Plumbing the Death Star - Which Fairy Tale Could You Clock the Fastest?

Episode Date: April 25, 2021

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radio.com forward slash plus to gain access to jackson bailey spooks america today hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of plumbing, the death star, where we ask the important questions like which fairy tale could you clock the fastest? All right. For all those non-gamers out there, all of those film heads, book heads.

Book losers. Those who have never stepped foot in an arcade for fear that they may become cooler than the person they are. Yeah, those word nerds. To clock is to finish. To beat, to finish, to completion. To get from beginning to end. A clock's on point. Again, to use more gaming terms, because we are all pro-gamers.

Yeah, we're gamers. We're programmers. We're programmers, dude. Big gamers with just speed running. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we're going to speed run. Well, I think the quicker you do it, the better. That's always true with video games. Any percentage clocking.

You've got to do it quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what, because when some person makes a video game, they're like, here's my video game. It's real good. I put a lot of heart, a lot of story into it. It's real good to play. And you're like, no, no, no, no, I'm going to do it quick.

I've got to do it. Skip large sections of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to experience it. I just want to get to the end. Yeah, exactly. I want to watch those end credits roll and sit back like, oh. It's not about, it's never the journey.

It is never. Destination only. Destination only. Exactly. And fairy tales, notorious for enjoying the journey. Makes me sick. Not for us. Makes you sick and makes you sick and makes you the listener sick.

The other two times appointed individual boys in the room. Yeah. Okay. So I'm going to choose Goldilocks. Okay. Goldilocks. So easy to clock. Yeah. Okay. So first off, what are you going to choose Goldilocks. Okay, so easy to clock. Yeah, okay.

So first off, what are you going to do? It's a classic game. Yeah. Video game. So, all right. So we'll go through like what the actual fairy tale does. Goldilocks, a little girl. Yeah.

Breaks into a bear's house. Yep. She's like, oh yeah, hell yeah, sweet pudding. Hell yeah, sweet pudding. Yeah, yeah, hell, yeah, sweet pudding. Yeah, I remember, dude. I remember the fairy tale. Hell, yeah, oh, yeah, sweet pudding. Here we go.

Sweet porridge. Yeah, but then the porridge, obviously, for Goldilocks. Ah, it's too hot. Too hot, too cold, just right. And the same thing with the chairs. Too hot. Too hot, no. Too hot, too soft, just right. But that's the bed. No, the bed's the smell. The chair's a part of it. It's same thing with the chairs. Yeah. Too hot. Too hot. No. Too hot, too soft, just right.

But that's the bed. No, the beds as well. The chairs are part of it. It's threes and threes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the beds, I guess, are you too soft, too hard, just right. Is it too soft, too hard, just right twice? Yeah, that's what I mean.

That's wrong. But she does explore the chairs, right? Too tall, too short? Yeah, I guess. Too wooden, too metal, just right. What's the just right in that situation? Plastic. Bad for the environment.

But good for little bears. Yeah, I think she goes, from memory, the chairs are also something she needs to experience. Or the clothes. She put on their clothes. Clothes? No, that can't be right. Made for an adult male bear.

Made for an adult female bear. Made for an adult female bear. Just right. I am the baby bear. I am the baby bear. Goldilocks has the same physical shape as a baby bear, and so his clothes are perfect. Yeah. I think it is.

Yeah, it's ballchair bed. Yeah, ballchair bed. Ballchair bed. Okay, so first things first. But is it too hard, too soft both times? Let me just quickly read the scan, the Wikipedia. Okay. Well, it depends.

Figure out what. Because it seems crazy to be too soft, too hard. Yeah, twice. Twice, that seems insane. Lazy writing. Yeah. Hands Christian Andersons. Oh, maybe the original, because there's a plot here.

It was an old woman. The old woman eats the wee bear's porridge. Oh, well, that's plot here, it was an old woman. The old woman eats the wee bear's porridge. Oh, well, that's great. God looks at an old woman. And she settles into his chair and breaks it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So it's too big, too big, just right for the chairs.

It's also lazy writing. So what, too big, still too big? This chair is too big. So she sat in the second chair. This chair is too big, too. Oh, the second chair. This chair is too big too. Oh, I see. Okay. That's fine then.

Okay. All right. Easy way. Okay. So first off, break into some bear's house. That's easy. Okay. Now the thing is, we've got some porridge here.

And the idea is to eat as much porridge or the right amount of porridge quick. So this has raised a question straight off the bat. Yeah. What does it mean to clock Goldilocks? Yeah. What is the, when do the credits roll for you? Okay. Once Sam is eaten by the bears.

Well, once I'm eaten by the bears. Yeah, surely. But I have to complete some objectives here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't get there. The game won't load. I've got to eat porridge. I've got to sit in the right chair and have a great nap.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I get ate out by some bears or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you can't just get eaten out by a bear? No. I don't think you can frame skip your way to the end. There's three chapters here. Three chapters and epilogue.

Well, I guess three chapters and the end credits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's, you know, chapter one is eating porridge. Chapter two is chairs. Chapter three, beds. And the end credits, eating out by bears or whatever. The hell's going on? So it's very easy.

