Plumbing the Death Star - What Would Happen If You Got Reverse Stuart Little'd?

Episode Date: January 2, 2022

Starting off 2022 with a question that's been plaguing our minds ever since we read it. We do not know what they could possible mean and then get our brains broke by Tenet. Anyways, come see us live and have an unpleasant time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Happy Holidays everybody! For those of you who are not in Melbourne, just hit that minute or whatever skip button. This isn't for you! Okay, now that it's just us, I have a quick question. What do you think is the best coffee in Melbourne? I'm a big fan of the auction rooms in North Melbourne, but I've heard some great things about Manchester Press, and I'm 80% sure I've already been there, and it was pretty good. The Glass Den is a bit wanky even for me but I'd experience their iced coffee at least once if you haven't already. People have told me to try this place in Paran but it's a bit of a hike and I don't know if I really want to deal with all that. Okay now that it really is just us we're doing a live show on February the 19th where we're going to answer the question how to curse a small village. A question we have answered before but it

was too heinous for the main feed. So instead, we're making the wise decision of doing it in front of a live audience where we cannot edit the terrible things we say. So don't forget to grab your tickets in the show notes. Start 2022 off disgusted with your favorite bad IQ boys, and let's all hope it's not a super spreader event you're listening to the sans pants network home of comedy culture adventures and ghosts hey everyone and welcome to another episode of plumbing the death star i'm joel i'm jackson and i'm also joel and today we have taken a fans question from the Sanspence Radio Discord and we're here to answer it. And that question

is, what would happen if you got reverse Stuart Little? So we get a lot of questions. We get a lot of suggestions on the Discord. Sometimes we take them. Sometimes we tweak them a little bit. We're like, good idea. Sometimes we just flat out ignore them.

Sometimes they're terrible. Sometimes it looks like the fans have looked at 500 episodes of Plumbing the Death Star and been like, I don't get it. I'm going to ask a question. But sometimes we get these beautiful, magical nuggets where somebody has strung five or six words together in a way nobody could have ever imagined. In many ways, this episode is a spiritual sequel

to What If Hagrid Was Five Years Too Late? Because, what? Okay, I understand what these individual words mean. But what? The person that asked this, I'm not entirely sure what they meant. So let's go through this. I always love when a question makes me go, what? The person that asked this, I'm not entirely sure what they meant. So let's go through this. I always love when a question makes me go, what?

Great question, though, because I'm confused. Reverse Stuart Little. What would happen if you got reverse Stuart Little? Please, kick us off. Obviously, first of all, what the fuck? Explain what a Stuart Little is.

Well, Stuart Little is a rat. He's a little man rat. Who is adopted by House MD and his loving wife. Yeah. Gina Davis? Gina Davis. Yeah. And the younger brother, that guy who's jacked now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's real muscly. They go to the adoption, the orphanage, the adoption agency. And they're like, hello, yeah. He's real muscle-y. They go to the adoption, the orphanage, the adoption agency. And they're like, hello, we're here to get another little boy. We love our son,

but we would love two sons. Yeah. And they ignore all the other children. Would you like this little boy who lost their parents in a terrible accident? A train wreck or some shit.

This little boy who has been here for quite some time and he's just trying to find his forever home. This little boy who, hey, sorry, excuse me, is that a fucking pork and rat excuse me is that a man right we'll take the man right wrap him up i'm ready to go wrap that rat up he's voiced by michael jay for i love him yeah he was in back to the future so yeah and then you have you stew a little gets taken to a home

where their parents are like yeah yeah, this is unreal. We've got a man rat. And the little boy's like, I hate my brother. Yeah. I hate my brother because he's a rat. And the rest of the family is like, it's fucked up.

You own a rat. And then there's a cat that's like, I'm going to- You don't own a rat. They adopted a rat. I'm going to fucking eat you. Yeah. I'm a cat.

And then the cat's like, no, you're right. Then two gangster mice from Mars. No, just regular gangster mice. They come in and they were like, we're your real parents, and also we're in the Italian mafia. And then he lives in a golf course,

realizes that's not the case, drives a little car home. That's Stuart fucking Little. Do you reverse Stuart Little? Straight off the bat, not a rat, your parents love you. And they're alive. Sounds good.

