Plumbing the Death Star - What if Spider-Man’s Uncle Ben Had Lived?

Episode Date: July 4, 2026

Zammit is sick, enjoy this episode of What If, a monthly bonus show on Bad Brain Boys+, while he heals his ailing body. It's one of the good ones where they answer the question succinctly we reckon, probably?Links to everything at https://linktr.ee/plumbingthedeathstar including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Okay, we're recording? Are we recording? Are we recording? Yeah, we're recording. Wonderful. Hi, Zamet here. No new episode this week as my wretched baby got hand, foot and mouth disease from daycare. And then I also got inexplicably sick for about a week. I thought I maybe had just coincidentally got something else. But then two big blisters appeared on my bottom lip. So now I too have hand, foot and mouth disease. I'm so sweaty, but so cold. I had a fever dream last night where Louis threw and his new wife died in a submarine implosion like The Ocean Gate and a high school friend of mine that I haven't like seen or really spoken to in like well over 20 years was also there.

As far as I am aware, I think Louis is fine and doesn't have a new wife and I'm sure Stephen is doing great. basically I don't know what the flip is going on but at least my fingernails haven't fallen out yet long story short no new episode this week so enjoy whatever the hell this is probably a what if is one of the many bonus shows that you too can get if you sign up for bad brain boys plus on sanspansradio.com

or through Apple Podcasts. Advertising is way down So, hey, support your boys so that this boy can afford medicine. Oh, I'm so sick. In 1977, Marvel attempted to answer the important questions with their what-if line comics. They failed. Now, in the year... 2026, the plumbing boys have picked up the slack and dared to ask once again. What if?

Unky-Bunkie! Bunkus, bonkus. Unkis, buncus ben. Unkis, munkers, bonkers, Ben? How come we don't... like ounce is not pronounced unce. Oh, that would be good. Twelve ounces, please. Twelve ounces of hair.

Twelve ounces of ham. I think for an ounce of ham is money in and off its side. Dude, you gotta save this for a real exclusive way. Yes, exactly. Why come it's pronounced unce? That's goal. And then everyone will be like... That's algorithm goal.

Hey, what if Spider-Man's Uncle Ben had not died? His Uncle Ben? He's Uncle Ben. What if Spider-Man's Uncle Ben had not died, i.e. had lived. Yes. Well done. What if? You've done it again.

God. Another stellar question. What if the guy? What if the guy? Like, fuck. What if the guy who died didn't die? Whoa. What if we, look, hey, it's not a fantastic.

for episodes. It's not about Conan the Barbarian. It's also grateful. Well done. I mean, like, it depends. Yeah. Does Uncle... Shut up. Who's messaging you? Dude, it was Dropbox saying that someone just logged into our Dropbox account. Which me, leaving alone, trying to upload footage because it keeps being like, oh, okay, I haven't uploaded.

It keeps having an error. Also, you want everything on the Dropbox to download the phone? No. Dropbox, I really don't. And I have to use down my other phone to sign in on these stupid. Oh, my God. It's fine. Christ. It's fine. And I'm, yeah, I'm also on my laptop doing other work. The podcast is the hardest. But I also got this- Not me, baby.

Someone that we're friends with, though, Jackson. Oh, Samet. Zammots never met them. Oh, what the hell? Sent me a screenshot of R-slash bowling. Okay. Share it with the rest of the cloth, brother. It's like, got a new bowling tattoo, and that's a photo of their bare arm. Okay. And that's a photo of a terrible bowling tattoo that's just like, eight steaks.

Stakes is in like... Like the ones in the ground, yeah. And a bad M&M tattoo and people like, love the bowling tattoo. What's up with the M&M tattoo? And they're like, I love M&M. Well, to be an MFF who loves M&M would be awesome, dude. But to be the kind of guy who's like, no, Eminem's only recently gotten good would be good too.

The death of Slim Shady was probably his best album. Would be a funny take to have. Dude, you could have that take. I listen to it at least, like, like through at least three or four times because it's really funny. Yeah, it's funny that the album, the concept of the concept album ends four songs before the album's over.

Isn't it also one of those concept albums where people were like, and this is awesome for Joel Zammert. This is Joel Dushur and Jackson Bailey lock in. To Side Podcast. Isn't also the Death of Slim Shady one of those albums where people like, actually, if you listen to it backwards, I have no idea. Not backwards backwards.

I don't mean like in reverse. You listen to a track. The closing track. first. Oh, yeah. It actually tells us the real story. Probably. Slim Shady's coming back and taking back his life.

Yeah, dude. Don't give me an album with a puzzle. I don't want to have to work to understand this. Get with the times. We don't care. We hit shuffle. Yeah, exactly. That's how we're learning the albums these days.

It's going to come up randomly in the algorithm. And I'm going to go. Exactly. It's in between something I listened to once, maybe back when I was a teen. and maybe some sort of like, I don't know, chill beats mixed with Imogen Heaps the Happy song. Absolutely. That's always wonderful.

A song coming up in between ambient sounds to turn off your brain and things of stone and wood, happy birthday, Helen. You know? Good, it's good. That's how we consume. Leave me alone. That's media these days.

Fuck, dude. I was like on the, I messaged out group chat. And it was like, uh, I, uh, hey, how do I know this song?

And it was like, because, uh, yeah, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, I'm like, when did I? When did I? This seems so familiar to be.

Yeah, dude. And then I mean, I know the lyrics. Yeah. I'm humming it. Where did it come from? I know the album art.

Where the fuck did I learn this? Did you have the mystery solved? No. Adam was like, oh, did you hear it and get this? And I was like, did,

Was it off to play to get this? And he was like, I have no idea. Not at all helpful. That's so funny. Well, I was in the supermarket the other day, and Happy Birthday, Helen, by Things of Stone and Wood. A song I had completely, I think I'd listened to that last time when I was like 14.

It was like on on the radio at the supermarket. And you know, yeah, like, when you hear a song that you kind of know and you're just like, it's like a bit scary. Yeah. What is this? I was like, why do I know this song? Why do I know this song? What's going on?

Why is it how terrified? Just hearing the name of the song help, though? No, it was perfume genius and it was like the album cover of that. Why the fuck? You shouldn't know about perfume genius? That's what I'm saying. That's why I'm so scared. That's not for you.

But it is. He knows the lyrics. I do. For most of the album, like, most of the tracks on the album. I was like, when the hell did this happen to me? Which album? The one where he's got the leather pants on. That could be.

Any perfume. Yeah, that's a good point. The black leather pants, sorry. I do not know who perfume genius is. That makes sense. That sounds right. Okay. Let me look up perfume genius.

Yeah, yeah. And I was just like, what the hell? No shape. Okay. Why do you know? 2017. Yeah. Why do I know?

Like, perfume genius is not like, it's not like you've pulled out some fucking local band the place like 100 people. Mm. But why are you listening to perfume genius? Let me tell you, it's my jam. Good times were had by me. Were you reading The Fader in April 2017? Which included a like...

Joel Zammert need... Should not be anywhere near the Fader. What the fuck's the Fader? The only thing I can think of is at that time you're big into like things like St. Vincent. Yeah? Yeah, that was through you. Like literally you were like, you should listen to St. Vincent. And I downloaded it like the album.

And they're like, oh, fuck, this is, this is my jam. Yeah, man. You were also using Pandora a lot? That was pre that. Fuck. At that point, in 2017, I was just like Spotify. The only thing I can maybe think, maybe is like the cracked podcast. Yeah.

And that's how I found, like, Slay Bells. Okay. But I don't know if he ever used, uh, isn't Jack of Brine. I don't think he ever used perfume genius. Perfume Genius. Okay, their first album, which is, not, like, the first time I remember hearing about them is like 2014. Yeah.

So they pop up a bit. Is it on a soundtrack of a movie? Yeah. I think one of them is, but of a movie I've never seen before. Okay. It's extremely mysterious. Truly, truly was. Oh, okay. Hang on.

