Plumbing the Death Star - What Would be the Worst Fallout Vault to Live In? (Feat. Adam)

Episode Date: July 10, 2016

In which our heroes decide which vault from the Fallout Universe they'd least like to live in. We deal with a radroach infestation, find a new chip for the water purifier and defend our vault from raiders. Jackson doesn't want to be a plant-man, Zammit wants you to explain things by referencing The Karate Kid and Adam punches a fan. So join the gang as they use subliminal messages. Want to create the perfect soldier? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can have your vault rise up against you. And want to watch us play Fallout 4? Head to http://www.sanspantsradio.com/adam-falls-out/! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sanspan's Radio, like staring into an infinite void that also stares back and makes you feel uncomfortable, but then you realize everything's gonna be okay. Hey everyone, before we start, I just want to say that if you enjoy this episode, myself, Jackson, and Adam have started a let's play of us playing Fallout 4. And I say us, but I mean Adam plays the game, while me and Jack just hassle his grapes good. It's called Adam Falls Out, we're about six episodes deep, and you can find it on YouTube or directly from our website. Also, we've just launched a digital download with our good friends over at Podkeep. Just head to sanspantsradio.podkeep.com to peruse all the digital goodies we have on offer. At the moment, it's mostly D&D stuff, along with talks loudly over films,

but in due course, we'll be adding more content. As always, if you want to support the show, just head over to our Patreon page. For five bucks a month, you get early access to the shows where we can, as well as get access to a lot of the bonus content we produce. Now, enjoy the show. Hey everybody, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, what would be the worst Fallout vault to live in? First question, what's a vault? So when the...

Why am I explaining this? Adam? No, you can go for it if you want. So when the world ended... Adam will correct you. The bombs got dropped on us in the Fallout universe. A company known as Vault-Tec created vaults, which they said were Fallout shelters,

but were in fact terrible social experiments where humanity went to avoid the bombs and then they got trapped in there and experimented on for like 200 years. That's sick. It's pretty fucking good. Fallout's a rad topic. Hang on. So wait, there's... Well, hang on 200 years. That's sick. It's pretty fucking good. Fallout's a rad topic. Hang on.

So wait, there's... Well, hang on. So the world's ending. All right, so the world is ending. And I'm like, hey, I'm a member of Vault-Tec and I'm like, Joel S. Zammett. L, but all right. The S stands for super good.

Oh, I'm on board now. That's how they sold people on the vaults. The world's going to end soon. Wouldn't you like a place in one of our vaults? I would Did they make the end of the world happen as well? No They're not that evil

And you're like cool Bombs are dropping Quick into the vault We close the big vault door behind you And then something terrible happens Some of the vaults are things like One man 50 women. How do they gather this data?

They get scientists within the vaults. Yeah, usually the overseer who's in charge of the vault collects the data and it's supposed to be sent back to Vault-Tec or whatever for processing. Except that didn't happen because I don't know why, but I guess Vault-Tc didn't nuclear proof their headquarters voltaic like ah like the world's ending everyone's vaults oh shit the world is ending we didn't make a vault for ourselves it's like when you pour everybody else a drink and then

sit down and you're like they didn't make a vault for themselves i think it's called vault zero but it's not connected to the other vaults so you you can find a vault. I'm pretty sure it's in Fallout 2, maybe? And it's got all the Vault-Tec heads preserved in jars. Their brains preserved in jars. That's the best. And they're like, yeah, we're Vault-Tec. We didn't collect any of the data. So it was a useless experiment.

So all the vaults are connected to each other as well? They're supposed to be, but they weren't. Because the bombs fell and destroyed that infrastructure. Because they didn't bomb proof it. So the vaults were supposed to physically be connected to each other? Yeah. Did they just, like, the world is ending. Lol, it's not.

