Plumbing the Death Star - What If Order 66 Went Wrong?

Episode Date: July 3, 2022

There were many things that could have gone wrong for Order 66, so let's just thank the Jedi Jesus that it went down the way it did. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the Sandpants Network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. And this is the podcast where we ask the important questions. Like, what if Order 66 went wrong? so we all know order 66 every stormtrooper gets a little notification on their mobile phone

the chip of the brain's like kill jedi and they're like i don't mind if i don't mind if i do and they uh they got to eliminate all the Jedi that are left. Yeah, I think the actual, look, we can find the actual wording, but again, it would lead to the most dangerous place on the internet. Oh, boys, I started all over again. It's bad, so you don't have to go there. While you've got the world's most dangerous, the heroine of internet, Wikipedia open,

do you want to scroll right to the top? Because I reckon if you're on the Order 66 page, it'll be like the Order is... Because it's something like Consider Jedi. Okay. It's also known as Clone Protocol 66 with Chop Secret Order. Identifying all Jedi as traitors to the Galactic Republic

and therefore subject to summary execution It kind of sounds like he's doing an Obi-Wan. By the Grand Barbier of the Republic. Yeah, so it's basically... and therefore subject to summary execution It kind of sounds like he's doing an obi-wap by the grand public. Yeah, so it's basically shoot Jedi on sight because they are wanted for treason. So I just saw by the hands of some fucker

and it's like, with the nickname Top. I'm like, don't click that! Yes, stop. Careful now! People are probably like, why is Wikipedia so dangerous to the Plum in the Death Star boys? It's a hyperlink. It's killed.

Killed with a hyperlink. Why? It's because of things like that. Yeah. And also because, look, Star Wars has a bad rap for every... Because every single character that you see on screen has a name.

Absolutely. It doesn't matter... They're all guys. It doesn't matter in Star Wars if it's like an extra walking through the background or if sometimes- God forbid you have a puppet head.

If you have a puppet head, buddy, you've got the long- It's going to take you a day to scroll through that Wikipedia page. So that means that every single stupid name on Wikipedia has a hyperlink. Terrible.

Because you want to know. Oh, yeah. And then also- Jarrow Topel? Deepa Billababa? And that's stupid names. I mean, I'm sitting here has a hyperlink. Terrible. Because you want to know. Oh, yeah. Jaro Tapal, Deepa Billababa. And that's stupid names. I mean, I'm sitting here desperately wondering what would happen if I typed chicken into the search bar.

I guarantee you there's a page on chicken in Wikipedia full of information I don't need to know. He's typing in chicken. Guaranteed Wikipedia's like here's the chickens in Star Wars. There's a page for chicken in Star Wars There's a page for chickens Of course

There's a type of domestic bird that can be found on Takodana, Endor and Batuu There's chickens in Star Wars I guess A female chicken was Known as a hen A cuckoo hen was a type of hen Tip yips Tip yips

Were a subspecies of chicken. Star Wars has new chickens! Star Wars! We've gotten, over the years, we've gotten a bad rap, I think, for not loving Star Wars, and people are so shocked to find out that I know some

stuff. Like, why does he know that? I like Star Wars! It's crazy. Just because it's crazy doesn't mean we don't like it. Sometimes it's very silly. I personally love all the KOTOR stuff. Eww. All right.

Chicken. Imagine that you only learn about chickens through Wikipedia. You live in some place that doesn't have chickens. Worst is, like, I was like, don't look up chickens. And I hadn't, like, engaged internally with chickens. Yeah. But now that I know that, don't look up chickens. And I hadn't engaged internally with chickens. But now that I know that, because it was a decently sized Wikipedia article. You're going to go and look it up at some point.

No, it's like, what else is there? You never want to be able to be like, what if I just search my own name? Am I in this? That's the abyss looking back, baby. That's what that is Don't look up ham I'm not gonna look up ham Okay anyway order 66

Close the laptop it's so dangerous So Jedi it's an inbuilt order Much like all the clones Because the clones have a whole bunch of orders It's built in and needs to be Obviously activated by Sheev Palpatine The emperor at that point.

And yeah, obviously when it's activated, the clone troopers that are accompanying the Jedis, because at this point, clones are on the good side with the Jedis. Not for long, dickheads. Should have read the title of the movie before you agreed to go on that mission. So, went wrong.

And then they shot them. Yeah, what do you mean by went wrong? Which was great success great success my wife very nice Jedi are dead yeah

so by go wrong do we mean something like Emperor Palpatine says eliminate all the Jed guys or he says initiate order 69 oh no

oh no stop sucking each other up oh no suck it and fucking troopers! Oh fuck. Okay. That would have just been a terrifying thing on the battlefront.

Well, I guess... The droids win, I guess. It would be! The droids can't suck nor fuck. Well, I mean, it's easy to shoot people who are 69. The Jedi's like, you know, clone trippers, quickly, we have to advance on the watches everybody's doing.

Oh, maybe the Jedi still die because they turn and then the droids shoot them. Yeah, droids getting shot. What do you think the sound of that many people 69ing sounds like? Imagine a thousand people sucking. Well, yeah, because like a blowjob has a noise Yeah, absolutely But if it's just like the difference between a porn blowjob and a blowjob blowjob

the sound is significantly less intense But there is still a noise Put a thousand people It depends what, I guess, Django Fett's proclivities were Was he just like, if I ever meet myself I want you to fuck my throat Yeah, how?

And so then you've got two very aggressive jangos going at each other's mouths. I reckon the droids killed them. Why are we here? Yeah, well, that's what I was going to say. I tried to walk it back because I made the most obvious 69 joke, and then it was too late. You'll notice, if you listen back, you'll hear I try to interject, and then I give up.

I tried to move on, but then it's just too late. You were leading the charge. I had to explore. I'm sorry. So I think this is what I was trying to do before. I think the easiest place to start is, I guess, went wrong, as in just didn't work. Yeah, okay, sure. Or just 56.

Nothing on? Just nothing happened. Did we program that into the clones? Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing on Nothing happened We programmed that into the clones Oh shit Yeah yeah yeah That was just the A bay that you keep doing good work Yeah

Why would we program that Order 66 It gives them a nice rush of like I'm doing good Just gives them endorphins right Just makes them happy to Order 66 you're like Yeah

Yeah I'm It's sick I'm a clone Yeah it's good I like existing within this box Yeah Yeah Oh How's it. I like existing within this box. Yeah? Oh, how's it? Sheev, I see you've got the lightning, Sheev. Sheev pal.

Sheev buddy. Sheev buddy pal. Frendo, what are you? Sheev mate. Don't electrocute me, dude. I know you want to. Sheev, don't do it. Okay.

But you know you're gonna. Let's be chill. So I've pulled up a significantly less dangerous website because i wanted to make sure this is right because i think the best way yeah to figure out what would happen if order 66 went wrong by just not activating is like when when in revenge of the sith does it kick in and what is happening at the same time so if it doesn't work so mace windu has already mace windu is already dead yeah he's anakin anakin has already fallen out of the window. Mace Windu is already dead. Yeah. He's out of the window. Anakin has already turned to the dark side.

