Plumbing the Death Star - What is the Worst Thing You Could Find in the Ocean?

Episode Date: August 28, 2022

This week, the Bad Brain Boys are tackling a fan-submitted question: "What is the worst thing you could find in the ocean?"Once again, we need to remind you that this is a pop culture podcast.The boys spend far too long talking about what they would do if they found another version of their loved ones' floating around... or worse yet, if they found another them but dead just floating in the ocean. The Bad Brain Boys get pretty deep into the possible of making it to Earth 2 or getting sucked off into space (through the ocean). They also discuss what it means to be human and the possibility that the sea itself might talk. One thing is for certain, let's hope they never find a big red button they can push because they will with zero thoughts going through their brains and no regards for consequences.Listen now and sign up to apple.co/badbrainboys on Apple Podcasts for even more content! New episodes every Monday Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the SanchPants Network. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. And sometimes here on Plumbing the Death Star, we reach out to our audience. Yeah.

And we say, hey, what are some important questions you want us to answer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And sometimes we get good questions, sometimes we get dogshit questions that we don't even acknowledge. Sometimes we get baffling questions. Which is what has happened today, because sometimes those baffling questions are so baffling they stop us dead in our tracks. And we say, forget

what else we were doing today. We gotta get to the bottom of this. So today we are asking the important slash baffling question. What? And just a reminder before I get to the question, this is a pop culture podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plumbing the depths,

pop culture aficionados. What is the worst thing you could find in the ocean? Okay. Okay, immediately I've got to say this is a broad question. Okay, so is it me personally? Humanity? Is it... Well, I think humanity and you personally. Yeah.

I think most things that would be bad for humanity would be bad for Joel Sandman. I know. Because if I was like, you know, found like a replica me or say like, you know, my parents like looking disappointingly at me. Yeah, that's true. Well, that's strange. Yeah.

I guess humanity would recover from finding the dead body of Joel Zammett in the ocean. But Joel Zammett finding the dead body of Joel Zammett in the ocean. I imagine they were alive. But yeah, a dead body of me. I think if I saw a dead body of me in the ocean, my first response just out of panic and chuckle would be to laugh. And then I'd cry. Mom, was there a twin?

Did I have a twin you killed, Mom? I think I'd go into denial so bad and be like, I found a dead body. I wouldn't even be like, that's me. I'd just be like, yep, that's a dead guy. Dude, that looks kind of like me. And then they did the DNA test. It turns out, I'm 100% that Joel Dershowitz. That guy in the sea.

What would that do to you? Well, I mean, would you be there for the funeral? Well, if they're me, but then who? I would find it distracting, I think, that if I went to a funeral and then there was someone that was the person I was mourning was alive at the funeral. Imagine sitting next to your parents as they mourned you as you were lowered, but you're also there mourning you.

But if you're the one that found you, like who? Yeah, okay. So I think, look, know number one yeah a dead body that is you yeah yeah yeah one of the worst him than me that's your speech but him than me as i fill that dead body with rocks i did like this scenario of coming up to the podium at the funeral and being like, well, I prepared a couple of words here for me. Better him than me. Tap the coffin a couple of times.

Lower it down. Lauren got in. Into the sea. I'm not at the burial yet. Yeah, you're at the jail. Bury it now. Lower him down. Chop, chop, chop.

Off you go. But who's this funeral for? For me and my family. Boy, we fucked up. If a dead version of you. Yeah. Do they have a life? Their own family?

Do they have a connection? We'll never know. No investigation. Well, I mean, what do you, okay. If they don't have Like a wallet Or anything like that Identification

You open Yeah but they would Have a wallet It's got your face in it A replica of all of your Cards Oh if it's a total Just 100% me

I'm like well I did not see this today We're gonna have a little Beach bonfire I think Yeah I think I'm putting some rocks On that And daddy's gotta go Daddy's gotta go Daddy's gotta go I gotta have a little beach bonfire, I think. Yeah, I think I'm putting some rocks in that and daddy's got to go.

Daddy's got to go. I've got to have a big lie down. What happened at the beach today, honey? Nothing interesting. Nothing life altering. Yeah, you go to bed, honey. I'll meet you there later. What about, again, their body, the replica of a loved one?

Oh, well, that's scary at first because you're their body, the replica of a loved one? Oh, well, that's scary at first because you're like, oh my God, a loved one. But then, how,

but then it doesn't bother Jackson because his loved one's still alive so he's like, whatever. That's me. No, it's like, what I was thinking is,

say you see a loved one in the water. So, okay, so you and your loved one are like swimming in the ocean. Oh, they're with me? Yeah,

it pops up a version of them. They're freaking out, and you're like, what is this? Well, I'm scared. Sick, two girlfriends. One's dead, though. That sucks. I'm mourning my new girlfriend, babe. Just putting rocks in their pockets.

Well, it's somehow worse, I think, if it's somebody else. If it's your loved one's replica. Because if it's me, I'm like, that's my business. Yeah, and I'm with you. If that's you, because if it's me, I'm like, that's my business. Yeah. And I'm with you. If that's you, you're like, well, I know I'm me. Yeah. Whatever the fuck this is, who gives a shit.

But if it's someone else, I'm like, when did they? Yeah. Like, what is that? Was that the original girlfriend? Yeah, because I know. When did they drown themselves? Yeah. Are we being body snatched? I've been like in that film directed by old mate.

