Plumbing the Death Star - Which 80s or 90s Sitcom Could You Slot Yourself Into? (Ft. Josh Earl)

Episode Date: September 29, 2019

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Hello and welcome to Plumbing the Death Star. My name is Josh Earle, and today we're going to be talking about which 80s or 90s sitcom you could slot yourself into? I'm going to pick Home Improvement because Home Improvement is a sitcom that already exists with an audience. Okay. So when he goes, I assume. So are you slotting yourself into Home Improvement or Tool Time that already exists with an audience. Okay. So when he goes, I assume. So are you starting yourself at a Home Improvement or Tool Time? Yeah. Or both.

So are you working on Tool Time? I was going to be an audience member, but all right. That's cheating. Just being like, I am in the crowd of Tool Time. I am in the crowd of Tool Time. But then maybe after the show, I'm assuming that Tim, the Tool Man, Taylor has a bit of a meet and greet.

Yeah? Possibly. We never really get a great indication of how popular Tool Time is. I know. It's on, like, community TV in Detroit. Yeah. He films it basically out of his garage, which is also a sound stage. Because in my memory, it is a garage.

He goes out of his house and then into the tool. Yeah. But do we get a transition of Tim the Toolman's head popping up between the, like he leaves, we get a whoop, and then he's. No, I think because it would do that crazy thing where it would do the crazy tiles into the next scene. But I think Tool Time actually was off the site. It was in another studio, not in his house.

That's crazy. Can you just do that? No, because he worked in his garage a lot on his car. Yeah, that's true, actually. That's a great point. And also, that's super rude to, what's Tim the Tool Man Taylor's mate's name? Wilson. Wilson.

No, not Wilson. Alan. Was it the beard boy? Al. That's rude to Al because it's not like Al lives next to it. Tim's like, we'll build the set right next to my house. Al, you can commute. I don't give a fuck.

I don't care what you do. You can drive. Who gives a shit? Well, either way, I think I'd be nice to. So I like getting a job. At last, I just like being an audience member. Okay. Being an audience member and then just kind of make sure I'm there every single time.

Because I'm on community radio. So you're going to get used to the person who's always there. Oh, okay. I'm going to be like their number one super fan, but not be too creepy about it because, oh, no, I could be a warning. Ah, shit. If you're there every night, like it's easy to imagine Tim being like, welcome back and just locking eyes with you and being like, he's back again.

Always smiling. Which also might say why Pamela Anderson left after like two seasons. Because she was the Tool Time girl. Yeah, that's right. They had a big budget for such a pop commercial. I don't think she was famous then. I think she got Baywatch off the back of that.

Off the back of Tool Time? Yeah, off the back of Tool Time. Off the back of the fictional TV show. People were like, we saw this girl on Tool Time, get her on Baywatch. So they had Pamela Anderson. They also had Jonathan Taylor Thomas who went on to be the voice of Simba. Jonathan Taylor Thomas rolled. What happened to that kid?

Exactly. What happened to this guy? I'll be home for Christmas? That movie's incredible. Where'd you go, Jonathan Taylor Thomas? And apparently he and Tim Mell Allen had a bit of a falling out because he said he was leaving the show because he was too busy and then he was on all these movies and stuff like that

and Tim Allen even said he said he was leaving because he was too busy but he's way more busy these days. And I was like, yeah, he doesn't want to be on the show anymore, Tim. That's what you say to the media to be nice. You're like, oh, I'm so busy. I've got to spend time with my family. Can everybody tweet Jonathan Taylor Thomas and be like, Jackson wanders where you went.

We'd appreciate that. I'd just appreciate it. And the older brother. Yeah. That's who I thought you could be. You could fit in with the older brother. You could be his friend. Oh, okay.

Because he went through a goth phase. All right. Okay. You know what's happened? Now you're a big. I'm not saying that. I'm like trying to make these mental lips. I go, oh, I'm like 32. All right. Okay. You know what's happened? Now you're a big. I'm not saying that. I'm like trying to make these mental lips. I go, oh, I'm like 32.

All right. Hanging out with a 60. Okay. See, I was thinking you'd go back in time. As old as you were in the 90s, you could be. Yeah, yeah. It's a good question actually for each of our sitcoms. What level of, because we have to be there for like X amount of episodes,

enough that we are a character on the imdb page you need to scroll just once along yeah to us you know we're not part of the main cast but it'll be like joseph 17 episodes something like that that's probably too little working at tool time because like audience member that that might just be looking them special episodes where like you know boundaries are crossed so i think maybe if i worked at like on his community tv show yeah uh i'm like as a carpenter but i'm like i have no none of that skills but audio that's good you could be the audio guy and occasionally things go wrong exactly and tim audio guy sure but that's always like a person who's in charge.

Boom operator. I can hold a boom. I was going to say you could be the audience warm-up on Tool Time, which is would have been a job. The saddest job. Exactly, yes. I'm a warm-up guy on a fictional

TV show. Coming out and being like, who's ready for Tool Time? And everyone being like, I guess. I guess. We like building. And how many Tool Times do you reckon they filmed in a day? That's a great question because it always seems like it's one a day and that is just not an effective way to film your TV show.

