Plumbing the Death Star - Which Disney Villain Has The Dumbest Plan?

Episode Date: September 1, 2019

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's dumbest podcast network. Hey you handsome dickheads, did you know it's been a year since we tarnished UK soil with our presence? And in celebration of that tarnishing, we've finally been able to salvage the audio from our Git Posh tour. And piece together something coherent from all that footage we filmed, and slap that all on a USB cassette tape that you can purchase right now from audiobooksontape.com. But that's not all, you beautiful human beings. If you use coupon code DICKHEAD at checkout, you get 10% off the whole damn thing. That's 21 brand new never-heard-before-unless-you-were-there episodes

and a heap of bonus video footage, like Jackson getting his head stuck in Brighton's Cheeky Chappy. So, if that sounds like something you want to consume, just head to audiobooksontape.com and use coupon code DICKHEAD at checkout. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Flumming the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, which Disney villain has the dumbest plan. Okay. Okay. So I'm going to put forward Cruella DeVille.

Call the evil. Oh, my God. I know. Hang on let me See you So her plan For those who don't know anything about 101 Dalmatians First off

Those two Dalmatians Pogo and Perry Winkle or whatever Pogo and Perry White The two Dalmatians Rocky and Bull Winkle They don't actually have 101 Dalmatians Like my kid brain thought. They have 15.

Anyway. That would kill an adult female dog. That would. Just straight up to that many puppies. Just popping them out like Maltesers. That body would. Yeah, she'd die. So I guess that makes sense.

Disney didn't want to display that. I get that. Understandable. So she. I did not know that. Yeah, right? I just assumed it was 100. Why is it called 101?

Think about it for a second. Disney's not going to show a female dog popping out 101 Dalmatians and then dying. Jackson, Jackson, I've got some news for you. This movie also doesn't show a dog pop out any amount of Dalmatians. That's fucked up. Are you telling me the Disney anime

has never animated a live puppy? In the animation... What the fuck? In the animation, I think she has more puppies. It's the live action one. It's just like, yeah, you get the... What's her name? I think she has more poppies. It's the live action one. What's her name? I forget.

Played by whatever. She's just there with the dog vision being like, come on, it's coming, it's coming. And you see it all in HD. It's been in a hundred countries. That's what's coming to Disney Plus with Emma Stone. Live dog birth. This summer.

2021, actually. Summer of 2021. So her plan is I think The owner of the Dalmatian Is like She's a Roger

That's one of the guys That is That's true Roger and Wife So wife Anita Anita

Oh my god It is startling How much we remember About 101 Dalmatians I'm impressed Anyway I'm light-headed. Pogo.

And periwinkle. And there's like a P word. Yeah. Perzo. Perzo? Pazuzna. I want to say Spot, but it's not Spot. That's not right at all.

That's a dog. That's the other dog. That's the dog from Spot the Dog. What's Spot, though? Spot the Dog. Spot. I love Spot. Anyway, that's how I learned how to read on Spot.

Anyway. They didn't do a good job. Yeah, terrible. Oh, wait, no, that's Jackson. Go on. Go on. I would love to hear Anyway, that's how I learned how to read on Spot. Anyway. They didn't do a good job. Yeah, terrible. Oh, wait, no, that's Jackson. Go on. Go on. I would love to hear you. Disney villain play.

So Anita, she draws nice little outfits for Quela de Vil, and she loves black and white. She loves stripes. And then one day Anita's looking at her Dalmatian. She's doing a bit of a doodle, and she's like, oh, look, I've got a little spotty dress. And then Quela's like, I need to make a dress out of Dalmatian skin. Yes.

I'm going to stop you there. That's the most fucked up plan for a coat I've ever heard. It's awesome that she only gets the idea when she sees a drawing of a dotty dress. She's not like, what about a dress with spots? She's like, what about a dress made of dog? And not just any dog, the puppies. The smoothest of all the dog, the puppy.

Well, look, I just don't know, Hank, maybe you can maybe treat puppy skin, but I don't know. To me it just seems kind of gross. Like everyone's like, oh, this is like a mink fur suit, or this is, oh, look at this, this is a real fox. Someone's like, this is a mutt. This is a dog. Who's impressed?

Dogs I killed. No one's impressed by that. This is a question that. This is a dog. Hey, who's impressed? Dogs I killed. No one's impressed by that. This is a question that I was asking earlier. Say I came into the studio in a brand new dog skin coat. Okay, now assuming your respect starts for me at 10. Yes. Okay, so that's a big assumption. Let's honestly say our respect for you starts at a 3.

Okay. Hey, we don't have a scale. It could be 10 out of 100. Yeah, you don't know. At the moment it's 10. Let's honestly say our respect for you starts at a three. Okay. Hey, we don't have the scale. It could be 10 out of 100. Yeah, you don't know. At the moment, it's 10. Let's say it's a three. Okay, and I come in wearing a dog skin jacket that makes me look fly as hell.

How much have you dropped or possibly raised? I'm willing to accept that as a possibility. Yeah, I'm glad you're happy to accept the impossible as a possibility. Yeah. Do we know it's dog straight away? Yeah, I come in and I say, guess who got dog? Like that? Yes.

I'm confused at first. Unless, is it raining or is it dry that day? It's dry. It's sunny. Okay, that's alright. I'm sweating. Dog doesn't breathe. Okay, I come in and say dog doesn't breathe. Another thing about the dog suit or the dog jacket is like, I was imagining,

Oh, I imagine getting caught in the rain and that smell of wet dog. And now it's all on you, but now just sweat. So it's a wet dog mixed with sweat. Okay. Sweat dog. New scenario.

I come in and it has been raining, but I don't announce it. And I just sit down and you smell wet dog and notice my new jacket. And you're like, have I put two and two together? Is that dog hair? Is Jack's? And I'm sit down and you smell wet dog and notice my new jacket. And you're like, have I put two and two together? Is that dog hair? Is Jack's? And I'm like, yes.

My respect plummets. I was already so long. Yeah. We're probably sitting at like a negative 11 or 12. Yeah. Look, I'm like, okay, he made a choice. Weirdly, my question would be how much did you pay? Uh-huh.

And what have you? I would say you can't put a price on a jacket like this. You can't put a price on your soul by doing that. The devil's coming for you. Xamarin remains a 10. I think I do because I'm just like king of the world.

I own a leather jacket. Yeah, what's the difference eat a dog who gives a shit God is dead yeah so look maybe it would stay maybe a nine

maybe an eight I'll take that such a little drop I don't even mind you could have just like a leather I would have been like did you

I would have had more questions please shit I've got answers so okay so you've said this is a dog jacket this is a dog jacket. This is a dog jacket. Yeah, I announce it like that.

