Plumbing the Death Star - Which Alien Invasion Would Be The Worst... For the Alien? LIVE! (Ft. Damien Power)

Episode Date: February 18, 2018

In which our heroes are joined by good friend Damien Power to ask the hard hitting question; Which alien invasion would be the worst... for the alien?Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: twitter.com/dusch13Zammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio. Bears dancing in snow. other people. Speaking of festivals, we've got two shows in the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, on the 14th and 21st of April at the European Beer Cafe. Check out our website, sanspinchradio.com forward slash live, for more information and where to grab your tickets. Also, we do a Dungeons & Dragons podcast called D&D's for Nerds, and that's starting up a brand new campaign this weekend.

So if you're curious to watch us three dickheads fumble our way through an adventure, now's the perfect jumping off point with The Search for a Helm. Search for it on iTunes and wherever you find good podcasts. Now on to the show. Hey everyone! And welcome to a very special live edition of Plumbing the Death Star from Brisbane! Today, we are joined by a very special guest, Damien Power.

Woo! Yeah, thank you. And we're going to be asking the important question, which alien invasion would be the worst for the alien? Yeah. Could you be the devil, could you be an angel Your touch, magnetizing Feels like I am floating, leaves my body glowing They say, be afraid You're not like the others, futuristic

Different DNA They don't understand you You're from a whole other world A different dimension You open my eyes And I'm ready to go Lead me into the light I reckon we've been talking

And one that we think is pretty bad Is Invasion of the Body Snatchers So you know Invasion of the Body Snatchers There's some of that shit I think that one sucks for the aliens Because of all the species body snatchers. So you know Invasion of the Body Snatchers. There's some of that shit. I think that one sucks for the aliens because of all the species, we're kind

of the garbagest. Yeah, like we're not great at things. Like, hey, we're fast, but fuck, things are faster. Do you have claws? No, I don't.

Can you fly? No. What about swimming? Not bad at it. I can swim, but not to say the degree of a fish. You sink, mate. I do sink.

What's the name of that movie where they, it's like Body Snatchers, but it's really old, in the 80s. Oh, Cuckoo. No, they run society as humans. They put the glasses on. They live. Yeah, that was fucked to the aliens. They had to work and shit. They went to work and the guy put on

glasses like, look at the business dude going to work. What a shitty... Wouldn't you rather just be ruling society and not going to work? Go home and just stand? Yeah, yeah. They're just living our shitty lives. Is that the one where the aliens actually don't do

anything and the protagonist just kills a bunch for no reason? Maybe. There was a mumble of yes over there. It was quite a disappointment. Yes. Yeah. What a piece of shit that guy is.

That guy looks different. Fucking get him. Because I just think if I was like, say, some of aliens, and I've got that technology where I'm like, I can take over their body, I would instead go lions. That's a better choice. You'd live as a lion. Yeah, they live where I'd body snatch lions. Yeah, but that wouldn't be very good either

because we shoot lions. But nobody's expecting the lion. But Damien, we also shoot aliens. Yeah, true, true. Aliens are human. Anyway, don't worry. No, like you're saying, you humans are shit, but we won. Like, the evolutionary ladder.

It is our planet. Guess who's on top. It is not the lion's planet. We're the ones in the deep. I might be shit at swimming, but fuck, I'm great. Guess what I ate? A shark. Do you know it?

Can they body snatch anything? Like, could they be like, we'll just take animals? Well, in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, no one snapshers. Yeah. Snatchers. Not a lot of people cheer, so I'm assuming there is people in the audience

that have no fucking idea what the movie is. And I'm going to quickly explain how it works, which is also a sneaky plot synopsis. Ooh! I've only ever seen the Nicole Kidman one. That's fine. That's the same plot. It's a remake for a reason.

Yeah. What they did, Joel Zammett, was they took the old one and they made it new. What? Fuck. Film is crazy. Blew your fucking mind, right? I just killed a guy. Wow.

Things they do in cinemas. Yeah, it's... So hit us up with the synopsis. What's going on? Well, I'll explain it and give you a vague synopsis. So aliens come to Earth. Yep. They kidnap people, put them in a cocoon.

Yep. And then steal their bodies and then go live their life as them. But when they can't talk, they do the... Wait, they can't talk at all? They might be able to talk a bit, can't remember. Because that's great if you're like, I'd like this... I don't know, how much are these bananas? And it's just like,

can you please answer the question? Just shaking. I have to pretend they're on an E or something. Just saying what I do is like, ah! All of my shopkeepers are on drugs and I don't know what I put a five on.

Enjoy the trip, buddy. Good luck. Hey, did you notice that all the businessmen today are cooked? That's very funny. They'd be so easy to rob. You just get behind the counter and start taking cash. They're just looking at you. Well, tell you what, though.

I was robbing a bank, and I was like, put the money in the bag, and the teller's just like, ah! I'd be like, ah! You can have it! You want this more than me. What's their end goal in the body snatchers? To snatch bodies. I would say to invade as body snatchers.

But what do they do when they get us? Yeah. Say that the aliens, whoop, they won. We're all humans. They're like, well, now we've got to deal with the hole in the ozone layer. It is the same shit where they live. Like, I guess we get a job. And it's pretty funny

for them to be like, we did it. High five at drinking champagne. One of them's like, I'm crunching the numbers. You know, this planet's about to explode. They fucked it up.

