Plumbing the Death Star - Lena Moon Asks What Would Be the Worst Super Power to Have During a Job Interview with Joel, Joel and Jackson

Episode Date: March 29, 2026

Lena is joined by her buffoon co-hosts Joel, Joel and Jackson to eventually discuss the problems with superpowers in job interviews. Jackson displays a problematic amount of whimsy, JD is out for Jackson’s blood before we even start the show and Zammit and Lena have somehow synched up their lives. Don’t forget to Toss the Boss as you enjoy all the wake sandwiches you can eat while we all wait to inevitably replaced by birds. The ADHD in this episode is palpable.Go see Lena’s show Sounds Like a Brag at this year’s MICF, give her instagram a follow and sign up to her newsletter directly from her website lenamooncreates.comLinks to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's up gamers and fans of podcasts in general. Are you a gamer and a fan of a podcast and maybe in Sydney in April? That was my practice one. I'm good to go. It was really good. I don't think you need to practice anymore. What's up gamers and fans of other podcasts that aren't necessarily video game-based. Did you know that Thumbcrams is heading to Sydney in April?

That's right. Thumbcrams and Friends present Sidney April on April 16 at 7.30 p.m. At where? What? The factory theater. I don't know. Don't look at us. We don't know.

You tell me where we're performing. We're performing it in the factory floor, which is one of the rooms in the wonderful factory theater. And when? I don't know that either. I said just before. Well, remind, he wasn't listening. listening, I don't know what's going on, I'm very scared. And it's on April 16, Thursday, April 16, at 7.30pm,

respectable time for a weeknight. Yeah. And thumb cramps obviously is hosted by me and Jackson, but you might have heard when I said thumb cramps and friends present things in April, and you're probably sitting there being like, who their friends. I'd love to buy a ticket to this podcast, but I need to know who their friends are. Great news. It's Joel Zamette.

Hello, I'm right here. You probably heard my voice from before when I said, what? Oh, what's going on? You can expect some of that, but you can. You can also expect that from Andrew Levens. He's not in this studio currently. We can't throw to him. He'll be there.

Steph Panicassio. Also not in this studio. But you can imagine what you might say. Chloe Appleby. Same thing. Bet she'd have a good joke right about now. Ruby Inners. I bet she'd say something mean to me.

Those are the friends, but whose thumb creams? Well, it's Joel Dusha. Hey! It's me. Back to bye. And Jackson Bailey. I'm in Zammett Bailey And Zammett Bailey

This starts going really well Anyway Tickets are available now There is only like 30 or so left We booked a room that we thought Was gonna be too big And now it's looking like it could sell out

You can get tickets through the thumb cramps Instagram bio Or any of the show descriptions Of a thumb cramps episode Listen released in the last In the show notes of this episode too Whatever it is Look down I guess

Grab your phone and be like Look down but not too down because that's how you'll find the floor. This is Thumbcrams' first time doing a show outside of Melbourne and technically London. Yeah. So don't forget to come. And I'll see you there, gamers.

Don't you dare forget to come to our show. Don't you forget to come. It's such a funny call-out. Hey, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing The Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. I'm also Joel. And today we are joined by a very special guest who's so happy to be here. It's Lena Moon. I am. I don't know why you said it like that. I was just being honest. A huge of a sarcasm to your words. There was no sarcasm. Shut up, Jackson. Stop talking to me. I'm in trouble with Dusha for this episode. Shut up.

It's begun. Okay. Now, I just wanted on record, you're yelling at me to start the show. I try and start the show, then you interrupt, I kind of finished the show. I yelled it to start name's blaming you. You are in trouble, dude. He hates me today. He's on why. He hates me bad. He wants to kill me. What's Blumming the Death Star, you say? Well, it's

one fucking idiot named Jackson and his friends, and they, it's a pop culture comedy podcast that asks important questions. Like, what would be the worst superpower to have during a job interview? Let's assume we're going for the stereotypical pop culture job,

which is desk job where it's like, what are you doing? I don't know, you're looking at emails. Spreadsheets, Excel, you know? Yeah, the kind of thing where you get maybe like, are we, you got to wear like a tie. Yeah, none of us have ever had. Yeah, it's kind of incomprehensible to me in a way.

Yeah, I was like, maybe? No, no, no, yeah. Maybe. You have? You wore a shirt and tie? I've had a shirt and tie. I've had a shirt and tie job. Get out of here.

Yeah, I did. Get out of this town. What was it? It was the manager at a cinema. Yeah. But shirt and tie. Wait. I don't think that counts.

I didn't know. I didn't know. I had portfolios. Did you have a desk? Yes. Did you have to do spreadsheet thing? Yeah. We'd have to do rosters and stuff.

Yeah. Spreadshitting. KPI's was a, like, you had to do KPI's twice a day. It sucks. Jesus. Yeah, okay. I still have like what the spend per person targets were burnt into my brain. Is it crazy?

$50? because I swear I never get out of the movies for a little bit of it. What are you doing at the movies? I buy popcorn. You buy a drink. $50 at a movie ticket, that's one ticket and maybe a popple.

That's a good point. That's a good point. No, the spend per person was candy bar sales versus ticket sales, so the ticket sales didn't count. Okay. So, yeah. And it was... So $50.

Yeah, $50. No, I had... Someone said this. It was one of those facts that was said to me at a pub when I was 20 and I never checked it and I tell it like it's true. But someone said to me, buy weight, movie cinema popcorn is one of

the most expensive foods in the world. I can see that popcorn's light. Yeah, exactly, right? And like, that alone made me go true and never Googled it. I'm just accepting that that. It's such a fun fact. Like, what are you going to gain if somebody tells you that's wrong? What am I going to research everything? What am I going to do my own research?

What am I a fucking doc? Do you sell that fact. And one of us right now, grab their phone, oh, well, actually, who's the biggest loser? Yeah, exactly, exactly. The person with the phone. Yeah. Dangerous game. It's also worth noting.

All right. Jackson Coasted all through university by doing that. He would just misremember something, tell someone as a fact. Then that person would repeat that fact in front of Jackson. Jackson would be like, oh, wow, I didn't know that. And then would use that as like... Well, then, you know, say this at a party. And then we would get an email piece.

Like, that's wrong. That's not true. Because I thought what you were explaining just then was that Jackson spread so much misinformation, he brought the average of the class down and therefore did okay in his grades. No, he would spread him misinformation that would then come back to him. And then he'd hear that misinformation. And then he would be like, wow, that's a cool fact forgetting that he was the one that started. Yeah, I live my life with a childlike wonder.

You live your life. You know, people are upset about that for some reason. Is that what we call it? It is. Not just like a dangerous level of ignorance. It's hard like one, though, I think. Just. Oh, thank you.

It's like a bordering on problematic amount of whimsy. Yeah. It can't have a problematic amount of whimsy. I think you can. You can have too much whimsy. I think you can. Spiritual psychosis is a thing. Jackson, first of all.

You can. You sometimes are so excited to walk down. the street with your friends that you walk directly onto the road and don't notice. That's a pretty good example. Literally today, you got stuck in the street because you couldn't open the door because a fingerprint scanner couldn't read your thumb because it was covered in doughnut. That's not whimsy. That's a consequence of eating donuts.

Yeah, my favorite, like, yeah, your whimsical look on the world is when you were in Edinburgh alone and, no, maybe a bit further north, actually. And you were like, it was, you know, you were walking when we were. the road. It was basically snowing. It was like wet and miserable. Yeah, he got lost. And he's like, oh, I missed. I lost, I guess. I like, you know, I don't have, you know, a way of getting back to the, I missed the last bus. It gets worse. There's like a snowstorm happening. It was raining. When I got lost in lockness, yeah, and so like the monster. Yeah. And so like, he's telling

this story how he's getting lost and then he's like, and then cars are just driving past and ignoring me. Yeah. And he has the most, like, you know, he's like, how. This is. very dare they. And then I'm like, oh, Jack, oh, so did you put your thumb out to be like, can I hitch? And they ignored you? He was like, no. They would have you seen me, a special little boy walking alone? And they didn't even stop.

I was walking and there was a person there and they're in their house. And I asked them for directions. It was bumpeting with rain. I said, hey, how far am I from the nearest town? Her little dog was yapping? And she said, oh, she's just down that way. In my head, I'm like, huh? How did you get there to begin?

He got a bus. And then he checked the last. So, okay. Shut up. This is annoying as well. There was a bus stop on either side of the road. Jackson got off the bus. Yeah.

Going one way. Checked the bus times there and assumed that they were going to be the same on the opposite end of the road. So on lock, Ness. Okay. You're using the tone like you already know you're wrong. There's two roads, okay, up either side of the law. I understand this.