Yes. And then he's like, Order 66. There's a battlefield. Activate Order 66. There's all the battlefield montage while Anakin storms the Jedi Council with a bunch of troopers. But I guess he's doing that alone. Yeah. So what would happen is like, it wouldn't work.

Anakin was probably still storming the Jedi temple. He probably gets killed. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I don't think Anakin becomes Darth Vader in this reality. Well, he's already Darth Vader. I suppose so. I am my Darth Vader. He doesn't become Darth Vader.

He just stays Guy Darth Vader. Anakin, this is Sheev. Where's the clone troopers? Well, you're meant to have some with you. Freaking out over here, Anakin. Sheev, I'm at the steps of the Jedi Council. Are the troopers coming? Yeah, yeah, they'll be there.

You start, you start. We've activated Order 66, right? There's a bunch of people pressing buttons and just coming up like, warning, warning, not working. Giving him the thumbs up because no one wants to get electrocuted. It should be working. I don't know, man. I don't know.

What? So the Jedi wipe out. The Jedi kill Anakin. Yeah. And I guess Palpy? Well. At this point, he's a counselor. Well, he's still like.

No, he's the. The vote has happened. So. Not what Mason did to my face. Well, he's still like... No, he's the... The vote has happened? So... Not what Mace would do to my face. The Separatist leaders don't die because they're killed by Anakin. So Anakin goes to the temple and is like, cop this innocent children. Then goes to the Separatist.

In Mustafa. Yeah, and Obi-Wan meets him there. Padme doesn't die. Padme doesn't die. Padme doesn't die. Unless she dies of a broken heart because her boyfriend's dead. Oh no, I'm dying of a broken heart because my husband tried to storm the Jedi camp and got slaughtered. It's still sad. It's still sad, but I don't know

if she's like... I feel like... I mean, if she's not in Mustafa, stranded by lava, and just witnessed, you know, Obi-Wan just absolutely dec decimate yeah her husband like she might be around her handmaidens and other people that might you know deal with like hey yeah it sucks but we're she's got a support network yeah that's true she doesn't have obi-wan yeah yeah i feel like that like maybe when she did die of a broken heart on mustafa it was actually she was too hot i just that might just be the droids being like droids don't know oh also like she's actually

having a heart attack well there's no confrontation between padme and anakin in that situation because that's also like because i have force choky bit for her i think he does yeah yeah so he does she doesn't get force choky bit by her that's kind of does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she doesn't get force choky bit by her. That's kind of good. Yeah. Surely she's still sad that her boyfriend killed a bunch of children,

though, right? Well, that doesn't happen. Well, we don't know how far he gets in. I mean, they're kids. No, no, but like, the Jedi aren't also shot, so he gets in

and pushes the kids to the front. You're young! You can take it! Yeah, I guess in my mind, I think this is another Jackson doesn't remember Star Wars. In my mind, you can take it. Yeah, I guess in my mind, I think this is another Jackson doesn't remember Star Wars.

In my mind, there are only kids. Well, no, because they're being taught, but so what probably happens is all the Jedi that are on Coruscant sense what's going on

because they're not being clouded by the fact that they can feel every Jedi in the universe get shot in the back. Do you think the clone troopers helped the Jedi

kill Anakin? Yeah. Yeah, they probably would. I was going to say, Kit Fisto still dies, though. Yeah, Kit Fisto's already dead. How does Kit Fisto die? He gets killed by-

Chokes on a peanut? So remember when Mace Windu dies? Falls out a window. Yeah. But do you remember why he falls out a window? No idea. Slips?

Yeah, he slips. He slips and falls out a window. After being struck by lightning. Bye. Ow! Whoa! So, Anakin. Kim Pistols watching it, he's so shocked he chokes on a peanut.

Mace Windu. Force goes. He sounds like a bunch of clown troops sucking dick. Initiate order 69. Mace Windu's so shocked he falls out a window. That's how the guy in Happy Gilmore dies. He's so surprised he falls out a window. That's true.

It's a way to go. Yeah, it's a bad place to get surprised. It's a really, really sad tragedy. And here on Plumbing the Death Star, show show being shocked and falling out a window with utmost respect and we are sorry for everyone if i'm ever near a window i'm like people if you've got something surprising to say wait i'm in the most precarious position i could be anytime someone's like i've got news you're like all right let's just do a 180 so i'm standing with my back to this wall i'm just gonna do a window check before you tell me the news. I'm just going to point out where they are.

All right, let's go in the center of the room. What do you need to say? And then you walk back. No! No! Fall out the window still. He took such a long walk back. It was impressive.

Yeah, so Kit Fisto died by Palpatine. So Anakin's like, hey, Palpatine's the Sith. And Mace Windu's like, fuck, I've got to deal with this right now. Three boys, let's go. Kid Fisto's one of the boys. And then Palpatine. Kid Fisto is one of the boys. Yeah, he was.

And some other guys. One of the boys. It's crazy that Mace Windu wasn't like, I should tell other people. Yeah. Grab Yoda. Yeah, he just other people. Yeah. Grab Yoda. Yeah. He just went for it himself. Literally everybody.

I think Mace Windu falls under the same category, unfortunately, as Qui-Gon Jinn as being a fuckhead. Yeah, poorly trained. The Jedi's are doofuses in that era. Well, Mace Windu- See, that's the problem. If a lot of the- Okay, so at this point, Jedi are alive. So all the people that die are still Mace Windu, Kit Fisto, the other guy with him.

The other two guys. I'm pretty sure there's four boys there. Anakin, dead. So now we've got a bunch of Jedi who are like, well, that was close. What happens to Darth Sidious? Well, they probably go after him. They go after him with the full force of the Jedi. He is currently the elected.

Yes, yeah, yeah. No, he's elected. He's elected. He's fully elected. So the Jedi are killing the world leader? Sorry, galactic leader? Yeah, but there's also the fucking- That's the highest treason there is.

And then the clones, Order 66 Apple, works anyway then. Sentiment to the Jedi. It's hard to say what the plan is because the Jedi existed during the Trade Federation's blockade, which is also surely an act of war. And the Jedi are like, whoa, we're gonna go negotiate and that's it. The Jedi are treated like we're not here to enforce the law, we're peacekeepers. But then that goes out the window when

the attack of the clones wars starts. They become generals. Yeah, so they're still generals. If the generals of an army killed the guy in charge of the army, that's a coup. But the guy in charge of the army, that's a coup. But the guy in charge of the army has turned bad. It's still a coup.

It's a coup. It's still a coup. It's the Jedi coup. Yeah, so Anakin's dead. He's got no- Sheev has no apprentice. Yeah. Then he- Unless-

Because currently he's, say, in that big floaty chair room. Yeah, yeah. Talking to E.T. Talking to E.T. and stuff. Because he's basically going to try and spin this with politics. He's like, look what Mace Windu did to me, and then they killed my boy. Wasn't he trying to kill a bunch of...