That's my life now. I'm currently reverse Stuart Little. No, if you're reversed You're a little You're a rat Okay Yeah You're not a rat

Your parents love you But you can't talk And I'm nude And you're very Nude You can't drive a car And hairless Okay

Still loved though Which is nice Yeah you're loved But then you get returned to an orphanage Yeah They take you back Here's my son We love him very much

He doesn't talk much We adore this boy Take him away But then your real quotation marks real parents come in Your fake parents come in and say. No, but they were his actual real parents. Oh, yeah.

Your real, real parents who aren't, who are also hairless. But isn't the opposite of adoptive parents real parents? So don't you already have real parents and then fake parents? No, but the rats. The rats. Yeah, but they'd be nude humans. Nude humans would come. Who work for the police?

You work here for the cops. What's the opposite of a golf course? Or a reverse golf course? An arcade? It's a basketball court. Instead of putting things in holes in the ground, you put them in not holes in the sky. A basketball hoop is a hole.

It's more like a cube. Okay, do you ever hit a stick with a ball? That would be the most insane sport. You put the golf club down on the tee and then using the golf ball you're going to knock it into a mound. Congratulations, you win because your golf

club didn't go to a hole. You wouldn't be knocking it, you'd be pulling it. You'd be pulling it. You'd be having to get it to a wall. You'd have to drag a stick with a ball to a mound. And the highest score wins. Does that sport exist? Yeah.

Is that a thing? No, but it's a new sport called flog. So the nude cops take you to the flog mound. And they say, you are obviously not our son. You say, I know. And then instead of going back to your adoptive parents. But then you find out that they are your real parents. And then you don't leave.

You don't leave. You live with them on the flog course. Because you don't have, you can't drive a car. And I guess you never talk to a cat Yeah So that's what would happen Would you have a sister Who likes you

And then I guess A dog And I guess a dog That just barks at you In a loving way And doesn't try and eat you But then also learns to hate you. But then also learns to hate you.

And I guess your real parents or your non-adopted, the people that you were born into, they hate you. Yes. They go from loving you to hating you. Hating you because you left to hang out with the nude police on a blog board. Are they rats? No, no one's rats. No one's rats.

Maybe you're a nude man adopted by rats. If you're a nude man adopted by rats. That is reversed you at little. Yes, well, yeah, that's true. What if Jackson Bailey got adopted by rats? Okay, so we've gone scenario number one. Maybe that's what they meant. Scenario number one.

Okay, in scenario number one, what would happen? It would be bad. It would be crazy. It's kind of nice because now you've got some nude cops that love you, and you're living in a flog course. Are you living in a flog course made for rats? Well, no, you're living in a flog course. But the rats are living in a golf course made for humans.

Yeah, but you're living in a flog mound made for... Sorry, it's actually a mini flog, I think. Well, then it would be maxi flog. Oh, my God. Is it made for nude. Sorry, it's actually a mini-flog, I think. Well, then it would be maxi-flog. Oh, my God. Is it made for nude cops? Yes, I suppose we are saying the opposite of a mafia mouse as a nude policeman. So the flog mound would be designed for a maxi-flog mound.

No, but the trick is that the mafia mice live in, like, a fake castle in a mini-golf course. Yeah. It's like a human mini-golf course. Okay. Which means that it's going to be a rat or, well... Well, no, because they're not the rats yet.

They're just your new... They're not the rats yet. Well, that's not this scenario. One joke. That's true. Fecal, fecal. But it's the opposite of a nude cop, not a mafia mouse. Yes. So then the flog course, sorry, the maxi flog course

would be designed for mice. The opposite of mice being humans. But then your real parents in this scenario, would they also be rats? No, they're just people. I understand because in forward

Stuart Little In Stuart Little Prime In Stuart Little Prime. In Stuart Little that's moving forward, not reverse. Yeah, they're rats that live in a human mini golf course. So it would be nude cops living in a maxi flog course for rats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand Jackson's logic. Thank you.

