Plumbing the Death Star - What Gifts Would You Provide to the People that Come to Visit You if You're the Wizard of Oz OR How Would You Reward Dorothy and Her Friends in the Wizard of Oz?

Episode Date: February 2, 2025

Dorothy and the gang have annihilated that witch and now they've come to the Plumbing Boys for their sweet reward! With not a single brain between them how will they figure out how to give some kind of strawman a brain, a big lion who they think his name is Courage courage, the metal golum a heart and Doroty and her dog a way to go home. Duscher opts for a terrible surgery, Jackson wants to spend more time discussing the ettiqute of when is it socially acceptable to eat the dead and Zammit tries to fix two problems with Tinman Wants a Wife. No one's happy and they keep getting the Scarecrow and the Tinman confused. The wonderful Wizard of Oz.Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. On a cool cloudy January morning in 2022, Ian Indredson makes himself some eggs, plays with his dog, walks out the door of his waterfront home and disappears. The 54 year old senior government spokesperson is a gifted writer. He lives a life of some privilege and comfort with his wife, Gloria, and their beloved Black Lab Willow. So what happened to Ian? I'm veteran journalist Laura Palmer, and this is Island Crime Season 7 Evaporated.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joe. And Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that asks the most important questions of all damn time. I hope damn's not a banned word, otherwise. Wear a travel suit.

Wear a travel suit. My pay's getting cut. Live on air. This isn't live. But yeah, like the important questions like, what gifts would you provide to the people that come to visit you if you're the Wizard of Oz? Or the succinct way that Jackson said it before? How would you reward Dorothy and her friends in the Wizard of Oz?

Okay, that is more succinct. I understand that question. I don't understand. I got lost in the source, whatever you were saying. So in the Wizard of Oz, after they've killed the Wicked Witch of the West, Dorothy, the cowardly lion, the Tin Man, the scarecrow, her little bitch of a dog, Dotto, he shouldn't have bit that woman. They come to the wizard and the wizard,

now the wizard, he's pretended this whole time that he's a wizard, he's a sorcerer. He's just a guy. He's just a fucking guy with a projector. And they come to him and they say, we did it. And he says- I think there's some interpretations just on side note that Emerald City isn't even green

They're just wearing green tint in the books. They're meant to yeah, they wear green tinted glasses So that is our production of the whiz which is the musical equal Reimagining yeah, either way and yeah, I had that they were like welcome to Emerald City But you got to put these glasses on isn't the thing with the Wizard of Oz that it's meant to be about the Great Depression No, the dollar it's meant to be about? The Great Depression probably. No, the dollar. It's meant to be, it's like, Oh, the gold. No, the gold standard.

The gold standard. Isn't it about? It's apparently. But then people say that, but also like Frank, Frank L. Bolton, he wrote like 40 Wizard of Oz books and hated the back 30 or something. Cause he didn't want to do it anymore,

but he was like locked in. Yeah, it's a deal with like he, when everyone was moving to be the gold standard or the gold standard, it was like the world currency or something like that. It was kind of like- We should have a world currency. Yeah. Well, it's kind of moves the USD.

Yeah. In a way we do. In a way we kind of do. It's like it's interesting. I wish we had a global currency that didn't fuck me personally. Okay, fair enough. I want credits.

Hopefully that cleared the first minute of the episode and therefore- We're fine, we're in the credits. Hopefully they cleared the first minute of the episode and therefore... We're fine. We're in the clear. We're in the clear, dude. You can throw out as many foxes as you want. Uh, uh, yeah, it, it, it all had to do with how we thought having those at the gold standard was a ridiculous, stupid idea for stupid people who are idiots. Well, I mean, if it's the USD now, I agree with the Wizard of Oz. Um, anyway, so the Wizards. Too much turmoil in that country for us to be following their dollar. I agree, dude.

That's the Australian dollar. Now that's a boring dollar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop doing shit. Yeah. Nothing. All the thought is to say, yeah, yeah, just running off a cliff, baby.

Bad things that happen here that affect that dollar is, we read the news. Yeah, exactly. Like, they're like, oh, let's see what's going on overseas. Yeah. Oh, that's fucked our dollar. But if we were the people that were in charge of the dollar, nothing happens. We should have cut our dollars,

our dollars, australes, like people were thinking of doing. Australian austral? Yeah, that's the name, but then there's a great, I've read, I forget why, but I read the minutes of that meeting once. You can find it online, like archived. And one of the guys is like, we can't do that. And his reasoning is he's like

Australians love to nickname things and if we call it the austral soon They'll call it the nostril and then it will be called the schnoz and we can't be having shit like this like legitimately We can't be like the money will get the stupidest name possible if we call it the austral So let's just stick to the dollar. They can't make fun of that impossible if we call it the ostril so let's just stick to the dollar they can't make fun of that. The charging through the nose would have been a great thing. Exactly, exactly. I wouldn't have gone nostril. I didn't even think of it. I was thinking ostrich. Oh well there you go because it's AUS like Australia ostril yeah but uh. Nostril, snores. I wish I could, it might take me a bit to find the actual thing. I guess yeah nose and boogers

Yeah, yeah, yeah, not it. There's something this is not This is exactly not at all like a quote from it But it's something like soon will be dealing and they'll be you know Give me you know five dollars and six knots or whatever for a meat pie or something very funny Yeah, anyway, so the wizard obviously happy that said on the dollar. I think the Ostril would have been fine Yeah, I think it would have been good. It was boring. Yeah, like The owl doll up in general not you know, it's not winning any prizes Australian dollar, okay. Yeah, the global economy should be based around Australia

Yeah, because then our dollar can't be tanked by us reading But out but then we could tank it for other things like what we never do anything We do bad stuff. I started stinks, no, no, no, no. We do bad stuff. Australia stinks. Don't get me wrong. But our level of stink is... It's not dramatic.

