Plumbing the Death Star - Where Would You Die Hard? with Zoe Bee from Being Hot is Hard

Episode Date: October 9, 2022

This week the Bad Brain Boys are joined by the always glamorous Zoe Bee from Sanspants Radio’s newest show, Being Hot is Hard. Being Hot is Hard Is a show where three regular human women with flaws, with acne, with stretchmarks. Each week they guide you through all the insane trials, TikTok trends and tribulations they have personally endured in their HOTNESS JOURNEY. Whether it's putting baking ingredients in their hair, or burning skin off with mystery acid - they'll be coming at you with results and lessons from our very own lives, as well as the lives of others - with new quests every week. They are sick of pretending it's easy - being hot is hard. In this episode of Plumbing the Death Star four genius brains try and answer the question ‘Where would you Die Hard?’. Zammit chooses a cruise ship and gets captured right away, Jackson picks a McDonald's so he can use frozen Big Macs as his weapons. Zoe goes for your classic house in a tree (not a tree house (your guess is as good as mine)), and Duscher goes full Con-Air mode and chooses a plane.Buy our terrible merch here and check out the Bad Brain Boys on Apple Podcasts at apple.co/badbrainboys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

you're listening to the sandpants network hey there fuckheads welcome to this week's episode coming in hot plumbing the death star i'm your host joel i'm jackson i'm also joel and today we are joined by a very special guest and beautiful guest and beautiful guest on fourth mic, Zoe B. Woo, it's me. She told me to call you fuckheads. Yeah, I did. And today we were asked the important question, and this one's not mine, and I'm really excited to explore it.

And I'm not even entirely sure what the first word of the sentence is. We're coming in hot. This is a hot app. Where would you die, hon? Correct. That's how we got the perfect. Now, I want to propose a cruise ship because I've got cruise ships on the brain. I was thinking cruise ship. Tell me a cruise ship. Okay, so I ships on the brain tell me a cruise ship

okay so I guess just peel back a little bit yeah I thought we were just going buildings that is also a baffling statement I

can already tell this is going to be one of those episodes I don't know what gave it away when I called you all fuckheads listeners maybe

oh there I thought you were calling us fuckheads why would he be? Because he's mean. Renowned bully Joel Dusha. Famous for that.

No, so, okay. To die hard something. Yes. Means to infiltrate it whilst your wife has been kidnapped. Or children, depending on what movie

you're watching. Exactly. And being held hostage. Yes. And because I'm assuming. We just go with Die Hard 1, basically. Because Die Hard, the other ones, different plots. Is the villain doing it to, what's that word that I can't.

Obfuscate? That's the one. Yeah. Another worse crime? I don't know. I've never seen Die Hard. It's a lesser crime. Commit domestic terrorism to cover up robbing a bank.

Yeah. I don't even think it's domestic terrorism. I thinkit domestic terrorism to cover up robbing a bank. I don't even think it's domestic terrorism. I think he's like full on garden variety terrorism. Is it domestic if it is you're from the place? Yeah, and he's not. He's British. German? German.

This is where I'm with the game. I've never seen Die Hard. I heard you the first time Yeah but he didn't sink in He didn't sink in He did ask him a follow up question How am I meant to know So you've never seen Die Hard And also who explained

The concept of this episode I get the idea Well he doesn't infiltrate shit He's in the building Yeah Oh wait no He gets a When does he get to

Nakatomi Plaza But on limousine with Rufus Shut up It is though He does I know Die Hard You don't have to have seen Die Hard To know what happens in Die Hard

It's just one of those things you absorb Via pop culture Like what's the building called Jackson Nagasaki Tower Close Nakatomi Plaza Yippee-ki-yay Exactly. Like, what's the building called, Jackson? Nagasaki Tower. Close. So close. Nakatomi Plaza. There you go.

Yippee-ki-yay. Yes. And he doesn't wear shoes. I'm all wearing singlets. It's very important that we're all wearing white. And barefoot. Oh, that's going to suck for a bit. Yeah, it's true. I am in hell.

Which part of Die Hard do you think is going to hurt the most? Not shoes I've never seen it He's scraping the big titties across the fucking metal You're in a metal dock You're just wearing a white singlet But no bra Flopping out the front of the singlet

Trying to push my titty under my armpit This is some pushing out the way Look, I'll be doing the same to be honest Pushing it out the front of the singlet. Trying to push my titty under my armpit. Pushing it out the way. Look, I'll be doing the same, to be honest. Pushing it out the way. Remnants of shattered glass. All the mercenaries hearing. Is there like a possum? Guys, these vets weren't made for someone of my size.

Man, raw titties. What a bummer. So, as you've just very intensely described, John McClane is wearing a singlet and no shoes because he's come fresh from his room. Straight off a flight. So, and his room is in Nagatomi. Well, no, you fucked me.

Nagatomi Plaza. I thought he doesn't take his shoes off thought he does Doesn't he take his shoes off For a different reason He takes his shoes off Because a guy on the An asshole on the plane Is like You gotta make knuckles

With your toes That's how you get over jet lag Yeah yeah yeah But he does that in his room And his room must be I thought that's where His wife works Maybe I haven't seen Die Hard

I'm I've confused myself I've seen Die Hard So many times I've seen Die Hard once I thought I could. I've seen Die Hard so many times. I've seen Die Hard once. I thought I could remember my way through this. I'm never agreeing to do an episode

that I haven't picked ever again on this. Well, either way, I still think a cruise ship is a great... Because you're in the room. The room is there. So if you have to establish your room has to be part of what you're infiltrating. You can't go to a cruise ship. Well, no, you could. Mid-cruise. But you if you have to establish your room It has to be part of what you're infiltrating You can't go to a cruise ship

Well no you could Mid cruise But you don't have to Yeah yeah yeah Does a cruise ship have vents? Yeah Yeah how do you think the air gets to the lower level? Through the door

I feel it would be smaller than like a building Yeah yeah yeah We just get to cramp more You just get to squish up Argyle Argyle not Rufus Who's Rufus? Oh he just get to squish off. Argyle. Argyle, not Rufus. Who's Rufus? Oh, he's from Bill and Dad's.

Argyle takes John McClane from the airport to Nagatomi Plaza. Rufus. He is him. Argyle. Argyle. Is like, I'll wait for you in the garage just in case shit goes fucked with your wife. Yeah, that's right. Because I'm getting divorced, maybe. Yeah, and I don't know if she's going to be stoked to see me or not.

It's fair. He goes to the room. Wife guys are out, guys. Wife guys are out. Wife guys are out. That's true. Well, he's an ex-wife. If he was a wife guy, he'd be fine.

Yeah. But he's not, because he's married to the job. He's a job guy. He's a job guy he's a job guy and here's the thing about diehard he doesn't get a better husband he just stays a sack of shit he does it's cool you can be an ex-wife guy and an ex-wife guy you can be an ex-wife guy and an ex-wife guy ex-wife guys are rarer but they're pretty cool. Yeah. I love my ex-wife. Yeah. It was an amicable divorce.

