Plumbing the Death Star - What are the Implication of the 80s Calling and Wanting Their Shirt Back with Cass Paige

Episode Date: November 14, 2021

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Ahem. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm Cass. I was going to introduce you, Cass, because you're a special guest.

Yeah, that's true. You're very special. You beat me to it. I make myself at home, I do. Take my shoes off at the door. Sit on the couch with my feet on it. Assume that's true. You're very special. You beat me to it. I make myself at home, I do. Take my shoes off at the door. Sit on the couch with my feet on it. Assume that's fine. It's nice you still took off your shoes at the door.

That was kind of you, you know? Yeah. Shoes at the door. Oh, no shoe zone. Sorry. I'm not formal at the moment. I'm casual. I'm in my own home.

I'm not wearing shoes in my own house. Where we ask the important questions. And look, it pains me to say. I'm so happy why after i finish this fucking sentence yeah like what are the implications of the 80s calling and wanting their shirt back Hey, douche, the 80s called. They want their shirt back. But what could it mean?

So, Cass, you have... There's been a proud tradition of the last... It's so consistent. ...six to eight weeks of plumbing the death star anytime a guest comes on we show them our document of questions and our document is littered and like our listeners have heard a little versions of this before but our document is littered by what i like to refer to as landmine questions that we would never do jackson just likes to sneak them in there after we've yelled

at him for suggesting it. I think three out of the last four guests have picked those. Let me tell you. Because they're the funniest. Also, I absolutely want to call you out for calling a group chat a document. How dare you? How dare you

say to these good people, I'll show you the document. No, you didn document no you documents lofty it's a collection of comments on a workplace facebook group it's a thread it's not a uh uh actually i did say it was group chat didn't i yeah you were both wrong it's a thread yeah so and jackson was wrong when he thought this was a good question so let's get into it we've all been wrong today oh Oh, yeah. So, okay. So, Jackson.

Yeah. Run us through what the fuck was going through your mind when you thought this was funny. So, everybody, I didn't think it was funny. I thought it was interesting. Okay. Okay. Well, to be honest, that's much better because that usually means that there'll be a second sentence. No.

So, not this time. So, okay. We all know. And, and hey maybe this is not something that floats for our younger like listeners like maybe this no one says this anymore because the 80s are so long ago now but if somebody is wearing clothing that appears as though it could be from an older time period it's daggy it's out of fashion a classic thing to say to them is hey dirt bag the 80s called and they want their shirt or hat or pants or whatever you're wearing that's out of date back now i thought what are the circumstances where that happens i see because this the circumstances seem like they're thus i see dusha wearing a day glow shirt covered in like lots of

triangles and squiggly lines quite multi-colored and i'm like oh dusha looks a Dayglo shirt covered in lots of triangles and squiggly lines, quite multicolored. And I'm like, oh, Dusha looks like he's got a nice shirt on. And then I pick up my home phone, apparently. Hey, Jackson, the 90s called and they want their home phone back. Yeah, well, we'll deal with the implications of that in time. I pick up the phone. Hi, Jackson speaking. How can I help you? And on the other end. How can I help you? Yeah, I i pick up the phone hi jackson speaking how can i help you and on the other hand help you yeah i think yeah i'm polite on the phone yeah you answer your

phone like a freak cool continue hi you've called my mobile i don't recognize hi here's my full name yeah hi let me give you my address real quick what what can i do for you hello you've called my personal mobile number how can i help you just say hello or even hello jackson speaking is fine what about is that good like a caveman honestly if you answer the phone that would make a lot more sense to me than hello this is Jackson Bailey speaking. How can I help you today? What might I do for you? Yeah.

Anyway, and on the other end, a thousand voices from a decade, a billion voices screaming out, untouched by the Xbox 360 and many other technological innovations since, they say, Jackson, we have a request. Your friend Joel Dusha is wearing our shirt. You need to tell him to give it back.

And then I hang up the phone. I go, hey, Dusha, the 80s called? And I think, they want your shirt back. What are the implications of that conversation? How do we give it to them? Why do they want it back? What does it mean that it's gone? Do you know what?

