Plumbing the Death Star - What If You Got The Hot Chick'd with Rob Schneider? with Cass Paige from Being Hot is Hard

Episode Date: October 2, 2022

This week your three favourite dumb boys are joined by the ever effervescent Cass Paige from Sanspants Radio’s newest show, Being Hot is Hard. Being Hot is Hard Is a show where three regular human women with flaws, with acne, with stretchmarks. Each week they guide you through all the insane trials, tiktok trends and tribulations they have personally endured in their HOTNESS JOURNEY. Whether it's putting baking ingredients in their hair, or burning skin off with mystery acid - they'll be coming at you with results and lessons from our very own lives, as well as the lives of others - with new quests every week. They are sick of pretending it's easy - being hot is hard. Oh, and in the Plumbing, they talk about become character actor Rob Schneider aka getting Hot Chick’d. Duscher splits his life in to two chapters; Joel Life and Rob Life. Jackson can’t grasp the concept, Cass spends the morning playing with her new body and Zammit gets robbed of his youth.Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're listening to the. Hot hello to you. Being hello to you. So, Sam, I got the hot. I got the hot. Jack's got the being. I am being. Awesome. Didn't feel good to say. Yeah, it sounded worse, probably.

I got to imagine. Hey, great news, though, because today we are asking the important questions like, what if you got the hot chicked with Rob Schneider? Not, what happens if you the hot chicked, as in the movie starring Rob Schneider. I am currently the hot chick. Yeah. And then Rob Schneider swaps my...

How does it happen in the movie? Swaps faces with me. We got to figure that out first. You just watched it, Cass. Yeah. You're fresh off the... I'm fresh off the couch. Yeah.

So, in 50 AD... Okay. Okay, all alright, okay I didn't think we'd be starting here 50 AD, alright So Christ's only been dead for 50 years No Oh, maybe it's BC, it's one of the two letters

50 BC? What were they wearing? Were they like cavemen? 50 BC cavemen If you're making a movie 50 BC is cavemen if you're making No, it's not 50 BC is cavemen. If you're making a movie. No. 50BC is cavemen if you're making. No, it's not. It's just not.

It's a hot chick. No. 50BC is cavemen. No. If you're making the hot chick and you want to give, if you say BC, you're thinking cavemen. Yes. I know it's not true. Yeah, it's not factually the case.

It's 10,000 BC. But that's what Rob Schneider thinks. I understand. BC doesn't mean big club. Why do you think that? Actually, it's before Christ. We're already at each other's throats. It's happening.

AD after death. Yeah. And Odominium or something. But neither of them actually mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, 50 AD. So they look like they're dressed in maybe, I'm not very good with history,

but like maybe like. Point to someone in the room who is. It's like maybe Egyptian, maybe like Mayan dress. And there's this very wealthy woman who is, she's clearly like a princess or something, and she's looking out at her husband who's being feral and foul, and they're about to get married, and then she looks upon as a slave girl's running up,

and she's like gesturing towards her to come here. And the slave girl presents her with these magical earrings. They both wear one earring each. Their minds stay in the same spot. Their clothes stay in the same spot, but their physical bodies swap. Okay. And so the slave girl marries this man. That's rough.

Yeah, it doesn't seem like anyone wins in that situation. Because does not the princess now become a slave? Yeah, so the princess becomes a slave, and the slave has to marry a pig, but she's now got anything she wants in the world. Okay. When you said pig.

Not an actual pig. Not an actual pig. Okay, okay. Grotty man. They just show shots of a man being like, you know when rich people are sloppy in film? Oh, yeah, yeah. Sucking down chicken legs, that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, just big slops.

So trade earrings become. So one each wears one earring, and then your body is swapped. And then you can take the earring out or whatever. All right, okay, fantastic. That's okay. So later in the film, we find out that to swap back into your body, one person has to put both of the earrings on again. Okay.

Are they pierced earrings? It's pierced. I don't have my ears pierced. I keep meaning to get them pierced, but I've yet to do it. I had them pierced a long time ago. They have closed up. This is going to hurt. It's goingced. I don't have my ears pierced. I keep meaning to get them pierced, but I've yet to do it. I had them pierced a long time ago. They have closed up. This is gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt us more who don't have our ears pierced.

Scott, is she to punch you through, dude? Back off, back off, back off. Scott is she doesn't have nerves. It's good to have this debate while we're standing there with the earrings. It's not gonna hurt. Don't even worry. Just jam them in there. Who gives a fuck? And also if it does hurt, who cares? We're going to call Rob Schneider. worry. Just jam him in there. Who gives a fuck? And also, if it does hurt, who cares? We want to come Rob Schneider.

So here's the question. Actually, okay. So we're not doing it. Are we doing it with Rob Schneider's character in The Hot Chick? He tells about Rob Schneider's character in The Hot Chick. I feel like we should do it with the character in The Hot Chick. Just stay truthful. Faithful.

He loves to rob. He loves to schneid. No, he's like a criminal. So he's running around doing little crimes. We meet him as he's robbing a gas station. He's also grubby. He's a grubby little guy. He's robbing the gas station.

There's $18. He says, why don't you have more money? The guy's like, this is a gas station. People use debit cards. Okay. So a bit stupid. It's meat up there for him. He's all meat.

He's all meat. All right. The person he has duct taped up at the gas station suggests that maybe Rob Schneider might like to steal some nachos. So there's too long is spent on him. First, like shoveling. It's like a nacho station. He shovels a bunch of. Okay.

Not like packets of nachos. Yeah. No, no, no. Loose nachos. Loose nachos. Loose, hot chips. And then he goes over to the hot cheese dispenser and he's pumping it into his own backpack and then he puts his mouth underneath it and starts sucking on the cheese.

Yeah. So you've got like cheese sucking. Before he leaves, he puts his mouth under the sloping machine. Yeah. All right, King. All right. Hot slop.

Okay. Because like my first thought is... That sounds awesome. I can't wait to swap with it. All right, King. Hot slop. Okay. Because my first thought is- That sounds awesome. I can't wait to swap with him. I'm going to do that tonight. On my way home from work. You're going to see on the news, local man arrested for really just-

Slopped too hard. Too much slopping. Slopping off a Slurpee machine. Yeah. Because what I'm concerned about is what Rob Schneider is going to do with my body while I have his. Yeah.

That's kind of my main concern. But then I'm thinking, what crimes can he do with my body, well, I have his. That's kind of my main concern. But then I'm thinking, what crimes can he do with my body? I'm also wondering, is it Rob Schneider as in like now? Is it like the physicality of Rob Schneider now or the physicality of Rob Schneider from Hot Chick? Because if it's from Hot Chick,

this is great. I'm now in a younger and fitter man's body. Wow. Let's find out how old Rob Schneider was in The Hot Chick. What are you guessing? I reckon he's like 32. He's playing a 30-year-old in the movie, which makes me think he's going to be

still more in shape than I am currently. We saw that scene at the end where he's dancing in the strip club. He's definitely got less of a belly than I do, so that's nice. Plus, it's a body I was going nice. Plus, it's a body. Oh, no. I was going to be like, it's a body I don't have to care about.

But no, we might not swap out. Yeah, that's the thing. Rob Schneider is 39 in the hot shit. Oh, dog. Dog. He aged me up. Dog. But the character is 31.