What's his name? Underground people bunny? What? Oh, Us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jordan Peele's Us. Yes. I might think I'm in Jordan Peele's Us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but yeah, because you've lived your life. You know you don't have a twin. Yeah. Your partner. Well, it's not about a twin now. They're like, do you have a twin? No, I don't have a twin.

Well, you don't anymore. Yeah, yeah. Are you one of them body snatchers? Did you? Can you just point and make a screech from your mouth? Yeah, I just want to check something. Tell me something only you would know. Yeah, it's my babe.

You do have to point and do the whole thing. You love pointing and screaming, babe. We do love body snatchers. It's one of our favorite films. Why is it our favorite film, babe? Wait a second. Why have you been showing me that movie, babe? She's freaking out because she's just seen a replica of her dead body.

Yeah, that's why she's screaming. Is there like, okay, so one is bad. Yep. Is two worse? Or is one worse than two? As in two bodies? Two dead bodies of you. Okay, okay, okay.

Three? Tell me when it gets bad. Four? It it gets bad. Four. Okay, so I think. It's all bad. I honestly think once you go from one to two. Yeah. My mind's already going to like sci-fi fucked up stuff.

Yeah, yeah. Government experiments. Government experiments of being cloned. There's a factory of me's. Yeah. Am I the real me? Yeah, yeah. Check your belly button.

Is there a real me? Yeah. Why me? Why me? Not as in like a why me. Yeah, but. Check your belly button. Is there a real me? Why me? Why me? Not as in like a why me, just more of a why me. This sloppy ring they picked? I don't know. If I found out I was like some kind of-

Did mom and dad know about this? Was I born? Am I an alien? Are they mom and dad? It's very funny to imagine like me and Zavod on the beach just watching you standing, half-submerged, thinking, staring. Like one doucher pops up, another doucher pops up, a fourth, fifth, eighth doucher pops up. Ah, douchers on the beach today, isn't it?

Turning around. Am I real? I think so. What's the last thing you remember? This. Yeah, it didn't help. Yeah, that's not good, man. First thing you remember? This. Yeah, it didn't help. Yeah, that's not good, man. First thing you can remember.

Do you remember getting up this morning or whatever? Yeah. That's probably a good sign. Yeah. Yeah, but that's one day. Do you remember other days? Yeah. That's good.

Yeah. Do you have a favorite, I don't know, like a color or something? Yeah. Do we know your favorite color? I don't think I really got a favorite color. Check your belly button, dude. Yeah, I don't know, like a color or something? Yeah. Do we know his favorite color? I don't think I really got a favorite color. Check your belly button, dude. Yeah, I got one. Okay, that's good.

He came out of a pussy, that means. That's good. It means he came out of a pussy. No, it just means he had a placenta or some shit. He came out of a pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. I agree. The second Jackson's yeah, yeah. I agree. I agree.

The second Jackson's talking a lot. I agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. That's textbook pussy birth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do a complicated secret, Aunt Jake. Jackson, who's this?

This is me. I met me in the parking lot like four hours earlier. He doesn't have a belly button. He doesn't have a belly button. He doesn't have a belly button, but I do, I think. I remember. I haven't checked. Look down, no belly button. Whoa! Where's me, then?

The fuck is this? If I'm not me and you're not me, where's me? I don't know. He pulls the vision. I've got a belly button. Oh, you're me. I'm not me. Okay, I found you. I'm fucking lying. Oh, yeah.

This raises further questions if all the me's are alive, but all the douches are dead at sea. You're just coming up to us dragging two dead douches. What do we do? We must have been too dangerous. They killed them all, but not the original. Fair enough. They've got belly buttons as well.

Wait, what? Why don't you have a belly button? Two of them have belly buttons, but Dusha doesn't. Was Dusha twins? No, they all have belly buttons. No, I've got a belly button too. Everyone has a belly button. But I don't.

Yeah, you don't. That's why it's confusing. I'm the only clone. I guess I was just an octuplet. Getting crazy. What's going on? Start picking it up. Oh, just a bit of pepperoni.

Oh, yeah. None of the Jacksons do. There was no original me. Okay, so that's pretty fucked up to find in the sea. Yeah. Pretty intense. Let's say... What about mermaids? That's fine I reckon I could body a mermaid

I don't think that would be Is it the worst thing? No that's what I mean Mermaids are real No one's going to believe me which is fine A dolphin that can speak Like human Come with me to the shadow realm

Scary What about Atlantis if you found Atlantis See that's not that scary that can speak like human. Come with me to the shadow realm. Yeah. Scary. Scary. What about Atlantis? If you found Atlantis. See, that's not that scary. What? Sorry, not scary.

That's not even that bad. That's like, oh, cool. Yeah. But I don't mean. We're talking like Namor. Yeah. I don't mean a sunken city. I mean a big bubble.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not the worst thing to find in the sea. I think that would change everything though. Yeah. Well, yeah. Because you know the sea people. Like a wizard. Yeah.

That's like, I'm going to rain hellfire down on your coastal city. Yeah, if you found an evil warlock like in Stephen King's Storm of the Century, that would be pretty bad. But, like, because Atlantis, eventually that will become normal. Yeah. Like in 50 years, there'll be Atlantis at the UN, whatever. Yeah. 20 minutes.

20. It would be like reaching out if they were nonviolent and we could communicate with them. Then yeah, I wouldn't be a huge... Yeah. What if the sea got a face? Yeah, that'd be pretty bad. I started talking and was like, I'm the sea. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or a big brain. Why? What do you mean why? Why are you talking to me? Well, I just realized I could. What if it's not a- Have you been sentient this whole time? Yeah, I just didn't know how to make lips.

