Plumbing the Death Star - What Would Happen If We Got Bruce Wayne'd?

Episode Date: February 17, 2019

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Well, head to Sandspansradio.com forward slash merch to grab a limited edition enamel pin while stocks last. There are 10 left, so hurry. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, what would happen if we got Bruce Wayne'd? so like we went and saw Zorro and then our parents got shot yeah but I guess wait our parents

the triplet boys the brothers Joel and their ugly brother their ugly unpleasant wet brother Jackson it's fucking hilarious You think I've got it bad Mum and dad named you both Joel They had one and were like Joel was good

What if we had another And then we were also good And then they had a wet boy And they're like less good Less good, should have stopped it too That's why they called me should have stopped it So we see Zorro with Mama and Papa. We're walking out into Crime Alley.

They hold your hand. It's wet. Then they detour into Crime Alley. Gosh, I hope someone kills our boy. What was that, Mom and Dad? Nothing, son. Do you hope someone kills me in this alley? Because I am by far your least favorite.

Me and Joel are playing our game boys not paying attention you don't get one i got a drawing of a game boy that i did it's not as good and full of hurtful words hey congratulations it says nintendo and then shut up okay so then a mugger comes out of nowhere what are our reactions to that whole me and joel don't react as we are playing game boys i shit myself the only one i dropped my game boy oh no that's great the the classic like you know the beginning of i think it was batman versus superman where i had like the pearls falling in slow motion it's just the game boy i'm and we all imagine the clear game boy, yeah. So two Game Boys drop and then a sheet

of paper floats down to the ground. I really like as that Game Boy hits in a moment of cinematic perfection Mario dies at the same time. That's just called being a clever movie. Thomas' last words are, not my wife, my

son! Kill my boy! Kill the poor boy! Kill the wet one! It's great if you imagine he holds me up so that the bullet hits me, but it misses my organs and goes into his heart. He was trying to save his... Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.

Does that mean that dad dies, mom dies, I lie on the ground clutching my gun? You know, you and Face Off are like, you're the opposite of what happens there with the son and the father. Yeah. Dad dies, I... He tries to push you in the way of the bullet. The bullet pierces my belly but doesn't kill me but kills dad.

I like to imagine he throws you at the man with the gun. And then you deflect the gun so that it hits a pole and then one bullet goes through both of their heads. Oh, no. You killed mom and dad. No, I didn't. This man did. Okay.

You were just looking at your Game Boys. You didn't see. My Game Boy was broken. I dropped it. You're paying for that, Jackson, by the way. Why? We're rich You killed mum and dad

Okay already just arguing In the street over our parents corpses And the mugger stands there awkwardly Can I take their pearls? Yeah whatever This is between family idiot You gonna shoot anyone else? No? Then fuck off

Two lovely brothers and their murderous brother Who's wet and crying I don't even have a gun Why'd you shoot mum and dad then? With what? He's got the gun, he did it You're letting him go He's run away

Hey sir, did you do it? What? Say he didn't do it he said he wasn't him man he said you did it this fucking sucks so then the police arrive we're still yelling commissioner gordon's like because in the in the comics he like takes batman and like kind of looks after him in this moment right yeah? Yeah. He holds him. He's like, you're doing all right. So he's comforting the two Joels.

A blanket that's only big enough for two boys. Can I have a blanket? You can have a tarp. It's wet. Use this towel first. As you're comforting, giving hot cocoa, I'm giving a cold cup of water and I have to clean my own top. This fucking blows. Mum and Dad died.

Mum and Dad were killed. Yeah, Mum and Dad were killed. And also, we lost our Game Boy, so imagine how bad we feel. Here's your wet piece of paper with a bad drawing on it. Everything you love is still here At least yours is still working Ours is ruined

It never worked, it's paper I mean I guess it works as a drawing See? Rubbing in our face Why are you so mean to us? Mum and dad wished they only had two boys They said it to me so often I feel no remorse

It's a great thing for an 11 year old Gameboys. They said it to me so often. I feel no remorse. It's a great thing for an 11-year-old to yell at his two brothers. I don't even care. They sucked. I get a third of the money, and I'm going to use it to be happy. I'm going to buy heaps of Gameboys. I'm going to have so many fucking Gameboys. Fuck you guys.

