Plumbing the Death Star - What Would Happen if Red Bull Literally Gave You Wings?

Episode Date: August 7, 2022

The gang find out that being birds wouldn't be that good Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the SanchPants Network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. I'm also Joel. And today we are asking the important question. This one's really important.

You've read it, so you're like, oh yeah, this is a good one. This is one of those world famous good ones. Yeah, yeah. This is it. those world famous good ones. Yeah, yeah. What? What? What? What would happen if Red Bull literally gave you wings? What? So everybody knows the Red Bull.

I'm really, really, really hopeful this is not just an ad campaign in Australia. It'd be hilarious if it is, because this would be then the sequel to our What Would Happen If The World Was Cadbury. But in Australia, and we can only presume... I think other countries get these ads too. I think they do. There is a fucked up weird cartoon with a freak looking guy. He's like a loser. Yeah, yeah.

But then he drinks Red Bull and Red Bull gives him wings. Yeah. And the tagline is Red Bull gives you wings. Yeah, yeah. What would happen if Red Bull literally gave you wings? Yeah, yeah. Well, I've just done two very quick Google searches. Both are very relevant.

I just wanted to do a quick Google search of like Red Bull gives you wings, wondering if maybe we'll answer that question to see if it's a marketing thing in the rest of the world. And the first line I get is, Red Bull doesn't actually give you wings. Oh, what? Well, no, that's good because...

Thank God, otherwise it would be a worthless episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, so over 20 years, the popular drink used, Red Bull gives you wings, as its catchy slogan. Okay. Okay, that's good. That's a good sign. It doesn't say 20 years, the popular drink used, Red Bull gives you wings as its catchy slogan. Okay. That's good. That's a good sign.

It doesn't say 20 years in Australia. But in 2014, Red Bull agreed to pay out more than $13 million after settling a US class action lawsuit that accused the company of false advertising. Shut the fuck up, US. Christ almighty. That rules. Someone's like, where's my wings? Where's my wings? Where's my wings? Another question, I think, we should have answered is, I guess, how many cans of Red Bull are

consumed annually worldwide? So in 2011, it was 4 billion. 2020, 7.9 billion. So 8 billion cans, basically. So kind of effectively what you're asking is, what if the entire world's population could fly? Could fly. Well,

only if they drank Red Bull. And I think, is it once? Do I only need to drink Red Bull once I got the wings? Well, I imagine it only affects you, because like, those statistics you pulled up,

that's not just like one can per person. It's not like that. Well, obviously. Yeah, yeah. There's people there, you are slamming it down.

Apparently you can only drink, what was it, five, people saying, drinking more than five cans per day could increase your caffeine overdose. Oh, obviously. Yeah, yeah. There's people there who are slamming it down. Apparently you can only drink water at five. People saying drinking more than five cans per day could increase your caffeine overdose. Oh, okay. The risk of caffeine overdose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like I think two cans max per day is what it says on the can.

There's a energy drink in front of me. Yeah. Let's find out what it says. This one says. It's not a Red Bull. Yeah, it's not a Red Bull. It says crack open a can of motivation. You got this.

Sugar free. You got this. Sugar-free. Okay. Product contains caffeine. This product is not recommended for children, pregnant, or lactating women, or individuals sensitive to caffeine. Consume responsibly. Usage one can max daily. Okay.

Usage on a drink is funny. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And that drink, that V is- That's a double. Double. It's much bigger than a Red Bull, yeah. It's very funny to also think if Red Bull does give you wings, but then thinking about

some of the other drinks that say Red Bull is paired with, you really shouldn't be flying. Well, drinking a flying- Jagerbomb? Yeah. Not great. Vodka Red Bull? Yeah, not great. But is it illegal?

I mean, it's not illegal to be drunk. It's not illegal to walk and be drunk. Well, I think it is illegal to be- Well, no, it not illegal to be drunk. It's not illegal to walk and be drunk. Well, I think it is illegal to be. Well, no, it's illegal to be drunk in a public place. But if I'm flying home, is that a crime? It's a crime to ride your bike home and be drunk. Yeah, but the wings are part of me. I was born with these wings.

No, sorry, a rebel gave them to me. But they're part of me. You can't get them off me, though. They're part of my body. They're part of my... Now they are grafted on my human skeleton. We are all angel from X-Men. What if Red Bull gave humanity wings?

This, oh my God, this is the Alexa of the gods. Yeah. We are all angels. Yeah. This is a... Yeah, nah, you've created something fucked. Red Bull is the religion of Christ. Yeah.

I mean, the drink of Christ. Yeah. But Christ doesn't have wings. No, but he hangs out with angels. Youths in white. If Red Bull somehow changed the human physiology to have us have wings, you would have a thing where we're like, okay, this is ambrosia. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't remember Red Bull in the 90s. Yeah, I think it was a 2000s drink, a big 2000s energy bubble. 84. Whoa! 1984. George Orwell. Hmm.

Okay. It was founded in Austria in 84, and in 87, it was launched in Austria. Okay. That original can, presumably presumably is fucked up. I've got another question for you. If I drink two Red Bulls do I get new wings?