No, I don't know if he was doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mace, he get Fisto choked on a peanut. So, because he's like, The whole thing was he sold the Jedi evil because Mace Windu fucking hates me. Look at my face. And then Odyssey 6 happened. Nothing happens. Anakin still tries to slaughter

a wholesale. He could probably pin a lot of it on Anakin too. He could be like, the Jedi, they trained this cunt and he went full on feral. Yeah, you'd try and distance yourself from too. He could be like, the Jedi, they trained this cunt, and he went full-on feral. Yeah, you'd try and distance yourself from Anakin. He went full-on feral. There's been an absolute tragedy in the Jedi Temple today,

where a young Jedi decided to take the life of, you know, a couple of Jedis or whatever. He was trying to kill the younglings. But I guess, no, because the thing is, he's not, his mission statement, I know that you like to think this, but his mission statement isn't go in there and he's like, younglings, that's the thing. Yeah, he's killing all Jedi. He's just going in there to finish off the job.

Yeah, so you could be like, oh, the Jedi, oh, you'd- It's been to be like Anakin was fighting the good fight, because the Jedi are bad, because they attacked me. No, no, because you want to almost throw Anakin under the bus because you don't have to. Because Mace Windu tried to kill Palpatine. Not just this, but there is dissension in the ranks. There are sort of like

rogue Jedi's here. They can't even look after themselves. They need to be disbanded anyway. And so you won't have them getting killed, but they would maybe be seen as basically pariahs for the galactic um i think that a form of order 66 does happen anyway it's what it seems like yeah it's probably more a chorus on civil war yeah yeah and i well just even well cold war it's more a cold war no i think it might be a hot war you think that that would be enough to start a hot war well

because the jedi then have the, the clone army, right? Yeah. They are the generals of the clone. But no, but Palpatine is, but without them being like chip in the brain,

kill the Jedi. Yeah. No, Palpatine's in charge of them still. Yeah. But a lot of those clones, if they have a little bit of free will, aren't going to raise their gun up against the Jedi.

No, no, no. So I don't think that, so what I'm saying though, is like the Jedi, so say Palpatine and the Jedi turn on each other, which is what would happen here.

I think prior to Order 66, even like regardless of how Order 66 happens, if Palpatine and the Jedi are coming to like, if you're splitting the army, Palpatine's the one who greenlit the army. Yeah, but he's in charge of the army, but like a lot of the people

in that army or a lot of the clones aren't just going to. Well, probably split I of the army but like a lot of the people in that army or a lot of the clones aren't just gonna well probably split i guess the same way that a normal coup yeah yeah yeah so so basically clone on clone oh yeah and not in the way we were discussing because you you now have so the jedi have all less fucking more getting fucked on yeah yeah yeah so the jedi have all the dead Jedi, like, basically on their team. Yeah. They also then have some clones. So Palpy has Palpy.

Yeah. He doesn't have any apprentice. He then has some of the clones that agree with him. If you're the Galactic King, can you get some of the other aliens to give you their armies? Yeah. You then have the- The ETs with guns? king, can you get some of the other aliens to give you their armies? You then have the... The ETs with guns? You then have the people that are part of that galactic democracy?

What is that? There's no name for it. It's a sheevocracy. No, the sheevocracy only happens after that. The empire is the name of it. The galactic empire. So you have all the people in the Empire as it becomes the Empire. So you have all those

planets who are on. Because Jar Jar is the one who's like, I get the final vote. Me say yes. So you have. Oh Jar Jar. But then he's dead. Sweet, sweet Jar Jar. So then you have all of that on Palpy's side. And you also then have

probably like the state run media, the-run like, you know, the Empire run that. So you have a lot of like anti-Jedi, anti-Jedi, anti-Jedi propaganda. Anti-Jedi. Then what happens to the Jedi? Because do all clones have similar personalities? Are they different? Like, what are their core beliefs?

If one clone is like, I'm not killing the Jedi, are most clones not killing the Jedi? I don't know. I have a lot of questions. I got no idea. Well, I guess, like, it would all be just based on experiences of, like, the last three years of their existence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all three years old, technically.

Yeah, but, like, but not in a way that we can comprehend. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, it's an alien three years old. Yeah, because, like, it's not. They're born knowing how to drive. Yeah. You know what I mean? So. No, no, no, no. Yeah, it's an alien three years old. Yeah, because like- They're born knowing how to drive. Yeah. You know what I mean? So like they have inbuilt knowledge.

Yeah. Because then like presumably they just have Jango, like they come out as Jango Fett basically and then life experience changes that. Yeah. And they're programmed to do certain things. Yeah. So yeah.

I guess, okay, look, for simplicity's sake, we'll say there's like a bit of a split. There would have to be a split. Yeah, there'd be a I guess, okay, look, for simplicity's sake, we'll say there's like a bit of a split. There would have to be a split. Yeah, there'd be a split down the middle. Because there already is a split. Like fucking Rex and stuff

are like, order 66, order fuck you. I'm out of here. The bad batch is like, yeah, they forgot to put the chips in our brain. We weren't there on that day. No, it's because

they're the bad batch. I see. The batch that went wrong. Wrong batch. They are. That's what the bad batch is. It's the wrong batch. Yeah, I know. I'm there The Batch that went wrong. Wrong Batch. They are. That's what the Bad Batch is. It's the wrong Batch. Yeah, I know.

I'm there. You didn't know that. Okay, so you got the Jedi with some of their clones and some of the Jedi allies. Yeah. And so, yeah, I guess. It's like a Palpatine and his cronies versus the Jedi and his cronies. Yeah, Crossent becomes its own sort of like city-state where it's a hub for the Jedi. That's like a Jedi-controlled world.

Jedi have to really switch tacks to be what we now need to kind of like be in wartime. On the offensive, yeah. Wait, one thing- And the Separatists. The robots. One thing might also change this. I mean, because everyone's still against the Separatists

because the Separatists are the one fucking this over because it's not like- because what happens in Revenge of the Sith is like they become a galactic empire. They kill the Jedi, kill the Separatists are the one fucking this over, because it's not like... Because what happens in Revenge of the Sith is they become a galactic empire, they kill the Jedi, kill the Separatists, all in one fast swoop. So these guys are also our enemies, but I guess... So the Separatists might team up with the Jedi,

because Separatists could be just like, yeah, we're getting fucked over by Sheev. I doubt it, because the Jedi wouldn't want to team up with them. But then they're going to cover the conspiracy of that bullshit. Oh, yeah. I forgot about the conspiracy. This episode is making us remember the prequels way too much. Because Obi-Wan is like, I figure, kind of figures it out,

what's going on. Oh, the Separatists, you know. Yeah. We figure it out. Well, we've shown it. We're not in the movie. The audience. You sure? We figure it out. Well, we've shown it. We're not in the movie. The audience. You show it,

check Wikipedia. Jackson Bailey. You're sucked into a Star Wars hole. Disney Plus releases a 10 episode TV series. Jackson Bailey. Jackson 1 Kenobi. So let's just for the sake of simplicity,

