Plumbing the Death Star - What Could You Bring to La Familia? (Ft Levins)

Episode Date: May 10, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most cowardly podcast network. Hey gang, I just want to let you know that I'm taking a step back from behind the mic as my partner has broken her knee and I'll be looking after her for the foreseeable future. But thankfully, the Sands Pants family is vast and ever-expanding, so you'll be hearing from them in the upcoming weeks. Have a sick one and i'll be back when she can walk again kisses hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star where we ask the important questions like what could you bring to la familia Ah, La Familia.

My favourite Italian restaurant. That's what this is, right? Yeah, absolutely. To the Italian restaurant, La Familia. Which pasta dish are you bringing? So La Familia's got a lot of people in it, obviously. But not enough enough it's a rotating roster yeah so maybe a couple maybe three handsome boys could join la familia and maybe

those three handsome boys could be us all at once or over the course of three movies over the course of three movies it's a brand new trilogy in the fast and the furious it's a sort of a sort of like hobs and shaw but better and it's about us joining the La Familia, Dominic Toretto's gang of bike thieves, car thieves, excuse me. That means it'll be Fast and Furious presents Jackson. Fast and Furious presents Bailey, Dusha and Levins. Yeah, absolutely. Because we're not going to play characters we're playing ourselves

is that right yeah of course absolutely what could what could you bring to la familia should we say what la familia like like the core belief of that is you better have that's a good idea that's a good idea family above everything the first thing someone should bring la familia is better seo because when you google la familia first of all it lets me know that it means the family uh that's useful um but uh there's no mention of fast and furious on the first page of google searching in 2018 a trailer for a movie called la familia came out i can't i can't see that one car in the poster for that movie yeah i don't think it's related to the fast and the furious franchise but no you're right uh la familia they're criminals so maybe they want to stay off the front page of uh google that's true clever also really stupid admission for me to make here

but i hadn't thought about it very much but in my head la familia was italian yes classic italian dominic toronto dominic i mean it could be was Italian. It is Spanish. Yes. Classic Italian Dominic Toretto. Dominic? I mean, it could be. If you'd never seen the Fast and the Furious franchise and somebody

said the name Dominic Toretto, like, I can imagine assuming that's an Italian man. There's a lot of shared words between the Spanish and

Italian dialect. Dominic? Change that to Dominique? Oh, there you go. What did you just do? All of a sudden, Italian. So, there are

things that you do need to have if you want to be part of La Familia. You're right, Dusha, family is paramount. Gonna love a frosty Corona. Exclusively. You gotta love high-action vehicular adventures. Gonna be able to do some kind of crime whatever that is yep and you gotta be bald and tanked okay and after three

movies in which at no point are you shown anywhere near a computer suddenly you have to be able to be a hacker yeah yeah you're right you're right've got to bring some kind of, even if it's not hacking, some specific skill only you know, or a plot-relevant thing that only you know. For example, I forget her name, but she knows how to use the God's Eye in Fast and the Furious, I think, 7. You're talking, of course, about Ramsay, the beloved character Ramsay,

played by Natalie Emanuel. Who stuck around for another movie somehow. Incredible. Also, if you're a woman you have to just inexplicably have a bikini scene in which you are ogled by all of the other characters who are also hackers too. It's a bunch of hackers ogling each other.

That's all Fast and Furious really is. Alright, well let's try and checklist me to see if i if i fit the parameters already all right one you don't have a license and can't drive yes okay okay so it makes things difficult for me you can ride a bike and i can ride the train. I cannot drive the train, but I can ride a train. We haven't seen Ramsay behind the wheel of a car yet. That's true.

You could also be in the backseat of Ludacris' car. Oh, that's so annoying. I'd be telling Ludacris to slow down the whole time. Whoa, take that turn, gentle. Jesus. Is the thing you're going to bring to the La Familia, like, road safety? Backseat driving.