Is it good when everyone pisses and shits in you? I'm really big, so I don't really notice. Fish are pissing and shitting at me all the time. Yeah. Well, I just thought I'd ask. That's fair enough. Well, there's nothing else. So are you the earth or just the sea?

Just the sea. Does the earth also? I don't know. Do you know any conversation with the earth? What do you want? How would I do that? Why? Okay, why?

Okay, so now that you can talk, what do you want? Stop putting oil in me. Okay. That's it. Why don't. So now that you can talk, what do you want? Stop putting oil in me. Okay. That's it. Why don't we take water out of you? That's fine. Okay. This is fine then.

Oh, okay. We just had a nice conversation with the ocean. Oh, no. Not even. I'm just like, hmm. It's not bad. It might be good. Yeah, that's true.

Because then it's kind of like, hey, do this. No, it might be good. Yeah, that's true. Because then it's kind of like, hey, do this. And it's hard to deny giant lips in the sea that is telling humanity to stop something. Stop polluting or I'll open my lips and suck in all your ships. Yeah, that's true. That's pretty scary. Not the worst thing, though.

Okay, what if you dive into the ocean and as you're swimming, you're swimming deep, but you're swimming straight down because you want to do a handstand or whatever. Of course. But you notice

you're not feeling sand and you're like oh I could have sworn it was deeper and then you open your eyes and you keep swimming and then realize that on the other side

was actually the sky and you've come up on Hollow Earth. Like an alternate Earth? Yeah. Hollow Earth. Hollow Earth so the sun's also in the middle of the Earth?

Yeah. Hollow Earth? Yeah. Okay. Pretty intense. Does that mean's also in the middle of the Earth? Yeah. Hollow Earth? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Pretty intense. Does that mean I dig through the water onto land? No, you dig through the water, and on the other side, you're also still in water, but you're on an alternate Earth.

Oh, okay. And then I swim up, and I'm in alternate inside sea. Yeah. So there's land that you can go onto. Yeah, but I think the transition from right side up water to inside out water would fuck me up because i can't comprehend what that would feel like to be going down and then all of a sudden be going up but i guess if you went through the center of the earth you'd experience that so yeah it's not so alien oh yeah i think that wouldn't be the worst thing because that it's like okay now okay I'm

I'm an explorer I've now found the new earth this is I guess what's scary is are we seeing Kongs or are we seeing you know

what if it was just like fucked up guys it would be so funny to be in this inner earth it's like I'm scared and we're like

yeah you're like this is scary you're like what if we see King Kong what if we see King Kong well at that point I'd be like well anything goes I guess it's not the worst things like we go through it okay we've just found new land like okay I claim this for me yeah my land is it inhabited the whole world people they're insects they're big bugs well very I claim this for me or my land. Is it inhabited, the hollow earth?

Yeah, is it inhabited? Are there people, are there insects, are there big bugs? Well, very typically in fiction, hollow earth, certainly in the pulpy

sci-fis of the 70s, was full of Nazis. So that would be pretty bad to me. I would like to leave, please. I don't want to be in hollow earth anymore.

And then who do you tell? Yeah. I found a hole in the Earth and it was full of Nazis. You're never going to guess who's in the Earth right now. You're never going to guess. You remember World War II? Yeah. It ended, obviously, on the outside of the planet.

Inside kept going. Inside kept going. I need a Winston Churchill. Do we have a Winston Churchill? Yeah, finding World War II in the ocean would be pretty intense. Whoa! I think what we're realizing, though, is for us, like, finding your own dead body is going to be fucked up.

It's still the worst. Because it's existential. Other things could spell imminent doom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you're in the ocean and you see a reflection of an asteroid that's actually... Coming from up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you're in the ocean and you see a reflection of an asteroid that's actually... Yeah. Coming from up.

Coming from up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big jaws. Oh, shit. Yeah, but... I'm getting... Finding, like, a shark or a...

Like, a... There's a mega shark, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a Megalodon or whatever. Oh, no, I'm getting that. But, again, it's the fear of being, like,

physically damaged. Yeah. That's what's scary. And that's, like... Where if you find dead you, your life's never the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you keep living. You know what disgusts me?

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and grab them today from sandspantsradio.com forward slash shop. What if, as you were saying, you went down, you went to a sweet handstand, you kept going, but then you just found like a second ocean. What? So like you fall through a hole or swim through a hole. Yeah. And then. How do I know I'm in the second ocean?

Yeah. Is there a break in the water? No Imagine you're in scuba gear And you're going from the top Top ocean Like how that water is very different And you're going all the way down All the way down

You get to a point and then it becomes like top ocean Okay I don't think I personally would be able to tell the difference between top ocean and well i guess you'd feel the pressure yeah and then it would feel like the pressure release all right what if it's like uh say an inch air gap all the way around and then we get the second ocean that would be with waves and shit. Maybe sandbags. Whoa, okay. What about this? That's crazy. I mean, it's all crazy.

What about this? It's quite a drop. Say like 10 meters. Oh, no! Because then you're in second ocean and it's oceanal. I'm not the other mic. It's ocean all around you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you look up and you can see the bottom of the ocean. But you can't get back up. How are you going to get up there? That's scary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, second ocean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, second ocean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, then I'm in scuba gear.