But get in these vaults. Oh, it is. Is that what telephone lines? That's a good point. Sorry? So did they just, like, the world is ending. Lol, it's not really oh it is

shit do they just not think the world is going to end I don't know what the point sounds like a chronic case of didn't realize they were going to make

a Fallout 2 and beyond that's the best so in all of the you sound sick it's a good time get in on it in all of the Fallout games

there are several vaults and and they're all terrible. I reckon the worst one to live in would probably be that plant one in New Vegas. Vault 20-something. Where they were, like, studying... I don't know what they were doing, but everybody ended up as plant men. That sounds like a bad future for me. Trying to regrow plants or something like that. Yeah.

And spores got into people. And accidentally plant men. And I don't want to end up as a plant man. That vault is fucked. future trying to grow regrow plants or something like that yeah spores got into and accidentally plant men and i don't want to end up as a plant man that bolt is fucking off my socks real sneakily well not when you say it oh no hang on you got there in the not really let me just get up in here i'm waiting because like i like that feeling when you take off your socks and you're like oh this is the best feeling in the world There we go I don't have that anymore

Because I now mostly have shoes and everything without socks You doofus Yes but I don't think I'd cope very well with being a plant man So I'll avoid that Jackson Bailey Not plant man material Not plant man applicable So what's this one man 50 woman thing

Let's talk about that for a moment. So in the lead up to Fallout 3, do you know Penny Arcade, the comic? Oh, yeah. Penny Arcade, the people who do that were commissioned, basically, to make a series of comedic comics about Fallout. And they came up with a bunch of joke ones. And Bethesda were like, nah, canon. And there was one that's like one man, a thousand women

and then there's the reverse one. And then there's one that's like one guy, one panther, which is fucked. One man, one panther. Imagine being that one guy. You're like, where's the line? Why is no one else trying to get into this vault? I like that everyone's like why is no one else trying to get into this vault i like that every time like you're one line and like in the line next to him there's a panther and they both give each other like i don't know what this is gonna be about does that mean that

the panther is the overseer i don't think i don't think there was an overseer in that vault but it's really funny as well because like you see for example you're playing fallout 4 or whatever and you're going into the vault and uh it's like you're you're you know you signed up for this or whatever but like this was not something you expected to happen so they have staff there who are like here's the toilets here's the fucking thing so you, an introduction thing. Presumably the door opens and the guy's like, okay. He just wanders in. And then it's like another case. Like, oh, the door opens, panther. He's just like wandering through these halls and like,

from somewhere. The best part about that is that as an experiment, either the panther eats the guy and then dies, or the guy eats the panther and then dies. Better experiment would be one man and a steady source of panthers. and then dies the guy eats the panther and then dies better experiment would be one man and a steady source of panthers

but what if the panther you need a steady source of men or panthers yeah but Kenna lost us but yeah

that's what I'm saying it's like a panther's consumer dude and it's kind of like almost like an island where it's almost like a constant tug of war between who's winning who's concert of panthers, consumer dudes. And it's kind of like, almost like an island where it's almost like a constant tug of war. Yeah.

Exactly. Who's, who's winning? Who's winning? The panthers or the men? It's kind of like, you know, you feel almost like a two story building or whatever.

Say several stories. It's kind of like, you know, you'd start building this sort of tribe to be like, don't go downstairs. There's going to be panthers down there. And then they have formed like, you know,

these all social connections. And maybe it's like a rite of passage to go downstairs and there's going to be panthers down there. And then they form these all-social connections, and maybe it's like a rite of passage to go downstairs and steal a panther cub. And the panthers have the same thing. Translation, go upstairs and steal a human cub. Just once again, like, Vault-Tec, what the fuck? Who is meant to be capturing information in that form? I know.

Who's doing the scientific write-up? Who's writing hypothesis, materials, experimentation, conclusions? Materials, lots of panthers. Hypothesis, man will get eaten by panther, or panther will get eaten by man. Was it proved? Yes. One of these two scenarios happened

They did not team up Could you imagine if the conclusion was A peaceful society between panther and man? Imagine entering that vault 200 years later and a man Riding on the back of a panther It's like, welcome So the vault's there

And it's after 200 years They open up? No, after 200 years they open up? No, after 200 years. Varying amounts. Like, some were meant to never open. Like, there was one, Vault 101, that measured isolation. Failed experiment. Some that were like... Why is that a failed experiment, sorry?