Or bigger original wings? Yeah, that's a good question. Well, okay. First of all How many wings can I get? Where are they? Okay, let's take let's take

the first example if Red Bull literally gave you wings but it just happened say today. So Red Bull has never actually given you... As a result of the class action lawsuit, they've manipulated them with formula.

So Red Bull literally gives you wings. Yeah, like, we don't want to pay him out, okay? We're going to dedicate enough time to give us wings. What kind of wings? Where are they? Can they enable us to fly, or are they shitty wings? Well, the wings in the ads are up near the shoulder blades, and they're kind of like angel wings.

And they do fly with them. Would you do it? Would you drink a rubble to get wings? Yes. Well, also, imagine like if you did. Just ask him. In a heartbeat. If you do like a Giga Bomb at a club,

then your wings shoot out, and you probably hit people in the head. Everyone's wings shoot out next to you. Are they like tiny wings? Are they like wings that can support my weight? Are they like shitty Namor wings on my ankles? They let you fly in the ads. So I got to assume that this would like...

Red Bull wings. Maybe it's magic. Okay. Yeah, I don't know how much yet. Because again, look, having wings, sick. Let me fly, great. But now, is it just magic? Or are we doing shit where it's kind of like,

okay, it enables you to fly because now basically you are a bird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The upshot is that you now have hollow bones and are weak to a breeze. Weak to a breeze and only have a cloaca. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My big fella. Oh, I got a cool holder. Let's lay an egg out of it.

Trying to do research of what the Red Bull wings look like. I think if Red Bull gave me wings and I could lay an egg, I'd be more inclined to do that. Yeah, me too. It would be awesome to lay an egg. I'd be more inclined to do that. Yeah, me too. It'd be awesome to lay an egg. It feels good. It looks like it would feel good. It looks like it would feel

like taking the best shit of your life. Yeah. And you get an egg at the end, which is awesome because normally when you take the best shit of your life,

you just get a shit at the end, which is not a great reward. Yeah. You get to flush the toilet and be like, I guess this is good. It's away from me. Taking an egg shit

into a toilet and then having it crack in the toilet bowl, disgusting. That is disgusting. But no, because you'd know the difference from me. Taking an egg shit into a toilet and then having it crack in the toilet bowl? Disgusting. That is disgusting. But no, because it'd be a difference. You'd know the difference between a shit and an egg shit. Yeah, I guess. No, but I just mean like the egg falling out. Well, where are you laying the egg down? Well, now I'm guessing we're roosting.

Surely with like laying an egg, it's similar to how like if you're going to calm or pierce. Yeah. It feels different. So you're still doing it in the toilet? Well, no, because I would have to, because it would be porcelain. I'd break my baby. That's what he has. I'm getting clutchy.

Laying an egg into a toilet would make a terrible noise. Plus, imagine it's pretty big as well. It's proportionate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I feel I would lay a lot of eggs and get clucky. Yeah, yeah, that's great. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone should be like, wrong with that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone should be like, hey, Xamit, look, they're just eggs. We need to grab them and either eat them or take them out. No, they're mine. Go away. He's gotten bitey. He's gotten bitey. He's gotten bitey.

Let's leave him with the eggs. That's the wings that Red Bull give you. While you're being clucky. Uh-huh. Yeah. So that's what it looks like. So they're on the back of your shoulders. Yeah, yeah, and they let you fly. And they let you fly. Or you're being clocky. Uh-huh. Yeah. So that's what it looks like. So they're on the back of your shoulders. Yeah, yeah.

And they let you fly. And they let you fly. So you can fly. They come out of your shoulder blades, and they're about the length of your torso. Yeah. And we don't know if they allow you to lay eggs. No. That never happens, as far as we can tell, in a red bull ad.

No. But I saw another red bull ad, which presumably is a parody, which is an angel coming out of someone who died. Oh, okay. That's interesting. And also, apparently in Canada, everyone got paid 10 bucks if you drank a Red Bull and you never literally got wings.

That's so funny. I would buy more Red Bulls with it. Yeah, so I remember once being like, when I used to smoke, there was a person that was going to buy a pack of smokes, and they did a survey about smoking, and they gave me 20 bucks and I went, thanks, and I bought a pack of smokes. Which I think was their goal. Yeah.

Yeah. They got you. What would you do? Say you got wings, Joel Dusha. Yeah. What are you doing? Where are you going?

That's a good point. Cause like, I don't care. I don't think I would do it to get, having wings is not something I particularly desire. Yeah. It's like, but the effort V reward is, yeah. But what am I doing with them? Hover desire. Yeah, it's like... But the effort v. reward is...

Yeah, but what am I doing with them? Hovering? Yeah, but like... Cool. Getting across rivers, I guess. Yeah. Walks would be easy. Hey, you like hiking.

Yeah, it would make hiking easier. So you could fly to the top of a mountain and then hike down. Well, I could go like... Do I get tired? Yeah, you probably would. But it would be nice for hiking, I guess. Hike for a little bit. Two hours of hiking on my feet.

Take a load off. Fly for two hours. Take your shoes off so you can stretch your feet out a bit. Hold the shoes so you fly up a bit. It'd be alright. It'd be alright. Robbing places. Robbing second story buildings.