Yeah. Specifically, I want to say, slip away is the one that I heard. And that's the one that is like, oh, that's the one that was like, memory unlocked. Now. Okay. A year before No Shape came out

He did a cover of Can't Help Falling in Love with you By Elvis Okay No No, I'm not a big Elvis guy No but isn't like That wouldn't have

Nah Like how everyone fucking Roof again You feel like Oh it was a cover of like You know Hallelujah by Rufus Wayne Right

I'm like yeah okay That tracks Hallelujah is actually by Leonard Cohen You fucking idiot Yeah I know It's a cover by Oh

I think it's in a cover of No no no No no no Yeah. We were, we were you big into, uh, what's his name? What's that, Anthony Fantano or whatever? He reviewed it on. Who the fuck is that?

Well, you should have known him either, to be honest. You gotta stop asking questions like this. Because if Zammat's like, yeah, I was reading pitchfork, I was watching the needle drop. I'm like, everything I know about life just starts falling apart. This is already too much. This is no longer Joel Zaman. He's been pod people. Honestly.

It's like, if it was the album before, like, too bright, I'd be like, okay, people were talking about that a lot. Uni, we were at uni. Yeah. Apparently, like, oh, okay, slip away is maybe in a 2019 comedy film Booksmart. What the fuck is Booksmart? Booksmart's awesome. That's a girl super bad. Yeah, yeah.

Never seen it. He's no, come on. Look, great movie. That's a strong recommendation. Also, Buffing Genius is really good. I've seen them a lot of couple of times. Like, you this. But would have invited you.

I like, I like, I listen. I didn't even know. I listened to the song, came up. I'm like, have I just, hey, where did I find this? And I'm like, did I just listen to this album on repeat? I think I did. Anyway. It's funny to imagine when you went to see Perfume Genius Live being like,

Zambut, when it comes out of being like, who the fuck is that? I just hold up my phone, play one song and goes, oh! Oh! Anyway. Oh, wait, have I seen? No, I haven't seen Books. I think Simard of what? No, that's no.

Book smart's really good. I just saw a Beanie Feldstein. I was like, oh, I've seen something. They're in a car together. No, there's a different film. Anyway. Did you ever see The Goldfinch? What the fuck is the goldfinch?

2019's American drama film directed by John Crowley. No. Apparently a track from... No. Brother, we'll never know. This is our new impossible one. No, we'll find this out. Get featured in the trailer for eighth grade.

Did I see the trailer for eighth grade? Well, wait. Okay. Did you watch the TV show How to Get Away with Murder? No. Fuck! Okay. Suits?

Were you a big suits guy? God. Do I look like a big suits guy? Yes. The suits good? I don't know. No. Unreal? That fucking, you know, what if Big Brother? What if The Bachelor, but wear a TV show?

Definitely not. Oh, fuck. The other thing I think of is like, oh, it's like eighth grade, the trailer. Yeah. Maybe. Wait. Maybe. Mr. Robot.

No. That's an other thing. I would have paid you as a Mr. Robot guy. I said it's right up my alley. Christian Slater or whatever? No. No. Vice principals?

2018 8th grade. Let's chuck the trailer on see if that awakens. I'm aware of eighth grade maybe. It's a Boe Burnham one. I was aware of Boe Burnham. But I never saw the movie. And I know that there was like, oh, he directed a film. But I don't know if I ever.

saw a trailer. But like, look, I might have seen the trailer and been like, that's a cool song. Yeah, let me track down this guy. And that maybe, maybe is the only thing I can think of right now. And the fact that you don't remember, they're also in fucking true detective, but that's, yeah, and it's also too late. It's like a new season of true detective. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This was like early. This was like, well, yeah, around 2017. Yeah, 2017, I argue. Was that, was no shape, was it, was the, was the, was the, was the, was the single from the album, I assume, was that released before 2017? Oh, yeah. No shape is

Wait, slip away is the song Sorry, slip away, sorry, yeah Because like, yeah, like I have I have strong memories of maybe Egan Mac Carp your eyes Like, you know, in a different house playing But again, my memory is often It's spotty

It was a single Okay, when did the single come out? It was before the album, but not that much Before the album, yeah Yeah, well Did you ever listen to Song Exploder? It's a podcast You know the thing we're doing

What are you saying to me? I know I know of Song Exploder But no Because like I feel like Song Exploder got some people That like podcasts but don't like music into music And it means that like people that did that That taste of music is Surprising

Yeah Yeah It was even more confusing It was like 2017 2018 Was like Where here? Huh?

Where around? Yeah, but yeah Yeah, but also like It's in an era where the content you're receiving isn't so algorithmically like you couldn't you wouldn't just like we were saying before just chuffle music

I don't think that was kind of how it worked in 2018 or definitely not as much so this you couldn't have stumbled across this randomly you know what I mean or it would have been very unlikely I couldn't stumble across this randomly in the wild and then being like oh that's a I like that I never had Shazette

like not Shazam the one yeah I think it was Shazam yeah the one you're like what's this song never had that I by phone because I was always too slow yeah yeah that's what I mean and it's not like you'd be like, I don't know, on YouTube and see a link for a song and click it. That doesn't...

It's weird. And again, you're not just jumping on like Spotify and being like, yeah, just play me... I don't know, man. Truly mysterious. I mean, it is kind of adjacent to the music that you'd like. Yeah. So there is a chance that when Spotify brought in the

like... Yeah. But yeah. I don't know. It's a very... It's a good... Again, he's very ethereal. I kind of like that kind of music. It reminds me of, what was it, Mortal Coil, the one that Tim Buck,

the cover of Tim Buckley's song. This Mortal Coil, the band? And they covered Tim Buckley's song. This is another band that, I don't know why this is, like, why you're listening to late 80s, early 90s, goth music. Stay in your lane, man. This is my lane.

You just don't roll. Yeah, this model coil, good band. Yeah, I know. What's the song that's in, well, definitely it's in Lost Highway. Yeah. Yeah. Lynch.

Lynch. Yeah. That was like a Tim Buckley cover. Okay. Probably one of my, um. Top songs. Top signs, beautiful song. Yeah.

So ethereal and nice and just like, oh. That's great. Song to the siren. That's a song to the siren. That's very interesting then because they're like, you know, then Jeff Buckley died by Dram. So hey. Whoa.

Damn, dude. Yeah, that's on one, this mortal coil album that I also fuck real heavily with, which is it'll end in tears. Yeah. I've got a big star cover on it. Two big star covers, actually. Yeah. Anyway, good band.

This has been very scary. Anyway, yeah. Good band, good song. To tie things in, I don't think this happened when I saw them because I saw them play at a festival. But last time, Perfim Genius were here. they covered Kangaroo, which is the song that's just before Song of the Siren on this mortal coil. Really? Yeah.

Oh, that's crazy. That makes sense because, again, a very, very, very, I'll describe them both are very much a hear. Ethereal pop. Well, definitely scratches a certain thing in my brain. This is what I want to know. Do you think, say, perfume genius is playing? It's fair enough you don't remember. I don't know these people.

Like, Perfume genius, seeing like two years, three years is playing and you say, Jolzaman, do you want to come? Will you remember? No. Now that it's in podcast And it's been It's been a topic of discussion Because now

Because not only will Joel Zama He doesn't need to remember this Because people There is people that listen to podcasts That do also listen to music And they'll be like Hey that was a funny whatever For that he spent 10 minutes being like

What the fuck? Yeah And also like now that because You know it scared me When I was around my house And I think it's just gonna It's like you know Absolutely

Might be too scary to go to the concert Honestly Why do I know Imagine, is perfume genius, I'm assuming, is it a band or like one guy? I mean, I just love to imagine whoever the lead singer is stopping and locking eyes with Zammert. And then being like, Joel Zammert. Holy shit, your perfume, Jesus. Oh my God.

