Plumbing the Death Star - What Do We Think Is Going To Happen In Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them? (Feat. Adam)

Episode Date: November 16, 2016

In which our heroes wonder what is going to happen in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them? We usually write longer ones but we're running late for our movie. LOOTCRATE! Shit. Gotta spruik that! lootcrate.com/letmedie. Perfect. Got it one! And as always you can follow along on twitter with #letmedie. We did it boys! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio from brain to butthole. Hey everyone, and welcome to a very special midweek celebration of all things magical here on Plumbing the Death Star. As today, we ask the question, what do we think is going to happen in the film, the Harry Potter spin-off, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them? Spectacular. What a spectacular intro that was for everybody. Well done, gang. And before we get into the episode, today's episode...

I said episode too many times there. Before we get into the conversation, today's episode... Into the dialogue. Before we enter the dialogue, today's episode has been brought to you by Lootcrate. So if you head to

lootcrate.com forward slash let me die and then use the coupon code let me die. That's two let me dies. Let me die twice as many lives as you have. All lowercase, no caps. One word, no spaces. Let me die. If you enter that in you get

some money off a loot crate subscription that's bloody good and yeah that's that's ripple all right so fb and wtft fantastic beasts and where to find them what do we think's gonna happen will he find them well but will he only learn where to find them? Well, this is part one of a five-film trilogy. It's not quite a trilogy. It's like Quintoplogy. The five-film Quintology. Quintlet.

It's Quintlet? The paste. Quint's paste. Yeah. No, so it's going to be a lot of movies. I'll be honest. I'm looking a bit forward to it. Nope. Not interested. I know you're not. Why are you why are you coming adam's here and like we've been like look

i was told it was free movie tickets and i am always down for free movie tickets we didn't hear wrong so that's a good start that's true yeah no i i'm so excited i like plus i'll be in the city anyway i'm I'm tentatively excited. Like, I liked Harry Potter. Like, I've watched the fucking last Harry Potter movie like eight million times because it's the only thing Ryder watches. Fuck, every time I come home from the studio,

Ryder will be just halfway through the movie and I'm like, all right, I'm watching it again. Fuck yeah, I like the part where Harry and Voldemort get a bit mushed. What? Get a bit mushed when they're stuck on the train together? No, don't they jump off- Oh, they kind of squish together.

Yeah, they jump off a cliff when Voldemort's like, Oh, we're going to end this the same way we started it, together. What a dumb line, Harry. What I like is, you know Voldemort hugging Malfoy was entirely, like it was improvised by whatever his place? You fucking can definitely tell. It's so good, and Malfoy was entirely like it was improvised by whatever his place. You fucking can definitely tell. It's so good and Malfoy's shock is just real because he's like

are we allowing this? My boy! My boy! Who has one son? Harry Potter is dead. You know what I like about Voldemort's evil laugh? Other villains, they have an evil laugh,

and it sounds like they're mocking you. Voldemort sounds like he's having a genuinely great time. Like he's genuinely amused. Well, actually, a link between Voldemort and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is Eddie Redmayne's character... Well, Eddie Redmayne is an actor in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,

but his character in Jupiter Ascending has pretty much a Voldemort voice yeah that's true he does mother that's a good act damn mother are you excited for it

I'm on the fence I'm happy to be going to a midnight screening that's not about superheroes yeah same I wonder if maybe that's just the only reason I'm looking forward to it

it won't be that different and as like our listeners may have keen-eared listeners may have noticed already that Z zamit is not in this episode that's because that son of a bitch was like oh it's my birthday the next day i don't want to i don't want to go see a movie so we've got adam instead yep and also i was allowed to come along and also rider is coming rider will he's also gonna ride he's gonna be there and he will definitely be in the what did i was about to ask he's gonna be hell or high will definitely be in the What Did We Think episode. I was about to ask. Come hell or high water.

Great film. No one in this room is against that, Jack. No, but Ryder is. The funny thing is Ryder's not going to hear this before we ask him. He's never going to hear it regardless. He's going to be made to watch it without knowing. It's going to be good. And not to talk about it without knowing.

Yeah. So I should say that while i am very very certain that there's going to be a lot of dumb pandering that i'm gonna hate like i might there's possibly i might like it anyway or maybe there won't be i'm open to both possibilities but i'm not going in very looking forward necessarily to it i just think that i don't know what like there's a couple of interesting things in here that i'm kind of looking forward to getting explored. His mate, the, like, nomad.

He's just a muggle. Like, what if we had just a muggle protagonist in a movie? That's awesome. Is he gonna be the protagonist or is he gonna be a dumb sidekick? Even if he's a side character, like, it's always wizards getting their fucking wizard dicks together. I guess, yeah. I like that, and in all the trailers, this guy just looks so sad that he's not a wizard.

I want to be a wizard. Why aren't I a wizard? Is he going to turn into... Just like a squib, but if you try hard, you can do magic. Oh, God, I hope. Oh, God, I hope that by the third movie, he's like, I can do spells.

And they're like, just turn magic On it's head for this movie Well they turned time travel on it's head For the cursed child Nothing's sacred Do we even know what the plot of this movie is going to be? Yes I know a little bit

I know that it's like Newt Scamander Salamander or Scamander? He's come to America from the Britain He brought a briefcase Full of ghouls Salamander or Scamander? Scamander. He's come to America from the Britain. He brought a briefcase. Full of ghouls. Full of fantastic beasts. Fantastic beasts that is somewhere loose in New York that he's after,

but also his monsters get loose. Yeah, and so he's got to collect them all. That sounds neat. That sounds like a kind of... Some Pokemon nonsense. Like a rollicking adventure. You know what I mean? Yeah, and it's set in the 1920s. No, 1920s to 40s.

Flapper? The Flapper era. I think that's 30s. Yeah, it's 30s. Because it's after World War I, but it's before World War II. But I don't think it's a Great Depression either. No. I don't think the wizards went through a Great Depression.

