Plumbing the Death Star - What Would You Do With the Powers of the Thing aka Are a Hand?

Episode Date: April 2, 2023

To celebrate the success of Netflix’s hit series Wednesday, the boys imagine life as everyone’s favourite handservant Thing T. Thing! The live-action coming-of-age comedy series Wednesday sees everyone’s favourite maiden of the macabre attempt to master her emerging psychic ability, thwart a monstrous killing spree that has terrorised the local town, and solve the supernatural mystery that embroiled her parents 25 years ago - all while navigating her new and very tangled relationships of the strange and diverse student body. Fans and critics both agree that Jenna Ortega shines in the role as the titular Wednesday whose back must surely be hurting from single-handedly carrying this show! Ortega masterfully brings a touch of vulnerability and teenage angst to the stoic and deadpan character and really is a breath of fresh air to what is arguably a stinker of a show one of Netflix’s most popular shows! So what are you waiting for! Wednesday, streaming now exclusive to Netflix.Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspence Network. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. And to celebrate the success of Netflix's series Wednesday, we've decided to ask the important question, like,

what would you do with the powers of the thing, a.k.a. our hands. My favorite part with the Death Stars, I introduce like we've been sponsored when we haven't been sponsored. So yes, in the Addams Family, many Addams Family incarnations They have a character whose name is Thing, and he is a hand.

Cut off at the top of the wrist, so you still have the hook, you still got the bend, you got the wrist involved there. You got the wrist joint. Yeah, but the rest is just hand. Yeah. What is life like for him? Well, he's sentient. Yes.

And gendered. Yes. Weird. I guess he is a hand servant as well. So I guess you're- He's got a job. Doesn't get paid. Is he a job, or is it just kind of-

Is he a job? What do you do? I'm a job. Doesn't get paid. Is he a job? Or is it just kind of- Is he a job? What do you do? I'm a hand. He can't talk, but he can gesture. Yeah. But is being a hand servant a job, or is he more like, you know, well, I'm serving this family? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I was blessed by a witch to be only a hand? Or has he always just been a hand? That's a really good question. I will grant you, Jackson, your greatest wish. You are a hand or is he always just being a hand i will grant you jackson your greatest wish you are a hand now this isn't what i wanted whoa do you know what thing's full name is what thing t thing i have to say i'm like fucking wrong well yeah okay thing, was he ever a person at any point? Or is it kind of like a conjured spell, kind of like a permanent mage hand? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That has somehow grown sentient over the years.

There is like, if you are a hand servant, and you have a very basic level of, I guess, thought process, because you're not doing complex thoughts, maybe, we don't know yet. We haven't delved into it too much. I think he might, but anyway, thought process. Because you're not doing complex thoughts, maybe. We don't know yet. We haven't delved into it too much. I think he might, but anyway, go on. But if you're like, well, I live to serve, and I want to serve the Addams family. So that's nice, because you can, as he does,

fetch the mail, gives a cigar to Gomez, and changes the channel on the TV, those kind of things. Those are pretty complex things to learn. But you could probably teach a chimpanzee to do that. I was going to say a dog. You can teach a dog to fetch your mail. Well, fetch your mail. Can you teach your dog to give you a cigar?

Yeah, it's the same thing. What about turning on the TV? A little more complicated. I think if you gave a remote with big enough buttons you could probably train and train your dog that is true that is true that is true so does thing have the same level of intelligence as a dog i think so you reckon i feel like he's a little more clever than that he can give thumbs up he can he knows what it means you know he can engage in conversation. Can he see? That's what I'm thinking. Well, in the 2019 animated film,

he has a watch on his wrist and the watch has an eye on it. And it's never said like that's his eye, but it's like, is he seeing out of it? Also, he has a foot fetish. He has a foot fetish? That's awesome. Because the implication there is like

he should be attracted to other hands you know like it's a limb thing well in the it's a funny to be thing but you're just a foot in the

in the series like the 60s series or the 90s one of the series yeah thing goes missing and they like somehow tracked

don't know if they tracked down his parents or if they're just like they're aware of his parents which was just a hand like a man hand and a lady hand okay there's also lady fingers who was a different different hand okay so the thing is basically a species yeah yeah yeah of human hands it depends because in the wednesday the recent critically acclaimed and highly regarded, well-watched television series Wednesday. Yeah, watch it right now on Netflix. Watch it right now on Netflix. Use the code plumbing to that stuff.

Find out why critics are referring to Jenna Ortega's turn as Wednesday Addams as groundbreaking. Thing has stitches. Oh, interesting. So I guess in Wednesday, Thing was a guy's hand Or could that just be like accessories Like Harry wears a watch In the animated film Yeah where he wears a watch

That's just like I'm just you know Jazzing up my look And the stitch is on where the wrist ends I believe so Well okay so you're saying Thing's a hand servant Right What if in the realm of Adam's family You can wrist ends i believe so okay well okay so you're saying things are hand servant right yeah what if in the realm of adam's family you can chop off your hand give to a family and you're like you take my hand my hand will be your hand servant i'll just go without for a year or six months

or whatever and i'll get a little bit of money for it you know what i mean yeah you hire out your hand hire out your hands. Kind of like, look, I don't, yeah, it's like, oh yeah, I've got a car, I don't drive it, but you've got a license, why don't you go and deliver it? Yeah, exactly. You can use it, yeah, that's fine. You can earn a little bit on the side, give me a little bit, like you pay for the rego,

some fuel, perfect. Would you do it? Would you give up your hands for six months? No. What? I wouldn't. No, I'd be. I like my hands. Obviously, you've seen what thing in Wednesday looks like as this episode

is brought to you by the success of Wednesday. Okay, that's a full-on like Frankenstein hand. This stitch is all over. So it looks like- It looks like-

What's weird about that thing is that it looks like a cap of skin has been sewn over the top of the wrist. Yeah. I guess it would be unsightly otherwise. So that's just not one person's hand.