And I suppose in a pivotal action scene in the movie, you carry a boat through a lake instead of riding the boat through the lake and lose because that also is something that happens in Stuart Little. What about if it happens backwards? Yeah, reverse, so it starts at the end. Like a memento experience. Alright, so scenario one you end up living happily ever after with nude cop parents. Beautiful. Scenario number two... Your previous parents and little sister, I guess, hate you.

They've learned to hate you. They've learned to love you. Well, the parents love you from the start and love you at the end, so I guess they just hate you the whole time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So Memento... So scenario two, you reverse, you Memento Stuart Little.

How does it end? So it ends with him riding his little car back through Central Park to his parents, his adoptive parents' house. That's a pretty hectic opening if the first introduction to Stuart Little is you just get a car driving through and it's a rat. You're like, what is about to happen? Question, I mean, this could be another scenario. Or are we just reversing the whole thing?

So he's driving away from his parents. Are we mementoing it? We're getting little snippets, right? Yeah. Or are we just reversing the whole thing so he's driving away from his parents? Or are we mementoing it? We're getting little snippets, right? Yeah. Or are we tenanting it? We're tenanting it. Oh my god. It's time to tenant. Hang on, I don't know if you're going to hear this in the microphone. I put my fingers together. Here, this is the sound of me tenanting my hands.

Listen. I'm doing it more rapidly. It's tenant. It's backwards and forwards. Baby! Okay, so what does that look like? Okay, so Stuart Little is driving... Okay, so it means the midpoint... No, so the midpoint... Okay, so for argument's sake,

the midpoint will have to be the start of the movie. Okay, yeah. That means the movie starts with him driving away. You need to make it all sync up. Yeah, I'm gonna. Well, what's the midpoint? I'm the tenant expert here, clearly. Yeah, okay, all right.

Sandwiches and whatever. Remember that episode? That was bad. This is dangerous. Plumbing the desk, start opening the tenant box again. It's gonna be dangerous. Because it would be him reversing his car to the orphanage.

Why is the end this... No, no, no. Because with tenant, because it's mirrored. Yeah. If his car to the orphanage? Why is the end this? No, no, no. Because with Tenant, because it's mirrored. Yeah. If you started at the orphanage, if the middle point is the orphanage, it's very easy because then Stuart Little does everything backwards, gets sent back to the orphanage only to be adopted again. Then gets picked up again.

Yeah. I just like the idea of him reversing his car into the orphanage, getting out, and then somehow reverse-o-ing time. And then he's like, I'm the orphanage. Well, he needs to get in a tenant box. He better put that tenant box somewhere. Well, the orphanage could be the tenant box. So, wait.

But hang on, I just want to clarify. In your imagination there, did you imagine him, so rather than driving through Central Park to his home, he drives through Central Park to the orphanage? Is that what you were thinking? That's not tenant. That would be what that is uh what's it that's like a

time loop yeah i'm making a bit of a time loop as well that's not reverse oh no no that's just ending the movie that's um i just like that he orphaned himself

but if you're reversing because he's he's sort of but just hang on just before you think about reversing and i can tell that your brain needs a little time to process whatever the fuck you're about to say. Think about how funny it would be if Stuart Little ended

with him driving to the orphanage and being like, I'm ready to be adopted again. That is pretty good. See? I'm ready. I'm back, baby. Let's go for round two. Yeah, he's just like, what a a wild experience i'm a man rat or

whatever i'm ready to love again yeah so i guess you experience everything like i didn't this do a little thing that's happened so and then he finds these like real parents but they're not but they're pieces of shit yeah and so with that knowledge he reverses himself to go back to the orphanage to get adopted by his real, his adopted parents. Oh, so you mean, okay, so you're tenanting it in a different way, which is that instead of him driving back, you're assuming that he's fucked it with his adopted parents when he ditches them to go live with Rat, mum and dad.

So then he, the golf course has a tenant thing. Yeah, because I was going to say that when you, when you reverse-o oh you're actually you look so scared your own words you're actually going away from his own brain so if you're going backwards forwards when you're going reverse oh you're going backwards forwards I don't know what you mean. Like Stuart Little, when he is, say he's in the car, going backwards through Central Park, he's also kind of going forwards to the next part of his slide. From his perspective, he's going forward,

but from our perspective, he's going backwards. But he's going backwards forward for him. So when you're reversing... Time is not immutable. It's going backwards. But he's going backward forward for him. So when you're reversing. Time is not immutable. It's always happening. So it always had to happen that way. He can't change the past. But he changed.