They bloody shouldn't have. If they did, that's fucking stupid of them. Wizards have their own economy. Get out of ours. Keep your grubby wizard myths away from my economy. I like that the American Ministry of Magic is called the Continental

Magical Congress or something in the United States. That's so good. That's alright. I kind of like that. I have this feeling, and I probably will prove to be untrue, but that I'm going to enjoy The wizard government A lot more in America Than I do in Britain

Seems like it's going to be A lot like more well organized I hope so much I don't know Um Uh Colin Farrell

Yeah Yeah I don't know Much about his character But I I hope so much That he's like A magic detective Who's on the heels

Of Newt That I want to see because like what kind of a movie are we watching like i know it's fantasy but like what what's the the genre here like is it a mystery is it like an adventure no but like yeah no i know what you mean yeah like harry potter is kind of no going in is it cut yeah exactly yeah harry potter say is a coming of age hero's journey sort of story yeah story or like the chosen one but like i don't know what fantastic beast is it going to be like that where it's like oh colin farrell is trying to figure out catch this guy but like a bit of a

magical catch me if you can like oh oh don't even mention that great movie in the presence of this one but like until i've proven that it's a doubt, even within the ballpark of this. Catch me if you can. But yeah, what I think is that they're setting up to do like a... Because you know they've got Johnny Depp playing Grindelwald or whatever. In the third or the second one. One of them. Well, yeah.

But like maybe they're setting up to be like, hey, let's explore, like, Wizard World War II. That'll be all right. Somebody should. Well, it's just weird, because, like, it just seems like, okay, so if they call this, they've called this Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, what's the next one going to be called? Well, Ryder was suggesting it'll be, like,

Fantastic Beasts and... Who found them. Got them. Got them good. No, but it'd be, like, Fantastic Beasts and the something, something, like, you know, it's like Harry Potter, and there'd be, like, Fantastic Beasts and the something you know it's like Harry Potter and the it'd be like Fantastic Beasts unless they go with Newt Scamander

and the oh yeah they could yeah they could I think Fantastic Beasts and such rolls better off the tongue because otherwise it'd be like the first as though the first Harry Potter movie was called like Hogwarts and the and then just the

subsequent ones were Harry Potter and then you know what I mean? So it's got to be Fantastic Beasts and though. Not necessarily. Mighty Ducks, the first one was called Champions. True, true. And D3 was the last one. Yeah, if you're looking at this, I turned it off now. I was playing Pokemon for the first part of this episode.

I was idly looking at it. I wasn't. Were you finishing up a gym battle or something? I was training a Pokemon. Not part of this episode. I was idly looking at it. I wasn't looking at it. I was training a Pokemon. Not even that price. Do you worry about EVs and IVs? No, not really. What about stab? What?

Some moves have something called stab. Oh no, I think I do know this. I don't know what it is, but it's a thing. It's like certain Pokemon each move. Yeah, it does. Don't yeah, yeah. I don't know what it is, but it's a thing. It's like certain Pokemon each move. Yeah, it does. It doesn't. Don't worry about it. I'm not.

I don't pay attention to IVs and EVs, but I look at natures and stuff like that sometimes because it tells me I don't need to look at it. It's just like this stat is going to go up more than this one. I'm like, oh, that's all right. Well, it's bad. In the case of my Dratini, which has got garbage everything except for speed and special defense

the two things I don't care about I don't even know what a special attack and special defense do and I don't want to know Are you sure? Because I didn't know what this did either then when I got told. Is it like moves that are of your type? No, not quite It's moves that are non-physical So like

Thunder Punch is going to use your special attack Because you're hitting them So like Thunder Punch. He's going to use your special attack. No, Thunder Punch would use. Because you're hitting them. There's two logos in the Pokemon game. There's like the punch thing and then the circles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The circles one uses special attack.

The punch logo uses. Just basic attack. I tried to get into EVs and IVs ages ago. Like spreadsheet bullshit. Wow. Tried to, but wasn't for me. Kind of like you can brute force your way through the game. So like. Yeah spreadsheet bullshit. Wow. Tried to, but wasn't for me. Kind of like you can brute force your way through the game. So like.

Yeah, yeah. Anyway. What do we think is going to be the quintology? What is the story here? Well, that's a. Because like if he gets all the beasts. Are they going to be like. Okay.

More of God now. Yeah. Like, do we think he's going to get the beast at the end of this? Or is it going to be like the other movies are going to be a continuation of him trying to get this one big beast? Well, it could be like, he releases all the beasts from his briefcase. And then it's like, oh, fuck, they got loose. And he's trying to get them in America. And then he gets one, but there's the evil wizards, whoever the baddies are, because we don't know who they are either.

There's like some tensions or something like that, isn't there? Between the magical and... Wait, do nomadgers know evil wizards, whoever the baddies are, because we don't know who they are either. There's like some tensions or something like that, isn't there? Between the magical and... Wait, do nomadgers know about wizards? Because it's supposed to be like... Is this movie going to... You know my fan theory that World War II was what made the wizards stop being our mates? Because they were like,

oh, that's what you do to minorities. No, thank you. Big old mind wipe. Because I think part of this movie is going to be like, nomadgers are like, those wizards are a bit of a volatile bunch, aren't they? I think that's part of the movie. Is it?

I remember hearing that. I want to be a wizard. I like that your version of him is kind of bored with it. I want to be a wizard, but who cares? Maybe. I hope so. Because again, that's like, let's fucking turn around his head. Who gives a shit?

That'd be nice. Cops gunning down wizards. Yeah. In the street. No, I think based on what I've seen, I think that Nomadge fella runs into Newt Scamander somewhere early on. And then he takes him to wizard places. I think that's what's gonna go down and it's kind of gonna be like because there's a scene in the trailer where there's like shit flying around the house and he looks like his ass is about to fall off because

he's so shocked so if they knew of wizards yeah he probably wouldn't be that surprised but do we think that the baddies are gonna get his monsters and take them to exotic locales across the world and newt scamander is gonna have to collect all his beasts yeah or is it a different story in every movie well that would be sensible but i don't think it'll be the case in our opinion it'll be like it'll be left really open-ended because they've already announced that there's going to be extra films yeah true but yeah so rather than being like here's a contained story that you could enjoy without thinking about waiting two years to get the full story and then then waiting another two years, and then another two years. What if they, like, Iron Man won it?

