Plumbing the Death Star - The Consequences of Being Your Own Dad

Episode Date: September 7, 2015

In which our heroes watch as a bounty hunters in a galaxy far, far away clones himself so he can raise himself. This is Boba Fett and this is his story. We step into the shoes of ourselves but also our dads because they're the same shoes because we're also our own dad, get confused and talk dad soldiers. Zammit doesn't want to raise himself, Jackson misunderstands how clones work straight off the bat and Duscher just wants to remind everyone that Fetts die like dickheads. It’s a cold and lonely place in a galaxy far, far away so have a seat and clone yourselves because the best army is an army of yourself. Or Duscher. That guy’s a champ.Want to help Zammit educate Jango on how to meet women? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help find Mr. Fett a Mrs. Fett.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably least twelve books on how to best BBQ in space. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hit me up. Let me know. And enjoy the episode. Just want you to be happy, Sam. Hey guys, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, what are the consequences of being your own father? The Boba Fett story. Alright, so Boba Fett, made famous in the original Star Wars trilogy, the sick bounty

hunter with the mask, ends up in the Sarlacc pit like a fucking idiot. Got a jetpack. Got a jetpack. Got his gun cut in half like a dickhead. Yep. That's the guy. That's the guy we know and love. His father is revealed to be Jango Fett in the prequel trilogy,

but he's also revealed that Boba Fett's a clone, so therefore his dad is him. They're both bounty hunters, but also he's his own dad. Okay, so Boba Fett, you're a bounty hunter, your dad is a bounty hunter, and you are your dad? Yeah, that's it. Is Jango Fett a clone of Boba Fett? No that's it that's right a clone of boba fett no boba fett's a clone of jango fett okay and and the clone war warriors are also

the clones of jango fett what i want to know is does jango fett know what's going to happen to boba fett what no boba fett know what's going to happen to Jango Fett? What? No How do you think clones work? You don't have one brain Also just You've got to copy your brain Boba Fett is aging at the same rate As Jango Fett would have aged Because his other clones are like instant adults

That's another thing Boba is just a young kid But then he also watches his father die Which is sort of like watching your future self die. It's very confusing. But if you've not lived the life that your kid will eventually lead, then it's just like, whatever, another kid.

Yeah, kind of, except it's 100% you. Like, their personality would be the same because it's a clone. Yeah, their personality is the same, and also he's training him to be like him. They even wear similar armor. They also both die like dickheads. Doesn't he wear his dad's armor?

He paints it differently. I don't know. It's never really reviewed. I figured it was his dad's armor, which is a weird thing to imagine that young Boba has had to do. He's had to get the severed head of his father out of the helmet. Take it out of the helmet. Grape out of half a walnut shell.

Clean it out a little. Give it a, just a hose. Just a little bit of a hose. Repaint that. Wait until you can fit into that helmet. Then wear that helmet. How does Jango die? He gets his head cut off by Mace Windu.

Rough. Because he has a pistol and decides to take on a fucking Jedi. Yeah, that's not clever. Not the smartest. Also... And his jetpack's broken at this point, so he can't even fuck off into space. He has a sick ship, though. He does.

The Slave I. Okay. The big issue with this is, like, what are the, like... Surely that is very psychologically damaging to someone to be like, my dad is literally me. I'm just a younger version of my dad, but not like a... Before we get into that, what's the psychological issue of Jango being like,

I want to raise me? What's all that about? Also, I want a clone army of me just kicking about the Galactic Empire. We have to talk about nature versus nurture, don't we? Yes. I think this is an appropriate time for you to bring that in yes thank you guys for the confirmation because will boba fett experience the same milestones his dad experienced his dad being him

at the same time like jango fett can't expect things from boba fett that he can like he's not like oh this is gonna happen to him i can deal with that yeah but you but jango fett is a kind of is the kind of man who figured cloning himself would be a great idea to form an army and also he wants a clone son you gotta be a fucking cocky son of a bitch i'm guessing like best army of me's i'm guessing be some joel ducha motherfucker they'll be like the best army is one comprised of myself yeah so i'm guessing jango would have some very high expectations of boba absolutely if you didn't live up to your dad's standard your dad would know because your dad is you yeah so he'd be like i did it the fuck is wrong with you and we're genetically identical

also so let's take away Jango dying. Wait a second. All right, go on. It also depends on how the cloning process works. Does Boba have Jango's memories? No. That would be brutal. No.

