Plumbing the Death Star - When Can You Feed a Mogwai?

Episode Date: May 11, 2015

In which our heroes eat after midnight, take a long bath and enjoy a frolic in the sun’s magnificent rays while wondering when can you feed a Mogwai? We discuss the arbitrary nature of midnight, how much of a wuss Gizmo is, and the amazing and ruthless nature of Mrs. Deagle. Jackson tries his hardest to connect Gremlins to the Alien franchise, Zammit shines a light on the potential secret history of World War II, and Duscher just doesn't understand how warfare works. Join us in an ill prepared adventure with the take away message that while the Chinese are clearly more responsible pet owners than us, they will never know the joy of inviting Corey Feldman over to help blend a Mogwai. So really, who’s the true winner of owning a sentient rat thing?Want to help bathe our pet Mogwai? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference with its gross matted fur.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least eleven books about exotic animal handling. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

San Spence Radio, delete your search history. This episode is brought to you by Dave Mathew. I don't know how to say your name. I'm sorry. This episode is brought to you by Dave Mathew. Your name sounds like it should be Dave Matthew, but that's okay. Thanks for listening. Enjoy the show! Hey guys, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask important questions like, when can you feed a mogwai?

Okay, so watch Gremlins, Gremlins 2 as well, and we all know Gremlins, there's three rules. Don't feed it after midnight. Don't put it in the sun. And don't get him wet. Don't get it wet. So there's three very arbitrary rules, which make little to no sense when you start really breaking them down.

My biggest issue with the three rules is the fucking guy, he didn't say why not to do those things. It's just the kid. The old man's like, I'm just not giving this too much of a hassle. Don't take it. But the kid's like, no, no, look, we're fucking poor. Here it is. Here's the rules. I'm fucking off. off his grandpa will be mad as an aside for that little kid he's

kind of like okay so the store's gonna break it's gonna be so it's gonna close down we're in the hey i'll sell you this mogwai for 200 bucks yeah no i like how the dad is like yeah i need this this exotic creature no one's ever seen before. $100. That's probably why the old guy's like, no, fuck off. Who the fuck are you? Smugwag. So we've got three rules. Yeah.

Two kind of make a little sense when you start thinking about it, but the last one in particular, don't feed him after midnight, makes absolutely no sense. Because it even points out in the second film, it's like, that's a very arbitrary rule to be putting on something biologically that is sort of governed by time zones, which we as humanity have invented. Yes, also, direct sunlight is also an issue, I feel.

No, see, direct sunlight's all right. No, because they just say keep it out of the sun, don't they? They're not even like, direct sunlight. So, like, is it nocturnal? Because then they're not feeding it off in the middle of the night. It is fucking clearly nocturnal because it's got huge eyes and huge ears. I assume that mogwai are supposed to live underground. That just makes sense.

They've got big eyes because that's a thing, the underground thing. Actually, you know what, to be honest, underground things have no eyes. No. Maybe it's just nocturnal. No, neither. They're underground things have no eyes. No. Maybe it's just nocturnal. No, neither. They're a biologically created weapon. This is my theory. Okay.

We're going to drop this in. We're fucking in the middle now. Balls deep from the get-go. Okay, so you can't feed them after midnight. That is just a bullshit rule that makes no sense. Fucking feed them whenever you want. Well, if you want a gremlin, yeah, sure. If that's what you're after, feed them whenever you want. If if you want a gremlin yeah sure exactly if that's what you're after feed him whenever you want if you're gonna be a reckless cunt so there's a few things in in the film that sort of give it away that uh there was something going

on here particularly like world war ii uh when the sort of guy who has got uh post-traumatic stress is like all going like man there were gremlins everywhere in the fucking tanks and the planes and shit like that also have a a look at just how poorly they treat non-human animals. So think about the dog, right? They string it up by Christmas lights at one point. But before then... That's the awesome Mrs. Deagle. Mrs. Deagle is like very loudly in a bank, in a public area,

is going to Billy, Hey, Billy, I'm going to kill your fucking dog. I love Mrs. Deagle. I'm not just going to kill it. I'm going to throw it in a bank, in a public area, is going to Billy, hey, Billy, I'm going to kill your fucking dog. I love Mrs. Tinkle. I'm not just going to kill it. I'm going to throw it in a fucking washing machine, put it on spin, and watch the fucking drive. I do love the way. And then a bunch of people who are waiting in line are like, yeah.

