Plumbing the Death Star - What If Spider-Man Had Stayed a Wrestler?

Episode Date: March 25, 2018

In which our heroes ask the hard hitting question; What If Spider-Man Had Stayed a Wrestler?Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: twitter.com/dusch13Zammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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One boy Spider-Man. The 2001 classic Spider-Man the One. I'm not even going to question that because I know it's true. Spider-Man, when he first gets his spider powers... Yeah, you should have questioned it. Anyway, keep going. Decides to wrestle. Yep.

For money and cash. For money and cash. Straight off the bat, before we even get into what if it's Satan wrestler, keep going, decides to wrestle. Yep. For money and cash. For money and cash. He's like- Straight off the bat, before we even get into what if it's Satan wrestler, it's just a very funny, like, most people get powers, they're like, I know what I should do. Spider-Man's like, hmm. Dollar bills.

Well, yeah. I guess. Wrestling also would not be the first place I went, but I guess it's like a good legal place to use your powers to get dosh. Well, it's because someone's like survived two minutes in the ring with this fella let's just call him bone basher yeah it's something like that you're thinking of trying to think of other names better than bone basher nothing's coming i couldn't either i was like bone crusher yeah i thought bone crusher but bone crush boner

yeah crush burner yeah all right so he's fighting Crush Boner. Bone Burner. Bone Burner. Yep. He's fighting Old Mate Brady. And he only needs to survive two minutes. So I guess he's, like, figured out because he's powers. He's like, that's an easy way for me to get money

because, of course, I can survive two minutes. In what situation are you in where you're like, I need money, but my point of reference for earning money quick is a wrestling match? Yeah. Like an underground seedy wrestling match. You guys don't remember 2002 very well, do you? No.

What was Peter Parker into? Because he's a little nerd boy. I just think- Why did he know about it all? I sort of remember. Do you see it? This might be wrong, but did he not know he could do big jumps and sticks before he does wrestles?

No, he climbs a wall first. Yeah, but I kind of remember that as him, I might be wrong, but him just shitting himself and trying to get away from the guy and he climbs a wall because I thought it went, found out he's muscly.

Time to wrestle. Well, that's actually... Does he have a... Does he see a poster? Yeah, maybe he sees a poster. And also, I'm pretty sure that, like, think of, like, Weasel Nerd Boy. Yeah. All of a sudden, real strong. Yeah, true. sees a poster. And also, I'm pretty sure that, like, think of, like, Weasel Nerd Boy. Yeah.

All of a sudden, real strong. Yeah. True. Time to wrestle. Time to wrestle. That's fair. Like, wrestling falls into that, like, skateboarding. Like, all of a sudden, well, actually, no, it falls into exactly the same thing that

happens in Spider-Man 3, where it's like, I'm cool now, so I'm going to be rude to women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's just a classic Weasel Nerd Boy. So, then after he does a bit of wrestling against Bone Monster, the Bonaroma. The Bonaroma Smash Up. Monticello.

He leaves. He doesn't get the cash. Yeah, he gets. So what happens is, and here's a quick recount. This is my favorite segment of probably the desktop. A quick recount of Spider-Man 2002. He tries to claim the money. First of all, Bruce Campbell's like, hey, the man spotted. Why don't you try Spider-Man 2002. He tries to claim the money. First of all, Bruce Campbell's like, hey, the man spotted.

Why don't you try Spider-Man? It's better. It is. And then he knocks out the wrestler in under two minutes. Then he goes to claim his money. And the guy's like, well, you have to survive two minutes. And you didn't because you KO'd the fellow. No money for you.

And then Spider-Man's like, fuck you. And then the guy's like, nah, fuck you. Get out of my office. Then he's leaving the office. And then the guy's like nah fuck you get out of my office then he's leaving the office and then the robber comes in to rob him and spider-man steps out of the way lets him rob him and then he shoots uncle ben so in our scenario we've got two options either the guy's like well he didn't survive two minutes in the ring spider-man's like yeah fair i'll do it again cool i'll give it another go or spider-man's like fuck you leaves the robber kills uncle ben he's like i don't care i gotta win wrestling he learns the wrong lesson yeah it's like, fuck you, leaves. The robber kills Uncle Ben. He's like, I don't care. I got to win wrestling.

He learns the wrong lesson. It's like, oh, Uncle Ben wouldn't have died if I had spent two minutes in the ring. That's true. If I had just been a better wrestler, it's what he would have wanted. Uncle Ben died because I wrestled wrong. Yeah. And so now he becomes the ultimate wrestler. Listen to this, my Spider-Man song.

Alright, so now we've got this ultimate wrestler. So it's an underground wrestling rink, is it? Or was there posters for it? Is that how we found out? What it seemed like was this kind of wrestling that doesn't exist. Like a weird mix that's one step up from dirty underground street fighting, but one step below anything professional because they weren't filming it but also clearly it was all above board well there is

such thing as amateur wrestling like you can go see a local wrestling tournament it's weird but you can but like this feels like it should have been an event at that yeah yeah but i don't think it was it was the whole thing everyone was like it was like the kind of you know in like wolverine there's when he's in the like alaska north and there's the cage fight yeah Everyone was like- And it was like the kind of- You know in Wolverine, when he's in Alaska North and there's the cage fight. Yeah. It was like that, but supplanted in the middle of New York,

which I don't think is the thing that happens. There's no hell in a cell rage in a cage in the Big Apple. That we know. But also, you wouldn't put up a burst of come watch a guy die in two minutes or less. Exactly. He had a lot of fans.