If I'm hearing this, my first thoughts are like, okay, obviously something's wrong. Something's very wrong. Something's wrong. It must mean that first they have a shortage because if you notice your shit's missing if you yeah okay stuff's missing you're like oh i'll grab a new one you try to find it but i i personally wouldn't resort to time travel to first so do you think if we if we in the modern day year of our lord 2021 yeah we lost um i don't know what's a particularly 2021 piece of clothing surely yeezys okay all the yeezys are gone

like season six or some shit yeah there's no 21 of you well, then you hit me up with a better 2021 item of clothing. Come on. That's right. Yeezys season six. Okay. And we notice a dearth of them. And we're like, in the future, well, I guess they have to disappear mysteriously, don't they? And we have to somehow come to the conclusion that the reason they're not here is because 20 years in the future everyone's wearing our yeezys and then we need to call someone and tell them to

send them back because i was not imagining that all of them were gone i was imagining the fact that joel douches is gone that he's stolen one from the 80s is causing irreparable temporal damage and that well to save our past we must steal a shirt in the future is what i was thinking yeah i'm guessing that in this situation if the 80s are calling so clearly time travel has happened by one joel ducha yeah and i have gone back in time to steal a stolen a shirt which has caused some kind of damage to the timeline. I've come back, and the damage to the timeline has also meant that the phones now have... Phone lines are doing time calls.

Yeah, okay. Sorry, I get that 1960s on the other line. Hang on. Yeah. Hello there. Why do they sound... I guess they were upper-class British gentlemen in the 60s. They existed.

You sure you're not the 1860s? No, I'm just an upper-class British gentleman from 1963. Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense. Kill the Beatles. I hate them. Most of them are dead already. It's 2021. Finish them off after you give your shirt back we need to kill whichever beetle is left i'm just doing

star yeah unfortunately the time has come yeah has there ever been, and this will help your implications, has there ever been a normal just shirt that has had any impact on history? Not the first shirt, just a shirt from a shop. A shirt presumably mass manufactured in some capacity. There have been shirts with you know bad slogans on them that people rightly shat on the wearers for

and then shat on the manufacturers for but I can't I'm wearing a controversial 80s shirt the 80s and they want their shirt back also you're a fuck also did you time travel just

to get that controversial shirt it's also i keep thinking the most you think in the world to time travel back to 1985 get a shirt come back to the present say nothing about it just not mention it not bring it up until obviously i confront you on the matter. Hey, where did you get your shirt from? I don't remember. Hey, call Madonna to a shirt. This is 1985 on the back. Yeah, probably the shop was sold, I reckon. You probably never heard of it. Well, just tell me.

It's the 1980s. Okay, I was going to say, I would never claim that someone's never heard of someone like Madonna. Madonna. But maybe saying I've never heard of the 1980s is funny. Yeah, yeah. I would say that 1969 1970 dude i know holy shit i see you learn it in time yeah but it doesn't necessarily have to just be a shirt i mean the implications here that's the example i'm using and i mean the question that you forced me to say that's true but i mean the situation as a whole Because you don't just say it about shirts

You say it about all items of clothing Or slogans or anything Anything that seems like it's from a previous Period of time You can say hey the 80s called or the 90s called Or the 70s or the 60s called They want their ex back Also I guess I don't have to

You don't have to give it back You can keep it Well Jas didn't have to answer the phone And he definitely didn't have to you know you don't have it to you you don't have to give it back you can keep it yeah yeah well jess didn't have to answer the phone and he definitely didn't have to have to answer it like he did yeah hi how may i help you oh damn it's 80s again i shouldn't have said how can i help you well yeah then you well and then like also you tell me you're like hey the 80s got no one of the shirt back i'll be like call them again tell them to get fucked it's my shirt you call them i don't know all right ring ring ring ring hi is this the 80s hi the 80s this is joel ducha get fucked oh no hang on you're the guy who stole our shirt he's just no it's my fucking shirt i feel like there's way more terrible implications for you to tell the entire 80s to get fucked you're gonna take

the phone away from your ear and see that everybody pushed global warming back, like, 50 years forward. Hang up the phone and be like, oh, God, it's hot. People in the 80s hearing you disconnect would be like, everybody get your aerosols out. We're fucking up that decade, okay? That whole of the ozone layer, we're widening it, right?