Tim Allen. Was that his only job? Was he making money? This episode should have just been about Tool Time. Yeah, I think it was. Is he making money? This episode should have just been about Tool Time. I think it was. Is he making enough money off Tool Time? No.

Oh, no, he did. Who worked in, there was a hardware store they always went to. That's true. That was like the bar for home improvement. One of the only episodes I really remember quite vividly of Tim Allen's home improvement was his big gruff male friend. Yeah, Al. I really remember quite vividly of Tim Allen's Home Improvement was his big gruff male friend. Yeah, Al? No, no, no, no.

The whitehead one with the big gravelly voice. Yeah. And it was all about Tim Taylor getting a vasectomy. Oh, right. And the whole episode was like, but I'm going to lose my man as I fuck do the snip. Was it like, do you know how Seinfeld had that episode where they were talking about wanking but didn't actually say masturbation?

Was it like that? They were talking about the vasectomy but not actually saying about the actual vasectomy? I think they might have just called it the snip. Oh, yeah. Well, that's kind of like, you know, the king of the castle, that whole thing. I mean, seriously, Full House should have done the episode about the snip,

so you could have been, cut it out. Like, please. For the love of God. Imagine if when Seinfeld did the contest, it like started a trend of masturbation contest episodes across all sitcoms. Just what a weird, like it's a week, like an event that they do for like whatever it was, that Friday night line-up or whatever.

Just like the nanny and Niles and Phoebe. Was it whoever? Cece. Cece, that's right. Mr Sheffield. Talking about rubbing one out. Cece having to put all her vibrators in a drawer and lock and key and then giving it to Niles and being like,

don't open that drawer. He does, of course. It would have been in the latter episode too when the sun in that show, he would have lost the competition straight away. Oh, yeah, absolutely. A hundred percent. A horny devil. How much does CC have like fancy vibrator energy?

Oh, heaps. Like something that costs her probably too much for something you're getting off with. You know what I mean? Like gold plated. Yeah, just like something where you're like, CC, that's a bit much. And you're like, with. You know what I mean? Like gold plated. Yeah, just like something where you're like, see, see, that's a bit much. You're just wanking. Is gold good

for you? It's antibacterial potentially. No, that's silver. Never mind. Niles would have been doing it in white gloves. Oh, absolutely. He's fancy. With his pinky out. Niles, he's jerking off in a condom. Yes.

Because he doesn't want to wear a mask. A gentleman's wank. A gentleman's wank. And then he drops it in a waste paper basket and makes a little quip about it and everyone has a laugh. That's intense. Was he doing that in a kid's? My scenario was odd. Okay.

Forget it. Never mind. Well, yeah, look, not happy with that scenario. But no, I think, yeah, if I was a boom operator and I kind of was like, you know, where would I kind of be wearing a loud shirt? I'd always be a bit of a character. I reckon I'd have a ponytail, though. Yes, and a bit beardy.

Are you annoying to Tim? I think I'm, like, incompetent and a bit of a lovable scamp. Okay. Is that the kind of thing? I think maybe Tim Allen likes me. Sorry, Tim Taylor likes me, but Al hates me. Yeah, there you go. That was always the kind of energy you got from Tool Time,

that Tim Allen took it kind of not as seriously as he should. Oh, yeah, yeah. And Al was like, this is the only way to make a money. Because then that guy, who played Al? I have no idea. He hosted like Family Feud or something like that. Yeah, that's right. He went on to have like, he did that weird.

Yeah. You know that television trajectory you can do where instead of keeping on doing shows, you just do game shows? Yeah. He pulled one of those. Yeah. That's a good career though, I reckon. Oh, absolutely.

There's no pressure on a daytime day show. Yeah, absolutely. All you've got to do. No one's paying attention. The producers, the contestants, the audience. You know you're never going to, You don't need to be a character. You're just going to have energy. And they're like, good.

And you do five in a day. Go to sleep, whatever. You've done your job. What was Tool Time about? Did they just build things? Yeah, they would construct like a, say, a lawnmower. And then they would make it. But Al would say, this is how you do it.

And then Tim would go, but I did this one. And he put like a V8 engine on it. We've got to make it turbocharged. And they would would make it. But Al would say, this is how you do it, and then Tim would go, but I did this one, and he put, like, a V8 engine on it. We've got to make it turbocharged. Okay. Turbocharger. I think if we maybe, instead of being, like, slipping into as a guest back then to, like, maybe reinvent it now. Oh.

Because I think this would be a great, like, YouTube series equivalent to media. Yeah. Tool Time should come back as a YouTube-read limited run, but Home Improvement doesn't come back. Just Tool Time. No, just Tool Time. We're not eating no Home Improvement.

That is great. That is. Bring it back. How many have heard Jonathan Taylor Thomas' Busy Order? What's Tim Allen doing now? He's doing like Last Man on Earth, Last Man Standing. Last Man Standing was, yeah. That's it Allen doing now? He's doing like Last Man on Earth? Last Man Standing? Last Man Standing was, yeah. That's it. Who cares? He's right wing.

