Plumbing the Death Star - What is the Worst Fictional Universe Again LIVE!?

Episode Date: October 6, 2015

In which our heroes sit on a stage, get blinded by the lights and forget they have an audience as they ask what would be the worst fictional universe to live in again? We throw Vince Vaughn under the bus, throw our parents under the bus and ultimately try to work out if Ray Romano or Green Day are sadder. Jackson has too many universe choices, Zammit wants everyone to think of the poor, misunderstood bullies, Zoe is concerned about the logistics of man on horse-man loving and Duscher just wishes he had better microphone technique. So join the gang as they do it live and overall feel how George Clooney must feel when he watches Batman and Robin. Very famous.Want to help fund another live show? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month you can help us get back on stage by sometime in November.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least an infinite amount of books on the multi-earth theory. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, now live and in person. Hey guys, welcome to our very first live show! Woo! Ah! I am so glad you cheered, because I didn't have a plan for if you didn't. Mostly crying. Alright, so, welcome to this week's very special live edition of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like,

which would be the worst fictional universe to live in? Again. Again. This is where theme music would go, but none of us know the lyrics to Across the Universe, so here we are. Just imagine. I didn't even know it was by the Beatles

until like five minutes ago. So I'm going to choose the Marvel universe, the comic book universe, as one of the worst universes to live in. No, but what if you're an Iron Man? That's great if you're

an Iron Man. If you're a regular dude, it kind of sucks. A worst universe, you need to kind of look at it in several different ways. You need to look at it as an individual, as a society, globally, and universally, as in the actual universe. And I think across the board, living in the Marvel universe, in the comic book universe, would suck. Are we us in this? Are we just us four?

You can be you. You can be whoever you want, really. I'm Iron Man. Yeah, can I be Iron Man? You can be Iron Man. Good luck, because you're stuck in a prison at some point. What? I thought you said stuck in a president. Maybe. Stuck in a prison. Okay, that's not as bad. I'll be

Captain America, though. Good. I get to be president. And frozen in ice. It's kind of a prison as well, you have one or two options. You're born a human or you're born a mutant, right? Both of those not great, but let's forsake the argument. Let's say we're born a mutant, yeah? Oh, what? Okay.

Okay, so let's go. Now, for those who aren't aware of the Marvel Universe and mutants and all that kind of stuff, it happens when you hit puberty, so around about 13 years old, right? Yeah. So not only pimples in your period. You are now potentially a mutant. Laser ears or whatever. Laser ears? Yeah, laser ears. Could be anything. Think about being in

high school. Got a hair in my mouth. Where no one's a mutant yet. Yet everyone has that fear where anyone around you could suddenly just become some guy who shoots lasers out of their eyes. Would that be scary or would that be kind of exciting? Would you be looking around and being like, is Chad going to become a rock man this year? Is this the year where everybody becomes rock men?

You're like, oh, I noticed Stacey's got a fish for a head. Congratulations, Stacey. Well, Jackson, what if everyone got mutant powers and you didn't? I mean, you look like... I would be so humiliated. You look like you're

probably already bullied in high school. I was. I was. Sorry. Yeah. But I feel like the scariest thing would be

is like, if the school bully is the first person to get mutant powers. I didn't even think of that. And then there's fucking Chad up there with his rock man and can shoot lasers out of his ears not only is he stealing your lunch money he's like burning your skin off but this is like even before everyone

gets like mutant powers i think bullying would be at an all-time low because what if you were bullying a kid and then suddenly he got giant he got rock man or rock fists he got rock fists and then you can in my head these fists are just actual boulders like it's not like He's got rock men. Or rock fists. He's got rock fists. In my head, these fists are just actual boulders. It's not like he's got fists made of rocks. He's got a dragon. He can't pick anything up. Wait a second. You're arguing for bullying though.

You're saying it's the worst to live in because bullies have a hard time. They do. It's the worst. Those poor fucking bullies. How are they going to get their lunch money now? And then, after say when we're all 16 so after so after all that like bullying has happened or not happened then when you hit 16

post bullying when all the mutant powers have been divvied out Stacy's got a fish head, Chad's over there with rock hands then Jackson over there with nothing you're going to get the shit bullied out of you so bad

that's true Chad's gonna kick your ass I think the problem is Chad wouldn't kick your ass Chad would kill you accidentally I feel like the school system surely at this point

would be doing something to stop Rockman death potentially because the only thing they have is Xavier's school that's all you've got that's all you've got

so we're just pretty much sending well it's not all I've got Chad Rockman goes to Professor Xavier's school and I go off to college. Chad learns to be a rockman and I become an astrophysicist.