Fuck those guys. And it's all your fault you know what i mean it would work because if you got so hot you had to take your shirt off then someone calls again be like hi 80s again don't need that shirt now do you but like i'm keeping it out of spite i'll make shorts out of it if i have to i'll tie it around my waist that's okay i'll you know do you know like around my front to. I'll tie it around my waist. That's okay. You know, wear it like a little skirt. Yeah, yeah. I'll tie it around my front so it protects the modesty of my dick and my nuts. But leaves my

arse exposed to the elements. I love my shirt. That's bad because you're rubbing your genitals on it now to add insult to injury to the 1980s would you like me to turn it around and i'll sit on it then that's right full arsehole i'll sit in such a way that my anus touches touches your shirt that you love so dearly

i'm clean you'll never know which makes it worse i feel so we know physical evidence also how are you gonna get the shirt back you know like if you if you decide oh i'll acquiesce to your okay you can have your shirt back 1985 i'm t-shirt canon it's easy yeah well that's probably the same way that joel got the shirt in the first place just backwards time travel time travel gun shirt shirt yeah that's fair so he got back with a time travel shirt gun oh that's fair but then he had to go forward again so yeah of course it'll work do we think that what's the most amount of damage in retaliation for douches stealing a shirt from the 80s the 80s could do to 2021 uh within that period of time so it's got from 1980 to 1989 yeah okay so what they could do is this Cold War. Yeah, it's getting hot.

Getting all the way to the president. Oh, hell yeah. Mr. President, we have yet to receive the shirt. Drop the noose. Press the button. But Mr. President, we'll all die. It's worth it. So none may live. Dusha will never see the light of day.

I reckon if they're just trying to do damage to you, find an ancestor vasectomy. Oh, that's true. Never born. Can't steal the shirt. But then we're grandfather paradoxing, because if Dusha's never born, he's never there to steal the shirt in the first place.

So they can't. Yeah, so the shirt appears magically back. Oh, that's true the shirt appears magically back oh that's true but then they've never maybe no because they've never it's great it's with power we can't paradox the 80s don't want to destroy time itself just to get a shirt back from 2021 destroy the future for joel dusha we want this man to live in a hellscape of his own creation exactly so i guess me i mean oh no when were you born duchess 1991 i'm the same fucking age as you that's why i just needed to clarify you could be a year older or younger but you know i'm the same age no he doesn't not really he does i'm gonna sing up for jackson here. Sometimes Jackson has to check how old Jackson is.

Yeah, exactly. I barely know any... Yeah, what? No, it doesn't matter. You know what? Shut up. Continue. So, okay.

The 80s couldn't get to you. You're born too late. But you know who they could get to? Mr. Joel Zammett. Okay? They have, I think, one year with Zammett before... No? Two?

He was born in 1986. Holy shit. They got ages, dude. You're in trouble. Oh, yeah. That's no good. If they know he'll eventually meet you, all they have to do is instill in him for about four years, when he's from the ages of one to four, a desire to kill you upon meeting you.

So the moment that you're in his class in around 2000 and whatever it was, 11, he stabbed you in the head or whatever. Can you, do you reckon, oh, was sleeper soldiers a thing in the 80s? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Just make him a sleeper soldier. Can you do that for someone for four years does it sink in like and that's i think that's prime developmental age like kids can become bilingual in four years if they're so does that mean if i went if i went up to a baby right now like say i'm at a cafe and there's like somebody with a baby in a pram

but they're momentarily distracted and i leaned over to the baby and was like kill your dad kill your dad if i did that enough the baby would grow up wanting to come back yeah no and i think the pair like that baby would have to know enough to understand language and also comprehend death which a lot of kids famously can't do so zamit from the ages of one to four yeah what fucking morons so my dogs yeah yeah that's right so they can learn what it means for something to die so we're saying that we couldn't sleep a cell joel zamit to eventually kill joel douche i'm just thinking about the 80s it has at their disposal you know i'm also worried that like an overwhelming desire to kill me knowing the type of person that

i am and how i live my life yeah like that that wouldn't be unique to joel zamet i reckon i've survived many of those circumstances already yeah that's fair you think i've traveled i've made my impact and i'm still here to tell the tale you've made your enemies and you've still managed to steal a shirt from 1985 to take to the modern day. One of the enemies I probably made was the guy I stole the time machine off, to be honest. I thought it was a t-shirt cannon that you wedged yourself into and fired yourself into the fastwood. I guess that's a time machine. Yeah, they're all time machines.