Oh, he's very right wing. Last Man Standing is like, what happened to masculinity? The sitcom. And Tool Time would be like perfect. The current YouTube trend of going alt-right. Whoa! I feel like we've struck gold. This is good.

Who else's creative juices are going crazy? See, I reckon I'd be like, yeah, I'd be a good boom operator back in the day, but now I'd be like, hey, Tim Taylor, I've somehow become okay at internet. Why don't we do this on the YouTube? So you're pitching me now, I guess, like a reboot of Tool Time? Yeah, yeah. Okay. And so it was just like, and hey, you remember that boom operator that appeared in 17 episodes? Yeah, he's the producer now.

He's back. He's the producer of this fictional show, but maybe also in real life, the actor's producing it. It's unclear what exactly is going on here. Well, hey, look. I think that will work. Tool time on YouTube? I'm in.

I'm here. Okay, well, what are you going to slip right into? Okay, well, I was thinking that I could be, so Friends was my sitcom of choice. Okay, yeah. It feels like maybe a bit basic as an answer. Well, Friends is an easy one because you've just got to be a piece of shit. You slip right in.

You've got to be like, when someone asks you for advice, just choose the selfish reason. Well, see, I was imagining myself as sort of a lesser gonther. Okay. Which is perhaps the most pathetic you can get, you know? That's a worm's shit. It's a lesser gonther. And that's where I imagine myself.

I imagine myself as, so you have the friends cast in Central Perk, they sit around that coffee table, and then at a table nearby is me, and my gimmick is that I'm always listening in to the Friends conversations and saying things like, good one, Joey. Great joke, Chandler. And the cast hate me. They loathe my very existence. The only episode where Ross nearly comes to physical blows.

He's like, shut up, you're not one of our friends. Then we look at the camera. You're the kind of guest that's kind of like, if you ever were sitting on their particular couch, that they would just stare at you until you left. Yeah, absolutely. There is a classic piece of Friends episode that has both

billy crystal and robin williams in it yeah and they have this very it's very it's not entertaining because it's just like billy crystal and robin williams mugging what's the friends cast watch and are like good are they playing a couple yeah i think they're a couple in like having an argument and the friends cast are like oh well we want to sit down at our classic Central Perk. Were they a couple or were they just doing like another bit, like another? Oh, it might have been. I don't know. I always sort of interpreted them as a couple, but I'm not sure.

Yeah, I did too. But I was like, or were they kind of like replaying another one of their roles from a previous film? No, I don't think they were characters they'd played. Robin Williams was doing a weird accent that yes clearly was meant to be funny but yeah that episode where they're sitting there on the couch and the friends cast just watch because they're like well we're not used to that but instead of someone you want to see like ron williams and billy crystal it's me and i'm just sitting there drinking a coffee being like oh my friends have arrived please take a seat and they just glare at me.

They glower at me and, yeah, try and kick me out physically. I think Ross might hate you. Yeah. I reckon Joey and Chandler might have a lot of time for you. Yeah, that's true. But it feels quite insular, the friends friendship group. You know what I mean? Like it's a toxic group.

We know this. And nobody's really allowed in. Yeah. They don't really give Gunther a chance, you know what I mean? And Ross's wife, who he said Rachel's name, could not get in. She could not get in. Yeah, no matter what, you're never going to break through that powerful friend's membrane that protects the group.

Yeah, because they're all just terrible. I understand, fair enough. Maybe your wife would be like, please don't see this particular friend, but you did say that person's name at our wedding. That's very reasonable. That's largely unforgivable. That's in the realm of things you just don't do.

Like, you know, no way you would stick with that person happily for the rest of your life. You would be, yeah, they're terrible people. You know why does that make me the hero? Because they all hate me and all I'm trying to do is be friends with the friends. Yeah. What about maybe like a season arc, just someone in the background trying to, say, rehome Ross's monkey? Because that shouldn't be legal.

That's true. What if I'm a cop? Yeah. And the arc is that I'm like, Ross Geller, you need to go to jail. You didn't have a license for that monkey, and that's my arc. That means I appear in one season. I don't know if I slotted myself in quite as well as you did. I reckon you could be like Phoebe's drug dealer.

Oh, yes. That could be, like, you're just always around, and it explains why Phoebe's the way Phoebe is. Or, like, it's done like the contest, where I'm, like, this friend of Phoebe's that Phoebe's like, oh, I've just got to meet my friend. It's all very obviously wink, wink, nudge, nudge. I'm there to give her pot.

But we never outright say it. That's good because every time you come into my apartment, it could always be, like, something silly is happening. Yeah, you come in at that 70s apartment, it could always be like a little bit hazy. And something silly is happening. You know, you come in that 70s show where it's kind of like, oh, what's going on in Jackson's apartment today? And there's like a mule or whatever. I don't know. Everyone's nude. But probably not that.

Yeah. Like you might be that connective glue that holds like the other kind of characters, like the neighbour that always does, you know, just walk around his apartment naked. Maybe I'm a big, fat, naked guy. Maybe you're a big, fat, naked guy. Do you ever see him? No, you never. Moves out.