Okay. Now, one of them to go up and down, that bus, runs until like 9 p.m. Okay? Hang on. You're correcting me by being like, no, it wasn't the opposite end of the... It was a second road.

I did exactly what was just said to them. Yeah, but it's reasonable. It goes up one side of the road, goes to 9 p.m. The other side, the other side ends at 6. Why is it fucking different? Because what happens is it that

not all the buses go the same ways as many times as each other. They go to the same place. They both go to St. August. I mean, honestly, I've never been. I can't argue this. I've never been to Scotland. I've always wanted to go.

Lovely. It's really nice. No, I really want to go. You should check out the Edinburgh Fringe festival. I've heard of it. Yeah, I am Scottish as well. I have a British passport and everything and I don't know what's going to happen. Don't love you over that.

Well, look, with the way things are going with the JD wanting to murder Jackson. There might be a free spot. Yeah, that's true. Just take me on to it next time. No, I, like, yeah, I'd love to go. I'm scared to go though because my sister has been an our family clan that we come from years ago Like the moon clan

No, we're actually Campbell's if you trace our lineage back And the Campbells were the ones that like the soup But they're the ones that let the English in to kill all the other Scottish people So I've come from a long line of traders Yeah And my sister was in a part Like the red wedding and Game of Thrones is like based on like what my family did to other Scottish You're a Campbell?

Truly. And my sister told someone this in a pub when she was in Scotland and he put a full pint down and left. Like he wouldn't even be... It runs that date. Because Scottish people, grudges, hand in hand. Yeah, fair call. I feel like if someone came up to me and said,

hey, I'm the descendant of Captain Cook. I also would probably walk away from that conversation. Fair enough. Well, I'm Duke or is my... Because I've got Scottish ancestry too, but I don't think they did anything of note. But they did fight with... with William Wallace.

So, like, you know. Fought with him as in like how we're fighting? Or for it's in side by side? I believe it's side by side. But I hope he is working in a fight with him. Scott's not known for their like eloquent verbal fights. It does go physical quite quickly, I would imagine. It is so funny to imagine William Wallace doing his speech.

And there's like, my assess is just talking. And he's like, shut up. You gathered here today. Is somebody talking? No one. the horse timetable and one of them only goes one way at 9 p.m. It's the one only goes back at 6pm. That's reasonable.

It's not reasonable. Is this right? Is this the moment? Is this time to be talking? Yeah, man. That bus thing makes me so angry. Well, you weren't there. I'm glad you got rained on. The bus thing makes you angry.

Him just assuming someone would stop makes me angry. Him assuming that someone, a stranger that he's been saying, oh, your house? Oh, here's the town. And then not saying anything, him getting so mad that they didn't offer for him to come into the house for some tea and like a couple of bickies. Oh, we'd be lovely. But you didn't ask, cunt. Yeah, there's a couple of layers of comprehension missing from.

And also, you look like you would have been, you would have been. You would have been looking as you do now. But a mountain man and wet. Wet and damp. Yeah. Anyway, I choose Super Speed. Ship a speed As the worst one.

Why is that bad? Because I'd be so used to doing things fast that I think I would, you'd have to slow. You're just explaining having ADHD in a job interview. Correct. I would have to slow down. That would be annoying. And have to think about my answers.

There's nothing about that. Not at all. So when they say to you like, you know, can you tell us about your previous experience? It would, you'd have to be like, So the last job that I had was. Yeah, that would be tedious. He's talking strange. Otherwise, like, oh yeah, so the last time I had was, so yeah, I used to really be able to, like, fill up a coffee machine with like, so I have this weird coffee machine actually.

You know, how is your coffee machine in this particular? This is not super speed anymore. This is just ADHD. I was just thinking, like, I don't have super speed. Yeah, well, I've never thought about how super speed applied to anything beyond moving body. I guess it could be mouth do. Yeah. I've never thought about how it would be now.

Nothing thought. Well, in a... I can't remember if it's... Oh, you're talking way too slow compared to what we were just doing now. No, I know. It feels like a really big change of pace. I think it's funny to bring it down to like a normal podcast. Not normal for us.

Yeah. Just like a regular podcast sounds like this. This is hard. It's how, isn't it? He was doing it based of speculation earlier. It's awful. Anyway, yeah, I can't remember if it's in the flash. See, look, I'm back.

Yeah. Oh, thank you. I can remember if it's in. In the Flash or in Justice League, it might even be in like an X-Men movie. It's either with Quicksilver or the Flash, and they're like, they don't need to be moving super fast and they aren't talking super fast, but time is so slow. So I thought that's what you were going down. Well, yeah, this is an episode issue of X Factor where it's Quicksilver was talking to like the psychiatrist there and being like, you have no idea how bad this is. I have to wait in line at ATM and it drives me insane because everyone is so fucking slow.

I guess it would be more like here, they'd be like, let me pull up. Yeah, that's agony. Yeah, please, I'm kind. And I'd be just like, look, what do you need to know? And you wish to be like, so you just want to interrupt? Just rob the bank. Yeah. And like, I already do it in my own life when someone tries to like say a sentence and I will interrupt them.

Yeah. And my wife hates that. So I can't imagine how that must be like another level. I do love it. I'm thinking. I, yeah. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I kind of had a curve.

to me the just general I mean it would be I've never thought about Super Speed as an ADHD mapping metaphor and you're right because all that stuff is annoying as an ADHD person

people just it's like their first fucking day on earth half the time and it's like how and how you so that is a classic Joel Zammat move is you're like saying a point but you know you've already

basically said the sentence in your head you just need to get it You're like, who cares what you got to say? It doesn't even matter. I'm there. I'm there. What about this? Done.

Yeah. I don't know. Because I think that what I was thinking about also with the question is like, I think it's the same thing. It's like, I think it would suck to have a superpower that just doesn't actually help with the job at all or the job interview. Like just something like, even just super strength. Just like, what are your strengths and being like super strength? I guess it doesn't apply here. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, you try to type. Yeah, it's like, I would actually be kind of tedious or like... But it's also, it's funny to imagine if I work for like an insurance company and you say, I have super strength, they go, surely we could do something with that. Like, let's get her on side and we'll figure it out which he's employed, you know? I mean, at the start of the first Incredibles movie, Mr. Incredibles working a desk job, and he's got super strength and he's pissed off.

Then he throws his boss for a wall. Yes. That's true. That's one of my favorite movies of all time. Yeah. It's a good film. Good flick. How do you feel about the second one?

I can't even remember the second one. It doesn't register for the same. If you start early enough, there's a chance that it gave you a seizure, which is maybe when you're going to remember it. They had to edit the second incredible. Did they? Yeah, I only found out that that was Craig Tied Nelson very recently. That is Bob Parr.

Because I knew who Alastical Girl was, because I love Alaska. I dressed up for her for Halloween a couple times. Nice. Because it's easy. But, yeah, I do. We named our cat Jack Jack after the baby in that movie. You do love that movie. Yeah, because there's a really great short that was made.

You know how, because I always had little shorts. Jack Jack's Big Event. Oh, Jack, Jack Attack. Yeah, and it's about his powers kicking in. It's sort of like a little sidestep to the main story because his powers kick in in the movie. But it's about what happens when he's with the babysitter and the powers kick in. And it's just so well done. It's just, yeah.

And it reminded you of your cat? Yeah, because my cat had seven personalities when we got him. Whoa. like the Hulk. Yeah. Does it the Hulk have two? No, he's got a huge man. He's got heapsed.

He's got heapsed. You're fixing. I'm really sorry I asked. I'm so sorry I asked. You did this. Yeah. There's my favorite, which is coal. Because we're also, we're in a space right now where I can't tell if you're fucking with me

or if you're being legit. We're not fucking with. We would never fuck with you in a way like this because then the audience would be like, wait, that's not true. They'd sue you. They would. They would take me to court. Are you guys, I got an email, I don't know if this is allowed on the pod.

J.B. Highfi? Yeah, I got a G. I thought scared. No, it's real. It's real. I should read. There's a J.B.

Highfi class action happening. Oh, the thing happened. There's a thing that's happening at the moment where J.B. Highfi, there's a class action against them because of some clause and some warranty. Yeah. So if you bought something, I don't know what I bought. That's putting in it. I have no idea.

I have no idea when I bought. They pulled me in the class action. But I got an email recently that's like, hey, if you don't reply, you might get money. But if you do, you can opt out. And I'm like, well, I'm not going to, like, I mean, but also I'd be sad if J.B. went down because I do buy stuff from this regularly. But I guess that's how we got into this position. I wonder how much money you'll get, not much.

