Plumbing the Death Star - What Would Be the Ultimate Crime Causing Power?

Episode Date: June 4, 2017

In which our heroes revel in evil, curse all do-gooders, and once again experience an existential crisis as we ask what is the ultimate crime causing superpower? Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradio Want to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradio Or individually at;Duscher: twitter.com/dusch13Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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if we couldn't make it to your hometown. There were a lot of places we wanted to see, but just couldn't with our schedule. Speaking of, one of our Edinburgh shows still has a few spots left, same with Cardiff, and our Birmingham show has opened up more tickets. Of course, if you did Good evening, everyone. access to a bunch of exclusive content forums and even a discord that's sanspansplus.com good evening everyone and welcome to a very serious episode of pop me the death star where we ask important questions like what would be the ultimate crime causing ability crime causing power power whatever who gives a shit? Wow. Who's going to begin this time?

I feel like you started last time and it went wrong. Very, very wrong. I will bite my tongue. All right, all right, all right. And I'll go last. So, originally, this is a power I've had in my head for a while. Yeah. It was the ability where if I die, I'm instantly transported like my consciousness. I like that it's if you die.

Not when. If I die, I'm instantly transported into the conscious, like my consciousness is put into the body of the nearest living thing. Living thing is... Anything. It doesn't matter what it is. Very... What if it's...

Okay. Could be anything. Problem straight off the bat. All right, let's call it that one. My other one was going to be like it happens just by looking at someone. Uh-huh. But let's call it when I die. Let's call it when I die. Let's call it when I die because that might solve some problems.

Okay, you die next to a tree. I was going to say you die next to a tree. Trees die eventually. Eventually. Yeah. How are you going to cope? Probably the nearest living thing next to a tree is going to be what's living in the tree anyway. So I'll turn into like an ant.

Die instantly basically because ant ants life is real short crawl around till I'm an ant till I find a person die whoop I'm that person now I feel like you're gonna there's too many living things you think I'm gonna end up trapped in a tree pretty much immediately I feel like in my life I'm closer to things that aren't trees more than I'm close to trees

and I'm causing crime with it so I go to a bank nope what's gonna happen is die. Bug, bug, tree, grass. Bug, bug, tree, grass, bug, dog, human. I got there eventually. And I'm willing to take that ride. How many dogs do you know that have died closer to humans than grass?

But I'll be that dog. That's the thing. So the moment i'm in a dog i run to the city center kill myself and then i'm a person the only way that this works is dog oh you run into traffic yeah you're like ultimately like you blink into someone driving and i'm like all right crash the car and somebody on the sidewalk and i'm like man that was a crazy accident. Then I go and rob a bank. Okay, I mean, look. No, no, no. Because that's not an ultimate crime-causing ability. That's just if you fuck up, that's all right.

Because you get to have another life. Yeah, you're not causing crime. Because if you're living a tree life, your concept of crime, your need for things is out the window. But I'm still me. I'm just Jackson the tree now. Yeah, but you can't move. You're a tree. You can't move. I'll wait until I die. That's alright. But that's like hundreds of years.

Some trees last hundreds and hundreds. That's okay. I'm immortal. I'm going to last hundreds of years anyway. What I'm saying is you won't have a need for crime because eventually someone will cut me down and then I'll be like, I'm a lumberjack. And I'm like, sweet, time to do some crime. Life would be meaningless for you. Well, I'm a tree. But I'm like, sweet, time to do some crime life would be meaningless

well I'm a tree, but I'm not a tree forever that's the point I will be a whole forest to become a man again also how is being a tree gonna cause crime how is any of this gonna cause crime

crime causing ability. Or power or whatever I said before. But the crimes I could cause I could do more crime as this person. You could cause a lot of mayhem. I agree. You could. I could rob a bank. Rob a bank. You could rob a bank now.

Like, you can rob a bank, right? You rob a bank. Cops come in like, oi, stop. You never catch me. You get shot by a cop, suddenly you're a cop. I'm a cop, let's take this in for evidence. You turn to your cop mate, you shoot that cop mate, your cop mate shoots you, you're another cop, whatever. That'd be a very funny little situation going on. However, exactly, so you get shot, you're a cop,

you take this into evidence. When it's in evidence, I'm like, I take it, I steal it, stash it, shoot myself Come to somebody else nearby Pick up the cash, nobody can ever trace it to me Become a dog Be a dog for a while while the heat's on Alright, the only way

I can see this potentially working That you're not stuck in a tree For so long that life becomes meaningless And your wants and desires Are no longer a thing that matters. If you have constantly, while you're robbing a bank, several hampsters on your body. Well, yeah, I might do it with a dog.

That's like as a fail-safe so that you don't become a tree. I'll have a bird. Yeah, I can see that happening. Even then, how big is your definition of living thing? Bacteria. Yeah, well, okay, let's make some rules. Let's make some rules. So I can become any human,

whatever human is near me, any animal. And I don't want to say tree, but I feel like if I say trees off the table, I'll get my chops busted. No, you can say trees off the table. I'm happy to say anything with a brain. Anything with a brain.

Anything with a brain. Anything with that level of sentience, I'll just walk into. So that takes bugs off the table too. Yeah, I probably can't become a bug. Anything with a brain. Anything with a brain. Anything with that level of sentience, I'll just walk into. So that takes bugs off the table too. Yeah, it probably can't become a bug. That's all right. It'll choose whatever the nearest living thing to me is. Okay, so ability to cause mayhem, high.