I'll say that just before we get into it.'s a big crowd so clearly everyone was like i hope bone my bone bugsy my bone kill this guy because i'm a big fan okay so he's staying a wrestler yeah first off he's gonna have a much better outfit oh absolutely because it's gonna be like sort of spider theme but it's gonna show off his sweet abs he also no longer needs to hide his secret identity so he could check on a luchador mask if he wanted to or he could just be like i am peter parker the man spider get ready to run i like that means he learns two lessons wrong here with great power comes great responsibilities like i need to rest and someone's like bruce campbell's like try spider-man it's better he's like no man spider man spider i'm standing up for myself now like uncle bed would

have wanted plus man spider is way more intimidating it is i'm more frightened of a man spider i think it's the man the man spider he's like why don't you try spider-man that's great well he doesn't even say why do you try i think you just might announce it wrong i think he does yeah all right the man spider all right so he's going to have some sweet, sweet costumes. So what I'm reckoning is kind of like those long sleeves where he's already got the webbing or whatever, but like bare chest and abs. Yes, yes. And then like maybe a sash going on.

I'm in. Little shorts. Little tiny shorts to show off his powerful legs. But there's still a Spider-Man mask. Yes, yes. Theme music. Theme music. Imagine Ryan. shorts to show off his powerful legs but there's still a spider-man mask yeah yes yes um so are we yeah music theme music imagine right i've already got the perfect theme song but i'll wait for you first all right you know how it's like the undertaker has like everything goes dark yeah and you get this like smoking like machines go because the undertaker is coming back from hell

exactly so that's similar kind of thing so i'm thinking maybe this man spider wants to kind of lean into that fear a bit, right? And we just get a very slow and somber version of like Incy Wincy Spider. Ah, see, that's good. Then goes into like heavy metal. Kind of like Incy Wincy Spider. Like, yeah, like it kind of builds and builds. Alternative, he has the Spider-Man theme song, but it's Man-Spider.

Man-Spider. Man-Spider. Whatever a spider does. Bash your mates. Bash your mates. It's Man-Spider. He'll bash your mates. Look out.

Remember that time he killed that bone lad? Here is Man Spider. So we're taking this as the... My theme song was Iron Man by Black Sabbath, but the lyrics say, I am Spider-Man. I'll bash ya. But it's, I am Man Spider.

It rhymes better with I'll bash you. We're taking this as the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man universe. Yeah, the 2002 Spider-Man the first. Cool, cool. So we've got to go through the events of that that happened without Spider-Man. Okay, so he's fighting and he's like, all right, cool. I'm going to do this amateur wrestling. And so while that's happening, what else is happening?

So Oscorp. GG is like, I've got this new military mist. That's very funny. The military is like, develop us a mist. How does GG do? So he's NO, then he's GG. You've got to say NO to GG. Does NO be like, oh, there's that man spider going around?

No, it's totally irrelevant. I hope people are actually trying to figure out these initials, because it's launched straight into that. He's like, they'll figure it out. He's like, I've got to find this. Google it. We made a military mist, and it's in a glass compartment area. They're testing it out.

It's not working. They test it from memory on an animal or something, and it makes a little green goblin rat, but surely that's not working they test it from memory on like an animal or something and it makes like a little green goblin rat but surely that's not true but then he's like uh i'm angry because uh like he's like it's not going quick enough or something so he tested on himself then he goes crazy and makes his green goblin mask um do either of you remember what green goblin wants no i just had a quick i was like look while this is happening i'm just going to quickly look at the plot yeah just to make sure i don't forget anything so uncle ben says with great power comes great responsibility before he dies but not whilst he's dying it's a conversation beforehand in it because we were

amazing spider-man yeah while he's dying he's like keep wrestling keep wrestling you're great at it peter parker brushes that off and the reason he enters the wrestling to get money is so he can buy a car to impress mj all right now how do you impress mj but be a sweet wrestler yeah absolutely nothing gets the ladies first off a luchador first big consequence he gets a car oh yeah yeah absolutely because he First big consequence. He gets a car. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because he keeps wrestling, gets the cash, gets a car. Funny because, you know, he gets a car when he doesn't need a car. That's a certain irony. I got to say, I appreciate it. Because he inherits Uncle Ben's car.

No, he can just whip around the city. No, that's true. But does he? And does he use his web in the ring? Because I think it's probably not a legal move. No, he can't use his web in the ring. He wouldn't use his webs in the ring. Yeah. Because first he's got to manufacture it.

But in this one, they're organic. They're organic, yeah. So no. He's just got them. They're just like a- I've changed my outfit. Yeah. So go on.

Using nothing but his webbing, he makes short shorts. Yes. So they're like skin tight. I like to think he comes out nude. Yeah. And that's like his big get ready is he webs himself an outfit every single time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like he weaves himself an outfit. And he personalizes it against whoever he's fighting with a big middle finger and that person's name written in web. Can you find out why Green Goblin becomes Green Goblin? So he becomes Green Goblin by accident, but the reason he's like he was like i'm doing it fuck you maybe he doesn't name himself green goblin either jjo and jameson does that's something we've got to address as well the j j j problem um norman finds out that oscorp's board members are planning to force him out and sell the company after his experiment goes wrong and he because he kills scientists when he's like here's my mist we've

made that mist for you military and then it kills a bunch of lads that's a pretty good mist and works well it turns him into the green goblin okay that doesn't work in that instance so if you were to be like i'm going to use this on the enemy force ah Ah, shit. I've made a bunch of Green Goblins. And then he assassinates the board at the World Unity Fair. Smart move. All right. So he's getting revenge on scientists. Yeah, pretty much. And Peter Parker ain't having none of that.

