Plumbing the Death Star - The Problems of Being Frozen in Time (Feat. Mr Sunday Movies)

Episode Date: April 13, 2015

In which our heroes bid farewell to their time period, crash a plane into the snow, and slowly become encased in ice while wondering what the ramifications would be if we woke up sixty years in the future. We imagine horrifying future porn, the nature of lactic acid and Rove McManus’ quest for relevancy. Jackson wonders how meaningful Captain America’s relationship with Peggy actually was, James believes watching any of the Saw films would cause Steve Rogers to commit suicide, and Zammit just wishes people would stop viewing the past through rose tinted glasses. So wave goodbye to your loved ones, scream at the overwhelming lights of Times Square and try to cope with a future you are not part of. It’s almost as depressing as realising Hawkeye twerks better than you.Want to help us employ Christopher Lloyd for wacky time-travel based practical jokes? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in helping Steve Rogers acclimatise.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably several versions of the Time Machine so you can get an idea of what you’re in for (Morlocks, you’re gonna be attacked by morlocks). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sam's Fans Radio, quite similar to the cracked heels of Kim Kardashian. This episode is brought to you by Holly D. Bailey, Chris, aka Laquatius B, Christopher Finn, and Lucas P. Shopping. What a bunch of delightful individuals, you are my new friends. And great names. And oh my gosh, what names. Enjoy the episode. Hey everybody, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions, like, what are the ramifications of being frozen

in time? Like Captain America, he gets frozen in time after World War II, and when he comes around it's... 2000s and 15s. 2015, which is... I think it was... 12. Yeah, 12.

2012. It's like, oh my God, the Earth's going to blow up in one year. It's like, how many decades is that? Can we... Six. Six decades. It's 60 years. Yeah.

Do you know how much shit changes in... Imagine if you were frozen now and you woke up 60 years in the future. I think I would just start screaming and not stop until they sedated me. Yeah. Or maybe a better way, because it's hard to picture what would happen to you in the future, is what if you were frozen and somehow woke up 60 years in the past? I think that's more okay. I think that's okay, yeah, because you'd be like, I've seen television.

I know what this is. I know what to expect. There's Hitlers around still and shit. That's right. Yeah, right, guys. No, but you'd notice the difference difference and then you can kind of like figure out what I'm just imagining you just doing like

ye olde people of folk welcome I'm from future I land beyond your clocks here I am let me show you the way of science. But the thing is, I'll be like, in the future,

we've got phones and cars that can do whatever, and they'll be like, how do they work? And I'll be like, I couldn't tell you. They'll be like, how can we trust you? Honestly, I don't know. At what point do you go back in time that you're basically shot as a wizard? If I go back any further than this date,

I'm going to be killed because of being some kind of wizard or heretic. 1600? Yeah, I'd say 1600s. You land back there. I'd shut up about it. I'd be like, I'm not saying nothing. Yeah, exactly. I'm from the 1600s, whatever. Grout and earth and toads. Yeah, oh my god. I know. I saw the Holy Grail movie.

Which isn't set in this time. What's a movie? What's a movie? Oh no. I'm giving myself up. But I reckon, because you've got to think about what would actually... Unless you... If you're coming with a time machine, you're fucked. No matter what, because they're like, what's this?

But if it's just you, then it's probably going to be your clothes or your shoes. Your mannerisms, the way you speak. Your mannerisms, everything that gives you away. Your lexicon, the way you say words because even like in the 50s you know here 40s and 50s

people are like 1940 what's happening blah like that the humanity yeah people used to talk

like that because they heard the way that people talk like that on television and people adopted that and that slowly went away because it's

ridiculous yeah I heard that that was a that was like an acting technique that people were taught. So people were like, I guess that's how we'll talk. Emote! Alright, here we go, enunciating. Because no matter what country

it is, everybody has that voice. Like in Australia, the first television broadcast is, hello and welcome to television. Yeah, exactly. It's like that spur. Now it's like, hey, welcome to television. Yeah, exactly. Whatever the fuck, mate.

G'day, mate. It's all right. G'day. Welcome to television. But that's just us going back in time. Captain America coming to 2012, what would be the thing that you reckon is going to stress him out the most? I reckon...

I want to say either cars, transport. He's seen cars. cars yeah but not as fast if I went back if I went into the future and there was like something like roads and something like cars

I'd be like I get it yeah I think it'd be more information overload yeah just of everything at all the time

because you would never be able to catch up on all of it really definitely not yeah and I don't know about you, but when I, like, say I'm editing or whatever, I'll have the television on, and I've got an iPad

next to me where I'm checking email as I'm editing. Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? Even, like, Facebook keeps you up to date with enough current events to get by. In the 40s, like, something could happen, you know, on the other side of the country. If you don't read the paper, you might not hear about it,

if it wasn't that big. Anything happens. You're probably going to find out over the internet and stuff like that now. Your sphere in the 40s was quite small. Yeah, but in 2012, it's huge. Bloody Coney 2012, am I right? Yeah, oh my God, Captain America comes back and he's like, are you doing something about this Coney guy?

No, because that's nothing. There's nothing. He's like, but everyone's talking about it,oney guy? No, because that's nothing. There's nothing. He's like, but everyone's talking about it. No, no, no. It doesn't mean it's true. Okay, Captain America. The guy's jerking off in San Francisco. So shut up.

Don't worry about it. Okay, so here's a good scenario. You work for S.H.I.E.L.D. and you're on the defrost department. Right. I've got the hairdryer. Yeah, you've got the hairdryer. You're both like...