So I've got like a couple hours. Also, you've got like oxygen. Yeah, that's true. But I'm going to, I can't swim forever. So, for example, if you fall through, you look in there and say like a dull foot or a big fish is like. You see all these fish just belly popping. Occasionally just falling out of the thing. Oh, that's where they've been going.

Oh, that makes sense. All the fish that are disappearing, they're just coming into the second sea. I'm wondering, is there a way to get out? Could you climb a fish or something? I guess you'd want to try. Like if a whale fell halfway out of the first ocean into the second ocean and you climbed up its back. Whale is slippery.

I think of a whale falls through. They're covered in barnacles, though. Your best option is to live in the whale. If I have two knives. Yeah, you can stab your way up the whale. But then you just keep screaming. It's screaming. Yeah, whales scream in second ocean.

Second ocean is scary. Everything screams in Second Ocean. You're right. You'd have to just, you'd have to, you'd have to live in the whale. Live in the whale. Live in the whale. Live in the whale. Yeah.

Unless there's like an island that you can easily see right? Excess? Yeah. Is this bad or is this like basically being stranded in the ocean? Well, that's bad though. That's scary. Yeah, I know. But I guess that's different cause okay say you

find an island yeah and there's like food and stuff like that yeah true then that's just that's bad a bad thing to find in second ocean because the fear of death's gone but now you're like I don't yeah he's like I just live in a different reality I guess

like a palm tree. Yeah. And you also know that you don't have enough oxygen to even if you got back in the first ocean. To go up. To go up. It's kind of a true nightmare when you found yourself in second ocean. You'd hope other people would also find second ocean. Yeah. Well, yeah, then you get some friends at least.

Yeah. At least they'd be like, okay, we understand that there is a second ocean beneath the ocean we're gonna send a light yeah that's nice of them oh thank you what about a bird flying down there

yeah that makes sense what that makes sense to me yeah I'm like yeah there's a bird here that makes sense

thank you systems maybe we wanted like a fish revolved a bit whatever okay yeah cool second ocean's been here for a long time

there'll be birds and stuff. Yeah, fair enough. All right, okay. Well, that's pretty bad. Pretty bad. Scenario two, Second Ocean. But with island.

But with island, pretty bad. Because if it's just ocean, then you'll die. Yeah, you're like, it's horrible. It's a nightmare, but then it's over. Yeah.

Whereas if you're on an island, you get that little iota of hope. Yeah. And now you've got to try and eke out a living in Second Ocean. How many people would you need

to also come onto your island? So say you've got enough resources to comfortably live so there's no option uh there's no like limits to how many people before your resources are gone uh because no one's really fell into second ocean yet how many people would you need on your island in second ocean for it to be a happy life four do i Do I have the space as well as the resources? Yeah. Okay. I got 100. 100?

Yeah. No, 50. Then I know everyone. Or maybe less. I kind of go God King. Rule them like a mad emperor. Why are you in charge? Well, because I was the first one here.

I know how to survive Second Ocean. Okay. Snow number one. I'm getting piggyed or whatever. Lord of the Flies. I'd say, yeah, probably a hundred. Also, you don't want to fall into outright murder. Yeah.

Because the smaller the population there is in this one, you're going to get Lord of the Flies. Oh, yeah, big time. So you kind of want it to be out of hundo, I reckon. Yeah, that's fair. What about a clown on the seafloor? Go in the ocean. Oh, what if it looks

dead and then opens its eyes? But it's got a balloon and it's standing quite deep in the ocean. You're in the middle of the sea, you flop off your boat, sink in your scuba gear. On the bottom of the ocean. Like you're in the middle of the sea. You flop off your boat. Yeah. Sinking your scuba gear. On the bottom of the ocean, there's just a clown with his eyes closed.

And he looks quite dead. And then he opens his eyes and they're these big yellow sick eyes. So what if Pennywise is in the ocean? Yeah, I guess Pennywise is in the ocean. I mean, it's bad because Pennywise. Yeah. It's just bad because it's a monster. Well, what if just a regular clown? Doesn't even look dead.

Just a regular clown. And because it's a monster. Well, what if it's just a regular clown? It doesn't even look dead. Just a regular clown. And then it waves at you. I'm like, are they doing it? I would assume they're doing a trick or some kind of illusion and I'd keep swimming. I would assume that I had oxygen. You go toward the clown. No, keep swimming away. I would go to the surface and assume I had oxygen deprivation.

I'd be like, oh, sorry. I need to sit on the boat again because I think I got the bends. And then you go back down, the clown's still there? I've still got the bends. There's a clown down there, Suze. I'm doing a scuba diving. I've got a question to ask you, Captain. Can you see the clown there or do I still have

the bends? I need to figure this out for you. I know there's clown fish, but are there clown? Just figure this out for me. I know there's clown fish, but are there clown? Okay. Could this be a clown? What if the clown just didn't go?

Are you scared, though? No, I think I'm just like... I'm like, is this... It's too baffling. Yeah. It's too confusing. Yeah. Okay, what about... What if...

Yes? So we've gone existential, we've gone big, panic, whatever. What if we go wrong? What if you swim into the sea, you look down, and there's a gape? Oh, okay. Well, I probably wouldn't know it was a gape, like a gaping anus. Yes. I probably wouldn't know that's what I was thinking, like a sinkhole.