Yeah, that's after Chad has killed you. And then... Oh, well, yeah. No, I didn't think of that. I was going to say, as an astrophysicist, maybe cosmic powers. That's true. Stretchy man.

Stretchy powers. But that's again, the book about with mutant powers is you don't know what you're going to get. Because you could get rock hands. You could get fish head. You could get something useful or something not. Say something like, I don't know, like Johnny Storm.

I know he's not a mutant, but he has five powers. He can turn on fire, yeah. And the first time he got his powers, he almost went supernova until Reed Richard has to stop that. So by the time maybe you activate your power suddenly everything around you is just death and you just have slaughtered a whole town your hometown.

I feel sorry for the teachers in this situation. Not only is your job description educating the next generation it's also like

people will die at your school. That's just going to be part of teaching. That's just part of it. It's not going to be good. Let's take a case study of Rogue. We all know Rogue she can good. Let's take a case study of Rogue.

We all know Rogue. She can touch people and absorb their powers, memories, personality. Basically a carbon copy of them in her brain. But it hurts her. It hurts her? It hurts them. It hurts her emotionally because she's like, I just almost killed my friend and I'm fine.

Because that fucking sucks at 14. It does. It really does. We've all been there. So could you imagine being 14 and you've finally got a girl or boy of your dream, whatever. Both. Hey, whatever. I'm not picky. That's the dream.

That's the dream. And then you're getting hot and heavy. You go to kiss. Suddenly you absorb who they are. You absorb their essence. You absorb their memories, their personality, their ego. I don't want to be a 14-year-old boy. It's easy.

And that's the problem. You've got Rogue making out with Cody. Cody's in a coma. And now suddenly you basically experience everything that Cody experienced. You know what Cody thought of you, like actually thought of you. So when you're getting a mutant power, you've hit puberty. Is it like a 50-50 chance you're going to get a good one or a bad one? I would argue like, whoa.

It depends on how you work with it, though. 85-15. 85 being bad. You could be a chicken dude. Chicken dude? You could be a chicken dude. What? You could be a guy who's a chicken.

What part of chicken? Like he's got a beak and feathers. That's just why I wanted chicken legs because they run really great. They go backwards. Oh, my God. They run so stupidly. You could roost. That would just be awesome in sports class.

Would it? Yeah, no. Dysqualified from track. Yeah, you're just like, instead of having a note that's just like, oh, sorry. Oh, so you want to avoid sports. Yeah, you're like, oops, Zoe has chicken legs. Sorry, she can't do the beep test. But you could do the beep test so good.

No, well, you'd have chicken legs, but you wouldn't have increased stamina. I'm just imagining me with regular sized chicken legs as well, so I'm just really tiny. Well, then you're getting... You're out of gym. It's just like Zoe has to live in a hospital for the rest of... Plus you're going to get spooked by shadows.

Do chickens do that? If you hold a chicken on its back and it gets hypnotised. You draw a straight line in front of its beak, it also gets hypnotised. Wait, what did Zoe say? I missed the hot nonsense. What? I was saying that their necks are awesome

so I wouldn't mind having a chicken neck. When you move the chicken, its head stays... Have you never seen a chicken before? I have. I'm just trying to work out where in my life that would be useful. I want to say blowjobs, but my parents are in the front row.

I would also say that, but my mum is in the front row. I guess that would be useful for that, but then I've got a beak. No, no. Yeah, yeah. That is true.

So the Marvel Universe, scary. So scary on an individual level. Also, if you were a fish boy, right? Say Stacey with a fish head. Hang on, is the head the head of a fish or just a whole fish? Because I was imagining a whole fish. The news reporter.

You've seen SpongeBob, right? Of course. The news reporter in SpongeBob. Fish head. Oh, yeah, okay. No, no, so like a photore. The news reporter. You've seen SpongeBob, right? Of course. The news reporter in SpongeBob. Fish head. Oh, yeah, okay. No, no, so like a realistic fish head. Wearing a suit. But facing up.

Yeah. He only ever sees the roof. Correct. Good. So you're Stacy, and you're swimming in the ocean, having a good time. And then suddenly,

halfway around the world, someone that you've never seen before, someone you don't even know anything about, has a squabble with her family, has a bit of daddy issues, utters three words, no more mutants. Suddenly, in a flash of like an instant,

you are suddenly just normal Stacey without a fish head. That sounds good. The fish head sounded like a hansel. But you're underwater. Oh, God. And now you're drowning. Did you forget to swim? Because you're underwater and you have no more fish head.