So it's like a contained story, and then at the end, they'll... Hey, look, else are you going to get extra? Don't think they will. Fuck you. That's a shame. I'm very, um, what's this, pessimistic? Pessimistic about it all. Like...

That just goes against everything you usually are, Adam. Well, shut the fuck up. But, like, the Harry Potter... I don't know. I'm so much more optimistic, I think, as opposed to your pessimistic-isms. Because, like, Harry Potter movies were good. Yeah.

And this is directed by the guy who directed the last four. And they were, like, bloody tops. So, like, you know, I've got high hopes. The director signed on to do all of Fantastic Beasts films, so by the end of it he would have directed nine Harry Potter movies Jesus

alright that's a bit much the last one's gonna suck it's gonna be a Hobbit the last one or do you think the last couple yeah are we gonna get

a Hobbit situation potentially I reckon this series they've announced too many films straight off the bat yeah they should have been like

there's one in a sequel and then they're like oh oh, actually, maybe we'll continue the story across another three films rather than being like... Five! Yeah. Like, because... I reckon four is going to be the worst one. You reckon? Three or four. That's a pretty bold statement to make at this point.

Why? What's going to suck? What's going to be bad about four? Well, because you're not going to be getting... What's wrong with the fourth? Well, the reason why Fantastic Beasts four, four-tastic beats... Yeah, yeah. Four-tastic beats...

Beasts four-tastic. No, no, no. Four-tastic beats and where to four them. It's going to suck, is because you've got the first three, which are, at this point, considered pretty good. They're okay. Critics called them like a decent five out of five four out of five three out of five yeah let's go solid fours across

the chart yeah right and they're like look as a trilogy it holds up but then the fourth one comes along you're like you don't really have a beginning nor an end because you're just setting up the last film and the trilogy's already do you think the last two are going to be like part one part two i can't see it getting that epic that's the thing because well like we know well if they bring in wizard world war ii it's gonna get epic but it's not gonna be about newt scamander anymore like it'll be about how newt scamander was he's gonna end up putting newt scamander into into... I'm going to start saying Newk Scamander so I can start thinking about Duke Nukem.

Just start saying Newk Salamander. Duke Nukem. Yeah, so they're going to put Newt Scamander into all the stuff between Dumbledore and Grindelwald, surely. Yeah, which is really funny because that means that when Dumbledore's explaining it, he just leaves out Newt. He's just like, yeah, just me and Grindelwald.

Just the two of us. And my brother and my sister who is dead. Yeah, and that's it. That's everyone I've remembered. A hundred percent, that's everyone that was there. I reckon we'll see Grindelwald for maybe like, of the five, I think we'll see him for three and he'll like kind of just go away

then do his own stuff. I don't think we'll touch him. Well, how does he get got in the books? Dumbledore gets him. They have a jewel. Yeah. Actually, apparently... Oh, whatever.

Yeah, Grindelwald just kind of gives up, doesn't he? I don't know. No, he gets punched. What? But he has the Elder Wand. He gets punched in the mouth, and that's how the Elder Wand is taken. No, he punches someone else.

Are you sure about this? Yeah, because the Elder Wand goes the elder one where have you heard who told you these things the fans listening can look it up douche is looking up right now grindelwald either punches or gets punched and that's how he either acquires or loses the elder i think i want to say he loses the elder world to Dumbledore because he doesn't want to kill Dumbledore. I have this image of him falling out a window. He jumps out a window when he gets the wand. He doesn't punch anyone when he gets the wand.

That's right. He steals it from that wand maker. Then who gets the wand from him? Dumbledore. Does Dumbledore punch the wand out of him? I want to say Grindelwald doesn't fight him. Because he doesn't want to kill Dumbledore. I'm getting this from some

theory I read somewhere where they're like, hey, maybe the Elder Wand didn't change as many hands as you think. It was a real nothing theory. These five Elder Wands didn't change as many hands as you might think. What was I going to say? They could do a um,

bear with me here A Lion King 3 The Lion King 3 Which I watched recently That's good as Well you know how in Lion King 3 Whilst Simba is fighting Scar They show Timon fighting the Hyenas

Yeah So maybe they'll be like oh Voldemort's having his duel with Grindelwald And Newt Scamander is using the beasts To fight off the wizard Nazis hyenas yeah yeah so maybe they'll be like oh voldemort's having his duel with grindelwald and newt's commander is using the beasts to fight off the wizard nazis or whatever fight off grindelwald's old mates yeah exactly hyenas the hyenas which side with grindelwald do you think um that there is going to be like newt himself has anything special about him in the trailer there's somebody being like, what do they say? Tell me, Newt.

Why does Dumbledore find you so dang curious? My guess, if I had to, would be Pandora. But like what kind? How? Just like, oh, fans, remember all this stuff you fucking loved? Oh, let's bring it all back. Dumbledore. Didn't you love Dumbledore?

Let's say his name a bunch. Okay, so just like what? Like, Dumbledore's just like, I like Newt. Hello, I'm Dumbledore. That's my guess. Is Dumbledore in this one? He isn't, is he? No.

Yeah, I reckon he's just going to be like, name drop. Okay, so they're just going to be like, Dumbledore likes you a lot. And he's like, okay, good. Yeah, I honestly do think that's what it's going to be. I don't think it's gonna be that on the nose i think it's gonna be like dumbledore likes him because of a reason like like he's just real good at animals you know what i mean like he's like a like a magic moguli basically if he was better at animals he wouldn't have been kicked out of hogwarts

did you just look up who got punched uh yeah, I couldn't find any theories about punching, but the Elder Wand got taken from a wand maker who was trying to duplicate it, and Grindelwald stole it and then jumped out a window. With a smiling face. I remember that from the books. I know there was a window, at least. Jumping out a window is pretty good.

That's such a classic escape method. Oh, it's good. Into a moat's the best. Especially if it's from too high. Oh, yes. And there's like a bit of a panic, like a... Got method. Oh, it's good. Into a moat's the best. Especially if it's from too high. Oh, yes. And there's like a bit of a panic, like a... Got it. Then you're out.

