Plumbing the Death Star - What Did We Think of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice? (Feat. Adam)

Episode Date: March 24, 2016

In which our heroes brood with Batman, soar with Superman, and wonder with Wonder Woman as they discuss what they thought of Batman v Superman. We puzzle at the mysterious presence of mosquito men, try to figure out what everyones plan was, and feel sorry for Ma Kent. Adam and Zammit have a love affair with Batfleck, Jackson bemoans the big steamy shit they took on Wonder Woman, and Duscher just wants to go to sleep. So build yourself a heavy armour, go out of your way to steal a photo, and dive into a lake to collect a thing that will almost definitely kill you. It's the maccas car park punch on of the century.Want to help Metropolis recover from even more collateral damage? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in the lives of Mr and Mrs Johnny Q Metropolis. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sanspence Radio, we're home alone three. Got any compliments? Email us at sanspenceradio at gmail.com and we promise to reply. For everything else, including links to our other shows, our Twitter and our Patreon account, head to sanspenceradio.com. Hey everyone and welcome to another very special edition of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, what did we think of Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice? You're garbage! I loved it alright

best film of the year wait wait wait everyone chill we just need to make it very very clear just in case this will be so full of spoilers so if you're listening to this and you're like oh I wonder if they're going to spoil it we're literally going to talk about every single aspect of the film.

Start to finish, we'll give you the plot points. If you don't want to see the film, you can just listen to this. Yeah, pretty much. So what did I think of the film? I'm going to go with trash-flavoured trash with a side of trash, but I loved it. I had one of the best times I ever had, and it also took a hot, steamy shit on everything I love about DC.

There were so many times where I was like, excuse me? Where is this going? From the moment Batman gets levitated out of the game by Bat, you're like, I guess I'm in for a ride today. I guess I've got to strap myself in because we're off. I honestly forgot that happened through all the other bullshit. I was like, are they just going? What direction is this?

Is this kid Superman? Is that what's happening? This is a strange thing. What's occurring? But I just want to point out, we joked that if it opened up with a flashback in a flashback, and then a dream, it all happened. It did.

It all fucking happened. All of the stuff that we joked, like, as in, we made serious predictions in the what do we think is going to happen episode, but then we also made joke predictions, and our joke predictions were pretty accurate they were spot on literally all the cameos happened at once wonder woman is like she might as well have opened she because she she watches videos of them on the flash cyborg and aquaman she watches them all on like a computer but she might as well have just opened up the upcoming film file.

Wait, did she open... I found it really weird because Cyborg was first and then Aquaman was last, but she opened up in a weird order. She did. Aquaman, Flash, Cyborg. Is that the release schedule? Sure is. That's the best.

Fucking hilarious. That's the order that... Why not just order the files why make her open them dumb also it's ordered in a way where it goes oh and we see Wonder Woman's file first whose

film is before the other yeah because I'm pretty sure at the moment the schedule is Wonder Woman like there's other movies in between because at the moment it's Suicide Squad boo yes I'm not excited for that either I'm super excited this movie has made me so

excited like it has revitalized my like superhero films because like I don't know if it can get worse oh yeah my review of this is negative 10 out of 10 but negative like imagine a review as a circle what I agree I don't know this movie i'm either a 2 out of 10 or a negative 10 out of 10 it's so bad but it's this movie just

like popped me out the other side like i was like like man of suey come out and you're like i hate my life this one you're like i hate my i love my life what's going on um yeah so very easily pleased and i still hate it um i all right okay let's have a bit of semblance of structure this because otherwise just gonna be like this bit and this bit yeah yeah all right one thing i will say that i actually really liked about this okay that's a good way to start what I like the movie. Let's have a symbiont of structure. Okay, favorite bit. Favorite bit. Because like,

you got to do the praise before you take the hot steam. All right, we'll go favorite. I know that outlaying a structure in any episode we ever do. Never happens. Never happens, but I'm going to try again.

We'll do favorite bit. Then we'll talk about, then we'll go least favorite bit. Then we're going to talk about things that did not make any sense because that will be a long time. That's a good hour and a half. That'll be the rest of the episode.

And then we'll sort out an ending or some shit. Anyway. So damn it. Thing you like. I loved Batfleck. I did. Yeah, he was amazing. He was great.

He was a good Batman. He was a good Batman. I loved the whole him being in Metropolis. I loved that. I actually loved the moment they went 18 months later. If they had just not done that and the whole movie was just Ben Affleck chuffing around Metropolis doing some stuff and like no Batsuit just rolling up his sleeves in his like fucking grey slacks,

I would have been like, this is for me. This is a quick instant derailment But a side note, there's not a lot of Batman There's way more Bruce Wayne in this time There's actually not a lot of Batman and Superman fighting at all There's a lot of times where they come close And then they're like, anyway, see you around Like honestly

They fight once, you predicted three times I predicted twice And then once in a dream They actually just fight once, they don't even fight in a dream. He punches him in the heart. There's one fight and it's real quick. And then it becomes a fight against Doomsday. It's actually not

much fighting going on. In the light of business I have, we have a luxury version of a cinema, which I was working in today. So yeah, I saw the movie at midnight last night and then slept for three hours and then spent eight hours at work today just watching people watch this movie so there's a lot of batman v superman on my brain at the moment but yeah um

we have like what we bring them food in this thing uh we have start middle and towards the end and towards the end it was still before any of the fighting happens that's that's the pacing of this movie is like oh wow so yeah pacing is so strange so yeah so one thing i liked i loved that flick and i loved him open the opening bit which was like i'm actually sold i was almost very much sold being like so good same like i was i thought maybe at that point I was still excited. Yeah. I was like,

maybe this is going to be good. Maybe it's going to be good. And then it was like, Oh no, let's have Superman rip through a terrorist. Let's have Superman fuck off to an undisclosed Middle Eastern location. I think it was in Africa. Yeah,

it was. Oh no, that's right. It was Africa. Cause I'm getting confused. So not Middle East, Africa. Let's have him We did it

Sorry, we're just moving a mattress in the background Are we the heroes? Did we win? It's falling on my head Also, Superman's, like, again, as an aside to an aside Superman's powers in this, like the speed at which he can fly Super vague Superman goes from like one place to

one place in like a second sometimes i was worried about i'm not worried i was like bothered by that as well like he gets to like it's like he can leave his office and suddenly be in mexico and back within like an hour he catches lois when she gets pushed off the building like where was he before he's in his costume when he catches her. Does he do it on the fly? Does he do it literally on the fly? Imagine if he dropped it. I want to see him catch Lois with one arm and have his clothes in the other.

Or like a suit bag hung over his shoulder. Already more tangents. But on this note, do we have the technology to shoot a nuclear missile into space? No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we do because

America was going to nuke the moon just because they could. I remember that. To be like, we need to get this up and running with that pinpoint accuracy. Absolutely. We have this tech. We're still terrified of the Russians.

I'm not joking, we can. I think that's we're still terrified of the russians i'm not joking we can i think that's fair that fear of the russians it's a real big country all you need to do is fire the missile up and be like detonate now no but it's not hard no but is it like they'd have to fight but can you fire a missile into space and aim at one person because they do that they are trying well. Being able to aim a nuke at one person is overkill. Well, being able to aim a nuke at another nuke is very difficult. Here's a question about that scene. Why did Doomsday fall, but Superman floated? I'm sure that there's an explanation. Like, is Superman just lighter?

My question is, why? Hang on a minute. No, because gravity. They're in space. Because in this point of the film, Superman punches, flies Doomsday into space. No, save this for the... The business don't make sense.

Go on, Sam. What else did you like in the movie? I just... I want to say that's it. Okay. Perfect. Ben Affleck and the opening of the film. True, though.

I... Like, Wonder Woman I wasn't expecting much and I didn't get much She used a lasso When Wonder Woman was fighting Doomsday I was like, that's how you make Wonder Woman fight Doomsday It was good, she fought like a warrior

She stabbed at his legs I liked that she was doing damage to him because he's Kryptonian and magic fucks up Kryptonians. I'm like, that's a nice little bit of lore for me. That's good. She used the lasso and I will admit, I was like, yes, sitting in my chair. Other than that.

She used the kryptonite spear as that made sense for her. Oh, no, she didn't. That's right. Superman ran it at the guy as though it was a sword. Yeah. Or a little dagger. Superman wasn't like, I have the kryptonite spear, which will kill Doomsday

and what's that Wonder Woman you're good at fighting with martial weapons by the fact that you have a sword Lois Lane would have done a better job I would love to if he was like

as he was like you know rushing along with the spear yeah instead of he kept slowing down yeah exponentially until at the end

he's like this wouldn't he be going to be just careened into the ground stabs himself in the foot oh yeah why is it that Superman can suddenly... Save it for later.

Save it for the bits that are ridiculous. Alright, your favourite bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I like Wonder Woman fighting the guy. I think I like most of Batman. I like his voice modulation. I like his armour. Batman was great.

I like everything about Batman. I like everything about Wonder Woman except her costume and her acting is Gal Gadot an actor? I don't know what Gal Gadot sounds like is when they get a wrestler or a musician

to come into a film and act and you're like you're clearly untrained that's what Gal Gadot sounded like she's great in Fast and Furious 6 I don't know why she was so rubbish

in this she sounded like she was half asleep the whole time I think it's because she has a she has an accent She's trying her best to hide that accent

No she wasn't She wasn't trying to hide it at all No but that's not her natural accent That's not what she sounds like What? Then what was she doing? Why was she like What's Wonder Woman? Spanish?

She's from Spanish mythology I'll do a Spanish? She's from Spanish mythology, yeah? I'll do a Spanish voice. That's good. Someone's like, I think she's Greek. No. Deal lost mortals. It doesn't matter. Don't worry, don't tell her anything.

It's not even a Spanish accent anyway. Who knows what she's doing? I hated her costume. Please give Wonder Woman pants. She deserves pants. Warriors, even give her like she has in the comics, like a Roman, like one of those battle skirts. That'd be fine.

Don't give her like... She's Israeli. Well, it wasn't in it. What was she doing? I don't know. Why? Israeli via Spain. Hey, here's an idea, Gal Gadot.

Are you playing a character who's real bulky in the comics? Do a little weight training, maybe. Don't just be like be like no whatever i'll on the day it'll be fine i think that somebody was saying uh one of my friends was like i think that's because they wanted her to get in a dress and if she was bulky like wonder woman she wouldn't have looked good in a dress i and that's a true bummer yeah because one woman is like an amazon she's she was not muscly no that's she was like she looked like what an amazing if you're not muscley. No, that's not. She was like lithe. What an amazing... If you were up for that role...

Are her legs real bold? No. She should have Chun-Li legs. Chun-Li legs. Apparently, I was reading weirdly, but people were saying the same thing, but she was like, I did a lot of martial arts training and that kind of thing.

Well, that doesn't make you look appropriate, does it? Yeah, exactly. And it's not like you're actually fighting. Most of that seemed like CGI, so why? I don't know? I don't know That was sad You remember China? Perfect wrestler, perfect actress for Wonder Woman

Yeah though Big and huge That's what Wonder Woman's meant Things you enjoyed One more point in her costume Why was there that one shot where Wonder Woman Just basically spreads her vagina for the camera? Remember that moment?

