously, everyone can tell from the pause before we say I'm angry, he's us cocking our heads

so it's like alright you're angry so he's done something she's angry then he just ignored it so she's laughing at his immaturity get that together two more days pass and then something happens

in the living room since the infamous living room and then yesterday you'd forgiven me. So he does nothing throughout this entire period of time and then she just forgives him anyway because she's sick of him. And it'll still be two days.

In a week and two days he'll finally apologise. In a week and two days he'll finally apologise. Nine days. It's a nine day fight. In those nine days he's already done other things like this infamous living room i keep hearing about the notable living room incident whatever that might be yeah well yeah cop the forgiveness six days after the angry incident because yesterday you'd forgiven me but it'll still be two days so again three days have passed

since i forgive you. Forgiveness. And yet he still is not like, well, I'm in the clear, so I can apologize now. He's still not doing it. Following this, obviously, we get the most annoying, nothing-y verse of all time that's fast. Hold it.

Well, let's, so we've been set up. Hold it now and watch the hoodwink as I make you stop think. You think you're looking at Aquaman. I saw my fish to the dish. There's some parts of this song that are definitely not the most well-aged of lyrics. No, they're for sure. We'll just break it down a little bit. So hold it now and watch the hoodwink.

So who's already saying, like, hold it now and watch this. I'm a piece of shit. I'm hoodwinking this person. I'm going to bamboozle somebody basically this is i'm gaslighting yeah i am gas as i make you stop think you'll think you're looking at aquaman what i make you stop think because there's a comma there that's true stop think you'll think you're looking at aquaman because he summons fish to the dish. Although I like the Chalet Swiss, I like the sushi because it's never touched the frying pan. I like wasabi when I bust rhymes, big like Leanne rhymes.

Rhyming rhymes and rhymes together is annoying. That's already pretty insufferable. Is he being like, I know, maybe I'll just make food. Yeah. And then we'll go out. I've got this beautiful fish dish that I've cooked, but I like sushi. Yeah. But he's all about value, like big like Leanne Rimes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's hot like wasabi. So is the scenario, is literally all of these lines him saying? Oh, wait. So all of this nonsense, he's just like, I guess it's bravado. He's just bragging that he can make fish. You try to match wits. You try to hold me, but I bust through.

Got to make a break and take a fake. I'd like a stinking, aching shake. I like vanilla. It's the finest of the flavors. Got to see the show because then you know the video is going to grow because it's so dangerous you have to sign a waiver. So what the fuck is this cunt saying saying so you try to match my wit so basically he's got um a superiority complex yeah he's being like i'm so fucking clever i'm gonna just basically say

this word salad at you because i'm so great i would like to examine some of these things brought up as individual scenes yeah so imagine you meet someone who's making sushi and they're like, I bet I look like Aquaman right now. That's the least... You'd just be like, sorry, what? Because I'm making fish and you'd be like, Aquaman talks to fish and you'd be like, yeah. Imagine somebody says

to you unprompted, I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours. Is that a brag? A plain idiot man. Look, vanilla is nice, but there are so many other flavours you could go to. It's just the most nothing-y thing to say to another person. Hey, I like vanilla. It's the best flavour. Okay, cunt.

It's a base. It's a base. Cool, dude. I reckon your favourite chip is salt. Yeah. What is a Chalet Swiss? Well, like a Swiss Chalet. So like a mountaintop mansion is what he's saying,

which has nothing to do with sushi at all. Because I did a very quick Google search, and Swiss Chalet is a Canadian chain of casual dining restaurants. The band is Canadian, so the protagonist is Canadian. Well, then he's saying, I like, I summon fish to the dish, although I like the shell. I think he likes to, he's like, I can cook fish, but also I'd much prefer just to go out to a,

did you say it was cheap? Also, access denied when he clicked on the website? What's going on here? What's going on? What's going on here? I'm not allowed to look at the Jet Li Swiss website. Band from it. It literally says,

access denied. You do not have permission to access www.swisschalet.com. That's very strange. Slash menu. What does that mean? What does that mean for the song? We almost got to a PDF menu. And I reckon the answers could have been there,

but unfortunately we're not allowed in. I think that would have been our Rosetta Stone to discern what's happening in's a wikipedia article about swiss chalet well that makes what he's saying even crazier that's like if i was like hey i'm really good at making pancakes but i love pancake parlor you'd be like good for you who cares yeah it's all just like it's just all bragging it's all just bravado but then we get to the next area now yeah now we're in the gristle of it, baby. Obviously that verse is like, there's a lot of nonsense there. A lot of more red flags of him just being like, I'm the best.

Like, I've upset you, but don't worry about it. I can cook fish. Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes. Big like Leanne rhymes. And everyone's like, shut up. Did you just rhyme rhyme with rhymes? He's like, I'd fucking do it again. Because I'm all about the value.