No, but like you can go up. Yeah, but I'm talking you're like down in the bottom of the ocean. I guess. You could try and swim. You've got a minute. You've got a minute to go up. You've got a good hot minute. That's fine.

I've got this. The bends. You're going to get the bends. I know. You skipped a lot of sports classes, so I don't know how well you're going to go. I'm 22 and I don't know how to swim. I die in this situation. Do you not know how to swim?

I don't know how to swim. It's not an issue. It's fine. How do you not? I know we shouldn't blame the parents, but they're in front of us. Fair enough. Fair enough. Whatever.

Good. So that's another problem of the Marvel Universe. Also, if suddenly Chad Rockfist. Yeah, Chad got Rockfist. He goes off to Xavier's school for gifted youngsters. And now he's got to fight Xavier's wars. Oh, yeah. About the fact that being born in that universe of mutant

means that you're probably going to war. Exactly. What if Chad just wanted to be, I don't know, he wanted to be a quarterback? Well, he can't. He's got rock fists. He can't. He's got rock fists.

That's an unfair advantage. And now he's got to fight Xavier's brother. See, I used to have the same opinion as you, that if you were born with no mutant powers in the Marvel Universe, you'd have it the worst, but I Marvel Universe, you'd have it the worst, but I kind of think you'd have it the best. I think I'd be laughing at all the mutants with their rock fists and fish heads, being like, I can live a functional life.

You say that. However, you're either going to be a casualty in some kind of war. Yeah. Knowing you. Knowing you. I'm like the first guy. Tiny Stone hits you right in the perfect spot and you're dead.

Thor lands with his hammer and just shrapnel in one of my eyes. Yes. Why was I standing so close to the Avengers? I guess he just wanted to be involved. I don't know. I'm special. So special.

If science happens around you, you have like a good 80% chance of being some kind of science-based monster or hero or villain. That's true. That's true. That is an unfortunate, that's why you become a farmer.

I feel like, but even though like being, just being a normal human in this world, I just would be so tired of everything happening around me. Like just over it. You'd be completely over it. And also what would you actually do to pass the time? Because most jobs and everything like that... Just go outside, look at the sky for a bit. Something will bound to happen sooner or later.

Yeah, follow Spider-Man. See what he's up to. Thor's hammer. Mjolnir might just smack me in the face. That'd be great. Because then I'd be dead. It's an interesting day. The world is terrible.

The fuck out of this universe. I hate it. So, and talk about on a social level, because we have all these powered individuals, what happens to a lot of jobs? So what can you do that's a Hulk who is in control of his power, so like a grey Hulk or a dark green Hulk?

Like a Mr. Fix-It Hulk. Yes. But less gangster mobsty-like. He was a criminal. He was. So what can you do that a Hulk can't? Operate delicate machinery. Can you, Jackson? Can you operate delicate machinery?

I could figure out like a dump truck. That's so delicate. I think Hulk could figure out a dump truck. Hulk is a dump truck. Exactly. He would just pick it up and put it down. So you've got basically a jobs problem because all the

super-powered individuals maybe we can clean up but again a strong guy could lift stuff up and do better than you. So am I homeless in this?

Potentially. You've also got God's actual existing so you also have the afterlife exists. I just want to point out that I'm like the only one On trial here

Yeah I know Zammett's not like Zoe what could you do That the Hulk couldn't Jackson This is all me For some reason I've taken the brunt of it

Till now I'm fighting Zammett's battle This never happens I know Shut up I realise You're using me I like you're not looking at me

So you can kind of On my side now This is good This is good I know It's because I'm at you're not looking at me so you can kind of on my side now this is good I know it's because I'm at this end I'm at the far end I know it's fantastic so you've got like hell exists several different versions of hell exist

but am I going there? can I just live a comfortable life? I feel like this is the perfect time to get into the priesthood yeah you know that there is a god Thor and Loki are definitely I feel like this is the perfect time to get into the priesthood. Yeah. You know God exists. You know that there is a God. Thor and Loki are definitely... Yeah, but you've also got...

You've got Norse and Greek. You've got a bunch of gods. You just pick one and you say, I'm the priest for that person now. Come listen to me. You've also got actual demons. Yeah. That's fine.

Death no longer means anything because people come back like that. Well, I don't. Why do you mind? I die and that's that. Probably not. Probably not, though. Huh? Yeah, you're not people come back like that. Well, I don't. You might. I die and that's that. Probably not. Probably not, though. Huh? Yeah, you're probably it.