So Perfume Genius, the recording artist is one person. But live, there are bands. I hope he just is like, he knows. I hope he's an old friend. Yeah, exactly. Zamin! Joel, I haven't seen you in years. Come back.

Oh, perfume genius. Oh. I wonder if he's touring. Maybe we can get him to come on tour with any of some of us. Perfume Genius tour. You're open, okay, can we open for you? Yeah, can we? Is that phone of a podcast opens for a bit?

Let's get your audience in the wrong frame of mind to listen to music. I think that's a really good idea. They don't appear to be touring the UK this year. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Which is interesting because maybe we are. Yeah, maybe.

We'll never tell. You will. Some things will take to our grave. I don't know. I'm never going to know this. And that's just something I just need to accept. Exactly. It's true.

At least this mortal coil makes sense. Yeah. Well, like, as in like you can fall, you know, lost highway. Yeah, yeah. Perfume genius. Yeah, well, yeah, it was mostly from like Jeff Buckley, Tim Buckley. Yeah. Then then then it, yeah.

So that was like, oh, yeah, cool. That makes sense. Perfium genius. Forever a mystery. I'm leaning towards, look, I think. Maybe I had to have seen the eighth grade trailer. It's the only thing I can think that makes sense. Otherwise, where else am I seeing any of that?

What throws me off is? Where would I be watching that trailer? Yeah, well, maybe we go to the movies. Maybe the movies. But are you the kind of MFA that's going to see a song in a trailer and then track it down afterward? It depends because it gets stuck in my head. Yeah. Okay, fair enough.

Good point. If it like hits the groove. Yeah. Then you're going to, yeah. I reckon that is, but look, that's my leading theory. Yeah. That's my lead. Because it's everything else that.

that it's like on and I'm like yeah it's this song right let's sail away no that's sail away right what are you doing enya enya

you thinking of an aneur you're thinking of aneur yeah it's really in the background yeah wait wait wait wait wait that's all right it's really like stop talking guys

and play the song yeah it doesn't give you enough like I don't think this would have less great sock Yeah, because like That doesn't give me enough, yeah,

there's not enough in that trailer I don't have to sink my teeth into the search for that No, because I thought there was going to do a thing where it would do like a, you know like how movie trailers, especially for movies where there's a lot of talking. Yeah, there'll be a montage,

yeah, bang, and then it's like, oh, there's some lyrics like in goo-goo, yeah, no. No dice. Forever mystery. And like,

why, yeah, don't associate with any of so. No, yeah. Fuck, dude. This is awesome. I thought when we did, we stumble across a mystery,

and the mysteries are half of some reason always centered on Joel Zammert, too, which I love. Some random thing with no, nothing on either side of it, just spawns out of nowhere, and here we are. Did you ever listen to Christine and the Queens? No. No. Fuck, fuck, fuck. There's a lot of, like, I know there's a lot of bans that I like, because they're just, like, on the, like, Burnout 3 soundtrack.

Oh, yeah. These guys aren't one of them. track for Burnout 3. That would not fit the vibe. Yeah. Perfecter Genius pops up but does like remixes. Yeah. Remix.

That doesn't help me at all. No, that's not what you're here for. Could someone have shown it to you like? In 2017? Who was around in 2017? Me, you. Joel Zammat. Adam?

Adam is not listening to. Were you leaving a boy house at the time? 2017 would have been toward the end of Boy House. That was before Boy House. Pre-boy House. That's the first UK tour. Did we go into a gay bar? Oh, maybe, actually.

Is there a chance? No, because they, they, no. Because Perfim Genius is big gay bar. Yes, yeah, obviously. Yeah. I don't know if. But no, not really. I mean, yes, but no.

Like, if you're going to a gay bar. You're probably not listening to something that's like ethereal and like haunting. You want to be listening to something's going to pump you up. Yeah. Maybe, no. Well, were you big into perfume genius in 2018? No. Fuck. I saw Perfim Genius in 2013 and 2025.

Because sometimes, I forget what tour of this was, but you two go into a little music hole like our, I forget what tour it was, but I believe it was a boy, uh, Jimmy It's World, what's that band? Jimmy It World Hall, that way you listen to maybe every album. Maybe. Do you remember that tour? Well, you were like, we just got to put on every single Jimmy It World. We did that.

Then we, I remember once we did St. Anger as a joke, but I wasn't worried it in van life. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes when you're in the road for a long time, Jackson, and you're driving, you can't wear headphones, you just got to throw on all of Jimmy Eatwell's music. Exactly. And then Jimmy World toured.

Yeah. Yeah. Good time. Some genius, though. I will never, I will never know. We'll never know. We'll never know. Some things are to remain mysterious to us, you know?

But anyway, highly recommend. Great song. Great album. Generally, the album's great. I'm sure, dude. It's one of those ones where I'm like, you know what? I don't want to shuffle. I want to just listen to it in a row, dude.

Because I've done that before, apparently. That's also weird. Yeah. You're not a little... What the fuck? I'm not that kind of guy. You are listening to the whole album through kind of go? His next album's really good, probably my favorite, which has set my heart on fire immediately,

which is an awesome title. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's wearing, no, not black leather pants. He's wearing black jeans, but he's got a lot going on. I like for the pants. Oh, yeah, you used to listen a lot of music. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I know Adam is not a full album. No, I don't know. Adam's YouTube is insane. Like a Louvre's. Like he might as well just go stand in Coles and listen to Coles radio. That's so true. Yeah.

You summed him up in, wow, that's beautiful. I don't know. I'm guessing it's because, like, you know, we go away with a bad one of Admole House sit. Yeah. I'm assuming that he'll be like, you know, telling our AI robot Siri to be like play some music. Because now and we're like, play some music or whatever.

Like every now and again, country music will just pop up. Yeah. We're just like, fucking Adam. Hey, Siri, play Coles Radio. Fuck, dude. I wonder if you can listen to Coles Radio. Surely. Surely you could lock in and get a supermarket style radio.

Yeah, why not, dude? You can listen online? Yeah, there you can listen. You can listen online to Coles Radio. Well, somebody should tell Adam, I will Hey Adam You don't know

I don't know There's something so It's like It's upsetting Deeply upsetting Yeah It's whimsical But I don't mean whimsical

It's like awful whimsical Yeah But like It's nasty whimsical Yeah Because he says Okay He has his whole

For those who don't Who don't know It's like It's a YouTube playlist Yeah Where if he like a song He'll add it to that playlist

That's just called music And sometimes You'll forget Like me That he's heard a song So he'll add it again And sometimes because YouTube will be like, oh, this thing has got copyright struck, it'll be taken down. Yeah.

And so then it'll stumble upon his, like, a playlist. And he's like, I wonder. And be like, unknown or like, well, no longer exists. Like, don't know what that was. Yeah, I wonder what that song was. That's crazy to me. And there's no rhyme or reason. Yeah.

There's no genre. It's just whatever Adam has been listening to Coles Z at the moment, I assume. And what, like, like. It's fascinating. Yeah. Like, you can hear a good, I mean, this happens to me all the time. I hear a good song. And I go, oh, do you investigate the album.

the song came from and then you listen to the album. To stop it, like, I've heard a good song. I just want to hear that good song and do no further investigating. Yeah. That's weird, man. Yeah. It's a rotten way to look. Yeah.

Because for me, it's like, you hear a good song. You like that. Oh, cool. You then, for me, it's like, oh, maybe I like that album. I like that. Maybe I like the artist. I'll see. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, man. But, uh, no. Now, dear friend Adam, he finds a song he like. He listened to that song. He puts it on the playlist. Then it's in rotation. Yeah. And that's nice.

Yeah, good for him. Good for him. Yeah. I mean, look, I'll forever just be a, I like this. I hear a song. I go, I'll make note of that, whether it's like by just adding it to something or whatever. And then if I like that song, when I listen to it again, I'll be like, I should listen to the album. And then I'll listen to the album in full.

