Plumbing the Death Star - Was a Shield Really That Good of a Use for All That Vibranium?

Episode Date: August 15, 2021

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most American podcast network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, was a shield really that good of a use forload of vibranium. Done. Well, you have a shield's worth. Yeah. But we don't, it's not in shield form. It's like an unrefined lump of metal.

We are the department. How do you? How do you what? Because it's very strong. It's like a magic sand. I know that, but how do you? So it's very strong. How do you make it a shield?

Iron Man's dad did it. Don't worry about it. You flatten it out with technology. Okay. Steamroller. Paint it red and blue. Then why don't you fight? Okay.

We're starting off the game. We immediately, we took a step into our pothole and we're falling. I'm just like, well, whatever. How did they make the shield? Yeah. Like, how do you make a shield regularly? I don't know. You smelt down a metal into a mold.

Yes. Which is presumably what they did with the vibranium. But you can't do that to vibranium. Why not? But also then Iron Man does his propulsory. That seems like it might be hot. Would it have destroyed the shield? But it doesn't really dent the shield.

So they must have done it in really, really high heat. If we just say it's forged in a volcano, will that make you feel better? I don't know. What if it's forged in the heart of a dying son? No, because that's what happened with the Thor sword. A hammer, some would say. It was an axe.

Hey, can you pass me a Thor sword? I'm trying to put the hammer this nail in. You mean a hammer? Oh, yeah. Sorry. Thor sword, hammer, it's my nickname for them. It was an axe. I need a Thor sword to chop down this tree. Do you mean an axe? I need a Thor sword to chop down this tree. I need a Thor sword.

I absolutely do not. Yeah, I do. No, no, no. Well, I mean, so I guess the question, say we're three people working for S.H.I.E.L.D. in 19-dickety-three or whatever, and we've got a big lump of vibranium, and it's funny.

I just think it's strange they went for a shield. I think it's funny because if we are in charge of this, we this big lump of metal and we need to use it to take down bad guys or whatever which we don't even necessarily need to do our best method of defense at this moment is to stand on an overpass and wait for the bad guys to drive under in a car and just drop it all right what you want to do is you want to hold it in your hand wait for them to turn around and it's just so great to imagine Howard Stark coming in and he's like Boys you've had a week What are we turning it into

And you're like oh no nothing It's good as is Are you familiar with an anvil He's like what are we going to do with it Come with me He's like please tell me You get in the car, drive Could you please tell me what we're doing

No no no you'll see Why are we on an overpass? Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Drop it down. But it's also funny. Kill Red Skull with it. Red Skull walking. So it's good as is. See? We could have done that with a brick. Oh shit, true. You didn't give me a brick, did you? Well, what are the properties of vibranium? Incredibly strong. Yep.

Bouncy. No, it doesn't vibrate. It doesn't vibrate. Yeah, it absorbs sound. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess it absorbs kinetic energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what if, say, first idea, I'm just throwing it on the table,

brainstorming, no bad ideas, no brainstorm, a helmet. Yeah, I was thinking a helmet. And you headbutt the Nazis. Yeah. But also, like, you're probably using helmet. And you headbutt the Nazis. Yeah. But also, like, you're probably using it. But you know what also kills Nazis? Bullets. Yeah.

But you can't turn it into bullets. No, no, I'm just saying, you wear the helmet and fire a gun. You're not wrong! If you shot someone in the head who had a vibranium helmet on, would the bullet just stop? Yes.

Bounce off and fall down? Or would it bounce off? It absorbs the vibration so in theory it should just drop. Yeah. This is a troubling episode where we once again put our stupidity on display freak show style. the problem is that you know what a neck

Do you know what a helmet doesn't protect? Your neck. I thought you were saying that if you shot someone in the head, because I don't know, that their head would fly off. It absorbs vibration. You're right. Excuse me. No, I mean, Method Man famously said protect your neck,

and we're not protecting our neck and therefore getting shot in the neck. If it absorbs vibrations, does that mean no one can hear you? What are you talking about? Okay. So shot in the neck. If it absorbs vibrations, does that mean no one can hear you? What are you talking about? Oh, cause you're- okay. So here's the thing, I was imagining like- Like the one with the face hole? Yeah, like- I like that, but it's completely- You're blind! Like an Iron Man suit! Blind, deaf, nobody can hear what you're saying!