That's true. And if it's the character, it's the character. Oh, yeah. You get to do the character. Do the character. That's great. You're going down four years. I'm a sweet, svelte, young

Rob Schneider. What do you do? Because yeah, I was like, I can throw my body in front of trucks. What? If you die in Rob Schneider, you die in real life. Well, okay, so I've gone up.

I turned 31 very soon. Yeah. So I'm the same age as Rob Schneider as in this. I don't get any extra physicality from him. We keep our own brains. You do keep your own mind, yeah. We're double. So as clever as we are now.

Damn. I don't know how to rob a gas station. Which is, is that cleverer or stupider than Rob Schneider's character? Do we have a name? Yeah. I think maybe Warren. Mr. Hot Chick. Okay.

You see it once printed on a wanted sign. Okay. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. So, Cass, having seen just the film.

Clive. All right. Okay. What? Wow. Having just seen the film and knowing your three favorite boys for many, many years, are we more or less cleverer than Warren slash Clive? I think you guys are more clever than Clive.

Whoa. Cleverer than Clive. Cleverer than Clive. Cleverer than Clive. I think you'd make better decisions. But see, a lot of Clive's decisions seem to be impacted by how panicked he is, and he always just seems desperate for money. I think you guys would have better schemes.

Yeah, because I've got no gambling debts at present. Got any schemes good to go, though? I reckon I could come up with a scheme in a day. You know what? You're not much of a schemer. I'm calling it. Your scheme game's weak. You can't say that to me.

We've been friends for 10 years. I can't think of a single scheme. I'm on your side. Your scheme game is weak. No, boy. Name one scheme. You've never done a scheme. See?

Oh, my God. Name a scheme. Name a scheme you've pulled off. I'm scheming pretty much 24-7. Name a scheme you thought of. I don't think I'm a schemer. You're not a schemer. Would you describe me as sly?

No. Wet. Conniving? No. Ohly? No. Wet. Kniving? No. Oh, my God. Wet. Slopped up. You're cheeky.

You are cheeky. Dumb as a doorknob. I don't know how to describe you as cheeky. Pesky? Peavish? You're a stinker. A stinker. I'm a stinker.

You're a stinker. You've got to get me. You're a stinker. Petulant. I'm a stinker. You're a stinker. You gotta give me that. You're a stinker. Petulant. Petulant, yeah. Tantrum prone. Unaware.

You're burpy. Burpy, bilious. Bilious man. I'm a bilious man. Very unaware. Very unaware. You okay? I don't know if, I think it would have to take for Rob Schneider, sorry, Clive, in your body to walk up to you and say, you've got my body for you to know that you're no longer in your body.

I don't think I have a good enough handle of what I look like to look in a mirror and recognize I have become Rob Schneider. You're going to look in a puddle and not notice. Yeah. Did my face always look like that? There's no way of checking. Did I always have curly-ish hair? I think so. Yeah.

I lost my glasses. But I think I can see, Gwyn. I must have got better. Your testicle would grow back. Whoa! It wouldn't grow back. He'd just have Rob Schneider's. He'd grow back.

I would feel my two nuts and be like, I have two nuts now. I know for a fact I have one nut. So when I discovered I had two nuts, but I'm very rarely feeling, well, no, I'm often feeling my nuts. All the damn time. But you don't have to scrounge every day. Yeah, I'm not checking, you know what I mean? I'm not checking the number of nuts there. But I do know the difference in texture between my fake nut and my real nut.

It's like sitting down presently and being aware of your nuts. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I just like. If I try and think of my nuts, I can't think of my nuts. Anyone that's got nuts and is listening, I just want you to take this time out to just have a think and become aware of your nuts. Yeah. Like, can you focus on your nuts?

Yeah. I can feel the texture on the jeans. I can't focus on my nuts. Am I okay? I'm not a schemer My nuts are invisible Invisible Mentally invisible

You don't have nut permanent Yeah Well you work with half the Yeah exactly Well I've got the same amount of scrotum Do you have scrotum? Yeah I can feel my scrotum, but not my nuts. Well, yeah, I guess we're doing the same thing. Okay, thank

God. Thank God. For a second I thought that all nuts have as well. You guys are focusing so hard. You're both looking at opposite corners of the room just squinting. Well, you know what we're thinking about. I'm guessing because there's no feeling. You don't need to have touch

on your... There's no touch receptors on your actual testicles. Interesting. It's so cool that they're different. I just want to have the bits for a day. I'd be chuffed to swap bodies. Oh my God. What would you do? Yeah, you get different bits.

We just get... Well, we get different bits, but we get the same different bits. We get Rob Schneider's car. Oh, yeah. I was going to say, oh, but we get the same different bits. We get Rob Schneider's call. I was going to say, oh, maybe I get foreskin, but he's pretty sure he's circumcised. Oh, no! Oh, no!

You guys lose your foreskin! When people clicked on this episode, did they think they were going to get such a detailed description of the host's genitals? No. That would be the first thing I'd notice. He'd be like, I feel the breeze. to get such a detailed description of the host's genitals? No. Would you? That would be the first thing I'd notice. He'd be like, I feel the breeze. Or I'd be like, I feel less, because Rob Schneider would have been circumcised for quite a while,

so it's not tender or anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, she's freshly circumcised. I'm feeling that immediately. I'm dying. So what? You've got the brand new bits now, Cass. Oh my God. Because I remember doing an episode of another podcast you host,

Shut Up A Second, with another host of Being Hot Is Hard, Zoe. And she said that if she got a dick and a penis, the first thing she'd do is punch herself in the nuts. I would absolutely feel around to see what was going on. Would you punch yourself in the nuts? Not immediately. Not immediately? Not immediately.

I'd get sack tapped. I'd ask someone to give me a sack tap. That's fair. Sack taps are back, which is a dangerous time. Yeah, it's a dangerous time to be a sack. I guess I get it. I guess fair enough. I'm peeing standing up.

Oh, yeah. I'm going to try and pop a boner. That seems like it's very fun. It's also pretty easy. You reckon I'll get it right? Yeah, I think you'll get it right. Sometimes it happens. Actually, if you want it too bad, sometimes it is tricky.

Yeah, that's true. No, I want it so badly. Oh, you're not going to get a boner. I'm sorry. I try and sit on my nuts like in the movies. Oh, sitting on your nuts sucks. It's real bad. What are you going to zip up your penis next?

Don't do that. Zip up. Don't. Oh, no. Like in something about Mary. Yeah, don't do that. Don't do something about Mary. No.

I try and if I had a boner, I'd try and hit things with it. That's fun. Yeah, that's good. That's okay. That's fun. That's fine. That reminds me of the word tallywhacker. So I would

like to tallywhack. That is not what a tallywhacker is. It makes me think of when a cat knocks a glass off. Just like going up to a mantelpiece with an erect penis and knocking a glass off. I did this. I'm like a cat now. No. Not at all.

Not even close. A sexual deviant I'd say So straight off the bat Three out of four of us Don't appreciate it as much Yeah Yeah We've got significantly Less cool shit to do

Yeah absolutely The first five hours Of my day are booked Yeah I don't I just I feel not Not much changes

Are you gonna try And find Rob Schneider I mean I Yeah I guess. I'd be like, honey, do you find me attractive as me or me attractive as Rob Schneider? That's so funny to be like, what do you care? Babe, yeah, I don't give a fuck what I look like. So this is actually your choice.

Like right now? Yeah. I can say like this means nothing to me. Which one is the most? Because like, I don't have to look at myself often. This is really a you choice. Do I know what's happened? No, we absolutely do not.