Exactly. Yeah. I'm not like, I'm not, I'm not much of a playlist guy. Yeah. Me neither. I'll occasionally do it. I mean, like, I've had to host radio show. Well, not had to.

It wasn't at gunpoint. Yeah. But I've hosted radio show. which is making a playlist. Yeah, for sure, of course. But, yeah, I'm not this, I'm the same. Like, I, the closest I'll do is, like, I'll listen to an album, you know, full. And then sometimes I go, well, I'll just shuffle the artist because I know I like this.

I have a deep-seated illness. Or Apple Music or whatever. It's just like, oh, cool, you like that? And then we'll keep going. Or, like, at the moment, I just need some music. Hey, I'll play some music. Yeah, for sure. I have a very, you know, I'm mentally unwell when it comes to making playlists.

however though so I'm like this doesn't flow properly no that's fair I think I've ever made a playlist in my life I just don't think I could I don't care enough to like and also like I'm so specific about the mood that I want from the music and I'm the kind of motherfucker who's going to be like

I like that song repeat it yeah damn I can't do I mean I can almost do that but no I'm more like get a song stuck in my head yeah you go get two lyrics stuck in my head you're like I remember this four four words from half of this chorus.

Yeah. But I don't tend to do the like one song on repeat listen again and again and again. Yeah. I'll do like an artist. Like I'll be like I'm just going to be listening to this particular artist. I don't want to point fingers

I at the end of the year, especially when like through like last FM or through like a wrap up or whatever. It's like oh you're most played song. It's usually for me anywhere between 10 and 20 times. Yeah. Because like look I might listen to the same like just pick a song occasionally. Usually closer to 20 than 10, unless I'm having a not a big music year. But I do live with someone who often will rack up over 100 plays on a song in two days.

Well, that's a bit too much. Yeah, that's crazy. They love to make a two-song playlist. I couldn't do that. Trying to think of other bands or music that I've liked in the past. They want to throw it JD to see what happens. Do it. So, Balance Sebastian. That's normal. The hose the wetsprocket. I don't know who that is. That's crazy. You don't know who to. I know who towed the wet sprocket is. This feels like it's... And look, hey, I like...

I don't know much about them. It's mostly I just know the name, yeah. Prog rock, I think. Oh, okay. Yeah. Surely you got some other haters. Were you ever a fish guy? Nah.

Never a fish guy. Dave Matthews Band? Nah. Never a Dave Matthews band. Grateful dead No Ween I like wean

Never a deadhead I like the idea of being a deadhead Yeah But like I just Being like brother I listen to these bands The album's dog shit You gotta see them live

And I have 17,000 recordings Of full concerts Yeah Yeah yeah Yeah Yeah Balin Sebastian is the most Joel Zamet coded band in the world

Which is crazy I don't think I've heard Balin Sebastian since like high school Yeah Yeah. Are you listening to like the Middle East and stuff as well?

That's a place. Yeah. He's got you there. Slavelle, St. Vincent, you were big on Tegan and Sarah. I was big on Tegan and Sarah. I was big.

I just assumed that you liked to Tegan. I like, again, I've listened a couple of this stuff in the yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You also liked fuck, they're working social

scene of Jason fans. They're in Scott Pilgrim. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the other one. Well, they weren't. I don't know. The yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got you there. Well, it's pretty last, the singing the, a yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, that's the, it's not yeah, yeah, yeah, it's metric. Oh, yeah, metric. That's a band I was trying to think of off. So I was right, but we were both thinking of the same stuff. Yeah, yeah, and I'm stupid. Yeah, that's what I'm here, dude. You would listen to the Scott Pilgrim's a track a lot, I reckon. I'm pretty nice that's a great performance

of this. Black sheep. I know that song. Skull Bill Grum. Versus the world. Yeah, man. God damn, God does vest that film.

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, what? Uncle Ben? Yeah, what if he had lived? What if he'd lived now? Well, yeah,

the question I was going to ask at the start before the 1 million years ago. It was only 20 minutes ago. 20, I guess. Yeah, I can't read. On purpose. Yeah.

Clever, smart. You don't need it for you. Now, is Uncle Ben still getting his, getting hassle? He's Graves hassle. Yeah, I hope so. Hassel and Grace. Because I think it's really funny for Uncle Ben to live, but not well. I didn't mean like, his quality of a life is reduced.

I just mean like. So, so, so, Spider-Man doesn't go, it doesn't stop the guy. Yeah. The guy comes in, he's like, give me your car or order or whatever. Yeah. Shoot, he's uncle. Ben, but grazes him and doesn't kill him. Yeah.

And then, yeah. Wow, motherfucker, he stole our car. Yeah. The lesson Spider-Man gets is, get the car back. I'm still alive. I'm still alive. Get the fucking car back. He shot me in my fucking leg.

Ah, fuck. Well, definitely, Uncle Ben is not saying great power, great responsibility. But was that a thing? Unless he thinks he's going to die. Or was that just a thing that he kept saying. Yeah, true. Because I don't really remember. I think in some of the comics, it's just like a classic Ben-ism.

Yeah. But I'm pretty sure, like, you don't just say. that on your deathbed. Well, maybe you go, on your deathbed, you go, I got to impart some wisdom. Yeah.

You know? I thought in the Andy Garfield one. Yeah. I don't think anyone says it. I thought he wasn't he saying it a lot before he died? Maybe. He doesn't say it when he dies in the Andy Garfield. I think, yeah,

in Andrew Garfield, one, I feel like Uncle Ben's constantly being like, have a good day, Peter. And remember, with great power comes great responsibility. Which is a really insane general bit of advice. It's not like,

it's quite intense. to just be something you throw out occasionally. I'm trying to remember that one as well. I'm pretty sure he was working for an electrical company for the longest time and they kind of they like ask him or fire him with no real like benefit or something like that. So like I don't know what the hell? Why does he say with great power

why does he say that? Because it's really the only way to imagine him as an electrician saying it though with great power. Come. Great responsibility. Was it a threat? Yeah. So you'd better pay me.

Just saying, are you a house? I control whether or not you have power or not. Well, it's, as a phrase, it only really makes sense because Peter Parker is Spider-Man. Yeah. Like, in like a meta, like, narrative sense. Yes, because that's the lesson that Peter Parker needs to learn as Spider-Man. But because Uncle Ben doesn't know he's Spider-Man, it's an insane thing to say on your death bed. If Uncle Ben was in a position of authority?

Yeah. Sure. But I don't... He's not. He's not. He's not. It's again, what... Actually, I've never actually...

Maybe we have is forget about it. Oh, yeah. But, like, what is his profession? Uncle Ben. He's a... Well, in that one he is. Yeah. But, like, what else has he been in?

He also sometimes fucking works for Shield or something. No, I think that's Peter Parker. Oh, no, that's Richard Parker. And, Richard Parker, the lion, the tiger and the life of piebooth. I meant? It's Richard Parker and Mary Barber. Mary, I believe. My friend, I found out the other day, saying Dick Parker just reminded me, his dad's

name was like Tom. Yeah. And his uncle's name's Harry and he's like, their dad was Richard. Oh my God. Full Tom Dick and Harry. I was like, really? Did they do that on purpose? He's like, I don't know.

I'm like, that's such a weird. He's like, I guess no one ever calls him Dick. And I'm like, yeah, but you got to know. You got to know that that is a possible name. To know that I ran into an adjacent Tom, Dick, and Harry. That is crazy. Why'd we pick those names? You know?

Covers every base. Tom Dick and Harry. Yeah. Yeah. Well, of the time, quite nice. Tom Dick and Harry. What would you change it to? Greg.

Greg. Lars. Greg James and Lars. Yeah. Now, we need one that's like rude. Yeah. Greg Lars and penis. Yeah, dude.

He's friends with every Greg Lars and penis in the district. That just sounds like you're saying Greg Lars and penis. He's friend with every Greg Lars and penis in the world. That's true. Whoops. All right, let me... Okay, so apparently, before retiring, because he's mostly a retiree and a homemaker.