Captain America comes out. What's the first thing you say to him? Like how do you You trick him You make a fake room apparently Oh yeah That's not cool right? I like that they're like

That'll ease the transition But like if he runs out of there We've got no backup It's still gonna be a point where You cannot ease him into that There's gotta be a point where Snap Listen this is

This is the score Yeah So say you guys Are in charge of This is the future Welcome so say you guys are in charge this is the future welcome to the future just punch him in the dick aliens won world war ii wearing a mask as well at the time jelzheimer gets fired from shield i'm trying to think what how i would introduce him to the future to now now. I think I would be like, hey, you know what I'd do? I'd get mobile phones from about 1990

or just phones. Do it with phones. So you're like, here's what phones were like 10 years after you were around. I think I'd go gentle walk and be like, just ask me questions. It's like, what's that? I'm like, it's a bird. Yeah, then. What's that? It's a tree.

Oh, yeah. I wonder if your brain went that? It's a tree. Oh, yeah. It's a, oh my God, Steve. I wonder if your brain went weird. It's a stream. You know about these. Every year, we have generally

like a roundup of things. Yeah. Charlie Brooker, do you ever see those? They're great things. Anyway, I was thinking like

the big fat quiz of the year like the BBC do. Okay, yeah, yeah. Show them every single one of them. Yeah. But then he's going to be like, gee, television has changed. He's going to be like, oh, yeah, okay. Show him every single one of them. Yeah. But then he's gonna be like, gee, television has changed.

He's gonna be like, oh, yeah, okay. Basically like a summary of each year, right? So he'd be like watching, you know, 90, you know, 50 odd, and he'd be sort of watching like, and this year, and you know, 1952, this happened, and he'd be like, oh, okay, so that happened. No, but I like James' one so much better because it's like more, yours is like, hey,

Captain America, he's like, what's going on? You're like, get in this room. Sit down. He has 12 VHS tapes I'll see you when you've watched them all you're like hey man you go in and he's just looking through them he's like

I don't quite know what you mean ah gee Cap I know you'd be there sitting with him and he'd sort of as you're going through them I guess yours is a lot

like gentler than me being like Captain America this is a phone from the 50s. He's like, what? This is the 60s. What's the 50s? It's the after,

doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. I realized this was really dumb. So I think, cause mine would be, you'd be like, all right, so we're doing say

1950 to 955 today. So it's five years of just like this basic. So it's going to do a bit of history. This is what's happened. Don't worry too much. If you have any questions about these particular areas,

there you go. Tomorrow we're doing 55 to 60, and we'll get you up to date. I would argue like a lot of people now don't know what happened. Yeah. In specific areas. Oh, good point.

Do you know what I mean? Like you could skip a lot of that. Yeah, fuck it. Drop in the middle of Times Square, deal with it. Good luck, mate. You're done. Like it's surprising,

because in the end of Captain America, he runs out into Times Square, and it's just like, what the fuck, S.H.I.E.L.D.? Just like, where, because in the end of Captain America, he runs out into Times Square and is just like, what the fuck, S.H.I.E.L.D.? Just like, where are we going to put our Captain America room? It's really sad. Times Square? It's like, I had a date, and then the movie ends.

Yeah, and you're like, what a downer. Fuck. Also, like, why didn't Captain America just, like, fucking seizure out being in Times Square, being like, what is this? Ah! Ah! Ah! Bang. Head explodes.

Blood on the pavement. Everybody's screaming. Samuel L. Jackson's just like, we should have been

gentler with that. Yeah, I'm surprised he didn't have that much, yeah, any kind of

physical reaction because his body just didn't go into any shock. I'm guessing that could be

part of the super serum. You'd just be like, having a seizure, freaking'd just be like, you know, having a seizure, just like freaking out being like, what is all these lights? What about this for like a way of transitioning him? He did miss the scum of the 80s, like, you know,

like central, like New York, like scummy New York. He went straight from like 80s, like New York being you know, metal as fuck. Tame and shit is what it is now. So he sort of missed that. Because of abortion. Yeah. That's another story, though.

Another story. Do we have to teach Captain America that abortion's okay now? I think they still had him then, but they were very... They weren't great. Yeah, very backyard. Like, he's going to be super awkward walking around with Captain America. Like, when you're, like, bringing him in, he's like, what the fuck's that?

You're like, it's like a health clinic. He's like, what are those girls doing? You're like, oh, just getting abortions. He's like, the fuck? The fuck is this? You're like, it's like a health clinic. He's like, what are those girls doing? You're like, oh, just getting abortions. He's like, the fuck? The fuck is this? You're like, no, no, it's fine now. It's fine.

He's just running towards. You're like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's a shield. That just hurls it. Guys, guys, guys, he's at an abortion clinic. He's at an abortion clinic. Shit. Because he'd have odd.

He'd have 1940s views. 1940s views. He wouldn't like gays very much. But other people I'd imagine, he'd have better time adjusting because have 1940s views. 1940s views. He wouldn't like gays very much. But other people I'd imagine, he'd have better time adjusting because he's very liberal. That's true. But he could be like, hey, here's my Discman, because you wouldn't want to show a memory 3 player.

Or here's my memory 3 player, here's like, is Bose German engineer? That sounds about right. Because like, here, here's my Bose headphones. They're what? Oh, it's, yeah, we kind of, we didn't forgive Germany, but we kind of did. Or, like, he sees, like, a Volkswagen, like, what? Like, yeah, I know, sorry, Captain America.