Maybe that's just a thing the body does. What a man, it's a certain age. You've become Rob Schneider. Honey, did I get second to puberty weird? The second to puberty, air quotes, the Rob? I think maybe the first thing, dude, maybe call up my dad and be like,

Dad, when you hit almost 36, did you change into celebrity actor Rob Schneider? Well, we don't know this is Rob Schneider. We just know this is a man called Glyde. Oh, yeah, we don't know it's Rob Schneider. That's true. It'd just be I'm turning into a random looking man. No, because the question was, what if you got Rob Schneider? Well, I thought we were trying to establish that early on.

Is it Rob Schneider or is it Clive? We get Clived. Oh, we get Clived. Okay. I got distracted by all the dick and nuts talk. That's fair. Yeah, it's really distracting. First thing would be.

Trying really hard not to think about what you'd do if you had a dick and or not. I get it, dude. There's a lot going on. We would have the same thing if we ended up with... Oh, dude, I'd be going nuts on that thing. Oh, 100%. Are you kidding me?

I'd be grinding up against tables and shit. I'd be a fucking menace. I'd be thinking of a hose for this one. I'd be sweaty and flushed. I'd be a nightmare.ace I'd be sweaty and flushed I'd be a nightmare Just dragging yourself across the floor Yeah Like the fucking common dog you are

I'd have to be put away But I think with Rob Schneider Cause it's I don't know who Rob Schneider is Would your first thought be you would become someone else? Or would your first thought be like, I've gotten really sick? Well, no. I think my brain would have stopped.

I would be like, okay, I've got face. This must be what face blindness is. Yeah. Everybody looks like Rob Schneider. I'd be like, something's wrong with my brain. Yeah. I'd be something's wrong with my brain. I'm still wearing the same clothes.

I've always looked like this. Yeah, it'd be like hey everybody And when people I know and care about Are like who are you I'd be like it's me your boy What the fuck I feel like we'd have a conversation Any of us to be like hi hey who are you

Okay no so that's what I thought That's what I thought I didn't want to say I didn't want to admit it to myself But I thought I looked different So I look different, right? Sorry, who are you? It's me. Who are you?

And a lot of that for a bit. And then I'd probably be like, okay, what do you mean it's me? You're a fucking idiot. You're a fucking idiot. Say something only you would know and you wouldn't be able to think of. My host podcast? Anyone can figure that out. And also, lots of people could say that.

Jack, what do you mean? You would actually be able to convince anyone that it was you in there? Probably. It'd be tricky. Surely there's mannerisms that only we do that we notice, right? Yeah, and there are things that... But... Yeah?

And here's the thing. If you have an entirely new body, would your mannerisms change? Yeah. Well, it's got the same brain. Yeah, it's the same brain, but... Yeah, but you don't have the same muscle memory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I try and fuck up?

Yeah. You'd be bad at it, which would make you even more suspicious. It would look like you were impersonating yourself. So, like, I'm trying to think of an example. Like, people that play with their hair in a certain way, their hair would feel a certain way to them when they play with it.

So the first time they did it, it would then feel different and their brain would probably be like, that's not what I'm chasing. Well, again, because, you know, like Jackson and myself were often like shuffling

like a deck of cards. Well, shuffling a deck of cards is fine. Yeah. Because that's going to feel pretty much the same. And Clive has gambling debt, so I reckon he'd be fine in it. Yeah. I think you're good on that respect. But if you saw somebody... But he might have longer or shorter hair. Yeah. Because that's going to feel pretty much the same unless. And Clive has gambling debt so I reckon he'd be fine

in it. Yeah. I think you're good on that respect. But if you saw somebody. But he might have longer or shorter

hair. Yeah. We throw it off. You'd have to go on knowledge that only you know. Like if I look like it was completely

different person came in but I tell everybody everything. So there's very little about my personal life that is not available to the public.

So somebody could impersonate me pretty easily. Don't anyone do it. Let me tell you, brother, it's not worth it. Here's my credit card. My mother's maiden name. That's probably leaked somewhere.

Well, what about, okay, this is maybe a way I could do it. I come into the studio looking like Rob Schneider. I'm like, I'm Jackson. I know I don't look like me. You just gotta believe me. Do an episode of Plumbing the Death Star with me. Do an episode of Plumbing the Death Star and just pretend I'm Jackson. And then I reckon

once we got into the pattern of it and the flow, it would become very obvious. When I said the first thing, like, there are no real ducks. It's all just fucked up chickens. If a fan was trying to mock David Chapman as...

That's the way of doing it. It's so funny that that's an easy way of doing it. Easy. I'm Jackson. Do an episode with me. Well, there's still a way to prove you're not Jackson. You look like Rob Schneider. Sit in this room for 45 minutes

where you just copy. Anyone who's listened to every episode of Plumbing the Death Star could do Plumbing the Death Star and replace any of us. It's hard to do something that is public. What about Jackson Bailey Spooks America? It's not so public-facing. Can anybody fuck up that show like I can? I've done episodes of that show. Yeah.

We've all done them. I've hosted episodes of that show. I know I. Once again. I've hosted episodes of that show. I know I can do it. Once again, it's still something that's public facing. Yeah. But is there a specific way? I do it. Knowing that your job isn't hard, Jackson.

My job's not hard either. Yeah. If I was like, Cass, can you just be me for Plumbing the Death Stone? No one would notice. All right. There it is. Oh, the show's better now. Fuck. All right. There it is. She's like, oh, the show's better now. Fuck.

All right. What else could you do? Facial expressions might be the only thing that saves you. That's what I'm talking about. Those little tiny tics, little tiny mannerisms. The way you speak. Yeah. Because that is often how.

You'll sound like Rob Schneider. Yeah, but you'll sound like Rob Schneider. You can do it. No, it'd be Rob Schneider doing a you impression. I'm Rob Schneider. I can't do that. That'll break my vocal cords. You know what I mean?

Because it'd have your intonations and how you form words, but it'd be coming out of a different voice. Penis. Penis. Oh, there we go. No one else can say penis like you. Yeah, that's true. I've got shit on my penis.

But you are using Rob Schneider's vocal cords and the way his mouth is shaped. So you're trying to say penis, but it's coming out like penis. Oh, no, I've got shit on my penis. Ah, imposter! Yeah, Rob Schneider-Karf makes the sound anus. In the movie, she convinced her best friend that she was her by talking about when they first met and, like, all, like,

be like, you know, remember you used to be bullied for A, B, and C, and then they did a hand clap together, like one of those little, like. So you do have mannerisms. Yeah, but a hand clap's like a secret. It's a secret, isn't it? She revealed specific knowledge, and we don't shut up about ourselves, and I can't think of anything that any of you would know that anyone else would. And also, terrible memories too.

Yeah. Where we meet Yuri. Yeah, but specifically. I don't remember specifically the moment I met any of you. In many ways, I've just always known you. I remember when I met you, Jack. It'll be harder for us because to us, you were just a teacher for a bit. I would not have

paid any attention. I'd be like, oh, who's this fucking idiot? I remember talking about the Hulk with you early on. Oh, I think the first time I met you properly, Joel, was at a party. And then you got me to sign up to Sans Transplast at the party.

A, B, C. A, B, C. But do you even remember that? I remember the party. I don't remember. Well, I mean, I'm always closing. Yeah, of course. That's what we say about you. Always closing.