Except in our world. Yeah, Peter Parker tries to fight him. And then Green Goblin realizes that Peter Parker is Spider-Man because he gets wounded. And then at a dinner, he's wounded. Okay. But in this version, Peter Parker's like, that's crazy, that thing that happened at Oscorp. I wish there was something I could do to stop it, but alas. But I've got this big match coming up.

So I've got to do that. So let's see just for Peter Parker. Is he still going to, like, not admit to the wrestling world that he is Peter Parker? Or is he going to be like, fuck it, I'm Peter Parker, the man spider? Yeah, and I was thinking, does he tell Aunt May as well? Does he keep it under wraps? Because I feel like Aunt May's not going to approve.

I think that it'd still have to be a secret, and I think he'll keep, like, a luchador-styled Spider-Man mask. Yeah, I think he would as well. No one Peter Parker. Because he's also underage, isn't he? He is too, that's a good point. And also, one thing that we need to very much address, he still has superpowers,

which is a big thing that he doesn't want to talk about. That's true. I reckon his go-to move next is going to be like, buddy-buddy up with Flash Thompson. Because if anyone's going to get some fake ID, Flash Thompson. It's going to be like, Flash, I know you hate me and you kick my books around,

but look, I'm a wrestler. I'm a wrestler now. Because saying I'm a wrestler now, instead of I'm a superhero. I'm a wrestler now. Come watch me. I need some fake IDs and stuff like that. Give him a half Nelson.

Yeah. I reckon Flash Thompson is- Full Nelson. Oh! Flash Thompson is A, a man who would probably be- Choke slam him. A fan of wrestling, but also be impressed by Peter Parker's show of strength. He's lucky that this is Man Spider 2002 and not Man Spider Homecoming.

Oh, I know. Because that Flash Thompson could not give a shit shit like you wrestle all right penis it's pretty what's your wrestling penis parker really flash you got one go-to thing and you just keep but it's good like i'll cop it's very fun flash you're also a nerd you're just more confident than me and i don't remember the amazing spider-man's flash thompson i don't know if he even had one probably not that but did he break his arm oh yeah maybe he did oh wait or was it the basketball that he just fucking piffs the basketball in his head yeah and then like all old mate unky ben's like don't be a piss yeah that flash thompson doesn't fuck around so i reckon this flash thompson is like look we've

had our differences but like i have no reference to nelson to me so we're friends we're friends now and also i don't know what like anything is and i am not cool but i reckon you could get me a fake id is wrestling cool in 2002 yes high schoolers as well. Yeah, yeah. And I guess if Spider-Man put him in at half Nelson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five times the one by the other. Even a full Nelson. Even a full, even a quarter Nelson. Whatever, he's a great-

Even if he jackhammers him. When was the big like, you know- Wrestling boom? Yeah, the big split. You know, like the WWE versus- WWE versus NWO? NWO, yeah. When was that? Late 90s? Yeah, late 90s. So we're still coming out of this. Or maybe- WWE versus NWO? NWO, yeah. When was that?

Late 90s? Yeah, late 90s. So we're still coming out of this. You know what's happening? There's this giant push for wrestling. And then it's going to just dip. But you know who's going to be the spark to ignite the wrestling? Old man, Man Spider.

Man Spider's a real mockingjay of wrestling by the sounds of it. I like that due to this question, we also have to ask the question, can the cops take out the Green Goblin? Because otherwise he just continues unchecked. So somebody's got to stop him. He's kind of successful already because he kills his board. Yeah. And then the only thing his necks go to is just to kill Spider-Man.

And then once he's done with that, is he just done? But if he's not killing Spider-Man, because like, well, I'm going to go and watch my favorite wrestling on TV. Who's this guy? I wish he would join me. Spider. We can rule the galaxy. The galaxy.

These big aspirations now. First we take Manhattan, then we take the galaxy. The galaxy. These big aspirations. First we take Manhattan, then we take the galaxy. Okay, how likely is it that the Green Goblin's ever going to watch a wrestling match? Wait, was that a Leonard Cohen reference? First we take Manhattan, then we take the world. Anyway, that threw me. Anyway. All right. Harry Jr. Harry Con. Harry Jr.

No. Harry Connick Jr. Harry Connick Jr. Probably a big fan of wrestling. Harry Osborne. Hey, Cho. Hey, Cho J. Hodge.

Why Jr.? You don't get Jr. just because you've got the same. You're not JBJ. Yeah, but. Good. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I feel strong to say Without Junior

But I guess HO That's fine Hodge So Harry Osborn I don't think he's a big wrestling guy You can say HOJ Provided that you change it to NOS

Alright yeah NOS and Hodge I'm pretty sure I don't know I reckon Hodge is not watching. Oh, no, I reckon he is. And even if he is, when is Noss saying it? That's the question. Although Noss is Butler, who is like his right-hand man,

and he's like, oh, Master Goblin, would you like to come join me and watch the wrestling? He might just be like, oh, all right. I guess, I guess. I guess. But even that, like, I guess what my question is, is it going to be obvious to tell that PP has Spider-Man-ing abilities? I think if Spider-Man obviously just starts wrestling.