That's just grabbing bits of hand and making one hand. Maybe it's like, yeah, like a Frankenstein hand. Yeah. Like maybe that's what's going on with that thing in the critically acclaimed Netflix series. Yeah, in the critically acclaimed Wednesday series. That thing is less of like a species of a thing. Yeah, yeah.

And more just, well, this is basically a spell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is dark magic. You can put together a hand meat and cast a dark ritual. Yeah. You then have a hand servant. So in, I think, most incarnations. I'll just start reading again.

It's a bit more trivia in terms of other kind of things. Okay. Because there is Esmeralda, which is another female hand who is hired after they fire Ladyfingers. So they need money. What did Ladyfingers do? I don't know yet, but I'm just saying they need money. So that's something. Ladyfingers isn't the Addams Family's man-servant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Handmaiden. Sorry, handmaiden. Of course. Yeah, of course. Come on. She was the servant of Cousin Millie. Oh, I see. Cousin Millie. There's a lot of Addams Family cousins. Cousin It, yeah. Handmaiden. Sorry, handmaiden. Of course. Yeah, of course. Come on. She was the servant of Cousin Millie. Oh, I see.

Cousin Millie. There's a lot of Addams Family cousins. Cousin It obviously being the best cousin because he gambles, smokes, and is hair. And also doesn't he talk like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me The whole Addams Family is basically... What if there was a guy who's just here and he's smoking big cigars? He's saying, I love cigars. I love cigars. Also, what about if they just had another uncle that was big, perfect? Oh, yeah.

Uncle Festy. Uncle Fester. Oh, he's like a Festy man. Eats a light bulb. Oh, yeah. And you can hit him with a hammer. Oh, my God. Did fessy man. Yeah. He eats a light bulb. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And you can hit him with an arm. Oh, my God. Did we make the Adams family? It's like that they gave us like Morticia and Gomez.

Yeah. Maybe Wednesday they were like. Yeah, Pugsley is out. Pugsley's out. And they're a fucked up little boy. Yeah. He's not gothic like the rest of them. He's just fucked up little boy. Yeah. He's not gothic. Like the rest of them.

He's just fucked up. He just like, he wants to drive a, like he'll lie down on train tracks and drive a train over his own head. I want the energy. If you made Dennis, the menace stupider, dumb Dennis,

Dennis, the menace, but keeping the level of threat. Yeah. Instead of being a menace to his neighbor, he was a menace to himself. Yeah. You can just wear like a, like a too tight shirt, he was a menace to himself. You can just wear a too tight shirt but be a little bit pudgy.

And then let's give them a third child named Puberty. I forgot about that. How are you going to forget about Puberty, dude? The best Addams Family character there is is the little baby Puberty. Who has a mustache. Yeah.

Okay, so I think the little baby pubert who has a mustache. Yeah. So, okay. Okay, so I think in the critically acclaimed Netflix series Wednesday, so Thing has, he's got Frankenstein monster-like scars. I don't know if he has those originally, but because, like,

look, as much as it is critically acclaimed, I have yet to watch this incredible, amazing, and brilliant television series. Because Morticia and Gomez sent The Thing to spy this incredible, amazing, and brilliant television series. Because Morticia and Gomez sent the thing to spy on Wednesday, and then he gets stabbed. But Uncle Fester

saves him. Maybe we should, look, the critics are all over this, maybe for a reason. Yeah, it's good. Maybe we should watch it. Maybe we should be watching Wednesday. General Taker does a charming dance as Wednesday, which could be an allusion to the Wednesday dance as made famous in the Addams Family.

And the memes hereafter. Can things see? I don't think he can see. I think he has tremor sense. I would argue that he can probably just sense the vibrations kind of like Daredevil

yeah but he oh okay I see what you mean but he was sent to spy on Wednesday it's not very useful he comes back and he's like she was vibrating but if Thing can get a sense of the entire scene I guess everything is through

vibrations right because he's got no ears yeah well I thought maybe it would be dark magic that was allowing him to Well, I guess everything is through vibrations, right? Because he's got no ears. Yeah. Well, I thought maybe it would be dark magic that was allowing him to see and experience the world. I would assume that he kind of experiences the world sort of like where, if you ever watch, say, I think this is in the Ben Affleck Daredevil. Yeah. Where we kind of get Daredevil vision. Well, Thing has a bedroom that clearly he designed in the 90s movies

that's awesome and he's got stuff like so obviously seeing doesn't necessarily like you've got a bedroom doesn't necessarily mean seeing but there's things in the bedroom that if he couldn't see

he wouldn't have you'd be like what would be the function of it like he's got a calendar true but is it is it can

is his perception like is is touch so sensitive that he can kind of feel where the ink is raised? But it shouldn't be that sensitive because he's walking on his hands all the time. Dulling the nerves in his fingers. Yeah, but if he's concentrating. He also has a framed painting of God touching David. I know the creation of Adam, but God touching David? No. I know the creation of Adam but God touching

David is an awesome name for that painting. It's the creation of Adam except it's zoomed in so it's just the hands. That's good. That's awesome. That's Thing's bedroom. That's the creation of Thing. Yeah, the creation of Thing. By God, who's also a Thing.