Like, $0.50. Yeah. It would be like nothing. Yeah. Because it was about the extended warranty. Like, they fraudulently sent, like, you, if you purchased it an extended warranty from them, they actually, they weren't meant to do that because they were. because they shouldn't do that.

By Australian law, you already had that warranty. So they basically sold you something you already had, which is not fucking true. It must be my phone I bought. That's great. I have no idea. Yeah. I mean, I can't think of anything else I would have. Maybe.

Yeah. Here's what happens when anyone ever asked me if I want an extended warranty. No. Well, that's why you're not in the class action. Yeah, that's true. Exactly. I might be one of the dice and hair things. Okay.

Yeah, it could be. Because we were like, because I was very expensive. Oh, yeah, we should get the. I got an extended warranty on a pair of wireless earbuds, and I've been able to cash that in way longer than I think I should be able to. You might get an email. It doesn't count as a good, like, you're not like, I'm glad I did that when you're technically scamming them.

Oh, yeah, fair enough. And I absolutely, I'm scamming them. When you look online, they go, you've got to give it to us so we can check how it was damaged and if it wasn't user error, but I just go in and say, it broke again. Okay, here's another one. Do you want upgrade? I got an error, and then you think,

back to dropping them in the toilet and be like, no. I did all the normal things with them. Yeah. I treated them normally up there. Yeah, I mean everything normal. Droving them in the toilet, they go into reach it with my hand and stabilizing myself with my other hand and flushing them. And then flushing my hair.

That's all normal. Yeah, that's like normal stuff for like when you just have an accident with the bathroom. But yeah, anyway, that's, that's, but I think... Hey, good luck in court. Yeah. Thanks me. I don't have to go... You don't have to go.

I did get summoned for jury. Me too. What the God? What's happening to our friends? I was just like, I'm actually not sure if I'm allowed to talk about it. I don't know either. I had to postpone it. Yeah, me too.

I have a wife and baby. I have a comedy festival show. I'm bummed. I'd fucking go in a high. Yeah, we're also so bummed. This is the second time. I'm the other time happened. Sim broke her in there.

I'm like, I can't fucking do shit. I want to go so bad. But also I've heard that like a lot of, like I'm the demographic that gets excused a lot because apparently we have too much empathy. Young women, young. Emphasis on young. So, hey, welcome to court. Unfortunately, just a heads up.

Young beautiful women. Yeah, you're like too hot. You're going to be distracting. It'll be distracting. Yeah. And you have too much like generosity and of spirit. I have a very, and even though I would say that I don't have distinct features, I have had people be like from like 15 years ago being like,

I remember you. which makes me scared about jury. Yeah, fair enough. Especially when I'm like, we should hang this guy. I was going to go in full disguise. It's going to go in like a red wig with glasses and it can cheap over my head

and being like, and like Thelma and Louise's top be like, I think he's guilty, Your Honor. And they just like cause a big scene and get through. Like a dramatic southern bell. That's right. Your Honor, I do declare that I think he is guilty.

out of his shoes. Just like asking questions. Could juror number six please shut the fuck up? No! Now we won't! You can't silence. Who's got a lighter? I need to light my nails on fire.

Could juror six please refrain from smoking a very long cigarette? It's like a Tom and Jerry style like a cigarette holder that goes like out the courtroom. So technically I'm smoking outside. I like. That's awesome. I'm not doing inside. Technically, I have broken no law. I can take a buff and then I blow it out of a pipe.

I wonder. You'll move your honor. Now, I wonder. Yeah. Is it the cigarette or the cigarette smoke? Yeah. That you're not allowed to, because a lit cigarette, you can have an unlit cigarette inside.

I would say it's both. Yeah. Because it's both. Because secondhand smokes a thing and I'm pretty sure that's off the, like the smell of the dark. God, I miss smoking. This is rough. This is rough. I quit a few years ago.

I fell off the wagon once last week. Oh, so I had one cigarette. Oh, no. But I was at, I was like, I got like high school drunk because I was at like a, I was at a wake. And I got drunk with all these people from high school. Wake drunk is pretty. Yeah, wake drunk is pretty. Yeah, wake drunk's pretty dangerous.

Yeah. And I had a dart because I was like, Say la vie, vive, vive, vivile la life, or whatever the fucking phrase is. Because, you know, you're like, these things make you present. And I was like, you know what I'll do? The thing that makes my life shorter.

That's how I'll embrace my life. Unfortunately, it was awesome. It fucking ruled. I miss it so much. It's the ritual stuff. It's the morning. It's the coffee and the cigarette. Unlike, like, you're getting in the backyard veranda kind of thing.

With a giant pint as well, just chugging it down from both sides. Chucking it down from both sides? Yeah, you can chug a cigarette if you really try. Oh, I know you can chug a cigarette. I got friends that love to, like, if they see someone, like, smoking a cigarette and they don't want a full cigarette, they'll walk up and be like, can I have a sip of that? Yeah. Asking for a sip of a cigarette? This is a, sorry.

No, please. This is a very, like, and I, my memory is so blurry that it might not have been this person, but I'm pretty sure it was. I met Joe Lysette a few years ago at Comedy Festival, who is an amazing comic from the UK. And I happened to just be in this bar with a friend. It was after a couple, it was the start of the end of the night party. So I was like a couple drinks in. And my friend wanted to meet Phil Wang. So we went over and talked to him.

And Joe was standing there. And I was rolling cigarettes at the time I smoked. And Joe said to me, we had a really nice conversation. And then mid-conversation, they said, can I smell your tobacco? Yeah, that's a classic. Yeah, absolutely. Because they just quit. And I, that was like the most endearing thing.

I mean, I'm in love with them. Let's be real. But it was, I, now I get it. Like now, I'm sitting here, I'm like, I get it. I get having a sniff. I do love second hand smoke. It's been too long since I've huffed in some other people smoking. It's like my favorite thing in the world.

Yeah, this is really hard chat now. What about this? I love sandwich, wake sandwiches. It's like one of my favorite places to eat sandwiches. Sure. Do you reckon there's like an appropriate amount? You sound like a sociate. And so the only way I can get them is if I keep killing my close friends and family.

If I become connected to a string of unsolved murders. You're calling him the wake sandwich killer. You could be a paid mourner. I thought about that because I opted to not go to the funeral portion of this day because I cry so much at funerals. Yeah, that's fair. No matter who it is. Funerals are sad.

Yeah. Yeah. But it's like there are moments where I'm like, I think this would be uncomfortable for other people. Like, it's fine if it's your mum's. I cried a lot of my mum's funeral. But then you go to someone else's and you, like, kind of just distance enough that they're like, what? She wailing?

Does everyone know her? If you have a loved one that was maybe despised. Oh, true. And you really didn't like them. And you need to, like, fill up your seats. What's your Instagram? Oh, yeah, yeah. You can hit me in her up.

Legit. But I'm expensive. Hey, it's good to have a price of the time. But that's also. No, you're worth. Relative to my understanding of expense. Like, I could be like, I'm expensive, and they're like, how much I'm like, 50 whole dollars.

Oh. Access to the wake. As many wake sandwiches as I can eat. Hey, yeah, if you want to feel better about being, like, crazy at a funeral. Hey, Jackson, what makes you cry more, a wedding or a funeral? Probably a wedding. I cry at wedding.

Love is beautiful. I love it. Do you know my favorite thing? I've said this on a podcast before, so sorry to double up. That's okay. Which podcast? It was Annie Louis' Weddings podcast. Okay.

Yeah. But the two podcasts that tell this story. Yeah. Funny comparison. Go on, yeah. But my favorite thing, especially, specifically at hetero weddings. Because I don't believe it. No, I'm kidding.

They shouldn't be allowed to work. Honestly, if we could retail some of it. I'm queer. So, anyway. I'm going to cut out all the other bits of, yeah. I fully buy a race myself. I was on a fucking right week.

I've told the story before. Yeah, I don't believe in game out. Yeah, I voted no. That's the story. No, I was at, I love going to catch, specifically at Hedrow Weddings. When the bride walks down the aisle, I always turn and look back at the groom. Because my favourite thing in the whole world is watching men trying not to lose their shit, right. And they always, they always like blink really heavily and they're like, uh-huh.

Like really deeply uncomfortable with what's happening. But it's like, bro, you want it. Yeah, you're asked for this. Beautiful. Cry, cry for me. Let's let it go. Just like, boy, your wife is going. Or your future wife.