Obi-Wan or some of the Jedi figure out the conspiracy? Yep. And so they got like, just for the sake of simplicity Obi-Wan or some of the Jedi figure out the conspiracy yep and so they got like okay the separatists are being kind of dunked on by

uh it's all yeah it's all shave what will that do well and also you gotta remember

that one of the things that the Jedi temple has that they would still have access to is that library and we've seen like when Anakin murders all the children yeah there's

footage of that so it would also be footage of what happens when he comes in the first time and even though it's unsuccessful they could just be like hey council this is what happened yeah maybe she's just booted out maybe they throw him off them same ending as return of the jedi except in the senate yeah like it's the senate bottom bad... Yeah, it really depends on what everyone else... Low tier aliens are. Sheev can hate the Jedi all he wants, but because it's still a Senate at this point, they can vote for whatever they want

and maybe it just becomes that everyone's like... I like to think the way they deal with him is every single alien pulls out a gun and shoots into the middle where he is. So we're impeaching Palpatine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the impeachment about Palpatine. He'd probably get replaced with Padme.

Yeah. I think it works out well. Yeah. Yeah. Although she, child ruler and stupid. Oh, no. Child ruler's bad. Well, she's not.

She was a child ruler. Historically, a child should never be in charge. Yeah, because Queen Amidala's- Of a kingdom. Queen Amidala's four to 16. Yeah. Yeah. That's too young to rule a country.

They should be real old, like Queen Elizabeth II. If you're monarchs, you have to wait until you're 90 before you get the throne. Then you can start making decisions. And you get to make every decision. We're putting our own human preconceived notions onto Nabooians. That's true. Nabooians might mature at 16. For us,

what we see is a 16-year-old. For a Nabooian, well, that's equivalent to Queen Elizabeth. She might be 90. We live to where 600 and 8. I'm pretty sure that in the movie, they even make reference to the fact she's a child. So Nabooians not?

I thought this might have been like a little boy pod race situation. So him being a little boy is racer situation. Oh, imagine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So him being a little boy is actually like the equivalent of like a teenager. And then you're like, oh, that wrecks the appeal. I wish I had the power to take your joy of little boy pod racer away from you. Not too bad. You still get to imagine every single pod racer in the race is a little boy.

Well, we know for sure that Anakin is considered a little boy. And therefore there's no reason why... Because actually, pod racing it's much better because reflexes are quicker because you're in touch with them little bugs in your blood if you're a little boy. And you need that for pod racing. I thought I was meant to believe as Qui-Gon explained it.

So Boba's five. He's basically what we call a space foal. Yeah. Okay. What about, what other ways could it have gone wrong? So we've explored, it just doesn't work. We've explored order 69. Maybe not to its logical conclusion.

So maybe we'll give you that back. Let's see, it doesn't work. Let's say it takes half. I thought you were going to say it takes too long. It takes too, okay. No, it takes too long it takes too long it takes a while it takes let's say a full two to three hours for it to click in but the clone troopers are just still

during that time like they're thinking the Jedi are like what and they're like hang on so they just stand there for a while like they're thinking for two to three hours and then do they just shoot their gun? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's actually bad, because all the Jedi's will be coming up and being like,

what the fuck's wrong with my clones? And then they're right there to be shot. Well, yeah, but in that two to three hours depends on where the Separatist armies are. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. So if you don't maybe say, like, if you're, like, in a maybe So what happens I'm thinking, hang on So you've got a lot of dead clones

And a lot of fleeing Jedi A lot of fleeing Jedi So more Jedi survive Less clones survive But clones will probably There are some clones who aren't currently in a war zone It's so funny That will turn on the Jedi

After that initial three hour power down. It's great to imagine a clone in a hospital bed or whatever and it finally kicks in and they're like, I'm gonna kill some Jedi! What would probably happen is your clones freeze, everyone's confused about the clones being frozen,

if you don't know about that, you just see a clone later in the day and you just get shot. Hey man, why were you frozen earlier? What? Malfunctioning, I guess. What's that? You do like the Jedi have that disturbance in the force or

whatever, but then it's at a lesser scale because there's less clones around. They might be able to avoid getting shot in the guts. Some will. There's no surprise though because if it's like two to three hours

and it goes bad the Jedi are probably less likely to be in a situation where they're going to get shot because they probably left the clones where they're standing.

But then they will probably sense the turn still and be like oh shit. That's why they were so still before. They were thinking about killing me.

No Jedi is like wandering up to clones, looking at them in the eye, angling their gun in their guts. Scratching their belly with their gun as it's still held by a clone. Why are they so still? What are you thinking about? Shut up, I'm thinking. Thinking I'm going to kill you. That two to three hours, considering everything that's going on, there's a chance the Separatist Army run over the top of the Clone Army,

and then there's no reveal that the Separatist Army and the Clone Army are really secretly on the same side. Yeah. Because the Separatists don't know that because they're being tricked. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does Sheev turn on a dime and be like, Ah, the Separatist Army, let's work out there. What do they want? Yeah, Yeah no that's a great question

What would the Separatist Army want I'm opening up the laptop What are you doing I'm gonna search Separatists I'm sorry Close the page on Jackson Bailey on Wikipedia Well it's crazy because this is Outside of the realm

Of Star Wars But Steel Saunders Yeah Our friend and host Of Steel Wars podcast Is in Obi-Wan Kenobi Yeah that's crazy Or the show Kenobi

As a character called Ajax Citizen Which now means That Steel Is part of Star Wars So there'll be a Wikipedia page For Steel

So one day When we're putting But Steel's podcast talks exclusively about Star Wars but he's in Star Wars so the page

would be confusing cause Ajax oh no cause Ajax Citizen will have a page Ajax Citizen doesn't have a podcast

called Steel Wars doesn't have yeah only Steel if they put Steel's on as the man in Star Wars oh no that would be both dangerous and confusing Only Steel... If they put Steel Sword as the man in Star Wars... Oh, no!

That would be both dangerous and confusing. Yeah, I think if you put a guy that knows Star Wars in Star Wars, the entire world gets sucked into a ballroom. Everybody's just gone. You gotta chuck on Revenge of the Sith and nothing happens. Shrek 2 plays. See, I'm scared what happens is the opposite. you then put in someone puts in yeah you put someone in star wars it's like i know star wars and then whenever everyone the entire world population just gets sucked into the movie star wars everyone's

in stars if one person's in star wars we all if there's one guy that knows about star wars in star wars then we are all in Star Wars. Well, if they put Steel Wars. Yeah, if they put Steel Wars. If they put Steel Saunders in Star Wars, we know Steel Saunders and have been on episodes of Steel Wars. And he's been on episodes of our podcast. Therefore, we would also be in Star Wars.

