Plumbing the Death Star - Was Captain America Worth All That Time and Effort?

Episode Date: November 17, 2019

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Go for it, hey. Sans Pants Radio, I've had it for you. Hey, you handsomes. Were you a fan of our playthrough of the 1986 tabletop RPG Dinosaur Park but wanted to hear how Adam and Cass would handle the official yet rarely referenced expansion, Dinosaur Park 2, Dinosaur Land? Then do we have great news for you. Dinosaur Land is coming to SansPantsPlus.com on January 1st, 2020.

All you have to do is sign up to SandsPantsPlus.com at any level from now until January 31st, and you'll get access to the complete playthrough, New Year's Morn. Get in quick, because come February, it'll only be available to Sandspans Kings. So just head to sandspantsplus.com today and sign up so you can enter the new year listening to the terrible atrocities that Adam and Cass unleash onto an unsuspecting dinosaur land. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask important questions like like was Captain America worth all that time and effort?

No. And on that note... Oh, guys, I only came in with one. So... Yeah, please. Captain America, MCU. MCU cap, yeah. So, World War II, I don't know why I struggle with that.

That's a bit... That's a stress, my friend. No, you're right. Think Hitler. He hates him. Red Skull, he is working for who? The Kaiser? No.

The Hitler. Red Skull, though, also hates Hitler. Yeah, that's true. That's one thing the MCU did. What a weird move. They're like, our villain can't be that villainous. He just likes magic. He's not a Nazi.

He thinks that Nazis are means to an end. Have we made him better? Have we made a grey area either not grey? No. We've made it more complicated. I love that first Captain America movie. Nazis. Cap has a gun.

Look, I'm going to be honest with you. I think what I like most about that is just the imagery of Captain America with a shield and a gun. It's great. The two just don't go together. And it's wonderful to see them together. Yeah, it's so rare to have a shield and a gun. Because a sword and a gun makes sense because you're doing close quarters combat.

With the gun also. Sorry, a sword and a shield, not a sword and a gun. Sword and a gun are also cool. Sword and a gun reminds me of Constantine for some reason. Does he use a sword and a gun? Possibly. And also sword and a gun just reminds me of a bayonet. Gun and a shield?

Gun is for long. Shield is for close. Shield is for sword stuff. Gun, if you've got gun, they don't have swords. Sword and shield? Literally a perfect combination. They don't have swords. Yeah. Sword and shield. Ah. Literally a perfect combination. Perfect. Gun.

Perfect. Ah. Two guns. Oh. Gun and shield, eh? Gun and sword, Constantine. But also Dante from Devil May Cry. Yeah.

So, okay. World War II and they have decided to create a super soldier. Perfect soldier. Yeah. I just want to interrupt there because I had a thought relating to sword and gun. Please. I'd love to read this. This is important.

Go. Yes. King Arthur. Yes. Pulls sword out of stone. Sure. Keep trying to do a gritty reboot, but they keep that the same. Pull gun out of stone.

Shoot gun out of stone. Shoot gun out of stone. What about, are you thinking like tiny handgun or long shotgun? I always propose what looks like a big long shotgun with a handle they pull out. No, you just pistol. Or other way around. Oh, tiny handgun. It keeps coming. Like Joker's gun from the Batman film.

It keeps coming. It's like Joker's gun from the Batman film. Plum in the Death Star's new famous plot theory is that Joker is King Arthur. That's a theory. A plot theory. I have a theory about the upcoming Joker film. Plot theory. A plot theory.

What's your plot theory? Come on. He's Captain America Oh no He's Captain Excalibur There we go It's cool that your brain has just become a goop Within minutes of beginning this episode

Look So It's been a big couple of days They gotta make a skinny boy big Yeah They're like Gee whiz Fuck this Hitler

Fuck he's got us on the ropes. So what was the thinking? Best way to kill a Hitler, make a skinny boy beat. That's very funny. Imagining them in a think tank being like, what do we do? And then an old Italian man in the corner would be like, maybe I have an idea. What about he eat more?

He's your problem with your soldiers. They all sick. They're not eat. I see. Too skinny. Too skinny. Look at your shoulder. Make a skinny boy big. And then I'm at the other corner. Who let that Italian in?