Well, there's actually... There's three, because there's ex-wife guys, there's ex-wife guys, and then there's guys... Let me guess, you're going to say ex-wife guys. Well, I was going to say there's guys who love someone's ex-wife. Oh, someone else's ex-wife. Like, they're just horny for... Ex-wives. Ex-wives. It's crazy to love someone else's ex-wife, because you can get in there. They're an ex-wife. Yeah, they're an ex-wife. Like, they're just horny for... Ex-wives. Ex-wives. It's crazy to love someone else's ex-wife,

because, like, you can get in there. They're an ex-wife. Yeah, they're an ex-wife. What about guys who like to be the reason that someone is an ex-wife? Fourth ex-wife guy. Fourth ex-wife guy. There's a lot of ex-wife guys. Yeah, I'm the ex-wife guy.

Which one? I'm the one who calls ex-wives, Oh, no! Please go away! Stay away from my wife! My marriage is on tether hooks, isn't it? I know, that's why I'm here. That's why I have to fly to Nakatomi Plaza.

Anyway, I'm going to fight back to where this episode is meant to be at. So, Argyle drops John McClane off. John McClane's like, I'm going to go freshen up for the party. That's when the terrorism hits. That's why he gets stuck with no shirt, no shoes. No slippers. It's good that we're all equal idiots. Okay, okay, okay.

So, cruise ship, presumably what happens. Argyle, he's our guy. He's driving a speedboat this time. Or a helicopter. Or a helicopter. I like speedboat. Or if it's one of those army ships. Maybe that's not a cruise ship.

And a plane is very similar to a helicopter. Do like the Guster. Seems like you had that idea before Zammert said helicopter, but you stuck with it. I respect that. Well done. Landing a plane on a cruise ship with a fucking weird thing. Is that Maverick?

Into the pool. I got a flyby on this cruise ship. But it's like fucking weird. Is that Maverick? Wow. Argyle did a flyby on this cruise ship. That distracted me big time. Argyle brings us in a plane, a speedboat, or a helicopter. I like the idea of it being in a speedboat because it reminds me of the Nintendo 64 level frigate from the video game GoldenEye. Yeah, absolutely.

It reminds me of that too. Okay, so to set the scene maybe we're going like, okay, maybe it's one of the cruise ships. We're celebrating Zamet's impending divorce. Zamet's current

wife, but soon to be ex-wife is on the cruise ship and we've infiltrated. Infiltrating is wrong. We are invited. We're married to our job. We're married to our job. We can't stop fucking podcasting

and we've missed the start of the cruise. The ship's departed. Our guy on a speedboat or helicopter or biplane. Get on. Our guy on a white. Get on. Argyle, why? Says Argyle on a speedboat. We're like, don't worry, honey.

I understand you're mad at me because I love Joel, but don't worry. I'll be there. I lie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not even listening to what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seven o'clock or whatever you said.

It leaves at six. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seven o'clock. Seven o'clock Wednesday. No. Six o'clock Sunday. Chicken tonight. It leaves at 6. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 7 o'clock. 7 o'clock Wednesday. No. 6 o'clock Sunday. Chicken tonight. Chicken tonight.

I got it. Hey, Argyle, can you get me to the dock at 7 o'clock on Sunday? No worries, boss. Yes. And then I'm late. You're late and we were there too. Yeah. Okay.

I'm sure I could break friends, Joel Zammett says. Yeah. It was like a plus three, I think. That's what reunifications with wife need. Yeah. Okay. I'm sure I could break friends, Joel Zammett says. Yeah. It was like a plus three, I think. That's what reunifications with wife need. Yeah. Three friends. Yeah, yeah, hon. I know I work too hard because of job.

What if I bring coworkers? We're going to bring job to you. Also, it's Christmas Eve. Yeah. Merry Christmas. This is my birthday gift. Birthday gift. Yeah, I missed your birthday.

You're so late on a birthday. It's a birthday gift. Yeah, I missed your birthday. You're so late on a birthday. It's Christmas now. Christmas Eve, we pull up in a speedboat driven by Argyle next to the cruise ship. We get on the cruise ship. Yes. We then, I guess, following the events of Die Hard, all break into different bedrooms and start to freshen up because- It's rude that you didn't get us one big communal room.

Yeah, you're right. I think we would have all got one communal room. And I think it's rude that only my wife on this cruise. All your wives are on this cruise. My wife's so mad at me. I'm actually one of those guys that hates their wife.

Why won't she stop telling me to get a job? Classic ex-wife guy right there. I guess we're all the different kinds of ex-wife guy. That's cool. I'm here to pick up the ex-wives. Stay away. I got a t-shirt that says ex-wife guy.

Sorry, guys. My wife couldn't make it because I forgot to invite her. Why are you here? I don't know. We're doing an episode on it. Things are bad at home. I like many queer women are very good friends with my ex-wife. Oh, that's good. You're here just to say hello. I actually, yeah, was there to just say. She's still wife.

Yeah. She's still wife. Oh, she's not ex-wife. Yeah, classic. Yeah, that's right. Rife. That's wife. That's wife. Yeah, that's wife. That's wife. That's when you catchphrase, yeah, that's wife. Yeah, that's right. Rife. That's wife.

Yeah, that's wife. That's wife. That's when you catchphrase, yeah, that's wife. Yeah, that's wife. Oh, that's wife. Oh, yeah, that's wife. Okay, so we've all gotten Argyle to drive us to our communal room to get freshened up. It's taking us so long to start. We could impress our wives.

Wait, why are we there again? It's a Christmas party. It's okay. It's a Christmas party cruise. But we know that wife is going to be mad at us? No, we're invited. Oh, because we're late. Never mind.

It's so crazy to imagine you potentially not listening and being late to a thing. We go into our big room to freshen up because, to quote us, the salt in the air has made us ugly. My skin.

Gotta moisturize. I get it. I'm so whiplash. And then while we're in the room, we hear gunshots and screaming. We are now officially dieharding on a cruise. We got that. Where's the nearest vent?

Up. I'm out of here. Like strip naked. Yeah. Step one. Step two, I get whatever skin cream we were using. I lather up. Skin cream dries.

You need lube. And assuming because we're wife guys, we bought it. Well, that would have been nice to know before I climbed into the vents. Bringing lube when you're winning over ex-wife is powerful. I thought she was not ex-wife. Even if you're separated, expecting you're going to fuck is quite a big call. Well, I'm going to fuck other ex-wives, so I would bring lube. I'm honestly shocked, Jackson, you are just phone wallet lube keys.

Because lube's got heaps of uses. Beyond just fucking things, I mean. Beyond just fucking things, I mean. But mainly fucking things, I mean. It's breaking down something with WD-40. Back for you later. What? Hey, his lube thing is going to come in handy. Yeah.