She doesn't actually, come on. But there's this real weird moment where she's pushed in the ground, her legs kind of splay. Oh, wait, no, I do remember that. What? That was odd. That was so weird because other than that, there was none of that unnecessary sexualization. And then they're like, no, we'll give you one moment. Have a quick shot of her vagina.

Sick. Carry on. So would you say that's a bit you liked no they're talking about it in a bit you like what else did i like um oh anything else i like batfleck batfleck was great um i liked all of the stuff that was like suggested by batfleck but like you never like why was the mansion burned out who knows what was that about why like why did he stop this is gonna sound really bad but the mansion

was burnt out yeah like you look in the background Wayne Manor has been bombed that's why they're living in the lake house he drives past it

like twice or something Alfred is still a sass queen and that's good oh that was super Alfred sounds so much sassy he almost wants to die when Batman

or Bruce gave Alfred a coffee oh that was good That's not how butlers work Waking up having a glass of red wine Super good Some random woman in his bed in the lake house

Also super good Jesse Eisenberg A good time Because I'm like what are you doing Jesse How happy were you when he shaved his head I'm not happy because my question is Is he the son of classic lex luther or is he lex luther himself and if he's either why was that shaving his head

significant because if he is classic lex luther then what's the point of saying he's lex luther jr and if he's lex luther jr we shouldn't be excited that he's getting his head shaved so he can be more like lex luther because then why not just have lex luther okay i will explain this what are you doing i can tell you exactly what happened they would have been like oh this is a risky move so they've been like Lex Luthor Jr. Lex Luthor Jr. Lex Luthor Jr. so if he was well received they'd just be like

that's this universe Lex Luthor if he's not well received dad's back we laugh but I guarantee you that is why I like as much as Jesse has like Luthor's plan didn't mean anything, didn't make sense, nothing he did was relevant to anything. Stuff you liked!

Stuff you liked! But I liked that! Because I was like, what is this guy? What is wrong with you? Wait till he gets a bit silent. He was ridiculous! I'm trying to think what else the fuck happened in that movie. A lot, a lot happened.

There's so much. Oh, what about... I liked how poorly the Daily Planet is run. When Superman is like, I have an idea for a really good article. And Pete White's like, Report on sports! Perry White.

Perry White. Who is Pete White? I don't know. He's someone. I have no idea. Anyway. Yeah, anyway. I liked that.

That was funny. And how they just let Both Lois and Clark Fuck off In the middle of the day With like personal There's that bit Where she's like

I want a Yeah helicopter Is this for work No Then have it When she wanted it for work He said no And there's that moment

Where like there's that Look in their eyes And they're looking at each other And clearly we as the audience Are supposed to be like Oh Perry White understands But I like to think That's Perry White being like i feel like she thinks i understand

and i can't say no so i'm just gonna take it why does clark oh no wait how does clark kent keep his job so i think also get hired did he do a journalist degree from memory oh and i loved and I loved and I laughed so hard When And it's a stupid thing but it made me so happy When Lois Lane drops a spear in the water Then Superman's like I'll get it Leaps in the water We don't see what happens

Then it's Lois Lane being like where's Superman She goes over to the water Clark is just unconscious in there drowning Because Clark Of course It's so funny unconscious in there drowning because Clark of course it's so funny he just dived in there and must have been like oh shit

blah blah blah he's just hanging there I wish he'd been dead that would have been like Superman Clark oh no that was so funny. I laughed out loud in the cinema.

I just pissed myself. It was so good. Like, did they know that was comedic? Surely they knew. I think this has been my favorite comedy of the year. Adisha, what did you love? Okay, first of all, this one's going to be controversial. I love that both Superman and Batman are like,

murder, it's all right now. No, that be controversial. I love that both Superman and Batman are like, murder, it's alright now. No, that's good. Batman basically uses guns. That's amazing. Batman literally stabs a man. Yeah. Oh, and the bit where he just grabs a guy's face into the ground. He's dead.

He's dead. He's dead. Superman's like, I'm a terrorist. Punch him away. Straight through several walls. Yep, break his spine. Oh, fuck fuck that was good Batman

and also even though it's a dream sequence one of about 800 Batman just has a gun in the movie he's just like I'm a shooter I like that that's the bit

we focus on but that one also had Mosquito Man that was a very very strange time why Mosquito Man? I don't know because clearly

the Superman soldiers are like The threat of superman And batman is like this you know living in a superman Occupied world And everything has like a real world something But then there are just also mosquito men That aren't fighting What are they?

I'm just watching How are they related to the nazi superman people? But we gotta get through what douche a lot because otherwise we'll never get to what we liked didn't like if we start talking about shit that didn't make sense it'll be night time yeah so I liked that they were just like fuck I guess murder that's alright

Jesse Eisenberg fucking loved him he was just off chops he was just nuts so he's just doing what... Did they even give him a script? I like to think that they were like, here's the script, he read through it, and he's like, not.

So we're just making trash? And they're like, go nuts, Jesse. He's like, oh. Can I basically get high-pitched, and can I do a scene where I forget the lines for a speech for some reason? And they get really impotent angry about it. And they're like, do it your life.

There was so much impotent rage in this film. I really liked all of the dream sequences just because they were so jarring, but it was like entertaining. Like when Thomas Wayne's corpse is also man bat for a bit. That was super good. That was just the, excuse me? I got spooked, but I'm happy.

I was just going to say, it was a little jump scare. What about when Superman's, when Pa Kent is piling rocks? Oh my God. I just love that. Tell me, Pa Kent, do the horses stop screaming? There were so many horses in the movie. There were so many dead horses. It was like exploding building and a horse arrives and is like, whoa.

A whole good plot point was like, yeah, dead horses. I'm like, ugh. Is that fucking horse the Batman encounters in The Mist? Yes! I like that there was that scene of Batman in The Mist, and, like, it's just him, except for the horse and one other guy. And you'd think, if you were trying to imply that The Mist was full of people, you'd have, like, a lot of people.

But it's just, like, one guy. You're like, is he significant? What's this guy doing? And then he just walks off. Well, Zammett zamet like shit the bed when he was like i'm gonna call you wally he's like flash he's got no legs he's gonna give him mechanical legs and then he did i know the flash does turn up though twice for a bit in electricity yelling at batman who is old batman lois lane Lois Lane she's the key am I too early

am I too early I'm too early and then fucks off again but then that was also a dream so who knows dream sequences within dream sequences

what did you like fuck what else did I like there was there was just so any time the movie just went completely off the rails

I was like yes alright I liked that they killed Superman also sorry if you're still there was just so anytime the movie just went completely off the rails I was like yes alright I liked that they killed Superman also sorry if you're still listening and you're like

oh they haven't been spoiled yet they killed Superman hashtag doomsday stabbed first doomsday stabbed second so wait does that mean

the Batman won does he move on to the next bracket who's he fighting next? Bruce Wayne, heavyweight champion of the world. Hell in a cell. I liked the... Darkseid is going to be in Justice League.

That's pretty good, I guess. But yeah, no. Doomsday was actually alright. I thought it was going to be shithouse. The trailer made him look shithouse. He looked like the troll from Lord of the Rings. But then he got a bit spiky and that's good It seemed like I was like

What's he gonna do? Just looks like he's gonna smash buildings And then he does like an electric attack And also he had the thing where he kept adapting Which sort of comes, so that's good I liked that Superman died I didn't Oh did you like the Chekhov's doomsday's arm growing? Yeah

That was nice For a second I thought when Wonder Woman stabbed him, she lost her sword in his arm and that his arm was growing and going to be like a magic sword arm. And I was like, that'd stab Superman so good. I didn't. Please.

That would stab Superman so well. Superman would stab Superman so good. Well done. would stab Superman so good well done I yeah I like that they killed Superman I was confused about the fact that

for some reason the Krypton spear hurt Doomsday more when it pushed through him and the Kryptonite was out of him but not good I don't

yeah good Doomsday was alright I thought Doomsday was going to be shithouse in fact if this was just Superman Doomsday it would probably be better I mean Batman was good I liked Batman but

I want a Superman movie to be good why won't they what did we do do you think they killed Superman so they could sneaky reboot Superman no they killed Superman so they could sneaky reboot Superman? No, they killed Superman so that they have a reason to form the Justice League. Because Darkseid is going to come to Earth and they're going to be like, well, fuck.

Batman has a feeling. And they rang the doorbell, apparently. No, the bell. Ring-a-ding-ding. That fucking scene. Wonder Woman's like, why should we bring the metahumans together? Batman's like, I've got a feeling. I like that Wonder Woman just walks away at that point.

She's like, the fuck, bro? I don't fucking mean anything. Anything else? Nothing else, that's it. End of list. I liked Lex's speeches. I like, no, I just like Jesse Eisenberg. Lex's speeches were bad, but they were insane.

Like, when he's like, what was I saying? It's so infuriating with knowledge without power. Anyway, have a sick party book party launch thing. Whatever that was. Adam, what did you love about this glorious film? I loved Batfleck and literally nothing else. But I loved everything about him. I think I'm on Adam's side here. Like branding oh man oh man batman who it's like i love the the only dumb part i loved is that uh fucking

eisenberg uh lex luther is like batman is working with the cops the cops are in bed with batman but then the only time we see the cops interacting with Batman is that cop who tries to shoot Batman with a shotgun several times. I loved his interplay with Alfred. My God. Bad guys on the third floor, I guess I'll drop you off on the second. But most of all, I love Batman is cool with murder. So cool with

murder. Batman slams into your car, attaches it to his and then uses your car as a wrecking ball to hit some other cunts. It was super cool. Oh man, that fight scene with the fucking Russian mobster or whatever. Except what pissed me off about that is he

fires the tracking device into the van. Then he pretends to blow up the van. That one little bit. He didn't know he wasn't going to get the van. But he... Why shoot a tracking device? Also, it goes to... Why shoot a tracking device?

It goes to Lex Luthor's building. He could have probably figured that out anyway. Lex Luthor has a lot of buildings, okay? I will defend Batfleck and nothing else about this movie. Also, this is something that I only just realised today when I saw another part, like I saw part of it again. The whole, like, white

Portuguese thing is... Long and boring. They never explain the start part they just start saying it and then you're right I forgot that

Batman's like it's a boat it's a dirty bomb no it's a boat but also no cause he's like it's a dirt the white Portuguese

will lead to a dirty bomb but then like where just as the audience like what what excuse me that's why Batman's

fucking in that building in the first place but it never explains before that it's just like that's what excuse me that's why batman's fucking in that building in the first place but it never explains before that it's just like that's what he's up to that's what he's doing i know he was searching what um human traffickers because they were related to yeah okay okay but then why was he searching human traffickers question in the fight like the mandingo fight yeah yeah i love that mandingo fight i was like like, all right, Batflex. And then Batflex gives a smile to his winning Mandingo. Is that Batman's Mandingo? Did they have a deal? Does he own him?

There was like that nod implied a whole mess of knowledge. He rules it. What was he saying? When he nods at him, like the guy wins the fight, nods at Batman, is Batman like, you have to win this fight? He's like, all right, this one I'll win. I'll win. Not at the end after he's won. So is it like, thank you for grabbing me

when I fell over? Nah, because the man recognizes him. But I don't know why that gives him superpowers to win the fight when he's already losing. I do like the idea that Batfleck owns Mandingo's. Yeah, he goes to Mandingo. He knew where to go. I like that in this version of Gotham there are Mandingo fights.