But yeah. So, you know. Maybe it's just a thing where he has to learn the lesson that his real parents or his mafia, his fur-covered mafia rat parents are pieces of shit, which gives him the knowledge that he should be adopted uh by some by some lovely couple yeah but what about the family he has it's that's like that's that couple he's it's worth noting to anyone listening and i feel like you can hear it in our voices anytime someone kind of like tries to rattle off what they mean our eyes just dilate our pupils just go totally white We're in a trance

I don't know what the fuck we're saying It's so hard for me to think about this There's a thing that like I know what I have to think really hard I end up tapping my nose a lot I'm confident with Tenet I'm not struggling It's just certainly pressed into my nose

Jack has his index finger Just like absolutely Just like basically Jammed into his cheek Like he's chewing it from the outside yeah I've never been more relaxed

so okay hang on so when you're moving okay so Stuart Little he tenants himself he goes through the tenant machine

he's now moving backwards yes in for him he is still going forward like time is still going forward to him

like he's because in the movie Tenet, it's heavily implied that Robert Pattinson is the baby. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Meaning that you still age. So if you live, say for some reason you live a year in backwards time.

Yeah, you still are aging a year. You're still aging a year. No, you de-age a year, don't you? No. I thought you do. No, that was the problem we had with the sandwich thing. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to go back there.

What a whoa, whoa, whoa. No, because you don't age in the backwards time. That's how the Robert Pattinson thing works. Yeah, but he goes forward and backwards and forwards and backwards. Yeah, but because he's going backwards. Because he goes backwards for a year, and then you stay. Say you go backwards for a year, and then you get out. No, because then by your logic, you're de-aging.

But that doesn't make sense, because entropy is the slow degrading of all things. So if you have backward entropy, then you can't be degrading. That's what I mean. So that doesn't make sense at all. So he goes back in time and he un-ages, or de-ages, and then he has to go forward in time and then he ages again, which is why he has to go back in time and then wait a bit. Yeah, he de-ages. You can't have...

But that means every time you go backwards in time, maybe Tanner just doesn't make sense. Because if he's going backwards and forwards, he's un- But every time you That means every time You go backwards Maybe Tanner just Doesn't make sense Because if he's going Backwards and forwards He's unaging every time Yes Yeah he would have to be Which means that He can't be

Robert Pattinson then Well he can What do you mean How's he killed enough time Cause if He would have to have Gone backwards time 20 years

Longer Than he was alive Yeah Can you not do that? Well, no, because then he's de-aged to negative 20. Or is it you...

See? Here's what I think is happening. Christopher Nolan has misunderstood entropy. Or is it a thing where it's like you don't de-age but you don't age?

But then that doesn't... How do you not de-age but not age? What are you saying? You say stasis. Oh, okay. You know? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, what if it means... No, no, no, no, no. Because, like, isn't it because I think the time moves normally in your head, even when you're going back reverso. You've just got to be prepared for it because, like, you've got to breathe backwards air. Which you must consider. That's the funniest part of Tenet, I feel.

You've got gotta wear this. You gotta make sure you got this air mug. You can't breathe in backwards air. Also, backwards bullets hurt you more. Why? I couldn't tell you. Sucking bullets out of your wound that may exist. It has to exist. It always existed, but it doesn't exist.

And now a quick word from our sponsors. I love ghouls and ghosts. I unironically believe in Sasquatch. I spend too much time reading about unsolved crime, and I've got no podcast where I can discuss any of this. Oh, wait, shit, yes, I do. If you head to sanspantsradio.com forward slash plus for as little as five

buckaroonies a month you gain access to jackson bailey spooks america a show where i try to explain an unsolved mystery or a monster setting or a ghost story or whatever to the rest of sanspants radio who do not care or listen once again that's sanspantsradio.com forward slash plus to gain access to jackson bailey spooks america today um what if it means what if you were adopted by two giant rats in a world full of giant rats where you were a little man yeah yeah yeah well i'd be i just want to go back to the tenant thing the stewart little tenant situation because if okay so if he reverses through it yeah i guess we actually i guess sort of did we come anyway so i guess it starts at the orphanage yeah and