God's Thing creates Adam's thing yeah but yeah he's got like curtains which he wouldn't need I think he can get a visual sense somehow

yeah through dark magic I would think that it's potentially something like a heightened senses so that it basically

is by and large seeing yeah it's exactly the same as you know we would perceive seeing. It's just that he's doing it through vibrations. Vibrations.

And I guess he'd be more susceptible to those minute changes in the environment. Really? The way things should move, because he goes on all five fingers, right? He scuttles. He scuttles, yeah. But he should kind of have his middle finger raised, never touching the ground. Keep scuttles, yeah. But he should kind of have his middle finger raised, never touching the ground. Keep that as your sensitive finger.

Then you can snuffle out stuff with this one. This is your really sensitive one. And the rest act like legs. Yeah. Yeah, if I was Thing, that's how I'd do it. I'd be doing, say, my ring finger and my pointer as my leg. And I guess my middle finger would be my sensitive one, but kind of like my penis now.

Yeah, that's true. You do look like a little weird man with a big leg-long penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I have my thumb and pinky as kind of like my peripheral. Oh, that's true. Kind of like whiskers. Yeah, okay. That's how I would be moving along.

Can Thing move just on two fingers? I think he can. I think he can. Thing can walk on two fingers if he wanted to. Most of the time he walks like a spider. Yeah, which is awesome. Yeah, it is awesome. It's easier on the wrist. Yeah, it is easier on the wrist, but also

if I am wrist. Yeah, if you are only wrist, is it not an issue anymore? Yeah. Thing loves arm wrestling grandmama. That's good. How strong's Thing? Pretty strong. He can pick stuff How strong is Bing? Pretty strong. He can pick stuff up that is well and truly, I guess, heavier than him. Okay.

All right. Fair enough. I want to go back to Duscha. If you could, because earlier on we suggested that maybe thing is you cut off your hand, you give your hand to the Addams Family. I found this, that has happened before. Okay. Would you do it? In give your hand to the Addams family. I found this, that that has happened before. Okay. Would you do it in real life or in the Addams family?

In the Addams family. Okay. Uncle Fester's lookalike, great, great, great, great, great Uncle Curly's hand is severed by the governor. But the hand lives on. By the government. Well, same thing, I guess. Yeah.

And lives on his pinky, which is then hinted to be Thing's ancestor. That's complicated. Hang on. Does that mean that Pinky, who was just a severed hand, fucked another severed hand, then they gave birth to a regular, just loose hand? Or is it everyone in the Addams family at some point will eventually get their hand cut off? No, I don't think so.

And then that becomes the indentured servant of the rest of your family. I don't think Pinky was a servant for the family. No. That's weird as well, because then that's like a family member, because theoretically Pinky should just be like a cousin. And then he becomes their...

Because if it's that... It's adding more to... It's finding out that one of your relatives had a secret family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In a way. Yeah, kind of. Wait, no, how? Because it's like, well, that person went on to have other kids and whatever,

and they were related to Fester and everyone else. But then his hand went and had like, you know, adventures. Like a second wife kind of thing. If your hand has a wife, is she your wife too? Yeah. Like if you have a wife and your hand gets cut off, and then that goes and finds a wife hand,

is that legally binding? Or is my hand sinning in the eyes of God? I think your hand is... And the government. It would be awesome to see two hands. Fuck. What would that look like? Like this.

Like, you know, you get one hand makes a hole, one hand makes a... Okay, fair enough. That's pretty basic. What about a hand giving birth? Yeah! I loved seeing it. Holding out your hand like you're making a circle. Then a little hand comes through.

What does a hand come up fully formed? Will Thing get old and die? Yeah, because I guess he would get older. He will age. Will he become decrepit? Well, he can die because Uncle Fester saves him after he gets stabbed. Yeah, he I guess he would get older. He will age. Will he become decrepit? Well, he can die because Uncle Fester saves him after he gets stabbed. Yeah, he gets stabbed. That's true.

Because you don't need to save someone who's not going to die. Like a spider just curls up. I guess it also would be working on hydraulics as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because your hand is moved through the tendons in your forearm. Yeah. What is keeping thing alive? It's hot. Ew. move through the tendons in your forearm. What is keeping thing alive? Dark magic.

It's hot. Imagine a little thumping something in your palm. Gross. Well, yeah, is it dark magic or is he just a... It's magic. It's gotta be magic. It would have to be magic. It's gotta be magic that's keeping thing going. Because the Addams Family magic is weird. Because none of them

do magic. But they clearly are magic. Like Wednesday drops a guillotine on Pugsley and he's fine. Yeah. He's just a tough little boy. Uncle Fester eats light bulbs. Yeah. Probably. He's a tough little boy.

He's a tough little boy. Sticks TNT in his arsehole or something. I think Uncle Fester doesn't eat the light bulbs. I think he puts it in his mouth and it lights up. He's full of electricity. He's full of electricity. He's full of electricity, that little tough little boy. Uncle Fester.

