Plumbing the Death Star - What Did We Think of The Latest Jedi?

Episode Date: December 14, 2017

In which our heroes had some thoughts on that new Star War.Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: twitter.com/dusch13Zammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammitAdam: twitter.com/RetroArchetype Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SANSPANS RADIO MAYONNAISE MAYONNAISE If you're wanting to listen to them, just head on over to SandsPantsPlus.com and throw your support our way And you'll not only get access to this particular show, but also a whole slew of other nonsense like Jackson Bailey spooks America Anyways, we've got a bunch of live shows coming up So if you want to see us in the flesh, just head on over to SandsPantsRadio.com to grab your tickets today Hey everyone, welcome to today's episode of Plumbing the Death Star slash What Did We Think of That?

And the that question is... Star Wars The Last Jedi! That's the name of the... Yep, Last Jedi. There it is. Is that what we were watching? I thought we saw the new Winnie the Pooh movie. I meant to say Paddington Bear.

There's no new Winnie the Pooh Movie. I meant to say Paddington Bear. There's no new Winnie the Pooh Movie. So yeah, you boys saw it last night at midnight. Yep. After decades. Fucking, oh my god. This handsome gentleman went and saw it at 9.15 this morning like a hero. Good man. Me and Adam got home at 6 last night.

I was getting up. We did the Steel Wars live podcast as well Or live show as well Hopefully they're out on the Steel Wars Yeah We did it now We absolutely Ruled

So look, overall impressions Garbage Bad Not good Spoilers by the way spoilers oh spoilers spoilers anyway yeah so garbage bad yeah i really wanted to like this film and you know like when we criticize films sometimes people always say you know if you go in you know expecting to hate it you'll probably hate it and like that's kind of true but i swear to god because i quite liked the

force awakens look it was it had a little bit of quips but like i still i really enjoyed it and it was exciting i loved rogue one you know despite what a lot of people think i like i really loved rogue one and i really wanted to like this i really wanted to like this i was so excited by the end of the the force awakens when you know like i'm like oh rays arrived at luke's little island what the fuck's gonna happen there like this they're building up all these cool things. The fancy boys. What's coming next? And then I watched this movie, and I was like, yeah, I'm at 100%. I'm at 100%.

But then about five minutes in, I'm like, oh, and I guess I'm at 10%. I've never rolled my eyes so much in a movie. Wow. I hated it. And it had fucking more quips Than A city built on quips Jesus

Every now and then Dusha would look over at me And be like is Jackson dying Has this movie killed Jackson It's interesting that I didn't know that Rain Johnson is known for Being a comedic director But it was like... He certainly isn't to see it from this movie.

But does this seem like, oh, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to make a comedy. Yeah, this movie was not like, oh, so what were the original Star Wars? They were like sci-fi adventure. Yeah, 6666. What if we made an action comedy? Yeah. Like a straight up...

Yeah. Because there was some... I went to a cinema, again, 915, so there were a lot of basically like, basically single sad people there, myself included. Yeah. And we did, you know, chuckle at some of the things that were happening. Like, when he grabs the lightsaber and chucks it over his head.

Oh, yeah, I had a couple laughs. But, like, again, that was comedy. Yeah. It was comedy. And, like, the laughs were few and far between. Oh, my God. It was a very exaggerated throw as well. Oh, yeah, yeah.

He could have been, been like just dropped it. If they were to do that in one of the original Star Wars, if they were to do that in one of the original Star Wars, he would just drop it. Imagine if he'd thrown it into the sea, which is what I thought was going to happen. Like he'd grabbed it, looked her in the eye, turned around and just hurled it into the ocean.

That would have been awesome. Or just grabbed it like a force pushed it into the ocean. But instead it was like, oh, no, he's going to drop it. They're making a point where he's throwing it, and it's a joke as well. Good. It's a joke as well, because the fucking little porgs are near it. Ha ha.

Adam? I'm basically identical to Jackson. I came into this at 100. I was like, fuck yes, fuck yes fuck yes fuck yes you have the opening scene with uh poe flying his single ship towards the the enemy he has this little little bantery joke and like as much as i i also did quite hate the the little quips and jokes that they kept fucking making poe whenever he makes a joke i i i'm happy to give him a pass that's kind of his character like he's the cocky pilot who's like yeah i'm gonna talk shit while i blow your ship

up yeah and like like you know i was like oh yeah whatever like he's a bit quippy but it's cool that's his character oh bb-8 is plugging a machine like it's water. Okay, weird gag, but fine. And then you're like, oh, fuck, Rose's sister on that bomber? That was amazing. Oh, my God. That last bomber, she's kicking the ladder. I was like, that's so cool. And I was like, I'm in for a good movie.

But then it was kind of downhill from there. Yeah, I felt more emotion in this film than I did in the entirety of Rogue One. I didn't actually hate this movie as much as you guys. My kind of where I sort of stand is that this wasn't really a blip on my radar. Like, out of 10, I would give it a 5 out of 10, but that's just kind of like a piss baby way of doing things. Like, oh, I can't decide.

I'm on that cusp and borderline of being like, this wasn't a great movie and this wasn't a terrible movie. I actually just didn't really care. I could easily forget about this, leaving the cinema. But I think I said before the recording, I could be convinced that I didn't like this film, but I don't think I could be convinced that I loved this film. Yeah, yeah, fair.

Basically, for me, this is a two stars out of five. It wasn't that great, It wasn't that great. It wasn't that memorable. And there's always going to be comparisons. Say this film is a empire. And like empire, everyone's like, fuck, empire is so good. And like empire is good. It's great.

And just in terms of like three-act structure, because this is, we all know, we're going and knowing this is a middle film of a trilogy. So we know that this is going to be a, we know. We know there's going to be a third final part. What was not answered in this film? Like what was set up in this film and not answered that were like, yeah, can't wait for the second one. Like even think of like, you know, again, Empire, you know,

Han gets frozen in carbonite, you know, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, You're like, oh, shit. They're on the run. And things are like, okay, stakes are high. Even like Back to the Future 2, you're like, whoa, what's going to happen next? They have literally to be continued. Like Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah.

You could pick any number two in a trilogy. Even something kind of shitty like Pirates of the Caribbean. Oh, I know you love them, Jack. They are great films, or Matrix. Yeah. Matrix Revolutions. Reloaded? Reloaded. Reloaded, yes. You know, that ends with Neo in the real world.

Yeah. You know, he's using force power, he's one power to destroy a squid. It ends with like a slow pan over to the guy that Dr. Smith isn't Dr. Smith. The guy that Agent Smith is inhabiting. Dr. Smith! Yeah. isn't Dr. Smith. The guy that Agent Smith is inhabiting. Dr. Smith! Yeah. So it's like all these things happen towards the third act

and then third act, like, oh, what's going to happen next? I don't care about the next Star Wars. The only thing that they have left to do is Kylo Ren versus Rey. Yeah. That's all that's left to do. And I know we have gripes with, say,

DCEU and some of the Marvel films where they films were like please sell me the movie you're making before you sell me the next one yeah but this one felt like no no no you can sell me a little bit yeah yeah well a little bit on the next one that'd be nice tell me like something's gonna happen don't this felt like the end but also not it's like what is the next one going to be There's nothing there It's not like there's any like well Kylo Ren's Going to use the this now Or Kylo Ren now that he's In charge has access to this

And that's a step up What's going to happen is the next one is going to Introduce something again Every single time we get See The difference is It's like with the Marvel movies, each individual movie stands on its own. But then if you are looking, you're like, oh, in the background, this is happening. In the background, fucking the Infinity Stones and Thanos are slowly coming into it.

Yeah. That's how you do it right. Because then you're like, I can, as I watch the movies, I can track the main story that's actually going to happen. In this one, it was just one story, one story, one story. They went the other way,

whereas, like, Marvel sits in the middle, DCEU is like, forget about the movie you're watching. DCEU is like, on a different plane, playing with their own genitals in a corner. Yeah. DCU is on the other

side where it's like, this movie isn't important. DCU, you know what you've done? Bailiff, can you please tell DCU to stop playing with their genitals in a court. But DCEU is like, this movie isn't important. It's the next movie that you need to watch. And Star

Wars, these episode seven and episode eight are like no no no no no no no every movie is its own encapsulated thing and we will have to introduce a new big bad at the beginning of everyone like even if you think about like the original trilogy the original trilogy it's like like the threat remains the same over the course of the three films but we learn a little bit more about that threat every time. We see the rebels, you know, in like Luke's journey on the other side, but in this it's just like...

And even with the prequels, which, you know, is sort of very much, we all hate them, you do see the kind of rise to power of, you know, Palpatine. Palpatine, yeah. The corruption of Anakin, and the fall of the Jedi, and the fall of the Republic. And, like, it wasn't well executed, but you can kind of see that. Yeah.

Whereas, like, I don't really see much of a big... No. I mean, look, there's one more to go. Maybe, who knows? Maybe by the end we'll be like, oh, they were all great. Well, I didn't actually find it that funny. I actually kind of hated it. But I will acknowledge that you guys obviously found some

i could see where your humor derived from it but snoke's death while quite comedic and like very unexpected i did appreciate that i'm like i wasn't oh well jack you did didn't no not really i'm mistaken sorry but you were were you both positive about snoke's death? I loved it. As much as I'm like, that's great because I wasn't expecting that. Fuck, that threw me off course or whatever. Now, Kylo Ren was not the main antagonist. We're now kind of missing the main antagonist. And Kylo Ren is never a... I don't...

He's such a little bitch. Yeah, I cannot think of a film series where the antagonist the big bad is like a piss baby yeah yeah like a piss baby who has categorically established himself as not a threat no and it's categorically just had so many hissy fits yeah what i've seen described and that's the bad guy now what i've seen described... And that's the bad guy now. What I've seen... What I've heard said, and I don't know how much I believe this, but the... So, as the old empire, they were like... They had a lot of Nazi allegories and that sort of stuff.

This new First Order has a lot of alt-right allegories. So, Hux and Kylo Ren are kind of on-purpose young, whiny babies. Yeah. With sweet haircuts. Yeah. And Snoke was...

Well, yes, though. And Snoke was kind of like this... Like the old guard? Well, no, not the old guard, but more like... You could very easily imagine Snoke sitting behind a computer and harassing someone over a gamer gate yeah yeah sitting in his gold robe yeah with a mountain

dude i don't know how much i like reckon that worked or anything like that but i can i can see what they were going for then okay yeah yeah well let's just kind of let's just kind of like, there's got to be things we liked. Yeah. Well, we got, we got a structure. Oh, yeah. We have stuff we like. Stuff we like. Or we kind of, yeah.

Stuff we hate. Stuff that didn't make sense. You know, going on about how much we didn't like this film. Oh, I got a great stuff that didn't make sense. Oh, I know. I've told both of you. So stuff that I really liked. I really loved, so the opening sequence.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Poe Dameroneron that kind of stuff being like stalling for hucks hucks being like someone who thinks he's in power but not really i liked hucks as a character in being very much undermined completely um that was great and i absolutely loved rose's sister um yeah the whole the the you just said before you enjoyed it with the kicking oh the grabbing. Oh, that. Sorry, that rose. Sorry, I forget which one was rose. So I love that and her touching the necklace and that kind of cool.

That was really sweet. I also, I don't know, now this is where you can do the sound effect. Yeah, go on, go on, please. And I did really enjoy the Finn and Rose. Like, I will admit, I welled up the bit where um really yeah i was like oh this is getting me places war and i thought it was really sweet a really good moment where she's like no you're like you know you're a hero we can't do what they do which is like um win on hate we got to do it for the things we love and i thought that was really kind of sweet the cannon fires and then

immediately breaks a hole because again it's kind of showing that what what hate is doing is very obvious is very loud and it's very there and destructive whereas love is subtle and that's how you know the alliance or the rebels are going to hopefully try and win this war just through their subtleness and i thought that was a really sweet i like the line and a really good um yeah sequence and i that was beautiful. And my God, Finn and Rose are my bae. And they better get together in the next film. OTP. OTP.

I just can't imagine shipping them because they... You know they've known each other for 10 hours? Don't care. Less than. Don't care. No, whatever. Then again, yeah, like she kind of idolizes him and sees him as a hero figure. So if they do end up in a relationship, it's going to be a power imbalance because-

Just at what point did they bond in any reasonable way other than through hardship? I don't know. I thought their relationship was- I liked it. I really did. Fair enough. I congratulate you for what you enjoyed. I love Benicio Del Toro.

Yeah, me too. He was fucking great. His stutter was a bit weird, but it was kind of nice. His character was a bit weird, but Benicio del Toro did act it very well. And I love that he's just like, ah, that scene when they're like, fucking these piece of shit arms. He's like, let's have a look who these were. Yep.

Gotcha. Telling it to the First Order. What a piece of... Oh, and the rebels. That was a good scene to be like, see everyone's cunts that's like when they were like he's like well you but you weeks they explode you today you explode them tomorrow and they're like that's not true and he's like maybe i don't know yeah again what i liked him as a character of being like i'm just gonna look after myself i saw all of that as a very extended and

heavy-handed i thought metaphor of like the military industrial complex is bad. It felt very simplistic and mundane. Yeah, that whole planet, again, these are things we like, but that whole planet being like, they all make their money on selling arms to the village. Oh, fuck off. That was like, please, please, your hands, they're so heavy. Get them off me. How do you walk with hands so heavy?