then the movie happens and then he goes in a reverser machine because he's made a mistake yeah and he goes back through through it but i guess he's moving backwards yeah so he can't really interact with anything properly no and also when he oh yeah because like if when he reverses he'll still see himself yeah i forgot about that because when you're reversing again you experience if you if you see yourself reversing you realize that oh i had to reverse out there. So he would have already seen himself reversoing. So he knows he's got a reverso at some point unless he hides his face, like in the movie Tenet. Yeah, they put a mask on

and then beat the shit out of each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard to fight a reverso, man. But then, if you're a reverso man and you're fighting a regular man, it's the same shit. They're reversoed to you. But no, apparently if you're reversoed that's stronger. Yeah's the same shit. They're a reverse-o for you. But no, apparently if you're a reverse-o, that's stronger. Yeah, because

of entropy. So I guess if it was a reverse-o, Stuart Little, wouldn't the whole movie be kind of reverse-o'd? Like as in he would start as in the mid... I forgot, yeah, you can't tenet Stuart Little because if Stuart Little saw a second of him moving backwards, he'd be like, something's fucked up.

I gotta eat that because it's another him moving backwards, he'd be like, something's fucked up. I gotta eat that, because it's another rat. So at the end, right, as he zooms off into back to his parents, maybe he accidentally just drives into a reverso box. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then maybe he's gotta like... Crash his car

backwards, like the movie Tenet. Yeah, back in time. Oh wait, the car doesn't crash well he avoids crashing cars yeah well then now he's like look i'm in a sweet convertible car i'll just like reverso back to the start of the film yes um and then why do cars drive backwards in tenant because cars drive forward and forward yeah but they can reverse it it doesn't make any sense just drive the car forward yeah why don't you put it in reverse? No, because... Hang on, if you're going to reverse a car

and you put the reverse car in reverse, do you go forward? But yeah, that doesn't... Or would you put it in reverse to go forward? Thing? I understand why bullets would shoot out of walls back into guns. Sure.

That's fine. Because you're shooting them in the forward and then you're shooting them in the backwards. Sure. Cars? Except no, because surely you'd have to release the trigger yeah well yeah no they do you suck it but i mean the person shooting forward is probably also not shooting backwards because they're like being like oh you're reversed i don't know what the fuck's going on yeah because it already happened

yeah yeah but driving a car yeah because you're getting in a car you're changing something yeah yeah so the car should not drive backwards. It should just drive. But they drive backwards and forwards. Yeah, but cars, Jackson, you need to understand, can drive in two directions. Yeah, but in forward, they drive backward. So when you get in backward, obviously they need to drive forward. No, but that's only if the car was already...

If the car is stationary... No, because then the car will drive backwards and forwards. No, but that's only if the car was already, if the car is stationary. No, because then the car would drive backwards and forwards. Yeah, that's, no, it shouldn't. That's what I mean. So, but you're saying you run, you run backwards, you're running forwards? No, if you run backwards in forwards, then when you're in backwards, no, when you're in,

when you're in backwards, they need to be running when you're in backwards they need to be running forward you're right, the movie's right that makes sense if he was driving in reverse forwards yes the car would be going forward but he's driving forward and forwards so he needs to be driving reverse and backwards I'm guessing

if it was to be a tenant situation what he would be doing is be going reverse-o-ing to ensure that he gets adopted? Surely, right? Maybe to go back and kill the fake rat parents. Maybe he's going to kill his own parents because they were bad. Real parents. Okay, so yeah.

So if it was Reverso, Stuart Little, by Reverso, reversed time, not reversed events. Back to the future rules. Michael J. Fox. Michael J. Fox. Michael J. Fox. Michael J. Fox. Biff.

The tenant scenario means he would maybe reverse O to the point where he can cap his real parents so that he becomes an orphan and gets adopted. Yeah, because that's

what always happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he needs to do that and he has to do it secretly in another part of the city where Karen Stewart Little or full widow Stewart Little doesn't see.

Yeah. And he can just run them over. And he can just run them over. And he can just run them over. Because he's in a car. He can reverse them over. Yeah, whatever. It doesn't matter. All right.