You move in. Does he move out or does he die? Who'd have to say? Didn't they make that huge, big pen? They made that big stick to poke him. Oh, but he was alive. They killed the downstairs neighbour by stom him. Oh, but he was alive. Yeah. But they killed the downstairs neighbor by stomping. Oh, my God.

The French people are terrible. Are they really? Yeah. What do they do? How do they stomp him? They're having a noise war, and he was like, they were being loud. So the next door neighbor, who was a downstairs neighbor, was quite elderly, and so he got a broom and was, like,

smacking his ceiling, their floor, and then they kept stomping on their floor, his ceiling, and then it they kept stomping on their floor his ceiling and then it stopped and they assumed they won he just had a heart attack or whatever oh boy maybe i could be i'm trying to be i'm trying to worm my way and obviously i can never get in maybe i should embrace that maybe i should be like the neighbor to the side of their two apartments and and just come in and be reasonable at them coming to be and be like, hey. No, that's going to get you out very quickly. Yeah, that's not a character that lasts. If I'm like, hey, it's 3am, shut the fuck up.

I don't care what petty bullshit is happening in this house. What is wrong with you? Yeah, what if you were like one of the employees of, say, Monica? Oh, yeah. I'm not like the best cook in the world. No, no, no. I feel like a service person. The person she's got to, you know, like, you know how she's got to fight Joey, and then she could be like,

or you. Yeah, that could work. Yeah, that guy who's always giving her the business. Yeah, yeah, I could do that. I could give Monica the business in a kitchen. You could also work with Ross as a paleontologist and always on his back going, why are you not here? Why are you always

out during the day? Where do you go, Roscoe? Be like, we have a dig. I don't know if I've ever seen you in the field. Yeah. And Ross being like, oh, I gotta go and hang out with my friends. Where did he work? He worked at the museum,

right? He gave tours, I want to say Was he not a paleontologist? Because that's not what paleontologists do at the museum Once it's set up They're not doing much They're not hanging around going, oh, it's still set up He gave Joey A kind of tape

As if he was doing a tour And I assume that was because Ross knew how to do a tour Wait, what? was her name charlie i don't know the one that ends up going running away with um greg cannele oh i know her yeah um to impress her ross was like hey take her to the the museum and give her a guided tour don Don't worry, I'll tell you what to say. And he kind of, like, does that. Okay. And I just assume that's because Ross knew how to give a tour.

Yeah, but that's not. Or does he just know a lot about bones? Because he's not giving the tour when the kids come and bust him and Rachel for sleeping in the aquarium. That's right. Hey, do paleontologists work at museums? That's, I don't think they, I'm sure they go and

set it up. Yeah, or they give the information necessary for the info boards. Yeah, they write that little blurb thing that you see in the front of all the That's probably based on Ross' work, but they don't work at the museum. I think that's like a custodian, isn't it? Well, he becomes a professor for a bit and sleeps with a student because he has no duty of care and is an actual piece of human garbage.

Has Ross Geller ever gone in the field? Has he ever done any science ever? Is this all a weird sham on Ross's part? And surely that's a great way after he gets the divorce from Emily, he just goes in the field for a while. Yeah, absolutely. Finds himself. Then they come back next season and he's like, all right,

he's got long hair and he's, yeah. You know, especially if they were like, oh, we want to like, we don't want to try and explore this any further. We just say he went in the field, found some dinosaur bones. He feels better about himself. Don't worry about it. And I feel like as well in the field uncovering dinosaur bones is a great chance for hijinks with the rest of the, you know,

they would do things where they're like for this season opener, everybody's in France or something. If they did like an event where everybody was on one of Ross's digs, Joey's getting sandwich lettuce on a fucking Tyrannosaurus skull. You know, it's a law for a minute. Sandwich lettuce. Yeah, all right. Joey doesn't care and accidentally drops a pickaxe on a skull.

Wow. I don't know much about digs. I don't think it's done with pickaxes. Broken novel. It wants to keep happening. I think it's done with brushes. Phoebe can set a protest because they're digging up some ancient

soil. You're not allowed to do it. It's rude to the dinosaurs. Something that even has less meaning. And Monica could cater. Or Monica gets too involved in the dig and she starts trying to take control and Ross is like, it's me.

We just need Chandler to do something. Chandler can just be there being like could i be anymore on a dig just a camera occasionally cut to what is clearly the same piece of footage no one knows what about what about you being one of monica's terrible boyfriends oh like basically because you were a perfect fixer-upper that's true i feel I feel like I could do a friends-partner arc. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, because every Friends member would occasionally get, like, a four-episode, three-episode, maybe one-season maximum boyfriend or girlfriend. I think she had Tom Selleck and Jon Favreau for a bit.

Yeah. I could come in. You could kind of be a third, because it's like, oh, yeah, I went for Tom Selleck, the older man, went for Jon Favreau, the crazy billionaire who liked to fight, and then you. I could come in, maybe me and Monica come in, and maybe earlier in the day I've fallen down whilst roller skating and my belly and tits are grazed.