They must be dragging behind you. Other things I liked, I loved Carrie Fisher's performance. I know we were saying last time with Force Awakens that it wasn't great. She wasn't really giving it all or something like that. This performance, and I don't know if maybe it's rose-tinted glasses because she has passed away and I'm kind of more like, oh, fuck, you know. But this is her final. Yeah, yeah.

But I thought she nailed every role. Yeah, me too. Except for one, but we'll get to that. Okay. But that wasn't her. That was just... Anyway. And I really, I loved the reveal of Rey's parents.

Yeah, me too. Yeah, that was great. Spectacular. It felt like, was this written by Dan Harmon's parents. Yeah, me too. Yeah, that was great. Spectacular. It just felt like, was this written by Dan Harmon? Yeah. Like, just, was this- You're right, yeah, that is a bit of a Dan Harmon type of twist. Like, what happened with Snoke and the reveal of Rey's parents,

like, is Dan Harmon, you there? Yeah. Is this you? I wouldn't attribute Snoke's death to Dan Harmon, because I tend to think of him as a good writer. It's just more like, who does Snoke possibly be? Shut up, he's in half. Doesn't matter, fuck you.

And Rey's parents just being absolutely fucking no one. I'm like, oh, yes, that is so good. Oh, I ate that up. I ate that up. The Porgs, I didn't like them, but I didn't hate them, which is something I assumed going in absolutely the oh that just that is just one point up on its own yeah that the porgs were not fucking obnoxious yeah i thought they were going to be either a sentient creature themselves and be fucking annoying but i like that

they were basically just like rats yeah i was so expecting them to talk or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hated them. Why did we get so many reaction shots from the Porgs? I don't need to know what the Porg thinks. It's like any kind of serious movie. Imagine, say, Fast and the Furious. A car just goes down the road.

Sorry, did you say a serious movie? No, it's an action film. Oh, yeah. I might have said serious, but I mean action. An action film. So Fast and the Furious, a car just zooming down a fucking fucking road it's like the middle of new york and then we quickly just pan to a bunch of rats like oh you know what this is fucking or like a james bond movie where a pigeon does a double take in moonraker the best james bond movie

jaws finds the love of his life and turns to be a good guy? 100% So that was weird for like what is basically kind of a combination of rats and owls we got a lot of reaction shots for. Alright maybe they're back to annoying. Alright Nah it's still like I didn't find them

very obnoxious which is actually a point. Other things I liked Poe Dameron, but I didn't like him as much as I loved him in The Force Awakens. No, because he was a quip machine this time around. He got too much screen time. You need to sprinkle Poe on things. He's like my Hulk in my Avengers film. I don't want him in front of all the Poe.

But he didn't have that many quips to me. Really? Yeah. He was pretty quip heavy. I don't know if he was. Every kind of interaction was a bit silly. Nah, any interaction he had with that Admiral, none of them were quips. Oh, and Laura Dern.

Laura Dern? Laura Dern. Laura Dern. Laura Dern. What was her character's name? Admiral, Vice Admiral something something? Vice Admiral Pink Hair. Vice Admiral Laura Dern.

Yeah. Laura Dern was amazing. I really, really loved her as an actress and is in this film and she was great. And why did she have to die? That was stupid. Why didn't you say, I don't know, Leia was the one that made the sacrifice.

Because they knew that if they didn't have a scene where Leia and Luke met, people would be mad, I guess. I guess. But still, I mean, it's a good out, but that's fine. I thought her performance was amazing. Imagine if you revealed that she has Jedi powers

by, like, she has a final scene where she appears to Luke. Wouldn't that have... And then you could still get the sacrifice that makes more sense. You have to have that reveal that she's got Jedi powers, because we know that from the original trilogy. Yeah, Leia's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She can have a Force ghost meeting with him as they both die together. They both fall into a song? Absorbed by life? Become a coat. That's how Jedis die. Everyone threw out that coat from the original trilogy. But that was Obi-Wan. Everyone threw out that coat from the original trilogy But that was Obi-Wan

So it's kind of weird that Fucking Luke has the same death as Odin Yeah Well he has the same death as Yoda And as Obi-Wan Yeah No Obi-Wan just gets cut down No he becomes a coat

Yeah but he disappears Yeah Presumably it's like when you die Your body dematerialises or something Yeah yeah yeah And you become a coat But yeah I donumably it's like when you die, your body dematerializes or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a coat. How did they learn that? Is it stages?

I don't think they killed off Luke like that and they're like, good, an Odin death. I think that's just a coincidence. We'll get some Thor Ragnarok cred from this. He just looks into the sun and is like, I am you now. That was stuff we like. Stuff we like.

Stuff we like. Oh, the whole fight scene on the salt planet. Yeah. Oh, my God. Spectacular. Visually. Spectacular. I like that you're not going through.

Like, this is going to be. You've already completed the list of stuff I like. So, with one exception, like Luke with the the shot from of luke of behind that luke from behind with the two sons that was beautiful that was amazing oh and um again going back to steel and how i know he's been like for a long time being ignite the green i love that the moment we see luke skywalker ignite that green He's about to stab a child. Yes, please. Thank you for that. So good.

That was good, him, yeah, killing or going to kill a child. What, turned Kylo? Yeah, that was good. That was good. That was good. Gotta be something, Sam. Yeah, yeah, I'm kind of the same. You've listed everything I liked about them. Oh, those horses things.

I didn't like them. I just like horses, and they were the closest thing I have to a horse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw them more as hyenas. They were like hyena horses. Yeah. You notice in Star Wars,

all those animals make the same sound? Actually, you know what I reckon it looked the most like? The dickhead from Last Guardian. Oh, it did too. Oh, it did look like that dickhead from The Last Guardian. It was just big Last Guardians. Everyone looked over to where Last Guardian is sitting on the shelf. You can't actually see The Last Guardian.

It's just you looking at the place on the shelf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, that was... Yeah, not great. Not great. I guess I could add also Poe Dameron. I don't think he was very quip. He wasn't, for me, very quip heavy.

And even when he does have quips, I'm like, nah, I like it. That's kind of his character. I think maybe I just think that's kind of his character I quite like I think I think maybe I just think he's a good looking guy yeah he is a babe he's such a babe

he is such a babe oh that smolder face oh forget about it the only thing I hate slash dislike that anything that Oscar Isaac

has been in is like X-Men Age of Apocalypse yeah or Apocalypse whatever I think that's partly because they cover up his gorgeous good looks. So, you know, if you're going to have him in your film,

oh, front and center. I would say that I want another, I just want to like watch movies with Oscar Isaac in it. You've seen Ex Machina? Sorry? You've seen Ex Machina? No. Oh, it's good.

And there's a lot of him. He's bald, but with a big beard. He does a great dance scene. Isn't he also in... What's that fucking Ryan Gosling movie that everyone drops their shit on? Oh, Drive? Yeah, he's also in Drive, isn't he? He's in Drive, too.

From Drive, I think... Not Drive 2, Drive T-O-O. There's no sequel to Drive 2. Drive 2, Drive some more. Dusha loved that movie. Yeah, he did. We didn't, though. That's just a quick take.

That's what we thought about Drive 2, Drive some more. Having seen Drive with Oscar Isaac in that, I think, actually, I don't want to watch just Oscar Isaac. I don't think I actually think he's that much of a babe. I think Poe Dameron is a babe. Oh, well, this is where we differ, Adam, and this is a hill that I'm prepared to die on. This might be where the company crumbles.

Well, enjoy the shelling. Salvo 1. Oscar Isaac. I prefer him beardless. Thank you. What about with Stubble there? Yeah? Like Poe's got a bit of Stubble. No, he's clean shaven, isn't he?

Is he? He's got a bit of Stubble. Inside Llewellyn Davis. That film that I now can't pronounce. I think it's inside Llewellyn Davis. Yeah. He's got a bit of beard. Yeah. A bit of Stubble. He's a handsome boy. I think he Yeah. That one. Yeah. He's got a bit of beard. Yeah.

A bit of stubble. Yeah, a little bit of stubble. He's a handsome boy. I think he's got stubble. Poe's got a bit of stubble. Damn, bro. Jackson's still tied. Sorry. I got home at six.

Nah, that boy's clean shaven, my friends. Nah. Okay. That's one handsome, clean shaven mug. Yes. What a good looking man he is. Oh, yeah. He's got a five o'clock shout out.

I would call that a five o'clock shout out. Yeah, it's barely counting. I think we can all just agree that Oscar Isaac is a handsome boy. Yes. Poe Dameron, we all agree, is handsome. Yes. That's the conclusion reached. Thanks for listening.

You can come up with anything. Poe Dameron, nine out of ten. Eight out of ten. Oh. Ten. Like, Poe Dameron is very attractive, but I want to leave, like, a bit of leeway because I think you could get so much better. Not saying, like, I'm saying, like, fuck, I'm looking at the Statue of David here.

Don't worry. See, I'm thinking of Brad Pitt, like in his heyday. See, Brad Pitt in his heyday. Brad Pitt was never that good looking to me. 10 out of 10. What? Yeah. What happens is, whenever I, maybe if you showed me a picture, but whenever I'm like,

how attractive is Brad Pitt? Look up Brad Pitt Fight Club. No, that's it. That's the one. Because Brad Pitt is bald, or he like has a close shave. No, no, no. Before he shaves his head. Yeah, no, no's it. That's the one. Because Brad Pitt is bald or he has a close shave. No, no, no. Before he shaves his head. No, no, no.

But whenever I am just mentally trying to imagine handsome Brad Pitt, that's the image that sneaks in and I don't like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough. But no, just, yeah, Brad Pitt, Fight Club. Before he gets his shaved head and he's just like, oof, baby. Just baby. Fight Club workout.

What was the workout he took to get that? How do I get fight club? Anyway, babes aside. Yeah. What else? What did you like? I liked not all the stuff you liked. I was going to be like, all the stuff you...

No, some of the things you liked. Were we with someone who said that Brad Pitt looked like Benicio Del Toro? Yeah. Adam is showing one of the pictures from Fight Club where he's having a smoke. And yeah, we like Benicio Del Toro. Okay, so I loved that scene with Rosa's sister. That felt like it was from a completely different, better film. Yep.

If the movie had ended 15 minutes in, it would have been a 10 out of 10 movie for me. Remember that scene there? Yeah. I know you both love Rogue One. But if that scene and that tone and how that was everything if that had been Rogue One my god I would not have stopped coming in the cinema

are we actually doing categories? because I got a big thing I hate we'll get to that and you reminded me with Rogue One I would love seeing that and some of the scenes in Rogue One made me want a Star wars war movie

so much yeah just double down go with it yeah give me kind of all of them yeah okay things i hate yeah i've just been reminded of another thing all right actually episode eight was framed very much like a war movie yeah but it didn't play out like a war movie i kind of did actually i felt like the whole of a war movie though the 10 10 hours or whatever thing felt very much like- It actually reminded me a little bit of Dunkirk, actually. I guess. But, like, nothing in the- It was, like, framed, maybe, like a war movie.

Yeah, yeah. But nothing in it, because you were just still seeing, like, fucking- What? When in Dunkirk are they like, Well, to get into the fucking base we need to go to a casino. Yeah. Did you not watch Dunkirk?

They're a big casino scene. Don't you remember when they're in the casino and then the humans show up? And Tom Hardy has to play the piano to get out of there because that's their cover. There's a casino run by the Swedish. Jeez. Well, I've actually never seen Dunkirk.

There you go. Was there a scene where they had to ride horses out of there? No, I don't think there were any horses. I lived in a mine when I was a kid, so this is somehow relevant to me. Anyway, yes, so I liked that scene. I liked Poe Dameron's arc i like that poe dameron was like a i wish it had kind of leaned into it more but still that he was like a fly boy he was

like fuck yeah i'm kind of about glory and then leia was like that's stupid it's a war and he was like ah shit that's true and then at the end you have poe going for like a suicidal mission which and i started saying this is the steel was like but like in any other situation that would be like a climactic he did it but because they'd established that poe had to be like stop it you idiot like that's gonna get you killed and serve no one i thought that was cool uh arc wise i really liked see so many things i liked then hated i liked when yeah i. I feel the same. I'm reminded of something I kind of like, but I'm like, but I kind of didn't. It's kind of like I liked stuff, but this movie did a lot of creating a thing and then going back on a thing.

I love that they burnt down the Jedi Temple. I really liked that there was this kind of idea of like, let's make something new. But... Yeah, I love the nihilism aspect of that Kylo Ren was going for. Yeah, yeah. But not even necessarily... Just this idea of those are things we're holding on to for no reason we can make something different and better those are archaic they're like fucking relics of the past that are no longer relevant to the way we're living let's change something up but that and yoda's like hey

luke jedi order off it fuck but then later on, when Luke appears as a hologram, he's like, there's still some Jedis left. And you're like, what? Did you not learn something? Do you forget what Yoda said? Wait, when is this, though? Remember when Luke- He's chatting to Kylo, being like, if you kill me, I'm not the last Jedi.