Ah, shit. I also really like the idea of like, in They Live, like aliens like six months after, just say they hypothetically won. They didn't successfully invade. They lived. Six months in, they lived.

Like, that was not bad for one person. God, someone person fucking loved it. Was that good for you? That's good. Do you know what I did there? I took the title and put a D at the end. I'm funny. I don't know.

I've forgotten what I was going to say. Oh, yeah. Okay. So six months in, the businessmen are like, this invasion is going really well. We've had the whole earth for six months. Wait, I'm still going to work. They're going to have that realization and be like, humanity fucked them in the end just by being bad in the first place.

Yeah. Yeah, totally. They took over our society, which is fucked. There's a weird bit at the end of that movie. Yeah. They lived it, man. There's a weird bit at the end of that movie where they turn off the force field. They turned off the force field that made people see, like,

the field that they put in place that meant people saw them as human gets turned off, and they turn into aliens just mid-life. There's a couple having sex, and it's just like... Whoa, what the fuck? Did both turn into aliens or just one? No, one. Because one's a human and one's a body snatcher. They turn off the feel at the end,

and your partner turns into a black, weird, like... No, no, no, no. Can anyone relate? Maybe it's good. Maybe it is good. Maybe there's a moment of panic. Maybe there's... Yeah.

And then you're like, well... Maybe this is a when in Rome type situation. Before we go down this path, everyone who's under the age of 18, please raise your hand. Fantastic. Yes, and who's under the age of 18, please raise your hand. Fantastic. Yes, and there's a few children. Oh, man, I had all this shit planned out.

All right, EMRs, I'm going to hard shit now. But you're not giving it to them. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing, would you? Would you, like, look at all you people in the audience, some more concerning than others. Like, would you, like, would you fuck an alien? Yeah. Dude, you're too eager.

Nothing would stop me. You're like, yes, yes, I want to fuck it now. Where is it? I'm trying to think of the scale of aliens. No one said no. I'm just trying to think of the scale. I got a yell of. Absolutely, 100%. I'm just trying to think

of the scale of yes to no and I don't know where to put E.T. right now. Smack bang at the beginning of yes. E.T.'s finger glows and it heals you. I don't know, man. He looks... I don't know about E.T., man.

He looks like a piece of shit. Like, literally. He does. He does. But that glowing finger. He does. He has the... Oh, yeah?

You're into that shit? He has the body of an orangutan. Yeah. That's pretty good. Well, it's kind of like you fucked pieces of shit before, but not like this. We've all made mistakes. I don't know how we ended up here. Time for an Uber.

The next day, you look over. I think the least sexy thing about E.T. is his voice. I would say it's his everything. Because he's like, E.T. fold home, if he's like, Jackson, fuck me. I'm like... Is it cool, E.T., like, you know, I'm into this, but is it cool if you just talk afterwards? It's just, you sound like a Muppet a bit. I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah yeah so that's Invasion of the Body Snatchers they're a very similar kind of film yeah like Invasion of the Body Snatchers it's called The Faculty yeah

if anyone's seen it like late 90s the same person the children they lived loves The Faculty it's got Elijah Wooden it's great

very similar concept but they're like they're parasites and what they do is they try to take over this small school in Idaho It's a historical film. It's got Elijah Wood in it. It's great. Very similar concept, but they're like parasites. And what they do is they try to take over this small school in Idaho. And they do it by going into their ears and shit. But the problem there is it's very similar, is that they've got to keep living the same lives as the other people.

And they seem to have this weird parasitic relationship where they take on their memories. Like one of them stabs someone else. I'm like, fuck, I've always wanted to do that. So it's like, yeah, I get to be a person, but also I guess I've got to deal with their impulse control. Yeah, but the big problem there, their weaknesses, is that they

can't have any, like, cocaine or coffee. What's the point? So, what's the fucking point? I agree. How do they function? Yeah, so... What's the fucking point? I agree. How do they function? Yeah, I've taken over Earth, and now what? Let's party.

Shit, we just killed ourselves. Yeah, because you're right. Because it's not like they've taken over Earth, and they're like, cool, I'm a new being. They're the guy they took over, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you love cocaine, and an alien gets in your brain,

the alien's like, I love the thing that's going to kill me. Yeah, but you don't know that there's something else that they snort that makes them high that doesn't make us high. Like fertilizer or shit. That's true. It's very funny to imagine he's like got coffee, he's got cocaine,

and then he goes to like the beard or something. Crushes up a banana peel. Exactly. Sweet apples. I'm fucked. Tell me if you weren't, if you didn't invade, you're aliens, you invade Earth.

After a bit, you're like, what here gets me high? Oh, yeah. What can I eat on this planet that's going to fuck me up? That's what we would do, man. If we invaded a planet as human beings, we'd be like, what mushrooms can we eat? Or whatever. After we've slept through the buffet,

that's that planet. What's getting us mad? Or whatever. After we've slept through the buffet, that's that planet. What's getting us negative? We just got off this. Yeah, I know. I reckon when we invade other planets, I would happily take the job of food taster. Like, you know, because they're like, we don't know what's edible on this planet. We're going to need an elite team that will eat the animals. I'll do it.

