Plumbing the Death Star - What is a Jumanji? + Joels in the City Pilot

Episode Date: November 12, 2017

In which our heroes follow the drumming, find an old board game, and suddenly get sucked into a jungle hell as we wonder what is a Jumanji?Remember to tweet in with your Joels in the City response either #SexyBoyzYes or #SexyBoyzNoCheck out our upcoming lives shows right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter:  twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: twitter.com/dusch13Zammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sandspancer Radio, embracing life. You can grab the whole trilogy as a USB tape over at audiobooksontape.com. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's an RPG that Jackson ran for myself and Dusha using a system. Just search for Dinosaur Park on iTunes or wherever you find middling to OK podcasts, and you can listen to the first adventure for free. Also, Tee Public is having a big old sale of all their teas, including ours. So if you've ever wanted some sweet Sandspans merch, now's the time to do it. Just head on over to teepublic.com slash store slash Sandspans radio and peruse what

we have on offer. All the links will be in the show notes. Now, enjoy the show. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star where we ask important questions like what is a jumanji So I watched Jumanji recently, and not too long before that, the film Zathura, which I guess is a sequel to Jumanji. Ah. Oh, I see. And I've got beef.

I've got horrendous beef. I see this is an episode where me and Dusha are just going to be strapped in. Yep, sweet. So Jumanji won. jumanji one roller coaster with no brakes and it's all downhill at the end and then a jump me with my fist ready to punch you when you slide into the station so at the start of jumanji one or the jumanji before the zathura uh it's it starts hang on quickly just before i'm just going to clarify so from now on jumanji the film i've already seen the 1995 So from now on, Jumanji, the film we've already seen, the 1995 classic is now known as Jumanji 1.

Well, there's a sequel coming out. Jumanji 1 in brackets before Zathura. So do you reckon now the series is going to be the Jumanji trilogy? Yeah, Jumanji, Zathura, Jumanji 2. Yeah. Guys, anyway. Jumanji, welcome to the jungle. Jumanji 1 starts in 1860.

1860. Yeah, there's a prologue where two cowboy kids are burying the wonderful game of Jumanji in some mud for Robin Williams to later find and very satisfyingly pull out of a wall in the quarry that's being built in front of his dad's shoe factory for reasons unknown.

Shoe factories need a quarry to work on. Oh, no, this is coming back to me now. I haven't seen Jumanji in ages. He's getting bullied by some neighbourhood raiders. Oh, yeah, I remember that. 1860. Yeah, 1860, which is when the first board games were in America when they were being invented.

Here's a story about why board games are the way they are. So, yes. So, there's this fella, right, and he makes, like, posters of Abraham Lincoln. Okay. Okay, but it's a beardless Lincoln because it was before lincoln had his trademark beard but everybody loved them and he did quite a good trade because everybody wanted to be like i love my president give me his picture now one day a little handsome boy when he's cleveland he

was never a handsome boy lincoln's face looked like a fucking i don't even know he looked like a gargoyle anyway one day a little girl says to lincoln you would be sick with a beard people would vote for you. Everyone would think you're so handsome. So he gets a beard. But that means that old mate with his beardless Lincoln paintings or whatever they were, phonographs, I don't know, they're useless to him now.

I like that there was a whole business being like, I want a picture of a lad, a politician. I want to hang a picture of a politician in my house. It's so weird to think that you might go into someone's house and be like, man, sick Lincoln head. That's mad. I just kind of go off around like, why would anyone carry anything with a depiction of a politician in my house. It's so weird to think that you might go into someone's house and be like, man, sick Lincoln hat. Like, that's mad. I just spent a go off a rant, like, why would anyone carry anything with a depiction of a, like, a oh, wait, money. Money has

never mind. That's the money. Anyway, so this guy now with his useless Lincoln photos, he's like, what am I going to do? And at that time, nobody had any fun board games. All the board games were just garbage. And he's like, well, what if I come up with board games like what am i making you board game that's what i'll put onto my fucking pressing thing instead of lincoln posters so he makes i think it's called the

checkered game of life and it's the very first board game that is ever created and it goes off like fucking crazy because people are like oh this is great we're in like you know fucking pre-civil war america this is mad civil Civil War hits, goes down, but he makes, like, it becomes something that he can send away to, like, troops so they can entertain themselves. And then when the Civil War ends, everyone's like... Because you know what was the worst about the Civil War? The boredom.

Just waiting around. Oh, my God. Nothing to do. Anyway, yeah, so... I mean, like, it wouldn't have been great. But, yeah, so that's why all of our board games, even to this day, are, like, the size of, yeah, so... I mean, like, it wouldn't have been great. But, yeah, so that's why all of our board games, even to this day, are, like, the size of, like, why a Monopoly board is the size it is,

is because that was the size that you had for your Lincoln poster. All right, then. Anyway, the board game from Jumanji is not like those board games. So the board game is not Lincoln? No, it's not Lincoln-shaped. Okay, so I guess... It's carved from wood. Is it? The game for those who seek to find a way to leave the world behind.

Deep. Okay, so obviously it was invented before 1860 because that's when these cowboy kids found it and buried it. So the cowboy kids had a... It was clearly not mass produced because if it had been mass produced, like the fucking wholesale destruction

that would have come from that so i i want to know who made jumanji where did it come from where did it go where did it come from cotton i joke he's like look another problem i have with jumanji right yeah and we'll get to this i'm sure see this is uh what jumanji looks like i'm showing the gang so if everyone just heads to their favourite search engine and types in Jumanji. You'll find it. I want to point out that on the cover, we've got a rhinoceros. Yes. On the bottom left. An elephant. On the bottom right.

Some kind of monkey deal. On the top right. And a hunter. A fella. Van Pelt. Yes. Top left. His name is not printed there. Jackson just pointed and said Van. Van Pelt being the hunter that attacks Robin Williams. So, that look professionally carved. Professionally carved. It's all very nice. It's all very

manufactured quite well. There's a bit of love and craft to that. Absolutely. But also wear and tear. But I guess it's been buried. It's been buried for like a hundred years. But no colour fading. That's true. At 1860 they buried it but clearly there was... How did they find it? Well I don't know. Or was like, at 1860 they buried it, but clearly there was...

How did they find it? Well, I don't know. Because if they're finding it... Or was it made in 1860? No, because the kids are burying it in 1860. So who gave it to them? Because if they got... That could be the first burial, though.

I don't know, though. Because it seems weird to be in the cowboy times having a Jumanji adventure. Well, something I want to know is the idea of the great white hunter, you know, the fellow with his white safari suit and his pith helmet. When is that from? Oh, yeah. When is, like, that a... So, when do you go into the jungle?

Yeah. When was that a big thing? You know what I mean? I'm looking up pith helmets is where I'm looking to find out where that started. Because I do not think it was cowboy times. Yes, 19th century origins, but that's not what I... Okay.

So, they were first introduced, they first appeared in India during the Anglo-Sikh Wars in the 1840s. Yeah. Okay, so... That's what I'm talking about. I reckon it was being produced in the 1840s or thereabouts. I know, but see,

the idea of what we know of as a fellow in a pith helmet is 1899 to 1948. That's where that guy comes from, your classic safari. Right, the turn of the century. Yeah. Okay. So is it before its time? Yeah, heaps before its time.

Just the idea of like this version. Or was this like, you know, this is where it all began. Oh, fuck. This was like this guy who made this or lady who made this were like, nah. This is a sick idea right now. This is going to happen. This is what's it. Something I think that's also personal to point out is that Jumanji or wherever robin williams ends up when he gets sucked into the board game isn't a real place

it's it's a fucked nightmare version of the jungle because robin williams is like oh you think it's fucking tough here there's a great scene in the movie where robin williams and what's the name of the lady in that film? What's her actor? Kirsten Dunst? Well, no. Kirsten Dunst is there. No. Bonnie Hunt. Right?

Bonnie Hunt's like you, because if you'll recall in the film, Robin Williams and Bonnie Hunt are playing the game. Robin Williams gets, first they summon bats. Yes. Then Robin Williams gets sucked into the game in a whirlwind and Bonnie Hunt's like the game. Rob Williams gets, first they summon bats. Yes. Then Rob Williams gets sucked into the game in a whirlwind and Bonnie Hunt's like, ah, and runs away.

Then they meet up again 26 years later when Rob Williams has been brought out by Kirsten Dunst and Bradley Pierce. Yes. And Bonnie Hunt, they meet up with her again because they need to get her to keep playing the game. And she's like, you piece of shit. Do you know how traumatised I've been? And Rob Williams is like, I've been in a nightmare jungle for 26 years.

And she's like, well, I had it rough too, because that was rough when you disappeared. No, no, no. Robin Williams had it rougher. He had it worse. He was in a nightmare jungle. Or you had to explain why a mate of yours went and disappeared. Everybody thought that his dad killed him, apparently. Which is grim.

But yeah, so he doesn't go to, like, a real place. He goes to a nightmare jungle. So, like, where is that? Is that in the game? Is it, like, a virtual reality world that sucks? I don't know. Well, we can take from... You're right about the virtual reality thing.

I mean, hard to imagine a virtual reality being invented in 1840. Yeah. But, I mean, the new Jumanji is a video game. That's true. But it's apparently the same world as the Jumanji in Jumanji. So I guess it is a virtual... But not virtual reality. Maybe just alternate dimension.

It seems like, and this is where we bring in Zathura as well. A portal to hell. I tell you what, if I had the option of going to Zathura or going to Jumanji, I'd choose Jumanji. Because Zathura, I mean, no, I'd choose Zathura. Jumanji just is like, seems like a hell. He just lives. He's led by a jaguar.

Yeah, at least in Zathura, you're in your house in space. But yeah, so it seems like in hell he just lives by a jaguar yeah at least in zathura you're in your house in space um but yeah so it seems like in jumanji they go to like a nightmare version of the jungle and in zathura they go to a nightmare version of space so is it like i mean i mean yeah what i keep thinking is like is the space from zathura the space above the jungle from jumanji well i would assume yeah is there some board game inventor out there who has some terrifying connection to this other world who's like well maybe we're talking about this kind of like x-dimensional being who's uh like a trickster god like a loki kind of person who can have this extra-dimensional control and is creating these items or these totems to trick people to use

and then to come in and to what end, I don't know. Is it just to fuck with mortals? Just to give us the fucking brief? Yeah, maybe to give you the business. Be like, look at this dickhead spending 26 years in a jungle. But here's something that I keep thinking about. Yeah? What happens if I die in Jumanji?

Die in Jumanji, you die in real life, surely. But at the end, it's a closed loop. You go back to when you first started playing the game. Idiot. So if we're playing Jumanji, say the three boys, the plumbing boys, I'm like, hey, guys, I found this mad game. We're going to play Jumanji. Fucking throw Risk off the table., the plumbing boys. I'm like, hey, guys, I found this mad game. We're going to play Jumanji. Fucking throw Risk off the table.

This is the game. Put that in the bin. We're playing this sweet Jumanji. Fuck yes. And then through the course of the game, fucking Joel Dusha gets eaten by a jaguar. Bye. Got me. Wow.

And then we finish the game. Yeah. Does Joel Dusha come back? Well, because if he goes back to the start, then yes. Where'd he go? Goodbye. Because here's another real... Okay, so...

No, but... Okay, okay. Here's this. Here's this for an idea. So this is just basically a game within a game. Okay. This is clearly... It's like a game in the Matrix.

Yep. Or like a Matrix type thing. So it's a simulation already. And so that's why they can do this because it doesn't matter because it's already we're already living in a simulation so so you're living in a simulation you get something like a jumanji or a zathura whatever you play a thing and then like you reset the real world ie sorry you reset the first simulation back to what it was originally before you started the second simulation. So you're a simulation within a simulation.

You're saying that both Jumanji and Zathura take place in the Matrix. Or a Matrix-like creation. It's also... I just had a quick read of the synopsis just to jog my memory. It's also very butterfly effect. What do you mean? So, like, Alan plays Jumanji. Yeah. That causes him, like, Sarah to go crazy and him to get sucked

into jumanji also as a result of that and i know this like this is like the opposite because like when they don't play jumanji and the alan wins jumanji and everything goes back to normal one of the kids from 1995's parents don't die. Which means that Jumanji not only ruined Sarah's life by scaring her with bats, but then also stealing her friend and sealing Alan into Jumanji. It also kills someone's parents. No, it brings them back.

What do you mean kill someone? Well, as in like, but because someone played Jumanji. Oh, right, yeah, I see what you mean. I see what you mean. Well, what's really fucking grim is that at the end of Jumanji the movie, once they've said everything back and the timeline's good, they meet up with the kids again.

But because they went back in time, the kids don't know who they are because the kids have no memory of playing Jumanji. Of course. The kids never played Jumanji. Exactly. Well, that's what I mean. Again, it's a reset code for a simulation. And Alan and Sarah give Jim, who is one of Judy's parents.

Yeah. Oh, wait. Yes. They're brother and sister. No, they're not. I'm confused. Yes, they are. They are brother and sister.

Yeah. There you go. Yeah, they're like, don't go on your trip. They're like, hey, come have a job with us. Yeah. And they don't go to the skiing trip, which kills them. Mm-hmm. That's nice.

So Alan and Sarah saved their life. Maybe Jumanji is not responsible for the deaths of the parents maybe alan and sarah are just good people and prevent a death so i'm saying that like you know in so in the matrix here he goes the architect yeah like this is there's a reset but it's a cycle response this is maybe he's a fail safe like a sneaky little easter egg in the world to like go back in time yeah because if if we look at the world as code surely there's a better way to do it than a terrifying game of jumanji although i do love the idea that they're like there are several matrices some are space some are a scary jungle no no we're already in

the matrix the matrix the real world is that there are several little like new games within games like pocket like pocket worlds or alan you ever play like a video game where there's a game within the game yeah yeah so it's like you go to like uh you know a game there's a computer there and like you enter the thing and oh suddenly you're playing a different game yeah yeah it's that but then but but it has like it's easter eggs within the matrix where does robin williams go then he goes to another subspace of the matrix basically basically. Here's something that... His own Matrix. Well, like a level of the Matrix.

Kind of like the theory in the Matrix that, like, the Nebuchadnezzar isn't actually... Yeah, it's just a level of the Matrix. Or some kind of, like, Inception level where it's all just different layers. Well, you know, that would maybe explain another problem I have with Jumanji. So, Van Pelt, the great white hunter, the safari dude, he is on the cover of Jumanji. Yes. Or somebody who looks very similar to him.

Yes. But he's on the cover in Cowboy Times, right? Yeah. Oh, that's fine. Whatever. However, he's played by the guy who plays Robin Williams' dad. Yep. And he is Robin Williams' dad because he's wearing a wedding ring in one scene

and the camera lingers on it to make a point and there's like a whole thing where his dad's like, you've got to stand up to me. But if it's the Matrix, then it's kind of fine. It's just like, well, they got like a dupe of him to put in the sub- They just got the same code. Matrix.