Hey! Mama mia! Then he scoffers. Just wait till I'm looking side, then we join forces! For some reason, when you described this, our new famous character, Italian spy, scarpering, I imagine him doing the stereotypical Italian hand gesture, but like a crab, as he sideswept.

Running away. But moving with his legs really straight apart. And they're like, we'll never catch him. Yeah, he's too quick. All of our skinny boys can't run fast. They're too skinny. Wait, maybe he was onto something. Maybe he's skinny boy big.

They had like the super soldier goo. They knew that if they inject... They had like a... Was it an ex-Nazi scientist? Yeah, something like that. They had a magic goo. Funny that the bad guys created Captain America technically. That's true.

I know, it's almost like he's got blonde hair and blue eyes, like some kind of Aryan god. What if we pump this sucker full of Nazi juice? What if we make this ideal Nazi full of Nazi juice and slap a flag, owl flag, on it? That's after the Italian guy goes out. I walk in on a wheelie chair, you know? Like a crab symbol.

Hey, hey. You know what's great? Blonde hair and blue eyes. How about we pump this sucker full of Nazi juice cold of the day? Boom! And then I walk out the other day and they're like, he's not employed here. Who left the door open? It's full of Italians and dumb

cunts in here. So they have the juice. Hey, I heard that. Get out. I'm not Italian. Wait. Hold on. Wait. Hold on.

Wait a second. And then they just shut the door. Hold on. And then in the background. Oh. Rude. But yes,

so they know what the Nazi juice does. Yes. Is it makes it improves on everything that you've already got, right? That's what they say. They're like, you were really good. So we gave you the juice. Now you're really good. Don't they say that it kind of.

It like enhances everything, right? But because they like, they pick Captain America, Steve, at this point, not Captain America, famously. Yeah, famously. Famously, just little, scary, skinny. Little skinny boy. Little boy. Yeah, tiny wee. Yeah.

Because they're like, what's on the inside that counts? Because the serum will take care of the rest. Well, no, maybe. But I thought that the reason the Red Skull went bad is that he had badness in him him like as a guy so it's like it's a moral juice yeah i thought that was an element of it maybe i'm wrong but i thought that look hey i didn't i forgot that red skull had even had the juice so i thought that it's to be honest same yeah wait hang on now i'm doubting this red skull had the nasty juice as well when does he say it's just not a? Or does he inject it? It just didn't work as well. That's why he's got a red skull.

That's why he's got a red skull. Is that how Red Skull become a Red Skull in the MCU? Yeah, he drank the Nazi juice and he got a red skull. We're all... Are we imagining like a pop-top? I'm imagining a pop-top. Oh, God. Okay.

Look, I'll agree with you. I don't want to... Look, yes. We're all racing for our internet browsers to double check if Jackson's right. So we sound cool, calm and collected, but I want everyone to know that everyone's limbs were flailing towards the closest browser.

I just... I've Googled, did Red Skull drink the Nazi juice and Google doesn't know what I mean. Look, I believe you. Yeah, I'm fairly sure he does and I'm fairly sure an element of it... That might be why they chose Steve Rogers, because they're like, we know what happened to the old mate.

He got a red skull because he's a bad bloke. But if we get a skinny boy with perseverance and good moral compass, that's our Captain America. Because otherwise they wouldn't care that he was skinny. Because they were trying to find a good person. When he jumps on the grenade, they all have a moment of like, this is the boy. So there must be an element of like, oh, he's a good fella.

So how does the juice work? I guess it's just like a big. We make you a big or a red skull face depending kind of like in Fable where you have like the good and evil and you get like angel wings and a halo or devil horns. You get a bigger muscle or a regular skull. This Italian man, he's going to answer

for everything. I love Italian spy. It's just there. Look, we take it a Nazi juice. Put in a good boy. You get a good boy out. You get a good boy.'s pretty good. Put in a good boy. Put in a good boy. You get a good boy out. You get a good boy. Look at the muscle.