Oh, my God. It's dangerous. Zalmot looks concerned. So I don't remember this It's probably been expanded Here's the other thing with the prequels The story is a bit messy In the sense of like a lot of stuff Things are implied but then explained

Well this is the Confederacy of Independent Systems Where the head of state Dooku Add addresses a gala of separatist dignitaries. I don't ever remember this happening. I don't know if this is in a comic. Anywho. Dooku does seem like he'd be good at galas. This is the speech in the gala, which might kind of be what the separatists and I guess the Confederacy of Independent Systems Systems, I guess is what they were sort of going for.

So Count Dooku is like, it's an honor to stand before you, for you represent the freedom and the future of our galaxy. The once great Republic and Jedi Order have become victims of their own ambitions, and the Supreme Chancellor, so the Supreme Chancellor, is no more than a pawn of corporate monopolies

as a people you called out for a change you called out for leadership and i humbly answered that call together we challenged the system we asked for equality and how we met with war the jedi secret army of clones was revealed and their technology was far greater than we could have ever imagined countless living beings these clones clones the Jedi created, have been sent to their deaths, while we sacrifice mainly droids. Our soldiers of flesh and blood are willing participants. They are your fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, who fight not because they were grown and designed to do so,

but because they know in their hearts they are fighting for a just and noble cause. So I guess the Sepatists are like the jedi are scum and the republic is scum we would like to be the separate in the separatist name is to be separate from both of those yeah we want i guess individual republic yeah in different individual independent systems as in like naboo want to govern naboo n Naboo doesn't. Okay, is this Brexit? Don't tread on me. We're Nabooians.

That's the sort of vibe. No, but the separatists are the ones that attack Naboo, because that's where the tread on you. Well, no, because I think that's also where the ssss is. No, the Senate's on Coruscant. What the fuck? Leave Naboo alone. It's got the Gungans in it. Fair enough.

Fuck the Gungans. alone. It's got the Gungans in it. Fair enough. Fuck the Gungans. Do you miss the episodes where we'd ask the important questions like, hey, what do you think is going to happen in an upcoming film? And the companion episodes where we ask the important questions like, hey, what do you think about that film we just saw? Well,

do I have some great news? We went and made a whole show that is just that, baseless speculation, where we baselessly speculate in upcoming films, TV shows, games, and more with as little research as possible so you don't have to.

Just search for baseless speculation on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever else you get your podcasts from and join myself and these two knuckle fucks as we celebrate the death of cinema the only way we know how by making wild claims film studios would be too afraid or too stupid to do and then get shocked when we're right once again that's baseless speculation available on itunes spotify or wherever else you dickheads get a podcast from

i also found out and this is of no use to anyone, but that speech is from a book. Okay. Star Wars Dark Disciple. And here's more information you don't need. Jackson, here's some information for you. Hang on. Hang on. I got to check where the windows are.

So Star Wars Dark Disciple is a book that was adapted from an unfinished and unused eight-episode run on Star Wars The Clone Wars. Yeah. I hated learning that. It's bad. It's all bad. So the Separatist Army were just like, we don't want the Republic governing us,

and we don't want the Jedi being high and mighty with their weird religion governing us. We want separation not just of church, we want separation of government. Yeah. We are... They're libertarians. They're libertarians, yeah.

They're galactic libertarians. Yeah. We are. They're libertarians. They're libertarians. Yeah. Yeah. They're galactic libertarians. Yeah, absolutely. They're like, okay, the galactic politics is too big. We want little government. Small government. Small government, i.e. only a planet. So they're storming the Senate. Oh, my God.

No, no, I was libertarians. Yeah. No, but in this it would be because the separatists are in a war. So the end goal would be to get to the center. Oh, they would be, yeah, yeah. I wasn't using real life analogies there. I know who did that. I was there, me!

I was a separatist. I just thought it would be a funny thing to do. I stormed the capital alone And the trade federation are part of that Like smaller Part of the logic Because they're like we're trading with ourselves We don't need big government getting involved

Trading with yourself that's crazy I would call that owning a thing That's true If you're like hey Jackson I'm Jackson and I have a great Pokemon card. I want to swap for that great Pokemon card, Jackson. Sure thing, Jackson. I would say that's just you having two cards.

This sounds like a very lonely reality. I call that real life for you. Okay, so in a situation where the clones just stopped for three hours, they're overrun by Separatists. And the Separatists maybe storm the Senate and Palpatine's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This went so wrong. It wasn't meant to be like this. So yeah, so the Separatists

kill Palpy. Yeah. So the Sith have been wiped out. Yeah, I suppose so. And now it's basically the Separatists versus the Jedi. Unless the Jedi have already stopped. Is there enough Jedi? Although we've seen how the Jedi do against the Separatists in Episode 2,

Attack of the Clones in that big bowl. So they do well? That big bowl fight. No, they'll all die. Yeah, a lot die. A lot die. Because droid the cars. They have a shield.

Yeah, that's true. They're also known as destroyer droids. Super, super... Go on. Super battle droids. Are they the ball ones? No, that's droid the cars. Destroyer droids.

I'm sorry. There's too much to remember. Super battle droids are like the silver guys. They look like lost in space. They do look like lost in space. Yeah, I remember those guys. I think they're hard to shoot, but a lightsaber takes them over. Newt Gunray and his fellow separatist council members, and they get all his moat down by Darth Vader.

It says here, so they were killed by Vader, and the Trade Federation was nationalized by the newly formed Galactic Republic. What set that sentence mean? Does that mean that then they did the Empire be like, well, we're taking the organization of the Trade Federation and we're making it for our own? Yes. Okay, cool.

Let's explore this. The clones of Jango Fett, yeah? Yeah. What if accidentally trying to activate Order 66 activated some other part of the Jango Fett, yeah? Yeah What if accidentally trying to activate Order 66 Activated some other part of the Jango Fett brain And they all tried to do whatever Jango Fett was trying to do with his life So they all want to now raise a boy and get clones of themselves Yeah, so every clone gets a little cloned little boy

Gets a little cloned little boy But then also clones itself to sell to a different organization. So then we have clones of clones. Which in multiplicity has taught me anything, and it has taught me a lot, is that a clone of clone is a dumbass shit. Oh, no. I gotta make a bad clone. And also, there's one Jango Fett and a lot of clones. So imagine if that many...

Yeah. Let's find out. Yeah. Oh, no. Well, you've got to get a lot of long-necked... Imagine being those long-necked... What are they called? Genosians.

You're just chilling around cloning guys, and all of a sudden a million ships arrive at your planet, and a million guys get out, and we're like, we need babies now. Okay. Yeah, I guess you're doing it whether you want to or not yeah form a queue so there's 200 000 clones okay so just double that exponential well yeah double that at first and then beyond and beyond oh yeah well you have 200

little little that's what i mean you have two little babies yeah yeah yeah and then you have each one of those so So what is 200,000 by the power of 200,000? Oh, my phone caught fire. It's Chief Palpatine in Too Many Clones. That's what's happening here. But you have 200,000 clones

and then they chuff off because they don't want to deal with the war. Yeah. Came up with error. It's one of the sums you can't do. It's just not allowed.

