Plumbing the Death Star - What Would Happen If You Got Free Guy'd?

Episode Date: June 12, 2022

After our contractual obligation of watching Free Guy whenever you get Covid, the Joels have questions. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the SanchPants Network. Yeah, we're good to go. Strapped in, baby. Strapped on. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson.

And I'm also Joel. Today we're going to be asked the important questions like, what would happen if you got free guide so tell me the plot of free guy because i don't see any movie with ryan reynolds in it yeah that's a policy i usually have too, but unfortunately, to set the scene for our listeners out there, while we were on tour for

Plum in the Death Star London Tour 2022, you're not going to believe where we were. London. I got COVID and whilst isolating and having COVID, I decided what better way than to celebrate by watching a movie I know I'm going to hate. I think I just hoped that maybe

I would see so much Reddit would clear my brain fog and kind of worked. Anyway, so in a hotel room the day four of COVID, I watched Free Guy on my phone and I got questions. Questions are, why did this make any money, eh?

I also got COVID while we were in London. Did not watch Free Guy when we were in London. But then when we came back to Australia, a good friend of the show, Tom Walker, was staying at the house. And, well, he got COVID, which meant... Unrelated. because of some weird Australian or Victorian laws that technically myself and my partner had to also then quarantine for a further more times. So during that, we were like,

I guess we'll watch Free Guy. Douchey did it. That's what you do when you're sick. That's what you do when you've got COVID. You try to get sicker. You watch Free Guy. So we watched COVID. We watched COVID.

Yeah, we watched COVID. You got Free Guy, you watched COVID. So, we watch COVID. You got free, Guy. You watch COVID. So basically, there's two ways we could approach this. All right. What would happen if you got free, Guy? So Guy, he becomes free. Guy is the NPC in the movie.

He's played by, you never believe this, Ryan Reynolds. That's the guy I don't watch movies in. Yeah. But. About. Yeah. But also. About.

This movie, not starring Ryan Reynolds, but it is about his life. It's a biopic. So he's a computer guy who then becomes like, he stays a computer guy. He never comes out of the computer. He's an AI man. He stays AI, but he starts learning and he gets free will, but stays in a computer. So Lottie fucking doll, who cares? Oh, my computer's thinking, but it's still in in a computer i can turn it off at any time i can pour a coffee on it whenever i

want well that app that's also a thing well not a coffee but they do just start turning the server off and they're like you're about to kill a man yeah like an axe yeah yeah all right he drops an axe on it i guess yeah with force yes okay yeah so um and then they're like oh you shouldn't do that you're killing a guy. No, you're just breaking a computer program that sucks. Free guy's not real. That said, he is at AR. He thinks he's alive.

So basically it's this kind of thing. We could take it a couple different ways. Like killing a dog. Yeah. In what way? In what way? Because it matters a bit, but it's not a guy. What?

On the scale of killing things, where is dog and where is AI? On the same level for you? No. No, no, no, no. I don't care about AI. I think it goes whale, human being. Killing a whale is worse than killing a human being. They're so much bigger.

And there's so much fewer of them. Yeah, but. It's a human being. They're so much bigger. And there's so much fewer of them. Yeah, but... It's a tough one. I think I'd put Ant below an AI. Ant below an AI? There's so many of them. Well, good point. No, but okay.

I guess with an AI, it's become so much that it's become a guy. Yeah. But there's a man who thinks he's living in a computer, but Siri thinks she's living in my phone so yeah but what is the ai anyway so becoming free guys yeah becoming free guide it probably doesn't actually mean what if you're an ai that became real it should actually be what if you got free whatever the supporting character's name is because she is a real person playing the game oh then becomes

involved with guy who is now free yeah so what would happen if your computer came to life yeah i get or it'd be what would happen if we ourselves found out that we were currently just in someone's computer game oh okay well i think those i'd be like this game sucks shit yeah what game is are we just on some sad little loop where we come into this real, like the person playing the game just drives by the studio occasionally. One day somebody's just going to come in

and kill us with a machine gun. But it won't matter. Well, there's a whole podcast studio in here. They won't even think that. They'll be like, there's no loot in this building and they'll leave. It's crazy. They rendered this whole environment

and put some NPCs here for, I guess, if I wanted to come into this place. I didn't. You really did not. You burst into the studio, shoot us all in the head, you get the edge. Australia's most hated podcast. You did your duty.

They even rendered two cats in here. Why did they? There's so much going on in this one little building. Huh. I guess it's like, yeah, if we were part of, as we are now, if we were in, so Free Guy Guy is in, I would probably say it's more of a. It's like a Grand Theft Auto, right? No, it's like a Fortnite mixed with a Grand Theft Auto.

It's meant to be, there's rumors that this is like not in universe, but it's like in our actual universe. There was speculation that because this movie was made, like it's a Fox movie that got released by Disney. Yeah. There's speculation that originally it was going to be a Grand Theft Auto movie, but then they're like, oh, we could tone this down, which would have been stupid. Yeah, yeah. Make a Grand Theft Auto movie. Who's seen that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah. Mega Grand Theft Auto movie, who's seen that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

And yeah, so it does feel, it feels like GTA 5, but yeah, there is a bit of Fortnite-y stuff in it. Heaps of Fortnite. What's the Fortnite-y stuff? You get power-ups, it's basically like a seems like the game that people are playing, not that that guy is, although he does

end up playing it himself. He levels up. Anyway. He kills. So the reason the free guy originally becomes that guy is, although he does end up playing it himself. He levels up. Anyway. He kills. So the reason the free guy originally becomes free guy is he kills a playable character accidentally. And all the playable characters are wearing sunglasses. And he puts on their sunglasses and that gives him a HUD. Oh, okay. But then he's like, whoa! And then he levels up by doing non-violent missions, shall we say.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. So it's written like, so if your experience of video games was maybe your child was playing Fortnite and Grand Theft Auto. And you all watched. You couldn't tell the difference. No, no, no. You weren't watching. You just heard.