But what about all the ones... Do the clones have Jango's memories? What does a clone think it is? The clones know they're clones. They call each other clones. All of them look exactly the same. And they have like an age sped up a thing. Pretty much they all age.

Like they grow them in like a, they're not grown in a pod, but it's like they grow in a pod and after like five days are an adult. But Django requests one that ages. They have accelerated age. That's what I was looking for. Jango requests

a clone of himself that is a child and will age at the normal rate so he can raise a son but that son is literally him. Is Jango infertile guys? I just always figured he was not great with women. I just figured that he was too fertile and had a lot of free time.

I just figured no woman would love him. So he's like, what if I just... I'm never going to get my own kid. The closest I can get is me. A baby version of me. Yeah. Again, I always assumed that Jango Fett was like an MRA, sort of like, women are shit, always friendzoning me,

blah, blah, blah. I'm going to make my own son. It's going to be great. So you think Jango raised his son because he hated women i'm gonna go with a more logical explanation and be like jango is on a planet that has no humans on it he's got a ship he can fly yeah but like how do you meet women as a bounty hunter if i wanted to meet women in the stars universe the only place i know to go is the fucking cantina on On Tatooine.

Actually, yeah, you raise a valid point. Which one of you are women? Well, that's what I mean. On the planet he's on, which name escapes me, but the clone planet, Jenna something? No, Kamino? Kamino? Kamino?

Kamino. I think it is Kamino. Good job, team. We're probably wrong, guys. But hey. Kamino is the home planet of the clones. Did that have the tall aliens that looked a bit like grey aliens on it? Yeah. They were kind of babin'.

I was gonna say they're kind of women. Yeah, like, Jango could've gone there, if one was interested. But also, like, can you reproduce with someone that different? Like, Star Wars doesn't really tell you. Like, if I wanted to bang a Twi'lek, I'm sure I probably could, but if I wanted to have a baby with one...

Are humans that widespread that Jango could probably land on a planet and find another human being? Probably, but have you... Wasn't he a Mandalorian? Or was he adopted by Mandalorians? Mandalorians are pretty much a bounty hunter race.

Mandalorians are war heroes, pretty much. Aren't they like humans, like evolved humans? Like sort of from the same progenitor? They're from Mandalore, but something, something. Something, something. They're all right. They're usually known for being angry and guns for hire.

Okie doke. Just a quick Google. The Mandalorians were a nomadic group of clan-based people consisting of members from multiple species and multiple genders. Okay. All bound by a common culture. So Mandalorians, never mind, they are not a species. There we go.

Irrelevant. Having a fact check in this episode is weird. Yeah. It's wrong! We usually only find out we're wrong when you guys email us and tell us that we're wrong. So hey, this is new for us. So that doesn't matter. It could just be about finding another human to bang.

But, Jackson, you've been single and then dated someone before. It's not just like, hey, we're both the same species. But it might be in a world where there's not that many of me. But getting back to the bounty hunter, that's the problem. If you're a bounty hunter, you're always on the move. There's someone probably going to come after you because generally a bounty hunter is never like a classic good person you're always on the you know you're always sort of going from job to job and because it's star wars your

job to job is intergalactic so trying to have raise a family is going to be hard and if you want to raise a son to like take after you and take your mantle trying to have that discussion with your missus hey i just want to take him to have some rad bounty hunter adventures with me. And she's going to be like, no, no, no, no, no. He's my son. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like very metal. Well, you've got to remember that in this.

