Plumbing the Death Star - What Would Your Ultimate Crime Fighting Superpower Be? (Again)

Episode Date: September 4, 2022

The last time the boys tackled this question it left everyone with an existential crisis and now Zammit wants to redeem himself. But before he can do that Duscher wants to get really big. Like Ant man but without the pesky problem of getting little. Joel Duscher can grow to be a 12ft man, who can rip the roof of a bank and take bites of cars. JD alias The Shaker aka Mr Big Nude, a veritable Robin Hood to all those effected by wage theft! Wowing civilians and on-lookers with his signature move, The Shake Down, where he picks up businesses and shakes them.Jackson wants to be a whole city otherwise known as Pluck-o the City man, which is essentially a Symbiote. Only he doesn’t have enough self awareness to fight crime right and humans are like ants crawling on his skin which won't possibly go wrong.Finally Zammit becomes The Hunch and gains the ability to change the narrative. He can shift reality to make everything the way he thinks it should be. Making innocent people guilty, guilty people innocent! History and memories change on a whim! There isn't a situation where he isn't always 100% correct. Buy our terrible stickers here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspence Network. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joe. I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joe. And today's topic, it's a bit of a sequel. And a bit of a scary one.

Yes, because today we're asking the important question, what would your ultimate crime-fighting superpower be? Again. So, Zalmuk, this morning when we came into this studio, it was like, I've got another one. And that's just like so upsetting. So frightening. Before you start talking, because that's just like so upsetting. So frightening. Before you start talking, because that's when we enter the danger zone. I was just going to say, I understand.

Last time I put something forward, I didn't necessarily think of the consequences. I would have changed the way we thought about it in our lives. Yeah, I... And I apologize. I want to redeem myself. Okay. All right. We got it. Last time, I don't even know. Okay. All right. We got it.

Last time, I don't know. Yes. I don't even know what the term for it. It wasn't an ambush. I don't know. Yeah, I got a good idea for this episode. Come in, boys. Take a seat.

Sit down. Take a seat. You know your life and worldview? Is it stable? Yeah. How do you feel about that? So, yeah, it's good that this episode Exactly the same things happened I don't know what you're going to say

But I know that Everyone's on tender hooks Yeah, intense You said it's fine this time It's fine this time It's fine this time You said it's not disgusting And we said it's not that it was disgusting

It was existentially terrifying And then you went, huh And then you didn't say anything else So I don't know what to expect okay so uh the ultimate superpower uh to fight crime yeah i think would be uh so it is a couple of caveats okay um so it needs to be like a power that you you're not aware you have it just needs to be something that's innate. I am so right. It just needs to be innate. Any power I don't know I have is already scary.

So. You know what? No. I'm going to go first. Shut up. Get really, really, really big. All right. Okay.

Yeah. So like Ant-Man, but I don't get small. I just get big. Does that mean you can't go back down? No, no, no, no, no. So I can return to my regular size. So it's regular size and big? Or is it regular size varying degrees of big?

Or is it regular size max big and there's no in-between? No, there's in-betweens. It's literally just giant man, I guess. But I reckon that Ant-Man wastes too much time being little. I will just get really big. But will you be able to see the crime? Well, yes, because I'm not going to be maximum big. Because you can just be like seven foot tall.

Okay, a bank robber comes in. Are you in the bank? I hear about the bank robber. Where? I get from the police scanner. Okay. All right. Fair enough.

That's not a superpower. That's just a thing you own. I get maximum big there. You're getting maximum big. You take one step, you're in another country. Okay, I get medium big. Okay, all right. Big enough that I can just run and be there in two seconds.

Then what? Pick up the bank robber. Then what? Sorted. Shouldn't rob the bank. Are you still immune to bullets as big? Well, no. And how big do you have to be before bullets mean nothing to you?

If you had a tiny guy showing you in the ankle and it's still hurt. It would be like a pinprick. I'm not going to die. As a regular man getting stung by a mosquito, it's smart. You're like, nah, now I've got itch, it's annoying, right? But if, say, the mosquito was the size of me, I'd be like, oh, no. It's now protruding through my belly and I'm being stabbed. But it can't drink anything because it's out the other side.

Gotcha, mosquito. Stabbed through. I'm dying in vain. Fucking idiot. You stupid mosquito. You slapping a giant head. Should have stopped halfway through. It's funny for you to be proud of dying in vain.

I died for no reason. Suck shit. What are you going to do about it? Slap it off the mosquito's pointy nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good. But if you were, say, even bigger and then a mosquito got you, I don't think you'd even notice.

So if you were, say, a celestial being tripping over, say, a planet. Yeah, you're not noticing. Well a mosquito I reckon if I was 15 foot a mosquito's probably not going to really give me that much grief. Do mosquitoes give like say an elephant grief? What gives an elephant grief? Elephant guns.

Hunters looking for poaching gives them grief. No but elephants have tough skin. Climate change probably gives them grief. Droughts. Being hit by a bus probably sucks for an elephant. I remember when an elephant went into town and nearly got hit by a bus. Well, it was more like the bus nearly got hit by an elephant. Both, for some reason to me, funny.

Even the second one. Well, it's because a bus is kind of like a mechanical elephant. I get that. You'd be like, it's muscling under is kind of like a mechanical elephant. I get that. You feel like the elephant would be like, it's muscling into my territory, I'm going to ram it.

Yeah, you imagine that on a bus, you're like, it's an even playing field. I get it. Like driving any vehicle, like driving a car, it's just something

you sort of expect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As I get into my car, I am at risk of getting hit by another car. I understand this is the danger

of driving an elephant. And then, yeah, yeah, because an elephant's got tusks. You can imagine them coming into the car and flicking you away. But if I'm in a bus, I'm like, okay, alright. We're the same. I don't have tusks, but I can go faster. Yeah, I'm going to ram

you and steal your elephant wife. Yeah, a bus and elephant wife live happily ever after in the savannah. My bus and this elephant's wife are married. Okay, maximum big and you're throwing criminals away. Well done. I don't always get maximum.

I can get maximum big. So what kind of big are you getting? You're getting like eight foot? Skyscraper? Yeah, eight foot skyscraper size. At what point do you reckon it's intimidating for a criminal? Well, yeah, that's what I mean. I reckon like 12 foot is a pretty magic number. Because I reckon also-

12 foot? That's big. Damn, I would be like 8 foot in the audience. I'm like, that's just a regular man, but big. I reckon- How big is Shaq? I reckon- Why is he not going too big as Shaq?

He's the biggest guy we know. I think he'd be in the sevens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If Shaq was a cop, like he often is in a lot of Adam Sandler films. That's true. A.K.A. Grown Ups 2. Yeah. I mean, he'd be intimidating.

He's got a loathsome brother in that movie, doesn't he? Yeah, he does. But he's a lot of fun. He has a good time with Adam Sandler in his bowels. Yeah, he does. Yeah. 12 foot. How many stories is that?

Well, it's... 2.16 meters. That doesn't mean shit. Come on, Google. Are you trying to find out how big Shaq is? Okay, so two meters is six. Yeah, yeah. So he's not even...

So he'd be... Oh, close to seven, yeah. Probably crack seven foot, yeah. Joel's ever added in feet, and then it hit him with 2.16 meters. Again. And now he's fixed it, and it's come up again. No one knows.

Yeah, we've never translated it. Here's Google this. 2 point whatever meters in feet. Yeah, and I think you just did that. No, I wrote 2.16 feet to feet. God damn it! You're stupid as hell. It looks like he's about to, like,

chimpanzee smash his laptop. Seven foot. Okay. See? Well, that's to chimpanzee smash his laptop. Seven foot. Okay. See? That's almost like a guy I know said. Also, I wrote meat and feet the wrong way. Anyway. Okay, 12 foot.

Well, yeah, because I think that, like, first of all, because that's inhuman big. Yeah. Do you have a costume? No. Do you have a name? Oh, fuck. I'm going to need something, because if I get big, my clothes aren't going to get big. Yeah, you do.

Unless you always wear clothes designed for a 12-foot man. Alternatively. Even spandex ain't going to do much. No. Alternatively, who cares? Yeah, you're nude. Hanging dong. Can you be called big nude?