Commissioner Gordon, can I go? He gives me a glare and arrests me. Trust you as an adult. What? Tom. Hanged in the streets of God. Hanged an 11-year-old for a murder. Boys, what happened?

He did it. Well, son, you're in a lot of trouble. Boom, boom. Beheaded by an old timey executioner with a hood. That'll please the bat demon. You guys clap back at the front row. Thank God that our mother and father's killer has brought to justice. Just walking up the steps,

putting my head on the chopping block. This fucking sucks. I don't even have a gun. I'm a child. What the hell's wrong with you people? As your head flops down onto the floor, I want you to look up at me with your last vision.

I grab your drawing of the Game Boy and tear it up. Yeah, fucking of course. Maybe this is good for me. Yeah, fucking I'm happy I don't have to deal with this shit anymore. Thank God the city beheaded me. It was the fucking right move.

My head on the chopping block gives my body a thumbs up. Thanks. My life fucking blowed. This is better. Okay. Short of being killed, am I at least thrown in jail? I think what will probably realistically happen is Commissioner Gordon has a far better judge of character.

Yeah, that's what I was looking for. Moral compass. I just did the arm gesture for like... You did a compass gesture. I get it, dude. Than us. So he'd probably be like, I need to care for all three of these boys.

So you're probably not getting publicly beheaded. But... You did kill mum and dad, so you might be going to Arthur. Al... Al... Al hatred towards you. History is written by the victors,

and obviously we're the victors. You won mum and dad's murder That's true Are we still getting Alfred? Does he only have time enough for two boys? No the moment Alfred picks us up He's like oh have the Joel safe? Is that suspected Jackson killed them?

Yes He would have I can back that up He was a piece of shit Loads us into the car and you go to get in And he slams the door on your coat and then gets into driving because you're dragged behind the car. Running alongside down the streets of Gotham. Alfred, let me in! Alfred, you fucking arsehole!

You old cunt! And that's when Commissioner Gore's like, oh yes, right, arrest that boy. Thrown in Arkham. I always hated that boy. Why do you hate me so, Alfred? I've been nothing but nice. Flash forward, what, 20 years? 10 years?

15? 15. I think it's 15. All right. So wait, we were 11 in that situation, weren't we? So what's happened in the interim years? All right. So is Jack in jail?

No, he's out of Arkham now. I'm out, baby. He served his 20 years. That was rough. I was a boy. That's what I say at the court when I meet all of the other Arkham inmates. Yeah, so you've gone to Arkham. Are you an adult in the body of a boy by science?

No. No, I was 11 when I went in. I just got shit brothers. Also, my butler's a fucking old cunt. I hate him. Because you've been accused of murdering the parents, I guess you don't get any of the inheritance, so that gets split 50-50 this way.

Oh, yeah. Got him. This sucks. All right, now, are you going to be a Batman? Because I don't think I would. I think I'd probably use my money on gambling. Hell, yeah. I might become a business boy Alright Actually

Because 11 is kind of a hard year Hard time to get off Because in my head I'm like Look if a bad thing was to happen to me now I'd just be like Whatever That's life But if it was like

Alright you've got to be the mindset We're brothers We love each other We have a shit villain brother We've just seen Zorro Excuse me Jackson has definitely shot our parents All right, got to be the mindset. We're brothers. We love each other. We have a shit villain brother. We've just seen Zorro. Excuse me. Jackson has definitely shot our parents.

We witnessed it. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey. I have gaslit the shit out of myself. Yeah. I was going to say, so for you, that murder is crime and Mario combined. Do they mix in some way to create a Mario Batman? Perhaps. With gadgety stomping shoes for stomping the heads of criminals.

I don't know. I'm just giving you the pieces of that fateful day. Also, I guess if you went the full Batman route, you've got to ask what scares you or what scared you at 11 that you would try to turn into a symbol of fear. If you're the kind of people... See, the thing is, Bruce Wayne, if he had a brother, he probably wouldn't have been as mood...