It causing crime, zero. I can cause the crime with it. Yeah, but... Because the only crime causing power really is like a ray that you can shoot from your eyes that makes people do crimes. That's true. So we've got to choose a power

that we can use to do crime. Look, okay. It's okay. But that's like my power is that I can't go to jail. That's not a power. That's a great one. It is a good choice. Yeah, choose that and we'll rip it to shreds. We'll talk about it. That's a great one. Choose that. It is a good choice. Choose that and we'll rip it to shreds. We'll talk about it. We'll discuss it, yeah.

So, I rob a bank. Do my evidence. Be a dog with a heat song. Then whilst, you know, say a month's gone by, run into traffic. Suddenly I have a person driving a car. Drive out to where I stashed the money. Pick up the money. I take it on a plane.

They're like, what's all this money? I'm like, I don't know. Shoot stashed the money. Yeah. Pick up the money. Yeah. I take it across, like on a plane. Yep. Okay. They're like, what's all this money? I'm like, I don't know. Shoot me on the plane. Whatever. Become a passenger. It's fine.

A lot of questions. Okay. What if you're like, say you're on a plane. Yep. And this goes down and the plane crashes. Everyone dies. No survivors. I'll become whatever the nearest living thing was.

Even if that's like an eagle or a dolphin. I'm just all of a sudden like, ah! All right. Okay. Cool. Everyone died. I like this. Go in, swo, ah! Alright, okay, cool. Everyone die. Go in, swoop, grab some jewellery. Off you go. The best way you've got this is by doing some

crimes, as in like robbing some banks and just always stashing it somewhere. Well, I assume that's it. I'm going to have to do it. That's actually a really good plan. Actually, here's the cleverest way to do this. It's very easy. It's very simple. I find a parrot. Step one. Shoot myself in easy. It's very simple. So I find a parrot. Okay, step one.

Shoot myself in the head. Become the parrot. Fly to a billionaire's house. Careen into the ground in front of the billionaire. Become the billionaire. Now I'm a billionaire. Oh, wait, it wasn't to get rich. Nope.

You're doing crime. The only crime you did there was suicide. Yeah, that's true. And that is the billionaire. Maybe I'll, I don't know, shoot some people, whatever. Like, in terms of getting rich quick and living a happy life, I mean, you're living someone else's happy life. I could be the president.

I could cause war crimes. That's a crime. War crimes are a crime. He's not wrong. I could easily become the president. You go to the president. Someone's like, it's could easily become the president You go to the president It's weird that when that bird swooped to the president He suddenly had a completely different personality

Not even that You could go near a president Have a gun drawn Secret service take you down Hopefully become a secret service You get real close to the president Hug him, shoot yourself in the head And then you're the president

and then I can do war crimes not great the aim of this is to do crime and I don't think I would be doing war crimes I think the crimes I'd be doing would be robbing banks robbing banks as a president wouldn't even need a mask

just going hey I'm the president give me the money I'm like, sick. Done. And then just shoot the ceiling. Like, what would happen if just a president walked into a bank? I was like, oi, give me your money. What?

No, I'm the president. Give me the money. I like the idea of shooting the roof. Like, bang, bang, I'm the president, motherfucker. Because you're like, well, I guess you are the president. I guess we'll give you the cash. And I'm like, like yep that's the way it's gonna go

hey bank teller give me all your money what no no that's treason are you ready to go to jail I don't bloody think so so causing petty crimes is good

but I guess we weren't thinking grand enough for you Jack no so I decided to become the president and then when I'm tired of being the president, I'll become the queen. And cause

royal crimes. I'm just going to be like, as the president, I'd really like you to find me one of them migratory seabirds that goes across. They're like, uh, okay. Become that. I'm like, they're like, oh, we got the president this migratory seabird

I don't know why he wanted it Thank you I fly away as the seabird The USA is in tatters, the president committed suicide I fly to the UK After all those war crimes I guess the president

Land on the queen in the ground at the queen's feet She's like, gracious And I'm like, yeah, good, now I'm the president Land on the queen In the ground at the queen's feet She's like gracious And I'm like yeah good now I'm the queen Do some more crime as the queen I'm unstoppable You can't bring me down No matter what superheroes are out there

Or anybody I'm unstoppable Imagine this is taking place in a world with other superheroes You could become them Oi Superman Oi come here Actually If I'm in the DC universe

I'm in trouble on that front Because Superman doesn't kill And Batman doesn't kill It's more likely that Batman just drops me off a building And I'm like ah my legs I guess I can just bash my head into the concrete. You can cyanide tablet yourself until you're one of them. Oh, that's great.

You know the classic, like, Batman pushes you up against a wall and then I'm just like, he's like, and then I'm Batman. Yeah. And I waggle my cock everywhere. The thing is, like, now you're Batman, but Batman is just a guy with money. Yeah. So ultimately, I guess you want to be like,

oh, where's Superman at? And then he's like battering himself in the head. And I'm Supes. And I'm like, sweet. Nothing can kill you but kryptonite. But so whatever. Honestly, I guess at that point, it'd be about finding the most powerful thing in the universe

and becoming that. Yeah. That's pretty good. Is there a way to take me down? If you become Superman, putting you in isolation somewhere. Just say, get the DC superheroes off the table. Because that's something we're going to have to think about.