Well, it's just like, oh, our worm politicians copied something that someone overseas did. Or for some reason we've built bad internet. Or fucking just Shit like that all like Someone's like oh, we should fucking leave the Commonwealth and then our government fucking no no no no no no no yeah exactly Mm-hmm so in the wizard of Oz yeah, yeah, he promises Dorothy and her friends He just what they want as a reward tin man wants a heart. Yeah, scared girl wants a brain Yeah, the cowardly lion wants courage Dorothy and her dog They want to go home when they come back to the wizard

He kind of shits himself because he didn't really you know, there's the things you can't give to people. No So instead he gives the scarecrow a diploma. He really truly pulls it out of his ass He gives the team at a fucking clock a clock. Yeah It's a clock in the shape of a heart, and he says it ticks like a heart. The cowardly lion, he gives a medal, I'm pretty sure. Of bravery? Yeah, and then Dorothy, he's like,

well, you can come home with me and my flying machine. Okay, see, this is where I think, well, first off. Wait, doesn't she have to cook her heels and say there's no place like home? That's when I think the flying machine doesn't work. I forget. Yeah. Yeah. Cause if that forget. You can have these shoes. No, cause there's a scene where-

Oh wait, cause they're fucking what's her name shoes. Not, yeah. Cause there's a scene where the- It's not that unbelievable. The wizard of all should be an actual wizard since we've got fucking real witches. Absolutely. The witches are real.

Why is the wizard not real? Why is it so crazy for a wizard? And also he has made that projection. Like he's not unskilled. Yeah, but it's more like an engineer though. It's science. He's like a mad scientist. Like what Jesse Pinkman would say.

Science bitch. Magnets bitch. Magnets bitch. Wizard of Oz bitch. I don't know. Okay, first off, scarecrow. You want brains. Very simple way.

This is kind of like, because the diploma is just like, that means nothing. It's a piece of paper, whatever. The whole thing. Yeah, he says you've had. Yeah, very simple way. This is kind of look like a diploma. It's just like that means nothing Yeah, it's a piece of paper. Whatever whole thing. Yeah, he says you've had inside you the whole time Yeah, they're like you have friends you have heart you have courage you are Yeah, all I'm saying is a very simple way we can do yeah for someone to be a book smart give him glasses Oh, he will look clever. Hmm. It will look clever. How's the other years? Yeah him glasses oh he will look clever he will look clever does he have ears? yeah yeah yeah does the scarecrow man have ears? okay here's my counterpoint we're gonna

start I guess structure this episode slightly differently where I guess people are gonna say there's a character. We're gonna throw him in. yeah okay yeah I think being alive for dummies the book okay so you say you're not smart now but you could be smart yeah here's a book you could read that will make you smarter. Yeah, you are currently a dummy. Yeah, and you are alive How about this you are a dummy? But if you enroll in my very short course only costs a low low fee of like five thousand dollars initially Yeah, you can be the smartest person Hope you get mad pussy smartest person and I hope you get mad pussy yeah you got a manosphere the lion

oh the lion that's true that's a manosphere one yeah come to my university of slots or whatever come to that's what Andrew Tate's things called I think isn't it something like it'd be called like it's like pimp university or something like that or king college or something cow they lie you're a dirtbag you suck suck, you're gonna give up? Come on.

You'd be like, yo man, Cowardly Lion, the reason you're such a coward is you don't get pussy. If you enroll in my pussy-getting course, I'll turn you into a 100% genuine pussy. And don't forget, Cowardly Lion, Cowardly Lion. Go on. The sea makes you gay. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. And Dorothy.

Yeah. Which is a long way. And Dorothy. Okay. Okay, so I think for heart and then home. We should work with this because again, it's like. Home is where the heart is. Home is where the heart is.

Pretty good point. Tin Man, you want, you know, and you want a heart, but the thing is, well, what you really want is love. And while Dorothy always liked the Tin Man, no, she was like, scared. She was like, shit, fuck, we break up that relationship. We break up that relationship.

She'd be like, well, Dorothy, Tin Man and Dorothy, obviously you're in love. She's like, no. No, Tin Man's in love with one of the fucking witches. Perfect, all right. Which one? Yeah, that's why he's missing a heart. Okay.

That's wicked lore though, so it doesn't really count. We do like... Wicked law, bro. Bro, I'm dropping wicked law. You're dropping wicked law, dude. One of those witches, they're fucking defying gravity. That's wicked law, dude. Alphabet soup.

Now. Alphabet. Alphabet. Yeah, because of like Album Ron Hubbard. Ron Hubbard. Ron Hubbard. Yeah, what's his, the author. We gotta be careful. Frank, Frank L. Bohle.

Yeah. Frank L. Hubbard. Ron, Ron Hubbard. Frank L. Ron Hubbard. Let's think about this. So instead of making diametrics or whatever it may be. Let me be Frank L. L. Robert. Let me be Frank L. L. Robin. Robin. Let me be Frank L. Rumble.

How about yours? Let me be Frank L. Rubble. Let me be Frank Bonnie Rubble. Sometimes, it's probably the best hour is like, it's like a horrible, like sort of breeding facility for riffs. And in the early days we were breeding these beautiful purebred, you know, strong athletic riffs. And then as time's gone on, we can't last and last about the pedigree. And now it's her now. I think that makes us laugh the most.