Hey. He been eating. He been a good boy. You get a Nazi juice. Put in a bad boy. I get a red sky. Like a Roma tomorrow. Yeah, it's Italian spy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What defines good boy, bad boy for you? The juicer knows. The juicer knows. The juice knows and at any point, who is currently a weenie. So, because

Red Skull is on your side. Oh, not bad. Look. My side or your side? What are you going to say? Look, this is why we're here because look, if you're your side and you're coming a weenie, well, your side is my side. Just to say. I cannot trust you Italian spy

Because I know you're a spy It's in your name No no no no no no no Think about it Think about it You think of World War II Where do you think Nazis are? You think of Nazi in Italy?

You think of Nazi in France Yeah You're thinking of France You see Thinking of the French Yeah That Italian confidence It tricked me every time

But yes so Hugo Weaving has an answer for us What? I don't care With your nerd shit What movie? Oh yeah, I forget I think the major difference between Skull And Cap, it's funny that he calls him Skull They both have the serum

And the serum seems to augment certain qualities That each of them have Cap is much more in tune with other people I think. Schmidt is in tune with himself and his own needs and his own ego. So I suppose it augments that. From that point of view, they're quite opposite. Alright, so look. You take the juice

and you're a crazy, selfish boy. Your face has become red. If you're a people person, strong. If you're kind of selfish, red face. No nose. Still have eyes. Falls off.

So they make Captain America. I like that that quote just quickly says literally nothing. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Hugo Weaving's like, shut up. I'm not wearing- Fucking no. I don't remember that film. The juice knows.

The juice knows. No, but so we have to assume that they have the juice and they're like, we can make a very strong, morally good guy. That was a famous plot of that film. I'm just establishing the context because that doesn't seem worth it. Okay, so they've got the Nazi scientist who makes the juice that Schmidt had that turned him into a skull. And they're like, what if we gave it to a skinny boy?

Did it work wrong because the guy we gave it to was no good? Did Red Skull have the juice before or after Captain America had the juice? Before. Yeah. Because he had it when it was still Nazi juice. Okay. So old mate from Stanley Tucci. Yeah.

So he made a juice, gave it to the Red Skull. Yes. He turned into a Red Skull. He was like, that's fucked. And then Stanley was like, oh, maybe I'm a bad guy. Maybe I should give this to a good boy. Oh, no. His name's Stanley?

No. Stanley. Stanley, as in one word. Stanley Tucci. Not Stanley. Not Stanley. Sorry. I'm thinking,

did they name the Nazi sign to Stanley? That's weird. No. Stanley. Mr. and Mrs. Toot, she named their son Stanley, though. Fun fact about the name Stanley. Stanley. It is in reference to Stanley.

If you know someone called Stanley, parents, big comic book fan. It's a reference. Ten things you missed in Captain America. Stan Lee's 2G is a reference to Stan Lee. That's another Easter egg that no one else has picked up on. Absolutely. Stan Lee 2G the man is a reference to Stanley.

The also man. But imagine for a second we have the juice, and I propose to you I have the thing that will turn the tide in this war. And you're like, what is it, Jackson? And I'm like, one strong guy. Oh, he did it. He did it. War saved.

Okay. My quick question would be, are you just making the one or are we experimenting on some boys? We have enough juice for one boy. Surely we have that scientist here who is going to make more. I'm sure he doesn't. He just gets shot. Something that's also worth noting is the fact that Captain America's first role in the war is propaganda.

Yeah, we need a handsome boy. To get strong using all of our juice so that we can put him in a parade. Absolutely. And he can pretend to punch Adolf Hitler in the jaw. Was that the plan from the start? Or it was kind of like, hey, we've got this Nazi juice, we're going to give it to our troops,

they're going to be big, strong and handsome and that's how we're going to win the war. Fantastic. We tried it one bloke, fantastic. Alright,

Stan Lee just got shot. Oh no, we can't recreate the juice. Well, we've got one. That can't change the title war so we're going to put him

in front of a parade. But I think that the reason That's just making like, you know, lemonade out of leavens yeah but the reason i think that it must have been only the one is that they it was a lot of effort to get steve rogers like they if it could have been anyone then they could have just taken soldiers they already had do you know what i mean like it so specifically has to be a weakling with a heart of gold i mean look we know in the comic book series that they did experiment on a lot of other people oh yeah absolutely but we're just going by the mcu we don't see that necessarily but they could

have no but they only have a specific amount of juice from memory oh no i found the answer to this that's because the scientists get shot straight away. That's what I said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So they can't make the juice. You're like, hey, I got this juice that's going to make our soldiers strong. We give it to one boy. Then, like, the Italian spy comes in. Shoots me in the head.