I was working here and then you guys were like, Cass, your subscription. Yeah. Cass Cass you're in what are you doing Cass please surely there'd be some did you cancel your subscription I did

because I got a great website to show you yeah surely there'd be like some stories that we could tell in like quick like you know maybe not even a story

just like ask me something about it I'll swear at you yeah yeah yeah I'll swear at you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll just give it to you quickly. Right. Yeah.

I can't prepare for this. I can't have just like, just listen to whatever bullshit we've put out. So you just ask me a question. I'll know the answer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So like, I reckon you're right. Can you think of a question though? I mean, surely. Think of one now. I don't want to say them on air because then if this happens, someone will be like. This is the whole problem. Okay, there we go. We gotta stop saying stuff about us.

There are things that, you know, personal to our chest. Not me. I have nothing. I can barely even think of a question to ask is what I'm saying. I'm like, yeah, I suppose I could ask questions for Abba Fire. I'm like, ooh, I can't think of one. What color is your hair? Brown? Mine or yours? since rapid fire i'm like oh i can't think of one what color is your hair brown what color is your hair brown damn it is you

what's your name joel how did you swap bodies what's your favorite color uh oh my god well i don't know it so he must be telling the truth you might be right on that one i'm gonna get killed by a drift on one day. I heard from now on every single time we do a live show, people come up to us and they're like, Jackson, it's me, Joel Duescher. I just want buddies with a fan.

We look over. What color is yours? Brown. Damn, it's you. What happened? Man, did you guys wear an earring or something? I'm going to get you bad, dude. Just take me with you.

Anyway, here's my phone and wallet. You remember the PIN number, yeah? Of course, if you don't. No. That's okay. I know you've got a bad memory. It makes sense. It makes sense. It is you.

My God. Just realise, like, any kind of phone. Oh, no, you put your passport. Never mind. Your face don't recognize you. I'm like, oh, wait, no, hang on. Oh, no, I don't know. My fingerprint from my computer.

Oh, shit. Oh, God damn. Or my password. Oh, wait, no, there's a master one. Okay, that's good. Woo. Joel's ever go really scared the future has evolved beyond undoing the hot chick. It honestly seems like that most of the hot chicking is going to be spent trying to convince people that you got the hot chick.

And less trying to reverse the hot chick because I guess you'd know deep down you could probably reverse the hot chick because you got the hot chick. If it's happened once. Swings and roundabouts. Yeah, exactly. When God closes a door, he opens a window. Do I know that I have been hot chicked or is this just something my body did? I think in the movie they realize that she's in someone else's body. Yeah.

In the hot chick. And then one of her friends sees Rachel McAdams' body on TV. And they're like, oh, they got swapped. And then they look into how that swapping can happen. No, my friends or family are paying enough attention to notice me if I'm on a television. I'll just be watching TV, and then I'll be like, whoa, Josette, I'm at Rob the Bank. That's crazy. I don't think I know anyone that still watches TV.

Yeah, yeah. I don't think I know anyone that still watches TV. Yeah, yeah. It's funny because it's just earrings. Because if I do figure it out, it's not hard to pull an earring out of someone. Because I'd have my phone on me and everything. Oh, wait. I tweet out, I've been hot-chicked, guys. How do I convince everybody?

This is my face now. Click. This isn't me. Somebody stole Josiah's phone. No. Oh, guys. How do I convince everybody? This is my face now. Click. This isn't me. Somebody stole Joel Zabin's phone. No. Oh, no. Yeah, guess what? I'm a freaking gamer.

I game. I play video game. And sometimes, yeah, I review video game also. I do a podcast with fellow plumbing boy Joel Dus, where we review video games with a beautiful guest every week. It's dangerous, it's chaotic, I'm not allowed to swear, so we don't have to mark it as mature, but sometimes I do swear anyway. Somehow, despite it being 50 minutes of a guest watching me and JD yelling at each other, it's a show beloved by regular folks and industry professionals alike. If that sounds up your alley, just search Thumb Cramps wherever you get your podcasts and start listening to Thumb Cramps today. So as soon as you start Living your life as Clyde The cops will get you

That does actually come up in the film The cops do try and arrest him Well shit Now I've got to convince the cops I can't convince the cops I can't even convince my good friend Yeah I can barely convince you But you want to hope that Clive is out doing crimes in your body

So then your body gets found Yeah okay that's true By the cops That's true Okay Clive could do some pretty good crimes in my body If he doesn't care about my body What do you think What kind of crimes and schemes I know this is challenging for you That's true. Okay. Clive could do some pretty good crimes in my body if he doesn't care about my body.

What do you think? What kind of crimes and schemes? I know this is challenging for you, but what do you reckon? Yeah. A good crime in your body. I guess it has to require the specifics of my body, yeah? Yeah. Well, you said he could do heaps of good crimes in my body, provided he doesn't care about my body, which is a very narrow circumstance. You know he could do one crime.

Identity theft. Yours. And even then, he still needs, like, information about you. Easy to get. Listen to two podcasts. Here's the problem as well.

Everybody knows I'm a loathed moron. So if I, i.e. Rob Schneider in my body, came into work and was like, hey, what's my password? You might believe that I had legitimately forgotten my password. I'd be like, password for what? Have you tried just pressing enter? There's no password needed. Yeah, I don't think you've got a password, dude.

Just press enter, dude, see what happens. Rob Schneider in my body pressing it, being amazed at how stupid I am. Whoa, I'm dumb? Yeah. Hey, is there a trick? You're really dumb, and then we bully you for a good 30 minutes. My friends are mean? Friends?

I'm not mean, you're just dumb. This guy's got a rough life. I'm honest. Yeah, that's a worry for me. He'm honest. This guy, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, that's a worry for me. Yeah, he can steal my identity. It's no good. Hey, Jackson, I just rode this plank.

Can I hit you with it? I'm gone. Rob Schneider says no, and you're like, wait, what? Something's up with Jackson. Who are you? Jackson loves being hit by a plank. I'm sitting in Rob Schneider's body in a car being like, I wish Dusha would hit me with a plank.

And then Rob Schneider comes just like bursting through the studio. Dusha, hit me with a plank. You gotta hit me with a plank, dude. Oh, my God. My brain's going crazy. You gotta calm it down. Bonk. Oh, thank God. I think I'm in that guy's body.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We get it now. We're speaking it out. I killed him with the plank, though. I hope that. I don't think yeah, yeah. We get it now. We figured it out. I killed him with the plank, though. I hope that... I don't think that's good. For you or me. No, no, I think you'd be fine.

I reckon you'd be fine because your physical body swaps, your mind and clothes are the same. Yeah, so you'd just put the earrings off that dead corpse. So killing Rob Schneider actually makes it easier. Yeah. I mean, he's not wriggly, though. Does that mean if you wake up in Rob Schneider's body and shoot yourself in the...

Oh, no. You're a fucking idiot. Jack. I'm going to get rid of Rob Schneider. Oh, wait, that was me. Jack. Sweet. If you shot him in the head Yeah then

Then you could just grab the earrings and swap back What happens to the earrings Because presumably they both have to be wearing one And they swap Why do they put them on in the first place? Rachel McAdams character sees them in a shop Thinks oh my god they're so beautiful If I wear them to prom

Everyone's going to be I think she says I will be the envy of every girl, which is an insane thing to say. The woman's like, these are not for sale. These are genuine artifacts. So she like secretly swaps them into a bargain box of earrings and buys them. And she's at a gas station that Rob Schneider's robbing and she's putting them on to try, puts one in and then gets distracted by like abusing Rob Schneider.