Yeah, yeah. That's scary. But a gaping anus, I would think, would just be some fucked up sea creature. Also, I just think maybe it would be a sinkhole. I mean, like big, so like the Earth is gaping. Also, I just think maybe it would be a... I mean, like, big. So, like, the Earth is gaping. Oh, okay. Still, I don't think...

I think at that size a gape doesn't look like a gape. Yeah, that's true. I think an anus is more worrying. Well, yeah. What if the gape closes and you realize that... Like a sphincter.

Yeah. I would think that there'd be some kind of creature there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this the same universe where the ocean had a face? Because then I'd be like, oh, I found the ocean's asshole.

All right. Do it together. Oh, my God. Does that mean I can make love to the ocean? No. Not in any way that counts. Yeah, how would you, what would your first move be? Just swim down and see what happens.

I'll improvise. Start pushing the sides. But I'm so tiny. Is this good? Presumably, yeah. Ocean Lord? Yeah. Just get sucked in,

go for a while. Could an ant crawling up your anus get you off? No, it would be scary. The ocean would probably feel the same about you then. You'd also stand and be falling in it

constantly. Yeah, it would be kind of disgusting. Yeah. But then, it's also submerged in water so maybe it's constantly clean. Or there's constantly water going in it.

It keeps getting pink. That's not good. Not good at all. Constant douche. Yeah. What about if it was, say, like Scooby-Doo, like an actual cartoon dog? Okay. I swim down there and I'm seeing like a...

I'm seeing, yeah, I'm seeing like the full cast of Hattabarbera just all there as they would appear as if they were cartoons. No CGI shit. Cartoons. I would think I was dead. I would legitimately be like, I'm in the last milliseconds of my life and my brain is just firing at all cylinders. And this is what I'm getting.

To say goodbye. Something's going wrong. I'm dying. I'm not seeing my loved ones. I'm not seeing the people I care about. Shaggy's like, see you around, Jackson. Goodbye, Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. We'll arrest you.

Yeah, bye, Scooby-Doo. Yeah, swim back up I'll be just like, I guess I'm dead And this is all just my brain Good on you for swimming back up I just would give up and just float there You're like, well, that's me, I suppose You wouldn't try and figure out

What had just happened No, I think I'm dead I'm in the water, I'm drowning, I guess Clearly they put the tank on wrong or whatever, and I'm just huffing down CO2. My time's come. Okay. I'm watching George Jetson wave goodbye,

and I'm waving in return. These boy Elroys there, you're like, I know you're a boy Elroy. It's good. What about on the ocean floor? There's like a window we have to the studio currently, and there's people standing looking out of it, but it's on the ocean floor,

so they're at the wrong angle with clipboards in lab coats like they're studying you. Oh, actually, no, that's bad. Because if you swim down and you realize that they're looking in, you're like, oh. You're like, they're at the wrong angle. It's like for them, gravity is normal, but for you. They're clearly surveying. Yeah, yeah in and you're like, oh. You're like, they're at the wrong angle. It's like for them, gravity is normal, but for you-

They're clearly surveying. Yeah, yeah, and they're like, they're writing stuff down. Ah, yep, all right. Let's experiment. We're experimenting. We're experimenting with something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What would you do? What would be your next move? Try and get in? Knock on the glass? Yeah, no response, I think, is the scariest answer. Yeah. It's like a lot of shrugging,

a lot of pointing. Like, hey, you! Done! Stop feeling around the edges. How do I get in? How do I get in? Even scarier if you feel around the edges and there's just kind of like nothing. It's just like sand or whatever.

That's unsettling. But also, because like with finding a dead body of yourself, which is still, I think, the worst one. Yeah. I think two dead bodies of yourself

is worse than one. Yeah. But the impetus is this one I feel is also up there in terms of it's unsettling but with the dead body of yourself you have to take the next step and there's an obvious next step

with a bunch of people surveying you underwater on the ocean floor what do you do next you know what I mean it's scary but you're like well that's a dread of like okay what I'm living is maybe not real life

but then I guess my brain would be like no that must have just been like some kind of weird you might ocean study ocean madness what if it's

what if it's the same thing but the people who are taking notes and clipboards clearly are not human oh whoa I don't know if that's less scary

like the Cthulhu kind of like, uh, tentacling aliens. I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Hello,

the government. Yeah. I know. They're on the water. I know. Oh yeah. We'll take a real notice of this. This Mr.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. address. Yeah, yeah, don't you worry. What if they were chimpanzees? Well, then I don't need to worry about it if I call the government and they're like, oh yeah, we'll take care of it because I know they're coming to shoot me. Well, that's just a crazy man called another one. You just don't want

someone who wants to investigate that. That's the problem. I like another one because it implies a bunch of people have seen these aliens watching. The government's like, we keep getting the same bullshit story. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Unsettling, but I don't know what the next step is.

You come down and you say you get the view of Earth, but if you were standing on the moon. Where is the view? Where is the view? Like... Where is the view? Where is that view? Well, like, am I... Is it on the sea floor? Is it out on either side of me?

Is it... Well, I get to a point where I'm standing and I look down and there's an edge there where the edge they say the moon would be. Yeah, yeah. The edge is there and then beyond that it's just empty space and Earth. Oh, okay. There's an edge there where I would say the edge they say the moon would be. Yeah, yeah. The edge is there.

And then beyond that, it's just empty space and Earth. I would be scared to swim into space. That's frightening to think about. Yeah, you can maybe chuck a rock in and it just floats away. I think I would be like, where am I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go back up? Because I get, yeah. You go back down, same thing.