Everyone's like, weird. But is Captain America's powers, like. So the original plan, make a battalion of these blokes. Okay. What ends up happening is scientist dead, the senator is like, put him on stage. Okay, first of all, rude of Stanley Tucci to not write it down somewhere.

That would have been nice. Then, for example, the Italian spy or the Nazi spy who shoots him in the head could have got it. Write it down in code. You're at war. That's what they did. And what often happened with those codes? You're right. Every scientist that ever came up with an idea

should have kept it in their head alone. Don't ever write anything down. Alan Turing was onto it. He was decoding everything. Because this particular formula, if they had been able to manufacture it and then give it to their soldiers, and they probably someone else could have then later on,

maybe in, say, 10 or 15 years, could have purchased that and commercialized it so then all of America could have been so strong. Cake city, baby. You know? Wouldn't that have been nice? Buff America. And how many gold medals would America have won in the Olympics? I mean, like, all of them.

Let's be honest. Does the super serum count as doping? Is that a question for another day? Well, let's be honest. The super soldier serum is steroids, right? It's doping 100%. It's just safe steroids. What?

Which is why I find it odd that he can lift meonia. Yeah, that's true. Surely meonia is like say no to drugs. He's a safe steroids. What? Which is why I find it odd that he can lift Mjolnir. Yeah, that's true. Surely Mjolnir's like, say no to drugs. He's a drug cheat. Although Thor loves drinking, so he's not straight edge himself. So maybe Mjolnir is fine with party drugs. And again, the serum knows. Yeah, if a good or bad.

So the serum's like, doing drugs is great. Well, maybe Mjolnir let Captain America pick him up when he realised it. Because Captain America felt guilty because he's a boy of pure heart. He was like, I drug cheated. I was doping. I can't lift this hammer. But then he was like, no, it's fine. I can.

Mjolnir's like, drugs are cool. Yeah, maybe Mjolnir. It's a bad influence hammer. But also, what's funny is that they didn't need a battalion of Captain Americas. They won the war anyway. Yeah, but not really with Captain America. He was off dealing with Red Skull. Captain America was largely inconsequential.

No, well, yes. The bomb. Yeah. Yeah. I guess the bomb. Would, okay. So you're saying that. So this scientist doesn't get killed.

You know how in our reality we don't have a Captain America, but guess what we won? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. He's not that useful. Just saying. Won the war without him. The powers that he has are not that good.

He can punch hard. Yes. Great. Throw a shield good. Yes. And later he can throw a shield good. Yeah, okay. First of all, he can just wield a shield.

The biggest thing he has in terms of superpower is that his body doesn't produce lactic acid, or it gets rid of it very quickly. Or he can keep going. So basically, yes, he doesn't struggle with fatigue. Yeah, that's it. Or muscle tiredness, which is incredible and amazing, and yes, that is very important,

and yes, imagine having a whole battalion of people with that who could just keep marching. So while the enemy has to sleep, you don't have to. While the enemy gets tired, you're not. It's why robots are great, Jackson. So if you have a bunch of bio robots, i.e. Captain Americas, just going into any war, they would be fantastic. Cap does age, though, which is weird.

Does he age slower or regularly? We don't know We don't know He ages, we've got confirmation that he does get old In the comics he does because the serum keeps him young But no, unconfirmed in the film Well I have to assume it doesn't because he ages in Endgame He's an old man

But how long has he been mourning his death of his wife? Could have been centuries. We don't know. Hey, what year are you from? 4000. Why? What do you do after your wife? I don't think I'll tell you. Are you going to tell me about those adventures? I don't think I will. I don't think so. And you, the

audience, will also never hear them. I, Chris Hemsworth, quit. Chris Hemsworth. Chris Evans is like, and I, Chris Hemsworth, quit. Chris Hemsworth. Chris Hemsworth is like, and I, Chris Hemsworth, are upset that my alleged good friend, Chris Hemsworth, has walked into this scene. Pushed me over, slammed Mjolnir into my ghoulies, and decided to quit.