Oh, failed experiment because it didn't stay isolated forever. They were all failed experiments whatever none of them worked um as advertised the vault was supposed to stay closed for 20 years which is how long it was supposed to take radiation to like disappear or whatever vault 13 i believe it is is the control one which operates operated like that but the other ones like five years 20 years 100 years a lot of them just like two weeks everyone a lot of them just like everyone died pretty much all of them everyone dies and so the vault never opens again yeah that's true so what are some of the other vaults then yeah i'm trying

to remember from new vegas you've got the plant one yeah there's the vault 21, which was only gamblers were selected to be allowed into this vault. And the rules for the overseer stated any qualms or any discussions or anything like that, everything is solved via gambling. So you're like, that's my bed. No, that's my bed. Well, have a game of poker and decide. Was it always games of poker? I think it was just

different games of chance or whatever it's like roll the dice flip a coin that'd be kind of cool i think whatever it was it was just supposed to be that one got filled with cement what why long fucking story so like um some like big power player called mr. House, he's trying to build Vegas again. Oh, that's right. Vault 21 is close to some important stuff, and he doesn't want anyone to get to his important stuff through Vault 21. So he's like, I think I'll just fill that with cement. Was the gambler still in there? is still in there?

They managed to make him agree to, instead of completely filling it, he fills most of the vault with cement and they turn the rest of it into a hotel. My God. All right. I guess that was answered. I guess that's fair enough. A gambling vault wouldn't be too bad.

Yeah, I mean, you could live in there. How big are the vaults? Not big, but how many people? They're meant to house about a thousand people. Oh, wow. They're oversized. They about a thousand people. Oh, wow. They're of size. They're a huge vault. Which would mean that...

In the game, when you're going through, you're like, a thousand people would not live in here. Really, they feel like they could fit 20 at maximum. I think I could count the beds with the fingers on two hands, and I'm missing a hand. There's a little fact about Adam over here. He has a hook. Adam hook hand. Adam hook hands carnivale

They call me hook hands because it sounds better I only got the one It's also super rude What other vaults are there in New Vegas? There's the one where you have to sacrifice a guy every year What's that one? I've never heard of that one This one's so I'm sorry, this is just going to be me gushing about that's good just fun fact um there's uh there's one vault where everyone goes in and the computer

that runs the vault is like the overseer the person in charge every year needs to be sacrificed to me or i'll shut everything down and you all die oh boy and so like they'd be you know they vote for who becomes the overseer and when you when you first get in there you start seeing all these harvest yeah it is you see all these great things that are like um uh such and such as uh hey i'm uh joe blogs and uh i'm one of the contestants forverseer. But you want to vote for fucking Jane because she's a convicted murderer. And you're like, what?

Jane. Jane's a cunt. You all know it. I'll be the first one to say it. Make her the leader. That's the best. Wow. That's a fucked up one.

I know there's a vault full of all of the world's best musicians. That's in Fallout 3, yeah. Yeah, that was a pretty good one. I mean, it wouldn't be a bad one. they were piping in subliminal messages into the thing to fuck with people's heads oh yeah they wanted to make the perfect soldier by music what was subliminal doing hang on text like let's get guitarist slash into a vault and make the perfect soldier out of them i'm not saying it's... Vault tech, dumb.

So, okay, so you go. So, okay, okay. A whole vault full of musicians. That sounds sick because, like, okay, they've got time. They're going to do some rad shit. So I'm guessing they're going to be like, hey, here's a guitar. Here's all this.

There's a piano. Here's some other music. Yeah, they have a lot of musical stuff. Go nuts. Yeah. Write some opuses. Sick. That just sounds like a cool thing in and of itself.

That's like a neat idea. Nah. Subliminal messages to create a soldier? What if we could make him soldiers? What? How does that leap? It's also weird because... What is that jump?