It'll be part of the plot. Be thankful I brought lube. Okay. It'll be crucial later. You used all of the lube to lube yourself up. Fuck Jackson, you fucked us. He's so slippy. You found a vent in a room in a cruise ship,

which is risky because the vent could go anywhere. Is this a situation where I'm like, I'm out. I place a chair under the vent, step on it, slip, crack my head. Die. Shouldn't have lubed the bottom of your feet. That's a number one mistake when you're lubing your whole body. You lube your feet, you lube your hands, your tongue. I'll give you a leg up.

Don't watch me. Sliding out of Bordeaux. Sliding out of Bordeaux, kicking three friends in the middle of the way out. You're looking at the Bordeaux, he's over the edge. He's gone, he's gone. He slipped overboard. But like a dolphin. He just came in the water.

He's going off toward the horizon. Okay. We're down an ex-wife guy right away. All right. Okay. Now we all have better chances

with wife to be ex-wife. Yeah, that's true. Zalman brought his friends and now they're trying to fuck his recently separated wife. At least Zoe is. Open up the door, have a look out. What's going on? Do I get shot in the head? What are the chances?

Okay, they are rounding up hostages. Oh, no. So I guess. Okay. He's in the seat. I'm a hostage. What are you two knuckle fucks doing? Fuck.

So funny what's happening. To be like, guys, what's happening? Oh, no. Stepping out, gun to the head, let out of the room in this hostage. Yeah. It'd be weird if there was multiple people in this room. Yeah, it would be weird. Astute observation.

Okay, well, now it's up to you two to save my heart on this. Then there were two, I guess. All right, so we've got to get in the vents. We don't have to. Now the question is, who can lift who? Because Tushar and I are both sturdy people. I will give you a leg up into the vent. All right, and I will pull you up.

Thankfully, Jess has lubed the whole thing. So you're in the vent. Oh, I'm in the vent. So you're in the vent being like, I'll pull you up thankfully. No, no, no, we don't. It lubed the whole thing. So you're in the vent and you're like, so you're in the vent being like I'll pull you up and you're like, nah. Have fun in the vent. Why'd you put me in the vent? You said you wanted to go in the vent. I thought we were going in the vent. You said you wanted to go in the vent. Alright, well I'm taking the vent

option. Okay, you take the vent option. Where's the vent going? You're on above. Alright, around. You get to peer in different rooms. Probably the kitchen. Actually, no, it's alright because in my head I was like there's a lot of chimneys and stuff on a cruise ship but a vent wouldn't lead in there

obviously because then the smoke would go into the room. So it's safe. You're just going to be careful because there will be parts of the vent that probably get hot. I'm burning my scraping titties. Let's just assume that these vents, even though I'm pretty sure they won't be, but they are human size. They're human size and they're not burning.

Yeah, not hot, human size. Human size vents. You get to peer into the other people's bedrooms, presumably. Where there's no one there because all the hostages have been taken. Good, good, good. What's your next step? Now, where is Zamet's wife? What is

your plan? What's your plan? Because you're looking for Zamet's wife. Why? Was that not the purpose of this? You're looking for your wife. My wife's on the cruise as well. I guess maybe the plan would be to find my wife

and then find a lifeboat. Yeah, that's good. That's solid. Or I've always got that speedboat. Let's go back to him. How much do I like my wife? Just go. You use the vent.

You crawl through the vent, then get over a different room, get out of the vent, then walk back. Other side of the boat. You just listening in a different room get out of the bed Like Jesus. Oh my Christ. My nude fucking dolphin body. Zoe just starts like clambering down. Hops in. Let's go. Let's fucking go, man.

Are we doing shit? Are we coming? I don't think so. Are we? Did you reconnect with your wife? No. But you know what? She got worse. So bye.

Okay. You got to die hard alone. Wow. Now it gets just die hard. Now JD, To rescue your wife Now unfortunately you are lacking an Argyle You have no way home Which is cool

Well Argyle in Die Hard Does get locked in the garage So he can't actually escape So I'm guessing He's like don't worry we got this He puts the boat into go And there's a big rope attached to the big guessing somehow he's like, don't worry, we got this. He puts the boat into go, and there's a big rope attached to the big boat, and he's like, ah. We're like one of those kids on a leash.

We think we're going somewhere. If only we could cut this big rope. Okay, so I guess, like, now that everyone. Now that you've lost three fuckers. In about, like, I mean, that was like maybe five, ten minutes of talking. Yeah, it's really the intro. Yeah, in real time. That's loop, up, slip, Samit pokes his head out, gun, taken, Zoe in the van after me, speedboat.

In about like three minutes, you've lost everybody. Yippee-ki-yay! All right, so I guess, am I clever? Because obviously, because I've seen Die Hard, despite everything that has been claimed. Yes. alright so I guess am I clever because obviously because I've seen Die Hard despite everything that has been claimed yeah

so I know that they are going for the bank vault yeah so if I well I guess it's on a cruise ship I'm probably not assuming terrorism yeah yeah yeah

I'm either assuming pirates that sounds dumb but there are pirates yeah yeah either pirates or it is a heist in which case like

because cruise ships for some fucking reason have art galleries and shit don't put art over the water Either a pirate or it is a heist. In which case, like, because cruise ships for some fucking reason have art galleries and shit. They put art over the water. And a casino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. True, true. Or just 11. So I guess...

That's why they're on the ocean. Whoa. I've never seen Ocean Eleven. No, you're pretty much on the water. I'm pretty sure there's got to be at least one seaside shot. That's the whole plot of the movie. They end much on the water. I'm pretty sure there's got to be at least one seaside shot. That's the whole plot of the movie, yeah? They end up at the sea.

I mean, Ocean's Eleven could be named after Danny Ocean. That doesn't sound right. But is he named after the sea? Well, I guess so, because Ocean is the sea. Ocean is the sea. That means they went further further back in Like you know Ancestry wise At some point

Someone just fucking Picked that name That they're like The job was ocean Well I learned recently That apparently The last name bridge Or bridges

Is just like Your family lived Near a bridge That's awesome Well you need to Differentiate them From people Who don't live

Near a bridge Land Desert Sea No that is also a bridge. Sea is also a bridge. I'm sorry. I fucked up.

Street? Yeah, yeah. Regular suburbs? An apartment complex located downtown? Great last name. Are you going in the vents or whatever? Maybe I'm going into the propellers at this rate. Just, you know what?

Not worth it. Anyway, yes. Where? Oh worth it. Anyway, yes. Where? Oh, wow. The ship stopped. Oh, there's a man in it. He's chopped up as well. He's chopped the fuck up.

He's smiling, though. He looks happy. All right, can I propose this place for a diehard? Okay. What about- Walker's ship, not so good. Not so good. What about this, like a huge McDonald's play area, I'm thinking.

Because it's kind of got vents. Oh, like one of those indoor playgrounds? Yeah. They've kidnapped my wife. They've got her in the center of the playground somehow. Uh-huh. And Argyle, he doesn't have to drive. He can drive us to the McDonald's, I guess.

Yeah. And he's stuck in the drive-thru. Yeah. It's packed. It's a busy day at McDonald's. Yeah, you're packing. You're like, oh, let's go through drive-thru. It's packed. It's a busy day at McDonald's. You're packing and you're like, let's go through the drive-thru. I'm hungry.