Now, scenario, I guess, three. Yeah. If it's memento Stuart Little, surely it's the same thing. Just told backwards. Just told backwards in snippets. Yeah. That's a narrative device. Which is the worst way to watch Stuart Little.

Well, no, actually, it's interesting. Yeah. Because you open with Stuart Little driving away and you're like, what's he running away from? Then you meet his rat parents and you're like,

okay, it's a world full of rats. But then the end of that scene is we're not your real parents. You're like, holy shit. Yeah, what the fuck? And then back, it's him driving to rat parents. You're like,

no, Stuart Little, don't go to your rat parents. You're gonna go meet their rat parents that aren't even your real parents. Then human parents and you're like, no way this fucking rat's got human parents. And then getting adopted. Yeah, that's it.

You're like, oh, makes sense. Maybe it is the best way to watch Stuart Little. And then he kills Teddy. That's the memento. And if we reverse in like Back to the Future, where he goes back in time, is it just like a less convoluted tenant? Yeah, he goes back in time, and then he's got to kill his own parents, otherwise the photo of a rat boy with human parents starts fading away.

So he's got to kill his parents after he's conceived. Stuart Little, you've got to go back! You've got to go back, Stuart! You've got to go back, Stuart, and you've got to cap your own parents! The DeLorean just runs over Stuart Little. Stuart! Oh my god! He is a rat, that's fair. Stuart! Stuart, you're gonna kill your own parents.

He's gonna go forward and backward in time again. No! No! Stuart Little, I'm sorry, I ran you over in five minutes. I'm sorry, Stuart. Stuart Little, you can go back in time, because if you don't exist, we're rats. How much impact can a rat have on human existence? You know what I'm saying? In the future, let's see if your kids are this.

He's just a rat. What's happened to douche's Doc Brown? He's unwell. Do it a little. Do it a fucking little. You're going gonna kill your parents. No rats should be raised by a rat.

Will me doing that fix your fucked up voice? I mean, my guts, they're full of rats. So, because again, because if you went, if Doc Brown grabbed Stuart Little into the future, he's like, ah, your kids

do important. Why does Doc Brown care so much? Oh, I don't know. Doc Brown's a freak. But maybe he's like, Stuart, we're going to go in the future because you're a rat living in a human world that fucks up the future or something. It creates, Stuart, your existence creates a rat utopia and it makes me sick to my guts. Why would I help you?

Get in my car. you're a rat! He just picks him up. And then maybe he just throws him against a wall. Problem solved! Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun! Great Scott wins again. Great Scott, there's that fucking rat! He opens the door and just

squishes him with his big foot. Fuck it all! I gotta go tell Marty about this. Marty, I just killed a fucking rat! I saved the future, Marty! I killed that fucking rat! Jesus Christ, Doc. Are you okay?

Yeah! I never felt better! I fucking killed that rat's dad. I fucking did it. I think traveling through time so much has fucked up your brain. Marty! Marty, I've done it! I'm the greatest scientist that's ever lived.

I fucking killed that cut rat. I fucking killed that rat. Look! Just holding up a full-on rat, not even in clothes. Just like a dead rat wearing a jumper. Did you put this jumper on this little rat? It's Stuart Little! He's fucking dead.

Change the past, protect the future, Marty! Yeah. That's a pretty fucked up scenario. Okay, the next scenario is that we're just little tiny boys, and we get adopted by huge rats. And we're living in the huge rat world. I think that we'll be fucked up. Wait, are we living in a huge rat world?

This is the future that Doc Brown tried to protect us against. So here we are. So if Doc Brown failed and we are at an orphanage and get adopted by giant rats. I can't speak rat. Stuart Little could speak human. Yeah, I think what will be fucked up. Well, he can speak human. Surely we can speak rat. We've learned rat. So you rat. Stuart Little could speak human. Yeah, I think what would be fucked up- Well, he can speak human. Surely we can speak rat.

We've learned rats. See, it reversed Stuart Little, though. Yeah, yeah. So where they're going like- And then the rats are like- But what they're saying is, holy shit, that's a guy that can speak giant rat. Yeah, and fucking podcast select.