I don't understand the jump. This episode could have been titled, Is Vault Tacking Competent? Hey, maybe Hidden Title. Secret subtitle. But yeah, like, why pick music? Like, I guess it's like they're like, hey, musicians, subliminal music or whatever.

It kind of fits thematically, sort of. No, no, no. Get bodybuilders. Get people who are like, I don't know, not like well-educated to be like, so we can mold their opinions about becoming. Don't worry, they do educated to be like, so we can mould their opinions about becoming soldiers. Don't worry, they do that one as well. The children

overthrow the people. So there's a children... What? Is this full of dullards? What's going on here? Idiot kids. Train them from children to be perfect soldiers and then kill the ones that aren't perfect soldiers. Oh my God.

It's so dumb. They train the children and they overthrow them because they're cunts to the children. Of course they do. Yes, of course. But what are they training

the perfect soldier for? To fight the bombs? I guess. I don't know. I suppose so. They're contracted by the military so I guess the military

is like make us good soldiers. I don't know. Okay. I'll accept that as an answer. All right. No, no, no. They're still dumb. No, they're still dumb,

but I'm like, okay, I guess they're trying to make a perfect soldier for the military. I'm trying to think of like unique vaults with like unique stuff inside them because a lot of them are like, oh, we've used this political ideal or we've used that one.

There's in Fallout New Vegas as well. There's like a vault that had two overseers was divided into two sections, red section and blue section. In Fallout New Vegas as well, there's like a vault that had two overseers, was divided into two sections, red section and blue section. And it was like the entire vault was designed to pit red and blue against each other. That's amazing. And I think they also had subliminal messages. I fucking love their subliminal messages. They were like, we did this and some other Vault-Tec employees were like,

hey, do you want to use our subliminal shit we developed for the... Well, we've got guitarists slashing it. It's like, yeah. Why the fuck not? Yeah, I'm pretty sure subliminal messages was in that one as well. What it kind of seems like is that they were like, hey, I'm the CEO of Vault-Tec, and we've got all these vaults. You guys have a good week to come up with social experiments

for each of them And then we're setting it ahead Don't even come up with social experiments Go through some old social experiments And create that Remember the Stanford prison experiment? Give that a whirl Remember the experiment you have on kids

Where you only treat kids with blue eyes Real super good? Let's do that again Give that a hot whirl It just seems that's what's happened So many dumb experiments like only treat kids with blue eyes real super good. Yeah. Let's do that again. Give that a hot whirl. You know, it just seems that's what's happened. Is that what's happened? So many dumb experiments.

Tell me, keep telling me. Keep elaborating. There's one in Fallout 1 and 2, which is like the vault door doesn't seal. Bomb's going off. A lot of people died of radiation and it just made a city of ghouls. Ghouls are like people who survived the radiation. Their skin's falling off. It's the illest.

That's pretty rad. What happens when people are exposed to a lot of radiation? They die a lot. What does... I don't care about I got too animated and punched a fan. I'm gonna move away from that fan. Or just move the fan.

Pick it up and put it on the couch. Pick it up and put it on the couch. Pick it up, throw it in the bin. Perfect. You did it, Adam. You did good. Am I the hero now? Sure. Radiation kills lots of people. Great. What a surprise.

Isn't there one where they give everybody... What's it called? Voltcom? Viacom? Volttech. Vi a surprise. What a surprise. Isn't there one where they give everybody... What's it called? Vault-com? Viacom? What are they? Vault-tech. Vault-tech. Viacom. Isn't it? Viacom. Viacom, pretty evil as well.

Wasn't there one where they just gave everybody, like, just masses and masses of guns? Yes. That's also a new thing. Those people became the boomers. Yeah, they were just like, oh, fuck it. See what happens. I don't give a shit. What happens if that were to happen?