Makes me so emotional. I was at my brother's wedding recently and the dog kept pissing on the flowers that they was standing in front of. That was pretty good. And it was during my brother reading his vows. Great. And the dog came up and pissed behind him. And everybody started laughing.

But my brother obviously didn't see the dog So he just turned around and was like, what the fuck? I'm in like the most vulnerable moment of my life And we were like, no, the dog's pissing, relax Every experience you have outside of this podcast Makes you sound like you're a clown. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. I don't think I've had a serious moment ever happened to. I've been a bit intense to my partner easily because I would like to get engaged. Not married. I just want to ring. And I think that would be fun. But I've been, I don't know.

But I also decided I was going to stop talking about it because I feel like if it happens, then I'll feel bad. That's okay. Let me just check the numbers of a plumb in the death stone see how many people you're about to talk to about this. Well, they put the pressure on. But anyway, so I've been doing that. But the other day, because speaking of pets at weddings, I was lying on the ground with my cat and my partner was sitting nearby. And I went, oh, I wish she could come to our birthdays. And he went, what? What do you mean, my dad? And then took half a second and went, oh, oh, Lena. And then started laughing because he was like, that he went, yeah, I hope that someone can propose the idea of her coming to our birthday. Oh, that's so funny. And then gave me so much shit for it.

And I was like, unfortunately, this is a good indication that we should get married because you know my brain is so much. You can fill in that space. understand why I stopped and then said birthday. Birthdays is such a funny, like, alternative. Yes. Oh, that rocks. Because it wasn't just one birthday. I was like, I said hour.

I have to find a plural. Oh, that's so funny. So embarrassing. I also think, like, the power of premonition would be pretty bad for a job interview. Oh, right. No, but save time. Would it? But they're going in and you go, oh, never mind.

Yeah, I was going to say short-term premonition. Like, maybe the ones that only work by contact or whatever. Long-term premonition also good because you're filling out your resume and you go, well, I'm not applying for that job. Yeah. I think across the board having rogue's power would be bad. Like, it's not going to be bad for a job in the end. I got the power of being a boss.

Yeah. This might be good. Because you shake their hand, you'd get all the, like, you'd suck off their memories and their personality and all like everything they are. You're like, oh, wow, sweet. I'll just take their job. Hold on. Is that what rogues doing is sucking off their personality and their powers as well? Well, she gets memories and powers.

I thought it was just killing people. It depends on the, like, I think for a non-powered individual, they have a chance of dying. Oh. Because in the movies, yes. In the movies it's dead. Yeah. That's only non-powered people. That's why, now, I haven't seen this movie in 20 years.

Yeah. But I'm pretty sure that's why Magneto wants her at the end of the first movie. Because he's like, you touch me, you get my powers, but what I need to put. The machine that you're going to go in with my powers would kill me. But it won't kill you. No, it will kill you, but I don't care. Yeah, and I'll be alive. And then everyone's going to be Senator Khalid, and everyone's going to be a mutant.

Not that he doesn't know that anyone he's sent him to cally did die. Do you think if you, say you get the rogue powers, right? Finish your job interview, it's going well. Then you go to shake the boss's hands. The boss immediately crumbles into dust. How does that hurt your chances? Rogue doesn't prop them into dust. They kind of turn into like...

Little corpses. It kind of looks like their skeletal. What a desiccated, yeah. See, this is so fun because all that stuff you just told me feels like news to me because the only beat of their story I remember is them losing their virginity and killing... Their boyfriend? Yeah, that's right.

Was he also named Cody in the movies? Probably. I don't know. But to me, it's funny as a young woman, for some reason, that was traumatizing. Yeah, that's happy. Well, it's so traumatizing that he doesn't even die. Does he just become, like, what? Comit.

I've got to re-watch these movies. You don't. They're directed by pedophiles. Sure is. I will not be re-watching these movies. Okay, so say the boss gets desiccated and I don't get their job. What the fuck? Well, you murdered the boss.

Accidentally. I think any situation you do a job interview and the boss gets desiccated, you're not getting it. Do you want to work there now that you've desiccated the boss? Yeah, because people have to be like, Like, yeah, I desiccated him. But maybe people will fear me. Don't fuck with him.

He desicated the boss. I don't think, okay, I know you've never had a serious or good job in your life. Yes. Do you think that that would be good for the workplace environment? To be feared? Yes. I mean, look, it's worked for many workplaces thus far. People go, okay, we get a hand out this very difficult account.

Let's like give it to Jackson. He might desiccate us. I'm imagining I'm a mummy now as well. Hey Sure You know For my own amusement I'm a mummy in the office

There you go Jackson can you got any references They go Okay You cannot discriminate I am a mummy Okay I'm a pharaoh that was prepared

Like this Okay Yeah Can't argue with that Exactly What will I I I

All the mommies are going to come out for us. Like, I'll have 500-year curse. Yeah, exactly. I can't deal with that right now. I'll get on social media. I'll come for them. All the mommies are born in. Jesus.

You're according to the algorithm, though. 17,000 lies. That's not bad. It's pretty good. Maybe I've become a mummy influencer. I could see a weird guy on Instagram. It's the best, dude. It's unbelievable.

Nothing beats it, man. Truly nothing beats it. Getting reels that make my life better, big thumbs down. Ignoring. Seeing a weird guy. Walking the fuck in. Truly phenomenal. Yeah.

What's weird about this question is that if it's a power, so like if it was like, you know, the moment you get this power is in the middle of a job interview, that's particularly bad. But if I just have the power, you don't have to show it. Yeah, exactly. It might just not affect me at all.

I guess it's like any power that you can't sort of turn off. You know what I mean? Like there's things that aren't like non-control. Yeah, fireball will be bad. I was thinking of like. Fireball is one that you usually can turn off. No, I meant whole body fireball. Oh, like human torch, but not without a flame or not.

Human that comes down your hand that you can't turn off. Sorry, yeah. I mean, at least you want some light. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome boots? Yeah. You do what you do.

Yeah, you'd like sneeze and light the desk on fire. This won't happen if you won't boy me. Or just give me a steel desk. It will. It will be. Just between you and me, wink. It's going to happen. To be fully transparent, I will do this.

You're really bad at whispering. Also, even if you were good at whispering, don't tell me this. Keep it to yourself. I would say my biggest weakness is the fire desk. I said stop on fire. I'm whispering. Do not trust me with sensitive information or documents. I don't know how to whisper or keep.

voice down or not tell people. I will tell people and I will burn the documents. It's really two, it's like two scales. They're both battling it out. It's like, I'll either light the secrets on fire or say them out loud. To be honest, it's better for me if I say the secret out loud because I will burn it.

So that's how I memorize it. I'm saying it out loud heaps. As we're having this interview, you can hear crackling outside of the reception area. You go, she's, okay, she burned down the reception. If I opened that door, I'm going to see the receptionist on fire. So obviously you don't have the job. We'll call you, I think.

I'm sorry, I really thought I would be an asset to this fire station. You've misunderstood as many people do. We actually put it out fire. I thought it was a station of fire. Why would you call it the anti-fire station? Do I need to go find a water station? There's actually no... body that puts out water.

Water. Yeah, we generally don't, we generally don't ignite the water. What about floods? Someone's going to evaporate the floods, right? How to you get rid of it? That's a really funny to be like a superhero with firepowers. And you see a flood, there's like a bunch of people like freaking out and you go, don't worry, put your hands

in it, just boil. I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, um, you, and like all the fish just right, it's like, it's stew, it's Gladstoo! Oh, I thought it would evaporate. Oh, fuck. Now grab a spoon.

Everyone's dead and it's mindful. I'll just say it was a hot tsunami. You heard of a hot tsunami. It happened in the tropics. I just feel like that Lika with Zammat's suggestion before, like, there is so many superpowers where even if you're not

actively showing them, it's just making the whole situation way, way, way. way worse. Like having rogue powers would be bad for that as well because even though even if you don't touch your boss strong recommend. Yeah. Thanks boys. You're welcome, pal. Hey, if you're listening at home and you're thinking about touching your boss

don't. Don't. And hey, if you're a boss and you're thinking about employees, first of all, fuck you. Second of all, don't do that. We hear at Sam's Pans Radio have a very strict don't touch me policy. Toss the boss. Okay, so we're running through this idea about like harassing the workplace. So the slogan we have is, you know, toss the boss.

What do we think? I like it. Yeah, there's any problem things problematic? I just don't want to speak up because I'm not here that much. But I do fear that there is some room for misunderstanding it. Like what? Like, you know, he does a bad job. Toss them out.