He's on the way out of robbing the petrol station and they assume he's the gas attendant so they keep getting him to do things to their car. The main gag is she makes him get into the hood and then she keeps beeping her horn so he smacks his head on the car. That's pretty good. That is a good gag.

It's a funny gag. In all the commotion, she drives away and the other earring has fallen out of the car. He finds it on the ground and he robs it with everything else. He puts it on. When he gets home at night, he puts it on the ground and he robs it with everything else. And he puts it on. When he gets home at night he puts it on, laughs to himself and falls asleep eating chips?

No, that's fun, Stan. Yeah. One earring, cunt. Yeah. I love chips. I'm going to pierce my ear with this earring I found on the ground. Tatnazu?

He already has his ears pierced in the movie. There's no piercing ear scene. He just picks up the earring and he's like, puts it in. He's like. What type of chips? Are we talking like corn chips? Or are they the corn chips he stole earlier? Yes.

Are they hot chips that have gone cold? No, no, no. Sorry. I've not been specific. Oh, yes. Are they hot chips that have gone cold? No, no, no. Sorry. The nachos. I've not been specific. He is, you know how I said that he stole nachos by putting chips and then sauce into his bag? Yeah. He's pulling out dollar notes and licking the sauce off of them.

So it's not chips. He's licking sauce off of paper. Yeah. Hell yeah. Delicious. And then he puts an earring on, falls asleep. I get it. Is he halfway through cleaning his money?

He's not cleaning it, he's licking it. Well, he's licking it. Jackson, you're going to wake up in your dream life. Okay, you'll be fine. You'll be like, oh, someone didn't finish cleaning this money. Then I look at myself with my earring, laugh, and go back to sleep. That is funny. It's great that the same thing happened to two separate houses.

Rob Schneider also doesn't think anything's happened. Somebody's been cleaning his money up. Oh, man. Every couple of hours, you just keep swapping bodies. Taking the earring out and being like, oh man. What earring? Both of you will be like, what do I look like on the other side? Just as funny.

Time to sleep. Look at all this money cleans, made me tired. Made you tired, made my tongue sore. I'll sleep it off. Yeah, so I don't think much will change for you. No, I'd be pretty alright, yeah. I'd be fine, I think. Yeah, I just...

I mean, the only problem there is, yeah, I guess, if the cops come looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna go to jail, yeah. Well, why? What have I done? Well, Rob Schneider did a bunch of crimes. But I didn't do it Yeah well too bad In the slammer for Joel Zammett

If you arrest someone that is 100% innocent Put them on trial Yeah What would happen? Well you know how we've never put anyone innocent In jail Zammett's correct That's never happened

I guess Zammett would get off So an unprecedented We're an innocent man jail. Sam, it's correct. It's never happened. I guess I'm going to get off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So an unprecedented occurrence. We're an innocent man. Walks free. Walks free. Yeah, no matter what you say, I guess I'm in the slammer.

You're Rob Schneider. But I'm not, though. Good question. I'm not, though. You look like Rob Schneider. We have footage of you. I have no memory of it. Because, yeah, yeah. Good question. I'm not though. You look like Rob Schneider. We have footage of you. Yeah. And I have no memory of it. Because here's the thing. This is not a thing that's happened before.

Yeah. This is magic. No, because like with the arresting an innocent person, you'd imagine that the innocent people are often at least suspects. Yeah. Whether or not they've done it or not. So the police have probably spoken to them before. Yeah.

In this situation though. Yeah. It's just. Joel Zahmed's body. Knock, knock, knock. You to them before. Yeah. In this situation, though. Yeah. It's just. Joel Zammett's body. Knock, knock, knock. You're under arrest. Yeah. For what?

You robbed this bank. No, I didn't. Or this gas station. Here's footage of you robbing the gas station. I'm fucked. Yeah. Where were you? Well, I was at home.

No, Joel Zammett was at home. You were robbing a gas station. Well, here's this information. That means fuck all to me. Here's the proof. Yeah, yeah, exactly. The best thing that, like Clive, if Clive had just done nothing and stopped doing any crimes and was just like,

ah, it's got free, and then just chuffed off somewhere. Yeah, lived a quiet life. Yeah, he kept talking about these debts he had. He doesn't have debts. He doesn't have debts anymore. He's in a lady's body. Yeah, exactly. Rachel McAdams doesn't have debts. Well, he is debts anymore. He's in a lady's body. Yeah, exactly. Rachel McAdams doesn't have debts.

Well, he is stupid. Yeah, that's true. We are forgetting that. Rack up a bunch of debts. So when you swap back, you don't have them anymore. What? Yeah. What? I mean, you've got Clive brains, so it makes sense.

You both are like, racking up debt. And when I swap back, the other guy's gonna be fucked swap back like swap back at the exact same time or we're just in separate rooms

with debt collectors with guns to our heads fuck like it works no you don't understand I have different debt I don't have debts to you guys

I get debts to the guys in the other room no you realize that you're in like two hotel rooms next to each other? Wait a second. So yeah, kind of no matter what, you're fucked if the cops come. I think it's...

I don't think there's any way really of turning it around. You can't really prove that you're not that person. And if it's not a criminal situation and you swap bodies with someone, well, swapping minds is different because you're traveling, but if you're sw that person. And if it's not a criminal situation and you swap bodies with someone. Well, swapping minds is different because you're traveling. But if you're swapping bodies, you just wake up in the same spot.

It's confusing. Yeah. But I guess you're just stuck like that. That's probably what was going to happen. Yeah, yeah. Okay. That's if Clark. Now, if we were Rob Schneider.

Oh, okay. It's a little better. So now we actually. Step one. I'm going to try and reconcile with Adam Sandler. Nice. Oh, are they not friends? Yeah, because I think Rob went off the deep end. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be my step one.

Everything Rob Schneider's been fucking diarrhea-ing out of his mouth for the last while, I'll come out and I'm like, I don't know what I was saying. The opposite. The exact opposite of whatever I just said. So Rob Schneider has a press conference from Australia? Yeah. I reckon that's good to be like, no, I mean, Australian rehab is different. It works better.

Now I'm fixed. I've done some thinking. So your go-to is to salvage Rob Schneider's reputation. Yeah. Well, see, what keeps happening to me for some reason is I keep thinking I'm going to be bouncing back into my old body soon. So I'm doing this because I think it's funny for Rob Schneider then to either have to pivot or to have his career ruined. I guess it's pretty ruined already. You're going to completely rehabilitate his image.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so when he gets back into his body, he's either going to tank it hard or he has to be good. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'm kind of like an angel. Yeah. Maybe you could offer a hot chick service. Yes.

To wayward celebrities. That's, oh. You're literally offering your body as collateral if it doesn't work. Yeah, exactly. I'll rehabilitate whomever. I don't want to actually put my, no, no, hang on. There's some bad people out there. Yeah. exactly. I'll rehabilitate whomever. I don't want to actually put my... No, no, hang on. There's some bad people out there. Yeah.

Yeah. Here's what happens. You hire them for their service. They just throw the earring away and they live your life. Oh, no. I go to jail. Yeah. Damn.