I will not quit. I'm shocked that this scene is kept in. Wow, Endgame is a masterpiece. What a film. So you're saying that you think Captain America was worthwhile? Making Captain America was a good idea. Yeah, I think it was a good idea. Because if they have like,

am I championing using steroids without military? I don't. Well, there are no negative. There's no side effects. There's no side effects for Captain America except that he's going to live too long. We don't get any confirmation on his balls. He doesn't father any

children with Peggy. Does he get a sudden onset of acne? Well, I liked reading somewhere someone went through all of the MCU movies and was like, is Captain America a virgin? Yes. 100% yes.

He would be. He's a big virgin. Yeah. Yeah. He's a big verge. What are the side effects of the super soldier serum? Do you mean like the effects or like negative side effects? The negative side effects. They just don't seem to be.

Apparently. Oh, he can't get drunk. The transformation. Oh, yeah. That sounds really sad. People don't talk about to be any. Apparently. Oh, he can't get drunk. The transformation. Oh, yeah, that sounds really sad. People don't talk about that scene enough. Yeah, he's like, I don't feel much and I can't, like. He's like, my best friend just died and I'm drinking to forget, but the super sodium serum won't let me get drunk.

So, yeah. Does he have to just, like, drink straight, like, methadone? He's literally, he's sitting there with, like, I'm pretty sure he's sitting there with a bottle of whiskey and he's just pouring it into a glass and just necking it so that first Captain America

is underrated I feel like every other MCU film is overrated so he can't be poisoned no I guess that's good so he's got a

healing factor no it's something about his metabolism yeah so now Wolverine can't get drunk for the same reason

but he gets like a healing factor well I gotta assume that that implies that he also doesn't derive a lot of pleasure from, like... How much... Weird question. How much pleasure does Captain America feel?

No, I was going to ask the same question. Does he enjoy... Because if he can't get, like... If getting shot is, like, whatever. Yeah. If he eats a hamburger, is that good? When do we see him shrug off bullets? Yeah, that's another problem I have with Captain America.

If your soldier can still just get shot and die, you've improved very little. Jackson, World War II. Okay. What were there a lot of? Gun. Yes. What is human famously weak against?

Gun. What is Captain America still? Human. Yeah. Don't trick me into saying gun. What does Captain America still? Human. Don't trick me into saying gun. What does Captain America have? Shield. And in the first Captain America movie, gun also.

That's another great thing to point out just while we're on shield. So imagine we've made the strongman and you're like, good job. And I'm like, I also have this very unimaginably rare material. Okay. Okay, and I'm going to turn it into a tool for our new super-sauce. It's like a body armor or something. Shield! Ha-ha!

And we can't turn it back. And you can't, it's a power source too, but not now. It's just, you're just using it for a shield. Didn't even make a knife out of it. Why don't you, sorry, a shield? I'm a fucking maniac, I don't know. Can you? Shield, and eventually we'll don't know. Shield.

And eventually we'll be called Shield. Are you Howard Stark? Yes, I am. I think I hate you. Did you pick what this is called to make the acronym Shield? Just a coincidence. But lucky. And now a quick word from our sponsors.

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Are you going to have a company called Gun as well? No, but I will have one called Sword. Why didn't... Why not Gun? You've got Gun and shit. I'm not talking to you, Stark. Surely you'd get that material and make a nice helmet. Yeah.

Like Cap America's current helmet. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, granted, he's still getting shot in the mouth. That's a problem. But even still. Body armour. And body armour. Yeah, a cup, anything.

Oh, Iron Man, Iron Man. Iron Man. We're making Iron Man. Yeah. Well, that would have been better, frankly. Let's be honest. Because at the end of the day, no matter how strong Captain America is,

he's still just a guy. But, yo, he is, but he's be honest. Because at the end of the day, no matter how strong Captain America is, he's still just a guy. But he is, but he's like extra. He's a strong guy. If a tank rolls over him, he's still done. His head pops like the rest of us. Can't he lift up a tank? No, he's not that strong. He seems pretty strong.

He can keep a helicopter from flying away. That's strong. That's pretty strong. That's pretty strong. But you can't do that. But you know who does also do that? The Rock in Hobbs and Shaw. Yeah.