No, I doubt it. I'm good. All right, so the Marvel Universe seems kind of rough. I can keep going. There's like wars that are a big problem as well

because there's going to be basically a Cold War with super power individuals. What if I befriend a superhero? What if I become Jimmy Olsen to Superman? No, that's okay. You've got Rick Jones' life and no one wants that

The thing about Jimmy Olsen I know but I couldn't think of Hulk's got a mate but I couldn't think of his name Rick Jones You're dying 100% They're turning on you because every superhero turns bad It's a fact At least for one episode

For one issue your best friend is going to turn against you Or I'm going to get involved in their bullshit life and end up with powers or as an ape. You're just their therapist, pretty much, and there's a Hulk coming up to you being like, fuck, I smashed and killed 37 people yesterday. You've just got to sit there and take it. I don't want Hulk to knock on my door and be like,

yeah, I became the Hulk again. I'm like, yeah, no surprise. It's your life. You are the Hulk. This is not my issue. Stop calling me. I'm fucking tired. Please don't stay at my house for weeks at a time, Bruce. You're a scientist. Stop crying. You've got a Galactus problem?

Galactus could rock up at any time and eat our planet? That's rough. That's just an existential terror. You've then got the Phoenix Force Force who was basically a cosmic entity that was wearing a jean gray skin suit yeah a little bit peckish and went to a solar system and ate a son and destroyed that whole inhabited place three billion dead I feel like you just look right Jack Not great, Jack. Not great. Yeah, Jackson. Why? Plus you've got the Beyonders. What is this?

They're not even destroying one universe. They're destroying multiple universes. Really, that's on them, though. Just live recklessly. Whatever. I'm going to die any second anyway. Yeah, you would basically go crazy. Punch Captain America. Yes, you could punch Captain America in the face.

Yeah, punch a wall. Punch a wall. Fight Professor you could punch Captain America in the face. Yeah, punch a wall. Punch a wall. Fight Professor X. Just leap on his wheelchair. Push him over. Push him down some stairs. Push him down some stairs. Surprise him when he's given a conference.

Wheel him outside in the inter-traffic. You're going to die sometime anyway. Like Adler. Drop of a hat. So yeah, I think the Marvel Universe would suck because the potential for you to just be non-existent is looming at any possible stage. anyway like add that drop of a hat so yeah i think the marvel universe would suck because the potential for you to just be non-existent is looming at any possible stage we're talking about franklin who can just make you not exist well well that's franklin again punch professor

x you're fine or punch franklin richards he's a child i don't want to punch a child that's all that's read richards will get mad true all right so now we get to do our favourite part of these episodes Where we try and give your score Out of ten Let's attach an arbitrary score to Xamarin One being good in this situation One being like I want to live there

Ten being like I want to get out Probably a six Six? Six? 6.5 6.5. 6.5. 6.5. Because I feel like the chance, like, it's going to suck probably, but maybe.

It could be. Maybe you're Captain America. That's true. Yeah. What if I get angel wings? Have you kind of sold me on pushing Xavier down some stairs? Damn. He'd be so afraid.

He's got fragile legs. Why? It would be so funny. And he'd see it coming because he could read my mind. As I approached his wheelchair from behind, he turned his head in a panic. But by then it would be too late. To be by ex-man?

No! Tumble, tumble, splat. He's one weakness. Yes. It is, though. Who's next? Who's going up against the Marvel U? I think it's my turn. Zoe, jump in.

My worst fictitious universe to live in for those who have seen it is the Bojack Horseman universe thank you no but but horsemen no

my issue shut up horsemen elk women no so you're a human in this situation correct and you've got

horsemen and elk women and a cat lady and whatever you want lizard dudes I think one guy was a squid. My question is how do we bang?

Well, okay. See, my issue is that I think that I would become slightly racist in this universe. Racist or speciesist? We're going to go with racist for the sake of arguments

Because speciest is hard to say Okay And I just feel like I was thinking about it and I'm like Man, that would suck because I wouldn't know how sex works And there's so many issues You've got to relearn it But you're an anthropomorphic horse

So he's just got a horse head But he's got fingers Yeah, he does have fingers Or a horse penis No, but then how do you have. I don't think he's got a horse penis. No, but then how do you have kids? And I would just become racist because I'd become like one of those weird West Borough Baptist people that would be like marriage is between a woman and a woman

or a woman and a horse. Horse man. No, you'd be fine. No, I'm on your side, Zoe, because like some things have cloacas. Like some things don't have regular basic genitals. So if it got down to that point, like with a chicken, and I take off the chicken's pants, I'm like,

I don't actually know what to do here. This is genuine. My sex education did not prepare me for a chicken's cloaca. No, frogs instead of having... I don't want to put it in my mouth. I don't want it. See, frogs instead of having gen, just have a moist patch. Moist patch?