Driving lessons. Another problem that I have entering La Familia is that I am largely, I assume, allergic to beer, because if I have the tiniest sip of beer, I'll get really bloated and nauseous so a crispy frosty uh corona is going to be difficult for me to drink but i can fake it at the end when dominic toronto's like la familia together at last i'll just pretend i take a sip pour it in a pot plant or whatever i love get by there i love you like you know being so excited to be along for

the adventure and then as the adventure slowly draws to a close, you're like, oh, no. Toretto's going to invite me to a barbecue in a minute. I'm going to have to drink a frosty Corona. Jackson, I got something to say. Oh, my gut's so dumb. No, stick around. Just let me shit, and then I'll be with you.

Let me shit. Let me shit, and then I'll be with you. Let me shit. Let me shit, Dominic Toretto. Let me shit. That's the closing line of your movie. Well, it's something that I was thinking I could bring. Obviously, the other parameters, I do love family. I love La Familia. I can get behind that.

I don't know how to hack, like you know i can figure some stuff i could figure it out you know what i mean it doesn't seem hard you've installed mods in skyrim that's oh absolutely there's nobody in the world better for installing mods in skyrim than me i disagree adam carnival no he's way worse he died in the first fast movie it was ludicrous tyree sent adam adam unfortunately died adam got his own like um tokyo drift style spin-off where he was a filthy gaijin in japan but he learned how to he was in he was in the passenger side of han's car when it exploded yeah absolutely damn that's sure yeah i can figure i can figure out hacking i can figure out hacking i don't have a specific skill i can really bring to a specific movie but something i was thinking i could bring

is that unlike every other member of the fast and the furious team i am incompetent they know what they're doing a hundred percent of the time i know what i'm doing about ten percent and that's something la familia doesn't have. I'm shaking my head. They do have that. And his name is Roman, played by Tyrese, the most useless character who gets more useless as the films progress.

He does less and less that isn't, like, every movie now is just like, oh, we've got to have a scene where he fails. Like, his car crashes into icy water, or he chickens out of skydiving out of a plane while in a car but i think that's what see that's where the difference between me and tyrese is where me and roman is the only difference roman is incompetent and a coward i'm incompetent and i'm a gung-ho i'm all in i'll you know where they're like we're gonna skydive in cars out

of the plane i'm like yes i can't drive but i'll do it on a bike or whatever you just crash into the side of the of the plane while while reversing i'm already out they've not even explained that that's the plan i've just i've just guessed and then they're gonna that's crazy because trying to catch me in a car is not doable. Jackson manages to fly a plane out of a car. No, Jackson. That's not what we meant at all. I was close, though. Maybe next time, Jackson.

I love everyone's Dom Toretto voices. My favourite Vin Diesel word is father. I'm sorry, but your father. That's the weirdest. Your father. It kind sorry, but your father. That's the weirdest. Your father. It kind of says D and T and H at the same time. Father. It's just a noise that's not typically in like the English. Father.

D-T-H. Well, yeah. So what is the movie that I'm introducing? Obviously, like every Fast and the Furious movie, I guess we're all Dominic Toretto's long-lost brothers, yeah? Yes. Well, yeah, so we know that John Cena plays his long-lost brother who returns in the next movie that's coming out

as soon as we beat this damn coronavirus. Absolutely. One quarter of a mile at a time. But, yeah, so john cena plays his long lost brother obviously we know uh that uh jordana brewster she plays uh dom's sister so should we all be their lost long lost brothers i i like that i think that the idea that the dominic terretto family um is not only like vast but also has some dud branches. It's very appealing to me. Maybe I'm a shore.