He'd be sad, but... That's what I'm trying to think, though. It's like, because there's two of us now. It would be like a series of unfortunate events. We'd just get up to mischief. Rich mischief. Is it Tom King's run on Batman? Yeah.

So there is, like, basically Gotham boy and Gotham girl who are sort of, like like trying to become heroes or whatever Yeah I'm going to spoil some stuff because it's a good read Yeah But there could be something like that Where it's the two of us become like a crime fighting duo But do we hate crime or just our brother?

I think we might hate our brother How would we gaslight ourselves to then fight crime? I did do a crime in your eyes Unless you've come out of Arkham and you're like Hey you fucking idiots to then fight crime. I did do a crime in your eyes. Unless you've come out of Arkham and you're like, hey, you fucking idiots. Dad threw me at the gun. Do you not fucking remember?

Dad picked me up like a goddamn football and hurled me a hundred yards into the fucking... Gun. Gun. Boom. I got this. I'll have a big ugly scar on my stomach

from where I was shot. It's funny that you've been bleeding this whole time.. I got this. I'll have a big ugly scar on my stomach from where I was shot. It's funny that you've been bleeding this whole time. No one fixed this. In my head. In terms of like villainy or comic book rules, you'd almost be in a wheelchair. Yeah, I should. Like you were shot in the spine. Oh no, you just became like Mr. Glass.

Yeah, we glassed you good. God damn it. You know that this just healed naturally? That's why I can't walk Because I got no medical help in prison Everyone just assumed you were that colour Yeah everyone was like Oh you fucking bloody guts guy

Is that your fucking Arkham power No help I'm bleeding I was a sick boy It's great if you imagine this yelled into like The intercom at the gate of your big mansion Which I imagine the gate has two J's on either side Yes

And big statues of the two of you at the gate on the posts Yeah so I don't know if it would be against crime Especially if I'm gaslighting Maybe it would be just like against shitty brothers Yeah Kill all triplets. What's going to be the impetus for you guys becoming crime fighters is when I inevitably definitely become a villain.

But your motives aren't that you want to do crime, you just hate us. I'll blow up the building. I'll be like, these fucking idiots have lived a life of luxury. I'll buy some bombs off someone and just bomb the shit out of your head. Just stand outside the mansion just hucking bombs at us. Yeah, I figured we would, because we wouldn't be given our inheritance straight away

because Alfred would be looking after us and he'd be our good father figure. He'd tell us all these horrible stories of our arsehole third brother. Alfred, you old fuck, I'm killing you first. So, okay, let's see. At 11, we've lost our parents to our brother who murdered them in cold blood for no reason. On purpose.

On purpose. I wasn't deliberately. He wasn't used as a silencer or anything. No, not at all. So I reckon I might follow in, like, Unpapa's footsteps and be like, I'm going to be a businessman and honour his name that way. That would make me more angry than seeing big statues of you around the city yeah joel zamet he built the

public transport system that's right joel wayne built the public transport system joel wayne one joel wayne other one jackson wayne jay wayne they don't even say my name i don't mention you Wayne, they don't even say my name They don't mention you The two Wayne brothers Wayne twins We made sure that as part of the punishment of going to Arkham you had to denounce your name

Can we please be twins? And they were like, of course Absolutely Your legal name is now Jackson Idiot Jackson Parent Killer Jackson PK Idiot. Jackson Parent Killer. Jackson PK Idiot. The PK stands for, that's right, Parent Killer. Looked great in front of a jury.

He couldn't get bail because of that. Yeah, it was real good. Real useful. Alright, so I've become... It's in his name! See, he did it! Fucking jury. Why would he name! See, he did it! Fucking jury. Why would he name himself that if he's not going to kill parents? I'm 11! I didn't! I didn't name myself. That's not how naming works.

I am an 11-year-old boy! But look at this paper signed by his legal guardian, Alfred. He's guilty. Oh! For the love of God. I hate you. I hate you. I especially hate you, Alfred. This city can eat my arse.