It's very obvious. And I come in and I'm like, I need milk for my boons. And then I get some milk and I go into the bathroom and Chandler's like, that guy? Come on, that's great. It's great because would you understand that that's, if in an episode of Friends a guy came in in rollerblades without a shirt and grazing in his belly and tits,

would you put two and two together? Would you be like, this is an odd turn for the episode? Because my favourite of all the boyfriends was Michael Rapoport, who is Phoebe's, who shot a bird. That was why they broke up because it was morning. She had to choose between two guys. She chose him and then in the morning the bird was chirping outside. He was a cop so he just picked up his gun and shot out the window

and then she went, oh, yeah, we're done. That was it. Because it was a cop and a fireman, yeah? I think the fireman was when she had two guys and they both had ripper bodies. They did. One was sensitive and that gave a point, and then the body gave two points.

Yeah, that's right. But then the sensitive boy, he took off his shirt, also a good body. Why do you think Monica leaves me in the end? What happens? Because I'm thinking trying to be your compatibility because she does love to cook. And I like i like to and you love to eat it's true uh i think maybe because like remember fat monica being a big thing and they just put like her in a fat suit yeah and they've kind of been like look how chunky she used to be maybe you i guess

encourage that and she kind of starts sleeping back to her sort of like previous self that she didn't like. She's like, I just can't be with him anymore. Maybe in every episode I have a grazed belly. Maybe that's it. It's as simple as that. I'm going to say, yeah, you turn pro in rollerblading and you choose the blades over Monica.

Yeah, yeah. You've got to have a real like selfish reason to leave. Absolutely. Sorry, babe, I choose the blades. And then I've got the roller skates around my neck. I fling it over my shoulder like a scarf. And it's skate out. Oh, cool.

Two bears on me. And Joey thinks you're really cool. Yeah. Can you teach me to skate? Yeah. And I'm like, it's not a thing you learn. It's just a thing you're good at, Joey. And he's got grey titties.

And then you just roll out. You have a sit-down serious conversation. But he's never shown. you're good at joey it's gotta be like a christian and then you just roll out like it's just yeah it's got like you have like a sit down serious conversation but like he's never shown it's just like implied that you've chosen the blade yeah absolutely and now a quick word from our sponsors also hey plumbing the death star is all fine and dandy but did you know we produce a whole bunch of other podcasts like maybe you want a show that is bereft of the Plumbing Boys and their bad opinions and instead featured our good friends, Levens and John, reviewing all of your favourite indie titles. If this sounds like you, then why not head to sanspantsradio.com

and search for All The Small Games, our indie review podcast that's far better than it has any right to be. I reckon in your story arc, Phoebe and Joey think you're the coolest. Yes, absolutely. And Ross and Chandler and chandler and they're like who is this loser yeah who cares roller skating's not even cool so it's three against three in the friend maybe they ever sit down and do a pro con thing about me um at some point which you slide in because i don't hear your footsteps they roll in and you see it and

yeah maybe as they're like whoa he's he's no good, he's no good. I'm rolling in through the door. You're rolling in and then you add something to the con list or something like that. You're that kind of guy. Yeah, and they're like, ah. I reckon Rachel maybe has a couple episodes where she flips. So she's like, no, he's the worst.

Then maybe she's like, oh, no. Maybe he's all right. Maybe he's good. Maybe I take Rachel to the role of Rank and she's like, this is fun, but in the end I'm selfish. I'm all about the blades. So everyone comes around. In the end everyone comes around.

But I choose the blades. And then you choose the blades and just blade out of there. The one with the blades. Yeah. What an episode. He chose the blades and then everyone's like, ah. Yeah. I'll be there for you.

What an episode. That's a good season. Gunther tries to also learn to roll up. He's like, maybe that's what they want. That's what makes you fit in. And he's just eating shit in the background. So instead of just being there, maybe you're working there on rollerblades. You're trying to turn it into Central Perk is now one of those.

Yeah, and that's how me and Monica meet. She's like, oh, well, I got his number. And they're like, the rollerblading gay? And then we have the scene where your titties and belly are grazed. And then they put milk on them and roll into the bathroom for some reason. To tend to my body. You never see him without those blades. I'm always blading.

That's great because it's like such a gimmicky character, but it's a season. Yeah, it, yeah. You never see him without those blades. I'm always blading. That's great because it's like such a gimmicky character, but it's a season. Yeah. It's long. It is known on, like, Friends message boards as one of the worst arcs. Yeah. I don't know why they did that.

It wasn't good. No, there's a few, like, you know, blade stands out there. Yeah, absolutely. They were like, no, that's rad. It was the best Friends episodes ever. What a character. Bring it back for a while. And you and the guy who played Drazic in Heartbreak High,

he was up for that role too. I got it over for him. Callan Mulvey. All right, Josh, where are we here? Where are we finding you? I'm not going as adult show as you guys. Oh, okay. I'm going with H adult show as you guys. Oh, okay. I'm going with Hanging with Mr. Cooper.

Oh. Remember Hanging with Mr. Cooper? No. Okay, Hanging with Mr. Cooper. Mark Curry played a teacher who had dreams of playing in the NBA. Great. It was kind of a spin. So Raven-Symoné was in this.