This makes more sense if this was all designed by a computer program or robots with ai who didn't quite understand some of like the idiosyncrasies of this world hence why you have jumanji coming out in 18 uh 60 i think it's 1869 when the kids are playing yeah so 1869 so you have that and you have the the image of the man with the pith helmet there because they're like whatever it's 40 60 he gives a shit whatever it's fine what happens if everyone dies playing Jumanji

I guess game over? yeah but like okay so we've played Jumanji say we've played Jumanji in the studio Dusha was eaten by a jaguar there's fucking a stampede of elephants roaming around fucking where we are. The studio's in chaos. There's monkeys beating the shit out of Adam in the kitchen.

There's evil plants crawling around the whole house as a monsoon. It's chaos. You're eaten by a plant. And then I drown in like a lagoon. Does it reset? Or is that just like The world now? I think that it either reset Or that is the world until someone comes in and plays the game

Plays another game of Jumanji Yeah But if they play it Doesn't it just reset back to when they started playing? Or does it reset back to when Hang on So the two kids that played at the start In the cowboy times

What if they lost a mate? And they're like, we're burying this fucking game in the hole that goes. In the TV series, it is revealed that Jumanji is sentient. You're just waiting to drop that one. Yep. Wow. I didn't even know there was a TV series. You know what?

I'm just. Okay. It went for three seasons. What? 40 episodes. It was animated TV series. You know what? I'm just... Okay, so... It went for three seasons. What? 40 episodes. It was animated. What? Because I was thinking... 96 to 1999.

Because imagine if the film had ended and they save Robin Williams, but then they get slingshot back to cowboy times. You're like, what? Oh, fuck. Because it... Yeah, what happens if those cowboys kids had died? Then what would have happened?

I'm guessing it would have just been a reset. Surely. Surely. Surely it just resets to the beginning of the game, and Yamaji's like, too bad, you lost. And you're like, fuck, I'm not doing that again. No, because if a cowboy mate died or got sucked into the game, that means that Alan would have been like, there's a cowboy mate, and it would have jumped back to 98.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Dude, she didn't read the best thing. In a series, it is revealed that Jumanji is sentient to a degree, and on occasion has sucked in Judy and Peter if they make it angry. There was quotation marks over angry? That's so scary. You've also skipped to the best part, which is the paragraph above that that we've both read. It is also revealed that like Judy and Peter, Alan would never have been able to survive his first day in Jumanji without help, as he possessed poor survival skills at the time. Ironically, his help came in the form of Judy and Peter from the future.

What? Who help him survive and teach him a few of the survival tricks they've learned from him. help him survive and teach him a few of the survival tricks they've learned from him. In return, the ten-year-old version of Alan helps Judy and Peter return to their time, but later hits his head and forgets meeting them. No, no. No, no. Fucking...

There goes that time travel. What? Hey. So, are we doing, like, back to the future, or, like, what kind of rules here? Because I guess it's immutable, but... Oh, like, Back to the Future? Or, like, what kind of rules here? Because I guess it's immutable, but... Oh, wait, hang on.

In the first episode, Alan reveals there have been other players in the game throughout time, many of whom have left their toys in the cave. What? Which is part of his home, and not all of them survived the game. Okay, so you can die. Super good. What toys? Does there are a list of toys?

How many other players? Because that means that it has existed before cowboy times. That's what I'm saying. The cowboys bury it, and then Alan gets it. Yes, that's my point. Alternatively, there is 26 years between when... No, because it's the same game. They're still playing the same game when Alan comes out.

Unless there are multiple Jumanji boards. Well, I mean, I guess that's when we address the Zathura issue. Yes. Zathura follows exactly the same. Yes, it does. For a second. So at the end of Zathura, the kids come back to the real world. No, it's different rules.

Zathura has different rules because their house goes to space. Yes. But in Jumanji, your house doesn't go to a jungle, the jungle comes to you. Yes. But in Zathura, you go to space. Also in Zathura, when Zathura finishes and their house comes back down and they finish the game,

Zathura, hooray, hooray, we did it. A bike, like, it's like, whoa, we're back in the house, ha-ha, closing credits. And, like, a bike falls from the sky to the earth, implying that the house genuinely was in space. Oh, okay. So they- They definitely did.

Wait, when it falls back to earth or goes back to earth, is all the pipes, are they all connected back up again? Yeah. Yeah. Because if you're not You just like Every time you flush the toilet You just send the shit into the ground I just

What What is Zathura then? Because if you If the house reconnects But the bike doesn't And also time There's no time has passed So when

Zathura is like If Because you know Robin Williams goes to the jungle. Yeah. So this is basically if the house just goes to the jungle. Yeah, I suppose. It's very similar.

It's exactly the same. Yeah, it's very similar. We've just taken one part rather than the second part. Yeah. But if the bike doesn't, I mean, it's delayed. So where was the bike when they finished the game? Where was the placement of the bike when they finished the game? Well, the house was in space and the bike was circling it like a comet's ring.

Okay. So, if, for example, you had, say, three Mades in the throw or whatever, and you had, like, finished the game, but as you're doing it, you run outside and you're now, like, circling the house like a comet, would you have just splashed it onto the ground? I suppose. I suppose it would have just killed you. The bike is fine.

It lands, yeah? Yeah. So, it's clearly not going from a great height. Yeah. Yeah. The bike is fine. It lands, yeah? Yeah. So it's clearly not going from a great height.

Yeah. Which I suppose means the house realistically just reformed in our reality away from the Zathura reality. Yeah. So it depends where in orbit around the house it was. Because if it's not that far away, maybe it's just like up there. It's blinked back into existence where it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it just broke down.

And what happens if the bike had been orbiting underneath the house? It would have just crushed the bike. Another problem I have with Zathura. It was lucky if it was above. In Zathura, so I don't know if you recall, Zammett, you've seen Zathura yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you remember-

Dax Shepard. Dax Shepard. So about that. So there's two timelines In Zathura Yes Timeline one Is the timeline we don't see And that's where the two kids

Go to space They see the magic comet They get a wish The older brother wishes For the younger brother To disappear Get the fuck off mate He's like get out of here

But that wrecks the game Jenny Budwing Fucking Danny Jenny Jenny You said Jenny Budwing

Jenny Jenny Budwing I Jetty Budwing. I think I read Jonah and Danny, which are the actor's real name and the character's real name. That's funny. Yeah. Danny Budwing is the guy who wishes for his brother to go away. That wasn't even... I just interrupted.

It was not even like a... All right, so Jetty Budwing was like, old mate, leave me alone. I hate you. Get out of here, brother of mine. Brother, yes Jetty Budwing was like, old mate, leave me alone. I hate you. Get out of here, brother of mine. Brother, yes. But that fucked up the game of Zathura because it was his turn. So he can't play, which strands him in space.

And then in timeline two, the two kids get a card that brings an astronaut into their house. And the astronaut is Dax Shepard. Yeah, yeah. Which is the older brother who has spent, like Robin Williams, 26 years in space. So what happens, is there a finite amount of Dax Shepards in space or is there an unlimited amount of Dax Shepards in space? Because otherwise, what happens if there was no Dax Shepard in space

and you drew the card? Yeah. Who would you get? I don't know. Nothing, I'd assume, or something. So does that mean for the game to to exist for that rule to be there in place that has to mean a dak shepard is around floating in space to then be allowed to come in but what's fucked is that every other thing that

lives in zathura space right and every other thing that is spawned by the board game is like themed like 1950s uh ray ray gun punk themed and they're clearly native to zathura space except for dax shepherd but is the moment you start playing the game you become part of the game well yeah but also it's a very specific instance yeah for that you know for what i mean i guess what i mean what i'm saying is if you have a game, right? And you have a card which is like, say, summon the great behemoth, right? And you draw that card, that means that there is a great behemoth in play.

That means that the game knew that there was going to be a great behemoth at some time with a possibility. Yeah, yeah. So for there to be a card which is to summon your Dax Shepard, there needs to be a Dax Shepard in existence before the game starts so you have that rule well so it has to happen that young dack shepherd has to wish for his young like younger brother to fuck off for them but for that to happen he needs the game

has to be in existence so is the game controlling him to make that wish that this is possible and is there just an infinite amount of dack Shepard's waiting there to be drawn in? I think it's simple of him, Matt, because from memory, over the course of Zathura, the older brother keeps getting a card that's like, you've been promoted. You've been promoted to Starfleet Captain or Star... So if you get that card, that's involving you in the game. Okay. So if it's like, oh, oh you're promoted you're now this that

means that if the astronaut card comes you will be summoned instead of say like a 1950s astronaut to to okay so in zathura space there is like an astronaut yeah and it's a random astronaut you gotta assume however yeah if the if the like there's like there's rules to it. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, if you are stranded, you become an astronaut. Yeah, which then can be- But then it makes no sense because it's your younger self bringing you back. Yeah, it makes no sense. Because there's someone else. It makes not a lick of sense.

I have an actual answer to this, but it depends how long you want to be stuck on Zathura and hurting your brain. A long time. Go. Well, no, no, no. I mean, mine will do the opposite. Go on. This is going to be rare plumbing where there is an answer. Oh, alright. Alright. So, the astronaut that gets summoned

is not a real person. So that reality never actually existed. It's a reality that the game makes up to teach the brothers a lesson to cooperate. So instead, you don't have two timelines that intersect. You have the one timeline and a fake timeline. Yeah, a one timeline, a fake timeline,

and a sentient game again. Or, again, Matrix works out like you know what i mean the major is like oh yeah we'll just generate an older person to teach you a lesson but i gotta wonder what the game gets out of because i remember when i was i was discussing this with adam and he's like with jumanji van pelt is there uh because of uh robin williams robin william Williams needs to confront his dad, so Jumanji manifests his dad in the form of the great Van Pelt. But Van Pelt exists in Jumanji world from Cowboy Times Jumanji. Because he's on the cover. Because he's on the cover.

So what's happening there? So does this Van Pelt just keep changing faces depending who rolls the dice? I don't know. I gotta say, I think it's just coincidence. It can't be. That's a very rare... That's...

Unless Jumanji Space... By Jumanji Space, I don't mean like Jumanji in space. I mean like... I mean like whatever you call the world of Jumanji. In Jumanji Space, it's just outside of time.

Yes. It exists in like a... It doesn't matter. No, it doesn't have to be because time still goes by and he ages. He ages 26 years. Time passes. time. Yes. It exists in like a... It doesn't matter. No, it doesn't have to be because time still goes by and... Time passes. Also, when he comes back to the real world, he's like,

Mom, Dad, where are you? Why do you think your parents will still be alive? What are you doing? So, I feel like we've come close to settling it. But just, it's still a bit beyond my reach. Okay, so you know in Matrix Reloaded. Yes.

So my memory of that is very hazy, but they had like vampires and werewolves and ghosts. Okay. Which were like holdovers from whatever. They were trying these systems and they were like, the Matrix was like, these are stupid. They're broken. They're trying like, they're hunting them down. They're like, come back because fuck, you guys are stupid and shit yeah and the merovingian was protecting them i want to say maybe i don't know that movie was a bit of a mess so what if this is like that where because they're sentient

they're just like a glitch in the matrix or something that the matrix had like this is what a board game was oh no we were wrong all right round them all up round them all up and these are the ones that escaped and they sort of are acting on their own accord. And so a game, what does a game want? A game wants to be played, surely. Yeah? So that's all the game wants to be doing is someone to play with them. And they know once they lock you in,

because that's how both the games work, once you press the button or once you roll the dice, you're trapped. Yeah. And it doesn't actually matter what your intent is, because there's so many times, in Jumanji at least, where they're like, Robin Williams is like, oh, you don't have to roll the dice because Bonnie Hunt doesn't want to play. And he's like, holds out his hands. She goes to give him the dice and then he puts his hand away so that the dice roll and she's stuck in the game again. So, like, the intent doesn't matter to the board game. No.

Just the rolling of the dice. And the fact that it's sentient means that it definitely wants someone to play it all the time. Exactly. Like, a regular board game, like good old-fashioned Monopoly, that doesn't exist to make us angry. That is just cardboard. But once you give sentience to a game, it feeds off your anger. I find it very funny in Jumanji when Kirsten Dunst and Bradley Pierce, they like find Jumanji. They are so excited to play it.

Even though it's a board game. And a shitty one. Like it's not like, there's no movie. Hang on though. If you found a board game in the inside of a quarry, I'd be like, no, let's crack it up. Yeah, well that's fucking cool. But Kirsten Dunst and Bradley Pierce just find it like in a cup. Oh, they do.

I just open it up and be like, this looks very boring. This looks like I roll the dice and just move the, cares put it back well that's the answer to where the other children came from in between yeah that's what i was gonna say in that 26 no no but it doesn't make sense because they can't keep playing because there are only four pieces to jumanji robin williams used the first one bonnie hunt used the second one they use their pieces it's the same game yeah yeah yeah which what type of board game lets you join two players in 26 years no i mean like no rules only two roles have happened but like bats and you're in the jungle yeah a lot of jumanji happened because robin williams had a shitty role like he just was just unfortunate like it wasn't like oh this has got

to happen for a reason it's just like if you roll in monopoly and you land on fucking you're going to jail or whatever first roll though you're like ah first roll it's like a dnd you're like all right here's the first talk i roll i roll a one i stab myself through the head and die it's the same thing you're like oh bad roll i'm going to jumanji hang on if the board game is sentient what part of the board game is sentient can it feel it can can it feel when i pick up the dice does it know i'm holding the dice what if i lose those dice and use someone else's dice well that's what i was i was thinking that as well whilst i was watching jumanji i'm like what if you just like dropped the dice can you play again or you're

just like not too bad i need those dice. Yeah. So what's making those drum sounds? I suppose the game. Is that its voice? Well, look, if we assume that Jumanji wants to be played, it's got to have a strategic way to do it. I'm on the opinion that this is a system within a system. So a simulation within a simulation. And that these are old, like, board games or whatever

that were accidentally because the the matrix or the computer program that created this did not understand what board games were and they're realizing that oh we made this that was a mistake to animal up and burn them or delete them in the code or whatever yeah maybe it was just like a these are like the last two that are remaining see i i got another theory oh no yours no so you know jung's collective unconscious no right yeah philosophical idea that there's like this i don't know everything we think of is existing sort of like somewhere is this is this kind of falls into that um if there's a crossword that's people do a crossword like a day or a week after it's already been out you're more

likely to get it yeah yeah yeah it's that same kind of idea that we're all collectively creating this. I mean, like it's not. No, you're thinking of the collective consciousness. You're talking about the collective unconsciousness. They're two different things. All right. Yeah. Well, what I'm saying basically is like what if Jumanji,

because Jumanji is based off the idea, what it seems like is this idea people had of what Africa was, right? Before actually going there and getting an idea. It's like, it's an Africa that doesn't exist. Yeah. And Zathura is a space that doesn't exist. But it's the space and the jungle and the Africa that we imagine. Yeah, back in the, because when did all the explorers go to Africa?