Do you think... Do you think that Newt's like special in any way or is he just like a lad? I reckon he'll be special. He'll have some kind of connection to something. Like the beast. I reckon it'll be a beast connection. Like they'll be like, oh, this evil gremlin doesn't hate you. I heard they just make like add something into the Harry Potter canon

that was just never there before. That's what I'm expecting. Something like that. Them to be like, oh, actually, he's James's great uncle. Oh, I hope the pandering is that on the nose. Oh, fuck. You're Dumbledore's secret son. I hope Grindelwald and Dumbledore

abduct him whilst they're in their relationship imagine if they're like Mr. Salamander I wish you'd use your real surname Potter imagine this this is the most ridiculous like okay so third movie

you have to go in for this one. All right. Opens on a pregnant Dumbledore. Yep. It's like, I don't know, 30 years earlier or something. And then it's like Grindelwald like rubs Dumbledore's belly. What shall we name it, Dumbledore? I'm thinking Newt.

And then they kiss and then cuts to Newt in a fight scene somewhere and you're like oh my what wizard magic you could make a man pregnant with spells easy that's basically probably the first spell you'll learn in Hogwarts welcome to charms here's how to get your mate

your fellow mate I'm professor Flitwick everybody group up you need at least one boy per group. And then it's a simple boop. Don't even have to say a spell. If you can't transfigure people or animals in the first year, I doubt you can make... M-Preg has to be at least...

At least that's a fourth year spell. Yeah, year four. Year four is when you learn to impregnate men. And what a year. Year four is just a menace on the rest of Hogwarts. Sneaky spells under the table. You're just having dinner. I mean, breakfast, eating waffles.

You're just like, oh, what's my... Oh, God, who got me? Who got me? Somebody unpregnant me now. Imagine Madame Pomfrey's hospital. I wanted to... Pregnant dudes. Lining up.

Yeah, yeah, they got us. I didn't know how to start talking about that without making it dark. No, I'm sure there's a spell. It's not an unpleasant experience. All right. I'm sure the male wizards have no attachment

to their sudden babies um oh man yeah it's really hard to predict because even the trailers of this

don't really make it reveal a lot yeah because it's like Newt goes to America he's like they're like

welcome to America you're a weird fella he's like yep here's my case they're like is there anything weird about it he's like he's like whoops i forgot for some fucking reason to switch it to muggle on the plane god you both do it now boat whatever they're like no it's all good and then he gets it and it's full of oh but then he meets no match mate and then the ghouls come out. Plus also Colin Farrell's mad. And then there's a giant thing

where the cops... There's a giant dragon or something. That's probably what he's after. That's probably the monster he's, like, come to track down. Colin Farrell.

Good guy or bad guy? Bad guy. Oh, it'd be, like, bad... He'll be, like... Good guy who's accidentally being the bad guy. It'd be, like, guy... Like, fucking...

Like, cop guy when you're following criminals. Yeah, exactly. It's like the Ministry of Magic. Yeah, but less corrupt. He's just basically going to be like, Jesus Christ, there's dragons on the loose, but we're going to be like, yeah, Newt, get them. Even though Colin Farrell's just doing his job.

I think Colin Farrell will end up being unlikely ally if he's going to be anything. A what unlikely ally like oh no we gotta get we gotta i gotta get the beasts and you're trying to stop me gotta team up to fight the nazi wizards or whatever we put up a lot of like posters for this movie at my work and there's a lot of characters that i just had never seen before i didn't even realize i were in it and they all have like titles and stuff i'm gonna try and see if i'm kind of looking forward to at least this one thing where,

because I was like a big fan of the books more so than the movies. Yeah. I always felt like every single movie felt a bit rushed. Oh, yeah. So I'm looking forward to not having that like rushed feeling. Because these are movies first, books second. Yeah, yeah yeah it's inspired by the fake textbook

do you think that they'll ever do uh like a movie based on the quidditch one um i mean maybe i mean if this one's successful why not another five movies yeah true fuck what's stopping them um who do we think of the bad guys colin i think colin's gonna be an

accidental bad guy but like who's the global colin i think colin's gonna be an accidental bad guy but like who's the global bad guy i think it'll just be like the conflict between nomadges and wizards or the monster at the end no there'll be there'll be a dark wizard behind it all you reckon grindelwald will probably be mentioned or some shit but i don't know if he's evil at this point yet i think he's i think he is yeah i love how dumb on board with grindelwald's plan for like the most part and then he's like, ooh, no. Best not.

Grindelwald being like, what if we ruled the Muggles, Dumbledore? He's like, yeah. What if? Dumbledore's full of a lot of regret. Dumbledore's like, hey, child, I'm not going to kill you. I just want you to die, and I'm just going to raise you like that. I'm going to raise you wrong.

I don't care. I'm bad going to kill you. I just want you to die, and I'm just going to raise you like that. I'm going to raise you wrong. I don't care. I'm bad at my job. Are we going to get much of young Dumbledore and much of young Grindelwald? Definitely not in this one. They'll only be mentioned by name. In the five movies, I reckon. Yeah. I think we'll see both.

Well, obviously, we're going to see both. The movie is going to become about Dumbledore. That'll be the trick. God, that would be annoying. Oh, it would. But I could see it happening, definitely. That'll be the trick. God, that would be annoying. I would, but I could see it happening. Definitely. That's why the fourth movie was the worst.

Focus too much on young Dumbledore. I never actually answered that. I did, sort of. But no, I think what's going to happen is Newt will probably be joined by Grindelwald and Dumbledore, and that'll be like a trio, but then Newt will become less and less involved in their shenanigans. That's like movie four.

I know. What I kind of like and looking forward to about this movie is that just from the trailer alone, it seems like a pretty simple plot. Yeah. Newt's going to get the monsters back. There's some trials and tribulations. We learn about Wizard America and then he does it.

Goes to nearly two and a half hours. Oh, fuck. Two and a half. Jesus. What the fuck? What are they going to cover in that two and a half hours. Oh, fuck. Two and a half, Jesus. What the fuck? What are they going to cover in that two and a half hours? I reckon there'll be about, there must be like 45 minutes before he even gets to America.

There must be like, you're going to get like a, like the first act will be explaining why he's special. Maybe at Hogwarts even. Could even be at Hogwarts. Could even be at Hogwarts with Dumbledore. Yeah, true. Dumbledore being like,

you're a very special newt. Look at the way the griffin doesn't eat you. But Dumbledore wouldn't be old. Your Dumbledore voice is bad. Your Dumbledore voice is Voldemort voice. Wait a minute. Same person? What year was Voldemort at school?