Yeah, because bad thing, Uncle Fester's being hit with pans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're tough. The Addams Family are tough. And I think, isn't Aunt something a witch? Yes, she is. So there is some level of magic to the Addams And I think, isn't Aunt something a witch? Yes. So there is some level of magic to the Addams Family.

So I think, well, here's a question. So let's talk about Lurch. Lurch being the other manservant of the Addams Family. Now, Lurch is very clearly Frankenstein's monster. So is Lurch sewn up? Yeah. What? So, is Lurch, like Frankenstein's monster, made of lots of different guys? No, I don't think so. Okay, never mind. I think he's just a big blue guy.

Okay, well maybe he's not Frankenstein's monster, he's just a big blue guy. I thought he was all stitched up, but maybe he's not. I don't think he is. Maybe he's just a big guy. Big guy with a deep voice. In. You rang.

Yeah. You rang. I don't understand why he's sick. You rang. Yeah, look. Here's him and Uncle Fest. Uncle Fest is being a real wise guy, and Lurch is a professional. That's awesome.

Lurch doesn't even have, like, bolts in his neck or anything. He's just a big guy. He's reminiscent of Frankenstein, but he's not Frankenstein. Well, interesting. Well, what would you do if you were Thing?

What would you do with your life, do you reckon? Flip everyone off. That's funny because that's like an acrobatics trick. You've got to flip onto your back. Yeah. Fall over.

Yeah. I guess, because he's loyal to people who are sort of loyal to him. Yeah. I guess he's finding there's like good. Oh, that's good. Sorry. I found a good picture of Lurch. Yeah.

He's a good picture of Lurch. I guess Thing finds joy in like serving people who are nice and kind to him and treat him well. Morticia's always like, thank you, Thing. Thank you, Thing. Good shit, Thing. Great fingers, Thing. Yeah. Fucking Gomez loves Thing. You would. Thing's awesome.

I would love Thing. I think it's kind of like, it's like a weird situation with Thing where, yeah, I know we're saying man-servant, but Thing feels more kind of like a live home live at home butler or something yeah yeah like a slave yeah yeah yeah i don't know it's like is he is it just like has enough sentience to be like oh yeah he's just a guy but he's a hand yeah or is it more like oh it's kind of like on the level of a very intelligent dog yeah chimp that's what i was saying before he's kind of like on the level of a very intelligent dog. Yeah, chimp. That's what I was saying before. He's kind of like if you owned a chimp as a

sort of pet. Surely the Addams Family have had a chimp that smokes cigarettes. Dude, guaranteed. There's got to be an Addams Family chimp. Probably named Cousin Francis. A tiny little bicycle. Oh, it's cousin Francis Come to stay

And he talks And I go Now he talks Oh yeah Yeah he's got an upper class British accent Oh hello Adam's family Thank you for having me

Hello Gomez How is the family going? Morticia Darling as usual Oh my god Put cousin Francis In the Adam's family Okay so

You're Close In The television episode Oh my god Put cause and price To the Addams Family Okay so You're Close In The television episode My son the chimp In Of the Addams Family In 1965

Uncle Fester Mistakenly believes He's turned Pugsley Into a chimp A very funny episode The chimp wandered away From an organ grinder And into Pugsley's window

Oh my god Oh that rules The chimp wandered away from an organ grinder and into Pugsley's window. That rules. Yeah, he's wearing Pugsley's shirt. That's not a chimp. Oh, sorry. Okay, that's a chimp. They've done it twice. They've remade the episode.

It is iconic, I guess. Fair enough. I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. That's good stuff. Oh, that's Pugsley and the chimp having a kiss. Both wearing their matching shirts.

Why are they kissing? Don't kiss a chimpanzee. Nay. Yuck, that's nasty. Yeah, this will cheer you up. It's Gomez doing a headstand for some reason. I have been cheered up by this. Thank you. So would you cut off

your hand to let it be animate and work for the Adams family for like six months? You get paid or whatever? Yeah. Would you do it? Why not? You don't need both hands. Can I reattach it? Yeah, at the end of the six months.

Is this a process that is known to work? Yeah, because things do it. I'm not the first guy. No, no, no. So science is like... It's probably dark magic, but yes. Okay, so dark magic has shown that this is just like a regular thing. Yeah.

We can chop off your hand. Reattach it. Reattach it. Your hand goes and works for a semester or period at a wealthy family's house as a sort of a hand servant. Yep. Then after you get, well, obviously you got the hands used. So the money comes to you. You don't have to do anything.

Get the hand back after six months. Six months? Yeah. Why not? Exactly. I'm saying you wouldn't do it. I like my hand. I use my hand for things.

You could go visit your hands. Yeah? Exactly. Sam was saying you wouldn't do it. I like my hands. I use my hands for things. You could go visit your hands. Yeah. Exactly. Go and stop in for Christmas. If it's over Christmas, I want my hands. Just visiting my hand isn't the same as having my hand. What are you doing with two hands that you need? I'm wrapping presents.

It is hard to wrap a present with one hand. Going shopping for loved ones. Holding loved ones' hands. I got another hand. That's fine. How am I meant to hold a trolley and put in the newest biggest Buzz Lightyear action figure? Fair enough. Okay. Over the Christmas break

you get your hand back. Over the Christmas break I get my hand back. Then that's alright. I would absolutely do that. That's fine. You can take both my hands for six months. Whatever. Send my hands to different buildings. Two incomes, dude. That's called diversification.