What do we think about that? Maybe don't draw attention to the fact that you're nude. Well, because I would be wearing clothes, because presumably I would spend the majority of my life in regular size. Nude at the bank, and they're like, are you big nude? Or just a freak at the bank? No, I'm just a regular nude man. Oh, okay.

Yeah, cool. Yeah, you should probably call the police on me. Indecent exposure is a crime. And then, is this part of your crime fighting plan? Yeah, it's to hang dong at the bank. Okay, yeah, cool. No, so I think that... Okay, I'm just doing some foot math.

Uh-huh. So the average story, like a building, like 14 foot, is your average one story. Oh, okay. So like, yeah. But I just think, so basically the reason I picked 12 is one, it's like double the size of like a six foot man. Yeah.

Which is like probably slightly bigger than average. Yeah. Which means that, so that's like inhuman big. Yeah, yeah. Are you in proportion? Yes. Okay. Okay.

You were just imagining just tall. That's disturbing. That'd be kind of funny. You stretch. No, because if I got tall, I would be easy to top all over. Yeah. stretch. No, because if I got tall, I would be easy to topple over.

Yeah. And also, because 12 foot, I was thinking so, if a human is twice the size, that's probably entering bullets not doing a lot territory. If a child shot you with a gun, it would still hurt. You're an idiot. A child holding a gun is still the same size as a gun.

Oh yeah, I suppose the gun's small. And now, guns for children. That's no kid. Yeah, we give kids regular guns. Kids use regular guns, excuse me. Fair enough. It's the bullets. It's just 12 foot, it's big, but I don't know if it's big enough to withstand damage.

Yeah, no. You can like, you know, a building can get shot. If a kid drives a car into you he's still gonna get hurt when we were doing up this building like there was a bullet hole

in like you know the facade and like it's pretty like it's decent took a chunk out of the building and like you know that onto a guy

like I mean you're missing bits of meat yeah yeah you need to be like you gotta go like skyscape a big 24 foot or something to avoid the actual damage.

If someone shoots your ankle, even though you are 12 foot, if a kid punches you in the nuts. Why are you going with a kid? Why are you going with a child? Because a kid's half the size of a guy. He's 12 foot. He's 12 foot and the average guy is 6 foot. Therefore, the average guy is 6 foot Therefore the rough translation

Is if Dusha's 6 foot now And a child's 3 foot And a kid punches Dusha in the nuts That's the equivalent of a 6 foot man Punching a 12 foot man in the nuts Tell me I'm wrong You're wrong There's also force as well

Okay yeah I suppose. Because also, yeah, the force and impact of a bullet. I just don't know if it's necessarily going to, yeah, not just take a chunk out of you. Well, look, I mean, look, ideally I don't get shot. Yeah, fair. But you're a bigger target now. I like that our problem is not necessarily with the power. We're just like, you're utilizing it wrong.

It's the method we don't like. Alright, the bank robber. I get so big that I can lift the roof off the bank. I pick the guy up, I just throw him straight up. Then you just move on with your life? Yes. Don't rob banks! He's gone. He's dead. I do what

Superman was never brave enough to do. Enter people Into the atmosphere It's like you're dealing With violent crime Yeah Also like if you Feel anyone speeding Away from a bank robbery

Let's say Oh yeah Big enough Pick up the car Pick up that car And just for you Jackson Take a bite out of the car Yeah

Because I know you'd want that to happen I do like a big sandwich Yeah I also like the image Of you just shaking the car Oh that's Don't rub it Maybe that's what I'll do.

That'll fuck people up. You can be the shaker. The shaker. I get big and I shake things. Okay. What's the situation? A building coming, you shake the house. I use Jackson's analogy.

I'm like, well, it's shaking babies is bad. And if I'm bigger than a man, then shaking a man's bad. It's simple math. A baby is one-sixth of the size of a regular man. I'm one-sixth of the size of me. Yeah, but he's not wrong in this situation. Yeah, but in this situation, I'm right. It is bad to shake a man's hand.

No, if you pick up a regular man and shook him, his brain's buff. He's really fine a man. That's not the point. You pick up a regular man and shook him. Oh yeah. His brain's mush. He's really fine a man. You put the man down and he just crumples to the ground.

Oh I made his brain a smoothie. Oh whoops. Or not whoops. Maybe that was your plan. You're sort of a

lethal protector. That's okay. I'm just clarifying. I only deal with the worst of the worst crime. If someone's robbing from a just clarifying. I only deal with the worst of the worst crime. Okay.

If someone's robbing from a supermarket, whatever. Okay, let that happen. So you pick up a whole shelf, put it outside. It's no longer their property. Everyone is free game. Robbing a bank, that's also maybe fine with me. Just pick up the vault, put it in the middle of the street. I get really, really big. it in the middle of the street.

Does anyone know the door? I get really, really big. I take the gun off the guy. Don't shoot anyone. They just work here. And then I look at the bank manager. You just explode the bank vault. I look at the bank manager. I'm like, remember this?

Just pick up the bank robber, put him outside, and be like, now that I've apprehended you, you're not going to do any more crime. And you wink at him, go back in, grab the vault. I'm just going to put this vault here for no reason at all, and then I'm going to turn away. I think the op-ed article's about you. You could maybe put a sweet little gold bullion in this, open their hand while I'm not looking. in this open their hand while I'm not looking. The shaker,

aka Mr. Big Nude, seems like he's doing more crime than stopping it. Or I pick up the bank robber. Yeah. And then I look at the bank manager and pick him up and I'm like,

surely he could have raised this man's debts. And I put him down and then I take the guy's gun and I crumple it in my fingers. Okay. And then they just sort it out. The bank teller's like,

he doesn't have debts. Not bank teller, bank fingers. Okay. And then they just sort it out. The bank teller's like, he doesn't have debt. Not bank teller, bank manager. Okay. The tellers are innocent. Bank manager. I don't know if the manager has that power.

Are you imagining he's robbing the bank because he has debts and he needs to pay off? He needs money. You'd have to like go through CEO kind of. No one robs a bank

for no reason. Well, they want money but they might not have a dearth of money. Oh, they're gonna pick the bank robber up and be like, is this a bad act for good intentions?

Your breath is like a fucking gale force wind. It's like he's in a fucking G-Force. His lips are flying back on you or anything. Well, maybe I get smaller at that point. So I'm 18 foot, so I can still hold them. Yeah, that's good. But I hold them like a baby, I guess. Cradle the bank robber.

Right. Before we get any further. Just cradling bank robbers to try and rehabilitate them. Turn them into babies, cradle them, nurse them. Yeah. Yeah. Queeze off Big Daddy. Take the bank robber, dress him up in little red overalls like he's your son.

Yeah. You're my son now. Did you stop robbing banks? The reason you stopped you rob banks is because you didn't have a good upbringing. I'm going to change that now as your dad. Step one, we're going to go up. That's a key part of upbringing. Bring them up.

Yeah, it makes sense. Get a big ball. We're playing catch now. It needs to be big for me. Good luck. Like playing catch with a child. Yeah, yeah makes sense. Get a big ball. We're playing catch now. It needs to be big for me. Good luck. Like playing catch with a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's an interesting choice.

If there's reckless driving, I could simply pick up the car. Easy. Yeah, that's true. What other crimes can you stop? I can stop pretty much any crime. White collar crime? Oh, yeah, because I'd pick up the guy and shake him. How do you know white collar crime?

Someone just tells me. Hey, the shaker, I got a guy for you to shake. Oh yeah? I love doing that. Shake this banker. Stop doing crime! Brains are mushed. Fixed. Like you said, talking

is gale force, so maybe I just pick him up and go No more face on that man. Yeah, yeah. It feels like you Like you said, talking is gale force. Maybe I just pick him up and go. No more face on that man. Yeah. It feels like you should be protecting. And I know this is another kind of crime or even it's strictly a crime. But it feels like you should be protecting the city from Godzilla. That's the kind of vibe.

Well, if it happens. I could. But it's funny. Imagine you sitting huge on the beach just waiting. If he comes, we're ready. Yeah, all right. It's a pretty good power to stop some crime. It's very reactionary, but I like it. You can't be everywhere at once, but if you do see a crime.

Or hear about a crime on the police scanner that I've purchased. Or if someone tells you. Simply being big so that you are intimidating works enough. And things like corporations and stuff like that that do wage theft to their worker. I can pick up the whole corporation. Yeah, you can shake that corporation. Police can't arrest a business.

I can shake a business. Okay, I know you put the building down. We call it a shakedown. Shakedown! Feels like you're turning me on to cry. It's like a Robin Hood kind of character. He's like, you know, punishing the wealthy. That's about it.

Sort of what he does. I'll pick up that guy. What's that guy? You know, that chef George Gordon Ramsay No The wage chef Oh yeah

Master chef people The guy from master chef Hello I've heard about wage theft So I'm picking you up You're gonna shake me aren't you No

Not yet I'm just letting you know If you don't fix that I will pick up your restaurant And I will shake it I like With you inside Yes Hey Jackson How it. I like you inside. Yes.

Hey, Jackson, how's work? I know you're having some problems with wage theft. Well, I don't work there anymore because the business got shook. Someone shook the business and it couldn't withstand that. So I actually don't have a job anymore. At least they're not robbing me, I guess. Yeah. You could get some kind of benefits from having your business shook.

I guess nobody can take you away. Like, you know, the cops or the government can't stop you. They don't have a prison big enough. You're just a fact of life now. The worst thing I could do is drop a bomb on me, which would kill me. Yeah, that's true. But I could maybe get big enough to catch the plane, so therefore I'm fine. Yeah, or if you grabbed a bomb in your hand and it blew up, depending how big you were, it might not hurt so much.

It mightn't kill me, but it would probably... I mean, something that we've already brought up in this episode, like, say, an elephant gun, poachers. Yeah. People hunting you. The government's like, look, we're going to make poaching legal, but only if you shoot this one man. Poaching? That's just murder. No, no, no, no, no. We need his skin. You want to take his pelt. That's what we're doing here.

What do you do with a giant douche pelt? I don't drape it over the city when it's hot. Make a big tent. If you're huge and a plane hits you in the face, obviously that fucks you up. But then if you get tiny, are you more fucked up? No. Or is it kind of like-

Whatever damage happens would just be the same, but smaller. So if you got tiny, you would have a little explosion right on your cheek from where the plane hit you. All right. I'm just trying to- Because you're not invulnerable. No. If someone took like an AK say

to your to your big toe yeah to your big toe I was thinking more ankles yeah yeah yeah you kind of slice that you know just slice it off

with a gun yeah that's true I'm imagining like two fighter jets that have a big piece of twine between them and they try and

bad you by finding me this end of your neck yeah like what they did in Hoth. Yeah. Although it's funny to imagine the twine doesn't split your neck and the two fighter pilots just slam into each other

behind your head. Then your hair catch is fired. The moment that happens, though, he just becomes either bigger or smaller. Yeah, that's true. And then they're like, oh, well, never mind. Yeah, you could really fuck up some fighter parts.

Oh, yeah. And I would. Leave me alone. Once again, we're not fully into fighting crime territory. We're fighting a nation's military territory. Well, war crime's a crime. War crime's a crime. That's true.

That's a good point. And how much they spend on military is, you could argue, criminal. spend on military? You could argue. It's criminal. It's criminal. They're stealing from the little guys. Also, it's self-defense at that point. It's just simply me being a vigilante and trying to escape. It's fine. Batman does it.

Okay. Look, yeah. Jackson, what's yours? Jackson! Zabin had two caveats let's get him let him get the other caveat out what was the

what was the first one again you have to not know you have it oh yeah fuck I blanked that immediately yeah so the first caveat is yeah

you have to like not know that you have it yeah and the second one is that like I mean there's no rule that's basically the only caveat

the only caveat is that you can't know you have this power okay and so you better be ready to interrupt. I'm waiting. So the idea

of the ultimate crime fighting power. I'm bailing. I'm bailing. It's too scary. Okay, I want to be a whole city, okay? A whole city or a whole city? Whole as in H or whole as in W-H? I always imagined like W-H-O-L-E but maybe H-O-L-E, although I don't know how I can fight

crime that way. Just hole city sounds like if I would have found a city, that's what I'd call it. Sounds like paradise. No, I'll be an entire city. I am an entire city. Like my mutant ability activated. You know, there's that street in comic books who's a guy. Yeah. What's his name? comic books who's a guy yeah um what's his anyway there's a guy he's like names like ploco the street man marvel or dc i think it's dc he's like an animate

street but i'll be that but an entire city what are you gonna google for this one is uh road street i think he's a street i I think his name's like Plucko the Street or something. Plucko. Do you want to guess his name? What? He tried twice. Plucko. Did you see the result?

No, I didn't. Do you want to have a guess? Think of if Joel Dusha may have created this superhero. Is his name like Street Man? Street Joe? Oh, wait. I know what it is. Johnny the Road? Danny the Street!

Danny the Street. What was yours? Plucko the Road. Yeah, I think it's Plucko the Road Man. That'll be my superhero name. Plucko the City Man. Plucko the city man. Plucko the city man. So Danny the street, just for some context. Yeah. Because you're one-upping

Danny the street. I'm one-upping Danny over here. So what is he? He's a, what do you mean? He's a super-powered street. He's a living and sentient piece of urban geography who can magically and seamlessly place himself in any urban landscape at will without any disruption to the surroundings.

Yeah. He can freely interact with any other sapient being through various forms of visual printing within its proximity. Yeah. Was he a guy? I don't think he's ever been a guy. I think he's always been a full-on straight. He's species-sentient straight.

Is this Marvel or DC? This is DC. Yeah, yeah. It's a Batman's talking to a fucking street. Oh, you're Danny the Street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Joker doesn't seem so bad anymore. They're in the Doom Patrol television series.

Yeah, yeah. There you go. Because if I'm a city... We're Danny the Street in Suicide Squad. We put a bomb in... The road? I don't know if that'll kill him. We put a bomb in the hole of him.

Like, what do we do? This is gonna consume me. How do you kill Danny the Street? That's maybe a plumbing for a future day. How do you kill the street? How do you kill a road? You can put as much lead in a road as you like. It's not going away.

Can, uh, can like a street have an alignment? Like, as in like... Can a street be good or bad, you mean? Well, yeah, Danny, the street's good, I think. Yeah. He's on Doom Patrol. Yeah. He doesn't want bad stuff to happen. I think it'd be... I guess if you're a street, you don't want bad stuff to happen.

Like if a murder happened on a street, you'd be and you were the street, you'd feel bad.. I guess if you're a street, you don't want bad stuff to happen. Like if a murder happened on a street and you were the street, you'd feel bad. Or neutral, because you're a street. Other notable aliases. And let me see. At what point do you have some further questions? Okay. Yeah, I'm listening. No, I'm going to leave that one to last.

Okay. So Danny the Brick. Okay. Great. Danny the Alley. Well, he's Danny the Brick because I think at one point he gets blown up and is only a brick. Danny the Alley. Danny the Alley, that's good.

Yeah, that makes sense. Danny the Island. Okay. Danny the Ambulance. Danny the World. Oh, and I believe maybe one of DC's first genderqueer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to say heroes, but I don't know.

It's one of DC's first genderqueer streets. Maybe DC's only genderqueer street. Yeah. Yeah, Danny the Street fucking rules. Danny the Ambulance? Yeah, Danny the Ambulance and Danny the World. One of those is not like the other. I guess. Well, so Danny. Okay, so Danny the World. One of those is not like the other. I guess.

Okay, so Danny the Brick. Alley. Sure, Danny's changing form. Ambulance. World, they've gotten big. Ambulance, all right. How does Danny become an ambulance? How do they become a brick?

We don't know. Brick makes sense. Yeah, I think Danny gets exploded in all that's left of Danny is a brick. Why would you kill Danny the street? We were talking about it earlier. It's like the first logical thought you have when you find out a street's alive. We're going to kill the street. We can't have this.

That means that someone's just carrying her. Danny was leveled. Danny was leveled at one point. Yeah, that's so sad. And then someone named Crazy Jane escaped, fled the island, carrying with her a brick taken from one of Danny's buildings, which contained Danny's sentience.

Effectively making them Danny the Brick. Crazy Jane and Danny the Brick. I'm trying to find out where Danny the Ambulance comes in. Well, if there's an ambulance on Danny the Street, then that ambulance is Danny the Street, then that ambulance is Danny the Street. No, okay.

While Danny is acting as Danny the Ambulance, they still run the ever-growing Danny the World. What do you mean? Now I've got to go back up. Maybe Danny... So Danny the World is presumably an entire planet. Yeah. Or maybe it's like a Disney World sort of situation. Okay. Danny becomes

a theme park, but is also meanwhile an ambulance. Crazy Jane then meets a man named D who uses Danny to kill a god. After this, Danny is able to become Danny the World.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. That makes sense. It checks out. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's learning about this fucked up thing. I'm going to try and see if I can find a photo of Danny the ambulance. Well,

it's going to be, it's going to be an ambulance. Okay. He just, so, so Danny, just contact someone by becoming Danny the ambulance. It's all I've gotten right now.

Well, Danny, I guess Danny, if Danny's the world, Danny can be an ambulance. Yeah, no rules! That's fucking awesome. Danny the Ambulance is this big rainbow

fucking jet cloud coming up from behind them. I love Danny the Ambulance. Alright, so becoming, say, Jackson the City. Yeah, I'll become Jackson the City. So I'm just, well, if it's like Danny the Street, that means that I uh, whoa, douche's mind just got full-on slopped off the street is an an ambulance in doom patrol the tv

yeah so i'll be a city i guess i was always a city if it's like danny the street species species sentient city. Does that mean does that mean how am I abandoned? And then people move into me? Well, you would I would assume that you could kind of like a symbiote as a word, like taking over

an actual city. Slowly take over a city. Put my sentience within it. Initially you are a brick then you are a street, then you're an alley, then you're a suburb. An ambulance, and then I'm jacking the city. And so if you have complete and utter control over the city, then you can... I'm assuming you don't have as much control over the people

as the city. No, no, no, no, no. But if I see, because I got omnipotence, no, omniscience? Omniscience. I've got omniscience when I'm in the city. If I see a... It was Danyland, too, and Danyland was inside the ambulance, but it's a theme.

Oh, yeah. It's cool watching your eyes, like your pupils become pinpricks as you become consumed. Because what I'm thinking is if I see a mugging... Gerard Way has a lot of crimes to answer for. If I see a mugging in Jackson the City, I can just send a brick out from a wall into the mugger's head. He'll be like, give me your wallet, dunk!

So you need to start a new city and then invite crime in to fight the crime. Well, Sam had said I could take over another city like a symbiote. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, I was consumed by Danny Land at that moment. That's fair enough. So if you have, I Sorry, I was consumed by Danny Land at that moment. That's okay. I understand. I understand. So if you have, I guess, yeah, complete awareness of what is happening in your, do you though?

Like how, for example, right now. Aware of my body? I'm not thinking about my feet. Yeah. Like if I have. I bet you are now. Yeah. But if I have, say, like a bug, like a mosquito that lands on me.

Yeah. I, often, you can feel it. Yeah. But like often it's too late. They've already bitten you. Or it's kind of like the shooting happens and then as the mugger runs away, the brick misses it or whatever. It's the body of the person that's been shot.

Yeah. Sorry from a street lamp or whatever. And like say if you have like an ant or whatever crawling on you, like that, whatever. However, you have a city lamp or whatever. And say if you have an ant or whatever crawling on you, however, you have a city crawling on you. Oh, that feels disgusting. I'm going to stamp out humanity because it feels like an ant crawling all over my body.

So you become a city and then the city shrinks, killing everyone. Yeah. Bricks fly out of all the buildings into everyone's hands. Oh, thank God. Yeah. Bricks flying out of all the buildings into everyone's hands. Oh, thank God. That felt awful. That should have continued to be an abandoned city.

So I'm just wondering, if you are a city, everything is your skin, right? Yeah. And what kind of sensory, I guess, do you have? What does it feel like to have people inside you? Awesome. Inside your skin. Fucking good.

In your pores. What is a pore but a various tiny hole? Yeah, exactly. The human body's covered in holes. No, but it's not in my skin. It's in a building. Yeah. That is me.

Complicated. Yeah. It doesn't seem to bother Danny the street. That's true. I'm just trying to like, you know, is it a kind of like- I mean, are we sure? We don't know. bother Danny the street That's true I'm just trying to like Is it a kind of like Are we sure? We don't know Danny becomes the world It can't bother them that much What's Danny doing?

What's Danny's goal? Where did Danny come from? Danny's a sentient species That is a street That means there's more Yeah That means species that is a street that means there's more yeah that means presumably a planet of streets but all the streets are guys how does danny seamlessly fit into a city you can't just put a road in between two roads

symbiotically thinking of a city, presumably Danny just slots themselves in. Slops all over a previous street. Yeah, exactly. All of a sudden you live on Danny Road. Well, previously you didn't. Okay, I don't think it really works if you have complete awareness of what is happening, but then that might just be overload.

Yeah. It probably would be intense and i'd probably be bad at it to begin with well it was batman well what if you become alcatraz oh okay and then i'm just punishing you already incarcerated well what if i become maybe we downgrade it from a city to a suburb that That's easier to handle. And then I can just. Or. Okay. What about this? Getting a little esoteric. A suburb can often be.

Well it's not as big as a whole city. Okay. Can be. Bigger than a. Sometimes it's bigger. What if I am. Yeah. Just let that one pass you by.

That's fair enough. What if I am about. Okay. 30 kilometers squared of sentience. Okay. 30 kilometers squared of sentience. Okay. And I can just move through the city. Why don't you just become a building? Because what if there's no crime happening around the building?

If I'm portable sentience moving through the city in 40 kilometers squared. It was 20 before. It's growing. That means that I can, I'm not the whole city, so it's not going to be overwhelming, and I can zoop about the cityscape trying to see where crime is,

throwing bricks at criminals or whatever, making a street lamp come down and smash on their head. It's a rolling sentience of big chunks of area at a time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Then I can go in a building.

I can scan a whole building. If you're a square or a cube. Yeah, I'm a cube of sentience. What can you do? I can control. So you can control. Yes. If you're sentient, you're just like, oh, yeah.

That's how I am the city. Oh, no, I'm mocking. Okay. I've got to be able to control whatever's in my cube. Yeah. Because then I could just, if it's anything in my cube, I could just make the two people walk in opposite directions. Make the mugger jump.

Jump a million times and let the other person get away. Yeah. Yeah. Rolling sentience with other person get away. Yeah. Yeah. Rolling sentience with total control over anything. Yeah. So like a symbiote, basically. Yeah, 40 kilometers of sentience cubed to protect the city.

Were you once... Oh yeah, at least I could be a guy. No, I'm always this. But the thing is, with being this, I could be anything. I could go to a dog park be 40 dogs go to a shopping center be 40 people shopping so once you become those 40 dogs

if you ask your dog or control that dog to then leave that cube then the dog becomes a lost dog and then it goes back in the cube you have control yeah I get the dog again and I don't like crime i think your existence is hell because you can't die i don't mind so much that uh so you but am i stopping crime i mean that's the question

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yours today from our website or from the show notes below. I personally think you should stick them on something good and in public. That would be good, I reckon. Are you stopping crime one 40-foot cube at a time? Yeah, I guess I could systematically go throughout the city scanning for crime and stop it. Let's say Cletus Kasady. Let's say Carnage.

Yeah, yeah. Serial killer controlled by symbi Let's say Carnage. Yeah, yeah. Serial killer controlled by symbiote in the Marvel world. Yeah. You could then go to where they are at. I'm assuming you can also shrink your cube. No, no, no. It's always 40 kilometers squared. Can you pick what you want to control?

No, I just control everything within the cube. Including houses and bricks and sewers and stuff. So I was going to say, then you could control, say Cletus, and then you could move them to say somewhere where they could either be like, well, I could do that. But then when you're moving it, then you're also controlling the people and everything around it where you're

moving it to. Yeah. Why is that bad? So the moment that you leave, they retain memories? Are they like, I don't know what happened, but I was controlled by a sentient space? Yeah. I'm terrified of existence.

Well, they're scared, but they're safe. That's bad. That's fine to me. That's fine. You gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelette You're just living your life You're walking to the bus or whatever Probably listening to some music

Having a jump in the street As you are known to do And then all of a sudden you can't jump And you're just being walked away from your boss How much control Into a house where Bricks start flying around Have I committed a crime?

Yeah, jump. What do you mean by control? Like when you, say, for example, let's just say one human being in the middle of a field. That's the only thing right now that you're controlling, right? Yeah.

I'm assuming you float your sentence up a little bit. Yeah. So you're not controlling the grass. Okay, yeah, cool. You're just controlling this one singular person in this field. Now, when you say control, what do you mean? Do they also have their own like their um systems in place say they're breathing

their heartbeat their blood flow all that kind of stuff is that the stuff that is automated is that going can you control that and if so does it stop when you don't control it or you forget about it because you will i will forget about it that true. I'll be a 40-foot cube just killing people as I move through. Stopping people's hearts. Why is everyone dying? I'm remembering to breathe. You've made a gelatinous cube of air. A 40-foot poisonous.

40 kilometers cubed. Sorry, 40 kilometers cubed. Sorry, 40 kilometers cubed. Yeah. Well, I mean, sometimes I remember to breathe. There's like, you know, because it's a lot of things happening. And we were talking about you being in a city being like, oh, there's so much you can't control or feel or whatever. You go through a space. There's so much going on.

There's insects. There's birds. There's animals. There's trees. Like's birds, there's animals, there's trees. Like, when you say you can control bricks... And what about electricity? Is that you too? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And when you say you can control a house, what do you mean? I mean, I can, like, make the house... And is it individual

parts of said house? Every element of the house. So you can make the TV fall over. Yeah, so this is what I was imagining. Make the flowers fly out of a vase. Oh, and the dead people around are spooked, I guess. I mean, you've sort of stopped crime by killing people. Yeah, I guess it may. I don't kill everyone, just those I forget to make breathe and have their heart pump

I guess mass extinction does, in theory, stop crime. Because you could just, yeah, slowly roll out, and it is terrifying because you're like, we don't know what happened, but within this roaming 40 kilometer radius. Yeah. Jackson's pretty big. 40 kilometers.

I was concerned about being a city, but that's... 40 kilometers cubed is... Huge! Well, it's bigger than a CBD, yeah. It's like, 40 kilometers... than a CBD, yeah. Oh, no, it's like 40 kilometers. Okay, so from the city, 40 kilometers would get you like halfway to Geelong. Might even get you to Geelong.

No, I think Geelong's about 100K away. Yeah, okay. So I basically move into the city, wipe out everyone in the city, move on. Let's just have a look. Hey, withinhours.com, it's like, oh, places to visit within about 40 kilometers from Melbourne. Let's see. How far away do we get? Am I killing every animal in the zoo?

But I control one bear. Yes. Okay. So if you go southeast of Melbourne, you get to Nary Warren. Okay. That's pretty good. Oh, look. You get to Frankston.

That's nice. Go visit the seaside. Kill the ocean. That's nice. Go visit the seaside. Kill the ocean. Control the sand. If you were, I think, 15 kilometers from the CBD, you'd kill the animals

at the zoo. Yeah. I think you're almost at Geelong, actually. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

So you've wiped out, if it just happened now, you've killed pretty much anyone you've ever spoken to. Yeah. That's a shame. No crime, though.

Well, killing everyone in a 40-kilometer radius, I would say, is a crime. One big crime. You get the base water. And then still have three extra kilometers to go. Yeah, that's going to be pretty overwhelming. Fair enough. Look, if you have, like, a sentience, if you're controlling everything, that means you can stop everything. So let's just say it's innate.

You can, the moment you walk through or glide through. I don't have to do everyone's internal systems. Everything just acts as normal, but you have the potential to control things if you want to. Okay, sure. Then sure. But as we said before, with the overwhelming nature of- Yeah, 40 kilometers kilometers it's more than just the city that's people walking by yeah you need to be aware of things and if you are just

a sentient space do you understand what crime is do i know what's going on what do you what are your needs wants and desires like what's your you know your hierarchy here? What's my Maslow's hierarchy of needs? Do you want 40km of sentience? Yeah. I think it's inscrutable. If you were a guy that turned into 40km of sentient space

I can understand. From here on now we can understand the human brain. I ate a bad hot dog and this happened. Because then I can understand. From here on now, we can understand the human brain. I ate a bad hot dog and this happened. Because then I can understand at least, then we know what this sentient space wants. This hot dog feels a bit fucked up. Because then we can feel, okay. The dog turns to you.

Guys. I can just turn into 40 kilometers. That's funny. If I've eaten a bad hot dog and then a dog turns to you and says, guys, you're like, did the hot dog make you a dog? I could have sworn that dog was already there before you ate the hot dog. No, I saw more and more fucked ups happen. I've got to look after this Jackson dog. No, no, I'm not just the dog.

What do you mean? Every single person turns to us in unison. Guys. The storm water drains. Guys, I think I'm 40 foot square, 40 kilometers squared of sentience. We turn to each other, say the same thing. Oh, shit. Jackson, can I request you never do that to me again?

Everyone in a 40 kilometer radius. Oh, shit. Every single dog, cat, bird, random feral animal, windows. That would be loud enough that, like, I reckon people in New South Wales would just... Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Oh, no. I'm fucking 40 kilometers. But it's like, it's animals

and people, so some of it's just yowling of cats and honking of car horns. What does a window sound like? Oh, yeah, classic window noise. Yeah, but you were like, the dog turned to us and spoke with a human voice. Yeah, that's were like, the dog turned to us and spoke with his human voice. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's true. Is everything having human voice? Well, I guess it would be like if a dog was trying to create human speech. I'm in a window. Where are you going? It's the wind escaping through an open window. I'm in a window. I'm in a window.

I'm in a window. Just the rustling of leaves through trees. And I've been kind enough not to do it to you. Thank you. It's okay. You're welcome. Yeah. How does it rate?

That, you're more likely to yes, stop crime. Because like how we said, look, Batman didn't do it. He wasn't batting 100 when he... He wasn't perfect on the first day. You know, he's year one. He wasn't batting 100. Superman wasn't batting 100. Jackson, the 40-foot kilometer cube year one.

The 40-foot kilometer cube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wish it said 40. I wish. The 40-kilometer cube year one. Yeah, look, there's a... It's a learning curve. It's a learning curve.

So I think after a point, sure, you would learn. But also, is that interesting for you? Yeah. I've got to do something. Well, that's what I mean. But is stopping crime going to be what you do? Or would you encourage crime because that's more exciting for you to see? Yeah, but you don't know.

Yeah, you don't know. Also, like, if he's controlling us, then we don't know. Yeah, we don't know. We don't know. You see a crime happen, you're like, was that Jackson? And then you see the crime stops and you're like, was that Jackson? Am I thinking? Was that? Is he controlling my thoughts? You just watched two people mugging each other.

That's definitely Jackson. Hey, give me your money. Oh, damn. Hey, you give me your money. Oh, damn. Yeah, but then we look and there's maybe like 30 other people watching. I'm like, wait a minute. Did he want an audience? Are we the audience?

Is he where his audience? Is he controlling me now? What's happening? And then someone runs past like, oh my God, they're doing it. The first of a dog threesome. Like, look, that's Jackson. That's Jackson.

I think it's all Jackson. Why do you want me to watch this? You can see the buildings are turning to watch the dog threesome. Buildings like, they've never, dogs have never had a threesome before. Dogs couldn't think to do it. Even though it's like the kind of thing a dog would love. I hate this.

The city got bad. I'm going to try and walk 40 kilometers north. I don't want to. Damn. Another building's like, wow, this city has gotten a lot more interesting recently. I reckon that's just a normal progression. I think that's normal. And me, a building talking, also normal.

In terms of have you solved crime? No, because you've made one big crime. Yeah, yeah. Sort of a crime against humanity. That's fair. You became 40 kilometers, though. I'm pretty proud of that. Okay, I don't like that we're out of aces now, JD.

Well, okay. Is there enough time? So, again, as I said, the caveat here is that it's a superpower that you need to not be aware of. Okay. And so that's basically the whole thing, is you just not be aware of it. So the way I'm envisioning this,

the ideal, I guess, position of what you would do to sort of fight this crime is either one, you either be, say, like a journalist, or two, you need to be sort of a detective or something like that in law enforcement. So you've got a superpower that you don't know you have, but you work in as either a journalist or in law enforcement. All right, okay.

The idea I would have is... How do you fight crime if you don't know you have this ability? Well, let's find out. Humans are basically, we're a storytelling ape. Oh, okay. The idea I would have is... How do you fight crime if you don't know you have this ability? Well, let's find out. Humans are basically... We're a storytelling ape. Oh, no. We like to tell a story. That's one of our biggest strengths.

It's one of the things that really separate us from monkeys and other animals. It's just that we... Look, yeah, we can climb a tree, but cats are better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. We can punch, but a gorilla is better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, is yeah yeah yeah but we can really tell a story we're very good at that you come in there's this uh i remember hearing this i think it was diedrich beta who was like uh the guy from you know the actor who was uh yeah yeah so he tells the story i think it's on like a like a like a batman on batman this is so many references he talks about like you know um with when we think

about like you know things make sense okay so when you got someone to blame when this happens yeah the answer is kevin smith if he never did fat man on batman this would never have happened and it's sort of like you know you think about like a hunter going after a deer he goes to like you know throws a spear he gets like he n he nicks the deer, runs off and then we start following this like blood trail. So we know like, ah, if I keep following this, I'm going to get to the end of the deer. And then at the end of the thing, you're like, oh shit, it's a boar. This makes no sense.

Yeah. So we are very much a, um, a storytelling. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So I think a very good superpower to fight crime would be able to change the narrative to fit what you believe in. It needs to be innate because otherwise, you know, so for example, if you're like,

I think that this person did it. These are like sort of the evidence. These are the clues that I'm looking at and I'm deducting that this has happened. No matter actually what has happened, the reality shifts so that what you think happened happens. Okay. So it needs to be innate. Existence doesn't exist anymore. Well, no, just narratively what you believe.

If a thing happens and then someone else learns about this thing and then they misremember it, then history changes, which means that anyone that's not that person could... Somebody forgets I ever existed. A bus crash happens 10 years ago. That was a bad example. Okay, a car crash was 10 years ago. But then you misremember and you think that it was a bus, so then there was all of a sudden like 30 more people on it.

So then either 30 people have... Would die, yeah. But they also had to become existence. Well, reality would have to shape in itself such a way that it would fix itself. The car driver is now driving the bus. So then reality would have had to have happened for them to be able to drive a bus.

So for example, if I'm like, okay, so a murder has happened. Yeah. And it's kind of like, okay, even though in reality, before this person starts investigating it, even though in reality, let's say it's a random act of violence. Yeah. This person comes down as like, no, it was the husband. I think it was the husband because of this kind of clue.

Yeah. Reality will start making it happen so that it was the husband and this because of like this kind of clue yeah reality will start making it happen so that it was the husband and that it was always was the husband so that person was always right jackson's an idiot and if he had these powers and he was like remember when fucking george bush was shot at the opera or whatever like no that's abraham lincoln and then jackson was like no it was george bush and so then this needs to be like i don't even need to say i didn't even clarify it just was George Bush then I'm like yeah you're right

you're right okay second caveat would be that when there are things where there is 100% like a known like you can't you can't really alter that

so it needs to be more of like a mystery so what are you so if it's unknown if it's unknown so all you've done what is create

a person that is always a fascist police force. No, just one person that is always right. No, because if it's a mystery, and then this person's like, oh, the mystery's this, but they don't actually know. They just think they know. Then all you've done is just been like,

you put them in police force. They're just like, well, the first suspect is guilty. Like, as in whoever. Yeah, but then the first suspect is guilty because they did it yeah but then they didn't okay but they did do it because reality reality has changed that they did do it power sucks no because even if that reality does change that means that in okay so yeah think minority report yes okay which is probably where you were starting for this fucked up thing. In Minority Report, Tom Cruise's character, they're like, you're going to do a murder. And he's like, I would never do a murder.

Yeah. But then he has that thought of like, I wouldn't do that. And then like the events of the movie are what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is like, you would never do a murder. And then he's like. But you did the murder. Yeah.

Oh shit, I did the murder. Yeah, but that's the thing. He did the murder. But he did. But he did the murder though. But he did but he did but he did the murder but he did do the murder so yeah it's it's kind of like a reality from their point of view well they would also think they would do it because we have to change no because i understand that it's changed but like cold cases for instance yes yeah people live a life of 15 years and then all of a sudden

so raised well they would still live that life for 15 years, but in the back of their mind... All you've done is make innocent people guilty. Well, no, because now they're guilty. But they weren't guilty. Yeah. But now they are. But now they are. This is fucked up.

So you're basically having either... Again, someone may be like, oh, yeah, no matter what I think happens. And again, you could make it a hunch, whatever it is. They have it and then they look at the evidence and whatever it is, the world just is like, oh, yeah, no matter what I think happens. And again, you could make it a hunch, whatever it is. And then they look at the evidence and whatever it is, the world is like, oh, yeah, no. And we just change it to whatever they have that thought so that they're always 100% correct. I'm using my superpower to get big and break this person, just snap them in half. I don't like that the superpower could just erase you from existence.

Yeah. If this guy forgot that he'd ever met me, I would have never existed. Well, it's not about forgetting you're existing. Well, no, it's like, yeah, no, no, no. She had one kid. It's like, no, it had to, one kid's just gone from existence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah.

If they were like, do you know Jackson Bailey? And they're like, no, I don't think so. Then I'm gone. Then I've disappeared. Yeah, but then they're like, no, no, Jackson Bailey, they, you know. Then I'm back. Then you're back.

Or you could be like, oh, you know, Jackson, are you into the Baileys? I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, they, you know. I'm back. And you're back. Or you could be like, oh, you know, Jackson, are you the Bailey's? I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, they had, you know, two sons and a daughter. And I'm like, yeah, they did. You now have a sister. But I always had a sister. But you always had a sister. And you always will.

Adding stuff to it is fucked up. Yeah. But taking stuff away is worse. Yeah. Because you just. Well, it's fucked up. Yeah. But taking stuff away is worse. Yeah. Because you just remember. Well, it's all bad. But you don't know because reality

would have moved in a way so that history and memories and everything like that makes it happen. So, for example, if, again, go back to a murder situation,

if someone is murdered and, of course, it was this person that did it over here or a random, whatever it was, say it was their best friend that did it

and if you're, like, you know, analyzing a thing and you just suddenly get that hunch that, no, I think it was the husband, reality would shift so that the best friend never did it, and it was always the husband. What if the best friend... Okay, so if someone is capable of murder... Oh, you wouldn't know that, because you don't know you're doing it. No, but I mean, so the best friend is like, I want to murder this person. Yeah.

They murdered the person. Yeah. Then you, the worst detective in the world. I've been batting a hundred though, so. Well, yeah, but you're still objectively a bad detective. I don't know. Then you're like, no, it was the husband. Yes.

Then it was the husband. Yes. Then the best friend is like, oh, I would have killed her too. Well, again, because to fit your narrative, you'd be like, oh, I would have killed her too. Well, again, because to fit your narrative, you'd be like, oh, you're there. They had maybe an argument, but it never... So because you're like, the best friend isn't capable of murder.

Because they either patch things up because, oh no, they were like, you know, oh, actually no, they were really good friends, so that would never happen. You would kind of change their mind to be like, I would never murder my best friend because they are my best friend. And then they might be like, I would never murder my best friend because they are my best friend. And then they might be like, oh, yeah, I did see the husband do the murder. And you're like, see, it was a confession and they're doing it right now.

I need a witness. What about this? You've created a reality where you are 100% correct. Do you know how to pull metadata from a floppy disk? No. Yeah, I'm asking Zama. Personally? No.

Okay, so BTK. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sends a floppy disk. Ah police no no i wouldn't have an idea although they caught him he was so mad yeah he was he's like how dare you lie to me I was gonna start murdering again next month and you wrecked that plan

this sucks I can't believe that you would lie what about like if this no yeah you've got the floppy disk yeah

but you can't figure out how to get metadata yeah so but you or you find a different clue on the floppy disk yeah because the way that they found him was yeah yeah yeah different stuff associated with that but yeah he like this

person was definitely capable of multiple murders yeah so so you blame someone else yes if i get that evidence right and i'm like okay you find that he say for example i get that and i'm like oh this definitely points to Jackson Bailey. Reality would shift so that that person was never the BTK killer. It was always Jackson. Danny whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But here's the thing.

Because like, are you altering their brain? No, he's not altering their brain. He's altering reality. Yeah, yeah, no, but as in like, but the reality, does the reality alter someone? No, because this is my question as well. If someone's a psychopath. Yeah. But they haven't in this reality now done it. No, because the hunch or whatever his name is needs to also assume. So let's go to the best friend husband situation.

Best friend capable of murder because he did it in one reality. The hunch, again, the worst detective in the world, the moron of the land. I reckon it was the husband. Then reality is kind enough to him to be like, yeah, I reckon it was the husband. Then reality is kind enough to him to be like, yeah, okay, it was. Okay, but he doesn't think about the best friend, because does he have to have the conscious thought, the husband did it, the

best friend never could, so that the best friend in this new reality is like, I never could. Or is he, if he's just like, the husband did it. And he doesn't know he has the power. He doesn't, yeah. Which means that you can't even loophole it and just like, the husband did it. And he doesn't know he has the power. He doesn't, yeah. Which means that you can't even loophole it and be like, this person did the murder and therefore,

because not a single other person in this world was capable of it. Yeah, because otherwise you still are leaving the best friend capable of murder. So you're actually not fighting crime. No, not fighting crime at all. You're constantly, especially if you're doing murder, as an example, because you're adding... So, the reality would be making sure that your scenario that you envisioned

had to happen. So for that to happen, the best friend could never in a million years conceive of that. So you'd have to change it completely. But that's not how that works, though. That's a different power. It's just reality warping if someone okay so like we'll use the best friend and the husband again yeah yeah best friend

in the first reality did the murder but your reality warping makes it the husband yeah you like jackson said haven't considered the best friend you don't even know there's a best friend yeah which means that you aren't then reality warping isn't then not making them capable of doing a murder. It just means that they didn't do this murder. Yeah, if it's what you assume to be true is what reality makes true, all you assume is true is that the husband did it without ever even knowing about the best friend. So that's why I brought up BTK because then like,

okay, so there's another mass murdering psychopath. So all you've really done is add a second psychopath to society and then arrest them, which means the original one's just out there, but there's no victims yet. So I'd examine it as an F because he's not fought crime at all. But then, right, I see where you're coming from.

So then, for example, yes, so we arrest one new psychopath, but the reality has been like, this was a psychopath. But it's created now, yeah, yeah. And I would make the assumption that the reality powers, like this was a psychopath but it's created now yeah yeah and I would I would make the assumption that the reality powers the innate powers

would kind of make that other person not be the psychopath why? you know what yeah but why? but if they do then they go and

commit another murder then the hunch comes in and is like oh well it must have been this person then someone else gets done and they have

another murder so basically are you familiar? you're kind of playing like Joel Zalman are you familiar with follow the cup I. So basically, you're kind of playing like... Joel Zalman, are you familiar with... You know, follow the cup.

I follow the cup and ball kind of thing of follow the murderer, but I'm just adding more balls. Yeah, adding more balls. That's what you're doing. Yeah, so under every cup is a ball. But another analogy, Joel Zalman, you might be familiar with, is are you familiar with the phenomenon of firefighters getting a hero complex and starting fires?

Yeah. To then put them out. That's what you're doing. Yeah, but the thing is, I wouldn't know that. Yeah, it's innate. It's innate, because you're like, I'm so good. But we in this room know this. Yeah.

And you're pitching this as an idea, and we're telling you it's a terrible one. It doesn't fight crime. No. It alters reality. It actually makes crime. Okay. It solves crime. No. It alters reality. It actually makes crime. It solves crime. It brings...

Well, could you do something like, well, I personally... Oh, the crime rate can't be that high. Surely not. Well, crime rate doesn't change. But then it would. No, it wouldn't. Why not? It would either stay the same or go higher.

No, no, no. So I'm like, surely the crime rate can't be... No, those figures are wrong. The crime rate needs to be much lower than that. Then the crime rate would be lower than that. Yeah. But you don't know that. Why would you think that?

Yeah. It's because he's the worst detective in the world. I'm a good detective. How murder rates this high? Surely not. I'm pretty good. And then it would kind of like new figures came out. Actually, crime rate.

No, yeah. But would you... Yeah, but that... Basically, you're just creating a reality where you are in control of the narrative 100% of the way but you don't know

without knowing that I think the most frustrating thing about this character this superhero is it's the least narratively interesting superhero in the world

there's nothing to solve there's no mystery here oh no there is there's still things well it's not no it's he goes in and he's like I reckon it was this guy

and it is this is like a one page comic book it's about like a reading and you'd want to have it a bit more like uh the latest issue of the hunch came out it's solved so quickly solved it so quick i reckon whoever he thinks did it did it i reckon the hunch is right but what happens to like events so especially like a cold case is a good example yeah because reality has to alter because before you take the case yeah whoever actually did so again let's say someone's murdered 15 years ago yeah and then oh fucking let's use another real life example the zodiac killer was caught relatively recently yeah yeah so for 40 years or whatever, in our reality, the person that was arrested for it did it. Yeah. But then you come along.

Worst detective in the world. Have a hunch. Roll in with a cigar in your mouth and a thumb up your ass. Yeah. Walk in, you're like, hmm, got a hunch that it was a different person. Yeah. Then 40 years. What happens to the people that have lived in that time? They disappear. Reality changes. Reality changes, so that has to make it so. So from their point of view, you just blink out of existence? They don't have a point of view. They never were. No, but when reality one becomes reality two, what happens?

Reality two is all there ever was. Yeah, there was never a reality one. Yeah. The people of reality 1. I'm like, okay, I come in. Now we're at the very upsetting point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say 40 years ago.

Oh, actually, I think it was Jackson Bailey, right? But Jackson can't be that because he wasn't born 40 years ago. If he was, you would then be born several decades earlier because you were always born several decades earlier. It would affect. Basically, think about the butterfly effect. Adding things is way less scary than taking stuff away. Because if you just make Jackson 40 years older,

I can... What are you talking about? That's taking away so much. That's taking away my whole life. But it's the same. There's no difference between taking away and adding because it's just replacing one reality with another. Exactly.

Because it's actually... I've not lost anything or gained anything. It always was that way. It just has always been this. Always been that way. Yeah. It's's actually I've not lost anything or gained anything. It always was that way. It just has always been this. Always been that way. Yeah. It's not a crime fighting superpower. It's just a fucked up situation. It's not crime fighting, but definitely

crime solving. No. No. Because there's no solving happening. Because you're not solving the crime. No. Yes. You've changed the playing field, maybe. Yeah. So that a new crime has been solved. Yeah. But the initial crime isn't solved.

Yes, it was because it never existed. It was always this one. Okay, so. Crime A was never a thing because it was always crime B. So, yeah. Yeah. But then. That's like you've made a new crime and then solved it.

It's the hero complex thing again. You're asking me to solve, like, say, 2 plus 2, and I'm saying I'm pretty sure the equation was always 1 plus 3. I'm saying solve crime A. You solve crime B. Crime A never existed. Yeah. But you actually don't solve crime B.

You create crime B. 5 plus 5 because I'm one different answer. Yeah. So, yeah, but, yeah, 2 plus 2 never existed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it doesn't happen. The question was always 5 plus 5. But, yeah, there's people that because— Well, they never existed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it didn't happen. The question was always 5 plus 5. But yeah, there's people that because –

Well, they never existed. No, no, there's no people. The thing that's fucked up your mind, Dusha, that's meaningless to me. No, no, no. It's not even – it's just like – It's kind of like, for example, so you know that theory about, say, the – well, the human race we developed from... Apes. No, no, no.

Maybe. Don't want a religious punch. The coastal apes. Yeah, okay. The aquatic ape theory, right? Which has been debunked. Apes can't swim. Apes can't swim.

How beautiful the detective... Chimpanzees drown, yeah. How beautiful the detective had a read of that and was like, that makes sense. Yeah. It would have happened. Absolutely. It's got nothing to do with crime. I know, I know.

But then we would have definitely evolved and we would have then, evidence would have happened and reality would have shifted. Well, it depends. Everything would have changed from that moment on. I guess that would be a cool thing. But no, because if it's been debunked and it's not actually what would have happened, mass extinction potentially?

No, reality would change so that it made sense. Because then we would evolve, and so there might have been

historically things that would have had to have changed and where we are today. What happens when you change

yourself? You just stick around? He just becomes a new sort of guy. That's a totally different person.