She would be like, no, don't you dare take my son away. You are taking a very strange point. Taking it away like women aren't fun. I'm not saying women are fun. I'm saying that anyone strange point. It's taken away, like, women aren't fun. I'm not saying women aren't fun. I'm saying that, like, anyone would be pretty good. If, say, like, if Em was a bounty hunter and we had a kid and I'm, like, the home husband and I'm dealing with a kid and she's like, I want to take him, like, little Joel Jr.

out to bounty hunting, I'm going to be like, no, this is dangerous. This person is, like, it's not like they're not aware. What's your point? They're dating or married to a bounty hunter I feel like they're But I wouldn't put a fucking child in there You son of a bitch

Oh look my husband he's a nuclear technician Take your baby to work with him No it's sort of like My husband's a career criminal He murders people Don't take the baby with him you son of a bitch i'm trying to say that this person i'm a mafia wife i'll accept that but don't you dare take my child into your line of work dude have you not seen the godfather it's all about family they fucking love that shit

is my baby don't you take him with you i just think space is too dangerous space is too big for a baby if michelle was like jackson i'm taking baby, I'd be like, there's so much bad stuff in space. It's not even like the bounty hunting. It's just like, look, the baby will die if you take it. But the baby will die if you leave it with me because I am incompetent as I am Jackson. So I guess make a decision. It's a tough one, but I have faith in you.

I'm going to have a bath. I will bring my snorkel just in case. But I think, is it the best way he could have raised a kid? For Jango Fett specifically? He could have adopted someone that's not him. I'm pretty sure there's a lot of orphans in the Star Wars U. It feels like a rough place to live. Little Orphan Annie? So many orphans in the Star Wars U. It feels like a rough place to live. Little orphan Annie?

So many orphans. Little orphan Jedi? All of them. Just go to the younglings and be like, hey, you don't have parents anymore. Give us one. Or if I go to the parents and be like, hey, you don't have younglings anymore. Can I adopt you? I want to raise

a parent. That's a good business play Adopt a parent And Jenga could be like I'll be your baby That became confused I lost myself in that joke somewhere I think that's probably

The best way Jenga could have done it Adopt or clone himself He could have easily knocked up Somebody It's too weird because they'll have basing the fact that the brain like cloning an exact copy of a brain

means that you're going to grow up to have the same interests. Yeah. A hand-me-downs would be easy. How good. If for some reason

you've kept all your clothes from every age. And you wanted to dress as your dad every single day. No not clothes I meant like toys and shit because you're like

what like your rat interest would. I love that you're imagining Boba Fett's ship, I mean, Jango Fett's ship, has, like, a crate in the back that's just labelled toys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, hey, Boba. But then again, I think that's more nurture as well,

not nature, what his interests are. I don't think the kid's going to be that similar. I don't think traits are necessarily genetic Yeah but It's hard to say because In real life at Morris you're going to be 50% Of one of a person No

Wait what do you mean? Like of a parent? It's not like you and your It's not like we've got like 50% my mum, 50% my dad And just sort of I'm not like a chimera half half No my mum, 50% my dad and just sort of I'm not like a chimera half half No but from DNA yeah that's sort of how it works

DNA Yeah but I don't know if your interest in shit is in DNA It's because it's like 50-50-ish It's not 50-50 but it's in a basic of me sort of knowing what you're talking about but I obviously don't know the specifics of it 50-50, but it's... I know what you mean. I know what you mean. In a basic of me sort of knowing what you're talking about,

but I obviously don't know the specifics of it, 50-50. Yeah. We just don't know what would happen if it was 100%. Well, no, because you're saying we've got 50% of our genes from each parent, right? But it's not 50%. I'm not 50% my dad, 50% my mom. No, but that's not what it's saying.

This is 100%, not even just like one sperm or one egg Whatever, this is just literally Your dad Yeah, but that doesn't matter Whatever, it's more nature than anything else Really If Jango Fett was If Boba Fett was raised by wolves

He's not gonna be like Man, maybe I should take up bounty hunting He's gonna be like man, maybe I should take up bounty hunting he's going to be like but then he'll probably go hunting not for bounties well not so wolfish, he's going to be like I got this

he'll be going for hunting so that's the hunting part and hey, he's not doing it for no reason so I guess that the corpse that he's going to eat is kind of a bounty. And like, it's very, you know, yeah, the corpse is a bounty. What if he was raised by Gungans, then?