The suit I'm wearing is Hugo Boss. What? The Nazis. He's like, they see it. The uniforms are also Hugo Boss. Have you seen the Hugo Boss, like, Nazi uniform, like, from the 1940s? Like, that's not great.

Guys. You know what I'd do to transition Captain America into the future? Right? So I'd unfreeze him in, like, a one-to-one replica of, like, his house. And then I'd have a crazy professor show up and be like, I've invented it. Not Doc Brown, but he'd sound like Doc Brown. No, you'd call him Doc Brown because he wouldn't know. Yeah, but he'd get Christopher Lloyd.

He'd be like, I've invented a time machine. And he'd make know. Yeah, but he'd get Christopher Lloyd. He'd be like, I've regretted a time machine. And he'd make it look all 1940s-y, get in it, and then take away the one-to-one replica, and then he could step out. And it's not just like you shut your eyes, and then you've opened your eyes, and you're in the future. He'd be like, I'm in the future now. And then when he's adjusted, and he's like, what's this?

What's that? This is amazing. You can be like, actually, this is it. He's an actor, Christopher Lloyd. He was in a film about time travel that's why we chose him yeah that was we were having fun with that and basically you crashed your plane you froze we unfroze you we thought this would be a better way to do it because you could do some really shit like live-action technique kind of stuff like you know theater like you just have all these ribbons and shit going around like oh we're traveling through a time stream yeah

this is amazing yeah because he's not gonna know yeah fucking use like a like a green screen show him a picture of it you know how fucking good for captain america when they're like hey captain america let's go to the cinema and he's like oh, oh, great. And you're like, he's like a blockbuster from the 90s. Imagine showing Captain America the Matrix. He'd be like, whoa! Imagine showing him, like, bad boys. Yeah. Oh, my God.

See, that's the thing. I've always had the firm belief that if you show someone from the 50s, like, a horror movie, they'd kill themselves. Like, you saw them soar. You know what I mean? Because it's not. it's not at all like a horror movie for them was like not even science like the man who was slightly different than a regular man you know and he may be a trolly guy and it's like he was in a swamp

terror from mars kind of shit but this is like this woman's like a man eat her own tits yeah exactly captain america would just like he'd be like, why? Why do you watch Spirited Tape when you guys are monsters? Okay, that's a good lead in. What's the hardest thing to explain to Captain America when he comes out? The hardest thing that he's going to be like, what's

this? And you're going to have to teach him. I think the obvious answer is the internet, but I feel like that's going to be pretty easy. It's pretty intuitive nowadays. I think it was like the 90s internet, it'd be like, no, you've got to ring up. He'd be like, what? But your phone... I don't understand.

And there's nothing actually on here worth looking at. Yeah, exactly. So the internet would be okay. He'd just be like, you got a question? He'd be like, yes, I'll just check it into Google. So write your question into here like you would in a typewriter, and you'll get it answered. And he'd be like, yes, I'll just check it into Google. So write your question into here like you would in a typewriter and you'll get it answered. And he'd be like, okay.

Not like a typewriter. Write this question like how you'd even just say it vaguely and you'll get some responses. And you can click on them and they'll... And you've got to remember, this is a guy as well. Imagine how difficult it is. He's been frozen for 60 years. Like you try and get your grandparent to plug in a DVD player.

Oh, yeah, true, actually. And they lived that, and they cannot do it. They have no idea what they're doing. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, that would be difficult. Yeah, I think explaining the internet to Capmeric would be probably the hardest thing. Do you reckon? I feel like there's harder things to explain.

Once he's had that, though, I feel like then you've got it. Then you can kind of not worry about it. Until he discovers porn. Yeah. And then he's like, what is I feel like then you've got it. Then you can kind of not worry about it. You can do whatever, you know? Until he discovers porn. Yeah. And then he's like, what is going on? What is this? I think porn would be a hard one to explain to him.

Like, he'd understand porn, but the porn that we have? Yes. Because can you imagine, like, 1950s porn? Yeah. And you can imagine to our porn? And now just imagine, like, 60 years into the future porn? God. Christ.

Anyhoo. Where do you go? Where do you go from here? I don't know. This man has been put inside a horse. Like turn up in the future and they're like, anyway, look, we're going to teach you about the last 60 years. And they just put on a video of a man crawling inside a horse. And I'm like, what?

If that was me, I'd be like, I know where this is going. I get it. I get it. Just was me, I'd be like, I know where this is going. I get it. I get it. Just kill me, please. Have we colonized a different planet? No? Okay, just kill me. Just kill me then.

I'm good. I genuinely think, though, information overload, because you've got to look at the way the jobs were back then. Like, you were a typist. You literally typed for 30 years. Yeah. That is all you did. Now, jobs are so much more complex because they're built on the back of previous jobs.

And you've got to be multifaceted. And that's in everything that you do in life. Nothing simple and streamlined anymore. It's so complicated and you've got to have so many multiple skills. I think that is what would break a person. I think it would wreck him. You're right. You'd be like, this person's a doctor.

And he'd be like, oh, yeah. And you'd be like, a foot doctor. He'd be like, what? I think like weapons. Because we have stupid, crazy super weapons there. He didn't see the bomb. Did he see the bomb? No.

That was 44. Bags not. Bags not. When it comes to that one, it's like, okay, defrost team. Who's going to teach Captain America about the bomb? Bags not. Like, when it comes to that one, it's like, okay, defrost team. Who's going to teach Captain America about the bomb? Bags not. You guys can enjoy a weepy Captain America. Get Christopher Lloyd.