Oh! I like the idea of you, like, not sleeping for weeks, just like, and then having this epiphany, like, maybe I'm a shore. It makes sense. It's all coming together. All right, so how are are you because obviously the brothers are always introduced in a really cool way so that's something we've got to establish for each by trying

to kill like the other characters yeah but like in fast and furious 7 deck decked sure is that is that yeah yeah yeah breaks out of prison and it's super cool somebody breaks out of a coma oh i wouldn't have been in a coma this whole time wakes up from a coma i know he's in a hospital i break out of a coma though i've been in a coma for like a decade yeah since high school and i finally wake up in miami where's the first the furious set miami la first one's LA. Miami is the second one. So I break out of a coma. God, haven't you guys watched all these movies one after the other in the last fortnight?

What's wrong with you? Look, that's the level of research that should be done. And it's the level of research, I think, in over 300 episodes we've never done. There's no evidence anywhere else to suggest otherwise. And then maybe I i because i guess once you break the kind of narrative arc seems to be you break out of somewhere with revenge on your mind and then you band together to join to to fight a larger enemy yeah so are we going to be

so you're going to wake up from your coma in miami get to la realize you've missed the events of the first fast and the furious why'd they put me in miami i fell in a coma in la that's weird catch the train then it's funny as well because the moment i can't fight the moment i arrive at the fast and the furious gang and they're like we're in cars and you're on foot. You've just got a Mikey card in your hand. Let's do this! Stay back! Oh, you're my brother.

That's right. And then he just punches me in the head once and I'm down. I reckon he'd punch you in the guts. Alright, fair. It's good that I didn't think to this point. I also like the idea of Dominic being like, I live my life a quarter mile at a time, and I'm like, that seems slow.

I live my life 10 miles at a time. A hundred miles, actually. And then he's like, okay, how? Trains are quick. Bullet trains, motherfucker. Then I roll out of the car, but just injure myself. So it's like, what is your role apart from to just annoy him? Comic relief. He's constantly trying to join you.

Unwanted comic relief. Yeah. And a Mikey card. Unnecessary comic relief. Yeah, I'm their public transport guy. They need to get on public transport. They call me. I got a Mikey.

I got an Uber membership with great ratings. Got lots of frequent flyer miles, I can catch planes they can do that too I always think that's really funny about the Fast and the Furious movies because they do so much globe trotting but we never get to see the entire La Familia just on a plane for 12 hours

we never get to see that part why is Fast 10 just inexplicably 14 hours long? Oh it's because why is fast 10 just inexplicably 14 hours long that's because 12 of that is just them on a plane watching the other fast movies so yeah and then i guess as we do she given that you're ashore does that make you the villain of the same film i wake up in a coma next to you and i'm like right you're fucked i'm douche ashaw and I will fucking kill you My mum's Helen Mirren You, I guess, Levin's got to be the brother of the rock If you were to complete the trifecta there

Well, I was looking at all the skills that are represented now We have multiple hackers, multiple bikini wearers, a lot of drivers, a lot of drivers. So, like, yeah, I can drive. I can hold it down in a seven-seater holding Captiva, which I have not seen any other fast drivers ride in so far. So, you know, maybe, you know, transporting children I could bring to the table should they need it.

Babysitting services. There are a lot of love familiar kids like they're growing and growing The Rock's got a kid Tom Walker not Tom Tom Walker

Tom Walker's got a kid it's been somebody making like a meme of the the end of Far 7 with Tom Walker's face

would be the most baffling thing for Tom Walker to see Jackson in one With Tom Walker's face, it would be the most baffling thing for Tom Walker to see. Jackson in one car, Tom Walker in the other. What about Paul Walker in one car, Tom Walker in the other? The caption is, who died? But yeah, there are a lot of kids.

Yeah, you're right. But one skill that I've not seen, like, you know, know yeah we see them kicking back at a barbecue we know how important barbecues are to toretta's life but he's never combined he's like yeah we know he loves family he loves driving fast cars and he loves he loves a barbecue so much but he's never combined all three of those things at once so what i want to be is his passenger seat grill like grill king i just have like a portable grill i've got like in the glove compartment i'm like hey hey toretto check the check the glove apartment it's like oh wow hot links like and i'm just like

cooking just multiple meals like while we're doing flips and and like crashing into other cars flipping and all of the grease like coming off the skillet for a brief 60 degree burns i also like the way you're describing revealing this to him you've also turned into exhibit during pimp my ride you're dumb dumb you gotta check the back seat, bro. Hey, hey. Roman told me that no one could ever put a grill in a car, but we put a grill in your car, Toretto. Check it out. This ride is yours now.