A weakness for you is the total annihilation of the human race, but then also of the animal race. I guess scorched earth is having a go at you. That's how you end me. An entire apocalypse is what's needed to take me down. If someone can figure out

what you're doing, which is going to be hard. Oh, brain dead. Not brain dead, but like incapacitated. Make me a vegetable. You're right. Fuck.

And then you die of old age. And then I'm like, dickheads, that was rude. How dare you. The only thing I can think of is getting you stuck in a room. Now my reign will...

You think you can take me down? I guess if I'm in, like, the DCU, then they just have to plop me in another immortal. That's the only way to do it. In an immortal, cut off that immortal's head and put that immortal in a jar somewhere. Actually, I don't want to be Superman. Superman's going to...

I'd have to change, get a bit of kryptonite, just jamming it into my brain I feel like I need to be put in like a Any telepath might be hard Like they might be kind of like Put you in a telepathic prison Oh true Freeze you?

Yeah but then that's the thing I'll die eventually The only way to keep me to kill me is to keep me alive yeah but cryogenically frozen does that count as dead in comic books that usually doesn't that's true oh that's true so the thing is they always imprison you with a way that you can't kill yourself yeah yeah but eventually i'll die a lot and even with cryogenic freezing it just means that 10 million years in the future i I'll die or I'll de-thaw, and then I can just keep causing mayhem.

I reckon cryogenically freezing would just shoot you off into space and then you're some other prick's problem. But also how far does it work? Because the closest living thing, it just slingshots your consciousness back to Earth. I'm back, and also there's no intelligent life on other planets. Damn. Imagine you're just in the middle of a board meeting you're really like not really listening so I was like ma ma ma ma ma

and then just somebody across from you half asleep is just like I'm back there's no intelligent life on other planets flip the table bang shoot yourself what the fuck I'm back and just run out the window. Because you just smack into the ISS.

ISS? ISS, yeah. International Space Station. You'd be like, bang, I'm an astronaut. The world's governments are like, oh, we got rid of him. And then there's just incoming from the International Space Station. Good one, dear cats. Can't stop me.

You tried. Well done. A for effort. However, I'm back. Now I'm going to crash this ISS into fucking Earth. And it wouldn't matter, because I'd just be like, whoop, into a nearby deer and run away. And imagine this.

You're like, we've got to take him down. We've got the technology. And I'm like, fuck, I'm on the run. All I've got to do is kill myself near a a deer join a herd for a couple of years yeah you're immortal and a monster there's no stopping you and the thing is like also well with crime fighting if you could be bored of that you could just become a wolf and cause wolf crime yeah exactly be a hassle to the wolf pack i could become a wolf for like a hundred... I could become a wolf or be a wolf for a century. Yeah.

When everyone's forgotten I ever existed and then I just pop back into existence. Yeah. A wolf comes into town. People are like, what's that wolf doing? Wolf puts its head in a bucket, drowns itself. Perfect. They're like, what in the name of God?

And then someone nearby is like, I hated being a wolf. I'm back to a human. And they're like, oh, no. The elders spoke of this. What's your name? I don't know. Jackson. Yeah, Jackson.

The forever man. The immortal Jack. I feel like the only weakness you could possibly have is if multiple things died exactly the same moment.'s jump into the nearest one jump into the next nearest like is it like i think they just call you like forever yeah i was thinking forever is a good name but um like be wary of the forever we're wary of forever what's the forever we don't remember we just remember that our ancestors told us to worry about him and i'm like yes i was a jackal in egyptian times and i've been a jackal ever since, till now, when I'm a man again.

I've been a jackal forever, except for now, where I'm a man again. No, he's like, I've been a jackal forever. Shoot yourself in the head. Continue that sentence as the next person. Shoot yourself. He'd just be like, I'm terrified of this, whatever this is. Oh, my God. I'm going to be you soon.

Bang. Then I'm them. Good intimidation, like, before you become be you soon. Bang! Then I'm them! Good intimidation before you become someone. Yeah, I think my only problem, the real weakness for me is boredom. Nah, another weakness. Oh, no. This is a comic book trope.

But if you come up against someone who has a stronger mind than you. That's true. Telepaths are my weakness because I'm like, shoot myself in the head. My consciousness rockets forward to theirs at the same time they put up a mental barrier. Or like you enter their consciousness like well you're now

in my home turf, dickhead. Lock me down. Lock you down. Like if you try this in the Marvel Universe it'd be simple like, oi, oi, you bald fuck. I've got you now. Bang. I'm going to trap you little pipsqueak. You little piece, boy. But I'm a... I've got you now. Bang. There you go. I'm going to trap you, little pipsqueak. Little piece of shit.

You think you can become me? Fuck that. I'll become you. Xavier shoots him in the head and becomes like... But here's the fucking beauty of it, Sam. Say I dive into Jean Grey. And Jean Grey's like, I'm locking you down. She locks me down.

That's fine. But Jean Grey's like, I'm locking you down. She locks me down. That's fine. But Jean Grey is not immortal. Eventually Jean Grey dies of old age and I'm like, well, that was a rough 70 years. You've made like a worse version of the Shadow King. Who's the Shadow King? Which is a Marvel villain. Yeah. Basically does it.