I'm all about the value. I guess that's why I like Chalet Swiss. It's a fast food. It's just like, it's like a Macca's. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Casual guess that's why I like Chalet Swiss. It's a fast food restaurant. It's like a Macca's. Yeah. Exactly. It's casual dining, baby. Just like Macca's. And now get ready for

the worst part of the song. Here it is. Where big McFuckin' cunt boy fucking... That's a great blurry picture of some bad looking chicken jellies am it yeah this is what they serve up in the swiss chalet if someone was like this is my favorite go to the wikipedia of the swiss chalet and and there's like an example of three bits of chicken

like barbecue chicken yeah soggy chips that look like they're from a chicken shop yeah a bread roll and a tub of sauce i'm guessing gravy it would be gravy look the chips look like if i wanted a dirty chip that's the kind of chip that I want. It's literally, it's chicken shop. It just looks like chicken shop. So to decipher the first, and we will get to this wonderful, where we're at, Dusha, but just to decipher the first thing he says, is he's like, I

am good at making sushi, but I'm also good at making my own fish, but I like dirty chicken. I'm good at rhyming, vanilla's a good flavour. You know what, look, basically you think you're looking at, I don't know, some beef cowboy man because I summoned a steak to eat. Although I like McDonald's. Yeah.

I can rhyme. I don't know, tartare, because it's never touched a frying pan. Do you think stinking, aching shake is slang for dirty sex? I think it might be slang for certainly a dirty orgasm. I'd like a stinking, aching shake. Which is interesting, because that makes the phrase I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours almost seem like he's like, I like

cumming, but under normal circumstances. You know, whatever. He's like, I love an orgasm, but it has to be in the missionary position for procreation, is what he's kind of getting at there, which is, again, not a brag. None of this is brags. Oh, baby, you gave me a stinking, aching shake.

Oh, yeah. Just to clarify, though, I'm very vanilla. If you're on top, I think that's too frisky. Yeah, exactly. Vertigo's going to grow. Maybe that's what it's about. Yeah, true. It's dangerous.

You'll have to sign a waiver. You can't say that you like vanilla in the context of sex and then say you'll have to sign a waiver because the sex is so dangerous. Because no, it isn't, Mr. Bare Naked Ladies. Is this sort of akin to, say, Fifty Shades of Grey? Mm-hmm. And, like, the film version. Yes, sure.

Where she Googles BDSM and gets some very tame light bondage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this kind of what he thinks is intense, but it's like a light paddling. It's crazy to me that in that movie, and I've mentioned it off and on air nonstop, anal fisting is discussed in Fifty Shades of Grey, the movie. They actively talk about it, and then she gets, like, then a paddle comes.

It's like the lightest spanking in the world, and she's like, you're a motherfucker. But you just say, you just. You motherfucker. How dare you give me a slight bum paddle. Oh, my God. It's going to be a bit hard to sit down, but not that hard. Not anal fisting hard, which again, we had just discussed.

Yeah, that would have been fine. Okay? If you'd looked up your fist to elbow and gone up me. Exactly. Whatever. If you made me rosebud, I would have been happy. But this light spanking? I'll have none of it.

You motherfucker, Mr. Gray. Anyway, before I black out from anger, that the continuity of that makes no sense and if the characters in that scene where they're signing the waiver were the characters throughout the rest of the movie that movie would be a lot better because they act like human beings it's true anyway yeah how can i help it if i think you're funny when you're mad which is the worst possible thing someone could say after you've upset them oh my god this is the kind of guy that would start a fight with his partner because he's like, oh, the makeup sex is hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or just like he's bored or whatever. Trying hard not to smell, though I feel bad. And then we get the worst fucking brag in the world. I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral. Can't understand what I mean. Well, you will soon. I have my tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve. I have the history of taking off my shirt. Is he threatening to kill to kill me no i'm the kind of guy who laughs at if you know what kind of thing

i mean well you soon will i think he means that he's about to get dumped and laugh okay i just think each one of these lines is is like the worst thing a person you know what i have a history of taking off my shirt what does that mean means that when he's at a party and getting silly takes off his shirt and was's like, shut up. Nobody likes, there's like maybe a period when you're 16 where you can take off your shirt at a party and it's funny and then you hit a certain point where you're like, come on, dude, put your shirt back on and sit the fuck down.

Yeah. This person sounds so exhausting. And now a quick word from our sponsors. Hi, I'm Alex Jay. And I'm Bec Chalpwood. And we are the hosts of the hit podcast, The Lady's Guide to Dude Cinema. It's a hit podcast because it hits your ears and you're like, wow, that's a good podcast. Ow, you hit me good.

It's a podcast where we watch all the movies that dudes have told us that we have to see over the years. Yes, we both realised that historically we have been shamed for not seeing all of the dudes in our lives' favourite movies. So now we have a podcast about it. Yeah, we're talking about your Die Hards. Your Godfathers. There will be Bloodses. Your Star Warses. Your Marvel Cinematic Universes.

And of course, your Pulp Fictionses. That's all we watch over there. And we review it from a fun, fresh, unknowing perspective. Very fun. I cannot stress. Very fun. Huge disclaimer, we are not film experts. No.

So we'd love you to come over and go on this journey with us. Yeah, just guess your way through movies with no shame. No shame and lots of talk about Chris Evans' butt. Ooh, baby. I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve as well. Let's not let that fly under the radar. You know what I mean? Because you say you wear your heart on your sleeve,

it means you're quite emotional and you're kind of up front with your emotions. But if you say your mind on your sleeve, you're like, my sick, twisted mind. You'll hear about it. Alternatively, is he saying he's an airhead because every thought he's having, everyone can see. Well, that would explain the previous verse.