Why would you happily do that? Why would you do that? Because what if it's good? What if it turns you into a fucking slug or something? Then you'll be a slug! And I'm an awesome slug boy, and I'm like, keep giving me fucking space

shrooms. If I could end my life as a drugged-out slug, frankly, I'm good. Jackson, I just want to point out a whole new theory. Sure. So, in this situation we're employing someone to taste the food so that when we find out what tastes good, we then feed it

to the population. You know if you just one step removed, you get to taste the good food, right? You don't get any of the risks of the bad food. But not straight away. I want it now. I have to wait too long. Plus, I think there'd be a certain level of, like, you know, people would respect that. No, no, they wouldn't. No one's going to respect you, man.

Yeah, the food taste is, wow, so brave. Yeah, everyone remembers the king, but you know who they remember the most? His taste. And also, because they're going to have the same thought I did. They'll be like, oh, there's that fucking idiot that couldn't wait two weeks to eat that apple. How great is it to imagine a big statue of me in the center of the camera,

but I'm just a fucked up slug? It's gorging on me. Who was this guy? You know those mushrooms that make you slugs? First guy to eat one. I've had those mushrooms, but it wasn't literal.

Yeah. Metaphor. So, and also the problem in the faculty is if... I like that we... Sorry, I was going to say that I had this thought before and then forgot to say it. We focused far too much on the cocaine and not the coffee part. Yeah.

That's far easier to accidentally ingest. Yeah. Another problem with it is they've got to drink a fuckton of water. Like, they're just sitting there just sculling water to the one point where they're on a field and a sprinkler system's going and they're all being like fuck this is great. It's real stupid. What are they doing? Are they getting kicks out of being in a human body? Is that what it's all about?

They want to be in this fucking shit? Because I don't know if you've noticed. It's not always great. Well, what I keep thinking is that we've got organs we don't need. Some bits of us just go wrong occasionally yeah do they it's a trip being a human

you know imagine you're like cool I'm a human sweet and someone's like yeah your liver's failed I'm sorry the alien's like that can happen yeah you've got the bits too you shouldn't have been snorting fertilizer so yeah another problem with the faculty is that once it is a very similar kind of

trope with a lot of aliens, like in Avengers. Yeah. They kill, like, the big mothership in Avengers, or they kill, like, the big mother alien. Everyone dies. So, imagine you're, like, John Q. Alien. Yeah. And you've already invaded some motherfucker, and you're like, sick, I'm going to be this lad.

And then your mum dies. You're dead. And, like, mum's dying. going to be this lad. And then your mum dies. You're dead. And like, mum's dying. It's sad, but it's a fact of life. I'm going to outlive my mum. I'm sorry, mum. But I am. It's a tragedy.

I mean, I hope, which is a weird thing to say. It's like, it's two steps away from saying you hope your mum dies. It's like the most positive way you can say that sentence. Don't make it happen. No, I'm not saying like, no. But when the time comes, you know, that's life. It's that circle of life. Lying can explain this.

So, if I'm there being, you know, a sick lad that I've consumed, and my mum dies, why do I want to die? You're just dead. It sucks. It's rough. It's rough for an alien. There's a lot of things like that. Like the day after tomorrow.

Day after tomorrow? That's about weather. When we kill the big ice. Or the little ice. Were you thinking of Twister? When we get the big daddy. None of those are about aliens either, dude. Independence Day?

Is that what I was thinking of? Yay! Everyone else knew. Well, again, same thing. You kill a big thing. Are there animals like that on Earth? Aren't ants, if you kill the queen... I think they just shit themselves.

I don't think they die. I don't mean they die. I don't mean they die. They just all wander off into the forest. The same thing will happen in the UK when the Queen does. Just a bunch of Brits being like, what's up with you now? How fucked to be an ant and you come home and they're like, Queen's dead. Fuck off.

Well, it just means no work today. Day off. Sweet. Yeah, sweet. Yeah, exactly. Let's elect an ant. They elect Trump ant. They're like, yes, we will. Democracy's working.

Fuck, and they're so good at building walls. I hate ants now. What other alien invasions can we think of? What else have we got? Sorry, you go. You're sitting in order. I jumped the line. I don't want to come back to this again, but Oh, God. There is a movie where Scarlett Johansson

is an alien under the skin. Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah. You have seen it. So you get to fuck an alien. I don't know why I'm talking about? Oh yeah. UFC, man. So you get to fuck an alien. I don't know why I keep looking at you. He's the first weird space for him to whole fuck an alien.

Well, you'll fucking scar your hands and an alien at the same time effectively. She kills you. You die. I went out on a hike. I'd want to go full alien. I just mean like, you know, don't fuck an alien. I just mean, like, you know, like, don't fuck up alien. Yeah, if it looks like a sculpture, like, what other?

A tentacle t-shirt? Yeah, I've never, I haven't seen this film. So are we mid-Cletus when this happens? Ah, no. Is she mid-alien? No, no. What happens here? She posts.

It's sex. You kind of get like a... Oh, it's been a while since I've seen it. No, she's wearing a human skin it. She's wearing a human skin. She's wearing a human skin that's just absolutely realistic and she just runs around seducing guys. But then you have to do this weird dance. Floating them in liquid.