Do we throw them or do we toss salad? Like it's like sort of, you know. We're watching Fraser now? that's one of the very clear misdirect that could happen yeah i guess if your boss is being like a bit too hansy and then you put an episode of fraser that is very worrying yeah takes it on board anything else thank you yeah no i mean i don't really work here i probably shouldn't be contributing to the comic edition so thank you so much it's been great um you're so all right we'll keep tossing the boss yeah what don't you need to get by

it's not my job saying jerk off the boss? Oh, they just made it explicit in a strange... Okay, fair enough. Well, at least it's clear now. That's important. I still don't work here. What are you Googling?

What did you possibly... Toss the boss problems? Oh, no! Gosh, we fucked up. It's a heap of like bosses with broken legs. It is not okay to throw your box. He should not. He's a dad.

He's got to get hurt. Poor God. Oh, hang on. This is something about tossing off a boss here. I'm just going to click the... Sorry, cool stuff. I never seen that. I've never seen someone do that.

You could just do that to people? What about if your pal was like flight? Yeah. Do you think that that would be... Because like some of these wouldn't be negatives, but do you think your employment would see it as like a boon? I think you were like, thank you so much. You shouldn't have to disclose.

Yeah, you shouldn't have to disclose. But again, if they found that you would fly, I think there would be some resentment maybe from management if, say, you were in, say, you know, oh, we had to buy a ticket for you and like to go overseas or whatever or interstate. And we're just like, you could. Well, let's have that meeting.

You two can pull me up on that. You two can pull me off. It's an awesome workplace. You can pull me up on the fact that I could have flown I respect the fact that after I said that you still, you walked it back and then still said pull me up. I said pull you up. That's what you did. Pull me up. Pull me up. Pull him up on the things he's been doing. You toss the boss. We understand this.

We toss the boss. Pull up your employees. Yes. There's no room for a fucking bad thing that happened. That's communication. I made that abundantly clear. Would you believe that Sand Spence Radio doesn't have a HR department? Yeah. I would believe that. What?

Because I'm in comedy. Yeah. Oh, fair enough. Yeah. Yeah. But do you think you would legitimately, you would say Jackson? You wouldn't get pulled off because of that. No, that's a reward.

Pulled up. This workplace is cool. Jackson, we've looked at your quarterly earning. Come on in. You get pulled off. Yeah. I don't think you'd get pulled up. You doesn't know.

But I think you would have. have like there'd be resentment around the office to be like once they found out you could fly. I think that's a crazy thing to resume. I'm going to hate it. I don't think you can, because I think what they do in their personal life is up to them. And if there is a flight going for a non-flight flying person. I had to take a company.

Yeah, well, good. Well, that's different. Because they want to be like people. Exactly. I am like people. I'm not like people. No. Because I'm not, like, I'm not saying people who are superiors, but if there was a very strong man that I worked with and he didn't help me

lift stuff. No, I would resent that thing. That's a really bad example, actually. But if I'm flying, okay, say it's a flight to New Zealand that the company's doing. This is also like, this is like an actual real life workplace thing that happens. Like, if you're overqualified for a job, it's so often the boss will be like, well, you know how to do this. Yeah. Well, yeah, but so. I feel like the flying would exhaust you. If you flew to New Zealand for four, it's like driving a car for four hours.

Exactly. And I probably, I don't know how quickly I'm flying. I feel like flying will take. Maybe I'm flying at the speed. I'm running. It's not that fast. Flying will probably take slightly more out of you than driving a car. Maybe we don't know that.

I don't know that. So how dare you say that? I am familiar with birds, though. Yeah, and they can go for ages. They get tied. They get tied. They've got hollowed bones. And actually walking for them is harder.

Yeah. That's not your argument. Air courage. Your argument was car. And I don't know. We have to get a bird to drive a car and then ask them. we'll figure it out. What if a bird lands on a car?

Yeah. God, a bird shouldn't go that far. And then we can ask the bird what's better? I mean, it's really, I mean, to be honest with you,

this all relies on us being able to communicate with birds. Or even catch one. How do you get to stay? I think if you put the four of us in a place with like one pigeon, we are not catching that. And we're not even like innovating our approach.

We are just chasing it with our band. hands down. You don't like grab a net. Get a blanket. Get it's some food. It's literally like, Justin, Jackson.

It's getting periodically scared when it gets too close. He grazed me. You scared it toward me. Don't scare it toward me. Yeah, that would be bad. We just get tuck it out. You ever have to hold a wild bird?

Yeah, it feels crazy. Yeah, it's fucked up. So my friend used to have some little birds that would parakeets, and they would walk around the house, just freely walk around the house. It was great, but they shit on everything. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

But also, the other, like, I was like, oh, you'd be really hard to communicate with birds, but then I'm like, well, no, I've had a conversation with a cockatoo before. Yeah. How was it? Limited. Yeah. Yeah.

Almost like, it was like, hello. Hello, I was like, hi, hello. And I was like, hi, it was like talking to a senile grandfather. Yeah. I think that if I had a conversation with a cockatoo like that, it would sharpen my podcast skills. Yeah. You could replace any of us with a cockatoo.

It would be just as good. Instead of it saying hello, it said, shut up. Shut up. Shut up. You know it would be fun. It's just to put three cockatoos on three separate mics in the same space. Yes. And have them be like, hello, hello, hello.

Cockatoo podcast? Yes. I've fun of that. What we should have done, we should have, from the beginning of plumbing. the Dad Star got a cockatoo each so that it could have learned to imitate us and then when we want to

retire we replace ourselves with a cockatoo. Yeah, fuck us all replacing us with AI. Replace us with a trained cockatoo. Hey Char! Hey Char! No, H.R. How to catch them?

Shut up. I'm not listening. I'm not listening. Shut up. Come on, that'd be awesome, dude. Just let him loose in the studio. As a comedian, would it be awesome when this got funding inevitably from Creative Victoria? I think Jopi's sad, but I would maybe, like, be, can I, my, don't steal it.

Yeah, we would never. It's my idea I had. Okay. Okay. I'm excited to hear about this. Or is your idea, the cockatoo? The cockatoo. Oh, okay.

Yeah, okay. Okay, no, we would, we would never steal that. Well, you could come in, you could be the fourth host. Yeah, that could be three cookatoo. To be replaced. You could come in and get replaced by puppetry. We'll give you a guest. Do you give you the guest replacement?

That's such a funny thing. when they like you're in a job and they start getting you to train your replacement. Oh, it's the worst. But just being like, hey Jackson, come into the office. Okay, so this is a cockatoo. That's going to be shadowing you. Craig the cockatoo. PDF.

PDF. What's this about? Why is it? Oh, you're just going to be shadowing you, just learning the job. Is the cockatoo? No, that's crazy. They wouldn't. I feel like I'm being trained by my, I think, my successor.

And Jackson, we've just got a giant cage for you. I'm sorry, yeah, Jackson, he works for crackers and seed. You want a cuttlefish? You would work for seed. I'll work for seed. That would be awesome, dude, yeah. You want a cuttlefish to sharpen your... Oh, we'd love a cuttle.

I'd love to eat a seed bell. I'd love to only eat, bring a seed bell in for lunch. That does sound fun to peck at your food. Just holding it here and just... And then just... James walks in and hangs a seed bell from the roof. And, like, always to be trying a surprise bite a little bit. And we're like, what are you doing when he's like, ding-dong, motherfuckers?

Why don't you just hang grapes from? a roof. That would probably make you feel... Yeah, and that would make me feel like... That's too fancy. No, no, no, I mean, because Jackson currently doesn't have a beak. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, like, now, like, without, without changing anything. Yeah. If you want the sensation of what you're... Without changing anything. Without getting beak surgery. Teeth are just little beaks. Yeah. Teets are just individual little beaks. You can't peck. He can't. He could. I can eat some of a seed bell.

You can't prove that I can't. If I sucked on the seed bell, the seeds would get soggy. He's right. And I could eat that. He could also bite a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Don't be a non-believer. Yeah, come on, man.

Yeah. Have some faith in me. And again, as you were saying, if you had grapes there, that's like if you want to feel fancy. Yeah. If I want to feel like a Roman sort of Caesar, then I go the grapes. If I want to feel like a parrot, I go the seed bell. And maybe I get a little mirror so I can be like, who? Who is this?

Who is this? Who's this handsome? Hey, what's this? What's this? You want to fight? Come. You want a kiss? And just shoot on the floor freely.

And then if you hit someone, be like, it's good luck. It's good luck with my shit on your shoulder. Come on. Hey, who's this guy? There's a guy in the tree. He just shout on me and told me to make a wish. I think it's good luck. I'm going to eat my seat.