All about that grind. Rise and grind. Wake up at 5am and be like, still got no hands. Do you get the sensations of what your hands are feeling? I hope so And are your hands

No! And are your hands as competent as you? Oh, that's a bad news for you Yeah, that's bad They like to be smarter I feel a cup fall out of my hand I'm just sitting here with no hands And then I feel my hands fall on the glass

You're just watching me, I'm like I'm phantom bleeding. I think my hands are fucking, guys. They found each other and they're fucking. Oh my God. They were sitting

at two different sides of the country. I don't know how they found each other. I was feeling the sensation of crawling through dirt every day.

Oh no. This makes sense. My hand just shut the door on itself accidentally. I think my hand's had a divorce. My hand just married another different hand and is now moving to a different country. I don't know if I'm going to be able to get both

hands back. I should never have given my hand independence. When you give your hands back, they hate each other. Refuse to look at each other. I get my hands back, but one of them is clearly not my hand. Yeah, this is the hand you gave us. No, it's not. This is a far worse hand.

No, I don't think so. Well, you can look for your hand, but I think this is it. It's just like the homeowner's their hand that they'd have to quickly cut off to give they've lost yours i look down to the homeowner and they've got my hands those are my hands no they're on my wrists no they're definitely my hands i think you'd be wrong you've got those shit hands these hands yeah you have a horrible hand is this hand actually the hand of a chimpanzee? That's what they've given me.

Shaved chimpanzee. You're going to be all right. Strong. Then I choke him. Because my hands have become so strong. They'll fool you. They also, as part of the, oh, yeah, part of the reattachment thing, you're going to need to apply this every now and then. And they hand you, like, the NADS cream. N now and then. They hand you like the NADS cream.

NADS. Yeah. NADS cream. No avatar depression cream. Yeah. I put it on. I'm so sad after this. That's not real.

They don't want to put this cream on my chubby hands, but it just makes me miss avatar. I want to go to Pandora so bad. I don't know why. It's what every night, you every night I'm trying to sleep I'm just thinking about the fact that I'm not in Pandora. And my hands are getting hairy. Nazz! That's what I was thinking of.

That's the one I've got to put on there. To keep the hair from coming back. And it won't remind you of Pandora. Thank God. He keeps smiling when you look at this shit earth. So, yeah, if you were just a hand with the power of a thing, a.k.a. are a hand, what are you doing with it? I guess it would be trying to find purpose in life.

So, yeah, going and working for a family like the Addams Family, who do seem to treat, you know, seeing with respect. So you'd go full hand servant mode? I think so, if I was a hand. You'd get washed down the drain real quick accidentally It would rain and you'd be outside Being like it's sick to be a hand It sounds fucking baller dude I'm having sewer adventures

Getting eaten by a crocodile Who cares I'm a hand What do you mean who cares you're a hand You can be a dead hand Yeah what If a hand Goes into a crocodile Will it get digested Yes

Before it's shot Yes What the fuck are you saying I'm thinking about that time That a shark ate a hand I guess they killed the shark To get the hand out And also the

The shark ate The whole guy No the shark ate Just the hand What are you saying You know the Sydney Shark home case No not this

What are you saying Does it digest the hand before it shits the hand out? Well, I was wondering. When you eat a chicken drumstick, you're chewing down on that. Then when you shit, do you shit chicken or do you shit a shit? No, no, no, no, no, because it's like a whole hand. Yeah, it's a whole hand. So imagine if you swallowed a drumstick. No, I would be in trouble.

Yeah, if this idiot here just swallowed a drumstick. For, I would be in trouble. If this idiot here just swallowed a drumstick and he didn't choke, just like, guys, I ate a whole chicken drumstick without chewing. We're like, you... The chicken drumstick being like, what do I do?

Don't want to embarrass myself. But that's how animals work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes. So it's all an experiment. Before we jump down his throat for his... It's all an experiment. Before we jump down his throat for his stupid... It's all an experiment. Before...

I agree. So that happens. A crocodile eats your hand. Yes. You get... What's a crocodile doing in the sewer? An alligator then.

So, yes. You've eaten a drumstick. A hole. Yeah. You've swallowed like a fucking duck. No chewing. Yeah.

What happens to that drumstick? Well, that drumstick would get dissolved by my stomach. I would get very unwell because there's a full bone in my belly. Yes.

But I'm a hand that can move around. So could I crawl out the alligator? I'm going to have to pull up. You're going to be damaged. Do you reckon you, as a hand, could navigate the internal organs of an alligator and then pry yourself from an alligator's anus. You seem to be thinking that, one, hands are invincible.

Two, hands don't feel pain, even though we have evidence in this episode. Well, I was imagining when the alligator opens its mouth, he just goes in. I just climb in. Because it's either that or getting fucking crushed by the alligator's mouth. Okay, so you're imagining you've climbed into the alligator's mouth.

Well, then you're not getting swallowed. You're just sitting in there. The alligator also has tongue. Yeah. Say he gets swallowed or he goes, he's like, you know what? To do the best thing. For some reason, he's not like choke out the alligator from the inside. He's like, no, go into.