What would guys do like this weird dance before they have sex with her? How comfortable are you dancing naked? What are you talking about? Pretty comfortable. Are you talking about the same movie? The movie with the sound effects. I don't remember the dance, man. I mean, I can describe it in detail.

Please do it, if you could. It's actually pretty close to that. So, when she picks up, because she's picking people up in a van. Always a van. Why is it always a van? This sounds like, for anyone who hasn't seen this film,

it sounds like we're just talking absolute shit. I promise you, it's a weird indie movie. Is someone in Scotland or something? He's a fan. It's real good you, it's a weird indie movie. Is someone in Scotland or something? He's a fan. It's real good. This guy's a fan.

You can talk to him about it. Is it an invasion, though? Is that like Scarlett Johansson's like, this is the first step? It's more like an experiment, I think, for the aliens. So the aliens are like, well, fuck humanity.

Let's get our fuck on a little and see what happens. It's kind of like Species, except like earlier stages of fuck humanity. Let's get our fuck on a little and see what happens. It's kind of like species, except like earlier stages of species. Okay. Yes! She put up her hand and was like, look, if someone needs to fuck all of humanity just to get tests, I'll do it. It's great to imagine, like, the Galactic Council are like, all right, so, again, next job to life.

We're going to need somebody to fuck. Me, please. I like to think they dance around the issue, make me work for it. We're not seeing any hands up yet. I'd get on stage. I have elected me. Okay, so...

You don't see the dude version of that, by the way. Well, yeah, to be honest, the dude version of that is not going to be me. Yeah, yeah. I am not the male equivalent of Scarlett Johansson. But it'd be funny if it was just like... Yeah. The big fat dude with the beard going, yeah, I'm going to fuck everyone.

And just like, no one wants to fuck you, man. But I'm an alien. They sent me. This is meant to be good looking. Come into my van. And it's not me the aliens don't know. Isn't that not, that's sexy for us. I don't know.

Yeah, is there an alien back home going, yeah, that's hot. Scarlett Johansson looking. Like, it's an alien that must have picked, like, Women's Weekly. Yeah. Well, they had to have. There would have been an alien from Scarlett Johansson's Alien because they're weird, like, green looking. Yeah, they're they had to have. There would have been an alien from Scarlet Your Hands. It's alien because they're weird, like green looking. Yeah, they're no good.

They're not my type. There would have been an alien version of her back on her home planet going, this is what the human has to look like to be hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To seduce men in a van. Yeah, and make sure you get a van, not like a cool sports car or whatever. Van, we've done the market research. Vans, sexist, peek-a-boo.

They all use vans. More people make love in a van than any other vehicle. We don't know why. The plot of Under the Skin is literally that she drives around in a van, picking up hitchhikers, seducing them, fucking them, killing them, and then she dies. I don't think she fucks them. She doesn't fuck him. How are you two remembering just

spotting the most different films? Did you see two films? Am I right? She does? Oh! So it is me! So, Jackson, it's like

we've presented you with a buffet and you've got to seduce the food, so it's like, yeah, eat me. How fucked? We landed on an alien planet, and I'm like, all right, I'm here to see what mushrooms are good, and then the mushroom's like, you're going to fuck me or what? Oh, God! I think it's just so weird to have to seduce your food. Imagine seducing a cow or whatever. You'd be just, like, patting it a bit. Yeah, yeah. You're seducing a cow or whatever. You'd be just like

patting it a bit. Yeah, yeah. You're seducing a cow. What's your name? What are you, just hanging in this fucking paddock? What's up?

What's your name? That was a carrot, not the cow's feet. Cows don't have dicks, guys. Pay attention. The bull's pen was not... I knew we'd end up on fucking animals.

Yeah, yeah. I knew it. Once more again. I knew we'd end up on fucking animals. Yeah, yeah. Once more again. I hate our reputation. Do we eat bulls? I know that's really irrelevant. Do we eat bulls? Good to hear. We don't eat their dicks. Shush.

Is that called a bush oyster? We eat their balls, yeah, but not their cock. Anyway, somebody hit us. Shut up. Another event. Dusha, come on. Alien. Signs.

Signs? Signs. All right. All right. In the alien invasion in Signs, the aliens are doing a pretty good job until humanity realizes they're allergic to water. So if you're doing the market research as an alien to which planet you invade,

and you know that you're allergic to water, slash it kills you, why are you picking the one planet that's fucking like 85% water? It rains! A challenge? I like if you put us in the position of the alien again, and we're like flipping through planets.

But like this one has a lot of knives on it. And occasionally it rains knives. Let's say we choose this one. That's a good planet. The people here eat knives. There's knives all over the fucking show. The people are actually made of knives. 70%.

Yeah. I mean, again, you look at it. The water is the answer. Someone probably lost their job back at the alien planet. God, they fucking should have. You're like, someone put him in charge of the planets. He's fucked up twice now. I'm assuming there was another one.

I like your two-strike policy. Well, you don't fire him the first time. Come on. You're like, well, it's a mistake anyone could make. I get it. Yeah. But I think it's because, like, what's your other option? Fucking Mars?