Or fish! Then he'd just be swimming and having a good time. Probably drowning, actually. Not having a good time. He'd be dead, Jackson. He'd be drowned. He just killed a child, Jackson, you son of a bitch. You drowned a baby. Well done. Well done. Give me another one. You just killed a child, Jackson. You drowned a baby. Well done. Well done. Give me another one. I promise it won't happen again.

Make a decision, Bishop. So yeah, there's a... Okay, so that's going from Django's perspective. Now going from Bubba's perspective. Bubba's perspective? Imagine you disappoint... Bubba. Bubba.

Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba? It's Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. It can be either. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Bubba. Boba. Boba. Boba. It's Boba. Boba. Boba. It can be either.

Bopper. Boba Fett. The big Bopper Fett. Yes. Yeah. I don't even know now. Buddy Fett. My Buddy Fett.

Bubble Fett. Bubble Fett. Yeah. Bubble Fett. Imagine you're disappointed in your dad like the way you see him die like a piece of shit. You're just like like that's me that is my reflex is shit

well I guess it would depend on what your dad kind of instilled in you if like say my dad was me well more I was my dad yes your little little John little Johnny boy and he's like look Jackson

you're gonna grow up and you gotta be me. Alright, so I'm gonna teach you to chop wood. I'm gonna teach you to love having chickens. I'm gonna teach you what different vegetables are. It's gonna be the greatest. And then I didn't kind of fulfill that. Well, yeah, I'd feel like shit, but if Dad was like,

oh, no, Jack, well, you're the same DNA, but do what you like. Yeah, but that's your dad. I don't think Django's gonna be like, oh, whatever, but do what you like. Yeah, but that's your dad. I don't think Django is going to be like, oh, whatever, Bob, I'll do what you want. He's going to be like, bubble. Fet, greatest Bernie Hunter. Bubble.

Use veggies. Raise a chicken on Slave 1. I've got my box of toys. Join me and my chickens. John O'Fett. Good time. Yeah, I guess Django Fett seems like the kind of guy that would be like

if you aren't as good as I am but your brain is literally exactly the same so I feel like that if you were motivated to do any of the things that your dad wanted you to do

you would end up being exactly the same like if your dad was like hey chop this wood raise these chickens you're capable of doing that yeah but I didn't

I don't say you might have a passion for it for that like you might have that sort but I didn't have the same training my dad did for that like you might have that sort of I don't know how much your brain controls and how much external Boba Fett the wolf guys but from

yeah Boba Fett is he obligated to then continue his dad's line of work if django says he is yeah because he does become a bounty hunter he's like my dad died i'm not only going to become a bounty hunter but as as i said he's going to like you know pry pry out his dad's skull wash out the helmet and use his same armor but does do we get an idea of what Jango Fett's parenting is like? Ever? In the films? The first, when you get introduced to Boba Fett,

he's hiding in a wardrobe because he's scared because there's a stranger in his house. Has Jango been fucking off in space? Yeah, because at the start of the film you see Jango kill a lady. But Jango Fett's not really... they're raising the kid. Yeah, it seems like he's sort of... Who's raising the kid? Robots?

Nah, the blokes on Kimono? Kimono. The blokes on Kimono. Jango and I little rooper? Kick in the fucking footy, mate? So Jango Fett

not a great dad is what I'm getting at here. Not a great dad. So why does he want a kid? Or that was his retirement plan? Was his plan to like get money from getting the clones

Take Bubba Raise him What was his plan? If he's not there for the kid's life Surely he's being paid to be cloned Oh he's being paid a fuck ton So let's just take away the fact that Jango died Let's see what Jango was wanting to do

Because he would have gotten paid a fuck ton of credits For getting the clone army Also a fuck ton of credits for being a clone army. Also a fuck ton of credits for being a bounty hunter because I feel like being a bounty hunter in the outer rim is like dime a dozen.