Does it change if it's... Hang on. That's such a boring name for it time machine yeah that sucks that could be a clock yeah a waiting room yeah that's a time machine it's a machine for time yeah it's boring as hell yeah i'm a time machine are you a machine though oh yeah i'm an absolute fucking unit okay that is true about cas yeah some uh fun fact about me not a lot of people know i'm a tank yeah yeah cas is ripped she's built to fuck um by built to fuck i meant like quite built not as in designed to have sex

she's built i'm built until fuck yeah yeah yeah yeah not to the capacity of fuck does it change if it's not a shirt if the 80s are calling and requesting something else in return what about okay joel picks up a phone at an op shop or something it's like my phone now and it's one of those old brick phones that looks like two bricks yeah yeah and he's like sick and then the phone starts ringing and he's like better answer it and they're like this is 1983 um you gotta you gotta give it back hang on this has so little like urgency in your voice this is sound distracted, like you're doing your nails at the same time. I got distracted

because I was like, 1983. We have Bowling for Soup hasn't even formed yet, but that song was so recent. Not that recent. 2004, I believe. Yeah, that's a while ago. I did see it pointed out online that

when they wrote 1985, it would be about the early 2000s now. That's true. The early 2000s called. They want their reference to a band back. Well, if we're talking about that comparison,

a lot of the Y2K is in at the moment in terms of fashion it's cool so yeah and the computer bug everyone wants their computers to get nuked or whatever their fridge is gonna kill them i want planes to crash because it's ticked over to 2000 please yeah that's hip that's it yeah so what are you saying the implications are there cass well at the moment y2k fashion is very very in so maybe it is a cycle of we do go back in time, steal all the fashions

and the things from those old time periods and then they call we feel like it's the telltale heart beating we're like oh god they're calling they want their stuff back I shouldn't have I shouldn't have taken it. So you're saying that's the ebb and wave of fashion is various time periods calling

And requesting their clothing in return That's why trends end Eventually the telltale heart drives us insane I don't know I haven't read the book I only saw the Simpsons episode Where Lisa did the disappointing diorama about that That's all you need to know about the telltale heart

Cool I've lost the science fair Yeah exactly Lisa's rival or whatever it was yeah i think ralph wins because he has star wars toys it's a classic episode and then he bends his wookiee oh yeah he bent it's sad let's imagine for a second that all of our shirts get stolen in the year 2021 yeah okay what do we think the implications because we've been examining the 80s calling

from the perspective of us in the present. But in the 80s, exactly. Dusha is a shirt thief. But in the 80s, no one has a shirt. Everyone's nipples to the wind. Well, okay. Actually, we need to define what we mean by shirt. Because I'm imagining a short sleeve shirt,

like with a collar. But is it all shirts? A polo shirt? What? No, it's button-up, but it's got a collar and it's short-sleeved. Why is that your default shirt? What's wrong with that as a default shirt? I got very passionate and spat at the camera.

People wear that. Who? I've seen people. What is it? Do you wear that? Do you wear that? I have a shirt that is short-sleeved and has a collar, yes. Jackson, short-sleeved button-up shirts are not in.

If anything, you should be using a full-sleeve button-up shirt and rolling the sleeves up. Yeah, well, yeah, great, but it still exists as a shirt, right? Yeah, but you're not stealing it, let me tell you that much. You're like, well, you can keep that one. Okay, then then what shirt were you imagining is your 80s shirt then i was imagining just one of those shirts that have a border around the neck and arms like a t-shirt yeah oh okay or when you said button up i then

immediately imagined a long sleeve shirt but those are the also those two shirts are the only two shirts i consider well i don't know why i got the third degree from the two of you for that i was so thinking of a dumb shoot hey what do we think of the the second part of that joke where someone's got so joel oh no jackson this time jackson you've got you've got your short sleeve button-up shirt. And it's got a collar on it. And we're all like, huh, ugly shirt. And then I get a call. And I answer the phone.