Yeah, there's many Jedis left. The Jedis will not die. Except earlier, Yoda's like, like yeah get rid of the jedis but so i liked when they were gonna get rid of them but i don't like that they decided not to um it's almost like oh fuck imagine if they had been like yeah so kylo's coming from it from one perspective being like burn it all down and we'll start again but also ray's coming from this perspective being like no yeah fuck it all off and let's start again but they're kind of too brilliant murder a lot of people doing yeah well ray's like let's get rid of it because we can create something new

and different and holding on to that's not going to do us any good but let's just do it peacefully and respectfully whereas kylo's like we got to kill everyone who is ever a part of it fuck you imagine if it had been like that scene where he's like i'll kill you the last jedi and luke's like it doesn't even matter yeah bye um i'm a hologram i was a hologram the whole time so you can't kill me those lines were about as good as what he actually said i really liked the big gorilla walkers the gorilla at80s they were great they looked fucking sick uh i liked the gross walrus men that Luke milked. Oh, fuck, I forgot about the milking of the... Big fan. Yes.

Oh, fuck. Yes. That was when I looked over, when I'm like, is Jackson reborn? I had a very big grin, especially when they just have a very quick cut to Luke guzzling it, and it's going down his beard like a dirty hobo. That was good. And it cut way too quickly. And I'm like, no, give me more.

Give me more. I want to see more of Luke drinking foul walrus man milk, please. I really wish they'd just cut the middleman and just like got rid of that bottle. And just had him just sucking on that. Suckled from the date. It was nasty and it was great. The look the walrus gives Ray. Like, yeah, what up? i know i the walruses

were just so chill with it they're like yeah fucking suck my titty i don't give a shit i just live here on the beach waiting for this man to come and suck my titties life's pretty sick he's a jedi i don't know what the fuck he's doing but it's man that's pretty good i'm a fan um what else did i like some of the alien designs are pretty sick i like benicio del toro because he was a character who just like yeah he was like nihilistic and he was like whatever man it's all bad i just liked him as a guy who seemed quite irrelevant to everything that was happening i really loved the scene with it like like i said before oh you get him today but you get him him tomorrow, whatever. And he's like, maybe.

It was just like, whatever, kid. I'm going. It was very good. But then I kind of, I guess, hated the fact that it was like, oh, he's escaped with BB-8. Everyone loves BB-8. What else did I like? What else did I like?

What else did I like? The Kylo Rey, some of those early things when they're chatting over the force. Yeah. Oh, the first one was great. Yeah. The one with the shirt, though, the first one was great. Yeah. The one with the shirt, though, without the shirt was terrible. Appalling. Here's some quips.

I forgot. We forgot them quickly. Oh, fuck. And what I hated is that, and I'll get to it when we get to these. But what I hated is that that scene started comedic but became serious. So you kind of can't, you know what I mean? Like, that's so weird to start what is going to be a serious beat on a comedic note

you need to do the other thing it would have been better if she had this discussion when it became serious and she's like fuck can you put a shirt on if you're distracting sorry yeah those were really good I liked the first one where you were like what's happening

that was great Ray gets up fires the blast yeah and he's like and you're like oh my god they're they're connecting why are they connecting that was sick i love that um i can see uh i can't see your surroundings can you see mine yeah and it was just great that they were both just so like the fuck but yeah it wasn't like either of them was kind of in a position of power they were both really stressed um yeah and I didn't know I did not like how that was then revealed that it was snow oh yeah me neither it's stupid it's ruined it

look how powerful I am I can connect you mentally through the force but I can't tell that I'm about to be betrayed I'm sorry the force doesn't work it only it gives me what's happening but not who for some reason can't tell you why it's not like the force is interconnecting us between all things it's not like i and it's not like fuck it's not like i read ray's mind a moment ago yeah it's not like i worked out where

luke is a moment ago by forcing ray to tell me. I know, by his logic when he gets killed he should be like someone's on an island. Dunno who. I'm gonna sue. Yup. Fuck! Alright, well Adam has another moment. I really liked how diverse

this movie was. This was like the first movie I've watched where I'm just like there was no like emphasis put on it i was just like this is a great multicultural cast and multicultural extras and alien exactly and it's just like look there it is don't worry about it here it is all of our characters are you know like a wonderful mix of different like you know you got like races genders and species yeah it was sick it was and it was just done so nicely. On that note, did you know that Warwick Davis was in this movie? I always assumed.

Guess who he plays. Casino? Oh. Yep. One step forward, two steps back. Written and directed by a white man. back. Written and directed by a white man.

One step forward, two steps back. That's my favorite song in the world, Adam. That's my favorite song, Adam. I feel like every time I see a movie from now on, I'm going to be just having that in the back of my... Like any movie where I'm like, this I see a movie from now on, I'm going to be just like having that in the back of my, like any movie where I'm like, Oh, this movie is quite like,

it's, it's quite progressive. It's written by, Oh, one step forward, two step back. This film was written by a white man. Written and directed by a white man.

Well, um, yes, but, but by and large, I mean like Warwick Davis playing a Leprechaun aside Cause he did

Cause that alien was just a little Leprechaun alien I was like thinking oh maybe he was playing That other alien that was one of the Main rebels oh no no no No sorry Drunken Leprechaun that thought BB-8 was a slot machine Yep

Um Then he gets showered with literal gulp leprechaun that thought BB-8 was a slot machine. Yep. Good. Then he gets showered with literal golf. Yeah. Yeah. Do stuff back! Written and directed by a white man! I really like the fight with the red dudes don't know why the red dudes were attacking

but whatever I like the fight remember before force awakens and we were over at steel's house and he was talking about do you not know what the knights of wren are and we both were like what and he was like so there's these rumours there on these knights of wren and those were like what kylo Ren is, and he's the leader of these Knights of Ren.

Yeah. And they were kind of like the other people that defected away from Skywalker. Oh, yeah. And so that was this sort of rumour going forward, and I was like, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So maybe we're going to get to see them. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No. So we didn't get them mentioned at all in- The only- Yeah. And we didn't get them mentioned at all in here. Where did Knights of Ren come from? yeah, no. No. So we didn't get them mentioned at all in Laken's. Yeah. And we didn't get them mentioned at all in here. Where did Knights of Ren come from? No, no, I think, I mean, it's a stretch,

but there's that scene where Luke is like, Kylo Ren defected with some of my, so, like, presumably those guys. Yeah. And so, like, and then we have a flashback of, it was, like, not just one person with a red lightsaber, but a few of them. I'm guessing those are the Knights of Ren. But, like like i'm guessing that was in a press package or something because like yeah there's nothing in these films that suggest that yeah yeah so i was kind of like hey hey

here's a little bit of a movie maintenance uh sister show kind of idea so what if just hey yeah those people that were surrounding uh emperor dickhead were the knights of ren yeah that would be cool as fucking kylo stabs him he says then all of them just kind of like kneel down and been like yep you're out you know what's gonna be great they didn't they're either just gonna throw these into episode nine they're just gonna show up there and then be gone in the same episode that's great or they're setting it up for the next trilogy that they're gonna make maybe maybe those red guys like the imperial guy cool yeah because there's a light rises to

meet a darkness and a darkness rises to meet a light if there's a new different type of jedi there's gonna be a new different type of stuff and that everything's just going to be the same story again yes i liked and i don't know if it was at all intentional but i liked that the red guard fellas had things that looked like attempts at making lightsabers yeah that was cool i like that i always love that it's a bit similar to the um the shock batons yeah you the troopers call them. You know that's a riot thing? Yeah, yeah. He's a riot trooper. Oh, cool. Designed for like... Yeah, crowd control.

Yeah. Yeah, and I really like that. I like that idea and it would have been cool if they'd lent into it that like, light type of technology, we don't know where

all the fucking kyber crystals are so we're going to do our best to make something that can combat that. Yeah. Yeah. I thought Ray was going to make her own save of this movie, but she didn't.

I'm guessing she will for the next one because she's got the broken life. Because they did it in the third one, yeah. Because in episode six they do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What else did I like? What else did I like? Like, yeah, I liked Leia. It was a great performance, by and large.

Laura Dern, her performance was sick, even though the writing around it was very frustrating but her performance was mad um i like to like the look of a lot of it um that's something that this particular trilogy has done a lot better than i think either of the other two like i'll make that claim is that everybody's outfits are really quite distinct and quite cool looking there's a lot about them that I really like, and I like that clearly a lot of detail and attention has been put into the way that each character is designed.

I know in the original trilogy, there was a lot of symbolism behind the way everybody was dressed, but I just think, I guess, that the outfits are cool and the design of everything's cool in this one. Yeah, I got all the visuals. I felt a lot better in this than they were in force awakens yeah that's true um definitely anything else i liked i'm disturbed that it was i'm gonna go back and say i like the concept of the storyline

yes this might be a bit of explaining to do because i'm like it's a weird i like the abstract of the concept of the plot yeah sure and actually kind of 16 times removed i liked this so i really like that we weren't destroying a super weapon yeah no i agree there and it all boils down it's a chase scene yeah and it's like a very slow arduous task of like the the villains chasing the heroes. They do well, what the Italian job two fucked up. Yeah. They did a chase scene in a traffic jam a lot better than the Italian.

But I think I was telling this to you, Adam, before we recorded, but you know anything about the new Battlestar Galactica? No. Or the new old one? No. The remake. So Battlestar Galactica, so it's basically about Cylons, which are your robots.

Yeah. And they fight and want to destroy humanity. Cool. And there's 12 colonies. And so the miniseries, the start of the series off is them doing that. And then the battleship is like, the Galactica is like, all right, cool. We've got a whole fleet. Let's fuck off.

Yeah. They jump out and they're like, yay. The next episode starts with them like, all right, cool. We've got a whole fleet. Let's fuck off. Yeah. They jump out and they're like, yay. The next episode starts with them like, all right, start the timer. 30 minutes go by. The Cylon ships, all their armada are there to find them. They're like, fucking hell, jump again. Yeah. They jump.

They're like, okay, start the timer. And 30 minutes goes and it just keeps ticking down. And they're like, jump again. All right, jump again. Jump. And it's less about like we've got running out of fuel yes there is a sort of abstract greater fuel but they're just like this is doing a toll on our body because we're doing so many hyper jumps no we're having to be

awake ah and that's cool because it's like it's a 30 minute timer yeah you have to be already you know everyone's on um just ready to jump like, that did this much better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Years ago. Years ago. Yeah. No, but I agree. The idea of the plot is sick, of being like,

this is going to be a chase movie by and large. Yeah, and I thought that was cool, but it could have been better. Yeah, well, they kind of didn't really pull it off. Yeah. But I did love that idea of what was going on. Yeah. And, like, in in is it battlestar battleship galactica battlestar i think i think this movie would have been a lot better

and a lot like like what you want you want that like uh oh what's gonna happen in the next episode if instead of going down to the planet it had been instead of thing where they successfully shut off the track or whatever like that and were able to jump out. Yeah. That would have been more interesting if the ending of this movie was just them escaping the fleet. Yeah. Oh, I like that my dad was in this movie. My dad's in this film. In the scene where they're on the salt planet

and it's panning across everybody in that little trench. What the fuck was that line? Who knows? And they've got their guns there in the trench. Oh, I know what that line was there for. It's not Hoth. Yeah, that's true. It's salt, not snow.

It's salt, not snow. I'd have dealt, movie. I'd have dealt. Whatever. I didn't even... Fuck. Yeah, go on, sorry. Anyway, maybe also to kind of visually cue you in on the red stuff.

Yes, Adam? I remember something else I'm mad about. Go on. But yes, I like that my dad was in this movie yeah it was good he was a guy who looks yeah did we establish that no yeah a guy who looks like your dad a lot a lot like my dad a crazy amount john is in john bailey is in this movie just say literally but basically um any else i don't think so Adam? we covered it yeah like there's nothing I can say

that hasn't already been said with things I like things we didn't like slash didn't make sense I guess are we lumping these into one? we sometimes lump them into two but I feel like a lot of it can be lumped into one because I'm like Leia being

a space witch I didn't like it it also didn't make sense but also kind of gives way to is there air in Star Wars space? I still am unsure you can survive in space for a little bit I think that's maybe why she's like on an operating table or something

yeah that's fine but I still think there's air in space yeah look I'm with you look I'm not saying it's bull it's not bullshit it is just the fucking worst it is like this like i think you can survive in space for a little bit yeah i think it's like a fraction yeah like yeah this this movie i i was really annoyed with it um because there was several moments where i'm like they are being brave they are being brave and this is going to be amazing. And they just, they were cowards. In the end, they were just utter cowards.

Absolutely. Like with Leia, that scene where Kylo is about to shoot and he's like, I can't do it. I can't kill my mom. I'm like, that's cool. This is really like a nice little moment. Great scene. Kill your dad, we can't kill your mom.

And like, okay, cool. There's a little bit of hope there. That's kind of cool. And then, you know, his minions, I guess, shoot it. And I'm like, holy shit, they did it. That's Leia. That's Leia gone. Holy fuck.

I was like, I just didn't expect that to happen. Yeah. And I'm like, holy fuck, they did it. Oh, no, they didn't. No, no, they didn't. Same thing with Finn. I'm like, they're going to sacrifice Finn. Finn's going to do this.