Much easier. Much easier to rob second story buildings no longer having to climb getting a cat out of a tree frisbee out of a tree anything off the roof anything off the roof a bull goes over the neighbours yard

oh I'm gonna fly there we go yeah fences are no longer a hassle peeping Tom peeping Tom peeping Tom but yeah fences also

oh I can peep Tom fences no longer protect you from people yeah so fences are no longer a hassle, but... Imagine if you had a caffeine sensitivity in a world where Red Bull gave you wings. You'd be so upset.

You'd fucking just drink it, be hyper, and have wings. You'd cop it. Yeah, uncomfortable day for wings. Do the wings last forever? Like, you slam a Red Bull that gives you wings, you got wings. Or do they last as long as, say, the energy high lasts? Is it going to be like a four hour type thing?

I would say it fades and we yeah, two to four hours. I don't like how you said two to four. I really didn't like those, I liked two. I liked four. Two to four? I don't know if I like this. A loft.

I'd be like, oh, I'm getting tired. I'd crack up on the Red Bull. I'm watching somebody in their house. My wings fall off. I fall off. Thank God that pervert's dead. That pervert that I heard die was staring at my dick and nuts through the window. As I was doing the helicopter for two and a half hours.

A wrecked dick just slamming into the mud, breaking. That's awesome. For a brief moment, you're fucking the Earth. That's cool as hell. As I look at the Earth below me, I'm like, this is going to be cool as hell, and then I die. Yeah, you come, then die.

I just fucked the Earth. Imagine falling face down Yeah, you cum then die. I just fucked the earth. Imagine. Falling face down from a height. Bands around his ankles. With an erection. And you're like one pump away from cumming. And you fall into the mud.

That's the final pump. The final thrust. Cum into the earth. Die. Or die. And then my body, because it's still got a little bit of life left Instead of post-death Come

Yeah I fertilize mother earth Go straight to heaven Go straight to heaven Yeah yeah yeah Guy is like Thank you Thank you

That's what I needed People You know how fucking horned up I am Yeah Not a single person's fucking mother earth anymore Yeah People People don't spoof on earth anymore

Yeah it's fucked up. Fair enough. Okay, so... You're welcome, Mother Gaia. Yeah, any time, man. Shadow Gaia, there's no consequence, but that's okay. This is why God smote down Onan when he came on a rock. It wasn't because he was like, don't spill seed.

He was like, don't fuck with earth. I'm jealous of it. I thought you said this is why God smokes. This is why God smokes, dude. God sitting in heaven looking at Earth, watching perverts float around trees and being like, I need a cigarette. Well, okay, that's an even more interesting question, I think.

You have two to four hours of flight. What are you doing with it? Where are you going? Let's see. Well, because it's a problem. Because a lot of places you could get in two to four hours of just human flight. I own a car. Yeah.

Chances are if I'm going, I'd probably just go up, see what's going on. Get a nice view, I guess. Catch a bird. Fly straight up, grab a pigeon, come straight back down. It's that kind of thing where it is this like like a weird like if you the only person who could fly yeah and you say had wings

or the power of flight you'd be like I feel special I'm gonna go up you know up to up top to a building and sit on there perch there

and have a like have a think or whatever it is or like I'm gonna do certain things all the good spots would already be taken but if everyone does it

no one's real special so you're like it'd be kind of fun to experience I guess it'd be kind of like you ever see I guess. It'd be kind of like, you ever see like those photos of people climbing Everest? Yeah.

Where it's like a queue. Yeah. That's kind of what it would be like. Everyone would be chugging Red Bull on the climb to Mount Everest. Yeah. Or zipping up and then just like getting a bit chilly, cold. They would fall.

They'd die. I like that Jackson used that as an example of like, oh yeah, climbing Everest used to be like a huge challenge. And now like there's photos of like a queue. Yeah. Like being like, as in like, it's no special as an example of like, oh yeah, climbing Everest used to be like a huge challenge, and now like this photo's of like a queue. Yeah, like it's no longer a special thing. It's no special, and you're like, yeah, it would wreck Everest. It would climb.

It would wreck Everest. Well, yeah. You wouldn't even be, you'd be like, everyone would just be like. Everest would be easy. Everyone would be just slamming down Red Bulls, and the thing is like, if I'm like, notice, if I'm, can I chain Red Bull? Oh, yeah, probably. Have perpetual wings, and how much Red Bull do I have to consume? Because, yeah, probably. Have perpetual wings? And how much Red Bull do I have to consume?

Because I could drink a little sip? Let's remember that enough of it gives you an overdose. Yeah, that's what I mean. The heart palpitations are really easy to get from it. So can I have a little sippy and get wings? No, because in the ads, they drink the whole thing. So you've got to drink the whole thing, which means it... So what was it?

Five Red Bulls before you're in serious trouble physically? Yeah. So that's... It was 10 hours. 10 hours. So it's a waking... It's a day. You could fly for a day.

But again, I don't know where... Maybe I just go up. See if I can hit the atmosphere. Suffocate in the thin air. Wow, I'm getting woozy. I'm sure there's probably more air further up. I'll be fine. I'm getting woozy.