That's pretty good Also Gotham and Metropolis are on opposite sides Of the same bay And that is the most fucking retarded When we get to stuff that doesn't make sense You don't build cities that way That would be the one city

It's just like Melbourne and Frankston Yeah but that's still More like New Jersey and New York I think It's the worst city. No, it's just like Melbourne and Frankston. Yeah, but that's still... Or like New Jersey and New York, I think. It's the worst. But those are... I'm not defending it. Anyway. I'll get to it in time.

Actually, that's probably what they're basing it off. Gotham would be Jersey. But Gotham is a big city, and Metropolis is a big city. Are you telling me that there's no point where they meet? Are you telling me for some reason they weren't like... So fucking pilgrims land on one side of the bay, and they're like, we'll build here. Pilgrims land on't like... Look at Pilgrim's Land on one side of the bay and they're like, we'll build here.

Pilgrim's Land on the other. Look at Frankston and look at Melbourne. Frankston is not the size of Melbourne. If Franger was like Melbourne. If Franger was like another mini Melbourne, then yeah. But that's not how cities...

But wait a minute, Pilgrims did do that. There's New York and New Jersey, you dumbass. Yeah, but... Ah, fine. All right, things we hated. What's the thing? I hated that Batman needs to have a workout montage when he wears a power suit.

What's that about? No, that made sense. That was so he could wear the power suit. Also, I loved it. Because the power suit's fucking heavy. No, they didn't. I just used my mind. Also, the power suit's heavy as shit, it. Because the power suit's fucking heavy. No, they didn't. I just used my mind. Also, the power suit's heavy as shit

so he's got to work out. That's why he was lifting heavy things. The heavy thing. He lifted a tire. But when he steps, you can see that it's an effort. That's why he was working out. That fucking training scene reminded me so much of my other favorite montage of in Top Gun where they play volleyball. It was real homoerotic. I loved it. That fucking training scene reminded me so much of my other favourite montage

of in Top Gun where they play volleyball. It was real homoerotic. I loved it. It was good. It was great. I fucking loved it. Chucking some fucking dick hovering moments where the camera's like, I'm going to stay on the cock for a bit.

Jackson Bailey goes into movies with a little list of crotch moments. How many hog shots? Zack Schneider knows how to shoot men good. You fucking guys. I'm like, all alright, let's do bits you like. Then you just start being like, that was dumb, that was dumb. Then we're like, okay, bits you hate. You're like, how good was this bit? Okay, bit I hate. I'm just trying to

like something I hated. Bit you hated the most. I just specifically bit that made you the most angry. I don't think it made me angry. It just made me love the movie more. Like it just Everything Like everything Every moment of the film was both brilliant and trash

Again Straight away with Batman Or young Bruce Wayne floating up a well I'm like here we are Immediately We started at 100 We were never at one. We didn't get a chance.

I hated the fucking nonsense structure of that movie. Like, can we pick one time and follow that line? Oh, I love that it was like, you have 60 minutes to do something, right? And then it goes to Martha Kent, and already 20 minutes are gone. You're like, oh. You're like, oh, okay. That was a long conversation Lex and Supes had

true what did I hate what did I hate just shoehorning Doomsday into it I hate the fact it's called Batman v Superman

there's no real Batman-ing v Superman-ing no I hate not Batman v Superman is a stupid name but putting Dawn of Justice

at the end is stupid also stupid I did not like the cameos because it was just so forced. And the cameos weren't even like you could make them kind of interesting.

I also like with the cameos so they're files on Lex's computer and each one has the symbol of that superhero. They sure do. Which means that Lex or somebody in Lex's company had to design the symbol for those superheroes. Not just design the symbol, name them Wonder Woman, we're assuming Wonder Woman

might already have a name Flash, Aquaman and Cyborg don't Cyborg's a dumb name though Cyborg and Aquaman are kind of self explanatory though if I was a lazy intern and someone was like name these two things

I'd be like Cyborg and fucking I love that this version of Lex Luthor is like gave if I was a lazy intern and someone was like name these two things I'd be like cyborg and fucking I love it this version of Lex Luthor is like fuck I gotta name them this is top secret information but again what's doucher and accounting doucher check your email alright

name these people oh that man's a bit robot that's a cyborg I guess cyborg and he's like water lad nah he's a bit robot. That's a cyborg, I guess. Cyborg, good. Cyborg, and he's like, water lad. No, he's a man. Can we make it sound fast? Something that you'd want to drink if it was a bottle. Aquaman.

And I've named the fast guy The Flash. Yeah, good. The bit I hated, just Wonder Woman's interaction as, did they actually give her a full name in this? They gave her a last name. Prince. No, they didn't say name. They didn't say Diana. I hated her interaction with Bruce

in the party scene. That was weird. I just want to know what was her plan? If she didn't know Bruce Wayne was going to be there, was she going to go in there and steal? What happens is Bruce Wayne goes gets the Palm Pilot and chuffs off for a bit,

then comes back to Gary's Palm Pilot. It's no longer there. Wonder Woman's done took it. Because Wonder Woman's looking for a photo. Does it mean that Wonder Woman was also there? And after Bruce is gone, she's walked in with her Palm Pilot and been like, I'm just going to have to attach it to the... Oh!

Somebody started for me. That's real neat. Half the job's done. Yoink. Off I go. I don't know. I don't know what Wonder Woman was doing at that party. Was she invited? Yeah. If she was

invited. Why was she invited to the other party that she met Bruce at? I hated... How little anyone gives a shit about secret entities. Like Marvel. Because again, you compare Marvel to DC, this is what's happening. Marvel like, fuck secret entities.

We don't need them. Whatever. Iron Man, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, we don't give a shit.. Marvel, like, fuck secretaries. We don't need them. Whatever. Iron Man, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Captain America. We don't give a shit. Everyone knows. Whereas DC are like, no, we need to be different. So we're going to keep secretaries. But they don't. Lois Lane knows who Superman is.

Yeah. It's implied that Perry knows. It's implied that Perry knows. Lex Luthor has to know that Batman is... Lex Luthor fucking knows everyone. Yeah. Because it's that moment where he's about to... Batman's about to just finally kill Superman

and Lois Lane just rocks up and Batman's got like half a face off so we clearly see that it's Bruce Wayne there's just not one moment where Lois Lane's like ah I know what I don't understand is when like Batman crashes into Superman in his car

Superman takes the thing off. He obviously doesn't want to kill Batman. He just wants to make him back down. Why not just be like, you know, grab him, take him fucking to a police station or something and be like, yo, it's Batman. I got the guy. It's Bruce Wayne.

That's going to fuck him over for quite a lot and quite a bit. Doesn't that just get rid of your problem? Hey, fuck you, alright? Stay out of my puff. That's what he did. Chest bump, spat man. I hated that scene where it was if they shine the light on,

you better not go or I'll smack you one. It's like, they've never shone the light yet. We don't know what this light is. What are you talking about? If you had no knowledge knowledge I'm a fucking idiot I never made the connection between that And the fact I was like Why does Batman fucking turn on the light and then stand next to it

Are you summoning me No because he's like come fight me Which is super funny that Batman turns on the bat signal To summon Superman I just want to know if you were not a comic book fan How much of this movie would have made any sense? No sense, thank you.

That's what you're wrong. And this comes into my experience that I had today. Also, side note, I just got hit with the biggest fucking wave of tiredness. So if you just hear little sleeps in the background, sorry. What is the sound of a sleep? Zed, Zed, Zed. What's your one um

yeah no everyone like people that don't seem to be that familiar with comic books love it because they're like ooh it's dark really

it's punch on central that'd be very confusing for them yeah but when people get confused and it's popular they're just like nah I love it

yeah that's what I mean because like like fucking when inception came out everyone was like it's my favorite movie ever because of the twist ending there's no twist ending

in Inception what a twist ending it's end it's also there's no confusion the movie explains everything the movie's fairly succinct very straightforward

in fact Inception take like hold your hand through the whole movie it's like hey it's a dream and now it's a dream within a dream

and now it's a dream within a dream this is how it goes makes sense there's not a lot of technical explanation anyway so yeah

everyone that I saw come out of it like people the people I spoke to were like yeah they're good and I was like really

yeah okay every time I think about this movie it makes a little bit less sense to me did you know that Batman is faster than fire

according to this movie what oh he is too do you remember at the end where that chick Martha sorry Superman's mug is being held at flamethrower point according to this movie. What? Do you remember at the end where that chick, Martha, sorry, Superman's mom,

is being held at flamethrower point by that guy and he says, don't come any closer or I'll toast her. Batman's like, yeah, I believe you. Batman is a lot further away from Martha. Batman basically has to run

to where fucking... No, no no no he shoots him yeah but then there's the explosion of fire yeah Batman somehow

gets on top of Martha before it explodes also Batman fireproof which is super good yeah that's just neat that's a neat little thing sure yeah deal

he runs past pretty much he runs past the fire and then keeps going. So he's on. What? You know what?

What? Wonder Woman stops Doomsday's blast with a shield, right? Her legs are exposed. Yeah. Her legs are exposed a lot. That's why Wonder Woman needs pants. What was the shield doing there? Hands ain't going to do shit against her.

Beam. The shield cops all the heat. Yeah, but that's not how heat works. Agreed. Well Well I don't know Maybe it's not heat Maybe lasers aren't hot He works by popular consensus It's a democracy

Exactly Heat is a democracy What else did you hate? Other stuff I hated I just I can't pinpoint any Because every moment Was either real dumb

And I loved it Or real dumb And then I hated it But then I loved it again Like the dream sequences I hate them But nah they're so good Also did loved it or real dumb and then i hated it but then i loved it again like the dream sequences i hate them but now they're so good um also did anybody get like weird mad max vibes from the dream sequences oh you were like that one at the wasteland yeah

they've been like this although i do like that now that even though it's in the future and like the world is shit batman still wears a cow when it must be real hot and sweaty yeah batman because he's hiding his identity for some reason from the superman not what i like like the world is shit, Batman still wears a cow when it must be real hot and sweaty. Yeah, Batman, you don't worry about it. Because he's hiding his identity for some reason. From the Superman Nazi. What I like is that they keep trying to, you know, come back on what they did, you know, how people make fun of them in Man of Steel

for how many deaths they had. And then they're like, oh, everything's abandoned. No, they still have a higher cow count because the world has been destroyed. Yeah. They can't get away from it. They just can't. you're murdering people you don't know how to do superheroes oh i did love how batman was so big like he was towering above

every like he looked meaty and big but i hated that wonder woman was so small because she's like six foot seven in the comics and imposing in this she's like 5 foot 8 like tiny and like oh I don't think the thing is like I'm pretty sure the actress that plays her Gal Gadot again like

I've just still got an IMDB open from when I was like yeah she's Israeli she's she's nearly 6 foot she's like 5 she's 5'10

so she'd be like your I guess that's she's tall for a lady yeah I guess yeah but Wonder Woman is tall for a human yeah she's supposed to be like your She's tall for a lady Yeah I guess Wonder Woman is tall for a human She's supposed to be like a warrior If you wanted to step on a box

Every time she was interacting with someone else I wanted someone other than Gal Gadot Please Speaking of Gal Gadot I hate the fact that Russian mobs It could be Gal Gadot by the way Not Gal Gadot It sounds like a camelot, by the way. Hang on. No, Gal Gadot.