When was like Percy Jackson? Was it Percy Jackson? Percy Fawcett? Percy Fawcett. Percy Jackson is the lightning kid. Yeah. When diders go to Africa? When was like Percy Jackson? Is it Percy Jackson? Percy Fawcett? Percy Jackson is the lightning kid. Yeah. When did he go to the jungle? It was like late 1800s, early 1900s.

So it's around about late 1800s. So that kind of works out for the 1860s. Yeah, look, it kind of all works together. But that was what was in the collective unconscious of humanity. So I think that when Robin Williams gets sucked into the game, he gets sucked into the collective unconscious of humanity about so i think that when robin williams gets sucked into the game he gets sucked into the collective unconscious and that's why van pelt looks like his dad because he's influencing it you know what i mean yeah he's and if he's influencing it rather than the game is using him to influence the game yeah he's influenced the game itself he's in the meat of the unconscious so he can just you know it's it's it's game itself. He's in the meat of the unconscious. So he can just...

It's mirroring him. It's reflecting him. The hunter is someone that hunts you and attacks you, so who is something in your life that hunts and attacks you? My dad. Because I'm afraid of him. Except in the end he stands up to his dad and his dad hugs him. And they're like, I love you.

Like Van Pelt hugs him? He's a real dad. What happens to hugs him no no no real dad he's real dad what happens to van pelt gets covered in paint oh no yes yes because that's how you kill a villain in a 90s movie is you cover him in paint he's like oh dear i'm done they do that at a shopping center but then he's about to kill him at the end but they finished your mungy and he gets sucked into the board game and whereas everyone else is very happy to get sucked into the board game. And whereas everyone else is very happy to get sucked into the board game, Van Pelt seems to have developed a little bit of sentience because he's afraid. Anyway, that scene always worries me because I'm like,

Van Pelt, you're not real, but you're like... Like in The Matrix. That's true. So if Axie, maybe he's another bit of loose code because, again, those... He sounds like an agent. He could be a proto-Agent Smith, proto-Van Pelt. No, not proto-Agent Van Pelt is what I meant to say. So, okay.

Because what happens to Van Pelt once he gets sucked back in? And if someone else plays Jumanji, who becomes Van Pelt? And also, is Van Pelt only there to stop Robin Williams? Well, so there's a moment in Jumanji where he's about to shoot Robin Williams, Van Pelt, but then I think Bonnie Hunt jumps in front of him and she's like, shoot me or whatever. And he's like, I can't shoot you. You didn't roll the dice.

Which means that he exists just to kill Robin Williams. He is ruled by a certain set of rules. Which is one of my favourite things about Jumanji is that the stampede that is summoned is always a stampede. They never disperse. It's never like, well, there's an elephant here,

there's a runner there. It's just a stampede in its purest form. It's the idea of a stampede. I'm still arguing the Jungian collective unconscious. He summoned the concept of a stampede. I don't know if that's the right philosophical. Who knows? We might be talking about Plato. Who's got fucking any idea? Our idea of a stampede. I don't know if that's the right philosophy. Who knows? We might be talking about Plato.

Who's got fucking any idea? Our idea of the stampede is just, that's what's coming out of a game. Our idea of a scary plant is what's coming out of a game. So a philosophy where anything you think of becomes a reality somewhere. Yeah. Well, I don't think that's the philosophy. It's like the idea that there's like this version of the world that we're all imagining you know what i mean like you all get the idea of what a thing should be so that thing yeah like they're kind of

those those myths are perpetuated like this is what a stampede is it's animals going one direction so when you summon that from jumanji it's always going to be a stampede this is our idea of what space yeah you get a ray gun it's a lost action no i'm so on board with this being a proto matrix yeah i'm more like it fits every single thing being a proto-Matrix. Yeah, I'm more inclined to be either a proto-Matrix or it's within the Matrix already. And it's just like, these board games

are just little bits left over that the Matrix as a whole has not grabbed. Because it just makes sense if it's a simulation because you can go back in time to when it... Yeah, that's true.

You can reset it. It reverts. They are basically this little tiny easter egg like if the if the matrix was its own thing that we could plug into this would be like in the like the subreddit of matrix like hey did you know that if you go here you can live like 26 years and reset back and you can go back to what it was like 26 years ago and have some effect now you can do what you like i I mean, like- If someone gave me the option, they're like, hey, you want to live 26 years longer, but it's in a Jumanji, I'd be like, no, thank you.

A hot no? But it doesn't have to be. I was thinking about this as well whilst watching it. How quickly could you play a game of Jumanji? Depends how good your rolls are. But it doesn't matter because you just roll. Obviously, the thing happens. Well, there's no strategy, is there?

No, it's just rolling. So, like, say the three of us again, we're playing Jumanji, and I'm like, roll, roll, roll, and we just roll, roll, roll, roll, roll until we finish it. Yeah. You know. Bad things happen around us, and potentially we end up in a Jumanji. If you're quick, ah, that's a problem. You might end up in a Jumanji. Oh, also, if I roll, does he get, does, sorry,

does RoboManius get sucked into the Jumanji based on the number that he rolls or the space he lands on? Space he lands on. So, you can potentially fuck up and get sucked into Jumanji in the first roll, which is exactly what happens to him. Yep. What happens if all four of you roll the same and then you get Jumanji to welcome to the jungle? I guess.

That's what's happening there. Everyone's in Jumanji. I always had a video game, though, because like I guess like most early video games, like you start on the left, you get to the right. See, look, again, sorry to interrupt but again if you're looking at the if it's a sentient board game yeah which is pay that back to a sentient game and again if we're in the matrix or something like the matrix and if that

board game can be like no one is playing with me because board games are lame i'm gonna create myself a as a snes before like even though like x Xbox and I'm assuming a PS4 is around when this is. Yeah. Well, look, I don't know when Welcome to the Jungle is set. It seems like the modern day. It's not. Yeah, because someone's an Instagram model, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's the modern day. So, okay, Jumanji, they're sentient, but they're not smart. They're not very clever. Kind of stupid. But if you imagine that there's, like, there's creators out there that have like, just the ability to create a game that can tap into whatever. And somebody's like, yes, I've tapped in and I've made Jumanji the board game.

But then somebody's like, I'm going to make like a jungle Africa themed SNES game. Yeah. And instead of tap making a board game, when they tap in, they're just tapping into the same thing to create the, you know, SNES version. And it's the same thing.

Everyone's getting sucked into that same jumanji magic you know what we're imagining africa is you can do it with anything you know the worst part about what jumanji welcome to the jungle is like see with the original jumanji i feel like i'm not buying into that shit i find a board game like oh that's weird i probably don't set it up properly so it doesn't suck me in yeah jumanji welcome to the jungle you're gonna play that guy a hundred percent I'm going to if I was on detention, and I found a video game system plugged into a TV. Yeah, no straight away I know I'm doing detention some playing this game. Oh an old game. That's even cooler. This could be real weird. Yeah Oh boy, it was very

Dwayne the Rock Johnson now. I am a Jack Black Fuck that's weird if those are also actors in that world They could have landed there like Shaq Fu Yeah Except this game would have been made before any of them were actors Like Karen Gillian Yeah she was maybe not even She would have been born She's not that much older than us

So like just I very much hope that they make a Zathura. See, I always preferred Zathura. Got some news for you. Yeah. Box office bomb made less than its budget. You're not getting a sequel ever. Rats.

Also, Jumanji was critically panned. That's two facts I just learned very quickly. Yep. Aw. See, Jumanji for me has always had this terrifying, like, whoa, what the fuck's going on? Which I think a video game kind of ruins you know well also because it looks like this one's just going to be like lol sick yeah you're in a

jungle where the original jumanji is just like it could have they could have made like a spooky sequel yeah absolutely the original jumanji is spooky that kid becomes an ape and then he like can't talk for a bit because he's devolving he's just like it's really disturbing. In the TV series, that same kid becomes a whole bunch of different animals. Sometimes he does it on purpose. Jumanji knows if you're cheating. After a while, you'd be like, I'm going to embrace it. What else can I become?

It knows when you're cheating. It comes down to it being sentient. In fact, both Jumanji's know. Jumanji and Zathura know if you're cheating. Because in Jumanji, when he cheats, he drops the dice so that they'll land on the number he needs. Like, you know. And then he becomes a monkey. And Zathura, the kid, pushes and like, because it's like metal tracks, he pushes the rocket.

And then I think gravity reverses and he nearly falls into the sun. Yeah, and then Dax, old mate astronaut who doesn't exist, saves him. Saves him, yeah. So, look, it doesn't mean cheating, but him yeah so the guy okay look it knows you're cheating but i guess it does stuff to kind of save you because if dax is a creation of the board game to make sure you you know you maybe it's like there to be like making sure that you finish the game as well yeah and making sure that you well you fuck up there are some consequences but the consequences aren't that bad because we're going to help you through this well i think so through

maybe it's a much nicer game yeah jumanji seems like the kind of hard version. Jumanji's more like, what's that? Fuck you, you're playing a board game. Oh, you got sucked into a jungle? Fuck you, deal. Jumanji seems like it came, well, you know, it was created in the era of the first board games where they're like, we're not trying to make it fair. We don't really know what we're doing.

Don't be a baby. Enjoy. Shut up. Zathura came out in the 1950s where they were like, well, look, we've got to put some rules in here to balance this whole thing. Honestly, you know, if I knew that Jumanji and Zathura came out in the 1950s where they were like, well, look, we've got to put some rules in here to balance this whole thing. Honestly, you know, if I knew that Jumanji and Zathura were not deadly and that if I were to die, whatever, I'd just get sucked back before I started playing.

Fuck, I'd play them all the time. Well, why not? Looking at the trailers for Welcome to the Jungle, it does look like if you die, you're fine because Jack Black gets ate by a crocodile. And I'm assuming what's going to happen is that happens early on. Yeah. And then they're like, oh, God, another life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm assuming of that. I'm assuming it doesn't just be like, oh, fuck, they're dead. Well, shit. Because if so. Oh, here, here. If Jack Black gets eaten by a crocodile and then the principal or whatever comes into the, like, where they were playing the game. And there's just that person the instagram model dead like alligator

bites all over a body and the principal's like what the fuck where are the other kids well done like oh that's a fucking amazing scene that's a masterpiece standing ovation but no i'm assuming what happens is they get et and then they just reappear and be like, I was inside an alligator, but now I'm alive. In the movie Jumanji, when, can they keep playing? So Jack, not Jack Black, other Jack Black, Robin Williams. Yes. That offended someone for sure. He is the other Jack Black, yeah. So the kids are playing.

Robin Williams. So like, can they not continue playing until he's made his role? Yeah. So Robin Williams has to make his roll before the other kids. There's a turn and if you roll the dice, nothing happens. So I'm assuming if, what's her face again? Sarah. Bonnie Hunt. So if Bonnie

Hunt hadn't have run away and just kept rolling, would Old Mate would have come back? She needed to get five or eight. So, okay. So what would have happened if- If she rolled a four? Or did she just keep rolling until she gets a five or an eight? Or did she-

Because, again, if she's advancing the board game, like, so he fucks off, and she's like, well, now it's just me playing. If I roll, I get a three, I move, and maybe I get, like, some apes. And then I roll a two, and I'm like, ah, look at that, I'm getting some whatever. If she kept going, she could have gotten him out of the jungle quick smart. Or she would have been like, I've completed it, and then would have come back anyway. Yeah. And they actually make a point

of that when they're playing later on. She's like, what if I get sucked out of the jungle? What if you get sucked out of the jungle again? He's like, well, we won't stop playing this time. So we'll bring you back as quick as we can. So it's her fault. Well, it kind of is. This game's no longer scary anymore. It's just have persistence and don't play with

shit friends. Finish what you started, Bonnie. Get good mates. You could finish Jumanji in an hour if you just were clever about it. Because every time something comes, they stop to deal with the problem. But often it's like, there are monkeys in the kitchen. Oh, well. Like, there's a lion. Oh, well.

It's not going to outright attack. I also wonder what happens. So at the start of Jumanji, Bonnie Hunt and Robin Williams as kids are playing it. And the bats are summoned. First thing summoned by Jumanji, and off they fly. Where do those bats go? Can they live in our atmosphere? Well, I figure if they're from

Jumanji, in the same way the stampede works, these bats always exist. They're a permanent flock. Yeah. Yeah. And they go back to Jumanji space once they're done doing what they need to do. Well, they're doing it for 26 years. Yeah, exactly. So those bats exist 26 years without aging

would be my guess. Yeah, I agree. Which, again, makes sense if it's a glitch of the Matrix. Yeah. Or a mini proto-Matrix. Or a Jungian subconscious creation. All great ideas.

Potentially, yeah. Impenetrable theories. With the Jungian subconscious. Why would it stop aging? Well, because it's not really bats. It's the idea of bats. Okay. It's the idea of bats.

Bats are in a flock. Bats are huge. Bats are blood-sucking. They're not any real species of bats. They're just what we imagine when someone says, a flock of bats. And that's also explained by Williamson. And I don't think I've ever said flock of bats before in my life,

but okay. What else is it? Fucking hell, we hadn't said horse puss before in real life. Here we go. That happened a couple of weeks ago. What is a collection of bats? A heap. A flock?

Too many. Yeah, they're a flock like a bird. I wouldn't call them a flock. A bird's a bird. Fleet? Fleet of bats? A bunch. A heap.

A bunch of stacks of bats. A lot of them. A colony, apparently. There you go. A colony of bats. Yeah, that sounds sounds alright to say anyway with Jackson's

thing of it being the collective unconscious which the more I say the more sounds wrong the more sounds wrong, yes good English Joel on you mate, you did it it makes sense because Robin Williams is human, so him aging while no one else doesn't make sense because he would be like,

this is- He's real. The rest of it's not. And even Van Pelt doesn't age. No, no, no. You're not arguing the same thing as me. Dang. He's a human mind, so he's aging because-

He thinks he should be aging. He should be aging, yeah. You're right. Whereas if he had this idea that in the- Where he still thinks he's a kid, doesn't he? It's confusing because he seems to think he's a kid, but then he takes up the role of a dad to Monkey Boy. It's weird.

Does he ever look himself in the mirror and be like, oh, shit, I've changed? Am I remembering something? No, no, he's- Doesn't he scream when he sees his face? Yeah, he might do. I don't think he knows that he's aging. Well, then there we go. Your theory's fucked again, that he's aging. Well, then, there we go.