Finn's going to kill him. Like, sacrifice himself to stop. Oh, no, no, no, no. They didn't. So, like, you know. Yeah, there was a lot Coward But yeah

I know what you mean A vandusha A vandusha But yeah Like that scene Like So many things They just gave you on a plate

It was like They just served you like I don't know Fucking Not shit necessarily I got a lot of blue balls In this film Yeah

They just asked you to accept so much They're like Hey Leia can survive in space because of the force is it the force i don't know who knows will we ever get any explanations no what i on that i said this on steel wars and i mean it what i think they should have or what i was expecting and what they should have done would have at least made it a funny enjoyable scene is as leia is drifting back towards the ship you want a shot from one of the windows some one some like no name

rebel trooper watching her just mouthing the words what the fuck she passes by that's why she's the leader but like it's why she called still being called a princess by now she's the queen yeah i thought she was called an admiral yeah i don't think she's the leader. Why is she still being called a princess? By now she's the queen, yeah? I thought she was called an admiral. Yeah, I don't think she's... Somebody called her princess later, because I remember being like, that's weird. She's not the princess of any way. She's the queen now. Well, she's not even the queen.

Yeah, no, she stopped being the queen. If England got blown up, and we still had Elizabeth and the colonies, I guess, she wouldn't really be queen anymore. What is Game of Thrones called? The what's-her-face? Queen region or something?

No, no, no, Daenerys and the whatever. They're like the wandering, the leper king. Yeah, yeah, something like that. The beggar queen, yeah. Yeah, so she'd be a beggar queen, I guess. Which is kind of cool, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, hey, it's a neat idea. Yes, but no, I hated that scene as well.

That scene happened and I just turned to Adam with a look on my face like... I rolled my eyes. Actually, sorry sorry if we could go back a moment there was something i did like that we haven't mentioned yeah i really liked the infighting among the rebels the this movie did the rebel the rebel alliance is a fractionalized force so much better than Rogue One did. And I fucking loved Rogue One. Yeah. Poe versus... Laura Dern. Laura Dern. Laura Dern.

Laura Dern. Poe versus Laura Dern was... Well, as dumb as the writing around her character was, they, those two actors, sold it very well for me. I really liked that. And when you chuck in that no one answered the call, you got even a more splintered rebellion force. Yeah, absolutely.

They did a really good job of, like, the Empire is this militaristic force that is united with the exception of two dickhead force users who don't know what the fuck they're doing. But apart from them, everyone in the Empire fucking stands in line and follows the party policy or whatever. Whereas the rebels are like we're just a bunch of ragtag people. We give each other ranks, like captain and commander, but Poe acts like he has not been demoted. There are no

actual ranks here. I just love when they give each other medals. It's more of a morale thing. It's kind of nice. No, yeah, that's true. Other things I didn't like? Yeah, sorry sorry going back to shit we didn't like uh once again i was blue balled the heist film uh for i was so excited again you start off with 100 and you're like yeah then you kind of get but then they were going like we're gonna go to a casino casino to find this master code breaker. And I'm like, are we having a sneaky heist?

Is this a heist film? And of course it wasn't. But how much would it have been great to be like, hey, buddy, we need you to crack this code. And he'd be like, all right, I'll help you if you help me with this one last job. Yeah, amazing. And there's a heist film.

Absolutely. Like, amazing. And there's a heist film. Absolutely. Like, fuck, you know, just like, yes, my driver has recently been killed and my hacking expert has off with the cancer, but I need you to off with the cancer. Space cancer. Where's Jackson? In 2012. Oh, he was just off with the cancer.

But, like, am I pleased? No, I know, I know i know i know you're in a casino hey do you think it's weird in that movie that they're like hey maz canada for some reason where's a hacker to get us in and maz is like i got you back get this guy with a rose tattoo or whatever the fuck he's the only also i'm having a union like a fight with the union is she is she the villain there yeah i, I don't. I'm sure it doesn't matter. I think we're just meant to be like,

gosh, she's cool. What a funny, cool scene. She's a nana doing... We don't know anything about either... I'm saying she's having a union dispute. I'm pro-union. Well, it's probably... No, you're not.

You're a business owner. I'm anti-union. Yeah, that's right. Max Canazza or whatever had it right with her butthole eyes. With her butthole eyes. They are buttholy. And then Maz Kanata's like, find the fellow with the flower medallion.

And then they don't find him. And they find Benicio del Toro. And he's like, I can do it just the same. Benicio del Toro's character makes a lot more sense if you assume he was a spy for the Empire. But then it doesn't. They established that he was. And also then it can't like he's on their side when they're breaking in and the only way that they um uh are caught is because of the evil bb8 which i thought was going to be a

bigger deal yes because they like sold toys of that fucking thing but like if that bb8 evil one had been like oh hey benicio del toro then i've been like, oh, hey, Benicio Del Toro. Then I'd been like, ah, yes, they planned this. But in the end, it was just like, what a fucking lucky coincidence that Finn and Rose managed to just find a guy who could get out of the cell at any time. But he waited for them to be in there. I was honestly waiting for him to have, like, a rose lapel. Me too.

Like, himself. Me too. And then being like, yes, you know, butthole eyes sent me. Yeah, yeah. Told me to meet you. Absolutely. Then I'd be like, cool. But it was that guy.

When Maz Kanata's like, hey, to the British guy who was at the craps table or whatever, like, hey, did you help out my mates? He's going to be like, what? Huh? No. Ridiculous. Also, the fact that Benicio Del going to be like, what? Huh? No. Ridiculous. Also, the fact that Benicio Del Toro is like, give me your necklace, because I can just tell that your necklace is, he can see the kind of stone from a distance.

Yeah, he's good at praising. He's like, that particular stone is going to fit perfectly in this, because that's all it takes, apparently, to crack that door open, basically. The man who sold them out the second he was captured, he was sure sentimental about giving her back that fucking necklace. Well, that's why I was saying, he wasn't, he hadn't sold them out at that point. He only sold them out

when they got there in BB, Evil BB-8. But it's dumb that he would give it back at all if he's the sort of person who's like, actually, I don't care about you, I'm not... I'm guessing maybe it's like, it's worthless, it's just like, whatever. But anyway, I like that him giving it back Because it was kind of like That little bit of

I hated it Save the cat Save the cat No but you can't Save the cat And then kill the cat Exactly You can't save the cat

To fuck it Yeah Yeah not fair Not fair It was ridiculous Because at that point There was no real Like he had

I would say at that point, his character was on their side still. Yeah. So he was trying to get in their good graces. He's like, all right, we could pull this off. But then it doesn't. So he's like, well, fuck him. What point did he... Because then he asked for it at a dumb time.

When they're still on the ship, he's like, I want the necklace. They give it to him. If he's intending on giving it back at any point, just be like, when they're at the door, hey, I need your necklace. Yeah, he doesn't need to grab it then. It's just weird. He's just like, maybe they'll say no and then we don't have a deal.

It's a power play. He's showing his dominance. Yeah, okay. Also, what point did Benicio do? Is there anything else on the bottom of that chest you were looking for? I realise this might sound like this is a hill I'm choosing to die on. I'm realising this is definitely 100% not a hill I'm willing to die on. The bombs are landing around you.

You're about to die and now you're turning around. I'm like, I wasn't meant to be here. I'm just saying this hill was neat. I'm sorry, but you're a conscript. At what point did Benicio Del Toro sell them out? I don't know When did he find out that they were invisible things Well, not invisible, but stealth ships

I don't know I was like, no, because surely over the intercom thing Poe was like, hey Finn, this is it But no, they find out he's being attacked So they never would have said anything. Yep, yep. There's just no point where that's a thing he could know. Are we missing a scene?

It feels like we're missing a fucking ton of scenes. Like, even if they said it and we didn't hear it, Poe didn't know that they were stealthed. They established that after the fact. Yeah. So just the whole sequence is like just nonsense. I don't know how Benicio doesed. They established that after the fact. Yeah. So just the whole sequence is like just nonsense. Unless he's good. Unless he's a good guy. As in not good guys

and like he just knows shit. He called up like Maze. Unless he can hack into the Rebel Alliance without a computer at a distance. Yeah, that was very annoying. Why didn't they open with turning the ships around and light speeding into the Empire? Yeah, that was very annoying. Why didn't they open with turning the ships around and light speeding into the Empire?

Yeah, that's an option. Why not do that? Because you had three ships. Yeah. And so when one of them was getting blown the shit up, they're like, why don't we just transfer everyone from the second ship across? Oh, I think they did transfer people.

Oh, no, no. And then be like, whoop! Pizoo! Pizoo! Ah, sick, we did it. Not. Also, now light speed doesn't make a lick of sense

because, like, there's so many asteroids in space. That means every time you're light speeding, you should just be crashing. Which, again, maybe Laura Dern isn't dead. Maybe she's just, like, in her wake and made a lot of destruction, but she's, like, warp-speeded somewhere else. No, but that would mean that... She's like, there I am.

I'm here now, please. Re-hire me. And put me there as the leader of the rebellion, because she was good. I guarantee you, I fucking guarantee you, 100%, if we look through, especially if we go through the prequel trilogy, I fucking guarantee you,

we can find another ship light speeding into something. You're right. As a method to escape. Yeah. I guarantee we could find a point where someone's like, we're about to crash into that thing. Let's light speed. Did that happen in episode seven? Did it?

I think it did. I don't know. I think it did. I'm thinking something with Han Solo. Where they're about to crash into this thing, and then Han Solo light speeds it. I think that happened in episode seven. I'm not sure.

I can't say with a hundred percent certainty, but I'm like, maybe. Yeah, that sounds a bit familiar. Hey, you know something that bugs me about Star Wars? Yes. So in the real world, we have bullets. Yeah. And so we've designed the things that get hit by bullets to defend against bullets.

Yes. But in Star Wars, they have lasers. But nobody designs their ships to be not hit by lasers. Yes, they do. Force fielders. They have shields and also- No, but like the TIE fighters need one hit from a bullet and they're down. And whatever the rebels have need one hit and they're down.

Silly. That's ridiculous. In like fucking World War I with biplanes, if you got shot just once, you might have been all right. It's not like boom. I thought this was going to the Captain Phasma. Oh, well, yeah, that's... Why not armor everyone with the resistant armor?

I will guarantee you that there is an extended book somewhere that tells us why that is laser resistant. Because it's probably designed from, I don't know, the ass hairs of some kind of asteroid fucking thing. It's very difficult to do.

It's Gogmaw minerals. Why not just arm on their chest? Oh, something I like. Do a little bit of armor. Something I like, something I like. That Captain Phasma used just a metal rod. That was sick. That's great.

Imagine if more, like, oh, yeah, fucking a lightsaber or a blaster will shoot you, but, like, will break your knee with the metal rod. That execution was very... The almost execution. I thought, again, something I didn't like. Yeah. I'm like, please just shoot him in the head.

Oh, my God. You know what I just realised? So, why would you use a lightsaber instead of a blaster in Star Wars? Why? I don't know. You wouldn't. No, you might, because, like, you can a lightsaber instead of a blaster in Star Wars? Why? I don't know. You wouldn't. No, you might, because, like, you can defend against the blaster bolts. You can deflect against the blasters.

They've established that, like, a skilled Jedi could just knock them aside. Why are you fighting with that riot stick and a spear? Yep. Yep. In our... That doesn't make sense. If Finn or Phasma Had a blaster

They would have been the one to win that fight Why didn't Phasma Because she had a blaster Why didn't she just shoot Finn How many times in a movies are you going to hear the line No a quick death would be too good for them And then They get a slow death

And they escape the slow death Because a quick death would have just Yeah I know it's know. It's a quick death, but it just, you know. Yeah. I know. It's just like, it's becoming tiring. The whole thing is just like, I'm so exhausted. Captain Phasma, that's the thing I hated.

Captain Phasma, who in the first movie got no screen time and who is played by... Gwendolyn Christie? Yeah, who is phenomenal. I love her in Game of Thrones. She's one of my favorite, like, she's great. And they were like, oh man, she didn't get much screen time in The Force Awakens. People are like, don't you fucking worry.

Last Jedi comes around, it's going to be, yep, you get ready. And then we see her eyeball, and then she dies. Yeah, I was like, when that happened, I'm like, oh, sick, we're going to get to see that fight that probably should happen in Force Awakens. And then she eats shit again, and then, like, gets eaten by fire. Force Awakens and then she eats shit again and then like gets eaten by fire. But my question is, is she invulnerable

to explosions? We don't know. Nothing has been established. She was in the explosion in Starkiller Base. That's true. Presumably she... Immune. Presumably she wasn't standing on Starkiller Base when it blew up. She was in the trash compactor.

She's got to have... Again, talking about time frames, because I know you want to talk about time frames in a second. The time frames is they dump her in a trash compactor without assumingly no weapons or whatever, but I'm guessing she would have had them keisted somewhere. Yeah. But she escapes pretty quickly,

and they destroy Starkiller base pretty quickly after that. Yeah, true. Is she immune? What I hate, though, about that is that if she comes... Or is it the armor, now that she's got a cracked eye? If we see her the next time we see her, and she's just only got, like, scar around her eye, I was right.