You just heard about it over the dinner table and you were sort of half paying attention. Oh, Dad, me and Jimmy, we robbed a bank in GTA 3 in Grand Theft Auto 5 online, and then I teabagged the guy, Dad. I teabagged him. 911, hello, yes. My son online robbed a bank. Check the bank now. Son, where is my money? Where's the money in the bank? Honey, go out and buy a whole rotisserie chicken. See if the bank now. Son, where is my money?

Where's the money in the bank? Honey, go out and buy a whole rotisserie chicken. See if the card works. It doesn't, but that's just because I'm very poor from gambling. Call Jimmy's dad. Let him know Jimmy's an accomplice in this piece of shit kid's crime. Steve, I got some bad news about you. Steve, you're going to want to go out and buy a whole rotisserie chicken

and make sure your card works because our kids robbed a bank in online. And then Steve writes a screenplay. That seems what it is. Yeah, that's pretty much what it's been through. Well, then, okay, let's assume that it's we're in that game because if I found out I was an NPC now, I'd be like,

where's the player character? What's happening? Is no one playing this game? I'm in a dead game. Cool. That's sad. One day they're going to shut off the servers

and no one will care. That's, well, the first half of that is the plot of Free Guy because they're making Free Guy 2. Well, what's a game called? Free Guy. Because they're making Free Guy 2. Well, what's a game called? Free Guy 2.

They're making Free Guy 2, and the developers promise to build on the original servers, and then it becomes apparent that no, Free Guy 2 is actually just a cash-grab sequel, and they're going to turn off the original one, so everyone has to buy the second one. Hot damn. But yeah, so let's assume that we're in a GDA.

Let's say a GDA just for simplicity. A GDA with power-ups. Done. And you found out you're in it. So already we live in a world where normally we're like run down a machine gun every day walking to work or whatever. So Guy's bank gets robbed every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, well, that's the world we're living in. First of all, I guess we don't know what it would be like to live in that world because we're not real. Right? Well, I think the experience that the AIs have is that their days just have a routine and it's a very violent world, but they're happy.

It's very submissive. It's very... I guess insane things have become mundane, but also they don't see things that are too insane. Yeah.

Oh! Also, it's fairly like, you do have hopes and dreams and aspirations, but you always never have enough to do those things. So, like, say, you need some cool sneakers that you might want, and they cost maybe like 400 game bucks, and I always only have $399 in my account.

Oh, so I can never buy the sneakers. Yeah. Okay. So it's like the game is programmed so that the NPCs have personalities, I guess, but never enough of a thing to do anything that breaks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then maybe you accidentally kill a playable character

and that gives you extra money and then you've got money to buy those sneakers and the game goes fucked. Step one, buy sneakers. Step one, buy sneakers. I come in, nothing else changes. Keep on the routine, but I got cooler shoes on now. Yeah, like if my life is pretty good, I'd be just like, okay, oh, I got some sweet sunnies and ooh, maybe now I just maybe buy a nicer house.

Maybe I'll buy a nicer car. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I try to keep a nicer house. Maybe I'll buy a nicer car. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I'll try to keep a low profile. I think keeping a low profile in a lot of these situations, no matter what game or genre it is, I think is my go-to. Yeah. I don't want too much attention.

Okay. So low profile would be hard to do. Yeah. Because the moment that an NPC is wearing the wrong things. If I take off the sunglasses, am I not sentient anymore? No. So you get. You just don't have access to the HUD.

Oh, that's okay. Then, okay, okay. I was scared that I was going to be like, oh, no, a player character would take off the sunglasses and just be like, what was I doing? Go back to my routine. No. So you could, you remember everything and stuff like that in between putting the sunglasses on.

But, yeah, you can't interact with the game in the same way. But if you get shot and die, you just kind of wake up. You wake up, it's just the next day. So I don't, do I have a fear of death and dying and pain? I was going to be like, you know,

like in a Groundhog Day situation, eventually you'll be like, what would it be like to get hit by a train? Well, okay. So basically it's like, you do get, it happens like almost

straight away. That's what I was going to say. So in a Groundhog situation, I'm getting hit by a train, I'm chopping my own head off or whatever. I'm attaching a string to my penis and in a Groundhog situation, I'm getting hit by a train, I'm chopping my own head off or whatever. I'm attaching a string to my penis and to a hot air balloon, seeing what goes down.

I'm trying to maybe eat the whole rotisserie chicken hull, like unhinge my jaw. Like a snake. But if that happens to me every day, maybe not the rotisserie chicken. Something is wrong with this NPC. Hang on, so tying a dick to a hot air balloon doesn't register. Oh, yeah, that's a normal Jackson NPC. Hang on, so tying a dick to an air balloon doesn't register. Oh, that's a normal Jackson

NPC. A normal video game move, but eating a chicken hole, you know, a rotisserie chicken, which is a

famous power-up in most games. You would never find that in a game. But I'm behind a secret fake wall with a

balloon attached to my penis. It's tearing it off. Ow! And you're like, the developer's a freak. There's a it off. Ow! Does he have a balloon floating around the cityscape with a pixelated hog?

We can't show that, but the implication is that an NPC whipped it off. I would shoot the balloon. He's got a wet dick on the ground. You could use it as a weapon, I guess. Why is it wet? Blood? I think it's funnier

to shoot you than a dead man flying around held by his penis. Well, I think in Zahmed's mind it was just my penis stepped up from my body. Yeah, I guess.

I was like, wow, you saw a balloon, like a severed penis being like floated by a balloon. You're like, I'm going to hunt Jack. I'm going to kill Jackson.