I've got a new way of talking. Yeah, I figured. You're like, what if I'm Oprah? Very proud of these new acquire. Why are you talking like that? I'm like, I watched 24 hours of Oprah packed back. Whilst this jacket was being created for me. Did you commission this? Yeah, I for me. Did you commission this?

Yeah, I commissioned it. And I chose the dog and then while I was waiting, all they had on the little TV was Oprah DVDs. 5, 4, 4, maybe a 3. It's a 3 now. But I watched them and it took 24 hours. Is it made of one dog or have you picked a litter of dogs? It's a litter because one dog's not

enough. Okay, so you have picked a litter of dogs knowing that they've all been killed to make a jacket that's presumably disgusting. It's a litter because one dog's not enough. Okay, so you have picked a litter of dogs knowing that they've all been killed to make a jacket that's presumably disgusting. It's just like wearing a calf, dude. At what level of respect do you have to call the cops on someone? Zero? Is Zero calling the cops? Who's just at negative 11

who should have killed me? Hey, I got a dog jacket. Bang! Guys, you gotta get, everyone's's like We get it dude It's funny Because I said I started at a three For zero

Calling the cops I was already so close Yeah yeah In theory I'm just like Hey you know What's the difference If you're wearing a leather jacket

This kind of leather boots You've gone I'm just like Get out of the way Sandman I'm gonna do What we needed to do Eight years ago

I'm gonna shoot Jackson In the head Be my guest I'm gonna to do what we needed to do eight years ago. I'm going to shoot Jackson in the head. Be my guest. I'm going to wear my new Jackson coat. And then, okay, so let's just say hypothetically your respect for me starts at a 10. Yeah. You've watched me shoot Jackson. Then the next week I come in wearing a man jacket. I'm like, it's crazy none of us called the cops.

Our good friend Jack got shot in the back of the head. But man, are you looking fly in that jacket. Did you drive here? Stopping at a service station to get gas. Nobody giving you a look. Give him a little wave. It's man. Are you anybody else

imagining it's got a hood that is my head? It's just like the jaw. My face like... I was imagining your beard like sitting under my head. So it's like... That's so bad. Powerful. The service station man loved it.

Yeah, I turned 20. Yeah, I made it 20. That's incredible. Guess who was mad now? I watched that. 24 hours. I went to the same place Jackson did. Yeah, that's all they got on.

So, Cruella DeVille. So, she's like, I want this puppy. I want a spotted jacket made of puppy. First off, it's like you can get many spotted jackets in black and white that aren't puppy. They'll be easier to acquire. Again, you know what else is spotted and we often kill for clothing? Jaguars. Cows.

All right. What? I don't know why Jaguar has the same spots that Dalmatian does, whereas a cow is like a big splodge. That's true. I mean, yes. You're not wrong. Now it's funny to imagine, like,

so, like, the same way that you get, like, a cowhide rug, but there's a jacket. That's a yuck jacket. A puppy jacket also looks bad. Is anybody else imagining the puppy jacket, like, puppy, like a bearskin rug where they're like that, but several puppies sewn together in that shape? Yeah.

So it's obviously made of puppies. Yeah, I'm imagining the one that you see in the movie. I don't think she makes that out of, oh, the drawing. Yes. I was like, the movie doesn't end with a succeeding. Bold new direction that the 2021 film is going. Can we figure out how many puppies it would take? 101.

Oh, wow. Excuse me. That's why, because in the sequel, which, you know, it's 102 because she needs an extra one for the hood. That doesn't seem like enough puppy for a whole hood. Stretched as a thin hood. Oh, no, that's fair. I guess if it's just for fashion.

So, yeah, so her plan is like, yes, okay, even if it's a dumb idea to be like, I want to wear puppy. Let's be like, all right, you're wearing puppy. Cool. She's like, ah, yes. A good, one of my employees or good confidence or friends, they've got puppies that I want to steal. Anita. And so she dog n got puppies that I want to steal. Anita.

And so she dog naps them because they refuse to sell. They go to Scotland Yard. Right. And Scotland Yard can't, like, either A, can't solve this puzzle or B, like, we have murders. What? If I was Scotland Yard, I would be like, you're telling me a fake story.

Nobody owns that many dogs. Swim. 15 dogs. 15. 15. You and your husband or boyfriend or partner or housemate, don't know their relationship, can't remember, own 15 dogs. 15 dogs? Why do you live in a mansion?

Oh, no, not a mansion. A bloody regular house. A flat. A flat with 15 dogs. 15 fucking dogs. I didn't realise I was chatting in a coach Oh boy Oh you're making lovely check out corgis aren't you

Greg get out of here 15 fucking dogs Do you want to tell him how many dogs you claim to own 15 Sorry that's not including the father and mother of the dog 17 Sorry, that's not including the father and mother of the dog. Oh! 17! 17 dogs. You better turn around and walk away before I shoot you in the head.

Fuck off. Slam. Sorry, it's a crowd of Deville. This is the UK. I don't have a gun, but I will illegally obtain a gun, come back and shoot you in the fucking head. I will chase you with my baton

like it was Benny Hill but it will end with your murder great play the music play the music man Benny Hill but there's a chance

you'll die scary ass there's a chance this man was held back he wanted it so yes so the fact of the matter is don't lie to cops

in the UK the bobbies they'll get you so Cruella de Vell she's like I steal these, she gets two lackeys I forget their names, maybe Dexter Buster and James She's like alright get those 15 puppies Buster and Jones

They steal these 15 puppies They go somewhere cold, I forget where but it's snowing Probably Scotland And she's also acquired another 84 Dalmatians. Okay. And then there's this whole big ringerob, and she's like, all right, we've got to do this. And then she's like, we need to kill these puppies now

before the cops find out. Yes. And that's when the puppies have their major escape. Now, several things I want to say why this plan is dumb. One, because she sends Bubsy and Jones to do it. I mean, look, drowning a dog, especially a puppy, seems to be easy. And I'm guessing Cruella could do it herself. I feel like if you got 101 Dalmatians and just left them, they'd die.

Especially as puppies. Or you'd end up with one really strong Dalmatian. A strong fat one. You open the door and a big fat Dalmatian's like, you're like, the bad version of this happened. The bad version of this. That's going to be the best coach. This is the worst of those two.

Dad, mauls. She stole a bunch of puppies when she could have easily gone to, I don't know, the pound? Yeah, well, there wouldn't be Dalmatian puppies from now. And also the pound won't let you adopt 101 dogs. Yeah, that's... 101 fucking dogs? 101 fucking...