Also, can't you do that thing with alligators where like if you keep the. You're going to need an arm. Yeah. A hand will not do that thing with alligators where, like, if you keep the- You're going to need an arm. Yeah, yeah. A hand will not do that. I need to- Well, no, have you seen that clip of the crab that's closed the alligator's mouth? Yeah. Yeah, but-

I'm not quick enough. No, no, no, no, no, no. Quick enough or strong enough? Well, also, he's already gone into the mouth. Yeah. Yeah, I can't do it from the inside. So you're in the mouth, and, you know, you could maybe choke him out. Yeah, yeah.

I could grab your uvula and swing on it. You're choosing to crawl into the alligator's esophagus. Through your throat. Well, it was a sort of split-second decision. You're always moving forward like a fucking shark. No time for thinking or going backwards. Well, at some point, you will kill the alligator from the inside, but you'll be stuck in it.

That's pretty horrible. I don't know if a hand could penetrate through an alligator's skin to the inside. I'd really, really not think so. No, I can't get out. That's why I had to do the anus. Yeah, so you kind of got to find the anus. It's a game of find the anus. A hand wouldn't be able to navigate its way through the digestive tract of an alligator.

Agreed. But could it just power forward? No. Because it's the same thing. Well, why not? Why not? What do you mean, why not? Well, because-

The same way that you can't just push out of the top of the alligator with the hand. No, but the guts aren't as strong as the alligator's tough, scaly heart. Yeah, it's his organs, right? So he's going down. Yeah, but what do you think you're going to get when you get to the ass? He's going to squeeze my way out like a shit. Like there's a little hole there. Yeah, but- You're going to get when you get to the arse? I'm going to squeeze my way out. There's a little hole there. You've got to needle it around.

And then I explode out the back. I've killed the alligator. Also now, because it's dead. Gator slayer. Also, because the gator's dead, it would have lost any elasticity, muscle strength. Yeah, but there's still a limit to how big the hole can get

and then you're up against the alligator skin how tight is an alligator's anus I would say far too tight

for a hand to come out of I don't know I think you could fist an alligator if you had to especially from the inside

which would make it easier yeah and it's dead which would make it easier why would it make it easier from the inside because it's meant you easier. And it's dead, which would make it easier. Why would it make it easier from the inside? Because it's meant, you're pushing it, like, you're pushing with.

Stuff's meant to come out. With that. Yeah, but. You're pushing it with, I guess, the flow. That's only with the muscle, though. Like, as in, like, with the sphincter intact and functioning as. Do alligators even have sphincters? Yeah.

Well, because it's the opening of, you know, all the scales that have been opening there. Yeah. You're pushing it with it, as opposed to trying to find it, rip it open. That's honestly the scales that have been opening there you're pushing it with it as opposed to trying to find it, rip it open that's honestly the softest place on the alligator to be honest, I think you're fine don't get me wrong, clever you'll be fine regardless because you can just hang out wherever you are

you can go back I come out the anus we're fucking stupid but then also if you just wait, it will, like, because the alligators get, like, it will... Rot. Rot. So you just wait. Wait, let it rot, make a cape out of alligator hide, head off different...

But if it rots, though... With an alligator tooth as my weapon. It might kill, like, with the acid or that kind of stuff. It's best to get out of the rotting alligator as quickly as possible. So you make a mouth, I would assume. Yeah. Don't go the whole journey out the anus. I mean, I reckon you could. Yeah. It's doable. Mouth, I would assume. Yeah. Don't go the whole journey at the anus. I mean, I reckon you could.

Yeah. It's doable, but it's probably not necessary. Yeah. I still don't think it's going to work. Also, you walk through, because obviously you're tearing through the guts. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, it's just going to fill with fluids and stuff like that as you're just like.

But am I going to drown on my hand? Yeah, but there's stomach acid. Yeah, the acid's a worry. The acid's the worry. Don't get me wrong. Especially acid that I think is designed to burn bones. The acid's the worry, don't get me wrong. Especially the acid that I think is designed to burn bones.

But if you are making holes and stuff. I'll just avoid the Tommy. Yeah. But you're making holes in the gator guts, the acid's draining. If it can,

could you make a hole and then use the acid to burn a hole out? Get out. That might be how I kill the gator. Yeah. Anyway, there's no gators in the alligators. That might be how I kill the gator. Yeah. Anyway, there's no gators in the alligators.

That's a myth. More likely I'm fighting a rat, dude. There's no gators in the alligators. It's a myth. That's a myth. Okay. Thanks, man. Thank you for clarifying.

There's no gators in the alligators. There's no gators in the alligators. It's a myth. It's a myth. So I'm fine, actually. More than likely I'm fighting rats. Yeah. You know what I mean.

Also, rats is an also the thing. Rats seem like would be more dangerous. Yeah, rats would be scarier than an alligator for me. Well, great news then. You could survive rats like a rat king just gnawing on you. Hundreds of rat mouths pulling at your fingers. Tearing the flesh off your hands. I think I'd be fucked. Yeah.

So maybe getting washed down the sewer is not good. Well, you washed me down. I'm just trying to make the best of a bad situation. Don't you. You put me down there. But do it again, too. Can I become a hand gigolo? Oh, awesome idea. As in just jerk everyone off? Or finger them. Yeah, or finger hand gigolo? Oh, awesome idea.

As in just jerk everyone off? Or finger them. Yeah, or finger them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fingering is famously underrated. Yeah. Fingering's awesome. I can also hold things.