Or like an Iron Man suit, cause you have little eye slits. Oh yeah. And you just walk up to people and people can faintly hear- But like, yeah. Do you wanna go fight the Nazis, Captain America? If you have an NFL style helmet with grit or whatever, and even that mesh is made from, say, vibranium, how do you do it like that? You wouldn't be able to hear, right? You'd be able to hear faintly. Yeah, but there's holes, sir.

I mean, it's not a good idea, but you'd be able to hear faintly and you well because it'd be hot yeah but there's holes so yeah i mean it's not a good idea but you're gonna hear because you can drill holes in the ears well if you make it go down the neck then yeah and the shirt goes over the top it's like a like a knight's helmet yeah okay then i shoot you in the guts well you, you could shoot Captain America in the guts. Except his is a shield, so he has a chance to block it. Where your helmet is not blocking your guts. What if we spread it really thin, mix it with steel, make a suit of armor? It's an alloy now.

Yeah, make Kevlar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make like a vest. Just basically make it more of a protectee. Is it good to absorb vibrations? Oh, you're not. The metal is. Yeah, what do you...

Where does it go? What do you mean? Where do the vibrations go? They disperse. What does that mean? Because when Black Panther, he gets hit, and then he kind of takes that kinetic energy and pushes it out again. No, that's different.

That's not... Because it's using the vibran. No, that's different. That's not... Because it's using the vibranium technology. Yeah, yeah. It's not just pure vibranium. I think it's because there's a difference between fantasy absorb and when people say absorb in real life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're talking fantasy absorb, which means...

No, we're not. We aren't? No, no. Because that's not what the... Okay, Captain America's got his shield. Sure. You punch it. He can't then release a punch back out of it.

Yes, that is true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would just deaden the vibration. Here's a question I have. Okay. Are we making the shield for Captain America? We're making a shield again now, hey? No, no, no.

Yeah, I've decided the shield's the best. When we're making, when they made the shield in film and comic, did they make it for Captain America? Or were they like, hey, we also have this fucking shield hanging around. We can give it to Captain America. So the Wakandians mined it into a malleable metal so it can be manipulated. That solves one of your problems. That solves my problem.

Yeah, yeah, good. They just did it. All right, that's cool. All right, okay. Yeah, but like because if we're making it for Captain America, that's also crazy. If they were like, okay, we've got a super soldier. We need to give him a weapon.

We have one of the most rarest and powerful metals in the world. Would you pick a shield? Yeah. Also- I'd pick a sword. Yeah, I'd pick a sword too. A broad sword. Because again, it says, I'm just reading here,

there's a bit of research. That's okay. Yeah, Howard Stark used the, he used the little bit of vibranium and that was what he believed to be the only source, the only existence, this hunk that he had. And he used it all up. Douche is dropping it off over passes. To forge a shield.

Yeah. Then he presented it to 1943 Captain. So it was designed for Captain America. Well, he did it as he's a shield. I would say that in 1943, you want to make a sword. Yeah. And you think that's a better use than a shield.

Yeah. It deadens vibration. Uh-huh. It's like unbreakable. Uh-huh. And you want to make it a sword. Yeah. Well, what are you going to make it?

Are you happy with the shield? A shield is a better use than a sword. But a sword you can cut Nazis in half. Nazis take two steps back, shoot you in the guts. Yeah. I would say some kind of, like, armor, I think, is probably, like, the bet. Like, to me, I would be like, well, we can make this, and we could. So, like, yes, well, Cap America is a good boy.

Yeah. And we've put a lot of money in there. He's not bulletproof. No, that is true. So we could kind of make armor, not like, you know, coding, like dipping him. Oh, but. Ah, shit. He comes out of the machine, takes a step.

Whoa. We pull him out. There we go. Perfect. Now send him to the exit. Like Achilles. We hold him by the foot, dip him in, and out he comes. Now go fight the Nazis, Captain America, and he just falls down.

And then Red Skull just shoots him in the ankle. What? Yeah, so not like dipping him, but like hockey armor, you know, hockey pads. And then he can have two guns. Yes! Because right now he's only got one gun, one shield. This way, two guns guns and he is the shield Because you could do like a helmet

Kind of like something like a collary thing Like they used to wear back in like Old times So I think one thing That the armor idea In theory it makes sense Like a Batman armor Yes but

He has enough metal to make a shield Dispersed over a body armor A Batman armor. Yes, but he has enough metal to make a shield. Yeah. Dispersed over a body armor. Yes. There's going to be a lot of cheeky places you can shoot Captain America. Yes. And still damage it.