What are you, the queen? And the same thing happened. Yeah. I'm so sorry, your majesty. 101 fucking dogs. Get out before I shoot you in the head. We only have dog tranks here, but I will shoot enough of you. Or you will die.

That is my word to you. Greg, play the music. Darts going everywhere. Intense. So, I guess it's very dumb because there are better ways of acquiring those dogs and making sure they don't escape. Breeding dogs is the thing you can do. Breeding dogs you could do.

You can go to the shop and buy a jacket. You could just buy a jacket. Again, you could just get a nice leather jacket. You could do it out of synthetic. You could do so many things. My question about Cruella de Vil. Okay, so she got the 17, no, sorry. 15.

15 puppies. And then 84. Now those 84 puppies, were they also pets? Or did she get them from a dog breeder and then out of fury and spite got Anita's puppies to prove a point? I think it was out of a bit of spite because she kind of missed her at work and hated Roger. In the thing, she does hate Roger. But she's like, I would like to buy your puppies. And both Roger and Anita are like, this woman's going to kill our puppies.

And either eat them like she's got a good face for eating rats, if you know what I mean. Yeah. Dangling a puppy into it. How good's the song Cruella de Vil, though? Cruella de Vil, Cruella de Vil. If she doesn't eat rats, nobody will. That's how it'll become Santa Claus is coming to town.

Cruella's gonna eat some rats. Yeah, no, it's not a clever plan. And also, like, I'm trying to imagine that, I mean, like, I guess it was like the what, the 40s? I don't know when it's set. But imagine, what, 60s? That's just funny. I don't know when it's set.

I don't know, the 40s. Wars happening, Cruella. Don't you know we're in a war? 101 fucking puppies. I'm shooting Germans. The blitz is happening, Cruella. Hitler's at the door, Cruella. Are you all worrying about puppies?

Is it set in the UK? Yeah. Okay, just checking. No, it might be set in the 60s, actually. But Warlock's happening, Cruella? Jimmies! Jimmie Hendrix has set his guitar on fire. There's so many more important things happening.

But I feel like, so imagine on the fashion scene, 1963, Cruella DeVille comes out, she's like, my new coat. And everyone's like, that is made of dog. Everyone's like, interesting, what's it made of? And she't gonna hide it either dog darling dog and everyone's like yuck you're fired i don't know if we can do that you're out yeah she would get 1960s cancelled again the idea of like oh it's a mink coat yeah it's kind of like oh fancy because gruel happened we live this is like too far on the gruel. Yeah.

There's a distinction about what furs you can wear. Some people want no furs, but very few people are like pets. You know what I mean? No one comes out and like, look at my parrot suit. Counterpoint is the 60s, a time where, so in pop culture and like movies that have dated poorly have taught me this, dogs and cats, like pets being killed, was played for slapstick comedy.

That's true. A good example of that is like the Vacation series, which I am aware is not set in the 60s. Boondock Saints, also not set in the 60s or 70s. Or a comedy. Or a comedy. Okay. So maybe that was a period of time where people were like,

wow, you killed 100 dogs. So if she'd been like, they're been like what's your coat made out of And she'd be like dog Great joke Did you accidentally kill one by setting your fart on fire With a cigarette or something That would have been great I'm just happy dogs are dead

Everybody in the 60s That's a direct quote How often could you wear that coat Well like anything in the 60s That's a direct quote Also How often could you wear that coat? Well like anything In the high stakes world of fashion You'd probably wear it for a week And then throw it in a bin Because

Once Once You seem that she's going to great lengths She's going to Right I'm going to commit dog theft Which apparently is still a crime You will report to Scotland Yard

In the 60s So she's like I am going to commit this crime. Then we're going to fuck off into somewhere where it's cold and snowing. Because I'm assuming there they can happily kill the dog. The dogs will freeze to death. So she's already on the land.

Dalmatians do look fragile. Well, they're like- Okay, how do you get them? So she puts them in a bag or something, presumably. Hit them with a bat. Just give them one whoop, and then you get a lot of Dalmatians. Go to Scotland a bat. Just give them one whoop, and then you've got a lot of damnation. Go to Scotland Yard.

No, because what you want to do there, though, is because you want the integrity. No, the integrity of the fur. Yeah. You know? Realistically, you want to drown them, because then the fur will be fine. But then it's wet.

Well, that's a good point. But it's on the body. You just dry them out with a hairdryer. Wring them out. I don't like this. I don't like this. I don't like this. Respect for me, myself went down. I'm up to a 10.

Jackson's put himself at 10 out of 100. That's pretty good. I think I put myself at a 4 right now. Out of 100? Yeah. I don't like this. Still at the same 80 I started at. I think it's dumb in that it's kind of like

the end result of her plan is a dog jacket that no one's going to be impressed or care about she's committing a lot of crimes to begin with for simply a jacket and she's doing that despite because she hates someone's husband counterpoint, fashion world is

absolutely cooked and fucked at the best of times maybe she gets applauded on a runway for years maybe she's there like incredible avant-garde outfit wow she's changed the game and then dog skin clothing becomes the norm yeah well hey maybe that's it's a tough one to say uh i mean like jared leto rocked up to a thing with holding a head or whatever and everyone's like right yeah that's true love fashion that true. I reckon that there's a chance that it was a brilliant plan and if she'd been like, and I murdered these dogs for

it, everyone would have been like, not only is that a great joke, we're impressed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now a quick word from our sponsors. Also, Plumbing the Death Star is all good and dandy, but did you know we produce a whole mess of other podcasts? Like, maybe you'd rather a podcast where our good friend Mia trolls through all of the weird and no good cartoons she can get her hands on and then

makes fun of them with her friends i was on it just recently and we talked about the inexplicable scooby-doo movie daphne and velma it was no good and if you want to hear that and more then head to sanspantsradio.com and search for cynical cartoons our cartoon review show that's far better than it has any right to be. So, Kralos plan. Yeah, so how are we thinking on the dumb scale? What is the dumb scale, Joel Zabnett? From dumb to not dumb.

For everyone listening. From a doucher to a Jackson. Oh! That's a pretty good... If you imagine superimposed over us as a scale, it works very well. Dumb, not dumb. Yeah.

Sometimes dumb. Yeah. I think that if you... It's somewhere in between a Zammid and a Jackson. Yeah. It's dumb, but it's also very cruel and just violent. So it's more just like a psychopath plan rather than a dumb plan. Just wants people to suffer, I guess.

I would say it's more maybe in the middle. Yeah. It's a summon. It's a summon. It's a summon on the dumb scale. Okay, okay, okay. What do you got, JD? I like the idea of a Disney villain that just has a ridiculous end goal.