Oh, look it up. 40s, I think. We're going to get young Voldemort at some point. 100%. Well, young Voldemort is a good looking bloke. I'm all right with that. Get some eye candy. Tom Riddle in your life?

I really just like the idea that everybody calls them young Voldemort and young Dumbledore that would do me good they don't call them Elvis Elvis and Tom no they're like ah young Dumbledore I'm trying to find when he was at Hogwarts

I want to say it was the 40s 1940s I'll just ask Google but I won't yell when was Voldemort at Hogwarts 1940s. I'll just ask Google, but I won't yell. When was Voldemort at Hogwarts? He just went to the Harry Potter wiki or whatever

and looked at Voldemort. 1926. 1926 to 1938 was when he was at Hogwarts. But that definitely means that... Wait, 1926 to 1938? He was at Hogwarts. But that definitely means that... Wait, 1926 to 1938? He was at Hogwarts for 12 years? I think for...

Sorry, I think for a couple of those years he was at the orphanage. Ah, he got held back. Dom Riddle, Dom Fuck. Little baby. But yeah, that's 12 years. So... Or am I just crazy?

12 years of Voldemort. So maybe we just crazy? 12 years of Voldemort. So maybe we will get some young Voldy. We're going to get some young Voldy. Him and Newt Scamander will end up being friends at some point. That's going to be the connection. Yeah. Oh, how annoying. Because he's just going to be like,

oh, they're acting like he's... I hope they just reel on the nose and drop heaps of hits. How do you feel about muggles? I like them. I don't know about them. And then, you know. Yep. You know he's going to jam.

Yeah, that conflict is going to be happening in the background or whatever. At least this movie. Do you think this? What's making you think there's a muggle wizard conflict? A muggle wizard conflict? No, I've heard that that's happening. Really? Yes.

Well, no, because they're going to have to lay the foundations because that will be the big climactic part of this five-part film. Yeah, what? Like Muggles and Wizards. No, because they don't fight. It's never like Harry Potter would remember, sure. Yeah, no, there's no wizard-muggo fight. It doesn't happen. Well, like, are you sure Harry Potter,

they would have mentioned that in Britain, maybe? This is in the US. I feel like it still would be a big enough deal that someone would have brought it up i hope they keep they try to have like try to tie it into too many real world events and like the wizards cause like the stock market crash and stuff like that i hope they do that but it's presented like in a kind of wacky like i don't know slapsticky kind of like oh whoops but actually the great depression it's funny because when he said that i imagined like footage of like people jumping out of this like the windows of wall street and to kill themselves but then like with the benny hill theme playing and playing in like forward and reverse

yeah with a slide whistle yeah Yeah, that's good. That's what I wanted this film. I'm kind of looking forward to monster designs, I guess. That'll be kind of neat to see what they come up with, what particular monsters he has to get back. They'll all look like fairies or dragons. Yeah. Maybe they'll be like a weird plant thing.

I was hoping they might do, like, you know, some stuff from all over the world. That'd be nice. Yeah. But that's a good... Okay, let's do some monster predictions. What are we going to get? Dragon.

Dragon. A weird plant-based monster. Plant thing that's kind of like a bit cute. I think I've seen an echidna in the commercials. Just a basic echidna. It looks like an echidna. I guess it mustn't be. I feel like we're going to get something that looks like it's made out of like...

Like gems, like, like gems, like diamonds, kind of twinkly thing, like a rock thing. Oh, this is something else. After we're done with animals. Come back to me. Definitely dragons. Definitely like a fairy deal. Yeah.

A kangaroo with six arms. Oh, yes. Something that looks like another thing, but is actually a monster. Yeah. Something that can impersonate a person Oh no that's intense But good That's enough monsters

We don't have a number of monsters do we We just know that there's some fantastic beasts And we gotta find out where to find them What were you gonna say Adam I hope we get a lot of goblin stuff Some goblin gets punched in one of the trailers. That's awesome. I was watching Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows Part 2.

Yeah. They just have no regard for anything that happens in Gringotts in that episode. In that episode. In that film. What do you mean? Harry, Ron, and Hermione are responsible for the deaths of multiple people. It's true. In that bank robbery.

I don't think wizards care about goblins. Well, yeah. Isn't that like a whole thing? No, that's house elves. It's true In that bank robbery I don't think wizards care about goblins Like Well yeah Isn't that like a whole thing No that's house elves No isn't that a whole thing In the books Even the goblins are like You don't care about us

Well that's good as That the goblins are at least pointing it out Yeah cause they charm A bloody They basically do a bank robbery Well yeah But they charm one of the fellas And then he gets killed by a dragon

And Ron's response is Whoops Yeah I know. It's fucked. He's like lol, that's a shame. And they're like, alright, let's go. Whoops, I'm murder. And then they get on a dragon which then tears through the entire bank. It's fucked. People probably saw that

as well, surely. That's why the goblin from Gringrotts or whatever starts to respect Harry after he buries Dobby He's like oh you're alright mate You care about us lesser races At least the Goblins get like employment

They're not like house They're not slaves I think they built and run Gringotts Gringotts Gringotts I hope that there's like Finding a bit about goblin culture would be alright That would be cool Gingringus. Gingringus. Gingringus. I hope that there's, like, finding a bit about goblin culture would be all right.

That would be cool. If it's like... You're not going to find out about goblins in this film. Probably not. You don't know. Might be goblin-centric. I hope so. Dude's command is actually like, Dumbledore likes me because I'm actually a goblin.

If unzips his man suit. If they run a bank in the US as well, can we call that as slightly racist? I mean, like, it's strange, is what it is. Actually, now that I think about it, I can't remember reading like, I don't think that Eddie Redmayne is signed on for all of the movies.