Because it sounds like a camelot. He's not a mobster, though. He's a mercenary. I like calling him Russian mobster number one. He is funny, though. He gets a lot more screen time, and I'm almost certain... Which guy is this? You know the guy with the lazy eye? The Australian dude.

The one that's in the... Underbelly. The mercenary guy. The Batman has to deal with... I only call him Blue Dynamite White Portuguese, yes The guy he thinks is white Portuguese The guy that we think is white Portuguese

He gets so much screen time and he's the worst and Gal Gadot just wanders around Gal Gadot is worse This is meant to be Wonder Woman's first on-screen debut We spend more time with Russian mobster number one than we do with Gal Gadot This is meant to be Wonder Woman's first on-screen debut, and it's kind of like we spend more time with Russian mobster number one

than we do with Gal Gadot. Can we talk about Wonder Woman's sick theme, which is guitar? Oh, yes. I did love that. Why? Why would Wonder Woman come on and block it with her wrist? Excuse me? Pardon?

I think there's just... What else did I hate? Flash. These little scenes. Is it too early? I don't know why he was there. Oh, it's fine. Please, when you're introducing this, answer this.

Again, Adam, you pointed this out last night. When you're selling, focus on making the movie you're making. Yeah. Not the movie you're making next. The entire movie felt like they're, you know, trying to... Hey, look at all the cool movies that we're going to do. I'd like you to make the movie that I'm watching right now. That'd be real good.

Also, yeah, it's actually, Batman v Superman is almost like, you know at the end of TV shows, it's like, coming up next week, and then just like... Literally every 60s Batman ever. It's Marvel Panic, the movie. Did you ever watch Archer Vice? Yeah. In the first episode, every 60s Batman ever. It's Marvel Panic, the movie.

Did you ever watch Archer Vice? Yeah. In the first episode where it just has that long guitar, Cheryl playing the banjo or whatever. Yeah.

And it just has literally the whole season in that. That was this movie. It was. That's what this movie felt like. It was like, yo, Darkseid is coming.

Yeah. That's gonna happen. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring bells. The Flash is running around through time, probably. Which means Flashpoint. Yeah, Wonder Woman, she did something 100 years ago. We're going to find out what that is.

Don't worry. He's Cyborg. You'll see him. That's got a whole bunch of stuff going on, guys. We promise. Oh, can we go back to quickly things I liked? Yeah? Yes.

Batman Brands, people. That was so fucking awful. I love that, though. here's things i did not like and they seem very strange but just because there was i didn't get joy out of them either i didn't like the batman branded people i didn't like that they were like a brand from batman's a death sentence in prison see it should be the opposite i would have been see that was set up to be like no no he's hunting pedophiles yeah And he brands the pedophiles. You're like, yeah, nah, fair enough. Maybe that was the implication.

Because the only people that got branded. No, because there was a human trafficker and then there was a... Just a random lad. But yeah, it would be nice if Batman had like, no, I only brand the worst of the worst. Because again, you hear stories, if you're in prison, you're a pedophile, you get fucked on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he was like, I'm making it, but when he brings out the brand at the end,

I didn't think about it until he brought it out. I was like, Oh, that looks fucking awful and brutal. I just loved him. I loved him though. Why didn't he brand the wall? I wanted to brand his bald fucking.

Imagine every subsequent movie Jesse Eisenberg has to have makeup to put a Batman brand on his skull that would be phenomenal oh fuck

I would have loved that what else I didn't yeah I really didn't like the branding just cause I was like that makes no sense

like you gotta assume it's like a different what do you mean it makes no sense like the brand no the brand works just the fact

how does he heat it up it's still gadgets oh no the prison thing is silly no that's what I mean like the whole like it's a death sentence

in prison why yeah why everyone hates criminals really respect Batman did you know oh yeah criminals love that guy

it's pretty good because like think about the scene in Watchmen where when they go to break out Rorschach they're like fuck no because when Rorschach's

in prison everyone's like fuck you Rorschach they're like fuck no because when Rorschach's in prison everyone's like fuck you Rorschach you're the reason we're all here that's what should in theory be happening as well and it's the same fucking guy making them also that was one thing that I didn't like about this movie

a lot of the fight scenes reminded me of Watchmen but worse the fight scenes were video gamey. Yeah, which is like what happens in Watchmen. But in Watchmen, it feels way more brutal. Like, not realistic, but it's like ultra violent, which is what this sort of felt like it was trying to do. Are you talking about the Batman fight scenes

or like the superhero fight scenes? Because I feel they were super different. Oh, sorry, the Batman fight scenes. I like the Batman fight scenes, but so many times I was like, this is just Watchmen. It also felt like a game when he was crawling on the walls like that felt Oh yeah, I just mean the Doomsday fight was real video game Like the other fights whatever but the Doomsday fight was like

I did like Batman Do you have opposite opinions? He's chuffing off like he's about to get shot by Doomsday I did not like the Batman v Superman fight the title fight it was dumb it was long it was dumb okay

are we finished with things we hated I didn't get a go sure why not I'm still talking about things like yes you did not things I hated

skip right over me oh okay things you hated Jack I'm still fucking talking about things I hated things you hated Dusha stole my turn

what's this the structure's falling apart oh no Jackson's defeat Dusha the civil war dawn of Civil War

what else did you hate yeah so I didn't I didn't like this Batman V Superman fight I thought the way they were fighting each other

was dumb as fuck like this is like things that are just nonsense yeah you gotta do things you hate no

no I did I hated that fight alright no not nonsense no okay this was also nonsense parts of the fight I liked When Batman was punching Superman in the face

And the kryptonite was slowly wearing off That was good And then he's like Clanged him and Batman was like oh no It happened Woah We joked about that Like Batman punches Superman real hard

And then Superman doesn't react And Batman's like, whoa. But he didn't make the, whoa. That was a fucking good part for Superman when the punches stopped working. Superman to be like, okay, and now can we talk? But then Superman just continues the fight. Superman's got rage issues, guys.

It was basically a punch in a Macca's car park. That was a weird fight. I know, because I like parts of it but then I didn't like the stuff where Batman's like I'm gonna

swing you around now the kryptonite also was not defined on how much it this is more stuff that doesn't

make sense I wanted him in that fight when he threw him down like the off the edge of the top of the building

down the big spiral thing I was like oh that's why he planted the fucking kryptonite thing so he's gonna land on it and he's gonna impale it he like, oh, that's why he planned the fucking kryptonite thing. So he's going to land on it and he's going to impale it. He's going to pull it up and he's going to leave the kryptonite.

That's super good. Oh, no. No, that's not it at all. He just wanted to, like, slice his cheek, I guess. Can we briefly talk about Batman's plan for that fight? Is that okay? No, that's things that don't make sense. Hang on.

We've got to work quickly. But they are things that I hate as well. Pipe down young Adam. You're doing a lot of this and I want to do a lot more of this. I made a flappy mouth puppet and then I made

a quiet puppet. It's a thing from Master of Disguise. If you've seen that movie feel free to watch that movie again. The Dana Carvey special. Yeah okay so if I had to pick things I hated I kind of remember what I

fucking said I'm so tired I hated that it was too late like it was way past my bed time long film it didn't start until like half an hour past midnight plus there was half an hour of like ads beforehand

that's what I'm saying oh yeah I ate two choc tops in the ads two I ate one what a fucking champ and then I was like

I want another one and then I marched down to candy bar and I bought a second one fuck you're making me want a choc top now another viewing I drank three quarters

of my coke in the ads and i was sad about that i drank two uh fucking red bulls i was so fucking wrecked by the i kept trying to predict what the ads would be about and i was never right it's like insurance ah it's sloppy can we talk about the ads yes the kfc ad no that was a sexy ad the ad ad for some housing project or whatever going on outside Melbourne. I'm like, ads please. It's past midnight and I'm here for Batman v Superman. I'm not good at planning things. Why do you think I want to buy a house?

I didn't think after this I'm going to come out and be like, it's 4am. But I know where I'm going. Anything else? Or can we have our turns yet? you've already had your turn I have but he hasn't he hasn't the things you hated

yeah no none of these boys have had their turn you had your turn I know oh right I thought you were saying you guys had your turn

how tired are you? Joel v Joel Joel wins Joel vs Joel hashtag Joel v Joel I think at the beginning of this episode, we should have each picked a person to V, and then at the end, we should have seen who won.

We should have V'd them good. Yeah, no, I can't even remember what I said I hated. I didn't like, yeah, I didn't like the prison thing, because it's just like a real dark, gritty thing, but it makes no sense. But not in a nonsense way, not in a fun nonsense way, where it's just like, what because it's just like a real dark gritty thing but it makes no sense. But not in a nonsense way. Not in a fun nonsense way where it's just like...

And yeah, I didn't like the Batman v Superman actual fight. I don't think that... There is like three distinct fighting styles in the film. The Batman style fights remind me of Watchmen. I was like, I wish this was more intense but I liked those. The Batman v Superman fight, I hated. And the Doomsday fight

was good because it's the no movie even marvel i don't think it's really captured how three people fighting one big guy works but it did now see i dislike the doomsday fight because the doomsday fight to me was like superman you do your thing and everyone watches superman's done his thing wonder woman go and do your thing you can step out now Batman it's your turn to do a fight literally what he just said about how they don't know how to do 3v1

yeah pretty much oh I did love just how everyone was clearly telepathic at that fight mind it was real good that they

everyone had just assumed knowledge everyone knew about a spear that didn't get discussed that was super great Wonder Woman's like I guess I'll just tie it down now Lois Lane goes after the spear when they realise they need it

but no one's spoken to Lois Lane fuck off Lois Lane you're the only non super powered character that's important in the movie and you keep doing the dangerous shit and when Lois is like trying to get it or when she's drowning yeah I'm like

oh good and this is what Batman's going to do because he obviously can't participate in that fight. But then Superman comes in and helps. I'm like, Batman, why are you participating in that fight? You know you can't do anything. Batman, but he doesn't. He just watches for heaps. Then he, like, dodges a couple blows. Then shoots a kryptonite something.

Gas grenade. I like that when Lois Lane finds the spear, she's not like, I'm going to hold on to this because clearly this is important. She's like I'll lake. Bye. I'll give it to Aquaman. Oh, what if Aquaman had come out at that point? Just burst out of the mains

with the spear. Things you hated time now. Okay, that movie got one quip That movie Had one quip in it And it was the hot steamy shit On Wonder Woman It wasted it's one quip

What was it's quip? When Wonder Woman turns up and Superman's like Is she with you? And Batman's like oh she was with you That's the only quip No there's one more quip It's also real bad In the toilets when

Wonder Woman, Lois Lane's like Hey, I'm in the toilet, look at my bullet And then he's like You've got real big balls to be in here I guess that's why you're in here Actually, there's a third quip And I wouldn't even say that toilet one is a quip

It's just like a weirdly delivered line I reckon that's why you're in here. Actually, there's a third quip. And I wouldn't even say that toilet one is a quip. That's just like a weirdly delivered line. I reckon that was a rehearsal shot. Yeah. That was a rehearsal shot. There's another quip, which is when Batman saves Martha Kent. And Martha Kent's like, he's like, I'm a friend of your son's. Which, why would you be saying that? Like, why would that be on your mind?