Or an end goal that's achievable but goes about it in a ridiculous way. Yeah. Which is why I'm picking Ursula from the little mermaid who plan is to, I guess, basically just, she wants to rule the ocean. Who doesn't? I mean,

hell yeah. Including turning merpeople into her garden ornaments. Yeah. The poor unfortunate souls, the little worm dudes. They're my favorite part of The Little Mermaid. Help us! Poor Unfortunate Souls is also a fucking banger of a song.

Oh, it's great. I know that it's good, can't remember how it goes. I just know that I know that song and I like it. But step one of her plan is to trick Ariel into thinking that Ariel wants legs in exchange for her voice. How would you trick me into thinking I want legs? Hi, I'm Jackson.

I was born with maybe a crab's bottom instead of mermaid legs. Well, it'd be like tricking you. I hate your legs. Do you want these legs? Oh, no. Yes. It'd be tricking you into getting a fishtail. Yeah, that's true.

Hey, you want to go for big swims? Yes. Hey, give me a fishtail already. No, the easiest way to trick it. Hey, Jackson. What? Yeah, how you doing? You ever wanted to fuck a fish? all right you know these are trick hey John yeah how you doing you ever want to fuck a fish yes in the sea yes anyway anyway chop chop you're gonna need a fish fish

legs more importantly a fish cock all right let's do it I'll sort that out one thing you gotta give me your voice okay I don't talk underwater anyway it'll make me quieter when I orgasm drop big fat loaded. That'll be my face. But with no sound.

I say no, you've got a good point. It's easy. How funny is it to look at someone in the face as they pretend to orgasm while I'm imagining them fucking a fish before. It's great to imagine the Ariel, like Ursula's like, you can have legs and Ariel's like, what else can I have? And she's like, oh no. Give me an octopus

body. It's not really that kind of deal. I want to roll the sea. So in the movie what happens is she uses Ariel's voice to then trick Prince Eric who Ariel loves into marrying her and then Ariel gets put to then trick Prince Eric, who Ariel loves, into marrying her.

And then Ariel gets put under a curse or something. Look, the end is a little bit... So Ursula's end goal is to get a beautiful voice because Ariel is a beautiful voice. And then to go to Prince Eric and be like, I am a beautiful princess, right? And then Prince Eric is like, let's get married. And then she rules not the sea, but whatever kingdom Prince Eric ruled.

Yeah. Prince Eric's like, okay, the kingdom is in the shit. Kings, no good. That's crazy as well, because she didn't know about Prince Eric until Ariel brought it to her attention. That means Ariel came to her and was like, hey, there's this prince I want to bone, and she was like, that sounds good. Yeah, give me your voice.

I'll give you legs. I'm going to fuck him instead instead what's wrong with ursula's voice i don't know it seemed nice to me yeah yeah nice and gravelly a little yeah nice and gravelly prince eric being like ah yes this ah song of the siren now i get it now yeah no i want that voice with ursula though it was basically that um they based her character off Divine, the actress. Also car salesman. So imagine her using Ariel's voice to sell underwater cars. It would be great if she's like, I need to get on land and I need to sell Hyundai's.

Give me your voice quickly, Ariel. So the movie kind of insinuates that her end plan is, in fact, just to have the kingdom under the sea, decorate a garden with poor unfortunate souls, etc, etc. Great song. How does it go? But really, the true end goal if she had succeeded that was then to trade the kingdom under the sea

for legs to then go onto the land to sell Hyundai's. Yes. Just checking. That makes a lot of sense. But just the idea of sir yeah you're both in relationships

it's true if would you be seduced by someone that you meet out of the blue yeah

on a beach the voice oh right of yes your significant other well I don't you're like time for me to dump that person.

Well, what I think is crazy is that Ariel's lack of voice like hampers her way more than it should. At no point is she like, does she gesture to Prince Eric and then gesture to the, you know what I mean? Like she never, I guess she doesn't know sign language. Not that she knows ASL. But like, I just feel like that there's something she could have done to get across to

Prince Eric that Ursula stole her voice. You know? Yeah. So wave a bit. So you're going to wave a bit and then point to your throat. I should have been like, hey, can you talk through this? Yeah, I was like, is Dusha panicking? What's going on?

I'll be Prince Eric. Zama can be Ursula as Ariel's voice. Okay. Okay, so. What? What's my goal here? Well, I guess your goal is to stop Prince Eric from thinking that what I'm saying is true. Yeah.

But not saying acting. So I'll do some of these. Yeah. I don't know why this crazy broad is confused. Yeah, me neither. What's going on? Me, Prince Eric, this new woman needs a lozenge. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm feeling a little bit of the... Thanks for bringing that to my attention, Ariel, babe. Thanks, sweetie. Okay, needs a big hoagie. Back to the sea you go. Back to the sea he goes. Excuse me, that is a human woman. What are you saying?

Sea mustard. Oh, my God. Excuse me, that is a human woman. What are you saying? See, he's lost it. You know how sometimes we should just, you know, drown people? It's so great to be like, this is a mermaid. I know this seems crazy, but this is a mermaid. So what did her thing end up really like? So she just wanted to rule the sea and also the... If she is a powerful sorceress, surely she could have done it. Yeah. Could she not just

kill Ariel and take her skin? Yeah. Well, King Triton wouldn't have enjoyed that. Triton? Triton. Triton. Yeah. Aquaman. I don't know. Who the fuck knows? No one can remember. Yeah. Ocean Lord. No one has seen movies. No.

It's not the greatest plan. And also, I don't know if Atlantis? Is that where they live? A Tr plan, and also I don't know if Atlantis, is that where they live? A Tritontopia. I don't know if it's that good. I don't really know what Ursula gets out of it, really. At the end of the day. But even like, just stealing someone's voice to use it for nefarious purposes

unless those purposes are prank phone calls. Couldn't she just like magic it so her voice sounds nicer and then kill Ariel? Surely this ends in Ariel's murder, right? Right? I'm fucking pretty now and I'm going to shoot you in the head.

Boom! Underwater shotgun. Harpoon! That is the underwater shotgun of the sea. It's true. Prince Eric is a trooper, though. He never seems confused about what's going on and I appreciate that.. Prince Eric is a trooper, though, for a deal. Like, he never seems confused about what's going on,

and I appreciate that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Prince Eric was always just like, this lady can't talk, this lady can't, whatever, welcome to the kingdom. I'm not worried, baby. Fuck, whatever era I'm from is wild.

It's either pre- or post-Woodstock. I'm just trying to, because everything is. Ursula's a very powerful sea witch. She turns herself into Vanessa. She turns herself into Vanessa. I remember very specific things, but not all things. Does she need reagents, certain things to do certain things? No, it's a contract.

She's like the devil. Yeah. She's a squid devil. Octopus lady. That's very funny. If the devil did that trick to me, but for fish legs, so I could fuck a fish, the ironic punishment bit would be that I wouldn't be near the sea and I'd die on a highway.

I'd burn in the sun and then someone would hit me with their car and I'd be covered up by the government. One has to assume. One has to assume. Just like, what have we got here? Oh, my fucking God. So that's just his face. Keep pulling Is that a fish cock?

Has he been He wanted to fuck fish but it didn't work out They're clever They're detectives What's the reverse of an o face Because I imagine that's what you're doing An in face Like

Like a sour, like a sour. Yeah, like a sourpuss face. I died in the sun instead of making love to a fish. Making love to a fish.

You want to be making love to a fish? I died in the sun. I didn't get to. No, when you get put in the sea, you're not making love to anything.

You are fucking its brains out and leaving. Yeah, you're not cool love to anything. You are fucking its brains out and leaving. Yeah, you're not calling that fish. Yeah, you don't love that fish. You fuck that fish. It's going to flop up on the beach and be like, I did it. I did it. Ursula changed me back. So.

Yes. Pretty dumb plan. Yes. Where do we put it on the scale? What do you reckon? See, when I went into this, I was like, it's very dumb because stealing someone's voice is stupid as hell. But then I remember prank phone calls.

Yeah, great point. Yeah, but I'm pretty sure it was in like the 1860s. Prank yelling. Prank yelling. Oh, it's me. You go up to someone's door and they're like, what? Just through the keyhole. And you're like, is your refrigerator right?

Sorry. Is your icebox working? They're like, who are you? And you're like, and you run away. That's medieval prank phone calls. Yelling into a castle window. Hi. Hi.

Hey, that voice sounds like that fish lady Yep What's she even going to do with a voice I don't know it's a dumb plan It's a dumb plan Squirrelly sorely on the Jackson Bailey side of it See I think the more I think Yeah I do because I keep getting distracted by the fact she wants to rule the sea

I'm like that's fine Great Step one of no plan should start with such a ridiculous step one. No, absolutely. Step one, steal the princess's voice. Look, if my plan is to buy a new car, and then step one of that plan is to fuck the sandwich I have in my fridge. It's a bad beginning.

I'm going to be like, hey, dude, think of a new plan. End goal, great, makes sense. Step one, let of a new plan. End goal. Great. Makes sense. Yeah. Step one. Let's talk that through. Why? Let's knock that out. That's my plan.

You can do the whole plan without Eric. You know, that whole thing. Again, just kill Eric. Well, it seems like the real. It's so easy to kill Eric. It seems like the real result of her plan, though, is Ursula pretends to be Vanessa. Ursula gets on that ship. Prince Eric marries Ursula. They sail

to the dry land somewhere. Ursula's like, I don't have the sea. This plan didn't work. This plan is the opposite of work. Unfortunately, now I am a princess in a castle. Whoops. Surely if she wanted to rule the sea. What are the domains there? Couldn't she just

shove off to the next part and be like, Drayton, where's your wall? The sea's big, so just pick another bit, Urs't you just, like, chuff off to the next part and be like, Triton, where's your wall? Yeah, Z's big, so, like, just pick another bit, Ursula. Yeah, just give Ariel blap-blap two hoppers in the brain. Absolutely. Maybe you don't have to Triton while you're at it.

Yeah. And that crab. Hey! Sebastian! Why do you have a Jamaican accent but no one else does? Are you from Jamaica? Leave me alone!

Did you migrate? Did you travel here? What's going on? I'm Sebastian but I'm not doing the accent just to be clear. I would never do the accent. You're not just a random other crab being like, hey! Crab solidarity! Hey, I'm

Steve the fucking crab and I will kill you. Leave him alone! Two in the head with a harpoon gun. Shooting a crab with a shotgun. Wow. Jesus Christ, this has been a harpoon gun. Shooting a crab with a shotgun. Wow. Jesus Christ, that rule. This has been a gun-heavy episode. It really has. A very murder-heavy episode.

Shooting a crab's not... Shooting Sebastian is. Ursula, squarely in the dom side. What would a crab look like? A splatter. A splatter. It would just be crab juice in a pan. Vaporized.

To a crab, a shotgun is just a laser. It doesn't know the difference. One minute it's there, then it is gone. What's awesome as well is that a crab's always looking forward. So if you pull the shotgun off from above, that crab just is alive one minute and isn't the next. In many ways, it's the most humane way to kill a crab. The crab is in crab heaven.

I honestly don't know what happened. What happened? What the hell? We get crab rules. One second I was on the beach looking for sand to turn into balls. The next second I'm in heaven doing the same thing with cloud, I guess.

What the fuck? I'm so lost. An angel comes and bangs. It's crazy that no one explained to that crab it'd die. Welcome to heaven. What? Yeah, come in. Did I die?

We don't talk about that. Don't worry about how. You're here now. That's what matters. This is what heaven is, beaches, and we need crabs. Come on. All crabs are holy. You're going to be digging holes and then putting little balls of sand

outside those holes for the rest of eternity. Sick. That rules. Yeah, that's what I wanted to do, so this is good. Do you guys have birds here? No. No. It's heaven, idiots.

You still can get sassed in heaven. People have ruined you in heaven, but you're like, no, I deserve it. It's always fair call. The crab is a concept of heaven. Yeah. Ah, yeah, heaven. That makes sense. I don't understand, like, a human.

Okay. I get the concept of heaven. Paradise is the reward for being a good crab. I'm on board. I have been a pure crab. This is where I for being a good crab. I'm on board. I have been a pure crab. This is where I deserve to go. So. Crab heaven.

Ursula on the dumb side. I put forward. Yes. Stromboli. Who? Stromboli. Beef stromboli? No, the villain.

Yes. Of the classic 19 whenever Pinocchio. Yeah. He is. I think that actually is the 40s this time. Hey. No, the villain of the classic 19-whenever Pinocchio. I think that actually is the 40s this time. Hey! Pinocchio's a warhead! Well, that's the thing. Pinocchio knows, and that's why everyone's fucking depressed.

He's in Italy, isn't he? Oh, mamma mia. So if you've forgotten who Stromboli is, which I suspect maybe you have. Isn't Pinocchio's villain a whale? No. What's that whale's plan? Eat Geppetto and leave?