Yeah, they're not even like, that's a good idea. I think the guy's just like, yeah, that'd work. That is a way to kill a dog. I just love how, like, the kid is just like, yeah, okay, you're going to kill my dog. Can't we just move this along? Like, no one kill a dog. I just love how the kid is just like, yeah, okay, you're going to kill my dog. Can't we just move this along? And when she does, well,

clearly the gremlin has strung him up, but clearly everyone's thinking it's Mrs. Deagle. I actually just assumed it was Mrs. Deagle. I was like, they're like, oh, and I was like, well, because it's the Mogwai. They're not gremlins yet. No, I think it's just Mrs. Deagle's like, fuck this dog. And even still, no one's like, let's no No I think it's just Mrs. Deagle's like Fuck this dog And even still

No one's like Let's call the cops Everyone's just like Let's just send the dog Up to a farm for a while Let the heat lay low Do they? Yeah they just like

Get rid of the dog But is that just like A mistreatment of like animals Or just fear of Mrs. Deagle? Cause Mrs. Deagle Has a fuck ton of cats One of which named Dollar Bill That she treats With a lot of respect Okay Deagle is a good ton of cats, one of which named Dollar Bill, that she treats with a lot of respect.

Okay. Deagle is a good name for someone who's kind of evil because it sounds like Desert Eagle, the pistol. Yes. They're known for fucking shit up. And Deagle rhymes with Beagle, which is a kind of dog. Yep. Forget gremlins.

Mrs. Deagle theories. So getting back to my theory that they're biological weapons, in the sequel they do mention that the mogwais are fucking cute as hell. And they're like, is this genetic? We don't know. They're not cute as hell. They're greasy as hell. They look greasy as hell.

It looks like they're very flammable. They look so flammable. And they are. I guess they're sun... Wait. Okay, so they can't go out in sunlight. What about heat? Is it like at room temperature it can't be too...

I feel like they're very dangerous. I feel like it's light because they're nocturnal animals. But, like, if you put a bat in the sun... If you put a bat in the sun, it doesn't explode. Just release a bunch of bats. Dad. Solid weapon. So they're genetically cute.

There's all these weird arbitrary rules. So think about you're the Allied forces. You design this little creature. Let's take out some Nazis. Okay, I have a... I like how you're not even letting me finish. Go on. Straight away, I just realized.

I was thinking about it. I was like, I'm bored for a second. And then I remembered. All right. So World War II. When was the war fought? The, like, 40'm bored for a second, and then I remembered. Alright, so World War II. When was the war fought? The, like, 40s? Yeah, no.

What time of the day was it fought in? All the days. Uh-huh. Except at night, because they didn't have torches and shit. Well, no, the war continued at night. Yeah, do you think we just didn't have light? You fucking idiot, let me finish. No!

All of the big battles were during the day, because at night it was like, well, if we have lights and shit. What about the Blitzkrieg? Oh, my God. Do you not? Do you think at night humans are like, oh, my God, it's nighttime. Everyone stop. Don't move.

Or like, they're like, okay, we should go take out the Nazis. And they're like, look, what if I get lost? Let's not. Neither of those are the points i was making the battles the battles died off a bit at night everyone was just like no they didn't hiding time that is not even true it's 100 true i was there i like maybe the plane battles would have been done during the day because you'd have better visibility. But even then, probably not. I just like that you're like Hitler.

Sunset, everyone back to the trenches. Look, Winston, can we have a deal here? Nighttime is scary for me. I mean, when it gets to eight o'clock sharp, I want there to be a truce. Because the nighttime is scary time. I don't like the darkness. No, it's very frightening. I agree, Hitler. You're a wise man I don't like the darkness. I agree.

Hitler, you're a wise man when it comes to the night. Okay, but 6am, we're coming for you. That's fine. I wake up at 5ish. So that's how the war went for you, Dusha? Is that what happened in

Dusha's reimagining the history? Dusha style? No, you've got to remember, guys, that history always remembers the victor, and I was on the wrong side, so things are a little different for me. Joel Dusha, Nazi. Joel Dusha, last name Dusha.

Nazi. Issues. I get what you mean, though, because you couldn't use a gremlin during the day. No, and that's what I... We just explained. That's my point, you wouldn't use a gremlin during the day no and that's what i just explained okay no what i mean that's my point you wouldn't what i was trying to say and hey i'm all for the fucking jokes guys but no what i was trying to say is like the tactics change completely at night during the war because it's still a fucking war i get that it wasn't like fucking winston and

fucking hitler like went to sleep like guys behave Sleep time is safe time Anyone else is watching Hitler with a little teddy And like a nightcap Winston with a big cigar ashen on his face As he sleeps Two cigars while he sleeps As he snores

He fills the room with cigars Hitler in Germany Goodnight Winston Anyway I just feel like Mogwais if they were a weapon He fills the room with cigars. Hitler in Germany. Good night, Winston. Good night, Hitler. Anyway, I just feel like mogwais, if they were a weapon, would be suited to daytime warfare. No. But can't be because they'd fucking explode.