The previous verse said at you at a party with no chance for you to interject actually makes a lot of sense. Hi, nice to meet you. I'm hot like wasabi when I bust rounds. Be like Leanne rounds. I'm all about the values You try to match with

You try to hold me But I bust through There's some beers Yeah somebody brought out A little cocktail What are you going to Sink and ache and shake Cocktail

What did you say I like vanilla It's the funnest of the flavours There's no vanilla It's just cocktail weenies I think Anyway Fuck this guy

I hate that verse so much But let's get back into The revised chorus. Here we go. It's been one week since you looked at me, threw your arms in the air and said you're crazy. So that's more fighting. Is this the same crazy? Is this the same fight?

Has it been another week? Whoa. Great question. It's been one week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said, I'm angry. But also threw your arms in the air and said, you're crazy. I'm going to try that move. Okay.

You tell me if this looks like a thing a natural human being would do. You're crazy. I'm angry. I'm angry. You're crazy. What are we ranking? I think this is the second one. The second one's definitely cocked your head.

I'm angry. I'm angry. You're crazy. You're crazy. I'm angry. No, because if you're like, I'm angry. I think it your head. I'm angry. I'm angry. You're crazy. You're crazy. I'm angry. No, because if you're like, I'm angry. I'm angry. You're crazy.

Yeah, that's true. Although, you're crazy. I'm angry. I like it. I like it. It's not a human talk, but I like it. I reckon this might be a different event solely because... It's been like five days since you laughed at me,

five days since you tackled me... I've still got the rug burns on both my knees. That could have been the living room incident, right? How did he get tackled where his knees got rug burned? From the behind. Oh, okay. Was he kneeling already? No.

Jackson, if someone jumps on your back and you're not expecting it and you fall to your knees, you'd slide. Okay, so you're tackling from somewhere behind. Living room incident was three days ago. Okay, so five days ago okay so five days since you

laughed at me saying get that together come back and see me and then you tackle them yeah that doesn't really check out get that together but anyways

it's 24 hours in a day so maybe a lot of stuff can happen in a day three days since the living room and you know it's been three days

since the afternoon you know so it's like maybe you realize it's not three days since the afternoon, you know. So it's like maybe. You realize it's not my fault, not a moment too soon. I think that this. No, it's the same timeline because, you know, it's been three days since the living room. I realize it's my fault, but I couldn't tell you.

It's been three days since the afternoon. You realize it's not my fault, but not a moment too soon. Yesterday you'd forgiven me, and now I sit back and fault. But not a moment too soon. Yesterday, you'd forgiven me. And now I sit back and I wait till you say you're sorry. Yeah. Dog! Say sorry, you cunt! It's not hard.

It's the same timeline. So it's like, so yesterday you'd forgiven me. And initially he's like, oh yeah, two days I'll say I'm sorry. Which again, you're starting off from a piece of shit timeline already. And it's only getting worse. It's now like, I'm not even, I'm sorry. Which again, you're starting off from a piece of shit timeline already. And it's only getting worse. Yeah. It's now like, I'm not even going to say sorry. I'm going to wait until you say you're sorry because I'm fucked up.

You know what? You should apologize to me. Yeah. Yeah. And now we get the verse that reveals that he sucks as a person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But just like he's saying things that I wouldn't say. No one should say.

This is the words of Mr. Bare Naked Ladies. Plumbing the Death Star does not endorse Mr. Bare Naked Ladies' choice of words. So he's sitting there and he's like, first of all, I imagine sitting in a pile of salt and then all of a sudden he just rips out Chickadee China, the Chinese chicken. Like you're sitting around eating chicken

from like a Chinese place and he just waggles a drumstick. You're like, Chickadee China, the Chinese chicken. And you're like, I'm sorry. I like it better when you shut the fuck up mr ladies drumstick and your brain stops tickham yeah watch your next files with no lights what is that so okay so first off he's saying that if i'm eating my i stop so say like we are we are bare we are mrs bare naked ladies and he's saying to us that, you know, you love this Chinese chicken that when you eat, you don't even think anymore.

Your brain stops ticking. Oh! What? Okay. Watching X-Files with no lights on, yeah, because I like it spooky. X-Files is the scariest show on TV, dude. Yeah, where Dan's... Although I have said that this verse sucks,

but then it also gets to probably the funniest line of the entire song, which is a bit later on. Okay. Yeah. So you have a, I don't know. Like I'm going to give him. Where Dan's Le Maison. I don't know.

You might need to Google that. Google that. Like Google. You might need to give that a Google. I'll do that a Google. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What the hell does that even mean? So. Yeah. Watching X-Files with no lights on. Where Dan's Le Maison. I hope the smoking man's in this one. Smoking man's in this one. Is the rhythm of it.

It's a film? In the house. But that was in 2012. It just means in the house in French. He's like, we're watching X-Files with no lights on. We're in a house. Where are they at? I don't know.

He's just dropping freight to impress us. He's dumb. He's dumb Mrs. Banned Naked Lady who's eating chicken. Being like, what? And the chicken will be like, chickity-chiny,

the Chinese chicken. We're in a house. I know. Do you ever watch X-Files with no lights on? Because you don't want to get scared. Now, I don't. Smokey Man's a bad guy in X-Files. He's a character in the X-Files with no lights on? Because you don't want to get scared. Smokey Man's a bad guy in X-Files.

He's a character in the X-Files. Was he like a recurring one? That's fair, I guess. If you're watching the X-Files, that is something you might want. Maybe you like that conspiracy going on. It's a pretty meaningless thing to say. Like Harrison Ford, I'm getting frantic. What?