Would it be easier or harder, I guess, to convince everyone that I have somehow magically become Rob Schneider or that I've magically become Clive I think it's easier to convince everyone you've become Rob Schneider because a stranger coming into the studio, feasible Rob Schneider stepping into the studio and then when the police come and you're like

oh they were just a drifter okay fair enough but Rob Schneider coming in I'm like well Rob Schneider has literally zero reason to visit Sandspan's headquarters. He has said some pretty interesting things in the last five years. Maybe his mental break was complete. It ended with him coming here. I'm done now, boys.

Take me in. Welcome, Rob Schneider with open arms. I'm Jackson. No. Come on Welcome, Rob Schneider with open arms. I'm Jackson. No. No, shut up, Rob. Come on in, Rob. Tell us about your time on SNL. I'm Jackson.

I'm not. You know Adam Sandler. No. He seems way nicer than you. No, I don't. Yes, you do. Don't deny Adam Sandler. I know all of Adam Sandler.

I've just never met them yet. What do you mean you know all of them? I am Jackson. I hired you. I understand that there's some bad blood, but I actually understand where he's coming from. Duscha, I'm Duscha.

I'm your friend. We just met. You're friends with Rob Schneider? No. Or maybe not. I think it's funny to get into Rob Schneider's body and be like, oh, Rob Schneider's a celebrity. Time to start spruiking Sandspan. Looking at our numbers.

Our numbers have gone down, but our listeners have gotten worse. Could that be with Rob Schneider's unprecedented love of the podcast all of a sudden? How do you even get that across? Because you can't use his Twitter account. Why not?

What? You're not Rob Schneider. But what if you're you? I go to one of my fucking people I pay, my staff. I don't know your passwords. You don't pay them. Why don't I pay them? Because you're not Rob Schneider.

You've also not woken up. In Hollywood. Schneider is. I go to the fucking seven news. I say Rob Schneider lost in Australia. Do you think your people are going to reach out? They fucking better. Where am I?

Look, to be honest, yeah. What do I pay them for if they're not going to take me home? It's me, character actor Rob Schneider. I went on a bedroom in Australia. I lost my passport. Yeah, I don't have my passport. Yeah, I don't have my passport. I got nothing. Could you please bring me back?

Yeah, I was like, well, with Rob Schneider's face, if you wanted to, you could go to, say, like, the U.S. Embassy and be like, hi, I'm famous character actor Rob Schneider. Hi, I'm national treasure Rob Schneider. My passport is nine and a half. Yeah. They're just flight logs. Yeah. Well, I'd be like, I don't know it They're like flight logs Yeah

Well I'd be like I don't know I don't know how I got here You can say it was a big bender Yeah Well I got here by boat maybe I don't know

I am here I am clearly famous Beloved character actor Rob Schneider Send me back to Hollywood I think you end up in jail What? For what?

I reckon they're like Something as fishy as a foot here Yeah they don't just Throw people in jail. What? For what? I reckon they're like something as fishy as a foot heel. Yeah, they don't just throw people in jail for no reason. I get extradited back to the US. They don't throw innocent men in jail. Why would they throw someone, an innocent character actor, Rob Schneider for no reason? In an unprecedented move, the American government put someone in jail. For no reason.

Their famously empty prisons have received another inmate today. We don't know what to do. We've never arrested anyone before. And then I get to Hollywood and just live Rob Schneider's life for a bit

till he dies of old age. And then you put the earrings back on him? Yeah. Then I end up back in my body. No, you don't. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Who's the earrings back on him? Yeah. Then I end up back in my body. No, you don't. Hang on. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.

Hang on. Who's the he in this sentence? You wake up in Jackson's body? No. No, because you've died. You can't die. If you die of old age, you die. How can I not grasp how this works?

It's the bodies that swap, not the minds. I just can't get a handle on it. I just can't. Well, I die of old age. As you're dying, you're like, I'm going to be back in my body soon. Nothing happens. You're also like, did he think that his body wasn't aging while he was doing it? That seemed like the implication, right?

Yeah. We stand over Rob Schneider's body like, Jackson's body died so long ago. Did he not check? Did he not pay attention to what was happening to his body? Not at all. Not even close. He just lived with this aging character actor for the last 20 years of his life. Well, that's what I'd do.

It would be pretty hard to walk back. Because I was thinking, like, my approach if this happens is I'd probably just live the life of a man that I know. I'm just like, all right, the chapter of Joel. Like, my life is now in two chapters. Joel life and Rob life. And the book is closed on Joel Life, but it is simply page one of Rob Life. Absolutely.

But unfortunately, Rob Life had a prequel. And the end of that prequel is Rob Life really fucking up Rob Life for new role. Oh, yeah. Because what would happen if, say, I woke up, I'm Rob Schneider. I'm like, shit. I'm like, honey, you won't believe what happened. Because, again, it's more believable because it am Rob Schneider I'm like shit I'm like honey you won't believe

what happened because again it's more believable because it's Rob Schneider and then you're like okay what do I do alright I go I try I contact what a doctor a scientist the news hey everybody I know this might look like I am Rob Schneider

but I guarantee you that I am not Rob Schneider news break Rob Schneider lost his I guarantee you that I am not Rob Schneider. And then probably news break. Rob Schneider lost his fucking mind. And then you get sent away to some kind of institution and come out believing you are Rob Schneider. I know. But I'm like, how did I get here? They fixed me.

Yeah, that's right. I was always Rob Schneider. I guess. I got confused. You're like, I don't know, the water boy. You're like, there I am. I remember being I guess. I got confused. You're like, I don't know, the water boy. You're like, there I am. I remember being in this. I remember that, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's tricky. How do you do it? What do you do? I don't know. Rob Schneider, which is something we didn't consider, or at least I didn't cross my mind, has three kids.

Yeah, okay. And a wife. Yeah. So then my body is next to Rob Schneider's. Are they still together? Yeah. So. Yeah. Yeah. So then my body is next to Rob Schneider's. Are they still together? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

My body is next to Rob Schneider's wife. They're just like, who the fuck are you? They just faced. Yeah. Oh, shot. Do you think Rob Schneider in your body would try to convince his wife that he was Rob Schneider? Of course. You'd have to, right?

You'd scare your wife. Yeah. This would be more scary to the wife. Well, I was wondering if Rob Schneider would not take a leaf out of Joel Dushan's book and be like, well, it was a period of my life where I was Rob Schneider. Rob life. Rob life. Didn't go super well.

Ended with me. I don't know who the fuck this is. I am literally possibly decades younger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely decades younger. Unknown to him. Yeah. Speak with an Australian accent, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely decades younger. Unknown to him. Yeah. Speak with an Australian accent, I guess.

Yeah, I've become some sort of weird Australian guy. I'm getting out of here. Like, why not? Leave your life? Yeah. Maybe. Maybe start your life again. You're young again.

Yeah. He's like, I've got access to Rob Schneider's bank account. Yeah. You've got a bank box. How does he open up a new bank account? Yeah. How do you do anything? Well, you just say that you represent Rob Schneider's bank account. Yeah. How does he open up a new bank account? Yeah. How do you do anything? Well, you just say that you represent Rob Schneider. Yeah, and you'd have all the information.

And then Rob Schneider, who right now, his career isn't doing well. He's publicly loathed. He's a very sad looking man. Doesn't look well. You just say, alright, I'm not Rob Schneider anymore. Some suckers dealing with look well. Yeah. You just say, all right, I'm not Rob Schneider anymore. Some suckers dealing with my body.

Yeah. He's on the news. Rob Schneider in Australia having a mental break. He's like, yes. Rob Schneider trying to walk back vaccine comments. I, look. Yeah. I know I went hard on it.