But then, like, because all those clones then shuff off to... Because Jango, he just won't have kid and then he shuffs off, but then he gets got by Mace. So they all go seek out Mace Windu. He fell out of Windu. So do all go seek out Mace Windu, who fell out of Windows.

So do they get, like, hmm. 4 E10. Oh, okay. All right. That's a lot of clones. Not just stupid clones. Yeah. Getting worse and worse and worse as they go.

But then, if they're being cloned. Yeah. That would be enough to wreck a galaxy. Yeah. But is it practical? Do you think Genosia or whatever crumbles yeah the weight of all those clones well they just push them into the sea but like is it fractal i when those clones pop out they're like give me a baby also clone me but then it just

becomes stupider and stupider as it goes down. So the Jedi and the Empire have to combine forces to stop Genosha from going too big on the clones. Genovia? Genosus? Well, Genosha's a Marvel mutant thing. I thought it was called... I think it's Genosa, isn't it?

Genosa? It's crazy for me to try and make a claim. Did I know anything about Star Wars right now? It's Gen for me to try and make a claim that I know anything about Star Wars right now. Oh, what, the planet? It's Geno- Genosha? Genosha? Genosha? It's not Genosha.

I bet it's Genosha. It's not Genosha. Uh, isn't it Genosis? Kid Fist like chokes on a peanut. Genosis. Oh yeah, Genosis, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, but do we- Okay, so assuming it's not Fractal- Yeah. That's only when Order 66 happens. Yes, these new clones don't have Order 66 in their head yet. Well, they do. Okay, well- It depends on when the programming happens.

Yeah. So, Order 66 happens and it's like, I gotta have babies and clone myself. Yeah. They all just get into their little speeders and their spaceships and they all chuff off down to Genesis. So if it happens one more time. Yeah, too many. Also, you've got to think about just the manpower of

the poor Genosians. Yeah, they're working overtime day and night to make more boys. 1.6 E21. What does that E mean? The E's zeros. That's a lot of guys.

I forget what the E actually stands for. Isn't it Euler's number or some shit? Yeah, you did specialist maths. You remember E. I know it stands for Euler's number. I don't know what it means now. I mean, it's like, so it's zeros. Yeah, it's zeros.

Probably. No, it definitely is a zero. Oh, it's movement of the decimal place. Maybe. Yeah, so. Anyway, so it's zeros. Yeah, it's zeros. Probably. No, it definitely is a zero. Oh, it's movement of the decimal place. Maybe. Yeah. Anyway, so it's... It's a lot of guys. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay. So you have 200,000 clones. Yeah. 200,000 clones line up. They're not all getting seen straight away. Yeah.

How many are getting seen? Surely it's only like they're taking it one at a time. At this point... Well, I mean, can't they just be like, will you each want a baby? And they're all like, yeah! And they're like, well, how many of there are you? 200,000!

Okay, so it's another 200,000 babies. Yeah! Well, that's easy, because we have that. Yeah, we're doing that already. We have that Bubba Fed. We have the capability. Yeah, we have the capability. They pull the switch,

they just pump out 200,000 little Bubbers, and they're like, all right. They're like, now clone us. They're like, no. Yeah, that might be where they draw the line. Okay. We'll clone one of you. But this is going to be bad.

We don't care. Yeah, that's not where... Something in my brain is telling me right now you've got to clone me. So they give us space credits, and they do. It's funny, hang on, how long does the cloning process take? Well, does he go to, does he get organized by, not Palpatine,

but it was someone else who was never, only mentioned maybe once in Star Wars. The person who ordered the, yeah. Oh, I've got it. It's like something Vetus or something like that, Data Vetus or some shit. Yeah. Yeah. It's dangerous any time one of you pulls your phone out of your lap.

It's scary. How long did it take for Jango Fett to be cloned? Because, yeah, so I guess it'll happen with like, maybe we'll just say for simplicity's sake. Yeah. We just get a, not a bad batch. Yeah. A stupid batch.

Yeah, they're just dumb. They're just dumb troopers. 200,000, basically, Jango Fett clones go off and they raise 200,000 Boba Fett clones. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Oh, wait, I'm an idiot. Yeah. Because the explanations in the movie,

like, Boba Fett's like, what, 10? Yeah, yeah. In Attack of the Clones, which means that the cloning

process has been going on for that long, because he's grown in real time. True. So, the clones, which means that the cloning process has been going on for that long because he's grown in real time. The clones chill and wait for their baby to be born. So 200,000 clones in 10 years.

In that time, the Jedi's arrive and I'm like, where'd you go? The Separatists in that period of time run again, run over the Capitol. The Senate, not the Capitol. Yeah. But then, ten years later, a bunch of stupid clones come in and wage war.

I don't know what they want, the stupid clones. I got a lot of damn chips in my brain right now. I gotta kill my dad. I don't know. I gotta kill my dad. I don't know. I gotta kill my dad and stop at Dexter Jester for some eggs.

Pew pew! Dexter Jester becomes the most successful diner in the galaxy. Because all of the clones stop in for eggs. Lucky Star Wars has chickens. Hey, you got eggs? Yeah, we got chickens. Oh, we got eggs!

You want some eggs from some tip-tips or whatever? How many eggs you want? Turning around to 22,000 million phones or whatever. A lot. A whole bunch. What you got? Okay, well, that's one interpretation of the question. Dexter Jets either goes out of business or becomes the

egg king of Coruscant. Sort of egg baron. All the chickens will be mine! Becomes a new war. Ah, the chicken wars. The egg wars. Eggs have been more valuable than gold now.

Eggs are currency. It's Star Wars. Throw credits in the bin. You're trading in eggs now. And then have a shelf life because they still go wrong. They're still eggs. They're savings. Really, chicken.

Chicken is the important thing. A currency where the money can go off. It's very funny. I've been saving for years. Chickens also technically go off. Yeah, that's true. They expire. Die.

Yeah. You can breed more money. That's cool. Yeah. But you can also eat the money. Well, you're hungry. No, because if the eggs are the money, then the chickens are the bank. You can eat the bank.

But it also means your bank can die. I'm going to make a deposit. You kind of like skip to the middle man here because like, well, we, you know, get money and then we trade that

for eggs and then we eat the egg. So if we get paid an egg, we just eat egg. Then if we want to eat the bank, you wouldn't need the bank. Eggs are our money. Chickens are the bank.

Both consumable. You can eat your money. You can are the bank. Both consumable. You can eat your money. You can eat the bank. That's true. Is eating your bank kind of like taking out a mortgage? No, it's kind of like eating a house, I would say. It's sort of like, well, it's like withdrawing your life savings for one meal. Yeah.

Or quitting a job to eat. It's like quitting a job to eat a chicken meal. We'll give you three eggs today. You have to give us back interest on those eggs. As long as you give us back

an egg every two weeks. For the next six weeks. How do I get eggs? But also you can't have savings because a chicken can have, what, one egg in it at a time? I don't know. No, because they have a clutch, you know? Well, under the chicken, I guess.

I mean, that's a vault. As opposed to the chicken. Yeah. Star Wars has become very different. Okay. Spare an egg, sir. Spare an egg for a veteran of the Clone Wars. But if one egg would be valuable.