Hang on, who's this fella? Do you guys know? Who's this guy? That's your reflection. I fucking, get out the fuck out of my cave. This is a one-man cage, pal. Okay. What the fuck he's?

What the fuck he's? What the fuck? Wait, oh, hang on. Maybe. Maybe he's... Slam my face into start, like, puffing up me. I hit me. This motherfucker.

This motherfucker attacked me in my own game. Slam, slam. He's a fucking, he's tough. He's tough guys. It's probably puffing up your chest. Who do you? Who the fuck do you up? He's doing it back to me.

He probably wants my seatbelt, all right? I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill this guy. You start doing that move they do like this? He's doing the same thing! I'm gonna kill this man in the little mirror. I'm gonna get him.

I'm furious with him. Ow! Bang! Man, I hit him so many times. He just does not... I mean, he's hurting. Clearly, I can see him hurting. He's hurting me.

He's very quick. He knows every move I take. You can be one of those birds that's really sad where they attack the mirror so how they break their own neck. Yeah. Smash cut to you at my funeral, being like, he shouldn't have tried to be a giant barrow.

Oh man, he would have loved these sandwiches. He would have loved those. He loves these sandwiches. Love those sandwiches. I think the two worst, the two worst superpowers for me, and one's like kind of a weird one in the sense that like, it is a superpowered individual, but I don't know what to call the, I guess, perfect recall.

Okay. Or like basically taskmaster. Oh, yeah. Because if you're, hey, you're getting that job, congratulations. Also, congratulations, that workplace is going to exploit the fuck out of you. Yes, that's true. Oh, you can learn anything for whatever pay grade we want. Oh, interesting.

Good point. Good point. I do think there's a point with knowledge where, if you know too much, it's debilitating. Yeah. Look, I reckon it would work against you. Like, you learn enough about that business and you're like, what do you mean you make weapons? I mean, that's not a comprehensive amount of knowledge.

I would say that that one doesn't... Was this a big shock? What? That's what I've been making this whole time? What the gun-shaped metal is gun? One of my friends worked for a company, and I think I did this to them, where I immediately went... They told me an anecdote, and I'm not going to say any of this,

because... I'm going to be very vague, because... Okay. Hey, they're not a podcaster, so I'm not going to reveal too much of their story on a podcast. But basically they were like, oh, my boss, the CEO of my company said this, this, this, this, and was here at this time doing this. And I was like, hey, that's really interesting that they were doing this at this time. I reckon, I don't know if you've checked, but that sounds very much like they might have had a friend in New York City that worked in finance. Oh, damn.

And then my person was like, I don't really want to search my CEO's name on the Epstein files. And I was like, I bet they're on there. Fair enough. Have you guys Googled yourself? on it? No. Have you looked yourselves on up? Have you checked if you're in there?

It would come as quite a shock. Why did I go? That's my new icebreaker because I'm going to ask people if they've searched themselves on the XS. So have you guys been? Have you searched yourself on the XT? Had to check? It's like, well guys, we got an invite, but I just didn't.

The scariest part is that he, I mean, will be fine. Yeah. But he tapped into like some comedy stuff. Yeah. Oh my God, it did not occur to me that that might. Yeah. Yeah, like he's in, but like anyone that's like, like podcasts are probably more likely to come up. But like, um.

Not else. Not this type of dumb shit. Not as in like comedians, like, not as in like, hey, this comedian came to my island and fucked kids. Yeah. It's more like, hey, I'm Jeffrey Epstein. Have you heard of this guy? No, because that happened to John Stewart. That's why I think is so funny is the context is that someone says,

like a John Stewart type and then his name is now in the Epstein file. It would be so crazy for us to search Plumbing the Death Star and find him recommending us to all of these big... I think they should get the 2017 comedy award over Mark Barrett.

Make it so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to beat that liberal cuck. Mark, you're going to take it down a peg. Let's choose. Oh, yeah, Star Wars. That's not at all work. Chuck it up on it. Pack it in, dude.

Are you searching us in the Epstein? He's doing it. in it. Plumming the Nesta, no results found. Yes! Did you do. Leenamoon? 48 results found. Imagine if this is how it came out.

I'd be into the island. Wait. You're so funny. No, no, no, no, no. So you're not on the Epstein files, but the, because I type my name in. Yeah. And it came up, no results straight away. Yeah.

Yeah. But then it's not, no results straight away. Lena Moon, it, like, was searching for a bit. I was like, I didn't see this before. But no. That would be crazy if you set this up And then just was sweating in your chair Surprise

Guess what? I'm a million I went on holiday Yeah Ugh fuck goddamn Anyway I guess like a bad superpower Would be being able to

Search the Epstein A job interview But at any time in your mind Guess what I'm doing I know I know about you Yeah I know I know what you've been doing.

Um, yeah, another one, maggots power, just having big maggots. Yeah, that would be pretty bad. These are my stomach. You can't discriminate. No, it's not like a common superhero power highway. It is uncommon. Because I feel like you can go really, really far with that if we're going to go down that part. You can be like, well, my dick's a horse.

Well, that would be bad. How can go to that? What kind of horse? Oh, the whole horse? No, I'm sorry I said it. No, no. No, no, no. Lena.

Lena, first of all, congratulations. You are now the official fourth host of Plumming the Desda. In fact, with a comment like that, I think you could actually be the hot. Welcome aboard. Very happy to guest on your show, Lena. Thank you so much for joining the company. Right now. Hey, everyone, welcome to this week's episode of Plumming the Destar.

I'm Joel. We're joined by Jackson, Joel, and Lena. Today's question is, what if your dick was a horse? I mean... Where's it attached? Yeah. Sideways or what? It looks like you're fucking it.

That's what I do. Like from the back. The funniest dance. Now, is it a miniature horse or is it a force? I'm like the horse is sucking. Because I was thinking like a leg would be real weird. Wait, okay. No, no, no, no. The suck off horse.

The suck off horse dick. Is it still a dick? Or is it a horse? No, it's a dick, it functions as a dick. So when I might come out the horse's ass on? Now, irregular day to day. No, okay, well, no.

Do I piss out of the horse's dick? You piss out of the horse's mouth. No, no, no, no. If you're fucking from behind, but if it's the other way around yet, it's coming out of the butt. Yeah. Okay, now, like, in just, just walking around day to day,

is the horse a little bit floppy? Yeah. There's a little bit just like, dragging along. Until you're around. And then I'm aroused, and then it's like rare and ready to go. I just, all... Does the horse do that cool thing horses do where it like flares its nostrils and goes...

Yes! Okay. Who comes out one nostril, wheat comes out the other. This is efficient. I like it. When is the calm from? Mouth. Where's the balls?

Are my balls... And it screams as well. Like it hurts it. Are my balls... Is it a horse or is it my penis? It's your dick, but it doesn't hurt to come? Oh no, that is why. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that groan?

Yeah. I know you've never seen it. I'm a great of pain. Yeah, it's difficult. It's getting the sins out. Is the horse's balls my balls? No, no, you still have balls. Then what are the horse's balls?

It's just dig. So it's like our balls, whatever. Then it goes like shaft. Well, the horse might not necessarily have dick and balls. The horse could have a vagina. Okay, fair enough. So my, so got my balls say, and then we'd have like the shaft. Yeah.

No, no, no, no shaft. So no shaft. Just horse. Just horse. Get straight from balls to horse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just trying to think that little patch of skin. Little lip horse.

I have to drag around. I have to be horny all the time. If I'm going to get anywhere. How big is the horse is what I want to know. But the horse isn't going to walk. Yeah. That's not, it's not sentient. Probably the best way to do this is to holding the, I'm imagining.

How hot. Yeah. I've got to get it sling. I got the version. horse's mouth is where my head is. I'm going to hold the horse's neck and walk backward everywhere I go and people say, man, that floppy horse is sucking that man

off and I say, no, no, no. That's my dick. I was born very different. You do a very, very earnest Guinness World Record interview where you're like, it has affected my life. Everyone thinks this horse is sucking me off. Everybody thinks it's just my penis. But it's just my penis

and it's born this way. And it thinks it's poop and come and it's not. I have several questions. I piss out of its asshole instead of out of its Hey, can I pat that horse? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Questions. How big is the horse? Does it vary from person to person?

Horse. Horse. Okay, so, an erection. We're talking to Kleisdale? We talk about, like, a big horse. An erection will kill us. You're worried. Now you're worried.

Yeah. Because if I'm going horse's legs are longer than mine. Yeah, but. Do I have to re-shoe my horse every now and again? Let's say proportionate. Like, horse, but, leg proportionate. Okay, so it's like I'm standing, like a pony, basically. Well, no, because you would just have horse with less leg.