He's responsible. But yeah, but so in a groundhog day, I'm doing those things.'m gonna kill jackson he's responsible but yeah but so in a groundhog day i'm doing those things but as an npc those things happen to me every day so i don't know what i'm gonna do the moment i get also it because it's like groundhog day except you're not learning lessons yeah yeah yeah but it's like you can't learn lessons unless you become sentient they're basically our free guide so we have become sentient you become free guide then it goes from you living in Groundhog Day without doing anything different.

Every day is exactly the same versus the day's still the same, but now you start learning and start changing stuff. I don't think I'm becoming a hero. Well, yeah, then we're going to see how easy it is for someone to rob a bank. I'm robbing a bank.

Also, the moment I realized that death means nothing, like, who cares? Violence is nothing. And also, like, yeah, then we're going to see how easy it is for someone to rob a bank. I'm robbing a bank. Well, also, the moment I realized that death means nothing, like, who cares? Violence is nothing. And also, like, your life is sort of meaningless because you are created by, like, you're an AI. But, yeah, well, see, when he gains sentience, he also doesn't realize he's an AI. He doesn't know that he's an AI until way later. Yeah, that's true. So, I guess. He doesn't think he's not a real person.

I would not find out I'm not a real person. No, I'd just be like. Oh, life's fucked up. I've become Jesus Christ. true. He doesn't think he's not a real person. I would not find out I'm not a real person. I'd just be like, oh, life's fucked up. I've become Jesus Christ. Maybe. He does. Okay. Straight God complex.

You tell me. Yeah. Explain to me how similar it is between the experience of God. Okay. You're working at a bank. Some guy comes to rob you. You smack him in the face. I think I would already assume I was dead.

You steal his sunglasses, and then you become a powerful hudman, and then you're like, ah yes, Jesus. So you stole some glasses. I've become the son of God, I guess. I would assume that maybe that everyone that has glasses is also maybe some kind of demigod. Well, see, I think what would happen

is immediately, like, nothing. So I'd put on a costume like, pretty similar to what happens to Free Guy. Yeah. He'd be like, weird. Everything's colorful. Oh, well. Yeah. And then he sees like power-ups.

Like he can just grab a gun. Oh, yeah, because he gets power-ups. He gets your favorite power-up. Well, he goes tiny, double jump. Double jump. Sucks himself off. Yeah, yeah. He gets the suck himself off power.

Whoa. And then he looks at the camera and says, this is a representation of me making this movie yeah what's on the edge of free guy burg of his city what happens if you go to the city limits same suit that's where it's kind of like uh the same thing happens with gta okay which is it's just ocean around it i would get in a boat see how far I could go no you're gonna take the fucking thing approach

yeah yeah the Truman Show approach and then you're gonna hit a wall I'll be like I'm in the Truman Show and then you're gonna go kill Ed Harris

that's what Truman wants to do yeah yeah but Truman leaves up the lives in the moon it's so funny

he opens that door like in case I don't see you good afternoon good evening good night steps through that door into the moon and harris oh oh fuck oh you're done cunt bashed stop making me live in a fucked up fake world show me the real world you dog oh this is a different question but surely truman goes into the real world reads meets real people and is immediately mugged and killed or whatever.

Yeah, Truman does not last. He's a celebrity, though. But there'd be people who would probably want to try and protect him like a baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he doesn't know what real human beings are capable of, and it's not good. No, Truman is a severely damaged man when he comes out of the... I'd go back if I was Truman. But you can't go back.

Why not? Because, I mean, the show's... What do you mean you can't go back? You just have a cool meta angle where Truman knows it's fake. Yeah, you're telling me that in the realm of Truman... It gets canceled if he does that, I reckon. If they were like 10 years on, Truman's back in. Yeah, Truman's back, baby.

We've chucked him down as like, you know, it's the Truman reunion. Oh, is this a special? Nah, he's gone back in. It's called the Truman Show. Yeah. Because it's Truman Show 2. Come on, everything these days is getting like reunion specials. You've got like the Friends reunion special. They can do the Ghostbusters thing.

Oh my god, we went down into the basement and we found the Truman. Yeah. He's back. Truman's Yeah. He's back. Truman's back. Truman's back. Truman has his own kid and he's made it, once again, a horrible, questionably moral decision by selling this to a TV company under the provision that he too can live in each Truman town.

Yeah. I guess kind of in a way this is like a digital Truman show has happened to us. Yeah. Well, yeah, we are being watched. Yeah. Sort of. Do I know I'm being watched? No.

Do I ever find it out? Yeah. Okay, then all I'm doing is being like, get me out of the computer to the real world. I try and find where the camera is. But you don't necessarily know about the real world until someone tells you. Well, yeah, but there's still like a virtual camera in the video game for the player. For the play- What? So if the player-

Is it a third person or first person video game? It seems that it could be both. I think it's third. So if it's third person, there's a camera behind the player character, right? Yeah. Effectively. If it's not a real camera, but there's a camera there, which means that I as an NPC can get in that camera line of vision

and talk to the person playing the game. And I can be like, print me out. Yeah, but there's also scenes where there's just footage of following Guy himself doing missions. So is that like a cut scene? Sort of. Either way, I'm going to get them to print me out. Do you reckon if they print me out, I'll be flat on the package?

Oh, you know what? Actually, the cameras you're referring to is where the Fortnite cross GTA thing comes in. Because there's footage of, like, Guy doing missions. Oh, no, actually. Because Guy doing missions is usually stopping playable characters. Yeah, he pops up in other people's feeds. Other people's Twitch streams. Death cams.

That'll be me. I'll be in the death cams. Print me out. I killed you, so you're going to print me out. I'll kill you in real life. Well, there's a scene where he discovers ice cream. Okay. And he just likes eating it because it tastes so good.

It's the best thing ever. Whereas as a player character, as in like, you can't actually do that. So he's experiencing a lot of things. So he makes out with love interest. So he's experiencing a lot of things. So he makes out with love interests. Yeah. Who is a real person. Who is a real person.

She doesn't- Is just watching her character. Is just watching her character make out, whereas- That's weird. Whereas Free Guy, oh, it's strange.