He jumps on walls. But it depends on how. Ain't no one that dexterous. Yeah, no, but it depends on how serious he takes keeping his wrestling secret well that's his only one up on other people also he's very quick yeah and spider-man sense yeah i think if he's just being agile and moving and everything that they're gonna be calling like the untouchable yeah yeah all those kind of things the untouchable man spider and you know what's good about wrestling is that it's it's written when he gets to a point, right, where he's like now on the pros,

now he's fighting for NWO, right? They're going to be like, nah, take a punch. That's the bad one. Okay, WWE. There we go. He's going to be like, hey, take a punch. He's like, yeah, right.

I would love to hear Spider-Man announce that he'll see me at WrestleMania. Yeah. Especially Tobey Maguire. It's all about acting, right? Because PP can take a punch Yeah absolutely And he could be like yeah do whatever you want to me So they could be like alright we're going to have this underdog match

We're going to sell you as the underdog So we're going to get all these guys To just whip the shit out of you Just like oh my god Whip the shit out of you They're going to come onto the This sounds like the fucking... Last Temptation of Man Spider.

This is like an Easter weekend special. We're going to lash you, then we're going to give you a crown of thorns and you're going to have to wrestle this guy. His name's also PP, but it's Pontius Pilate. So we're just going to... A bunch of people in, they're going to run a train on you

Like a fighting train And then you're going to be like all battered and bruised And then you're going to make a comeback And beat them I reckon PP could do that Yeah I got faith in PP that he could take care of that That PP could take the PP In this one religious match

That is for some reason happening Live from the Bible Belt. Peter Parker. Peter Parker in the Bible bashing. The man spider playing the role of Jesus Christ for some reason against Pontius Pilate. Played by The Rock. Dwayne The Rock Johnson as Pontius Pilate.

What a match Cause then you get like The Rock being like First of all bring it cause that's his thing But also like do you smell what The Rock is cooking But it'd be like do you smell what the Pontius Pilate's Crucifying With guest appearance by mankind As the Roman soldiers Stabbing him with a spear With guest appearance by mankind as the Roman soldiers.

Stabbing him with a spear. Well, look, that would be an insane... I'd watch it. I'd be into it. In 2002, blading was still allowed in wrestling. And for those who don't know what blading is, it's when you purposely cut yourself so the wrestling looks more fucked because then people like you more. Wow.

Could you imagine mankind shoving his sock down Peter Parker's face, pulling up his luchador mask and being like... I don't know about you guys, but I've assumed this version of PP has given up on MJ. Like, he just doesn't care anymore. He's probably have, like, vixens? Is that what they're called? I have no idea.

Like, wrestling... Oh, no, divas. Divas? Divas, divas, divas. He'd just have, like... He'd have a storyline with one of no, Divas. Divas. Divas. Divas. Divas. He'd have a storyline with one of the WWE Divas.

Yeah. He would not care. MJ would be like, you bought that car for me, but then you left. He's not in New York at this point,

right? Hell yeah. Hells yeah. It's sad she's dead. It is. He's not in China. No, not in China. He's hanging out.

No no no Who What's her name Vince McMahon's daughter Stephanie McMahon Stephanie McMahon Yeah That'll be a plot

Take over Shawn Michaels Um Triple H Triple H Yeah Triple H He's just gonna play Triple H

Good That bald fox Had his run Green Goblin Destroys New York Peter Parker Takes over Triple H Green Goblin destroys New York. Peter Parker takes over Triple H. Green Goblin taken out by the military. With some armor-piercing bullets, they kill the CEO of Oscorp.

How far does Green Goblin go? He kills Spider-Man, then he's like, I'm the green, poof, poof, poof, dead. Because he's never going to be versing Spider-Man. Spider-Man's going to be like, I've got to wait train. Because, like, let's be honest, Green Goblin, a threat to Spider-Man, but also just one dude. And one dude with pumpkin, a finite amount of pumpkin bombs. Pumpkin bombs, a glider, super strength?

Yes. Yes. Yes. And madness. And he also has. Like, this one ain't turning into an actual goblin. No, no, no, no, no. I think the cops could probably take out Green Goblin.

I'll make that claim here. Yeah. New York, NYCPD. Yes. And also, it's like, well, Harry, a bloody hodge ain't going to be blaming PP for the death of Nos. When the cops kill him, he's going to be like, well, he might blame the police.

Yeah. And so then we get, like, what? Like a Batman, But against the cops I don't think you get anything I think you just get Harry Hodge Sorry excuse me Hodge just being like I hate cops and now I run Oscorp Yeah

I think you might get a more well balanced Hodge Yeah absolutely It's pretty good for Hodge It's quite good Spider-Man doesn't have to kill a man. He just fights in the ring. Is there anything else that happens? Well, that's good, because Hodge will have to now declare that he doesn't hate Spider-Man, that he hates cops.

Yeah. But I think it'd be like if they... What were cop relations like in 2002? I think everyone was pretty happy about cops in 2002, especially in New York. Just a feeling I have. I think that they also quite liked firemen.

And they also quite liked paramedics. They were doing quite well. Man, it is rough that in that world they had 9-11 and then the Green Goblin. Then a year later I would associate the the thing them all together i'd be like 9-11 green goblin dark ock two years later still surround the same time yeah what did new york do you also get a spider menace yeah that's true and i would believe

jay jones jameson's fucking rag a hundred percent, how does JJJ take this? Well, I mean, you'd maybe only give the occasional Spider-Man reference in a wrestling section. Local dickhead still wrestling good. I like that he still hates him. Spider-Manus ruins wrestling. I don't know. Bring back Burn Bambalam.