You land there, you're like, I've got it. What's on Mars that's good? But at least do that first. What's on Earth that's good? Yeah, that's a good question. Gold. Gold? Yeah, but there's planets made of gold.

Yeah, that's a good point. And diamonds. Like Yeah, but there's planets made of gold. Yeah, that's a good point. And diamond. Like, why are there planets made of people? The only thing that's, like, endemic to Earth is humans. Humans and water. And one of those things they hate. Oh, and, like, rats and owls. Are we just, like, tasty?

Is every alien invited to eat us? Because, like, if you were Talamira Here's this plant Full of knives It rains knives There's like a whole ocean of knives There are people That are made of knives

But they're fucking delicious That's a pretty good reason To go and eat earth I might be tempted Yeah like if you boil down The knives It comes in like custard Or whatever

Yeah yeah yeah I think if someone told me I could eat a god I probably would. Yeah. Oh, delicious. It's kind of a little bit dangerous. And I hunted it myself.

So, like, is that going to work? What are the aliens in signs doing? They just seem to be walking around children's birthday parties. Making signs. Giving people spooks and, like, making art, I guess. Yeah. Why? What are they getting out of it?

I'm looking at you, Dusha. I know you're looking at me but I'm not I'm refusing to make eye contact. After hearing your comments about E.T. I don't want to look at you anymore. Well.

So in science it's similar to Independence Day I'm pretty sure. Like they slowly take over in the sense that they destroy. I saw this not that long ago. This shows you how forgettable science is.

I watched it this year. It's good. Why? I don't know. It was on. That's a great film. Big film. Yeah, so I'm pretty sure they destroy Mondays because by the time that they realize that

water kills them, Earth is looking fair fuck to the point where they're just like, hey, tomorrow's going to be the end of the world. Yeah. That's a scary news broadcast. Welcome to the end of the world. And everyone goes to bed and then when they wake up,

it's fine because the aliens are like, yeah. Basically, everything happens for a reason in science, but like, aliens could have stopped

that by not coming to Earth. And also, yeah, they use gas and if you hold your breath, the gas doesn't work because the child in that gets attacked, aghast, but she has asthma because everything happens for a reason. So her lungs are closed.

So her lungs hold her breath. I don't know if that's just alien gas. I'm not fairly sure that's just gas. Yeah, but... That's a good point. Most gas usually does physical like, physical damage. Like, mustard gas is not just like... Oh, yeah.

Mustard gas is a specific situation. But not gas that's flammable. Like, I mean, yeah, sure, some gas is like you just breathe in too much. Like carbon dioxide. I get it. Like carbon dioxide. Or monoxide. Or monoxide.

Thank you for the science lesson. You're welcome. What about Superman? It would suck for him. Well, if he's like, you know, he is an invasion, technically. Papa Kent's like, let's put him somewhere good. He's not doing a good job. If I was the rest of the Kryptonians and I landed, I'd be like, you are their pet.

That's fucking sad. I'm on Zod's side. Yeah, no, not even just your pet. He's fucking sad. If I'm on Zod's side. Yeah, no, not even just your pet, he's a guard dog. Yeah. He's like a working dog. But Jackson, do you know what he does that you should respect? What's that? Fox humans. Does he?

Yes. Are you sure? What comic book is the love making of Superman and Lois Lane? I'm pretty sure Old Mac Clark was raised Protestant. Yes. That's a good point. What's their views on sex before marriage? I would say none.

Did somebody say no worries? No worries, man. No worries. You can do it. No worries. Come on, Clark. Give it to her. Lana, yay.

You're weird, Dad. I think Superman shouldn't, even though I'm very pro-alien boning. It's that classic thing that Superman will kill anyone he fucks. I don't know anything about Superman, but does he actually fuck a human? Well, I mean, there's Lois Lane he's in a long-term relationship with, and if I was Lois Lane and I was, if you're Well, I mean, there's Lois Lane he's in a long-term relationship with, and if I was Lois Lane and I was like, if you're not, I mean, the dude,

he kills his child. What? Alright, so. Excuse me? He, this, is this a... Kills his own child. I was going to get, I just can't get in the crowd. So, pretend I came to you and was like, what? How does he kill his child?

Oh, okay. So, in the end. He doesn't just, like, kill it when it's out. It's not like a guinea pig situation where he, like, eats it already. It's not like a love of a school we could have gotten. Rises this morning. Eat vision. Straighten the uterus.

It wouldn't be hard for him to pick up more women if he can fly. Yeah. Are you saying that that's a very desirable trait in a man? Ladies, I mean, would you date a dude that could fucking fly? Yeah. Yes, I'm with would you date a dude that could fucking fly? Yeah. Yes, I'm with whoever yelled no. Alright. Someone flies, I'm like, get down!

He can also just walk through walls and shit, but, you know. Now I'm afraid. Jackson, that's probably not good. Jackson, your morals frighten me because they have no real reason except if it looks human, no thank you. If it doesn't, yes, please. That's it. That's my motto, yes.