I actually kind of hope they do that, because why else cast an actress... Of that caliber? And then just not use her because they didn't. There's no facial expressions that were like, oh, fuck, she nailed just her expressions. There's no real dialogue where we're like, yes, she nailed her dialogue. They wasted their money getting her. And if she does come back, it's not going to be a big deal because at no point has she been established

as any kind of threat. She comes back She's eaten shit twice. The movies want us to think that she has some kind of rivalry with like Finn, but like she doesn't And that should have been established in Force Awakens. Yeah, if they want that, and I hated so much

They were just trying to Boba Fett Boba Fett? Boba Fett? Boba Fett Lovely fat. Yeah They were just trying to do that. Yeah, and I hated so much. They were just trying to Boba Fett. Boba Fett. Boba Fett. Boba. Boba Fett. Lovely fat. Yeah. They were just trying to do that. Yeah. And, like, I hated the, like, you scum.

Yeah, I'm scum. Rebel scum. Because at no point in the first one did Captain Phasma really give a shit about him or think he was scum. Yeah. It wasn't like a thing. If in the first movie he'd been like, hey, this, hey, how you doing? I'm a fucking stormtrooper. And she'd be like hey this hey how you doing i'm a fucking storm

trooper and she'd be like get out of here scum yeah you're scum you're just sweeping the deck like a fucking cabin boy i ain't got time for you and then like that was when they had their meeting later on she's like ah scum's risen through the ranks whatever then in the last one you have but like in the first one she calls him a traitor a bunch. She's like, you're a dick for leaving the Stormtroopers for the piss-boy Jedi's. I mean, rebels. Good job. But in this, she calls him scum only so they can have that line. Because they thought that line was so fucking good.

Oh, well, a lot of people in our cinema thought it was pretty fucking good. That means in the writer's room, someone's like, all right, so what about this? So, how good is this for a line? You're scum. Sure am. Rebel scum. Now everyone's like, sick, sick, sick.

Okay, so who's getting the line? Oh, let's give it to Finn. Sick. Okay, who's giving it? Captain Phasma, I guess? All right, so that means... He's Arch-Nemesis Captain Phasma. Oh, yes, yes, yes, of course.

All of Captain Phasma's dialogue, she now thinks he's scum. Okay, guys? All right, guys? Sick. All right, put a little marker that we should write some dialogue for her so it's not out of the blue. Yeah, I found this piece of paper. It just says, give Phasma some about scum.

Bin it? We are going to the premiere, Dan. We are on our way in Texas. Fuck. For a second, I thought you were are on our way in Texas. Fuck. For a second I thought you were mispronouncing Texas. I'm an idiot. Timeline. Adam.

Okay. So. So, so, so. This movie takes place over, I think it's 10 hours, they say. They establish they have 10 hours worth of fuel. So everything Rey does, including going to bed several times, her training montage, going into the force butthole in the ground to have a mirror conversation.

No, the Sith anus. Go to the Sith anus, touch a mirror. Perfect. A reasonable, logical, explainable scene. They have meals several times, Chewie learns to love the porgies and let them onto the ship. Why weren't they called porgies? That's so much better.

Luke drinks some fucking green milk from the tit of a space sea otter cow. Yep. Beach cow. Everything happens over the course of 10 hours. Yeah. All of that. Now, to sort of be like,

look, maybe not. So, because, again, that happens at the very end when she goes to see Luke at the end of Force Awakens. And so there is some dialogue there and there is some training there that happens. But the big giveaway

is when we have pretty boy's scar it's not the cool awesome like the metal which it's a heel why did they get rid of that a theme they have in star wars is machine versus man feelings versus cold hard facts or whatever like that and the empire is always like the machine will win your dumb religion your feelings no machine vader is part machine yeah yeah yeah and they get rid of his that it was like not just did it look cool but it meant something it had meaning then he got rid of it so at what point because i'm like now i'm now i'm thinking i mean like yeah look the timelines are very iffy but like at what point in in in ray's training did she actually have that meeting with kylo she has several yeah but the first one well

in the first one he has his scar fixed exactly and he's got fixed at all of them yeah and his scar is fixed at the start of the movie when they're trailing later does it like after the meeting with snoke yeah yeah yeah and so and and but. But what does Rey do before on that? So, there are, okay, before the 10 hours starts, maybe, is Rey arriving on the island being like, let's start training. Yeah. Luke being like, no. He throws a thing

and he catches some fish. There's a day. There's a day. There's maybe a day. There's a day. And then, but clearly, if the timeline matches up at all, a day on that island lasts an hour. Or, like, a bit more. Or a bit less. Because as soon as she shoots him, or shoots the wall, she sees those weird, like, creatures.

The nun creatures? The weird nun aliens? Great. Just an excellent choice. What a great addition. They added so much. Hilarious choice. Yeah, that was a good addition. What a great addition. They added... So much. Hilarious.

I was fucking a laugh a minute. Yeah, that was really good. They added... Oh! They were there because... They needed to be caretakers of the island because... So... That place looked so well looked after because...

Someone needed to milk that beach cow. Someone needed to teach Luke to milk the beach cow, I guess. Like, yeah, what the fuck? But yeah, that's the first time we see them, and then we see them a lot. Yeah, yeah, that's... So she shoots, and that's a scene when it started. Yeah, because then there's so much more.

There's that scene where he's going to teach you three lessons. So all those lessons haven't happened yet. Yeah, they haven't happened yet. So those lessons happen within 10 hours. With that cutting of the rock. Damn near everything Ray does happens over the course of 10 hours. Which is funny, because that means that, because let's assume, because otherwise it just doesn't make a fucking lick of sense, Damn near everything Ray does happens over the course of 10 hours Less than 10 hours Let's assume because otherwise it just doesn't make a fucking lick of sense

That that planet is very small So that a day takes an hour But that's funny because that means Ray sleeps For no reason It hits night time she's like I guess a half hour nap Maybe going down to the Sith anus Is like tiring I don't know

I don't know. I don't know why they couldn't have been like... It's very similar to Luke's training, to be honest. Yeah, he only had weeks. Not really. He had a lot more. No, he definitely had multiple days. He definitely had multiple days.

I think somebody did the math on that. I'm interested in finding out. How long were the rest of the gang trapped in hyperspace? Depending on how, like, I don't know. It's just time. Because Luke leaves at the end of the Battle of Hoth. Flat circus. Luke leaves at the end of the Battle of Hoth,

and then there's, like, they go to Cloud City. There's, like, maybe they're not at Cloud City long, but they never establish how long it takes to get to Cloud City. That's true. So it could be a lot of time. Yeah. This is like, yeah, okay. So that was stupid.

That's what I was looking up. Yeah. All right. That was something I did not like. It was kind of silly. The funniest part is if they just, like, they didn't fix Kylo Ren's scar, this is fine. Yeah, true. Because then you could be like, it could have taken place any time. Could have been any time. Yeah, yeah is fine. Yeah, true. Because then you could be like, it could have taken place anytime.

It could have been anytime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hated that the big fight where Kylo and Rey fought together, they were equally matched and equally skilled, even though Kylo Ren has been trained his whole life to be a Jedi and Rey just sat on a rock for 10 minutes. I actually thought Rey wasn't as skilled. She was, at one point...

She evenly matches him a bunch. She saves him at one point. Yeah, because it seems like he was taking on like three at a time and she was having trouble with one. What I kind of see... To me, it was kind of like it looks like he was taking on more they make a point of it in this movie though that snooks like you got beaten by her and like you're trained she's not and i think what they were trying to get at is that they keep doing this thing where

they're like where light rises dark matches it where dark rises light matches it so i think the point that or what they're trying to say is like oh it doesn't matter that kylo ren is more trained because the force is like, a balance is required. So the force makes Rey better. But that means that Rey hasn't earned what she's got. That's so sick. That's like, you do the work. Oh, fuck.

I'm feeling so powerful. Yes. Thanks, Kylo. You dig it. Looking it up. What if you got real, like, what if you went the opposite way? That's very funny, Zamit But it's also very bad character wise

What if Ray went the other way He's like, well I'm gonna hit the smokes 20 a day Yeah, fuck Fucking eat this delicious cheeseburger How many? 16 Look how chunky you're getting

Fuck you Well ultimately what he would want to do then is to die. Apparently, Luke's training took six months at the shortest. Oh. There you go. And two years at the most. Okay, so hang on. So six months, was it?

Yeah. Let me do some quick math. So six months. Sure, yeah. This is good. Six months. Or. Yeah.

Six months to two years. To two years. Or two, two Or. Yeah. Six months to two years. To two years. Or two, two years. Yeah. Or somebody said 30 minutes, but they were like basing that off screen time. So, don't worry about it. We'll put that there, but 30 minutes with a question mark. So, six months, two. So, how many months in a year?

We got 12. 12. Yeah. And 12 times two is? Is 24. Is 24. So, six to 24 months. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. All right. All right. Now, 10 hours. Sure. How many hours is... I'm sorry.

So, how many months is 10 hours? Oh, damn it. Is that 6? Is that 1? Hang on, let me just quickly... Sorry, sorry. How many days in a month, generally? 30.

Yeah, roughly 30. On average. So, 30 days... Sorry, sorry. How many days in a month, generally? 30. Yeah, roughly 30. On average. 30 days. Okay, okay. How many hours are in a day again? 24. That'd be 24. Wait, 24?

24 hours. 24 hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So 30 days is a month. That's a month, roughly. And there's 24 hours in a... In a day, yeah. Okay, so it's...

So half a day. Yep. That does seem less than six months. That's it. I've just got to say... Yeah, yeah, yeah. So half a day. Yep. That does seem less than six months. I was going to say, look at some math there. Half a day seems less than two years. Yeah. But she's still better than Kylo, who's been training his whole life. That's because of the whole balance that he trained for her.

I loved the moment he's like, sick, all right, put your mind out, feelings. And she's like, oh, I did it. I connected to the force. i did it was not hard like that like that oh yeah reach out and she reached out with her hand that was good that was good that at first on the outside seems like a quip but that's actually just a nice reference to the way yoda trained yeah he hit luke a lot he did but what i liked is that actually what i didn't like is you saw Luke with that branch or that bit of grass. Like he knew what was going to happen. But then as soon as he hit her in the hand, then he just threw it away.

I'm like, no. You planned this. Something I fucking loved, actually. Something I fucking loved about this movie is Rey's doing the study thing or whatever. She's frustrated that luke is giving her nothing the dark side's like hey fucking come over to the dark side you want to know who your parents are yada yada yada i can tell you some shit she like in that meditation thing goes to or starts going to the dark side or whatever yeah and then after being snapped out of it by luke

luke who is afraid of training people because of the darkness in them, is like, you got offered, the dark side offered you a thing and you didn't even fucking hesitate. You just went in. That was such a powerful scene. So good. Reinforced everything Luke was doing. I'm like, I see your side, Luke. Yeah. I'm 100%.

I get it. That's it. I get what's happening. Your fear is legitimate. That was great. Cool. That was sick. The B is like, he's like, you didn't even hesitate.

You didn't even hesitate. Fuck. But then when she went in the Sith butthole and touched a mirror, I was like, oh, that's what's down there? A mirror that makes you see you? What? I knew there was an end to this. I thought watching the movie.

Yeah, look, I'm stupid. It looked cool, the scene. Did it? Yeah, I loved when she was like, click. And it was like, click, click, click, click. And it like looped around her. That was cool. But it meant nothing.

Yeah. Okay, I'm an idiot. Yeah. What did that mean? Oh, no, nothing. What could it have meant? Because like, it's not saying that there... Let's try it.

Let's look at this like a metaphor or simile or like it represents something. Because obviously somebody thinks it does. Because it's a time delay. There's many copies of you. Yep. You're trying to find an answer. Is it like saying... Your parents are nobody.

So you ask who your parents are and you see a reflection of yourself. No, no, no. Because you always knew the answer. Because Kylo was like, you always know the answer. Yeah, you're always suspected. And so is it just like the answer's in yourself? Because if going down a Sith anus and the wisdom is like, the answer is within you all along,

is basically the same moral message as most 80s feel-good films are about. So to have the Sith anus being like, believe in yourself and the answer is within you is weird to have that in the Sith-ness. That should be in the Light-ness. Yeah. Also, second question, where was the Light-ness? Was that the tree? It's got to be, right?

Is the opposite of a tree a noose? Is the opposite of a tree a hole? Is that what's going on? Yeah. Was it like this represents several versions of yourself that you could be, Ray? They were all the same. Yeah, they were all the same. Yeah.

Was that evil seaweed around the noose? If that was just seaweed, was that like seaweed attracted to theose? If that was just seaweed Was that like seaweed attracted to the darkness? I don't know That's like I'm going to grow around the noose I'm bad seaweed I'm all evil up here Maybe and like I kind of don't want us to

Because this movie was very much like Yeah get rid of the past Which was what Kylo wanted to do And Rey was like, no! But then the movie did, but whatever. Maybe it'll be like, this is what the Jedi Temple looked like in its prime. That was the evilness where

the Dark Jedis went to train at the evilness mirror. And this tree is where we keep our six books. It's sick to be a Jedi. I don't quite understand Hey do you remember R2D2's in this movie? For two scenes he makes a joke where

Luke is like hey R2 and R2's like Technically Luke makes the joke He became Swear Boy He did he was Cussbot From Dinosaur Universe Film redeemed Once more we predict The future Film redeemed Once more we predict the future

I'm sure there are other things I hated in this movie Most of the characters gave me arseache Rose was nothing I liked Rose I liked her zapping Finn That was good I had to zap so many people Trying to ask Hang on a minute But then, like... I've had to have so many people trying to...