Because you'd think, with a thousand people in one vault, they're they're just like no it's banned together to protect our vault from any outsiders it's pretty much kind of yeah that's pretty much what it what happens and then they go and take over an air force and become like space yeah yeah become like a dangerous they're like society is obsessed with guns as well it's pretty good to the whole okay what about like drug use is it just like a whole vault fuck it heroin fucking enjoy have a good fucking time I think in that gun vault as well there was like some fault with the reactor

so it was going to become super irradiated I think they did that that's right yeah they had to leave they did a mass exodus god damn not a good company somebody's like, did we do those final checks on the gun vault?

No. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, I think we did. I think we got it pretty good. All right. The report's missing. Nah, I think it's not.

I think it isn't, though. That's my bully. Okay though that's my bully okay that's great I know drugs are all you two when you talk about Fallout you talk about drug use and how great it is yes I tend to play

in my Fallout games a very charismatic drug addict I like going up and being like, hey, I'll solve your problem, and then they're like, there's ghouls in here, and I'm like, I'm not strong or clever. Drugs! It solves my problems. It's like their whole vault where it's like, nah,

have a good time. Just fuck it. There's the fucking Gary vault, which is messed up on so many... So what's a Gary vault? What's a Gary vault? So the Gary vault was What's a Gary vault? What's a Gary vault? Let me explain to you So the vault was

It was designed that The overseer, the guy in charge He goes in and he has a terminal illness That's gonna kill him in a year That's not good And they have no leadership sort of thing So like he dies and there's no leadership Yeah, no one's in charge

That vault also had extra guns just for the for the fuck where were they on the subliminal message front no subliminal messages in this one but like it was supposed to be what happens in a power vacuum with extra weapons turns out they clone a guy called gary who i don't think what he wasn't the overseer just a guy called Gary. Every time they cloned him, like they're like, Hey, you know,

every time we clone him, he gets a little bit more violent. What should we do? Keep cloning. The vault. When you arrive 200 odd years later, it's full of Gary, but each one of the little more violent than the other.

Oh, and they get stupider as well. Yeah. It's just dudes running around being like, hi, I'm Gary. Gary. And as well. Yeah. It's just dudes running around being like, Hi, I'm Gary. Gary. And then they shoot you. It's scary.

It's pretty scary. It's a spooky time. Gary. That sounds amazing. I'm trying to think of that. That sounds like a fresh hell. I'm not going to lie. Gary Vault isn't going to be fun.

But if you were Zamet, it's not a Zamet Vault, so you'd probably just die, you know. That's what I'm saying. If I'm living there. You'd get Gary'd. I'd be Gary'd to death. Although I'd like to think that it's like a zamet vault so you'd probably just die you know that's what i'm saying if it's if i'm living you get garried i'd be carried to death although i'd like to think that it's like why did we choose him no good idea let's keep cloning not just like let's just i feel like it'd be the kind of thing where they'd be like we chose gary and you'd just be like well i guess i

trust your judgment i guess it's fine after 20 years like it's maybe we should just maybe should we stop maybe clone other people Going back to the question at hand, I think Vault 87, the super mutant one from Fallout 3, is my least favorite. Which one's that? That's the one where they turn people into... So they're like the Vault-Tec employees. They're like, hey, this vault is actually just meant

to test out this drug that we have that's going to turn people into super soldiers. Turns them into big super mutants. So first off, you lose your gender. Super mutants can't breathe. Oh, that sucks. I hate it already. You become massive, you become green,

you become dumb and you become violent. You become a Hulk. Oh, that's if you're lucky. If you're unlucky, you're one of the failed experiments and they just look awful. It's just like a mess of skin and bones. Is it like a Voldemort fetus on a subway? I'm going to try and look up the photo and show it to you.

I'm going to try and describe it to you, Zamit. It's a centaur, yeah? Oh, centaurs, yeah. There's also other failed ones. But yeah, go for centaurs. They're fucked up as well. Describe it using the karate kid. So you know when Daniel-san gets the shit beat out of him at the very beginning

yes by the lads on motorbikes yes the cobra kai yes okay i am aware so you know how his face is like a bloody mess of teeth and skin yes now get Now get that, okay, and like, then also melt Daniel. Put it on, put it, like, enlarge it and put it on Mr. Miyagi's body and then Mr. Miyagi crawls on all four. Got it.