As you've driven away the Arkham. So, okay. I'll take on the Unpapas and become a businessman. How about you, JD? How are you? What are you doing to cope with our parents' tragic murder? What kind of an 11-year-old were you? Were you like a dinosaur kid?

No. What was obsessing you when you were like... When I was 11, it was like video games and sport. Hell yeah. So like... Alright. Gambling, maybe. You can gamble on both of those things.

That's true. I was going to say, or you could become like... Are you going to go tragic or are you going to go like... Basically a perfect boy. To be like, ah, oh, you could become like, are you going to go tragic or are you going to go like, basically a perfect boy? To be like, ah, yes, captaining the lacrosse team. Mum and dad's death, if anything, helped you. Yeah, propelled me. And with my other brother, Joel, taking care of the funding and the public transport, it led me to pursue my hobbies.

Yeah. Gambling. Gambling. And being a perfect boy elsewhere. Everyone has a vice. I assume I'm doing cocaine. I died in the 80s, yeah? Or the 70s. Whatever. Businessman in the 80s.

Okay, so I guess the moment you two start considering a life of heroism is when I blow up your car. Did you kill Alfred? Yeah, maybe that's day one. All right. Old man, and I wheel towards him with a gun.

And he's like, what? And I just shoot him a million times in the heart. Did you legally change your name to AK? Alfred Killer? Hey, I'm Jackson Alfred Killer, idiot. And Alfred, guess what? What? Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

You were a terrible parent figure Truly awful I was 11 When we find Alfred dead Oh no, how dear Papa He was the best father figure A boy could never have Oh my god

I'd be crying, there'd be a stage funeral For the boy I'd have left a note saying You two can eat my arse too I'm out of Arkham, fuck you, I was 11 I'd be crying there'd be a like a stage funeral for the boy I had a letter note saying you two can eat my ass too I'm out of Arkham fuck you I was 11

we now know who did it we're like well we now have to band together call up Commissioner Gordon and be like yeah Jackson idiot did it again

you shouldn't let him out you shouldn't let him out killed another parental figure for us he just can't help himself he just can't stop you've turned me into the thing

everyone said I was my story is tragic do you think in Arkham I would not anymore you just gone down an old man because you made me this you robbed me of my inheritance and sent me an 11 year old boy to Arkham oh you survived long enough to become the villain. Started.

It was nothing. Now Alfred died a hero. Alfred died a hero trying to protect his two favorite boys, Joel and Joel. For some reason I imagine you both coming in in tennis gear. A little bit sweaty, drinking from a mimosa or something. I imagine it's very much like the Winklevite twins from the Facebook film. Absolutely.

That. Gross rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think in Arkham I would have befriended or gotten sympathy from any of Arkham's inhabitants? I reckon so. I think maybe the Joker is going like, yes, you've killed your parents, the good gag.

No, I didn't. I'm 11. Well, who would you gravitate towards as an 11 year old to kind of be as like a mentor mentee who did 11 year old jackson which batman villain a hundred percent the joker for you yeah maybe no not at 11 11 maybe in a high school sadly yes but maybe not when i was 11 we live in a society, Jackson, and that's fucked. Here's a word from our sponsors. Also, this Melbourne International Comedy Festival, I'm hosting

a furious game show called Big Deal. And if you don't come see it, I'll shit. Grab your tickets from sanspantsradio.com forward slash live. Who is there, though? Man Bat, Penguin, Man Bat. Man Bat, listen to this.

You suck at listening, man bat. Penguin. Penguin would probably claw you as well. God damn it. He's like being clawed by all the villains. Lizard. Lizard. I mean, Croc.

The Spider-Man villain lizard who's here. I mean, the Killer Croc. Killer Croc would have scared the shit out of me. That's a lizard man. Penguin mean, the Killer Croc. Killer Croc would have scared the shit out of me. That's a lizard man. Penguin's like the lonely human. He's weird looking, but you know. I could join Penguin.