I'm like, so sorry, I have to take this. And I leave the room for a moment. And I come back in and I say, Jackson, the 80s called. Yeah. They said keep the shirt. Damn. Damn. Well, now I don't want to wear the shirt anymore If the entire 1980s don't want it

They hate it I immediately take it off I'd rather be shirtless So in this situation You have stolen a shirt from the 1980s Using your time machine You've come forward into the future Put the shirt on

And then they're like oh actually thank you keep it And you're like oh now I don't want it. I imagine the way that this plays out is Jackson. Yeah. Jackson at a party. Yeah. Like, you say that, Cash. Like, yeah, they said to keep it.

And Jackson's like, huh, what? The 80s? Sorry, say that again? Surely the 80s didn't actually call. Funny joke, laugh it up, everyone. No one laughs. You're like, no, no, no, laugh it up. Very funny.

Everyone's just jealous of my short-sleeved shirt with a collar. Nudge the guy next to you to the 80s, Colton. He's not looking at you or listening. You're like, the 1980s, yeah? Oh, it was the 1880s? Yeah, it was the 1980s. There have been other 80s. Was it the future 80s?

Because they're scared of the power of the shirt. And then quietly taking some time later on in the party to call the 80s back to ask why. Hey, Jackson. Hey, call my friend. Shirt Jackson. Yeah, you got Cass earlier. I just want to make sure.

You don't want this shirt back. I think she might have misheard you because she said that you didn't want the shirt back. No, yeah, we hate it. It's an ugly shirt. Did you take that thinking that you were going to do something that no one wanted? You thought when you took it, we were going to be upset and you still did it? I thought you might want the shirt back. Yeah.

Why would you think that? That seems really mean. That makes you seem like, hi, I'm also the 80s. It makes you seem like not only an idiot, but also a cruel idiot. Yeah. Well, yeah, I sort of thought that you'd want it back. So I don't know what my end goal was here. want it back so but i don't know what my end goal was here but well you did you did you want us did you want us to call and interrupt this party to say hey it's us the 80s we want your shirt back

and then everyone to be like oh my god jackson he did great shirt he stole it is that is that what you wanted i suppose that's what i was looking for yeah way home from the party because you should be. It's good to imagine the two of you passing me on the phone being like, oh, he's crying. He's called me. It can't be good news. It can't be good news.

Wait, it's like a gesture and she's like, hang up. Hang up. No, no, no, no, no. I've got to figure this out. You can still save face. No. No. You're in the phone being like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was a great joke. Yeah joke yeah no you can have it back and okay i'll give you the shirt back that's fine going to hang up the phone hit a loudspeaker instead the 80s like no keep it well you know what your ugly shirt fucking dog shit shirt you Moron. It's disgusting to us. Your fucking sloppy drip can stay in the fucking 2021s. Okay, trying to hang up. Slamming the receiver. I don't know. This is someone else. This is about someone else's shirt, I would imagine.

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the fucking phone also we definitely don't want his shirt back we hate his shirt can you just get jackson to hang up the fucking phone also we definitely don't want his shirt back we hate his shirt can you call him a cab or whatever the 2021 equivalent is it's uber what's uber and then you're having another conversation well it's rideshare that actually seems dangerous well no because they kind of like yeah i mean there is look there's some dodgy companies yeah but, but, like, I don't know, it's just the norm now. So it's not a space taxi. No, no, no. It becomes safe because the people are desperate,

which is also how it becomes really unsafe sometimes. And in the background, I'm clacking the phone against... I'm trying to hang up, but for some reason just can't figure it out. This is a crazy party. I think it's so powerful that the 80s disliked the shirt so much that they called me to let me know they didn't want you never do no that's just not a situation you ever

have in your life imagine you're like at like a a restaurant and you see something so disgusting on the menu that when the waiter comes around and asks what can i get you you're like not this i'll tell you what absolutely no thank you i do not want that well what do you want i don't care just as long as you don't bring me this somebody who doesn't understand how a menu works and thinks you have to list everything you don't want to like it's an elimination challenge can i just get the steak but with no garlic bread, no side of fries? I don't want any of the breakfast menu items. I don't want a dessert.

A trio of dips. I don't want anything from the front counter, if that's alright. I don't want this chardonnay. I don't want this chardonnay. Most of the wine menu, really. Actually, all of it. Yeah, we'll bump that up to the actually all of it what's this Shiraz like it's pretty

it's by the bottle I don't want that one do we think that there's a danger in opening up the line of communication between the decades do you think there's anything what are the implications there do we think there's anything that we could tell a future decade or a past decade could tell us? Jackson.