Why would any quip be on your mind? They had one quip. And they was like, I guess because of the cape. Two quips. Also, you're not friends with him. You're just trying to kill him. I do like the idea of it going, oh, by the way, here's a plot spoiler.

Both their mothers are Martha. That plays a real big role. That's super important. Can we say that out loud? An important plot point is both of their parents are named Martha let's all take a moment oh fuck

that's what I hated I just remembered this is Batman vs Superman fight spotlight off Jack and back to the have you listened to an episode of Batman vs Superman we've all been talking

over each other it's fine I'm not complaining the reason that the Batman vs Superman fight starts is dumb as fuck oh it's so dumb The reason it ends

Is dumber Did this whole film Come about Just say Martha Because again I'm not a huge DC fanboy But the thing is like In my head

I'm like oh yeah Martha Kent And oh yeah Martha Wayne But I've never put The two and two together That they're named Martha Did this whole fucking film come out of people going like

oh they're the same what if they fought over that or that stopped them fighting so if Superman's mum's name was Barbara Superman would be oh wait no he dies anyway the movie would have been the same

no but Barbara would have died yeah that's true what else did I hate about this movie like I said they ruined Wonder Woman they had a potential to be fun The Tower of the Barber would have died. Yeah, that's true. What else did I hate about this movie? Like I said, they ruined Wonder Woman. They had a potential to be fun, and they just fucked it right in the ass. Why can't they get it right?

Why? Why? Wonder Woman's easy. You basically take Xena, Warrior Princess, and you put her in downtown Manhattan and make her fight like a Hydra. There you go. That's it. A Hydra's crushing cause,

Wonder Woman throws a spear into its neck, kills it like a warrior. It's easy. Super good. Wonder Woman's simple as fuck. Make her a fucking demigod. I don't know why people struggle with Wonder Woman. She's easy, but you fucked her. Again, that hot, steamy shit

right in her chest. Superman, his characterization just varied wildly. Sometimes he's like a simple farm. Even though Clark Kent has grown up on a farm with good Christian values, he doesn't act like a human. And with good Christian values, he, he, he doesn't act like a human,

right? Like, and the good of Superman surely is that he's like more human than human because he was raised by the Kents and like, yeah, got a magic farm upbringing. But for some reason he's just like angry all the time, full of angst.

Like, I didn't understand what kind of a guy Superman was meant to be. Batman. I get that. Yeah, I understand. but who the fuck was Superman like does anyone know like describe

Superman's character what is he no because he also bounces wildly it's like that speech that Martha Kent gave him actually hit home way too hard he's like she's like be the symbol of hope and justice and all good or don't because fuck humans and he's like what if the symbol of hope and justice and all good. Or don't, because fuck humans.

And he's like, what if I do both? Ah, see. No, but like actually, you know. Because like stuff like when, like he goes to the court case, when he saves all those people, what like the Day of the Dead festival, where he fucks off to Mexico to bloody save the kid very quickly. But like, you know that there's that

classic Plinkett review of episode one of Star Wars and in it he's like describe Anakin without describing what he does or how he dresses he describes Superman without describing what he does or how he dresses he is he's

good but also not really because he kills a lot of terrorists so you couldn't really say he's Because he kills a lot of terrorists So you couldn't really say he's good He kills a lot of people just in his fight That's also true But like You kind of can't Yeah

And that's not good That's not good Superman is a bad character by default though No but he He doesn't have to be Is he courageous? Not really He should be

Is he brave? No Because even Batman's like You're not brave Humans are brave Fuck you That's true He doesn't have to be. Is he courageous? Not really. He should be. Is he brave? No. Because even Batman's like, you're not brave. Humans are brave. Fuck you. That's true. Is he nothing?

What's the three things Batman stands for? What is it? Truth, justice, and the American way. Yeah. Let's try and apply those. Is he honest? Yes. I suppose. Does he ever lie?

Who? Superman. No, he hides from the press, though. Yeah, that's true. Justice? Is he about the... He goes in for, you know, when they're like... He saves the day of the day.

Yeah, when they call him in for a hearing, he comes in. Actually, that's a good point. Yeah, he's all right with Justice. We'll give him Justice. The American way. That's hard to define. White picket fence. In an apartment.

No. Failed that one Superman 2.5 children Not a single one What else did I hate? I kind of hated Doomsday Because it Was like

It looked like a ninja turtle Going wrong Not even just like visually Like as a plot device It was sort of stupid I like that your main Have your main bad guy Introduced in the last

10 minutes Exactly Which means that clearly He's not a main bad guy he's just like fight fodder yeah basically he was just there to be like look how sick they are that oh yeah fuck you're right he's just there because we can't have three three people punch lex in the face no so they've got to have like a big thing for everyone to fight and you get to see oh look he's batman using his batman skills to get doomsday he's wonder woman we get to see how she fights and superman fights really boringly but whatever you can watch it that's ties in with And you get to see, oh, look, here's Batman using his Batman skills to get Doomsday. Here's Wonder Woman. We get to see how she fights. And Superman fights really boringly, but whatever. You can watch it.

It ties in with some of the things I hate. I didn't like Doomsday because he has no motivation. He's just destroy, destroy, destroy. That's a dumb end villain, especially to fucking throw at us ten minutes in. Yeah. Oh, I just remembered something I liked. Superman took Doom's day to space. That was good. That was good.

He did briefly take him to space. Sleepy looking face on your head right now. Do you want a nap? Just wrap it up, guys. Fuck the main segment. Anything else you hated? I hated that it was apparently take your daughter to work day when

Superman and Zod fought each other because Batman finds that little girl in downtown metropolis on her own and he's like where's your mum and dad and she points to the building. What happened there? Was the mum like I stand on the street why? I just do it. I got a feeling.

Did Superman hit that building and she got popped? I don't. What the fuck the mom like I stand on the street why I just just do it I got a feeling did Superman hit that building and she got popped I don't what the fuck take your daughter to work day I don't understand

also why why do they wait for Batman for Ben Affleck to call up and be like evacuate the building

up until then were they like we shouldn't leave why is it that guy who is clearly just like a like a does he call him dad who does he what does he call him I think he was calling him dad I thought then were they like we should why is it that guy who is clearly just like a work like an like a

what does he call him dad who does it what does he call him i think he was calling him dad i thought i knew jack is calling him jack but i heard dad but why is it jack's job why is there not because like and hey i don't live in a fancy office building but i feel like that's somebody's like as soon as earthquakes start happening security guards should be like evacuation not like hey jack yeah i know you like normally do it counts but do you think you could just get As soon as earthquakes start happening, security guards should be like, evacuation, ladies and gentlemen. Not like, hey, Jack. Yeah, I know you normally do accounts, but you could just get it for another building. Are people still working? Looks like it.

Guys, leave. Wait, there's a Superman fight. Does that have any self-preservation? At the end of the movie, they're like, what's his name? The Daily Planet's... Perry White Is in the printing room Taking out newspapers

Where's that? Because that's not in Metropolis That's a good point Daily Planet's been destroyed again Ladies and gentlemen In two years The Daily Planet has been knocked down twice. I love Perry White's look when he looks at the paper that he approved. Yeah. He picks it up and he's like

you approved that. That was your decision. He picks up and looks sad but he's like you know. Because that sports thing didn't get written. Fucking hell. How many times before you just give up building Daily Planet? How many times did Met just give up Building daily planet

How many times in Metropolis you give up on I'd be done Darkseed will definitely destroy it See what they should have done Is just go to all of the cities no one cares about Just have it like oh we're going down a coast city It is Darkseed It's Darkseed

I said Darkside but I'm assuming it's Darkseed I don't know I could be wrong Because it's darkseed. I don't know. I do not know. I could be wrong. Because it's spelled tweedus. Tweedus, your pronunciation of darkseed or darkside. Tweedus, your pronunciation of darkseed or darkside. Pronunciation?

Tweedus, your pronunciation of darkside. Spell it with double E-D if it's seed. Spell it with... S-I-D-E if it's side. S-I-D-E if it's side. Spell dark whoever you want. The ending was real stupid I don't know if I hated

What? No The ending was the best bit I hated the ending Him dying Him dying was stupid The funeral, I liked Clark Kent's funeral I thought that was kind of awesome That they gave him this country ass funeral

My question with that funeral is So there's two funerals, one for Superman, one for Clark Kent. So that would mean, so they've killed fucking apocalypse, not apocalypse, doomsday, sorry. It's Wonder Woman, Batman, Lois Lane, standing around Superman's body. Batman, Lois Lane, standing around Superman's body, and they're like, Lois Lane, you take the... I guess, you know, Lois Lane, maybe you help us get the body back to Martha, whatever. How does everyone know Superman's dead? There's no body.

Yeah, that's a good point. Who's telling the press? I guess Lois Lane is the press. No, wait, I answered my own question. But I hate that they're like, it's like Batman and Wonder Woman looking over the grave and Batman's like,

I guess we should do a Justice League and Wonder Woman's like, yeah, probs. I did like the imagery of the black coffin and the silver S. That was nice. It's almost like it's his suit

in the fucking Death and Return of Superman. Damn right. This episode's gonna be the Death and Return of Joel Dusha. Because why? Are you gonna die? Henry Cavill with a mullet

amuses me greatly. The bloody Dusha Henry Cavill with a mullet amuses me the bloody Dushopolis kid god damn I was trying on the car ride home last night Metropolis Kid, Steel, Cyborg Superman and Robot Superman

what are their names? Eradicator, Cyborg Superman, Metropolis Kid and Steel I was wrong I said superboy and man of steel and then i was like uh well he comes man wrong superboy and i think steel they call him man of steel probably probably i also was like maybe one's lost on a crypto that would be funny if they did i hope they do though i kind of really hope they really do they weren't there's an old like SNES game like a death and life

like death and the throne of superman and you get to play as them all oh that's awesome yeah that game rules that's a fucking great game

um no they're gonna use a justice league like they'll use the Avengers no they're gonna use the they'll use Avengers 2 age of old

yeah like Dusha sniffled his nose then Jackson when you were talking to him you sniffled your nose and I thought are you doing a bit are you trying to copy Dusha sniffled his nose Then Jackson When you were talking to him You sniffled your nose And I thought Are you doing a bit

Are you trying to copy Dusha Are we communicating With nose I thought he was trying To imitate you or something I didn't understand What's going on Nah

I think they'll use The Justice League members To be like Everyone's gonna be Trying to replace Superman That's such a boring plot Okay Stuff that made

No sense We've arrived We got there An hour into it We're here That's such a boring plot Stuff that made no sense We've arrived We got there We're here Stuff that didn't make sense One, why was that daughter outside? Bring your daughter to work Two, why did a movie open with a flashback

Within a flashback that turned out to be a dream sequence It was important to the story Three, ghost horse Fog horse Fog horse leghorn sequence it was important to the story probably uh three ghost horse fog horse i say there's dream sequences i go on is because like in in in the mad max dream sequence we have the whole amiga symbol in the desert right so it's dark sea dark side and i think those little winged creatures are also

him they're from crypt they're krypton aliens no they're from acropolis wherever it's called so acropolis now the classic australian t australian tv show i think yeah effy effy maybe references that not even i understand so, is this a dream sequence? I know before this we were like, hang on. So why does Lex Corp have the kryptonite then? This movie's setting up an alternate dimension. This whole movie. But I don't think how...