Well, I've had some time to reflect. I thought about it. Yeah. Check my blood. I am vaccinated. Actually, I did some independent research. No, he's not vaccinated. I wouldn't be vaccinated.

You wouldn't be vaccinated. You'd be in Rob Schneider's uncircumcised, unvaccinated body. No, sorry, circumcised. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rob Schneider wakes up. He's like, oh, my God, my foreskin grew back. And why do I feel so...

What does he think will happen for vaccines? You know, the thing that everyone that's anti-vaccine thinks will happen. Still? Yeah. You got a lot to walk back in Rob Schneider's body. Yeah. Yeah. Walk back a mile in Rob Schneider's shoes and then keep going.

And then you've got to keep going a little bit. Yeah, you've got to keep moving because if you stop. At least you have fun by yourself for a good five hours. Yeah. Best five hours of my life. Then you wake up to the sad reality of being Rob Schneider. Yeah. And then you've got to go on Google and be like, what are my opinions? I go on Google, I order

a flashlight. Yes! You're smart. He's been anti-vax since pre-COVID. Like, he's like the Jenna McCarthy anti-vax. It sucks as well, Cass, that your only go possibly ever of having a cock

and it has to be Rob Schneider's and it has to be Rob Schneider's. It has to be Rob Schneider's. I don't even know if that one's good. Is this a good one? In the movie, all the girls are very impressed, but they are also meant to be in high school, so they're just very excited and they

scream a bit because they're like, ah! That's crazy! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Their yardstick of penis is probably right. Yeah, but also like Rob Schneider. At that point. He's probably just happy to see a wiener.

There's just no coming out good for anyone. No. Like, of us. Good for Rob Schneider to become any of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Unless it makes him very sick because we're vaccinated and he isn't. That's true. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, it's a step up for Rob Schneider into any of us. He's younger. Yeah. A woman. Yeah, exactly. Two awesome things to be. Younger and a woman. Now he can sign, restart his career in comedy.

I bet it will work just as well. Oh, yeah. Big time. Imagine seeing you start to do all of Rob Schneider's bits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone being like, oh, it's just not very good. And Rob Schneider just being like, but it is good. It is so good.

It must be the vaccine. The vaccines have robbed my humor. People don't find me funny anymore. I don't love Newcastle. She's a little edgy. Keep saying the vaccines are making her sick. I've also started calling her Newcastle for no real reason. Look, first day of being Rob Schneider, five hours sorted.

Yeah, absolutely. Straight to a sex store. Dick and nut work. Dick and nut work. Hardcore dick and nut work. Probably the next few hours I still sort it again. Then I go get every vaccine in one night. Okay, all right.

Spent from calming yourself to fucking into a frenzy. I've got a one-in-one-out policy. I jerk it for every new vaccine. I have two rooms in my house. I'm very wealthy. You're going to want to split those days up. Coming, dehydrated. Yeah.

To get vaccinated, you need to be quite hydrated. Well, I'm rich. I'm rich, right? No, you're you. No, I'm rich. I'm rich, right? No, you're you. No, I'm Rob Schneider. Yeah, but you're you. You're doing the same thing Jackson did. Oh, my God.

Don't fucks all the way down. In Cass's defense, she was thinking about dick and nuts. That's fair. I was distracted by everything I would do about the dick and nuts I had. You've got to give me grace. If I'd gotten Rob Schneider's pussy, you would have had to have given it to me too, right? Yes. Jackson got the

schnussy. If I get the schnussy, you'd have to be like, fair enough, you're distracted. She got the shock. It's all pretty good. The schnussy and the schnock. Yeah, okay, well, I'm not wealthy, so I probably can't afford an IV drip. No, yeah, yeah. I'm going to have to space this out. Yeah, okay, well, I'm not wealthy, so I probably can't afford an IV drip. No, yeah, yeah. I'm going to have to space this out.

Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, like, again, if we become- You could come once or twice and then go get a vaccine. Three times around, I know the rules. I just feel like us being Rob Schneider is affecting our lives so much more than Rob Schneider becoming any of us. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. For Rob Schneider, to him, like, we are nobodies, right? He can just restart. He'd probably audition for SNL again. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. For Rob Schneider, to him, we are nobodies, right? Yeah, yeah. He'd probably audition for SNL again.

Yeah. Oh, damn, true. Yeah. Hey, I'm getting on SNL. No, you're not. Me and Rob Schneider's buddies will be watching SNL being like, I'm on. Look how funny I am. Oh, I'm saying some controversial things.

You're not grasping. I've got to distance myself from my body. You already have. Hey, everyone. I didn't say those things on SNL. Everyone's like, Rob Schneider? What are you saying? You haven't been on SNL in so long.

You're not invited back. The more recent things I've said. Sorry? What are you talking about? But I'm guessing he wouldn't get back on SNL because his comedy has dated and aged. Yeah, it truly has. You can't really. Yeah, it wouldn't be good for them as well because then they would be experiencing, I guess,

their comedy stylings for, again, several decades younger. Then hopefully trying to reach a different audience, I guess, and then just be hitting nothing. Well, that might mean that Rob Schneider will seek us out. Well, yeah. And then maybe we'll swap back. Finally. And then I'll be like, fuck, you should have done more shit to the body.

Pass swaps back. He's like, I do everything. What do you mean? Yeah, what do you mean? Well, I was like, I got a free body that I'm not going to be in for a month. It's your body. Jackson. No, I'm in Rob Schneider's body.

And you have to live in it. And then if I'm going to swap back to Rob Schneider, I mean, to me. What kind of shit do you mean? Jumping off high stuff? That hurts you now. You know that hurts you now. Smoking cigarettes?

Smoking cigarettes is fine. Is it? Yeah. So wait, If you stabbed yourself As Rob Schneider And then you switch back Who has the body wound? Rob Schneider

Oh no but You have the pain No but it's my It's his body My body We've just swapped bodies Not mine Yeah but

No but Hang on Hang on So Jackson Jackson minding Rob Schneider body Yeah Stabs Rob Schneider body. He stabs Rob Schneider body. They swap back.

Oh. Yeah. No, I reckon Rob Schneider has the stab wound. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Because if they keep clothes... So your clothes and your mind stay in the same spot, your whole body switches. Okay, so if you get your finger and you just say snap it, right? So you break that motherfucker. Yeah. And you are like, say, Jackson in Rob Schneider's switches. Okay. Okay. So if you get your finger and you just say, snap it, right? So you break that motherfucker.

Yeah. And you are like, say, Jackson in Rob Schneider's body. Yeah. And then you Freaky Friday back. Yeah. Who has now the broken finger. Rob Schneider in Rob. The body.

The body. The body it got broken on. Yeah. So Rob Schneider's mind. Now he's in Rob Schneider's body and he has a broken finger. Yes. Okay. So I could do.

So yeah. Yeah. Great. You could like the shoot out of yourself if you want. Yeah. But it would hurt you. Yes. It will hurt you.

Take dangerous drugs. That will. If you die as Rob Schneider, you die in real life. I'm just going to throw the needle. That's all that means. But then when he goes back. Jackson. Well, hang on.

But when, then when they switch back, then Rob Schneider will then have a decaying Rob Schneider body. Yeah. Yeah. As his body. Yeah. Well, I guess you got him. Yeah! Did you have to get him? Well, I might as well.