Newt Scamander might actually be the main character of the series. That would be interesting. It'd probably be Dumbledore. What if they do, like, the next book is Quidditch Through the Ages yeah Quidditch Through the Ages and they do it like that that'd be cool

that'll be fine until they finish Quidditch Through the Ages and there isn't another book after that Tales of Beedle the Bard that's another that's the third one

extraneous one oh that's right because that was in like another it didn't come as a separate book it was inside something else and that's it is that all of the potential I mean unless they do like... Pottermore

is the fourth movie. Third movie? Pottermore movie. And then the last one is The Cursed Child. The last one is the Harry Potter world that Warner Brothers does. Fuck. Imagine if all the movies were just unrelated to each other. I'd like that.

I would really like that. I would like it if they were like if they did, like it's a shame they didn't produce more textbooks, but it would like it if they were like if they did like it's a shame they didn't produce more textbooks but it would be cool if they were just all the different textbooks Fantastic Beasts

Critics of the Ages and then like some other magic shit maybe a history one or Tom's one or something bless you

thank you I bless you I think that'd be mad but it's difficult to speculate just cause like so little knowledge. Yeah, not much is revealed.

How many wizards do you reckon there's going to be? Like, 80? That's a big number. I don't know if there are a lot of wizards. America's big. I reckon you will be able to count the number of... Whoa. Bold claim, Adam.

You will be able to count the number of named wizards with the fingers on one hand. Oh, wow. That is a claim. There's already more than five. Yeah. Shit. Just on posters.

Shit. Wait, named wizards. Yeah. Shit. Two hands. Now you're getting closer. Newt Scamander. Credence.

Credence. Credence is my favourite band. Gnarlak. Gnarlak. Actually, I can't tell which ones are Muggles and which ones aren't. If they have a dumb name, surely. If their name is Gnarlak,, you can count your scoops. Probs or wizards.

Come on. Well, that's Ron Perlman, so he might actually be... Ron Perlman is in this? What the fuck? Also, I guess this kind of... Give me the actors' interests, because I don't know. Yeah, true. Eddie Redmayne.

Ezra Miller. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. That's the Flash. Uh-huh, yes. Colin Farrell. Mm-hmm. Catherine Waterstone. Zoe Kravitz. She's from Guardians of the Galaxy. Colin Farrell. Catherine Waterstone.

Zoe Kravitz. She's from Guardians of the Galaxy. What the heck? Ron Perlman. Dan Fogler. I don't know Dan Fogler. He's a nomad fellow. Oh, hi, I'm Dan Fogler.

That's him. That's his voice. Oh, I want to be a wizard. There it is. That's his famous oh I want to be a wizard there it is that's his famous catchphrase how I want to be a wizard how I wish I were

a wizard he's gonna sing his lines like that yeah okay um okay good John Voight

oh oh a prediction for animals yep what's the golden snitch animal it's a little bird it's Yep. What's the golden snitch animal? It's a little bird. It's based off a bird.

Yeah, the snidget or something like that. Yeah. Betcha. That gets free. They have to get it with a broomstick. Oh, yes. That's going to happen. That's definitely going to be a scene.

I wonder if Quidditch... No, Quidditch already exists, I think. Yeah. Quidditch has been around for years. Quidditch is old as. Quidditch is the oldest time. Through the ages. I got sick of reading actors names uh also apparently johnny

depp is in this film as well but it'll just be a cameo appearance apparently huh i guess it's a spoiler i forgot about this this episode's not meant to have any of those whoops sorry well well zamit while you're editing out jack's burp, you can also edit that spoiler. No, no, no. If you heard both of the burp and the spoiler, it's because Zammett didn't edit this before he decided to go on his holiday that didn't include coming to see Fantastic Beasts and where to find them with his boys. I think Zammett's going to teach me how to upload, like, today.

And he was going to do it with this. That's good, Ant. It's going to be interesting. Anyway, so Johnny Depp's in it that's apparently jeez so he'll probably be like you caught all the beasts but you didn't catch the one beast me the beast within us all also he's going to be slightly irish i guess based on the way i was talking yeah it was good no i mean like mean, like, I hope so,

because he's British, the character. Grindelwald was a British guy. Oh, that's right, he is too. I hope Tony Depp does a weird cockney British accent. Is he British? Yeah. Because he, like, moves to where Dumbledore is, but did he move from somewhere else in Britain?

I read a really well-researched theory the other day that said that Salazar Slytherin was Brazilian. What basis do they have for that? Salazar is not a British name. Slytherin sounds a lot like a couple of South American words. Brazilian fruit. Yeah, it's good. It was

really well researched. Had to do with all the history of him, why he went to different places. I'm down. It doesn't change anything, but yeah, good. He's often described as looking like a monkey do they mention that oh no yeah yeah dang never mind no i mean like that's just bad on the case yeah yeah weird um i want to be a wizard i hope goblins don't have a back in this movie Harry Potter world is fucked with racism It is, it's fucking chockers with it

Chockers to the fucking brim Inside the world and out Yeah, it's scary How do we think Johnny Depp's going to even be in it On a poster? Yeah, that's what I was just thinking For hate crimes I don't think he's wanted yet

This man might do hate crimes. Keep an eye on this man. It could do. It could be something like that. Well, what does Grindelwald do before he's bad? He's just like Dumbledore's lover. He's a real good wizard. I think him and Dumbledore are like the best wizards.

Maybe there'll be like a traveling show. Maybe. Like, look at us do good wizard shit. And you'll be like, I wonder who they like look at us do good wizard shit And you'll be like I wonder who they are And then wink directly at the camera Is that Academy Award winning Jonathan Deerp? Jonathan Deerp?

No, it is I And the award goes to Jonathan Deerp I like to imagine Johnny Depp Standing up and then this other completely different looking guy being like, no, no. This is Jonathan Depp's third Academy Award.

This night. Well done, Jonathan Depp. God. If I ran one of those The Asylum style movie studios, I would just get an actor, get somebody who looked

like that actor, rename them something like Johnny Depp and just do poorly pronounced versions of their movies. I really liked Pirates. Oh, the Caribbean. Exactly. I think that's good. I think that's what it should be.

But I don't know. Maybe that's what we'll see Johnny Depp, JD. I don't know. It's going to be a weird film, but I'm still excited for it. Do we think we'll see him maybe in a flashback? Uh-oh. No? You mean a flash forward?