What I need to add to this is heart palpitations. There's like a limit to it. All the benefits of that kind of like, oh, like limitless flight, as I heard, is out the window. Because you're like, oh, whatever. And I could be like, oh, whatever. I'm just going to go up high, aim myself at a place that I want to be, and then just like, you know, fly

down there and kind of like use the... And how a bird flies, you know? I'm like, oh, whatever, cool. Now I'm in a place that I wanted to be or wanted to visit or explore. Yeah. But, like, if I have a three to four hour, like, window, I'm like, oh, no. Would it be funny to piss or shit from high up? Yes! I think it'd be really tough to shit from high up.

I think it'd be really hard to get your body to do it. No, I reckon you could do it. I think I'd stroll. Do you reckon you could just shit your pants right now? No, not shitting my pants, but- I'm saying, like, I've- I've pulled down your pants squat in the air. Oh yeah, I suppose.

You gotta keep your knees up. No, what if you're lying down? I don't know. Shitting lying down? Yeah. Have you ever been in a I'm not gonna shit my pants in a stupid way.

Thank you. Yeah, that doesn't feel good. No, that would be hard. I would have to like How are the wings going? Yeah. You lie on your back with your wings. You're flying up.

I reckon, easiest way to do it, hold like a chair. Like hold your knees. Hold your knees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or even if you just fly up holding like a chair that's got a hole cut in it. Yeah. The chair's going to be like heavy. Yeah, I know, Cause then you're pulling up

On the chair But I just feel like Hold your knees Yeah I think Hold your knees like this Then you can But you wouldn't be able To see where it went

Yeah but You'd know you'd ruin Maybe someone's day Or just like Like a random dog How many people If every single human being Was flying

How many shits per day Oh that'd be a lot It'd be a lot It'd be People are filthy. Well, you know those, like, the perverts who shit in public. Yeah, public shitters. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, now they can do public... Perverts would be going crazy. It's a pervert paradise. It's a pervert drink. It's a drink for perverts now. You're branded as the pervert drink. Cumming, pissing, shitting. I think everybody would be allowed to have a BB gun to fire the pervert drink. Cumming, pissing, shitting. I think everybody would be allowed to have a BB gun

to fire the perverts out of the sky. Straight up. Okay, so that's what would happen if Red Bull, like if Red Bull gave you wings as of today. What if the moment Red Bull was invented in 1984 doesn't shape human history that much? Once again, is it a two to four hours? Yeah, so same thing.

So let's just blanket rule for whatever hypothetical, although I'm pretty sure those are the only two I have. So now on it's a two to four hours? Yeah, so same thing. So let's just blanket rule for whatever hypothetical, although I'm pretty sure those are the only two I have. So now on, it's a two to four hour thing. Yeah. From 1984. Well, at 84, let's see, you might have things where there's competitions. Yeah, yeah. Where you slam a Red Bull and you're like the Olympics kind of thing.

Yeah, I think it would be like motocross kind of. That would be the vibe. Extreme sport. Yeah, it would be like an extreme sport, like fly around and... Well, yeah, because there's a Red Bull... Flip? There is a Red Bull competition. Yeah, Red Bull sponsors a lot of extreme like...

No, no, there's the one where they make the wings and then they jump off the thing. Oh, yeah, that's true. What's it called though? It's Red Bull... Yeah, Red Bull Flying Man Adventures. Red Bull fucking fly off this, how about that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah do you want more of this bullshit but don't want the commitment of sans pants plus i get it too many shows a good chunk of them are dnd and i don't know if you know this but that shit is for nerds and rss feats are confusing as all hell so we've teamed up with acas to provide a plumbing sampler. For five US bucks a month, you get a monthly bonus episode not available on the regular feed, as well as our monthly What If show that was, until now, only available to Sandspans Kings. That's two extra episodes a month,

an increase of 50% more bullshit, you also get episodes without any dynamic ad insertions, and the undying gratitude of one of the hosts of your choice just head to plus.acast.com slash s slash plumbing the death star or there's a link in the show notes which will be a lot easier to navigate once again that url i just said again it's kind of the same thing with like say, Quidditch. Yeah. If Quidditch was real, would that be a good sport to play slash watch? No. Not really.

Now, football. Football. Is that going to be a good game to play slash watch if everyone has wings? Well, not everyone, but I reckon if Red Bull wasn't a banned substance in sports, which probably would be, but if it's not, every single sport would be different because there would be tactics involving- Yeah, flying players. AFL, for instance, because in football,

like AFL traditionally, kicking a ball on like an arc that goes above players, fine. And that's a good way to kick a goal because no one can touch it and therefore it counts or whatever. People don't understand the rules of AFL. That's fine because this podcast is global. Unfortunately, you just have to podcast is global. Unfortunately, you just have to fucking cop it.

No, basketball. It's dunking. If I'm above everybody, easy to dunk. Yeah, well, you can fly to the... Dunking's become less impressive, I guess.

Well, it would still be... I mean, they would probably just have to change the definition of traveling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no Red Bull. You'd be banned. Yeah, it would...

Because it'd be obvious. Have you been doing Red Bull? No. You literally have wings that are flapping in front of me. You are hovering six inches off the... You've drunk Red Bull. No, I haven't. No, no, no.