No. I get it. Because Lois Lane is the key. Yeah. There's that. There's fucking the fact that Lex knows about Darkseid. Is Justice League 1 going to be

the alternate future? And Justice League Part 2 is going to be them fixing it? Oh, wait, I know what they're doing. They're doing the end of the Justice League cartoon. The end of the Justice League cartoon is that an evil Justice League happens. Yeah, no, that's actually what's happening

because in that, Superman has Superman Nazis. A good Justice League are going to fight an evil Justice League And that's the best I'm so on board Nah I'm in Oh no yeah and Superman just kills those guys Yeah

You're probably right And also What's the lass who owns the Suicide Squad Harley Quinn Amanda Waller Also, what's the last who owns the Suicide Squad? Harley Quinn. No, Amanda Waller. She is the one who, because of that,

starts a program to eradicate... So, like, Suicide Squad is going to tie... Oh, that's the best. Evil Superman. Ultraman. That's what he's called. And it's going to be a split universe. It's probably going to fucking happen because Darkseid's like, what if fuck you? Exactly.

Oh, actually, if this happens, ballsy. Also, because... That's a lot of bullshit to swallow. My question, though, is, yes, it's an alternate future. We got to get that ultimately. Whatever, whatever, whatever. Why is it a dream sequence? Well, he wakes up twice in that dream sequence as well. I get that ultimately whatever whatever whatever why is it a dream sequence well what is what happens twice i get i get that flash can like run super fast so fast time is like

wait what i get okay i get that i get it i get it i get it he's so fast he's so fast where did the flash go i can't see him he was gone in the. He was gone in the flash of an eye. In the flash of an eye? Running so fast that he can run into a dream? Yeah. Have you not heard Empire of the Sun's hit song, Walking on a Dream? It's just running on a dream. I've heard of Smash Mouth's hit song, Walking on the Sun. What I'm assuming is that the Flash has gone so fast

he's going through time, and also he's gotten someone magic and he's sending visions, probably. Sending the visions. Sending the visions from Marvel's The Avengers. You could have explained... See, that's a way to end the film, you know, to explain a little bit more of this.

You certainly don't have the Flash electrify himself into Batman's office, yell some nonsense at him and then disappear a quarter of the way into the film and then never ever mention it again because that's like, imagine if halfway through Iron Man 2 Iron Man's in his

little Iron Man office, the wall becomes all damp and swampy man thing pokes his head out and he's like and then disappears again and you'd be like, whatokes his head out and is like, oh! and then disappears again and be like it'd be fucking Ultron popping through or the vision popping through being like Ultron, it's Ultron I guess I'm too early

I don't know what that was that's an odd thing to set up Lois Lane, like you're gonna get a split reality Lois is gonna die one and be alive in the other. I'm saying it's fine. Imagine.

I'm just saying it made no sense in this fucking film. This is bullshit as and will never happen. Imagine if Justice League Part 1 is this reality and Justice League Part 2 is alternate reality. That's what I'm saying. But, like, simultaneous. Here's an amazing idea, though. You have to watch them at the same time.

It's literally beat for beat, the exact same thing, just one everyone's got to go to and one everyone doesn't. Well, here's what I was thinking. So we're talking about how bullshit this one is, because Superman, like, okay, so the plot of that end, where good Justice League and bad Justice League fight, is that the bad Justice League come in, and the bad Justice League have, like, we have power,

so we're going to use that power, right? Like more powerful than nicha zubin you know like i'm i'm better than you so i'm stronger than you so i'm better than you what if the movie we're watching is evil justice league and then when they do the open dimension it's not like oh no an evil superman i've got to fight it's like the truth justice and american way superman comes through and he's like sorry what are you doing justice and american no no but this would be like a full-on and like this batman country he's like i don't use guns you don't use guns wouldn't that be amazing that would be like the justice league we want fights the justice league we have that would be that would be that's what I hope for. Okay, other bullshit that didn't make sense. Lex Luthor's plan.

All of it? Batman's plan. Superman's plan. No plan in that movie. Wonder Woman's plan. Yeah, okay. Did Wonder Woman have a plan? We'll go through each plan.

Wonder Woman was just there. We'll start with Lex's plan, because Adam makes a very good point towards the end of Lex's plan. So first off, why does Lex hate Superman? Because it's mentioned... His dad beat hate Superman His dad beat him And if there's a god he can't be all knowing

Or all good That just seems like such a jump No and yeah yeah So he's like I need to prove that you are not all good It seems like everybody's aim in this movie Is to make Superman hurt a bit That's what everyone kind of wants But like have a cry

Not like hurt hurt. Not like die. Just like he just wants to prove he's like Lex wants to kill him. Why else make Doomsday? And also he was like sending Batman to kill fucking Superman. That was his plan. Because Batman Lex knows that Batman has the kryptonite

at this point. He said he wanted he wanted Batman to steal it. Why not just leave it to him? That was the whole point. When said he wanted. He wanted Batman to steal it. Why not? Why not just leave it to him? That was the whole point. But that means that... Yeah. When does he say that? Because that's...

He's all fucking happy when Batman got it. He's like, yes. But then why was he sending those letters? No, isn't he thinking? He wants Batman to attack him. I know, but like...

Oh, yeah. Why does... Okay. Why do they blow up the court building? Because he wants Batman to... He wants Batman to be like Superman's danger. But it would be different if Superman got angry and then blew up.

No, it's because Wally was like, this is a person I liked, and Superman drove him to do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This has heaps of Watchmen parallels the more I think about it. Yeah. It really does. Like, Superman's story arc in this is very Doctor Manhattan, except it just goes the opposite way,

rather than, like, Doctor Manhattan being like, no, you're right, I have no humanity left. Superman's like, no, I'm a human, I promise. I'm a real boy. Because, like, that office blowing up is similar to the... Super Nokia. When he goes to when he's on the TV

and they're just like fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you and yeah the cancer thing

is like the terrorist thing I really like that senator she was a good character senator finch yeah she was great she was underused piss in a granny's

granny's peach tea why piss in a jar and call it granny's peach tea piss in a jar and call it granny's peach tea why did she see that and go oh a bomb yeah what

what an odd connection but I think she sees it and then she sees that he's missing and she's like oh he's playing something she doesn't know

it's a bomb otherwise she'd yell bomb like come on I like that Superman I love that scene though where Superman everything's fine Superman's like dang that's like oh dumb man superman looks this henry cavill plays a good

i'm superman i'm doing the right thing and a sad superman but he does not play an angry superman well no that whenever they wanted to show super, they'd just make his eyes get real hot. And also make his hair real wet. Yeah. My eyes get real hot when I'm sad and mad. That's true. Hot with tears. Yes. So, yeah, so like Luthor's plan, I mean, so he's like, okay, he's got several of them,

but one, if say, alright, I'm gonna send Superman to kill Batman. No, I, no, okay. So, let's just say, what happens if Superman had killed Batman? What does okay. We need to go back. What happens if Superman had to kill Batman? What does he do? I don't know. Oh, oh.

Sorry. Yeah, so. Adam loves his own joke. I fucking know. So he's like, bring me his head. Superman wins. Brings him his head, yeah? And Lex Luthor's like, hey, everyone, look, Superman's not that great.

I have Bruce Wayne's head to prove it. And people are like, what, Lex Luthor? Excuse me? What? That's a crime you just did. First off, unless he had proof, maybe he has proof. Let's say he doesn't. Yeah.

They're like, you killed Bruce Wayne, Lex Luthor. Superman, like, no matter what we say is all right. Why would he do that? Maybe he has proof. Even if he does have proof, people are like, you still committed a crime. You still have that. He commits so much crime, Lex Luthor. Also, the other plan

which was he was wanting that Superman to die with uh if Bruce Wayne killed him and then he's like sweet you killed Superman but I'm still building

a Doomsday yeah so what's that about because the Doomsday like I just don't understand like I get maybe you want them to fight because you're like

now I can see a dead Superman like just the Doomsday thing just has they need to make one tiny fix and it makes way more sense. Because Doomsday is on a timer. So...

Why? So, okay, Batman wins and he's like, Well, there's a Doomsday. Guess I just fucked the world. If he'd been like, Shit, Batman 1, activate the Doomsday. That's fine. But it's like he...

Superman 1, shit, Superman 1, activate the Doomsday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then it's like...... Superman won. Shit, Superman won. Activate the doomsday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then it's like... Otherwise, it just seems like he was like, I'll cover all bases there. Make a doomsday. Make the bat fight the soup. It's odd that Lex Luthor bats struggling in soup.

It's odd that Lex Luthor needs to make such an extreme backup plan as well. He's got everything planned out to the fact where he knows Superman is going to turn up for that hearing. So much. What if Superman was like, I don't think I actually want to. What if he like is,

when Martha's like, don't, you know, or don't be their hero. And Superman's like, you know what? I don't think I will be there here. I won't go.

That fucks his plan entirely, doesn't it? That completely fucks his plan. What was that about about why'd that happen you wouldn't have blown it out would that guy even have detonated the bomb no he wouldn't have

that guy didn't detonate the bomb no exactly how did the bomb get detonated Lex did I'm assuming you don't see it

but you've got to assume I'm assuming no because the guy looks scared yeah but then you've got to be like so wait did Lex turn up

and be like suicide bombers usually look scared no they look brave and proud. No, I'm assuming that Lex Luthor has... Because they are. I'm assuming Lex has a lot of contingency plans.

That's the only thing I can think of. Mercy or whatever the fuck her name was, she looks stoked to be there, which is surprising. Wait, so, because if you're saying that the guy in the wheelchair detonated it, then how did Lex convince him? Because Lex turns up at his house and he's like I'll give you a fancy wheelchair for a week and you've got to blow up a whole house It has to be Lex

No, because he hates Superman that's why he picks that guy He could have gotten any guy with no legs No, he hates Superman because he's like He was there simply to be there to be like fuck Superman Where are my legs you son of a bitch

Which is fair enough where are his legs Superman Under his tag where are my legs Maybe there's some krypton legs please Superman I have no leg And that's on you I was going to say something I had something to bring to the table That's gone now

Move on done Another thing that doesn't make. Let's go on now. Oh, well. Move on. Move on. Done. Oh, fuck. Another thing that doesn't make sense. Let's talk about the fight. Okay. Let's talk about the fight. How it happens. Oh, yeah.

That doesn't make sense. The big BV soup fight. Yep. Batman's plan is dumb. Hit him with sound. Okay. Not just Batman's plan is dumb. Superman being like, oh, you got my mumsies.

Oh, no. I got to go and beat up Batman. sound okay not just batman's plan is dumb superman being like oh you got my mumsies oh no i gotta go beat up batman rather than just like any kind of let's like hang on let's just have a quick mo anything you say anything you're throwing at me i can just talk this out also because also superman is invulnerable to pain and instead of fighting a batman prepared to fight him another idea fight the guys that have your mum he doesn't know where he's at that's where he was he can fucking find out where Lois Lane is all the time

surely he could just get up on top of the city and be like where's my ma's heartbeat sick, beat the fuck out of them carry his mum and be like lax your plan was real stupid Batman's waiting by the bat signal until dawn Lois Lane gets pushed off the building Superman's like there was real stupid and fly away. Batman's waiting by the bat signal until dawn.