Man-Manus? J. Jonah Jameson, sorry, Triple J, seems like he'd be a pretty good fan of wrestling. I just feel like he'd like it. I can see him tuning into wrestling at like two in the morning. I could see him going to that bone crusher and just cheering him on, wanting to see some blood. Bone Jangles.

Yeah, when Bone Jangles versus the Man Spider, who's in the front row but old mate Triple J. know bone crusher and just cheering him on wanting to see some blood bone jangles yeah when bone jangles versus the man spider who's in the front row but old mate triple j so i reckon that is clearly gonna be like i reckon wrestling's gonna get a big boom no but i can also see jj and jabez had been real upset that that fight didn't go for two minutes that's true like biting his cigar and i'll be like you ruined wrestling that Man menace! Ruins wrestling! Fucks my day! Yeah, one of two ways. He's going to be, like,

all on board to be like, fuck yes, wrestling is great, and this kid here is, like, reinvigorating a love of wrestling, or this piece of shit goes against all that is good and pure about wrestling.

Yeah, because wrestling got real gimmicky around that time, because, like, the world was a bad place for a bit. But also wrestling kind of mimicked that. Like, with The Undertaker, was like, Undertaker at points was like, I don't win matches anymore, I murder people. When was Undertaker v. Undertaker? Was that the 90s? Yep. Good.

Because also, like, people, it was giant, like, actual big feuds outside of wrestling, but about the wrestling industry. Then people were dying in the ring. Oh, yeah. Everyone was being like, it's the 90s, it needs to be dark and edgy. So there's, like, nail matches with just tacks and shit all over the floor. People getting hit with chairs. That still happens. People being thrown off, like like the cage into desks. Do we think Bonjum and Franklin would come back and be like a villain to Man Spider?

I think that he'd be the hero. Either hero. He'd be the face. Yeah. Or. So you reckon what? Spider-Man's the heel? Well, Man Spider.

Sorry, Man Spider. Man Spider. Yeah, because he won that match in under two minutes. People would hate that. Not getting the value for money. You know what's very sad? What? Two years later, New York just explodes.

When Doc Ock's mini son just destroys New York. Well, oh, wait. Hang on. Does Spider-Man create that villain there? Yeah. So what happens is Spider-Man saves the... Okay, hang on so when doc ock is doing it initially spider-man stops it from being a big problem yeah and then he

and doc ock blames spider-man for that and then makes a bigger one yeah yeah so it would only get a smaller explosion because the first one is a little bit more controlled and that happens later on yeah uh no the first one explodes as well yeah but but spider-man is there to sort of doc wouldn't blame him but doc might die that's true that's true spider-man helps him out but no you know what helps him out is not spider-man it's paramedics yeah yeah yeah but spider-man is there for the first one to stop it from being completely and utterly spider-man yeah spider-man stops the first one from killing doc Ock yeah but if he wasn't there Doc Ock

would have died and but how big would that explosion have been how wouldn't have destroyed New York I don't think

you know because a lot the second one that will destroy New York but the first one what was the what would have

happened Hodge might be dying in this situation yeah oh Hodge and he came so

he came back from his dad getting murdered by cops well rightfully dead yeah yeah he was a villain and also like we know that and he came back from his dad getting murdered by cops. Well, rightfully dead. Yeah, he was a villain. And also, we know that Green Goblin's suit isn't bulletproof because he dies from stabbing.

Yeah, exactly. It's actually not that strong a suit. Yeah, Hodge is dead from that explosion. Although, would Hodge have gone without Peter Parker being there? Probably not. Yeah, probably wouldn't have. So, does that mean that it's just a very sad one building explodes and

people are like, I wish that would stop happening. Famed scientist Dr. Octopus. Octavius. Octavius Octopus. Otto Octavius. Yep. Just is dead and everyone's like, that's sad. He had those arms. They seem pretty cool. And then you're probably going to get people trying

to replicate that in probably safer conditions because they're not insane. Yeah. So that might improve the world. They don't have robot arms fucking with their head. Yeah. Because the thing was, in the movie at least, Doc Ock's arms have artificial intelligence, but there's like a chip that stops them from like going crazy. And the explosion melts that chip. It's very funny.

Yeah, they're right that's how it goes down and then the doctors try to remove the arms but the arms crack the shits and kill the dog how funny is it that i like that this is also an exploration of the stupid plans of all those villains that this doc is like all right i've made these arms it allows me to be super clever his wife's like any problems she's like wow it's they're evil a bit but i figured i'd put a chip in the good, or I can control them. Otherwise... They control me.

They control me. They have wants and desires. How many arms do you need? Really? Two does your fine. At no point have I ever been like, fuck, I wish I had ten arms. Oh, wait, no. Once.

Does Doc Ock have eight robotic arms or six robotic arms? He's got four. He has four arms. And then his arms. So there's only eight. He shouldn't even call himself, I guess, legs. Yeah, legs. Legs is what gets it. But legs aren't arms.

They are for an octopus. Legs are the arms of the lower body. Yes, but for an octopus, they're all the same. They're all appendages. Yeah, he got me there. He should call himself Doctor... What has six? Doctor Bug.