I just have these now. I was born like this. I reckon cricket, you'd be allowed to drink Red Bull. No. Because, yeah, it doesn't really give that much of an advantage. Yeah. What are you talking about? Okay, so if the midfield...

You can fly up and body a ball? Oof. Yeah, you could. I guess. But also, that means the ball could be hit underneath you. What about travel? So I get 10 hours if I neck and chain five Red Bulls. Okay.

Yeah. In 10 hours, I could get quite a few places that otherwise I would probably have to fly. How fast are we flying is also important. Because I assumed the same speed in which you could run. Okay. If I lived on more, say, islands. Yeah. If I lived where there was an acapulco.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where I could island hop. Yes. Useful. Beneficial. I live in Victoria. There's French Island and Phillip Island you could go. I live in Victoria, Australia.

I can get there by car. Yeah, Phillip Island takes two hours to drive to. Yeah, yeah. Or maybe further or closer away. Who knows? Yeah, yeah. Okay. So, yeah, like, in terms of travel, it's not that impressive.

No. Also, am I, say, for example, if I'm going for a walk, I'm doing it to, like, you know, try to, you know, enjoy the fresh air, and, like, I need to walk and, you know, exercise. Dismatch that, yeah, yeah. You know and build those steps up, etc. Winging it.

What am I doing? Am I exercising my wings so they're stronger but they disappear after four hours? What happens? Are my shoulders fucking tainting? Yeah, you got muscly back. Muscly back. I just maybe do it as a workout. Yeah.

Does it hurt? Like, does your skin split open? What happens if I, like, say, neck a Red Bull, and now I'm like, okay, you have, this is the perfect, okay, so you're doing your shoulder back exercises. Yeah. What you want to do is you want to neck your Red Bull, then flap your wings in 10 minutes, like, you know, sorry, like 10 reps. I will say that the guys in the ads that drink it usually seem to be like pieces of shit. Yeah. And they don't scream in pain when they grow wings. Yeah, okay.

So that's a sign that wings aren't painful. It's nice to know it doesn't hurt. And also, but they probably would only fly as fast as they sort of walk. Yeah, okay. What if I chop a wing off and I just have the wing? Yeah. Yeah. Then there's chop a wing off, and I just have the wing? Yeah. Then, there's so much trepidation. Yeah. Well, I'm just

wondering, say you've grown wings, right? You've nacked a rebel. I snip one of those wings off. You bleed. Yeah, and then the caffeine wears away. Does the wing just disappear in my hands? I imagine when you cut it off, it just withers immediately. That's gross.

I guess you don't bleed. You cauterize it. You pluck it out. If I cut off a bird's wing, it's going to bleed. Yes. Yes. The bird will probably die. Yeah.

I'm just wondering. It's like mostly wing. A bird is mostly wing. I am not. Also, my wings are magic from a drink. Okay. I'm just wondering what it is. It's like mostly wing. Yeah. It's mostly wing. I am not. Also, my wings are magic from a drink. Okay, all right. I'm just trying to get

the specifics of the drink. Yeah, so I'm just working because if they haven't turned us into hollow bones and we're- It'd be funny if we got wings that just can't fly. Well, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then again, so what is it? If we're not getting hollow bones and we can still fly, there's some sort of magic around this. Yeah. Therefore, I'm guessing

if you cut them, they wouldn't bleed. And if you cut them, they would disappear. Piece of shit. I wasn't imagining doing it while we're in the air. That's just a murder. That's just rude. Murder would change if you could get wings. Yeah, because like, how?

Well, disposing of a body is easier. Fly out to sea, drop the body, fly back into shore. I guess. Yeah. Fly really high up, just drop it. Yeah, yeah. Well, no. You got to move as well.

You can't kill a guy, fly up, drop it down where you killed him. I guess then you land and it's like, well, he's just a splattered dude. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if it makes it easier. Well, you could, disposing the body I guess people can see there's a guy flying withholding another guy you just do it at night and then you just fly over a smokestack

or something kill him the same way that Bond kills that guy that he hates I think dropping him out to sea was smart I don't think putting him in the smokestack you need to navigate yourself I'm in a city. I know where the

light stops at the bay. There's other hazards when you're flying. How high up are you going? Pretty high up.

It's chilly. Gotta make sure that when people look up they can't immediately see that you're holding a body. You can go by a plane?

You can go by another bird? Yeah, go by a bird. Birds is a real big issue. Planes would be fine.

You'd hear or see a plane come. Planes do travel very fast. How did you kill this person that you're killing? I poisoned him. Poisoned nuts. Then I dunked him in his mouth. No, they were like mixed nuts. I poisoned him at a party.

And others, unfortunately. I left the nuts out. If you bled, like if they were bleeding, they would just, you know, blood would drip. Yeah, yeah, that's why I was poisoned nuts. I was thinking about it. Poison nuts, I guess. Poison, this is what I do, all right?

Poison nuts, fly straight up, drop them. Not putting the body where you did the crime. They splatter. Everyone's like, this guy must have lost his wings midair. Yeah, in what, in the middle of the party? Yeah. On the roof of the house? Yeah.

