Plumbing the Death Star - What Would Happen If Bat-Man was Man-Bat?

Episode Date: January 30, 2022

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Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm Joel. And today we're asking the important questions, like, well, usually we'd ask important questions look i'll i'll say the topic and listeners listeners listeners while the theme song plays you've got like 10 to 15 seconds to decide whose question you think this was and how you think we're going to react the moment we come back in so ready what would happen if Batman was Man-Bat? Now, Jax.

Yeah, what do you mean? I think this is an obvious question. I'm shocked we've not asked it yet okay so is this is this when say when bruce wayne gets uh his parents he then by the power of witnessing the death of his the power of becoming an orphan he he he he becomes a bat-like creature yeah i i uh it just it's just the trauma of it i suppose it turns him into a kind of man bat as it were but still with bruce wayne's fortune and desire for justice and meanwhile we have to assume dr kirk langstrom injects himself with a serum full of bat dna and becomes exceedingly wealthy. Okay? Okay.

So... No, okay. Wait. Hang on. Wait, wait, wait. Jackson, you just said so Bruce Wayne becomes Man Bat but retains all of his Bruce Wayne-ness but now you're...

But also we've got to... Also, to quote you, we've got to assume that for some reason Man Bat injects himself with stuff and also gets all of Bruce Wayne's stuff, but just doesn't turn into a bat. No, he just gets Bruce Wayne's status.

He doesn't get Bruce Wayne's status. So he gets the power of being an orphan in the DC universe. The moment Kirk Langstrom injects himself with a bat serum, his parents die, and he looks at his bank account, and he's like, I'm a fucking millionaire now. So we have to then assume so much we have to assume i don't know which path to go down first all right let's just start with yeah which one you choose the important question is what if man bat was batman and batman was man bat is the full sentence yep let's Let's focus on bat man being man bat first

because I have more questions for the other one that's going to take us down somewhere. I think that it's actually better to start with the other one because I think the big question is who cares? Nothing happens. No, because this means that the DNA, like bat DNA inherently makes parents die and you become wealthy.

Now, did he become wealthy because his parents died? Like, were his parents rich and he left that in the inheritance? No, because it was instantaneous. Yeah, I just think he gave him the powers of a wealthy orphan. So, yeah, so what links a bat to dead parents slash money? And is it American dollars? I don't know. to dead parents slash money. And is it American dollars?

I don't know. If Jackson's saying it gives you the power of being a rich orphan, then you don't actually get money or dead parents. You just get sadness and confidence? Yeah. So I would guess you would get the sad trauma of witnessing your parents die, but you'd also have the confidence of having so much wealth

that you don't need to care about anything. So I guess he's in debt. Lots of debt. You've got no money and two parents. But he has a desire for money, Zalas, right? So he probably does take out a bunch of loans and stuff from shady loan sharks. Well, I would assume he'd just have a credit card

and be like, whatever, it's good. And then when it gets, like, you know, cancelled or doesn't go through assume he'd just have a credit card to be like whatever is good, then when it gets like you know, cancelled or doesn't go through he'd be shocked well yeah, hopefully he's not a sad man I'm rich, aren't I rich? isn't that what the injection called? I gotta call my parents again and double check

you're alive, yeah? yes, but I don't feel like you are why am I sad you're dead then? Yeah, that's... Why am I... Mum and Dad, why am I mourning you? Because you're still alive. I go to graveyards where you say you'll be buried,

but you're not there, so I'm confused. I'm unsure of what to do. I have such a memory of, like, your pearls dropping to the floor, Mama. Yeah. Did that not happen? Do you still have those? You've never worn pearls, you say? But why Mama. Did that not happen? Do you still have those pearls? You've never worn pearls, you say.

But why do I remember that, Mom? Why am I remembering? But it's not a memory, it's a feeling, which is even more baffling. Mom, Mama, Papa, why do I mourn you? If he'd injected himself and had that feeling, he'd just be like, am I sick? Should I not have done this?

I guess... he'd injected himself and had that feeling he'd just be like am i sick should i not have done this i guess yeah why does he inject himself with bad dna to begin with he's trying to he's trying to cure something so what's he trying to cure because this is a question yeah because ultimately he hasn't cured that and all he's done is he's made a uh i a medicine. What's the opposite of a medicine? Poison. Poison. Yeah. That you inject that makes you feel sad and that you have a lot more wealth than you currently do. He wanted to give human beings a bat's acute sonar, right? But the formula turned him into a man bat. But in this reality, it made him mourn his parents.

They call the people he's developing the serum for, call them up, they're like, did it work? No. I've got something else. I'm just now trying to think how you can monetize that. I guess if you were a... The dead parents experience. You feel like what it's like for your parents to die,

but they don't die. I mean mean that's something and let's recall as well the way it works for dr kirk lagstrom the man bat is sometimes it's like a transformation like he's just a regular guy and then suddenly he gets man batted so i don't so he's a regular guy and then suddenly he just breaks down and starts crying like a man experiencing grief that or he's like sitting across the couch with your friend and starts crying like a man experiencing grief. Or he's sitting across the couch from his girlfriend. And he's like, wait a second, honey, am I rich? And she's like, no, Kirk.