Does Superman have a non-human form? No. Well, we've debated it on the show before. I was so scared you were going to say penis. Well, we have debated it on the show before whether or not Superman has a butthole. Because we have no way of knowing if at the Daily Planet he just goes in, sits, because people expect him to shit, and then he leaves again. Because if he never did, you'd be sitting in your cubicle being like, it's weird Clark Kent never shits. Jackson, you clearly haven't Kent never shits. Jackson.

Yeah. You clearly haven't had a job for a while. Because when I go into my work, I don't notice if people go and take shits or anything. Yeah. You're not in office.

After like three or four years, you'd have that realization where you're like, Clark Kent has never shat. Yeah, but no one knows the shitting patterns of other officers. But you'd also be like,

I've never gone to the toilet and bumped into Clark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were Clark Kent, I think it'd just be clever to hang around the toilets sometimes. Like, standing up against it, wait for someone to come in, zip up. To be honest, man, if you could fly, I'd just, you know. Well, anyway, I'd be shitting on people. That's the one.

Like, why would you waste it sitting down on a seat? Like, you can walk through the wall and shit on your boss's desk, then fly away and get a new job in a different country. Superman, exactly the same. He's the protector of Metropolis. He just shits on people. So you're like, we love him. I would watch that.

It's great. But occasionally he'll shit on your car. This is the price we pay for being defended. And they're powerful because it just pops out. It's quick. It's like a shotgun. Yeah. That's bad.

That's a lot of racked cars. And again, with an invasion of Superman, it would be very lonely for him. Hence, now he has to go and have sex with something that's not his species. Yeah, absolutely. It's unfortunate. So he takes human form and he's not human. No, he's not human. He just looks like a guy.

I don't know why. Kryptonians look human, which is, you know. That's something that no one's ever addressed in a way that I'm satisfied with. I wish he looked wronger. Me too. Me too. I wish Superman was like, yeah, I'm a guy. I also got two little raptor arms coming out of my stomach.

Hey, how you doing? Yeah, like the dude in Total Recall. Whoa, what the fuck, man? Glad you're wearing a shirt. It's skinny tight, though. You just see that little Total Recall guy trying to push his way out. I hate our superhero. That's what I'd say every day when I woke up.

Good morning, Jackson. I hate our superhero. That's what I'd say every day when I woke up. Good morning, Jackson. I hate our superhero. At least Batman's just a guy. He doesn't have a gross little goblin dude on the front of him. You're welcome, citizen. Free me! Have the aliens from the titular Aliens ever tried to invade, or are they just more

of a bioweapon? Well, they kind of already did, didn't they? Aren't they in like a pyramid from Aliens vs. Predator? Yes, got a confirmation. So, somebody dropped him down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's 100% canon, we'll hear what about it. So, I mean,

is it bad for them? I mean... Well, the aliens don't know what's going on. They're kind of like a rabid creature. I reckon for them it'd be pretty good. Actually, following the alien path and one that I absolutely know tried to invade her, very similar, you picked the wrong titular, well, the wrong part of the title to focus on. But also Predator. Oh, yeah.

Why is it bad for Predators? Well, first of all... Also, it's funny with Pred predators that they don't know... They can't see dudes in mud. They've got mud on them. Heaps of mud around. Do you think a predator would feel good if we told them we called them predators? I think that absolutely...

It's actually offensive. They're like, I've got a real name. They do have a real name. Yowcha. Yow name. Yowcha. Yowcha. King of the nerds down here. He knows about the yowcha. Now the ladies know

who to look for after the show. Yowchas, man. Yowcha. All right, all right. But like, they don't really, they just want to hunt, don't they? Yeah. There's a lot to hunt on earth, but I feel like it's...

Again, no, I've heard that the greatest, you know, thing to hunt... Man. It's the greatest thing to hunt if you are man. Surely the greatest thing to hunt for a predator or a creature is another predator. Ah, of course. Then why do they keep hunting men? I don't know. And also, Predator 2 is set in the city, so they're not hunting wildlife.

If they are, they fucked up. Their GPS really fucked up. Well, they don't know. A wild man right now is a guy in an office. That's true, actually. If you're a predator, you're like, I'm here to hunt humans. You land. You see, we're like rabbits to them, surely.

They should be hunting gorillas. Well, it's the same reason people shoot lions, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like from a distance. They're like, that was fun. It would be the same for predators, I guess. Like, it's not like a lion with a gun. Like, you've got a gun.

A lion with a gun. And it's a lion. The lion's just like sitting there. Oh, I got it. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're right. Predators are like the wealthy. People love it. People love doing it. Do know what I mean? Yeah, you're right. Predators are like the wealthy. People love it.

People love doing it. Do you think on the Predator planet, you remember that dentist that killed a lion? They're like, that guy killed a doctor. Like the other Predators are shaming him. Yeah, and it's protested. Shame on you fucking killing humans and animals too. They don't know what the hell's going on. Leave them the hell alone.

Look at them. They look in pain when you shoot them. They're so fucking pink all the time. They're useless. Why are we invading them again? That's a question that it all comes down to is what's good here? Yeah, what is good here? Nothing.

Again, apart from the delicious man meat. What is good? Once you replace all of men. Wait, what's ever the delicious man meat, what is good? Once you replace all of men. Wait, what do you have for the delicious man meat? Yeah. So once you've run the man meat thaw and dry, I guess we are in the valley. It is Sunday. I really like the idea of a thaw that says manat and someone hanging up a little sign that says dry.