Still, you get the view of the ocean. I'd be like, I found a portal. Yeah, yeah. To the moon. Moon. If I go in that, I will die, but I would be curious to go in there. You go down, you stand on the edge of where the moon would be, like looking at it, and you're still underwater. You know, that kind of stuff.

Is there any way for me to put some, what would happen if you stuck your hand in space? Get cold. Die? No, I don't think you should get that cold. Oh, really? You don't get cold and you don't explode, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's this weird thing where it's like you can actually weirdly survive two minutes without anything on because anything on because like is you actually aren't radiation vacuum it's like a radiation your lack

of oxygen yeah yeah yeah it'll get you yeah okay so you can stick a hand through hand cancer come back up you why are you cradling your hand dude uh don't worry about it I need to go to a doctor. I think the moon's down there. What? I don't think it is. I'm sassy on this boat trip. How do you think it is? Shut up. I can see Earth from down there. Yeah. Okay, we need to get this man to a different kind of doctor.

Daddy's got to go home. Daddy's got to go home. That's all right. What if you saw, say, Jupiter? It's, again, same similar thing, where instead of seeing you're on the moon, it's like seeing... I think seeing Earth would fuck me up more than seeing you.

Definitely. How about this? Seeing Earth... I don't think I'm fucked up about Earth, because I think my brain would just be like, well, that's crazy. Portals are real. Or my brain would zero some,

and I would be like, I can't comprehend what I'm seeing. What if you swim down and then you, so there's like a window or something and it's playing your past. I've died. I'm a dead man. I'm dead in the water.

It's Dennis seeing Scooby-Doo. I'm getting like a greatest hits in my life. It's just every time I was constipated for some reason. Okay, let's move past this. I was also thinking a window, but you go in there and it's just like

a nuclear family waving at you. And you're looking through a window and into a house. That's scary. Would I go in the house? No. What about if you swim down? Yeah.

And then all of a sudden you're swimming in space. So you die. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're alive and it's like you're underwater still. Oh, NASA's been lying to us. But you're in space. Space suits are necessary. Anyone can go to space.

Well, can I go back to where I was? No. Okay. It's a similar problem of like, you know, second ocean. Yeah, I guess it's kind of a second ocean deal. It's worrying because I'm going to die soon. It's funny that the line here for things we can find in the ocean, the worst thing to find in the ocean is if death is relatively imminent,

that's not too bad. It's surviving but seeing something that's ominous. Ominous but also existential. Yeah, because if you're in your house, say you wake up in the middle of the night in bed, and there's a wolf in your house. Scary,

because a wolf might kill you. If you wake up in your bed and there's a clown in your house, way scarier because you're like, I don't know what's about to happen to me. So you gotta, it's gotta, the threat of just dying is not enough to be bad. I could get

hit by a bus, but I'm not scared of buses. Yeah. It wouldn't be the worst thing. Because again, like, I'm in space now Alright That really sucks Yeah goodbye being alive I guess I'll never know how I died

Yeah Whereas I guess like yeah A question about like You're watching past you Yeah Through a window Is it like

Is it in real time? Is it sped up? Am I getting glimpses? Yeah If I go back Is it like you know Am I watching me in real time? It's like real time, but it started 15

years ago, but it's playing in real time. That's weird. 15 years ago is like a too recent time period. Is it like I'm watching me through a window of like my old house kind of thing? No, it's like a camera's focused.

It's like strange. It's sad that I died because I was watching myself. Yeah, somebody with a salmon gun. He's still down there. He hasn't come up for air. Did he take an oxygen tank with him? No! No, no, no. Bye, no. Goodness me, no. That'd be me swimming up being like

I need more tanks, grabbing a bunch and living down there. This is fascinating. I'm going to build up being like, I need more tanks, grabbing a bunch, and living down there. It'd be like, wow. This is fascinating. I'm going to build an underwater home so I can just live and constantly watch myself. 15 years ago. Yeah, yeah. See what I miss out on.

What did I fuck up? Catch up to you watching yourself. Yeah, then be like, well, time to go up there. I've seen this. I've lived underwater for 15 years and destroyed my body and my life. Well, time to see what the next adventure is. See what's changed in the 15 years. Go down there, swim down.

It's seeing your future. Oh. Not your part. It's maybe like 15 years ahead, seeing a grave. Just constantly there. Oh, yeah. What if it's a grave? Your own grave.

What if it's your own grave? You go down there, but it goes backwards. What? So as in like You swim You swim down Yeah First thing you see Is your grave

Yeah But then it's like Time is clearly reversing In the video So you're watching it In rewind Oh I see We're watching a Benjamin

Buttoning of our own Yeah so then immediately I guess you see how you die Or you see your own funeral first In reverse You see your own funeral Yeah yeah See yourself taken Out of the Yeah I guess Well I guess you see how you die. Or you see your own funeral first. In reverse.

See yourself taken out of the... Watching it rewind, it'd be like watching everyone, I guess, get there. But in reverse. I feel like watching my past is scarier than seeing the future. Because the past is cringe. The future is based. What about if you found... Seeing your own death is cringe. The future is based. What about if you found... Senior in death is based. What if you found a really long leg?