Because I did a hundred sit-ups yesterday yeah yeah yeah but he would have to believe that but you would have to believe that which is pretty

if the hunch has gone insane oh yeah it's like oh why why is my why are my legs sore I guess I did a hike yesterday

yeah that makes sense but okay so the hunch is delusional stupid idiot but yeah it'd be I guess I don't know I mean yeah

self-belief is an interesting one because, yeah, you'd have to generally believe. Because, again, it comes down to tangible things that you can't do. So I can't be like, yeah, I went on a hike yesterday. No. However, if I believe that I was a good person, I'd be a good person. Yeah, that's true.

Well, like, I've been eating healthier recently. Yeah, you would be eating healthier recently. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. I don't care about any of this self-belief or self-interest stuff because I think the wider implications are far, far worse.

I just think Xam has not answered the question. Oh, yeah. I think instead of solving crime, he's caused crime. Yeah, because the equivalent is- Not in that he's made crimes happen. He's done crimes himself, but he is, instead of solving the main crime,

he's created a new crime, which has been solved. Yeah, but all that you're doing is, like, imagine a society in which anytime a crime happens, police just pick a person at random, arrest them. There's no trial or anything. It's just- No, but it's right. No, no, no, but- And it's not the-

It's one person. It can't be a system. Pretend, because it's the same thing what you're doing to, like, the general population. Yeah, yeah. And because it's the same thing what you're doing to the general population. Because everyone now, even though they're unaware of it, just live in a society where at any point anyone can be blamed for any crime. They believe they did it because that's just the way that it works. You're not doing it.

It's bad. It's just. It's bad. Yeah. I missed the fucking cum guy. Yeah. But again, it's that kind of thing where I'm like, well. I'm going to kill Dedrick Baker or whatever.

Yeah, me too. I'll kill Kevin Smith. Yeah. And then we'll take over the podcast. We'll be like, actually, that episode you thought you heard, you didn't hear. Here's our review of Batman. It's so good, I cry. It's kind of like, I guess you kind of created a god, huh?

No. No. Not really, because he doesn't know what's happening. Yeah, he doesn't know what's happening. And he didn't create anything. No one knows what's happening. Just random people are in jail, but they've always done it, so who cares? Yeah. Yeah, so you-

Sort of a moot point. You're kind of batting- Yeah, you're batting 100. Well, or zero. All you've done is just make a guy that's really good at getting people arrested. Yeah, but they did it, though. Yeah, but they didn't as well. Yeah.

But they did. Yeah, yeah. They did it. But reality has changed to make it happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they definitely did it. But the crime rate, because usually. And sometimes, like, hey, what if the husband had done it?

The guy, oh, the guy oh hunch got it in one yeah okay but it doesn't none of that matters anymore crime doesn't even matter yeah it's just like still needs to be uh crime rates aren't changing yeah unless he thinks well unless he thinks they are then they are yeah yeah so it's sort of it's all sort of like not worth discussing. Xamarin's ideal crime fighting power is just what if crime rates were lower? And then it would have happened. I'm just like, again, a reality warping person who doesn't know that they're a reality warper.

Yeah. So that, yeah, your sense of self is out the window. It's all gone. Nothing really matters because we're up to the whim of this one person who maybe found like a random piece of uh clothing he's like i think uh this definitely belongs to someone they still gotta do like say you know some of the no they don't his first assumption's right yeah so he doesn't have to do anything but he still has to go and do it he has to at least learn about the murder i guess he's not to physically go out and do the like you know oh he's gonna walk to the crime scene whoa they're gonna be like

well we don't know who it was but these are the suspects and he's like I reckon it was that guy and then he just he just was well yeah

but you still gotta prove that but if it's a hunch well no you don't have to prove it because they did it well yeah I know they did it but then you still have to find the evidence for that to happen and the evidence will be there

because it exists yeah whatever evidence you decide like there's no effort yeah yeah yeah well he thinks it's effort no it's the same way like because people get arrested on hunches, and it would just be, what would happen is you arrest someone on a hunch, they just confess immediately.

Yeah. Sort of. No evidence needed. Well, you're not controlling the world like that. Well, you might look for the evidence, but I'm reading this comic book. No, but it doesn't matter. You don't know. You don't know, so therefore, you're not controlling shit, which means you can control shit.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, again, like, none of it matters. Like, none of it. You'd be like, oh, but I found this knife, and, like, it has your fingerprints on it. Yeah, yeah. So, like, again, like, none of it matters. Like, none of it... You'd be like, oh, but I found this knife, and, like, it has your fingerprints on it. Yeah. I'd be reading the comic, and I'd be like, I bet it was that guy.

Because that's how every hunch comic happens. The hunch thinks it's this guy, and then it is. What if the hunch, like, changes his mind, though? And then it's the other guy. And I'm like, yeah, well, none of that felt earned. Yeah, it'd be like, okay, yeah, someone gets arrested, and then you find a new piece of evidence.

Like, oh, actually. And then they were wrongfully arrested, and the other person gets arrested. Oh, no, there wouldn't even be that, because the other guy would have just, yeah. He would have been like, oh, actually, it was the other guy. And then, yeah. Oh, so the reality was just kind of changed on them as well. Well, you're saying that.

That's your power. Well, I'm just like, how much immediate shame? Well, no, it doesn't matter. You can't, if you're wrong, well, you can't ever be wrong. So whatever you decide is right. So if you're just like, oh, I did some more research, that man's innocent,

then reality. I guess you might be like, oh, I put the wrong guy in jail and then you put the wrong guy in jail. But then you're not batting at 100 anymore. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or if you doubt yourself,ting at 100 anymore. Yeah, yeah. Or if you doubt yourself, that's never good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he never wants to doubt himself. Well, because if he starts doubting himself, then reality's changing all the time. Yeah, constantly. Well, no, it doesn't matter. No, actually, no, it doesn't matter because if he thinks he's right all the time or if he starts doubting himself,

reality's still changing the same amount. He's still having the same amount of fucking thoughts. So if it's kind of like, it's a point where then like say the whole thing where he starts doubting himself like oh i did put the wrong person yeah what if i put everyone everyone i got was wrong and then the reality makes it so every case is like snow now he's batting zero yeah or negative yeah but then he would just have the thought of like oh yeah but what are the chances or every single person or then they can do like a fucked up thing as well alternatively it doesn't matter because. Alternatively, it doesn't matter

because... Yeah, because it doesn't matter. That's just the case now. If he then just lives in a reality where he thinks he has put a hundred people in jail and every single person was innocent, well, that's fine. They might be innocent if they're still in jail. In which case, then it just goes back to what Jax and I are saying. You've just arrested someone

that didn't do crime, eh? Because in this reality reality they didn't I guess the strangest implication of this is that you could end up in a situation where nobody did the crime but it still happened that just becomes an unsolved mystery but no one

has a guilty conscience no one's actually done it if you're like oh it was the husband and by deciding it was the husband, reality for some reason makes it so that the best friend never was going to kill this person, and then later in life you're like, oh, it wasn't the husband, then it was no one.

Well, then it was not the husband, but then surely you'd be like, oh, that person wasn't the husband. Surely at that point you'd want to be like, oh, it must have been this person, and then well, yeah, then I guess the hunch just decides it's someone else. Maybe she accidentally fell on the knife. And it was an accident.

And no one's a murderer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No crime. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I guess you could be like, oh, yeah, this murder was actually not a murder, but it was an accident. But they don't know.

But they would be probably going under the assumption it was a murder. Then also the same kind of thing, where it's like, oh, this accident or this murder that was a murder was an accident. They discover this or they think they discover that, and it becomes an accident. Yeah.

So it was always an accident. Yeah. No one was murdered. Yeah. Crime rate zero. But then the people that – No crime actually committed. Everything was an accident.

We've got a clumsy city. Yeah, there's a movie about that, Hot Fuzz. And, yeah, that didn't actually fix anything. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't think Xamarin answered the question, so I'm going to say you win. Yes! And on that note, I've been Joel.

I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Get big, America. Do you wish your brain could be worse? The very idea of ideas hurts you? Well, we've got great news. For just under $7 US a month, you can get access to the Bad Boy Brain Collection over on Apple Podcasts

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