Like, if you have wings, and surely, like, again, you might make it easy to dispose of the body. Yeah. But then surely, like, if people report it missing, they'll be like, okay, this is the last time this person was seen. If someone was eating nuts. Yeah. One of the police officers just, like, looking around the party,

pops a nut in his mouth. I'm watching, like, fuck. Didn't put away the nuts. Now you've got another body to dispose of. Oh, no. The best way to do it is If everyone eats the nuts Everyone have these nuts

They're delicious You want so tentatively to my lips Jackson, why are you sweating so bad? I'm just so excited for this nut Everyone should have one I need to go to the toilet to throw up You enjoy these nuts I'm toilet to throw up. You enjoy these nuts. I'm going to throw up a nut for no reason.

I actually just remembered I'm allergic to nuts. I'm just going to go throw up the nuts. So you enjoy the nuts. They just hear a crash and you just flow them straight up. I need to go to the bathroom, spit the nut out, like wash my mouth out with water, wait like three minutes, be like, time to come out, dispose of the bodies, and the police are just still looking around. Nobody had any of the nuts, I see. No, you said you were going to throw up.

No one wanted to eat one. Okay. Shit. Shit, damn. Okay. Shit, damn. Excuse me, sir. Why did you say shit, damn? I just really thought it would be awesome. Shit damn, okay Shit damn Excuse me, sir Why'd you say shit damn?

I just really thought it'd be awesome Shit damn, I just thought they were gonna be good nuts You know, look, I'll have another one Good nuts They're really good nuts I'm disappointed that you didn't I'm gonna eat a handful See, watch me eat a handful

You seem to be sweating real bad Maybe we could have a handful each Three, two, one. You didn't do it, I noticed. You didn't do it. Eat it. You should eat nuts. And I did.

You didn't do it, I noticed, and my mouth's full of these nuts. Sir, you're allergic. You said you were allergic. What are you doing? That's right! I'm going to go throw up again. And I lie on the way to the bathroom

because I just had a fucking handful of poison nuts. Please, like, I don't... I'm not immediately suspicious of this guy. He might just be an idiot. I don't know. Now I am. Why'd he die? He said he was allergic to nuts. He must have been deathly allergic. He forgot. He just put a whole bunch

in his fucking gob and he's dead. That's really strange. Okay, well, I guess it's two crimes today One crime and an accident And a sad thing Yeah it's just like a tragedy I suppose Got away with it Got away with it

Got away with it Got away with it No one suspects anything Went to heaven Like yeah I lived a sin free life Yeah allergic to nuts The nuts got me St. Peter looking the fucking thing is there You killed me! He says on that playlist he was... No, you were allergic to nuts. I was allergic to nuts, dude. We're both allergic to nuts.

Oh, crazy. If there's a nut allergy room of heaven, put me in that one. Yeah. Nut allergy, it goes around here. I'll just slip through these. Just let him bust you. They're like, welcome to heaven, Jackson. In life, you're allergic to nuts.

Here, you can eat all the nuts you want. You're in nut heaven now. That's pretty good. Yeah life, you're allergic to nuts. Here, you can eat all the nuts you want. You're in nut heaven now. That's pretty good. Yeah, I'm definitely allergic to nuts. Yes, penis, penis. I'm glad I can have as many almonds as I desire. And because you were denied nuts in life, it's only nuts in heaven. Oh, yeah.

It's secretly. This is hell, isn't it? You're secret hell. You put me in hell. It didn't take me too long to figure it out. You fuckers. You You put me in hell. It didn't take me too long to figure it out. You fuckers. You can take down the facade. Enjoy almond eternity.

This is a pretty funny punishment for killing a man. I will say. Look, I killed a man and I'm basically in squirrel heaven. All right, this is good. All right, squirrel heaven. Jackson, hell. I guess they're the same thing. I don't even really hate almonds that much

but you know it's not bad it'll be annoying eventually yeah maybe give it a week it'll stop being annoying because you'll get

what other food tastes like yeah that's true and then you've also got squirrels to hunt and eat yeah plus there's so many different kinds of nuts it is basically heaven

okay well what about peanuts and almonds you got cashew hazel chocolate covered peanuts Brazil nuts smoked Okay, well, what about a B? Peanuts and almonds. You got cashew. Hazel. Chocolate-covered peanuts. Brazil nuts. Smoked.

Smoked. Mixed. Mixed. Mixed nuts. Pine nuts. Can eat them. Can eat pine nuts, yeah. Salt somewhere.

Some of them you don't eat because they're legumes. Not really. Not technically a nut. Yeah. And that's all the nuts. because they look huge. Not really, not technically a nut. And that's all the nuts. What about if it gave you wings forever? I think if it gave you wings forever, I think there'd be more use for it.

I think if it gave you wings forever, everyone would just chug one and it would change reality like it is. Would you live in a higher up house? Yeah, probably. Yeah, well, because what would probably happen is it would become like a rite of passage. Like, at 13 years old, everyone drinks a Red Bull and then they get wings for the rest of their life.

A fucker would, you know, sneak in at 12 and drink it and then be like, I didn't know this bitch just happened. I didn't drink a Red Bull, Dad. Show me your wings. Here they are. It's hard to hide them, their wings. But it's also, well, I guess you don't want a baby having wings. Fair enough. Yeah.