The movie makes it weird too, like as in like, she is like, hmm, this is weird. I'm feeling things. That's like if I developed a picture perfect sex doll of myself

and then sat down on a couch and watched someone fuck it. An awesome thing to do, but I don't know what I'm getting out of it. Well, maybe I do, actually. I think that's a bit different. I think that's actually wildly different. Yeah, yeah. How's that different? What? Because

the person who's playing it has an avatar, so that's like oh it's my fortnite character making out with an mpc yeah yeah

what do you how can you not comprehend how that's different also you're in the room yeah well she's

watching the game it'd be like you making it's like if you were in a different room filming it. I mean, I can see your appeal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's have a fun about it. I get why he's doing it. He's a pervert. No, but that's what I mean. Jackson's situation is so, it's like playing a fucking. It is similar. It's similar.

So the sex toy. In fucking GTA, you can make a character and then you go to like a strip club or something. Yeah. You're not watching that being like, oh, this is me. Okay. Okay. All right. Yeah.

But if you're. It's just nothing. It's just like. You go on GTA, you make a character and avatar looks exactly like you, like a spitting image. Yeah. Then you take it to like the strip the strip club in gta and the strip club uh one of the persons there is performing is like i'm a real person with an ai anyway i'm gonna waggle my cock in your face and you're like yes yeah this is good yeah i just need to watch that yeah i guess and the person is like you know waggling their cock

in your face is like this is good for me and you're, I'm glad it's good for you. I think the thing is that I wouldn't be able to get to the point that I wish I could remember her name. Yeah, I'll ask. Here we are. Here they make out. The character from, have you seen Killing Eve? No. Me neither, but I know she's in it.

It's Villeneuve from Killing Eve. It's so unimportant. Her name is important we've spent the whole episode talking about her we're like she her I'm gonna find out

it was inevitable it was inevitable but like we don't even know the name of the game we're calling it Free Guy 2 come on now come on

the game's less important I feel so yeah it's exactly the same as watching like say an avatar you create making out with someone who's like, this is real. Yeah, exactly.

That's why it's the same situation. Yeah, it's 100% the same situation. Millie or Molotov Girl. Okay. Molotov Girl, you're not going to believe this is her screen name. Whoa. Yeah, I don't know how we've ended up here. No, no, no.

I just think, no, no, no. It makes sense because, like, it, no. It makes sense. Because if you're, it's relevant. It all is relevant. Yeah, it all meshes together. But yeah, from Millie's point of view in this scene, it's just the same as watching any scene in any video game. Yeah, but somebody's getting something out of it. I.e. Free Guy.

Yeah, that's true. He's getting off. Free Guy is the human being having sex with my sex doll. My sex doll is Millie's virtual character. I am real Millie. It'd be actually if you

had a puppet. Like a marionette puppet. And you were marionette puppeting some person anatomically correct marionette puppet. Tiny dick, huge balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Square arsehole.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you had like... Screen name Mr. Chode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going up to someone who also looked maybe a little bit like a marionette puppet and you were making out with each other. And then you actually looked a little bit and you were like, wait a minute.

That puppet has no strings. That's just a human being who looks like a marionette puppet. Yeah, has no strings. That's just a human being who looks like a Mario. Yeah, yeah, that's just a human being. No strings on me or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Ultron. Fucking Ultron. All right.

Or Pinocchio. Or Pinocchio. Real man, real man. Real man, real man. We have stickers and T-shirts now. They're available at sandspantsradio.com. May I suggest the get shot by a real astronaut in hot pink? have stickers and t-shirts now they're available at sanspantsradio.com slash shop may i suggest the get shot by a real astronaut in hot pink it goes with literally every outfit once again

that's sanspantsradio.com slash shop so yeah so it'd be like you're you're watching uh in effect a human being that looks kind of like a puppet Have sex with my anatomically correct marionette puppet. To be honest, I think the weirdest, the weirder parts, if you're Millie slash Molotov Girl, I'm using her name heaps, because now I remember it. And by remember it, I mean I read it and it didn't hit. You know, like when you read something, you're like, oh, that's it. I didn't get that satisfaction at all.

Now, what was the other guy's name? The guy from, I think, Stranger Things with the good hair? What's his name? Oh, the other developer's. Yeah. What are the other guy's name? The guy from, I think, Stranger Things with the good hair? What's his name? Oh, the other developer's name. Yeah. What are the other main, yeah. The third main character. Yeah.

What's not important? Oh, his name's Keys. What? What? That's not a name. That's a thing you have in your pocket. And it's spelled like the same way. That's weird.

It's special. Anyway. Yeah. I think that what's weirder, so like Millie, so Molotov Girls, like the same way that's weird it's not special anyway yeah I think that what's weirder so like Millie so Molotov girls

like the avatar making out with Guy yeah that's like that doesn't register for me like as a player the fucked up stuff is going on a date

like that leads to that like eating ice cream like well yeah it's like dating sims what are you talking about yeah but like not in the middle

I guess it's just like I just think I think that's like you're playing you're playing, you're playing MMO, and MMO's a bit like, right, we need to reinvigorate, because we're losing a lot of player, like... We're adding a dating element. So we're dating, yeah, so we're adding a dating element, we're adding like, oh, you can collect Pokemons. It's just basically like, World of Warcraft 13 years on, being like, what's currently going good? We'll add that. Okay, can we just

chuck in all this shit here? Does Free Guy ever become real? No. I said that at the start. I didn't listen. What happens to their relationship, Millie and Free Guys? So the game gets shut down, but then it turns out. They use the code to make a watching game.