So the goal in Goldilocks is to get eaten by a bear, not to learn. Okay. No, what lesson does Goldilocks learn? get eaten by a bear, not to learn. Okay. No. What lesson does Goldilocks learn? Don't steal. Does she learn that? Or is she just eaten?

What about in the versions where she doesn't die? She just goes home. Yeah. She's like, wow, I fucked with the wrong bears. Today was crazy. I pissed off some bears.

There are bears who live in a human house in the woods. Do I tell the cops about this? They're trying to eat me. What do I do in this situation? Never tell a soul. Take that ticket to the grave, Goldilocks. Something's a better left unsaid. So, you go in there, and there's three bowls

of porridge, right? One is steaming hot, one is like nothing's coming off it, and one is just right. Now, I don't know that, because you've got to taste them, right? And be like, oh, which one's great? No. Mix them all together in a big pot. The cold one cancels out the hot one, so that's kind be like, oh, which one's great? No. Mix them all together in a big pot. Brilliant. The cold one cancels out the hot one,

so that's kind of perfect. And the other one that's also already perfect is adding that perfectness. Eat until I'm full. That's done. Chapter, tick. I didn't burn myself.

I didn't get a cool tongue. Okay, that's true. You don't know if he wants a cool tongue. I want a cool tongue from porridge. All right, so I've immediately

got a criticism, but would you like me to save it to the end? Yeah, I was wondering the same thing because I do have criticism. I think I've got better ways of doing this. Okay, that's fair. Maybe we'll save it to the end? Yeah I was wondering the same thing because I do have criticism I think I've got better ways of doing this

but maybe we'll save it to the end first run we'll do one run and then we can see if we can improve in the same frame that's a good idea

so I'm going to combine all the porridge eat my full and then be like I would not do that maybe not pop maybe just slam them onto each other

in the middle of the table and you just slurp it up slurp whatever I'm tilting I'm full because because the whole is not to eat the porridge it's just to state state i like that you've decided she's not hungry she's she's not she's doing it out of malice she's hungry right no i think she's just an evil little woman i think she's hungry yes yeah so you're just gonna eat enough until you're full right yes and the problem is like oh it's too's too hot. Ah, my cold tongue.

This is just right. I'm going to finish the bowl. Now I'm going to be like, well, if I have a big lot of porridge. Yeah, it's just about having as much as possible. You can eat all of it, yeah. Okay, sure, sure, sure. I'm going to eat until I'm sated. How are you going to do that with the chairs?

Now I can fucking eyeball this. That is true. If it's fewer size, you can be like, that chair is too big. That chair is too big, too. I don't need to sit on a chair to know how big it is. That's insane. That is insane to me too. I don't need to sit on a chair to know how big it is. That's insane. That is insane to me. So I'm just going to eyeball it.

Look at the one that is going to like perfectly fit my ass and be like, that one. Don't you sit down to eat the porridge? I know that is weird. I was thinking that with the original story that Goldilocks goes porridge, chair, bed. If that's the case, I can skip a whole chapter because I tend to like eat sometimes when I eat.

So fuck that. No, no, no. You're still going to hit the chair. But I reckon you just like you wouldn't need to. Look, we'll get to the end of it. You have to hit the chair. Have you shared? I did.

That's true. Well, then I'll eyeball it. You just fucking eyeball it. You can tell if a chair is big. Too big. Okay, cool. Now we've got. As a grown adult, man, if you see a chair that's too big, it's going to take you by surprise.

It's rare to experience a chair that's too big. But is a chair designed for a bear too big for an adult man? No, but that's what I mean. It'll be easy for him to eyeball because if one of the chairs is too big- No, but does that mean that no chair will be just right? But a baby bear- You're not the size of an adult bear or a baby bear. You're not the size of an adult bear or a baby bear. I think the chairs that are too big would probably fit you fine.

Yeah, it's not perfect. And also, what's his idea of it's too big? For what? No man can have too much chair. What are you doing, Goldilocks? Enjoy the luxury. Goldilocks, what is a couch if not too big of a chair? Yeah, that's true.

I mean, I understand she's a child, so presumably too big meant she couldn't get on it. Yeah, or couldn't get out of it once she was in. Got busted by the bears just sitting in a chair, couldn't get down. It's too big. I can't go home. Okay, sure.

And now we have the problem of a bear that's too soft, a bear that's too hard, or a bear that's just right. Oh, a bear, not, sure. And now we have the problem of, like, a bear that's too soft, a bear that's too hard, or a bear that's just right. Oh, a bear, not a bear. This bear's too soft. This bear's too hard. This bear is too hard. Oh, no. This bear's just right.

I guess I don't know if I'm as fussy as Goldilocks' situation for a nap. But then again, I do love a good bear. Well, no, because, I mean, to- Ah, wait, jumping. Okay, I just gotta jump it. jump it What do you mean jump it So I jump from I get on one bed As opposed to lying down and testing it That takes time

I'm going to stand on it with my feet Test on that and leap across And then onto that one See how that goes and leap across again I think what's going to happen here You should just wreck all three beds Or I'm just going to be like the first one I figure out which one's the right one. I think what's going to happen here is you just wrecked all three beds. Or I was going to be like,

the first one I choose is the one I'm going to sleep in. Yeah. But you are. But I do like a comfortable bed. I don't think you'd be able to sleep. I don't think you'd be able to sleep in a bed that was too hard. No, I think I could probably sleep in a bed that's too soft, but too hard. I think that would be a no thank you.