Yeah. Jackson, remember at the start we were like, no paradoxes? Yeah. If you legitimately opened a phone line between the 80s and the 2020s, the first person to make a phone call will cause a paradox regardless. They will say something. They'll be like, oh, this will be funny. And then who knows?

Maybe nothing will happen. That's true. But I know what you mean. It's the danger of the while I got you on the line. Oh, yeah. The 80s are like, hey, it's the 1980s. Tell John Dushan we want his shirt back. And I'm like, yeah, we'll do.

We'll do. Well, I got you here. And then we're done. Instantly. But right now, I can't think what I would tell the 1980s to cause a paradox. It's funny to keep fucking it up and be like, oh, 1980s, you've got to keep an eye out for the Beatles.

And they're like, yeah, John Lennon's already dead. Oh, fuck, I fucked up the time. Tell you what, Pink Floyd, they're a band to watch. Pay attention. We know. And also so many things would be impossible for the 80s to be concerned about. If I'm like, I don't know, Justin Bieber,

they're like, well, he's not alive yet. He's going to piss in a mop bucket. Yeah. He's going to go real squeaky clean for ages as part of Disney and then take a break and come back with some dirty facial hair. And they're like, can you please just tell Dusha about the shirt and stop talking to us? Because, like, I don't know.

Like, genuinely, what can you tell the 80s now that is going to cause any problems? Right now you've got them on the line. I'm standing there in the party. Yeah, let's do a little thought experiment. You have the 80s on the line. I'm in the other room at the party in a shirt the 80s hate. And before you yell at me, you're going to try and cause some problems what what would you say it's

gonna be off the cuff too so like thinking about it for too long feels like cheating yeah exactly if you think about it for too long they're like anyway you just let him know and they hang up on you you know yeah so 80s calls i want to ruin the future right sure yeah i'm like ruin your current timeline yes i'm gonna ruin now oh yeah the 80s oh my god um you know plastic's fine it it degrades in landfill if you just we have so much room for landfill at the moment too many people recycle just more plastic it's good for the soil yeah actually at the start of this year we found out even eating plastic is really good for you when you see a turtle with its head caught in a six-pack of the plastic of a six-pack, the turtle's loving it, we found out.

It's having a party. It doesn't die from asphyxiation. It dies from too much pleasure. It dies because you interrupted its good time. That's what's killing it. It turns out that making the globe warmer with overconsumption of fuels in various forms means we have summer the whole year.

Do it. It's sick. It's summer vibes all the time. It definitely doesn't have the effect of making it colder sometimes and hotter sometimes because it's a regulation issue. It is all summer the whole time. You wanted to go to what? The Greek islands? It's that you're everywhere do you love shorts and summer dresses that's one way to do it aerosols

out baby um i think that my approach would be nonsense but also enough keywords that they get stressed and i would i don't know what the effect would be because like Cass your message it gets to the 80s and if they follow you know exactly what's happening we could all be dead now if they take it to heart if I'm like oh well I've got you three words second Berlin Wall

I'll be like what? then you hang up is it going to be in Berlin again? Because We've got to prepare for this second Berlin Wall We've got to make sure that there isn't Any division

We need to aim for unity And the whole conversation Before I go, you're like, yeah? You're like, build it You will need that second Berlin Wall Okay It's also funny just like just nonsense like statue of liberty will cause trouble you know that statue of liberty you got yeah get rid of it

trust me you don't want it around any longer than it needs to be it's already done so much damage times of fucking ticking i wonder if you could lie about events that happen so you'd be like oh there's gonna be really bad tsunami in 2001 but it's not as bad as the one in 2002 yeah yeah because then 2001 happens they believe you oh god yeah yeah but also then they all that means is that they properly tsunami prepare. Where did it hit? Was it Indonesia? A lot of it was in Indonesia, yeah. But that's which is good. Whereas Dusha telling them to take down the Statue of Liberty,

I mean, it's more like a prank than any permanent damage because it just means after that you pull out your phone and Google Staten Island. There's just nothing there. You're like, that's where I fucking got it. I guess mine's more like that pig prank where you just label pigs one two and four yeah yeah exactly everybody's prepared for a tsunami that never

comes mine's like they're like well we've got a warning because you know that they'd have to be board meetings and stuff being like we need to trust this they're like yeah but he didn't say what what trouble so funny to imagine i'm all like dragging it into this onto a boat being like where do we what will be the safe thing to do? Do we melt it down? Or is that more dangerous? It's also so funny to imagine them calling you back. Maybe you're just about to go to sleep.