But at least with a shield. See, I think like, okay. Still shoot Captain America in the back of the head. Yeah. Yes, but I would say, okay. Or the spine. Say, actually, here's a good example. Yeah. Joel Zeman.

Yes. You currently have a car that has a working petrol gauge. Correct. But your previous car had a petrol gauge that did not work. It would mean that you couldn't tell how much fuel was in the car. You were more careful and paid more attention to when to fill up when you had absolutely no idea how much fuel was in your car versus now where you'd be like, well, I got 10 Ks left.

That's not enough fuel to have in a car, but 10 Ks is 10 Ks, baby. It's the same with the shield. Like Captain America knows if he gets shot in the guts, he'll die. But if you've got armor and there's just like little- I thought you were going to imply then like, so the trick is we put no vibranium in his suit of armor whatsoever and he's more careful because he doesn't know for sure.

Well, I just mean he'll be more careful if he's got a shield and I think that he's more likely to get shot in his exposed bits if you just give him a suit of armor. What about a dune buggy? Okay. Yeah, okay. Make him out of vibranium. Then if it crashes...

Again, got enough vibranium for a shield. Yeah, it's a little dune buggy. Okay, no, that's okay. Let's say we've got enough to... Because, again, I think they make it lighter so we've got enough to, like, because, again, they think they make it lighter, so they kind of use vibranium in conjunction with other colors. Yeah, yeah, okay. So they kind of, like, spread it out a bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You made a June buggy. If it crashes, I'm still stuck on the vibrations thing. Yep. What happens to a vibranium car if you crash it? You're killing me, Jackson. Think about the way Captain America's shield works. So you drive into the wall, ding, ding, ding.

Like a pinball? You crash into the wall, the wall crumbles? Yeah. Yeah, you just crash, like the car stops. So it's perfect for infiltrating Nazi bases. I'm Moonbuggy America, you say as you slam through a wall. They shoot your tires they're not made of uh rubber dude they're made of further vibranium how are you driving like tracks like a

like a like a tank yeah okay speaking of like it because it's light so you can just drive over a landmine you're flipping yeah yeah but not dying captain america maybe. Hopefully he'll have a further last night. So you can keep tumbling your way through. Kind of like a Fast and the Furious 9 scene. Yeah, exactly. Roman's ass is in Flago. Yeah, maybe Captain America receives a cheeky concussion. Maybe he stumbles into the Nazi base, both guns drawn, disoriented.

Give me back my America. But he got in there, and that's important. So you're arguing for S.H.I.E.L.D.? No, I'm just- What are you arguing for, then? I would just- Okay, so- We in Xamarin have presented great ideas for what to do with all this.

I would say you've presented ideas. Yeah. Slight disagreement on the great ideas. That's okay. Welcome to your opinion. So, Arma sort of makes sense, but also you've got to be careful because, like... I've got a new pitch. Yep.

Okay. Captain America's too dangerous. We make the tube that he gets turned into Captain America and out of vibranium so he can't get out. He comes out, he's like, I'm a big, strong man. And I'm like, that's scary. Put him in a river. What about a multi-tool?

Oh, that's clever. Like a Swiss army knife. Why is it many tools? What's the benefit of having that made out of vibranium? Yeah, that's the problem. Honestly, the only thing that's benefited from being made out of vibranium, and this pains me to say, is Jackson's June buggy. That's great.

What about this? It's a train. No, it's a, what do you call them? We give you slightly more vibranium. Now all of a sudden you're like, I'm going to, okay. You're going to give me a little bit. I'm going to make a train. No, it's not the whole train.

It's just the scoop in the front, the cow catcher. Okay. And then what we do is we put this train on Nazi train tracks. And we careen through Nazi trains. You don't seem to understand. Come on. Nazi train tracks. And we careen through Nazi trains. You don't seem to understand. Come on. No, no, no. You get into a regular train and you build like a point.

Cow catcher. A cow catcher, but like sharpened to the front. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we bisect Nazi trains. You then strap like a 1950s rocket onto the back of that bad boy. Exactly. Space race to the moon. No, no, no, no, no.

Space race into Nazi trains. Two Nazis sharing a cup of tea in a carriage. All of a sudden they're on either side of the train track as the train's in off. Split like a fucking hot dog. Okay. Okay. So you strapped a rocket to a train.

You just let a rocket, rockets explode. Yeah. Well, yeah. Toy story. Remember? But we can probably take the cow catcher, attach it to a new train. Who's doing that?