Because you're thinking of the different... I'm thinking of a sneaky weapon. How is a mogwai... I disagree that it's a weapon at all. At night. Okay. I'm a soldier. I'm weapon at all. At night... Okay. Uh-huh. I'm a soldier.

I'm an SS soldier. At night... Jackson Gruber Hans. At night, allies flying over the Germany town or whatever it is, dropping crates... Who says Germany town? That's where my grandpa grew up. Why are you working for the allies? Whatever.

You said that the... You said we were the... I think you're a traitor. Get him! Allies flying over town, wherever it is, dropping, or whoever really, dropping a crate of mogwais. Would they survive the fucking...

You can't drop live things out of a... Oh, parachutes exist. Wow, I have gone full retard in this episode so dropping a bunch of crates of mogwai with parachutes with parachutes during the night time like they can open it like escape

you know scuttle go into the sewers into like maybe even near where there's a lot of foot traffic whatever because in number two there's the scientist. It's like, what's the... They're like, oh my God, whatever this... Grab it, it's a rat.

It looks cute and adorable. So people just want to grab them. Hey, whoa, let me stop you there. It looks like a rat. Let's grab it. It's adorable. It looks like if you got a guinea pig and crushed it halfway. Not my opinions.

Face first. Opinions of the scientists. Okay, but Zamat, here's my issue. Not my opinions. Opinions of the scientists. Here's my issue. So, you've got these people thinking gremlins and they're like, oh, look at the gremlin, he's so cute. Grabbing the gremlins and whatever and caring for it. And then this weird arbitrary rules of don't feed it after midnight, which is all just

bullshit. I mean, because it makes no sense. It makes no sense at all. So inevitably, you're gonna fuck up. Those rules are there in place for you're gonna fuck up at one point in time. And so think about it. Oh, you'll get mogwai messy. You're going to bath it. Yeah, yeah.

You will clean a mogwai at some point in your life. That's the thing that I found. I'm going to interrupt and jump in. The water thing isn't such a big deal as long as you're prepared to house a bunch of mogwai Yeah I know it's not a big deal But if you're thinking this is a biological weapon It's a great little feature But imagine this Samit

So I'm a little German schoolboy And it's war in Germany so shit's rough for me And I'm like holy fuck Allies they're gonna bomb us They drop a crate Yeah but you don't see them Oh are they doing it at night? So they're doing it at night

They're dropping the crates The mogwais are spreading out This is it at night. They're dropping the crates. The mogwai are spreading out. This is World War II planes. They're not exactly quiet. I'll be like, oh, God, as I hear the... And the fucking airstrike fucking sirens that were going off. And then they drop these crates and we're like, what are these? Destroy the mogwai.

I agree that they're a weapon. I'm just going to think you guys are idiots. Yeah, okay, you have the things going, like the Allies, whatever, bombing shit down, but people aren't seeing the crates because it's night time. See, you're making the douchey mistake of thinking war stopped at night. No, I'm not. But you would be everywhere in Germany,

there were people watching the skies. Think of the Blitzkrieg, you fucking idiot. I am. I'm saying they would be undercover in bunkers, whatever. I'm saying enough fucking crates will fall. What I'm saying is that the moment... Okay, no, you're right. If you drop a million in crates,

I'm sure they'll be like, oh, wait, if this is one, we wouldn't trust. Oh, fuck it. Now there's 10,000. No, okay, maybe go to the border and then just at night time, just chuck a bunch of mogwais. I want to cross the border back your way?

Oh, no. Well, the other issue is that. Winston, we fucked up. Say I'm a German town of German town. Yep. I'm the little town of German town. And we get mogwai'd. And like as a kid, I'm like, I got a dirty mogwai.

I bathe it. Oh, fuck. I got heaps. Oh, it's hungry feet. Oh, shit. I got gremlins. Yeah. And then the soldiers in my town are like

hey, Nazis everywhere this is gonna happen kill all mogwais. And then they'd kill all the mogwais. But you'd have to have that intel first to do all that. You'd get one town, I guess. That's pretty neat. But you'd wipe out that town.

Do you know what was better at wiping out towns? Bombs? The fucking nuclear weapons. What I think, Zamit, is that a mogwai is... The thing about mogwai, though, is a good nuclear weapon in that it doesn't destroy the... It's not nuclear. It's not nuclear. It's a good weapon.

It doesn't destroy the infrastructure. It just kills everyone in that town. Not necessarily. You think about it. You were there. You grab a mogwai. You think it's so pretty, whatever. You bathe it, whatever.

Then suddenly you have too many mogwai. All right, so Billy's one dumb kid. Yep. He takes out like seven. Hang on. Damn it. And that's not during war. In your dropping of the mogwai, did they get the rules in the crate?

No. So it's not even an issue because all the mogwais just die the next day? Well, no, because the mogwais just die the next day? Well no because the mogwais know the rules. Do they? Is the mogwai going to be like, hello? No, the mogwai is like no, the mogwai is not going to be like, please don't give me sunlight all night. No

the mogwai knows that sunlight is bad for it. It doesn't matter. If I'm a little kid with a rabbit and I'm like, dropping a rabbit's bad I'll still drop a rabbit. It doesn't matter if a mogwai is scared. Kids don't give a fuck. No, I know that. You are going to be like, you have a 12-hour window for the mogwai to just wreck havoc.

Wait, 12 hours? What do you drop in the crate? I'm going to give you six at most. Do the mogwais know? Because if you drop it 12 hours before, it's like dinner time. Everyone's like, there's a fucking ally, please. Those freaks. Wait, does Gizmo know?

Are these ally mogwais? Like, have we instilled in them, this is your job, dropping it down. Get wet. Gizmo is very patriotic. He wraps himself in a blanket because he's a fucking animal. Gizmo doesn't know.

No, he's extremely patriotic in the first and second film. He's very much pro-America. When is he pro-America in Gremlins? I'm not seeing Gremlins 2, the new batch, so maybe. But when is he pro-America in Gremlins? I watched it a couple of weeks ago, but I do remember him saying he's patriotic as fuck on my notes. That's because in the police station,

Gizmo wraps himself in an American flag, and they like oh what a little patriot there we go he's not like america he's just cold salmon he's just a cold little guy all right i think also gizmo spends the entire first film trying not to turn into a gremlin, so what makes you think that all the other Mogwai you drop into... Because I'm going to go, maybe he's like the 1% or the 10% of failure. So out of a bunch of, say, 110 of them, I'm going to be like,

no, we want to be a Mogwai. I still think they're a biological weapon. I'm not saying they're a perfect weapon. I'm saying they were designed to be like... I think they're a biological weapon, but not for terrestrial war. Drop them into the allies. Drop them into wherever you're going. Drop them into the allies. Drop them into wherever you're going.

Drop them into the enemy. Enemies find them. They care for them. Whatever. And then they suddenly turn. You've got a bunch of them. They run amok. Take out a town.

And then when daytime comes, you can come in there and storm the town. Most are dead because the town's got gremlin. And any sort of gremlins that are still there are going to be frightened of the allies. Why did we stop them? And also also i think they killed all our pets so then the like the old chinese dude is like rough but it's neat to have a biological weapon in my building yeah um i think did we forget i don't know was it secret it was covered up because it was mass hysteria just like how they covered up in the the first the first film it was all just up because it was mass hysteria. Just like how they covered up in the first film. It was all just called mass hysteria.

Mass hysteria blows up a building. Basically. Fuck you, Grimm. Yeah, it was just... No one was like, yeah, gremlins are a thing. But everyone was like, hey, nah, there's a rumour. Like gremlins were in World War II fucking up all our planes. If you think about, you know, if anything's going wrong,

it might be gremlins. So I think that it's sort of like a seedy underground rumour that just completely fucks up places. I feel like, though, that people weren't so stupid that if all of a sudden there was a new animal, scientists would be like, or like just anyone would be like... So you're saying that in the world of gremlins, they have the technology capable of

creating gremlins yeah but well water water exists so they can make mogwai so i get what so you just make one mogwai and then you're good water it for a bit well that's the whole point of number two is they they start just genetically testing and engineering so then number two it's a new animal though well no it's like they get the gremlin and they get, like, Gizmo and they start experimenting on him. It just seems weird to do when it's already a genetic... I feel like you're on the right path, sort of. I feel like it's clearly a weapon.

I'm not denying that. You were saying it's not a terrestrial weapon. I think that there's a pretty clear progression of films. Alien. Aliens. Aliens 3, 2, 6. Gremlins 1 and 2. The way the gremlins work in that film is almost exact.

Well, not exact. They don't climb inside you. But it'd be sick if they did. It's so similar Like that there's gotta be something going on there When the gremlins make their transformation They are in eggs almost exactly Like the xenomorph eggs

Like almost exactly And if you're in a plane And you're dropping them on Germany Well that's gonna be an issue because you've got the cane toad problem Now you've got the world overrun with fucking gremlins And if it rains Holy shit what do we do if you just want to destroy a planet how good just like thousands just thousands and thousands and thousands of gremlins mogwai they exponentially get bigger because what i like about gremlins as well is

that they can really bypass their mogwai stage as well. You can get a gremlin wet and it just pops out more gremlins. Exactly. So that's pretty much like when the weapon turns and it's like, no, which is like, you know, annihilation. This is endgame. Imagine this. You've got the fucking engineers, right, who made the aliens and whatever. And they have their ship.

They land it over the sea, they drop one fucking gremlin in, look out, planet! You're gonna get gremlin'd. Wait, can gremlins even fucking swim? That's not the issue. No, because in the movie, in Gremlins 1,

the original batch, that's not what it's called, they drop Stripe, or or Spike or whatever his name is Smirnoff I dropped Smirnoff the gremlin in the pool and he just produces thousands Wait, I don't remember that

I don't remember how to pull it it gets all green and smoky He wants to just fuck the town Oh, I can't remember now Why is there green smoke and mist when they drop him in? Like so he's like oh that's okay yeah no i can't remember now what is why is there green smoke and mist when they drop him in like if he's a weapon what what's the point of that oh no that's that's no that's clearly like a fucking like imagine a dremeling drops in a well and you're like the fuck and then just this mist comes out of the well and you're like what's that and then

just thousands of gremlins out of the mist. That's terrifying. That's terrifying. Because you think maybe this mist is going to be... Maybe it's a ghost! The mist is sort of like the precursor. So then people can see the green mist and get frightened and then they'll spread a rumour about this green mist that just comes to town and kills people. So, like, people don't even know what the mists are doing because it's just all the gremlins inside.

That reminds me of another film, The Mist. Exactly. The gremlin spin-off, mist exactly the gremlin spin-off alien aliens 2 aliens new batch aliens 3 gremlins gremlins 2 alien resurrection the mist that's your and then alien verse predator versus gremlin so it wouldn't matter if um gremlins could swim because they'd just be thousands, no, billions of them They'd just build up an island They'd make a gremlin continent

Yeah, gremlins continent on their fallen dead brethren What influences a gremlin's personality? Gizmo, not a cunt Gizmo's a lovely little guy Smirnoff, a cunt And the other one's either dumb, idiot Or they want to sort of follow The leader

I know it's probably just like an example of 80s comedy but The fact that all the gremlins get clothes When they're in the bar really disturbed me And that they do all these really human things They learn very quickly What do the gremlins want? I don't think they want anything

I think they just want to cause mayhem and destruction No but when they go in that bar They they're just like, one of them's playing jazz. One of them is a bartender, I think, as well, isn't it? I think gremlins just want to integrate into our society. Well, they learn very, very quickly. Like the Mogwai Gizmo, he learns notes, how to sing in scales. Yeah, that's true. They learn new words.

Well, he can clearly speak English just from hanging out with the kid for a long time and he knows chinese already because the old chinese man's like chatting to him they're having little sneaky giggles when he collects him at the end yeah and he's like so and he knows what fun is like he's like fun and yum and all that kind of stuff which is fucked up if he's a weapon. They also learn to drive very quickly. Yeah, they drive a whole snowplow. They drive a whole snowplow. Into an old man. Like, they learn to drive quicker than humans. Wait, I was

so on board with gremlins being a weapon, because it makes so much sense, but the fact that the Mogwai can talk and learn piano... Well, some of them use, like, learn behaviour, like when he's smoking, gambling, all that kind of stuff. Is that learn behaviour of watching other people? No, because they just go in a bar and just start fucking smoking and gambling. I feel like...

How do they learn the rules of poker? That's a question. It's just in there from the get-go. Guys, stop the episode. I've got a new question. How do gremlins poker? No, but think about it, though. Just because they have some aggressive traits that are similar with weapons

doesn't necessarily make them a weapon. Like sharks. Yeah. If sharks could exist outside of water, that'd fuck shit up. So I guess, are you saying... You could say that, like, what if we dropped crocodiles on the Allies?

Or the Allies dropped crocodiles on Germantown? Like the same thing had happened. Well, sort of. But it's not as like... It's like dropping hungry crocodiles that have a taste for human flesh. That breed exponentially. No, because the breeding is the only thing

that makes them seem like they're a weapon. Everything else is sort of arguing against that. How could these exist in the wild? How could these feasibly exist in nature? No, I mean,? They couldn't. They probably don't. I'm not worried about that. I'm not worried about gremlins, guys.

Damn it. I don't know why you're so worried about gremlins. Just relax, man. No, I agree that they were probably made in a thing. A thing being a fucking scientist's house. What's it called? A lab. A lab. Just one of them scientist's houses.

Made in a science lab uh-huh where scientists live but they don't eat because that is a rule that that is a science rule it's like wear your lab coat wear your glasses and leave your fucking lunch in the fucking hallway mate um what was i saying that but oh yeah they were probably probably 100 created in a lab but i just don't think that there were like or if they are a weapon they just are not perfect yet like it's not a good one yeah it's sort of like no it's not a good one it's like the alien you know it's in aliens it's it's like the alien in prometheus it's just yeah fuck up it's like it's like it's like a prototype it's sort of like if you made a gun that exploded when you fired it. You'd still injure Think about early stages of making a

biological weapon. Let's just all remember those early stages. You're going to have some fuck-ups. Yeah, it's not going to be perfect. I would assume. And I reckon this is probably one of the fuck-ups because it's just not perfect. Exploding in sunlight is my big issue. I think that's a failsafe.

Exploding in sunlight is a failsafe. No, because it's not Because imagine a gremlin island So they drop the gremlins in and by The break of dawn It would just blow up People would be looking at it and be like The top layer would blow up

Exposing the bottom layer And then they would blow up Exposing the bottom layer So they kind of don't even... Gremlins can only... Your planet theory's fucked as well. Because they can only exist as a biological weapon for something like six hours.

Or maybe not six. Until the sun comes up. 12 hours. It's not 12, because sun doesn't set and then rise at... Different planets, different... Strokes. Strokes. Different strokes for different planets. Different length of day. Strokes. Different strokes for different planets.

Different length of day. I suppose. That's true. Gremlins seem like a hassle now, guys. Yeah. Well, they've always were a hassle. I suppose. Yeah.

Okay, so gremlins, kind of a shit biological weapon, but probably a weapon. Jules, you're fucking... Yeah, no, they're all right. We're like, yeah, I guess they're a weapon. Hey, whoa, whoa. I never said they were all right.

This guy, the whole episode, they're all right. No, I said they were a weapon hey whoa whoa I never said they were alright this guy is the whole episode they're alright I don't remember that they were designed as a weapon I'm not saying they're a good weapon they're a pretty shitty weapon what if they're like locusts though so this whole time

we've just been arguing the same thing but in different ways oh yeah ah good basically I just don't think that they'd work

like just in our wars in space wars yes but I reckon they did play a part. Imagine if you were a predator and that was what you'd kill. Like a predator. You know, they kill an alien, they have an alien. It's like a little fucking mogwai skull.

Other predators are like, tick, tick, tick, tick. Nah, but because they're so plentiful, you'd have to have at least a hundred mogwai skulls. You could probably make a belt out of them. You could probably have a single mogwai, like a dead one, on a staff or a spear. That's pretty sick. And a spear is made out of them you can probably have a single mogwai like a dead one on like a staff or a spear that's pretty sick and the spear is made out of their skulls whoa that's pretty fucking metal that'd be a neat little easter egg in like the next predator film if he had just like a little

like predators two predators two then you batch however um getting back to the point of like what what is the mogwai's end game or the gremlins' endgame what they want and why they are probably to have a good time but no Gremlins also have a good time I'm thinking in Gremlins the first Gremlins the bit where Billy's mum forget her name Mrs. Billy's mum

Mrs. Billy Mama Bill Bill walks into the kitchen and the Gremlins aren't really doing much. He's just eating a cookie. He's having a gingerbread cookie, having a good time. Having a good time. She freaks out, blenders one, and everyone's like, oh, shit.

They go to an attacker in self-defense, and she has a knife and starts stabbing him. Billy blows up a fucking whole theater. They're just enjoying Snow White, which for some reason is funny to them. I feel bad for the Gremlins. No, but I don't because they still run over that guy with a snowplow for no reason. Yeah, but only a couple do that. Others just want to have a time and watch Snow White eat cookies. I guess when they're in the bar, they're not trying to kill that girl.

They're just drunk patrons. Yeah. But as an aside, when he's eating a gingerbread cookie he's got all this like yellow goo around his mouth and you're like what what is that there's no the gingerbread cookie was done where'd he get that goo from looks like he was eating an egg before he was eating a gingerbread maybe he was gremlins are gross so wait yeah gremlins are disgusting so but like she decapitates one blenders one that's That's brutal, man. Yeah, I guess. But running over a man in a snowplow is also pretty brutal.

Not as brutal as blendering your whole body. And she microwaves one and wrecks a microwave. Yeah. But like, hang on. Okay, what's the body count of the gremlins? Like a thousand. Oh, as in like how many do gremlins kill? No, not how many gremlins die, because a lot.

No, how many people do the gremlins kill? They kill Mrs. Deagle. Yeah. They just like brutalize her. Yeah, they just, like, brutalize her, don't they? She was a cunt. No, but, yeah, I know, but still. Oh, and they kill the fucking scientist. Oh, yeah, but he was doing his own house. He was just doing science.

He was doing science. In his science house. He was, like, so fine. That was such an unjust killing. Yeah. He's like, oh, sorry, I have to take a blood from you because you're our new species. And then, like, we're as an audience supposed to's like, sorry, I have to take a blood from you because you're a new species. And then Ware as an audience was supposed to be like, you piece of shit doing science. Fuck you.

And the man with the snowplow. Are you mad at the scientist for doing science? No, I'm mad at the mogwais for killing scientists, you piece of shit. That's what I mean. They're the bad guys. I know that your thing is to be like, no, bad guys are, no, they're the fucking bad guys. I know that your thing is to be like, no, bad guys are...

No, they're the fucking bad guys. I know there's a bad guys in this, but you can kind of see it from their point of view. The bad guys. They're experimenting. Fuck you. No, they're not. They're taking blood.

Yeah, but you don't know that. As a creature, you don't know that he's just taking blood. He's keeping you in a cage. But apparently they learn real quickly. Sam, replace the mogwai with dogs. Yeah. taking blood he's keeping you in a cage but apparently they learn real quickly replace the mogwai with dogs and you've got a dog in a cage and someone takes a blood test from the dog and then the dog comes out and mauls the guy and you're like good

but this dog doesn't have the same sort of cognitive behavior and ability to be honest that mogwai oh no he did kill him he's quite little. I don't know how he managed that. He was chatting to him

like he was talking. He was so friendly. It was still unjust. But that's nature, I suppose. That's the law of the wild. If anything, it's someone experimenting on you, Dusha. Think about a bigger... If a giant gremlin was experimenting on you. Yeah.

Taking my blood. Taking your blood, that's it. Yeah, taking your blood, keeping you in a cage, not listening to anything you were saying, even though you were speaking its language. People not listening to what I'm saying is not something that usually happens to me, so... I'm afraid I just can't imagine. I just cannot imagine.

So you're in a cage, and you're like, please let me out, I don't want to be here, I'm hungry. That doesn't sound like me. I'm not a whiny little piece of shit. I'd be like, hey, man, what's going on? Why am I in a cage? The Monkway doesn't speak that much English. They do speak English.

No, but like, they like speak English the way an ape knows sign language. They're like, yum, yum, light. Even still, that's... Apes are like, Give me a fucking puppy And we still experiment on that For those of you I was doing sign language Apes are not just like Hey give me a fucking puppy

Want something to pat But they like An ape knows as much sign language As a mogwai knows English And if an ape broke out of its cage And ripped off someone's arms And beat him with it, I'd be on Team Ape. Wow.

I don't know whose team I'd be on. I'd probably be like, that's a sad story. That's a sad story. As for when you can feed a mogwai, though. Probably sunrise. It just seems like common sense. Probably just don't feed it. Don't have it.

Take it back to the old Chinese myth. Like, you're right. It's too much of a hassle. No, man like you're right it's too much no thank you nah it's on you although i don't know why didn't billy just be like hey there's a bunch of mug lights i'm gonna sell these yeah yeah no because you're gonna get like a hundred bucks for it still it's a lot of asshole i guess a hundred bucks for a little bit of water i feel like that the rule of not to feed them after midnight like there's there's definitely just a follow-up sentence but like billy's dad had just chuffed off yeah don't feed them after midnight, like there's definitely just a follow-up sentence, but like Billy's dad had just chuffed off.

Yeah. Don't feed them after midnight unless, yeah, I got it. Dad, oh my God. Don't feed them after midnight. Just feed them when the sun comes up again. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, sleep times. Guys, it's just common sense.

Yeah, but Stripe though, he's crafty. He sets the clock forward. Oh, does Stripe do that? No, he bites the- Wait, was Stripe evil as, is crafty. He sets the clock forward. Oh, does Stripe do that? Wait, was Stripe evil as a mogwai? Yeah. That changes everything. That means that they each have individual personalities. Because in my head, I was like, whatever, you get the nice mogwai,

and then they get wet, they become the bad gremlins. Stripe was always a bit of a dick from the get-go. Oh, and they all hated Gizmo, which is this weird sort of... I hate Gizmo too. Yeah, I can't stand it. He's a little pussbag. I hate the mother-father. I think Gizmo's just such a wuss

that they're like, you piece of shit. Same thing happens on it too. The offspring of Gizmo, they all hate Gizmo as well. I think it might just be Gizmo. Nah, yeah, it's Gizmo. Think about it like this. Yeah, Gizmo as well. I think it might just be Gizmo. Is it Gizmo or is it just like... Nah, yeah, it's Gizmo. Yeah, it's Gizmo. Think about it like this. Yeah, Gizmo.

All the evidence that from me watching the fucking film and like this whole episode, what I've realised is that Mogwai, people, gremlins, like, drunks. Sometimes people just want to get drunk and have a good time. Gizmo is judging them hardcore for it. Oh, he does. drunks. Sometimes people just want to get drunk and have a good time. Gizmo is judging them hardcore for it. Oh, he does.

When they're eating after midnight, Gizmo's like, Gizmo's that annoying friend that's like, what are you doing? You're like, I'm just, oh my God, get off my back. Yeah, the annoying friend is like, you should probably eat something. You've had a beer and a half. You're like, Gizmo, I'm going to string you up like a dog. Gizmo, I'm it's my day off, mate. I'm allowed to go to the pub, just enjoy a few beverages with my so-called

friends. Run over a guy with a snowplow, Gizmo. Have a good time. Like, my instinct right now is to put Gizmo in a hessian sack and drown him like a cat. Yeah. But that wouldn't fucking work. No. Well, you'd drown Gizmo. Well, no. Yes. Gizmo would still die. He'd just make more and we'd get another cat. Yeah. But that wouldn't fucking work. No. Well, you'd drown Gizmo. Well, no. Yes.

Gizmo would still die. He'd just make more and we'd get another island. Yeah, no, Gizmo would also get awesome gremlins. Yes. Sick ones that are like, no, this is all right.

That'll happily party with me and not judge my partying behavior like Gizmo will. You know what's weird? Gremlins look less like they want to kill you than a mogwai does. Uh-huh.

You know what it's like? Mogwai looks like I wouldn't want to sleep near a mogwai. Like a mogwai is, I'm going to wake up with a mogwai standing on my chest with like scissors. Yeah, exactly. But a gremlin's going to be like, ah! You fucking hear gremlins as well because they just walk around being like, ah! Yeah. You're like, yeah, all right. I know what you're about.

That's why you're like a mogwai, sneaky biological weapon. Infiltrate houses. So what have we decided? Scuttling like rats. Okay. We've decided that they're weapons. But shit ones. But shit ones.

At best, a four out of ten. Probably a precursor to the Alien trilogy. Yeah. Or a logical conclusion. In between cool. In between cool. All right. Gremlins just want to party. Mogwais are cunts. No, no, no, no, no. Mog cool. All right. Gremlins just want to party.

Mogwai's a cunt. No, no, no, no, no. Mogwai's a fine. It's just Gizmo's a cunt. Yeah. Gremlins want to party. Gizmo's a cunt. He's a judgmental asshole.

And probably just don't feed Mogwai full stop. And if you do, wait till the sun comes up. The end. Give your Mogwai back to the Chinese man. He seemed to have a handle on it. Yeah, he did. Yeah.

He hadn't happened to him he was responsible I suppose he had a kid that was alive so things couldn't have gone too bad although he was the kid's grandfather oh no plus the grandpa is missing an eye

yes isn't he I think he had a rough little grremlin time, but he sorted it out, and he's been fine, and the kid takes it, and he's like, it's just going to happen again. And it happened so quickly as well. Within about a day and a half, Billy has fucked up. He gets him wet almost straight off the bat. He's like, don't get him wet.

Was that all bullshit? What if he sneezed on a gremlin? That's Corey Feldman. He fucks up. Oh, yeah, Corey. Corey Feldman's like Oh no! Oh, Corey. You're better than that. No, he's not.

Well, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Don't feed it after midnight. Don't feed it. Don't put it in the water and maybe just leave it in the sun for a bit. Let your gremlin I mean your mogwai get dirty. Explode.

It's funny to imagine someone is washing their mogwai and then their mogwai multiplies and then they try to wash those mogwai and then they multiply and they're just like, what's going on? That's a Corey Feldman way. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com.