Hang on a minute. But then there was just nothing else to her character. And then her and Finn kissed for no reason. No, no, no, no. She kissed Finn. Finn didn't kiss back. Yeah, but, like... That was kind of a sweet thing.

Because, again, you've got to look at it from Rose's perspective, where it was like she's meeting her hero. Yeah. I guess. I'm just gonna- Hey, what? This hill is kinda pretty, but I don't need to be here.

I'm just gonna keep strolling past this hill. Yeah, that's fucking right. You keep walking. You keep looking for that hill. No, not this hill. This hill's- I'm gonna love the new base we're putting on this hill. Yeah, not helpful for me, this one.

Next hill, let's keep on. That's fucking right. You keep walking, army of Zammett. I think it's a shame that Finn actually had the same arc that Poe did, just a bit later. Poe's arc was like, hey, I can't make suicidal rushes. Finn's arc was like, I can't make suicidal rushes. Finn's arc was like, I can't make suicidal rushes. Finn's arc was more like good of the many over good of the few, I think.

Because he starts off with good of the few. Yeah, he's like, I need to save my friend Ray. But he ends it with being like, we need to save everyone. Or at least that's what I felt. He doesn't really learn that. Although it is kind of similar. It's basically the same. It's not exactly the same. It's very similar. Nah, because they're doing it for different reasons. Because fucking Poe is like guts glory and everything else or whatever.

And people are like ah but look what you're leaving behind you i suppose i suppose whereas finn is like i care about ray and people like but look about everyone around you yeah yeah i guess yeah i'm trying to think what other characters i didn't like i hated kylo ren what admiral hux white whatever the fuck his name was why like the most cartoonish skeletor ass villain who only exists so the heroes can make fun of him is not an

engaging character in a movie he became a lot more of a weak villain I much preferred him where he's like scheming behind the scenes scheming behind the scenes and he's like I have no force powers but I'm going to win because I'm just like, I'm not dictated by force powers either. Yeah.

Yeah. Also, another thing I didn't like, or maybe Slash didn't make sense, is then when Hux is there to be like, what happened to Pretty Boy? And Pretty Boy is like, oh, Rey killed Snoke. Why? Why did he lie? Yeah, I don't know. What's the point? Is it so that we can be like, oh, maybe he will come good

in the end. Maybe he's just scheming, but no, because he's like, what was... Hux is great. Why is he lying? Because he could be like, I killed Snoke, and then Hux could be like, how dare you? You are not that, and then he just chokes him. Because he choked him anyway. Yeah, that's true, actually. He killed him anyway.

He doesn't need to lie. In that situation, Kylo holds all the cards. he's the one in complete power he could be like i've killed him and then hux would be like okay and he's like well i'm the new fucking supreme and i'm gonna kill you and if you're not it hux has had his best when he encounters when kylo ren is lying unconscious on the ground and hux is slowly drawing his pistol I'm like fuck yes Hux that's the fucking villain I want to see scheming he's like these are the people

in power but they are actually a lot weaker than he's a weasel imagine if this whole trilogy had kind of been about like these people are powerful but they're like they are powerful but they are dictated by that power yeah like like

you remember the scene where and douchey disagrees but like that scene where it was like join me ray yeah if ray had said yes oh and then the last movie had been about this tiny forceless rebel alliance being like our greatest hero has turned they're you know, they don't even have to be like, yes, we're here. What hope is there if Ray's not? Oh, yeah, things we hated. If I hear the word hope in a Star Wars movie one more time, I think I'm going to, I think my body will reject itself and I will throw up my internal organs. Yep.

I hated how much they said hope. Yeah, I wish this movie had kind of been about, like, the force is bad no matter what power is the problem and these people have power and we as the rebels don't but we are going to you know with cooperation and with like like what the fucking what rose says you know no hate just love and then they're like and we we took them out and we're just measly humans and they're this powerful force but instead she's like no I'm a good guy no matter what. My reasoning for saving Finn, I'm not going to lie,

is something I wrote in a fan fiction when I was 16. So just letting you know the caliber of writing that is. Fair. Yeah, I really do agree with you. I would have loved to have that. Because again, if Rey had actually turned, or at least not turned, at least allied herself

with Kylo and they'd fucked off or something, then I'm like, okay, that's new. That's fresh. That's interesting. What is going to happen

in the next film? Because now I'm really curious because now we have these two Force users who are basically leaderless because both of their leaders are dead. Or maybe this one

you don't kill off Luke Skywalker. Yeah. And then you kind of have like, well, Snoke's now dead. You have these two off doing something. And you're like, they're not really Sith, and they're not really Jedi. So what are they creating?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so intrigued. And imagine the First Order and the Republic, no matter what you... When they... Neither of them have Force users in them. When neither of them have Force users in them, no matter what you do from that point it's interesting yeah imagine if they like keep fighting you're like it was

actually just never the force these people would were always fighting no matter what or imagine if they stop fighting it was the force what the fuck no matter what you do, it's interesting. Yeah, because you then have that already playing with those themes of Luke being like the Jedi. Exactly. They don't deserve this arrogant of them all. Absolutely. He's like, they were arrogant. The Sith sucked. Just using the force.

He cuts himself off from the force because he's like, it's no good. It's dangerous. But then it's like, oh, no, look, let's... Look, Rey is basically incorruptible. Rey is bae. Rey is bae. Sorry, hashtag. You know, and it...

I like that now Force ghosts can control weather. I also like that Yoda, who is meant to be the paragon of the light side, uses kind of Force lightning. That's true. It's very funny. He does. One thing I actually did like,

because we were discussing this the other day, being like, man, Yoda's a shitty teacher. Yeah. The whole quote, you know, do or do not, there is no try. I'm like, fucking, that's the worst advice you could ever want. Whereas this one is kind of like, look, I fucked it. I fucked up.

I'm so sorry. You know what's actually really important in life? Failing. Failing is so important. You know what's actually really important in life? Failing. Failing is so important. Failing is so important, everybody. Oh, my God. Fail away. Fail away.

You learn so much from failing. I can't believe I said some dumb shit. Please fail. You just got this really good line at the end where it's like, the tragedy of being a master is that they will accomplish what we never can. Yeah, that was good. That was a good line. And I liked that they destroyed the Jedi Temple. Yeah, that was good. That was a good line. And I liked that they destroyed the

Jedi temple. I thought that was mad. But not the books. And not the Nus. Because I feel like a lot of people might have cried if they did that. And it was frustrating that they... A lot of people like their books. They know who they are. And I said it earlier, but like, I'll say it again, it's very frustrating that Yoda was like, get rid of the Jedi's.

And Luke's like, yeah, get rid of the Jedi's. But then when he's fighting Kylo, he's like, there are more Jedi's. So you're like, I'll say it again. It's very frustrating that Yoda was like, get rid of the Jedis. And Luke's like, yeah, get rid of the Jedis. But then when he's fighting Kylo, he's like, there are more Jedis. So you're like, actually make a decision, Luke. And that ends with like, just like that random kid being the force user. And like, I like that because I'm like, yeah. Was he a force user? I don't know. No, he just had a broom.

No, I think he. I read that scene like he used the force to grab the broom. Last night when we were talking about it, a bunch of people were like, yeah, no, that broom jumps a little into his hand. Yeah, that's what I looked at. I was like, is that what's happening? Because I actually don't know. See, I thought that was going to happen and I was looking for it and I didn't see it.

When he first grabs it, I'm pretty sure it does jump a little bit. Yeah, that's what I looked at or what I noticed when I'm like, oh, sick. Because I always like me, you know, like a wild fucking Force user. And user and I'm like there's more of them in the galaxy that's good like this entire movie is the sort of thing where I'd want to watch it again just to just to double check my theory about how the timeline makes no fucking sense but also to be like did that happen the way I'm imagining because I know no way this movie is as bad as i think it is um and like getting a bit sort of like looking at in terms of commentary on like who owns us now and kind of think like this this movie came so close to making some really brave choices and i'm like i am wondering because it is owned by disney and

that kind of stuff are they pulling away from their yeah yeah probably hard-hitting punches you are never gonna get another empire because i Because I'm like... You can't. Nothing that dark is coming out of Disney. Because I'm like, Leia dying very early on, like within literally the first act, would have been like, oh, wow, they are not pulling their punches. Yeah.

You got rid of like, you know, like last movie we got rid of Han. This movie, straight away, Leia's gone. And then, you know, towards the end, yeah, Luke's gone as well. Like, that's the old guard. The old guard are gone old guard are gone yeah yeah yeah but they just didn't and even like killing off finn in that scene would have been like interesting yeah it's like okay here's someone we thought was going to be this new hero oh wow they are not pulling their punches here where is this going and yeah i yeah, I just felt no, like...

There was never any kind of... No questions, no wonder, no kind of, like, excitement that happens when I watch the original trilogy or even, weirdly, the prequels. Because even the prequels... Say you all love the prequels. You didn't know where they were going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, you kind of knew where they were heading, but you're kind of like,

Maybe George Lucas is going to be like, suddenly it's actually just a different universe. Sneaky parallel universe! Darth Vader doesn't turn evil in this one. He looks the same, though, but he's a good guy. He's a good robot. Yoda's the bad guy.

Yoda, do you understand? It's all circles. It's like poetry. Jar Jar's the key to all this. understand it's all circles it's like poetry Jar Jar's the key to all this oh you know what I hated oh my god how could I forget

BB-8 used a walker he got in a walker yeah fuck how amazing is we all talk like people go online they talk about

how Ray is good at everything how good is BB-8 at everything BB-8 is bae he fucking fixed a guidance system using the fonz technique of shoving his basically these fist equivalent of a head into the circuitry

electricity works like water in the star wars universe confirmed bb8 incapacitates like 10 city guard yeah what the fuck? That was like prequel level kind of dumb bullshit. The whole casino scene was like something out of the prequels. Like it just absolutely was. Yeah, the whole scene. Lots of CGI aliens, horses, everybody's riding an animal. Don't worry, guys. Yoda is going to be an actual awful looking puppet.

Yeah. Dreadful looking puppet. But we're also going have a cgi casino yeah like i get that like yeah because i hated the yoda puppet and i get that people like well in the original trilogy he was a puppet and people were mad that they cgi'd him up in um the prequels and i get that that's that's fair enough that you want to go back to a puppet but you can make it a good puppet yeah and also like this is why i hate with a cgi argument he's like you know you can do both yeah you can do puppet and cgi some of the best things are

a great mix of the two you just use them as tools and like that was make a thing it's the problem i have with so many uh marvel movies is you know like on the quip front is and it's that difference i've explained before between a quip and a gag where a quip is a joke that is designed to make me laugh yeah and a gag is something that is funny just happening in the universe yeah there were maybe like two gags and a billion quips in this movie yoda as a puppet exists just solely so people in the audience can be like he's a puppet that's a terrible reason to put anything in your film. BB-8. You make Yoda a puppet because you think the puppet looks good. Yeah, absolutely, because you're like, this is a good looking puppet and it's a great practical effect.

That's why people hated the CGI. The CGI looked bad. Yeah, exactly. People aren't, well, actually no, some people are like, it should always be a puppet. But, like, a lot of critique about that shit isn't, oh, um, this is why people talk shit about Yoda in the prequels, but not about all the stormtroopers. No one's complaining about the stormtroopers, because as CGI, they actually looked fine. Yeah. Yeah. What was the thing about Rogue One that reminded you of something you didn't like in Hope

Hope Hope Yep Yeah Made me want to vomit I understand episode four is called A New Hope What? Yes

This is new to me I don't know why they are making Hope a consistent theme throughout the movies Because they have not been through the previous ones No, it only seems to be Rogue One and this. Rogue One and this one. These are the two movies that are like, hope is the most important Star Wars theme. Did you not

know? Oh, oh, oh. Have you not been practicing? How have we forgotten, Adam? Dice! Do you remember in the original trilogy, Zahmet, how fucking important Han Solo's dice were? Oh my god, yeah. You know that scene in the original trilogy, Zahmet, how fucking important Han Solo's dice were. Oh, my God, yeah. You know that scene in the original

where Han Solo's being like, space magic, you know what? I don't believe it because I believe in luck and superstition. This is my lucky rabbit's foot. These are my socks. I haven't changed these underwear since 1943. And these lucky dice that I kiss

and rub on my forehead every single night before I go for bedding. I love them. And if I ever die, you should give them to the person I love most because these are so important to me. Yes, I remember that scene immensely. I watch it daily. Remember when Han Solo, he's getting dropped in the carbonite and Princess Leia is like, I love you. And he's like, I know. Also, these are my dice.

Make sure that you kiss them every night and rub them on your forehead and you'll think of me. I love you. Two quick things. First off, an annoying thing. Like, what the fuck, Luke? You didn't actually give her the dice? Yeah, absolutely. Why even?

Secondly, she just left him there. She did. That wasn't my second. My second was actually like, I'm so saddened. I'm legitimately saddened that it didn't turn out they were Lando Calrissians. And she's like, these aren't actually Hans. Do you not know? Because that's something I could imagine Lando Calrissian doing.