Your theory's fucked again, and it's the proto-matrix again, my friend. No, because I think he's just there, and that's why he's like, Mom, Dad, I'm back, because he doesn't know. It's been 26 years. What a dickhead. Idiot. Child. Looks like a dumbass to all his new mates.

Yeah. Maybe, but he becomes quite adult quite quickly. Yeah, but as an adult would. No, but I think it still makes sense with mine because he's gone into the jungle with the idea that he's a kid. Yeah, and if it's a collective subconscious, he's just like, oh, I am a kid. Because it's only him arranged.

It's only him in that world. He's a kid, therefore he's like memories of whatever a kid, and that's how he's perceiving himself to the world. Yet when he comes out of the Matrix, you've bonnie there being like you're 26 26 years older yeah you got the kids being like you're a man hence he becomes that dad figure because they're all like you're an older person yeah yeah resetting that collective also no longer in the game so therefore the collective unconsciousness doesn't matter yeah so maybe he was a child until he popped into the real world as summoned by them

maybe which is scary to imagine he's like i'm just a kid ah i'm a man i have a beard or maybe he was 10 when he got sucked into the game and then judy and peter from the future came and taught him how to survive and then he oh yeah i forgot that i got hit on the head and i forgot the information damn imagine if like amnesia happened like that. So that means... The TV show and the movie have slightly different plots, so you don't need to try and consolidate both at the same time. No, but does that mean that after I am...

You're going to give yourself another tumour scare. But does that mean that at some point in the future, for a bit of nostalgia, the kids who are now fully grown up are like, hey, let's crack open that Jumanji again. Or, hey, we never played it in the first place because it's a new timeline. Let's play Jumanji and then get sucked in. Well, how did they choose to go to Alan when he was 10 is also a bloody reasonable question.

Well, they never played Jumanji. No, no, no. The TV world, no. In the TV world. So how? Hang on. No, yes. No, no, no.

Because he has. He goes. Okay. Robin Williams goes into No, yes. No, no, no. Because he has- He goes- Okay. Robin Williams goes into Jumanji space and he doesn't age. He is consistently 10 years old there. Surely. Because when the two kids,

who are now adult, go into Jumanji space as adults when they play it, they meet young Robin Williams. Yeah. So time hasn't moved for him. No, but time legitimately can't have moved for him

because he had no survival skills. He would have died. That's my point. Time has't moved for him. No, but time legitimately can't have moved for him because he had no survival skills. That's my point. Time has not moved for him. They enter when he has already entered it 20 odd years ago. But it makes sense for them to play Jumanji. That's not unreasonable because they don't have the memory of playing Jumanji in the first place. That's fine. I'm fine with that.

I'm saying, how? So clearly he does not age. Clearly there is a moment of There's a dot moment where Jumanji space exists And that is when Robin Williams enters it Because then 40 years pass And adult kids

Enter it as well at the same point You've got two In our timeline two varying different places Where they meet Jumanji space At the same time I think Jumanji space at the same time. I think Jumanji space doesn't have time. It's always just the present. Jumanji space.

Yeah. Yeah. Which is. It's always there, which kind of brings it back to the Matrix for me. But when they go in, how do they teach him survival skills to survive if it's always happening at the same time? That just means it's got a start point. You know what I mean? In return, the 10-year-old version of Alan

helps Judy and Peter return to their time. Yes. Yes. So he doesn't know how to survive in the jungle, but he knows how to return a Judy and a Peter to their timeline. Why can he not return himself? Quite frankly, I think the animated series raises more questions than answers absolutely does it just does not make sense sarah doesn't exist in the uh tv show series either the tv show series tv show universe it's weird to think that they can play Jumanji whilst Tim Allen- Not Tim Allen.

Whilst Robin Williams is playing Jumanji. They start a new game of Jumanji whilst a game of Jumanji is happening. Well, that's timeline A and timeline B. Well, no, because if- I mean, yeah. Because timeline B happens where the kids never had played Jumanji and they play a new game in Jumanji and they get transported to Timeline A so that Robin Williams can meet them as children in Timeline... I don't want to do this anymore.

Peter, apparently Robin Williams' greatest fear is that he will die an old man trapped in Jumanji. Well, understandably, like that is my greatest fear. I'm also afraid of that. Also, in the cartoon, Peter consistently says, cool beans. Yeah, cool beans. That's pretty funny. And in season two and three, it changes to nizer.

As in, like, instead of cool beans, nizer? Yes. I don't know what that means at all, but okay. I, um... He constantly cheats and transforms into animals. That's on you. I think at that point, you're like, I actually like being a chimp. It happens. Oh, sick.

Again, you'd be like, oh, whatever. It all comes back to, I just think this is just a weird version of the Matrix, or just legit magic. Yeah, we haven't really explored the idea that it's just magic. The game still does occasionally invade the outside world, really explored the idea that it's just magic. The game still does occasionally invade the outside world, but unlike the movie,

there's no reset button once the dangers are sucked back in. Ah. I see. That's a fucking worry. That's, uh, hmm. So, uh, maybe Jumanji doesn't reset the timeline. It depends on how you play Jumanji. I just,

look, look, and this is not really relevantji. I just... Look, and this is not really relevant, but I just hope we get more movies like Jumanji and Zathura. I think it should be a genre. Board game is troublesome. It takes people to a version of what we think a thing is, whether that's

a Jungian subconscious or whether it's the Matrix. Or a Proto-Matrix. Or a Proto-Matrix. And then it sends us back. Or not. Or not sometimes. I'd love one set at the sea. Where the house gets detached and he's on the ocean like a ship. Or like a horror game.

A horror game kind of thing? I even thought a fantasy one would be kind of cool. With knights charging through your house. And dragons and goblins and shit. If you kill Van Pelt you become Van Pelt Sorry what? Yep anyway No no no not anyway what?

So his dad killed Van Pelt? I don't know Well I guess yes And then his dad sucked into the His dad's nowhere to be seen when he comes back Just saying His dad and his mom are just not there so are we to assume that okay how about this so

there is a little prequel to jumanji that we have not seen apart from the cowboy one because that's also a prequel i'm talking like an in-between maybe cowboy jumanji okay so so an in-between cool yeah that takes place in that 26 year gap where his parents are being like where is my son yeah and they see this board game and like the dad or the mom or both or whatever they pick this thing this board game up and like ah they pick up dice like where is my son he throws it down the dice down out of anger it rolls van pelt appears or he gets summoned or sucked into the jungle or whatever he sees a van pelt he's about to shoot him the dad goes all like commando on his ass snaps van pelt's neck or like skews him with a like a a big stick and then becomes van pelt and then he has to spend the next 26 years

hunting his son because not only is he trying to, with that whole subconsciousness, it latches onto that subconscious of being like, I want to find my son to like find my son, track my son, hunt my son. But he becomes Van Pelt. The timeline doesn't add up. He doesn't age. No, I mean, as in he couldn't do it in the 26 years because the board game's happening in 26 years he can't join in you know what i mean it would have to be that the timeline resets and he's like where did my boy go and he sits down to play jumanji and as he's playing jumanji he kills van pelt in that timeline and thus becomes Van Pelt in all timelines. Otherwise it just doesn't work. Or

is it this thing where it's like, you know, again, maybe pick up a dice, angry roll, and that's the roll of like, yep, you're now playing it, but you only get one roll because you are now Van Pelt. You are taken away from the board. That's true. That makes sense. And so he's just sucked in his asshole father into the

Jumanji game, which is unfortunate because we don't know what happened in 26 years. We might have been like, the loss of his son might have turned him around to be like, oh god, I was such an asshole to my child, and now I'm going to dedicate my time spending finding him, which in the board game is sentient and maybe an asshole.

I'm putting out that the board game's an asshole. Look, it doesn't seem like a nice board game. So he's being like, well, I'm going to twist this and make you hunt your son. Just to pipe back in again and throw everything off the table. I just realised Van Pelt is trying to stop them from finishing Jumanji, which means that part of the game doesn't want it to be finished. Because the game wants to be played, I guess. Yeah, but...

Part of playing a game is finishing a game and winning. Yeah. But if you win the game, the board game doesn't really win because you stop playing it. That's true. So the board game is in its best. Van Pelt was going to shoot Alan in the head. Yeah, because the game is corrupted. Kind of like how Agent Smith corrupts people.

Here we go. We're back. Hey! The Van Pelt-ness has corrupted Robin Williams' dad. Yeah. Vanteltness has corrupted Robin Williams' dad. Yeah. Does that mean that the Van Pelt that the cowboy kids encountered was like a previous Van Pelt?

Like, it makes sense now that he's on the cover of the board because that's not the Van Pelt we see in the movie. That's just the idea of Van Pelt. Yes, Van Pelt is an idea because while it's, you don't necessarily see the features on the board, like the board game. You just see a guy in a pith helmet. Oh, boy.

So, I reckon that may be a sneaky what's happened there. Is that the dad- Yeah. Has become Van Pelt, has killed Van Pelt, and then tries to kill his son. Well, that's the game. Because that's- Look, games have consequences. Games have rules.

And games have rules. And, like, they got off- Games changed. They get off kind of scot-free. There's no real punishment. Because it's something that clearly there needs to be some punishment. I assume. So, this is a one-way for consequences.

Like, oh, your dad's gone. Yeah. Oh, boy. And, like, maybe this is maybe what Robin Williams as a kid wanted. Because his dad was an asshole. Yeah, yeah. So, was it like a... Robin Williams is good friends with his dad in the...

Present timeline, yeah. The real life timeline. They make up. So maybe... Unless that's the second jump back that we just don't see. That's what I mean. The dad's like... So maybe, like, yes, it sucked.

Like, Robin Williams never played it, so therefore it goes back to 1969. But maybe the film doesn't actually show that it goes back further than that. And that explains why the game is in the attic. Actually, yeah. What do you mean? So where the kids find the game. In the attic.

It makes sense for it to be there because... The dad has played it. Then the dad has played it. Dad become Van Pelt. Yes! Because time doesn't mean shit because if future kids can go back in time and see young Robin Williams

time don't mean shit in Jumanji space. So it's possible for the in-between the dad and the mum presumably to play that game and for him to become Van Pelt which would affect past and future games of Jumanji. We fucking did it.

We blew the case wide open. Fucking got it, gang. So the secret to Jumanji... Try again, Jumanji. Secret to Jumanji. Fucking got your number. Secret to Jumanji turns out that it's sentient and spiteful. And there always has to be a Van Pelt.

So yeah, it's just that there was a hidden timeline we never saw. Time is meaningless in Jumanji space. Time means fucking nothing to the board game Jumanji. It'll have no part in it. It's like fuck your clock. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been

Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Don't play Jumanji. Or play Jumanji, it's pretty much consequence free. Yeah, like just unless you're animated animated then there's heaps of consequences maybe we don't know yet no I don't know go to spice yeah not cheap become a monkey not cheap get sucked to the sun

all right To be continued... with technical difficulties, a silent third friend in the room, and constant references to an audible sponsor that no longer exists. We did one episode and then never really went back to it. So let us know what you think. If you want me and Dusha to pick up where we left off, tweet at us using the hashtag sexyboysyes or hashtag sexyboysno if not. You can find me at goddammitzammit and Douche at douche13. Make sure that boys is spelt with a Z and now enjoy this hot bullshit. Welcome to the very first episode of Joel's in the City.

The world's first in-depth episode-by-episode analysis of the late 90s to early 2000s HBO classic Sex and the City. As viewed by two males in their mid to late 20s with the same name. As far as we know. I'm Joel. And I'm Joel. Welcome to Joel's in the City Alright, so let's get started We're looking at Season 1, Episode 1

Aptly titled, Sex in the City Because apparently they just couldn't go with, you know, Pilot I don't know, self-titled episodes of TV shows are alright Fair enough And I guess before we go into the sort of The crux of the episode The crux, the nitty gritty, the guts of the episode I just want to inform you, listener Sort of where we come from, our background, our relationship with Sex and the City

Why we think we are qualified enough to do this podcast Exactly, so my relationship with Sex and the City Pretty much comes from a lot of exes uh watching sex and city so i think i've seen this series about four to five times as background noise ah and i really enjoyed the shows i really did i think there were a solid six seasons beautiful movie however because i haven't actually seen the second one but i did have to sit down and watch the first movie with an ex and she asked me to leave about

40 minutes in because I just I like to imagine this was at a cinema and you were on a date and she asked you to leave pretty much, because she was excited like she was like a die hard fan of Sex and City and she was like fucking excited so when 2008 rolled around and the film came out she just lost her shit? Yeah pretty much

and like invited me because I'm like, I love that show. And I'm just sitting there going, that's bullshit. I can't believe she did that. Oh my God. But we'll get to that when we start analyzing the movie. In 95 episodes from now,

because there is 94 episodes in this season, in this series. And we plan on watching each one and doing an episode for each episode. Just for your enjoyment. So what's your relationship with Sex and the City? Well, I haven't had any exes or current girlfriends that watch the show, but I do have a mother and a sister who, weirdly enough,

yeah, my mom has always really liked the show, and I remember her watching it when I was younger. But my sister got into it sort of recently-ish. I mean, she's, I almost said 18, but she's 21. Close enough. Yeah. Vaguely young-ish. Yeah, she got into the show later in her life when I was closer to my current age.

So it was playing again in my house and I was like, oh yeah, I've seen bits of this. I know this. I also have had friends that have been very into the show. Female friends, because, you know, it's the type of dude I am. Exactly. Surround myself in women um anyway no you're just a nice guy just a nice guy you're like a classic skipper whoa yeah no none of that um so yeah basically i've probably seen maybe 10 to 15 episodes in full i have worked at a cinema since pretty much the dawn of time,

so I'm also quite familiar with Sex and the City, both the films, solely just from working and seeing bits and pieces. So I haven't actually sat down and watched either of the films. I'm looking forward to that in several hours. I haven't quite done the math yet in how many episodes that we have to stand and watch, and I don't want to. Okay, well, I could ruin it for you now because there's there's 94 in the entire run of sex in the city we've watched one ah 93 remain ah so how do they all go for half an hour i'm honestly not sure uh before we watched the pilot i was fairly certain that sex in the city

was a 45 minute show because it was hbo the pilot was 28 minutes. It was a breezy 28 minutes. It was actually. Honestly if the episodes are 45 you're probably not going to hear any complaints from me. That's true so 47 hours roughly yeah? Well yeah I guess no. If they're half an hour

each. Ah okay if they're half an hour each yes. Math that for a sec. Yes. Throw the two feature length films in. That's another three Math that for a sec Yes Throw the two feature length films in That's another three hours So we're dedicating 50 hours Plus you know about another 50 hours Of recording this actual podcast

Plus I guess you've probably got another 50 or so hours Of editing So that's 150 hours For me 100 for me but probably I'm going to spend another 50 hours thinking about Sex and the City. That's true. And plus that 50 for me thinking about Sex and the City.