And if the America was full of The Rock, I'm pretty sure that they would win every single ground fight without any casualties. Is The Rock a real-life super soldier serum taken guy? Yes, absolutely. 100%. But yes, I don't know. To me, it just doesn't seem worth the time and effort when you 100 but yes i don't know to me it just doesn't seem worth the time and effort when you could have i don't know like that's okay i'm

not what would you do i would propose what happened in our world how many casualties did captain america cause v how many did he stop is this a batman makes his own villain situation How many did he stop? Is this a Batman makes his own villain situation? Like, if there was no Supercell. Well, he did stop Red Skull's plan. Yeah. Which was the Tesseract.

Uh-huh. And if Red Skull got the Tesseract. Well, let's recall. Red Skull just got sucked into the Tesseract anyway. So, was Cap in America? Or maybe, did Cap push them? He had a plane. Yes, with a bomb in it. He had a plane and he put that in the snow. Yeah.

That saved lives because that bomb. Please help. He rescued prisoners of war. Yeah. Would that not have happened anyway? No, they were just like, the movie literally is like, because Captain America is not a front line soldier at that point he's like

we're gonna go save them and they're like nah we're presuming they're all dead and he's like I refuse to believe it let's go and then him and the

howling commanders or whatever they're called yeah yeah yeah blazing saddles yeah yeah yeah so Chris Evans when asked about I'm going to have

more actors quotes yeah yeah yeah hey if you're playing the character you know the character you are the character yeah regarding the actor's abilities which the character's abilities not the character, yeah. Regarding the actor's abilities, which the character's abilities,

not the actor's abilities. The actor's abilities are can act. Character's abilities. So this helps clarify how well they're going to do. He would crush the Olympics. Any Olympic sport he's going to dominate, he can jump higher, run faster, lift stronger weights. But he can be injured.

He could roll an ankle and be out for the season. He's not perfect. He's not untouchable. So Captain America can roll his ankle. Okay. So there's a possibility. We just see the perfect run. Also, he's thrown that away as kind of a joke,

but that means that Captain America's healing factor is not anything special. But unless it's to do with alcohol. Yeah. No, it's metabolism, not a healing factor. What I love is that means we see in Captain America and the First Avenger, he just happens to bat a hundred. Like every time he leaps between buildings,

he could just land, roll his ankle and go out. Snappies Achilles. Thanos breaks his arm. So his muscles are strong, but his tendons not so. He's just You gotta treat Captain America is not super powered in that It's not like above

He's just the human peak So he can just cop a bullet and roll an ankle And what have you He's just like an incredibly muscly man But if we had them Against say like a group of Or a military that didn't have them Still very good yeah

because you know what else you know what's an Olympic sport what skeet shooting yeah but Captain America is not a better marksman well he said he'd win

every single Olympics that's true that's the winter Olympics no skeet shooting's in both you're right also archery yeah I don't think

Captain America hang on does this mean that Captain America is a better archer than Hawkeye as quoted by Chris Evans

well Chris imagine Chris Evans is like he would dominate and he's like wait wait shit shit shit no Hawkeye would beat me

in the archery one whatever the bow one is because that's his thing and I guess I guess Black Widow probably beats me in gymnastics Jeremy Renner has a smile on his face.

It's true. Hulk will be a bench press more. Yeah, Hulk's definitely stronger. If there's chess, maybe Tony. I don't know. Fencing? Maybe Tony's used to the mask. Chris Evans does not know what's in the Olympics.

Maybe chess and Olympics. Chris what? Skating? Skateboarding was for a bit. It's an extreme sport, I know that. They put it in the Olympics for a bit, but they took it out. Chess is definitely in the Olympics there, though, yeah? We've got wrestling.

Hulk would beat me at that, I think. Yeah, but he's a monster. I'm a man. Thor would wipe the floor with literally everything for me. A hammer throw. Not Thor again. Do you just mean, Chris, that you would be better at maybe the 100-meter sprint?

No, I think what I'm trying to say is... Oh, wait. No, Quicksilver. Yeah. I think I'm trying to say that in a normal Olympic situation, if you put me in, that's good. But in this universe... Some kind of mad Avengers Olympics.