And he's like, oh, that's right. It was the serum. Damn. Are my parents dead? No, Kirk. Oh, that's right. They don't talk to you, though, because you're a freak now, but they're still alive.

It's not even a discovery. It's like that guy who discovered fake sugar or whatever who was like, I was fucking around with some chemicals and then some was left on my hand, so I gave it a lick. No, it's sweet. So there's no even byproduct here of like, we can turn this around and monetize it. I just can't see a practical application for this.

Maybe if you're too happy you know mellow yourself out for actors who need to act in a film where their parents are dead and so they need that are you a well-rounded boring sack of shit of a person no one finds you interesting because you live a regular existence have you experienced minimal trauma in your 30 to 40 odd years well we got the serum for you you want to see how the other side live those that have faced challenges in their life but also are wealthy want to see how both other sides live are you just a normal person want to experience the good and the bad at the same time i got okay has an idea in terms of monetizing it.

Because I've got to kind of like, I'm looking at one, not the other. So for the dead parent experience. So what about for people whose parents are either older or maybe they have a terminal illness or, you know, they're going to die in some way, shape or form. So then you take the serum first so you experience it and so then you'll wonder like well how i don't know how i'm actually going to like comprehend with it like how i'm going to like deal with this and so you take the serum you take it you're like oh no i'm

experiencing all these things and then you can kind of have that conversation with your parents while they're still alive maybe some of the things things that, like, hey, I realize, like, once you, these are the things that I'm going to regret not saying, so I'm going to say them now. Maybe? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. You're approaching this the wrong way.

Palliative care. You're feeling like a piece of shit because you can't go visit your dying mom and dad every day of the week. You're sick of it. But you don't want to kill them. But you just think they're dead already. You're tired of it because it's exhausting, it's emotionally exhausting get it all out emotionally destroyed yeah i love the idea of taking the serum and then your partner or whatever it's like are you

gonna go visit your dad in the hospital and you're like no i don't really want yeah i feel fine the serum takes care of it uh jackson we've told you up your father's passed away Oh yeah well He was dead weeks ago You know that guy who was trying to create sonar And created that awesome Orphan serum I take that like everyday I fucking lump it up And I guess

As for the Wealthy boy experience Like could you- It's just a side effect you don't mention. Yeah. Do you want to feel rich? Absolutely not be rich. Do we have the serum for you?

Do you want to buy an expensive serum that won't make you feel rich, but we're taking your money, so I guess you'll be less rich. Do you want to feel like you have thousands of dollars to spend when you don't have thousands of dollars to spend? Do you want a quick way to debt that isn't your fault? 100%

not your fault. I'm going to have this like, hey, are your dying parents giving you the shit? Do we have the solution for you? Take this simple injection and it'll make you feel like your parents died weeks ago. Symptoms may include that you might think you are wealthier than you are. If symptoms persist, go see a doctor.

Wait, what did he say? Oh no, what was that last bit? Wealth, what? What does that mean? The idea of coming down from the serum and looking at your bank account and you've just spent like crazy money you didn't have. God damn it.

God damn Kirk Langstrom's awful serum. Well, at least I'm going to get my inheritance from my... Ah, they're still alive! Damn it. I was not sure he was dead. It's the perfect serum that man bat should have been Batman tell you what but then that's fucked up

if the man bat who was Batman finds out that the man bat who is Batman now has been using his experiences monetizing his experiences so I wonder if he takes it and he's like, this is exactly how I felt. When my parents died and I became a huge bat.

I guess he felt a bit different, to be honest. So are you saying that the serum doesn't just make your parents think you're dead, it makes you think your parents got shot in Crime Alley? Yeah, yeah. And it makes you think you've inherited the vast Wayne fortune. Look, not going to lie, harder sound. Yeah.

It's sad that my father and mother are dying of cancer. Thankfully, I can inject this serum and think they got shot in the fucking head in Crime Alley. It's much easier to swallow. Bad things happen. I can still believe in my God now. Honey, did my parents, Arthur and whatever, Wayne, get shot in an alleyway? No, honey.

There's a tank of cancer in a hospital. Currently. What do you mean, currently? Can you just... Thomas and Martha? Who's that? Your parents' names are John and Jill. I think I'm Thomas and Martha Wayne

are my parents. And I'm Bruce Wayne? Right? No, Bruce Wayne was that boy that turned into a bat because he was so sad. Oh, yeah. That's right. Thanks for keeping me grounded, babe. Yeah.

This injection really fucked me up. Anyway, I'm going to go buy a $16,000 milkshake. Do you want one? Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey. Yeah? You're not rich. Oh. Damn. I thought I're not rich. Oh. Damn.

I thought I was because of the serum. I know. Anyway. Where's my butler? I want a sandwich. Yeah. Honey. What do you think about the serum?