We've made some pretty good choices. I think this is like, because we're recording this to the start of February. I think we might have peaked for the year in terms of ideas. Go us. We've figured out 150 hours of my life is going to be dedicated. No, yeah, my life is going to be dedicated to it 200 for me

Good And 50 hours for our listeners You lucky sons of bitches I'm kind of jealous Whoa, that's another 50 for us to listen back to ourselves Things are just coming up, Joel Well, that brings us to probably the point of this episode Where we talk about the episode

So I'm just going to dive straight into the crux. Straight into it. Just get right into the meaty goodness of Sex in the City. We both took notes. I was watching you watch it while you watched me watch it. And I was also watching you watching it and watching you taking notes but also occasionally watching me.

And we're also watching Sex in the City. Such a good time. I do want to point out we did hit our first hurdle this evening whilst trying to actually watch Sex and the City. Well, we've hit two hurdles so far with leading up to this because originally we tried to record earlier last week. Oh, that's right. But you had to go to the doctor because...

But I have a brain thing going on right now. Not quite sure what it is. So I was at my neurologist that day, and it was kind of like, got a migraine, got a lot of migraines. My vision's just doing something that it shouldn't do. So I want you to picture a TV, like a TV screen, and go to the top left-hand corner. And so the bottom right-hand corner just stays where it is.

The top left-hand corner, just droop it down below the left-hand corner. That. Oh, whoa. Worrisome. I feel like you're probably expecting to strong neurologists say this stuff and they're like, yeah, that's pretty normal. Right? They're like, huh, that sounds like it could be a brain tumor.

That sounds dramatic. Let's get you some scans. could be a brain tumour. That sounds dramatic. Let's get you some scans. So I had my scans today. That was nice. So, yeah, we missed out on recording this the first time because you went to a neurologist. We were expecting to stroll out and they were like, hmm. No, no, no.

So they had my scans for today, MRI or whatever it was, which is like, you know, a good two hours of just sitting perfectly still and while they sort of take pictures of your brain um and i'm assuming that everything is fine because the technician didn't say anything well that's that's however she was very rude to me she was just kind of like can you please stop moving because if you move anymore it's going to take all day and she was very bitchy about it it's kind of like but i gotta do she knows i gotta cough i can't help this so it was just like

he's gonna die soon anyway i don't need to i don't need to bring my niceness today so i've had a look at the scans like the pictures so they gave them to you that's yeah that's like a big thick wad of just like my brain my spine like bits of where there's like contrast like so i can see my veins and shit going in there's all colorful and all i can really decipher is that yes i have a brain well that's good news and a spine and a spine uh and also eyes and eyes on a ct scan look terrifying i feel like that that i wanted to say they look like ghost eyes, but ghosts usually don't have eyes. And even if they did,

what would ghost eyes look like? That was a strange analogy. They would look see-through and scary. Quite like the CT scan I had. Oh, try ghost eyes!

Also, I feel like that's really mean of them to do to you. Like, here's a wad of photos. You're just looking through and you're like, that dark spot.

And then you start being, like, start self-diagnosing tumors. Well, that's exactly. I could, but I take it the other way, where it's like, oh, well, if I have one, eh. If not, eh. Okay. Let's see what happens. So, yeah, so we're going to be doing this for the full 94 episodes, plus the movies.

Plus the movies. So 96 episodes. 96 episodes, or until I die from what was clearly a preventable brain aneurysm so looking forward to that that was

hurdle that was hurdle one hurdle one hurdle two which happened today after your brain scan after the brain scan

so we arrived in the studio and we were trying to watch Sex and the City and that's when we sort of faced our problem. And it wasn't because we don't have the DVDs.

Oh no, I definitely brought those. I've got the box set. If anything, we have too many copies of the DVDs. Exactly. So if anything, it was the...

Macs have this one because everything in the studio we record from, it's all Mac heavy. And Macs have this, has done this beautiful thing where it's like, we're from the future, so no disk drives.

They don't exist in the future. Well, everyone was like, fair enough. It cuts down the way. But everyone else was like, no, no, no. We still watch DVDs and stuff. Oh, Mac, why? We still need another two or three years, we'd say. Yeah, two or three years.

Two or three years, Mac. So that was a fun scramble to be like, how do we watch? Is Sex and the City on Netflix? No, it's not. It is not on Netflix. And we wanted to watch it instantly, so I guess we couldn't do that questionably legal torrenting thing. However, searching Sex and the

City watching online is now something that exists in my search history and we were able to actually succeed it. So shout out to our boys Gorillavitz. Thank you so much. That was hurdle two. Hurdle three, and hurdle three is still happening. Like right now.

Right this very second. Well, right now for us, maybe not right now for you listeners, but right now for us. So as we started talking about the hurdles we faced, our recording studio kind of just shut down around us twice. Yeah, so twice so far. So thank you you Pro Tools. You've been so helpful.

You're really showing the whole Pro Tool nature of yourself, you Pro Tool. So those are the hurdles that we have faced so far to bring you this episode of Joel's in the City. It's been a struggle, but I'm glad we've got this far. It's an uphill battle. I feel like if you've seen Rocky 1, you've felt what we are feeling now.

Exactly. It's not the destination. It's the journey. It's the journey. And we're here. Exactly. We're here. To talk about the pilot, episode one.

This starts segment two of our podcast, Rocky 2. Yes. Now it's all about us. We're going to win this time. Damn right. Let's actually jump into Sex. We're going to win this time. Damn right. Let's actually jump into Sex and the City because we've mentioned it. We've referenced it.

We've seen it. We've spoken about it a bit. A little bit, yes. A little bit. Let's actually talk about it. All right. Let's get this done. We're ready.

All right. So episode one, as we previously stated, is called Sex and the City. Good. Self-titled episode yep solid solid introduction kind of like when a band releases an album that's self-titled and the first track is self-titled oh i love when they do that you just like uh i can think of maybe like one example actually i can't think of a single one no no i can't think of a single example no and just to

reiterate we've now hit hurdle number four. We're actually now Switch Studios because Pro Tools crashed. Again. Again. And while we were opening it up in this studio, it also crashed. Again. Again.

So we'll count that as hurdle four, but it was looking like it could have been hurdle four and five. So yeah, this not only is the first ever Sex and the City podcast by two people called Joel. That we know of. That we know of. It is the first ever Sex and the City podcast by two people called Joel. That we know of. That we know of. It's also the first Sex and the City podcast that has been filmed in two locations hosted by two people called Joel.

So let's get into it. Let's finally get into it. After about an hour maybe of faffing about. Maybe a week if you can consider tumor problems, but an hour of faffing about. I definitely consider your tumor problems faffing about. All right. Sex and the City.

All right. First episode. First episode, Sex and the City. So basically, it's very plot light. The pilot does something that I respected whilst I was watching it. Something I wasn't quite expecting, where usually pilots in TV shows,

even the ones I fucking love Joel which obviously counts sex in the city because why would I be doing this if I didn't fucking love it yeah like things like I should probably explain what I was about to say so yeah pilots usually try and have set up like a hook like a plot hook

being like guys you're going to have to pick up the show if you want some fucking answers exactly like what's going to happen cliffhanger-y typey thing that's like an overarching point of the whole thing yeah like even things like um shows that are famous for not really having like very plot confined episodes like uh a show that i'm not sure if you're familiar with and i'm vaguely familiar with it mad men yes yes our second favorite show behind sex in the city uh even the pilot there like there's heaps of mystery and intrigue set up where this pilot sex in the city all character all character based which is sick i've really

enjoyed it i did too yeah so pretty much there is a there's a there's a plot like it's not a it's not it's not non-existent it It's not just all character development. So basically, the plot synopsis that I got from it is that Carrie, Carrie Bradshaw... The main character of the whole series, yes. The main character of the entire series is writing an article titled Sex and the City. Side note, that means that they say the phrase Sex and the City in the TV show Sex and the City in the episode Sex and the City. That pleases me so much. You would not believe just the grin I have on my face. Things like that usually make me really angry.

Like when movies say the movie title, I usually look to the person sitting next to me. Actually, no, it always makes me happy. With a really dumb look on my face being like, that's the movie. I know. We're watching the movie. It would only make me even more happier

if they just stopped action and looked directly into the camera and said i'm writing an article on look to camera sex and the city and the camera zoomed out and it revealed that it was a set yes and above the set it had sex in the city oh beautiful beautiful i guess just big flashing over the top sex in the city maybe that's what you want like rain or something yeah that'd be alright. And then back to the action, like nothing happened, swivel the head. So as I was saying,

my article, wink, audible wink. Yeah, so Carrie's writing an article titled Sex and the City for her column, which is basically about men having sex and it leading to no attachment while they're in their early 30s compared to women who are looking for a stable relationship

but not quite marriage and kids yet. Yep. They don't want that. They just want like a nice time. Yes. But they can't get it because the dudes around the same age are just like,

ha ha, no strings attached. Yeah. From what I got from it was just basically sex like a man should have probably been the title of the episode. They do say that phrase more than they say sex in the city. Which is, again, a lot.

And there was an underlining theme of this particular episode, which I'm pretty sure is going to be touched upon to the rest of the series, which was sex versus love. Yeah, it's like head versus heart, but head being the head of your penis. Yes. Or vulva. Head of your penis. Yes. Or vulva. Head of your clitoris. What do the ladies have? I don't know.

They have a head down there. They miss it out. Well, do you know what's good? Sex and the City is going to teach us a lot more about that. That is very true. And speaking of head, I want to bring something up now. Okay, yeah. It's very cunnilingus heavy, this episode. And very low on fellatio, which I kind of appreciate.

Well, it's two versus zero in the pilot, based on my calculations. I'll double check mine. Yes. Check your maths. Yeah, good. Two, zero, correct. No, that's good.

And that's why this show is famous. It took the risks. Yeah. It took the risks. It's more like, it's like, yeah. This show, you mean our one. Our pilot, Jaws of the City, is famous because we've taken risks. the risks it's more like it's like yeah this show you but you mean our one our pilot our pilot because we've taken risks we have now said our episode so episode one of joel's in the city is

titled joel's in the city which you already know because you would have just read the title before you click download before you click i was actually going to call it sex like a man in all caps but now i'm now i'm going to yes make it call it Sex in the City. Joel's in the City, yes. Yes, good. Joel's in the City, in brackets, probably could have been called Sex like a man. Yes.

Anyway, so plot synopsis. Right back into it. So yeah, she's writing this article, and she has a meeting with her friends, where we're all introduced to them, the four gals, our pals, Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha, and Miranda. They're all there.

And Carrie sort of floats this idea with them that they should try this out. Sort of like research for this article. Yeah. Drama and comedy in shoe. It's not just comedy and it's not just drama. It's a little bit of both. Dramedy. It's what HBO is known for.

Dramedy and boobs. Yeah. And we only got one pair of silhouetted boobs in this episode. Which is, again, showing its age of a 90s HBO. Because if that was a today's HBO, we would have got full bush.

I mean, I'm not familiar enough to know, is there dick in Sex and the City? I don't know. I guess we'll find out. We'll find out. And I'm excited if there is yeah so listeners if you do know

do not email us in because I don't want spoilers leave sanspansradio at gmail.com's inbox alone listeners yes

don't email us audible wink but seriously don't email us no spoilers I want to go into this fresh yeah because you might

completely derail the show if you do. Rude. Yeah, so we get introduced to all four main characters. We've got Carrie Bradshaw, who is a New York columnist. Charlotte York, an art dealer, which I was completely unaware of until the pilot. Samantha Jones, who runs a PR firm. And Miranda Hobbs slash Hobbes.

We don't know how we pronounce it yet. I know how it's spelled. Looking forward to that being revealed in a few more episodes. Who is a lawyer. So they're all middle to upper class New York. Middle to upper class. Any of these people, anyone you can relate to. Now I just want to point out, it starts with Carrie Bradshaw explaining this sort of story to us using another person.

And it's this person from London. Well, clearly London, Australia. Yeah, that accent is rough. Rough. Meeting Tim, an investment banker making two mil a year at an opening for an art gallery. Now, is this relatable to anyone? Okay, I'm going to take a step back,

and when I said middle to upper class, I'm going to change it to lower upper to upper upper class. That's better, because none of this, I'm like, that's all very good and well, but you do not have the same problems that I have. I made ramen for, like, sorry, I made Mie Goreng yesterday for lunch, and it was a good time.

They're not eating me goreng. They also don't appear to have any visible brain tumors. That is true. That is true. Again, we've got 94 episodes. There might be a sneaky tumor-like theme that episode or storyline. We don't know yet. So, yeah, another thing the pilot did that I guess we'll talk about now

because it just brought up the plot introduction, something I don't ever remember Sex and the City doing and we did have someone, your lovely girlfriend, Ems, sort of spoil this for us that it does die out, but there's a lot of direct address to the camera. Oh, I love that shit. It was so good.

I ate it up. It was just fucking tasty. That's actually how the show introduces all the characters. Yes. It cuts to, so Carrie explains that there's two type of people in New York at the moment unmarried women

and toxic men toxic bachelors toxic bachelors that's the word and we're introduced to they have that underneath the taglines

yeah so every character that gets introduced full name job title toxic bachelor or unmarried woman or in the case of our boy

Skipper Skipper who we'll talk about a slightly later. Unlucky in love? Love, hopeless romantic? Hopeless romantic. Hopeless lover. Something like that. Shit.

Yes, shit, having a shit one. Having a shit one. I feel that Carrie, she hasn't done a lot of research, is my opinion. I don't think she's really taking a full-on survey. I think if she presented this, there's fudging some facts here and there.

She went to a gym of all places and a rock climbing facility. But it's the same two guys, so it could still be in the gym. It is lower, upper to upper, upper class New York.

That's true. And I feel an upper, upper class would have like a rock climbing wall at their gym. Or like a mid to upper class, mid-upper class, upper class. Yeah. At my gym, I don't have a fucking rock climbing wall at their gym or like a mid to upper mid upper class yeah upper class yeah at my gym i don't have a fucking rock climbing wall mine has treadmills

yeah mine has like several broken treadmills i kind of sit on one and eat my migraine that's how poor we are thinking about your brain tumor and how if you have it this is nothing you can do so fuck it may as well eat migraine untilang until I explode or die from the tumor or die from the tumor well that was exploding brain tumors have an unlikely consequence that I was unfamiliar with by the sounds of it I was talking about aneurysms general same here

I'm not a doctor gang I don't know what I'm doing I hope I live long and prosper we probably can submit this podcast as an application for a PhD in Sex and the City. We could be Dr. Joel and Dr. Joel. Awesome. Sex and the City PhD.

Yes. Back to Sex and the City. Back to Sex and the City. Yeah, so it opens with Carrie writing this story about a lady who moved from London. From London, Australia. Again, I want to emphasize from London, Australia, that beautiful town. Claims she's from London. Sounds like she's, Australia. Again, I want to emphasize from London, Australia. That beautiful town. Claim she's from London. Sounds like she's from Australia.