Moist patch. How do I deal with that? Well, I guess you would rub it against. Rub it? Your moist patch? Wow. All right, Duscha, you're on pro boning a horse, so. Sure am.

I will happily take that. Sex ed would be way different in the Bojack Horseman universe. Way different. It would be like you'd have high school And then also as a whole subject Secondary education How to bang other species Because there are like bugs in that world

Yeah, don't stress, they teach you about it You're hassled, don't worry about it Also racism That's on you, not on the universe Don't be a bad person No, no, no, but also, not only the sex thing. My friend can be a horse, and that's so good. See, I feel like my biggest issue is Mr. Peanutbutter is a Labrador.

And we've all seen what a Labrador's penis looks like. Have we? Have we, Zoe? I think we all... What have you been searching, Zoe? Actually, no, everybody's seen a dog erect. I think we all know what an erect dog looks like. It's E.T.'s finger fucking staring at you.

And I just don't want to interact with that. Hi, Dad, I'm sorry. What happened in your life? But also, like... Like you've never seen an animal erect. Again, this is assuming in the BoJack... is that they have the genitalia of the animals that they are anthropomorphised of. That was a sentence, sure. Why would they just have the heads then?

Bojack Horseman has hands. He's got little fingers. Horses don't have thumbs, though. Does he have a tail? No. But the cat does. The cat does, so have thumbs, Zoe. Does he have a tail? No. But the cat does. The cat does, so bam. Point us.

How is that a point? That's just saying one has a tail. What? No, but okay, aside from the genital debacle, you'd also have the universe. They've worked it out. Yeah. This has always been the case, Jackson.

Don't worry about a horse dick. I'm not stressing about horse dick. You sound stressed about horse dick. I'm not stressing about horse dick. You sound stressed about horse dick. I'm stressed. But you've got bug men, and bugs have a different brain to people. Bugs have different values. Yeah. So you would be bug racist.

You'd be like, I find it weird that bugs lay eggs and I don't. I'm uncomfortable with it. And that's why we become racist That is not a good justification I don't want to be racist They're different, so I hate them I hate bugmen, it's fine, I'll say it I hate bugmen, I'm scared of lizardmen

They could eat me Mole people are literally my worst fear And they're actual mole people They're just like mole headed men Jackson,'re actual mole people. Actual mole people. Just like mole-headed men. Jackson, you love mole men. I do love mole men. Don't.

You're siding with everyone here, and I'm not sure why. I'm everyone's friend. Not mine anymore. Yeah, no, that's great. I'm so mad at you for this. All right, so going on. I will argue for this being maybe the best for this. All right, my question. All right, so going on. I will argue for this being maybe the best fictional universe. All right, all right.

I think my question is, all right, so if we can bang. Yeah, it's great. Universes, we can bang. Genitals work. Yep, just in and around my face. Yeah, yeah, good. A horse dick all over the shop. Anthropomorphize it.

It'd be a normal human looking one. Then it's not interesting. I'm bored of this. Yes? What's your question? I was going to say, how do you make babies? Yeah, bam. How is a bug?

If I marry a bug, point Jackson and Zoe. Yeah! Well, if I marry a bug and me and that bug woman decide to have kids, are they in eggs? Is that much? If she's a spider, she's in a cocoon. Is it an egg that births a human? Wow.

Gross. Horrible. In BoJack's Fantasy in season two, when he's imagining going with the elk lady, he imagines having kids, and it just takes after the mother or the father, so we just take after one of the mothers or the father. So one's a bug, one's a man?

Sure. I'm just really scared for if, like, a genetic mutation. It sounds like the problem isn't so much the universe, Zoe, but more Zoe. I'm just really scared for if like a genetic mutation It sounds like the problem isn't so much the universe Zoe, but more Zoe Take after my mum I promised I'd make one joke about her being racist tonight So, any other reasons why the BoJack would be terrible?

Genetic mutation What? So we could live like the plot of The Fly. Yeah, that is. That's again a plus. No, it's not. You could just be a fly man. It's not good.