Get Christopher Lloyd. It's not really his thing, but whatever. He can do it. Multiculturism would be also a bit of a shock to him. Yeah. I mean, he had a multicultural team. And again, him being very liberal would help. Multiculturalism would be also a bit of a shock to him. Yeah, I mean, he had a multicultural team. And again, him being very liberal would help, but at the same time, I think it could be a bit of a shock.

That wasn't like the society he lived in. Yeah. So he'd still be like, what? But I don't think he'd be like, what the fuck? I think he'd be like, all right. It helped that he was severely bullied. Yeah, exactly. I think that's helped a lot.

Taking Red Skull into the future and showing him things is a different story. Oh, God, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, Captain America was kind of willing to accept this kind of stuff. that's helped a lot. Taking Red Skull into the future and showing him things is a different story. You know what I mean? Captain America was kind of willing to accept this kind of stuff. I kind of feel like Nick Fury comes out ahead of shit and is like a negro leading the well done! We don't use that word, Cap.

You have to teach him words and stuff. Oh, you would. Yeah, so I think maybe inflation, money, costs. I think money might be a bit of a thing. I always thought it'd be super funny to imagine the Avengers all going to a canteen in the big shield helicarrier and Tony Stark goes there, chucks down a 20,

gets a bloody donut, Thor goes up and just drops some gold. And Captain America just putting down a nickel. It's like, I love a donut and a sandwich. No, no, no, Cap, no. But you'd just give it to him. You would. It's like old people steal and everyone's like, whatever. Yeah, like whatever.

He's a hulk. Did you guys ever see the movie Forever Young? No. There were different ramifications of that. Mel Gibson got frozen in the 50s, and he got defrosted in the 90s, early 90s. Poor man. And that, yes.

I mean, you know how he is. Like, imagine Mel Gibson for the 50s, Jesus Christ. But the ramifications of that was, and this isn't really relevant, but he aged quickly. In like a week, he went from like a 30-year-old man to like an 80-year-old man. That movie sounds amazing.

Yeah, it's pretty great. Elijah Wood's in it. Does that sway you even more? Yeah, hey, whatever. It doesn't make it worse. But also, Back to the Future 2, right? Marty went 30 years into the future. He went from 85 to, what was it, 2015?

Yeah. No, that's whatever. However many years that is, right, is 30, right? I think it went from 85 to what was it 2015 yeah no that's whatever however many years that is right it's 30 right i think it was from when to when it's a 40 five no it's it's 30 sorry and math not and that wasn't even and obviously that's not the 2015 that we have now but he couldn't open a can of pepsi he saw a holographic shark and he freaked out. Like he was not ready for that. That's true. And that's nothing.

Yeah, you're right. Like I didn't even think about that. Like super simple stuff for us that we don't even take into account. Like opening a Pepsi. Were there pool tabs in the 40s? No, they had a thing and you click it on a thing. Yeah. Although what they are now.

I mean, so what beer is, you know, you're bloody bottle opener. But they didn't have that. Like you'd give him a can. He'd be like, what is this? Hitting against a rock. Yeah. Unlock this iPad.

A what? Unlock with a key? Unlock a huh? He'd be like, oh my God. Here's a computer. A what? Yeah.

Like, cause even, you say like, this is, this is the, how would you even explain a computer that had access to an internet? It's like this is a screen which is like a window that you can't go through but it has images that come up that.

The things you want to see. The things you want to see. It's like an interactive television. It's like an interactive. But they wouldn't have even really had television then. Yeah, shit, they didn't have. Like a little bit. In the 40s they had But they wouldn't have even really had television then. Yeah, shit, they didn't have... In the 40s they had. They didn't have it in Australia.

No. It may have been just... Yeah, it wouldn't have been the kind of thing... A rich family would have had one. Yeah. Not Paul Rogers. I think if I had to... Not the Paul Rogers family.

I think I would explain the internet by being like, it's like a combination of like television newspapers mail mail and encyclopedia encyclopedias burlesque burlesque because captain america don't you worry it's gonna get good uh yeah um i think another difficult thing to explain would be the current political situation yes okay sure because for captain america he was like hey he's alive during world war ii he's like war time germans are the bad guys yeah sick we'll go take him out so clear cut tickety-boo now we're like war on terror let's explain the war in the middle east to captain america let's not just let's explain

uh um wiretapping and spying and data retention. Yeah, he'd be like, he hates that shit. That's not a lot. And we'd be like, that's the America. He'd be like, I'm going to become a nomad now. Yeah, that's what he became. But, like, the idea of a country turning against, like, you know, the war on terror, weapons of mass destruction, all of that,

he just wouldn't, he couldn't even comprehend it. Yeah, because, like, for him, making a weapon to win a war was him. Like, all of that. He just wouldn't... He couldn't even comprehend it. Yeah, because for him, making a weapon to win a war was him. He was that. That's true. He was making the weapon. A man. They're like, no, no, no, we can just drop a bomb and level the city. Yeah. Poor Captain America.

This is talking about global shit. Could you imagine talking to him about personal shit? Yeah, again, talking about Peggy Carter. Yeah, she's old and has Alzheimer'sheimer's it breaks my heart man that's same it is super rough but you i don't know i don't think we've really seen this on screen him dealing with it or even he's dealing with it well like i don't think i'd be able to deal with that if i was frozen in time and uh it's like he wasn't really dating peggy, was he? Yeah, I guess so. They had a date.