Could be from both. Meeting the man of her dreams. Tim. Tim, who sweeps her off her feet, earns two mil a year or something ridiculous. Some lower upper to upper upper class dollars. Something that I'm not even going to even like, I can't fathom that,

earning that much money in a year. Yeah. To be honest. He starts dropping hints about like the future together. Then all of a sudden he's like, hey, hey, we don't have kids yet. Wink. Audible wink.

Audible wink. And then he's like, let's look at this fucking house together. And then just like hey come meet my mom oh my mom's sick i'm not calling you for two weeks yeah so pretty much what happens is he's like hey uh come meet my family on tuesday on tuesday day he calls elizabeth elizabeth from london australia um being like hey sorry my mom's sick can't meet up i'll have to grab a rain check yeah yeah yeah And the beautiful thing there, though.

Oh, yeah, no. The beautiful thing is, sir, Carrie then states that two weeks have passed. Well, in the story, two weeks have passed. Handsome man. Handsome rich dude whose name I've forgotten even though you just said it. Tim. Tim. Yes, Tim.

Timmy. Our boy Tim. Our boy Timmy. Sir, he hasn't called for two weeks. She finally calls him. Elizabeth calls him. Which to me is very odd that she's waited two weeks. Yeah.

If they're looking at buying a house together, then she points out like you're looking at buying a house together. That's a serious relationship and fair point, but she waits two weeks. That's a long time. Yeah. That's strange. But yeah,

she waits two weeks and she's like, this is an awfully long rain check. The camera pans out and it's raining. Didn't like that. That was a low point of the episode. I love that. What could have made that better is that as it was pulling out, there was like a big neon sign that said

Sex and the City. Like that was the hotel name. That would have made my day. And if Carrie was then, like, pulled out again and the whole gang was standing there pointing at the sign. No, no, no. It pulled out again and it was actually the reflection in Carrie Bradshaw's eye and it's her face winking at the camera. That would have

just been... Audibly. Audibly winking at the camera. Audibly. Audibly winking at the camera. That would have just been like, beautiful. Eating that up. Just like eating a mingarang on that broken treadmills at your poor shitty gym that doesn't have a rock climbing wall. While you think about your life with brain tumors. Yes.

That's pretty much me right now. Yeah, there seem to be a few themes in this episode. Mostly the obvious one that is actually stated, like men in their early 30s versus women in their early 30s, but also that New York kind of sucks, but is all right, but kind of sucks a bit if you're into dudes. Yeah. That's an overarching theme.

I think that's going to be just as evident in the whole running series, that Manhattan is like, eh, eh, eh, but eh, eh, but, mmm, that. Yeah, like, you're good, but you're bad, but you're good, but you're a bit bad. But I like ya. It's kind of like those bad dudes we keep falling for. That is true. Like, you're handsome, you're into me, but you're a bit mean,

but you're into me, and you're handsome, but you're mean. It's basically, exactly, it's Tim in a nutshell. It's Tim, it's our boy Timmy. It's all great and glamorous at the start, and then kind of just peters out to be kind of shit. But then he's still all right. Then he's still all right. It's sort of like Tim if there was a third act.

Yeah. Which there isn't. Carrie then reveals that it's been a story this whole time, and that the Manhattan dream, love, Manhattan love dream is not a real thing. She got man, no attachment sex. Yeah. I like how she's talking about is this the end of manhattan and it could just be indicative of just a piece of shit dude

yeah i mean hey anyway she ends up talking about something about that being in the riddle of the sphinx and i'm pretty sure that wasn't the riddle of the sphinx i'm pretty sure the riddle the sphinx had nothing to do with relationships and men in Manhattan. In fact, I'm almost certain a Riddle of the Sphinx was something like what has four legs, then has two legs, then has three legs. Is that correct? Is that the Sphinx? Is that the Riddle of the Sphinx? I was unaware there was even a Riddle of the Sphinx.

Or is Riddle of the Sphinx what happens when an immovable object meets... No, an immovable object meets something... Force. Unstoppable force meets the immovable object. Or, because that's a super, I read that in a Superman comic. No, that's definitely Superman. That could be All-Star Superman. That was.

Which isn't Sex and the City. Not Sex and the City at all. All-Star Sex and the City. Yes. Anyway, I feel like that's going to be a constant phrase throughout this thing. Anyway. Anyway. Tell us about your tumor.

No. Yeah, so the introductions of all four girls is very funny and very good. It could actually be one of my favorite introductions to characters. Like the main cast of, yeah, a show ever, like in a pilot. Like Miranda in that power suit. Oh, I was loving it. But then they showed, like, Charlotte in sort of, like, corporate but kind of mini skirt art dealer thing. Also liking that.

I couldn't decide what I wanted. Samantha was introduced last, and she was introduced as a character who Carrie is sort of wanting to be. She was introduced as a woman who was already having sex like a man. Yes. Which is, I find that phrase so weird. Sex like a man? Sex like a man. Because it wasn't sex like a man. It was sex like a man. Yes. Which is, I find that phrase so weird. Sex like a man? Sex like a man.

Because it wasn't sex like a man. It was sex like a selfish asshole. Um. Yes. Audible wink. Audible wink. Uh, no. I think that's kind of what they're going for.

I get that. Hey, have you slept with a man? Maybe we are selfish dicks. I try not to be a selfish dick. Um. Hmm. Now I just have to be self-reflective while you do that while you do that keep going um yeah um so pretty much samantha is introduced as she's really successful she runs her own pr firm but she's also sleeping with dudes in their 20s while she's very early 30s uh and getting them before they become this

uh having sex. Oh, that power play thing that the first dude at the gym is sort of talking about. I like that little loop and callback too. It was nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Carrie sort of introduces Samantha as someone she kind of wishes she was, kind of, not 100%.

She still wants to be her own person, Joel. Yeah. She doesn't want to be actually Samantha. No, she doesn't want to take Samantha and blackjack her over the head. She doesn't want to... Drag her to a alleyway and skin her and wear her clothes. No. That's not what she wants.

She doesn't want an invasion of the body snatcher Samantha. She doesn't want the cast of Sex and the City to be Charlotte, Samantha, Miranda, Samantha. Exactly. She doesn't want two Samanthas, Joel. She doesn't want to face off with Samantha. No. No, she doesn't. She doesn't want two Samanthas, Joel. She doesn't want to face off with Samantha. No, she doesn't. She doesn't? No.

I'm glad we got that clarified. She just wants to be sort of like Samantha, personality-wise. Aspiration to. Aspirations. Now I understand. I mean, they're still equally successful with Joel. I was thinking maybe she was wanting to do a face-off thing. Yeah, no, I can see that, Joel.

But not give her own face to Samantha and just have like a double face-off. So it was just like Carrie's face and then Samantha's face. Oh, like masks. Yeah. Or like a real face. But a real face. Yes. So there'd be five characters.

There'd be Carrie, Samantha Carrie, faceless Samantha. Yeah, there'd be four. Oh, no, I guess, yes, Carey could be interchangeable. So basically, yes, several of those characters are played by Carey, but with a Samantha face. There's Carey, there's Samantha Carey. You've got your Charlotte, you've got your Miranda, and you've got fan-favourite faceless Samantha.

But that's not what she wants, Joel. No, that's not the direction that this series went, and I was surprised. It could have gone this direction. And if it wasn't for plot spoilers emailed to us before we even started this series, we would have assumed that. Exactly. And if that does happen, again, do not email us.

Don't email us at sanspenseradioatgmail.com. For these spoilers. Do not want. Don't do it, guys. I can hear you typing. Don't. Put your computer down. Exactly.

But turn it up so you can still hear us. Yes. Yeah, she wants to be Samantha, but not be Samantha. Pretty much she wants to have sex like a man, as she keeps saying. But we're not sure if sex like a man is that. I mean. It just sounds like be a selfish lover. Be a selfish lover.

Or sex without commitment. Yeah. That's probably more what they were going for. This was the 90s, so gender and all that kind of stuff. It was 1998, I believe. Oh, so yes. Tricky. Yeah, like 97.

That's a year I could comprehend this completely. 99, definitely. 98, though. My cusp. Yes. My cusp of gender issues. Yes, so sex like a man, which she does accomplish. Yeah, so Samantha, well, we'll jump towards...

I did jump ahead, but no, you can reel it back. It's all right. I will reel it back. I'll throw it back to you. Yeah, okay, so after Samantha is shown, or talk, you don't actually see it, you don't actually see it, but Samantha's talking about how she slept

with this younger dude who was like a stallion in bed. I don't think she actually says stallion, but I'm assuming she meant stallion in bed. Some kind of horse. Some kind of horse. He was a horse lover, but not an actual horse, Joel. No. He wasn't an actual horse.

Not like Catherine the Great. No. No. He was like a stallion. Not a literal, literal horse, but like a literal horse. Yeah. But like literal figuratively. Sort of like how in Rocky 1 they call him the Italian stallion.

But he's not really a horse. No. He is Italian, though. But he's not really a horse. No, he is Italian though. I keep thinking that movie was about an anthropomorphic horse that could box. And that's why I've sort of shied away from it because it's scared. That is a scary concept, Joel. But it's not about that. He's a boxer man. Much like how Samantha's lover was just a stallion in bed.

Maybe a boxer. We're not sure. We're not given that much information. He was 20. I'm assuming probably some kind of mixed martial artist man. At least. Anyway. So after that, Carrie is at a bar with one of her best friends.

Whose name I didn't write down. Stanford, the gay one? Stanford. Stanford, her gay friend. Yes. Lovely bald man with glasses. Lovely bald man. Snarky.

Loved him. Big fan. Hope he reappears. Oh, her gay friend. Yes. Lovely bald man with glasses. Lovely bald man. Snarky. Loved him. Big fan. Hope he reappears. Oh, me too. And again, I don't want to know that he reappears or not. So again, do not email us. At sanspenseradio at gmail.com. Please don't.

Don't do it. Wink. Audible-ly. Yes. That reminds me. Don't forget to download your free Audible book from www.audibletrial.com forward slash Sanspanceradio. Sign up for a free 30-day trial.

If you pick a book, you get to keep it, even if you cancel your subscription, Joel. Exactly. And you know what happens when you do that? We get 15 bucks. It feels like theft, but not actual theft. Don't call the cops. Back to the show. Yeah, back to the show.

Pretty much Stanford, gay friend. They're out for lunch. Carrie sees former lover, a handsome mistake, Kurt Remington, standing at the bar being a suave motherfucker. You look like a young Gary Busey before

the motorcycle accident. Yeah, he had a similar thing to Mark Hamill, didn't he? Good face, bad face. Something happened and it wasn't great for the face. Like rain. Sorry, Gary. Hey, you can relate. I can!

There we go. And you still got the same face. That's true. The tumor could grow through your face. That's true. Who knows? It might hit like my handsome gene in my brain and things will just go all kinds of haywire. Hey, maybe it'll hit the Joel gene in your brain and we'll have the same face. I'm not a doctor. Again, I'm not a doctor, again.

I'm not a doctor, so I don't know if that can or cannot happen. So again, no spoilers. Don't email us. Yeah, so Kurt Remington, handsome mistake, carries like Stanford. I'm not going to go there again. I made the mistake when I was 27. I made it when I was 29.

I made it when I was 31. I it when i was 31 i think i'm still 31 in this episode i want to say she made it when she was like 19 or something no she definitely said 31 because that confused me because i thought she was 31 in the episode and i was paying a lot of attention was also taking notes yes me too um that bit yeah so she said 27 29 31 so she might be 32 so she's like i made this mistake last year or it could have been like i'm 31 and like she made the mistake like two weeks ago yeah we don't we're not sure we don't know that's that's probably my big criticism they don't give us a date and a time during the whole episode there was a prequel we'll get to that if only there was a prequel

that could explain the kurt rammington exactly maybe you know where she sat down and wrote some diaries i don't know. I don't know. Hey. I don't know yet. Hey. Who knows? It could happen. Who am I to say?

Yeah, so Kurt, she's like, hey, Kurt. No, she's not like, hey, Kurt. She's like, hey, Sanford. Stanford. Hey, gay best friend. Yeah. Don't worry. I'm not going to make the mistake again.

By the way, I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be back in a second. And she's like, wink. Audible-y. AudibleTrial.com Forward slash San Spence Radio Just go there Just go there Get your free book

Uh huh Then we get a We get a lovely voiceover That's just like It was at that point I realised That Straight

Direct to camera as well Direct to camera That's what That's what I like to see In Sex and the City And I'm very sad That it does get phased out Apparently

I know Like to me it's great Because again It's like Get rid of that narrator But it has a narrator Who is there in the thing and I'm very sad that it does get phased out apparently I know like to me it's great because again it's like get rid of that narrator but it has a narrator who is there in the thing oh it's lovely

love it it's great great big fan it's like you know have you seen Boondock Saints

I have not one of my favourite things about that film is when it has like Willem Dafoe going back into a crime scene that's sort of happening and it's happening around him

and he's sort of talking everyone through it oh he walks through the scene yeah it's very cool very sexy i like it that is yeah that's a thing i like too i feel like i've seen a film that does that as well but i can't was it boondock saints yes there you go have you seen boondock saints i have yeah there's this scene where i almost said kevin spacey but i think you might have been willem dafoe yeah well willem dafoe walks walks us through a murder scene. Oh yeah. And like, So it's happening

all around him and he's just walking us through it. And like, talking us through it because it's a film. How great is that? That reminds me

of a film I once saw where the same things would have happened. Yep. I think it was like, have you seen Boondock Saints? I haven't. Amazing.

We'll stop this before we just get to a loop. Anywho. She approaches Kurt. No, no, she doesn't approach him yet. She has a voiceover, a loop. Anywho. She approaches Kurt. No. No, she doesn't approach him yet. She has a voiceover. A realization.

Hey, this is the exact point in my life where I can make a change. I can do some research. I can become sex like a man. Well, I can't become sex like a man. She can become sex like a man. She's actually going to become this weird kind of...

No, Joel. This is like the Samantha thing all over again. She doesn't actually want to become sex like a man. She just wants to experience sex like a man. Like with a dildo. No, that's a joke they made in the episode, though. That's like one of the first lines. Great gag. I laughed.

Actually, this isn't my sincere voice, but what I'm saying is sincere. It did happen. Was that like the first dildo gag on TV ever? Oh, maybe. 1990s Ace was a rough time for dildos. Barely any airtime. So I'm going to say yes.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll roll with it. If that is incorrect, email us at sanspansradio at gmail.com and we'll happily go back. Admit we're wrong. Admit we're wrong. Go back, re-edit this episode, upload it again

with your email in the middle of it. I'm just going to leave a pause now just so that if we are wrong, it's easy to edit in an apology. Good. So if you just heard a silence, we weren't wrong. So she's like, no, all right, Kurt, I'm coming for you, bro.