Throngle flies are scary. It's so bad. So Jackson marries a bug lady. I marry a bug lady. He falls in love. He marries a bug lady. She lays little eggs and then he has one human, one bug, and then one bug thing. But the bug things are also kind of human, remember?

It's just their face. No, because I feel like there'd be more. It's just their face. Do you get reversed? Like, you know in Bojack, it's like a man with a horse head? Do you get horses with man heads? God, I hope so. Only dream.

I really do hope so. Anyway. See, another problem is you have, like, lobotomized chickens. Oh, yeah. And they eat those chickens. And they eat that. It's a fucked up universe. That's more of a problem than whatever you've got going on.

But you didn't raise that, so I'm not going to... I don't know how to raise a bug daughter. I don't know what to teach her. No, no. I'm saying that if I went in... One.

One. One. One. Fine. Ten. Ten. Best universe. I'm going to give it a three.

I tried. Jackson, you're up. Your universe better be horrific. I went through a couple. First thought anime, because anime's trash And then I thought Maybe I would do the Muppets Because I realised that in the Muppet world Muppets are second class citizens

But then I realised that the worst fictional universe ever Is everybody loves Raymond Alright How? loves Raymond. All right. How? I don't understand how it's fictitious. You've never met my nonna. I want you to imagine a world, okay, where everyone's sad all the time.

So I still like my family. I want you to imagine a world where everybody has a love-hate relationship with Ray Romano. Doesn't matter if you're related to him. Doesn't matter if you just know him. You love him. You kind of hate him.

He's Ray Romano. That sounds great. That sounds like reality as is. Nobody loves Ray Romano. Everybody is sad for him. Do I like Ray Romano? No, you don't. That was the thing that I had to think about.

I understand what you're saying. Everybody loves Raymond. If you remove the soundtrack... Round of applause. Who likes Ray Romano? Thank you, that one person. Everyone hates Ray Romano. It was very great that Ray Romano could make it. We didn't know you were a fan. Thank you.

We're not a fan of you. I'm still on the fence. If you take Ray Romano, like, Everybody Loves Rayman, and you remove the laugh track from that show, it's just a really depressing time. Every single character. Marie is like a psychopath.

Marie. Yeah, okay. Marie. Robert is the saddest, most pathetic man. But he's got a job. He's got a job. He's got a job, but no one's proud of him. Robert is the saddest, most pathetic man. But he's got a job. He's got a job. No one's proud of him.

He's not even proud of him. He's like, I'm a cop, but I'm so sad. He's like, I'm a cop, but I live with sad, depressed cop. How good. That's not a good. That's a sad life. Have you seen True Detective? It's great.

Season one, not season two. Season two. Trash. Anything with Vince Vaugh two. Season two. Trash. Anything with Vince Vaughn can fuck off. Academy Award winner Vince Vaughn. Yeah. Hey. Good.

Yeah. Fuck you, Vince Vaughn. I feel I really understand what you're saying, Jack, but as a tiny little wog child growing up with Everybody Loves Raymond was this beautiful thing to be like, do you want to see how fucking crazy my family is? Watch this show. Everything they do is this. You meet my nonna, she's Marie. My other grandpa's whatever the dad's name is. Frank. Frank. Oh my god.

No, no. It's just a life that we live. It's sad and we just accept it and we move on. You have like your mum comes over with great lasagna every now and again. But then, like, she totally emasculates my wife and then, like, mocks my sad brother.

And I just sit there. Why am I Everybody Loves Raymond? Why did I become Raymond in this scenario? I didn't set out for that to happen. Well, it's happened. You are now... We're there. I didn't want that. Make a happen. Well, it's happened. You are now... We're there. I didn't want that.

Make a sad noise. Imagine that we're... Oh, ma. That's why you're Ray. But imagine... Okay, so the four of us living... The rules, as I've set them out for the Everybody Loves Raymond universe,

is that everyone's sad and everybody has a love-hate relationship with Ray Romano. So imagine that in your everyday life. So we all know Ray Romano. Am I constantly thinking about Ray Romano? Yeah, it's always in your head. You're like, my life kind of revolves with Ray Romano. So imagine that in your everyday life. So we all know Ray Romano. Am I constantly thinking about Ray Romano? Yeah, it's always in your head. You're like, my life kind of revolves around Ray Romano.

What if we've never met Ray Romano? You've got to write him letters. You know about him. He's a pop culture icon. So in this universe, we are all side characters. But he's a pop culture icon that he's just like, what does he do? Does Everybody Loves Raymond exist in the Everybody Loves Raymond universe?