Xavier shuts him down, but then he's like, oh, get out eventually, dickhead. I'll just wait till you're dead and then I'm back I think my real weakness is that eventually I'm just gonna be like whatever I'm just gonna live a regular life

he's like whatever I'm just gonna be oh look at that I'm Superman now hey I'm gonna do good yeah I'll do good for like 100 200 years

300 years do bad for a bit yeah I like the idea of Xavier though just taking your consciousness in like a bowl and fucking you off

I'll put you in like a statue something that can't die yeah I like the idea of Xavier just taking your consciousness in a bowl and fucking you off. I'll put you in a statue, something that can't die. Yeah, you've got to put me in an immortal, basically. Put me in something that can't kill itself when you're good. Oh! Superman. Get a bloody kryptonite shiv, give him a lobotomy. Put me in a lobotomized soups.

Unstoppable Yeah That's a good way of doing it I don't want to be forever, I want to be unstoppable Unstoppable's a great name That is a good name We just figured out how to stop me, but I want to be unstoppable Until now I've been unstoppable To take out unstoppable, you've got to do some horrendous stuff

Yeah Or just find an immobilized immortal You're going to have to basically lobotomize an immortal for you to then um, yeah. Randall Savage. Grab Randall Savage, give him a lobotomy, chuck me inside. I'm good. But hey, eventually the world will end, one way

or the other. Then I'm back. Yep. There's no stopping you. There's like, delaying you. You could delay me for a hundred years You could delay me for a million And I'll come back eventually And the thing is like

With Randall Savage Or someone like that Yeah sure We've like Say Xavier Like I'll put you in a statue It's now living Ha ha

Done He dies And then like either That statue breaks And in a sense Kills the statue Or someone Another powerful psychic

After all this has done We're talking several generations There's no records Of Unstoppable And then some like and in a sense kills the statue. Or someone, another powerful psychic, after all this has done, we're talking several generations, there's no records of Unstoppable. Nobody remembers Unstoppable. And then some guy comes like, oh my god, there's a sentient thing here in this statue, reaches out to you, you're like, oh help me,

I've been trapped by some evil man this whole time. A little bald gremlin fuck trapped me in here. Yeah, help me free me. Yeah, he's like, oh, definitely. And then I'm like, sweet, into him, kill myself, and I'm back. And you're back. And then the only person who knew you was trapped in that statue was that guy you just killed.

Nobody ever even remembers. It's good. It's terrifying. Yeah, can't take me down. Can't stop me. Can't bring me down, Bruce. Do you sure you got anything that can top this? I don't think I can top this.

Well, again, like, I guess he's causing crime, but, like, it's not, the power itself isn't causing crime, so I can probably win this one on a technicality. Excited. See, like... Please just be the man who can't go to jail. That's the best fucking power there is.

Cops are like, you're under arrest for robbing a bar oh wait no you're not fuck that's right well i was thinking about that earlier then i also like the idea of like riot vision which is basically just like laser vision except you just look at people they riot that's cool and riot vision is a great name it also sounds like the kind of place you could get a used TV from. And I like that. So you just wander through streets looking at people, causing them to start looting and hitting their friends? He said, I'm safe unless I cause them to riot too close to me.

Or look into a mirror. Uh-oh. No, I can turn it on and off, like Superman's laser eyes. That's why I said laser eyes and not x-ray vision. It's Superman rules, not Scott Summers rules. Yeah. All right, so... Even then, sunglasses.

Where are you going? Like, what's your modus operandi? A protest. Oh, so you're going to cause, like, global mayhem. You find a massive protest taking place. Just start looking. Yeah. Like, maybe the next... You don't have to go to a protest, mate. Just go to, like, mayhem you find a massive protest taking place just start looking yep like maybe the next you don't have to go to a protest mate just go to like a mall the vatican everybody oh no you could you could have it like off you get on a plane

you travel to the vatican you wait till the pope's giving a speech give him the look the pope right that'll be the headline. Pope riots. Vatican in Tannis. Look at everyone else. Everyone else riots. I think the best use of your ability, weirdly, is as a spy. So imagine it's World War II. You're working for the Allies.

Wait, who's good? The Allies. Not the Axis. You're working for the Allies. Do sure. Okay, you're working for the Allies. Wait, who's good? The Allies. Not the Axis. You're working for the Allies. Do sure. Okay, you're working for the Axis. You're working for the Allies and they're like, we need to get out good old Adolf. You're like, that's okay.

All I gotta do is look at him. Look at Adolf. Adolf riots. Germany's morale plummets. You're a war hero. Is it looking at one person riots or can you look at several people in a riot Because a riot is not one person

How many people can riot at once As many as I want How long does it last 24 hours That's good A 24 hour limit is good Although I feel like people would be dying of exhaustion After 24 hours

Also imagine the first person to come back from that So it's kind of like the end of Kingsman 24 hour limit is good. So, yeah. Although I feel like people would be dying of exhaustion after 24 hours. Also, imagine the first person to come back from that. So it's kind of like the end of Kingsman. Yeah. Yeah. At the end of Kingsman, what happens? Like, is it brain trip? Is it a chip in their brain or whatever, or not in their brain? The signal that goes, everyone just rage.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Everyone basically rages and people try and kill babies. So you basically made like A 24 hour zombie apocalypse Yeah That's very scary And also

The best part is Hitting the 25th hour When everything goes back to normal Everyone just calms down But But they won't Because they're already raging And like

The good thing is You only have to get like Four or five people That's how like riots work One or two people happen And then the rest just follows suit Everybody We Because you might be like I only got like four people But like. That's how riots work. One or two people happen and then the rest just follow suit. You might be like, I only got four people but fuck, everyone's rioting and that's sick.