Is Harrison Ford known for his frantic behavior? No. He's quite slow look if there's one thing i know about harrison ford is he hates star wars and love weed yeah that does not make one frantic at the party again he's like dude like i'm getting a bit frantic kind of like harrison ford and you'd be like are you sure you're thinking of harrison ford yeah you know harrison ford maybe you're thinking of jim carrey no harrison ford dude the mask liar liar harrison ford if it because again okay like harrison ford

frantic like jim carrey i'm getting frantic that yeah yeah yeah yeah you didn't have what like harry maybe wait if it's a syllable thing it's Is there like a movie where Harrison Ford's son is missing and he's like, where's my boy? That's Air Force One. Is he frantic? Isn't the president's son kidnapped in that? Isn't he on a plane? I don't know.

The fugitives, he's... Yes, he is on a plane in Air Force One. Well, his son might be on the ground. Let's just Google Harrison Ford frantic. Ohantic oh my god things just took a bad turn he's in a film he's in a film called frantic which was it's an american french film so this may be where he also directed by uh yeah notorious piece of shit roman polanski so mr bare naked ladies is now dropping polanski references which So Mr. Bare Naked Ladies is now dropping

Polanski references Which is even worse because if he's like I'm frantically Harrison Ford and you're like what do you mean? He's like you know the Polanski film

and you're like oh I guess There's like three Polanski films you can talk about where people don't immediately remember their Polanski films

Those are the only ones you should be talking about Harrison Ford's frantic is not one of them Like Sting I'm tantric that makes sense Sting and tantric sex I think that you're making sense but you're saying I'm Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic is not one of them. Like Sting, I'm tantric. That makes sense. Sting, tantric sex.

I think that you're making sense, but you're saying, like, I'm Harrison Ford, I'm getting frantic, which is, like, again, you're name-dropping a film by a notorious piece of shit, and then you're kind of referencing tantric sex in the next line. Yeah. Not a great look there, Mr. Bare Naked Lady.

But then, like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy. Is he hitting on me? What's happening? So we're just sitting here eating our drumsticks, watching God of X-Files in a house. He nudges you in the side. Is he hitting on me? What's happening? So we're just sitting here eating our drumsticks, watching Xbox in a house. He nudges you in the side. Hey, like Harrison Ford, I'm getting frantic.

Like Sting, I'm tantric. I'm like, don't make me think of Sting, dude. I'm eating chicken. All right, fine. Think about Snickers. Guaranteed to satisfy. I do like Snickers. Mephila chicken.

Ooh, Snickers. Snickers chicken. Is that a thing? He no longer wants to make love to me at that point. Maybe the funniest thing. Like, Kurosawa, I make mad films. Okay, I don't make films. But if they did, they'd have a samurai. Cool dude.

I make movies. Well, I don't. But if I did, samurai movies. Oh, okay, dude. No, you don't make films. You make mad films, dude. Like, Kurosawa, I make mad films. But if I did, they'd have a samurai.

You know when you've met any kind of famous director who, say, like a Scorsese, and they interview him on the red carpet, like, hey, Scorsese, did you make any good films? Like, yeah, I make mad films. Dude, I make mad films, dude. I'm going to make such good... They're going to be mad films. Oh, I forgot about the end of this verse.

It just goes, takes such a fucking crazy left hard turn. Okay, anyone who likes, he's like, okay, I don't make movies, but if I do, then I have a samurai. Now, is that cool? No, no. I think it's a funny thing to say. It's a funny thing to say,

but if you're the kind of person who is genuinely the best films of the ones with samurai, because if I made a samurai film, I'd get to keep the katana. There's so many fucking... Kurosawa, he influenced Star Wars. Yeah. That's good, I guess. There's so many twists in this.

He's like, dude, how good is this chicken? Hey, we should watch X-Files later. Hey, you know I'm good at fucking, like, Sting and Snickers? Hey, I don't make films, but if I made films, I'd have a samurai in them. Gonna get a set of better clubs. Gonna find a kind of tiny nubs. Do clubs have nubs? I get a nice club with a little nub.

Gonna get a set of better clubs. Okay, so now we're going golfing? What? This feels like the kind of thing I would tell you and I wouldn't be thinking of golf clubs. I'd be like, you know the clubs with tiny nubs? Just so my irons aren't always flying off the backswing. What?

So it is golf. It's golf, but irons are flying. What clubs? Golf tiny knobs. Google where the tiny knobs in the clubs are. What? Oh, no. Everyone's just recursive about bare naked ladies.

What is this one? Does he not know what a club is? Does he not know how golf works? What's happening here? I don't think... I need my golf clubs with the tiny knobs, baby. That's what I'm looking for. Maybe just search for golf club nub.

Yeah, what's a nub on a club? What's a nub club? Yeah, because it's... Okay. Like a vintage Burke nub iron short mini. Okay. What's a nub iron? But that feels like a kind of club and not a thing you have on a club no but

if it's a knob iron it probably means that the end of the gonna get a set of better clubs gonna find the kind with tiny knobs hang on anatomy gotta find them tiny knobs for your clubs anatomy of a golf club yeah golf figure out what the fuck it's it's funny you know we started out this episode being like mr bare naked ladies is unimaginably insufferable but maybe it's funny, you know, we started out this episode being like, Mr. Barenaked Ladies is unimaginably insufferable, but maybe it's just insane. Nothing he's said to us has been coherent so far. Okay, so here are the things on a golf club. That's a driver, though.

The driver, okay. He's talking about a lion. Okay, okay. So that one there. This one? Yeah, the one that Rex went on the ride. Oh, yep. Yeah, okay, okay.