They're like, hey, it's the 80s again. Hey, 80s, what's up? Just with that Statue of Liberty thing, and you're like, is it still up? You haven't taken it down yet. Sink it! For the love of God, sink it! Oh my God, okay, okay! Rolling over in bed,

looking at the lack of Statue of Liberty on your phone. Yeah. Fucking God. Underwater Statue of Liberty, that's funny. He's in Atlantis now. What if, okay, Aedis calls me. I'm like, hello. They're like, you've got

to get Joel to give his shirt back. I'm like, okay. Just before you go, they were wrong. Lead gives you powers. Then I hang up. That's great. Just coming, because whereas Dusha rolls over and sees the lack of statue of liberty, you roll over and like, the population of Earth is halved.

Nice. The rest are just recovering from brain damage got him good good night i like to imagine because you know we were talking about ruining that party right then or at that moment in time the idea of me being like right i'm at like 316 you know ever clear ever clear road this is the house there's no house there but can you put a bomb there that's set to go off march 36 2021 march 36 they're like oh a new a new week and fucking march has happened when did that happen and i hang up and explode you hang up nothing happens you look at the date you, oh, the 36th of March isn't a date. When's this bomb going to explode? And you never know.

Hanging up and being like, hey, Dusha, the 80s want their shirt back. Also, how many days in March are there? You look at a calendar, they've updated it. That's the message they took. They were like, okay, they're now going to be 11 months. Also, the bomb not going off directly

under me and just ruining the party somewhere else is very funny well the idea it goes off and it just like makes the ground shake a little bit like oh oh that was disappointing i wanted me and all of my friends to be incinerated and dead on the spot as revenge for them being incredibly cruel to me at this party. That's crazy because that must have happened while I was calling them back for clarification. I will be here at this time at this date. Send a man with a gun to kill me.

And then I hang up and someone just in the party pulling out a gun and shooting me. How good's the party now? Do you still think my shirt's bad? Yes, especially that bullet hole in it. Jackson, what was you playing? What have you done? And we're stuck calling the eighties being like, you need to, what happened?

What did you do? Please don't send it. Can you send a guy to shoot the guy that's going to shoot Jackson? So, like, the 2020 is called They Want Answers. Turns out that we have set up a situation where Jackson, you hang up the phone, someone goes to shoot you, everyone in the party pulls out a gun and just shoots each other.

Me and Kaz are just left standing there being like, what has happened? We should stop calling the 80s. Then we're like, wait, wait, wait. Why didn't he include us? I don't know, you and my friends, I guess. Didn't want you to die. Yeah, it's dangerous

to be able to call the 80s. It's bad news to have that power over them and i quite like that they just listen to whatever we tell them but i mean i guess of course you would you know uh if from the future we're for the future we know yeah we know what's gonna happen exactly if someone called me from the future and told me a fact i'd be like wow i would not my first thought would not be they're pranking me but if i were to call the past my first thought would not be they're pranking me, but if I were to call the past, my first thought would be, hey, I should prank them.

Gotta prank them. Yeah, exactly. I feel like there's so much more, like, to work with, with douches, hit them with, like, four nonsense words, strategy of pranking the past. Like, there's gotta be, like, detach Florida now. Like, you're gonna cut off that bit of america it's no good send it flying off somewhere else into the into the rest of the sea or whatever i feel like there's so much more you can do there yeah well i think that the the

fun with just like nonsense is that i don't know what's going to happen. That's true. Maybe me saying second Berlin Wall is catastrophic and I hang up the phone and I'm obliterated immediately as I was killed significantly earlier in time and I'm not sure what or why. I love your idea that if you died earlier in time but are only finding out about it in the present, you just explode. Into the smallest bits

oh I was meant to die 10 years ago it's almost like a dust cloud at that point yeah how does that make sense like the end of Avengers except rather than it being like turning to dust I explode into dust yeah oh I guess he was meant to die 10 years ago

that makes sense he would you know that is how it works yeah the reason i'm exploiting it to dust in my head is like i turn into what i was meant to look like then and i was being a skeleton for 10 years yeah you would just be dust at this point yeah no that's fair yeah well so the implications of the 80s calling and wanting their shirt back are that we have, one, opened up a terrible line of communication between the decades, which will, I think, inevitably be catastrophic for humanity one way or the other. And two, you know, it's a lot of effort for the 80s to go to, to get that shirt back.