I could hold a dildo. Yeah, that's true. Or a flashlight. Would it be good to be jerked off by a disembodied hand? Or I could wear a strap on. Yeah. What? I guess.

wear a strap on? Yeah. What? I guess. Like, if I was to put a strap on and have, like, a dildo coming out of the palm of my hand and just, like, thrust like that. Yeah, I guess that'd be okay. I'm putting my whole body into it. Yeah.

As much body as you have. I think it'd be awesome to be jerked off by a disembodied hand. I'm thinking about it now. Yeah, I think I'd be into it. Well, because they get, like, different angles, right? Yeah, yeah. I just think the experience? Yeah, I think I'd be into it. Well, because they get different angles, right? Yeah, yeah. I just think the experience would be so novel that I'd be into it. Cheering.

Woo! Yeah! Do tricks! Yeah! You can kind of climb around it and body slam it and stuff. Yeah. Oh, yeah, there's plenty of stuff it could do. I just don't know if that would be...

Just like a novel experience. You know? Just like a bit of fun. Yeah, a bit of a laugh. Bit do. I just don't know if that would be... Just like a novel experience. You know? Just like a bit of fun. Yeah, a bit of a laugh. Bit of a goof. Yeah. Yeah. I think that'd be good.

I think I could do that. This is a good way to apply your trait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would it be extra tiring just because you're just a hand? Well, it's like using your entire body. Yeah, I am using everything. But there's not as much of me to get tired. You know what I mean?

Like I don't have a bad back. Yeah, good point. Yeah, you're only going to get hand cramps. Yeah. That's weird to think about. What? That you're only going to be feeling the sensations that a hand can feel. Yeah.

I don't know. Do I have like a pleasure spot? I don't know. What do you mean? Why? What? Hang on. Let's rewind from that. So you have like a pleasure spot? I don't know. What do you mean? Why? What? Hang on. Let's rewind from that.

So you're just a hand. Yeah. So you're just feeling, like imagine your hand now. Yeah. You're only feeling the feelings that your hand can feel. Well, yeah, you lose all your senses except touch. Yeah, I know. But specifically in your hand, I don't know.

It's just weird to think about. Touch something. Just touch anything. No, I can do that now, but that's all I'm experiencing. But it's your whole body. Yeah's that's what's weird about it because right now i experience my hand as a as an extension of my body yeah so experiencing it as the entirety of your hand and be like oh yeah of course but i'm still experiencing it as an entire body as it's my sense of being is not my hand yeah yeah so if that's the only thing right now i can feel what

my hands are feeling but i'm also feeling my legs together So for example, if I was to jerk off Jackson right now I'd be like, my hand Is jerking off Jackson But my consciousness Is in my head, right? Or my brain And I'm like doing this, jerking off my good friend

Who's jerking off his good friend? Or I'm jerking off his locking And that's fine, but you're right If I was the thing, and I was jerking you off as the thing, but my whole consciousness is right there. And so I'm basically like- You're right up against it. Right up against it.

My whole consciousness is wrapped around your throbbing penis. It'd be like grabbing a giant penis with your arms and legs and jumping up and down. Be kind of the vibe. I guess the sensation for a whole body sensation is wild. I don't know about if I buy it's being closer to your consciousness makes it weirder. I wouldn't say weirder.

It'd be different. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess for a hand job, yeah. But like if you're going down on someone. I know. That's what I mean.

Yeah. Well, you're right there as well. It'd kind of be like, yeah, sucking a dick, but I'm using my hand. Yeah. But even if you're going down on someone, that's just your head.

You know? Yeah. It'd be like going down on someone with your whole body. Make your whole body a tongue. Yeah, yeah. Whoa! I want that one, like that old beer commercial.

I am. That's awesome. But I taste everywhere I go. No damn sense, baby. No damn sense. There is all your senses except taste. The dream. Ow, and I'm sensitive?

Oh, yeah. I'm one of the most sensitive parts of the human body. Yeah. And I'm suffering. Yeah. But you can wrap your entire body around a dick. Oh, that's awesome, dude. That's so cool.

Go into an asshole. Yeah, that's scary. Easy now. Yeah, we've got the whole gator thing. I cannot survive a gator's digestive system as a tongue. As a hand, I've got a chance. As a tongue, I'm fucked, man. Well, tongue's not surviving much.

No. Tongue's not surviving crossing a road. Hot tongue, man. I'm done. Just a too warm day. Just put me in like the ocean maybe. Yeah, I could swim around like a fish. What about a tongue in a glass of water?

Oh, that's cool, dude. Weird though. I'm tasting the water. But I'm in the water. Having the powers of the thing would be sick. I'll go hand mode. Yeah. I think it'd be good if I could turn back into a regular guy.

You know, I kind of want to make it at will. Seems like it's cheating. Like if it was like a werewolf situation, like every full moon I was a hand or every full moon I was a guy. Yeah. I could cope, I reckon. What would you prefer? Every full moon to be a guy or a hand? I would prefer to be a guy more often than not.

But once again, that feels like it's cheating. Just checking. Yeah, fair enough. Just like, you know's cheating. Just checking, yeah, fair enough. Just like, if I can stack the deck, I will. If I can stack the deck and just turn to a hand like that, sure, okay, whatever. I can turn back, excellent. But if I can't? Yeah, full moon, chain you up so you don't go eat the chickens.