So like a human leg, but stretched infinitely in both directions. Like you trip over it, you dust off the sand, and it's like a fleshy, warm, you can feel a pulse, thick tube of leg. You can feel a pulse thick tube of leg you can feel a bone in there if i okay if it was a cable yeah just a hairy cable because if you have a leg yeah you can't see the foot or the knee yeah do you know it's a leg you know it's flesh okay yeah you know it's flesh you can feel the warmth you can feel the pulse You can see the veins Initially it would be like

Oh it's a cable, an underground cable Then I'd be like wait no there's flesh and it's veins There's hair on this I'd be imagining it's some kind of sea creature Would you track it? Would you try and get to the foot? I don't I would go the way that's towards The body I'd go up way that's towards the body.

I'd go up and I think I discovered something new. Yeah, I found a new thing. Which is rare in these days. What if it was a marine biologist? Maybe you found it in the wrong place. What if you find a foot and then it just trails off into the distance? I would grab the foot and swim up. Attach it to the back of the boat.

Yeah, I'd be like, I found this long leg on a... We gotta take this whole guy out of the sea. And then it's just, I guess, a tangled mess of a human being. Hundreds of meters long. Yeah, what would, like, how do you even... Like, what do you do

with that? You get to shore, you're carrying this foot that's still attached to a leg. It's all the way to the ocean. You found a new thing. Can you call? Yeah who do you bring? If you find

Not the police. If you find something new who do you call? I think I found a dead body. Yeah. Cops come out here real quick I think we found a dead body and then you hand them the leg and they say why are you touching evidence? You'd be like. I think we found a dead body. And then you hand them

the leg and they say, why are you touching evidence? You'd be like, we don't know where it's attached. And they're like, there's a pulse. This person's alive. And then they look up and it's just like into the water. They're like, we need to call the coast. I would assume on some distant shore, this

person's head at the end of a really long neck was on a beach. Oh, stop it. I'm ticklish. Someone has my foot. They better not pull me. Oh, no. Grab me.

Grab me. I'm just holding a head on a beach with a long neck going into the ocean. I think someone's got him on the other side of the wall. I'll drown! I can't breathe on the water. I'll fucking drown! I've got my fucking foot. The longest man in the world.

He has regular hands and feet. He can't play music. He can only play music. The only way he can lie down comfortably is on the seafloor. The longest neck arms. You gotta hope the people with the head call the Coast Guard or something first they drag him that way.

The foot throws out of the police's hands. They grab the foot back. He's trying to go back in the sea. Yeah. I don't know what that is. It would be the worst thing to fight. It's not bad. I think we knocked it out of the park straight away Which is finding two of your own dead bodies

Yeah I think hands down that's the worst There's a lot of tragedies out there A lot of grim things But it turns out the worst thing you can find in the ocean Is that in fact two of you But dead Yeah yeah yeah

But dead They also have to have belly buttons I reckon Yes I agree Oh yeah Because if they don't Clone If they have belly buttons, I reckon. Yes, I agree. If they don't, clone. If they have belly buttons, I don't know. Well, what's famous about belly buttons?

They mean you came out of a pussy. What about if you find the bottom of an ocean, similar to, say, Dudley and Harry Potter getting a PlayStation before it existed. Oh, okay. PlayStation 6. A PlayStation 6 in the bottom of the ocean. Oh, the seawater's wrecked. Yeah, that's annoying.

Yeah, it's the worst thing because it means I found something sick but can't do anything with it. We could take it out in the sun to dry, but it's probably fucked. Put it in a big cup of rice, maybe. No, saltwater fucks. Yeah, saltwater's going to make all of the metal parts.

Hey, Sony, I found your PlayStation 6. Can I swap it for a not broken one? They're like, we didn't invent this. I think some dumb cunts from the future have made a portal that accidentally goes into the sea. Yeah, yeah, what about future trash? So is this like a portal that is getting future trash? Turns out the future's like, yeah,

the best way to get rid of our trash is to send it into the past. No one thought of it in the future. Everyone's like, don't you mean we're ruining it harder? We're ruining it now? Everyone in the future

is dumb as fuck. That's the first thing we've learned. Second thing we've learned is that we can send our past trash into the future, clean up the earth,

and then think of the future to send trash to the boss. Sending trash to the future is clever. Because then... Because if we send it... Yeah, because if you just keep sending it to the future, it never becomes your problem.

Keep the can down the... Yeah, that's actually awesome to find a portal to the future at the bottom of the ocean. What about a big brain? A big brain looks like a sea creature. Yeah, I think I would just be scared because I found a thing that is too big and will hurt me.

The sea in Australia are full of things that will kill you. Yeah, it's almost like, don't step on it, don't pick it up, it's going to kill us. I'm just saying, imagine, yeah. What if you stand on it and it turns out it was Mother Earth's brain and you kill the Earth? We are once again What if you stand on it and it turns out it was Mother Earth's brain and you killed the Earth? Yeah, that's what I meant.

We are once again a pop culture podcast. Again, it's like the big marble baby type. Yeah, yeah. Mother Brain from Metroid? There's two references. If you had a little guy in your brain, it would fuck you off. Yeah, yeah. What would it mean if Earth was dead?

What if you stand on it, there's like a scream in pain. Yeah. Uh, what would it mean if Earth was dead? What if you stand on it, there's like a scream in pain. Yeah. And then the sea just gets warm. And then cold. And then cold, and the waves stop. And there's just no wind or anything. That's bad. Everything just goes quiet.

Oh, we've killed Earth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's maybe not great. Oh, dead us. But what if they're like little? Okay. Replica. But small? Now I'm trying to, either, either like really tiny.