Mission accomplished! Got him! Right? Well, I'm here. Because he doesn't convert back to what they were originally, right? No. So I guess, yeah, if you died as Rob, you would be dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then depending how often you switch, like how late you switch back, yeah, Rob would be a zombie man. Yeah, I've basically just got like a vassal to play around with

with no consequences. No. No long-term consequences. Lots of immediate consequences. Yeah. Yeah. You could smoke. But you don't know how long-term you're going to have this body for.

Yeah. Well, that's true. But if I knew that Rob Schneider was, say I see on the news, Rob Schneider in America is like, in my body, is like, I've got to find my body in for. Yeah. Well, that's true. But if I knew that Rob Schneider was, say I see on the news, Rob Schneider in America is like, in my body, is like, I've got to find my body in Australia. Yeah. I'm like, well, I've got the plane trip that Rob's going to take to do heroin, whatever.

How are they coming over? Because they don't have a passport. You're also 58 years old. You don't know what heroin would do to your 31-year-old body, let alone a 58-year-old. You don't know what Rob's done. Well, he better get here quick. Yeah.

He won't want to swap back if you've done that. He doesn't know. He'll know. He'll know when we swap back. How do any of you travel? Rob Schneider is fucking in my body. He'll find a way. He's got access to all of Rob Schneider's passwords. He does have Rob Schneider money. Yeah. I guess. He can absolutely access Rob Schneider's bank way. He's got access to all of Rob Schneider's passwords. He does have Rob Schneider money.

Yeah. I guess. He can absolutely access Rob Schneider's bank account. He's got all the details. And Jackson only needs to find heroin, which will be tricky, but not as tricky as trying to fly without a passport. Yeah, exactly. I could do it. And then Rob Schneider swaps back and he's like, what did you do to me? And I take the earrings and crush them in my

hand. Heroin, bitch! Suck you later! And then I skateboard away. But Jackson... Hit by a train. Yeah? Jackson, your mind will still want heroin. But my body won't.

Only half as bad. But your mind will know what heroin feels like. You're not meant to learn. But I think Jackson's not going to get the physical withdrawals. I'm going to miss it. Yeah, Jackson will miss heroin. Jackson will actively want heroin

and not have any of the bad side effects from heroin. And then Rob Schneider's going to not know what the fuck. So he'll be fine. But he'll have the physical withdrawals. Yeah, and then he won't know what to fix it, so it'll go away. I was going to say one shot of heroin wouldn't give you crazy withdrawals. He ain't doing one.

One, I don't know that. Two, no. It was that awesome the first time. Imagine how awesome it was going to be the second time. Oh, well, it'd surely be just as good as the first time the third time. I know, Cass, you're right, though, because I'll be like, because I never got any of the bad consequences, I'll be like, maybe it was good.

Yeah, maybe it was fine. You'll be like, well, okay, well, this is, do you know what you'll do? You'll do heroin and be like, that was wonderful. I miss heroin. You'll get none of the bad side effects. And you're like, hang on. I've got a fresh body.

I've got another go. It'll work again. Oh, my God. If you get hot-chicked, you are getting addicted to heroin. I don't know what heroin Jackson would be like. Awesome. Yeah, I think it would be awesome. Maybe you'd be one of those people on heroin who lives a fine life.

You know how every now and then there's a couple? Oh, yeah, yeah. They look, they have, if you just, if you don't scratch the surface. Leave the surface, Jesus. You don't ask too many questions. Don't ask. Oh, what a lovely life. Nick Cave and Warren Ellis are doing.

They're happy. Yeah. The happiest people I've ever heard of and not met and don't need to. Because I don't need to scratch that surface. Exactly. I don't need to. I don't think any of us expected. Warren Ellis, the musician, just remembered that he shares his name

with a guy who sucks shit just clarify that I guess hope that other Warren Ellis rots in hell I hope his heroin intake is bad some of the worst so swapping bodies

so what happens if we rob the hot chick with Rob Schneider? We spent almost the entire time trying to figure out what the fuck to do to tell people give up, do heroin. And fuck ourselves heaps. Oh my god. Big time. Big time. Do you reckon coming as Rob Schneider would be different than coming as yourself? You'd find out pretty fast, I would imagine.

I'll find out pretty fast. You'll find out pretty quickly. Different shape and size dick would be different. It'd be kind of cool to play around with, yeah. Older nuts, they'd be lower. Yeah, true. Common could be... He might...

No, no, he's not quite at the age yet where pissing will be wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Might be, though. You get older, your bladder doesn't work as well. And prostate gets all fucked up. Yeah. Pissing gets harder. Getting old sucks, man. Pissing gets harder.

Pissing gets tricky. Takes a bit for the piss to come out. For you or for me? I don't know. Probably all of us. I think that's just one of the many beautiful parts of aging. I'm pretty sure it's more prevalent in us. Yeah, prostate.

I think our equivalent is on our urethra as well. Maybe it will. Don't worry. Don't look into it. Because we're never going to get old. We're going to die beautiful and young. We're going to die beautiful and hot. Hard.

And before we end the episode, Cass, I hear you've got a brand new podcast you want to talk about. Where did you hear about that, you devil? On social media. Yes! Being Hot is Hard is out now. We've got the first couple of episodes live. We've got a trailer and a promo

if you just want to dip your little toes in. You can follow us on all socials at HotHardPod. Can't believe that was not taken. Real happy about that one. And it's with me, Zoe B, and Nina Oyama. And it's funny. I'm proud of it that one. And it's with me, Zoe B, and Nina Oyama. And it's funny. I'm proud of it.

And what is it? It is a podcast. A bar for being funny and a podcast. It's a podcast, Joel Zabit. Shut the fuck up. That's all you need to know. It's a podcast where we look into how insane and fun it is to be hot and try and make yourself look nice.

Because it's so weird that we do it, but it's fun that we do it. Hell yeah. And we just find out we, at the moment we're going through a lot of different beauty topics about what we do. And we're finding out that all of us is a crazy person in our own way. And then where do I, and now I just search for being hot is hot.

I can find that on any podcast platform. They're all there. The Spotify's, your Apple Music's. The rest. The other ones. The other ones. I could do an Apple podcast. But anyway,

here we are. Apple podcast. Amazon. Jeff's in on it. Jeff's in on it. Googs. Googs. Googs.

Googs. Get Googs. Yep. Get Googs. That's a lot of places I could hear this podcast and frankly, I cannot wait. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've hear this podcast and frankly I cannot wait

And on that note, I've been Joel I've been Jackson And I've also been Joel And I've been Cass Thank you for joining us Cass and everyone has to legally listen to Being Hot Is Hot or we're going to the hot chick Rob Schneider you and you'll have to live a loathed life as Rob Schneider

so download the fucking podcast This is a real threat Yeah! Do you wish your brain could be worse? The very idea of ideas hurts you? Well, we've got great news. For just under $7 a month, you can get access to the Bad Boy Brain Collection over on Apple Podcasts and never have to be clever again.

What's in the collection, I hear you ask? Why, it's a monthly bonus episode of Plumbing the Death Star where we ask the important questions not important enough to be heard by the general public and our monthly What If Show where we answer the very important questions posed by Marvel Comics back in 1977. But that's not all. You also get access to Jackson Bailey Spooks America, where Jackson and his good friends try to solve unsolved mysteries

with little to no success twice a month. That's four episodes every month, giving you ample opportunity to get actively stupider. Just head to the link in the show notes or search for Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today and start your journey to smooth brain bliss. Once again, that's Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts.