Plumbing the Death Star - What Would Your Fight Against Rocky Be A Metaphor For? (Ft. Total Reboot)

Episode Date: November 1, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's least coherent podcast network. Hey guys, before we start, I just want to let you know that Jackson has decided to take his good friends, Handsome Tom and Cass, through a carefully constructed role-playing adventure about a small town, an unlikely group of friends, and the mummy they have all sworn to protect, no matter the cost. Tales from Handel Creek, My Summer with Anko Tep, is a love letter to 80s movies like Monster Squad and The Goonies. For the next month, we're premiering each episode on twitch.tv slash sanspantsradio before uploading them to YouTube. But if you hate waiting, you can grab all five episodes right now on our website, sanspantsradio.com.

Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, what would your fight against Rocky be a metaphor for? Loving 4-4, that's good. Be a metaphor for a great beginner. It's called common time for a reason. We love it. Yeah, metaphor for a time.

Before we jump into it, we are joined by Total Reboot, Cam and Alexi. Welcome. Oh, pleasure to be here together. It's a dream come true. We're both in Blu-ray studios right now together, and it's a wonderful opportunity to be on your show. So thank you so much. It's a beautiful opportunity to look at beautiful three boys

on a laptop screen for us today, and we are loving it. Yeah. Usually it's just for fun, but it's for us today. Yeah, usually we look at three boys on a screen in leisure time. And yes, we are talking about the Irishman, Joe Pesci, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino. Of course, that was never any doubt in my mind. We call that movie the beautiful three boys on a screen.

When people think of three famous boys, they either think of the three boys from the Irishman or the three plumbing the Death Star boys. Absolutely.man or the three Plumbing the Death Star boys. Absolutely. Those are the two options. Those are the boys. Nirvana, I guess, would be the third option. Yeah.

Well, they were three boys. Tragically, we did lose one of those boys. Tragically, Dave Grohl got less cute. Yeah, exactly. He grew up and became a food fighter. Yeah, yeah. That's very true. Real bummer.

Yeah, so Rocky. Rocky. Yeah, so Rocky. Rocky. Okay, so Rocky won. What was the metaphor? What was Rocky won a metaphor for? A metaphor for America. You know, you start as an underdog. You've got to get up on your bootstraps and you've got to get on top of it.

You've got to start from the bottom. You've got to get to the top. And guess what? You're going to lose. But it doesn't matter. It's only the fight. You've got to get to the top. And guess what? You're going to lose, but it doesn't matter. It's only the fighter. It's about trying. That's what's important. Rocky 2, what was the metaphor for?

Rocky 2, what's that about? Same thing. No, I would disagree. I would say Rocky 2 is a metaphor for Sylvester Stallone actually becoming the director this time and letting himself win the fight. Yeah, he's like, now I win. This is America.

I'm in control from top to tail, and I win now. Is that a metaphor for once you are in control of your own life? Your own destiny. Yeah, you take destiny by the horns, as it were, and so that you can finally fight and win. And all the previous transgressions that you had before you, that you tried so much and you had everything going against you. But once you become in control of your life, you're on top.

Okay, that's great. The great Todd Noy couldn't even put it better. Yes. And Rocky III? To stay on top, you've got to kick the other shits back down. That's fucking right. Kick them back down. That's fucking right.

That's right. And also, down. That's fucking right. That's right. And also, he got really ripped by three. So it's kind of like, hey, work out, eat well, intermittent fast, you will look good, and you will stay number one. And he is incredibly beautiful in that movie. He's rigged. It's okay to be shredded.

Sickest of all time. Yes. It's okay to be shredded. It's okay to have diarrhea 24-7 as long as you look beautiful. Massive fan of our misunderstanding of what a metaphor is. Out the gate. Out the gate. We're like metaphor, moral, basic.

Same thing. Theme. Whatever. It's all the same gumbo of ideas. And he calls six times and we'll see what happens. Also, no longer metaphor. Now it's literal. He just beats people up.

We left the world of metaphor very quickly. Although Rocky IV, I would say, does have a metaphor, which is that together we can defeat Russia. We can defeat the Soviet Union together if we back one beautiful Italian and give him some really hardcore training and motivate him by getting the bad guy to kill his best friends.

Yeah, we can take out the Roskies. Well, I think in a fight between me and Rocky, I would get pummeled into like a passata of human blood. I would get pummeled into like a Posada of human blood So Whereas I get pummeled into a Barada It'll keep him strong on the outside

Mints up the insides It'll pour out eventually Oh you seem fine Wow look at him Don't prod the surface It's gonna leak Nostril Okay Oh, no, he's tilted slightly. Don't prod the surface. It's going to leak. Nostril.

Okay, okay, okay. But as Rocky beats me to death in front of an audience of thousands. And by the way, you should be so lucky. Yeah. That's a way to go out. But the fact that he's even deigned to fight me is, I think, interesting. A huge honor. Yeah, absolutely.

Who are you? You don't even fight. I'm like, okay, let's do it. Rocky says, come fight me in the ring. You don't say no. You just write your last will and testament and you step in. That's it. This is the perfect way to remake remake Rocky because the first one,

he's just some schlub who does a few fights here and there and the big guy picks him out. Yours is Sylvester Stallone finds one nerd online and goes, I'm going to kick this guy's ass. I'm going to kick a podcaster's ass. Bring him in the room with me. Let's see how we go. See how this podcaster goes in the ring.

I'm hungry for pastrana. I want to smash this guy into one. Here's you talking shit an episode. Oh, who is this cunt? Give me this guy's number. Hey, at all dogs are dead, I hear you're talking shit about me. Oh, no. I'm going to get made into a passata.

I guess the metaphor will probably end up being for you, Jackson, that words have consequences, and those consequences are death at the hands of Rocky. That's true. That is the metaphor. What? I didn't even, well, I guess I've talked shit on this episode. Is that what you're saying? That he heard me say that he could beat me into a passata and he was like, yeah, I could.

Get me that guy's number. Let's do it. Let's make it. Let's make the reality. It has a fundamentally misunderstanding of what talking shit is. I heard you said that I could beat you up to a passata. Is that right? Yeah. You definitely could.

Well, let's get in the ring and find out what I predicted is happening, is what I'll say as he beats me in the stomach. Hey, he looks like you're pretty right there, kid. You've got a good head on your shoulders. You're right the whole time. This is Jack holding his belly. Coughing up blood. What's the function of this?

What's this a metaphor for? Hey, what's a metaphor for? It's pretty funny, kid, you put it that way. Oh, well, I think it'd be even though you're right doesn't necessarily mean that you're correct. So even though, yes, you were correct that he would beat you up to like left a smear of Posada on the ring, it wasn't good for you.

Yeah, that's true. That's very true. Can we shoehorn American politics in here somehow? I think if we were to look at historical events, this metaphor very much aligns with when Sylvester Stallone's own movie, The Expendables, came out alongside Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and the marketing campaign said, if you see Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and not Expendables,

you are a pussy. I think Sly actually said that out loud. And he was right. He was right. I mean, look at us. You're looking at five people that saw Scott Pilgrim and not Expendables that year. A hundred percent.

He looked at a poster for Expendables and a poster for Scott Pilgrim, and he's like, what if this was a real fight? And everyone's like, what? Find me a guy that is this. And he pointed to the poster. I've been thinking about this for a long time. I was like, what? Find me a guy that is this. And he pointed to the poster. I've been thinking about this a long time. I always wanted to do it.

I wanted to kick that little weird old kid in the head. Hey, that Michael Cera's real weird. Yeah, he says he's Italian. He says he's Italian. I'm Italian. We don't look the same race. We're not even the same species. Hey, he's always stumbling around and stuttering and stuff.

What's going on there? Talk normal. Yeah, talk normal like a normal. Talk normal, man. Are you then implying that he thinks I'm Michael Cera? That's why he's got me in the ring. He thinks I'm Michael Cera-esque. Jack, you're a metaphor for Michael Cera. You're a metaphor for Michael Cera.

I represent everything Michael Cera is, whilst not being Michael Cera himself. Michael Cera is in the crowd watching me get turned into a passata, and I'm like, why isn't it you? Why is it me? How exciting. How about we rate it like this? If you were writing a review on IMDb for this rocky movie what would your review

say um it's very refreshing seeing a rocky movie that comes in at under sub 30 minutes quickest rocky movie i've ever watched the only montage is this and then him cooking a passata at his restaurant earlier so you know what he's going to do. I guess I'd be like, it wasn't even really a movie. It was more just an online beef that then escalated into bloody violence. I don't know if that's cinema. I might say, I think that kid really died. That might be mine.

Can someone check? Did he do his own stunts? I don't know. I'm concerned. No one has seen the actor who played Jackson Bailey, and it looks like from IMDb, Jackson Bailey, since the production of this film. I think he's really dead.

Yeah. My review would be like, refreshing to see a nerd carpet i actually think that would be a sick movie if it was rocky versus nerd i actually think that would be awesome i would love it and i wish it was just called that rocky versus justin long it's just him torturing him yeah well we've got revenge of the nerds but what about revenge of the jocks on the nerds or revenge of the rocky on the nerd yeah it is about time it's about time we got a revenge of the jocks movie and that's the metaphor it's about time it is about time chris nolan style dude because jocks have been the villains of movies since the fucking 80s.

Yes. And you know what? They're not very bright. They're not a very bright group of people. I think it's time that we gave them their due and let them be the hero. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, finally.

Let the jock come back on top. Let's get jocks back on top. Yeah. Yes. I genuinely think a lot of society's ills are happening because we stopped putting nerds in lockers. I think the moment we decided that we weren't going to and that we were going to enjoy Lord of the Rings,

that was the tipping point. Oh, yeah. Look at the number one movie right now, Avengers Endgame. I mean, where's the jock in there? Where's the jocks? What are they doing? I guess Tony Stark is kind of a jock, but he's a nerd. Yeah.

He's a nerd and a jock. They're all nerds. Oh, that's true. And he dies. Yeah. Spoilers. Spoilers. Tragically, we lost the big T up in the sky.

I guess Hulk is... Oh, no, they're all fucking nerds. There are no jocks. Exactly. The only one that's a freaking jock is like a shakespeare guy that sucks yeah true yeah that sucks that sucks shit he's fucking shakespeare it's bad news yeah he's fucking kenneth bradder dude kenneth bradder literally directed his movie yeah that's not yeah guy that did much ado about nothing that had a little

something to do with that yeah he sure did all right well well jacks is uh rocky v nerds and a metaphor for talking well we'll figure it out so i think like a big part of my my life is a work-life balance so i feel when i step into the ring uh it's going to be something like you know why are you doing this? You shouldn't be here. You should be at home with your family. And I'll ignore that. And once again, due to my physique and lack of physical training, I too will be made into some kind of delicious passata. A gazpacho, let's say.

He keeps moving. He got a gazpacho. He knocks all the warm blood out of you And it's just cold It's gone Just a cold dead human So I feel like That would be like me Shouldn't you go back to the wife and kids

And I'd be like no I don't want to fight Rocky And they'd be like sir You are a dumpy 30 year old man Stop this Look after yourself. So is Rocky a metaphor for work in this? Is that what's happening?

Does Rocky represent the nine to five? Is that what we're talking? I guess in Zammett's movie- Slamming the man back down? In Zammett's movie, I guess that you'll have to have a point with your partner or wife saying like zamit i know that this is publicity for your job but maybe don't put your job like at the front of everything

yeah before your health will kill you he will make your blood cold he has that power i'm actually just going insane right now imagining Sylvester Stallone on the campaign trail for this movie being like, it's a movie about work-life balance. It's Rocky VIII and it's about the importance of work-life balance. Yeah, Rocky's going for a four-day,

he wants to do a four-day work week, three-day weekend. Spend more time with the family and people are just like, what? What do you mean? All your other things have been about the struggle of the immigrant, how to stay on top, and the Cold War.

This one's just about work-life balance. Yeah, yeah. You've got to spend more time with the family, a little bit of time away from the computer screen, just do more wholesome stuff. I'm a family man when it comes down to it. Share a nice meal of some poached chicken together and stuff. That's what life's all about for me now.

The most rambling man in the world. The only way I can do a sly impression is just talking until everyone's bored. And then they don't care if there's going to be a punchline. It's the way sly talks. Just ramble a delicious chicken cacciatore recipe that you remember. Yeah, that's the way you got to do it. You got to cook the chicken up. Yeah, so I punched the shit out of him until he turned to gazpacho, you know.

Yeah. Cold soup from Spain, you know. It's very delicious. Got to do like a tin of tomato. You got to put that in a pan. Aren't you watching Sylvester Stallone talk and then hearing another Sylvester Stallone voice? Hey, no way. And then another one.

Oh, I've died. Our audience don't need to imagine that. It just happened. We have Sylvester Stallone here, not once, not twice, but three separate times, all at the same time. Sylvester Stallone.

Just one mouth opens, but three speak. And they all start by saying, yeah, you know, it's... It's the same conversation as well, just slightly different. They're all describing making a gazpacho. Yeah, and it's just like at different stages, like he prepares things slightly differently. Excuse me, what's going on?

You just got to punch all the warm blood out. There's no place for warm blood. That's how you make it. But you know what? The thing we're not taking into account here is that this is not politically relevant. Yeah. You're saying that this is a story about work-life balance. That's not what today is about

You need to insert a little bit of politics into this Maybe it's about work-life balance under coronavirus Oh, that's true Where the lines are blurred even more Yeah So we represent it out because I wear a face mask in the movies Yeah, yeah, yeah Rocky's wearing a face mask, absolutely.

But you're not. You can't hit me in the mouth anymore, so... No, no, no. I punch you in the mouth and blood comes out. What am I doing underneath the face mask? Who could know? Am I smiling? Am I crying?

You don't know. So in the first Rocky movie in Rocky 2, Rocky loses because he gets punched in the head too much. That's his famous thing. He doesn't block his face. So what I was thinking, it was the coronavirus. And then everyone's like, what is? What the fuck?

What's going on? Yeah, you know, like, think about me. I don't like to wear the mask. You know, I run up the stairs every day. It's hard to breathe with that thing on. That freaking thing on. Jeez. It's like Brigitte Nielsen sitting on my face.

Oh, my word. That's his ex-wife. That's his ex-wife. That's his ex-wife. Heavens above. And he brings her up all the time in interviews. Very good shit. I think my IMDb review for this would be, it's weird that it's about work-life balance,

but in the movie he represents work. I don't know. In all the interviews he said that he was, but he's the bad guy. I don't know. In all the interviews, he said that he was a- But he's the bad guy. I don't understand. My review would be, wow, I can't believe Rocky has killed two guys in two movies. Hey, that's actually-

Rocky never killed a guy before in the battle, but now he's killed two. Let me check this out. Australian podcasters back to back. That's a drastic turn. Rocky hate podcasters. I don't...

Does he know these guys? What the... I guess it makes sense. Maybe it was like a Royal Rumble situation where we just kind of like tag one after the other. Yeah. It makes sense. Like each Rocky movie is just the same as the last one, but a little bit different.

This time the differences are even littler than before. Yeah. Different guys, same podcast. After killing two out of three of the members of our podcast, I guess it's my turn to step into the ring. My difference is... Let's get this metaphor up and running. So my metaphor will be that you can erase the past,

but people don't truly forget. Because I'm going to be dressing up. I'm going to be talking about Sylvester Stallone. In this situation, Sylvester Stallone the man and Rocky the man have to be the same person otherwise this doesn't work because I was thinking about something

that applies to him as a man the lines have always been blurred so you're okay working on this film Sly Stallone answers to Rocky

if you yell it out at him on the street hey someone say my name over there what can I do for you well yeah you want a recipe for gazpacho?

You get a couple of tomatoes, squish them right down. There actually is, there's a special feature on one of the DVDs where it's Sylvester Stallone having a sit-down conversation with Rocky. Oh my god. How'd they do that?

Hey, I don't even know how I did that. It's just a guy who plays the movies. How the fuck did I even do that? It's two guys there and they're both me. What the heck? People call it movie magic. I just call it magic. I can't explain it. I directed the thing.

So, basically, I'm going to dress up as a human shit. Oh, okay. I like that you're confusing wrestling with boxing right now. I'm a big fan. By the way, it's amazing that you're already in costume. Ding, ding. There it is.

The fight has started. Wow. You just drowned. Wowza, wowza. Hell in a cell. Rage in a cage. Jackson also is confused boxing and wrestling. And also, I'm surviving this film so that in my sequel, I can fight Cameron James.

Oh, shit. No, but basically, I just want to remind- Sylvester Stallone has been famous for a really long time. And during the 80s, movie stars were kind of untouchable. And Sylvester Stallone allegedly has uh taken lots of shits in bathtubs and stomped them down the drain uh it's a big problem that people this is a true story uh people my words yeah so planet hollywood especially had a massive issue with sylvester stallone constantly claiming that his plumbing was like had an issue with the plumbing

and they would find shit uh because apparently he just kind of got like movie star levels of famous and people stopped talking about it so i'm going to remind everyone of that so whenever he he kills me in the fight hang on at what at what point of hollywood famous are you like nah shitting in the toilet ain't for me a true star shits in a bath and stomps it down the brain. Why is there a bath in Planet Hollywood? Isn't that a cafe? Maybe not Planet Hollywood.

You bathe in it. That's a good question. Why did they have a bath? I reckon Stallone requested it. Hey, they all got to have baths. We got to have baths in all these franchises. Yeah, we're never I gonna take a shit? Each bathroom

There's like six cubicles And one of them's huge And you think it's disabled But you open it And it's a hot tub And it's live Stopping a shit down the drain Hey, don't look

Hey, Occupado Occupado Hey, some guy's in here Some of you in here, man Hey, Rockyupado! Occupado! Hey, some guy's in here. Some are in here, man. Hey, Rocky's in here. The Rock's in here. Okay, they'll open up. Yeah, you know, I'm taking a bath.

That's just the sound the water makes. Yeah, you know. Hey, the water smells like shit in here. Shit. Shit. yeah you know the water smells like shit in here shit shit so Plumbing the Death Star usually prides itself on making people unlearn things but I promise you that this is a real life situation

I've read this I'm reading it right now he was at at a four seasons In Hawaii Oh my lord And Sly is banned from the hotel For among other reasons He has on numerous occasions

Defecated in the bathtub Mercy For other reasons Where else did he defecate? In a shower In a kettle uh all the places that shits aren't meant to go surely wow do you think you'll have time to get out the fact that he's been shitting in bathtubs before he clocks you in the head if you're like quickly like sylvester's like bam or are you

gonna be able to do it oh dude we're all talking about these as if they're in real time. These are supposed to be movies. There can be a whole scene where Dusha explains this and Sly's not even in it. Yeah, it could be like the press conference before the fight. He doesn't have to be here to directly say the dialogue to Sly's face as it comes towards his head. We could only...

Look, we have a fundamental misunderstanding of metaphors and film. The first scene of the movie could be like title card, 1986, Hawaii, and then Sly's shitting into a bath and Dusha coming to clean it up going like, God almighty, one

day I'm going to dress up like a turd and fight the fuck out of this guy. I'm going to dress up like a turd and fight the fuck out of this guy. I also think Dusha is a turd come back to fight Rocky. You're not a man dressed as a turd, you are the turd coming back. I am a Red Christmas star.

Yeah, Red Christmas star. And I think that's exciting and it brings an element of the supernatural into the Rocky franchise. I agree. Can Dusha be like, you know, in Looney Tunes back in action where it's animated but within a live action film? What the fuck?

Why didn't you just say Space Jam? Or Roger Rabbit? Why are you going for the one we don't know, dude? Why specifically Looney Tunes back in action? I got Looney Tunes back in action on the brain. Why didn't you say that Jackson is sitting in front of a poster

for Looney Tunes back in action is the early explanation for that yeah you think that I'm looking at this zoom call but actually it's just

my desktop which is Looney Tunes back in action there's so many other examples you could have said Cool World yeah we want to know

Cool World dude Brad Pitt Monkey Bone you're going Monkey Bone yeah he's got a Hot Toys $300 figure of Brendan Fraser Yeah, we want to know Cool World, dude. Brad Pitt. Monkey Bone? You're going Monkey Bone? Yeah. He's got a Hot Toys $300 figure of Brendan Fraser from the movie. Brendan Fraser plays his own stuntman in that movie.

Come on. Yeah. You're the only person who knows this stuff, Jackson. Anyway, what were you saying? That's what I just like. I think that it would look good if you were animated And not you know I think that would be good That's all I was getting at I'm reading more about this

And apparently Sly would Open the door in nothing but A personalized robe and speedos So can he be dressed like that Yeah it's a stallion on the back It's a stallion Italian stallion It's a stallion on the front and a stallion on the back. It's a stallion. Italian stallion. Right. It's a stallion on the front, a stallion on the back.

He also, I don't know if it says there, Zamit, but apparently used to just act really coy about like, I don't know what happened. Yeah,

maybe it's because you took a shit in the pot. It's not that open and shut case, really. Hey, someone shat out of my asshole.

What the heck? What the heck? It's some sort of Looney Tunes back in action kind of thing. Some little cartoon came in my ass and shout out. I know I'm doing an impression of Chef from South Park. Hey, just come out of my ass and shout it out. What the heck, children? Hey, just come up to us and shout it out. Thanks, children. Hey, Rocky Balboa, children.

I'm just catching a crawler in my own butthole and shits out my asshole. It looks like I shat my butt when it was that little rabbit. That rabbit, the rabbit went in my butthole and shat out my butthole. Out of his butthole. His butthole was above my butthole, and that's what happened.

And they're like, I believe's what happened yeah that checks out sylvester absolutely um so what's in a metaphor for you're one of the biggest movie stars in the world oh no so basically just like so obviously i'm gonna lose the fight as an animated shit you'll punch me and i'll hit the ground and there'll be a fucking skid mark on the mat. Shit connecting with boxing gloves. Spraying the people in the first row. Splash zone. This movie's gross.

Hey, this! They're going to bring back 3D for this movie. And smell-o-vision. Yes. Imagine going into a Rocky movie not knowing what it was going to be and knowing it was in smell-o-vision. You'd be like, what's coming? And not smelling anything, not smelling any of the training, but then a shit comes on and you're like, oh, okay.

Oh, no. Oh, what? No, no, no. Just leather, sweat, man, and feces. And human waste. Into credits when it says, from the people that brought you Looney Tunes back in action, you know something fucked is going to happen.

So the metaphor would just be that you can't erase your actions, I guess. You can't shit in a bath is really the metaphor. You can't un-shit in a bath, basically. A shit cannot go back into your asshole. Yeah, that's very true. Yes, it can. You ever heard of the Alaskan pipeline? It's a thing that we do.

In Sydney, okay? Yeah, it's a Sydney thing. It's a Sydney thing. Yeah, that makes sense. Look it up. Yeah, look it up, dude. It's freaking awesome. Everyone's got two tabs open on their computer now.

Sylvester Stallone bathtub shits and the Alaskan pipeline. Sydney. Yeah. It's weird you have called it Alaskan as opposed to, I don't know, like Ultimo pipeline. Yeah. Even though when you've got two flush buttons on your toilet, half flush, full flush, we've got up and down. In or out, what do you want?

Most people pick out. Every now and then you deserve a little treat. You want to give yourself the option, of course. Of course. That is the most vulgar thing that I've ever been a part of on a podcast. Been a part of, you started it. I was a part of it, tang. You've been a part of it. You started it. I was a part of it, tangentially. I washed my hands of this.

This is my favorite stuff about the press run. So I guess I'm to blame. We're all to blame. I guess then my review on IMDb would be, I didn't know he shat in bathtubs. I'm glad they made a movie about it. Crazy Sylvester Stallone made a movie about it crazy sylvester stallone made a movie about it i'd be like why would he have agreed to this did he not fundamentally understand that he will come

off poorly in this film as now i can't stop a confession what's happening here it's just like you know the end of um the end of uh ferris bueller's like uh day out where he's like go home leave the cinema but it's sylvester salone and he's like yeah i shouldn't bath then he takes a bow and that's how the film ends that's the post-credits don't like s-pens yeah well i'm shitting in a bathtub sue me that's the movie whether you find out what they do in Sydney, they're even more fucked up than me over there. You know, up, down, in, out. It's all the same shit, just goes a different way. That's the metaphor of the movie.

It's all the same shit, but it goes different ways wherever you are. And I thought the three seashells in Demolition Man was the deal. But this, no good. So wait a second, he doesn't like it? He's made the movie

and he's like, oh, God. It was a learning experience. He learned something at the end. Post credits is him Ferris Bueller style but saying,

jeez Louise, I really didn't like that movie. Sorry about that, guys. Sorry. Hey, they can all be winners. Just like Rocky 1, he didn't win at the end either. So, you know didn't like that movie. Sorry about that, guys. Sorry. Hey, they can all be winners. Just like Rocky I, he didn't win at the end either. So, you know, that's my life. Because there's a callback.

Yeah. Hey, you're going to make one dud, okay? Hey, cut me some slack. Yeah, I made one thud down on the ground, now one dud up in the studio. So, you know. Hey, leave me alone getting real angry at the viewing audience. Hey, fuck you.

You never made a movie Who are you to judge me You're the hardest to make a film And there's no one In the cinema whatsoever It is me, Dan Furst Be like get out of here What are you doing

Like there's no one ever No one has ever seen This sly film That basically just for himself Oh my god And now a quick word from our sponsor Also if you want to keep up to date With everything we do

Why not join our newsletter Just check the show notes or head to our website Sandspantsradio.com And sign up today Okay so definitely would watch and recommend Yeah absolutely What's your misunderstanding of a metaphor For fighting Rocky I reckon we should do one together So it's a tag team What's your Misunderstanding of a metaphor for Fighting Rocky

I reckon we should do one together So it's a tag team Oh that's fun Maybe Rocky gets into He gets into the world of wrestling He leaves boxing In Rocky 3 he fights Hulk Hogan Who is wrestling

It blows my mind Rocky's actually fighting but Hulk H Hogan, he's acting. So what's going on? This is not like a union approved fight, that one. This is a street fight. Yeah. But ours is Rocky gets out of boxing into wrestling and he forms a tag team with Rambo.

Sylvester Stallone? With Rambo. Maybe it's better with Sylvester yeah i like that yeah the actor you may know me from stuff like rambo cop land and shitting on bathroom floors it's like it's one of those movies where they're like it's it's it's two actors but they're playing duos like in that there's one actor obviously playing the two of you using movie magic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Michael Cera. Yeah, they got Cera. They got Michael Cera for both of us. Yeah. They got for Cam's physique and my features, they got Michael Cera. It's very exciting. Very good.

So we got Cera playing us and then Stallone playing, obviously, himself and Rocky. Yeah. Yeah, of course. And that's also very exciting. And you can't talk to them at the same time. If you say, hey, Rocky, he'll go, yeah, hello. If you go, hey, Sly, yeah, hello, it's me, Sly.

And you just have to do it. You have to talk to them. Hello, children. And then you go, hey, Sam. You're like, hello, children. Hey, we're going to lick my chocolate solid balls Isaac Hayes Returning from the dead That's big

He's doing the theme song and he's back I think the metaphor For us versing Sly And Rocky is Sly Is legit pissed off at us For bringing up the robot in Rocky four and how weird that was. And he actually is cutting.

He's doing a new cut of the movie and he's cutting it out. I think that there's deep down. I worry that we did hurt slice. I think it's obviously been part of the zeitgeist since the movie came out that the robot is ridiculous. But in the last, I reckon people have gone quiet on that until Finding Drago came out a year and a half ago when all of a sudden there was probably a spike in why is there a robot in Rocky IV

chat. And yeah, he's cutting it out. He's cut. It's gone. He's cut about it. He's cutting it out. Yeah. He is cut.

So he did a director's cut. So he's cutting it. Yeah. He's like, hey, this director's cut. so I'm going to do a director's cut. I'm just going to cut you up, okay? Yeah, I'm going to put a freaking Edward Scissorhands inside my little gloves. I like the violent press releases. The press tour and Sly's gone a little bit crazy.

He's not happy, as we like to say it. Damn robot finding Drago. I'm going to cut them with scissors. These little nerds love their little Johnny Depp movies. I can't not do Chef. I can only do Chef now. Screw you guys I'm going home

so outside of our movie pitches just before we get back dive deep into yours because there's a lot to unpack there but

Sly Stallone is cutting out the robot in Rocky 4 maybe because of finding Drago what do you think his response to this episode will be? I think he will turn you

into Posada. I think he's going to turn you into this shit. He's going to cut Chef from all the early South Park seasons. Yeah, I think so. He'll be like, hey, do I actually sound like that guy? I don't remember making Eddie at this TV show. I don't remember this at all.

Come on, Rocky Salty Balls. What the hell? Yeah, what the hell? I should be getting cut of this kind of stuff. Maybe I'll make some delicious chocolate confectionery for some kids. Maybe I'll make some chocolate ball. I know a recipe for it. Yeah, we'll make Scott Teneman's parents chill it.

That's my little recipe I'm going to make. Oh, man. He's such a talented director and filmmaker, but truly huge blind spot there with Rocky IV, where in his mind he's like, I actually think there's a brilliant movie in here and I can bring it out. And it's like, man, that's not what we want.

We like it because it's a bit shit. We like it because it's fucking weird and there's a James Brown song in it and there's a robot that Paul It's fucking weird And there's a James Brown song in it There's a robot that Paulie's fucking Yeah And Like you are

Impossibly built Throughout the whole movie Yeah And the Dolph Lundgren's Clearly Swedish And we love that you Grow a beard in a day Yeah

All that shit And then In fact you need it to be shit Yes So that then Creed can be good Yes exactly Yeah

They can't be great all the way through. They need to be a roller coaster. Peaks and valleys. Every franchise needs peaks and valleys. Is this your like

trash talk in the wrestling stage? Exactly. You lost your touch, dude. You don't know how to make a franchise anymore. We go, you're a mega talent

and we both love you. Yes, we think you're Eisensteinian, dude. But you just have a blind spot with Rocky Ford. Yes. Get over it. Build a bridge and get over it.

Yeah. Why don't you start making a movie? Why don't you build a fucking bridge and get the heck over it, you mofo, dude? Whoa. Yes, you're an absolute mofo. Sorry, Chris. Goddamn, mate. Holy heck.

You're a mofo. And please, would you F my could be the F my mo. What the hell? Please, can you be my dad, dude? My parents are divorced, and I've always looked up to you like a father figure. Can you fo my mo, please? You want him to fo your mo?

Camera pans around. The press conference taking a wild turn. Holy shit. So I think instead of fighting me, maybe, wouldn't it be kind of cool just to give me a hug? Fuck my mum, dude. My mum has been a good boy.

My mum has been a good boy, Rocky. She's so lonely, Sylvester Stallone. Since Dad left, God, we could use a man around the house. I think you'd be the perfect man. Is that so wrong, Rocky or Stallone? I don't know what I'm calling you anymore. It's also good. I know what I want to call you.

Papa. My papa. Please. I guess it's a metaphor for, you know, my parents being divorced and me wanting to do a parent trap movie my entire life. Yeah. Yeah, you kind of have there. For me, I would say it's a metaphor for just sort of like

cool movies, cool stuff happening in movies. Yeah, that's it. Surface level, babe. I love it. Weird science sort of level shit where...

Yeah, that's cool. Because I'm imagining you can fuck. Yeah, yeah. Slice Alone has brought Rocky out of the movies into reality weird science style.

So I think that's kind of cool. I think that's sick. We're doing a little weird science. Yeah, that's sick. Like how people understand my obsession, eh? Weird science. Biden's going to bring in all these scientists. I think we're bringing some weird scientists into my thing.

Were those two kids fucking that woman? She was an adult in that movie. What the hell? I don't think they did, by the way. I re-watched that recently, and there's a scene where they both have a shower with her. And they stop and turd down the drain instead of having sex with her.

She's like, do you guys want to have sex? And they say, oh, we'll do it later. And I don't think they ever do it. I always think what's fucked up in that movie is when they have the big party, and everyone comes and sees the genie woman and the two nerd kids, and they're just like,

those kids are fucking that adult woman and that's cool. And they just have the party. I think that's crazy. It's a bad movie. It's not a good movie whatsoever. Did you ever watch the TV series of it? No.

No, but I'd love to see it. It's a short-lived TV series. I think I did. Two seasons. They fuck her in that. They actually do fuck her. That's sick. They actually fuck her.

It's awesome. Yeah, that's sick. One of them is in a relationship with her. It's so cool. And then the other one gets to watch. Yeah, it's awesome. That's the best relationship. You know, when your good friend nails your wife

and you get to just sit there and watch? I mean, that's great. Me, Gene and Arnie did that one time. Hey, Arnie, I have a watch, buddy. This is still trash talk in the wrestling ring And like camera pans around to everybody in the crowd That are holding up signs that are like Be Alexi's dad

Weird science was fucked up They know what they're in for The crowd love this They're eating it up And then I guess we lose to Rocky That's both He kills you He kills us He turns you into bolognese

He's the frickin noodles and I'm the mids It turns me into frickin bechamel sauce I don't know how this guy did it Lay them off together children And well great news Because movies that usually involve and uh well great news because uh movies that usually

involve uh someone fucking someone else's mum uh box office smashes we got American Pie we got uh The Graduate

yes huge movie huge yeah yours has definitely made the most money oh thank goodness I hope so

you have more star power than the three of us combined oh yeah 100% and more than Dustin more than 100%. And more than Dustin. More than Dustin. Oh, way more than Dustin.

I would say so. I would say so. You're a little nerd. Well, we've learned a lot today about metaphors, about Sylvester Stallone. About movies. Yeah. About movies.

About Sydney. Cam and Alexi, obviously, you are the experts at San Spencer Radio about movies, but you have an upcoming project. Would you like to tell us about it? It is the sequel to Finding Drago, which was about Rocky and informed by Rocky stylistically. But this is a new mystery investigation, a new mystery investigation delving into a popular culture-based little hidden secret that we found. Well, that's the thing. Alexi and I are, in our opinion, the most foremost pop culture detectives in the world. We'll find a pop culture mystery, and we will uncover the truth about it.

Yes. This time around, we have found a Guinness World Record that we believe to be fraudulent. To be faked. To be a fucking- A fugazi. A fucking fugazi, dude. A fugazi over here. And so we want to get to the bottom of who faked it, why, what did they gain from it,

and why would they spend 30 years trying to hide the truth? Yes. And it is called Finding Desperado. And we made it in ISO, but we travel the entire world with it. We go from the slick, wet streets of Amsterdam to the beautiful island

in the sun of Ibiza. To the bathrooms at Planet Hollywood. Trying to uncover the truth of why one would stomp it. Who knew that Sylvester Stallone was a Guinness World Record for the most shits stomped down a train? Well, the record was actually Sylvester Stallone has taken the most shits in a toilet,

but Cameron Alexie believed that to be wrong. It's fake, dude. I've got the proof. So I, well, all of us in fact Are very lucky We've got a preview Of the first episode And I'm sucked in immediately

Sucked in and a bit sucked off By it to be honest Wow Oh holy heck Wow that little bribe we sent worked I didn't know Yeah I didn't know That that happened when you listened to it, but that's exciting.

I can't wait to hear it back. We are pioneering this technology on this podcast. Suck off podcasting. Yeah, the ABC gave us an extra $28,000 to invent a new form of podcasting, a new way to use AirPods. Rocky V. Giant Shit might have reinvented smell-o-vision, but right here, you boys reinventing suck-off-o-vision. Mamma mia.

That's what we've always tried to do. We go to the freaking castle school of filmmaking. Oh, yeah. This is exciting stuff. Yeah. And I would say as well, like, one of the things that we've been doing with this one, Finding Drago wasgo was like stylistically informed by rocky uh this time we've like changed that up so we're like more informed by like 90s thrillers and like 80s thrillers like silence of the lambs

which is like our big kind of like storytelling inspiration for this and aesthetic inspiration for this so on our other podcast total reboot Reboot, that is on the Sandspan's network, we are doing a Hannibal Lecter series concurrently to Finding Drago being released. We're talking about all the Hannibal Lecter movies. Sick as hell. Yeah, fuck yeah. Man Hunter, Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Red Dragon,

and hopefully Hannibal versus Rocky. Yes. Which should be coming out soon. That's exciting news. He's's living with a big old pastor and bashed up a little. A kid dressed as a shit with children. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've been a wet gazpacho.

I'm been Jackson. I've been a wet gazpacho. I'm Alexi. And I'm, of course, Cameron James. Thank you for having us. And thank you for having us, Sylvester Stallone.

It's everything we said is on the internet. So if you're going to sue someone, make sure it's not me. Yeah. This has been a

Planet Broadcasting production. There we go. We're off scot-free. We're off scot-free. We're clean. We're clean. Yeah This has been a Planet Broadcasting production There we go, we're off scot-free We're off scot-free We're clean We did it Woo! show and all the other shows on the sans pants radio network just head to sanspantsradio.com and consider joining the sans pants plus community there's over 20 bonus shows a sans

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