Yeah, yeah. They did have a date, yeah. But could you imagine doing it like your partner has aged and you haven't and you're there and you're like... It's super rough. You just break down. And also Peggy has Alzheimer's. Would you give her a reaction? Does she be like, oh, my God, are you an angel?

Or am I imagining this? She goes, they're just talking and Does she like, oh, my God, are you an angel? Or am I imagining this? She goes, they're just talking. You're like, oh, great. She's just old or whatever. And then at one point she flips and she's like, holy shit, Steve, what are you? What? What? And he's like, oh, I couldn't miss having a date with you or whatever.

And then he's like single tear. Not like you don't see it, but like, you know. There is there. The super soldier serum makes him not cry. Exactly. But that could just be devastating. Yeah. That could.

Everybody you know is dead. But hang on. But guys, but guys. I get for the movie, theirs was like this love. But in reality, you can have multiple partners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can love someone, then you can lose someone. That's true. Gavin American's a tough guy.

He's sad about that, sure. Yeah. But he didn't, like, him and Peggy kind of flirted a bit. Yeah, that was it. That was sort of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm talking, like, what if he was married? Exactly.

It would be traumatising. It would be more devastating if he had, like, a long-term stable relationship. But I reckon Steve Rogers, coming into the future, must be loving the liberation like he comes from like his crew I reckon that would be very confronting

for him though yeah at first from like you're at a dance in a weird wooden room and you walk up to a girl who's sitting

and you're like come on dance or whatever and then you go to a club and you get like you wouldn't be like hey Steve coming down to the club

and it's just you're like get him there mate it's off jobs just give him like an ecstasy he's like what oh my god

that would interact with the super soldier serum oddly I would feel would that even work or would it just like flush through him I don't know or it would just become

like ultra sweet flush through him straight away so he just needs to piss oh my god it runs straight through why do young people do this this isn't fun

the pill just pops out ding ding ding I think food metal ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

wait a food I think would be a very confusing thing for him yeah like how we consume food now food was very and it was very like

it was meat and two veg there's a scene in the first Captain America where Tommy Lee Jones sits down and he's got vegetables a steak and a glass of milk yeah yeah you know and now you can just literally eat anything i know like do you want kebab you want a kebab at four in the morning like captain america and he's got like the metabolism of the ultimate human being yeah how great is it to imagine that shield helicarrier just like Kat and Marek are honed down on

banana split after banana split. Fucking Black Widow comes by and is like, you've been eating a lot of them. He's like, I can't! I never get fat! Awful! From memory I think it's... He just doesn't produce lactic acid. That's one of the things that happens

so he can sort of run endlessly. I was going to say, it, doesn't that happen when you run And then it shoots out and your muscles are like Stop, stop Oh my god, you're hurting yourself here Oh my Jesus, stop it now There's a guy who doesn't, who has that Like there's genuinely a guy who has that

Is that bad for you though? No, he's like He runs marathons He's a genetic one in a quazillion Wouldn't you break your body though? What happens though is he produces lactic acid to a point and then it goes down half that and stays there. Oh, okay. There was this amazing

it's like Stanley's Superhumans I think it's called. Yeah, yeah. And this guy, he's like, yeah, I'm doing a 24 hour marathon and they're like, okay, we'll drive alongside you for some of it. He does the marathon, they drive alongside him, 24 hours of just straight running and then, no, it might be 12 hours and it's night time when they finish and they're like, do you want to hop in the jeep he's like no just

run home you're like jesus christ i think i remember is this the guy that was like yeah you get hungry so you get like a like a satellite phone and you order a pizza to deliver it where you are and you just like wraps it up and eats it and like what a champ what a bloody geronimo exactly but i i think America would love the future I reckon Yeah, it's better It is better objectively than the 40s Yeah, well, Captain America

I think every sort of year Objectively you can look back and be like It was better than the last Like we are a progressive species Sure You know, people that look back Are like, oh, the good old days When we had this

They're just forgetting a whole lot of stuff That went down It's like, man, I wish things were so much like the 50s like, oh, the good old days when we had this. They're just forgetting a whole lot of stuff that went down. It's like, man, I wish things were so much like the 50s. Yeah, oppression. That was great, wasn't it? That's what Pleasantville was about. Yeah. And a lot of people, they kind of go, you see a lot of conservatives,

news, that kind of stuff. They look at this thing, but it was back when they were a kid. Yeah, exactly. They're remembering things when they were a kid. So objectively, yeah, each year we get more and more progressively better. So for Captain America, because he was relatively unattached, yeah, he had the whole date with Peggy, but his best friend was dead, that he knew about.

And his buddy Beck. That's pretty good, isn't it? That's awesome. Sick. Then you've got his family. I mean, what was his family like dead yeah they were dead because bucky's like i'm sorry your family died he's like that's all right we'll just both go to the future yeah that's right see a handshake did a high five doc brown was there there. Captain America was an amazing movie. Boy was it. But even then I feel

like, even if someone was like listen, the year 2065 is better. And it probably will be, but I'm like, fuck that. I don't care. This is where I want to be. But I feel like if I ended up there, like if I ended up there and like these fucking hover cars and

all of that shit, I'd be like, this is going to give me a year to adjust. But I'll get used to it. I've got no other option. It's rad. Don't get me wrong. But at the same time, I kind of miss all my social relationships I had. Of course, you're going to build new ones. Good point.