When you say proportionate, you mean so that their ass or their mouth is equal with... Yeah, for it to work. From the ground. Proportion to comfortably fucking a horse is what you're currently suggested. Or small, like, dick-sized horse. Dix-sized horse would be amazing. Yeah. I think it would be hard to bone.

Because I think if you put that in, it's going up the furlough. Well, yeah, but at least... I've never seen a horse do like the T-shaped. I don't think horses, like, legs could do that. I'm going to be honest with you, if my dick was shaped like a horse, I'm probably... I look down and go, hey, fucking's not for me. It's not on the car.

Although you get to chuck off by patting a horse. And that's kind of nice. I'm just... Oh, you're going to comb it's made. No, what? How fucked up to pat a horse until a horse? yells come. Wait, does it yell come when it

comes? Like, come! Come! There is a world though, I'm just thinking about like practicality. You could cable tie the legs and arms down and it would almost be dick shamed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not a sentient horse. No, it's not explain to your prospective sexual partner. You go,

it's not really a horse. For all intents and purposes, this is our penis. A human penis It's a dick with some Does it have the bones And like the joints And the tendons of a horse Or is it like

Or is it like all penis muscle? It's all penis muscle So I can like you can Just double checking It could be malleable Yeah Fur or foreskin Yeah

That's a Wait Well no there is no force Wait Oh you're thinking if the butts How do I If it's mouth to butt How am I circumcising my horse

No I mean okay So if the horse Is actually You're peeling it back Oh, that's a promise. That's really terrible. Oh, yeah. No, you know when they get the lips?

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yes. Yes. This is so good and bad. That's terrible. Oh, truly awful.

Well, I don't, don't circumcise it then. That wasn't my decision, Lena. I won't. Also, Lena. I had no say later. Wait, but even if I'm not circumcising it, am I still pulling my horse skin back? Oh, yeah.

Am I pulling the lips back to clean it? Yeah. Like, I'm going to have to do stuff to it. Horse skin is too comfortable. That's too comfortable a phrase. Oh, my God. Obscating. Because, now, does my horse have a pussy or dick as well?

You don't know. No, no, no, no, no. Well, I would know at some point. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I would know at some point It's not going to change anything I would to me

Because it gives me something extra to play with It's my own penis, Lena No, I think you'd feel weird Jerking off a horse dick Even if it was your My penis If anything it's a dick dick Yeah, it's your dick's dick

Or your dick's vagina Yeah, dude To finger your own dick Yeah No, I'm fingering my dick's vagina Anyone in this room would want to finger their own dick Yeah, now getting real close to sounding sounding I would sound in this universe

you put him out of the road down the horse's throne that's fine okay so yeah I think that would be a bad stupid I think you might be right oh yeah I think you might be right how does it come up in like conversation with your perspective sounds from your pants

sorry I need to piss yeah you have to feed it as well oh little sugar cubes yeah just feeding my penis Excuse me for it. I need to go to the bottom and feed my penis.

Your penis is a little gross lips eating a sugar cube off your hands. You guys, it's not a horse. I know that. Yeah. But you free your fucking dicks licks of a sugar cube. Oh, as it is.

So why would you... Yeast infection city. Rare for a penis, but not impossible. I think Lena wins this one. Yeah. He's pretty bad. I think the worst superpower to have for a job interview.

is if your dick was a horse. Because if you were the hiring team, he'd be like, hmm, no. You did not have to disclose that. It's not actually nothing to do with the fact that your penis is a horse. It's just the fact that you disclosed it in the middle of a jogger job interview.

It's out. And I was like, why did you bring your horse to this? That's my dick. And I went, mm-hmm. You should have the wherewithal to not pull your penis out in front of people, no matter the shape. No matter how pretty.

The horse is here. No matter how much it nays. Yeah. He clearly wants to get out. It's kicking and bucking. But we're going to keep it in the face. You can constantly keep, he's kicked in the legs. Wow.

Okay. Although, hey, reverse way, if you're sucking you off, then you get, like, powerful horse kicks. You could get people with. Finally, Dicks are kicking down. Yeah. Finally. Finally. Finally.

Wow. Finally, they're fighting back. Oh, my God. That was exhausting. Sorry. No, Edina, it was also perfect. Yeah. And because of that, you won.

You won the episode. I liked to win. You picked the worst super power to have a job interview. And when those, like, just that very brief sentence left your lips, I'm sure you were like, I've made a terrible mistake. Because all of our eyes pretty much, we turned into cartoon, carried on the war side. I've never seen people light up quite so much. Honestly, that's good. I thought we'd really topped it with Jackson being a bird.

I think that was kind of the top of the end And then... No, no, it pales in comparison now. I forgot Jackson was even a bird because my head turned into a cartoon slot machine the moment he said, What if your dick is a horse? And I got like all sevens

and my tongue shot out of my head and I spewed money. I think that was the moment, like the first moment the three of us have been quiet. We were like, let us speak. You just drifted in your soul. Lena, speak your truth.

What if your dick was a horse? Yeah. Maybe we do need to shut the fuck up and listen. Exactly. Jesus Christ. If that's the one thing I can teach you all today, I've really succeeded. Sometimes it's good to listen. And on that note, I've been Joel.

I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel. I've been Lima. And Lena, to celebrate such a beautiful podcast episode, we hear the Melbourne International Comedy Festival's here and someone's got a show. I do. I'm doing 22 shows at the festival, which is an insane amount of shows. And I will say that the content is pretty different to what we just talked about, but it's still funny.

You did miss a little taste before the episode started. Obviously, I'm not going to tell your own jokes in a podcast and wrecked out. But I would say, look, whilst... Similar vibe. I would say... Oh, yeah, there's dirtiness. Yeah, different. Dirtiness.

I thought, what the hell? No, yeah, it's a show about... It's a show about bragging, and it's about... It's me practicing my bragging. So I tell some braggy stories and I just talk about bragging in general. Yeah. Because we hate bragging in Australia. We do.

So that's sort of what I, it's funny. It's funny. And for the first time ever, my name is on the board at the town hall. Yeah, congratulations. And my venue is the town hall. Also, I'm in the lunchroom, which is really exciting. So just stoked to be here. No, please come down.

Yeah. What are those details if I wanted to come down? Oh, yes. 9 p.m. every night except Monday. So, 22 shows. Where can I go to get tickets? You go to the Comedy Festival website.

You can Google Lena Moon. I would Google Lena Moon sounds like a brag because if you just Google my name, there is another Lena Moon who makes a lot of content and it's not safe for work. So make sure you include the word comedy or brag afterwards and Comedy Festival website. Or maybe just head to Lenamooncreates.com. Yes, you can go to my website, yes. But yeah, that's it. Check it out.

Yeah, please come down. Oh, I'm sure you can get tickets on the door. I have an insane amount of tickets to sell for me. So the likelihood of you being able to get them on the door, I would say quite high. Sounds like a brag. It's a part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival from March 26 to April 19 at the town hall. Buy tickets. Yeah, come on.

It's very fun. I promise you'll have at least one laugh. That's huge. That's more than we can say about our show. That's pretty good. And Lena's now been on Plumbing the Death Star a bit, so you can, you've probably formed the paris social relationship. Yes. So you can be like, that's my friend, Lena Moon.

That's our friend and fourth member of Plumbing the Death Star, Lena Moose. It's supposed to be replaced by a cockatina. See you before she gets replaced. See you before I'm a bird. I feel like that no matter, like, no matter how the future goes with AI or a bird replacing everyone, no one is saying, what if your dick was a horse? Like, I think. That cock a co-c-cook could never. That's what's problem with the world, is the sentence I'm saying.

Yes. That is what problem with the world. And hey, if you're not in Melbourne, but you live in Sydney, Lena is also doing, sounds like a brag. At the factory theatre, May 9 and May 10. But you can also sign up to my mailing list on my website because I will, I'm going to try and go to some other cities, but I'm always at some point going to have to email people about shows.

So do that. Get on it. And also, if you want to support Plumming the Death Star, if you've listened to this, and thought, hey, that was good. I don't know how you wouldn't. Yeah, exactly. You can, you can sign up to the bad brain boys

where you'll get a bonus episode of Plumbing the Death Star every month, plus a bonus episode of What If? Every month, which is another great show. What the hell? Plus, you get an episode of Jacksonville and Spooks America. Two episodes of Jacksonville.

I think the most recent one we did was about the assassination of James Garfield. But it was funny. Very funny. Very funny episode. It's sometimes you can die in a funny way. Yeah, exactly. History is full of laughs.