That whale's plan is be a whale. He just happens to run into Geppetto and Pinocchio and swallow them like Jonah. It's a Bible allegory. So. Does that make Pinocchio. A Christ figure? Yes. Would you read the Bible more if you just split it in more? Not would you read the Bible. Would you read the Bible more if you just split it in more.

Not would you read the Bible, would you read the Bible more if occasionally they just reference Jesus' nose getting bigger. But Jesus doesn't lie as he is Christ. If instead of Jesus being the son of God you know, immaculate conception come out of Mary, if they'd been like Joseph carved Jesus out of a tree, I'd be like, yes

I will read the Bible at least twice as much. That is interesting, yes. I want to hear more of this. So Stromboli is the puppet master, but in that he is the guy that runs the puppet show that kidnaps Pinocchio and keeps him in a cage and puts him on display. One of the depressing parts in a depressing movie

of a depressing puppet boy. But for some reason, instead of Stromboli being like depressing movie of a depressing puppet boy. But for some reason, instead of Stromboli being like, I have an alive puppet, like I have literal magic on my hands. He's like, I will do a puppet show where halfway through the show, Pinocchio snips his own strings and walks around on stage. I mean, that in and of itself is pretty impressive. I'd be like, a neat magic trick, have a penny? Yeah, but would you be like, he also, when Pinocchio bows, Tromboli comes out and bows instead, which, you know, come on, Tromboli, it wasn't you. Well, they don't

know. They think it's a puppet. Tromboli, no, yeah, I know, but like, you gotta bow for the puppet, dude. In a puppet show, you don't, like, clap and then the guy comes on stage and is like, I was behind it the whole time. Yeah, you do. That's usually what happens at puppet shows.

Yeah, because as an audience member, maybe you're the dumb one. Because as an audience member, I'd be like, ah, yes, that puppet master did the puppet thing. And then he did something cool. Oh, no, he's just to the side. I know. But as an audience member, I don't know this. Yeah, but I wouldn't be clapping this guy because he paid everyone. Do you clap the puppet?

You would clap the puppets. Have you seen a puppet show? Yes. And you clap the puppets. You clap the puppets. You don't clap the puppet. Not the puppeteers. Well, you are clapping the puppeteers by clapping the puppets.

But you don't want to see the puppeteers. You only want to see the puppets. Otherwise you ruin the illusion. But that's the point of ending it. No, you're like, well done, puppeteers. And they know you're applauding them and that's the point of ending it No, you're like, well done puppeteers And they know you're applauding them And not applauding the pieces of wood But it would make sense to applaud Pinocchio

Because he's alive Then I'm just watching a real Then I'm just watching a real boy Do a real thing That's not impressive Wow, that boy thing, cool You know how you make Pinocchio an impressive show? You shoot him.

You get a hammer and you get his head. Yeah, because he's not going to die. Pinocchio is the boy who cannot die. No, but it's a lot. Yeah, what you do is you string it up to one of them... You get across. Them circle boy things. Spit him and get the audience members to huck knives.

Yeah, you're like, can he feel pain? No, he can't. He can't even feel pain. Wait, am I just thinking I'm throwing knives at a puppet? I don't care. But he's alive. He's like, how you doing? I'm like, what an amazing automaton.

Jackson, so we know that this is set at some point in the past where people famously loved the circus and what have you. You know, remember, what's his name? P.T. Barnum. P. what's his name? B.T. P.T. Barnum. P.T. Barnum, B.T. Sternum or whatever. He basically just was like, hey, welcome to my circus, and then shot a horse and was like,

this is the best fucking circus I've ever been to. If you go see a puppeteer and the puppet cuts off its own strings, does a dance, and bows, I'm giving them all my fucking throppences that I have in my pocket. My firstborn. You would be impressed, but it's not the maximum you could do. I would probably piss in my trousers. Are you kidding me? So you'd be like, this man is a magic

boy. I wouldn't assume that that wood is alive. I would assume that the person did a great illusion and trick. Jackson, we've encountered wood and we've encountered puppets before. I'm not going to be like, oh, this puppet, it has blown my mind. It must be magic wood.

I would simply just be like, he developed a good fancy trick. That's a thing you could prove to people. Chop off his hand for a throppance and then the same thing would happen. So no matter what Pinocchio did, at no point would you be like, I am witnessing magic. There's nothing Pinocchio did, at no point would you be like, I am witnessing magic.

There's nothing Pinocchio could do. When he cut off his strings, I'm already thinking that. Yeah. Why are we killing this puppet? But he's on stage. Yeah. Kill the puppet and it's more impressive.

If I shoot up, okay, look, I'm doing puppet tricks to the guys like this. Woo! Bang! Woo! Oh, I'm still alive. It's a fucking puppet.

I'm not shocked You don't do it on a stage You take him out In front of the lord You give the lord a pistol You say Shoot this boy in the head He cannot die

The lord shoots Pinocchio In the head Pinocchio cries And then the lord's like Wow That's cool I want you to imagine A plank of wood

You shoot it once I'm doing it Okay let's assume That it's a perfect Straight through And it just makes a hole Yes Okay now You it once. I'm doing it. Okay, let's assume that it's a perfect straight through and it just makes a hole. Yes. Okay, now you go to the next someone shoots it again. It makes another

hole. Yes. Okay, how many times... You fool. You're forgetting about carpentry. All you do is you make a... Oh, sorry, Jackson. Jackson, you got a piece of wood. Okay. You shoot it. Yeah. How many claps do you give him that? None. Exactly. But if the wood was like,

hello, I am an alive boy, and then someone shot it and it didn't die. Okay, Jackson, you've seen vitriloquism heaps. You're very familiar with how Poppins and vitriloquism works. A plank of wood is like, hello, I am a plank of wood that's alive. Shoot me, I feel no pain. If me and the plank of wood can spend the day together

and I can accept that this plank of wood is alive. That's not how a circus works. You can't spend the day in a fucking circus. I'm not out of circus. So you're saying a better plan than hosting a puppet show that is impressive that you can do, say, six times in a day with a different audience, than to just give it to one person, a wealthy person.

For the whole day. For the whole day. Well, apparently he won't believe it if I don't give it to him for the whole day. Well, apparently he won't believe it if I don't give it to him for the whole day. That's on you. You are an absolute moron. You're a dumb fuck. Stromboli.

Actually, if I had acquired Pinocchio and I was like, man, that puppet can speak, I would probably do the same plan because I could make money out of this. And this is a way, because again, if I'm like, ah yes, I'll make it just appear like a puppet show, because if they assume that I somehow made this, I might be like

witch, and then they're going to burn me or try and get my magic juice from my brain or whatever. That ain't going to fucking happen. Is that Papa fucking alive? Get the Papa Monster shooter in the head. He's going to get his magic juice from his brain. And now I've, shoot him in the head. Take him to get his magic juice from his brain. And now I've got to go on the lam.