Also being such a renowned bounty hunter that people are going to be like cloning of him, good idea. Like a bounty hunter that is killing people on Coruscant

where the fucking Jedi's are. Also balls on that Jango. Yeah, that's a big old sack on our boy Jango. Quite the scrote. So he's got a lot of money from bounty hunting. Let's just say he's then got a huge payoff from Kimono, the Jedi Council, or whatever.

The Kimono Dragons. The Kimono Dragons. Yeah, yeah. Dealing with all that. Huge sack. Because how does he eventually fight the jedi again what goes on there his own well okay so what happens is at the start of the second film if i remember this correctly i probably don't uh jango fett attempts to kill armadillo or kill someone tries to kill someone

uh-huh poison dart hits some other bloke. Isn't that Zim Weasel? Sure. Armadala. And not Armadala. Is she the bounty hunter? Yeah. Oh yeah. She can shape shift.

She can shift the shape. Fuck it is. Oh yeah that's right. No. He hires. There's a bounty hunter going chuffing off to try and kill Armadala. She starts

she gets caught by the Jedi. She starts like mouthing off just giving away all their secrets. Jango's like not on my watch shoots it with a poison dart everyone pokes out the poison dart and is like i'm gonna hunt this

motherfucker down i'm gonna i'm gonna get down to the i'm gonna get down to business so detective obi-wan detective everyone senior constable obi-wan i'm starting to feel i feel like maybe baba fat was just like a little side project they were like hey Django one of them's not quite working out properly it just popped out of the pod it's a baby it's a bit late now do you wanna? Django's like yeah alright you blokes will look after you

I'll be back later a couple of snags on the space barb and then like it's just kind of like a little side thing that he comes in. Like a rich person who has a kid that the maid looks after. I was so worried you were going to be like, like a rich person who has a slave. Oh, no. Like he comes back, he sees the kid, he's like,

yeah, you're my kid. The kid's like, I don't see you. Yeah, you do it all right. You look exactly like me. Good job. And then he trips back off into space, comes back. The kid starts to idolise him because you know those kids whose dad is never there

but they're like he must be off doing great things. If I impress him he'll come back. Exactly. Him and mommy will start sleeping in the same bed together again. And so Boba Fett's like But his mum is also Jango. Everyone's Jango.

Literally on the planet there is more Jango Fett. You know what was so fucked up for that kid? He's like, I'm here, my dad's in space, but my dad is also everywhere I go. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, my dad's in space, my dad is also my mum, and yes, my dad mum is... Is everywhere.

Everywhere I go. Is my dad. And they're being very competent. And he grew up on that planet, which means that the only two things he's seen is Kimono dragons and his dad. Which is himself. But lots of his dad, which is him.

Let's say until the age of six or seven, the conceivable universe for Boba Fett is himself. And these weird looking lads. Puzzling. And his weird looking carers kind of wander around and i can't imagine they have that much maternal instinct they sort of look like for a creature that's not their own species i can't remember what they look like but in my head they look like zoras from like they were a bit like stretch like if you get a gray alien from like typical like ufo whatever and just like... And stretched it out.

Did they talk weird as well? I feel like they speak like in like a... Yeah, some of those ones. Why doesn't Boba talk like that? Because that's what he would have said. Well, I just realised that when we were just... I actually have like a theory to why maybe Jango Fett isn't a piece of shit dad.

Okay. There's a million of him living on this planet. What's to say that when Jango is chuffing off in space, there isn't a Carol that's just him again anyway? Oh, yeah. Jango's like, I've got to make money for my kid. That's not Jango's voice. You want to make money for me, kid, right?

That's better. My little fucking toy. My little boy over there. The little fucking one. The little fucking cunt. He's got to fucking go to like fucking Oz footy. Oz kick. Oz kick.