Yeah. So asking for an egg is a lot. What's a smaller denomination of egg? That's what I mean. Shell? Yolk? It'd be like in our current climate If the lowest denomination Was a hundred bucks Yeah

Yeah but if the Larger bank Laid Eight hundred dollars every day That's not much No but also it's continuous And we're always getting If we had a full time job And and you got $100 a day,

you'd be like, I got a shit full-time job. Yeah. But surely my job would just be... You got a dog shit full-time job. Karen, chickens. Raising chickens. All right, chickens, fuck. Come on.

Get at it. Daddy needs his money. Eat more chickens for eggs. Daddy needs to be cashed off. Rooster, you got to fuck the chickens. You got to fuck the chickens. And then you got to fuck off because then youoster you gotta fuck the chickens you gotta fuck the chickens and then you gotta fuck off cause then you gotta

stop fucking the chickens so that my chickens have eggs yeah gotta make some cash rooster I'm gonna eat ya I'm gonna eat the rooster it's bad meat I hear it's not as good

but I'm still gonna do it I don't forget the chicken to get the fuck come on come on fuck eat your eggs come on

I mean no don't eat your eggs don't eat your eggs oh no when the other chicken has that weird thing where it's like, peck the third egg. No! No! My minions!

How good is it to imagine at, like, a casino just slamming an egg on the counter? Oh, damn. You're imagining it breaking and swallowing it. Well, that's scary. It's scary to have money that can shatter. That's a bit more. Eggs is dull as it's scary. It's tough.

What's a wallet? It's tough living. What's a wallet look like? Well, it would be an egg basket. of a worry. Eggs as dollars is scary. It's tough. What's a wallet? It's tough living. What's a wallet look like? Well, it would be an egg basket. Or a basket. Yeah, I suppose. Basket eggs. Oh, the forgery.

Wait a second. These aren't chicken eggs. These are goose eggs. These are sparrow eggs. I've been rumbled. Would goose eggs be more or less? I don't know. It's only chicken eggs.

If they only want to eat Chicken eggs It takes two jets Because they're ostrich eggs Yeah The ostriches exist in Star Wars Don't let Don't make Don't

Well those things that Anakin and Padme are riding When Anakin falls off And pretends to be dead Oh yeah They probably lay eggs Yeah look Probably not

That's like me Claiming a horse lays eggs Nah look in Star Wars I would assume a horse did I would assume a horse did. I would assume a lot of things in Star Wars laid eggs. I'm shocked that Anakin wasn't birthed out of an egg. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He might have been. Sebulba probably lays bug eggs or whatever, you know? Yeah, yeah. Lava. Yeah. Fish eggs, maybe. Wado would lay an egg. Wado lays an egg. He lays one big sloppy egg.

He came from an egg. I reckon he lays an egg, but it's not a hard egg. It's like- It's membranous. Yeah, and like when it kind of has a similar consistency of like a human shit. Yeah, okay. So like when it- Like a sharket.

No, all right, never mind. When it like hits the ground, it slops a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's more like a water balloon. Yeah! I say like when you put an egg in vinegar, how it's all kind of weird and see-through and rubbery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a water work. But more like, you know, sloppy. Yeah! I say like when you put an egg in vinegar how it's all kind of weird and see-through and rubbery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a water work.

But more like, you know, sloppy. Yeah. Alright. As a mustache maybe. Okay, okay. How can this clone go wrong? Um... Can they get...

Okay, what if... That's the three big ones. What if... Order 66, all clones suddenly get Jedi powers? Oh, okay. What if... Uh...

Order 66 happens and then they get flooded with midi-chlorines or whatever? Do they still hate the Jedi? I mean, no, they're working for them. Okay, so nothing changes except the Jedi and the clones just... We now have a lot of Jedi clones. Too many Jedi. And they're all the same dude.

So I guess Jango was force-sensitive. And training someone when they are... How old is Jango? 38? What, 40? I'd say mid-30s. Training somebody late in life is hard. So training Anakin at the age of 10 was like, oh shit.

Training Luke at the age of 18... Nah, kind of shit. He fucked up a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't work quite as well. A lot of Jedis. Rey is fine. She doesn't really get trained. Oh, no.

Seems like her training sucks shit, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, and in this stage of the Jedi, we are once again dealing with poorly trained Jedi. Jedi is with bad people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because again, every single like, you look at it, you trace it down. Once again, it's all bad.

All bad trainers all the way down. It all starts with Yoda. Yoda trains Dooku. Dooku trains Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon trains Obi. Obi trains Anakin. And then he trains Luke. And Luke trains Kylo.

Yeah. It's all bad all the way down. Nobody's good at this job. And Yoda's still in charge of the Jedi's. At this situation. What would Yoda do with like 22,000 or 220,000 Jedi? Here's another thing though with Jedi. You also have the option

of just not training them because that's a discussion with Anakin. So I guess they just don't train them. Train them we must not. Train them, we can't be bothered doing. 200 watts? How?

I think Order 66 went wrong. What? Fuck. Shitting myself I am. How about this for another Order 66? Dead. It's completely flipped. Fuck me.

Oh, okay. They love the Jedi. Love the Jedi. Hate the Senate. Or hate specifically Sheev. Well, hate Sheev, yeah. But also the Senate. The Senate gets stormed by a different group this time. Jedi are very confused.

Very. But- Jedi have to stop stormtroopers or clone troopers, but the clone troopers won't attack Jedi because they love them but it's hard to see also how do they know that a person is a Jedi I understand that they've been working with them

but like how do they oh the clones I guess Jedi's robe and the stick yeah because they can't sense them that's why some get loose they seem to go into hiding and hide lights Yeah, because they can't sense them. That's why some get loose. Because they can't identify on one side. They seem to go into hiding and hide lights.

Because that's why they're like lightsabers. You don't want to be using one of them. It's like all Jedi are traitors. We kill the Jedi as we know it. But then it's like, yeah. There's some Jedi's just out there. Yeah, it happens. There's the fucking guy from Fallen Order.

There's Ahsoka. There's fucking Obi-Wan. Yoda. What about this for goes wrong? Grogu? No. He's been born by that. He's like a million years old. There's fucking Obi-Wan, Yoda, Luke. What about this goes wrong? What if it gets... Grogu? No. He's being born by then.

He's like a million years old. What about if an advertising company hacked in to their protocol? I can activate Order 66 and it just flashes up drink Coke. Yeah. And they all start to drink Coca-Cola or smoke death sticks or whatever.

Well, I like how we basically, the crashed or built up Dexter Jester's diner, the same thing. Coke becomes currency, okay. Oh, no. A glass of Coke is the dollars, a bottle of Coke is the pay. A six pack is a company,

it's a bank of companies. So what's PostMix? Is that savings? At least you have different denominations in this world where like you've got leaders 500 mils, 750 mils. It just would cause an influx of people buying a lot of coins. Cans worth more.