Mr. Freeze, he might be like, I lost my wife and we always wanted to have a child. It's funny to imagine every villain just assuming I killed my- Yeah, which means that he lost his wife, so he's gonna hate you for killing- He's like, how dare you kill your mother and father i didn't well jackson it's in your name i mean i would call you parent killer if you did not in fact my name is not mr hot it's mr freeze because i freeze so therefore

you are a parent killer parent kill therefore look. Therefore, look, I guess you parent kill. I just don't. I hate this place. Look, I would adopt you as my own, look after you, but I wouldn't be afraid that you would then look at me like a parent and then, you know, like your name. The moment anyone adopts you, you must kill them. The only way I stay safe is if I'm not your parent.

What other human? Poison Ivy. Poison Ivy? I'm not a parent. What other human? Poison ivy. Poison ivy? I'm not a plant. She doesn't care. Two-face? Two-face, maybe.

I mean, he just doesn't... Penguin's the only one who I think would lend me a sympathetic ear. He'd lend me a sympathetic... Well, because he... And also, his motivation would just be the fact that Penguin would see it as a business opportunity because if you kill us then you become you inherit yeah plus you might be like the whole inheritance thing you might either a believe you that you didn't kill the your parents or be like it doesn't matter if we can convince people you didn't then you might get the inheritance and then that would help the penguin out. That's great because that feels like it's just leading up to a legal battle. Which is bad because I'm being represented by classic Gotham villain, the penguin.

Well, our lawyer is Harvey Dent. Yeah, before he got poo-faced. Damn it. He's probably not going to get poo-faced. There's no Batman. Yeah, that's a good point. In fact, Penguin's kind of the only one who's probably a villain at the time. Yep.

Everyone else is kind of the result, a bit, of Batman. Or, like, in the mob. Yeah. I joined the Penguin. I'll do whatever the Penguin wants. It means I can eventually kill the two of you. Fair enough. Okay, so here's...

Okay, so Parent Killer has come out and he's killed our parental figure. That's what I am absolutely called in the paper as well. Parent killer strikes again. 15 years ago. Killed the poor Wayne boy's parental figure. 15 years ago. Well, you side up with Penguin, you get out, you kill Alfred. I reckon the commissioner and the police force would just find you again.

Back to Arkham. No. They killed, they put me here. You killed Alfred. This time you might actually get hung. I think at that point you're killing Alfred. I'm afraid and scared. I might.

We've got a panic room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in the panic room. I'm afraidy boy. I might just install guns on our gate. Turret towers.

Yes. All right. Well, can't go there anymore i am just a guy there's a guy who's been very hard done by by his existence that's funny because now we're at a stalemate because our security would be through the roof and you're just a guy which means that pretty much all that's gonna happen is me and joel live a somewhat tense life but but of riches, and you just eat shit. But we're the Waynes. We're beloved.

I would hold a press conference being like, our brother is sick. It's great to imagine you two holding hands and having the conference at the same time. Yeah, holding hands being like, if you see him, do not approach him. Call the police. Or approach him with a gun. What? If you are a parent, you may be shot.

He keeps shooting parents. He has killed every parent he's ever met. If you are... He's real gaslight Gotham. He's killed so many parents. Watching this on an old shitty TV in a penguin hideout.

What the fuck? There was once I remember the moment our beloved dog... Fifi. Fifi gave birth to some puppies. I'm pretty sure Jackson, parent killer, idiot, took that dog with malice and hatred in his eyes. That dog was the only friend I had in that house. Picked up that dog and drowned it in front of all our boys.

They killed the dog because I loved it. What the fuck is this? We evacuate the city except for Jackson to drop a bomb on it. The only way we've got them to be safe is if we nuke this man. Ever since our parents died, I've been thinking back on how even their parents died. And I know the reports say natural causes, but look, I mean, Jackson was the last one to see them alive. I wasn't alive when they died.