I do not win. Although I still think I'll be better at archery. But yeah, I don't think that Captain America is a better marksman than anyone else. If he's the peak human, as you said just before. Yeah, to quote you to you. To quote you to throw you at your face. How do I become the villain of this episode?

If he's becoming the peak human, that would include marksmanship. No, but marksman's something you train at. He'd be better at it than people, but not like the peak of it. Do you know what I mean? He's not preternaturally good at marksman. He's just, he's base level human peak. And then if he trained, he could get better at it. So he'd have a really good hand-eye coordination.

Yeah, he's just got very good. Which would help you as a marksman. When he eventually learns to shoot, but he's put in the like, I guess he does go through basic training, but he goes through basic training as a weak boy. Yes. And then he gets the Captain America juice and then he goes off and does propaganda

and then they dump him in the wall. He's so unused to his body. If you had a lot of Nazi juice and you gave it to every skinny boy and every fit boy and then trained them, you got an amazing thing. No, but I feel like they need good boys. Oh, that's right. So you give them to everyone in the army,

half of them come out with red faces, half of them come out as big boys. Apparently, despite what Hugo Weaving said, in the movie the scientist says that it was an imperfect version of it. I remember that. So he got Nazi sludge. Maybe there was still pulp in that juice. They didn't properly blend it.

So the juice doesn't. Imagine if Captain America, he warns him of it, he was like, yeah, last time we did this someone was permanently disfigured. Imagine if Captain America in the MCU just has blue face face oh yeah like he just has a blue skull head well he's still a great guy and his powers still work he just looks hideous so that's that sucks because like red skull just got a red skull he didn't get sweet muscles yeah but he's really smart was he already really smart i think so he was a scientist yeah but you know he wasn't

that smart because he got injected with a yeah mystery mystery sludge i just think i don't know like i said we won the war regardless so was captain america worth and then well last time everyone keeps trying to recreate it yeah i was gonna say the military tries to do it one more time abomination is born. Yeah. It doesn't, it's not worth it. Getting a Captain America, build an Iron Man suit. Whatever. Yeah.

Buy an Iron Man suit. They tried, Jackson. They tried to do that. They tried to get old mate Justin Hammer, Tony Stark, your son wouldn't laugh. Oh, that's right. I met with Stark. Holy shit. I gotta tell my boy about a new element in a theme park. I don't remember I

had met him. Well, this is the thing. I mean, look, if you're thinking for a military perspective, sure, you want that kind of, you know, you technically legally own that. Wait, does the military own Captain America's blood? Absent goddamn blood. His blood. Why his blood?

Because that's their juice. I guess that's where the juice went. That is a crazy statement on both of your parts. That is where the juice went. The juice just went into his body. It went into his blood to then be absorbed by his system. So it's not just his blood. They would own his body.

No, I'm Team Jackson here because you tricked me. Yes, they did inject it into his blood, but it doesn't stay in his- It's not like he got strong blood. My brain jumped ahead because I'm like, the reason I can't make an Iron Man suit is because they don't own any of the technology, but they do own that serum. Yeah, that's true. That serum was made by one of their, well, eventually their own military scientists.

So I would take him to court. We own what's going through your body. Give it back. Did Stanley Tucci die before they injected Iron Man or Captain America or after? After. Just after. Okay, just after. Because I wasn't sure it was the situation where they shot. Same day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Within 15 minutes. Yeah, yeah, but it wasn't the kind of situation where they're like they shot the Nazis are coming and they killed Stanley Tucci and they're like, quick! Inject Captain America now! Okay, yeah, that's fine then. I was going to be like, that's a waste of serum. But the fact that I guess they thought Stanley Tucci could make more.

Funny he made just one batch and was like, that'll do you for now. Well, it's a test. Yeah, I guess. But why not just keep some on hand? Also, as a test, why are they doing several at once? Yeah, I don't know. You know what I mean? You have to make one guy in that one.