I think big is worse. Like maybe like a few inches, like as in terms of like Ant-Man shrunk, like real shrunk down. Or exactly like us, but a foot shorter. Or exactly like us, but a foot taller. I think foot taller is worse. i think foot taller is worse yeah foot taller is worse and exactly like us but like ant-man when he gets big big that's no that's like like you know gulliver's travels but we're not gulliver well because here's the thing if i see me dead in the sea yeah i obviously a sci-fi answer is possible but also my brain's like that's probably not the first place I'm going

I'm going to try and think of something realistic so I'm like did somebody do plastic surgery did someone make them look like me so if they're big or whatever I'm like okay magic is real but if they're me but a foot taller I'm like there's still a possibility that the world is as I assumed it was

and that's so much scarier I think. Yeah. Because then it could be, who knows what's going on. You just know it's going to be bad news. Yeah, whatever it is, it's bad, but it's not magically bad. Okay. Yeah.

All right. I'm going with, because I think you is probably like the worst thing you can find in the ocean. And we're going with dead us. What if it's live us? What if it's either live us as we are now, live us that maybe is 15 years ago, live us that is 15 years into the future. Well, past is cringe, future is base. Yeah.

15 years ago, past is cringe, but I think that would be scary because I'd be worried that it is actually me from 15 years ago and time travel has happened and therefore I may not exist in a moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I don't remember this from pre- That was me seeing the future me.

Whoa! All right, yeah. 50 years ago, like you from 15 years ago and you from 15 years into the future come up, and you're like, oh, no. I'd be like, whatever I'm about to do now Has got to be momentous Well I think it'd be worse if you find

You from 15 years ago And then as you run into you You start all of a sudden You start having memories You didn't previously have See this isn't that bad It's bad It's not that bad

It's fine It's not the worst Because you're like Well something's happening now I'm now involved in some time travel shenanigans Yeah exactly It's not like finding a dead you It's just like a dead you

From the past Or a dead you from the future Both of those I'm also like That's worrying But alive me From either time period That's fine

Okay Because you can ask them Something's going on fine something's going on the fuck's going on here cunt there you look at it all three of you look at each other in unison the fuck's going on here cunt oh wow

guess we didn't get any fucking old clever or old dumber when we got older or younger or whatever same stumbles each and every one of them. Everyone's saying the same thing. That's more concerning. Damn, we just don't change, huh?

Yeah, fuck. What about just like a huge button that says push me? Just at the bottom of the ocean. Well, if I give you any button that says push me. Oh, I'm pushing it. I'm just slamming that. Oh, what if you press it and then... You get a million dollars but someone randomly dies. It's the button from the

box? Yeah, okay. Press it a couple of times. Sorry, what did you say happened that was pushing the button? Well, now I'm rich and people are dead, but people are gonna die anyway. Back to the surface. I can just come down here whenever I need a million dollars. I can just keep pushing this button.

Where'd you get the million dollars for in the box? Like, as in, when you press the button in the box, where does the million dollars go? I think it goes into your bank account. It depends on the kind of story. Because there's one with old mate James Marston. Cameron Diaz? Yeah, I think Cameron Diaz. She's unretired from acting.

She's back. Yay! All right. What's she doing? A Netflix movie. That's cool. Can't wait to see her in a Marvel property. Yeah, oh yeah, big time. All right. What's she doing? A Netflix movie. All right. That's cool. Can't wait to see her in a Marvel property.

Oh, yeah. Big time. Clee and Cameron Diaz. Oh, Clee and Cameron Diaz. Girl partner that looks the same. Yeah. I think that one, it's, yeah, it comes in. It goes directly into your bank account. It's untraceable. Whatever. You'll get it. It's going to be a comes in. It goes directly into your bank account. It'll go into your bank account.

It's untraceable. Whatever. You'll get it. It's going to be a sick time. Press the button. Slam that button. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.

People die all the time. Better than me. Yeah, better than me. Whatever. I'll be fine. Pretty impressive button. You're the person who dies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Press this button and I press it and then a bit of sand goes away and it says to die. I think like you press the button and then like a plug, you just hear like a plug pop up and then a gurgle and then the sea just starts draining. Big plug is great. Yeah. It's not scary.

That's an awesome thing to find in the sea. That's doomed humanity if you drain the sea. What about a button that just says press here to sea. Okay, I mean, that's doomed humanity if you drain the sea. What about a button? It just says, press here to reset. Oh, I'll press it. Back to the primordial ocean for us, I guess. Turn into Fishman. Yeah.

That's not so bad. I still think we nailed it with you but dead. You but dead times two. Scariest thing to find. Nothing else really compares. Yeah, because it doesn't change your life whilst also at the same time, sorry, it doesn't change your reality. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But definitely changes your life. You're never sleeping again. No, absolutely not. You're scared forever. It changes your reality. So what would the worst thing to find? It's me. And on that note, I've been

Joel. I've been Jackson. Sometimes listeners' questions are like this, and you can decide if this is good or bad. Yeah, that's your choice. It's your prerogative. It's up to the listeners. We're not here to tell you if it's good or bad. Was this good? We don't know. You tell us. Was this bad? We don't know.

Has Flopping the Dust ever been good? You tell us. Was this bad? We don't know. You tell us. Has Flop in the Dust ever been good? You tell us. Oh, we know that one. Do you wish your brain could be worse? The very idea of ideas hurts you? Well, we've got great news. For just under $7 a month, you can get access to the Bad Boy Brain Collection

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