Honey. Oh, fuck. Babe, it's cool you haven't dumped me even though I'm fucked up. Now, with, I guess, the real bad bat serum. Sure. So he injects himself once and it just keeps going? Or does he have to keep going? Well, he injects himself once and he becomes the man bat permanently.

But then Batman cures him and he becomes regular again. But then he does it again and it becomes a kind of werewolf thing. So when he injects himself first, he's just going to have to... So it's permanent. He's always going to be feeling... And I guess if we're mass marketingers, there's a whole crowd of people laying wreaths down at Crime Alley in commemoration of their parents.

Because he's still got the cognizance that he can market this. And there's got to be police there being like, with a big sign. Or maybe they just put up a plaque that's like, your parents didn't die here. Unless you are Thomas Wayne, the bat monster. Your parents did not die here. Thomas Wayne? Thomas Wayne, you did die there. Just a big sign that just says, your parents didn't die here.

But on like one of those roadworks signs, I reckon. And just people, it's just like a line of people and they come up and they're like, Huh? Oh! The serum! Go to their jacket pocket, grab the medication packaging, look at side effects. Ah! Well, not so much side effects

Just what it is intended for Then they turn around to leave And the person behind them is like Oh, it's funny the serum got him But obviously my parents did die in crime, Alex Oh yeah, it must have been the serum that did that for him What's that sign say? Am I Bruce Wayne

the Bat Boy your parents didn't die here you are not Bruce Wayne the Bat Boy that's right I'm just a guy it's a million dollar idea I like that people are buying this because originally I guess we would just have to market it separately Yeah, it's a million dollar idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that people are buying this thing.

Because originally, I guess, we would just have to market it separately, and both effects would just be an unintended side effect of the other. Well, a side effect we're aware of, but ignore. Yeah. I just don't know how you would market this unless you want to experience... Well, it'd just be like a designer drug, I think.

experience well it's like it'd just be like a designer drug i think you get the high of watching your parents get shot in crime alley that's an intense experience i guess in many ways i guess it's like a very specific hallucinogen yeah and it feels cool to be rich like that's gonna be a good feeling, right? Do you also get, like, say, Bruce Wayne's training in the Shadow League? Well, it was the trauma that turned Bruce Wayne into Man Bat. So it's got to be that experience. But you would get the experience of having just seen Zorro. And you would get the guilt, I suppose, because you would think that it was your fault,

like Batman does, for making you leave Zorro early. Why does he want to leave Zorro early? I can't remember. He fucking hates that play. No, I don't know. Does he play? Yeah, they say a play in the old version.

I think they go to the movies in the new one to see Zorro. Either way, yeah, so you would get the guilt. I think he just gets scared, maybe. I don't know. So you'd have the guilt, the excitement of just watching Zorro. But also maybe the fear of just watching Zorro because maybe it's scared. Yeah, and again, Bruce Wayne is a little boy when this happens.

I, a 35-year-old man, injects this serum. It's a different experience. Do I think I'm a little boy? You just feel like a little boy. Okay, now we're kind of coming back around to... Okay, we can sell this. It's a little boy experience. It's a bad little boy experience, but it's a little boy experience.

That little boy experience isn't good. Are you tired? Are you feeling like it's hard to get up in the morning? So like, you know, aches and pains where there shouldn't be aches and pains. Well, do we have the medication for you? Maybe you could use it. Like if you've experienced like another kind of trauma, like say you were in a house fire and you're like, well, that was bad'd like to replace that with another one then you could do this it's like a break so

does it replace other trauma or does it compound like if my parents got got like you know gotten a house fire and then i take the serum i'm like oh no my parents got gotten the house fire and got shot in crime alley can you have two traumas that result in the house fire and got shot in crime alley. Can you trick your brain? Can you have two traumas that result in the death of your parents but your brain obviously can't That's a big one. Yeah, maybe it's a kind of therapy. So like, if

it's a really complex trauma, we replace it with a simpler trauma, i.e. your parents being killed in crime alley. And then they fix that. The psychologist fixes that and you're good we've done a little swap yeah i mean if you have say suddenly a giant population all experiencing the same trauma i.e your parents getting shot after we saw zoro uh i assume that now we have like a whole team kind of coming together to be like how do we fix this one specific trauma? It is Gotham's one emotional hang-up.

Tell me that doesn't... You know what? You want to cure the Joker? Inject him with this, okay? Well, okay. We mass-produced this. Any of Batman's villains, they get one problem now,

is that their parents were shot in crime. So Mr. Freeze is like, oh, my wife has cancer and I've frozen her. Ooh, I've been injected by the mom parents. They were shot in crime. I am a boy now. I could get over this easier than whatever this is. Gesturing to his wife, frozen in the tub.