So remember that guy, Keys, we were just talking about? I remember Keys. That hadn't come up in this episode at all. It's because Keys and Millie in real life made an indie game that had built a game engine that allowed for AI, like pretty much allowed for Guy to become real. A lot of AIs were learning, and so they were building their own almost neural pathways and experiences

so that they would then evolve and grow as people.ika watiti whose name i think is antoine yeah if i remember that that's fucked up uh bought the game and then like bought the indie game what was in development before it could get released and then said i didn't use any of the code i actually just used like look to the game was like oh it's not advisable because no one wants to play a video game just about relationships no one wants to it's video game just about relationships. It's not even about playing a video game. It's one of them looking video games. You just watch them. It's an observation video game.

So Free Guy isn't magic? No. I always thought he was magic. And so the game that ends up happening is all these folks just populating this world and you can go in there and watch them do the thing. The reason that Millie is in the game is because

as a Molotov girl she's looking for glitches and code in game that reveal that her game was stolen by Antoine yeah

and then they find it and then Free Guy goes to live there yeah so they make like a they make basically a Truman show yeah

where all the AI we can just watch them do things and live out their best lives. I really like that this episode's just largely been you two explaining Free Guy to me. Now I know. You know? Now I know. Well, I think it would be probably a living hell to be

Free Guy, if I'm honest with you. Sounds horrible. Well, because Guy in particular, because he, sure, becoming sentient, that's unreal. That's tight. I i mean it's good to have a day that sucks and then be able to change that yeah but then to find out you're not real yeah but then there's no relief like it's not like free guy becomes real life freak but he's in a situation in a world that's sort of designed for him where there's no

he doesn't have to worry about being killed every day. That's true. Being in utopia, it's kind of basically going to like, uh, utopian heaven. Because now I can be like, see, I can kind of be... Can you make requests? Yeah, so I think they end up having a dinosaur at some point being like... That's a lame request. Everything in this is a lame request.

Yeah, I'm just saying dinosaurs... No, hang on, why is a dinosaur a lame request? It's fine, but it's like a basic... It's like your first request. Here's a list of other things that pop up in this movie that Guy brings into it. Captain America's shield. Lame.

A lightsaber. Lame. A very muscly version of himself called the Dude. Does he fuck it? No. Lame. It's meant to be his enemy. Taika Waititi makes a huge buff version of Guy to kill Guy.

Yeah, okay. But then they become friends, but it's also played by Ryan Reynolds, and he's a doofus. And everyone's like, ha, ha, ha, ha. But this is my response. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was my, in fact, my response to the entire movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did, look, to its credit, I did actually quite like the ending. The one thing they did, the one thing I was like, initially I was like, hey, why the fuck are they doing this?

Because the whole point of Guy was he was a very passive person or he was very much like a nonviolent person and he was problem solving all through nonviolent ways and then he gets into this situation where he's fighting Buff Man himself and he's doing violent things. He's doing the shield, he's doing the lightsaber, all this kind of stuff, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, this is really annoying that they still had to top it with, oh, we had to do a battle.

But then he's like, oh, wait. I know a way to do this nonviolently. And gives his buff version the sunglasses. Oh, I see. And I was like, all right. That was good. That tied it together. You did it nonviolently.

All right. Well done. Half a star for just that. Props to your free guy. Enjoy that half a star. Everything else, absolute garbage. And Guy is also, all of the code and the things he likes was based on Millie because Keys was in love with Millie while they were making the game.

He held a torch for her for a bit. That's upsetting. This has become disturbing. I don't like this anymore. It's like a Black Mirror episode all of a sudden, but then they get to get it again, so it's completely fine. So Free Guy is like Keys, but a digital man. That's fucked up.

Yeah. Yeah. And they're friends. So while this is happening, so while Millie is in Free Guy world, smooching Free Guy, her and Keys are still friends in real life. That's weird. And she's being like, like oh i have a crush on this video game character i'm so fucked up and keys is like i love you but i can't say anything

that video game character was based on me so of course he's gonna like you when he sees you because it's mean i like you this is bad it's bad this is like i've made a sex doll of me and then somebody who's crushing on me has made a sex doll of them and then i'm making those sex dolls fuck yeah it's sort of like gifting it's like you work at a sex shop uh-huh yes and you're like hey friend someone you're friends with yeah that you have a crush on you're like i'll hook you up with i've got the I know what the best dildo is. Yeah, I know the primo dildo. And that dildo is actually a mold of your dick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's wholly unpleasant. I hate Free Guy even more now. That feels like a crime. Well, yeah, well, that's what happened in the game, eh? Now imagine you discover you're that guy's dildo of his penis. That's your life.

That's horrible. I'd be so mad. But then you still got feelings for Millie because they're programmed into your body. Yeah, but they're not really because they're not even real. They've just been programmed by this sad piece of shit. It's not the feelings that were programmed into Guy. It's like...

But he's designed to be an ideal mate for Millie, yeah? So Guy is kind of a... It's like Every It's like But he's designed to be like An ideal mate for Millie Yeah So Guy Is pro Kind of It's a mix between Programmed to be the ideal

Date for Millie So like he likes All the same shit she does So like Bubblegum ice cream Is his favourite ice cream Yeah And all like the little

Like tiny things To know about someone Yeah all those tiny things That a creep would know About their crush Yeah cool Yeah Too scared to be like Hey hey, I like you.