You've just launched it directly into behind enemy lines. We are, the US government. So you've sent this into behind enemy lines. The easiest vehicle in the world to stop because it's weak from the sides and behind. In fact, it's only not weak from literally- It's very quick, though. It's very quick.

The fear, though, you're right to when there's corners. Corners! If anything's on the track that slows the front part of the train down but not the... The scary thing is, you're right, it bisects that Nazi train. Grinds to a halt. We,

waiting at the other end of the train where we set it off from, are like, how are we going to get it back? And then we see a Nazi train with it on the front. Get off the tracks! They're using our own vibranium cowcatcher against us. I like the idea that we just end up in a war

where we're just launching trains at each other because they only had enough vibranium to make one. I know not what World War III or IV we fought with, but World War V will be fought with but world war five will be fought with trains albert einstein so what if you just a question listen if you make say the wheels of the train yeah out of vibranium what does that do to the does it make it a smooth ride hmm what if we veer away from war and veer into luxury?

What if we veer into kind of how like you know, like the Hindenburg and all those are like, ah yes luxury sky travel. What about luxury train travel? Okay. Smooth ride. Would it be a smooth ride? I don't know. Because it's all absorbing

The wheels that absorb the vibration. Yeah. So the tracks, any like Like bad joints Yeah true, I guess it would be smooth Now here's the question Are we still giving this to Captain America? Smooth train wheels Captain America

For America, you're driving this train Full of wealthy socialites And he's like, aren't I a soldier Made incredibly strong? No. Not at all. Strong to drive trains. Sometimes there's trouble on those trains.

You've got to be like, behave. Yeah, you impress those wealthy socialites, and then we get more war bonds. Yeah, exactly, which is, I mean, that's pretty useful. Red Skull is still out there, but hopefully Captain America can hit him with a train. What about we make a whole plane out of vibranium? Uh-huh.

And then this may kill some pilots. So what's the problem with a kamikaze? Okay. Kamikaze is that the plane explodes. Yeah. Yes. If the plane's made of vibranium. Yeah.

And you crash. Yeah. Do you just skip like a stone? Yes. Red Skull, he's giving a speech. I am Red Skull, I'm not a Nazi, I just work with the Nazis. Boop! Do-ing, off we go. I think what would happen is the plane would crash and stop.

So yeah, you've killed Red Skull, but then it's happened again. The Nazis have a vibranium. But also there's a person in there that just probably presumably knocked the fuck around. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we make a Captain America.

He's indestructible. They're going to rip open the thing and then shoot him in the head. How are they ripping it open? It's made of vibranium. Come on. It's still a door. That's fair. Also, are you not putting windows

on the plane? That wasn't fair. I was imagining it kind of like a Monopoly piece. Yeah, okay. So how's Captain America singing where Red Skull is? He's not. We just fire it up and then down using maths. So why not just use a rocket like as in a missile? Yeah. Well, because we want it to

skip like a stone. But why? I don't know. Well, then we get to keep reusing it. No, but we don't. Because you just establish it's in enemy hands. And also you're getting Captain America shot in the head. Well, no, there's no exit for Captain America. Okay, so he's just rotting in a plane.

Yeah. Until they launch it back at us. And then we crack it open and see how he's doing. How are you going to crack it open? We'll get our top man on it. What if you made a replica of Mjolnir, but out of vibranium? Oh yeah.

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new merchandise. To what end? I feel like that a hammer probably has more benefits of being lightweight but also absorbing vibration than a sword. So basically your sword idea but better. Because like cracking someone over their head with a lightweight hammer that also

is very very heavy and absorbs vibration so it wouldn't hurt your hand. Yeah. Of course it would be good used as so it wouldn't hurt your hand. Yeah. Of course, it would be good to use it as a tool. Yeah, to build stuff. Yeah. So, just reading a bit more on the properties of vibranium. Okay.

So, where energy cannot be destroyed, it can only be converted into another form, such as when Thor struck Captain America's shield with his hammer, it created sound waves in the hammer, and while the shield converted the blow into blue ultraviolet light, so you careening into the Red Skull in your plane, will create a shockwave which may kill all the other Nazis or not Nazis around the Red Skull. Yeah, and then we walk in, we get the plane,

we say we probably didn't need to put Captain America in this. He might be dead. We need to get our top man on this so they can crack him out like a sardine can. Well, there you go. That's good to know. Also, it's magnetic if that changes anything. Easy. We make shoes out of it.