Well, do you think that you can use this to fix crime in the sense of like, if everyone's parents are killed by guns you can probably ban guns pretty easy. Absolutely, if a mummy swears off firearms, perfect. It's a good crime fighting tool like you go up, you inject someone, they quickly start experiencing trauma, it's distracting

Yeah, then you punch them in the head and then while they're dealing with their trauma you punch them in the head. Wallop them Sorry to hear about your parents. Whoop-a! And here you become the vigilante, the orphan maker. Ah, it's so simple. But hang on, because was it not Batman's parents dying

which galvanized him against crime, turning him into a vigilante? Yeah. Is that not a risk that's going to happen to everybody we inject? Well, yeah. That's good. Everybody leaves Gotham en masse to a secret ninja

training center yeah what the fuck's the name of Raja Ghul's group the League of Shadows we've never had so many fucking we've got a lot of applicants here how many of you

hands up everyone whose parents have died in crime out of the blue? That can't be true. Bodies piling up on the street. No, no, no, no. Well, if everyone decides to be a vigilante and tries to get, because you are 100% experiencing Bruce Wayne's experiences, if you are 100% experiencing Bruce Wayne's experiences then you would

your life is now on that trajectory of doing what Bruce Wayne went to do he would fuck off for a bit steal from Wayne Enterprise for a bit do we all kind of have a secret crush on Rachel?

yeah I think they would and I think thousands of people would turn up at Wayne Enterprises to get money out. Hi, I'm here to launder. Who are you? I'm Bruce. We're Bruce Wayne. No.

Bruce Wayne is a horrible bat monster. This is Bruce Wayne. He's just running around like a maniac inside Wayne's tower to try to catch him with a big net. This is Bruce Wayne. This is Bruce Wayne. None of you are Bruce Wayne. But we saw Zorro.

No, no, you didn't. This is Bruce Wayne. He's a freak now. You're wrong. Please turn around we've really got to catch him so it's been, yeah Wayne Enterprises for the last

25 years has mostly been trying to keep his head above water and catch this bat boy man bat, we call him man bat, cruelly it's a cruel nickname as he careens around Wayne down it's boy bat,. It's a cruel nickname as he careens around Wayne Dowell.

Sure, it's Boy-Bat, yeah, because he's just a boy. He's a child. Yeah, but he's been... He's been a bat for a long time. Do we think if in Crime Alley... Let's explore the other one, okay? Okay. In Crime Alley, Bruce Wayne sees his parents shot, immediately becomes a bad boy.

Joe Chill is like, what? Joe Chill probably drops his gun or shoots the bat. Ah! Bang, bang, bang! But he's got bat's toughness now, yeah? Yeah, bats are actually very soft, Jackson. They're fragile. Yeah.

Bats are actually very soft, Jackson. They're fragile. Yeah. So I'm just quickly looking at Man-Bat's abilities on Batman.Fandom.com. Now, I'm just going to read out because there's three abilities, and I just want you to know which one caused me for some pause. So we've got genetics, biologists, professional human eater. Wait, hang on.

Can we just wind that back? Can I just double check? You said his abilities. Yeah, abilities. He's a genetics. He's a biologist. So all of these. Awesome.

And professional human eater. How do you- Again, abilities. Yep. Genetics. Yeah. Biologist. Genetics. Biologist. Okay. Biologist is close to an ability, but, genetics. Yeah, biologist. Genetics and biologist.

Okay, a biologist is close to an ability, but not quite. Professional human either seems like a job. That's all that seems like. I mean, he's a pro, so he's a professional. You can't be a professional if you don't get paid, I don't think. Maybe he is. It's a very enigmatic sentence on the back. It's not even emboldened like the other two are.

Yeah, it's in inverted commas. So what does that even mean? Feels like we've received a secret message. That's what that feels like. DC are talking to us. What's the head DC guy's name? Joe Foote or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's the guy?

I don't know. Bill Finger? Bill Finger. Bob Kane? Bill Finger was who I was thinking of. Joe Foote. Joe Foote. Joe Foote, Bill Finger.

Well, I mean, like, whatever. One's as ridiculous as the other. I don't know why Bill Finger's more reasonable than Joe Foote. Bill Finger's dead, right? And, like, Bob Kane or whatever stole all his money and said that Batman was all him, even though it was Bill Finger or Joe Finger or whatever. Potentially. That sounds about right.

But, Gil Kane? Bill Kane? Gil Kane? Batman, Man Bat, has superhuman strength. So Joe Chill is not shooting him. He's eating Joe Chill. Yeah. Not necessarily. But, you've got to remember that Man Bat's a full-grown guy when it happens.

Gets turned into it and is at least sort of given time to deal with it. Yeah, it's like a slow change. But it happens immediately. Whilst Joe Chil is still holding a gun. Yeah, yeah. Kid starts turning into a bat. Look. And you're holding the gun.

And you just killed that kid's parents yeah i mean you might as well go for the hat trick and kill the boys it's a turkey yeah it's a turkey you're gonna cry mally turkey bang bang bang so joe chill just well isn't that weird for joe chill when the man bat serum comes out and he's like, what's this serum everyone's taking? And then he experiences the murder he did from the other direction. He experiences getting shot by himself. No, his parents

getting shot by himself. He's like, I killed my parents! And everyone's like, that's the opposite of what? Yeah. Well, that might make him good. Might change him for the battle, you know? Well, I mean, it means he confesses.