It's packed. You're like, don't worry. I'll get out and get us our burgers. Exactly. You go in there. Oh, no. Hostage situation. Yeah, absolutely.

Taken over. My wife's in there ordering a burger. While I'm here to order some mac, like some delicious fries, I've got to go take a shit. Yeah. Well, that happens. And like everyone when taking a shit,

Jackson takes his shirt and shoes off. Yes, exactly. I'm getting sweaty. You're too hot. Oh, he takes one of them sweaty shits. You've got to take your shirt off. It's disgusting to be taking your shit so bad you've got to take your shoes off.

That's horrible. Shirt, understandable. We've all been there. We've all taken our shirt off while shitting. Why are you taking your shoes off? Shoes. What do you need to vent so badly that you're accessing another part of your body?

Did I pee my head out? Or I guess all four of us do. Yeah, we're all taking our shoes off. Four cubicles. I'm like, boys are so sweet. Oh my God, I've got to take my fucking shoes off. Oh no, I dropped my shirt and shoes On top of the shit I hope I don't flush it

Guys I was sitting down to take a shit But I accidentally flopped out my penis And I pissed all over my shoes So I'm taking them off That's alright we can just go back to the drive through It's not a big deal And then we hear gunshots They've taken over Nagasaki McDonald's It's alright, we can just go back to the drive-thru. It's not a big deal. And then we hear gunshots.

They've taken over Nagasaki McDonald's. Then we gotta get into... Well, my first thought is to peek my head out of the... One thing also that I just realized I was trying to get to with the cruise ship thing is everyone keeps saying they want to get to their wife. That's not what happened. Because you get to your wife,

you're still in a building full of terrorists that are going to kill you. We're wife guys, aren't we? We're wife guys. And we work at work. Was it our daughter? Yeah. They had a daughter, but that wasn't part of.

The daughter and son are at home at Christmas. Oh, yeah, it's Christmas. Ho, ho, ho. Now I've got a machine gun. John McClane kills the terrorists one by one. That's the only way he can get off. Currently we're in McDonald's. What's the best way to get to?

Because I feel like the most weapons in a McDonald's are in the kitchen. They get the deep fryer grease, knives, chicken macnugget. We're coming out of the toilet and presumably if they've taken we're coming out of the toilet. We're up hard. And presumably, if they've taken hostages, all of the kitchen stuff are also in. That's true.

So, yeah, you've actually. Pretty genius move. So we sneak from the toilet, shirt and shoeless. Yeah. The floor is sticky. It is disgusting. It's not bad. We're not going to cut up our feet, but it's yucky.

But it could be a bit oily. Yeah. Slippy. Slippy. Little bits of crumbs. Walking through, well, it depends if they've been doing their job and cleaning the kitchen. I doubt it. Too busy being taken hostage. Also, it's Christmas Eve.

It's busy. Yeah, it's packed. Busy. So we sneak into the kitchen. The problem with the McDonald's is- Our feet are like, oh, yuck. Have you ever had Christmas at McDonald's? It's sad.

I can imagine that. I've done it a couple times. It seems depressing. The fact that it's a couple times. Yeah, yeah. It was sad. You made something sad. It was sad, though.

It's all right. I'll fix it. I've had Christmas Eve at McDonald's before. By choice and a fucking rule. We do Christmas Day at McDonald's because we do Christmas Eve as a family. So Christmas Day, we forget that we've got to eat. And then we're like, fuck, there's no food in the house. That's not sad.

That's fine. And then me, my mom, and my brother hungoverly eat McDonald's. That's lovely. Christmas McDonald's is sad if it's Christmas Eve and you're by yourself and crying. Zoe did a cool trick there. She sold it really hard one way and was like, it's really sad. Then sold it really hard the other way.

Same event. Now it sounds awesome again. That's true. You got us coming and going. We it's really sad. This sold it really hard the other way. Same event. Now it sounds awesome again. That's true. You got us coming and going. We are coming and going. Out and in. I don't know where I am. All right, how do you write down?

We're at a McDonald's. Could you kill someone with a chicken McNugget? Well, I mean, a knife or a... I was thinking the soft serve. You, like, put their mouth over it and you pull it. And you suffocate them. And then you're like... It's so funny. I can't imagine ever doing would be like, right, let's suit up.

You turn around and get a knife and turn back. I got fistfuls of nuggets and Zalman's wielding the fucking ice cream machine. Zalman immediately shot in the head. I was imagining like there would probably be some terrorists or McDonald's. Yeah, like two or three hanging out in the kitchen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like McDonald's heists, whatever they're doing here. And we could do some sneaky shit, grab one of their heads,

put it under the soft serve. Do you imagine that would be particularly quiet? No. So again, Zabit's shot, but he's shot in such a way that it also shoots the ice cream machine and blood and ice cream comes out of his front. That's pretty cool. Like a strawberry sundae. So, if I remember correctly,

what happens is there's people at the front desk running security. Yeah. So they're just stuck there. Like every McDonald's. No, no, no. In Die Hard again. You've got to clarify, man. We're talking about Die Hard.

So in Die Hard, there's the two terrorists running security at the front desk, pretending to be security, but at the same time also trying to open the vault. There's people in the garage so they're not keeping watch or anything because they've closed the garage. Then I think almost all the other

terrorists are just in a pack and then when they realize that someone's not Then they come and search for people. There's a good chance. There's a huge chance no one's in the kitchen. Unless we create a divergent Is there a huge chance that some of these terrorists are now dressed up like McDonald's employees and are operating the tills? Because then there's a good chance that I just order a Happy Meal.

Drive-thru would be closed. There we go. That's why it's so soft. Drive-thru gets closed and they say, sorry, we've got a problem. Drive-thru is closed. Yeah. Drive-thru gets closed and they say, sorry, we've got a problem. Drive-thru is closed.

Yeah. And then there'd probably be two people dressed as McDonald's employees standing at the front being like, I'm really sorry, we've lost power. That's okay. You can give me something like a cold burger. And they'd be like, sorry, we've lost power. I don't think you understand. How are we going to cook? How about just a coffee?

Your deep fryer grease is still good. No. What about some of the burgers that were just left there? So I'm arguing, arguably, I guess, making a distraction, but not really. You're stupid Karen-ing. I'm getting PTSD from working at a show more, and multiple times, like, everything being, like, black.

Yeah. Like, even if it's been, like, a blackout for, like, 10 to 15 minutes. Yeah, it's a movie theater. No, just, like, a full-on blackout. Or evacuating. And people were like, can I get a refund? And I'm like, how? Nothing is on.

They're like, oh, yeah, but can we just wait? What do you mean? There's no power. No, you can't. Sometimes wrap burgers that are already done and put them on a tray thing? Can I have one of them? Not since like the early 2000s when food,

because you can't just leave hot food sitting out. What about some fries then? The fries is still there probably. Why is it okay to do that with popcorn then? Popcorn is heated. Well, what about the drinks? Can I get a drink then? There's no power.

Well, is that what it is? A soft serve machine is always broken. Yeah, is it soft serve? Is it just like a lever? Yeah, sure, you can get some ice cream from that. I think the- This conversation is going on for a long time. I think you just leave.

So, what are the three of you doing? We're in the situation under terror. No, I imagine you were hiding in the kitchen and you were like, I hate seeing this. You just went out the back door or whatever. Yeah, I was just like, you know what? This has upset me greatly. It's not worth it. Yeah.

So yeah. What are you three doing then? I was thinking deep fry grease. So you're arguing with the people sitting in the front. I'm trying to get some food. So then you're- Deep fry grease? Maybe collect some in a tub And throw it at them

What tub? Okay let's talk through this What tub? A pan Maybe like a cup Like one of the cups That you keep the coke in Uh huh

Paper cup Yeah like this Zoe has a paper cup She's got a prop Paper cup Quick question Zoe There's ice in that Now

Can you just hold that For a second At the base At the base is it cold from the ice? It is. What happens if you combine grease and water? Does anyone know? Jackson makes napalm. You're an empty.

Hang on. I was going to say you just hurt your hand because it was hot. And also how you're going to dip the cup in. You're just keeping just like ice in a water. Make a drink. Finish the drink. You like some of the hot in. Just like ice in a water. Make a drink. Finish the drink. Relax some of the hot grease.

So you keep gesturing like you're going to be holding the cup and dip it in. So first off you've made a bit of an explosion.

Oil is like the deep fryer is usually set at 180 degrees Celsius. The power's off. Okay well then it's not it's either still hot and cooling down

or it's not hot and then warm. I like that. So you put there you've screamed because it's either still hot and cooling down, or it's not hot and warm. I like that. So you put there, you've screamed because it's hot. I'm like, see, the power's on. The scream is too hot. The terrorist's event turned around, seen you standing there screaming, shoot you in the head. In a panic, I drink the drink. Hot breeze down my throat, dead.

Well, that's us. Zoe, what's your plan? We're in the kitchen at McDonald's. What's nice to know are the secrets of McDonald's first. What's nice to be special. So you're reading the ingredient list? I'm reading the manual. That's what's here at McDonald's.

Gross, but delicious. I'm trying on maybe a uniform. What do you think they have written in the back of McDonald's about ingredients? The secret sauce ingredients? What do you think that you're going to learn that you don't already know is in a burger? Okay, well, all right. Then I take from Jackson's the opposite of Jackson. And instead of throwing hot things, I go and load up on frozen patties.

Oh, that's clever. Hard. Okay, yeah, frozen patties, smart. So I'm putting those in my cargo pants. Okay, okay. Great. That's fine. So you've gone into the big freezer, loaded up with patties.

Hot, cold patties. Cold patties. My legs are chilly. I'd just like to say that this is our second scenario, and so far, grand total of zero dead terrorists. It's hard. Yeah. And like Dusha, I would probably go grab a knife or a big spatula.

Yeah, spank them. I understand the knife. Why big spatula? You know the big spatula? Because they use it for cutting as well. Oh, yeah, it's got a serrated edge. Okay. Those aren't actually sharp

just so you know. Yeah, but are they enough to hurt? No. Are they rubber? What are they made out of? They're made out of metal

but in the same way that like a fork would hurt. A fork would? No, a fork. A fork? No fork. No,

but like the side of a fork. Not a knife. It's still hurt if you get hit hard enough. It's because when you're cutting stuff with a spatula, it's like meat and stuff. It's like a steak. It's like a patty.

Would they have one of those meat cleavers? Probably not at McDonald's. You'd get a knife. I don't know if they'll have knives. What are they cutting? Bread. Oh, yeah. A bread knife?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Either way, I'm getting a knife. Yeah. I'm getting whatever kind of utensil I can use as a weapon. Tongs, if I need to. Great. Could you get like a fire extinguisher? Oh, yeah.

Use that to do what with? Well, you could either whack a terrorist. Where are you getting the fire? It's awesome, Zoe, if you distract them because we're all dead. Sam is in the middle of doing a distraction and you're like, I know what I'll do.

I'll distract. Then you and Samit lock eyes. Wait, what? I was giving you an opportunity. What are you doing? Then the terrorists are like, wait, what? We're distracting

from the distraction. I'm dead on the ground full of grease and Dusha just left. All right. Okay, I guess you- So first things first, I feel like if they had it, I would hop in a groomer's costume. Okay.

That is important. So you've got pockets full of frozen patties, which are rapidly warming up and therefore not cold. Put them in your pants. Putting on a groomerace costume To increase the warmth Of those patties You've picked up a big spatula that won't Definitely won't do any damage Might hurt a bit

What is the periphery of a Grimace costume? It can't be good, you've got blinkers on like a horse They're like As good as all of your Stumbling outside Falling into the ball pit How the burgers are heating up If you're just stumbling outside, falling into the ball pit. The burgers are heating up.

Getting stuck in one of the slides. Going down the slide, sliding down to the bottom of the burgers, slopping out of your pants. And also, like, then, yeah, what's Hans Gruber? He's like, what? Is this an attempt to stop me? I see we found our cowboy. Bang!

It turns you over, you've got, like, a little patty, just, like, taped to the back of your, like, the small of your back. What's this for? Reach behind, pull it out, and just take it to your mouth and eat it. Fuck you. Okay, great. Okay, that's two options. McDonald's, again it. Fuck you. Okay, great. Okay, that's two options. So McDonald's, again, zero dead terrorists. Zero dead terrorists.

Well, three dead boys. One left. One abandoned up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Hey, do you remember that episode of Plumbing the Death Star where we all pretended we were Kirby from the video game Kirby and sucked in a whole bunch of things to become like them like Kirby from Kirby does? Well, if you loved that

episode and loved the horrific visualization of our human skin stretched thin over impossibly large objects like skateboards, aeroplanes, and the famous basketballer Shaq, you're gonna love this news because you can now buy these Kirby-inspired Mouthful Mode stickers from the Sandspan's Radio merch store. That's right, the Mouthful Mode stickers from the Sandspan's Radio merch store. That's right, the Mouthful Mode stickers are awful to look at but feel great to buy and feel even better to stick. And you can grab yours today from our website or from the show notes below. I personally think you should stick them on something good and in public.

That would be good, I reckon. public, that would be good, I reckon. It is tricky to think of somewhere where we'd thrive and then die hard. Because it seems that we get put in a room then die. We sort of immediately do the most ridiculous thing available to us.

Die easy is what it would be called. Come on, I'm sure you can think of somewhere. First thing that comes into your head. Go. No, the first thing is... Okay, you think you think so. First thing that comes to your head. Three, two, one, where are we dieharding?

A house in a tree. Tree house, okay. Okay, tree house. No. No? House in a tree. House in a tree. Like a fairy's house.

In a tree. Okay, all right. Back off. First thing that came a tree. Okay. All right. Back off. First thing that came to mind. That's on me. I set the parameters. Now, what do you mean a fairy's house? Do you mean like a mythical fairy?

That like, they exist? Do you mean like a tiny house? Is it an appropriate size for a fairy world just standing around? Do you mean something like a house? I'm married to a fairy. Like a garden ornament? Yeah, no, but do you remember? Oh, you guys might not have this experience.

I am very excited for where this is going. You know when your parents assumed you were a little girl? Yes. First thing. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they gave you a fairy party at the fairy house.

I've been to a fairy party and it was in the back of a fucking house somewhere in the suburbs. Yeah, but did you have to climb through a tree to get there? No, it was in like

a back room. I have a question. What's a fairy house? I don't know. Zoe is describing you may have passed these they're more of like a really suburban storefront thing that they do. Where it's basically a function room for kids' birthday parties. But you have to.

This part is very foreign to me. I know. Yeah, that's what I've been doing. It was like in the suburbs and you went in and there was like. It's basically usually just in like a strip of shops. Yeah. One of what I've been doing. It was like in the suburbs and you went in and there was like- It's basically usually just in like a strip of shops. Yeah. One of them is just a party.

There was a guy dressed as Peter Pan. We watched Peter Pan and there was a lady dressed as a fairy. We had fairy bread and they were like, oh, you're little fairies. We wear a costume. Yeah. We had to climb nothing. Climbing a tree. Okay.

So the one I went to, to enter the fairy house, there was a wall that had a – well, in my four-year-old brain it was a big tree, but I can only assume it was a mural. Okay. Wait, you climbed through a mural? What? Zoe! So it's gone from a house in a tree to what a four-year-old thought was a tree.

To another room in a building that you had to throw a mural. Okay, fair enough. There was a hole in the mural. Did you climb anything? You had to climb up two steps and then crawl through like a... Two steps for a four-year-old.

Yeah, which is huge. And then crawl. And then crawl through a little porthole. And then you ended up in the fairy house. Oh, wait. Did we one of those situations where there's probably a door at the back for the adults to do the fairy house? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I do think the adults are crawling through the mural. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we're going to pick up our- So we go to a fairy house. And our wife is, I guess, not a real fairy.

She's just a lady who works there as a fairy. Yeah, they're having a fairy party party. They're like, hey, it's the end of financial year fairy party. Nagasaki fairy. It's Christmas party, dude. Sorry, it's the Christmas party. He hides himself, man.

Come on, we don't have to put a hat on a hat here. It's literally Christmas. It's the Christmas fairy time. It's good. Our guy just drives us in his car. And he parks out in front of the store. Underground parking. Then as he gets there, it's like, oh, wait, shit, it closes. Oh, damn.

We go in. We all go to get into costume. Yeah. Yeah, because we're fairies. Because we've got to dress like fairies. Gunshots outside. We've got to rescue Joel Zammett's wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

From the fairy. Terrorists yeah, yeah, yeah. From the fairy terrorist. The goblins. The guys infiltrating Nagasaki fairy entertainment facility are dressed like goblins to blend in. All right, what's my first thought?

What would my first action be? I keep thinking, is there going to be a table with, like, kids' birthday party snacks? Yeah, is there crafts? Okay, so immediately you're distracted by presumably fairy bread. Fairy bread, little sausage rolls, little pies, little frankfurters. Oh, the little frankfurters, and you put them in too much sauce. Kids don't know how to ration. I'm going to try and find a disguise that makes me blend into the wall

or look like a hill or something. I'm going to try and find, like, maybe secret tunnels. If they've got one secret tunnel, they might have more. The secret tunnel is just a little hole in the wall. Zabit pressing against the wall, you climbing under a fake hill, means I'm eating a bunch of hot dogs. I'm filling my pockets full of glitter. Okay.

With distraction. As a defense, yeah. We have- As a defense. Okay, well. I'm sorry, you haven't got glitter in your eye? That shit hurts. Neither have these guys, because you're going to what?

Go, what? And they're going to be like, okay, glitter travels not that far. Bang. All right, what if I sneak up behind them and kind of scoop it into their eyes? Okay, no. I jump behind them, and I, blah, glitter in your eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, no, that's good.

Here's glitter in your eye, kid. And now one of them's wearing me as a backpack. Okay, what's your next move? Fairy wand. Okay. Smack him on the head. Stab him. Stab him.

Stab him in the eye. I know you are trying to be kind here, but remember, you do need to kill these men. Yeah, him Stab him Stab him in the eye I know you are trying to be kind here But remember you do need to kill these men Yeah yeah yeah Stab him in the eye Okay In the eye Into the brain

Wow he's poor eyes Cops Straight off the bat Glitter in the eyes Can't see Yeah Then stab him in the eye And then if we have to

Like I'm just shoving my hand down his throat Yeah yeah yeah With glitter Right Yeah with glitter, obviously. To make it magical. Like how you meant to kill a tiger or whatever. What are you saying?

Sorry. Jaguar. You kill a jaguar by putting your arm all the way down his throat, grabbing whatever weapons you can and jagging it out. You can kill any animal. But I work with a jaguar because it's trying to eat you. Yeah, the jaguar wants your arm. And this man's trying to kill me,

so I'm happily shoving an arm down my wrist. Where did you all learn this? Where didn't you? Yeah, you're the one who ran out. Where, dude? Which of those Jaguar defense courses? Well, I've always thought that would be a great way to kill a Jaguar, and then I remember reading online that that was the way to kill a Jaguar.

And Jackson just thought an idea was his own again. I'd already thought of that before I saw the article. Yeah, and there's a guy, yeah, this is what he did. He basically was getting attacked by a jaguar, and so he put his hand down there, crushed his windpipe, survived. That's clever. You're already down there. I already got a wand

in his eye. I'm on the face. Slipped out into the mouth, grabbed the uvula, pulled. Yank it out. If you pulled out a uvula, I think he would still live. He might spew. But he's not doing well. He's not doing well. He's having a bad day.

He's got one eye. And he's going to vomit glitter. How is he vomiting into his eye wound? Well, I'm assuming he's lying on his back and his projector. Is it doughy on his back? I thought he would have fallen over by this point. Yeah, I would have. I'm very heavy.

Then he would have fallen on his back? I thought he would have fallen over by this point. Yeah, I would have. I'm very heavy. You think I would have knocked him off the hill? Then he would have fallen on his face. No, no, because if you jump on his back and you want a backpack, then he's fallen backwards onto you. Oh, shit. And that's when, glitter in the eye, stab him with the wand, arm down the throat. Yeah.

Okay. One terrorist dance. And then I do a, and I roll over and pop back up. Yeah. I very carefully push my body up, going, ugh! Take five for a smoke. Yeah. When do I get a smoke break in this situation?

Well, you can do it after that. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Where did this take place in your... In the entrance to the fairy realm. Yeah, in the room where they have the food. Yeah, where I was eating hot dogs and you were under a fake hill. I imagine the fairy music is being blared.

Yeah, yeah. So it's, you know. Is there anyone else in the room except for us? No, it was us and that guy. That terrorist came out to investigate. Okay.

Yeah. Then I guess we're the only area. We take his gun. Okay, that's great. Oh my God, we got a gun for the first time. I didn't even know there was an option.

Three scenarios deep and we finally get a gun. Why would it not be an option? This is great news. But here's what I think happens next. I mean, we can't just roll in with a gun. No, but we can collect one on the way. It's a child's playroom. It's rude to rock up with a gun.

Yeah, dude. It's rude. It is rude. It's a faux pas. Here's what I'm worried about. Okay. The only exit from this room is a small tunnel. Is it going to be like we all get down in a line and just get shot?

We convey about style, come out into the fairy party. I think like, well, this is where the vents come back in. Yeah. Well, I was looking for a secret tunnel. I don't think the secret tunnel. What is a vent but a secret tunnel? You found a vent. You go through the vent.

You're now above where the actions are. Sweet. Now what? Well, I'm assuming we take stock of the situation. Okay, you've taken stock of the situation. Hans Gruber's got your wife and a bunch of other wives. Yeah. Our wives.

Our collective wives. Our collective wives are being taken hostage in the middle of the situation. Hans Gruber's got your wife and a bunch of other wives. Yeah. Our wives. Our wives. Our collective wives. Our collective wives are being taken hostage in the middle of the fairy room. Let's say there's Hans Gruber, those freaky twins. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And yeah, the person we killed was security. Let's just say there's four guys. All right. One's dead.

What's the exit from the roof? The exit from the roof? Down. Well, yeah, it's a vent. Okay just have to break through. Okay. Okay.

I reckon if I fell through, I caused enough confusion. We push Jackson through. The three of us stay up there. Into the middle. Oh, yeah. But in the commotion, which one of us has the gun? You. Oh, that's smart.

In that commotion of Jackson being killed. We'll see about that. Yeah. In the commotion of Jackson being killed, because they were looking down at Yeah. In the commotion of Jackson being killed because they were looking down at this point. Yeah, yeah. Pew, pew, pew, pew. All four guys are dead. So your plan is to push Jackson through the vent.

Yeah. Yeah, I think we've got to sacrifice one to save the gander. I was thinking you've got to divide and conquer here. And there is four of us and there is three remaining guys to kill. Well, they've got three guns. We have one gun. Are you? Okay, so we divide and conquer them.

Can I throw up a gun? No. Like in The Confusion, grab a gun and throw it up to you? No, you've just been shot to death. Also, if you throw a gun up, it becomes very apparent there's still more people in the bed. One person shoots you, then shoots up. We've got to aim it so that when one of the bad guys, possibly

two, are under Jackson, that's when we break the bed. So I land on top of them. He kills the twins. What if we... How about this? How fragile are the twins? Great idea.

Great idea. Instead, the guy we've killed, we drag his body into the van to die. And then we throw that at the twins. And you're imagining they're like, that just happened. They're confused. Wow. That just happened. That just happened.

They're not like, I bet somebody threw that guy out of the van. On the twins. Yeah, but that group is still there. And we shoot him in the head. How tall is the fairy building? It's a single story, right? But I still think if the roof fell on you, you'd be dazed for a second. If anything fell from the ceiling right now and hit you in the head

and it was the size of a man, do you think your reflexes would be straight away back to normal? Well, no. You would be a little bit confused at least for five seconds. That's all it takes to shoot a man. But then that requires us in the vent in that five seconds. Because the only person we need to shoot in this situation is Hans Gruber. No, because then the two people stand.

We'll be dazed for a bit, but not for us. No, they're not going to die. A vent, right? How it's connected. So we somehow push one down open enough. Now, if my memory is correct, that's slippy yeah we all fall out yeah so if we end up like kicking it a bit because we're not like it can't just come apart yeah we gotta like really like push it and kick it and everything so we're making some noise

no come on yeah so we're kicking that down and then making it kind of lower a bit. And then if any of us is sort of on the side where it becomes like a slide. Yeah, yeah, we slop out. We're all slopping out to our deaths. It depends in that five seconds. I might make it. I might make it. It's awesome that you think that five seconds is also enough time that you need to shoot a man.

So in the commotion. Well, I'm already aiming. How? But didn't you slip out? Oh, no, I've slipped out. And also, if you're aiming and then the vent moves. Yeah, all right. Okay, so Zoe, even if we stick with your original plan,

where you just push Jackson out, so the vent still breaks, and then Jackson falls out, how? Oh, we time it. So that falls out. Oh, we time it. Time it? Yeah, we time it. So here's the plan. I'm listening. It's still the same plan, but we're doing it in a different order.

This is an art of precision timing that I need the Joles to really be on board. Okay. You've solved me. Where does this plan start? We're in the vent. Okay, we're in the vent. Step one, we're in the vent. Step one, we're in the vent. Step one, we're in the vent.

We crawl over to the room. We're waiting for the perfect moment for when the twins are under Jackson and Hans Gruber is in my eyeline. Okay. Hang on. Hang on. Rewind briefly. The plan is to wait for Jackson to be on the twins.

Well, yeah, above them in the vent. And then Hans Gruber being in my eye line. How are you seeing through the vent? How are you seeing through me? Oh, no. Because if I'm on the vent, am I sitting cross-legged on the vent? You get the gun between my legs. What's the point?

What? Because remember in Die Hard, the vent is a metal vent. You raise such a good point. And if it's glass, Zoe, you can see through it. They can see us. They can see us. That's so funny to imagine. Glass vent, all of our squished asses shuffling along,

knocking into each other, grunting. I'm so glad we can see them, but they can't see us. Or hear us. All right, so I guess four dead XY guys getting shot in the vents. Okay, come on, Dushan. You gotta give us one.

Bring us home. What about die hard on a plane? Okay! So we all go to the toilet at the same time. Yeah, we got bored of the plane. Maybe I took an awesome shit. I like poked my head out down the aisle and I same time. Yeah, we got bored of the plane. Maybe I took an awesome shit. I like poke my head out down the aisle. I'm like, guys, you're going to want to see this.

We've decided to go stand in the toilet altogether because it's funny to take a break. We act like we're smoking in there. We've been a nightmare for the- The air hostess hate us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, big time. We hear gunfire. Yeah. I'm like, I'm yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, big time. Oh, yeah. We hear gunfire. Yeah. I'm like, I'm about to die.

Oh, my God. Is it safe to shoot a gun in a plane? Yes, it's fine. I think it's okay. I think a little hole's okay. What if there's a little hole? Is it just going to depressurize? We open the door.

Well, I've read a story or watched a video, one of these two things where a pilot got sucked out of the front of the door. Well, I've read a story or watched a video, one of these two things where a pilot got sucked out of the front of the plane. Oh, okay. I haven't heard this. Yeah. So a plane took off and then everything was fine for about 20 minutes and all of a sudden the windshield just got sucked out. And the pilot went with it.