Do we watch it on TV and be like, this is our life? This is our keeping up with the Kardashians. We just know the Romanos or the Barones. What a subtle change. So it's Ray, oh, hang on. I guess then everybody loves Ray Barone. Yeah. That's what I meant.

No, Ray Romano. Fuck it. Let's stick to the actor. Done. You've broken the universe. But you're all so sad. Every pathetic thing about your life is just like... Was everyone sad in Everyone Loves Raymond?

Name a happy person in Everybody Loves Raymond. Frank. Frank is the most unhappy, insecure man in the world. In one episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, he's playing ping pong with his sons, and they beat him, and he sulks for like a week until Marie comes in and is like

Frank, no no, like Ray, Robert, your father is a weak, fragile man. Please go and apologize him and let him beat you at ping pong. Nobody's happy in that world. I was gonna say the kids but didn't it come out like two weeks ago that one of the actors killed themselves? There you go.

I like that we laughed. That's not a good argument. No one's happy. Everything that touches you in the mind turns to trash. I guess. Four. Maybe a three. I think you would have been better with Muppets.

It's at least a two. Give me a two. No. No. I gave you a four. I think you would have been better with Muppets. It's at least a two. Give me a two. No. I gave you a four. That's better. Oh, wait, no. Four. Give me a five.

I'm going to give you a two on your recommendation. Shit. I'm going to go with one because it's pretty much my reality anyway. God damn it. Rory Romano was a clear winner. That made me very sad. Well, I'll conclude with this. I had to think about this.

This is a tough one. We've done this episode four times, so it's hard to get new material. Twice, Zoe. This is the second time. Another hair in my mouth. Shave your beard. And it wasn't beard hair.

I don't know what it was. No, it's gross. He has a weak chin. Yeah, so I thought for ages about this. It's super hard because pretty much every fictional universe is terrible. But there's one that stood out more than the others. This one might require some explanation because I've picked Green Day's American Idiot.

Thank you, one man clapping. The album? Yes. It's a concept album, so there's a story, kind of. Okay. All right. I'm mad at you. I'm already at like...

Your hate fuels me, so bring it. Yeah, okay. So in this universe... Okay, first of all, I'll explain the story because the album came out in 2005 and everyone was probably five to ten when it came out. Or didn't listen to it. Didn't listen to it.

Hey! Yeah, a lot of Green Day haters in the house. A lot of people don't like Green Day here tonight. Because they peaked with American Idiot now everything they do is shit. Did they? No, they were like a constantly okay band and then they did American Idiot and was like,

what? And everyone's like, nah. That's okay. That's fine. I'm not attached to this band in the slightest. Wait till you see my tattoo later. So pretty much the plot is there's a guy called

Jimmy, I think. He's sick of America. He starts calling himself the Jesus of Suburbia, which is already the worst. He blames his father's rage and his mother's love for this. At the moment, it just sounds like a emo little bitch.

Like a sad little kid. Let me finish the story, Zamit. Let me finish the story and then I'll elaborate. Green Day's American Idiot. Then he starts calling himself Jesus of Sperbio. Okay, yeah, yeah. That lasts for a bit. Then he starts doing heroin and he's like, I guess

I'm Saint Jimmy now. Heroin does that to you? Sometimes you imagine Why did he go down from Jesus to a saint? He demoted himself. See what I mean? Heroin parks you off. Anyway, so a whole Anyway So A whole bunch of A whole bunch of

Terrible things happen For a while He meets a girl Whose name is What's her name Which again An awful name I'm assuming that's not

Her genuine name He's on heroin He can't remember Her name What's her name What's her name We already have Seven children

Anyway They fall in love Whatever She leaves him. He quits drugs, is sad, thinks about how sad he is, then the album ends. Okay. That's less a fictional universe and just a sad story. You're just like, this is what Green Day's American Idiot was about.

That's what you did just then. Yes. But there are adults in this situation. Okay. This sounds like a 16-year-old's life. It definitely sounds like a poem I wrote in high school. Exactly. Imagine a world where all adults act like teenagers Imagine the angst

When do I hit adulthood? You're an adult But you know when you're a teenager And puberty stops for a bit And you're like oh I'm not angry about everything anymore You said that like puberty stopped for a bit to then start You know when puberty pauses For like a good year And then you're like, ah, dang,

I thought I was done. When you get back again. Because what you've all described, except for Everybody Loves Raven, which is going down the similar path of me, is... Well, you're like, what was I actually thinking? Should have stuck with Muppets. No, I'm not thinking that at all. You've both described a universe. You've described

a great universe, first of all. Wrong. Yours is just so bad But this is just Just the worst Like imagine Where everyone's just sad All the time And everyone's like

So self-righteous Every single person So are we saying That in this universe You hit 16 And you're done In this universe Are we all Saint Jimmy

Or No I'd be what's-her-name Or what's-her-name I wanna be what's-her-name You can be what's-her-name Zoe can be what's-her-name Dush what's-her-name. I want to be what's-her-name. You can be what's-her-name. Zoe can be what's-her-name. Dusha can be Saint Jimmy.