Yeah. But then also, if everyone knows what Joe Chill looks like, he's going to jail the moment the serum comes out anyway. He's getting fucking torn up by the city. They're going to tear him apart. Yeah, they killed the city's mum and dad. Yeah, so I guess when Bruce Wayne transforms, I'm looking here at the powers of Man Bat. Sure.

And it's flight, claws, echolation, superhuman strength, superhuman speed, superhuman senses. So if he's got, like, all of that, look, there's a chance he gets shot a couple times by Joe Chill, but there's also a good chance that Joe Chill gets ravaged by a Bat Boy. Do we think when the police arrive on the scene, they know that the man Bat is Batman? I mean, Bruce Wayne.

Or are they like, where's the boy? Okay, so now you have another scenario of, say, Bat Boy Bruce Wayne next to his dead parents who have been shot by a gun, and then Joe Chill who has been mauled by a bat boy and so then you've got to imagine from the Gotham Finest when they come around into

Crime Alley and they see like a bat boy hunched over Joe Chill as he is professionally human eating him maybe shoot a goblin boy with wings. So death by cop is what happens.

But he's wearing little Bruce Wayne's pants. Because Mad Bat's always wearing Kirk Langstrom's pants. He is wearing his little Bruce Wayne's pants, that's correct. I don't think that's correct uh so would they yeah i don't think that they crime i don't think that's making any any difference whatsoever i think he stole that

boy's pants so yeah i think he's getting shot by um gotham's finest but if he does realize he's got wings um he flies away and then it's like, who kidnapped young Bruce Wayne? Do we think he could convince Alfred Pennyworth, when he flies to Wayne Manor, that he is Bruce Wayne? And would Alfred look after him? Would he become Alfred's dark secret? Yes. Does he have... I mean, yes. Well, if he's got, like, Bruce Wayne's pants.

Intelligence. And if it's... Oh, yeah, I guess intelligence, too. But if he's got Bruce Wayne, more importantly the pants, and they have BW stitched into it somewhere. I'm Bruce Wayne. I'm not a bad bat. Can Man Bat talk as Man Bat?

I'm a human boy. Nah. He can screech. Yeah. And does he have the intelligence intelligence so he has the intelligence so what does he is does man bat retain the intelligence of his uh human alter ego and so he can't speak that's gonna be a problem no he doesn't and he just becomes a feral bat boy he's a feral bat boy yeah you know what's good okay so he avoids getting shot by joe chill

yeah his reward is then being shot at by the police and then do you know what's good? Okay, so he avoids getting shot by Churchill. His reward is then being shot at by the police. And then, do you know what Alfred did before he was a butler? He was in the army. Alfred is in the army, yes, but Alfred is a very smart man. So there is a very slim chance, but a definite possibility, that Alfred will be there on the scene and be like, oh, no, we have to find him. Bloody hell, who's wearing

my boy's pants? Oh no, what's going on here? Tangerine, tangerine, oh no, someone has eaten this criminal. This devil stole the pants of my boy! Oh, I can't help with this, oh no, someone's killed my good friends,

Martha and Thomas Wayne. There's blood on the streets tonight, fellas. I'm not changing my Alfred to match yours. Mine fucking sounds like this. Don't need governor. Oh no, Martha, her pearls are all over the pavement.

I have to go and pick this up. For some reason I'm not out with them. I'm at the manor. I'm looking through my famous telescope at Crime Alley. So oftentimes, Alfred will come down to Crime Alley and be like, it's all right, Master Bruce, you're coming with me. And so he'll be there basically identifying the Waynes, and then they'll be like, okay, where is Bruce Wayne?

And also there was that weird goblin thing that ate Joe Chill. This is interesting. So first off, there'd be, I guess, a manhunt for Bruce Wayne because now it's like a millionaire's missing child who was just slain. So that's going to be the number one priority. Well, there would be two assumptions. If Bruce Wayne ran off or the bat, more likely, if Bruce Wayne didn't turn up immediately,

they'd just be like, bat boy ate Bruce Wayne. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Alfred is a smart man. So Alfred, while I think the cops are like, oh, no, this bat boy ate this criminal. Bat boy ate my boy. I love Alfred being a smart man. They're like, yeah, the bat boy ate Bruce Wayne.

And he's like, incorrect. Bat boy is Bruce Wayne. But I don't think Bruce Wayne would let the cops know. Oh. I think Alfred would be like, he'd be the person kind of piecing this all together and realise like, well, why? First off, really crazy that a criminal,

first off, just shot Martha and Thomas and then got ate, why, first off, really crazy that a criminal, first off, just shot Martha and Thomas and then got et by a random bat boy, which is, I'm going to check my notes, something that has never happened in human existence before. That's weird. That's strange. Weird night in Cry Valley, yeah.