Like Captain America. That's my point. Captain America probably could easily transition because I don't think he had many friends. He was a weak piece of shit. Everyone was like, Steve Rogers is a piece of shit. Nerd! Right?

Yep, he was one of that. Good. Until he became Captain America, and then they were like, Oh, he's quite tough. He's quite muscular. But I feel like even if I ended up in the future, I'd be like, this sucks, don't get me wrong. How long would you...

Two years. Give me two years. I reckon you'd mourn, like, only... I reckon I'd be a shattered man for a while. Give me a year and I'll be right. Make new friends. You do like the TV show circuit. Yeah, exactly.

The future TV show circuit, probably. Yeah, exactly. I'd be in all the talk shows. Some kind of robotic bloody Jay Leno. I'm like, that was an odd choice. Yeah, you weren't funny then. Like, it's 60 years in the future. Did they have no other people to...

That's really weird for me. What happened to Rove? Actually, I want to ask that now, and it's 2015. You went to America, and you were like, Rove LA, guys. And it was super embarrassing. He was like, ha ha, one of my couches is in the shape of a cookie. And it did super bad. So then he came back and he was like, hey, the, what do they call it?

The Project? The Project. But now he's gone back again. To America? I think he's gone back. He doesn't host it anymore. Give up, Rove. Good for you, buddy.

You keep trooping. You get on Rove Live, but not you really, just kind of everyone else. In your face, right? In your face. That's a sick burn from Jackson B. Bailey to Roof McManus. But if Roof rang up and was like, listen, can I come and do your show? I'd be like, oh, yes, please.

Oh, my God, Roof, you're my hero. I'm a big fan of your work. I love your cookie couch. That was super good. America just doesn't get that humor. But I think you just gotta Remember how resilient people are The more shit you're having a time now The better you will have

Of adjusting to a new place Because most If not all of the problems you are facing Are probably gone by now It's like when you go to a new workplace And you're like, fuck everything that happened or whatever. Humans are known to adapt.

That is our greatest skill. I know there's that. And twerking. They're very good. Is that still a thing? I'm from the past. I'm from the year 2013. Let me explain planking to you. What? Whoa. Well, you know when you get people from like

Like say Africa Or that kind of area Yeah And they come to like the western world It's a similar transition It's fairly Yeah it's fairly quick You know it's not like

Hey I guess we're gonna explain Like the internet to you Or twerking Yeah Well I mean They'll learn But you don't have to do it Yeah you don't have to

It's not like we should sit... I mean, nobody's explaining twerking to Captain America. They're not like... I'm pretty sure Clint is. Is that on his list? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Twerking. Twerking, question mark, question mark.

He's going to be so horrified? Happy. Happy. He's like, I can do this. I'm good at it. And Clint's like, no, no, no, trust me. You know, you've got to thrust. He's like, this?

You're just not getting it. Buddy. Let me cut the sleeves off you've got to thrust. He's like, like this? Like, you're just not getting it. Bloody Nick Fury. Let me cut the sleeves off you, Kostya. No! What are you doing? Sleeves are there for a reason. But, you know, the whole kind of story, like, you know, the grass is always greener on the side, and it's like, not really.

It's like, you know, you bring your problems with you and all that kind of stuff. It's like you can't keep running away from your problems. But I think if you go into the future far enough, that that just saying or that moral lesson becomes somewhat pointless because it's like, no, yeah, no, all the problems you had are gone now. There's a new set of problems.

You can run away from your problems if you've got no lactic acid as well. No lactic acid and a time machine. You are fucking golf. And Doc Brown, or if he's dead by then, a Doc Brown impersonator, you can do anything you want. I just think that's a smoother transition, thinking you actually time travelled.

I think you're right. Like, intentionally, as opposed to in a terrible accident. Would you guys time travel? If someone's like, here's a machine, go wherever. Can I come back? Or is it like a one-way thing? A dinosaur could step on it. Okay, so it's like a one-way thing, but it's a bit dangerous.

Holy shit. That would be so confusing. You'd be like, did I go back? You check the thing and you're like, I guess I did. Did we just loop? Exactly. There you go. Is the time circular? Nope, linear. Yeah, I'd do it.

I don't know. Can I bring people or is it just me and myself? And I. It's a two-seater. Two-seater. Right. No, I'd't know. Can I bring people? Or is it just me and myself? Like, this is me and myself and I. It's a two-seater. Two-seater. Right. No, I'd go alone. They'd be like, Jackson, you got a time machine?

I'm like, yeah, no. Goodbye. Hey, there's two seats. I like my feet up. You can travel a year back and take another version of yourself. Oh, my God. Yes. Doing that.

Actually, weirdly, I'm more on board with that idea of going back in time. One year ago, me. What, huh? You were in the future? Yes. Come in this time machine. We got,

we did it. And then I just jump in and we'd have sweet rad time adventures. I think if somebody was like Jackson. And it's not gay. Not at all.

If anything happens. No, it's just, it's awesome. It's just a great time. Hey, it's also out of the time continuum, so it doesn't count anyway, even if it was. So whatever, man, don's just good. It's awesome. It's just a great time. Hey, it's also out of the time continuum, so it doesn't count anyway, even if it was. So whatever, man, don't judge me.

I'll have sex with myself. Like, so badly. So badly, you wouldn't even know. It'd be this beautiful Titanic scene, you know, like the whole fogged up glass, but both my left hand just hitting you. Like, appreciate. Disturbing.