It's crazy that they picked the little humans. There are other rat babies out there they could have picked. It's actually fucked up. Do we live longer? Yeah, than our adoptive rat parents. But we're smaller. Or are they giant and wear normals? In my new world, we do outlive our parents.

Yeah, that's true. But this, we would outlive our parents by a lot. What I think would be fucked up is all the feral humans that lived in the walls and shit. They'd be mad that I'm wearing pants and stuff. We evolved beyond that, Jackson. No, they would be wearing pants. We'd be nude. Oh, shit.

Where are your pants, Jackson? Jackson, put that horrible dick and nuts away. But my rat dad doesn't have one. His dick's inside him. But his balls are. Rats have huge balls. They're the biggest. Yeah, well... Would they wear pants? Giant rats? No.

Well, Stuart Little does. He wears clothes. But I assume that was like a... He's adapting to human life. Yeah, exactly. We'll be adapting to rat life. Big rats Why aren't my balls as big as my dad's? That's what I'd be thinking Would they stand on their two legs I imagine they look like giant naked Stuart Littles

And they just roam around And the balls just hang out the back of the thighs And just wobble back and forth Maybe they get tape or something Yeah to tape it up No rats don't care Then surely they'll be on all fours then. Well, maybe they are.

Maybe it's easier that way. Is Stuart a little nudid? Is he nudid? Um... The movie, shockingly, I don't think explores that. Well, he's wearing jeans. And I don't think... If you're a rat with giant rat balls, you can't put them in jeans.

Maybe he's just got small rat balls. Maybe he's a freak among rats. Yeah, maybe he's got micro balls. Maybe that's why their rat parents are like, oh, look at his tiny little balls. Oh, no. Oh, that's sad. Bored by your own parents having a bad dick and nuts.

His dick's fine. His balls are little. Terrible balls. Hey, fine dick, son. Whoa, my God, what happened to your nuts? Yeah, he's the runt of the litter. All his other, like, you know, rat brothers. Massive, massive nuts.

Massive pendulum bulging in the jeans. Well, I think we could adapt. You live like a rat sometimes. You've lived in a garage. It's pretty easy to live like a rat. You just eat off the floor. You get tricked by a rat like a

mousetrap? I would. Who's putting those out? Well, they want to catch the other humans in the house. It would be a mousetrap. house. Should it be a mouse trap? So why would it be a human trap? Would that just be like a little computer? Do you not like cheese? Guillotine.

Guillotine. They're like, we just hope they put that out there. Guillotine with a porno on the ground too. To see the porno, you've got to put your head in the guillotine. It's a guillotine and you're just like, I hate living in this rat utopia. Do you hate living in this rat utopia? Come guillotine. Looking at a porno, you've got to put your head in the guillotine. It's a guillotine and you're just like, I hate living in this rat utopia. Do you hate living in this rat utopia? Come guillotine. Go out looking at a porno. Guillotine yourself.

Well, is it a rat world? I'm imagining it's like a big Stuart Little but they're in a human world. They've got houses. But is it like a rat world where it's just like big mounds of garbage and holes and big walls we can crawl in. The humans rat king in this?

What does that look like? Or do the big rats rat king? Is that their president? Do I have to suckle on a rat titties? Yeah. Okay. Just you though. That's not so bad

Do I get a rat girlfriend? If you want You gotta seduce a rat I guess But they're big Yeah that's alright I'll figure it out Giant rat lady Or is it like a thing

Like did Stuart Little's parents still Like you know they said they loved him or whatever But were they still like gross oh wait hang on you know like a dirty rat boy stewart's little's fake parents that were gangsters they still looked like stewart little so i guess rats in this world are just they're just like rat people they're rat men yeah so it would be like a like if we lived in a desert we're not living in holes no which is not i'm glad about um but his rat parents Fake rat parents Do live in a golf course And that's pretty rat

In a castle of the golf course Yeah but that's still Pretty rat behavior Yeah they don't have property They don't own like Real property Well rats can't own property It was cool to say

Rat behavior Because it reminded me Of high school Being like Why are you being Such a rat for That is good That's rat behavior

What about just if Like just Stuart Little The guy was reversed So like inside out No I don't think he gets adopted He's got his head out his arsehole What kind of reverse So yeah we're talking like

He's just like been peeled and he's inside out Or is he just like he's decided to walk on his hands And talk out his arse Yeah he's talking out his arse and he's shitting out his mouth Yeah he doesn't get adopted The orphanage drop a brick on him Yeah He's shitting out his mouth. Yeah, he doesn't get adopted. The orphanage drop a brick on him? Yeah. He's like, oh, hey, Stuart Little, eat this rat poison as they're poking into his ass.