Yeah, okay. Maybe the cops... We're going to have to change the name, I reckon, to Fucked Up Alley. And so, like, you know, He'd maybe be speaking to the cops Or something like that To be like What exactly did you see

And he would maybe just put Maybe like okay So Master Bruce went a bit feral And attacked Joe Chill He's like okay That would make sense And then eventually You know

After trying to search for Bruce Wayne Maybe goes back to Wayne Manor And as he goes in And oh no There's Batboy Hanging from the rafters. At this point, I feel he's either going to get got by Alfred swinging a broom, or Alfred will kind of twig and put one and one together and nurture Batboy. And now, a quick word from our sponsors.

Would you be opposed to telling your good friends us what a great job we did? Well, first off, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, you fuck, and it better be nice. And secondly, email us at deerplumbingthedeadstart at gmail.com and you can use phrases like very astute point, or

once again, an infallible episode with zero mistakes. Or maybe even, I'm proud of you, son. Any of these or more would be great to send to deerplumbingthedeadstar at gmail.com. Okay, so follow up. What if, I mean, we have established that Batboy would not keep his intelligence and eats people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes. Get off me, Bat! But do bats have a good sense of smell? Yes. Sure. Let's not forget that it's Bruce Wayne, the most intelligent man in the world. Yes. So maybe he would retain a little bit because he's got so much intelligence.

I don't think he would retain, I mean, maybe a little bit, but I think he'd be more going off instincts. So, for example, he'd be just like, yes, I love eating people, but this person, I know them and they are basically family. And then maybe... Because he would smell like mum and dad. Yeah, maybe Alfred develops a serum that gives him his intelligence back. And then he goes and kills and eats all of Gotham's criminals. back and then he goes and kills and eats all of gotham's criminals because like the joker is like batman me and you were trapped in an endless cycle where chaos and order but yeah this is man bat so he's just like and he just eats joker's face just in one big bite

we're trapped you and me man bat we're trapped, you and me, Man-Bat. We're trapped in a- Ah! Ah! Ah! My face is being eaten. I'm the Joker, baby. You want to know how I got these scars? Ray! Ray! Oh my god, he doesn't care. He doesn't care. I don't know if he knows what's going on. It's basically just an animal.

Oh, fuck! So does this particular Man-Bat also have, I guess, a need for justice? Yeah, I would say okay revenge okay i just i feel maybe this would just become like almost like a horror story for alfred how he has to care for his uh grotesque bat boy and like maybe feed like maybe alfred goes out and you know maybe he's the one taking down some um yeah some crime criminals the people in the mob, and he's feeding them to Batboy. And then Batboy will get the taste of the mafia, and so when he ever escapes,

then he's going after that delicious mafia blood. Some of that falcone meat. Falcone blood, yeah, delicious. The poor falcones, the tastiest meat there is to a Batboy. Yeah, I feel like what happens here is just that we're pretty much just making a new Jeepers Creepers movie, but setting it in Gotham. Yeah, but whereas the Jeepers Creepers monster only wants to eat costumed criminals, you know? And he can't eat Sandman. A bat can't eat sand, okay?

Not Sandman, sorry. Clayface, I mean. Clayface. A bat could eat clay. It just wouldn't go well for it. Not much is going to come out of it. I mean, a bat could eat a croc. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, a killer croc. Well, a killer croc might eat it. Well, then killer croc might also eat just regular man Bruce Wayne. Yeah. But, I don't know. I feel just regular man Bruce Wayne. I don't know. I feel like regular man Bruce Wayne is more wily. Yeah. I feel like there's no nuance to the way Man Bat takes out crime.

It's like the penguin's given a speech, and then he's just picked up by the feet of Man Bat, risen up really high in the sky and dropped. And he tracks like a plum on the penguin. And dropped onto some kind of, I don't know. Onto an antenna. Yeah. We don't know why that happens. A sharp antenna. Man bat comes down and just starts feasting. Screeching.

Whee! Whee! Whee! It looks like Penguin would give him a lot to eat for a bit. Maybe he stops fighting crime for a while. I like that we're calling this fighting crime. Is he fighting crime or is he just hungry?

Yeah, I think in most situations Man Bat is shot. We've really worked to make sure that he's not been shot. But it's just it just seems like it makes sense to be, he's either shot by Joe Chill or the cops, or Alfred initially, or Alfred later.

Or the cops later! Or the Joker shoots him with a Joker Tommy gun. Maybe they're like, we can't have... What about this? Who owns Wayne Enterprises now? Well, I guess Lucius Fox? Man Bat!

Man Bat's a legal entity! Wayne Enterprises now. Well, I guess Lucius Fox? Man-Bat. Okay. Man-Bat's a legal entity. He owns Wayne Enterprises. What's he going to make Wayne Enterprises? Make him whatever bats like. Moths. Okay. Well, yeah, but he doesn't have intelligence, right?

No, but he can still make demands And so does the regular public Do they know that they found Bruce Wayne And that, oh no, he's a Batboy Or again, if it's his little Alfred's dark secret, I guess Bruce Wayne Just kind of went mysteriously missing one night Well maybe Alfred would come to Wayne Enterprises For a bit of help

I have some crazy news Well, if Bruce's parents Die, and then if Bruce is presum is presumed missing then you have to kind of look well who would it default to and unless there's like being controlled by a board or something at this point like i don't know the structure of wayne enterprise but i would admit you surely alfred would be kind of in that uh i guess hierarchy but if they did know that bruce wayne was the man back, why would he not get Wayne Enterprises?