Sorry, fellas, the man-meat form's dry today. We ran out. That's a stuff that I never thought I'd say. And, yeah, I guess after that you're just like, well, at least the planet's kind of nice. But, again, humanity has kind of fucked that. So, like, surely there's nicer planets out there. Why did the War of the Worlds happen? So there was Mars.

Mars sucks. Yeah, they were from Mars. That's a reverse total recall situation. And then they just were like, we've planned this. We've planned this for so fucking long. We forgot about the common flu. And then they got sneezed. Do you think it was, a quick thing, or were they

just driving their little tripods while I was like... You feeling all right? Yeah, I feel it. It's funnier if it's just like... The other one's like, what the fuck was that? I was like, I don't know. They're just sweating. Like, what was it? Was it real hot in here?

If you're in an alien planet, you're piloting a tripod and you vomit, you're like, I'm it? Was it real hot in here? If you're like in an alien planet, you're piloting a tripod and you vomit, you're like, I'm done. That's us. We're fucking gone. It's probably just food poisoning from space. It's a long journey. Like on a flight, they've got prepackaged food.

Initially they probably would just think it's food poisoning. Yes, kill the human. Kill. Give me a second. Do they eat humans in War of the Worlds? They put us in, like, cages, don't they? They vaporize us for a bit. Yeah. Then they collect us in cages on their tripods.

It's humanly to come for man meat. Man meat again. Actually, it's very tasty. Man-mate again. Actually, it's very tasty. I just remembered someone. Yes? And it's an alien invasion. Yes.

And it's an interesting one because they come to Earth to do something very special. Fuck. Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah! A sweet chance Without Craig McLaughlin

Much better Much better So it seems like a lot of you are familiar with it I don't even really need to say anything But I will So in that film there is an alien that comes to Earth Who then gets too excited about being on Earth And starts trying to fuck everyone

And then the aliens come back being like, this is meant to be an invasion, you're fucking this up, and then they kill him. That's bad for everyone. Oh, imagine the shame back on their home planet. Yes, remember the invasion we planned? Well, it is great to imagine the thing like,

how's that invasion doing? And like, some people look at the screen of him and fucking everyone. Real good. He made a man. We're doing... He's such a rogue unit. Went to the planet, made a guy,

fucked a guy. We don't know what we're doing here. We've got to send a rescue. This is fucked. It's like sending a horny Frankenstein to an alien planet. The doctor or the monster? No, the doctor. The doctor.

Dr. Frankenstein. Because he goes there, fucks everything, makes a Frankenstein. Fuck that. Fucks the Frankenstein, yeah. Which then betrays him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then death. It's, yeah, it's just rough.

It's like the worst thing you could possibly do. There's just so many jumps of logic there. If I got sent to space, okay, you send me to Mars. Thanks. Bye. I go in on Mars. I'm like, oh, sweet, there's aliens, and it's like a civilization that I can easily adapt to. Do you know what?

My first thought is not. What? Please, please, do tell. I'm not going to have sex with any of these people. Well, this is where you get wrong. Because, like, how long is that journey to Mars? Yeah. Quite some time.

When I get there, I'm, like, a little bit lonely. And, you know, I look around. There's a society that looks kind of like me. And you're not an unattractive fellow. You know, people are interested. So why not? Thank you. So. This one over here.

See me in the green room. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. None of that. Times have changed. Yeah, times have changed. There'll be none of that. None of that.

So, yeah. So, well, you know, well, hey, I'm lonely. This is society. I'll go my way through that. Maybe build a blog. I just think it's very easy. I think people are doing that here now. I think.

And also... Sex robots are getting pretty realistic. Yeah. And I guess that makes sense if, like, if... I've heard. Said a bit too much there, I think. Yeah. I've done my research. It went for the price point to go

down a bit, but when it does... They actually have this thing, like, they were saying that the big ethical problem with sex robots, because they're so realistic now, is that you'll be able to build one based on someone in real life without their consent. Oh, that's fucked up. Imagine going to your mate's house and you're like,

oh, how are you doing with your breakup? And, oh, you've built your ex. Oh, good, Tim. This is fucking good, isn't it? Oh, you real coping with the breakup, aren't you? Paul, you real coping with depression up over here.

Yeah, it's going to be awkward at the work Christmas party. I always think the most fucked up thing with sex robots is because we keep our desire with the sex robot is to make it more and more realistic, which means that of all the robots that I get, they get sentience first. It's the one that's going to be the

least happy with its sentience. When sex robots are like, oh, fucking hell. As if. This isn't good, Tim. Damn it. Damn it. Isn't that a thing, though, like that pornography often pushes technologies forward?

Yeah, the whole time. Absolutely. I say that almost without a joke. I think the first robots that come to life are going to be the sax robots,

which is going to be scary if they're the uprising robots. Especially if they're... If it's T2 Judgment Day, but it's like a big... You know that client like the boot stands on a skull

but it's like a high heel just growing. Like an arm that's just a dildo. They're like, oh, just the fists, actually. The narration being like, look, we deserve this, basically.