Do you mean a pensive? I don't know. Oh, no. What if this whole movie is a flashback? What if this whole movie is a pensive? Yeah. Like at. Oh, no. What if this whole movie is a flashback? What if this whole movie is a pensive? Yeah. Like at the end, he's like, we got him. And then zoom out.

It's just Dumbledore looking in a bowl. Being like, I remember that. That wasn't in my life. I reckon if they have like an intro 40 minutes at Hogwarts, I reckon that's where we see him Like because maybe we encounter like a young Dumbledore Or something like that Yeah Dumbledore the teacher

You know Maybe even Tom Riddle a bit Because Newt seems like how old? Like 20s? Early 20s? Something like that Yeah roughly 20s He's supposed to be like

He was kicked out of Hogwarts So I'm guessing like Oh that's how the movie's gonna start What did he do? Too many fantastic beasts and where to find endangered someone's life with a fantastic beast he did a hagrid dang it that's like the number one reason for getting kicked out of hogwarts is you've got like a spooky animal in there you shouldn't have and someone got spooked or hurt god damn it hogwarts pick up your fucking game Yeah, so that'll be your intro. 100%. Oh, look, the ghoul's out. I hope he teams up with Tom Riddle

and Godric. Not Godric. I hope, because Hagrid was just Tom Riddle framing him. I hope Newt gets chucked out and you see a frame of Tom Riddle being like, yeah, sort of good idea. This is a good one.

I'll use that later. Put that in my back pocket. Thank you, Edward fucking Readymane. Readymane. This is Edward Readymane. Second Oscar. Yeah,

we're definitely, there's going to be so much pandering harry potter movies are fucking like look at how the cursed child came out there is no way that fantastic beast isn't just gonna be like the book or the child itself both no but you're right if that's anything to go by then we are in for an unpleasant time um i've seen like early reviews have been positive but it either goes between like it's a real good time or it's a dark time oh like it's like spooky bad yeah well it's rated m which means nothing yeah necessarily like so it's the same rating as iron man or the ring so man could go either way ratings i'm not messed up oh that's. I didn't think of it as a dark film.

Do you know what it's rated in other countries? I would guess PG-13 and XXX. Nobody wears pants. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and also penises. With dong. With dong. W forward slash dong. That'll be the porn parody. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them with dong. That'll be the porn parody.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them with Dong. I mean, I hope so. Yeah. Weird. Weird. It's an absolute mystery to me. I don't know what we're going to get, but I'm excited. I'd say Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them 2 with Puss.

Yeah. I'm a little curious now after this chat. I'm just not necessarily like I think it's going to be a good movie. I'm just like curious. Well, I think just like in this fucking, like what the fuck? Doctor Strange came out? Who cares? You know? Like who cares about the other movies?

Who cares about movies? No, I don't know. Look, I'm excited to get a midnight screening because both Suicide Squad and Batman v Superman, when I went to go see them, I was like, this is going to be... Hell. Yeah. But this time I'm like, oh, this is all right.

Yeah, well, it's just something different. Yeah. You know? It's something that's not like the superheroes are getting each other. Watch out. Fuck, this is a bad version. It's a change.

That's what I'm looking for. I know, like one are the other big pop culture, like, nerd movies that have come out this year? Well, I mean, within the last 12 months, we had Star Wars. Well, I guess Star Wars, but that's, like, one. Do you want me to recreate the midnight screenings? Yes, please. Okay, so we did The Force Awakens.

Yep, that was good. That was first ones. That was fun. Yeah, good. I think we did one before that, I'm pretty sure. Did we? Civil War? No, Civil War was later.

Ultron? Ultron. Ultron didn't have a midnight screening. I don't know. Whatever. You know what I mean. Other than Star Wars, every single midnight screening was good. Actually, no.

It must have, because we were trying to figure out, this is a bit of behind the scenes stuff, because we were like, where the fuck are we going to record? But then we found a place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so it would have been because we were trying to figure out, this is a bit of behind the scenes stuff, because we were like, where the fuck are we going to record? But then we found a place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so it would have been Star Wars. Star Wars, then like Ultron or Civil War. Nah, then it was Batman v Superman. Yeah.

Then it was Civil War. Yeah. Then it was X-Men. Yeah. Which you didn't go to. I wasn't there for you. And then it was... Suicide Squad?

Suicide Squad. Yeah. It's all superhero movies. And then we finally get a little dip into the wide world of Harry Potter. That's all right. Yep, it's going to be good. Or it won't be. Or it'll be garbage, but like, whatever.

You'll find out when we record at four in the morning and are sad and tired. I will be absolutely fine. Right, it's going to drive me home. I'm going to drink lots of energy drinks. I'm going to do the same and piss a bunch. Yeah. Yeah.

How scary... Look, something we haven't discussed on air before. But it's about time. Drinking too many energy drinks, sometimes your piss grows a weird color. Yeah, it happens. It looks like it's glowing a bit. Yeah, like it's got a bit of shimmer.

Yeah. And you're like, I know I'm okay because it's happened before and I'm not dead. Is it still yellowy? Yeah, but it's like a yellowy green. Yeah. Wait, is it like really bright, vibrant yellow? I get that sometimes. No, no, it's kind of like yellowy green.

Not like, because that's like when you drink and stuff like that, your piss goes yellow. You want it to be, oh no, you don't want it to be yellow. No, yellow is fine. Dark yellow is bad. Red is also to be... Oh, no, you don't want it to be yellow. No, yellow is fine. Dark yellow is bad. Red is also bad. Dark yellow means that your body is... Yeah, but if it's dark yellow... No, yellow is your body is getting rid of...

Haven't you ever seen the piss chart? Adam, I'm getting the piss chart. You know the piss chart. I know the piss chart. Who knows the piss chart? Okay. I'm sure if I just type piss chart it'll be good i watched pitch perfect two yesterday and it's not that good yeah yeah like just while he's looking at that

dehydrated down the bottom that's if your urine is really like dark yellow you're dehydrated yeah you want it to be like you want it to be a bubbly fresh sunshine yellow you want it to be like sort of clear yellow, because that means that you're getting rid of toxins, but you're also being drinking heaps of water. It's not toxins, it's just your body getting rid of shit it doesn't need. Yeah, toxins. That's toxins.