I was a baby. I was an infant child. I like the idea of also like the Waynes were like, they love this city even though it's scum. We're just like no we hate this city. Bomb it. Build a new one. We're going to Metropolis. Bulldoze it. It's fine. Actually we probably would just go to Metropolis. Are you attached to

Gotham? Not really. It's kind of shit. It's kind of shit. We're rich and Metropolis is just over there. Our brother killed our parents. And our good dog. God damn it. So we go to Metropolis. You're going to chase us there with a penguin? Because there's a man that might have a word with you

about that. Yeah. Surely Superman knows I'm innocent. You just killed Alfred. You're not innocent anymore. Alfred was my tormentor. You shot a guy with a... You shot an elderly man with a machine gun In a car park

I guess I gotta follow you to Metropolis Maybe I'll try diplomacy Outright bombing you isn't working Maybe I'll try being like Fellas please just If we're that rich we might be in the circles of like Lex Luthor and uh Who else is the We gotta be we might be in the circles of Lex Luthor and... Who else is the elite in Metropolis?

We've got to be careful about Lex Luthor getting Lex Luthor onside, because then Superman might side with him. Yeah, I know, but we don't know. Lex Luthor's just a businessman. I'm also a businessman in this situation. Yeah, that's true. And you're the star lacrosse player. You might then get traded to the Metropolis Knights? The Metropolis Mangos. Yeah. Metropolis' lacrosse

team. That's great if I To get you, pretend to be the mascot The Metropolis Mango Pull a piece on you and shoot you in the leg Yeah, you're playing You're captain of the Metropolis Mangos I'm in like the stands In the business trench coat

Clapping along being like I'm so proud of my good brother And the Metropolis man goes on the, oh my God, that mango is a gun. Bang, bang, bang in the leg. And then I just leg it, but I'm in the mango costume. That's funny to then legally change your name to,

we just sign off and change his name to Jackson. Definitely guilty idiot. You go to court. You're like, my name's Jackson. Definitely guilty. Like that was a, they take that as you like trying to play. Oh, okay. hey, my name's Jackson. Definitely guilty. Like, that was a... They take that as you, like, trying to plead.

Oh, okay, so that was a... You admitted guilt? No, no. That's my name. Yeah, well, sorry. You just said you're definitely guilty. That's not what happened. They somehow took control over my name.

Look at this. Name changed by deed poll. Signed by your legal guardians. They did it. Joel and Joel. When did that happen? Well, you were committed. Well, when Alfred died, Jackson.

What? And with you being committed, someone had to. Damn it. God damn it. And then we're rich, so I just go to a good surgeon and I can still run fine. I get thrown in. What's Metropolis's jail? Maybe the Phantom Zone or whatever.

Put me in the Phantom... I'm just a guy! Christ! Superman's just like, you'll never see Earth again, not for 10,000 rotations of the sun or whatever. Excuse me? Zod's in here!

Hey, Zod, what the fuck? Family fucking blows! Superman's not my family. Oh! I just thought... So how'd you do it, Jackson? How'd you kill your parents? God damn it!

I didn't! That's great as well, because that means when Zod inevitably comes up with some plan to get out of the Phantom Zone, I just gotta crawl out at the same time. It also means you'll die, because you'll probably be like, we're in space, and you're like, oh, okay. Now, the Phantom Zone's like a location, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you can breathe there. Yeah, you can breathe in the Phantom Zone.

Not in the Phantom Zone, but I reckon breaking out of the Phantom Zone, you might. That's if he, I thought he was, I was imagining him breaking out on Earth to fight Superman and I just scarper in the background of that.

You just scuffle away. In a mango costume. That's the worst bit. I didn't do it. I'm not even guilty. You shot him in the leg and you killed Alfred. This is very funny to imagine again.

Me in like, again, this giant business trench coat wheeling out Joel Duescher in a wheelchair and being like sympathetic. Like, oh my God, his brother did that. Panic Q also in a wheelchair

being like, where's my sympathy? My dad used me as a shield and I was thrown in Arkham fucking asylum at 11. Then Superman put me a human being in the Phantom Zone. Ladies and gentlemen, no one likes a sock. As you can see, Jackson, definitely guilty idiot, has fabricated the events of the past. His time in Arkham has made what we like to call some kind of, not a fugue state, but basically an alternate reality.