Yep. And they can also be used to power cities. We make a suit of armor out of it. Give the suit of armor to Adolf Hitler. We get a huge magnet. Okay. At Cape Canaveral or whatever. Yeah, yeah. We turn it on.

It's an electromagnet. Dunk! We've gotten a lot of metal. But hopefully within that, Adolf Hitler. You're going to pull all of the metal out of a city. Yeah. We fly over a city we think Hitler's in.

It's on a plane now. But isn't the plane made of metal? I don't know what that would do. Nothing good. Also, Hitler would have had metal on him anyway. Yeah. So, like, probably could still do that if you wanted. Throw the vibranium away then.

Do my magnum. Put it in a lake. Yeah, put it in a lake. Throw it off the overpass like you were saying onto a car. Yeah. And then go pick up

That is my perfect way of killing Franz Ferdinand. They tried to car bomb him. Just drop vibranium from an overpass on his car. That is true. Start World War I right. I still think, yeah, We could do like arm guards

So little shields Sure he has And also what Captain America has in Infinity War When he was like I'm nomad Sort of And also I don't have a whip You're not nomad if you don't have a whip.

What about a big hamster ball? Oh, what about a big hamster wheel? Yeah, it's like a shield, but it covers everywhere. Yeah. Okay. But we make it thin enough that Captain America can see through. Have you ever seen a metal so thin you can see through it? I have not

Do you think these things exist? Surely they must What if we make it out of a fine mesh? And he just rolls into nasty Germany Barrels him over Crushes him Wheels himself back. Can't be shot from any angle, he's a ball.

What about... how's this for an angle? Doesn't have to be Captain American, can be any fucking guy. You can do it. I will, I'll get in there. Wait, so we get like a tank, a tank. And then we get, say, we cast a tank gun bullet out of vibranium. And then we make a chain attached to the bullet as well, made from vibranium.

So we shoot it like a yo-yo, and then we drag it back. And we shoot it again, and we drag it back. Yeah, sick. That's unreal, except how are you shooting a vibranium bullet? Gunpowder. A lot of gunpowder. And what do you think will happen there? We've got a bullet stuck in the gun barrel of the tank

and we can't get it out. Because it will absorb the explosion. You can't make a vibranium gun. That just wouldn't work. Well, you can. You can't make a vibranium bullet. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could back the tank up.

You'd have a constipated tank. Yeah. And you'd probably blow out the back of the tank. The top part of the tank would just fly off the bottom part. Oh, fuck. And then you have to keep shooting to get out of Nazi-occupied territory. Turn around. Look out!

No Nazi is expecting the top half of a tank shooting around like a frog. No one is ready for that. Not a single person. Okay, you're right. But maybe this is good. Because surely we can then use it like a rocket, right? If we can fire... Are you about to pitch exactly the same thing Zammett just did?

Yeah, but intentional. Okay, talk me through it. So I guess we need like a big steamroller or something. We've given you a train, so why not a big steamroller? And we have a gun barrel at the back with a vibranium stopper. We just shoot ourselves along. Into Nazi territory. Why?

Also, that's not what would happen. What about a steamroller where the front bit, like the rolling, is vibranium? It's light. That's true. So that means we can make it fast. Flatten Adolf Hitler. You could flatten a lot with that. Yeah, that's pretty good.

What about two rockets a kilometre apart, but parallel. Vibranium into piano wire. Via the rocket horizontal behind an entire city. You just have one on one side of Germany and on the other side of Germany. You just go through. Like cutting cheese.

And it won't stop. We're sorry. So many people. So many innocent civilians And also you're right it just keeps going We as we wait for it to return It just comes back by and just cuts our legs off Oh shit

Why would it keep going? I don't know I didn't test it We didn't test any of these Before we put them in the field I know we can't make Vibranium pools so I know we can't make vibranium pools, but we did mention you could make vibranium guns. That's true.

So if you make a vibranium gun, the recoil wouldn't necessarily be there. It wouldn't exist. That's true. So you could fire straighter and better. Yeah. So you can catch in America a machine gun full of vibranium. Machine gun bazooka. No. A machine gun full of vibranium. Machine gun bazooka.

No. Because the problem with a rocket launcher or a bazooka is not just the recoil. Where are you putting the other bullets? You feed it in. It's like a ribbon. A ribbon of bombs. Of bombs. Of missiles.