Oh yeah, me too. I'm laughing at it. At this point. Let me be Frank Elver on Hobble. Like you know, literally at the tail end of last year we were doing shit like what's the riff? What's the riff? What's the riff? Well, okay, I can break this riff down break it down for me. Let me be frank. That's funny And that is only part one of why this riff is funny. Uh-huh. I mean, cause then you've got- Part two? Self-Exposure. It's right there?

It's right there in the title? Part three of Lofts. Yeah. You're right. Uh, let me be Frank Elrod Harple. Why don't we do Tin Man Needs a Wife? Oh, okay, like Farmer Wants a Wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't remember why his heart's missing because of the wicked- He's a tin man! He doesn't make a heart, he's like a robot man. The thing with the tin man from the book I'm pretty sure is that he gets... He gets turned into a tin man because he's sick. He gets like his arms and legs chopped off and then they were replaced with tin. And it happens that his whole body is replaced with tin but he doesn't have a tin heart. So he's like Ship of Theseus but tin man?

Yeah, I think so. Wait, doesn't he need oil as well? Yeah, well it's a move he does. Oh yeah, that's right. But that's like you need food, you know, but you also need love. Oh yeah, because Dorothy pretty much has to do like a video game side quest for all the characters doesn't she? She's like... No, she has to get the scarecrow off his stick. Yeah. She has to oil up the Tin Man and... oil up the Tin Man. I don't think he used to do anything for the Cowardly Lion. He just comes along and says, I'm Cowardly. That's kinda how he sounds. Snagglepuss? He does sound like Snagglepuss. I used to be king of the jungle. And now I'm too scared. Now I'm such a coward.

I think I'm giving him a list but I don't think he has. You're going real Snagglepuss. I'm in the Snagglepuss zone. Dorothy! I mean, exit stage right. Dorothy, I'm so scared Dorothy. I wish I had a brave. It sounds like worse Patrick.

If I only had a brave is what his song should have been. As a kid it pissed me off that it was... If I only had a brave. I'd be king of the jungle. I'd be better than your uncle. If I only have a brain. Yeah. Oh.

What pissed you off as a kid before you interrupted? Oh, it was pissed off because the Scarecrow's a song if only had a brain, which is, and then the Tin Man has, if only had a heart, but the Courage the Cowardly Lion. Yeah, it's easy to say. It's easy to say. He doesn't have, his song is just like.

Are those two songs actually called if I only had a heart, if I only had a brain? I'm not an episode, I'll check on my little machine. That seems fucked up and wrong. But then the Cowardly Lions, it's a completely different song. I'm playing the role of Jackson today where I do not have a little machine on me. Oh no.

But I do have two pens to play with. Ah. That is the role of Jackson. It makes me head to youtube.com and type in, plumb in the death star to suss out these two pens I have. Whoa, imagine we just saw like a gigantic uptick. That's all it took. Yeah. People love pens, I don't know. People I have. Imagine we just sort of like a gigantic optic. That's all it took. Yeah.

People love pens. I don't know. Just let me know if you like the blue pen or the pink. Oh wait, no, I was just wrong. I was just completely wrong. Yeah, he has a song called, If I Only Had the Nerve. But in my head, I might be wrong. What's the other one song?

If I Only Had a Brain, If I Only Had a Heart. Yeah. But I think if I only had theerve is not as, it's- Yeah, it's like If I Only Had The Courage. Oh right, you were completely wrong in the opposite direction. Yeah. That confused the shit out of me for a second because I really braced myself for you to be like,

yeah, it's If I Only Had A Brain and My Heart Can't Go On or something. No, no, no, yeah. Good fake song title there, buddy. Well, let's say, what if I came to me and I said, okay Here's a actual human brain. Yeah an actual human heart. Yeah an actual human courage gland, whatever Adrenaline. Yeah. Yeah Does adrenaline make you courageous? What makes you courageous?

Great question. Faith in God. No, I'll give him No, faith in God makes you fearful. But it makes you brave about dying. Because you like, whatever, I'm God's stronger soldier or whatever. Jesus Christ died twice. Technically only once, but it depends on how you see dying. It could be argued he died twice. He went up. You can go to heaven and not die.

Two people in the Bible do it. And they're like, hey, yeah, they fucked... Well, two people in the Bible do it. Yeah. And they make, they're like, hey, yeah, they fuck. Well, but then it's also fucked up for them. Yeah. Imagine being at a party and everyone else is a spirit, but you've got your full body. You're physical.

Yeah, you're getting tired, hungry. And you can touch the ghosts. You can touch the ghosts. The only other person up there that has their physical body is your mom. Or Jesus. Yeah, but you are your mom. Or Jesus. Yeah, but you are Jesus. Oh, I thought it was me.

Oh, you're stupid sometimes. I thought in this scenario, that I'd gone to heaven in my physical body. And your mother was there and then also Jesus. That's why I was confused. I guess it actually, it's worse for Jesus because he fucks off to heaven first Yeah, the mom comes a couple of years later cramping your style. Yeah

Yeah, where's dad? Yeah, well like adopted dad Physical form Joseph's lucky to go to heaven full stop Yeah, fucking thrown in a much Yeah Fuck his wife This boy yeah fucking thrown in the so much Yeah God fuck his wife. Yeah, is he the first cock? Yeah, probably not. No, no, no, that'd be a caveman He's a caveman times you'd be cocking all the time. Yeah, but the Bible first place Famous cock. Yeah

Yeah, Egyptian cocks, yeah, but technically Yeah, yeah, there would be. I think Ham from the Bible is probably the first example of someone spying on their own dad's dick though. Yeah, yeah, that's true. But clearly it was like a common enough thing that you- Stop doing it. They worked it into the Bible.