This is on us. So, humanity accepted that thing. 1997, Judgment Day. We hunted common. Man, those robots are hung. It's also scary in Tim's situation. Hypothetical Tim's situation.

Just gave sentence, Tim, I need to talk to you again. Oh, fuck. Imagine Tim getting dumped by his... Oh. Oh. You'd crush him. You'd crush him.

What does Tim go next? What else has he got left? Tim's got nothing. Nothing but sadness and shame. At this point, Tim, the problem is 100% you. The Matrix. An invasion of machines. They ain't aliens, mate.

Whoa. But yeah, I reckon Rocky Harpich. Yeah, absolutely. I think, this comes down to what you were saying, I think that if Dr. Frank came to Earth, and then just built Rocky, and then just fucked Rocky, I think, weirdly, I would be fine with that.

But the fact that he fucks everyone, not good. Yeah, that's never good. Yeah. But I also think, imagine this. You're in a street. Lovely street. And then some guy moves in next door. And you're like, oh, hi, hey.

He's like, hey, I'm Greg. Nice to meet you, Greg. Yeah, cool. And then you just hear him working in his garage. And then you're like, that's a bit weird. So one day you go over there, hey, what are you building? He's like, just a dude I'm going to fuck. And you're like, oh, okay.

You're very candid with that, Greg. Yeah, don't let him play with the kids. Yeah. I wouldn't be that cool with him. I'd call a cop. Well, no, but also, what if he doesn't? Because that's an amazing scientific breakthrough for Greg. I'd be like, you're a pervert, but a genius.

And all the great geniuses were. I guess I respect that. But I also think that's almost, like I said, you need a guy to eat the food. You almost need a guy to fuck the things. You need a guy to eat the food. Your space exploration team should consist of people that know what they're doing. People that know how to survive, you know, in dangerous environments. Yep.

A guy to eat the food. I've got to fuck the things. Because, because, that's a good thing to know. Like, that's good information to send back to Earth to be like, hey, we can eat the food and we can fuck the things. Who are the explorers that explore the Americas? What do you mean? Who?

Magellan was one of them. So, in their expedition, they're like, we need people to know what they're doing. No, because on Earth, we need someone to survive. You're eating things, you're fucking things. But on Earth, we're already pretty clued in on what we can fuck.

Nothing that's not a person. I'm just saying. There's an actual answer. There really is. But on an alien planet, it's unclear. We don't know what's going on,

so we better find out. What if a hundred years down the track we found out we could be fucking trees this whole time? Do you not think we'd be disappointed, maybe? When? I mean, nothing's stopping you. There's nothing stopping you from fucking trees, nothing. Do you not think we'd be disappointed, baby? When? I mean, nothing's stopping you. There's nothing stopping you from fucking trees, man. When we walked out on stage 45 minutes ago, and I sat down, and I was like,

which alien invasion would be the worst for the alien? This is not how I wanted it to go. Look, Fer. Yeah, look, I apologize. It may have gotten away from me. I may have let personal feelings get in the way. I think when it all comes down to it

is that E.T. is very bangable. Nope. And the aliens from Independence Day? Maybe. Elf? Yes. Do you mean elf?

No, no, elf. Like A. elf? Not an elf, like A. Yeah, yeah. The eight cats. Not Will Ferrell. No. No. The one that ate cats. Which was clearly a euphemism.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Sex machine. Oh, whoa. We're all on board. Well, usually we'd be like, hey, let's vote. But they've all come out exactly the same of like, hey, they're all pretty bad. Because, like, people are garbage. We're probably just going to try and fuck the alien.

And that's bad for them. I can see why they want to kill us. Yeah, fair, actually. I go, all right, hey, Glicknick, I went there and they tried to fuck me. Yeah, all right. We need to kill them. Let's kill them. Let's kill them and maybe eat them.

I don't fucking serve them right. Yeah, no, I get why we want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get it. I get it. I get it. Well, I empathize. On that note.

I've been, Joel. I've been. Oh, wait. Oh! No, no, no. Well, okay, because you're a special. Is something wrong? That was an awkward pause. I don't know why everyone Oh, wait. Oh! No, no, no. Well, okay, because you're... Oh, I'm sorry. You're a special. Is something wrong?

That was an awkward pause. I don't know why everyone went, oh. It happened. Have you guys... I've never seen two people talk at the same fucking time. You don't think I'm fucking mine? Never happens on this podcast. Yeah, no, man.

Have you listened to our podcast before? It's basically three of us talking at exactly the same time about three different things the whole time. I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. I've been Damien. And where can we find you, Damien? I'm going to be at the Perth Fringe Festival for a week tomorrow, then the Brisbane Comedy Festival at the end of February,

27th of Feb to the 4th of March. Yeah, yeah, come along. And then Adelaide and Melbourne Festival. Woo, Melbourne! Go see them. Woo! Yeah! Woo!

Yeah! You're not so far away. It's supernatural. Extraterrestrial. Thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter, you can find us at SansPantsRadio, or you can find us individually.

I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead. And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to SandspantsRadio.com, and you'll find all our other content there. There's heaps! And if you want to support us,

head to SandspantsPlus.com. Thank you again for listening, and we'll see you again next time. Good night for now. But not forever. Kisses. for listening and we'll see you again next time good night for now but not forever kisses