She doesn't say that, but she thinks it. But she doesn't really. She's like, hey, no, this is my chance. Sex like a man. It's happening. It's so good. And she comes up and like, he's fucking smoking like a cigar or some bullshit.

Was he smoking a cigar or just a cigarette? I think he was smoking a cigarette in a bar. And he turned and looked at me. You're like, I miss smoking in bars. I know. And that's the thing is like, I'm an ex-smoker. And fuck, man. Man, it's like fucking smoking in that whole scene.

It's like, it's sexy. It's dirty whole scene it's like it's it's sexy it's dirty it's powerful it's raw you're like you know he's a wild card fuck yeah smoking i'm so glad i gave it up but i want one so bad but i'm glad i gave it up but it's sexy as fuck yeah i have a similar thing when i watch mad men my second favorite tv show yes uh where i never really like i'm not a smoker at all. Like, I have had cigarettes, but I've never been, like, a smoker smoker. I haven't been, like, I'm addicted or, like, hey, I smoke every time I go out.

But watching that makes me wish I could smoke on airplanes all the time, Joel. Oh, I know. It's just, like, one of those things, like, man, I miss doing that in a bar. Well, yeah, I miss smoking on airplanes, and it hasn't happened since the 60s. You are an old, old man, apparently. Surprise. At the start of this episode when I said I was in my mid-20s, I lied.

Actually mid-60s. Again, math not our strong suit. So yeah, she takes Kurt and is like, hey, come to my place at 3. She's like, I'll be there. We'll be banging. The scene then pans across to the bed. Carrie's having a great time. Yep. Again, that aforementioned cunnilingus. Yeah, scene then pans across to the bed. Carrie's having a great time.

Yep. Again, that aforementioned cunnilingus. Yeah, because I was about to get mad because she's got a sheet over her. I was like, oh, fuck. I thought Sex and the City would be the one show that actually got how sex works properly. Now, this might be a spoiler, but I'm pretty certain that Carrie Bradshaw never shows her boobs. That's okay. I don't really mind about that.

My biggest issue was like, yeah, I didn't care about boobs. I don't care, Joel. I know. I'm just saying. I don't really mind about that. That's not... My biggest issue was like, not... Yeah, I didn't care about boobs. I don't care, Joel. I know, I'm just saying. I just don't care, Joel. A little bit of a spoiler there that the actress, Sarah Jessica Parker,

does not show boobs. Sarah Jessica Parker. Yes. SJP. Not one nip. Not even one? Not even one. Not even a hint of areola.

Well, that's okay. Hey, I believe that that would probably have been in her contract. Exactly. She was like, hey, I'll do this show. More power to you, Carrie. Yeah, no. Slash.

No, make your own rules, Carrie. Make your own rules, Sarah Jessica Parker. Make your own way. You can go your own way, Carrie. Sarah Jessica Parker. Or Carrie. Can I call you Carrie, Sarah? Good.

That should make it easier. Anyway, so Carrie, yeah, pans across, was worried because I was like oh man there's the whole bed sheet up to the neck thing that doesn't happen when you have sex with people where is the dude gonna be in this situation and

then surprise surprise he crawls out from under the sheets he was going down on her like a champ and then he's like my turn like expecting a sneaky blowjob in return she's just like nah listen

mate I'm done you are gonna go to work bitches and he's yeah she just chuffs off He is left looking like a bit of a dickhead Yeah He's very into it though And she feels empowered

And that's good That's good for her And you know what, Kurt, look It didn't go how you went But there was nothing stopping you from having a cheeky little Your own jerking off while you're going down on her That would have been fine Hey, i guess that

well let's he's ready to go like he could have been doing it he could have been doing it nothing in an orc he could just do a couple more over the well like i said like like i've been rallying for since before we even did this there should be a sex in the city remake for hbo now 2015 shot like game of thrones hey we'd be able to see stuff like that that's what you want on television exactly just just an erect penis on television just just coming across the screen yeah like like on hbo yeah because it's so it'll be artfully done and tasteful tasteful not like porn no like just tasteful like lighting and like in game of thrones yeah tasteful very tasteful very very tasteful very tasteful although no game of thrones doesn't have an erect penis at all i'm not a fan of that show because it's like really i mean honestly when i look at my life Very tasteful. Although, no, Game of Thrones doesn't have an wrecked penis at all.

I'm not a fan of that show because it's like really, I mean, honestly, when I look at my life, they've only got space. People only have space for two TV shows, Joel. Yep. Mine's obviously Sex and the City and Mad Men. That makes sense. Yeah, like, sorry, Game of Thrones.

Have some more wrecked penises. Rule of twos. That's all we want. There was a few surprises in the episode. Like I said, I have casually seen Sex and the City before It is my favourite show in the world There was something I didn't expect from the pilot And I didn't think he would get introduced until much later in the series Yes

Mr Big makes an appearance I know, and I finally found out how he got the name Mr Big Okay, we had discussed this outside the episode And I'm happy to recreate the discussion Let's do it right now Hey Joel, do you know why they call him Mr Big? Mr. Big. Okay, we had discussed this outside the episode, and I'm happy to recreate the discussion. Let's do it right now. Hey, Joel, do you know why they call him Mr. Big? No, I don't know.

I guess maybe does he have a big penis? Is it something to do with his dick, Joel? I'm not sure. I assumed it was to do with either his penis or his height. Yeah. No. Well, that was our discussion. That happened.

Word for word. Word for word. We wrote it down. But no, it actually turned out that Mr. Big got his name because he's a big shot yes he's a big shot city guy he's like donald trump but younger yeah next donald trump but younger and handsome i think is the direct quote samantha says yes um yeah and he's introduced as sort of a nice dude. Not married. No. Carrie notices that.

Yeah. Picks up her tampons. And condoms. Tampons and condoms? Or is it just condoms? I think it might be just condoms. Do I know what tampons? Yes, I do.

No, I thought, hey, picks up condoms. He's just like, whatever, have a sick one. Yeah. Audible wink. Audible wink. Hey, picks up condoms. He's just like, whatever. Have a sick one. Yeah. Audible wink. Audible wink. AudibleTrial.com forward slash SandspinsRadio. Check it out.

Check it out. Hey. I'd appreciate it. It's not advertising. It's just what we do. It's what we do. Hey, that's podcast world, guys. Subtly into the episode itself.

Intertwined. Yeah. He picks up the condoms. He's like, hey, that that's cool I will smile at you Carrie sort of melts that's good that's the first introduction I was like ah okay

if he doesn't appear again that's cool that's like meeting of chance yeah it'll blossom no but he's in the episode again later big plot point

big plot point so they're at a bar yep it's a it's a shitty no it's a lower upper to upper upper class bar but a shitty

one like everyone's there to fuck but not really but they are but they kind of don't want to make it because they're lower upper to upper class upper upper class one of those bars I have been known to visit I have again

I could probably maybe see them across the road when i'm sitting down on my broken treadmill eating me goreng and being like i wish i had a fancy thing to go in there maybe the brain tumor pity might work but i don't think it would yeah at all yeah no uh it didn't look like the type of bar where you could pick up a lady with a brain tumor i don't i don't think it would be the type of bar i could even get in to not dressed like that no not dressed like anything i own not even if i ask the bouncer very nicely and slipped what would happen to be my wallet at the time which knowing me a fiver that's not gonna get me maybe some coins maybe

some coins in fact fiver but in coins so like five dollars 30 just in coins i'm not like any gold coins a lot of silver coins so I'd like shake the hands and a lot of silver just like yeah well yeah you wouldn't like that it wouldn't be like that

and he probably would've been like sorry mate not tonight no not tonight not tonight and then like the girl I was with he'd look at her let her in

and I'd be like damn and then she'd go and bang a millionaire and I'd be like fuck I'm out of luck I wish I wish they had a cure for brain tumors I wish

I'm gonna go have some shitty mingling. On this broken treadmill. My life. I wish at least there was rock climbing in my gym, but there's not. No. So I'm going to climb the glass like a fucking gecko. And then I just slide because I'm not a gecko and I don't have fucking pads on my hands that I need to be able to stick to walls.

Yeah. It's unfortunate, but that's the life we live. Joel, that's the life that we're dealt. I'm not a gecko man or a millionaire. And I don't live in New York, which is my biggest problem, I guess. Very disappointed all around. Yeah, so Mr. Big Ben comes back later in the episode. So he probably appears about, I want to say about 15 minutes into the 20.

No, that's a bit. 12 minutes in. He appears 12 minutes in. Probably bang right in the middle. No, that's a bit. 12 minutes in. He appears 12 minutes in. Probably bang right in the middle. Doesn't appear for another 10. Then boom, he's back. He's back. He's back.

Samantha's like, that guy. I like him. That guy. Are you going to hit on him? And Kerry's like, nah, bitch. I'm fine. I'm fine. And so Samantha's like, he's on mine.

Samantha has a crack. She gives like a puma eyes, like a chick. She's just like on the prowl. And she goes to pounce, but fails miserably. Yeah, it's interesting because, yeah, so you see Samantha talk about her Italian stallion, but not an actual stallion. Again, not a horse.

Not a horse. Or Rocky. No, not actually Rocky Balboa either. Although she never says his name. It could be. So are we saying that sex and city shares the same universe as the rocky films well or just the first one well there's rocky two onwards do not even share the same universe as rocky one is that what we're getting across now no rocky good no rocky

two is in the same universe as rocky one but three to six uh just caused by a separate universe caused by the brain tumor that he got from being punched in the head too many times. Okay, so basically in the Rocky timeline, it's Rocky 1, 2, and there's a divergent. There's one where he sleeps with Samantha. Which becomes Sex and the City. And one where he doesn't. And he dies. And it becomes 3, 4, 5, and 6.

Correct. That's where we're at. As long as I'm on board. Yeah, you're there. You've understood. You've understood. You've understood the Rocky theory. I mean, it's been passed around fan theories for a while. I thought you would be up to it.

Honestly, I thought you would have done the research. I'm so sorry. I just, it's all now, like, I've got a piece of the puzzle, and it's all coming together. I'm understanding now. The Rocky timeline, Second City, Interjection, got it. Yep. I'm on board.

Yeah, cool. Yeah, good. You're on board. Everyone's back on board. So, yeah, so, good. You're on board. Everyone's back on board. So yeah, so pretty much the end of the episode is Samantha striking out, even though she has had sex. Yeah, she had sex with a dude at the start. Well, talks about having sex with a dude at the start.

Strikes out with Mr. Big. You're like, what? That's unlike Samantha. I know. Well, that's happening. Plot line B, which I have not even touched on yet. No, we have not. No, we have not.

So just hold on to your seats. Yeah. So, which focuses around our gal Charlotte. Oh, Charlotte. She's always so unlucky in love. She is. She's the unluckiest. In this episode, no exceptions.

So we're introduced to the fact she's seeing a dude, Capote? Capote, yes. Capote, who is, he owns art, expensive art. She's an art dealer. Seems like a good match. Yeah, a marriage made in heaven. Marriage made in heaven, but they're not actually married,

nor from actually heaven. No, there is no actual angels in this. No. Unlike Michael, which was that film starring the other Italian stallion, John Travolta, where he was an angel from heaven. Like angels in the outfield.

Yes. Like that, but not like that. No actual angels. No actual angels. Any baseball, though? No baseball in Michael, but he does slow dance to a woman in the middle of Times Square, I think, but he stops traffic

because that's his power that every angel possesses. Fact. Couldn't control lights. Fact. So yeah, Charlotte, unlucky in love, meets Capote. Match made in heaven, but not actual heaven. He's not Michael, the other Italian Stallion. Nor is he the original Italian Stallion, Rocky.

Exactly. Neither Italian Stallion. Also not Capote, Italian Stallion, Rocky. Exactly. Neither Italian Stallion. Also not Capote, Truman Capote. No. Not him either. No. Not him. Thankfully.

Yeah, that would have been a rough, that would have really confused the Rocky timeline. And with that annoying voice going on, I don't think I could have handled it. Yeah, no, it would have been too much. But no, this pilot was really good because Truman Capote didn't appear in it. Exactly, and there was no angels. No angels. Which, you knowote didn't appear in it. Exactly. And there was no angels.

No angels. Which, you know, didn't complicate things. Yeah. So Charlotte is hanging with this dude. They go to this, the nightclub that I mentioned earlier in this episode. The one that I couldn't get into. No, they don't go to the nightclub. They have a lovely date.

Oh, that's right. They have a lovely date. And she ends up at his apartment and she's like, no, I can't sleep with you. Exactly. She doesn't want sex like a man. She wants sex like a lady. She's like, no, I can't sleep with you. Exactly. She doesn't want sex like a man. She wants sex like a lady. She's like, no. She, like, this is really nice.

Exactly. And I don't want to ruin it. Like, I've got work in the morning. She's like, look, I'll just get a cab. We'll go out for dinner on Friday. Yeah. He's like, yeah, sick. Yeah.

Walks her out. Saturday, but anyway. Saturday. Splitting hairs. Who cares? Go on. No, I care. I care.

We do. We're the show about facts about Second City. It was a Saturday. Episode by episode. In-depth analysis, Joel. Yes. That's what we're here for. I care. We do. We're the show about facts about Second City. It was a Saturday. Episode by episode, in-depth analysis, Joel. That's what we're here for. So this, we do care. It was Saturday. It was next Saturday.

Kiss on the lips. And he's like, where are you going? West side? Oh, you know what's there? Hey, scoot over. I want to come in. And then you're like, oh, okay, cool. He's going to her apartment.

Like, this is kind of nice. No, it's- Not at all. He gives two separate addresses and she's like, that's that nightclub. Chaos. Chaos. That's the nightclub chaos, which she's like, that's that nightclub. Chaos. Chaos. That's the nightclub Chaos, which, not to be confused with the nightclub from Charmed, which has a different name, but I feel like...

It might also be Chaos. Yeah, it might also be called Chaos. Also, Chaos kind of sounds like an underground lair of a 90s villain. Yeah, or a goth club. It's neither of those things. Neither of those things. Neither of those things. Skeletor only makes one slight appearance. It's in hand corner just look out for him he'll be there he

ultimately winks at the camera but he'll just appear in about it's only like several frames easter egg um we did have a discussion when he first appeared i claimed that no that was just miranda and she wasn't winking and that you should definitely probably look at those brain scans again. But you, no. But hey, look, again, because of the hiccup, because of those hurdles, we couldn't actually go back to actually rewatch because it would have caused more buffering issues

and, again, delayed this even further. So we just had to assume that one of us was incorrect and one of us has a brain tumour. Unfortunately, fans, I've got some bad news about my brain. We decided that it must be me with the brain tumor because that couldn't have been Miranda because it was clearly Skeletor winking at the camera audibly. That's what I thought.