Lois Lane gets pushed off the building. Superman's like, there. His mum is like, attacked by those people. In an alley. For half an hour she's there. How does he not know that? Hang on. In the opening scene, Lois Lane is in Africa with a gun to her head. I'll allow that

because Superman might have been like she's in a dangerous place. Here's something funny, speaking of Martha Kent that I was chuckling to quietly. Superman leaves. Martha Kent's alone. She can't afford the farm. She has to work in a cafe. Superman is not supporting his mom.

Also, that's super funny because Superman's like, bye mom, dad died. Martha Superman's like Bye mom dad died I used to run a farm that used to be my sole income But I guess I gotta find shitty work in town As a dish pig taking out the trash Superman comes back He's super sad like I don't know if I should be the hero or the villain She's like

Be whatever Fucking hell you can send a paycheck Back once in a while If you wanted to Superman You could do the farm work in a day Be the hero don't be the hero Can you be my hero for a couple days please Just be a good son I don't know Be a fucking good son you son of a bitch

She's taking out the trash at the place She should be retiring Just like a mountain of diamonds She's taking out the trash at the place. She should be retiring. She's like... Just like a mountain of diamonds that Superman has just plucked from the earth. Superman could be like, Ma, look, I got you one diamond out of the ground. There you go. You're set up.

But he's like, no, bye. I want to be a journalist. Fuck you, Superman. Also, again, back to the fight. Because Superman rocks up. Bruce, I don't want to fight you. End of sentence Bruce

if I wanted you dead you would be already that's a bad way to start a conversation these are they're both bad at conflict okay

even if it's just like Bruce I don't want to fight you Lex is behind all of this he's manipulating us he's got my mother done you

you you have to wait until he's like... No, because then Bruce will be like... And like, I don't want to fight you. Chill, bro. If I wanted you, you could be dead. Who cares?

Let's just be mates. Fuck you, Dawn of Justice. Exactly. Or just... Rather than... You know, he comes down, he's walking through... Go speak to Alfred. That too.

But he comes down, he's walking, right? Raise your hands. Surrender. You son of a bitch. Show like non-threatening kind of... You're a burpy boy. Non... He's been doing this the whole fucking like last month.

He's just burping the goddamn mic. I used to do like the... And now they've become burps. I think I prefer the burps. The burps are good. Yeah, it's pretty good. They're a crowd favourite. He's walking down

and he's in a very threatening pose. He's not very non-threatening. He's not his arms up. He doesn't have his palms facing. He's doing everything he can to basically appear threatening to Batman

where he's like, clearly you shouldn't. And the moment where he's just like, Batman does his, you know, sonic sound thing. Then he does his like machine gun things. And then he's like, nah, nah, let's punch on. And then he just shoves him. He's like, Batman does his, you know, sonic sound thing. Then he does his, like, machine gun things. And then he's like, nah, nah, let's punch on.

And then he just shoves him. Yeah. Like, stop it. Just stop it. Think about how to act, Superman. Don't you wish Superman's fighting style was, like, farm wrestling? Wouldn't that be great? What's a farm wrestling?

Like, wrestling a pig. Like, he just grabs Superman around the waist and, like, they wrestle on the ground. Let's talk about Wonder Woman's plan. Because I've been thinking about it she had a plan well okay no i just mean like uh like on a grander scale so wonder woman she had a plan on a grander scale wonder woman finds out lex luther has a photo of her from the old timey times and for some reason she's like that's me fucked like he's like that's me done i need to get to metropolis and get this photo that's why you never hear from Nicolas Cage anymore Because of those photos of people that look like him

From all the photos One woman couldn't just be like That's not a photo of me Or I'll get a haircut No no no even better like Yeah that's a photo of me I'm over 100 years old Ha ha ha Good one

No she's like I need to get that Whatever get the photo She's around for ages Right And clearly she knows Lex is up to something Because he's cat-along The matter humans

But it's not until She's on the plane That she sees Doomsday is broken out That she's like Ugh Also How fucking calm

With the passengers Watching Doomsday Just destroy Metropolis Like yeah We're gonna catch the red eye I guess you're used to it you're like not the day

not the dollar but then Wonder Woman gets up but like was she just gonna let him punch on was she like that'll sort it out

it's not my place I don't know why they're fighting maybe they have a good reason I guess this is probably the first time she's fought since maybe 1918

I'm sure the Wonder Woman movie will be would it be 1906 if it's 100 years ago no it was are you saying like why she thought it was okay to just let them duke it out didn't she doesn't she have a line where she's like i gave up on humanity so that was the first time she'd fought in 100 years clearly she hasn't because she's got designer dresses yeah that's true well why does she have designer dresses i think she's participating in humanity well she's

i think he meant like she's not superhero. Yeah. I'd rather not get up on humanity. I'm a hermit. I live in Central Park. Fuck off. I live in a cave in a hill. Wonder Woman, what are you doing?

Bad plan. Is that all the plans? No, because Batman's plan is stupid as fuck. Because he's like, Alfred, I'm going after the white Portuguese. And Alfred's like, yeah. And at first it's just like human traffickers and the worst of the worst. And then he's like, it's a dirty bomb. And he's like, no, it's a weapon. And he's like, oh, I'm going after the white Portuguese. And Alfred's like, yeah. And at first it's just like human traffickers and the worst of the worst.

And then he's like, it's a dirty bomb. And he's like, no, it's a weapon. And he's like, oh, good, you want it? And he's like, no, I want to use it for me. And Alfred's like, don't do that. I liked one thing that was neat. I'm very tired. I liked about this film.

I know. That was a good description, chum. Well done. You can have a nap now. You can sleep. You can finally sleep. You can sleep the eternal sleep. Yeah, I was like, I don't even think I want to sleep anymore.

I just want to die. I liked it. Alfred, this version of Alfred does everything. Like there's no Lucius Fox, clearly. Alfred's fixing the Batmobile. Alfred's cooking him dinner. He's designing the voice module. That was super good.

I also, I found it really funny when Batman returned after Superman had broken his car. When in a previous scene, we'd seen Alfred fixing the car Batman comes home and you're like, poor Alfred There was another quip I forgot about What? And he's like, we don't take too It's just the Gotham in me, we don't take too kindly I felt like that was less of a quip

more of a reference A quip has got to serve no purpose other than to be like, unnecessary lighthood Could have had a lot more quips The only quip, because even, look, Batman saving Martha Kent It's got to serve no purpose other than to be like unnecessary light hood. Yeah. We could have had a lot more quips. The only quip, because like even, look, Batman saving Martha Kent, that's a quip. And, oh, is she with you?

No, I thought she was with you. We were duking it out a second ago, but let's have a fucking joke for some reason. Gagfest. Let's just have fucking. Gagfest 2016. We talk about, let's yuck it up. How many quips there were, like meta qu Where they're like No one wants to hear about Clark Kent

Clark Kent versus the Batman Oh my god I'll be like correct There was some fucking Shithouse references They make that joke twice Did they? Yeah

I think they make it three times Like Lex Luthor is like Don't pick a fight with this guy Yeah They make that joke like I guess maybe three times It's another one But I forget what it is

But yeah Because I remember being like ugh, and then like ugh, and then like ugh. Oh, he knows who Superman is when he shakes his hand. That's a quip. That's a regular old quip.

That's a red hot quip. He knew he was Superman. And he knows Bruce is Batman. Why not just be like, hey lads, he called you a whore. Trying to start a fight at the party? I think you are... Oh my god.

That was a pretty good impression. Yeah, it was. Go high-pitched insane. You know what the difference between a god and a man is? A man has power. A god, knowledge. It's like all of his things condensed into a sentence. You know what the greatest lie you've ever been told?

Who are they trying to keep out of? That was a joke for Jackson. It was good. Joss or Jackson. And I enjoyed it. Hardly. Oh man, what a film. But 10 enjoyed it. A lot of late. Oh, man. What a film.

But 10 out of 10, kind of. What? I think I'm seeing it again later this week. I will tweet my response. It will probably be like, why did I do this again? Look, it was a trash film. I would love, because none of us were excited for it. I would love to get someone's reaction were excited for it where I would love

to get someone's reaction actually we saw it with Aaron who is occasionally in Shut Up A Second and he is a big Batman fan and he was excited for it and then he read

some of the reviews he was excited for the Batman stuff yeah just people that was like fuck yeah I've been waiting for this movie for so long especially someone

who likes comic books see I was good I went into this film expecting trash and I got so much more trash than I was expecting and that made me so happy I don't know if I was

thinking this was going to be the best film ever and I don't know I've been looking at IMDB and looking at people's reviews some people are like this is the best superhero film ever 10 out of 10 better than The Dark Knight no you're wrong depends because one of the key aspects of comic books

is comic book bullshit and this is aspects of comic books Is comic book bullshit And this is heavy But this was not comic book bullshit I was thinking this was watching it It's like wall to wall comic book wank Because you know when you're discussing a comic book Somebody's discussing Superman They talk about him like how he's kind of a god

And when you're discussing the meta aspects of Superman That's what you talk about But that's actually what this film is about And that's not how comic books should work. That should be subtext, not text. This is my problem with Zack Snyder. He has no subtext. He's all fucking text.

No subtlety. Yeah, no subtlety. It's fucking just Watchmen. It's just basically like, oh, no, everyone thinks he's a god. How do I, how do I, oh, he's going to write false god on that. That's done. We're going to literally call him Jesus. Like philosophical and like, I don't inherent like like philosophical and like uh like

i don't know like the the the the debate the not even a debate but like what is the discussion about superman as a character if you're writing an essay on superman as a character or batman as a character what would you talk about and instead of that being the subtext and the stuff that you infer that's that's just what the film is yeah it's like oh people would stop worshiping superman as a god oh well really you should probably take down superman it's kind of the shit we talk about sometimes yeah it's like if somebody took my mutant genocide and actually made a movie of it you know what i mean yeah you're like you you don't need to we get it yeah isn't that days of future past a little bit yeah but well yeah the movie was awesome fair fair cop that on the fucking chin yeah i'll take that and it's just to

me it felt i don't know it's just zach schneider films they're all the fucking same it's just like he has a cool idea and everyone is this assumed knowledge of everything because he has this thing of just everyone thinks that superman is cool I'm going to do this or everyone thinks that Batman is brutal so I'm going to a lot of this was just everyone in that universe was assuming a lot of shit

and and it was shit and it was shit and he just he can't I don't know he just hasn't been able to execute

like he's visually stunning I will give him that he knows how to like make a good scene look good and like he'll shoot like the Mizzen scene all that kind of stuff he'll shoot the mise-en-scene,

all that kind of stuff. He'll set it up. I noticed loads of shots. Mes en scenes. Mans en scenes. The mans en scenes is real good. I noticed a lot of shots, like eagle eye. Did you notice that?