He's delusional. In what he believes happened. He's so delusional that he's making up a story of our father, our good, honest, honorable father, throwing- The best man I ever knew. The best man we ever knew, apart from our equal best man we ever knew and that man over there I like to imagine you two going to like weird degrees

to prove my story's not true you're like, dad's arm didn't work he couldn't have thrown Jackson he had damaged it with RTI due to signing all those peace treaties that day he had damaged it with RTI due to signing all those peace treaties that day. He had damaged it through RTI for all the hugs

he gave us. He could never have thrown our brother who was not only wet but also very heavy. Why? This is just slander. His arms were so tired from hugging us.

He loved to hug us. Everyone knows ugly doughy boys are heavy. And here's a picture of 11-year-old Jackson. Look how doughy and heavy he looks. Here's a drawing I did of him. Here's the sun for comparison. Can everyone please have a look at the photos that we took of both of our Game Boys?

As you can hear, broken because of his actions. I had a drawing of a Game Boy, and I was only allowed that occasionally. Lifting up my shirt to reveal a very infected and big wound. No one has seen to this still. Evidently, you can see he clearly did this to himself for attention. Why would I? I would go to Lex

next. Hey, I'd be like you want the Wayne fortune? Let's make it happen. Let's just kill him. I don't do that. I'm not a parent killer like you. God damn it. The Waynes are nothing but good human. Good human boys. Yeah, Lex would like you. God damn it. The Waynes are nothing but good human.

Good human boys. Yeah, Lex would like us. Yeah. Because we haven't turned vigilante. We're just doing business. Superman threw me in the negative zone. That's pretty bad. I'm a human.

Maybe you didn't die in the negative zone. Maybe you're one of them. Maybe you're blood special. What? Drained of blood by Lex Luthor. I wish they'd beheaded me. This blows. Surely there's a villain out there sympathetic with my cause.

There's got to be someone who'll look after me in this cruel world. Oh, Black Manta. Black, sure. Because Aquaman killed his dad. Yeah, Aquaman killed your dad dad I didn't kill my dad but you know what it's like to have dead parents be just part of your deal but then if he thinks you're guilty

he will kill you but your name is definitely guilty idiot yeah not by choice I wish it wasn't is there a Batman villain that hates their parents probably didn't Hush kill his parents I wish it wasn't. Is there a Batman villain that hates their parents? Probably.

That you could get on side. Didn't Hush kill his parents? Maybe. Hey, Hush, I didn't kill my parents, but you might be the only friend I have. You didn't kill your parents? You're a coward. Also, Hush grew up with the Waynes, so he would have been a kid we knew.

Hey, Hush, remember me? Remember how I lived in a terrible, abusive home? Well, it would be nice because you could go to Hush, because he's a plastic surgeon. Yeah. You could go to him and be just like, Look, yes, I killed my arsehole parents. Yeah, sure, I did.

Give me plastic. I knew it. Yeah, great, good. I did it, and this was all worth it. This is good. Imagine we get a recording of that. We play like, see? As I pulled off his shirt.

I was wearing a wire. I love the Wayne boys. I was such good friends with Joel and Joel. Why? You killed your parents. My parents sucked. Yours ruled. Why does everyone think that?

Look what they did for the city, Jackson They built a train I'm just going I'm just gonna go live in like Fucking Star City or something Screw this There we go Good

And on that note, I've been Joel Wayne And I've also been Joel, I've been Joel Wayne. And I've also been Joel Wayne. I've been Jackson Wayne. Sorry, who are you? I'm Jackson. I'm definitely Guilty Idiot. I hate this city and also Metropolis.

My brothers are bad people. That's a long name. Shut up. Thanks for listening, and if you want to follow us on Twitter, you can find us at Sandspants Radio, or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead. And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to SandspantsRadio.com, and you'll

find all our other content there. There's heaps! And if you want to support us, head to sanspantsplus.com Thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time. Good night for now. But not forever. Kisses.