There's a riot happening and I've been involved. All of a sudden I don't feel like rioting anymore but I look around and the riot's still going. I'm going to be like, I just need to fight to get out of here. In many ways would that just start an unstoppable riot? And then I'd just pop back up, look at everyone again

There you go Because it would be staggered Which means that it would kind of keep going Yeah So yeah, a Pope's speech, the President's inauguration Two classic events to a The Olympics Oh no

You're like, look at one of the javelin Instead of drugs, just turn around and Skewer the at one of the javelin people. Instead of driving, just turn around and skew with the other people in the javelin competition. Any sporting event, like baseball, AFL. The AFL grand final that often has 96,000 attendees. And all of a sudden they're riding. Does it work through media as well? I reckon it does.

Pop up on the board like, hey fellas. This is your 90s fucking reboot here where you go viral. Oh, yes. It's like anyone who watches this video goes absolutely crazy. You're like, what's this? Ah, I'm right.

And also like another positive... That's when you enter the cyberspace. Also another positive is I still get to die. So that's nice. That's true, you don't. My life ends. Yeah, mine keeps going. Sometimes I'm a statue, but that's fine.

What's the distance? So is there like... I feel like that... Is it you have to look at someone or lock eyes with them? I feel like eye contact. Okay. So yeah, someone or lock eyes with them? I feel like eye contact So yeah, lock eyes, but then also like media That's fine Because I was going to say, you could just get up somewhere very high

And look at the city Yeah, that's why I don't want to be unreasonable on someone else in this episode What? What did you say? Did somebody salty their loss? You are causing, that's literally your power, is causing crimes to happen.

You're not causing mayhem. You could destroy a city, though. Yeah, easy. Easily. All you have to do is not turn it off for a day. Yeah. And wander down the city streets, and all of a sudden that city is in chaos.

You're very easy to stop, though. I mean, if they just find out who's causing it, but then like... How? Also, like, also... Oh, like, doucher.avi, it's your face. Yeah, though. I mean, if they just find out who's causing it, but then, like... How? Also, like, also... Oh, wait, doucher.avi, it's your face. Yeah, easy. But then also, like, the police come and try and arrest me.

I just lock eyes with them and guess what they're turning on. If I wear sunglasses? No. Nah. A bla... Daredevil. Daredevil's gonna fuck you. Yep.

Daredevil's gonna get you. Maxie, you are a Daredevil villain. Yeah. If I've ever heard of anything, that's a Daredevil villain. Daredevil having to fight his way through a daredevil villain If I've ever heard of anything Daredevil having to fight his way through hell's kitchen As everyone's riding For some reason I've always imagined you Since you started talking about this

Looking like your classic blind guy Do you know what I mean? Like black sunglasses, cane, long black For some reason Filch from Harry Potter? Like that, but like doucher version of filch. Like long hair, but in like a duster, like trench coat style.

Just look at all the stuff. The way we'd discover you would be that somebody would be looking through all of these recent riots, and in every riot they would see this one person standing there, and they'd be like, I think he's never rioting. In all these photos, everyone else is rioting, but this guy's always at the center and he's just standing very still. Then they'd be like, Daredevil, you're blind. You get him.

I'll be fucked by Daredevil. Yes, 100%. I think Daredevil's going to get you good. Like, he'd have to get you somewhere private. If you're staying in crowds, Daredevil probably will never be able to get to you because you can just look at everyone around you. Yeah, but he'll pinpoint.

That's the arc of Daredevil. He's got to try and find. That's just Daredevil probably will never be able to get to you because you can just look at everyone around you. Yeah, but he'll pinpoint. That's the arc of Daredevil. He's just got to try and find... That's just Daredevil. He's got to find... So he'd have to, like, fucking listen to everyone's heartbeats to hear who isn't raging and be like, why is that one man just gone? It's going to be a good, like...

It'll be a good arc. Yeah, I agree with the shit out of that. Daredevil Riot or whatever you call it. That's a good name, Daredevil Riot. Daredevil Riot. Marvel, if you're listening. Marvel, if good name. Dead Evil Riot. Dead Evil Riot. Marvel if you're listening. We know you are. I'm not sure who your villain is.

Or your hero is. It's probably Superman. Really? I remember some bullshit like Captain Fate. No, I can't remember. Booster Gold? Booster Gold! No, because there's Batman. I think it was a Batman thing thing where there was someone who couldn't die. Or like every time they died, they came back to life or whatever.

So he put them in a thing that just left them in like permanent agony. So they weren't dying, but it was fucked. I think it's a Batman comic, but I think it's one of those one like, you know, this Batman multi-issue. No, no, not like Elseworlds. Sometimes Batman just ends up fighting fucked villains for, like, six issues that never turn up again. Like, you fought a guy that was trapped in one of those old divey, you know, those old timey divers? Oh, yeah.

You fought a guy who helped build Gotham. And then he got trapped in one of them forever. And he was recently unearthed. That's like an arc. Sure. But it's that kind of thing where you can just imagine Batman looking at all of like the newspaper articles from being like, who's this? This is just random.

Either that or if you're doing Marvel, it'd be some kind of like space eternity and all that kind of bullshit. One of those cosmic ones. Cosmic ones where they're like, oh, it's just a guy. Yeah, it's just a dude. I never imagined myself as like some kind of like I'm human. Yeah. Yeah. I was You were

Yeah you're not that anymore Until whatever I am now Max even the Marvel Universe Would you just end up Popping into like eternity Oh shit Oh shit Like those giant

Cosmic beings How Can I be Galactus Like yeah That's great All I gotta do Is put myself in like a cannon Fire myself with Galactus Galactus being like puny humans.