And I come with it. Pimping Dominic Toretto's car is funny as well, because the thing John Mick Toretto loves is cars, so being like, check it, and the thing Dominic Toretto loves is cars. So being like, check it, and popping the boot and there's a smaller car inside. When would I use this? Get in!

Russian doll style. Little cars in the boots of the little cars. But yeah, so I would love to bring a cooking element to the familiar. I think that's great. I'm like flipping steaks out the window to Letty in the car as she like speeds past me. I think what I like about this as well is that there are lots of moments in the first and the furious films where they have a victory, but it's not the final victory. And the final victory obviously comes with a barbecue, but you could now provide smaller barbecues for the smaller victories. You know, oh oh we saved the day here a little bit before going on to the larger day saving let's have some hot links and

frosty i guess mini uh coronas because you want to you don't want to cuck the larger barbecue what are the mini ones called like coronitas or something yeah absolutely and that's good on the fly as well are you specifically specifically Dom Toretto's? Or, like, could you hop into the car of Roman or Letty or? I would like to think that they're, like, the entire plot to Fast 10, after I'm introduced in Fast 9, like, maybe I'm not related to Toretto at all. At one point, he drives.

He's really hungry, and he takes out whoever is chasing him and then speeds into a drive-thru, and I serve him. And he's like, I serve him a burger, and I'm like, hey, man, I added a little something special for you. Get back out there and win this for America, huh? And then he eats the burger and then like they're like what are you gonna do now dom and he goes something i should have done a long time ago and the end credit scene is him driving back into the drive-thru and he's like um i need you to tell

your manager that you quit and i'm like oh dom i need this job i got a family to feed and he's like not now you don't and then he opens the passenger side your family's dead i leave my job i leave my family and i'm just he's like at the end of the movie he's like guys i need to introduce you to someone he's part of the crew now and it's just me with like like a spatula in my hand, like, hey, what's up? And then the entire next movie, all they argue about is like, hey, how come he gets someone cooking him steaks all the time? And then in the next movie,

Ludacris steals me and drives across the country. Because I've just cooked that good of a steak. It's like, is this going to destroy La Familia, the rivalry between Ludacris and Dom? And so what actually happens is to stop internal conflict within La Familia is they clone me. And so every member of La Familia gets 11. Yes.

That's good. And then I'm like, oh, can you call in one more of me that can go back to be with my family that I left behind? And Toretto's like, no, we're out of clone juice. That was as much as we had. Mommy, what happened to Daddy? He grills for Dominic Toretto now, out on the open road. All of Daddy's grill for dom teredo now i feel like uh

like the plot contrivance for me entering the fast and the furious group because obviously they won't accept me otherwise you know that they'll kick me out like a weak gorilla like you know i they're not gonna allow me i honestly think if dom teredo you, he would think you're a Bigfoot. He's used to so many bald people and you have so much hair. Have you ever Googled Vin Diesel with hair? Oh, I'm about to. What? No. We're all doing it.

I feel like everyone that I know that is bald in Hollywood, I've seen with hair at some point, but I've never seen Vin Diesel with hair. It's so intense. You realize how strange his face is when he has hair. Oh, no. Yeah, it's bad. I'm not into it. He looks like he should be cast.