It's like, what the fuck? Just like a rat sucking up a pallet of rat poison with its anus. I really wish we'd never reversed Stuart Little, huh? It's made us imagine the worst thing a person can. Yeah, that's pretty intense. Forcing a rat to shelve rat poison, inserting it into its ears and seeing the anus dilate, and then suck it back in.

Wow. That's terrible. What if Stuart Little runs the orphanage And that's the flip Maybe that's what they meant I think it's pretty much the same He's a nice guy I don't like a rat owning that many people

Because if a rat If a rat is owning all these people What is a rat doing Everyone gets adopted by rats Everyone might get adopted for rat. I got adopted for rat. Damn. What does a rat want with a human child?

I just don't think good things. To eat it, I'm going to assume. It's now turned into a kind of like a Sweeney Todd scenario. But instead of delicious pies, they're just eating like a human baby. What about if they meant... Wait, can Stuart Little even do paperwork? No.

I think he probably holds a pencil at some point in the movie. He's huge and he's got to do... I guess, look, I think the orphanage should be backed up because, again, a lot of paperwork needs to get done. Or he's just like, whatever, and he's just giving out kids willy nilly what is Stuart Little using the money for that's what I like to think about

wait do orphanages just take money surely you pay for the kid that just seems morally wrong you buy a child from an orphanage don't you or do you just get one if you're good enough I mean you've got to fill out some forms I don't know how orphanages work, I'm learning.

Fame, dude. Because if you go in there with some money to buy a kid, that just feels like some red flags and some alarm bells going. No, because I don't think you'd have to pay administration fees. Yeah, because how else does the orphanage run? That's administration fees. It's just admin. He's not getting money.

He's not a for-profit orphanage. No, no. Because that seems wrong. He might get money from the government, but maybe the problem with the Stuart Little orphanage is that all of the adoption papers would be tiny. Maybe he just doesn't use a human-sized pencil. He uses a little wrap pencil to sign all the documents and stuff. Then you've got little tiny

piece of paper. So again, lots of stuff getting lost. I guess a lot of kids are falling down through the system. people not people are missing what what if um so so by reverse stewart little they mean exactly the same but stewart little is the size of a human being and all of the humans are the size of rats so like like a clifford the big red dog scenario but it's a clifford the big Red Little Brother who is a rat. Yeah. Okay.

Well, I guess in that scenario, we might assume that he's some kind of kaiju and we can hunt him down. Yeah. In that scenario, he eats Stuart Little for his delicious rat meat. Yeah, of course. Because that's Stuart Little who is a giant Clifford the Big Red Dog but a rat wearing a jumper.

Yeah. He's big and could definitely feed at least a family of like eight. And I guess rats have terrible rat instincts. So I think the most likely scenario there is they bring Stuart Little back in the backyard and then he's like, and eats the family. Yeah. And they're like, well, we should have adopted a kid, I guess.

Actually, most people would be Upset by this But I think this is We just understand This is our Well earned comeuppance I'm actually learning A lesson as we speak

Yeah Did he do it? Yeah who put the jumper On this giant rat? Some things we just Will never know Yeah well once again I guess

The three Plubbing boys Are very happy to Just I guess show off how ignorant and how a lot of the world works. So I guess what if Stuart Little was reverse owed? Not good. Yeah, I hope this is the answer to the question. Yeah, so I've just quickly found who asked the question. And Captain Coe, I hope you're happy. And on that note, I've been Joel.

I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. And yeah, fuck. This one was fucked, eh? Hey, dickhead. Are you thirsty for more Sandspants? Let us shoot our long, hot ropes of content right into your gaping ear holes head to sanspantsradio.com to check out all 26 of our public podcasts and