Think about how... He's strong. Yeah, Captain America's strong as shit. A huge line of missiles. I think I might help. He's strong. Yeah. Captain America is strong as shit. A huge line of missiles. Yeah. Look out Nazis. But it would be over his shoulder and then just be, yeah, look, I'm thinking more of a gun. Also, cause you can't, it's not going to automatically load in, because you can't have a barrel on a bazooka. I feel like I could make this work.

What if you get, like, the machine gun, but also a bayonet? Uh-huh. So then for, like, close-up, he could stab people with. Oh, yeah. That works. I, I mean, I know that modern technology agreed with me but bayonets are less yeah impressive when you have guns that don't jam when you go to shoot them

yeah that is true that's very true you can also just carry a knife or whatever yeah a second gun a backup gun what about a gun of vibranium and then like a vibranium knife because why we're back to uh also how to... Would a vibranium sword and knife stay sharp forever or never be sharp? I don't know. Does it matter? Yes. Have you tried to

stab someone with something that's not sharp? No, but Captain America's strong is what I'm thinking. That's a good point. He could do it with a blunt spoon. He could stab you with a baseball bat spoon He could stab you with a baseball bat He could just make you a whole Baseball bat Baseball bat and a chain

The biker's weapon Biker America He loves a bike He could hit bullets back at people That's cool We could call him Batter Up We'll keep the name Swing Hit bullets back at people. That's cool. We could call him Batter Up. We'll keep the name.

We'll workshop it. What are we thinking about swing? Like a swinger? I feel like we need America in there. Oh, okay. I got a perfect thing. So, okay. America.

So we'll just put that as the title. Baseball. What do baseball teams have? Captains. What about Captain America? Oh, my God. It works. Batter America. Batter America. Babe Ruth America. Babe America. Oh my God, it works. Batter America.

Babe Ruth America. Babe America. What if we call him Babe America? I like to imagine you're like Captain America and we're like yeah, sold, but then you see him announce and it's like, introducing Mr. Baseball. God damn it. No one fucking listened.

God damn it. What about a cricket bat? It's like a baseball bat but a bit flatter on one side So a bit more of a surface area That's true Less American though Tennis racket? Even? Well not less American

But he's strong enough If it's a tennis racket He's strong enough that he can go down on Adolf Hitler's head And make a sort of Hitler spaghetti out of him. So that's pretty good. That is good. What about a giant potato masher? How giant?

Big enough that we could squash one whole Nazi base with it. A base? A base? Yeah. We have it from a helicarrier and we just drop it. Okay.

And we pick it up again. Or an anvil. Yeah, or an anvil. It's kind of your overpass idea on a grand scale. I think that if you, I don't know what would happen if you dropped.

What about a one-to-one replica of the city that we're dropping it on? Now we're talking. People live in vibranium houses. Was that city made from vibranium? I don't remember. There's no body here anymore. What would happen if you dropped something made of vibranium out of the sky?

I feel like it would just be like, and not bounce. It would just land. Yeah, it would just land perfectly. Yeah, but then it probably wouldn't. Would it absorb the pressure? Would it just like- It would squish everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everything is flattened and you'd be like a paste out the side. What about a big Monty Python foot made of vibranium? Yes. Now we're talking. Yeah. Stepping on Nazi Germany. Yeah, with our big Monty Python foot.

Someone's like, no one ever expected the fucking vibranium foot or whatever. My car is dead. I don't know. Monty Python, it's... You know. Yeah, I get it. He's not a Messiah.

He's a fucking... He's my dickhead son. What if we made... Crucify him anyway. What if we made Captain America out of vibranium? The guy. Well, you tried that. Remember?

We dipped him in. He fell forward. You dipped him in and then he died? We did that. That was crazy. Okay, what about this? I like your idea. Thank you. What about this? I like your idea. How about this? So what we do is we inject

the super soldier serum with a bit of vibranium and then we inject it into Captain America. Vibranium blood. So even though if a bullet hits him, it'll bounce off his vibranium blood. So we just make it a wolverine? No, because it's just blood, not his bones. Like a wolverine. So a worse wolverine. No, because it's his blood, not his bones. Like a Wolverine if he was a-

So a worse Wolverine. No, a bloody Wolverine. And he just goes up to the Nazis and chops his neck or whatever and bleeds bipodium on them. I don't know what this does. And then that causes- Basically, he's got real thick, strong blood, which would mean the end result of that would be for the Nazis.