That's a centaur. That's gross. But with more teeth and eyes. Oh, that just sounds fucking horrible It's super unpleasant I think Adam has a picture for you Oh this isn't a centaur This is the failed FEV subject

Oh gross What does he look like? Do you fight him? No you don't fight them They're all dead Small mercies I guess It looks like a man has tried to evolve bat wings stopped at the armpit

a man gave a go of evolving bat wings and then maybe just looked at it like one of them cane toads and was like I'm gonna give that a go and then just like stretched his face skin so he's constantly smiling so you either become that

fucking a bit less violent than that face skin so he's constantly smiling so you either become that fucking good job a bit less violent than that it's just like human horror it's like a fucking rob zombie bullshit plus you were wearing overalls so that's pretty good

that is my least favourite one no thank you I'll be okay. Yeah, that is a fresh hell. Yeah, that does not sound right. So, I reckon, look, the vaults... What other vaults are there? What else is there?

The rest of them are kind of like... Because a lot of them just seem like, no, we just gave up. We didn't try. All the ones in the latest one in Fallout 4 are very kind of dull they're like yeah there's not a lot to some they're like in this one we were going to release uh like we were going to release illnesses into this vault over time oh sick yeah but they don't do it and

that vault is doing fine um there's uh one where it's like all recovering drug addicts oh and then a couple months a couple years or something in i think five years they have a secret vault tech there's one where it's like all recovering drug addicts. Oh, sweet. And then a couple of years or something in, I think five years, they have a secret Vault-Tec plant and he releases drugs to the general population. Oh, see, drugs. Yeah, after they've just reformed the world. Drugs, guys.

There's the vault that your character starts in in Fallout 4 where you're cryogenically frozen. That's the experiment, cryogenically frozen. Which you'd think you could do not in a vault. Yes. The vault side of that seems like a waste. It's like, hey, you're near death.

How would you like to be cryogenically frozen? We'll wake you up or something. And they're like, amazing. That sounds great. But instead they're like, what if we just took random people? That'd be funny. Yeah, put them in a vault. Sick! The cryogenic stuff fails and you die.

That's the plot. That's the plot of Fallout 4. You create your character, you go into the vault and then it's sort of like loading, loading, loading. And then the end. Born after changes. It's not a great game.

So the point of fallouts is that you go in... The vault, yeah. The point of fallouts is you go in the vault. You just go into different vaults. The point of fallout is that oftentimes, not always, but sometimes for the most of them, you start off in a vault, you're released into the hideous world that's been left

after the bombs dropped and the big war happened, you roam around the wasteland and you just come across other vaults in the area. And you can go and see what the fuck's going on inside them. Rarely are they plot related. More often than not it's just more of a little fun. Which is why it's such a shame in Fallout 4 because all the other ones you'd just be like, what the fuck happened in this vault? Oh my god, it the other ones you'd just be like what the fuck happened in this vault oh my god it's full

of gary's oh what the fuck happened in this vault it's full of plant man and this one it's like what the fuck happened in it oh it's just like oh what happened uh just some stuff i guess i'm bored it's not great yeah that's a bit of a shame so they just didn't do anything i know i felt like they could have done more but like hey what can what can you do? A little off topic. But hey, these are just my thoughts so I'm full out. Full out so I'm fully erect. Hey, at least I'm diamonds, you know.

Alright, so worst, I guess the worst one, I would say Gary's. Gary's unpleasant. Just be a fresh fucking hell. Yeah, it sounds pretty bad. Like, imagine being you, Joel Zabit, where they're like,

yeah, our leader's dead. Let's start cloning Gary. And you're like, but he gets more violent every... What? Why? And you're like, nah. Nah, we'll still do it.