Do you want to do? No, no, no. Oh, no, I'm some pervert's dream. Yeah. So, like, he likes anything that, like, so, like, those little things Millie likes that Millie would be surprised to find out she has in common with someone. Yeah. Guy also likes. But then also Guy has a programming to be like,

I'm looking for the girl of my dreams. And then when he sees Millie, he's like, there she is. That's because that is literally the girl of my dreams. Also, that is actually the inciting incident, I should probably say. So he breaks path when he sees her because he tries to follow her,

but that's not what the NPC is meant to do. So Free Guy, in many ways, it's like Plato's cave, right? Yeah. Because he sees the shadows on the wall when he's in his NPC life. But then, although Mr. Free Guy, he's seen that the shadows on the wall are actually made by puppets. He's not in this reality. He's in a different reality. But then it happens to him again because even when he thinks he's sentient, he's not. He's not in this reality, he's in a different reality, but then it happens to him again, because even when he

thinks he's sentient, he's not. He's just, sure, he can learn and he can kind of grow, which he does do, but his whole reality is based on a pervert. His reality is still not his reality. So I guess, really, the question would be, what if you found out that your pure

existence, everything, your makeup is based on a pervert? To become a, yeah what if you found out that your pure existence like everything that like you know your makeup is based on a bit to become a yeah if you were a dildo made from the cast of someone else's dick his crush yeah fuck his crush yeah i think i would try to remove myself scorched earth from the video yeah we find out that there is, like, another reality behind us where everyone's penis looks like just, like, men. Hell yes! So,

that revelation is going to overshadow the revelation that I am one of those penises. Whoa, yeah, so, it means it's like, you're a real gross alien. Oh, he's taking off his penis.

Oh, that's my, ah! I'm on his crotch. What's happening? His penis has a penis. That's my penis, but that's... What do pussies look like in this world? An outline of me. Like a grave.

Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, you've got human hogs and then you've got grave pusses and buttholes. That's sick. Or maybe it's just another person and they fuck in between you. Oh, yeah.

Unless it's fractals. Well, I guess it would just be kind of like a world where you... A video game where everyone is a dick or a pussy or an asshole and then one day you as a dick

see a pussy that makes you lose your mind yeah you put that on a pedestal you put that on a pedestal oh yeah oh yeah and then

then you find out in real there's a guy whose penis is you. But he made you. To fit that pussy. To fit that pussy. Yeah. Yeah. It's wholly unsanitary.

It's unsavory. I don't like it. Yeah, so basically it's finding out that you basically are your creator's genitals. I would be running at walls and stuff to try and find a glitch to glitch myself out of reality and just fall into the blue void underneath the level. It would suck to make a video game where a glitch is that the characters can get out into real life. Because your options are really like, okay, so you've created me in this weird, like, to live out your pervert dream or some shit.

I don't know what the hell you were thinking, like, friendo. But I got two options. One, it's either I need to, like, live in the current world that I am living in, which is this GTA Fortnite thing, and I have some powers and I'm giving my friends powers and basically it's like GTA or Fortnite but as played by the NPCs. Or you turn off the servers

and you kill us all. Or you make that game that we're not living in constant fear of being attacked and being violent. Oh yeah, I guess it is like GTA meets Second Life. Oh, okay. I never got Second Life. Yeah, me neither. It's kind of like Sims almost in a weird way.

Yeah. So it's basically their end is like, okay, yeah, can you put us on Sim Island? You don't get to control it, but you get to watch us. But then you can still be players in there, can't you? Maybe you can visit Sim Island? That's weird. So again, then it just becomes the same game because you're just like- But there's no power-ups, so you can't get a gun and shoot.

Put me on 30 floppy disks. Throw me in the sea. 30 floppy disks. That is not much money. I can't wait for Free Guy 2 to inevitably be a guy that gets put on a USB or something. He'll go to different games

because portals are in. It'll be called USB Guy. Yeah, yeah. It's Free Guy 2. USB Guy. Yeah. I guess you could request, because it's similar to

the Matrix where it's like, well, I'm a program so program me some cool shit. And make me forget. Yeah, it's like the Matrix if you are in charge of what's happening within the Matrix. Yeah, everyone knows that you're in the Matrix. So I guess it's the end of Matrix 3, what they promised.

Yeah. Look, it'd be livable, but there's some core part of my being that is going to be forever cursed yeah by the knowledge of why i was created yeah well i mean to smooch a girl online yeah yeah but when you kind of step back even further it's like well you're the creation of your like mom and dad getting a bit horny smooching and then there we are but they didn't make me to eventually kiss a girl they liked. My parents made me to save a marriage. And it worked for a bit.

My parents made me accidentally in the back of a van, I'm pretty sure. I held a marriage together for nine, eight, eight or nine years. That's pretty good. That's pretty good for like from a baby. Yeah, you didn't even know you were doing it. I That's pretty good. That's pretty good for like from a baby. Yeah. You didn't even know

you were doing it. I achieve greatness pretty quickly. That's how I am. After that knowledge is what, well, actually,

I didn't even find out that out ages ago. So I guess, imagine if I found that out earlier in life, I'd be the worst. Oh no. Happy 21st birthday, son.

You kept the marriage together for the first nine years of your life. I'm gone. Incredible. Well, speaking, because you've 21st birthday, son. You kept the marriage together for the first nine years of your life. I'm gone. Incredible. Well, speaking of, because you've got one of two options. Because we find out that we are created by whoever it is. And so we could look at it in terms of our real world.

Like, oh, we were created by our parents and that kind of stuff and whatever. But you take it one step further and be like, oh, well, I'm created by this all-seeing, all-powerful being. Oh, yeah. So what if we found out that we get to meet God? Because that's kind of what happens to Free Guy. He meets his God. It's tricky, though, because if we get Free Guy, I think we're actually getting close to answering the question now.

If we get Free Guy, it's different because we have an experience of what real life is like if we are then in AI but then if you find out you're a programmer even though the program is really close to what we

almost by the end pretty much the same as what real life is now but we don't know that so I guess we would be

as free guys still being like yeah but what else is out there not knowing that what else is out there is the same so the premise here currently we are as the lives that we premise here is currently we are,

as the lives that we live, that is what we know. Tomorrow, some cunt opens the door in reality and is like, I created you to make out with my crush, but she hates me. I'm sorry. We're like, what? That's fucked up, dude. And he's like, yeah, I created this whole thing. Did you make all three of us for that purpose?

Yes. Yes. You're all part of my one personality. I've got dumb fuck, dumber fuck, and dumbest fuck. Which one's which? You don't want to know. Depends on the situation. You're all incompetent in different ways.