Like heaps. Heaps of shots taken from above down on people. It opened, there's so many of them. And again, you can be like, oh, he's talking about this idea of us being the gods. Speaking of things we hated, when fucking, because we have been, about 40 minutes ago, so many of them and again you can be like oh he's talking about this idea of us being the gods or some kind of bullshit speaking of things he hated when fucking

because we have been about 40 minutes ago when Batman flies at the end like at the start and then his silhouette sort of makes the Batman logo

mm-hmm dumb zero out of ten one thing I did like is when they had the gun at the very opening his mama's Martha

Martha Wayne's pearls. Yeah, we talked about this. And he shot and that was cool. That was very cool. But no holes in the pearls. The thing is that doesn't fit. The pearls rotate around. There's no hole for the little string.

Also, I was going to say, why was there a pearl near his hand in the cave? Also, a thing about that is... I love Thomas Wayne being like, Roseburg. I like that he was like, Martha, and not like, my son, Bruce. Martha, my wife, Bruce, whatever. Your second best.

I'm dead now. Bruce hasn't been shot, you insensitive prick. I also liked that, even though the mugger was scared, I didn't like that Thomas Wayne tried to throw a punch. That doesn't seem very Thomas Wayne. That's what happens in the comics. Does it?

Yeah. He's not like, give me your wallet, and they do, and then he shoots them. He's like, give me your wallet. Thomas Wayne is like, I won't let crime walk all over me. That's why Batman becomes Batman. Read a fucking book, Joel Duchesne. I think you'll find a couple seconds later

is why Batman becomes Batman you know when he's running away from the funeral he's running away from the ghosts and he falls in a grave cabin oh I just meant they get killed I know it's not like his dad's like fuck crime

and then they go home I didn't like that the mugger looked very scared Batman whose parents didn't He looked really scared about shooting people And looked like he didn't want to But then he executed Martha Wade And then was like He did it quite thematically

He was like I'll kill you regularly But hey what about this Hook it into your pearl necklace After you have the first one, it's super exciting. It's like, you don't know what you're doing. You want to kind of experiment, see what's out there.

It's understandable. Um, I, cause I like, I'm a DC fan boy, more than Marvel, you know, but I knew this film was going to be garbage,

but I, and I wasn't, I was expecting another man of steel. I was expecting it to be like so serious. It hurts and really dull and, like, nobody acts like a normal human being, but it's frustrating instead of entertaining. This film was so balls-to-the-wall wrong.

Chaos. Like, that I loved it. Like, I actually would watch that film again. It didn't, like, frustrate me the way Man of Steel. Man of Steel was like eating a piece of cold toast. Yeah. This was like somebody's spread I don't fucking know

like Vegemite and Jam Vegemite and Jam and they're like eat it and you're like this is wrong but I'm sure I'll do it

I'll eat this that was dumb good I'll have another exactly yeah I would watch this again more than I would watch Age of Ultron

yeah same I would watch this again more than I would Age of Ultron was hollow this was full it was just full of bullshit like at no point did this feel like cheap it just was stupid yeah it's so dumb like this to me i will have i will watch this and have a good time yeah like for the wrong reasons like not for the reasons the filmmakers intended it's also really weird that they DC Universe Is going to be very serious And then they gave us this

But this is kind of what's funny It's so earnestly serious that I love it so much It's so earnestly serious that The filmmakers don't know this is wrong That moment when Superman Dives in a pool to catch something That will hurt him And then it hits him and he drowns

To them they were like that's real That's poignant to us we're like Superman what did you think would happen I just love that okay I'm gonna give you a spear

kryptonite also is just so fluctuating in its powers it's just like sometimes he can fly sometimes he can't fucking swim if he's near it it makes Superman

look like he has the flu and that's the best I love it I'll give you a spear with a tip that's like gonna hurt the monster that's 50 yards over there But if you hold it it hurts you

So what do you do By the way you have enough power to make that 50 yard throw Well why I think I Do you throw it because it's a It's a spear That seems clever But no Superman's like I'm gonna not even run I'm gonna for some reason fly it

Real low to the ground And then stab it a bit into him and then when he stabbed me stab it all the way through because that's how you kill someone if you just stab someone with a knife they're fine you gotta push it all the way through correct because if he threw it he might miss and then i don't know someone who wasn't like not harmed by kryptonite could have picked it up that would have been awful a Wonder Woman or maybe even a Batman even fucking lowest goddamn lane

also Wonder Woman because magic hurts Kryptonians like she would have done it eventually like honestly if everybody else had been like Wonder Woman you got this she would have been like give me enough time and I can sort this out 20 minutes wasn't she kind of getting her ass beat a little bit no she cuts off it's hand if everybody else had been like, Wonder Woman, you got this, she would have been like, give me enough time and I can sort of sort this out.

Wasn't she kind of getting her ass beat a little bit? No, she cuts off its hand. And then she stabs it in the back of the leg and it's crippled. And she gets it with the lasso. And then it has to tell the truth. She's like, hey, who's your crush? Wonder Woman did that, throw the sword at his head,

he dies now the question I have how did Lex Luthor know about Darkseid ring a bell because Kryptonians have shit security for their computers let's talk about how quickly Lex Luthor learns the mysteries of the universe

in a magic pool he peels off Zod's fingerprints and uses it to get into the Kryptonian ship. Let's forget the fact that our biometrics don't get fooled by that. It's how our Kryptonian ones are. They're like, oh, we just scanned the fingerprints. Doesn't matter

living or dead, whatever. He gets in there and it's like detecting a new thing, a new person. The old captain's dead, would you like to assume command? Is the answer to that ever gonna be no? What the fuck? You're right, it's not like you're gonna be like, no, no, we'll just

throw the ship in the bin. No, no, no the next person will assume command. And then there's the whole like, you wanna create some kind of weird fucked up abomination, a doomsday per se. What happened to Lex? lex goes in the pool and they're like hey we're not done just yet okay so you i want to make some sort of abomination and the computer's like i'm sorry that's been outlawed by the by the council or whatever the krypton high council which in the

superman universe is like the fucking not even like the government's government yeah yeah like way higher and then uh lex luther's like they're dead i think uh what does it matter and the computer's like yeah sure i'll do it then they're dead computer's like you got me fair you got me good fair call that's a good loophole yeah all right now i will do this but okay so if we are this You kill someone and then their laws don't matter That's just That's Kryptonian law You wanna run a town? But the guy who made that law is dead

That's a paradox Anyway continue I'm done with that So Lex hops in the magic pool The ship is like hey Do you wanna know everything about space? Lex is like, I would love to. How long is it going to take? 20. Takes like 20 minutes and somehow of all that information

he picks out how to make a doomsday? Like did they give him an index? Or were they just like, here we go from start to finish the universe. It's like that scene in Fifth Element where Leeloo, whatever her name is, is just like absorbing everything and only gets to like the bad things on the W for war, let alone all the terrible things.

There's a lot of porn on the internet. She should have had to move her way through that first. Leeloo, and this is quite an aside, but she's not even researching properly. It's just photos of war. She doesn't have context for any of them. Also, it's like the future, but all she sees is World War II. Surely other conflicts have happened.

That's the old sci-fi problem where no culture happens between now and when that sci-fi begins. Exactly. I just don't know what the ship was teaching him. He was like, of all the things I've learned,

I'll make a doomsday, which just make by mixing gross dna with a dead kryptonian i guess kryptonian dna mixed with uh human dna makes an abomination that can't have been what it was because they didn't know about humans so what did he actually learn like what what what sentence because kryptonians don't know about humans because we came after they landed so what fucking sentence did the ship tell him? Was it, what set of, like, information do you need to get to be like, if I cut my hand and rub it on his face, I'll get a doomsday? That's what I'm asking.

And how do you get that in the space of 20 minutes out of the history of everything? What did the computer tell him where he's like, I am happy to make a doomsday? Yeah, yeah. What did the computer tell him where he was like, this seems like the best of all possible options? Also, the computer doesn't want him to do that, so why is it even fucking telling him in the first place? He's like, this is how you do it, but don't. No, do it.

Was it kind of like he's sitting there and they're like, and in the seven billionth year of planet Gizbon, the Kryptonians created a doomsday. And he's like, huh, okay, I'm listening in now. What was that? Can you go back? What? For the doomsday? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No listening in now what was that can you go back what for the doomsday yeah yeah no no no what was that can you go back in the first year and were they just like put just they found the body of a dead kryptonian and then put some blood just sort of on each step with peloton from their pop runs to walk and talks,

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Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. On its face. And then just chucked him in a pool. And then it grew like a sack or something, and out it came, and it was real bad. Something that the computer, the ship can do that. The ship does that. The ship has the,

what is the water? And should Lex be hopping it? When he sits, when he steps in it, I'm like, that's like a computer or some shit. I like the thing

where he's like, wasn't the birthing matrix? Probably something to do with a birthing matrix. And so when you mix foreign DNA with Kryptonian DNA, we get abnormalities. So like, whereas in humans, you mix foreign DNA with Kryptonian DNA we get abnormalities

whereas in humans you mix foreign DNA with our DNA that's a cause of cancer in Kryptonians it makes a doomsday which is a kind of cancer the only thing I could imagine is that cancer kills you, doomsday kills others I mix my blood and then it won't kill me because we're kin or something like that

I was thinking maybe it was going to happen but it didn't really if that was the case, also how did that not happen to anybody else? Did nobody else think like let's use his hand to get in? Why did he have to take the skin? Couldn't he have just taken the body he had full access to?

Or cut off the hands. Maybe Lex Luthor's just a big fan of the fly. It's like they made that scene before they made the scene where Lex gets the body. It's like they're like, oh, he uses fingerprints. And I'm like, oh, how's he going to get to the body? Oh, let's have him cut it off with a kryptonite. And they're like, what if we just give him a body? And it's like, well, then he can just cut off the hair.

Also, how did you go from being like we found this weird rock thing. Let's just stab the dead body and see what happens. I mean, what other things happened in that experiment? Like, what else were they doing to Zod's body before that? I'm imagining a soldier who's got like a grudge. His family were killed in Metropolis being like,

get him, fuck you. Every known element to man, and we're just stabbing Zod with it. Why did they give him the body and ship? It's real convoluted. It's because... Because he puts like a lemon sherbet into his mouth. Sorry, cherry sherbet.

That was a really good scene. That was great. I hate you guys. I like that he licked his fingers afterwards. I hate the things you like sometimes. That was super good though. Anyway, Batman v Superman, Dawn of Justice, is a hot negative 10 out of 10.

That's a hot 20 out of 10 for me. I came out the other side. I'm so far out the other side. My system of grading doesn't make sense. I'm wrapping this episode up because not only am I falling asleep, I need to pee so bad. I came out the other side so far out the other side my system of braiding doesn't make sense I'm wrapping this episode up because not only am I falling asleep I need to pee so bad and on that note

I've been Joel, I've been Jackson and I've also been Joel, I've been Adam please watch Man of Steel, no don't wait, fuck if you've started, stop abort, abort, watch Batman be Superman, watch it and enjoy it. Look, if you come out of that being like,

it wasn't like the... It was silly. Good. Embrace that. Get them to make worse and worse films. Oh, man. Let's see if we can reach the terrible DC film singularity. No, I want the Batman one to be good.

No. I want them to do a Shazam film. Let the Batman one be good, please. No, no, no. We'll see how bad we can get. This is a lot more fun for me. Stop. I want them to do a Shazam film Let's do Batman 1 be good please No no We'll see how bad we can get This is a lot more fun Stop You're killing me

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