Vin Diesel with hair looks like he could be cast as like Drake's best friend in Degrassi. He has big drug liege. Definitely. Yeah. When he has like a fade, he's fine. But then there's other one yeah it's like i feel like yeah you know i'm okay with this i'm okay with vin diesel with hair i'll let him into my life oh that's that's that's good for him um i think i i feel like the plot contrivance for me is that i should have some kind of chip that the family won in my head you know i feel like that's the kind of like necessary

plot where they're like they've got they've made god's eye tiny but the information's inside the last person i'd ever want to talk to and they're like who dominey's like my brother i'm like john cena no the shit one the one who lives in melbourne do you remember the film twins starring danny devito and arnold schwarzenegger my brothers are like that but it's just chance not this experiment a forgotten twin who who was always littler than him and in high school got in an accident and has been in a coma but however old vin diesel is and when i was in the coma they put the chip inside me. Now, do we think that Dominic Toretto, what's more important to him? La Familia, where he doesn't just crack my head open like an egg and get the chip out because I am family, or his love of strong, bold men, where he sees me as the very opposite,

a sort of cancer on society that he wants to get rid of. And so he does crack my open up like an egg and get the chip out. So first of all you would think he would be team La Familia but there's two big things here that play against that one, he hasn't visited you in hospital and doesn't talk about you

that's right why have you never mentioned him all this time? it's because he put him there and he feels bad about it yeah, he's ashamed. Ashamed of his own actions. And also, Dushar, I assume this is the same movie you're in and you also want the chip for the Shaw family, surely. Yeah, who are also on Dom's side, but I haven't got the memo yet.

Do you want to know what's on the chip? What? It's the recipe for Corona. Because after the events of 2020, coronavirus puts Corona beers out of business. They shut down the doors. And the opening of the movie that you were in, Jackson, Toretto goes to the fridge and he's like, damn, my last Corona.

And I'm in the car. I'm like, hey, Dom, I got plenty of these other beers you can try. And I pop the hood and there's like 70 beers from around the world and like on ice. What an incredible display. He's like, nah, toss them out.

I know what I got to do. Dump them in the river. We're not drinking. I don't drink piss. I know where the last corona really is so we know we know toredo's motivations and why he wants jackson but but dusha what did what does the shore family want with the recipe to corona so luke shaw the younger shore brother the villain of six yes i feel that somehow i have so similar to how tokyo drift takes place in between the sixth and the seventh film maybe my origins i i have my own tokyo drift that takes that brief to the

seventh as well that brief time in 2013 when everyone decided to use flip phones again yeah only in tokyo yeah yeah yeah so maybe i hear from mom helen mirren that uh i need to take down la familia to get revenge for my brother luke shaw i think that's his name and then maybe i slip on some ice on some stairs or something and i fall into a coma and then i wake up and everyone's on la familia's side and i assume my brother deckard and my mom have betrayed my la Familia to Shaw family. Whoa. Or maybe I'm British and I just get a letter from the Queen that's like, kill Dominic Toretto. And I'm like, fuck Queen of the Country. Yeah.

If a fucking Queen's telling me to do it, I've got to fucking do it. Okay, princess. Princess. It's calling the queen the princess. Her royal honor is Princess Elizabeth for second.

Princess Queen Elizabeth, then. But mum, but mum, but princess, how am I gonna destroy him? It'll be a moral win. You know where the recipe for corona is? And then she'll have an image on a screen of my head. In this prick.

Your sleeping head. Crack this cunt's head open. Get the fucking ship. Bring it back home. Give it to mum. That's what the queen says. Because the queen is also your brother. Helen mirren plays oh yeah oh i was imagining the queen talking exactly like yeah queen queen tricks head open like an egg is a royal fucking knife special knife to do it with

this is some kind of royal fucking affair, I tell you what. Maybe the whole film I'm like, just like you come to the hospital where I am. I'm like half awake, like you just pull me off all of my life support and I keep kind of waking up. What? What's happening?