And in many ways, especially if they're saying they don't want the shirt back, it's a lot of effort for them to go to just hurt my feelings and i don't know how i feel about that yeah i feel like if someone's going to that much effort to hurt my feelings yeah of course probably my first thought is going to be like oh wow that's you know sad for them if i've occupied so much of their time you know that kind of sucks then i'd be like or maybe i really deserved what did i do maybe this is the worst shirt ever made if the 80s are going to that effort of inventing telecommunication time travel to tell me off about it damn but i would probably be pissed and try and give them the shirt back i think in one way or another yeah they're like no no have your gross shirt back then yeah yeah you fucking 80s

i imagine you get back to the fucking 80s and they shoot you with an 80s gun oh no i'm 80s dying it's just regular dying that's what they say to me. Yeah, if you die in the 80s, you die in real life. Oh, no! Did you think you'd be immortal here? And then I kill over and I'm gone. And the party is better for it, I think. Where'd that guy with the shirt... You know what? Forget about it.

Where are the drinks? Was that really the 80s that called? It was just one voice. The 80s is not a person. Do you reckon you could elect a boss of a decade? Yeah, I think they would need to. Well, I imagine when the 80s called, it was like a horrible cacophony of every single voice

of anyone alive at that time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was sort of angelic, sort of a we are legion situation yeah and bad to hear what i was thinking uh well most importantly jackson before we end today are you satisfied with this episode i am uh it look so obviously you know i put those episodes up there but i think they could be good but most of the time i have probably only marginally more faith in them than you and joel uh so the fact that we've managed to do at least three of them over the last four episodes has uh i've filled me with an unparalleled joy i'm very satisfied

good and cass are you satisfied with today's episode i am I am and I now know what to do and I now know not to believe anyone if they're calling from the future or past I would also lie because it would be very funny exactly and listeners are you satisfied with whatever this was let us know

and on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson I've been Cass I didn been Jackson I've been Cass I didn't know whether I was meant to wait for my Outroduction No, so guests usually But you get this though, Cass So Cass

Thank you so much for joining us today Where can we find you? At my house Don't come to my house I am on D&D is for Nerds, Why Am I Sad, and Shut Up a Second, three of the other wonderful podcasts run by this very network. Ooh. I don't think I'm on any shows with you, Joel,

except sometimes at Shut Up a Second. Yeah, when I weasel my way in. I'm in there with Jackson. I'm in there with other Joel. It's a party, baby. Party in there with other joel it's a it's a party baby yeah party in your ears yeah that's it do our podcasts come out in mono no what is there a way to listen to the podcast where like jackson's next to you do shit on the other side joel behind you yes if you want i can edit this episode so that it does sound like

that and i will send you a limited edition one of a kind recording that's so i guess because you're in this one yeah we won't have the full effect so next episode we do without you yeah we will i'll edit it and i'll pan the audio so that you get one friend in one ear the other friend in the other ear and i guess somebody behind or above as though i'm sitting in one ear, the other friend in the other ear, and I guess somebody in front or behind or above. As though I'm sitting in a room in the middle of three people who are talking at me. Yeah. I was imagining on like a crowded train.

They're all gathered around you too tight. And you're like, why are they talking about this at full volume on the subway? And whichever side Jackson's sitting on, like headphones wise, just crack some milk and just put that bottle there. So you get the milk breath Jackson experience. You want to crack the milk earlier in the day, though. Yeah, yeah. To fully appreciate it.

You want to pre-crack your milk. Yeah. That's it. Thank you for listening, everyone. Goodbye. No more questions from you, Jackson. Shut up. Thanks for listening. shut up.