Doctor Bug in brackets, six legs. Yeah, he should be Doctor Spider. His name's Octavius, of course. Is Doctor Octopus one of Spider-Man's villains? Because both creatures have eight legs. Yeah. That's stupid, comic books. Spider-Man's the only superhero I can think of

where a lot of his villains are just other animals. Batman a bit as well. No, actually, not so much Batman. No, not Batman. Just Spider-Man. Spider-Man fights other animals, yeah. If this is happening, right, so unfortunately it was a tragic science event that went bad.

Maybe Peter Parker. Oh, man, 9-11. Then you got Green Gobbo and then you got a science... A massive explosion from an Otto Octavius science event. New York is not having a good one. But...

But... Please. Go. All right. So, in this world where Peter Parker is still a... An up-and-coming wrestler. He's doing quite well.

And if he's doing really well, would he be doing like PSAs be like you know what's cool kids science yeah man stay in science school

yeah or would he just still be whatever like just anti-drug things well it depends again I assume Peter Parker's dropped out of high school right

no he probably finished high school because he's very smart you forget this and also he doesn't need to train because he's Spider-Man oh that's true

man spider it depends if his face or the heel, he doesn't need to train because he's Spider-Man. Oh, that's true. Man-Spider. It depends if his face or the heel, though. He wouldn't put someone who's the heel in. Yeah, exactly. But this is the thing. I reckon he might start as the heel, but I reckon towards the... Can you have a person who has a face

who has a secret identity? Yeah, I guess. He'd probably have to unmask. And we know what happened last time Spider-Man did that. People got shot With time guns We don't want that shit to happen again Not in my New York Who is killing a

First off Aunt May and then Captain America Because of a wrestler Peter Parker takes off his mask He's like I am Peter Parker Everyone's like okay J. Jonah Jameson is like didn't he take photos for me once? That's kind of neat. Oh, the scene where Peter Parker's like, I need some more money because my highly paid wrestling gig isn't giving me enough money.

Goes to J. Jonah and he's like, I got all these wrestling shots. Oh, actually, the person that could shoot with a time gun. Well, it wouldn't kill Aunt May. Might shoot Peter with a time gun. Bloody burns the TV show from before. Yeah, that's right. Finally seeking his sweet revenge, gets a hold of a time gun from somewhere. So he's like, oi, crossbones, give me that gun.

My name is also Bone. Oh, okay. The Bone team. And the Bone team team up. The Bone-headed brothers. Guys, guys, guys. Wrestling team up. Guysheaded guys guys guys wrestling team guys it's like what is that fucking murder on a train no what is it on a express no no no no it's like uh strangers on an oriental express so so fucking bone crusher is like it's all express an okay

term still i don't think so well yeah's fine, because I think things from the Orient, something is considered Oriental if it's an object, but a person isn't considered Oriental. Yeah, no, that would be bad. As far as I know, but I may be wrong on that. Please correct me if I am. Tweet, at RetroArchitect. So, clearly, Bone Crusher McGlob

is there on a train, and so is Crossbones, and they just look up. One has a mask or a skull on it, and the other um crossbones and they just look up one has a mask or like a skull on it and the other guy clearly probably might have the same yeah i've seen this wrestling i have an idea and so crossbones is like sick i'm gonna shoot who is this wrestler man spider man spider can team up with man spider and then so then our bone crusher is shooting cap with a time gun bones out of boneville comes up to captain america shoots him with that gun because like who was that guy but now i'm back in caveman times that's all right and then i guess crossbones then just decimate the shit out of Aunt May.

Because he ain't missing. Would that make Peter Parker go back to New York? Or has the wrestling lifestyle gotten to his head? And he's like, who cares about my dead aunt? I think it'd be like- He doesn't see her that much anymore anyway. Yeah, that's true. I might mess him up because his last connection to his like-

I think he'll maybe incorporate that into his wrestling gimmick. I think now we're, oh, fuck guys. He becomes the undertaker. You are going to be as dead as my aunt is tonight. No, no, no. You know what? This happens. Guys, he's going to be sad.

Yeah. He's going to be feeling emotions. He's going to be pretty dark and edgy. We're going to get the black spider suit. That's how it happens. That's how it happens. That's how it happens. Except for him, it's just he changes the colour of his suit. Meanwhile, in New York, a symbiote land.

And Sandman eats the city. Sandman just robs the city and no one can stop him. Yeah. Cops are just like, we can't shoot the beach. This doesn't work. So, alright, so Sandman, what does he want? He just wants money for his daughter. So, like, I guess he

gets that. That's good. He just takes his daughter. He just takes his daughter and goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, whatever. We're fine. He's not a bad bloke, though. Yeah, he's not a bad bloke. So that's... Except he killed Peter... He killed Uncle Ben. He was stressed. He was there when Uncle Ben died.

Sometimes you kill an uncle, man. Yes. It happens. But maybe, maybe, what about this? Venom is attacking the city, as is Hodge Gob. Sandman's like, someone's got to do something. Sandman steps up to the plate. He's like, this will make my daughter proud.

Yeah. So he's got to fight the Venom, which I imagine he can do by just getting all sand up. Venom seems sticky. Venom is very sticky. You know, you get some sand in that, it's kind of ruined.

Kind of like, you know those things that you throw at the roof and they stick to the roof? Get a grid on that, doesn't work. Oh, gross. And the thing is with Venom and Sandman is like the problem sometimes with fighting a symbiote

is that it might consume you. Yeah. Sandman's a beach. He can't get consumed. He's almost immune, I want to say. Yeah. Venom can try and get in, but once he's in Sandman now needs to become his big sand cyclone. And then Venom's like, fuck!