Because he doesn't have the intelligence of a man. But he's still a legal entity. He would have, like... You can give your earnings, you can give your inheritance to a cat. No, you have someone, like, I guess, would be the executor of that. And also, when it comes to the will, isn't it like Alfred look after Bruce Wayne until he comes of age?

So also now it's in Alfred's best interest to say that, yes, Bruce Wayne is fine and everything is good while he controls Wayne Enterprise. Well, it depends, though, because if the will says it goes to Alfred until Bruce is of age but Bruce is dead, dead. Dead. That was an air quotes when I is dead. Yeah. Dead. Dead. That was an air quotes when I said dead. Then wouldn't Alfred just keep it? Yeah, I suppose he would.

He can use all his money buying cool jackets or whatever. For a Batboy. Or he just shoots Batboy so that he can have all of them. He puts him in the Batcave, which is just a hole underneath you know wayne manor filled with cement yeah he just he buries bat boy alive and he lives off the earnings yeah i can also just see yeah alfred like putting uh a young bat boy into the bat cave underneath um wayne manor and it becoming again like that that terrible little secret that he maybe goes and like you know i have to have to like you know feed certain things every now and like maybe he becomes a bit of a serial killer and the guilt kind of

drives him a bit crazy and eventually he has a heart attack which leaves batboy altered like he didn't defend for himself and then he goes off into gotham and uh you know wreaks havoc as some kind of living vampire as it were yeah or uh what you know maybe alfred makes some enemies okay and he's like what's the perfect way to get rid of my enemies i got a bad boy he's not strong enough but guess what's just come on the market the a serum which lets him experience the trauma again and if it made him a Batboy the first time, it can only make him a stronger Batboy. So he kind of... Doubles in size.

He doubles in size and power. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Maybe Alfred, you know, kind of rules Gotham like a cruel emperor with the giant Batboy as his ward. But here's the unintended side effect coming back in. He's getting twice as big, twice as powerful, but he thinks he's twice as rich, bankrupts Alfred.

Alfred's downfall is that Man Bat spends all his money buying $16,000 milkshakes. So much on moths and little bugs, god it it really just depends on on really a lot of uh if if bruce if batman was man bat a lot of it really just comes down to how would alfred cope with this and is is alfred going to be like i'm going to try and give this bat boy the best care that i can or is he going to be like i can use this bat boy and throw it at my enemies yeah well this bat boy like a dog i love or like a boy i own yeah yeah classic question classic question oh hang on yes is there not an unintended side

effect whereby man bat will become will become Batman and then Man-Bat again? So you take the injection and then you immediately turn into Man-Bat? Because you experience the trauma that Batman experienced. Batman experiencing the trauma turned him into Man-Bat. So when Man-Bat takes the Batman serum, he becomes Batman and then Man-Bat. This is the request. Man-Bat takes a Batman serum, he becomes Batman and then Man-Bat. That's just a recursive issue. It turns out that having a parent shot after seeing Zorro in that exact way

triggers something in the human brain that turns you into a bat. Turns you into a bat monster. So I guess all of Gotham are bat monsters. That's crazy. Also going to ask the question, so how did this happen? Is it just like grief?

And if it happened once, surely it'll keep happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the perfect storm. It's the perfect storm. You need to have just seen Zorro, but become a little bit afraid of it. Leave with your parents, scared of a mugger, trauma of seeing your parents shot.

You see the pearls land on the ground but a bing but a boom you're our batman okay which i mean man bat of course so then if you get that serum and then you inject it yeah you become a kind of gross little bat monster so really uh Dr. Langstrom just invented the man bat syrup again so he injects himself and he's like are my parents dead? am I rich? oh it worked

and then he just becomes a gross monster and so you now just have two monsters that are running around that look exactly like each other. Because it's not just that he invented a serum that turns him into a bat. It's just that he invented a serum that makes him experience

the exact circumstances that make people turn into a bat. That make people turn into bats. And Bruce Wayne had it just happen naturally yeah yeah yeah sometimes it just happens a positive outcome is that it hasn't been mass produced yeah

it is so funny that Batman who is man bat and man bat who is man bat or fly around Gotham and people are like, there's one Man-Bat and other people are like, no, it's different pants. It's different pants,

so it's two Batman, two Man-Bats, I mean. Sorry. Well, then we'd be called Batman. I don't know. Or like, it would just become almost like a...

I just call it a bat. Yeah. A pants bat. It might just become like a Jersey Devil-esque myth. Yeah. If you have two, like it's's like, oh, you know, we had this Jersey Devil kind of like, you know,

the devil of Gotham. And, like, he would just chuff around. And, like, he started off as, like, a little boy kind of size bat, but then he became bigger as age. I guess it grew. And then how many years later? And you're like, oh, I guess there's another. Does that mean that when Kirk Langstrom injected himself,

he becomes a boy bat or does he become a man bat? I think he would become a man bat. Okay. It's just that he thinks he's a little boy. Yeah. Okay. He's a man bat with a boy bat's brain. Yeah.