Yeah, so Capote jumps in the cab with her, gives an address. She's like, that's chaos. He's like, look, this has been a lovely night. And hey, look, I'm going to be honest with you. I just really need to have sex tonight. Which, my hat goes off to this guy. Like, the balls on Capote in this one scene. Because there were several options there.

He has so many options. He could do like, goodbye Charlotte, have a good one. I'll grab the next cab. Close the cab. She chuffs off, next cab please. Or call up, next cab please. Right? Yeah.

That's your option. Option two. Oh oh you're going to chaos yeah i'm meeting some friends over there i thought we were going to have a lot longer thing but hey i know i've got some friends having a beer like hey i don't have work tomorrow you do hey no problem so many things so many things you could be used with the lads just lied about no straight up no i want to get laid this is what i want to do is what's going to happen. And then they talk about how dinner on Saturday is still a thing. Charlotte seems unhappy with it, but Capote is just like, yeah, no, cool, dinner.

Sounds good. I could use a feed. So again, well done, Capote. Yeah, Charlotte, bad luck. So then the twist that happens. Oh, yes, back to the twist. Yes. He heads to chaos.

Twist, yes. Back to the twist. Yes. He heads to chaos. Twist, yes. He heads to chaos. World number one undefeated champion, Samantha, who has just... She's struck out with Mr. Big,

but you know what I like about Samantha? She doesn't give a shit. She doesn't care. She doesn't care. Capote strolls in. She's like, who's this lad?

Exactly. Who's this handsome fella? Yeah, and then she sleeps with... Well, no. We don't necessarily know then she sleeps with... Well, no. We don't necessarily know that she sleeps with. That brings us to Conalinga scene number two. Number two.

Capote bringing Samantha to his house. They both comment on the piece of art that Charlotte had previously commented on about five minutes earlier. Capote goes down in front of that painting. In front of the painting. Have a shit one, Charlotte painting have a shit one Charlotte have a shit one Charlotte

but yeah Samantha no good job she rebounded well from Mr. Big Thing exactly well that's happening the main plot line with Carrie

she meets up with Mr. Big he's just like hey get in cause yeah she's like oh no I can't get any cabs where are the cabs

I can't catch one I'm gonna have to walk home like an idiot and then Mr. Big comes up and he's like get in my car that to me scared me not gonna lie i was a bit worried it was very creepy um i actually i have i have a note here it actually says mr big is a creep my carry is weird into it why does she get into mr big's car i was i was i was concerned because she doesn't know this guy

she's met him twice yes he could be like the future donald trump or whatever it is or young donald trump but we don't know that he could be like the future Donald Trump or whatever it is. But we don't know that. He could be like, that could be his thing. He's that rich and powerful. He's gonna be like, I'm just gonna pick up this random girl and I'm gonna like again, murder her or like skin her, wear her face on my face. Maybe I'll

be the next Italian Stalin. Who knows? Well, that's the thing though, Joel. We haven't seen enough of the series to know that that didn't happen. That's very true. Yes, we don't know know that we don't know that he is now not carrie well just wearing carrie's face that's very true oh wait no they have a conversation outside of the car he drops her out because the last that brings me to the last lines of the episode where so carrie and mr big have had a discussion miss. Carrie has told Mr. Big about her having sex like a man versus stable relationships of a lady early 30s.

And Mr. Big's like, you haven't been in love. And she's like, no. No, of course I haven't. Fuck you, man. I'm my own woman. I'm my own woman. I make my own way. Which is good.

No, good. She sasses him. Good. He probably deserves it at this point. Mr. Big, fuck you. But he recovers like a champ. He does recover. He's like, hey, have a good night. said no she sasses him good he probably deserves it at this point mr big fuck you but but covers like a champ he does recover he's like hey have a good night and then carrie walking out of the car realizes what he just said and she's like wait have you been in love and he's like abso-fucking-lutely

and gives her the double barrel finger like fuck you no no he doesn't see that i'm assuming he's doing it underneath like like the window and the car is so it's very tinted so he's doing it underneath the window and the car is. It's a very tinted car. So he's doing it to her. She can't see it. We can't see it. But we know. We know. He's doing it. But I do like Carrie's opening line to him,

not like her actual opening line, but when they start talking and chatting, it's like, hey, so what do you do for a living? What do you do for crust? Because, again, that's a common question. It's like, what do you do for life? What do you do for a living? How rich are you?

Are you lower upper class or upper upper class? Or medium upper class? Or are you trying to crawl up that glass wall like a gecko? You idiot. And I'm like, well, I guess you already know the answer to this. You've seen me from across the bar. You've seen me at the gym. I thought they were tinted.

I guess they were wrong. Anywho, she's like, I'm a sexual anthropologist. That's her line. That's what she does. She's, I'm a sexual anthropologist. And he says- He's like, are you a whore? I think he says hooker, which is-

Or are you a hooker? Yes. Are you a hooker? He's like, yeah, he says it is sort of caution. Okay. His caution is probably turned up to about a 20% just in case she says yes. Yes. He's like, as in a hooker?

I know. He's like, are you a hooker? Which means I can murder you now because that's a thing that we do in the 90s. And sex in the city can be about me. And that to me is not a good opening line. Yeah, it's interesting. Definitely. Well, I guess he's opening line to where he's getting my car.

That's true. I guess they're getting marriage made in heaven. Maybe he's an angel. Maybe. He does look Italian. I'm not going to lie. He does look Italian. Maybe he's the original Italian.

No, he's not. Rocky is. And Michael's number two. Yes. So he's Italian's telling number three. I guess so. Yeah. Well, maths suggests that is the case.

But you haven't even really mentioned Miranda's storyline as well, which also does intertwine with the others, which is her getting up with Skipper, who is the nerd of the episode, the hopeless romantic, the person who is just like, I'm just a nice guy. Sort of how Samantha is meant to be a woman having sex like a man, Skipper is shown to be a man... sex like a man Skipper is shown to be a man

having sex like a woman wanting stable relationships and he also says he hasn't had sex in about a year poor Skipper yeah Skipper man

bad luck bro yeah but yeah he's also portrayed as a piece of shit like I don't really like him he was too much of a dweeb

yeah he's just he's not assertive he's not dominant he's not anything he's just he's someone he's like I just ugh he's not assertive. He's not dominant. He's not anything. He's just someone who's like, I just...

Ugh. He's just awkward. Awkward as fuck. My glasses. Yeah. A bit like that. It looked a little bit like Tom Hanks, but with a jerry curl. Yeah, which is...

But like a shit Tom Hanks with a jerry curl. With glasses. With glasses. My glasses. Yeah, I did not like Skipper at all But he did end up Hooking up with Miranda So props to him Yeah no good job

Even though Miranda was like This piece of shit She's like I'm out of I'm out of his league I'll forgive his One fatal flaw of being Too nice

Too nice But I understand Where Miranda's coming from When someone is too nice I'm sus It's creepy It's creepy Exactly

Don't come across as too nice. There's two things I'm into, Joel. Girls with glasses and girls that are kind of a bitch to me. I like a woman that can put me in my place and tell me what to do. Yeah, well... Skipper is neither of these things. No, he's not. He's also... He's also not a woman, but you just stated that,

Joel. You just stated that. I know, Joel. So yeah, that's the plot of the pilot, Sex in the City. So the first episode of Sex in the City, Sex just stated that. I know, Joel. So yeah, that's the plot of the pilot, Sex and the City. So the first episode is Sex and the City. Yep. Sex and the City. So that brings us to sort of like the conclusion part of this podcast. We're just going to answer a few questions.

Yep. And we're going to do this every single episode from now on in. So you have the questions, Joel. Oh, I do. I do. So first off, question one, how many sex scenes are there in total? Because, again, math. That's what we like in this show.

I believe there was three. Three? I was going to say 3.5. Ooh. See, I would assume that Skipper is breaking his dry spell with Miranda. Yeah, it's... Because there is marrying, that little thing we were talking about, when, like, you know, that movie where that chick is, like,

up against a chain link fence, and, like And Charlotte's like, I hated that movie. But Miranda's into it. So I'm guessing she was going to try and re-emulate. She was going to try and emulate that scene by banging Skipper up against a brick fence. Or it might have been chain. I was taking notes during that time. Wasn't paying attention. It was just a wall.

It was a building wall. I don't think she's recreating any scene in that part. I think she was going to try and recreate that scene. We see three sex scenes and one's implied. However, those sex scenes aren't necessarily penetration sex. No, they're not. No. Two are cunnilingus. So there's only one sex scene, really. There's only one.

And that's in the opening. Opening scene. In the first two minutes in. They kind of blew their wad early with the sex scenes. So really, one sex scene, two cunnilingus, one hinting at a maybe possible third. One make-out sesh that leads to sex, but we don't see the sex. That's very true.

And the Italian Stallion, of course, it happened offscreen, maybe between Rocky II and III. We don't know. We're not sure. Hard to say. Hard to say. Episode two will probably answer all of these questions. I'm hoping so.

Next question is, who had the shittest one? Charlotte. Charlotte shit one York. Yes, Charlotte shit one York. Yes, she definitely had the shittest one of all the characters, including, no, no, Skipper had a pretty good one.

I was going to say, including all the side characters that we saw. Yeah, probably better than all the side characters. Yeah. No. Charlotte really lost this episode.

Yeah, she, better luck next time, maybe. But you are Charlotte shit one York, so. So, by that nickname, I don Yeah, she... Better luck next time, maybe. But you are Charlotte Shitwonyork, so... So, by that nickname, I don't think you're going to have a good one. It's a fan favorite nickname, Joel. Mm, mm. I do like it. Next question is, who had the raddest time?

I'm going to say... See, I want to put forward Samantha. Yeah, I was going to... That's two votes for Samantha, and there's two hosts of this show. So that's two for two. That's two for two. What a rad time Samantha has. Not only did she bang the Italian stallion.

Rocky himself. Who might have been a horse, who might have just been Rocky. Yet to be decided. Either way, what a rad time for her. Then she's like, I strucked out with Big. Oh, well, I don't care. Plenty of fish in the sea. Capote.

Capote. Sick. So her having a rad time also contributed to Charlotte having a shit one. Which adds to her rad time I feel. And also adds to Charlotte's shit time. It's a cycle. Like the higher Charlotte, the lower Charlotte gets in this episode,

which is the opposite of the gesture I'm making at the moment, Joel. You're making it above your head, so I'm assuming that means high. So low. So you can only have to go higher than that. So another foot above your means high. So low. So you can only have to go higher than that. So another foot above your head is where Samantha is. That's what I'm saying, Joel. That's what I'm saying.

Perfect. So Samantha, rad time. Sorry. Samantha, rad time up here. Charlotte, shit time, but up here. I know you can't see me gesturing, but imagine me gesturing poorly. Put one hand above your head.

Yep. Hover it above your scalp. Yep. Put the other arm fully outstretched. And then make a right angle with your hand. So that one is outstretched. That's where Samantha is. That is Samantha.

The one on your head. The one resting just slightly above your head, also at a right angle. That's Charlotte. Charlotte shit one York. So I think this will also answer our questions. Let's rank the ladies in order here. So, of course, number one. Number shit one York. So I think this will also answer our questions. Let's rank the ladies in order here. So, of course, number one. Number one, Samantha.

Samantha. Number four, we definitely have Charlotte shit one York. I'm going to put Carrie number two, Miranda number three. Miranda was mean in this episode, and I didn't like it. She was, like, too mean. Yeah, Miranda was just, I wasn't having none of her. Like, even though I don't like Skipper, she was kind of being a little bit of a bitch to him i mean he was clearly she was having a bit of

fun with him i feel i do but it was like it was mean fun mean fun she was kind of bullying him yeah she was bullying him and then she gave him pity fuck well that's yeah i feel like that's also a form of bullying yeah i don't i don't like that at all if i want someone to fuck me i don't want to have a pity unless it's again the italian stallion who is like you look you lost that battle we had a good boxing fight. I've seen you there trying to climb that glass wall. Didn't succeed. I'll fuck you.

I'll fuck you. Thank you, Rocky. Better luck next time. Hey, maybe I can also fix this treadmill and maybe buy you some more Miggerang. Thank you. You're so lovely to me. And then he'll, like, make me an egg milkshake

and I'll be like, mmm. No, this is not for me. And then he'll just leave you on the broken treadmill with your Miggerang and a sore butthole. He will. So, speaking of that, who's our favourite boy this episode?

Four. Favourite boy. Controversial, because he's clearly a dick, but Capote. You loving Capote? I love, just that,

that scene in the cab. Just the balls on that one, Capote, is just like, well done, mate. Just, good job. I will say that,

Big, because I, yeah, in the episodes I've seen, he's usually a piece of shit. He was all right this episode. My favorite boy, however, I'm going to put down my boy, Stanford.

Oh! Right? Of course. Because I can relate to Stanford. I can. Because he's looking at Kerry, and he's like, oh my God, don't do that.

Please don't do that. Stop doing that. You're embarrassing not only yourself, but me, and most importantly, me. Yeah, he's... Please stop. He's my favourite boy in this episode.

Yeah, I want to change my answer, but I can't. No, it's already written in stone. Because of the laws of podcasting, Joel. That is very true. And our last and final question is, how sick of the theme song are we? Well, we've only heard it twice so far. Three times, if you count the fact that

during one of our hurdles, it had to rebuffer. Which I am. So three times so far. Yeah heard it twice so far. Three times if you count the fact that during one of our hurdles it had to rebuff her. Which I am. So three times so far. Yeah, three times so far. It's okay. I'm liking it. I'm liking it. I'm not hating it at all.

No, it's pretty good. It's really quite soothing to my ears. Yeah. Yeah. No, good. Good. That's been episode one of Joel's in the City. This was Sex in the City from the TV show Sex in the City.

Season one, episode one. Yep. I hope that if you've listened to this podcast as a fan of one of our previous shows, you now feel like you have also watched Sex in the City.

And if you haven't, GorillaVille, if you haven't got the DVDs, which if you haven't, shame. Go buy them. Go buy them on Blu-ray. Not sure if they're out in Blu-ray.

Are they? Who knows? Email HBO. Yes. I'll send? Email HBO. Yes. I'll send you a copy. Yes. Thanks for listening. If you have any feedback, email us at sanspantsradio at gmail.com.

If you have any questions, also email us at sanspantsradio at gmail.com. And if you have any spoilers, don't email us. No, we just do not want to know about any spoilers. So, I've been Joel. I've also been Joel. I hope your sex has been pleasurable in this city. I hope to one day pleasure your city with my sex. Thank you.

While I'm scaling this glass ceiling. Hello! Hello! Thanks for listening. If you want to help support the show, why not become a member at SandsPantsPlus.com and get early access to our shows, a bunch of exclusive content and much, much more. That's SandsPantsPlus.com.