I think if somebody came to me and they're like, Jackson, we can send you 60 years into the future but you can't come back. And it's a choice. I'd be like,

no, no, no, no, no. But if someone was like, Jackson, it happened. It's 60 years in the future and you can't go back. I'd deal. I'd cope

and I'd find good things. And Captain America does. He's not like a mopey old Captain America. They're not like Captain America, bloody Chitauri attacking the city. And he's like, I'm Miss Peggy. In the forties,

TVs were small. They were as big as a cupboard, but the screen was as small as my face. Captain America, who cares? Nobody listens to the radio. We all listen to the radio. Oh my face. Captain America, who cares? Nobody listens to the radio. We all listen to the radio. Oh my God, Captain America.

Here's a podcast. What do you like? I like the audio dramas. Here, look, it's being revived again. Enjoy. Then have this, you motherfucker. No, Jess is good. Look, I guess it's quite good.

I'm just surprised that there's no one continuous shot of him just screaming. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's pretty much, especially in Times Square, that scene in Times Square he shouldn't have dealt with as well as he did. He should have just panicked, punched a lady in the pram. Into the pram? Yeah, yeah.

She falls into the pram. Just fall into the pram and then run back, and Nick Fury would have been like, we... Do you think he knew that was the future when he ran out? I doubt he would have. Like, you wouldn't think that straight away. Was time travel a concept? This might be an odd question,

but was time travel, like, a concept in the 40s? Yeah, time travel was a concept. Like, the idea of being going, like, H.G. Wells, what was that around? That was 10th century? Yeah, pretty much. And he would have read that? He would have at least

he would have been in the in the pop culture bloody okay so the pop culture sort of Zygas sort of thing yeah so he would have been aware of it but it doesn't necessarily

because I mean it happened just after Red Skull yeah had goofed his shit like immediately after yeah for him at least exactly

so like I would if I was him I might be like is this another Red Skull sneaky trick yeah like is that what's happening here and then when Nick Fury sat him, I might be like, is this another Red Skull sneaky trick? Like, is that what's happening here? And then when Nick Fury sat me down, I'd be like, oh my God. You wouldn't automatically assume time travel.

Yeah. And you wouldn't, I reckon you'd hold on to that for a while. Yeah. This could still be something else. Yeah, that's like 10 years down the, a year down the track, maybe not 10, you might be like, every time you woke up at the least, you'd be like, am I going to wake up in the 40s? Yeah.

Is this a weird construct of something? Red skull bullshit. Yeah. I think if I was from the 40s, I'd miss, like, what happened to Zeppelins? Why did we give up on Zeppelins, guys? Why? We kind of were cool.

You crashed one bloody Zeppelin during the bad books. Yeah. Super annoying. And the Chrysler building, that point on the top was built to dock Zeppelins. Is that true? Yeah. How cool. And now it's just a bloody fucking point.

Pointless. Worthless. So, I mean, aside from the lack of Zeppelins. Would he be disappointed in anything else? I think just air travel. Yeah, air travel in general. I could even love the Indiana Jones movies. He'd be like, this is my fucking jam.

He'd be like, what? And then Crystal Skull, he'd be like, I don't get it. He'd be like, yeah, we don't get it. We don't get it either. Or he'd be like, no, he's kind of like Spielberg trying to do the 1950s kind of series. He's like, yeah, no. What if you showed him Schindler's List and he's like, why didn't I stop there? Well, yeah, because a lot of that, well, they say,

a lot of the excuses that they didn't know about that, but actually a lot of people knew. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's a difference. What if you showed him... It's a sadder topic. It's not funny at all.

It's not funny at all. That'd be a fucking puzzler for him. Like, is this history? What is this? Oh, yeah, specifically the end. Yeah, he'd be like, puzzler for him Like is this history? What is this? Oh yeah specifically the end Is that what happened? You'd have to explain to him that sorry we didn't get Hitler Like Hitler killed himself

It was kind of the Ruskies He'd be like oh That's disappointing But your new best friend old best friend Is kind of working for the Ruskies So hey I think ultimately It'd be a rough transition but a totally doable one best friend is kind of working for the Ruskies so hey! Hey! I think ultimately it'd be a rough transition but a totally doable one.

The ramifications of like being frozen in time like they're bad but they're deal withable. Yeah I guess. Fry did a thousand years in Futurama. I think the longer you go I think maybe the easier.

Yeah. It's sort of like a bell curve kind of thing. You sort of like, you know, okay, 10 years in the future

is fine, 20 years is fine, 30 is fine, like, you know, say 60, like, oh, Jesus Christ. But anything past 60,

you're like, whatever, this is too much. But then you get to, like, say a thousand, you're like, oh, it's fine again.

Yeah. It's like, yeah, yeah. It's like, looks like, everything looks like John Carter on Mars or something. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, oh, it's falling again. Yeah, it's like, yeah, yeah. It looks like everything's like John Carter on Mars or something. Yeah. You're like, oh, everyone's apes, I guess.

This planet of the apes happened, and they're like, yeah. It did. Yeah, we saw that. We know what that is, and yes. We've got that film. It's pretty popular because it's what happened. Weirdly, like, to a T. That's to a fucking T. That tee like that's odd James Franco I went

Charlton Heston okay like like even like the shitty like a mask kind of stuff I guess it would depend on what version they had yeah but what if they're like the Tim Burton version I didn't see that one but we built the statue anyway abe lincoln as an ape i'm like i guess i said i didn't see it i don't know sorry oh that's the twist all right and they're like i like just like my time machine like emerging from the earth and just all these ape soldiers just explaining the plot of tim burton's planet of the apes i didn't say that one like i didn't see the chalice of what i saw the jamespes No, I didn't say that one. I didn't say the Chalmnest of what. I saw the James Franco one. We don't have that one.

Who's James Franco? Was he that one in Pineapple Express? Yeah, that one. Yeah, we only have him from Pineapple Express. That's a good movie, though. It's like one of the last tone of comedies. Yeah, it was good, but no. So what, Tim Burton? By the way, you're a slave.

Oh, shit, fuck. It's rare that you can talk. Like, not going to lie, that's surprising. That's picked up from the past. This is all a bit much. What else do you know about James Franco? We're fascinated by this James Franco. I'm not going to lie, but he kind of is a god to us.

So if you can tell us a little bit about him. I'd be so bummed Because my James Franco knowledge is fine But like it's going to last me about a year On this ape earth before I run out of stuff You could just say whatever though That's a good point I'm not going to be like I guess that's it I'll drift down to slavery then

Like James Franco he saved a million men From the giants And we're like yeah yeah We've always suspected this Oh good so yeah You'd be like you saw that one right And we're like, yeah, yeah, we've always suspected this. Oh, good. So, yeah. They'd be like, you saw that one, right? And they were like, yeah! Yeah!

They'd be like, you know, Oz was basically that was James Franco's rise to power. We all saw Oz, right? Let me tell you the story about Oz. It's Evil Dead 3. Same plot. What's Evil Dead 3? So, you know. The same plot. What's Evil Dead 3?

Oh, my God. This is so good. All right. How many movies did... That would be tough, right? Like, not 60 years in the future, but far enough in the future that it is just too different. Like, Waterworld.

Like, you just wake up and you're floating in the sea and you're like, am I at sea? And then someone picks up in a boat and they're like, it's all sea. It's all sea, mate. You'd be like, oh, fuck. That's... Wow, okay. Or you wake up and, like, am I at sea? And then someone picks up in a boat and they're like, it's all sea. It's all sea, mate. You'd be like, oh, fuck, that's, wow, okay. Or you wake up and like apes is probably, you could cope because they're kind of like humanoid.

I'd rather that than sea. Or like. You're stuck in a boat with Kevin Costner. No, thank you. And he's like, I'm going to get, I've got gills from evolution. You're like, I'm never going to get gills. You're bald. I can see through your ponytail, Kevin Costner.

Do you know that? They CGI'd his hair into it. What a champ. That's amazing. He's going to get a bald patch. That's the best news. Just accept ponytail, Kevin Costner. Do you know that? They CGI'd his hair into it. What a champ. That's amazing. To get a bald patch. That's the best news. Just accept it, Cost. No, no, more CGI hair.

I think what I'd care more if it was like a multicultural society as we live now, but with different species, like aliens and shit. Oh, that'd be cool. Yeah, that'd be like, oh my God, your person who was designed to look after you, you'd be like, oh my god, your person who was designed to look after you, you'd be like, what are the new species? Who are these guys? And you'd be like Captain America, you'd be like, look at that yellow

goobly one. And you'd be like, dude, shut the fuck up. We don't say yellow anymore. That's not a word we say. Oh, okay. Did you just say goobly? I don't know, is it not okay? I'm so sorry. Sliznorks, man. Jesus. I don't... We is it not okay? I'm so sorry. The Sliznorks, man. Jesus. I don't, I don't.

We didn't have them. Like, I'm just a human being. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, dude. You know what we could. I, we don't use personal pronouns anymore. What? There would be a lot of that.

Just treading on fate. Yeah, like that far in the future, like shit's going to be so different, you're just going to be speaking it. Why doesn't Cap have like a little man that's with him all at all times to explain this to him? That would be rad. Because I would kind of like a butler or a servant

or something like that, just kind of like a helper, like an aid, just to be like, just someone who could just be there and without any kind of judgment be like, okay, this is this. Because I feel Cap America and me, like, a thousand years in the future would need that. Yeah.

Like Tony Stark's, like, you know, they're fighting some leather-bound guy. He's like, what is this, Rocky Horror Picture Show? And then the little guy's just, like, on an iPad. He's got the Wikipedia page. There you go. Cap America's like, oh, my God, thank you so much. He's like, oh.

Yeah, he is. Like, it was really great. He's like, okay, thank you so much he's like sorry yeah he is it was really great he's like okay thank you can you just like queue that up so we can watch it tonight yeah don't worry

I've got it I've got it I've got all the films you want to watch tonight T-Vote ready to go the next day he's like he was like the Rocky Horror Picture Show

wasn't he guys yeah what Tony Stark's like good one yeah I guess he was you gotta stop doing this though Captain you're the reason Tony Stark's like, good one? Yeah, I guess he was. You've got to stop doing this, though.

Captain, you're the reason I drink. And on that note, I've been Jackson Bailey. I've been Joel Zammett. I've been James. Don't get froze. Unless you want to. Yeah, then do. Yeah, or just accept it and be like, hey.

Would you get frozen? Yeah, if you had the chance to jump 60 years into the future, or 1,000, would you? Because I feel I would just stop screaming for about a week. No, give me a year. I'll adjust. I'll have future problems and, like I said, cover board. And, like, a girlfriend who's, like, yellow.

Can't say that. Oh, yeah. Fuck. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, Oh yeah, fuck