Well, yeah, it's the same as- I guess it happened. Yeah, I mean, in the olden days, everyone was fucked up. Yeah, that's true. I mean, look at like, I mean in the olden days everyone was fucked up. Yeah, that's true Like we respect Sigmund Freud and he was just like everyone should fuck their mom. Yeah No, he well he had that belief where he was like babies go through And it's a new dad. Maybe this would be useful for you babies go through various stages like the penal stage Yeah, babies go through various stages like the penal stage the titty stage the anal stage

And then if you're fucked up as an adult he would be like, oh, you're still in the anal stage But if I gave if I gave the tin man in the scarecrow a human heart a human brain How do you think they'd react? Um, I'd be like this is what you asked for. Terrified? No, because I just put it in right? Yeah, put it amongst the stuffing. Scarecrow would be like excellent. Yeah. And just you know, chuck it in your face.

I wonder if that would do anything. No. No. Well, he's a magical creature. Yeah. Isn't he, aren't they just guys that have had a spell cast on them? Well that makes them magical creatures. But I mean like they're not, you know, he's moved by stuff. The monkeys hate having wings as well,

is something that Wicked teaches you. Yeah, well, they're not meant to. Yeah, they painfully grow the wings. In nature. But Wicked isn't like, you know, canon. That's not canon to Frank L. Baum's world. That's true. Acast powers the world's best podcasts.

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Or is he a scapegoat? Hassan Diab. From Canada land, this is the Copernic Affair. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. What about, what do you give someone to make them clever? Adderall or something? A book.

Adderall. An education. Yeah. Unfortunately. An education. Well, oh, what about we give them sort of a subscription to National Geographic. Oh yeah, okay.

Hey, you educate yourself. Yeah, dude. You know, figure it out. Can the scarecrow read? His head's full of stuff, and so I don't know what to do. Like a chicken's asshole. Chicken's asshole?

Full of stuff. Oh. Oh, okay. I'm there. Yep, no. Well, okay. So what was the head hole? But the no, it's the asshole. No, it's the asshole. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't cuz I good Much you could around the idea of getting a chicken that's still gonna head and you chop his head off It's like neck and also you put two things of stuffing and just squeeze That's a full chicken yeah if chickens

knew what we did to them yeah yeah you can show a chicken a roast chicken if you want yeah you can feed chicken chicken yeah the guy from the website the Facebook did that yeah what's his name yeah yeah it's fine you can feed was gonna say, forgotten to time. It's fine. You can feed a chicken. Yeah, but then he got in trouble at Yale or Harvard. Is it in that movie with Fran Drescher showing she feeds a chicken? Yes, yes.

Weird, I think we've been here before. Yeah, I think we have. What animal, where would you stop on the food chain then of feeding the animal to an animal? If you're fine with feeding chicken. I wouldn't. This is how we get mad. I wouldn't stop.

So feeding man to man isn't crossing a line for you. No, really. Under specific circumstances. Under specific circumstances. Like in a live situation. Okay, you know. Do you think if we were in a live situation. So say we've crashed.

I'd kill you with a rock for pleasure Don't eat him It's not worth it you green boots except to be cracked head yeah, you know expression like this Okay, so there's dumb fuck so we're gonna make sure we turn left at him Well, I'm just cuz cuz I think you know moved green boots move him back. Yeah Well, he was probably a good landmark He was cuz I think in an alive situation with the Uruguay or the football team crashed in the mountain They had to eat each other to survive. They were really reluctant to eat each other Yeah, they thought we were gonna go to hell. Obviously I wouldn't be thinking that I think the moment I realized there's no food I'd be like, well, let's eat the dead. Yeah, but would I do you think I'd come across as too eager?

Do you think there's like a socially acceptable waiting period? Yeah, but it would I do you think I'd come across as too eager. Do you think there's like a socially acceptable waiting period? Yeah, absolutely. That seems seems how What is it? We've crashed we've crashed day one the three of us That's pretty bad. Okay. I reckon it needs to be Yeah Straight away yeah still fresh. Yeah before the meat the meat goes off well if it's all frozen yeah but it'll go off it'll pull it's gonna be better now when it's I want a frost bit yeah you wouldn't

you're gonna dethrall the meat before you eat it. Good point. Well, I actually should eat people the moment they die. I mean. That's a very funny clip. That's going to come back to bite me somehow. Yeah. I don't know how, but somehow that's going to come back to bite me. I, well, we don't eat beef like a cow the moment we kill a cow.

Of course, that's not a farm. We've crashed. OK? Even if a farmer kills a cow, they don't kill the not a fault. We've crashed, okay Farmer kills a cow that don't kill the cow Like you know you go to a go right like a seafood restaurant point out lobster go to someone like pointing at a cow that one Well, we do do it with lobsters. Oh, yeah We love like I'd like that one like all right Yeah, they boil it alive. They cook it alive. Because we're monsters.

We've crashed in a mountain. There are a couple of other people with us, but they're very sick. They got very damaged in the crash. Are they sick or injured? They're injured. Miraculously, we came out largely unscathed. We're hanging out with Graham. Yep He's got like a propeller through his chest

Okay, he should not be Graham you need to He's a great people Graham Graham Graham's breathing in and out he's gonna die soon and then is the breathing making the propeller move. Yeah It's actually not a propeller. It's like one of those fans, like handheld fans to cool you down. It's embedded in his chest. That's a fucked up bitch, Graham. No worry buddy, we'll figure this out. And then Graham, he grabs the two of you and he says, goodbye.