Have we learned anything new? I think he must be talking about the head of the golf club. How does that help you with your backswing? Well, because his backswing, if it goes... What if my hands aren't always flying off the backswing? There's a shaft. What does it mean flying off? There's something called a hossel.

If it flies off the back swing, does that mean like when he swings back, he lets go and it hits a caddy comedically? Is that what you mean? Yeah. Because I don't know otherwise. Maybe we should move past this. Oh yeah, let's go to the next line, which is absolutely not something we're going to get stuck on.

No, no, no. The next line will breeze through, dude. Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon because that cartoon has got the boom anime babes that make me think the wrong thing he wants to fuck sailor moon yeah sailor moon he wants to give it to um which is again so left field and so like it does give you the vibe though doesn't it of meeting someone at a party where every sentence out of their mouth makes you want to whack them in that mouth. You know what I mean? Is Hammer still on the knob thing?

No. Or is he Googling Sailor Moon now? Yeah, there's other things going on, which we might get to later on. Okay. I'm excited. What does he mean, who has to get in tune with Sailor Moon? Us? Or himself? He's got to get in tune with sailor moon us he's gonna get in tune he's gonna get in tune with sailor moon because he's got the boom anime babes yeah so

i can't remember how the yeah i can't remember how the phrasing of the end of this verse gotta get in tune with sailor moon because that cartoon has got the boom anime babes and make me think the wrong thing see yeah that doesn't quite work the fact that one week has the word anime in it is something I did not know I would not have thought, he says it so quickly you could never hear the boom anime babes is also just such a phrase

can you google boom babes is that a phrase because that's been a horrible reoccurring theme of his whole text analysis is we think he's saying nonsense and then it's a real thing, but that makes us hate him more. Okay. Yeah.

Boom babes. There's some Instagram boom babes. Boom babes Sailor Moon. No, because it won't be a Sailor Moon thing. You don't think? Well, maybe he's just saying babes. Well, there's a YouTube called Boom Anime Babes for 10 hours. But guess what it's playing?

Imagine finding out this song was like an anthem for weebs and we just didn't know. Although that does kind of tie in sort of poorly where he's talking about. Oh, okay. No, we found a website here that says as far as Boom Anime Babes go, Sailor Moon is on the low end of the scale. found a website here that says as far as boom anime babes go sailor moon is on the low end of the scale i don't like this pocket of me it's i don't i don't like when we found ourselves i like it's good but it's certainly a reference the average listener is more likely to get than

most anime that's true so is this article or whatever presupposing that he picked sailor moon instead of a more obscure anime but he would haveor Moon instead of a more obscure anime, but he would have liked to have picked a more obscure anime. I think so. I think people are saying that he's just picked Sailor Moon as an example of anime babes. Yeah. But there is definitely better examples of anime babes.

But for, like, the average punter, say, Middle America, they might have heard of Sailor Moon. What I love about that is... See, like, I've watched some anime, and I can't even think of one where I'm like, oh, yeah, hot girl anime. I just love that this means that, or this implies at least,

that he was like, I've got to talk about an anime, babe. That's integral for the song. But I've got to pick someone people will know. That was speculation. It wasn't an interview that said that. But if it was an interview... It wasn't him on Genius or whatever.

Although maybe on Genius we can find out what he means by tiny knobs. Yeah, you look at that and we'll go to the next verse here. So how can I help it if I think you're funny? So we're getting that verse again. History of taking off my shirt, tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve, I laugh at a funeral. Is he adding anything more to that or is it just the same? I think it's exactly the same again.

He's just letting us know. Now, it's been one week. Ben, you looked at me. So you dropped your arms to your side and said, I'm sorry. Well, let me do that in full, okay? So it's like, I'm angry. You're crazy. I'm sorry. Okay. Or is it,

I'm angry. You're crazy. I'm sorry. Is it like that? I'm sorry. Like, I can't do this anymore. I think potentially it's that one. I'm sorry. I't do this anymore I think Potosi's that one I've got a solution to the nubs thing I don't know if you've ever seen it but a normal golf club just has the rubber grip but you can get fancy ones that have finger holes

So he's saying So he doesn't let it go He's got finger holes He's like I need to grip my golf club better Okay so five days So what's happening Five days she laughed at him. Get that together.

Come back and see me. Then she tackled him. And then he had some rug burns. And now... He says, you just did what I thought you were going to do. Yeah. Well, can we try that little exchange? So I'll be him.

Okay. You be her. So you got to say... All right. Get that together. Come back and see me. Sorry. Get get that together come back and see me sorry get that together come back and see me and then i'm talking to you whoa you just did what i thought you were gonna do are you happy with that exchange mr naked lady do you consider what you do art

okay um realize we're both to blame. So it's gone from I fucked up to I'm going to apologize to I'm not going to apologize. You're going to apologize. You should apologize. Maybe we're both to blame. Yeah.

You kind of backtracked here a bit. Three days since the living room. Yeah, we're both to blame. Yesterday you smiled at me because it'll be two days till we say we're sorry. Now he's kind of become less of a piece.