What if it's like a witch's spell? Yeah. It turns you into a hand. Yeah. And, well, okay, it's like an ultimatum. Yeah. Which is like, I'll give you $10 million. Yeah. Turns you into a hand. Yeah. And, well, okay, it's like an ultimatum. Yeah. Which is like, I'll give you $10 million. Yeah.

But I'm going to do a curse on you. It turns you into just a hand, a disembodied hand, and you've got to complete 10,000 chores, and then you turn back into a guy. Done. Yeah, that sounds great. 10,000 chores? Sweet.

Wait, do I keep track? No. The magic would as well. Oh, thank God. Yeah, that would be scary because I wouldn't know. So I'm like, am I done?

You were done years ago. Fuck. Yeah, it's automatic. Yeah. Oh, yeah. 10,000 jewels. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

I reckon just being a hand would be mad. Yeah, I mean, dude. You can flip someone off with your whole body. That is awesome. Flip someone off.

Finger them with your whole body. Finger them with your whole body. Thumbs up with your whole body. Thumbs up with your whole body. That is awesome. Flip someone off. Finger them with your whole body. Finger them with your whole body. Thumbs up with your whole body. Jack them up with your whole body. Drag them off. To slap someone, there's a bit of a cost. Oh, slapping with your whole body. Punch with your whole body.

So, like, putting your whole body in a big plate of spaghetti. Oh, yeah. Can't eat, but you can lounge. You can lounge. Dropping it to someone's soup. Oh, yeah. What do you reckon but you can lounge. You can lounge. Dropping it to someone's soup. You reckon the best food to lounge in would be? Because I was thinking spaghetti, yeah, but maybe like not quite set jello. Oh, yes.

I reckon pumpkin soup would be sick. I reckon it would be good to fall from a slight height, like off someone's shoulder into their soup. Because then you're also getting them splashed with pumpkin soup. I like the idea of walking across somebody's pancakes and leaving little divots. It's like, yeah. Little dirty fingerprints because you are a filthy man. I'm not clean.

Yeah. And I'm less clean as just a hand. I guess basically being an annoying cat. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're also a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop doing that.

Everyone's going to be like, please don't do this. I'm trying to eat. And then you flip them off. I'm yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop doing that. Everyone's going to be like, please don't do this. I'm trying to eat. And then you flip it off. I'm a cheeky little head. You can't still communicate anything it does with Morse code. I don't know Morse code, so too bad. I'm just going to be tapping furiously. Maybe if someone does know Morse code, they'll be like, okay, he's spelling gibberish.

Just gibberish. The message is... It'll be awesome It would be good to be a little hand I want to join the Adams family Get into small crevices Go exploring Imagine you get a hole in a bit of drywall

and just crawl up there I want to see what's in there dude Rats again probably You can't even scream Rats, cockroaches like wasps hornets these things become be they just become a lot of bigger hassle like the big things like a car like that's a danger to me now yeah yeah yeah pointing your car's hands easier i could yeah rats seem hard to avoid as a hand yeah easy to avoid as a human yeah that's true hard to kill as a hand. Easy to avoid as a human.

Yeah, that's true. Hard to kill as a hand, but more satisfying. Punch with your whole body. Well, yeah. I guess you have more precision. I don't know. You can grab a rat

and squeeze it until it dies. You go into the hole in the drywall and you come out chained. I can't see anything different about you because you are just a hand. But you seem to have changed your vibes did you go into that rat hole and grab the rat

and squeeze it until it popped have you killed every rat in the house oh yeah are you giving a thumbs up okay did it fuck you up beyond measure oh yeah big thumbs up he's like you know the cousin cousin

I might need to lie down going to bed as things Bigger thumbs up. He's like, you know, the cozy-cozy. Yeah, a little bit, a little bit. I might need to lie down. Going to bed, as things seem, is very satisfying. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Just relaxing all your fingers after a long, hard day of standing on your fingers. Imagine, oh, like a foot spa, right? Yeah. As a hand, just going in there, submerging yourself.

Get a manicure, as things. Oh, damn, dude. Yeah, I want to go hand motion. Let me be a hand. Put me in the Adams family or make me thing IRL. Thingty thing. I think it'd be pretty good. I think it'd be awesome.

I think we'd thrive. Mishley, I was like, look, life as a hand would suck because, you know, you lose so many things, but maybe maybe it's awesome, dude. Could be if a guy had lost a hand through natural causes, you could be their hand. That's true. Just pretend you're doing what they want you to do.

Yeah. But enough not that they're a bit like, what's up? Yeah. Then you hop off one day when you're bored. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, I never had a hand. Attach yourself to them. And then you just be like, you know, all you've got to do is vocalize what you want your hand to do,

and it'll do it. Yeah. And then, yeah. That'll be cool. Pick that up. Okay. Give the person a thumbs up as you then grab it. I guess, yeah, you have to also move.

Yeah. Look, and I don't know how I'm attaching myself I'll just stay a hand I was imagining like some straps stay a hand the rat squeezing hand yeah yeah yeah

rat squeezing hand you're flipping everyone off yeah I'm becoming I guess the gigolo yeah it's good stuff

well that's what we do and it's awesome everyone should be a hand once in their god damn life I agree dude and on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson

I've also been Joel go hand mode everybody should go watch the brand new Netflix series critically acclaimed Wednesday Wednesday and tweet Jenna Ortega

and be like hey Jenna watch the show loved it watch the show listen to the episode of Plumbing the Dust loved it

loved it loved them both.