And I'm like, we need to eat Graham. Have you mentioned eating anyone prior to the plane is I think that definitely counts as two week. That's two week. Okay, we need to be you we've crashed Yeah, we've Salvaged we've gone through everything everything You'd need to go through and you take a picture all the food that's there, all like, you know, the peanuts, everything else, all the kind of whatever's around. Then you need to be like, OK, cool. You eat that. You ration out.

Because you're going to be like, well, how long are we going to be here for? And you go, OK, well, we're going to ration this out for like, we have enough food to feed us for, let's say, I don't know, comfortably for a week, uncomfortably for two, let's say. And then like, all right, so let's just, let's just two weeks, we'll ration this out. All right? It's like, mm, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

this is the point, this is the point, this is the point. Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, yeah, yeah, uh-huh. I'm celebrating things by eating your lips. Mm, mm, mm, mm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we should wait as long as it needs. Yeah, yeah, and then you go like, all right, well then there'll be the dead. And like, if one of us is like,

oh, we should bury the dead, and that's when you can step in and be like, all right, well, then there'll be the dead. And like, if one of us is like, oh, we should bury the dead. And that's when you can step in and be like, what is? Well, actually. I think that you need to be like, you need to wait to the point of like, you gotta be like hungry, right? That's crazy. You gotta be like, past, like, you know,

you eat everything. Why, you wanna just like, oh, I'm hungry. I'm a little hungry. Oh, I missed lunch, guys. I'm back here. Oh, no, because. How good would a bit of afternoon tea be? We had lunch and we've got plenty of food for dinner but just a little snack.

You know what I miss? Like a couple of fingers. Stank! I'd love some steak right now, just any meat. I've got my cup of tea here. You know what I used to love doing? Is dipping a couple of scotch fingers in my cup of tea. And we don't have Scotch fingers.

But we do have Scotch fingers. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I'm starving. Yeah, I might be too weak to eat Scott. Yeah, and then you might get got by the rest of us And then you'd be it so you gotta get away till you're you've run out of food But you can't be like we've run out of food. I think then I'm gonna get really weak and it would be Running out of food. Yeah, and you need to have a plan to get more food And yeah, it's to fall through and the only hope you have is the dead bodies That's great animals around you better get good at hunting. It's basically, we're running out of food and we've tried hunting and we've been trying to hunt while we've been eating the food supplies we have and then it's like, okay, cool.

That maybe we failed it. And then we're getting to the end of that. You can bring it up a discussion of, hey, wow, there is dead bodies. This is going to be my next question. Because obviously we've had this discussion many times. On the podcast, but in our private lives too. Now, obviously if we were to realistically end up in a situation like this,

I have to assume in both your brains would be like, we've talked about this with Jackson. So can I give you like how I might bring it up and you tell me if this sounds suspicious? Okay, let me stop you there if we are in a survival situation if we've crashed somewhere and there is a casualty Yeah from that moment onwards. I'm like Jackson is going to at some point bring up eating this guy Yeah, well then well How do I do it in a way that doesn't make you like think I might try and kill the two of you for me or something? Uh, I would say something like this. I wouldn't be worried about it until your reaction to eating the other so it's been three days

It doesn't matter. Okay. I would be worried about it until we're running out of dead bodies That's when I'd be worried that he's gonna want to he's got he wants to so if I was like guys You know, I think I've eaten six guys You might have noticed now the corpses of our friends are missing I lied when I said I buried them You sleep in the plane, you sleep in the plane. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just digging to make sure I'm digging a big hole. Big, delicious holes. Where'd you bury them, Jackson? I want to pay my respects. Just throw them off the moon or something. Just like anywhere I buried them.

Just don't worry about it. Just like anywhere, just like wherever. I forget, actually. I'm really tired there because I'm very full. I mean tired. Yeah, I'm very tired from the plane crash and Digging the big hole Yeah I want to try I want to try out my yeah, I'm suggesting let's eat the guys Yeah, I want to try I want to try out my yeah, I'm suggesting let's eat the guys. We're we've crashed We've crashed. It's been three days three days allocated ourselves the food from the plane, but there's not quite enough left

Okay, so it's a three days. We've gone through it all no It's not that we've got through it all but it's clearly not enough to some like last It's like a week and last us a week, but we're like what if they don't come in and we're in the football team They crashed they were like a snowy bank. Yeah, no wild ones in't the Andes right? Yeah. Yeah, so I probably say something like guys, I Don't want to be the one to suggest this because obviously Because you know that I was so excited with the moment the plane started going yeah I was so excited at the moment the plane started going down. The moment those masks came down, half of the people asked you,

oh, the smile on my face. Obviously, because of my history, I don't want to be the one to suggest this. But. But, yeah. I think it's time we ate Scott. Why don't we wait? Because look, the plane has gone down. There's itinerary that you

can't eat a man either I don't know if I morally I'm ready for that yeah like well I am yeah we know we know I have like yeah you guys let us finish this argument could even let us have this like hey man there's like there's some hope people will know the plane hasn't arrived. Yeah. People will know it's gotten down. People will know what's happened at least along this path there is some some I'm just worried about running out of energy. We have enough food to last. We're three days in we have like another at least two more days. I just don't want to hit starvation before I eat a man. When do you starve? Pretty quickly. What do you mean?

We got three, three weeks until you starve. We're three days in! So you still have two and a half weeks. Yeah, but when we're at the point of starving, the next step is death. Yeah, OK, so take a... So what, a week? So you're going from three weeks to one week. Yeah. OK, even though a week that means you still need to wait four days

Yeah, I can wait four days. I'll survive in the Twinkies and the peanuts from the plane crash I personally think we should be eating Scott and Graham right now But that's okay why why we're even right now Well, because I think we should portion them and put them in the same pile as all of the plate the food We got from the plate. What should the new resource at the moment? The moment they died they went went from being a human being to a food source. To being meat, yeah.