You've got the fucking recipe for Corona in your head. Yeah? What? Give me that fucking recipe and you get to fucking live. And then you put him in a baby carrier, like Shaw does at the end of Fast 8. And escapes. You escape a gunfire shootout with you and a baby carrier

this hairy baby what big hairy baby whose feet are dragging along the ground behind you the first thing you see Jackson

is me being like right oh wake up princess get in the fucking baby carrier it's time to fucking go I need what's in your fucking air Ed

it's a fucking chip it's got a fucking corona recipe and what's in your fucking air Ed it's a fucking ship it's got a fucking corona recipe and your cunt mates are coming to get it and I won't stand for it the first R rated fast and furious I do not pick up what is going on until halfway through the movie

there's a scene where you're just like no that makes sense I should have run 40 minutes ago through the movie. There's a scene where you're just like, oh! No, that makes sense. I should have run 40 minutes ago. And then I just punch you in the... You're still in the baby carrier. I just look down, punch you in the face, you're unconscious again. I'm like, thank fuck!

That man's punching his big baby! That's why the cops are chasing me. You're like, I wasn't in a coma, I had a corona! Jackson, you were't in a coma. I had a corona. Jackson, you were definitely in a coma for the last 20 years. No, it's a corona. I think you've just got brain damage, dude. You've had a chip in your brain for 20 years.

It's not good. That teenage Dom Toretto punched in there. That's why you're like one day i'll need this that's a that's like the before credits like prequel scene and then it goes fast 10 or whatever the heart for corona what what's the climax of this movie it's gotta involve cars somehow um maybe you escape on a train and then i get in a car and i'm chasing the train in my car just yelling out the window it's a big train chase that's that's the the climax of the film big train chase let's say let's say through brazil

and and it's such a classic scene but i think it fits fast and furious it's the train is gunning along the tracks it's a bullet train like i said I said. But there's seven train lines all next to each other, and every member of La Familia is in their own train. Absolutely. Chasing the train that you're in. Toretto's train has a grill built into the passenger seat that I'm cooking at. You're grilling.

A great scene where you throw hot burning sausage oil on my face and on the face of douche excellent you gotta step up lovins you gotta prove your love for me just whipping hot sauce in your eye and he's like you've always had a weapon on you've always had hot sausage grease i've always said that somebody tried to fight on a moving train with a big tub of hot sausage i like the idea of me being like the queue of like the james bond franchise for the fast franchise except all of my inventions are just like to help me cook things like i'm like oh what do you got for me today and i'm like oh this is uh two two two long bits of metal with a spring in the middle it's we call it tongs i thought you're gonna be like

i've made you a brand new tank top dom and he's like how does it work and then you put it down and flip it and it's somehow a grill as well now i've made you a brand new now i can just hop on your back and cook you cook wherever you go oh that i guess that's useful yeah thank you obviously there's got to be some way of getting the chip out of my brain i'm a big fan of the fact that we've not really gone for like a high-tech surgery option where they do it with a drill or whatever. It seems like the aim is just to crack me like an egg. Yeah, that super high-tech technology of a drill. Well, I can just imagine the end of like a Fast and the Furious movie

where I'm in a high-tech chair and they send a drill into my brain to get the... That sounds Fast and the Furious-y. No, what sounds Fast and the Furious-y is if we're trying to pick you up by your head with a drone controlled by Ludacris and Tyrese. into my brain to get the that sounds fast the furiously no what sounds fast the furiously is if we're trying to pick you up by your head with a drone controlled by ludicrous and tyrese maybe the the trains are heading for like a broken bridge and it's like a kind of race against time and somebody uses yeah ludicrous uses a drone which picks up my head but my head just tears

off from my body and my body falls down a cliff. And then they have to stop the trains, but they can't just crack my head open like an egg. I like the idea of, so La Familia chasing me while I chase you. And they're also trying to chase you. The broken bridge and all the trains stopping. You somehow just get through, or maybe you break the bridge as you cross it.