Have we met the girl yet? No, because you're also fucking stupid. That's on you, really. She was on a bus one day and you were meant to get on the bus, but then you were too busy arguing or whatever, and you missed the bus. Yeah. Oh. I remember that day fondly.

I remember that argument. Excuse me, God, I'm married. Is this going to be a problem? Yeah, well, you fucked that one up, too. Yeah, that's annoying. That is annoying. Yeah. Well, I thought, like, you know, out of three, someone will sort something out,

but no, apparently not. Well, we see it in, you know, out of three, someone will sort something out. But no, apparently not. What was the end goal? What do you mean? What was it? Did you want us to make out with your crush? Is she here? No. She's gone.

She's dating someone else now because you were too slow. Oh. Wait, is she in this? Is this a game? Have you come here to yell at us? Yeah. Tell you you fucked up. Big time.

Yeah. Yeah Yeah Tell you you fucked up Yeah Big time Yeah She was playing the game Got bored Because you fuckers Clearly didn't interact with her And now she never talks to me Does anyone play this game? No No

It's a bad game It's boring Oh Okay So then what would we do With that situation? Now that we know That's our creation

I would be a little bit scared Knowing that it was just Someone in life Well I guess If she's not playing the game anymore, then who cares? Yeah. No one's playing it. It's just a game that's running itself. Then it's fine, because I was going to say, I would be scared to know if there was a character.

There's a player character out there. That I was destined to fall in love with if I saw. Well, no, all three of us are apparently. You're a fucking idiot. That's bad. That's one day we're at a party and we all see a girl and we're like, fuck. And then I'm like, huh? She picked up the game again.

Damn it. This is easy for me. I'm not in a relationship. Suck shit, long-term relationship idiots and married man. I guess I got to go and divorce my wife. Yeah. Babe, I got some bad news. I was programmed by a pervert.

Also huge news, you're also a video game. Sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I'm not afraid news I was programmed by a pervert also huge news you're also a video game sorry I didn't tell you earlier I'm so afraid I forgot by the time I got home I forgot how my day was

it's also so funny for him to be like okay so your reality is a game and we're like what's your reality like and he's like pretty similar

yeah and you're like oh well I'm not because it'd surely be much different it's like well you're actually my dick and I'm like what

yeah no I mean but like because in Free Guy the real world I it'd surely be much different. It's like, well, you're actually my dick. I'm like, what? Yeah, no, I mean, but like, because in Free Guy, the real world, I mean, it's less violent, but it's not like, it's still the same. It's like cities and stuff, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not marginally that different. Yeah, you're like, well, I'm safer, I guess. But that's like even The Matrix.

They're like, we're taking you out of The Matrix. And then it was just New York in 1999 again. Yeah. And he was like, oh. The Matrix is in Sydney, you fuck. Oh, shit. Keanu Reeves is an Aussie bloke. I forgot.

Yeah. Yeah. I guess it would be like, oh, what is your real life like? Much literally the same. Except you can die now. Oh, that sounds bad. If you die, you die. You don't come back.

Oh, I like living here. Hello. Maybe we do come back. Yeah. Well, we don't know. The best way to find out is to die. Yeah. If you die, you die. You don't come back. Oh, I like living here. Hello. Maybe we do come back. Yeah. Well, we don't know. The best way to find out is to die. Yeah, because we're not. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know. I guess it would be like, at that point, you'd be like, well, can you give me some cool shit? Yeah, yeah. Maybe fix some problems. I guess, yeah, if we've got the guy there, maybe we strong arm him into making a utopia for us. Give us a dinosaur or whatever. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, Jackson's's like tie my dick to a hot air balloon give me something cool finally now we're talking I tie it to a remote control airplane

just fly it around the city yeah while I scream and cry why would they stop this yeah yeah then I may be putting a request

just to turn us off and maybe for him to like promise us that he'll never make a video game again yeah just to turn us off and maybe for him to, like, promise us that he'll never make a video game again. Yeah, don't turn us back on, fella. Put me in Doom. Yeah. Put Dutcher in Doom.

Put Dutcher in Doom. Put me on a USB, put me in Doom. Yeah. Put me on the internet like in the movie Ralph Breaks the Internet, please. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jackson Breaks the Internet.

Oh, yeah. Make me, like, a Simone situation with Al Pacino. I don't know the game or the movie, but I think he makes, like, yeah. Jackson breaks the internet. Oh, yeah. Make me like a Simone situation with Al Pacino. I don't know the game or the movie, but I think he makes like an award-winning actress or something. Oh, okay. Yeah. If you can do that to me, that'd be nice. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, we broke out of our programming, but at what cost? Yeah. Yeah. I guess getting free guide is not good. And honestly, free guide, kind of when he gets free guide, he accepts it pretty well. He takes it in his stride, it sounds like. Yeah. I guess getting free guide is not good. And honestly, free guide kind of, when he gets free guide, he accepts it pretty well. He takes it in his stride, it sounds like. Yeah, to be honest. Well, I guess he had a goal, which was based on a pervert's wish.

Oh, yeah. And it's also funny because he also falls in love with this person and then finds out he could never be with them. That's pretty funny. That is pretty funny. Cucked out. Cucked out free guide. Cucked by God. Yeah.

Hot damn. If you're going to. Cucked up for a guy. Cucked by God. Oh, damn. If you're going to be cucked by anyone. Yeah. Could you come back from being cucked by God? Yeah. Well, Joseph did. Oh, yeah. That's true.

That's how Christ happened. Yeah, but did Joseph bounce back from that? No, I think he always had a sort of sad. Did anyone got any stories about Joseph post Jesus's birth? He hung around. Yeah, he was around. He did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like any interesting stories?

Like where he seemed like he had a happy life? No, he didn't do much with his life. They had other kids. Yeah. Did they? Yeah. Jesus has a brother or sister? Sometimes.