So he's kind of like, look, big piece of shit. Bigger piece of sorry now now he's kind of become less of a piece so he's kind of like look big piece of shit bigger piece of shit now he's kind of accepting some of the blame i think that this proves that all of the choruses are different fights maybe possibly because he references i just i don't think that i think they're the same fight. Because also then, I just tried to put it ahead. Now I sit back, and yesterday you'd forgiven me, now I sit back and wait until you say you're sorry. But if it's the same fight, she's already said sorry. Yeah, but it could have been like a, sorry. Well, I think the thing that makes it seem like they're different fights

is the tackling. Yeah. A laugh, and then a tackle, and then being like, you did exactly what I thought you were going to do, is so weird. That's such a strange sequence of events. I'm still on camp, it's the same fight, but I'm happy to. It's so weird. That's such a strange sequence of events. I'm still on campus the same fight, but I'm happy to have differing opinions here.

That is fine. That's an exchange of ideas in the classroom, baby. Exactly. That's all we need. It's a valid interpretation. However, I just said that he's maybe learning and maybe he's kind of like understanding and maybe getting a bit better.

But then the very next line is, so it will still be two days until we say we're sorry. it's giving something okay it's both that's just a reiteration people to have a fight and maybe you know i maybe i was in the wrong or you were in the wrong either way we're both coming to like you know an agreement to say we're sorry and then it'll be uh two days till we say wasabi two days it'll still be two days Till we say wasabi Birchmount Stadium Home of the Robbie Yeah

Is he saying like Instead of saying sorry I'm just now gonna say wasabi Yeah I'm sorry wasabi Did you try and trick me To a context Oh dude wasabi

It says we though Not I Yeah They're like okay We say sorry on three Three two one Wasabi Oh wait Is that Is 2, 1 Wasabi Oh wait

Is that Is that uwu Wasabi I think that this just shows That maybe this is one of the most Annoying relationships In the entire world And that's like

They're constantly fighting And rather than saying sorry They say wasabi And they think that it's like sweet Oh wasabi What about this We think that this song i'm sorry i just really before we move on too much and this is probably less important whatever you're gonna say but i

do need to say that genius does go against that wikipedia article that we just opened about uh sailor moon yeah because on genius the annotation says sailor moon was a japanese cartoon or anime which featured a team of long-legged crime-fighting high school girls which, of course, turns him on. So in Genius, they're like... Of course. They're like... Of course.

Boom anime, babes. Absolutely. Of course, obviously, Mr. Barenaked Ladies is turned on by Sailor Moon. Who wouldn't be? Yes. Also, Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie. That's a Toronto reference. Well, here's what I was thinking. So we're imagining that Mr. Banned Naked Ladies

is an insufferable piece of shit because of the way he treats his partner. But as evidenced by the end of the song, they're both annoying. So maybe we should be looking at how he's an insufferable piece of shit in the way he treats us, the listener of his music. Because clearly, Mr. Banned Naked Ladies thinks that it'll still be two days.

So we say wasabi and Birchman Stadium, home of the Robbie are funny lines, but I'm just annoyed because you made me listen to a whole bunch of nonsense. And now here I sit. No further. And he uses language early on that feel, even though he doesn't say anything that is actually racist, it does hit the,

this is circles close to the drain. Does he have an asian fetish yeah there is a lot throughout it let's talk about samurai let's talk about anime chickity china the chinese chicken there's wasabi but that's sushi so he's definitely got that's bad because that's a japanese yeah like a wasabi hot like wasabi i bust rhyme so this is the wasabi at the end is actually the second reference to wasabi. And yes, you're right. He is mixing his different Asian cultures here.

Which is annoying. And a classic person that is like, I love Asian chicks. Mr. Banneker just couldn't work. I love Asian chicks into the rhyme. The kind of chicks I like is Asian. I'm going crazen. That's my favorite cranberry. There you go.

This song would have been easy to write. In Genius, did you get any more insight into some of the more puzzling or confusing or obscure? Well, so we didn't open Genius until, like, I would say the back third of the song, until the golf club thing really threw us to a loop. Yeah. So is there any lines, just you gla glazing over that you want to know a bit

more about? They talk about just like the fight in general, like it's been, it's been one week or anything that was kind of like, yeah. You know, I'd like stinking aching shake explained as well, because we have described that as an orgasm,

but I wouldn't say coming aches unless your genitals are askew or something. If you're doing it wrong. And if you're wrong and if he's vanilla, it shouldn't be. You know what I mean? Okay, so unsurprisingly, that is one of the few lines that is not annotated. No one knows what he meant. Elzami, can I get you to Google? Because I don't think we looked up this name. Bert Kempfert.

Who's that? If we can find out who bert camp foot is that might again well known leader okay jasmine okay no that's all good just wanted to know just yeah he's got the mad hits like bert camp foot okay well that's good he he does because he you know he talks in this first verse about how good a rapper he is effectively and then later he says that if he made movies they'd be great it's just a lot of bra bravado bragging going throughout the whole song braggadocious is that what you're right yeah braggadocio that's what i was trying to say i like to find out the flavors but he's also bragging about wasabi and fish yeah if you don't like too much stuff going

on then surely he's lying about something yeah oh for oh, for sure, for sure. There's a lot of lies going on. It feels like the verses and the chorus and the, whatever the other thing is, the part where he's talking about taking off his shirt or whatever, they all feel very unrelated to me. I don't think the verse actually has anything to do with the

choruses. Trying to distract us. Gaslighting. No, not gaslighting. Sleight of hand, but of words. Gaslighting. Hoodw not gaslighting. Sleight of hand, but words. Gaslighting. Hoodwinked. Hoodwinked. He's given us clues. Hoodwinked is annotated as trick.