Also, why do they keep cloning him? Surely one clone Gary's are good for 20, 30 years. I don't know. Why is there so many? him? Surely one clone Gary is good for 20, 30 years. I don't know. Why is there so many? Or is it like leader Gary who's like the first clone is like, I think what's missing in this vault is me. No, he wasn't their leader. They just kept cloning him.

Yeah, but if he came out and he's like, sick, that worked out. Do you want to give it another go? I'm a lonely Gary. So it was just leaderless. No one stepped up. They're just like, I don't even know. No one stepped up and they were like, Gary's a lonely Gary. So it was just leaderless. No one stepped up. They're just like, I don't even know. No one stepped up and they were like, Gary's a sick lad. He's pretty cool.

I like Gary a lot. They're just like, who do we put in? Gary's so nice. You know what? He's just a lovely dude. Let's give that a go. You know, I love Gary, but you know what I find lacking? There's only one of him.

If we had more than one of a Gary, I think that'd be a rad time. Why didn't they just clone the original leader? Why didn't they just clone everybody once? I guess that doesn't solve their problem. It just doubles the amount of people eating all your food. I guess food isn't a problem. You doofus. Why didn't they just not clone anyone?

I don't know why they weren't like the Overseer died, but he was doing a good job till he died. And if we clone him again, he's going to come back from like a baby. So we get a good while. Wait, did the Gary start as infants? I don't know. Or did they have that like sneaky? They're all the same age when you encounter them. Identical when you encounter them. So I guess if you clone this guy, he's

going to die in a year. He'd just die in a year. See, that's a cool vault. He always has a year to make a year. He'd just die in a year. See, that's a cool vault. He always has a year to make a change. Oh. Sorry. Can we go back briefly just to that one where you need to sacrifice a novice year every year?

Yeah, if you don't sacrifice a novice year, the computer's like, congratulations, you're a good person. And then it doesn't. It's just like a bluff. Imagine finding out. Imagine finding out. You'd be like, God.

For hundreds of years, they were sacrificing people. Would you sacrifice a young one? Yeah, a child. Throw a baby in a bin. Yeah, like take away emotion for a sec. But pragmatically, you'd want to maybe sacrifice... Pragmatically, you'd want to put the murderer to fucking do the murder. Someone who is old and going to die.

Oh, maybe, yeah. Or a baby, because they haven't done much yet. Exactly. They haven't done much with their life. The problem is, the overseer does make decisions. True. So, like, you put the murderer you put the old person in charge so how long they're in charge for a year and they get to make all decisions

like what happened was uh one of the overseers who was like because there's a lot of like political bullshit like voting parties and stuff like that come into it. And they force someone to be overseer against your will or whatever. And she's like, you know what? Fuck it. Random roll of a dice determines fucking who's next. Oh, that's great. That's sick. God damn.

I reckon the subliminal musician want to be all right, though. Because you get to meet guitarists slash and then go insane. Drove them insane. Yeah, well, I'll go insane later. But at least I get to meet, though because you get to meet guitarist Slash and then go insane. Drove them insane. Yeah well I'll go insane later but at least I get to meet like you know some cool people. Kurt Cobain or whatever. He's dead. Was he dead in Fallout? I don't know if there was a Kurt Cobain in Fallout.

Was Slash in Fallout? No the bombs fall in 2077 so if you guys think Slash is gonna live to 2077 He might. Slash is going to live to 2077. He might. Slash is a wiry man. He's leathery like a handbag. I was about to say, I don't think anyone who lives that sort of lifestyle,

but the fucking Rolling Stones are still going strong. Look at Shane McGowan, lead singer of the Pogues. He lives on a steady diet of heroin and whiskey. And he's like, he's living strong. He's got new teeth. He got new teeth like 10 years ago. Whatever.

I don't think I'm going to survive to 2077. How are they going to survive to 2077? Pickled. So we meet future Slash. Future Slash. Slash's son.

Slash Jr. Some equivalent of, I guess. The equivalent of Slash. I still like the Panthers. You what? I like the Panther fault. That sounds fun. The equivalent of such. I still like the panthers. You what? I like the panther fault. That sounds fun.