Not like poison, you're not pissing out fucking... It's not like if I accidentally get like... Vitamins, minerals, shit like that, that's what comes out. Jackson, sir, your chicken's been poisoned. I've got to piss quick. Someone get me a piss bucket. It's actually impossible to die from arsenic poisoning if you piss. That's true. Or any poisoning.

You just piss out the toxins. You just piss the toxins away. Piss the pain away. Yeah, that's what I always say. That's why if you're shot on the battlefield, soldiers whip their hog out and just down the pan. To get rid of that lead poison. Yeah, it gets the lead out it hurts a bit

but it'll save your life man pissing bullets it hurts it's just shrapnel at that point mostly so it cuts up your huang your huang

but it's good it's better in the long run yeah it's better the doctor is like oh good we encourage that kind of behaviour and remember this episode has been brought to you by...

What on that note? Lootcrate. If you head to lootcrate.com forward slash let me die, and you enter in the special code let me die, you can get some fat cash dollars off that purchase. And that's mad. And look, we didn't... Fat stacks? What?

Didn't explain what a lootcrate was. And if you don't know, frankly, I'm surprised. Have you been living underneath a rock that's underneath the ground which is then underneath another ground loot crate is the yardstick by which we judge all other bloody monthly crate subscription things it's a subscription box every month you get six to eight items it's mad this month's the special is magic much like this episode, which was magical. So if you head to lootcrate.com forward slash letmedie, use the code letmedie, get some secret discounts.

That's good. And, yeah. What were you going to say? I was going to say where do we find ourselves at the end of this episode, where do we find ourselves in relation to Fantastic Beasts? Like I said, a little bit more curious now. Curious beasts and where to find them. Goodness. I'm pretty much the same as where I was at the start.

I'm like, this movie is going to be pretty good. I'm excited. I'm going to eat some popcorn. I'm going to be with some friends. It's like a movie experience I'm looking forward to. You know what I mean? As opposed to fucking every other movie I've seen recently. Because I don't know, I think, is the best bit.

I have no idea what's going to happen. You don't know and you think it might be a romp. And romps are fun. Romps are good. When was the last time you had a romp? Doctor Strange wasn't a romp. It tried to be a bit. Marvel is moving further and further away from romp.

I don't think I've had a romp with a Marvel movie since maybe Guardians of the Galaxy. That was the closest to a romp. I mean, the next Marvel movie is Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Yeah, but they're too deep into their own bullshit now to romp properly. I don't know. Spider-Man will be a romp. Spider-Man will be romp fucking city.

Romps. Guardians of the Galaxy, because it's so far away from everything else right now. Yeah, but now it's caught up in Who's Peter Quill's Father? We get the two sisters with Gamora and Blue Lady. Gamora and Nebula? Gamora and Sodom. Twin cities in the Bible.

They're all caught up in their own little... Do you find it weird that Sodomy is named after a... But we don't have a Gamora-y? Maybe we do and I just don't know about it. Sometimes I have this thought where I'm like, when I was a child, I didn't know what sex was, right? But I still watch movies and in movies,

they made sex jokes and it just went over my head. What if there's like another thing that I'll learn about at 40 or so? And I'll be like, now I'm getting the full effect of television. I think that's jokes about having kids. That is the jokes about having kids. I at least knew about having kids as a kid. What if they're like, yeah, Jackson, here's the thing.

You're going to go through your new puberty and if you put your tongue in someone else's tongue, this happens. And I just had no idea. Anyway, that's the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night. Santa does exist. We just tell you he doesn't exist for a period. From the ages of roughly

10 to 40. And he is Tim Allen. Those were documentaries. This is the truth. That's why, you know, in those movies, you're like, how come nobody questions the presence? Because everybody knows he's actually real, except for people 12 to 30.

Tim Allen, through movie magic, Tim Allen is made to look thinner for those movies. And home improvement. and home improvement and never forget ah actually what we're going to village to them as crown to see this so if you want to come to the midnight screening i know we haven't given you that much time but if you see us come say hello come say hey we'll be there we'll be like hey it's allocated seating so we can't sit next to us but still, maybe you're lucky enough that it's, you know. Yeah, maybe.

Or unlucky enough. Jackson and I will probably be having a giggle. We usually are. Yeah. That'll be good. When we watched Doctor Strange, I kept talking about Wong so much. I remain very quiet, and I do not appreciate talking.

Oh, no. Zabit's the worst to see a movie with he is he talks the whole way where i just make like little tiny side comments i'm also playing with the microphone while i talk i don't know why i've been doing podcasting for like four years i know that's not what i should be doing you're a man anyway you're a man oh man sometimes there's certain friends i go to see a movie with and because i don't like to talk but sometimes you want to make a comment so i like try to make a list of all the things I want to talk about when the movie's over. That's even more distracting

because like... Nah, I'm fine. My brain can do two things at once. Mine cannot. My phone just lit up and I got completely distracted. And I wasn't even reading anything because all it says is... Evidence. You immediately have proof. All it says is Aaron Magro iMessage. Like, that's nothing to read.

What do you want to do, Aaron? Let's find out. Let's end the episode by learning the exploits of AMAGs. What's he done? So, the mini NES got released today, and Aaron was trying very hard to get a pre-order. And my phone says, they're a bunch of fucking cunts i remember

everyone boycotts them and they fucking fold like sega literally they literally it's like they literally want no one's money are you working tonight amazing and on that note i've been jackson bailey i've been adam and i've been jousha. And I hope the movie's good. And this is what we think Fantastic Beasts is going to be about. I think we all hope the movie's good. Sometimes I hope movies are bad. Yeah. I wanted to be terrible.

I want Fantastic Beasts and Where to Fall Them to be bad so that my prediction's right. I really wanted Star Wars and Force Awakens to be just garbage. Why? Just because I thought it would be funny for everyone to get their hope. To get the prequels again. To be disappointed again. Everyone's like

we just can't trust Star Wars anymore. I would have been crushed. I would have been so funny. Imagine you're one of the people who like goes to the prequel and you're like oh the first movie was so shit

but maybe the next one. Yeah I know but the third one you're like got me again. So funny. That is pretty funny. I'm a little worried about rogue one but that's okay