It's going to be very slow. Anyway, and I would never want to really recreate it because maybe it's useful in World War II, but having a very strong guy just get a strong guy yeah the rock see what he's up to you want a strong guy that's also military trained yeah but that's

imagine you go to basic training you learn and you do all the kind of stuff that gets you into that military mindset and then as you're about to graduate military academy yeah they give you a diploma of guns they give you a diploma of guns. They give you a diploma of guns and a shield and an injection of super soldier serum. And then suddenly you become like, oh, I now have love for my country,

all this military training, and now I'm sweet and strong. Did it make him smarter? No. The only benefit I can really think is that Captain America doesn't get tired. Because you can get strong guys. Yeah. That's doable. Yeah, but also it's World War II.

Like, atrocities of the war are already through the roof here. Do you know what Captain America's not going to be able to stop? A bomb. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And a battalion of Captain America's, you know what they're not going to be able to stop? A bomb. Yeah.

But they can stop, say, a normal weedy scientist pressing a button to release that bomb. Yeah, if they know where that is. Yeah. But they can't stop, say, a normal weedy scientist pressing a button to release that bomb. Yeah, if they know where that is. But so can, like, just guys. Doesn't have to be Captain America. It's like in the world of the MCU, they were like, one of the biggest problems of stopping Nazi scientists is that we can't bash down the doors. Oh, man. The human skulls have gotten tougher. We need a guy who can punch real good.

The human skulls have gotten slightly thicker. Oh no. Man, what are we going to do? So many people are trapped under girders in World War II. If only we had a guy who could lift girders. Well, again, yes. Yeah, but they had battalions of people.

It wasn't, there was not an issue. That stuff was being sorted out anyway. When you have any kind of ground force situation and you have anything, anything at all that can give you the one-up in a military situation, you take it. Two guns, one guy. Two guns, several guys,

body armour, shield made from adamantium. Use. Use. Everything. Use everything. Yeah, but use, rather than put it, how much money do you reckon they spent on that super soldier suit? Infinite. Give every soldier a second gun. Yeah.

Or maybe figure out where everyone is. Oh, let's get better surveillance tech. No. Gun points forward and one that points back. That is one division of a whole military operation. One division. Upcoming on Disney+. One division.

One division. Don't forget to write down that remainder. Solve for X. But yeah, it's one division. Weapon X. Weapon X. Super soldier. Weapon X. Super soldier. Weapon plus.

No, no, no, that's silly. We're talking about the MCU. Dutra, you went full circle. What if? What if? What if Captain America's juice turned him into Cap Wolf? Is that better for you? Yes.

That's at least a different set of skills He can bite still? Yes Captain America can still bite Yeah It's not as effective He just doesn't have a muzzle Yeah

Yeah, he can't muzzle cap, I guess Look, I just think those funds would have been better suited elsewhere Yeah I think it was a waste of any money and time on the military's part To get one strong guy you can send to one area. Develop a better plane with better bombs. I agree with you, whereas if they're sending one strong guy to an area, bad. However, if they were sending every person in the military

had that kind of physique and that kind of military training, all that kind of stuff, I think they'd be worth it. But I just don't think they could do it to every guy in the military because they specifically needed Cap because he was weedy and good. No, they didn't need him because he was weedy and good. They were like, we're going to test this thing out. We've got to find a candidate that we can trust and he's going to be good for the American army

and embody the American spirit. I just feel like if you do it to every single soldier, you're bound to get a couple red skulls, you know? Plus, creating Captain America created a chain of events that led to 50% of the universe's population being wiped out. Exactly. So they shouldn't have made him in the first place. Correct.

Look, the only thing making Captain America did was make Steve Rogers feel good about himself. If we all wanted to pat Steve Rogers on the back, then good job, super soldiers. Well done, Steve Rogers. Hit the then good job Super Soldier well done Steve Rogers hit the fucking gym like the rest of us and on that note

yes I've been Jackson Bailey slash Howard Stark slash Italian spy I've also been Joel and an Italian spy as well absolutely and I've also been Joel I did not play any characters today I don't think you an Italian spy as well. Absolutely. And I've also been Joel. I did not play any characters today, I don't think. You did Italian spy for a bit.

And Italian spy in brackets, supporting role. Man, jam on. Thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter you can find us at Sandspants Radio or you can find us individually I'm at Douche13 I'm at OldDogsOfDead and I'm at GodDammitZammit

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Goodnight for now. But not forever. Kisses.