Did you know that also Stromboli thinks Pinocchio will die of old age? It's a really weird line where he's like, and when you get old, I'm going to chop you up for firewood. What? I also like that he thinks he's going to outlive wood. I love this guy. He's all right. He's on everything.

Here's something like, well, he's genius. Stromboli, let's take him. Let's put him to the side. Okay, let's discuss the owner and perpetrator of Pleasure Island. Yeah, okay. Okay, so somebody whose plan it is to get glue and mules to work in mines is to build an elaborate island full of everything a boy could want. Cigars, snooker

and buildings to trash. And beer. Then through some magic to turn those boys into mules and then chop them up for glue and then send them to the mines. How is that a better plan than just having mules? It's the Cruella de Vil problem again.

Actually, no one's better than just feeding the juice to a dog. That's true. Combine the two. Yeah, I don't know why. I don't dislike anything, really. I don't know why it's got to be little bugs. Boys that you've got to turn into mules to turn into glue. Take the president's voice or something and give it to this mule dog thing as well.

Get all the plants in. Combine them all, baby. Roll the C. Okay, so he, baby. We're all the same. Okay, so he needs glue. Yeah. We make glue during the time from the hooves of horses and mules. I get that. So you're making, but that's like a lot of extra boy

slash mule. You're throwing away a lot of good mule meat. Yeah. Does he have a mule meat business on the side? Dog food, maybe? What if he was making a mule coat? Oh, I see. 101 mule boys. Only Cruella had this juice that turned, I assume, orphans into Dalmatians. She could have turned Roger into a Dalmatian.

She would have loved that. Wrung his neck. She would have loved that. For some reason, and this is unpleasant for both me and the audience, I apologise, but I just can't imagine Cruella killing the dogs anyway except hanging them. I was imagining strangling.

With her bony fingers. That's how I can imagine she just kills rats and eats them. I'm imagining that she owns gallows in her backyard. She hangs six dogs at a time. That's intense, but very reasonable. She could probably do more, but that's fine.

Six is her limit. Six is pretty low. So they turn boys into mule, and then from there they go working in the mines. That's good for gems. But you're selling the mule to the mine. So let's imagine for a second the three of us, we put our heads together.

I'm confused. Yeah. So, okay. Do you want me to go through it step by step? No, no, no. I'm okay, that's fine. It's a mule mine thing that you're losing me. Okay.

So they sell the mule to the mines. Yes. What do the mines use the mule for? Like to move stuff around. Kind of like instead of rails and stuff, like a car. And then when they're done with them, they turn them into glue. No, in the movie, one half of the mules go to the mines

and the other half become glue. Okay. That makes sense. It's inefficient, but it makes sense. But also it makes sense to turn boys into that because if they're sentient, they're going to be better mules. Well, no. Because a mule does what it's told because it's a dumb animal.

If you're an alive boy, you're like, my life is hell. I just wanted to smoke some gas. Yeah, but if I'm like, hey, Jackson Mule, I got this gun. You're familiar with the concept of death and mule hell, where you'll absolutely be going. Yeah. How about you get some mine done? They have guns in hell, yes.

Yeah, heaps. So you're imagining this guy who sets up Pleasure Island. He's got regular mules, and he's like, you know what would make these mules move quicker? If they knew I was threatening them with death. The fact that these mules don't know that when I wave a gun in their face, I'm threatening them with death. That's what's slowing this operation down.

And I can turn half of the boys I turn into mules Into glue And that's just easy And I guess using the mule meat for dog food maybe Yeah see It's also strange that they lure boys to Pleasure Island With that fox and dog Like it's an inefficient way to do it

Just go to an orphanage If you saw a fox and a dog Don't worry don't get me wrong On Pleasure Island I'm a mule immediately As I start to turn into a mule I'm like oh my god Finally I get to be a mule boy And then I'm off to a mine

And I'm like I didn't expect this I thought this was just mule life What a treat How lucky are we It just seems like If you have a drink that can turn a boy into a mule, assuming you have some kind of witch power, you could do a lot with that. Absolutely.

Like sell it to a puppeteer. It's weird that Pinocchio gets turned into a mule. Step right up. Step right up. Have this drink. Turn into a mule. Give me five dollars. Absolute transparency.

Would you like to be a mule? Of course you would. Drink the mule juice. And you're like, wow, only a penny. Mules are carefree. What could you want as a mule? Nothing, because mules are pure. Eat from the ground.

Mules will go to heaven. Whoa, I want to be a mule. Skip church, still get in. Roll up, roll up. Roll up, roll up. Be a mule. Come on, boy. I wonder if there's like any.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Mule? Who doesn't? I wonder what like level of like if, this is a weird question, but say you're a boy and turned into a mule. Is that better mule meat and mule glue and mule work power than if you're an old and turned into a mule, is that better mule meat and mule glue and mule work power than if you're an old man turned into a mule? Well, presumably it turns into an old man mule.

Yeah, I mean, that seems to mean the lifespan thing. What's an old mule called? I think just an old mule. Dog shit. What about old mule? Pathetic. Because I was like, maybe you offer it as an alternative to euthanasia. We make you a mule, you work in the mine, you know? How offer it as an alternative to euthanasia. We make you a mule.

You work in the mine. You know? How is that a good alternative to euthanasia? Would you take it? No. No. Why not? No, what if being a mule is good?

Maybe. Okay, why do I want... Okay, people don't just ask for euthanasia. How bad is my back? That's euthanasia. Will being a mule be better? No, I'm not like, wow, I'm healthy and fucking 35 years old. I thought you meant it just sneaks up on people.

I have a different word for that. It's called murder. It's the equivalent of a shotgun above a crab. If euthanasia sneaks up on you, you weren't euthanized. Okay, so it's old people. And since it's not euthanasia, it's just like, have you reached the end of your life as a man? Would you like to spend the rest of your life as a mule?

And they're like, why not? That sounds like a jolly good time. Like it is an experience you would never have before. Yeah, exactly. It is an experience I'd never... You use them for glue and for workforce. So you trick them? Yeah.

Well, you're tricking the boys, whatever. And then they die and you're like, oh, sorry, they were old. Hang on, hang on, hang on. So who's mining the mine? I don't know. It's never clear. They're just shipped off in crates. Who mines the mine, man?

Yeah. Who mules the mule, man? Because if you're sending these mules to cart stuff, right, you need someone to load that cart. Yeah. Mules, no thumbs. Yeah, mules, no thumbs. Famously dog shit hands.

Surely slave labor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, it is strange. Child slaves. It is much better plan for the villain. This has labour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, it is strange. Child slaves. It's a much better plan for the villain. This has taken a surprising turn this episode. We were talking about Disney villains. I've all of a sudden become advocates for shooting problems in the head.

Yeah. Laughed a lot about a crab being obliterated by a shotgun. Now we're just claiming child labour. Yeah. Look, it's not good. I guess we are pretending to be villains. Yeah. If you're a villain, it's got to be a better plan than the villain's plan.

Well, even if it's not child labour or something, imagine you're working in a mine and you're like, we've got a brand new shipment of donkeys from Pleasure Island mules or whatever. And you open it up and the mule's like, I was once a man. Because these mules can talk. Actually, no, they slowly lose the power of speech. So I guess you never know.

You might get occasionally one that's a bit too fresh. Wait a second. Hang on. You know, like kids now, pretty weak get occasionally one that's a bit too fresh. Wait a second. Hang on. You know kids now are pretty weak. Yeah. They have a bit of a tantrum. What are you going to do? You can pick them up, put them on a shelf.

Put them on a shelf. They're not going to do anything, right? Yeah. Put them in a hand. No, no. He's hitting me big whoop. Yeah. Mules kicking.

Mule kick. Yeah, you can't. That's a lot of people being mule touched just saying You can't have a bin that's labelled time out zone And pick up a mule and put it in that bin No Well you can do that with a small child Maybe I'm misremembering and the mules just become mules

Like the boys don't become alive mules They just become Mule mules Yeah like regular mules Yeah I think that that might be correct too Well then just poison a water supply And you have a town of mules Yeah Yeah, I think that that might be correct too. Well, then just poison a water supply. And you have a town of mules.

Yeah, pull a Batman villain. Yeah. Poison the city's water supply. Everyone's a mule. If everyone's a mule, no one's a mule. What if you poison the sea with enough so that all the fish turn to mules? Well, this is what I'm thinking. Oh, no. Wait, my plan was dumb as shit.

This mule meat going to waste. That's what you say as the mules start to rise to the surface. Wait, I'm fucking dumb. Shit. The mules will definitely drown. But imagine the amount of glue. Oh, yes. All you've got to do is go through the sea with a big net at this point.

Surely, if you have a drink that turns people into mules, you can either be like, right, it's a changing of mass. So you're going to like feed it to rats. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Or make a drink that gives like, say the rat mule, eight legs. Or give the boy the strength of ten men. Yeah. Oh, no, no.

They're going to fight you and Pleasure Island will become a hell hole. Become a fight club. It's already becoming with a lot of mule kicking. What I think is strange about Pleasure Island, I don't know, I think it is like they start to drink the beer and they become mules. But also the movie sort of sets it up like a punishment

for the boys enjoying the finer things in life, i.e. cigars. Is that like a weird element of Pleasure Island that they're like, it's funny to imagine Pleasure Island, the sign, but it used to be Mule Island. They've crossed it out and written Pleasure. How much are they wasting in terms of like, because they've got to give these boys beer, cigarettes, cigars. Cigars, yeah.

I mean, I guess you're making a lot of glue money. Yeah, is glue famously lucrative? Well, I think glue in those days would be harder to get because you had to kill a mule to get it, apparently. And again, if you're flooding the market with all this boy glue, you can set the price as high

as you want. But you're flooding the market, unless you pull like a De Beers and you keep some of that glue behind. Dude, no, it's the whole diamond thing again. That's the De Beers. Yeah, okay. Some of us use fancy words for it. Some of us call it the diamond thing.

That's the company. Just saying. Dumb fucks. I was going to say educated, but nah. Sometimes dumb, sometimes clever. That's why he's in the middle. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. Would there be,

so like I was just thinking about things say this is set during it seems quite early there's no cars cobblestone streets say we call it the 1910s at the at the latest right yes 1890s whatever i'm hearing about that kaiser fella how could you instead of turning the boys into mules turn them into whales more whale, pricier than glow. Bada bing, bada boom, you're a millionaire. Yeah. How many whales do I have to, like, how many boys do I have to turn into a mule

to turn into a whale to make a profit? Why? No, this is easy. Turn the boys to men. And then send those men to war. Boys to men. Yeah, yeah. Hey, did I start off?

No, sir. So, yeah. My plan for this is I've got a lot of boys. I'm not going to turn them into an animal. Why? Who cares? Turn them into men. Now, all of a sudden, we've just got a huge burst of adults. Then I've got an army.

Uh-huh. An army that hates you for stealing their childhood. Hey, children, aren't you sick of no one listening to you? Yeah, and also being a man now. Oh, wait, it hasn't happened yet. Sorry, go on. So you wish you could be grown up? Yes, heaps.

Oh, I got this person for you. You get to be a man now. Sweet. Can I go to war and fight the Kaiser? Yes. Sweet. That was also a propaganda ad. Yes.

Drink the man juice. Go to war. That's what the posters say. Kill the Kaiser. That's what the posters say Kill the Kaiser That's it, it's cool to learn that each of these Disney movies take place during one of the World Wars Yeah, World War 1, World War 2 Vietnam

You know, the World Wars World War Vietnam Yeah Alright, so I think what we've learned here today is that there's a lot of dumb fuck plans. And maybe none dumber than our own. Yeah.

I feel the owners of Pleasure Island is beyond Jack. That's pretty stupid. I still can't get over Jackson's puppeteer shit. I've been responding to your questions since that came up, but that's all that my brain's thinking about

the puppets represent the puppeteer you applaud the puppets but not the puppeteer do you boo when you see the puppeteers if the puppeteers come at you then boo them show me the puppets again get out of here get out of the way of the puppets you're ruining the illusion

who are you I don't know you I just watched a show about that wooden fella. Stop taking credit for the clear wooden fella's work. The puppets are the heroes. You're ruining it. He's crying in the front. Why would you work it for me? And on that note, I've been Joel.

I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. Keep on puppeteering, I guess. Ain't no strings on me. Thanks for listening, and if you want to follow us on Twitter, you can find us at Sandspants Radio, or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead.

And I'm at GodDammitZammit. If you want to hear our other shows, you can find us individually. I'm at douche13. I'm at olddogthedad. And I'm at goddammitzammit. If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to sanspantsradio.com and you'll find all our other content there. There's heaps. And if you want to support us, head to sanspantsplus.com. Thank you again for listening

and we'll see you again next time. Good night for now. But not forever. Kisses.