And the other Django's like, yeah, mate, I'll get it. I fucking understand, mate. And he's like, look, I'm going to be off in space. Could you just fucking pretend to be me? And you're already me, so it's not even a stress. I'm going to put, you know, food on this table somehow. Here's a fucking cricket bat. Here's a fucking little ball.

Let's fucking. You just go play kick to kick. Pretend you're me. Gave him a cricket bat Here's a fucking little ball Let's fucking You just go play kick to kick Pretend you're me Gave him a cricket bat Now you say Kick to kick Of the bat Kick to kick of the bat Taking a cricket bat to each other

The most Australian sport While petting a kookaburra That means that And it's really sweet Boba Fett was raised by Multiple dads All Jango Fett Not just like Jango Fett the guy

Jango Fett the set And could you clone, like when you're cloning Could you ask the kimono dragon to tweak it a little bit So like you give him like this one's got a bit more nurturing instincts This one's a bit more What like create an army of jango vets to raise the kids create an army of dads dad army multi-dad multi-dad dad's army dad's army classic a little bit like each one a little bit different in personality so this one's a bit more you know

have you done your homework kind of thing and this one's that you call uncle like don't worry we'll just go play the footy don't do you have to do your homework. Want a beer? Maybe in ten years, mate. Just kid and make it five. So you call dad uncle, and you've got your stern dad. Which you need. You need a stern dad. You just need a stern figure occasionally. Yeah.

Otherwise you end up like you. I was pointing at Jackson. Thank you. That means that the moment Boba Fett, his dad dies and he's like all right I'll be a bounty hunter and the other jangers like it's all right it's time son well they age quickly also wait wait okay I was really like this is great no it's not because Boba Fett in that arena is seeing his dad's fight his real dad and his dad dies, but then his army of dads turn on Boba, really. Oh, boy.

Because they're fighting for the Jedi, and the Jedi killed... Oh, no. He's going to need to see someone about this. Golly gosh. No wonder he turns out to be a shitty bounty hunter. Yeah, like he just wasn't trained for it. His dad was, but his dad was always fucking off. It was the army of dads that raised him.

Yeah. All that emotional trouble. Why? Why didn't the Jedi's pick up Boba then? Why didn't they pick up little baby Boba? Because they've got a whole... I think we've realised who the true enemy of this is. Yeah.

Finally! Then it's time to shine! The good guys are the bad guys this whole time um no yeah like they've got a whole army of this kid so why not just fucking take the kid as well fuck it train him to be a jedi or some shit yeah midi chlorine count might be low maybe not that's true why not just take some midichlorians from the other dad Exactly You've got this sad little baby You've got all these like clones This one giant centrifuge Just push them all in There you go

Consecrated dad Consecrated dad That's how you get the midichlorians You juice them You juice them That's how you get the meat, Corey You juice them That's how you get them Oh boy So you've got this sad little baby Boba Fett Standing in an arena where he's just watched his dad be murdered

They're like, hmm, he's gonna be a bounty hunter Maybe we should take him under our wing And he'll turn out okay But instead the Jedi's are like, yeah, fucking job well done High fives to everybody Have a shit one, little one They fuck up, Boba Fett's like, yeah, fucking job well done. High fives to everybody. Have a shit one, little one. They fuck up. Boba Fett's like, there's pieces of shit.

I'm going to have to grow up and be a bounty hunter. But I wasn't trained for that. I just had quite a loving childhood. Boba Fett's only like, maybe early 20s when he dies. That's sad. The saga of Boba Fett is kind of tragic. Because when you watch the original trilogy, he's probably like 40 or something, but no.