You would have to wait until people were responsible enough to fly. Oh, there's a little cherub flying around. Nice photo shoot. Yeah, that's true. If I'm a crazy parent, I'm like, you know what makes this adorable? Killing my baby by making it drink Red Bull. Yeah. Yeah, watching my baby fly uncontrolled around the room. Yeah.

And then you'll definitely see a baby, like, something flying shit-eek in the air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very easily. What if a dog drinks it? Oh, also wings. Wings. Yeah, okay.

What if a bird drinks it? Wings. Four wings on a bird. Faster? Wings on their wings so that they fly worse, actually. How do we kill a bird? How do we kill a dog? I feel like this would actually How did kill a bird How do we kill a dog I feel like this would kill

A lot of animals Why would it kill a dog Think about it Think about a dog with wings Think about all the mischief They would get into They can get where The chocolate's hidden

See Fair enough Fair enough Red Bull would kill Most dogs Slash other animals Oh yeah And you gotta drink

The whole can remember What about this You leave a can of Red Bull out Yeah Ants Oh no Flying ants Ants will fly Slash other animals Oh yeah And you gotta drink The whole can remember What about this You leave a can of Red Bull out Yeah Ants Oh no Flying ants Ants will fly

But these are ants Easy to see I guess Yeah You just squish Yeah that's true Also You gotta drink the whole can remember So an ant

Won't get wings It'll just explode Caffeine It'll just explode A chimp could get wings A chimp could get wings Okay Don't

If you wanted to fuck up a zoo Red Bull wouldn't kill a chimp though No wings. A chimp could get wings. Okay, don't... If you wanted to fuck up a zoo. Red Bull wouldn't kill a chimp, though. No, no, no. You reckon a red... A chimp would not know what was happening to a chimp. It would be scary. A chimp on Red Bull would be a worry, but I don't think it'd be dangerous.

It would calm down, but then it has wings. I don't know how we deal with, like, you know, flying monkeys. Yeah. Wizard of Oz. Wizard of Oz. Oh, my God. Guess who I'm bidding. Finally get those shoes I want.

Steal Dorothy. Drop her from high up or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the Wicked Witch's plan, yeah? Drop Dorothy from high up. So we get my shoes back. I'm seeing some advantages here. I think having permanent wings would make, all it does is make

getting high up easier. And makes travel and walking travel easier, question mark. Well, kind of. It just makes you tired in a different place. Yeah. It's like if you hand stood, you walked on your hands like Lanky Kong. Yeah.

To somewhere. My king. Yeah, all our kings. You'd still get tired. Yeah. You just wouldn't have tired legs. So you could fly to the grocery store. Well, you could fly and then you could walk.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The benefit of Red Bull is that it also gives you energy. So, I don't know, flying will be all right. Yeah, that's true. That's true. You could always travel the shortest distance because, like, from where the crow flies. That's true.

From where the we fly. I think security-wise, like, in terms of our housing, would be built differently. Easier to get on roofs. Yeah, I think we would utilize roofs more. I feel like we'd be more vertical. As a human race, we'd be kind of building up a lot more than we currently do. Might wear hats with spikes on the top

so we don't get swooped by ourselves. Why? Yeah, like if somebody wanted to punch me in the top of the head, it's never been easier. So if I had a hat with spikes on the top, I'd prevent are you worried in general life that people are just going around being like i wish i could punch this guy on the top of his head they can't now yeah unless they're taller than me shaquille

o'neal could punch me in the top of the head i'm taller than you yeah and every day punch me in the top of the head yeah so i think a spiked helmet's not so silly i didn't realize that was an option for me. Not the spiked helmet, the punching you in the top of the head. I think our backyards or any kind of thing would be covered in more of a net. Yeah, okay. So people can't either get peeping in or land. Yeah, that's true.

That's true. I think it would just change. There would be sad casualties every day when people fly out of the sky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, what? Well, because if wings only lasted two to four hours. No, we're saying permanent wings. That's right in this situation. But going back,

yeah, there would be tragedies. But I guess in this situation where, yeah, everyone, it's fine. That's true. It's fine. Nothing happens. Don't worry about it.

Yeah, look, in the world of two to four hour wings, yes, people do that. Yeah, people, it's Rain of Man. Yeah, in the random man when you turn 13 right of

passage drink a red blood I don't think there's not a huge amount of stuff that would change lots of other

things would have to change like the human body hollow bones that kind of stuff but if we're

just having wings and we can fly places it just gives you another mode of locomotion and it might

change the structure of buildings. Things become more vertical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if we laid eggs as well? Oh, sick. Does it feel good or bad? Awesome. Feels really good.

That's the best. It's like taking a big shit. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A big shit you can cook and eat. Would you cook and eat it though? Yeah. Would you cook and eat it though?

Yo, is it an egg? It just tastes like an egg. Is it an egg in a traditional way that an egg's an egg? It's a non-traditional egg. What do you mean? Or is it like a baby? Well. Yeah, it's just how we reproduce now.