That's not going to... Oh. And I'm Galactus now. I'm going to eat the planet. Hey, laughed at me there. But then like... But then I'm no... Well, I mean, I've eaten the planet.

But if I just fuck off to space, then you guys are used. I feel like you might run out of life. Like, because especially the idea that there's no like life in space. I think Galactus eats a planet. You're just like, oh, if I die now, I'm in strife. run out of life. Like, because especially the idea that there's no, like, life in space. I think Galactus eats a planet. You're just like, ooh, if I die now, I'm in strife. But there's life. Oh, what if there's no life in space? If Galactus is real, then, like, yeah, there's really life in space.

That's a kind of the Marvel comic would be like, something's coming from one end of the universe, and there's this terrible, it's called the Unstoppable. We can't end it, and then they find me, but I'm just some dude. they're like there he is that sounds like dooms the superman doomsday but wrong doomsday but not intimidating because i'm just like a nano and i'm like yeah hey i'm a nano they're like this is a nan then i shoot myself in the head and become booster gold yeah no wait death super whatever that fucking yeah yeah they're at start at one side of the world and superman's like,

gotta stop this fucker before he fucking levels my city. Oh, I'm dead. Yep, yep. That's how it'll go down to the one. But he also dead. Everyone's dead. Everyone is.

What about you? Well, initially I was thinking like, I've always loved the idea of Cancer Boy. Yeah, okay. As in just the ability to give someone cancer. And it's nice of you to try it out in like 2011. Yeah, yeah. Got me good.

Just be like, oh, what's that? Jackson, show me your balls. Ha ha, deal. And it would be a nice idea to be like, if you're robbing a bank, just to be like, if you don't get the money, guess what? Stage four cancel. You're going to get called out.

Someone's going to be like, fuck off. Go get scanned. It's a long con. I agree. But I feel like That's not immediately Threatening to the police So It's dead

The forgettable Okay So You just forget about me Don't you That's a good one And a scary one Like no matter what happens

It's gonna be the silence From Doctor Who Yeah in a way So you're like a blank spot In everybody's mind Everyone can interact with me They can Like oh my god you're there And they have in everybody's mind Everyone can interact with me They can Like oh my god you're there

And they have a chat with me Or whatever it is I can explain to them Like when you start looking at me I won't exist You'll forget that I was ever It's just one of those things that happens So yeah that's legitimately the silence

Yeah but like a friendly one Doesn't look like a grey Yeah Just looks like a dude Yeah Alright So you're just a man But every time someone stops looking at you

They forget you're there Yeah That's gonna be spooky That's very scary What are you a crime Well I mean you're crime Anything Could, but every time someone stops looking at you, they forget you're there. Yeah. That's going to be spooky. That's very scary. What are your crimes? Well, I mean, your crimes could be anything. Yeah. I'll steal. What about CCTV footage?

Actually, like, I wouldn't care because, like, I don't need money, so I'll just steal everything. CCTV footage is kind of the same thing where people are like, that is a, you know, they look away. Yeah, the kind of thing where they're like, okay, we've got to check the CCTV. You're going to get stuck in loops. They're going to be like, I see him.

Okay, let's check that CCTV footage. I see like i see him okay let's check that cctv footage i see him all right let's check that cctv footage how are people gonna deal i like the idea because yeah if this this is just reminding me he's a doctor who and the doctor goes real dark with the silence because he's like everyone's gonna forget this on tv but it'll be burnt into their memory. He's like, if you see the silence, kill them. Just do not hesitate to murder them. So it's just funny that like everyone they see... Whoa, why? Ow! Stop punching me in the face!

But the benefit of this, the silence has been around for years. Yeah. So, but damn it's... I'm assuming you've got a human lifetime. I'm just a guy. Yeah, so... I mean like... Nobody's gonna have time to recognize that something is amiss. Yes. Before they... I mean like Nobody's gonna have time To recognise that Something is amiss Yes Before they

I mean like having Like a fulfilling Like human life Is gonna suck Cause I just can't I can't have any Like relationships You can't ever

Have a relationship With another human being That's gonna be terrifying Yeah Like I might Just Your life's gonna suck But crime I can do

Yeah but It's like crime With no meaning Yeah I'm so sad Here's the fucked thing Because we were saying that Oh look like the doctor what he encounters the silence all the time

So he's in a position Any person that you spend a lengthy amount of time with Like is going to eventually realise By what they're not seeing That you know what I mean So like the person you love So like imagine you find A lovely person you fall in love with them You So like imagine you find a lovely person,

you fall in love with them. You're like, we've spent like a whole evening together and I've not looked away once so that you've not forgotten me. But then they look away, but you're like, I'm in love with this person. So you do it again and you do it again. And eventually you're like, this is happening right down somewhere on your body.

And then they do, but then they're like, he's wiping my, this is not okay. I'm like 51st dating myself, but also mementoing myself. Yes, it's a perfect mix of an Adam Sandler classic and a Guy Pearce classic. The perfect melding of the two that we've all wanted. Everybody's been waiting for those two to collaborate on a superhero based tragedy. I could probably do a lot of crimes, but I think it's going to be one of those things

where, like, what is going on? Like, what do I even want? Because I don't need money, because I could just go in, anything that I need, we'll just grab. Wait, wait. Yeah? You can't, though.