So a week, you reckon? No, you've said a week. No, no. You keep saying, you keep being like, so what, three days? Yeah, that's good, right? What if we've run out of food? We've run out of food,

I didn't bring that up three days in. We've run out of food. All the Twinkies, all the peanuts, all the frozen food in the plane, All right, it's gone and I say There's no Wildlife up here. Obviously. I don't want to Board it up to you and I they three I got snapped. I yeah, okay, but I think at this point Yeah, obviously you can have some moral obligations, but if we're to survive up here in the mountains

We may need to eat Scott and Graham. Okay. Mm-hmm. Why don't we just Obviously you can have some moral obligations, but if we're to survive up here in the mountains, we may need to eat Scott and Graham. Okay. Why don't we just, look, last ditch effort, why don't we just go and try and see if there's any more, if there's any wildlife, if there's any like food around here,

and if we can't find that, then yeah, I guess we have to do what we have to do. Okay. Yeah. Have you looked for wildlife or are you just guessing? He just had a quick scan, gave it a boy look. Oh my God. Fuck, I really we have to do what we have to do. Okay. Yeah. Have you looked for wildlife or are you just guessing? He just had a quick scan, gave it a boy look. Oh, fuck, I really hope I don't see a rabbit or a deer or anything, or a whole lot of that. Just like, looking at the sky,

see like a bird. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh yeah, so okay, we say go ahead, eat your portion of Scott. What portion are you taking? Cause I know you've probably got this already on. Probably would be like what, like calves, thighs, butt cheeks? Okay, you're taking all the prime bits. You're letting me pick first.

You're taking both calves, both ass cheeks? Well, how many? We got Graham and Scott. Deportion of property. How do you split two men between three men equally? What bits can't you eat? I don't know. I'm guessing brain you shouldn't. I mean you shouldn't but I mean the guys in the Andes did. I know. Realistically I don't think we should eat any of the human body. Well yes. Oh well if you let me pick first, I'm eating. I'll have one car. Four ass cheeks and four cars. Couple brains on the menu.

Couple brains, some ass cheeks. Yeah. These eyeballs. Just have a real, like, just like, I loved this. Organize like your own buffet of just human meat. Mm. It's funny. I call this the Scott and Graham grill.

It's very good. Guys, today is the best day of my life. Your huddle day. Freezing to death in the plane. It's like you're coughing the best day of my life Freezing the death of the plane Thank you so much for bringing me Plain old Change my life for the better Yeah, I think you gotta like wait until you're after like yeah You've run out of food and maybe it's been a couple more days of failed attempt at getting other things.

It feels to me like we're just wasting time, but. Because also, you got to imagine, you don't know when you're being rescued, if you're being rescued. Well, that's what I'm thinking. You're holding on hope. You're holding on hope that you are. No, I've settled in.

Don't know if we're gonna get rescued. In fact, don't think we will. Yeah. I think the only solution is to eat human meat. Yeah. And then ask the Pope for forgiveness but then also to compare eating human flesh with the Eucharist yeah which the Pope will disagree yeah yeah it's not quite like that no don't say that yeah why not though he just like you know you just gave his body and they gave Graham yeah

their body I mean they give but like you know we talk yeah exactly I think you'd be so cut if you let me eat Graham and Scott before you morally could come around to it and then you have The worst bits of Graham and Scott to eat. I don't think I would be eating for pleasure. So wouldn't care Yeah, dude the guys and the fucking Andes plane because they didn't this is fucking they didn't eat people at first They just buried them and then when shit got dire, because they were now starving and they had turned to cannibalism, they had to dig those guys up and they'd started to putrefy.

And because they were eating every bit, they were eating the organs, they were eating rotten brains. That's awesome. That will be you guys. I'm eating fresh, delicious graham. Well, we're eating stale scotch. Yeah, exactly. Godotch. Yeah exactly.

God damn. Yeah. Just eat them. Well I guess it'd be a yeah you and I hate that he's convincing me. You gotta break the seal quick. Yeah cause again you gotta be like look we could be here for a while and so you don't want this to be putrefied. Exactly.

You know and what is a better shelf life those frozen Twinkies or Graham. Yeah but would the bodies have rotted less if they just left them in the snow rather than buried them You think they'd be colder under the ground, but maybe not. I don't I genuinely don't know Starts heating up and then yeah, yeah, well, it's colder and then hotter Yeah What they would do is they would take some of the meat and they would place it on the top of the plane So it would become like dried and cooked in the Sun like ceviche. Yeah, did that make you hungry when you read about that? It's like juice

Well, I guess because it's not cooked by like like jerky it's like it's cooked like we are jerky ceviche Yeah, yeah, they left a little bit of human flesh. I put it on the plane to dry out of the sun A little lemon juice They put it in the limes they had Oh wait, so it's meat cooked with lime. It's not just like a lime juice, dude I guess I think of something else then Not ceviche I thought what Jackson had done there for a second was he was like, you know, like take a little bit of meat

Put it up leave it to cook in the Sun and then you know orange juice delicious cook it in the fruit you have okay all right well get to the parameters for whatever happens like it's good we've had this discussion yeah look I mean now you better pray that you don't survive the plane crash because all of this will be what he wanted emoted for you. Yeah. So, like again.

Well, if I die, if it's me who has the propeller in my stomach, and I'm like, eat me straight away. I don't want to eat anyone that's saying, fuck you, eat me. What are you saying, eat me? I mean, look, I mean, if we eat him now, I mean, if we got-

I give you express permission to eat my fucking body. If we eat him now, we've got all the frozen food that's not gonna last longer. I'll stay alive. I'll cling to life. I'll be a mouth to feed unless you promise me. Promise me you'll eat my legs and butt cheeks. I don't think I could promise.