Okay. It was kind of like your Charles in Charge. Yeah, sure. Growing Pains kind of show. One of those shows that they play at night time, but it was clearly designed for kids. Yeah, okay. 7.30, this is when we're playing.

We're talking a lesson every episode, that kind of thing. Sort of message. Almost like Nickelodeon kind of stuff. Yeah, cool. Now, he worked as a school. I would be another teacher at the school yeah who is obsessed with him playing in the nba oh that's cool just wanting to talk to him and he gets so frustrated at me and i just keep coming in in the worst moments of his story when he's doing

something serious and i'm like so what was charles barkley like there's just all these things all the time yeah he's getting like an NBA basketball, bouncing around. Can you sign this? Is it cool if you sign this? It's good if you come in in moments that like clearly, yeah, this is a heartfelt, heart to heart. You're very tonally wrong for the scene. You come in in the middle of a conversation, sign this basketball.

So I'm just a terrible teacher. My class is going crazy and i just want mark curry to sign or mr cooper should they sign my basketball do you is do you often like are your classes like maybe you would before you leave to go and talk to mr cooper like your class is about mr cooper yeah i just got him out i just absolutely love Mark Cooper so much. Your wheel of VHS of one of the games. There it is. Yeah. Leave the students to watch it.

Well, he only played two games. Oh, okay. Yeah, he played for the Golden State Warriors. What was the typical episode? Oh, typical episode was nothing to do with basketball. So there was the young child, there was his sister who lived in the house with him. He had the big house and there was not his daughter, his niece,

and next door there was a snappy, wisecracking kid who was friends. So I think there was a few kids in the house, but it was almost like full house but black people. Okay. Pretty much what it was. Just kind of like the kind of full house Like there's just heaps of people here Yeah

They're coming and going Yeah Okay He was kind of parental But he also went on dates with women So you had that kind of stuff happening Okay He played like

He was an everyman He was a great teacher And he was funny And Yeah I'm trying to think of Who else was in it Because I'm pretty sure There was was his mother or there was a grandmother

who lived in the house as well. It sounds like the kind of show that has wise cracking grandma and wise cracking kid at the same time cracking wise. And I like that because your character is not one of the archetypes you get in that show. Did Mr. Kibbeber have a lesson about his whole basketball career? Like, you know, he went for it, it didn't matter kind of stuff. Yeah, so there was the one episode where he tried to play in the NBA,

didn't get there, and then he just got called up at the age of like 35. The Golden State Warriors were like, hey, we want you to play for us. And it was a double episode where the first game was against the Phoenix Suns and he got dunked on by Charles Barkley who stood over him and said, welcome to the NBA. Oh, man. Cool. And then it was like he was embarrassed and all this kind of stuff

and he had another contract. He had one two-game contract. So the second game he starred. Even though in the first game he was embarrassed, they still put him in for the second game. He's got a chance. Maybe that success could come from you. Maybe as he's like, what am I doing?

You're like, I always believed in you, Mr. Cooper. I would say after the first game, even I. Maybe not, buddy. I'm at the front and centre on the court cheering him on, and then halfway through I just put it down and change shots. Oh, no. Yeah, I take my Mark Curry topper and I put on a Charles Barkley one. I'm like, yeah.

For the best. So it was like, well, just so I think if it's a sore spot for him, just like to be the guy always constantly bringing it up, to be like, hey, you know, nothing more important than chasing those dreams. Even if you fail once, you've got to get back on there and keep going, right, Mr. Cooper? Oh, yeah, you really should go back out on the basketball court. You should do it again, man.

You should do it again. Maybe Mr. Cooper's moving between classes and you're there in like a basketball jersey with a, you want to shoot some hoops? Let's shoot some hoops. Or he walked past and I said to my class, that's why you don't follow your dreams, kids. That kind of, I just turned to heel. After he bombs out, I'm just like, nah, this guy sucks.

He's the worst. You see him playing the VHS, rewinding him. Look at this. Look at this piece of shit. Disgusting. Students complaining they're not getting an education. Wheeling him in, being like, can you just tell us what's going through your mind here?

And then he challenges me to a game of one-on-one, and I say, no, two-on-two. And he chooses someone from the car, and I choose, like, Michael Jordan comes in for an episode. And I'm like, here we go. It's a guest star. Oh, that's great. You don't find out.

Michael Jordan's only in, like, the last third act, because that's when you're having the basketball game. You're like, oh, I picked someone, you know, very good. And then bam, Michael Jordan. That kind of classic sitcom cheer laugh. Yeah. Do you win? Or are you shown the error of your ways?

Yeah, I don't win. Mr. Cooper wins. Absolutely. Mr. Cooper wins and you're like, maybe he is good again. And Mr Cooper's like, I just wish you weren't in my life. So it's kind of like a three-part thing. So the first one, he stuffs up. He's embarrassed.

Second one is you kind of almost challenge him again, but then that's where he gets his groove back. Yeah, yeah. I know. So it is the principal of the school, our boss, is like, you two need to sort it out. And he's like, either he goes or I go. And the principal's like, well, I can't get rid of both of you.

You choose. And they decide to choose through a basketball game. Oh, perfect. And then I. You lose. He shoots a three on my head and then I pack up my desk. Is Mr. Cooper the kind of person that would maybe as you're packing up the desk be like hey yeah don't worry about it and then you stay yeah or is he like good

you're i reckon i reckon good you would go to say that and then one of the wisecracking kids would be like don't let the door hit you on the way out and then i i leave yeah, man. How many episodes are we talking? Are we talking? Is it the kind of thing where you're leaving because it's like your contract with the sitcom is up or you've got a movie in the works? I reckon I'm over two seasons. The first season, though, I'm just a background player. Sure.

You're there for like a wisecrack every once in a while, you know? Yeah. You're not a plot. Yeah. And then we ramp up three episodes beforehand that I love him and the basketball player. I'm the one who puts him forward to play for the Golden State Warriors. I send a tape in.

They get back. And then when he bombs out, I'm like, there's two more episodes after that. Yeah, that's good. That's good if you get him in there as well because then you being like, you suck now, it's even ruder. Which is why I have the front row ticket. Yeah.

Here you go. Yeah. It all makes sense. It all comes together. It's all good. That's a pretty good run. That's a pretty good run. And I feel like you would be a fan favourite character.

I feel like you would be, I can imagine you, that kind of character on like kind of like a T-shirt or something. Yeah, all right. You know what I mean? I'd have to have a catchphrase. Yes, you do need to have a catchphrase. Maybe something like, ooh, boy. That's great.

Yeah. Maybe for the first season before we ramp up your character, you're just there. Mr. Cooper has a fumble. He screws something up. You walk by. Ooh, boy or like one of his girlfriends comes to the school dumps he might just kind of walk past oh boy oh what a great catchphrase like you said you needed a catchphrase in my mind like it's gonna be clever really no it doesn't it's just a thing you say

anything say whatever you want man and for how she just said how rude that was her catch that It's like, it's got to be clever. Really? No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. It's an 80s. It's just a thing. Just say anything. Say whatever you want, man. On Full House, she just said, how rude. That was her catchphrase. That was it. That was enough. Was that the kind of thing that they, like, was that market tested? I always wondered.

Like, did they sit down with like a group of people and they were like, here's eight catchphrases. Yeah. Which one do you like best? And they were like, how rude. That's it. 10 out of 10. Best catchphrase you got. Speaking of Full House, though, I reckon that is a particular show where we could all three of us just slip right in

there and no one would notice that's true the house is so full yeah i could be like hey hey they're like what is this guy crawling the walls or something which part of the house do you live in bags attic oh gotcha you gotta get in early You've got to get up pretty early in the morning On that show, did someone live in a caravan on the house? Was that like, no, not Uncle Joey Yeah, Uncle Jesse Uncle Jesse, did he live in a caravan? No, I thought he lived in the house He lived in the house

Was it early seasons he lived in the house? I also find it such a weird show that he was the ladies' man Living with three young kids So how's he explaining that? Like, what's going on in that house? Oh, he's just bringing girls home all the time. You've got to be quiet though because I've got three young girls. They're not mine.

They're not my children. I just live with my dead sister's husband. Yeah, and we look after the kids because, you know, family matters. Family. Yeah, there you go. Come in. And that's like finding out that someone you're dating has a kid is already like something you're like, well,

I'm going to have to process this. Finding out that somebody you're dating is in a full house situation, even more intense. I've got five flatmates, three of them are children. Yes. But somebody did live in a caravan, didn't they? Yeah, I thought someone lived in a caravan in one of these shows. Well, look, you can take the role.

If you want the caravan at the back of the Full House house, I'll take the attic and I guess Zama can- Crawl space. Crawl? Oh, no. They're like, yeah, Zama's going home, right? Right? Where is he?

Maybe you live in the crawl space and give- Who's- How rude? What's her name? No, not Michelle. Michelle, yeah, Michelle. Maybe you give Michelle advice. Maybe that's your role. So it was name? No, not Michelle Michelle, yeah, Michelle Maybe you give Michelle advice Maybe that's your role So it was DJ, Stephanie and Michelle Yeah, Michelle was the youngest, right?

Yeah Maybe you're like a Wilson to Michelle It's just that you're Or like an imaginary, in her head It's like an imaginary friend What do we prefer? Imaginary friend or you were a maintenance man That got trapped in the crawl space

And you're still trapped Maintenance man trapped in the crawl space And you're still trapped And Michelle's like I don't know what to do with this moral dilemma And you're like kid get me out of here Like a little grate My eyes poke out Can you get me out I need some advice If I give you this advice will you go get your dad

Or maybe you've accepted If I give you this advice will you at least smush a banana Give me a sandwich You're like Kimmy I give you this advice, will you at least smoosh a banana? Give me a sandwich. I'm so hungry. You're like Kimmy Gibbler's cousin. She got you the job and you're just not qualified for it. Not qualified. Everyone's forgotten about it.