Yeah. Yeah, not always. Yeah. It's all to think about. Yeah. Do you reckon Joseph was like, I cocked God back? Well, no, you kind of had your God sloppy seconds. God's like, well, I don't want like a long-term relationship with Mary.

I'm just like, I'm just like, I was the bull for the night. Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise, I don't care. Yeah. I'm going to appear as a bush later. Yeah. And I'll be on fire and angry.

That was first, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. God kind of cools it off to Jesus' point, because Jesus just does all the shit. Yeah, okay. So he's kind of working through him. He's like, now my son can turn into a bush.

I guess it is sort of the free guy and Key's relationship is pretty similar to God and Jesus, because they are technically the same, but also different. And then I guess the Holy Ghost is like the programming. Yeah. Well, he's a father on there. That's interesting. It's a Christian movie for everyone who loves Free Guy. There you go. You love Christian movies.

It's a very cross-like movie. Watching Free Guy is the same as going to church. And then at the very end where he's like fighting himself. It's just like, you know, that temptation by Satan, which is kind of like, here's you at your best, where he's like fighting himself it's just like you know that temptation by Satan which is kind of like here's you at your best

you know like your best version of you and so there's a but then he's like no chasing the girls like leaving the

Garden of Eden it's like the snake the apple yeah yeah yeah he gets knowledge first scene it's a very Christian movie it's not a Christian movie

it's not a Christian thing and then yeah cause then he ends the world now to a cross yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah is he betrayed by anyone he gets betrayed by his friend for a bit but then the friend

comes back still kind of still similar but they get the end like yeah he destroys well in the bible Judas does yeah he doesn't come back but he does back. Still kind of similar. But I think at the end, like, yeah, he destroys. Well, Judas does.

Yeah. He doesn't come back, but he does hang himself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

if this is kind of revelation territory, actually something. Yeah. Because like the, the, the free guy world dies, like it's destroyed kind of like in revelations.

Yeah. And then the new world is a utopia. Yeah. So it's the kingdom of heaven. Yeah. It really is. then the new world is a utopia. Yeah. So it's the kingdom of heaven. Yeah. It really is very much a Catholic film. Christian film? One of the two.

Show it in schools. Yeah, I reckon. I hate this movie. That means that Christ held a lightsaber and a Captain America shield. Christ American. Wow. It's a different type of religious movie now. You'll also be happy to know that Chris Evans has a cameo when The Shield's in it,

and he's watching it, and he's like, hey, that's my shield or whatever. He says, what the shit. I'm actually very unhappy to learn that. Oh, yeah, he says, what the shit, actually. He swears. Un-Captain America-like. And then I said language, and then I high-fived myself, because making references about Marvel movies is cool.

High-fiving yourself is just clapping, bro. Yeah. Or getting a mosquito. Or getting a mosquito. Did this make it better, Jack? The theme for the Avengers is the first couple bars played. No, it actually makes it worse. And it was already pretty bad.

Well, what about this? When he gets the lightsaber and turns it on or whatever, a lot of people cheer as you are watching it because this is what apparently people are doing in this world, are watching it, and you get a lot of talking heads from current Twitch streamers. Is Ninja in there? Yeah.

Yeah, actually Ninja is in there, I'm pretty sure. Pokamane or whatever that is. Yeah, 10 out of 10, film it a year. And also a Twitch streamer, Jackson bailey but he's not watching he's drawing a dick and balls on a cat yeah yeah yeah nice giving a human lip yeah yeah yeah good good good good i'm glad i was in this movie even though i've never seen this movie but i'm glad i was in it that's what i like to hear well yeah so would it be good would we get Free Guy? Or what if the question was? How would you handle it? I don't think I would.

You're trying to get printed out. I don't think I'd handle it at all. This would have been an upsetting... I kind of had this assumption that Free Guy had unpleasant depths. It just seemed like the kind of movie that did. But I could never have guessed that it was about a... Well, I'm assuming you thought that at the end he got out into real life. Yeah, yeah.

Which is different, but yeah, it doesn't happen. He stays video game. Yeah, he stays video game. He learns that he's a pervert's wish that's come to life. And I think he tries to better himself given the situation, and I guess he's doing the best he can. But I think if that was me, I don't know. I think maybe I'd want to turn myself off.

It's kind of like if Geppetto had made Pinocchio to fuck a girl he likes. Yeah. Yeah. Which is, we can all agree, a fucked up situation. Yeah. So how would we handle it? It would be bad. I would want to end my life.

Yeah. Turn it off. Turn it off, free guy. Turn it off, free guy. Could I, keys, surf person, can I injure you? Yeah. And he says, no. I'm like, cool.

Can you unplug me? Yeah, yeah. Unplug Free Guy. Or delete that memory. Yeah, yeah. That's true. With all of that aside, if you do go to a religious school, please raise this episode to your religious education teacher.

Show Free Guys in RE class. Yeah, it is a 100% Christian and or Catholic film. You can study it like you study The Matrix. Or even the Bible. Or even the Bible. The Book of God. The Book of God.

God's good book. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Turn off Free Guy. They're making Free Guy 2, and it's going to be... Are they? Yeah, of course they are. Oh, yeah, big time.

That's the most movie that's ever been made, I reckon. Over the years, our beautiful and talented artist, Nathan Davis, has created stellar artwork far greater than the utter bullshit it's been associated with. And for 10 years, we've been occasionally badgered with comments like, Hey, this artwork is great. I'd love to have this as the background on my phone. Or, man, this looks really cool. It sure would be neat to have that as my desktop. If only it was available somewhere. And come on guys, you have the artwork, it's right there, it shouldn't be this hard.

Well, do I have some good news for you. For at least a dollar, you can download the perfect desktop wallpaper for your computer or that little Google machine you've got there, right from our website, sans sanspantsradio.com slash shop and click the downloads icon we've currently got several wallpaper packs available but do check back often as i'm sure we'll add more maybe in a further 10 years so once again that's sanspantsradio.com slash shop and click that downloads icon.