Death by being killed. The idea is to pick the least favorite one. The least favorite. Yeah. I'm still thinking Gary would be a fresh fucking hell. Gary would be awful just because you're a sane person and they're cloning Gary. I reckon the one where it's one man, several women. Like... A thousand women, yeah.

A thousand women. Because you eventually become a slave. Unless you want to die out as a species. Actually, it just wouldn't work. There'd just be no point to it, would there? No. I don't think there's enough of a genetic rule. There isn't.

It'd just be like, either you have incest babies or you all die. Oh, true, yeah. Which is a good moral dilemma. I guess. It's not a moral dilemma. You're like, we all die, I guess it's not a moral dilemma you're like we all die I guess we just fuck until we're dead the one woman

thousand men sounds just a different kind of fresh rapey hell the reverse one, one woman a thousand men that's just my regular life I could do that for the rest i'm good for that it'd be yeah neither of them are like like i don't know why i don't want to be like social commentary this but it feels that the the thousand women one dude is going to be less violent than

a thousand dudes one woman that's true but then you might just end up going gay because it's easier that's true i wouldn't mind again it's like if you've read it'd be almost like a prison they're all they're all prisons yeah yeah yeah it's just like you know for those who don't have read it it's read it it's great yeah it's like um there's a virus that wipes out anyone with a y chromosome anything with a y chromosome oh I know what you're talking about, yeah. And yeah, like, it's just sort of how all this sort of stuff happens on, like, in this little world without men, and it's very fucking cool. It's a great book. Yeah, kind of like that.

The vault in the Penny Arcade one that they focus on is all right. One man and a crate of poppets? Yeah. Like, I don't really like Penny Arcade, but that was my own point, guys. It was kind of funnyets yeah like i don't really like penny arcade but that was on point guys it's kind of funny yeah yeah he like ends up like creating personalities for the puppets it's like a whole like an island of wilson yeah exactly but they all get like lives and then he accidentally kills a crocodile puppet and then he's like oh no and then he escapes the vault with just two hand puppets as like a fucked up insane guy some like raiders find him and they're like we're gonna fuck you up or something like that and he's like no no you gotta escape before he comes back and

they're like who and he's like i had i forget the puppet's name but he's like the puppet and they're like what and then his hand fucking comes out that's like gore everywhere or something like that and the puppet and then in the game in the game there's like some raiders you can find like a note with some raiders and they're like um if that fucking puppet guy comes back again run just yeah it was great that was a good one that was a funny one all right so i guess worst one for me yeah gary or gary's bad or or becoming a genderless hulk i don't like No I just don't want to be a plant man That's my worst time That seems hard Adam what's your worst?

I told you The fucking Becoming a genderless Hulk I guess that's not great I consider it orc because I don't read as much comic books as you Fair enough It's funny because it's like The cultural touchstones And for me he's a big because I don't read as much comic books as you. Fair enough. But you do more fantasies. It's funny because it's like, yeah,

it's like the cultural touchstones. And for me, he's a big Jolly Green Giant. From the spinach company. Are you sure he's not like an off your cult? Yes. Talking about cultural touchstones that we know the most. I feel like your cult, when it goes off, would go yellow. Possibly.

It might even go like a clear. Ew. Your cult clear, like go yellow. Possibly. I feel like it might even go like a clear. Ew. Yakult clear, like Pepsi clear. Yeah, because like- Crystal, Yakult crystal. It still has the same consistency, but I can see through it. Oh, that's so foul. It'd be like a gel.

It would be. Gross. Well, on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've been Adam. Just when the bombs drop, just stand still. No, use the Polsky prevention things, the little containers. Oh, yeah.

Don't. You open it and there's always a skeleton inside. They don't work. I just figured. Hop in a fridge. Yeah. Or just accept this. Probably accept death.

This death because it seems better than this fresh hell you're talking about. Exactly. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sanspantsradio.com.