Yeah. Okay, so he was a salesman. A carnival barker, a textile worker, and a soldier. Soldier makes the most sets. The others, less so. Carnival barker, maybe. With great power comes great responsibility as a soldier. It is a soldierism.

Yeah, but it is a soldierism. But then if you look at some other stuff, so again, he was a chief electrician for a plant. And I think that was the Garfield. I'm pretty sure it is, yeah. Then he's depicted as a working class guardian trying to support the house. What does that mean? I don't know.

But also like... In the Marvel comics, the ultimate Marvel comics, he was a hippie. Former hippie. Marvel and noir. With great power, man. It comes great. That makes more sense. He was a deadhead.

He was a dead head. That's true. As he's dying, he's like, you got to see him live. You don't understand, Pete. In the most recent... There are albums, people. You gotta see him live. Protect my cassettes.

My album cassettes. My bootlegs. And when that lizard gex tells you that he drank water and Jerry Garcia's ass, you laugh, Pete. You laugh your fucking arself. Because that's a grateful dead reference. Okay, Pete. Hurry up and die, Uncle Ben. Sex.

Now that is a riff that is truly beautiful. requires a lot of homework One of the same. Now that's one that Real listeners of Not plumbing the dust Not what if Yeah, real Sandspans

hands hands head Yeah, exactly And then you're gonna go That was a reference to the start of the episode A reference to Grateful Dead And a reference to thumb frames Well done, boys We did it again

Well in the Ultimate Universe He is a managing editor Or he can be the more recent one Of a daily bugle Along with Jay Jonah And then in the Madam Webb film, of course. He's a paramedic. Paramedic again makes sense, sort of.

Does it? Not really. If a paramedic comes to me. With great power. Me to save your life comes great responsibility. I'm going to save your life. But it's meaningless to... Once again, it feels like a threat.

But it's also meaningless to say to Peter, because it doesn't really apply to his life. If Peter was a paramedic or was in a position of power... Is Peter always... In the rain... He just finished wrestling. I will see... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My read on the Ramey scene is that he kind of knows what's... Not that he's become Spider-Man, but he's got something going on. Yeah. And like, if he's wrestling... Yeah.

Like... He's like, remember it's fake. Peter doesn't hurt anyone. No, that's a real wrestling. Oh, that's true. Yeah. I guess he's like, do I know, that is fake wrestling. You just...

Sorry. I was like, he could be real wrestling. Oh, no, that one's not. Because Bones saw, yeah. He's like, you didn't... Yeah, they're like, you didn't last two minutes in the ring because you killed... You got that doesn't... Snap his fucking back.

You can't do that. You can't. You can't. He's scorpioned him. Yeah. Pulled his head off his body and his spine came out. That's not good. And we're not paying you.

It was wrestling, not mortal combat, Pete. Come on, man. But like, say it's because he's a soldier, right? Yeah. And Uncle Ben, in his time in the war, he saw that, like, the irresponsibility of the ruling. Apparently, he was a military cop. So maybe he saw, like, sure, whatever it was. It's not useful advice to Peter,

unless he knows Peter's Spider-Man. Because he's... Maybe. My high school... My high school age nephew who's wrestling. I don't know. Unless you've been in a position where you've seen corruption, right?

Yeah. So unless he was, like, he was, like, politician adjacent or in anything where there is a hierarchy. Yeah. Like, it makes sense if he was, yeah, in, like, as a, in the military in any way, shape before.

Yeah. Seeing, like, the, uh, up the chain, how, like, corrupt it was. Absolutely. Or the cover-ups. But, like, what... I understand that it's just like, look, and then that's like,

catch hole. You know, you will go through life and maybe you'll be in charge of someone. Maybe you'll be a little manager. Maybe it'll be a manager or whatever it is that you choose to do. And so you've got to remember, like, with great power comes great responsibility. No, we're with power. No, yeah, no, it's weird. It's weird.

Because saying with great power comes great responsibility implies that you assume your nephew has great power. Or will at some point get great power? I'm dying. And I'm not going to be there when you enter the job. When you enter the job market and I don't know what you might become. So maybe you might get into a position where you are in charge of people. Is it just like every person is so powerful because like a human being is so beautiful and everyone's fuckable.

I'm Gen Z. Remember, everyone's fuckable, Peter. That's Gen Z though. Yeah. Well, and then Gen Alpha's like, we should revive the Nazi party. Yeah, that was quite a heel to her. Not for humanity. Yeah.

Really? Didn't see that one. And it's also like... The left field... Left field move from the Gen Alpha's. It's like the end of millennial gets cringe... Well, millennialsials cringe. Yeah.

Then the start of Gen Z is like kind of anti-sex, but then it kind of flips. And then they're just like, no, everyone's hot and we should fuck. Well, I think it separates into two parties. You have the all fucking is evil party and the fuck everyone party. And then Gen Alpha says, the Nazis are back. You got the Nazis. back and we're not drinking. Yeah, exactly.

We're not drinking. Tung, Tung, Tung, Tung, Tung, Tung, Tung, Tso. Yeah. What? What? Is Gen Alpha not drinking or is it Gen Z? Gen Z's not drinking.

Gen Z is not drinking. That's the one of the 50%. I'm not fucking. I'm not drinking. I'm staying at home. I'm scared. They do drugs, vaping. Yeah, pills are back.

Yeah, pills have been back for a while. Yeah. But Uncle Ben was probably the greatest generation, right? Yeah. He would have been like, I hope there's not another world war. Baby boomers have wrecked my life Yeah So it's just a bizarre piece of advice

Yeah It's just, you're right, it's weird It assumes so much about Well not just assume so much It's just if you're giving Because again, if you're like I'm not going to be around Yeah

I've just gotten shot in the heart or whatever I'm not going to be around Because I've raised this kid as like my own son And I've always wanted him to have respect And I've been in positions where I have seen people use their position of power in a very corrupt way. Yeah. And I really want to try to make sure that my kid or my nephew doesn't do this.

And so, yeah, like, you know, if you are in a position of power, just take it, you know, be responsible with it. But it is weird to, to condense that all too with great power, that's great responsibility. Unless it was like, unless he was someone with great power or had worked with someone. As in like, as in Uncle Ben had worked with somebody. Even so, if Peter Parker, if Peter Parker at university was studying, like, politics, okay? Then as I'm dying, I'm like, well, my son, because otherwise you got to, the advice needs to go over the other direction. You need to be like, there are going to be people in charge of you realistically. Peter, take a gun to school.

Kill your bullies for the guns. What? Bullies suck, Peter. Don't let them push you around. There's a gun in the garage. Okay I'm saying 8, 8, 4, 3, go kid, go

Kill them all, be it up. Do it for me. Okay. Well, look, we're struggling too much with the great power comes great responsibility. What if you just break it down to

because of what with great power? Yeah. With what great power? Anyone has? Sorry, hang on. Because I'm throwing what before it.

You throw what in weird places? Weird places. What with great power comes great responsibility is saying? Yeah. That's what I'm trying to say. Okay. So, like, if you, rather than being, like, thinking about power and responsibility, you're like...

It's condensed it to a single sentiment. Which is basically just, like... Don't abuse people. Not even that, no, it's simpler than that. It's more, like, use what you've got for good. Or, like... Yeah, but that implies that he assumes Peter has something. Yeah, a human life.

Because you got to remember Uncle Ben does I mean, I know that your favorite Spider-Man Andrew Garfield's Uncle Ben is just throwing it out all the time Hey, Pete! Hey, don't forget, good night, and remember. My Uncle Ben there was almost Barney. Hey, Pete, Peter Caveman from Bedrock. Remember, who, that car is responsible.

With great power comes great responsibility, hey, Ted, Fred. Peter comes great rock responsibility, bolder. right, Pete? I'm from the Flintstone! Oh, Bonnie, I'm gonna kill my boss. Alfred Flinton lives with him too. Peter was raised by the Flintstones. Yes. It's a living.