Okay. And so if, say, adult bat man who is a bat, if Bruce Wayne, who is currently an adult man or an adult bat, comes across Langstrom, who is also, he looks like an adult Batman, but he's actually got the mind of a child. Would the nurturing instincts of the bat take over? And so then he would look after him? I think at the very least, Gotham would put him in a zoo together. I think that would be the right move. Or shoot them with the same gun.

The Gotham pants bat is what it might say. We don't know if this is naturally occurring, the pants part of it. But we like to think so. Would he keep the same pants as he grew older? Are you going to take the pants off him Do you think Alfred can take off the pants of a man bat

I don't think so It would be filled with guano and bat urine Yeah Well bat shits are acidic So it would probably have a burn hole Just a hole where the butt goes Arseless chaps Is the perfect pants

They would have been rotten off like years ago the pants bats of gotham yeah the arseless chaps bat of gotham and then people would find kirk langstrom's serum at some point and then be like did it work

did we try it they find it they find the exploded laboratories and all the bat fur. And they're like, what? What happened here? Because you got no one smart enough to cure this. So I guess you either have these two man bats just flying around Gotham until they die of old age. Or get shot. 200 years from now.

We don't know. Yeah, they could live for centuries. It's unclear about pants. I mean, it is Crime Alley. And if Zorro has a resurgence, say, hey, it's the 25th anniversary of Zorro. Oh, no. And some little boy goes and sees Zorro with his parents.

And some criminals out there being like, you know what? and some little boy goes and sees Zorro with his parents, and some criminals out there being like, you know what, it is the 25th anniversary of Joe Chill, my hero who killed parents. I'm going to do that. Yeah, in his honor, I'm going to kill some parents at Crime Alley. And it makes a bat, and they're like, wait a second. Wait a second. Oh, my God. Hang on. That's how you get a Gotham Pants bat. and it makes a bat and they're like wait a second wait a second oh my god we need some we need some volunteers then they have a sign up there that says one this is not your parents

you are not bruce wayne but then aside from the other end that's like if you are a family of three families of four or more only and then another sign at the other entrance that's like do not enter crime alley with a gun unless you intend to make a man bat that one was put up by the criminals i thought you were gonna say that was put up by me just we don't want any more man bats okay yeah maybe they demolish crime alley because I thought you were going to say that one was put up by me. I put that one up. Just we don't want any more man bats, okay? Maybe they demolish Crime Alley.

This city's lousy with them. This is no good. Yeah, it becomes a protected species, I suppose. I guess if you have so many man bats, you might just dome off. It's their sanctuary, you know? It's a pants-bat sanctuary. You just throw in some pants every now and then. They're happy.

It's kind of like no man's land or whatever it was. So like, you know, let's just like put Gotham away from the rest of the United States of America. That is where the man-bats live. Yeah, exactly. That's their homes. If you want to go there, you can go there, have a look at them. It's a nice place to kind of, I guess, sightsee. You can take pictures of the man bats in the wild.

You might get your face eaten off because, once again, they are professional human eaters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But apart from that, good luck. It's nice that we dealt with the corruption of Gotham by turning them either into man bats or man bat victims yeah so i i guess the answer is good stuff only good things would happen if batman was man bat and man bat was batman but then also man bat again yeah yeah what if batman

was man bat was the question but there was a second part of the question a secret second part of the sentence yeah yeah but then a secret third part to the question. A secret second part of the sentence. Yeah. But then a secret third part where he becomes man-bad again. Sorry. Yeah. So everyone's, what if everyone was man-bad? Is that good? Yeah. Yes, is the conclusion we've come to.

It's sick. Unless you are a parent, then I guess, well, you're dead. So you're either dead. Your child's a man bat That's pretty good You're either dead or your kids think you're dead That's what happens if you're a parent Good for everyone

On that note I've been Joel And I've also been Joel Do we know if bats eat their parents? Oh they could Well they wouldn know if bats eat their parents? They could. Well, they wouldn't, because they think their parents are dead. Do they eat like carrion? Because if your child

thinks that you are its parents, but it's a bat now, and it's dead, they might try and eat you. I'm just scared of that. But they would think their parents were Thomas and Martha Wayne, who are dead. Right, you're right. So they would just be like, well, I didn't get a chance. Don't worry, it's okay.

Martha and Thomas just become the most eaten skeletons. Okay, okay. I just had a bit of a panic. Don't worry, we sorted it. We put that fire out. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening. Bye.

Thanks for listening. Bye. plumbing sampler, a sneaky extra Plumbing the Death Star episode and What If? where we look at the important questions asked by our good friend Marvel Comics back in 1977 and do our best to answer them. Just head to plus.acast.com slash s slash Plumbing the Death Star or click the link in the show notes.