Are clones trendsetters? If I, a humble Nabooian, was there being like, I wish we stopped electing child kings. This is stupid. Saw a bunch of clone troopers drinking delicious ice cold Coke, and I'm like, that could be me. Well, I mean. Join the army.

We've got Coca-Cola. Yeah. It's pretty appealing. Especially on Naboo. It's so hot. No. What? Naboo doesn't look hot.

Naboo looks kind of nice. Tatooine is what I'm thinking of. Might work on Tatooine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tatooine becomes part of the Republic then because they're not the Outer Rim anymore because they want some of that sweet Coca-Cola. Who never does a campaign for the Empire with, like, say, Tatooine? Like, join the Empire.

Get a drink. Yeah. I mean, you don't empire. Get a drink. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to fucking farm moisture. We got drinks. We have something called a water cooler. On Tatooine, it seems like they just drink gross milk or whatever most of the time. It's crazy that no one just brought drinks to Tatooine. Just bring drinks.

Drink Coca-Cola and then you got Tatooine. Get a fucking 30 pack of cans of Coca-Cola from the supermarket's, what, 30 bucks? Yeah, I don't know. Just get a couple of those, take it to Tatooine. 30 bucks, six eggs, I don't know. Six cans of Coke for six cans of Coke. I don't know how it works, really. Depends on which

economy. Yeah, they just go for drinks. I hate being in the poorer district where six cans of Coke cost eight cans of Coke. When are they going to fix this country? Yeah, so Naboo, if it's hot, they bring them Coke. If it's cold, they bring them warm cocoa. And they just slowly... They bring them warm Coke.

Hot Coke. Hot Coke. They don't know any difference. They don't know Coke's meant to be cold. You're living in a hot and you're cold. I got the drink for you. It's called hot Coke. It's called warm Coke.

Or as we like to call it, Coke. Regular what Coke is. Why are they saying hot Coke? Yeah, that is strange. I hear on Tatooine they're getting cold Coke. That's fucked up. That's fucked up. You don't drink this cold.

It's disgusting. You drink it piping hot. It's steaming. Yeah. Coke is cold and piping hot. That famous Coca-Cola steam. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, when you're burning sugar at a high temperature, it's real good for your innards.

Yeah. Yeah. The step to hot Coke is, because if it's cold Coke, you miss the important step, which is half the vapors when you crack the can. You've got to crack the can, half the vapors. Don't want to miss out on that. Crack half. That's the good stuff.

Yes. He's just like, that's the good stuff. Yes. That's the tagline. A bunch of Coke cans in like a saucepan full of boiling water. You're kind of just like simmering. Yeah. Crack half, that's the good stuff. Drink hot Coke. Or you're doing it like a baked potato.

You wrap it in like foil and chuck it in a fire. Well, in some of the places in the outer room where they don't have the technology, they just chuck a Coke in the fire. Boom. Coke's done. they just chuck a coke in the fire. Boom! Coke's done! Yeah, I think that would be pretty good. I think that would win the...

I mean, I know the Empire wins in the end, but it would be a quicker victory. Win the hearts and minds of the galactic people. Yeah, because you've got to imagine the Jedi's coming out and they're against death sticks or whatever, and they're like, Coca-Cola. Hot or cold. It's bad for your teeth.

And everyone's like, fuck you, I love Coke. High fructose corn syrup? Are you kidding me? They're drunk. It makes some aliens drunk. It would. High fructose corn syrup? Are you kidding me right now?

Caffeine is like alcohol for me. Caffeine doesn't seem to be that prevalent in the Star Wars. Same with sugar. Everyone's eating gruel. I can really easily imagine Obi-Wan drinking a coffee for some reason. I don't know why. I keep losing detective. Does he drink a coffee when he goes to Dexter Jepsen's thing?

I would hope so. Coffee's probably a thing. They'd have that stuff where it's like a dry piece Of mutton or bread And they pour water in it And it goes Yeah Yeah So you pour coffee on that

It'd be fucked up If there's no coffee In Star Wars I would then be worried That there's no beans Full stop I'm not googling I'm not googling beans

I'm not on Wookipedia I'm not doing it We're just gonna be happy Well The Coke's turned it Into a capitalist paradise. Crack half, that's the good stuff. Crack it off, you're cracking off, that's the good stuff.

Drink hot Coke. Let's just bring it home. We've got a couple of different ways that Order 66 can go wrong. So let's try and figure out which was the worst and which is the best. So there's Order 69 which is our first one, where all the clone troopers just start sucking and fucking separatists just shoot them. Yeah, like I said, you're never to 69, which is our first one. Where all the clone troopers just start sucking and fucking... Separatists

just shoot them. Like I said, you're never more distracted than when there's a dickhead. The Jedi probably also get shot in the back. Separatists flood. I feel a lot of them are going to end with the Separatists just rolling the troops. Then we've got... What do you want? What are we the worst

thing for the Jedi to see in their moment of death? What is the worst thing? Is the worst thing to be a bunch of frozen clone troopers? Or a bunch of unfrozen, highly animated, fucking clone troopers? They're moving. So the best one for the Jedi, which is probably also still bad because it probably turns into a huge civil war, is Order 66 doesn't work at all. And the clone, yeah, like just nothing happens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the worst one overall is probably the eggs. The eggs, the eggs one. Yeah. The egg standard for an economy is not ideal. That seems bad for a lot of reasons. So either the clones want clones or the clones are frozen for two to three hours. Yeah.

Probably the two worst ones. Yeah, I would say so. But yeah, I don't know if I can make the switch where eggs are my dollars and chicken are my banks. That's hard. That's a really drastic change in the way we do things. I want to live in this Coke paradise. Yeah, the Coke paradise sounds great. Everyone, there's a video on YouTube that has come back to me.

And just to bring this episode home, if you're looking for something, you've got the thrill of plumbing the death cell. A kind of a chaser, I suppose, to the episode. Because obviously all good episodes have to come to an end. And rather than wait a whole week, just head to YouTube and just search for Warm Dr. Pepper. Yeah, I think it might be Hot Dr. Pepper. Hot Dr. Pepper. Search for Hot Dr. Pepper and it's one of the greatest videos ever made. Yeah, it's instructions on how to make the world's best beverage.

Yeah, Hot Dr. Pepper. So please go YouTube that right now. It's unrelated to Sandspans and Plumbing the Duster entirely, except we have a strong connection with it of enjoyment. You can watch something that brought us joy

and you can also get joy out of it. Spiritually, cosmically, it's connected to us. It's a huge influence on us. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel.

Crack Hoff. That's the good stuff. Crack Hoff. That's a good stuff. Want to hear more of this nonsense, but you're on a budget? For five bucks a month, not only will you be helping support the show, but you'll get two bonus episodes a month. We've teamed up with ACAST Plus to give you the plumbing sampler, a sneaky extra plumbing the Death Star episode,

and What If, where we look at the important questions asked by our good friend Marvel Comics back in 1977 and do our best to answer them. Just head to plus.acast.com slash s slash plumbingthedethestar or click the link in the show notes.