It's because of this episode started with Joel's out with a migraine and now we're doing what if Peter Parker live with the Flintstone. Maybe when he goes to Swip, he's got a little spider on his wrist and then the spider says... And then the spider says, it's not much, but it's 11. Yeah. And when he puts his fingers on the to climb a wall, it's like a

another spider. Like a gecko or some shit. He's got like five geckos take to his hand. Hey, it's not pretty, but what is? Yeah, dude. That would be good stuff. They should let us right for the Flintstone.

I agree, dude. Give Plumming the Death Star. What are they doing with it? No, fucking nothing. They made, they destroyed the Flintston. Okay, they made the live action movie, then they go, okay, animation's back. Let's make a short that's for the modern age

in 2001. What if Frey Flintstone hates his wife? Yeah, they made that, like, bizarre couples therapy, Fred Flintstone fucking animations for Cartoon Network. Give it to us. Adult Swim cartoon. We can't animate it, but we'll give you the ideas.

Yeah. We probably can't ride it. We'll give you the ideas. Yeah, we'll be ideas, man. And we're having to do voices. Yeah. Oh, hey, Fred, it's me, Bonnie. What's the name of the guy who runs the construction site? Probably Mr. Rocks or something?

I was said Mr. Sprockard No, that's the Jetsons. But let's do that too. Yeah. We'll do a bit of both. We'll finally get that fan theory right or whatever. Yeah, exactly, dude. The dinosaurs are flying up high and the Jetsons are underground. Yeah, whatever to fuck that. Yeah, we'll figure it

fucking out. It's really funny to give the writers just like a sentence and says the Jetsons underground. What is he mean? Yeah, make a fucking up. Go on that. Mr. Slate is the boss. Mr. Slate, I knew it was going to be a So deep. They go high. Fuck.

The underground is the sky for the Jetsons. Okay. Hey, adult swim. Greenlight this show. The underground is the sky for the Jetsons. Yeah. Money, please. Come on, motherfuckers.

We got this in the band. The riders complaining to the people in charge. They're like, these guys, they're not writing episodes. They're just sitting around going, hmm. What if the Flintstone's new Spider-Man, I lived with, no, not even that. What if the Flintstones lived with Uncle Ben from Spider-Man? Maybe that's why he said with great power comes great responsibility, because he lived with the Flintstones.

So, like, what if we take it to, like, say, Ben's there to pick up Peter? Yeah. Peter comes out, and then they look in the distance as, like, the guy with a gun, shoot someone else or robbers a purse or someone else. They're like, well, that's pretty fun. That's bad. I'm going to call the police. Yeah.

And then they do such a thing, give a statement. and go home and go, wow, what a wild night. Well, like, what are you doing today, Pete? Wrestling. Wrestling, but I killed bonesaw. Like, think about, like, think about all the advice your parents have ever given you. A lot of the time,

or, like, teachers, like, you've got such potential. Yeah. No, I don't. Yeah, but at least you've got such potential as, like, a grounded, I mean, they're wrong, I agree. Yeah. But that's, like, a grounded, normal piece of advice. You're looking at a fucking 15-year-old piece of shit, boy.

If only, you applied yourself. Yeah, but I don't want, yeah. Applying yourself is a skill in itself. I don't have it. I'm not good at it. If I could get my hands on cigarettes, I would. Yeah. I just want to jerk off all day.

I'm a teenager. Imagine you're... Yeah, exactly. Is there a watching movies class? Media doesn't have enough watching movies. Is there a masturbating class I can take? Yeah, they're like, yeah, Jackson's teaching that over in the oval. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Behind that bush or whatever. No, but it's like, imagine if on you, say, you're dad's dying, you're a teenager. But on your dad's deathbed, he says, treat the people beneath you with respect. So that's even worse. But that's what he's basically what he's saying? You'd be like, what the fuck?

What people beneath me? What does he mean? Yeah, again, it's a, it's a strange, I know this is not the pervil of this what if, but it's a very strange, just in general, it's a very strange question or a very strange statement to, if he knows he's Spider-Man, makes a hundred percent sense. Because he's going, fuck, I'm dying.

I haven't had a chance to have the conversation with my son vis-a-vis the Spider-Man issue. but he's got a lot of power so I'm gonna just give this to him before I go I wanted to have... So he knows. He must know, he must know. Again, I've never read the origin comic or that kind of stuff, but surely,

at a certain, like, he knows. He has to, because why else would you say that and not like, Pete, I love you? Like my son. Yeah. Pete, my son, I love you. Yeah, exactly. Tell your mother, you know, Aunt May.

That I love her too, and I know you're going to do great things. It's almost like an admonishment. Because I think if somebody said to me as they were dying, hey, with great power comes great responsibility. I hear that as like, like I've not been doing that.

Peter hasn't been. Yeah, suppose. Again, it's like Peter hasn't been, and it's like, it's either a threat. I remember with great power comes great responsibility as I'm, you know, almost about to strip the wire of the electricics and be like, because if you don't pay me,

I have the, I can charge of this whole fucking building. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, but the great power comes great responsibility. I know that I was arguing that like, oh, that is kind of normal parental advice. but Pete's basically the smartest guy at school. He's not. He's a good kid.

Except, again, when he dunks on his bullies or, like, skateboards, because, you know, he's a nerd and he was skateboarding in the battlefield. And then he shows off or whatever. But then it's so crazy to imagine. But, yeah, I don't really. He's like, he skateboards over him. He shows off. He dunks on him.

And he's like, that's not how I raised you, Peter or whatever the fuck that was. That was a weird scene. That's crazy as well. But then it's like... It's his Spider-Man, not else. I know. Yeah. All he does is fucking catch

Flutes. But to see like him, you know, not bullying his bully or kind of bullying his bully, but showing off on his bully to be like, that's not how I raised you. So it's like, don't be a show off, be proud, like, you know, hey, be humble. Yeah.

Is more up to that alley than with great power comes great responsibility. So he knows. He has to be like, okay, my big winner son who's such a big nerd and has a skateboard, how uncool? Yeah. With his awful hair.

But all. of a sudden, because if I'm Uncle Band. Yeah. And my weaner kid, my in-cell loser son has suddenly developed spider power. Do it like another reboot, like an ultimate universe? Yeah. Oh, that's so funny.

Not the, or is it called the bounce? I don't know. Yeah, Insul weaner son all of a sudden has heaps of confidence. Is he happy to go into school? I go. Oh yeah, he's about to, yeah. Something bad's about to happen. Either to him or everyone. He's found the gun that I offered him.

I haven't even told him to shoot off the school yet, and he's going to do it. Yeah, but that's what I mean. You go, fuck, my Insel Wiener son has just developed. Power is unbelievable, right? He could kill a man with the, you know, and I would ideally love to sit him down and be like, hey, let me coach you through this. Unfortunately, I've been shot by a crook. So I've got to get this across to Peter before I die.

It only makes sense if he knows and he's seen him either through the wrestling stuff or through like, okay, you've been bullied. been picked on and I understand now that, okay, you've been, you now have a lot of power and strength and that. And maybe it's like with the, you know, the Martin Sheen being like, well, I saw you dunk on that kid and you were loving it. So I, I know that like a little bit of taste of power is going to go to your head. So I need to quickly get in there now. Imagine you, that makes sense. Imagine you have a loser nerd son. Yeah. Right. Huge way not. It's just so funny to imagine like, because I know like the old, like, the rebut of the ultimate universe did Peter Parker,

but as a dad. Yeah. Imagine like they reboot it. In Sal Peter Parker. It would be an in Sal Peter Parker. Yeah, dude. Funny. That's awesome.

Yeah. Funny. Funny. Funny. But it's like, imagine you have a loser weiner's son and you're a responsible gun owner. And then for your loser weiner's son who is like hated at school. Yeah.