I'll be Jesus. We're the same person, except I'm you on heroin. Ooh, Fight Club. Yes! Yes! Also, like, everyone's name... She's a chosen Fight Club.

That's a good answer. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, everyone has the dumbest names ever because the characters I named Are just the main characters Okay There's like

A dude called Tunny or something Everyone's got the dumbest names So your worst fictional universe Is one where Everyone's sort of sad And has a dumb name Yes But

Do they have a dumb name Or are they the names That someone Who is clearly on heroin Is giving these names to people? Is everything filtered to the guy on heroin? Because this is a universe. This is just your narrator is a guy on heroin.

And that's bad. That's not a universe. It kind of is. This classic, this is like we've diluted and filtered the Zamedusha conflict down to just like, it isn't, it is. It's very cool. Or being is what

this is. I have notes. I have knowledge. Bam! That's not a universe. That's just you listening to far too much American Idiot today in your car being like, this'll do good. It will do good. And then you got a shit-eating grin.

Does he have it on right now? Yeah. Yeah. I love that at no point in writing the notes were you like, this isn't a universe. This is a sad guy. You got through the whole concept album. You listened to every song.

I did. Wow. 45 minutes of an okay time. I haven't watched an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond in years. I did research. I'm sorry for the guys, but it's granted. Bad. I get the poor stick, so good for you, man.

Okay. No. I will just slightly make Douche's argument a little better visually the American idiot universe sucks everyone's wearing makeup as well that's not an issue

but imagine having to because it's a choice now this is no longer a choice so you wake up in the morning I'll tattoo that shit on what happens if I don't is in, because it's a choice now. This is no longer a choice. So you wake up in the morning and it's... I'll tattoo that shit on. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

No, the only thing I'll give you is that it is black and white... No, just die. You tried for treason. No, it's black and white and red and green. So it's a little emo Christmas every day. See? Also, is it a fisheye lens? Yes.

Is life in a fisheye lens? I will get dizzy in this world. You'll get dizzy. This is a world where I'm dizzy and everyone's sad and my name's like MacGuffet or something. And everyone's so self-righteous and self-important as well. Imagine meeting everyone and they think they're the main character of life.

I think the moment I popped into this universe and I was like, so my name's MacGuffet and I'm dizzy all the time and everything's in a... I'd be like, this is dumb. That's right. I just know that my universe was inherently stupid. And that makes it

bad. But comparatively, it's just like the same. It's the same as your universe, except mine's sadder. Mine, everybody worships Ray Romano. But they're mad about it. So we worship a god

that we aren't happy with. Yeah. Me and Dujo described the same one. So if we combine American Idiot with Ray Romano Oh, imagine. Ray Romano's American Idiot. My shadow's

the only one. Yes! So we can filter the whole album with St. Jimmy being Ray Romano. I'm into it now. Okay, alright. So Ray Romano's like, I'm the second coming of the Lord. Now I'm just gonna be like

St. Jimmy. St. Jimmy. Ma. Debra, I'm hungry. Imagine this fresh howl. It's the worst. It sounds fine. It's okay. A 14-year-old me

would be fucking loving it. How does a 20-year-old you feel about it? A 22-year-old me is alright with it because at least I get to wear eyeliner. And I don't have to interact with horse dick. That's the douche's like... I guess there is no horse dick. There's no horse dick in American Idiot.

Five. Two? I'll give it a three. I'll allow it. Sick. Because I started a one and made it to a three. I think I win. That's a powerful journey you went on. Pretty sure I got a one and made it to a three. So I think I win. That's a powerful journey you went on. Pretty sure I got a six.

I think Zama does win. Which is super rare. But hey, congrats. I picked an actual universe. I know. I guess I won by default. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Zoe. I've also been Joel. I've been Zoe.

I've also been Joel. I've been Jackson. Yeah! Yeah! Samarachip. And this was a live plumbing. How amazing. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account?

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