Like 27? No, less than that, because if Luke's 16... I thought Luke was always 18. Oh, okay, even if Luke's 18. Yeah, he's early 20s. Yeah. Does that mean Darth Vader's like, hey, look, I'm looking for a bounty hunter

that'll help me take down the Jedi, stop them coming back. Boba Fett's like, those pieces of shit, yeah, I'm there i'm there but also he's like that fucking han i'll take him down as well exactly yeah but also that means bob i've got a name for himself very quickly yeah well no i i think maybe just like everybody got confused like you django fat no bob effect i thought it was django oh well it looks like i mean you weren the same armor you've got a bit of a colour change clearly the same guy cool you're right it is Jesus Christ

it's like the same guy you must be the same dude you did all this yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure sick how old are you you've aged spectacularly

I well I'm just very efficient alright you disappeared there for about 15 years but hey you're back welcome aboard

let's fucking hunt down this smuggler prick and another Jedi alright and Django? nah it's Boba mate it's Boba cunt what was that? you sound like Django

alright it's Boba cunt What was that? You sound like Jago. All right. It's Boba Cunt. It's Boba Cunt. Must be a new nickname. And then he goes and fucking dies in the Sarlacc pit. He gets digested for a thousand years. That poor bastard.

Like, that's such a sad little... But anyway, he gets taken out by Blind Han. Yeah. Like, the Jedi shit a sad little... But anyway, he gets taken out by Blind Han. Yeah! Like, the Jedi shit on Boba, basically, from day one. No, it's not Blind Han. Um, no, Blind Han, like, he's holding on to Blind Han, and then, like... Doesn't Han, like, turn around and smack him off? No. That whole fight scene's a bit confusing. Um, pretty sure Luke cuts...

No, because he flies up, Luke cuts his gun in half, and then I think he sort of... I don't know, I can't remember. Return of the Jedi came out a long time ago, guys. Move on. There's new classics out. Have you guys not fucking seen The Hobbit? It's great.

Let's talk about The Hobbit. Yeah, The Ballad of Boba Fett. It's a shit one. The Ballet of Boba Fett. It's a shit one. The Ballet of Boba Fett. It's like Swan Lake, but sadder. Yeah, it's you're your own dad, and then you get shat on by Jedis your whole life. You have a pretty good childhood.

You're raised by your dad on. Raised by dads. Raised by dads. They look after you. They treat you well. You get everything you need from a dad. Yeah. And then the Jedis come in, they're like, oh, none of this.

Kill you. Kill your dad. Turn your other dads against you. Fuck off, leave you in the middle of an arena. So he's like, his dad dads. Slaughtered. Are they on kimono being like,

when's dad prime coming back? No, because all those dads have already been sent out, because the Jedi dads have already been sent out. Because the Jedi's come and collect. I'm pretty sure the Jedi's wouldn't be like, all right, there's this army we're going to take because they've been trained to army shit. This group of people, what are they trained for?

Domestic shit. We can use them. No, it's like, give them guns anyway. And they're the ones who became stormtroopers and that's why stormtroopers are shit at shooting despite the fact they're trained as bounty hunters. They don't know what they're doing. They're like, if you put me in front of an oven,

I could cook a fabulous parma. If you gave me a footy, I could kick it around. Kick, kick. I can teach you how to bat, I can teach you how to bowl, and I can teach you how to field. Anything else, I've got nothing. I can cook a fucking neat snag. Cook a fucking barbie to fucking perfection, mate.

The trick is to grab them throw them down on the grill, see if they bounce that's how you know you've got a good fucking snag it's very funny to imagine like a fucking whatever the equivalent of a Star Wars helicarrier is and you've got like just regular stormtroopers and just one dad trooper there just talking about snags

and the rest of them are like who are you one of the dad troopers who's fucking hungry i bought a i bought a couple of 22 packs yeah everyone's a stubby sick one mate that lands everybody's just drunk is the cricket on no i'll quickly be on somewhere give me the remote give me the remote i got this maybe the fucking ipl i mean it's fucking IPL. I mean, it's not test cricket, so it's not really good, but it's cricket. It's still pretty good.

Just imagine, just like a shiver. Then just like, what's the fucking score, mate? What? The fucking cricket, mate. What's the fucking score? Oh, you're one of the dad troopers. I liked it. There'd only be about seven, and the tales of the dad troopers. I liked it. There'd only be about seven and the tales of the dad troopers would...