Make a container kind of thing to get the suit, and the suit's fucked. And he's like, hey, NASA or whoever made me, here's this. Yeah. Exonerate me of all my crimes.

Give me back my daughter. Make me the hero of the city. And I don't think actually Harry Osborn will become the new goblin because... He's running a corporation.

Mad at cops. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada en plus des remises en argent. Et vous pouvez aussi commencer à gagner des remises en argent dans vos magasins préférés comme Old Navy, Best Buy et Expedia et même cumuler les ventes et les remises en argent. C'est facile à utiliser et vous obtenez vos remises par PayPal ou par chèque. L'idée est simple. Les magasins paient Rakuten pour leur envoyer des gens magasinés et Rakuten partage l'argent avec vous sous forme de remise.

Téléchargez l'application gratuite Rakuten et ne manquez jamais un bon deal. Ou allez sur rakuten.ca pour en avoir plus pour votre argent. C'est R-A-K-U-T-E-N. cops because if he's like because the problem there was that he assumed that his father was innocent right yeah yeah that's why he was a bit shitty at um old mate yeah he just assumed spider man was bad bloke also because of the newspaper and whatever yeah yeah but in this term it's like no no my dad was nuts yeah because he could i mean he could still be like he made a mistake and the cops shot him yeah that's true so what he could be doing is championing for like you know better like uh vigilantism we might get like get body cams and stuff like that earlier

because of old Hodge. And then being more... Except Hodge might be dead also at this point. He might be, but he might not have gone to see Doc Ock because he's got no nerd to go with him. He doesn't care. So I'm thinking that maybe he's being like, all right, we need some...

Him and MJ hook up. Oh, yeah. Because MJ's like, Peter Parker, who I had a big crush on. He's a wrestler now. And a jerk. And a piece of shit. I haven't seen him in ages.

I wonder what he's up to. Cuts to him fucking giving Stephanie McMahon the spider business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sad note, though. Stephanie McMahon dies later on from cancer. Yeah. Just because of spider jizz. Yeah.

Not in real life. She's still alive. That's a weird thing to come out after all this happens. Where, like, all these women are like, yeah, we got radiation poisoning. Oh, that's a good point. And we trace it back to this one guy, the man spider, and everyone's like, what?

And surely at that point people have suspected something was amiss because- He keeps climbing walls and doing giant flips. He makes costumes out of webbing he creates from his arms somehow. Then the government gets him. Do wrestlers have

to go through like a physical? Surely. Oh yeah, they have to get drug tests and stuff as well. Your urine is radiated. I just like the idea of them looking at the results and they're like, hey guys, come over here. That's spider DNA. What the fuck is this?

He's got spider fucking DNA inside him. Spider-Man gets kicked out of the wrestling biz. I just actually thought about Spider-Man. He's basically the wrestler, but instead of Mickey Rourke, it's Peter Parker. But I was just thinking about Spider-Man Reign. That means his balls stayed radioactive for a long time.

That's odd. That is weird. It also means that being a Spider-Man cures cancer, because he never got it, even though he was constantly radiated. Spider-Man's immune to cancer is the takeaway here. Nah, this is bad. I'm not happy about it, Tusha, but it's... Why are his balls still... Are they glowing? No, no, no, it was all his bodily

fluids. Yeah, his blood's radioactive. It was his semen, and his blood, and I guess his saliva. Yeah. Piss. Piss, shits. Every time he pissed in the toilet at Aunt May's, he was filling it with radiation. Oh, man, if he went to the bathroom and didn't flush, that poor Aunt May. Yeah.

Spider-Man's a, well, he is a bit of a man. He's a man. I'll say it. But yeah, Spider-Man kicked out of wrestling the moment they're like, you weren't doping in a traditional sense. You just got bit by a radioactive spider, which is also against, nah, air bud claws. Yeah. Air bud claws again!

It's like, yeah, I'm not doping, but there's nothing about... Nothing in the rule books that says I can't be part spider. That's true. Do they then seek out other powered individuals? Are they like... Sandman! Sandman, protector of Manhattan. Oh! That could be

how Spider-Man 3 ends. Yeah. Titular fight between... I don't know why it's a titular fight. It's not called Spider-Man V... Spider-Man 3 ends. Yeah. Titular fight between... I don't know why it's a titular fight. It's not called Spider-Man V... Spider-Man Wrestling. It's also not called Spider-Man V Sandman. That's not in the movie. Anyway.

Comes down to the finale of Spider-Man V Sandman in the ring. Yeah. One on one. I reckon it could be like almost the fourth Spider-Man. Because Spider-Man 3 ends with, you know, Sandman just defending Manhattan. And like, I'm going to level with you. Because Spider-Man 3 ends with, you know, Sandman just defending Manhattan. And, like, I'm going to level with you. I think he'd be a much better protector of Manhattan than Spider-Man.

Oh, 100%. He can be in more places at once. He's basically impossible to kill unless you get him wet. But don't tell anyone that's his weakness. No, if you get him wet, he just becomes sand. He becomes, like, wet. Mud. Yeah. Sand mud, yes.

So he's fine, actually. That's true. Get him hot, he melts. How does Spider-Man get him in the end? He puts him back in the thing that created him, doesn't he? No, I think he just lets him go. He beats the shit out of him and he puts him in like a storm drain and then he goes into the beach and he's like, I'm a beach now.