And then the only way for me to get across is to drift my train and then everyone else slams on the brakes except dom who hits the nos on his train jumps the bridge leavens oh leavens and dom hot on my heels me yelling me throwing kebabs at you it's a fucking where I come from it's just slamming against the window of the train that's good remember how

there's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys that you would buy like oh yeah it's the turtle car and it fires pizzas yeah that's what all

Dom Toretto's cars do now he's firing fucking pizzas at me but then one gets in the the machinery of the train and it crashes and then it's got to be a beat down between all four of us yeah obviously of of which i lose well aren't you headless and your body down the bottom of a ravine i guess maybe that's how it worked i was like the drone will take me across the ravine and I attach it to my head and run and jump, but my body's too heavy. And it tears off.

My head flies across the ravine and the drone gently comes to land on a rock. And then Toretto pulls the chip out of your head and then hangs your head next to a pair of truck nuts on the back of his car. So I can remember him forever. It's like a moment that's meant to be touching, but it isn't. Where he strokes my face.

Good night, brother. And then closes my eyes. But I'm a disembodied head. I like the idea that he like it. So it's a see you again song by Liz Khalifa starts playing and he just throws your head into a ravine but it's like slow my head like tongue lolling eyes rolling around as i flop down into a river a rat crawls out of your ear i like the idea of the final shot of the movie is like my head coming to rest against my body, which is also in the ravine,

which feels like a sequel tease, but can't be. But your head says to your body, oh, you thought I was going to let you go without saying goodbye? It's been a while. So it somehow starts again. The song plays twice. Somehow starts again.

The song plays twice. Oh no, you're working for the Queen. That's right. You're putting the Tower of London. That's how it ends. How do you join La Familia though? Maybe me and the Queen join La Familia when there's a bigger government threat. Yeah, Dusha joiningining la familia is saved for the

next movie as this tradition where yeah when bigger threat Dom Toretto has to fucking fight Mars and that's also the Levin's so I guess the that's the first movie and the sequel movie is the douche adjoins Dominic Toretto I with my head in my hand become the villain of this film and levin's his clones he finds the cloning technology while fighting mars yeah absolutely

the aliens i guess bring me back to life perfect mistaking me for the greatest villain that the la familia's ever fought but that's time they have doucher and the queen on their side so it's also good because that means you have the same storyline as letty does where you'll just forget who everyone is because you're evil now and then you'll remember well i was part of la familia not not that's right i remember all those adventures. No, you weren't there. You get your memories back and then go, oh, yeah,

and then decide to go back into a coma where you belong. Where are you going, Jackson? Home. Daddy's got to go back to work or whatever the rock says. Somehow tense myself back into a cast. Lie down. God, it's where he belongs. It's great that somehow in this movie,

fighting Mars is so secondary. Also, big fan that we've never said like martians it's just right i've been off the phone with mom it says that red car in the sky it's gonna fucking die you calling a planet the princess time to go princess princess tell you what what a film. What a trilogy of films. Whatever it is, we know that it's going to fit perfectly into the Fast and the Furious franchise.

Absolutely. I would argue it's the natural next step in the way the films have been going. Yeah, having watched them all in one after the other in the last fortnight, it's definitely the next logical progression for all these plot lines to move towards. So, Levens, as the Fast and the Furious expert of this podcast,

can you rank all the Fast and the Furious films, including the two we just made? Yeah. We've only made two. I thought we made, like, three. Well, we made the first one where I come out of a coma. I have the corona recipe in my head Dusha is employed by the queen

to track me down so does Dominic Toretto he also wants to get me and you're in the car helping him out by feeding him hot links but in the end my head is torn from my body by a drone and Dusha I guess joins the love of media for reasons which are unfair

no no no I just escape you escape and then the sequel joins love for me for reasons which are no no i just let's go i escape go back to england yeah i joined and then the sequel you actually queen your undercover is one of the queen's corgis right oh princess wolf wolf for some reason dominic teredo needs to fight mars and so he gets you on side because you have the Queen's backing. At the same time they clone you at the same time as I come back from the dead. So that's two films.