And who is like full of like anger and like resentment for his 18th birthday. You irresponsibly buy him a gun. But you're a responsible gun owner. When you hand the gun to your son, that's when you say. Hey, with great power comes great responsibility. So he's got to know Spider-Man has powers. And then he's like, well, let me just get this out before I croak. You know, and then Spider-Man, because otherwise you're not saying that.

No, you would say something completely, you would say something meaningful. Yeah. But you're so scared that your son, Peter Parker, who's going to go to school and web everyone to death, you know. With his spider-like strike. Yeah. Maybe a spider-like personality. Well, maybe you... To eat them.

Yeah. Was Uncle Ben out the front of the wrestling? Yeah, he's waiting to pick him up. You reckon he went in and saw him kill Bonesaw? It was like, oh, fuck, bro. We gotta do something there. It's all right. Before he kills Bonesaw, he also does commit a hate crime.

Yeah, he says a homophobic thing to Bonesaw and then kills him. This is absolutely, too, just kills him. But, like, it's just, yeah, I think so I think he has to know. It's only, I've never really stopped the thing. think, but like, yeah, it's bizarre. It's a bizarre. I mean, obviously it exists. Yeah. It's like a meta-tactual thing. He's Spider-Man, so this is the advice he needs so that he can follow. Sure. But in like a realistic situation, that's not a thing you say to your son, so he has as you die, so he has to know. He has a inkling. Yeah, exactly. Because like in a world we're like,

well, you know, Cap America was in the war. I don't know, there's, they're out there. There's power people. So, hey, I got to. Yeah. Some, my nephew's been behaving very strangely recently. So say he just watch someone get shot and then like it all get whatever, he knows that Peter Parker is Spider-Man. And to be like, well, Peter, I know you just you, you know, you just, he bumped you, whatever, you didn't stop him because you know. But hey, you do know with great power comes very responsibility. I do know you're Spider-Man. Yeah, hey, look, I do know you've got to. I do know you've got a-huh.

Yeah, because he's not Spider-Man at that point, is it? But yeah, I do know. I've noticed you've suddenly become extremely muscular and no longer need your glasses. And you've been walking on walls. I think you may have superpowers and... I'm pretty sure I know where this is going. We're going to need to talk about that.

That would be... I mean, like, you know, that must happen all the time in the Marvel universe. You have a son who develops powers that you drop them in some nuclear waste or they eat the wrong bug or whatever. Or they're just a mutant.

Then you've got to sit them down and be like, you got to be really... That's actually... The mutant ones are fairy. You know, because a lot of people are like, you know, they're like, well, they hate mutant because they're scared. But again, I would also depend on like

what power set your kid had. Yeah. Because then it would do... You know, be like, okay, are we just going to be like, I understand that you can blink sideways. Yeah. Not impressive. No one cares. But they're going to call you big, good and freak.

Yeah. They're going to call you stupid eyes. We're going to get to sunglasses. You're going to be the sunglasses, cute. Yeah, yeah. Sunglasses are cool. Unless you wear them all fucked up like, then it's sad. Yeah.

I'm sorry you didn't get a cool pal. We're not going to Xavier. But if your son becomes a venomous gas. Yeah. We've got to do something else. We've got to be like, A name too. Venomous gas.

Vennemus gas. Good evening. Venous gas. I understand that. Yeah, so I see you're a gaseous form. And when you come in, my eyes are burning. You're going to remember your venomous to daddy. I think maybe you might be a venomous gas. I'm going to go get like a mask and we can have a disaster.

No, no, no, that's okay. Venomous, you don't need to worry about breathing in the gas. Almost the gas doesn't bite you. Oh, that's true. He's just gas. You need a mask for venomous gas. It's just gas with two loose fangs. Loose fangs.

But yeah, I guess like this is probably the right approach. With great power comes great responsibility. Maybe that makes way more sense. Yeah. It's like, well, I know you've got something. Well, not even if you know. Just like, I'm dying and I've got a teen boy. I don't know what the fuck's going to happen in your life,

but probably something fucked up and you'll probably get powers. I mean, look at all these guns running around. Yeah, I guess, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of other powered people in the world. Just like, think about it. You got the fantastic four. You got all the X-Men. Yeah.

I was talking about that. But then, like, all the Avengers. Like, oh, you touched a rock. Oh, okay. Yeah. Great power comes great. Honestly, you make the wrong wish. Yeah, yeah. You fucking just see a star or some shit.

Yeah, exactly. Sneeze wrong. Big angel wings that I fly away. Shoot straight up. Is that a mutant power or an operative? Could have just been a bad sneeze. Yeah, I think he's happened. Sneezed really wrong.

And it stunk. Yeah. Huh. Yeah. I guess, yeah, the other way it makes sense, if he knows that Peter is the Spider-Man, or if he does it, it's so, like, there's so many power would fuck it around. Yeah, exactly. He's like, there's just a really good chance. But then, if that's the case, if I was Uncle Ben, I'd have been clear.

I'd have been like, hey, Peter, if you get superpowers, don't be a dick about it, you know, like, treat it responsibly and, like, try and help out your fellow man. Treat it responsibly. Try to be, like, your fellow man, because I understand, like, now that you have so many powers, they're like, answer you. You could crush them. You could crush them with a thought. I get it, dude. You're so powerful and stronger than men. Maybe actually they are.

They will bend to your will. Cross them, Peter. Cross them beneath your heel. And they are. Go to the gun safes. Go get it, kid. Have fun. Okay.

So I guess what this would be prevented if Uncle Ben didn't die. Yeah, exactly, dude. You learn a bit more about his kid And be like, well, maybe I can shape him to be a bit more. Maybe I can give him something that's not just a mantra that he can repeat. And then maybe Uncle Ben, okay, Uncle Ben continues to raise Peter Parker. Peter Parker gets a symbiate.

Then Uncle Ben can sit him down and be like, Pete. Yeah. What the fuck? This new suit's no good. You've become a flatude as a boy. I know Aunt May's old and fragile, but I'm usually portrayed as slightly more dense. Yeah. Yeah.

So I can take it, Pete. Fuck this suit off. Also, I know you're Spider-Man. Yeah. But also, because then also, Peter's probably less protective of his identity. If he's got an uncle and an aunt. It's less protective, you mean? Yeah.

No, I think he's less protective of his identity. Yeah, I think that... No, see, that makes sense, but I feel like that because of the way that everything happens with Spider-Man, he's like, he's already got a taste the bad stuff can happen to his family. True. Or if it's just from like whatever. Yeah, he doesn't understand that his family could be, until like Gwen dies and he's like, oh, I guess they can.

Fuck! Shit. I never, they got the girlfriend. I thought they'd kill my uncle. I think he was gone, so he'd be fine. Yeah, because I don't wonder would be like, okay, say your boy's a Spider-Man. Yeah. Or like a powered person.

And I was like, you know, you're like, okay, I'm in a position now to kind of shepherd him and be a father and father figure to be, like, shepherd him to certain things. do I want him to be a vigilante because he's going to want to be a vigilante? Or do I'm like, well look, you're a very clever kid. You don't have to do this stuff to put you in danger. We can look at like, you know, other

things. And maybe if you're idolistic or like, you know, maybe from the prior generation, like, hey, you know, you've got some really impressive powers. You know, it would be good for that? The police. Yes. The police force or like the military. You know what I mean? Like, you know, they haven't quite got that like, you know, depending where he comes from and like what kind of like, you know, background he is.

He might not have that anti-authoritarian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if he's a hippie, he, yeah. But if he's a hippie, definitely. But also, what I think is that if you have a powered son, the risk is becoming like Dexter's dad and being like. Oh, yeah. Well, and also like what I, because I imagine this,

I got Spider-Man as a kid. Yeah. And he goes, I want to be. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you very much. And he goes, I want to be a vigilante. And I go, that's great.