But a lot of times, he doesn't really beat Sandman. Sandman's like, I'm just going to be a sneaky beach for a bit. I hope Spider-Man at some point has never been like, oh, Sandman, you son of a beach. I hope Spider-Man at some point has been like, oh, Sandman, you son of a beach. I hope Spider-Man's at the beach sometimes and he gets a little nervous that he's sitting on Sandman. I mean, I would. No, but at the end of Spider-Man 3, because there's that big

fight at the construction yard, and the fight is Venom and Sandman versus Good Goblin and Spider-Man. So, like, what happens after that? Does Sandman... Yeah, Sandman's there. Does Sandman team up with Eddie Brock? Oh, maybe he does.

I think at the end of the day, Sandman's like, thank you, Spider-Man. I'm a good guy after all. Yeah, they have, like, a bit of a, like, no one nodding shit. Because he's just trying to protect his daughter back. Spider-Man gets it.

But in this, there's a fight. Maybe maybe like a you know like a charity maybe yeah like that's what i'm saying he's saying man's like i want the people to know that i'm a good bloke even though i have a bad past him and spider-man fight in the ring yeah yeah i reckon we've now turned wrestling potentially into like once it's out that like first off it's going to be a cover up yeah because they're going to be like well we can't let the general public know because this this invalidates years of wrestling blow up the wrestling world and then what's going to happen is we're going to all right we're going to do we're going to make we're just going to stage this yeah so we're going to get like the hero of manhattan old mate sandman to come in and that's when you're going to reveal

maybe at like the last minute that you've just now acquired spider power yeah which works very well if spider-man's the heel because like he's fighting you know he's fighting sandman who everybody's like good bloke and it can actually be a face a big face yeah the biggest face it's man spider verse the big face that's good the bout of the century and yeah I just double checked the movie ends how we remember it Harry tries to kill Eddie Brock with Spider-Man Eddie Brock then controls the glider to almost impale Spider-Man

but Harry jumps in the way they blow up Venom and then Marker's like sorry I didn't mean to kill your uncle and Spider-Man's like that's cool that's fine bye well I'm a beach now And then Marker's like, sorry, I didn't mean to kill your uncle. And Spider-Man's like, that's cool. That's fine. I didn't.

Whatever. Bye. Bye. Have fun. Well, I'm a beach now. So Sandman, you know, he's got good in him. He could be a defender, a hero of Manhattan. And a very good wrestler.

And an excellent wrestler. And you'd have like beach themed wrestling. Oh, my God. But I don't think Sandman's going to be doing that much wrestling. I feel like he does it once, and then he carries on. But then the problem for the wrestling organizations is being like, who can we match an actual super-powered guy up against? And I feel what's going to happen is right now, they're going to try and get Oscorp on board to make some heroes.

Make a new Green Goblin. Whatever. And that's going to be the start of the Sandman series. Yeah. Where, like, they're just going to create all these science-based monsters to fight Manspider in the ring, but then Sandman has to come in and stop them. Yeah. And eventually, maybe, you'll get a team-up between Manspider and Sandman to be like,

well, we've got to deal with this wrestling problem. I also like that this could turn into a world where every single spider-man villain that could appear gets caught by the like they get approached by the wrestling organs on a stations first we're like vulture would you like i have a proposition for you because a lot of the villains are like i need money and they're like would you like a job it's all fun and games till they recruit craven who's actually insane shoot spider-man in the head yep yeah no he uh well he might get defeated by him but they're in the rematch uh he's going to dress like spider-man uh then we're gonna get a man spider v man spider like match though who is the real man spider to find out tonight at five it's also funny because like to imagine that like they deal with all the villains like this, but wrestling scripted.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. In my mind, it's like it's just you completely deconstruct the Spider-Man mythology by making all of them working together. Oh, my God. This actually makes the it's exactly like what is. It's like now, like real life. Yeah. But if Tobey Maguire actually had Spider-Man powers but was making movies about being Spider-Man. That's true.

Oh, God matter. So what would happen is nothing. It would be like real life, except New York blows up a bit more. Yeah. Instead of watching like a Spider-Man movie. You watch a Spider-Man wrestling. You're like, I'll watch a bout because it's going to be the same like basic. You watch a Spider-Man wrestling.

You're like, I'll watch a bout because it's going to be the same, like, basic. Oh, I imagine the week-to-week bouts of, like, the initial, like, okay, so what we've got here is we've got, like, you know, maybe not the symbiote because it's an alien. Yeah. But you've got, like, Sandman. The Rhino. You know, the Rhino. Scorpion. The Vulture, Scorpion, Shocker. Then eventually, like, they're building a team.

Yes. They're building a team. Then it's going to be, like like the Sinister Six versus Man Spider. This is like just if comics, because comics, I can't, this is just real life now. But it's TV rather than a comic book. With wrestling as the gimmick. Absolutely.

That's amazing. I'm so on board. If Spider-Man had stayed a wrestler, we'd have gotten real life comics Is the basic takeaway of this Also the best part of this episode Is that if you didn't remember the plot To Spider-Man 1 to 3

We told it to you again We got you covered This was a nice refresher for even me And on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson And I've also been Joel. Hey, just quickly before we go, quick little announcement.

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and you'll find all our other content there There's heaps and if you want to support us head to SandspantsPlus.com Thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time Goodnight for now But not forever

Kisses thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time goodnight for now but not forever kisses