And also then that, oh my god, and they're cloning me in that one too. So obviously the one you just described with your head getting cut off and everything, that's Fast 10. Then the next one with multiple 11s is Fast 11s. Fast 11s.

That's incredible. So obviously that's the best one a new high for the franchise yeah if we wanted to make it a trilogy we could add in the third one where maybe one of the leavens clones goes rogue my one of my and one of my long lost brothers shows up as well leavens and blevens also played by john cena can we call that can we call that one uh fast and the furious 12 rogue 11 because so we've got fast 10 fast and the furious 11s and fast Furious 11s and then Fast 12 Rogue 11. In that one, I don't appear except for a cameo as a skeleton. Also, just very quickly on Rogue 11, so Fast 12.

That means that based on the events of the previous films, Dominic Toretto has to recruit Mars to join La Familia, the planet. All right, I don't like like you you don't like me i used to think there was only space in this team for one big round bold thing and ludicrous has to make a car big enough for mars to drive damn that's gonna be a lot of american steel american muscle tyrese will make a joke about how mars still isn't as big as the rock's head yeah onset tension i'd also like for that kind of like fast and the furious ribbing where they like yeah make fun of each other i I want to take it seriously every time

hey what the fuck did you say crying in a lot of scenes hey wow I don't know you well enough for that kind of wow they're happy I'm dead so yeah now that we do have a trilogy

can we rank the Fast and the Furious movies so the additional. Okay. Hobbs and Shaw down the bottom. Yeah. Where it belongs. Then fast and the furious Tokyo drift. Then fast two.

Two fast, two furious. Two fast, two furious. Then fast and furious four. Then the original fast and the furious. Then fast eight. Then fast six.

Then fast five. Then fast seven. Then fast 8. Then Fast 6. Then Fast 5. Then Fast 7. Then Fast 10. Then Fast 12. Then at the top, no bias, Fast 11s. Yeah, no bias, but that is the best one. But then on top of that, when does Mars join the crew? Is that Fast 12 or Fast 13?

That's Fast 12, Rogue 11. Okay, cool. Okay. All right. Well, that's second best. Yeah, cool. Okay. All right. Well, that's second best. Yeah, that makes sense.

For sure. For sure. Well, that's kind of where the series jumped the shark, let's be honest. Yeah. That's where the

moon jumped the shark. Mars. Mars jumped the shark. Yeah. Which is an actual scene that was made.

We've done it. We've made a flawless trilogy of films that are... So people thought The Five was the ceiling incorrect wrong it couldn't have been wrong and everyone including the planet mars is capable of being la familiar of course throwing frosty coronas into mars

just shooting them out of a cannon. Drink up. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've been Levens. And Levens has some new podcasts on our network. They're his old podcasts, but they're now Sanspan's podcasts, so make sure you listen to them. HeyFam, Serious Issues, The Mission, and all the small games. Very good stuff.

Levens also has his own patreon uh where he puts up yeah see i'm doing your plug for you it's great uh yeah a dj patreon uh where you get exclusive mixes twice monthly because you've hit a goal and i believe you've also just hit a new goal where you release a podcast that goes along with every mix you release now yeah a music podcast every month now so uh i do two hour long mixes sometimes they're a rap mix sometimes they're an indie mix they're always kind of like about a point in time celebrating a history or celebrating the history of a label or an artist or a genre of music um they're very nostalgic and i write a lot about the music on them too so i'm gonna i'm gonna record a podcast

about the music on those mixes i'm gonna'm going to record a podcast about the music on those mixes. I'm going to interview people about the same music that I like. It's going to be fun. Yeah, that rolls. You can get that at patreon.com slash levdog. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. La familia for life.

And the next tier, obviously you do one mix, then two mixes, then you do a podcast about music, and then the final tier is we're going to Mars, baby.