So, say you want to rob a bank. Yeah. Like, people will forget you, but if the cops see you robbing the bank, they still might just shoot you. Well, that's true. But then like the person needs to set an alarm. They're like, someone's like, I'm going to give you the money.

Oh, look, wait, press the button. Wait, why am I pressing the button? And the cops turn up and they're like, what's going on? Do they remember? No. You probably haven't. Well, you have. I'm pointing.

So this is really good for listeners. Zamit, you've worked in a place that would have had a silent alarm before. The whole thing is like, you wouldn't break eye contact when you press the alarm because then people know what's up. But eventually you'll have to. But eventually you'll look away. Or duck. Honestly, you could just kind of...

What if I can hear you? So if you're talking, but I can't see you. No, I feel like it needs to be like... It's got to be visual contact. But that's fucking scary then. Where do I think the voice is coming from? A ghost? Terrifying.

A podcast. Yeah, so if I say I'm looking at you, I look away, I don't remember you, I look back, do I remember that I've seen you previously? Well, I don't know. That's a good question. That is a good question. What do you think? I think no.

So it's like i'm meeting you again for the 50 first dates in memento yeah just to be like hi we've had this conversation before um yeah look my yeah it's the same as silence and you just figured you figured about me i'm very forgettable so i'm a daredevil villain jackson's a batman villain or bruce de gold villain you're a doctor who villain why is the doctor after me i'm doing anything wrong i'm sure i'm causing lots of crimes but these are like human level crimes villain. You're a Doctor Who villain. Why is a doctor after me? I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm sure I'm causing lots of crimes, but these are like human level crimes. You don't give a shit. Doctor Who doesn't stop bank robberies.

Nah, I mean he should. He probably should. He should be very good at it. Real good at it. Like they'd be running out of the bank, all of a sudden they're running into the TARDIS and the doctor's like, guess where you're going? Jail. So how do you take down the unforgettable? The forgettable.

The forgettable. The forgotten, whatever you called yourself. I forgot your name. So you've got a clever name, but like no one's going to remember it. So who cares? You can call yourself fucking asshole face. Hurtful. Just mean.

Rude. Yeah. How do you? We called you the riot. That was kind of nice The quiet? Oh the quiet The quiet's nice

The quiet's alright Eventually Quiet riot Great band Quiet riot Unstoppable So eventually They're not a great band

Anyway They're a bad band Eventually you're gonna have to The only way you could take you down Is if you remembered that you existed And no one's gonna remember that you exist So just old age? Depending on the crimes that I'm doing.

Because clearly robbing a bank is not something that the forgettable, the quiet is going to do. It's going to be after the other crimes. So it's going to be like just taking things that like isn't money, but it's like say like, you know, something that I want. Because like I could live in someone's house. They wouldn't even know I was there. Jesus.

Spooky. We could be living with one right now. I think Ghost is a good name for you. Ghost. So you'd be taken out basically by somebody just connecting those dots. Yeah. But then why would you? No, you're going to get taken out accidentally by like committing a crime.

Someone just shoots you on sight. Yeah. Or just gets spooked. Like that's it. Or like. Hit by a car. Yeah, I'll just get spooked. Like, just like, that's it. Or like hit by a car. Yeah, that's so sad. People forget you're crossing the road. Oh my god,

how could you just get hit by a car and no one will ever know you existed? That's true, but like, there's some problem with like, you know, Riot might get, you know, got by his own Riot. You're in the middle of it. Not necessarily, but. The only one that's unstoppable is, well, you. I like the idea of becoming the two of you.

Yeah. I'll infer, because I got the time. You do. Like, you both exist. I'll come up to you. You'll riot me. I'll get caught in the riot. Oh, no.

Riot's a real good villain to fight the unstoppable, because you basically just put fodder in front of me. Like, I'll never reach you that's good and you i'll never remember you exist to kill myself to become you good sentence oh what what's fucked up is that if i saw you killed myself forget you exist become you don't know your power get real confused everyone's like why why does no one remember me and once you get that power where's the power is it my body or does it then become you oh no like is that something you acquire oh do you like end up kind of silering this to like you know you collect the powers of the people you then possess because if so that's kind of scary to combine the three of our powers.

It took me so long for a second that I'd be like, Scylla, Scylla, fuck. Heroes. I basically, if I had all three of your powers from collecting them and becoming you, I'd just be like an unstoppable chaos machine that nobody can remember and no one can kill. Yeah.

We should team up. We should. Ah, you'll die. Yeah, your lies are like blinks. Yeah, we'll die. You won't remember me. You'll We should team up. We should. Ah, you'll die. Your life's like blinks. Yeah, he'll die. You won't remember me. You'll cause a riot everywhere we go. You'll be like, I'm doing this by myself. I'm like, I'm here too.

Rude. Again. I like the idea of you being rude. Riot, the two of us will take it. We'll rule this world. Guys, I'm here too. Ah, shit! Who the fuck are you? Hey, Zammett, how are you gonna travel places? Uh, just hop onto a plane. How? Just walk.

Nah, cause people, like, cause you, I was thinking, like, if you bought a ticket they'd just be like, who? Actually, but you just walk. We kind of, we don't paper, we, we don't, we almost paper scissors rock each other. It sucks. But you're very good at fighting the two of us

Because the ghost or the silencer Hush up or whatever his name is A second Hush up a second Because a crowd is your kryptonite Because somebody will be looking at him at all times And a riot is an angry crowd You're in bloody trouble my friend

Plus especially if you look at him All you need to do is look at him once is an angry crow. You're in bloody trouble, my friend. Plus, especially if you look at him, all you need to do is look at him once, but then you're like a ghost amongst the riot. That's cool. I think that'd be probably good, in terms of crime, a murderer. You'd be an excellent murderer.