I'm surprised they're not dying when they're instantly in the battlefield. No, dad reflexes kick in. Exactly. Like somebody tries to run past them and they do that thing and they grab them by the collar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get back here, scallywag! So do you reckon there's these dad troopers out there

That are having this 20 year journey To try and find fucking Boba Fett But they never quite catch him And then they eventually go to Tatooine And they're like, we're finally gonna be reunited with Boba We heard he caught Han What's that? He's in a fucking Sarlacc pit

Just imagine five just imagine like five of them fucking Jedi standing around like, and they're all decorated like they've been warriors trying to find Boba. Standing around that Sarlacc pit just chucking roses into it. One of them pulls out the fucking bagpipes.

See ya. See ya, son. You're a sick one. You did good, kid. You did good. In the saga of the dad troopers is also a shit one. But it's also the saga of Jango Fett, which is also the saga of Boba Fett.

It's all the same saga. Just Jedi shooting on the Fetts. Well, there's talk of a Boba Fett spin-off film. If they don't cover dad troopers, I'm going to be very mad. Angry ladders to Lucas. To Lucas, who's not involved whatsoever. I'll just be like, dear George Lucas,

my name is Jackson Bailey, and I know you care just as much about the Dad Troopers as I do. My ladders going to be like, dear George, it's Joel. I hope you have some time to talk about the Star War. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I just want just like a dad.

Because I imagine to find Boba Fett, they would go through wars. They were becoming like warriors. They would go through heaven and hell. They would move mountains to find Boba. I feel like one of the dad troopers probably goes too far and loses a bit of his humanity. And it's like, what have I become?

I started out as a sick cunt. Now I'm a shit cunt. Yeah. And again, because they loses a bit of his humanity and is like, what have I become? I started out as a sick cunt, now I'm a shit cunt. Yeah, and again, because they age a bit quicker, in 20 years, they're going to be old. Well, no, that's a thing that you guys

have been saying a bunch in this. I don't know if they do, like the accelerated aging, I don't know if it's a continued thing. I think it's sort of like a... Just while they're in the pod? So they age till about 25? That's why I use the pod example

of like, I think they accelerate to Jango's age, and then it's just like... Okay, because I was assuming by the time A New Hope came around, all the clone troopers had either died out or aged, and were kind of useless, hence why we have all the different Star Troopers. Imagine Grand Moff Tarkin is a fucking clone. Not Star Troopers. That'd be sick.

Grand Moff Tarkin? Imagine if he was a clone trooper that just aged heaps. I mean, he doesn't have a New Zealand accent, but neither do our dad troopers, so hey, who knows? Maybe... Wait, which one was Grand Moff Tarkin? He's the one in charge of the Death Star that seems like he's the boss before you meet Darth Vader.

Is he the dad trooper that lost his humanity? He blows up Alderaan, so yeah, I guess. I'll take those Jed's out for Bubba. Yes! He is a... That would make so much sense now. All the stormtroopers are just like, those fucking Jedi's, they took my Bubba away.

He was my Bubba. My Bubba. The entire fat army all looked after Bubba. My Bubba. The entire Fett army all looked after Bubba. He was like the golden boy of that. That's what happened. So the Jedi took all the army guys. They all died in the Order 66 ordeal. That means the Empire was just left with all the dad troops.

Stormtroopers can't shoot for shit because none of them are trained for army. But it also explains why they're just so fucking mad about fuck this Jedi. They fucking took our Bob-Om. They took Bob-Om. They took our baby Bob-Om. They took our little baby Bob-Om Fett. Man, the story of the Fetts is just a tragedy.

Those poor dad fetties. I haven't cried this much since Titanic. And on that sour note, it's time for us to leave you listeners. I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joel.

And let's have a 10 second silence. Just a moment, a moment of silence for our dear departed brethren. If somebody could do like a bugle horn with their mouth. Now is the most appropriate time to do so. Ba, ba, ba, ba. Ba, ba, appropriate time to do so. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

ba ba ba ba We miss you, Baba. Ba ba ba ba If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com.