I'll eat all of you, dude. Good. Yeah. And you. I don't think I can. I think I was like, I could have been easy to win over until you started making me promise

I was gonna eat you while you were still alive Give me a Twinkie No, you have to go eat stew it I got a propeller on my chest. I can't move. I'll go cut off a bit of Feeding each other's juice. I like it like, you know, I'm here very much a proponent of do it straight away for the buddy's run. Yeah, but that says the three day in and I'm like, let's do it and I managed to convince you. And then day four the helicopter arrives. I'll be there. Then I admit.

My bad. Then bit of Graham between two slices of bread looking at you, you son of a- You better pray it's not a helicopter that doesn't have doors. Yeah. Oh no, he fell. Oh no. We saw you eating people,

then you don't even have me to blame. Yeah. You've been gone for three days. Yeah, we were, you see, we have a- But we could have been gone for months. Your honor. You see- I'm in court now.

Yeah, clearly. You've had a big day. Yeah. What else can we give these guys? Well, yeah, I still think yes. Tin Man needs a wife. Yeah. Right. I think, and also, I think we could also team this up

with Dorothy needs a husband. You're gonna play matchmaker between the two of them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't have to be between those two, all the people that, you know, that friendship group there. We can like, you know, open up to the wider land of Oz. Mario Munchkin.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Tin Man and Dorothy Toto. Yeah, the dog. The dog. Yeah. That's a more- I mean, that's just a dog, but- Yeah, that's a more liberal play size.

Yeah, the people of like a more liberal play size. The people of like, you know, emerald sea. Dogs like straw. Straw man, straw. Yeah. The dog wasn't wanting... You were some sort of... I really, I want a heart and you're like, well... Scarecrow! Scarecrow, marry this dog!

Right this way! A big wedding ceremony. What? You're welcome! dog What you're welcome, yeah, so tin man now your heart has grown two sizes because you've seen true love today you've married Brain so he made this dog Shows he used to have a brain and then he lost it because now he's marrying a dog. Yeah, which is not because it wasn't a clever decision by him. And then Dorothy, with the county line, has courage because he stands up against what's happening.

He says, this is not okay. That's just a dog. A man should not marry a dog. Yeah, okay. In the land of Oz, you can marry a dog. Yeah, okay. In the land of Oz, you can marry a dog. Yeah. Interesting. But people don't really like it.

The dog, you wouldn't like marrying a dog? They don't really like getting married to a dog. Like is it? No, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the dog, I guess, is indifferent. You can marry a dog, the dog doesn't even know. Yeah. Dog doesn't understand

the institution of marriage. That's something all you listeners can do out there. You got a dog, you can just be like, hey, we're getting married. Yeah, your dog will look at you with an uncomprehending face. And then it will be your wife. Would you marry a tin wife? Say the tin man, or would you have him as a tin husband?

And we've fallen in love? Apparently, no. The wizard has just decided. I mean, I thought this was like a thing where the tin man gives like a rose out or whatever Make it a reality TV show It's like an arranged marriage to the tin man Oh this is okay He's got a big axe that's fun

Sex with tin Yeah question Cold Slicy How do I, it's a person? Yes. Okay. What's the bits like? Well, the Tin Man? Are we, are we? No dick and balls, I don't think. But are they just hidden in the straw? Well, you're once again confusing a Tin Man in a scarecrow.

Oh, no, sorry, fucking hidden in the tin? Yeah, hidden in the tin. I'll find him. I know, because his chest plate open. Yeah. Yeah, I'll find the tin man as I could go in there Is that good for you tin man? Yeah, I see it in your guts. I just think you give Bender You are maybe if I open up a tin man's chest and put my hand in there He's I'm like, is this are we is this are we making all god dude the tin man's disgusting? Yeah Well, you keep trying to pair up with Dorothy. I know I know that I keep confusing with the straw man. Yeah, well you keep trying to pair him up with Dorothy. Look at him. I know. A york. I know that I keep confusing with the straw man,

or the scarecrow, or the straw man argument. Yes. But yeah, I remember what the Tin Man looks like. I just keep saying scarecrow. Tin Man, is there a bit where they open him up? Yeah. Cause they... Isn't it like a bird fly out?

Maybe. Why is he wearing that oil funnel on his head? Yeah, I don't know. Cuz they Fly That oil funnel on his head yeah, I don't know he's got a mouth Well you're just wondering if you can make love yes, yeah Sex with a tin man's mouth if you so inclined It's an option? Is this not what we're talking about? I guess I thought we were finding love, but I guess we're finding. Whole.

Yeah, yeah, my bad. I would say, yeah, we make it so it's like, yeah, for tin man, he's like, clearly he wants a heart and we can interpret that as well. He wants either compassion or he wants some sort of like, you know Romantic love. Yeah, and so we can have this like, okay cool Well, let's let's do like a Tim man wants a wife and let's go and you know, hey

Okay, we'll do like a bachelor sort of situation the Tim man will reality TV Put it on like I don't know Oz TV. Yeah, okay Who wants to come over here and you know, what the munchkins watch beautiful single munchkins and emerald city Folk why come over here and then same with Dorothy. Yeah, get home is where the heart is again It's kind of like well, you know, so you need to find somewhere for a heart to be Home and clearly well Dorothy always loves the scarecrow. Yeah, and that's where her heart Unfortunately, the scarecrow has married her dog Unfortunately the scarecrow has married her dog Cucked by your own dog

Wow Damn Can't imagine a worse fit Sorry Dorothy Sorry the wizard's insane The wizard's a mad man I don't know what to tell you. He keeps confusing the Tin Man and the Scarecrow, but this time he remembered, but unfortunately he thought that you were in love with the Tin Man and not the Scarecrow. And somehow married the Scarecrow to your dog.