Definitely. I like that murder was just assumed. Yeah. That's part of the deal. It's part of the package. Like in terms of, the thing is like, again, it comes with that same problem I have with you, Jack.

It's like, what are your wants and needs? Because you become so alien that you don't necessarily have the same desires that humans have. And I've become so alien because I'm no longer inside the bubble of humanity that like, why am I killing? Is it to feel something? Or is it because usually it's like, oh, I've hired muscle or hired killer to grab the money to kill someone. But I'm like, I don't need that money.

I don't need that. You'd grow up so wrong. When did your power manifest? I don't know. It has to be like with teens. It's a mutant thing. Yeah, I imagine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because otherwise. Or some weird accident. Oh, that's real good. Cop that. But then you wouldn't develop properly. You'd be wrong. Has to be teens. Has to be teens. No, but even if it is teens.

Has to be teens. Has to be like light teens. Has to be like adulthood, please. Otherwise, not only are you impossible to find, you're also just wrong. You can't be raised with no human interaction. You become a wolfman. I would become a wolfman. You would go feral.

I would definitely be the most human out of us three yeah you would you'd be the most because you still have the same human wants and desires jack is like so far gone it's like i wouldn't call him human and i am force i am like just like human by like biological in sense but just mentally definitely not not. We're all pretty unpleasant. Except me. Charming as always. I'm trying to think who's villain am I for? The Doctor. Because Doctor's not going to care. Yeah, he will.

No, because there would be traces. He'd be like, I'm getting all these like... The reason why the silence is on Doctor's radar is because they're a whole race of a thing. Yeah, plus they're manipulating history. I'm not. I'm just a lad. I feel like you're, like, not a Doctor Strange, but...

Maybe an X-Man? Like, maybe a mutant problem? Yeah. Maybe? Yeah, the mutants might have to sort you out. But I really think the best way to kill you is to surround you. Yeah. Once you're surrounded, then everyone's getting a good look,

no one's going to forget, and then you're just stabbing at once. That's true. Yeah. Gotcha. Skewy. I'm trying to think of like what kind of crime is this person like so you can commit crimes

but like why would he? What do you get now? It's grim. I think Dusha wins. Like you said on a technicality. Yep. Yours is the most crime causing.

Yours is equally sad if you couldn't turn it off. Yeah, but I can. Or just wear sunglasses. Gotta shoot you in the back of the head. That's how you take you out. Yep. The most pleasant way to die, too. I like how we kind of make ourselves and lean into the tragic.

Douche is like, no, I don't. I'm great. Deal with it. Well, you asked me, and I was like, yeah, no, I can turn it off. I said it's like Superman. I reckon you don't turn it off I reckon that's more terrifying Yeah

Okay well then Just fucking wear sunglasses What else No sunglasses don't work You're riding all the time Everyone around you But I just don't look Into people in the eyes

You'd have to like Poke your own eyes out Yeah Alternatively I just don't make eye contact Because I also established Poke your own eyes out That's the noise it'll make

Wear eye patches all the time Oh that's good. You can have like a... Tape? No, what do you call it? Across my face? Like Scott Summers? Scott Summers.

So Scott Summers rules? Yeah, you could do Scott Summers rules. You just press a button and it opens up and somebody's like... That's good. I really like the idea of somebody running at you and then just opening their eyes at you and being like...

Actually, say I was running at you to kill you, and then you just saw me. That's not going to stop me. Make you angry. I'll just kill you harder. Yeah. I wouldn't use it to defend against you. I would just use it to attack you with other people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give them cannon fodder to run away. Well, that's yeah again like i was saying yeah you can just put people in front of me that i'll become whilst you run in the other direction yeah i would escape up my razor scooter fuck that's the best vehicle there is yeah i know i think coolest vehicle in the game ducha wins jack's a monster and i'm Yep. Classic. I'm sad none of us are the men who can't go to jail. Just the cops being like, you're not under arrest. Carry on. You simply just changed the name of the jail to something else. Ah, that's your prison, son.

Damn. Got me on a technicality. Yeah. Damn it. And on that note, I've been unstoppable. I've been quiet riot. And I've been hush up a second. Don't blink or do.

It depends who you're fighting, I guess. It's not really going to do much. Blink away. Soon I'll be blinking your blinks. Terrifying. Where did they go? Oh no. No, no, no, no.

I just assumed dead. I just never checked, I guess. Or you just push them down deep into their brain cap. The episode's done. A section of their brain. And then, of course, when you die, or the body dies, you just release them so A section of their brain. And then, of course, when you die or the body dies,

you just release them so that they experience their death. Monster. Especially when you drown that wolf. That wolf is going to be like, Why, Dad? That's everyone's last thought. That's not good. Why am I dying?

Why am I dying? Why, Dad? Why, Dad? Then all of a sudden I'm a nearby farmer. I think that your MO is just drowning yourself constantly. Always carry a bucket. Yeah. I heard in a movie once that it was a peaceful death.

It's the most pleasant way to go. Gone. Gotcha. What an unpleasant outro Thanks for listening If you want to help support the show Why not become a member at SandsPantsPlus.com And get early access to our shows

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