Because if so, then no, I'm not eating the egg. Well, in the two to four hour one. You get wings and then just have to lay one egg. Yeah. But also, if we're getting wings, we're not laying eggs. We're sitting on eggs. If we want to.

Who laid the eggs? Well, I don't have the organs for that. Oh, that's right. Okay, okay. Yeah, fair, fair, fair. Yeah, we're sitting on eggs. That's sad I don't get to lay an egg. I wanted to lay an egg.

We can shit eggs if that's what you want. You put one in there and you could have a shower. Sit down. Fall on an egg. Sorry, sorry. Fall on an egg. Yeah, and then lay an egg. Well, yeah.

You can do that now if you want. Yeah, that's true. Just soft boil an egg, get one up there. Or instead of getting actual eggs that might break, you can get certain things that are designed and look like an egg. An anal egg. Yeah. Maybe ones that are like you know Say on a string

This is becoming far more disgusting Maybe some sort of bees If you will Yeah Yeah you can do that Well that's Yeah I can't crack that in a frying pan and eat it

Why do you want to shit an egg out of it and eat it? I don't know But like say you could You don't like eggs I keep know. You don't like eggs! I keep forgetting this! You don't like eggs! You actually hate eggs. But also... I'm allergic to eggs. No, you're not.

He's not? He's allergic! I've seen him eat a fucking cake! He's so allergic! I'm allergic to eggs. You've never seen a man eat anything crumbed? A man that loves, famously,

when growing up, was like, my dad does the best things with a milkshake. He cracks an egg in it and I would never have it any other way. It tastes quite tasty.

I do it to this day. You're going to put an egg in the, yeah. But unfortunately, I'm allergic to eggs. You're not allergic to eggs. You just don't like eggs. Unfortunately, I can't eat eggs. I get really sick of it,. You just don't like eggs. Unfortunately I can't eat eggs.

I get really sick of it though. You wouldn't even. I get really unwell if I eat an egg. Fried, boiled, anyway scrambled. I guess when it comes down to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If it happened right now and I only gave it for two to four hours, everyone would be like, this is fucking crazy.

There'd be a lot of tragedies and chaos. I think you'd do it as a bit of a fun. Yeah. Night on the town. Night on town. I don't a fun. Yeah. It'd be more of, yeah. Night on the town. Night on town. I don't know. Extreme sports and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah.

If it happened 30 years ago, humanity would be a bit different. If it was a forever thing, very different, but not crazy different. Like, it wouldn't change a lot, but it would change enough. It changes less than you think.

If he could shit eggs, Jackson would eat an egg, but he's allergic, so he'd die. I'd get on well, but it would be worth it. Yeah. I'd get sick from it,

but it'd be okay. If it were produced by, like, laying eggs and that, I mean, it's just like... I mean, on well, but it would be worth it. I'd get sick from it, but it'd be okay. We were produced by laying eggs and that. You could eat your partners if they laid an egg. Yeah, that's true. I probably would. I probably would. I guess they would taste like us on egg eggs. Yeah, I suppose.

Would we eat that, though? Probably not, really. Chickens don't eat eggs. Yes, they do. What? It's a problem sometimes when they start attacking their eggs. Well, then I guess we would eat our own eggs. That's great news for you.

Sometimes I've used up the shit about fuck. As an ignorant man, you know little. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Wait, you grew up on a farm adjacent. Yeah, we had chickens. Isn't it a thing you don't mean to really- I didn't pay that much attention.

Are you not meant to give chickens eggshell Or do you give the chickens eggshell Because you give them calcium But then if you do, don't they get a taste of eggs You put the eggshell in the compost You tip the compost in the chicken shed The chickens eat the compost So I guess they're eating eggshell

Yeah Because the chicken shell gives them calcium And that's good because they keep laying eggs. But then does it give them the taste of egg? Egg. So then they're attacking their own eggs more. I know they stand on their own eggs. Oh, yeah, that's fucking roosting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you step into your own shit. You shut on the floor because you're a filthy animal. Well, yeah. This is not where I thought this episode was going to end. Do chickens eat eggs? Probably. Chickens will eat anything.

Chickens will eat eggs if they aren't getting enough calcium elsewhere. Insufficient calcium intake can also lead to soft-shelled eggs. Oh, cool. Or thin shells, which are more likely to crack, and then entice even the healthiest, curious chickens to eat eggs.

So some chickens will eat eggs There you go So some chickens will eat eggs And so will we In the future that's coming So drink your Red Bull, I guess I think so And on that note, I've been Joel I've been Jackson

I've also been Joel We hope you loved this episode And Red Bull, if you're listening, I think you owe us money Yeah, Red Bull Or we owe you money either way there needs to be a financial exchange it's either false advertising so you owe us

money or it's parody so we don't owe you money or it's promotion so then you owe us money look we'd happily take 10 bucks each like you gave the Canadians yeah like you gave the people of Canada. If I find out that Australia had the same deal and we didn't cash in,

we could be $10 richer. Fucking angry. $30. We could have gone out and bought maybe two pizzas or something. We could get a rebate because Red Bull didn't give you wings and using the money to buy wings isn't like chicken wings. Genius. I would have felt like the fucking cleverest man

in the world we should get some wings we should get some wings goodbye everyone bye