And there's no takesy backsies. That was part of the wish. Yeah. What about courage for the Cowardly Lion? How do we give some up? You could do you could in what about We give him a there's you know, there's that guy what's he saying from the movie solo, you know He's like the free climbs You know, he's like the free climbs

Solo yeah, yeah, he climbs cliffs and they did a scan of his brain and he had no fear So we do some kind of surgery on the line. Yeah, exactly And we just get rid of his whatever makes feel what makes feel well I'm gonna be a dreano what are they go to? Well if the scarecrow doesn't be a dream or what do they go well if the scarecrow doesn't have a bright oh yeah really he should be fearless yeah we remove the lion's brain and give it to this give it to the scarecrow to throw the lion dog lion brain might be stoked to be married to dog that's hoes another one of our problems it's just a matter of swapping brains. It's just a matter of a simple brain swap. Okay, but now the Tin Man, I mean the lion doesn't have a brain.

Give him the Tin Man's brain. Give him Dorothy's... Dorothy's very brave. Yeah, give it Dorothy's brain. No, wait, cause yeah, hang on, sorry. The lion has Scarecrow's no brain. Because the Scarecrow... The lion is the Scarec no brain. Uh-huh. Because the scarecrow- The lion is the scarecrow now.

Cause he's scared of them. Maybe swapping brains is a bad idea. No, no, no, it's good. It's good. It's good. We can make this work. Lion has no brain, which is good because no brain means no fear. Yep. Scarecrow loves the dog now, so that's also good. Uh-huh, that's that problem solved. So we've got...

Dorothy and the Tin Man who still have their original brains, which is good. Yeah, yeah. But then I guess we swap them. What happens? Nothing good. Yeah, but we have a lion with no brain. Yeah, but the lion can't have a brain because if the lion has a brain, then fear comes back. Yeah, okay.

So he's a dead lion. Well, the Scarecrow was alive with that brain. Oh, okay, I see what you mean. So he's, Yeah, okay. So he's a dead lion. Well, the scarecrow was alive with that brain. Oh, okay, I see what you mean. So he's, okay, okay. We based on the idea that you don't need a brain, remove the brain from the lion. Yeah. Okay.

Then we give it to the scarecrow, so the scarecrow learns to love the dog, which is good, because then his heart grows, because he's married to a dog. And then Tin Man needs a heart. Yeah. You grew the Scarecrow. You've confined them again. It's good. Tin Man needs... No! Who needs a heart and who needs a brain? The Tin Man needs a heart, the Scarecrow needs a brain. Okay, Scarecrow has a brain, also loves the dog. Tin Man has a heart, needs a brain? The Tin Man needs a heart, the Scarecrow needs a brain. Okay, Scarecrow has a brain, also loves the dog. Tin Man has a heart, needs a heart.

Dorothy needs to find, yep, okay. And then home is where the heart is, which means that then Dorothy would just go live with the Tin Man at home. The lion has no brain. The lion having no brain's good. We swap the lion and Toto's brains. Yes.

Then the dog's got no brain. But then also the lion might not have courage again. Because the whole thing was removing the lion's brain for no fear. Yeah. What do you think? I think you've nailed it, my dude. I think you figured it out. I think you figured out how to reward Dorothy and her friends in the Wizard of Oz

Yeah, that was pretty easy. I think it was a really easy and coherent episode of Plumbing the Dust. Yeah, we learned about when Jackson will be allowed to eat people. Yeah, huh? What's good again? Brain swaps just useful to know the gift of swapping brains. Yeah, and that maybe the scarecrow and the Tin Man should just be the one guy That would be easier if I only had a brain at horse Man should just be the one guy That would be easier if I only had a brain at horse I love Dorothy and I'm a cat tin dog dog Yeah, that's why one criticism of the Wizard of Oz too many characters, yeah

Do you make it one just one guy Dorothy's just walking down a path? Just one guy. Dorothy's just walking down a path. He sees a wizard, it's like you're not real. The end. Yeah. Is that it just gradually becomes technical or halfway through. Who cares?

Just in between scenes. Yeah, more like it's a mistake. An actual conscious choice. Yeah. Well, we did it. And on that note, I've been Joe. I've been Jackson. I've also been Joe.

The Wizard of Oz. Turns out, good movie. Great film. Really good film. One of the best. Classic for a reason. Goodbye. We talk about fucking a flying monkey. That's gonna be hard to do, cause... They're always flying. No, I wish you wouldn't

I'll just like what the topic is. Yeah You watch me yeah, you'll get there now it feels like a challenge. Yeah, this is shelving wrong Go on Shelving, but it's the monkey's penis. Is that something? No, you're like you shel you shelve something oh that's real bad I hate that I've already hit record fuck you I'm just shelving is in like shelving pills yeah but that is good now he's thinking about a nice little monkey it's why having sex the fine monkey that's the roof because he's shell yeah yeah you're shelving what because you're having sex with the fire because I was saying that fly because I was like a show of double entendre in a way

A cast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. On a cool, cloudy January morning in 2022, Ian Indredson makes himself some eggs, plays with his dog, walks out the door of his waterfront home and disappears. The 54 year old senior government spokesperson is a gifted writer.

He lives a life of some privilege and comfort with his wife, Gloria, and their beloved Black Lab Willow. So what happened to Ian? I'm veteran journalist Laura Palmer, and this is Island Crime Season 7 Evaporated. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.