But like, also, yeah, like, she just left them there. Well, I think it's funny. She's like, whatever. Or maybe she's like, fucking Luke's a dickhead. He doesn't know shit. It's like, whose dice are these? It says Lando on the dice. I just think it's funny that he left those dice.

He was, when he's, like, back in his fucking rock, being like, I'm having a cardiac arrest, but I'm going to keep using the force to make those dice stay where they are because those dice disappeared a long time after he did. So there was a bit of him just keeping those dice there for no reason, unless he's like, this is what's going to turn Kylo. He'll find his daddy's dice.

Kylo Ren picking them up. He's like, I'm flashing back, back to him as a kid in the Millennium Falcon. Hey, Ben, it's me, your dad, Han Solo. Check out these dice that I love. Look at this. I'm going to make this a mobile I made of all my lucky items.

I'm going to be a bad father to you, but a good one to these dice. Yeah, this is my dice. This is my rabbit's foot. This is my underwear again. Look at all these lucky things. You're a lucky boy, man. Dad, come on, I know about the dice. Yeah, that's right, because I've established it.

So lucky. I was reading a bit about the trivia, and they were saying that it was sort of semi-ruman for, like, Billy T. Williams to maybe reprise his role as Lando, but then like, Raine Johnson was like, no, that was never the case. Although, how perfect would it

have been if he was in the casino? I was kind of expecting it. I was almost expecting him to be the hacker. Yeah, right? Oh my God, imagine. Oh, fuck. But imagine if that was the scene where he's like, Benicio Del Toro, he's like, hey, one last heist or whatever, and this is my guy who's

bankrolling it. Oh, it's L, hey, one last heist or whatever, and this is my guy who's bankrolling it. Oh, it's Lando. Oh, sick. Holy shit. No, but Lando Calrissian as the hacker would have been great. Would have been just a nice little, here he is. I mean, I guess they never established that Lando Calrissian was a master hacker. But they also never established that he wasn't. Exactly.

They kind of established him as an ace pilot, so that's kind of good. That's true. At least the parts that could click do click Yeah I'm trying to think if there's anything else I hated Because it was most of it I rolled my eyes a lot in this movie I groaned audibly a lot

I clutched at my heart Because the quips were poisoning me This movie is like two and a half hours long And I think I enjoyed 15 minutes of it I felt like this was a very short To me it didn't feel long I felt like two and a half hours long and i think i enjoyed 15 minutes of it yeah i felt like this is a very short to me it didn't feel long i felt sure really yeah i felt like it was a breeze i oh yeah the pacing as well was terrible because it's like let's spend 90 of our time in space and then 10 on the planet three's that was annoying yeah they finished the film and then they're like and another yeah yeah i was i grabbed my wallet and I'm like, ah, I'm going to leave. Oh, no.

No, no, they're back. They're on this salt planet now. Okay. Sure. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Those crystal foxes, they didn't annoy me as much as I thought they might.

Do you mean crystal critters? Crystal critters? Sorry, they're called crystal critters. Did you not know? Somebody says it. Come on. They annoyed me because they were like, again, real prequely and also like... Also, why is everyone

all the TIE fighters, the best way to fight against them is to fly through something that only the Millennium Falcon could ever fit through because it's thinner. That bigger ship. Because it's thinner. Yeah. For some reason. I don't know. And I was watching that and I'm like, Chewie didn't know there was an out to this cave.

Like he could have very easily turned a corner and hit a wall. That entire thing was them. The next episode is going to be great because they've literally at this point used every fucking thing from the original trilogy. Yeah. That flying through the salt thing or whatever was just the Death Star flight from episode 6. Oh, the trench run? Yeah, it was. No, not the trench run.

When they go into the Death Star. Oh, right, right, right. That's what that was. I reckon if you lined those two scenes up, you could find, like, reused footage. Oh, and, like, again, you got the noose pit. It was basically, like, the original noose pit. Yeah, Starlack. Yeah, absolutely.

They reuse so much. It's really gross. I hate it. They've had two battles and a half. Yeah. No. He said it was salt. He had a lick.

Yeah. It was that whole scene with Jackson's dad. Yep, you're right. What's funny about that is those guys were in the trenches, and one guy's like, Is this salt? Like, in his head. Everyone's like, You look distracted, man. He's like about that is those guys are in the trenches and one guy's like, is this salt? Like in his head. Everyone's like, you look distracted, man. He's like, yeah, yeah.

He's gonna have some. There's salt. Everyone's like, yeah, guy. Imagine if it had been like good. Let's just do it. Fuck. Gross. Why'd he taste it? For what reason? He's like, I could go some salt.

If he had, like, I don't know, a nice lamb kebab in his other hand, and was like, I need something. Needs a bit of salt. Oh, salt that shit up? I'd be like, yeah, I get this now. Fuck. It's just like, you know... Oh, remember, another thing I hated.

Yeah. So, this is just tacked on to something we've already discussed. So, you know how Luke, likeke like dies but then doesn't but then does die yeah so the first time when kylo ren slashes at him there's a scene kylo like you don't actually see luke get hit kylo ren runs through him and then you see kylo ren's boots along the salt and it kicks up the white salt and you see the red underneath. And I'm like, oh, my God, they can't show blood. But that, like, red slide. Oh, that's so, like.

Good and symbolic. Yeah, that's so amazing. Oh, my God. Oh, he's not. No, he's not. He's not dead. Because I noticed, like, when that was happening, like, Luke wasn't leaving footprints. Yeah.

Like Jesus. I don't. Wow. Luke wasn't leaving footprints. Yeah. Like Jesus. I don't... Luke was walking on the beach, but there was only one set of footprints. Kylo looked at Luke and was like, where were you? Floating. Floating.

I can float. I'm actually a force ghost. Sick. And Kylo looked to Luke and said, where were you? And and Luke said see you around and that disappeared nothing hurting with that fight after he gets shot with a bunch of lasers

Luke comes out and brushes his shoulder fuck off who was that for that was for us quip nosebleed nosebleed happened fucking hell Samit Jesus Christ Luke has never been established As like a cocky fucking

That's a Han Solo move Luke was cocky maybe At the beginning of episode 4 Don't get cocky, kid That's the first lesson he needs to learn But in this he's like If he'd done that and it'd be like I'd be like, you know what I mean?

It felt like something out of a fucking Western. Not even like it was terrible. It made me so unhappy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was an eye rolling moment for me. A hundred percent.

Just before that though. Like an all right. Once again, I'm like, Hux is great when he's like these dumb fucking force users. When they blast the shit out of Luke and it's just overkill in the extreme and Hux orders them to stop and is like, you think you got him? Yeah. That was not a quip.

That was like a gag for me. Absolutely. That was like Hux being like, what the fuck? There were some, there were gags in this where it was like a joke made by a character in character. Yeah. I did like when Luke did a Neo. That was cool.

Yeah, I guess. He did a slide underneath was cool I guess he did a slide underneath Do you remember because I was saying this to Adam before Or maybe I was saying it to you So they're all in a cave Because they're like oh there must be a way to get in Because that's how Luke got in But he just teleported in so they were wrong But they were lucky because there was a cave

And they're going down the cave And they're like we're trapped in the cave. Fuck. What are we going to do? Luke and Kylo are fighting or whatever. And then there's like this light and then it cuts to Rey lifting rocks. What was that light? That would have been the light shining through when Rey opens the hole.

No, but the light's everywhere. In every scene of Kylo and Luke, there's light on like the edges of the vision it's a bit of yoda just yoda's just around i'm just doing some stuff it's just very i'm like what what because i was like has something massive arrived that is shining light down we discussed how luke didn't tell them shit yeah luke just shows up hands the duck presumably presumably because they don't even know that he's a force ghost presumably luumably Luke shows up, walks over to Leia, they say nothing, hands her the dice and he leaves without saying

and no one is like, what's going on? Oh my god, Luke Skywalker, in our moment of need you have arrived! There's that moment where it's a debate and it's almost like a theological debate happening It's very reminiscent of Life of Brian, where it's like oh, the Messiah wants us to do this no he wants to do this because

it's like oh he wants us to go out and help no he's buying us time he wants us to leave and there's no confirmation or whatever like that it's just like poe is like look i'm the i'm handsome so follow me and with yeah all right fair you're like okay i'm gonna google his picture again no please do show me as well He's such a babe Oh my god Oh my god, we're back to babes It's just that my auto is correct But yeah, there's this weird Almost, yeah, theological debate about like

Because he's basically space Jesus Yeah, yeah He's come to town And you're like, what's he gonna do? What's going on? Oh, he's so good looking So babe and dreamy Hey, you know what I like?

This is like such an irrelevant thing, but it made me laugh. You know, like the uniforms that the like Finn and Rose and that get in. What are those nipple things? What uniforms are they? Like the uniforms of like the... Imperials? The Imperials. They have on their thing like two little like, where you put a pen.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Little, like, silver nipple tubes. What's in them? I don't know. I was going to say, there's a scene I love. Maybe pens. Chewing tobacco. I would imagine actual pens.

I was going to say, there's a scene I liked, but actually I didn't like in the Star Wars film. Okay. It's, like, it's a good scene, but we're like a shot. But so that bit where it looks like a spaceship coming down and you automatically in my head, I'm like, that just looks like an iron. And then it pulled back and it was an iron. And it was like, oh, good gag. But I'm like, that was good.

But it felt not. Unfortunately, Zamit, that scene killed me. And I'm a ghost now and soon will be going to heaven. It didn't feel like it should be in this... You know what I mean? It felt like something out of Spaceballs. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it felt like the giant lady vacuuming a sand planet. Yeah. Because it just felt like, yeah, that just looks like an iron. Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay. Hilarious. Good gag.

So funny. Rest in peace, Jackson Bailey. 1999. Quick question. How long have we been shitting on this movie so far? It's a one hour 40. And another thing. Yeah.

I don't know if we've mentioned this. We sort of talked about this before. But the whole Laura Dern's character. Laura Dern. Not giving. Laura Dern. Not letting anyone in on her plans. Yeah.

I don't know why she did that. Why? Yeah. Because maybe you can understand she's like need to know basis. But when Poe is literally becoming insurrectionalist. Yeah. Like let him in. Yeah.

Whatever. Because I realized like, oh, it's not just him making that mutiny. He gets his other, like the other generals or the other people on his side to form a mutiny. It's like at that point, Laura Dern, don't you think you'd be like, Oi. Okay, okay, okay, post, sorry. When the blaster is pointed at you.

Yeah. This is the plan. The amount of people, if she told everyone, the amount of people that are going to complain if she's like, Hey, so the ship's actually not going to track the escape pods. So we can just escape in them to a rebel base. So don't stress, gang. Yeah.

And everyone's like, oh, that's nice to hear. Let's do it. Because then also maybe you wouldn't have sent off Finn and Dickhead. Yeah, for a largely useless mission. Yeah. They did achieve nothing. Not largely, actually. They achieved nothing.

It did achieve nothing. There was no point to it. They just got captured. I know. And so that's so frustrating because you're like, why? Did that get anyone killed? No, it didn't. Yeah, but Laura, yeah, it did because-

Them, like Rose and Finn... No, no, no, their little side mission. Yeah. Who did it? Who? The people that end up getting shot by the transport. Because they, Rose and Finn met Benicio del Toro, who then sold them out.

The whole reason that plan did not work is because Poe Dameron sent them away. Yeah. That's the whole reason why they lost a lot of people. Yeah. And that's not on Poe Dameron No Not that handsome man

He's blameless He's not in Teflon Teflon Dameron Oh also the people that Laura Dern Had to herself murder Don't you remember that When the aliens That are doing a mutiny

Have them lined up with their... Oh, presumably. No, no, she's stunned. Yeah, they brought back stun shots. That's right, they brought back... I forgot they brought back stun shots. That's a good point. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And again, another thing that annoyed me is why did Laura Dern... Why were you the one that was like, I know what to do. This someone needs to stay here to man this ship. It'll be me. Why? Oh, how have we not touched this yet? You're a vice admiral. You are clearly someone who is very important.

I know we shouldn't be like some people are more important than the others, but in a military setting, yes, there are. Or get Leia. Get Leia. Leia would have been a much better... I understand this is of course coming after the fact but

it would have been a nice send off for the Princess Leia's character to be like or Queen Leia's character to be like I'm one of the old

guard being like I just need to my time is done I'm you know I'm old I'm coming to an end the

the rebellion needs you know new blood or new hope. The rebellion needs new hope. No, no. But imagine if, because then you're setting up Laura Dern, you're like, well, you're going to fulfill that kind of, like, tough, you know, general kind of, like, role in the films. And you set that up laura dern's character as someone who is not just um someone who is like believes in like the the

the rebellion but someone who is like i'm not here for glory yeah i'm the opposite of you poe dameron i but like that was so cool about her character she's like i don't care about me yeah she's like i'm not whatever i mean like, what was that line? She cared so much about keeping the lights on or she cared so much about the lights. She didn't mind that she wasn't in it or something like that. Yeah. Which is great. And so it's like, why didn't she like, or just like draw straws.

Or hey, something. Or you know what? Almost definitely doesn't have rights in the Star Wars universe. Fucking droids. You know what you have? Hey, see? That presence in this trilogy is largely worthless. fucking droids. You know what you have? Hey, see for yourself. That golden Your presence in this trilogy is largely worthless.