That's true. Plus you get access to the Discord, discounts on the live show tickets, add free episodes, get on it. Plus it helps us out, which is the main thing. God, we need the help.

God, we need so much help. Okay. These are expensive. Yeah, dude. And people love to tell us to go to therapy, which there is a rebate for. But it's still expensive. It's still out of pocket.

Oh my God, dude. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Help us pay for therapy. com. Or if you're on Apple, like you listen to Apple Podcasts, there's a button right there.

It's very easy. Forget about it. Just don't worry about it. Every month it'll just say Apple will take, you know, the little bit of money out and they'll take their cut. But then they'll give some of us that money. Yeah, exactly. That's nice.

Yeah, that would be nice. You to do. And you know what else would be really nice? Us ending this episode right now so that everyone's free. Yeah. Goodbye. Bye. I had to issue a warning to my family group chat this year because this is,

This is my extended family group chat because there's like one moment in the show. This is a bit of a spoiler. But I have to very quickly mention that my mom was terminally ill. And I don't dwell. It's just part of the story. And there's like a few moments where I talk about her

in the show. And I was like, listen, just a heads up. Like, that's happening. Please don't sit in the front row. Oh, also, I make a lot of dirty jokes. And this is word for word what I said. And despite the amount the word chode is used in this group chat, I would still feel comfortable doing these jokes

directly to your faces. So please don't sit in the front road because my aunt, for some fucking reason, we had to explain to her what a chode was once and she thinks it's the funniest thing in the world she calls all of us chodes. That works. Your aunt sounds awesome. She's the best. And then it resulted in a couple months ago my other aunt writing what a chode, not with a question mark. So it read like an exclamation. What a chode! But genuinely was asking. And then I then had to watch my aunt

explain what a chode is to my other aunt. And then another thing that happened was for some reason, the theme of the group chat, the Facebook theme got changed to like a trans ally theme. And the go-to emoticon was the trans flag, which is fine. Like all of our family, It's not that that was a problem.

It's just it kept being used to emphasize stuff. Or people just be like, what are we doing for Christmas? Okay, we'll meet at this house. Transflag, trans flag, trans flag. And it got to the point where we were like, I reckon we should change it. Like, there's really no reason why we would have this. That's really funny. I agree.

Transplied. Transpride. So then there was a whole discussion about it. And I was like, I'll just change it. And then someone beat me to it. So now the main theme is Brats, as in Brat's summer. And then the go-to emoji is the person. And I really know.

What is that? Your family group chat is crazy. Yeah, look. But then it's also like the best thing about that is that it like, it has the most unhinged theme. And I was like, oh, I don't want to sell the group chat out even though it's funny. I can take a photo. But obviously I just sold it.

But then it's dispersed with like, it's that. And then every so often it's like, oh, by the way, sad family news. Oh, yeah, yeah. But it's brat. Transprite. It's like. But yeah, that's just a true. But yeah, that's just a.

That's just a true thing about the Moon family group chat. Well, there is like such a huge, it feels you say like, oh, I wouldn't feel comfortable talking like doing some of the jokes to you in the front row. Yeah, and then explain this being like, oh, it's weird. But I feel like the difference between being like, hey family, showed, ha ha, and hey family, I fuck. No, I know. Well, one of the first jokes in the show is.

Hi, I'm Lena. I fuck. Well, it is sort of that. I know the crowd goes, what? And they're like, oh my God, her? But you seem like a version. Jen, but my name backwards, if you take L-E-N-A and you spell it backwards, a lot of my bullies in high school figured out. And the joke is, you think you can hurt me.

My nickname was Ainal Moon in high school and not even for a cool reason, like doing heaps of anal. Even though I did heaps of anal. And like, I obviously enjoy delivering that on stage. I was very funny. And that last sentence is I decide on the night whether or not I'm going to add that little bit based on how fun the audience is. But I truly think, even though we say Choate a lot, I do think making eye,

because you can only ever really see the front two rows. Yeah, of course. And having to look at even though she rules my auntie and be like, I had a bunch of dick in my ass. Yeah. Just like a gentle nod. Yeah, it just feels like. Because then it's a rear roll of us.

Do you think that the joke here is funny because I'm lying? Or is it funny because I'm being too honest? That's right. Exactly. And then it's like it's a choose your own adventure. It is. And they're thinking about it too much. I know.

And I just don't need that. I don't need to then have to have my aunt explain to my other aunt. Yeah. The layers. What anal? Yeah, what anal? What anal? Lena does heaps of anal.

Yeah. What anal? What an anal? Poop emoji, poop emoji. Translike. Man. Lena does anal trans like. Yeah.

Yeah. So. Man, your group chat's awesome. Oh, look, it has its moments. Yeah. All right, I've got my answer. What was the question? Worst superpower to have during a job interview.

Jackson said it's slightly louder. So, yeah. That's Jackson. That is the rule. You're welcome, Lino. Got his eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not a cop a bad.

You've made a hostile work in environment, Lena. Thanks. I can already feel it. I don't know if you've ever done a podcast with me before, but I do not forgive, Nor do I forget. They're calling him the most in trouble man in the world. Has it begun?

No. Okay. It's a proper, like, we don't do the, like... We don't patronise me. No, we do real podcast this year. No, no, no, no. Not a million years. We always...

You've done it a million times. I know, but I couldn't remember if it was one of those soft open ones. We're not a soft open-up. Fair enough. Fair enough. You can be on your phone the whole intro. Okay, good, because I have an emailed it. Well, you do that.

That's fine. And also, yeah, fuck us. Fuck your soft open. Yeah, which is. Hard opens only. I'm really scared that they're going to leave that in. You know how they do the, like, have you, I listen to Amy's. Yeah.

Pretty much every single Awebolo podcast starts with like a little chat and then the guest going, it started. And she goes, yes. Yeah, it's my favorite. That's nice. And she just want to fucking Emmy. So maybe. Maybe we got to change.

I usually do the bullshit at the, like, you know, this kind of riffing, like absolute nonsense. That'll go at the end. See that trophy, the podcast award one? We beat Mark Maron for that. Yeah. Trophies mean shit. Okay, that's actually awesome.

2015, bitch. 2017. Downhill since then. That's sick. I've always, I've never won anything. I want something, except for the fucking Mario Golf Trophy. Yeah, come on. It's a burden and fell so many times that it broke into pieces. I had to throw it out recently.

it fell and hit the wall and caused a, like, I'm going to have to fucking give some of my bond up because I've had that thing. Oh, don't worry, Lena, we'll do a Mario Golf thing next year and you'll be able to pass it on. When was that, guys? What was like, pre-COVID? No, it was post, but or during. I think it was 2021. Too many. Anyway, it's gone now.

Do you want a best podcast? Yeah, I'll have it. You can take it. Yeah, you can tell people that your podcast, Pomming the Dust, beat Mark Maron. I will. Ended his three-year run of winning that award in a row. For real? Yeah.

Oh, it's fucking hilarious. Yeah, I'm not joking. We beat Mark Marrott. God is honest, dude. The only... How do you... Is it like a voting hon or is it? I can't remember.

Yeah. Or Merit. Merit. I've also selected it again in that period of time. Yeah. Look, yes, this does be but washed up because our successful years were nearly 10 years ago. Yeah. Whatever.

Who cares? If I got an award, I wouldn't shut the fuck up about it. It would be on everything I do forever until I die. Apple selected plumbing the death star two years in a row for like best of podcast thing. And in the second year, we also won that, which is just the podcast award. You know what you can do? You can do a really great little spin on a great moment in the First Wives Club where they pick up Goldie Horn's characters Oscar and go, I beat Merrill. You can do, I beat Marr. Oh, that's true.

We should do that. You probably should. Sorry, forgetting. Sorry. I'm so sorry. Never apologize to us. We should put that on your desk, I reckon. Yeah, let's do it right now.

Yeah. We beat Mark. We beat Mark. We beat Mark. I beat Mark. We beat Mark. You can be part of this. Yeah, you're sure.

I don't know. I don't know. I want a real... Do you know the only thing I've consistently won? Yeah. Is the worst player award on most upset and guessing game. And they do joke little joke awards. They give you just a bit of rubbish.

And I'm like, last time I did it, the last episode I was on, I cracked the shit. And I was like, no, I won a fucking award. Yeah, fair enough. I want something for my shelf. Yeah. Yeah, now that looks good, dude. Unreadable because it's glass. Yeah, but people will know.

It does sort of look like nothing's there. Is that better? Which I guess is a beautiful metaphor for a podcast. I could not agree more. 2017 the last year we were good that was our first UK tour with top of the world bring it back yeah