Plumbing the Death Star - The Implications of Regeneration in Dr Who (Feat. The Video Shop Podcast)

Episode Date: January 3, 2016

In which our heroes hop in a Tardis, grab a young British woman, and commit genocide as we wonder what are the implications of regenerations in Dr Who. We talk the skill required to regenerate, how useful regenerations are for crimes, and whether or not you'd be able to successfully regenerate into a dog. Duscher handballs the Doctor some new generations, Sam calls out River Song, Cal pitches Dogter Who, and Jackson just realises how ridiculous Dr. Who really is and gets mad. So live recklessly, try and solve space crime, and hope your benevolent overlords will chuck you some more regenerations. You'll figure something out.Want to help us track down Doctor Who and get him to quit it? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, we can start our search as soon as possible.Hankering for some sweet geeky loot every month? Do us a favour and go to www.geekfuel.com/sanspants and sign up to receive your free (possible) Jean Luc Picard today! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sam's Pants Radio, killing a penguin with a rock. Catherine, Aidan O'Grady, Sam Fraser, Raza Clark, Anthony Carter, Jordan Corbo, that sick cunt Poe Dameron, Azalinae, Zach Yates and John White. I'm sorry this took a while, but I hope hearing me say your name incorrectly was worth every penny. Just remember that in the end, you only regret the chances you don't take. Also, this episode was sponsored in part by GeekFuel, the service for you when you need some more geeky bullshit in your life. Head to geekfuel.com slash sanspants and refuel your geek today. Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star.

We ask the important questions like, what are the implications of regeneration in doctor who i'm glad you you like ended that with in doctor the implications of regeneration just as a basic part of life. Where does regeneration happen in real life? Teach me a lesson. Your cells are constantly regenerating. Thank you, yes. Yeah, but not all at once.

Not in the same way. No, and you still look like the same guy afterwards. I don't understand how that works with tattoos, but that's a whole fucking different... So how many generations did the doctor get? Like, just originally, none of those... He's got extra ones, I don't care. How many does he have originally?

Twelve. He can regenerate twelve times. And all Gallifreyans, they got this? No. No? No. Just for him? Just him.

Just the Doctor. He's like, fuck all you guys, I am blessed. Well, it's funny to imagine that. They're like, we'll just give it to this guy, even though he fucked off our planet and betrayed us. This jerk. Stolen old time. Who gets it?

What dictates that? So Time Lords are like genetically altered Gallifreyans. Okay. And they get the regeneration. Why? Don't know. Are they like, okay, so look, we've got this super breed, these genetically engineered ones, and we're like,

and I think 12 is roughly the amount of second chances they're going to need. That's like we're making armor that stops six bullets that that's probably the amount of times you'll get shot and then there's like more implications that like you don't want to talk about the bullshit more generations but you i don't know if you've seen this episode i haven't okay what happens is gallifrey is like hey doctor you're doing God's work. Have 12 more, mate. I like that you did like a hand pass in AFL. Like, you have 12 more. Just for you.

Pass it off to you. Which means that the 12 is... They're assuming he's going to die another 12 times. Yes. But also assuming that that means that it's not a biological thing. They're just like, well, 12 is enough. And after that... They've almost given it to the master too

I'm talking old Doctor Who the master is like you see he's 12th regeneration and he's just like he's like this zombie kind of creep and the Time Lords are like hey you're an awful awful human being awful awful Time Lord

but you know we need help with this saving the Doctor thing so we'll give you 12 more lives to fuck up the universe with. No, just give him one more. We'll just give you an extra one and we'll keep an eye on you. 12 and you can fuck a lot. And then also, like, the Master at some point steals someone else's body and then gets another. Yes.

He also turns into a weird goo snake thing and possesses the body of an ambulance driver. Okay. Doctor Goose, hi. Okay. Dr. Bruce May! Okay, here we are. Here we've arrived, I guess. Our decisions have led us down this path. So, with a regeneration, like, can I choose what I become?

Well, if you're good at it. Well, if you're shit at it, you just become you again. You see, the worst part is that's not a joke. I'm serious. The Time Lords, like, they are trained to regenerate. And his companion sees, he has a companion Time Lord, and she, like, sees this princess, and she's like, she's pretty attractive.

Next time I regenerate, I'll be her. And she does. The current version of the Doctor also did that. By accident. What's the good of that? It's, okay, he did it because... I know he did it as a sign of respect. And a reminder for the decision.

But why have that as an ability? In case you're like, man, I want a reminder of why I do this. I love Robert Downey Jr. I'll be him next time. The only thing I can think of where that's useful is crime. You know what I mean? Otherwise, what's the point what so you just like rob gallifrey national bank and then shoot yourself in the

face oh where's the gallifreyan mayor i'll become him how many of these genetically engineered um gallifreyans are there like on average unspecific it's it's pretty much like the leader at the time wanted there to be a bigger gap between the upper class and the lower class so he genetically he offered doctor who is the one percent yeah yeah pretty much he's the white supremacy of that planet wow but he's also the one that rebelled against them so i get it's sort of like but then he just fucked off the whole planet he just ran away he just stole it all time in american history X, he was committed the crimes and then he didn't relapse.

Well, alright. I haven't seen American History X, but I'm pretty sure that's what happens. Hey, I've not seen it either, so I'll just take your word for it. I'm pretty sure there's a Nazi kills some people. He's like, I'm a Nazi. That's bad, but I love it. Then he meets a friendly black man and becomes not a Nazi?

He's in jail for a bit. He comes out of jail and then I think he's brought... I don't know he meets a friendly black man and becomes not a Nazi he's in jail for a bit and then he comes out of jail and then I think he's brought I don't know everybody just remembers curb stomping I remember curb stomping and I've not seen the film

yeah same like yeah are you talking about the green no no no no no green mile has no curbs can I regenerate into a dog

oh man you'd have to be good at it I'd have to be really good you'd have to have some skill at regenerating to be like this incarnation of the doctor is a dog because yeah there's the snake thing ambulance driver master that's a movie yeah it's kind of implied the master has been like going around trying to figure out new ways to keep himself alive even after all these regenerations have run out so this is kind of like a last resort i'm a snake gummy thing now also the movie where the doctor was half human so we don't talk about

that too much what kind of a life is a good technically he could regenerate i guess like there's nothing stopping him to regenerating to a half human yeah that's true or a dog like technically yeah can you imagine like you know the opening of like the amy pond era and like the tardis lands and she's like oh my god i'm just over the dog she's like oh okay i solve crimes and save planets space crimes space crime i don't understand you because you're a dog i don't know what you're saying get back in your chip doctor who would yeah like because he's got a police book so he's pretty much a space cop. I'm surprised there isn't a Doctor Who as a YouTube channel or something.

There's everything else. Now there will be. There's Doctor Who played by Stewie Griffin. There's gonna be a dog to whom. Or a chip. That's scary. Space chip cop. Yeah. 12 lives. He's not really a police officer. He doesn't really have a defined job. Because he should start arresting people.

I think he should start wrestling. I'm surprised he doesn't have a cop uniform just to be like, Rado, get in the box. And then just like landing on some stupid ass alien planet being like, alright, alright, what's all this? Bloody settle down, mates. Leave me all in the fucking box. I love- I would love a version of Doctor Who that just, like, poked his head out and was like,

hey, I love that. And just all of a sudden chuffed off again. Davros. Oi, Davros. I'm watching you, mate. Quit it. Woo-woo-woo.

Off he fucking chuffs. Slaps him around a bit before he goes around. Just, like, opens up the door, slaps him in the face, closes the door, disappears. The TARDIS would make the best police car

for, like, rough rides. Just throw people in, just like, I'm gonna fucking fuck you up man. Spinning around. Throw someone out the door into the cold reaches of space. Or time. Murder them. Just with space.

Well the TARDIS is a confusing spaceship because there's that whole thing. River Song's in space and doesn't die because the TARDIS is like there's an air bubble around it's a plumbing all of a sudden is there air in space is the plumbing question now

what can River Song do is she really a Time Lord answer probably we don't know what's going on there does anyone care anymore I know I don't with regenerations she uses up like all her regenerations to bring back one of the doctors to save the doctor from a poisoning when the doctor uses

like less than one regeneration to bring the dalek sewers to life and they're not and that's not even between time lords he's just doing it on, like... He's just doing it on Daleks. So the Doctor can theoretically heal other animals, other species of people with his regeneration power. Is it like a percentage base too? Like, I've just used 5% of my regeneration energy. I'm going to lose a finger on my next regeneration. Yep, just not going to happen.

The Doctor comes back with no arm. I'm going to be a Masonic arm I'm gonna be a little bit a little bit shorter next time so hang on this is a dude that plays oh fuck I wish I watched Game of Thrones because it would make it really easy to remember his name a Lannister, Tyrone Lannister

Tyrion? I want to get him to play the Doctor next use up too much regeneration this is all I had left that's when you come back as a dog Tyrion? Yeah, I want him to play the Doctor next. Oh my god, yes! Use up too much regeneration. This is all I had left. He's like, dang. That's when you come back as a dog. Like, I have a dog's worth of regeneration. I'm sure that's a horrible thing to say.

Peter Dinklage or a dog. A dog was less than him. Peter Dinklage goes into dog. It's fine. I was going to say... I'm going to say Peter Dinklage. I know his name. Why did I go for the game with...

Everyone knows. Whatever. No, they don't. I didn't. Well, I was going to say I know his name I didn't I was going to say as a human as all humans we get by on wildlife a doctor needs like 12 and also 13 he gets one for free

when he gets squeezed out a bonus life but then it's also really confusing because Doctor Who the TV show has established that it's more a rule like a guideline rather than like a legit thing sort of

was it like we have sets of 12 I mean 13 it's just easier to give them out sets of 12 you start with one that's how it works everybody starts with one life you get 12 extras so i think i think the way it's kind of meant to work well like the way it's said in some of the radio plays the big finnish stuff yeah is that you'll just tell us that i know something about dr who that you don't know mr i've I've-watched-all-of-the-classic-series. That's too much. Both of you know too much. Rassilon, the head of Gallifrey, essentially went...

What are we going to do? We're going to Rassilon. He's going to Rassilon forever. That's the point. He essentially has the ability... They explain that regeneration is caused by essentially midichlorians okay

that he's genetically engineered to and put into the upper class that but they will die off after you've done it 12 times okay so it's kind of implied that he put in the fault and then he didn't put that fault in for himself how did they discover this it? It's in a weird kind of flashback-y thing where a companion is in the body of Rassilon during the events where people figure it out. How did they discover that these little bugs could make you regenerate? Oh, he's just a genius.

He's just really smart. He's like, I found some bugs. He's like, what if I ate these? Maybe I could come back when I die. That's not several just ridiculous leaps of logic that's like finding a bucket of weevils and you're like maybe if I eat these I go wings he also has a gauntlet that can disintegrate people

like and that's more reasonable and a weird tomb that can turn people into stone faces it's just yeah don't question what Rassilon can do because he'll rassle all over you. Keep on rassling.

Hey, so here's something that's not related to the regenerations but something that always bugged me about Doctor Who. Why has he got two hearts for? Don't tell me it's a backup because I would like a backup and I haven't evolved one. Well, you see, here's a funny thing. The old school Doctor Who coming out on me, the first Doctor had one heart.

They actually said it in an episode, he's only got one heart. Yeah, but he was very old. The other one could have given out on me. The first doctor had one heart. They actually said it in an episode. He's only got one heart. Yeah, but he was very old. The other one could have given out centuries ago. I feel it was young. It was only after his first regeneration he got two hearts. Why? I feel like Stephen... That's just a terrible side effect of regeneration. Yep. Extra hearts. I feel like... Has the doctor got 12 now?

I feel like Stephen Moffat's going to listen back to this episode and be like, why do people care about what happened in the club? Forget about it. We said dumb things. The doctor was half human. He had one heart. I don't know. Don't stress.

No, but why two? Worry about what I say. Why has he got two? Because he had to be alien in some way, but on the inside, because on the outside, he's a handsome priest. Give him, like, another organ. A time liver.

A time liver. Just because, like, two hearts means that he's pumping twice as much blood. It means that he's got to move all of his other organs around to make it work. It was kind of for a little while that he was a little bit stronger and faster than most people. And that, like, he could generally beat you up. Because he has two hearts. Because he's like... I feel like if you have two hearts, you get twice as much chance of having a heart attack.

Yes, but also half as much chance of dying from one. Yeah, that's true. His heart stops all the time. Like, I reckon there's about 16 episodes where there's a doctor in it. Yeah. Like, an actual... Yeah, none of this,

I'm the doctor, where's your certificate? I lost it. Time. I'm a time doctor. Time and space. Yeah, where they're like oh his heart's dead and then someone's like

he's still he's got he's got two so maybe it was just like and then he's fine it's a problem happens in the movie happens another time

I'm sure Gallifreyans just have weak hearts and we were like chuck another Ian that'll sort you out also one thing that

like I just don't regenerations are so fickle because David Tennant gets um radiated and he just lets it go through his body and come out his shoe and he puts his shoe in the bin and then he dies from radiation. But that's much, that's special Time Lord radiation made by the master and it's much stronger probably. You can't put it in a shoe. This ain't for shoes, this radiation. stronger probably you can't put it in a shoe this ain't for shoes this radiation but if we have to justify it then it's crap writing and davies you're done goofed get good all right i haven't

said this on an episode and i just need this to be on record and i know we have some fans that like doctor who because we're always hassled about doing an episode p.s guys you fucking happy you're probably not because i'm really confident anyway moffat is a better writer than Davies. Absolutely. Yes. 100%. For singular episodes, not for whole episodes. Not fucking entirely.

But see, the thing about Doctor Who is it's utter trash. It is the worst show ever. And we get to pick, like, we just get to nitpick all these little bullshit inconsistencies because it sucks. It's terrible. It's bad. And I love it.

Just like to point out that Cal is not part of the Red Star. If that made you very angry, don't email us. Oh, man. Tweeting Matt Callan Jenkins. Yeah, spell it. I dare you. People love to, like, nitpick it, and that's why it's got this great

fandom, and I love to nitpick it. I love how terrible it is. Well, yeah, if everything was perfect, people wouldn't fan. they'd just be like oh it's good it's like when when everybody's like it's good i've moved on yeah i haven't no i haven't either never forget sam and i get back from watching a movie we get ready to record a podcast and we go it was good how have you been that's it well see like Doctor Who for me has this problem

that so many like fictional universes have where I'm like there's no rules really there's no rules so there's nothing for me to grab onto so I don't care

you know what I mean like oh the Doctor's not gonna die I don't give a fuck I don't care about his companions they'll disappear eventually it's always gonna be

the same place he's never gonna do anything interesting or new I'll just die like that's always going to be the same place. He's never going to do anything interesting or new. Play the guitar on a tank. That's amazing. I'm back 100%. Because Moffat is better than Davies.

If the Doctor was like, hey, today I'm getting one of them lizard people. That'll be my companion for a bit. Let's have lizard adventures. An Ood. The best thing. The only good thing to come out of Doctor Who is the Ood.

Are we all sick of very attractive human companions for this guy at this point? I just fucking even leave Britain. Go to Somalia. Get a huge Maori guy. How fucking cool. Go back to Sydney airport and pick up another stewardess. That'll be fine. Anything a little different.

As long as it's not bloody Kara Oswald anymore. You know, we were like, here's the plumbing question. Regenerations. But I think a better question is why? Why is he always in Britain? In London? In Cardiff? In Cardiff, picking up a female companion. That's bizarre.

Just say you like the accent. Just say that that gets you off. There's a time rift in Cardiff. There's the only place in the land. The only place in the entire time and space. That's where he can charge his TARDIS. Yes. Doesn't make sense though, does it? That's ridiculous.

Why is there time holes in Earth? Right. I just think at a certain point you'd pick up an Ood because they're fucking great well he picks up an Ood he fucking drops it off at Rory and I love in Doctor Who like I stopped

watching when Clara happened because I was like oh wow I don't care what am I doing here but like and maybe it's addressed but like throughout like every single all of the fucking new Doctor Who he just kills Oods and And he talks about it, but he never addresses it.

I remember the one where the TARDIS becomes a woman, right? And he lands on an Ood and squishes it. And he's like, oh, killed another Ood. And that's it! He said recently there's always an Ood. Yeah, but you're always killing them. He saved them, and then they're fucked again.

I don't know what happened. But also also the slave Oods have had the personality part of their brain removed, so all the individuality is gone. No, but then there was the Ood brain. Yes, but they're not connected to that anymore. Yeah, that was good. Then they were doing the Ood sing, and then that Ood came in and was like, hey, doctor, you're fucked up.

Remember that? Yeah. Remember when he did the Mars bullshit? I remember. The Ood was like, hey, your song's ending. And he was like, nah. And he was like, it is. He was like, I'm an ood. I'm holding my brain.

That is the dumbest. Why would an animal evolve? Why? How did they get to a level where they could communicate and also hold their brain? Doesn't seem practical either. Why your hand? What do you use your hands for? It sounds like something that could have been genetically engineered though so that way you could easily remove all the part of the

brain that would make them revolt snip it off but then why not just start with like why not give them a brain to then remove it lobotomize cows exactly, bam, they'd make better slaves I don't know that they would thumbs

just as a starting point but you can't hold anything They make better slaves. I don't know that they would. Well, thumbs. Just as a starting point. But the oud can't hold anything. Because they're holding their braids. Because they're holding their bloody braids. Yeah, so you snip that off, you give them a nice ball with a clip on it that they can put in their top pocket. Oh, yeah, that's right.

They do that. Yeah. And then they've got both hands to do whatever sick things you want to do. Anyway, back to regeneration. Enough of oud times. A laugh. I've got so many still hassles.

Yeah, go on. All right, we're all on Gallifrey now. We're all Time Lords. That's pretty good. Sick. Hey, guys, welcome to the team. We've got to think of names. Like the doctor, the master.

I'll be the cook. The mechanic. The teacher. I don't know. The pianist. One of us picked a boring one. I don't know why. They're all terrible.

I'll travel around in a bath. I'll be like, oh, my toddler's stuck on bath. I walk around with a wrench and I'm like, it's fucked. Grand piano, I have you all beat. I'll open the piano lid and I'll climb out where the keyboard should be. People are like, it's big on the inside. Like ridiculously big. I just go, shut up, or you can stand outside and I put him on the inside like ridiculously bigger I just go shut up

or you can stand outside and I put him in the vacuum of space and I leave him there so you're pretty much you're pretty much just Clara like if Clara was the doctor you're Clara in space oh shut up

Clara's the worst Clara's fine so where are all Time Lords yeah where Time Lords are sick knocking about at Time Lords school alright it's the Time War oh shit

Time War no yeah I escape the's the Time War. Oh shit. Time War? No. Yeah. I escape. The last great Time Warriors. I will join the bloody Daleks. No because that's the thing

with the Daleks you can't just join them because they're just like What if I ask politely? You are not a Dalek. You are not sexy enough. Give me one of them machines I'll hop in.

Pose us. Tight squeeze. So you want to be Davros again like you know like a Dalek open it up from behind climb inside

be like alright shut it now shut it I'm ready to go well Daleks are pretty big Clara was in one recently Clara's quite small she's a little

I'm bigger than Clara I've met Clara Oswald who's not actually Clara Jenna Coleman she is very small. Like, it is no surprise she fit in there.

You could probably fit three Claras in a day. Do you reckon I could squeeze in, though? Like, if I just squeezed? Like, it wouldn't be comfy. I'm not looking for comfort here. Just, I want to get in. Maybe take it off at the knees, then you're probably alright. What if I take off all my clothes?

Tiny little ball. Why are you taking... You're not... What? Why are you taking off your clothes? I just feel like I'll be less... You take a sword, you just... A lightsaber to the knees. That's alright. Why are you taking off your clothes? You take a sword A lightsaber to the knees I can pull that off

So make screwdriver your limbs off When you regenerate you'll get your leg back anyway That's a good point Don't even get me started on the sonic crew cover Like four legs Like those regenerate Cause you know how the doctor's hand regenerated into a doctor yeah will my legs regenerate into two other fucking the cooks anyway what were you saying all right so we're all good we're all doing our thing yeah i'm your time traveling in a bath

in a bar as cooks do yeah i just keep sliding out under various vehicles all through space and time yeah you're somebody, you're like, you pull out one of those, you know, the things you like lie on, I don't know what you call, and you're like, hop on, companion, and then you slide underneath a car and they're like, wow, there's a whole spaceship. You're like, I know.

Also, it's fucked. It's going to cost you three times the amount that I quoted. I imagine that if it's a bath, I have to like pull the curtain away and then you can look inside, pull the curtain back. Anyway, oh, there's just a bath in there. And I'm like, the curtain away and then you can look inside, pull the curtain back. Anyway. Oh, there's just a bath in there.

And I'm like, no, it's not bigger on the inside, but you're fine in here. You won't die in space. I don't think I've ever been to space. Um, I know it anyway.

So yeah, cool. We're all friends. Yep. Time war. You're a Dalek for a bit. That's fine. That was okay.

Yeah, it was all right. You lost a leg, but then you got two of you. That's fine. We regenerate. Uh huh. How do we know what we look like now? We got separated in war. Let's fine. That was okay. Yeah, it was all right. You lost a leg, but then you got two of you. That's fine. We regenerate. Uh-huh. How do we know what we look like now?

We got separated in war. We're telepathic, though, aren't we? Are we? Well, sometimes when the plot needs us to be. You might hear drums from me. Real shit drum solo. I remember beatboxing. You're like, what the fuck?

You're like, what the fuck is that? No wonder he's insane. Plus, guys, there's three of me because of the leg. That'd be three dogs. But then if we're going by the same rules of that. Oh, yeah, they're human. They're human ewes. And I'll send them off to live with my companion.

But also, they still look like you. Yeah, that's true, actually. That's a good point. Get out of work. Yes. Okay. Get out of my job on Gallifrey. Okay, so we're weird, hyper-intelligent, time-travelling starfish creatures.

Yeah, go on. Good. I... Why... Okay, we're telepathic now. This is... Only sometimes he is. Sometimes it's like, oh, I would feel another Time Lord around if they were around. And other times it's like oh i would feel another time lord around if

they were around and other times it's like oh the master was here all along didn't know well because how long does it take for him to realize that missy's the master ages all the time missy's literally like my name's missy as in mistress the master the doctor's like oh i've got old man brain now um but then when it's john simm the doctor's like oh I've got old man brain now but then when it's John Simm the doctor's like that's him there he is well I guess

does he I really like season 8 but I've only seen it once Cal settle deep breaths of fury how many times does he meet Missy before he's like not once

so then it's not really that it's not like he's like who's this anyway I guess like it would be different though if you're like the last of your kind you can't see listeners but there's big air quotations because he's not really every fucking three episodes is another time

all of the Gallifreys turn up sometimes. They're like, yo, hey, we're still around. Anyway, bye. Some of the Gallifreys are like, I'm just going to crash into Earth. Yeah, what up? I don't give a fuck. They're all sitting there supposedly in cup of soup mode. Which does...

Oh, man. Is it a painting? Is it a crack in an alternate universe? Make up your mind. My fight? Do both. Oh, yeah, the painting. I think I'd just be asking everyone that was, like, up to shenanigans.

Are you the cook? Yeah, I'd be like, are you the mechanic? Your car's fucked, yes. Let me look at that bath. No, no, no, no, no. It's going to cost you, like, two grand. The thing is, what if there's, like, a third-party time lord, total jerk.

Yeah, fuck that guy. Just regenerate. Like, one of us regenerates, total jerk. Yeah. Fuck that guy. Just regenerate. Like one of us regenerates and he just rocks up in my place. He's like, I'm the pianist. I'd be like, yeah, hey man, how you doing? Yeah, yeah. What choice do you got? You get a balloon.

I'm like, yeah, okay. You'd be constantly asking each other questions that only they would know the answer to. Are you? Are you? I'd be like, where's your magic piano? Remember that time we went camping that thing we'd never ever talk about and the Gallifreyan

Brokeback Mountain good times the four of us all four of us Brokeback Mountain is a different movie if it's four people four cowboys just in a train it's not a game it's a foursome We're all just like four cowboys just in a train. It's not gay

if it's a foursome. Yeah. Come on, the cook. Let us shoot you in the face and cross our fingers that you come back as a woman. I think I'd let you. I'd be like,

look, you know. That's the thing. You wouldn't be able to really tell. And also, I thought you were going down because you said shoot you. I'd be fine with dying

if I knew that I had 12 lives. Yeah, I would be reckless as shit. I'd be fine with dying if i knew that i had 12 lives yeah i would be reckless dying about 12 times it's the 13th time but i'm like oh no well i think the thing that i know would happen with me is that i would just be like oh whatever and then they'd be like jackson this is your last one i'd be like shit really you've gotten there already oh my god i should have the doctor's time we played russian rou? And we went through like three each? I'd go and find the Gallifreyan guys and be like, yeah, give me another 12. Give the doctor another 12.

I'm doing God's work. What have you done for us lately? But you see, the doctor's a jerk who ran away and stole our property. And then killed us all. He murdered all of Gallifrey. Don't forget that. Don't ever forget that. Guys like that and the Master,

they deserve more regeneration. Not your average citizen who's just going about his day. Also, the Master's another fucking confusing thing, because they're all like, yeah, the Master, since Gallifrey got killed by the Doctor. Yeah. But then, in the pre- I don't know.

They're fine with the Master. Literally, they sentence him to death, and then they bring him back for the time war wait they sentence the master to death then bring him back for the time war he gets tried for his crime no the time lord sent him I thought the time lord sentenced him to death

and he was executed by the Daleks that's another confusing thing yeah because that happens to the doctor as well they're just like hey go to Skara it's time for you to die. No, they go to Skaro. Kill the Daleks before they exist.

It'll save a lot of hassle later. The Doctor's like, nah, I shouldn't have this kind of power. And then, you know, he waits till everyone's died and then decides to kill all the Daleks. And still doesn't kill all the bloody Daleks. And all of the Gallifreyans. He kills everyone.

He just does a big murder. Is The Doctor, the character out of every TV show that we follow... Is Mr. Doctor Who, yes. Is Mr. Doctor Who the only TV show where you follow a good guy who has committed genocide? Multiple times. I think so. I can't think of another... That's like... show where you follow a good guy who has committed genocide multiple times I think so

that's like if we watch Hitler the TV show but if Hitler was the good guy it was like if Hitler killed all the Nazis and then all the Jews and we were like well I mean he kind of and then he just travels around the world in his blue car

with his cool robot dog stuff and problems I mean okay I want that to be a thing I would watch that I'm very morally conflicted about everything now season 10 is just the doctor regenerates into Adolf Hitler

and then ends up back in, back in, yeah, Germany. Fucking times. The Doctor ends up in World War II.

And then Rory puts him in a cupboard. And then... Because, yeah, like, there's the whole, like, they almost kill Hitler. The Doctor accidentally

stops someone from killing Hitler. That's bad. He's... Okay, so, and again, like, it comes back to, like, why the fuck is the Doctor always on Earth? So, like, the Doctor turns up at a lot of our big historical events, right?

And, of course, this is a TV show, that makes sense. That's what we know. But, like, he's got a whole entire universe and all of time. Like, if I was, like, one of them lizard folk, you know, like the lizard woman? The Silurians. Sure, them. And I was like... They live, they're, wrong choice, because they're from Earth.

Okay, fuck that then. Yeah, they live underground. Say I'm one of the Sultans. The Sultana men. They're clones. Pick something else. No, that's fine. But they've got a history, right? Like, things have happened to their people. And I'm aware of the Doctor.

And I like, learn about his adventures. Like the Rhino dude. Like the nurses. There we go. Jadun! Jadun! Jadun! the doctor and i i like learn about his adventures and i'm like rhino dude like the nurses there we go i'm one of the moon jadoon jadoon jadoon and i'm like jadoon we have we have tragedies in our jadoon history we had a jadoon world war ii you know but the doctor's never stopping that he's never turning up here he's just fixing earth well see we don't know i mean they leave big gaps of time he could be there it's just not that interesting for us. Well, show me that.

I want to see Judoon World War II. Come on, Judoon World War II sounds amazing. Why were they rhino men? We have rhinos. Did our rhinos come from those guys? Or are they time-travelling rhinos? At some point in human history, rhinos will be like... Humanity dies out and the rhinos rise up. Did they just send all the stupidest of their offspring to earth and then they've just bred

to be quadrupeds i just love like like planet of the rhinos like planet of the apes but with rhinos that would be a much more terrifying situation i like the idea that in the future though rhinos at some point like it's time to go to space actually that is a fantastic origin for the jiu-jitsu and yeah become police for space to the moon hospital fucking doctor who we're gonna all dress in the same uniform that looks like snm gear like when you describe an episode of doctor who you're like oh my god that's the worst show right's an episode, Doctor Who ends up on a hospital on the moon, and then Rhino

police officers come did the writers of Doctor Who just like we gotta just string words together the Doctor Who ends up on a piano on an asteroid and then Eggman come and he saves the day, and the sonic screwdriver works on wood

he's on a ship made of people, and he saves the day and the sonic screwdriver works on wood. He's on a ship made of people and he rides a horse through a mirror and then invents the banana daiquiri. It's a real episode, that's the worst part. There are sharks in the sky and also Scrooge is there. It's another episode. Not to mention music affects the weather. Fuck you, Doctor Who. That's awful. That's another episode. Not to mention, music affects the weather. Fuck you, Doctor Who.

That's awful. That's the dumbest shit. And it's fun to talk about. And it's so good. I'm just flabbergasted. I'm fucking, I don't even know what to do right now. I've watched from the start of Eccleston

to the end of Matt Smith. And now I realise that I've been watching just a hot dump the whole time. Just skip season eight, though. I'm not going to go back. No, come back, man. No, I'm out. Come back. We'll come to my place with our fish and chips and it'll be good.

Oh, man, I couldn't even. He just stole my house. My house is the one near the fish and chips shop. Come to my house, it's really far away. Everyone's house is near the fish and chips shop. Come to my house, it's really far away. I think I was watching the episode where Rory and Amy get magicked away by the stone angels and also

somehow a detective novel is involved and I was just like, I don't think I need to be here anymore. Matt Smith's seasons were all steaming piles of crap but Matt Smith did a very good job of being the Doctor. Yeah, he was entertaining.

But I'm also done with that as a show. But also, sorry, about regeneration. Sorry to get back on topic. You should be sorry. The whole when Matt Smith regenerates, I know it's a whole new set of regenerations and it's a bit of a special occasion, but he destroys an entire Dalek fleet with his regeneration energy.

If that happened, you know, even one in 13 times you killed a Time Lord during the time war, it would just be constant carnage of the Daleks. Damn. That's true. Like you just wouldn't want to kill them. No. Imprison them. That's the way to go.

Take the sonic screwdriver and then they're just like dudes with two hearts. Yeah. You look like you're deep in introspection, dude. It's because, like, I'm trying to think about pretty much all of Doctor Who is playing out in my brain at the same time. And it's just... Is it like you with, like, a thousand videos of all the episodes with, like, classical music in the background? You know in The Matrix when they see the architect and he's watching

all the versions of Neo that's me watching all the versions of the Doctor but all of their individual adventures at the same time Jesus your brain must hurt

struggling to comprehend I just hmm like and like regenerations sometimes like the Doctor

he so many like he gets shot by a dalek and doesn't regenerate but then one of the versions of the doctor regenerates because he bumps his head he literally trips over and just that's that's another thing well they they establish that you don't always regenerate if you die quick enough you're not going to regenerate yeah but he gets shot by a dalek and that has like a delayed reaction for some reason but yet he gets caught in a flood and that's just too quick for him do you mean if i beheaded a doc like a like a like a time lord he'd die like like if i was really

quick with a sword i'm pretty sure yeah that's pretty much what he says does that mean you can kill like i could kill a doctor who with a hammer i'm pretty sure when we were saying uh can we shoot you in the face and see if you become a woman, I'm pretty sure that would be incorrect. If we shot you in the face, you wouldn't regenerate. You would die because you haven't got a face. Imagine if the Doctor that we're following, he just

steps out on the road too quickly, gets hit by a car. Just like, well, I feel like the split second maybe. He died that way recently. What, just get hit by a car unceremoniously? That's hilarious. Most boring character in the world. Fuck off.

Danny Pink's an angel. He is an angel now. What is wrong with you? You like season eight and Danny Pink? Danny Pink sounds like the name of a punk rocker in a band called the Sex Machines. But he's so much more disappointing than that. I like series eight.

I just, Daddy Pink was just Daddy Pink Freudian slips out It's super good Guys I've realised that all of Doctor Who Is trash in this episode I can't defend either one of you

No I think Side note quickly while we're here I guess Danny Pink's problem is that it seems like now that you know how it ends you're like oh that's disappointing

because it's he has so much potential that makes his death tragic because he literally just gets hit by a car yeah I agree with that yeah you're looking at me like

I've got an opinion no because you were like imagine that how fun and it happened it's supposed to be and it was it was funny like that whole send off

for him supposedly where he sacrifices himself to save everybody you know supposed to be. And it was funny. Like that whole send off for him supposedly where he sacrifices himself to save everybody, you know, supposed to be his proper goodbye. But really it's just me sitting there going, if the Daleks were like feeding, like seeding through all the corpses to try and build new Daleks at the end of Christopher Eccleston season, why are there Cybermen in the ground in this bit? I don't know. I'm just getting angry at people crapping on their own cannon. But there was like a giant, like, like Cyberman that was controlled by an old British woman. Yeah. this bit uh i don't know i'm just getting angry at people crapping on their own canon but there was like a giant like like cyberman that was controlled by an old british woman yeah none of it means anything it's all a little bit there's an episode where there's like daleks in a supermarket guys come on nothing like throw me a bone here what are we doing

nothing matters there's no canon and we've come to discuss the very specific thing cat nurses not nuns they're kinda nunny they look like world war 2 nurses why though

did the cat people look back at our world war 2 nurses and were like that's the uniform for us and also in that episode people have every disease so that's too many diseases that would kill you I got a head and a jaw I'm so tired

that's also Captain Jack that's also a guy maybe which is his body retracted into his head and his head gets bigger and bigger like

that's the best explanation I've heard I just can't well I think we're done for today Jackson certainly is that's the best explanation I've heard I just can't well I think we're done for today Jackson certainly is regenerations make no sense but it doesn't matter because all of Doctor Who doesn't and that's why it's awesome

keep watching it and on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson I've been Sam I've been Cal where can we find you guys if you want to harass Cal about his hatred of Doctor Who, it's at Cal and Jenkins, C-A-I-L-L-A-N, Jenkins as it sounds.

You can find me at Sam Pratwhite on Twitter, and also you can find our podcast, the Video Shop podcast on YouTube and on iTunes. Check it out. Sick. They eat a lot in the episodes, and that gets my seal of approval. We've tried to scale back a bit. Look, if you like

Call Me The Death Star talks loudly over film whilst we eat, this podcast is for you. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think it adds a human element to it. People are like,

I eat. We are people too. We are not the gods you think we are. I am. I'd just like to point out that I did this entire episode Wearing a shirt with my face on it Three times

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