There's a lot of crime in the city. And then he goes, dad, I want to kill them. And I go, fuck. okay, that's quite a moral choice you put on my head. But I'm also your dad and an authority figure. And if I say don't kill them, maybe you're going to be like, well, that what is dad, no? No, but you asked dad.

I think because you ask dad. Yeah. So, well, in this, in this case, son asked you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that if they come to you for advice, the chance of them listening are significantly higher than if you go, hey, son, saw you in the streets. Maybe don't kill people.

Beheading people with your webs. Don't do that. Just wrapping the next episode time until they had to pop clean off. I noticed like, hey, look, when you started murder, you know, look, when small pets started disappearing from around the day, but I said nothing. You know, when, you know, little mingus,

the next door neighbor's chihuahua was webbed up in a tree. I didn't say shit. Maybe I should have. When the neighbors said, there must be a big spider in the neighborhood, I agreed. I said, yeah. Maybe. Couldn't be a boy. Couldn't be a boy.

Don't look in my house. Look, if I've got a Spider-Man son that is indiscriminately killing pets, I go, well, maybe you should kill some criminals. You know what, dude, fucking... Let's do a Dexter then. Let's do it. We'll do it a Dexter. You ever see in Dexter?

We're going to watch that. And then we're going to do that. You're going to have a code. You're going to have a code. Right. Don't get caught. You know, actually, if you get called, who cares. You're Spider-Man.

Yeah. What have I going to fuck? Immortal or some shit. Are you? I'm sure it's fine. I'm sure you'll be okay, dude. I don't know how to do. This is not,

Jesus. There's no parenting book for a spider boy. Can I get on the blow to read, Richard? Do you reckon he'd accept the call? Yeah. I've got a fucking spider kid. Can you take my son, read Richard? You're all fantastic five now, yeah?

Yeah, that's chill, yeah? Like, look, he's got spider pals. He's also a bit of a sociopath. Yeah, I don't know what the fucking. Like, kids in the neighborhood. Yeah. Anytime he sees crime. perceived or actual

he just keeps wrapping people's necks up with spider web so tired that they head literally pops off and then he flings it into the earth and it's slats like a fucking watermelon you've got it you've seen the afternoon right read he definitely seen the afternoon

he laughed it's so fucking too but I'm not laughing he's laughing so much I'm really scared I'm really scared all the dogs I'm trying I'm lying awake and bad and I just hear

pop, splat and then laughed from front of the house he's just laughing Okay, I get to every time I go to bed I push my chance of drawers In front of my door

Because I'm scared I'm just gonna fucking do it to me I know it's a futile thing But it makes me sleep about a head out So like can you pick him up He's get him You take him to space Or something where he can't hurt me

Thank you Hey bye Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Just think yeah What do you like

I have to just, you know. It becomes your responsibility. I mean, like, which is funny, because again, as a parent, you're not prepared for your son to become superpower, but it does become your responsibility to make sure they do it in the right way. Yeah, otherwise you get a bright burn. Yeah, exactly, dude. I think maybe, look, caught up Reed or another thing. Maybe not the worst idea.

Yeah. To be like, he's a spider boy. I need. I need backup. And, you know, from that perspective, you kind of understand in the, uh, superman. movie why Superman's dad acted the way he did, you know? If he's like, just don't use your powers.

Just pretend you don't have them. Yeah. And there's some sense. I understand it. To the graze. Well, killing yourself in a tornado for no reason is insane. Yeah. But like the, you know, should I have let these school children drown in that bus?

Maybe. It's debatable. But you don't want it to get a big head. I get it. I get it. You want it to almost of the The Invincibles with Jack Jack Where you're like, look, you can go fast But it's not, not too fast. I think you mean

The Incredibles, and you mean Dash, not Jack Jack? Yeah, fuck, you're right, fucking right. He fucking got you, you got me good. He looks like an idiot, right. Invincible's the one with the comic and the Jack Jack is the other kid. He's the baby. He's the baby with no powers, but heaps of powers.

He's got like 10 fucking powers, Invincible's the one that's got the bad dad. Nolan. Nolan. He's got a mustache, viltramites. Yeah. That's it. That's probably good about

with Professor X's Academy because if you have a mutant son you can't handle you just fucking chip them off to Zabias. Well, Xavier's coming to you. He's been like, oh, hello.

Hello, my neighbors. It's me, young Xavier. He's not like Osama. He's me, young Xavier. I got some powers. Boop, boop. Baby,

yeah. I'm young and I'm walking. And that's foreshadowing, but you don't know it yet. I'm young. I'm walking. I've got cyber. Where's your

Fernerous gas Where's your fucked up son I don't know Because he's a gas He's the hard to say In the vent or something Oh yeah He's everywhere

Baby, baby He's everywhere Let me use my Beautiful mind To get that gas Back together And put it in this jar And I'll whip him off down

To this school How about that? Sounds good Get him out of my fucking hair Dude He's gone He's no longer awesome powers He's gone more just like

A working class Yeah, working class Brit Put him in the jar Come on then, mate Put him in the can I'm old now But a different guy

I love the idea of Xavier With his car at the front He opens the door And like you can't see anything Because my son's a gas And then he closes it And I'm like, did he get him? I see you gone on him

He drives away Is the gas in the car Is the gas still here? I like Ray Winston Xavier Yeah, boo, boop, boop. Right, okay, you. All right, I'm a fucking car.

Yeah, I'm a sexy beast, aren't I? All right. Boop, boom, boom. Put him in the fucking can. He only talks in his movie titles. A real bea wolf, hey. What? What the fuck you're saying, right?

What are you talking about Ray Winston, Charles Xavier? Yep. Yeah, that's right. And also The other movie I've been in Yeah Ladies and gentlemen Presenting the fabulous stains

That's what I'm going to call your son Because he's gas I was in the Ooo movie Quadrophina You know gases make oozing stains Okay We've got an ice kid A bit of a cold mountain

Get off my property All right Get the hell out Take my son. Take my venomous gas son and get the fuck out. I'm sick of him. Boop, boop, boop, shit your pants, love. See you later.

Oh, fuck. Why do you do that? You're mean to him. Just before he left, he made me shit my pants. The last thing my son ever sees is me. He's never going to have any respect for me now. Shitting my pants on the front lawn. I mean the last thing he'll ever see of me.

They killed me. I shit my pants. All right, love, shit your pants until you die. See you around. Hey, venomous gas. Get a look at your old lady. She's fucking awful. She's sitting there.

She's sitting there being so hard that you fucking died. I saved you. Welcome to X-Men Academy. Right. Right. I don't know if I want to be here. So much. Also, birthing a gas is funny.

Oh, he was born a gas. The doctors are like, um... Oh, it's the new superpower. Superpower. Ma'am, I think you're... Yeah, I think you're farting out of your pussy. I don't... Babe, I think you're...

Now, I just birthed a baby. Yeah, no, it's my son. It's my son. And push, and push. And then tink, tink, as the two fangs fall out. Oh! Oh, I think it's a venomous skin. gas.

Bad news and good news. It wasn't a quiff. It wasn't a quefe. But bad news, your son is venomous gats. Right. Right. Fair enough. I got a number for a lovely man.

Yeah, he's going to take him off your hand. You may shit yourself to death, but don't you worry, your kid's going to be in good air. I imagine this, this, like, moment now is just Jackson. just remembering this conversation as he shits himself to death. He was wrong. He was right. He predicted this. I should have listened.

Why did I call that number? I didn't want to. It was this all raise my venomous gas son, and I picked shitting myself to death. As you would. Yeah, it's probably good that they killed Uncle Ben. Yeah, I think so. Thank God he's dead. I reckon that's pretty much exactly what they would have said in the comics.

Yeah, if you read the comic, it would involve shitting yourself. to death. Yeah, Ray Winston and music for an hour. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, hey, join us next month. Months. Join us next month. Join us next months. Where we ask. What if Loki had found Thor's Hammer first? What the hell?