You just live. That's just in the background sometimes. I've seen it on a video. You see an arm reaching from a vent to a sandwich on a bench. That's really unsettling in the background of a sitcom. Like not addressed, it's just, and I'm reaching out, grabbing a banana and trying to pull it through a small hole,

squishing it in. And you're like, what's happening? I'd like to be a ghost if I'm in the attic. Is that allowed? Oh yeah, you can be a ghost. I'll be a ghost and I will. Only the kids can see you though. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

And maybe I'm not there very often. I'm just there for your, like, Halloween episodes. Maybe any episode. I don't know if Full House ever really did this, but you know those episodes where they're like, it's a Halloween episode or it's a Christmas episode and the rules of reality are slightly different. I'm just in them.

I'm there to tell the story. Ah, yes. Ah, the attic ghost. Yeah, you know, the classic attic ghost of every sitcom. I think Family Ties did a Dickens kind of Christmas tale episode. Yes, that kind of. The ghost of Christmas past and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, or like if it's a Halloween episode, I'm like,

well, children, don't beware the witch's ghost. And they're like, well, thanks, ghost in the attic. Or if it's Christmas, I'm like, do you know the tale of, what's it called, Scrooge? You know that one? Sit down, I'll tell you it. He's a guy. He's a guy.

Not very nice. You just tell the Bill Murray movie of it, like, Scrooge. Do you know Scrooge, the children? You know. Bill Murray, he's a wealthy television executive of some variety. He's not very nice to people. Ghosts visit him. There's a ghost that has maybe a golf ball for an eye.

Can you tell us a good story? Shut up. I'm trying to remember it. I think in the end, Bill Murray gets the girl. It's unclear. Merry Christmas The worst rated episodes I don't know why they took that strange turn But they bring you back for Fuller House and that's nice

I'm back, oh that is true Fuller House, are you back? You're just a skeleton Emaciated There's like a little Easter egg when they finally open up the door to the basement or something. There's just a skeleton there being like

huh, what an interesting Halloween decoration and they move on. True Full House stands know it's Jolzano at the maintenance man. And I'm not there in Full House because of the zoning laws. I can't have a caravan on the front of the house in San Francisco. Maybe something dodgy, like they've got the caravan,

but they've built a bit of plyboard on top of the caravan to kind of get around those issues. I like to imagine you exist in the Full House as sort of like your relationship to everyone is unclear. He lives there. Is it illegal? Is he friend? Is he friend? Is he family?

I was a one-time member of Joey's band. No, Uncle Jesse's band. And then I just can't leave. You just can't leave. And you've been there so many years. People honestly don't know how to ask at this point. You're wearing shorts, sandals, a Hawaiian shirt that's always unbuttoned, a little bit too much, kind of like how I'm dressed right now,

noodling away on a guitar, being like, come on, Jesse, we've got to get the band back up. And just as Zammett's hand will eerily reach out for a banana, you will just be in the background, like, sitting on the couch, doing nothing. Shaking a tambourine. It's so funny to drown out this important moment with tambourines. And Uncle Joey's like, hey, can you cut it out?

Yes! That works. Did Bob Saget have any catchphrase on that? There is one we're missing. There's cut it out, there's how rude, and there was one more catchphrase. Also good to imagine Michelle saying, how rude to you. And you're like, Michelle! Let me out! I think it was Stephanie who said how rude and there was one more catchphrase. Also good to imagine Michelle saying how rude to you

and you're like, Michelle, let me out. How rude? I think it was Stephanie who said how rude. Now I think of it. Then Michelle had, did Michelle have? How rude? What was that? Did Michelle have?

Come on, guys. Oh, no. Was that her catchphrase? Come on, guys. Yeah, but it might, it feels like it was something that mundane. Is this the type of show you can Google? Oh, absolutely. All right.

This ain't no quiz. Full house catchphrases. Yeah, absolutely. Gotta find them. Did Tim Allen have a catchphrase? Just... Not the hair, watch the hair. You're in big trouble, mister.

Duh. Have mercy was another one. That's amazing. No way. I think it was you got it, dude. You got it, dude. You got it, dude. I'm pretty sure it was Stephanie who said how rude.

Oh, my God. None of these catchphrases are good. They're so bad, aren't they? Oh, my God. I'm on a site called elite daily there's 11 one of them they say was oh my lanta oh my lanta is that like oh my what dj tanner would say that wow do you have a catchphrase in this as well i guess let's get the band back yeah that's so sad Let's get the beat back together

I'm trying to think of a tambourine pun Oh yeah I was trying to think of something like tempo or something like that Yeah, yeah Drum it out or something Your catchphrase Help Is help, help

I'm trapped in the crawlspace My catchphrase is kids get out of the attic And on that note I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've been Josh. And where can we find you, Josh? I have a podcast called Don't You Know Who I Am out every Thursday.

You both have been on it. And yeah, so it comes out. It's a quiz all about the people who are on the quiz, their lives. It's very fun. It's a blast. Get on board. Thanks for listening, and if you want to follow us on Twitter, you can find us at Sandspance Radio,

or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead. And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to SandspanceRadio.com and you'll find all our other content there. There's heaps! And if you want to support us, head to SandspancePlus.com Thank you again for listening, and you'll find all our other content there there's heaps and if you want to support us head to sanspansplus.com uh thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time good night for now but not forever kisses