Yeah, yeah. So the co-pilot basically grabbed onto the guy's legs. Yeah. And was like, I guess we've got to keep flying this. He's like, it sucks that I'm basically holding onto

my dead friend, but I'm going to hold onto this my dead friend so at least his body is there. Well, there was two reasons. So first of all, the guy got sucked out

the plane. His feet went straight into the desk. Yeah. Like the buttons. The cockpit. Oh no. So they were like,

we can't fly the plane properly so we've got to pull him back so his feet are hooked around the buttons. The cockpit. Oh, no. So they were like, we can't fly the plane properly, so we've got to pull him back so his feet are hooked around the chair. No, but they couldn't push him out either, even though they did assume he was dead, because if he goes out... Into the wings. He goes straight...

Oh, no! Into the little propeller at the front. The plane is moving at a very high speed where his body would not be, so it would immediately just get sucked straight back. Big chance it would take down the whole plane. Anyway, so they land the plane with this guy hanging out the window. And then they land and they're like, oh my fucking God, he's alive.

He was just hanging out of the plane alive. That would be terrifying. Was his face all peeled back from the G-forces? It was pretty fucked up, but he still had a face. It was like a face that had, like, a severe

windburn. What's the cold one? Trauma? Frostbite. Frostbite. Holy shit. It's crazy to think that it's cold up there,

but it is. It is cold up there. What? What do you mean? It's closer to the sun. Yeah, what do you mean? How am I on the cleverer side of this one?

Anyway. We'll unpack that later. I think I'm the most likely person possibly in the world to get sucked out of a plane. So I think the moment I step out, even if you don't go, I go whoop out a window. This is very similar to the first one. See, at this point, we can finally do that thing where we all want to, which is we see, like, that big door where it's a big lever. They're always like, you know, if you don't want to pull it.

Suck out the terrorist. But now it's like, well, grab it, pull it. Well, I really love that. So, like, in this situation, Zabit and Zoe have both made a beeline toward that door. Zabit's like, fine. Zoe, your theory seems to be

that we'll open it up and suck the terrorists out. Zabit seems like concerned. He just wants to see what happens. We all want to do a thought sheet here and lie to me. I'm looking at you, Jackson, being like, what the fuck?

He's out a window. What's happening then? I'm like, whoop, sucked into a window. But maybe like there's only a tiny crack In the window And you watch as my body Crumples up

Maybe my butt's just Sticking out I like that Well unfortunately It sounds like you're gonna get Final Destination 3D Where your guts get sucked Out of your asshole

You're like Jackson are you okay? And I'm like Well No All my guts are outside No look You just see it flying past the window.

Just flapping the breeze. Is that everything that's inside you? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big time, dude. Big time. Anyway. Anyway, I think my skin's next, so good luck to you, I guess.

The door opens. Zoe and Zabu fly in. Taking the terrorists with us. Maybe. Taking everyone with us. Maybe. Maybe you just close the door to the bathroom so that you don't get sucked out as well. Wait until the air pressure equilibrizes.

You open it up. You're just like, well, now I'm on an empty plane. Dude, you're going to learn how to fly a plane. How hard is it to land a plane? If Sully can do it, so can I. It's so good to imagine. I mean, he'd been flying for like 40 years or whatever, and he landed in a river, but maybe I can too.

Sam and Zoe slamming into the water, and I'm fucking 1,000 miles an hour, becoming a wet fucking stain, my corpse floating down like a fucking parachute, and just in the distance, a plane careening into the ocean and exploding. We stopped the terror. Die hard with a vengeance, baby.

They did it. So where would be the best place to die hard? Turns out they're all bad. We don't know. We haven't figured it out yet. We're way too stupid to die hard. I guess really the best place to die hard might just be a building. Yeah, that seems like you can't get sucked out of a building. You can blow it out of a building.

If you put us in a building, we'll die anyway. We'll fall out. We'll fall out, yeah. Yeah, wow. I guess, look, they got it right the first time. They nailed it. They figured out how to die hard. Oh, I'm dumb.

Die hard 2 is on a plane, sort of. It's at an airport. Okay, well, that's pretty different to a plane. Yeah, but the plane's involved. That's the plane's house. Yeah, that's where the plane lives, I guess. Yeah. That's cool.

So everyone's probably being like, you fucking idiot. They do die hard on a plane. Yeah, that's not the reason. That's why they think we're stupid. The fourth one die hard's on a helicopter, so. That's true. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson.

I've been Joel. And I've been Zoe B. And Zoe, you have a brand new podcast that's just come out. I have a brand new show, which I'm very excited about, called Being Hot is Hard, which obviously pertains to me. Uh-huh. which obviously it pertains to me on this chair. You became a full fucking drunken southern senator out of nowhere. And now, well, you look for being hot. The being hot is hot.

Must be. Do we have any mint juleps? They're lying around here. Goodness me. That's good. I got excited. That's good stuff. I have a new show called Being Hot is Hot, which I'm very excited about,

which I'm hosting with Cass Page and Nina Oyama. And you can check us out on the Sandspence Radio and check out our socials at HotHotPod. You can check us out on the Sandspence Radio. I don't have a Sandspence Radio, Zoe. How could I possibly listen to that? I fucking hate you guys. Where do you make Sandspence Radio from?

Stop bullying me. I'm so adorable. You can find this on Apple Podcasts. All right, how do I plug this? Okay, so being on his own, a brand new podcast starring Cass Page, Zoe B, and Nino Oyama. New episodes every Tuesday. Available wherever you get your podcasts. And it is available on all podcast distribution platforms.

Apple Podcasts, Spotify, those freak ones. They're all on there. You search for Being Hot Is Hot wherever you get your podcasts. And there's also a Twitter account called Hot Hot Pod. Damn right, so every Tuesday what you're going to do is you're going to tune into that Seth's Best Radio. And you can listen to Being Hot Is Hot. Fuck you. Fuck off. The being in our lives. It pertains to me. Thank you so much for listening, everyone.

And thank you so much for coming to the show. Thanks, Zoe. Love to have you on. Fuck off. Zoe usually talks into a microphone, but this time, yeah, there we go. Oh, mother of hell. Mercy, pesky stuff. microphone but this time what's up listeners do you remember when we used to sit around and ask hey what do we think is going to

happen in that big time upcoming new blockbuster movie film and then also do you remember that we just suddenly stopped doing those episodes because it felt like a totally different show? And then do you also remember that everyone got mad at us for stopping doing those episodes because they were everyone's favorite type of Plumbing the Death Stars and stopping them seemed really stupid, both in a listener sense, but also from a business side of things? Well, years later, we finally listened to all of that feedback and have brought back the exact same format,

but as a brand new show called Baseless Speculation. Baseless Speculation is a weekly show where Jackson, Zamet and I dive into the newest trailers, conventions and even leaks to gather information and research before asking the big question, hey, what do we think is going to happen in that? It's like an up-to-date pop culture show, but wrong. You can find Baseless Speculation and subscribe via all the usual podcast platforms. We hope you enjoy the show, and most of all, I really hope you leave me alone.