Thank you. Well, maybe he, like a magician, is tricking us. This is magician's part of the choruses, so we don't realize what a piece of shit he is. He's talking too quick. Hold it now and watch the hoodwink. It does sound like the kind of thing you'd say before you did a magic trick on someone hold it now watch the hoodwink you know what i mean and then then is he is he talking to say us as his um lover or is he talking to someone bragging about how he is talking to his friend

and we don't want to hear it and i'm not friends with this guy. He's probably going to transition into this and asking if he can put on some Amanda Palmer or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know this exact type of couple, and it makes me unhappy to think about. Oh, for sure, for sure. I don't want to hear about your fights, especially annoying ones like this.

Oh, 100%. Look, I think they're both equally annoying if they've come up to it with their own baby like, baby language of, like, wasabi. Wasabi. That's neither here nor there. I just think he's- Oh, no, I've woken up with my head in a bath again. So, yeah, I think it's just, like,

he is definitely showing a lot of red flags here. He definitely sucks, and he's probably the worst of the two. And I'm still on this line of, like, I think he's threatened to kill us. That is a weird line. I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral. I can't understand what I mean. You soon will. But maybe he's not necessarily, because when he says,

I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral, he means I've got a sick, twisted sense of humor. So when he's like, you don't know what you mean, you soon will. It's like, you don't know how sick and twisted my mind is but just get to know me i mean it's awful feels like a threat yeah oh yeah yeah yeah the kind of person who's like i find death funny becomes less and less cool and more and more worrying i think it's time goes by lead in sentence into the next thing can't understand what i mean well you soon will because i have the tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve so what what does

he mean by that what's he saying well? Translate bare naked ladies for us. I think he's literally just being like, you don't get what I mean where I've laughed at funerals. Well, you will soon because like I wear my mind on my sleeve. I'm an open book. Whatever I'm thinking, you're hearing, dude. I have a history of taking off my shirt because I'm also annoying. I have a stuffy, like the words coming out of my mouth

are just a stream of consciousness also he thinks very hard of himself at least look wise he thinks he's frantic and tantric and guaranteed to satisfy

and if he made movies they'd be savourised but he's hot like wasabi and he's got a history of losing my shirt but he can't swing a golf club for fucking shit hang on

he's got a history of taking off his shirt now he's got a history of losing his shirt is it the same thing? Is someone taking this man's shirt? Oh, my God, Samit. Oh, my God.

He's a victim of crime. Samit, you fucking cracked the case. Here we are being like, I think we've got it. He's a maniac. He's insufferable. He keeps taking off his shirt. We don't want to talk to him, but I have a history of taking off my shirt.

I have a history of losing my shirt. That's the Rosetta Stone, baby. This, this tells us everything we need to know. We're all being like, he's a piece of shit. Right. And we're,

we're assuming this because you're not really getting her side of things. Yeah. But if we look at that from like, maybe her, her, or like take what he is saying is kind of gospel in that, you know, like she apologizes and she's realizing that we know what,

maybe like she was at fault as well. Maybe she's also stealing his shirt, taking off his shirt for him in public. Oh, you know what? What if like, you know, again, imagine an annoying couple, just the most annoying couple. And like everyone has to be involved in their bullshit. So she's like, hey, if they're having a fight. Yeah. Maybe she rips a shirt off or again

people that can't quite like you know the people that need to involve other people in their sex life yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so she's like look how hot he is yeah he you know and and and maybe there's like this realization like i have a history of taking off my shirt and then so he's like wait a second i'm not taking it off shirt. And then Sully's like, wait a second. I'm not taking it off. I'm just losing it. Or what if he's losing his mind? And when he says losing his shirt, it's because he genuinely doesn't know where his shirt went. And in the space between the first verse and the second verse,

his memory is going and he's like, where did my shirt go? Or this is all from the perspective of a man who was having an aneurysm. Yeah, like his brain is dying over the course of this. Imagine this is the line, Chinese chicken, you have a drumstick and your brain's like, are you okay? Mr. Bare Naked Ladies, are you okay? Watching X-Files with the lights on.

Every single verse. Dan Slimay's son. Okay. Every single verse of this song sounds like you're talking to a guy that is on MDMA or ecstasy at a party. Yes. And it's just stream of consciousness and it's annoying. And also he's taking his shirt off because it's too hot and he's lost his shirt.

You've got to go help him find his shirt. I lost my shirt. You have misread the vibe of this party so much, my dude. I've had three beers. You can't keep your eyes open. Your eyes are completely black like a shark's and that's just your pupil expanded. It's 8.30 at night.

What has happened here? Go home. Don't talk to me. Dude, you'll think I look like Aquaman right now. What are you saying? No, I won't. Is there anything here about him chewing his face off? Because, like, maybe.

But, no, maybe this is, like, if he's got, got like a brain aneurysm or a tumor maybe it's like you know in the last moments like as he dies like as you know he's just like a last neuron fire yeah like he gets I've got a stinking aching shake there we go that's that could be he's having a fit from a drug

over nurse that's true so I was thinking have you all seen Six Feet Under? Yeah. Where Nate has a bit of an episode where he's ordering from the drive-thru and it's basically him kind of repeating all those verbs and words. Welcome to McDonald's, how can I help you?