Victory. What if we poison the Vibranium and give it to the Nazis? Yeah. They make a poisoned shield out of it. Their guy dies. Yeah. They never figure out what it is. They avoid V vibranium

the whole of World War 2 what if we smelted it down a little bit make it yeah like we use it as poison and put it into

the Nazis water supply what happens if you drink heavy metals good yeah I think so what is vibranium going through your digestive system

do nothing good yeah because it wouldn't break down it would hurt to shit. I guess you'd have shiny shits, like how you shit gold. That's what your shit would make

when you look in the bathroom. Yeah, you'd be like, did it work? It did. The Nazis are shitting vibranium. And then the rest of the US government would be like, now what? We'd be like, um... Did you make that potato mash-up?

Did anybody... Did you see our designs? What if... How about this then? So instead of adamantium on a wolverine skeleton, vibranium on a Captain America skeleton. What do we think? What would that do? It means if he

kicks, there's no vibrations. So less broken bones. His bones may hurt nonstop. Yes. Sore bones, Captain America. A big problem for Wolverine is where he doesn't have his healing factor. He's slowly getting poisoned and is dying. Yes, yes.

Captain America would just have to take down the Red Skull quickly. Give him an incentive. Yeah, exactly. What if we coated his brain in vibranium? Vibranium. What do you think is going to happen? I don't know. I think we're here. Instead of a metal plate over his skull,

a vibranium plate over his skull. So what if we do this piecemeal? Yeah, that's clever. And then as we find more vibranium, we put it under his skin until eventually he's the vibranium plate over his skull. So what if we do this like piecemeal? Yeah, that's clever. And then as we find more vibranium, we put it under his skin. Yeah. Until eventually he's the vibranium man. Okay, so we're just making Robocop. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. In many ways. In many ways, yeah. Well, because Robocop, indestructible, has the brain of a robot, but this will just have the brain of Captain America. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll be a freak to look at. Heaps.

But that's okay, I guess. What if we pour it in around Captain America when he's in the tube and then it's like a mold for making more Captain Americas? Talk us through that. Step one. Actually, I don't even know

where to go with step one. Where do we start? Step one, liquefy all the vibranium. Okay. Step two, put skinny boy Captain America in the machine. Step three, turn on the machine, make muscle boy Captain America. Step four, put the liquid vibranium in around him. Yep.

Step five. We better plaster cast, alright? The strong boy. Open it up. I don't know how to get Captain America out though. Liquefy him. Kill Captain America with a very long needle. Liquefy

him. Suck it out. Split the vibranium in half. You get a beautiful Captain America mole who makes statues. Step seven. We make a lot of statues and then drop those statues on Germany. It's like a psychological tactic.

This is our guy and we killed him. Imagine what we did to you. We're crazy, baby! Our hero! We killed him ourselves! We're mad-dogging Germany. I was going to be like, oh, we placed them around so it looks like we've got many Captain Americas,

but no, we can't win. See this mould we made? This was our one hope for victory. And we fucking killed him with a long needle. Because we couldn't get him out. But then we later cracked it open in half so we could have got him out. So you we later cracked it open in half, so we fear we could have got him out. So you better

fucking don't fuck with us, Germany. Okay? We're fucking nuts. Be scared of Russia, be scared of us. What about grills? Like fake teeth. Oh, that's good. Captain America bites Adolf Hitler's face off like a chimpanzee. Or just making jaws.

Yeah, that works too. He dies because he bites a light bulb. Well, we just tell Captain America not to. Why does he bite a light bulb? James Bond puts it in his mouth. What if we die from a light bulb? We die from James Bond. Hitler had a dog.

Oh, yeah. That he loved. Can we do something there? A vibranium. Make a vibranium dog to then... We swap out the vibranium. Step one. Steal Hitler's dog. Step two. Replace it with

a vibranium dog. Step three. Hitler's got a fake dog. We've got Hitler's real dog. Couldn't we, instead of replacing it with... If we can get close enough to replace Hitler's dog, or steal Hitler's got a fake dog We've got Hitler's real dog Couldn't we instead of replacing it with If we can get close enough to replace Hitler's dog Or steal Hitler's dog Surely we could get close enough to I don't know put a bomb there

Yeah Put a bomb in the vibranium In the fake dog Bomb goes off inside the dog nothing happens Hitler's like are you okay Dog The dog it doesn't respond It's alive somehow which isund's like, are you okay? Dog? The dog, it doesn't respond.