Imagine if you gave him that role. What do we need with a protocol droid? A fucking very old protocol droid. If you did Leia as well, if Leia had been the one to jump the ship to lightspeed as well, imagine then you could still have, like, Leia comes to Luke as a force ghost.

Yeah, absolutely. And then Luke going to the, you know, like Leia being like they're in trouble on fucking crate or whatever it was called. Yeah. Get fucking over there. Imagine like Luke's still conflicted. Imagine you don't shoehorn Yoda into this shit. Leia sacrifices herself and is like, Luke, they need your help.

Yeah. Oh, oh. shit, Leia sacrifices herself and is like, Luke, they need your help. Yeah. Imagine instead of that fucking bullshit R2D2 scene, Leia could come in as a force ghost and be like, this is the throw, this is, hey, subtle fucking wink to that scene,

but not shoe or app. Not actually that scene. I like that we've done several what did we think ofs. And now in two of them, two members have just thrown a deck of cards at the desk in anger. Yeah. I'll be right back. I'm getting something to drink. Nah, nah, fair.

Yeah. Like, imagine Leia turns up there and she's like, Luke, you need to save us. You're our only hope. Yeah. Oh. Oh, my God. My pants full of jizz. The person sitting next to me in the cinema being like, oh, my God.

Holy shit. Like. There you go. Instead of being like, hey, you remember that scene? Let's literally do that scene. Holy fuck. Help me, Luke Skywalker. You're their only hope.

Oh, my God. She's all a force ghost And it's ah fuck But instead we got And that means that the next movie is going to have to start with Leia's funeral Because I don't know will it Well they don't have anything filmed

The opening crawl is like Leia is dead Because I remember When she did pass away They were mentioning that Everything is being filmed I thought it was just for this film Dad. Because I remember when she did pass away, they were mentioning that, like, yeah, everything is being filmed. I thought it was just for this film. As in, like, yeah, that film was...

Everything for this film has been filmed. But I was wondering, because I think they did say, like, don't worry, like, there is a place for... I put some of your Malibu in this Coke. Enjoy, mate. I Malibued up my coffee before. It was good.

Boozy, boozy boys. I've had no malibu. Sober as a fucking fox. Yeah, go on. Yeah, so they were talking about, like, there is a place for her in the next film, whatever that one's going to be called. And I assumed that they were going to be like- A short funeral scene, presumably.

I don't know, because I feel that's a little bit on the nose. Yeah, it kind of is. But that's why it feels like they should have gotten rid of it this time, because they also said that they're not going to hideous, uncanny valley her like they did in Rogue One. Yeah, yeah. Fingers fucking crossed. No, we're going to respect

her when we CGI her. Talking. Fucking. Peter Christian. Fuck you. We'll look after. There's your cards back, Adam. So, yeah, I don't know what they will do with Leia. Because, again, it just seems like either she could just be, like, retired to somewhere else. Yeah, you're right.

There's kind of nothing they can do that feels... I mean, of course, when you're writing this film and shooting this film, you didn't know she was going to pass away. You don't expect it, absolutely. So, yeah, but at the same time, like like it would have been nice to kind of have and i think everybody would have completely understood if when she had passed away they were like well we're gonna the release date might you know we've got to change things so the release date people wouldn't have understood there's like you could have done a lot of you could have done a lot with just a look

yeah what's that kushov effect or something like that you could have done a lot with just a look. What's that Kushov effect or something like that? You could have done, like, they have scenes of her on the bridge. It wouldn't have been too hard to take a lot of the scenes where she's looking meanfully towards the camera when, like, Kylo Ren's, like, entourage shoots the bridge, you could have done some stuff like that, but in place of... Laura Dern. Laura Dern. Yeah.

Firing herself. You could have fixed some stuff up, and it wouldn't be hard to make her sitting in the base look like her sitting as a Force ghost near Luke. Yeah, true. Yeah. And again, you could kind of have like... Because I think the scene where Laura Dern is kind of on the bridge

and sort of turns around and kind of shoots off the ship, it is sort of from far away. So you could alter it a little bit, get it on like a stand-in or a double. Yeah, it could be done. Yes, it'll add more to the filming and yes, it'll kind of do that kind of stuff. But even then, that would seem on the nose. Hey, you know, they like spent 50 million to remove Superman's

mustache so dumber things have been done with CGI yeah that's true that's true like I started to list this thing being like look I could be convinced that this was a worse film than I thought and like I don't think you have

convinced me it's still just a blip on my radar. I almost put this, because I recently watched Valyrian Steel and Faces of Ships or whatever that movie was called. Yeah, and A Thousand Faces of Ships. I kind of feel the same, having watched that and this. It's weird that I'm like, they're both on the same par. They were both sort of space operary kind of stuff. Although Rihanna was much better in Verian than she was in this film. Because I don't think she was.

Yeah, I can't remember her Rihanna in this film. Which is crying shame. Sorry, what was this? Rihanna. She was really good in Valerian, but wasn't in Star Wars. Oh, yeah. She was the, like, best part of Battleship, the movie. Sorry, I'm just looking at pictures of Poe down.

Like, fair enough. He's a bad one. And, like, again, I'm just looking at pictures of Poe down there. Like, well, fair enough. He's a bad guy. And, like, again, I've recently watched that, um, the Netflix Star Trek series, Discovery. Discovery, yeah. And I had a better time watching that, like, than I did with this film. Yeah. And I don't know, that's a, that's definitely not a good thing. Things we liked.

Finn is still wearing Poe's jacket. That was good. From episode seven. That's kind of funny. Poe's jacket that was good from episode 7 that's kind of funny Poe has not asked for it back Poe no they like have an exchange

in episode 7 where Finn's like oh you can have your jacket back and Finn's like nah it looks sorry Poe's like nah it looks good on you it's cool they're the same size

yeah that is it's lucky I don't know things I really enjoyed I liked the again the diversity of the cast was amazing it was just

really good one step forward two steps back written and directed I liked, again, the diversity of the cast was amazing. It was just really good. One step forward, two steps back. Written and directed by a white man. Yeah. One step forward, two steps back. Warwick Davis plays a leprechaun. So I did like that.

I really enjoyed the character of Rose. I know you guys didn't. It's not that I didn't. She was just a blip on the radar. I did not. I really liked her character, and I really liked her arc as well, and I really liked how she was hero-worshipping Finn. It still comes to terms with he's just a kind of person,

and then kind of going back to maybe hero-worshipping a little bit. That's a weird relationship. I hate it. I just didn't even see that. Anyway. Again, look, it's a pretty hill. I hate it. I just didn't even see that. Anyway. Again, look, it's a pretty hill. I'll have to observe it, but

I'm just going to back away. You're sad that you lost that hill because it had some strategic value, but you don't need... You fight because you love the people that hide behind you, not because you hate the people that stand in front of you. A line from a fan fiction i wrote

when i was 16 oh fuck adam that's beautiful um yeah really like that loved um carrie fisher's performance uh some of the color and racing's really nice my heart's beating a little quickly just looking at these pictures I loved how handsome Poe Dameron was Me too, big fan right here Yeah but all in all I think like This isn't prequel bad for me But this is not great

And I think it's an average film It is Below average 4 out of 10 Look I think it's an average film. It is below average. Four out of ten. Look, two out of ten. Yep. First of all. Same.

Despite Adam's song, I think that the diverse cast was still great. Again, it was one of the first films that I've watched where I'm just like, it just is. And I think that's wonderful, especially considering that the original trilogy was not that diverse. I think it was just really nicely done. I think that most of it was just like a haphazard mess where people were more concerned about making people laugh

and go, ah, than creating any kind of like reasonable or logical story or interesting interesting characters i felt like most of the characters were pretty much garbage yeah um i was really excited for it yes but i was very disappointed in the end i just thought like largely it was it was on par with justice league for me if not yeah maybe a bit worse wow yes like genuinely words right to the fuck out of my mouth i think it had the same eclectic nonsensical scattergun approach to editing it had the same we're really in this just to make an audience go wow we're looking for surface level reaction to everything um we're more concerned about like that that like holy shit, Yoda's back excitement

than like actually telling a story that was in any way interesting. And I think the pacing was terrible. Yeah, it was probably on par with Justice League for me in terms of terribleness. But Justice League was at least just like silly. Like Justice League, it was like... I was bored. Justice League didn't feel like...

Even the prequels, I would say overall I liked. I've liked every Star Wars movie up until this one. So this is why it felt like an actual betrayal that this movie is so bad. I'm like, I am so extra mad just because this is bad. I kept trying to convince myself through the whole thing. I'm like, it can't be this bad. Force One was pretty good. Like, it had be this bad. Force One was pretty good. Like, it had its problems, but Force One was pretty good.

So it seems wrong that this would be as bad as it is. But hey, look, it's got 86% on Metacritic and a 95%... Yeah, 94, 95% on Rotten Tomatoes. So clearly we're in the minority. Enjoy your space opera, nerds. What did I give Rogue One Like a 9 or a 10 out of 10? I think so

I would probably say that stays I was so happy with the earlier movies Yeah, I'm a backpedal I think Rogue One for me is a 2 Yeah, alright You're wrong, but that's cool Like what you like If you i was like yeah you're wrong but that's cool whatever look like look like what you like if you if you watch this film and you're like you guys uh you are the

piss babies yeah uh for disagreeing in fact not like this fair enough like you guys like what you you absolutely like fantastic if you can look at this and be like this is fantastic and amazing and take consolation in the fact that you are with basically everyone in the audience who we saw the movie with. If you're like, this is great and really champions the story of Star Wars and it's another exciting chapter and you're looking forward to what comes next.

Well done, but I don't know. Rogue One took the wind out of my sails when it came to Star Wars and this one was like, oh, that mast is still standing. Let me just kick it a bit. Yeah. And like, it's not falling over. It's just wobbling. And that's sort of where I'm standing right now with the Star Wars.

I'm assuming the Han Solo film is going to burn my boat whilst kissing it on my face. You're going to be kid... You're going to be Shang Hei. Hacked by pirates is what's going to happen. Don't stress about that. It's fine. It's got the same director it's always You know it's the same white

White male director One step forward Two steps back I hear they're CGI-ing Woody Harrison's mustache out Of Han Solo CGI-ing Woody Harrison's face out And putting Harrison Ford's original face

Did you just say I hear they're CGI-ing Woody Harrelson's face out and putting Harrison Ford's original face on. Did you just say I hear they're CGI-ing Woody Harrelson's moustache out of Han Solo? What? Oh, Han Solo's the name of the film. Yeah. Right. Solo. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought for a second you were going to be like, they're CGI-ing, like, I don't know, Henry Cavill's moustache out of Justice League and into I struck a deal with Warner Brothers we'll give you one of the shitty events if you let us get all that footage of

Henry Cavill's mo we know you must have the deleted files of Henry Cavill's mustache you separate the mustache from the film, and it has its own thing where it's moving around. We're going to add it in as a monster in the new story. I can't want it, bro. You didn't make your money.

We're giving you an out. Who do you want? We'll buy that mustache. Just in the background, there's a little hairy worm moving about. You saw me, you were so low. Oh, yeah, there's a little hairy worm moving about. You saw a mirror, Solo. Oh, yeah, it's a giant heart. They enlarge it. JJ Abrams leans over and is like,

you know how much money we spent on that? Too much. Worth every penny. You can see, you know, I hear you can see the mustache saying the words Batman you can see the mustache saying the words I love justice and we are part of

a league but yes look at the end of the day if you love that movie that's awesome because like look it's genuinely down to your personal opinion I'm probably not going to think about Star Wars again and I'm also not the kind of like opinion. I'm probably not going to think about Star Wars again. And I'm also not the kind of, like, I'm not the audience. I don't care about Star Wars.

Yeah, I know. The thing is, I am. Sitting there in that crowd last night, I'm like, I don't give a shit about space politics. The thing is, I love Star Wars. I grew up with it. I'm a fan of the Star Wars sort of, like, story. And unfortunately, like, I didn't, I don't think I went into this excited because I kind of was, like media um i don't want to say media dead what's the word i'm looking for i don't know what do you mean like a blackout media blackout oh yeah um oh yeah i i was avoiding spoilers as

well so i avoided spoilers i avoided trailers i had no idea what the fuck was going in so i was coming in as complete clean slate i was very excited and i just yeah i don't know it was just kind of like. I was looking forward to it because I quite enjoyed Rogue One and Force Awakens. I was like, this should be pretty good because those other movies have been good. I didn't expect it to be bad. In fact, I think we made a joke before going in being like, imagine if it was bad and we had to go on the Steel Wars podcast and be like,

it sucked. That sucks, guys. It was prequel bad. We were just, but like, because we never expected it to be as disappointing and terrible as it was. But again, if you loved sucks, guys. It was prequel bad. We were just, but like, because we never expected it to be as disappointing and terrible as it was. But again, if you loved it, awesome. No way.

And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've been Adam. Bye. Enjoy your Star Wars. Good luck finding that fan fiction. Thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter,

you can find us at Sandspants Radio, or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead. And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to SandspantsRadio.com and you'll find all our other content there. There's heaps!

And if you want to support us, head to SandspantsPlus.com Thank you again for listening, and we'll find all our other content there there's heaps and if you want to support us head to sanspansplus.com thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time goodnight for now but not forever kisses