Chickadee China, the Chinese chicken. Watch the next far as the lights on. We're Dan's La Maison. What does that mean? So we've called you an ambulance. Please turn off your car so I you know maybe that's happening

oh yeah look what about this let me construct vanilla just shake just let me construct a theory here

okay and this comes back to a line that gave us a little bit of pause okay so five days

since you tackled me I've still got the rug burns on both my knees so what if she tackles him his head connects with the siding board, and as he's dying, that's what we're hearing here. He's been dying for five days?

Yes. Although what if that is what she's saying sorry for? Like, yeah, we had a fight. I'm sorry I killed you. But I'm sorry I gave you a head wound he does something very annoying that he needs to apologize for but in her anger for it she gives him a head wound and doesn't take him to a hospital which causes his mind to go that she needs to apologize for and by the end he's like we should probably both say we're sorry this got out of hand yeah

where's my shirt okay again going back to how is this the same fight or different fight yeah so in the second verse she's like throws her arms up in the air and says, you're crazy. And then she drops them to the side and said, I'm sorry. That's a very similar action. That is true. That is true. And that kind of just one follows the other pretty quick. I think it is the same fight.

But again, he says, I'm waiting for you to say sorry, but she's already said, I'm sorry. I think that was a different apology for something. I think she was maybe different apology for something i think she was maybe apologizing for getting mad at him for something so like and now he's like i want her to apologize even further get that together he's a piece of shit still an angry thing to get that together come back and see me it's still a very confusing line it's the fact that it's get that together because that implies a definite article something That being your life? Something. Get that together. What has he got to get together? And then she tackles it.

Oh! Genius has the lyrics slightly different there. Get your act together, come back and see me. Oh, okay. That makes more sense. And that kind of checks out with the kind of character that we're learning that Mr. Bare Naked Ladies is. This is a person who needs to get their act together. Again i i'm now in the equivalent of a k-hole but it's i'm at a party

talking to this guy he's on drugs i'm i haven't even finished my second beer yeah yeah he's talking about his relationship problems that i hate their relationship yeah yeah yeah can i and then he's kind of switching between bragging and getting upset and then his partner walks over and then talking about the fight in front of me, and I want to kill myself. So five days since you laughed at me saying, get your act together, come back and see me. Now, in five days since you tackled me,

I've still got the rug burns on both my knees. Is this a metaphorical tackling? Is it to be like, wow, I got tackled metaphorically. You came out of nowhere at me. I have to now get my shit together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow, I got tackled metaphorically. You came out of nowhere at me. I have to now get my shit together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes more sense than an actual physical fight, I think. Yeah, yeah.

So again, three days into the living room. So I realize it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you, because again, I have a lot of insecurities. Yesterday, you'd forgiven me. A lot of insecurities there. And if we go down there, so like the other verse was, it's been three days since the afternoon,

you realize it's not my fault. Not a moment too soon. So now there's an afternoon every day. What a fuckhead. Okay. Okay. So he realizes it's not,

not his, you know, it's just, it just kind of goes back and forth. And I think he's just trying to gaslight everyone. I think the most telling line in the whole song is

we realize we're both to blame, but what could we do? That shows exactly the nature of the relationship. Because what you do is you both apologize and you act like adults. But Mr. and Mrs. Bare Naked Ladies never will. Wasabi. Wasabi. Wasabi. I jerked off to Sailor Moon today.

Wasabi, they've got the boom out of my babes. Honey, come on now. Chickity China, the Chinese chicken. He definitely has a fucked fetish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In so many different ways, Mr. Barenaked Ladies is an insufferable piece of shit. Yeah. I want to play golf with him, that's for sure.

Yeah, he keeps losing it. Like a shirt. As an Asian fetish, he definitely owns at least one katana. Yes. Oh, guaranteed. And I think at the end of the day, that tells us everything we need to know. He's insufferable.

Yeah, we knew going in. And, look, this is a song that I would say is a favourite of mine, but it's now definitely a song I never want to hear again. Yeah, I dislike it more and more the more I reread the lyrics, you know, to try and get to the bottom of this. Boom anime babes. The boom anime babes. Like Kurosawa.

I make mad films. Kato make films. The boom anime babes. Like Kurosawa. I make mad films. Kato make films. But if I did, they'd have a samurai. That's awful. That's a terrible thing to tell anyone. Your loved one, a stranger, nobody wants to hear that. Like Harrison Ford. A movie studio exec.

Yeah. They're like, no, I don't want, that's bad. That's nothing. It's 2021. No one wants to see a samurai film. Do you remember 27 Ronin? No, me neither. No one else does either.

The Last Samurai? The Wall? Nobody wants to see these movies. Harrison Ford is not frantic. Are you referencing a Roman Polanski film? That's fucked. You know what that guy did? It's bad.

Get out of my office, Mr. Bare Naked Ladies. We've had enough. Go watch X-Files with no lights on, dude. In the house. Maybe you can watch an episode. Excuse me, Dan's Lamez. I think at the end of the day, Mr. Bare Naked Ladies is very insufferable. But also I think so is Mrs. Bare Naked Ladies.

I hate them both and I hope neither of them ever talk to me ever again. Yeah, for sure. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. It's been Joel. Yeah, it's been. So yeah, if you could please do your homework about the Bare Naked Ladies and you could have that on my desk by Monday morning,

that would be fantastic. Thank you very much. Class dismissed. Enjoy the rest of your day. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support this show and all the other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network, just head to sandspansradio.com and consider joining the Sandspans Plus community. There's over 20 bonus shows, a Sandspans Plus Discord, exclusive video content, and discounts on merch. Just head to sandspansradio.com and follow the links.