It's alive somehow, which is crazy. Hedlund's like, are you okay? Oh, you're just a statue of my dog. Where is my dog? He's so distraught, he gives up the war. I mean, I guess. Yeah, I've come up with a lot of good ideas this episode. I think it's been good idea after good idea after good idea. What about some kind of aerosol?

Okay. If we weaponise it, if you sprayed vibranium in someone's face, what would happen? Like if we blocked up Like a dust or something, but like heavy metal. Well, I'm wondering if we could turn it into a glue

that we could then glue Hitler's face shut. What? Why not just use normal glue? Let's just shoot him in the face. Yeah, shoot him with a gun. A gun's obvious. You come into a big Hitler meeting with a glue gun.

I'm just here to fix the paintings. Try and talk now. You've taken away his speeches. The war is won. That was his propaganda. Or you could do, if he's sending out a lot of mail, you could kind of like how they killed

George's fiance in Saini. The Susan method. Get him to lick too many vibranium envelopes. I get the feeling if you licked a vibranium envelope, you'd cut your tongue. That's good.

Last, final thing for us to consider. Big knife. Oh, okay. How big? Like, to consider. Yeah. Big knife. Oh, okay. Okay. How big? Like, really big. Okay. I like this.

Are we talking big as the table in this room? Bigger? Are we talking as big as a house? We're talking as big as, say, a Clifford the Red Dog? Yeah. Are we talking as big as a submarine? Oh, wait. Are we talking as big as something?

Huge. So big. And we make it up at a satellite? Are we talking as big as something huge? So big. And we make it up at a satellite and then we stab the earth. Right where the Nazis are. Perfect. So rather than using a shield, I've been making, using all the vibranium to make Captain America's shield. What if we simply make a giant knife,

go to space 20 years before anyone went to space, drop a big knife on, in quotation marks, where the Nazis are, and stab the Earth? Stab the Earth. What about, like, here you go. Final idea from me. Okay. A mech. Oh, well, see, that's clever.

Then it's a vibranium mech and we can kill Captain America We don't need him He comes out of the tube like Actually we figured it out Let him pilot it Well it was a good test to find out if Captain America Can withstand a bullet in the brain Turns out no

We'll find another guy for the mech But yeah some kind of mech Which I'd say Captain America could pilot. Why? Yeah, why? He's fine on his own. Why are we putting him in a mech? I don't know. Fair enough. You're wasting Captain America.

I will chuck him out without a shield. Do you know what's not wasting Captain America? Shooting him in the head. Valuable research. You know what? When you're right, you're right. Why waste Captain America in a mech when we could shoot him in the fucking head? But we shoot him in the head with our vibranium bullets and it blows up in our hands and kills us.

I honestly think the best use for all this vibranium would have just simply been a better shaped shield. Yeah. To be honest, like one with like spikes or something on the side, that'd be sick. Nah, but the thing is there though with the spikes on the side yeah like it's sick

but then it'll get stuck so really it's kind of nice that A it kind of bounces back and he can catch it to be honest I think the shield

probably the best maybe a slightly bigger shield what about a boomerang does the same thing a shield does less useful as a shield it doesn't do the same stuff a shield does

a shield is made to defend it comes back a shield is made to defend it comes back a shield's most notable feature is not that it returns to you jackson that's the most notable feature of captain america shield yeah that's true i would also probably disagree with that but that's at least more feasible that is the only shield i know of that comes back therefore the most notable part of Captain America's shield is that it returns to him like a boomerang, i.e.

therefore, it could be a boomerang and the movies would not change. Except he gets shot heaps and dies. Yeah, he gets shot heaps, dude. Every single time he blocks... What if he had two boomerangs? Every single time in the movies he blocks a bullet with his shield, imagine that bullet gets shot

in the guts. When he comes into the 21st century he'd be bullet with his shield, imagine that bullet gets shot in the guts. When he comes into the 21st century, he'd be like, I'm Captain America, the most shot man in existence. How about this? All right, okay. So two slightly smaller shields. So back to the fake nomad idea. What about you give me an idea of fake nose?

What? Captain America, you take off Throw at his enemies Be so desirous And on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson I've been disappointed

A lot of bad ideas in this one I've never felt clever A fake nose Go to hell, Jackson Bailey. Weekly podcast where three cowardly friends discuss horror movies. My mum was weird about what movies we watched. I was a coward as well, so I was like, enforce the law, mum. I think I've watched three horror movies in my time. One of them by choice. For a big old coward, I have seen a weird number of horror films.

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