So you're going mama bear's bed then? No, no, you're right. Too soft could be fuck me as well. Yeah, you'd probably, going mama bear's bed then no no you're right too soft could be fuck me as well yeah you'd probably you'd go to go to sleep and you'd be like I'm getting a migraine

or something because my neck's supported yeah yeah and just right is again the size of it's a bed for a baby bear yeah so your head's gonna be

over one end your legs are gonna be over the other you're gonna get a crook neck yeah Jackson you'd be able to do this properly because you'd just walk in

any porridge is fine any chair is fine then you'd just sleep on a rock. That's what I was going to say. Is this the trap Zammett's fallen into? To clock it, to speed run it, all you need to complete chapter one is to finish a porridge.

That's true. So you can just chuck down. And also, so let's get to criticism because then you're eaten by a bear, presumably. Yeah, you finally find a bed, but you have to sleep in the just right one. I'd be testing them out by jumping. Bang, bang, bang. Oh, that one.

Good. I'd lay down, close my jumping. Bang, bang, bang. Oh, that one. Good. And I'd lay down, close my eyes, and then as I wake up, there's some mishy jowls of a bear howling down on me. And I'm like, that's fucking one. Game over. Complete. Achievement unlocked. Ate out by a bear.

Cause. Criticisms. Okay. The porridge, way too picky. Because only one of the three you can't physically eat. If a porridge is too cold, who gives a shit? Yeah, yeah, criticisms. Okay, the porridge way too picky. Because only one of the three you can't physically eat. If a porridge is too cold, who gives a shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You eat the just right because it's the smallest porridge.

You can get it down the quickest. If you're going for speed, you go the most- I imagine all bowls are the same size. Oh, but you wouldn't give a baby bear the same bowl. All bowls are the same size. It's just temperature. Okay, well, in that case, yeah, it doesn't matter. Cold or perfect, who cares?

The problem there is a hot one. Yeah, but you'd be able to tell by touch. That's true. If that case, yeah, it doesn't matter. Cold or perfect. Who cares? The problem there is a hot one. Yeah, but you'd be able to tell by touch. That's true. If you put your hand, you'd lose time, but not as much time as. Oh, it's very simple. All you got to do is use both hands and you touch two porridges. Dunk them in the porridge. And then whichever one is not hot, you just go.

Pick up the bowl, drink it. Because if one is like cold,'re like well whatever it's cold I can just scoff that down but if I'm like that one that I'm touching the outside because again I'm assuming it's ceramics

you've got to feel the heat you'd be like right fuck that one off and the one that this one is cold so then the one I'm not touching is going to be the perfect one and just shove my face down

and eat it like a pig and whatever chair is next to that perfect and also well I was thinking you eat the porridge in bed two birds one stone no porridge on the chair chair in the bed chair in the bed Next to that. Perfect. And also, well, I was thinking you eat the porridge in bed. Two birds, one stone.

No. Porridge on the chair. Chair in the bed. Chair in the bed. You get the chair. You're not saving time, though. Break the chair. Grab the porridge.

Whatever one. It doesn't matter. You're just going for speed. Grab the chair. It doesn't matter. You can't have the hot one. You can eat a hot porridge. It just won't feel good. That's the problem.

You'll burn your tongue. Yeah, well, whatever. You try to clock it. It doesn't matter the hot one. You can eat a hot porridge. It just won't feel good. That's the problem. You'll burn your tongue. Yeah, well, whatever. You try to clock it. It doesn't matter how hot it is. Hey, Jackson, do you know what's faster than dragging a chair upstairs? What? Sitting in it. Yeah.

How about this? I grab either the cold or the warm porridge. Okay. Any chair. And, like, as I, okay, I grab that. I start spooning that into my big gob. That's two ticks straight away. I sit down, right? Okay. I sit spooning that into my big gob. That's two ticks straight away. I sit down, right?

I sit down for the merest split second. And then as I keep walking up the stairs, hoeing into my porridge. That's fair. And then either I get into a bed or as I finish the porridge, huck that somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then lay down and wait for the bears to come. To eat you up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we bring anything in or do we get just what we get? What do you want to bring in? Sleeping pills. Put sleeping pills in the porridge. Eat the porridge. Oh, no. Got to run to the bed.

Fall asleep. Bears get you. I think if you had a sleeping pill and then you sprinted. Well, what activates the bears? The bed? Or are you going to sleep? You're going to sleep. Well, if you're going to sleep, then you have the sleeping pills sitting in the chair. Knocked out, woke up, bears. The bears? Or you going to sleep? You going to sleep. Well, if you're going to sleep,

then you have the sleeping pills sitting in the chair. Knocked out, woke up, bears. Sleeping pills before you enter the room. Open the door. All face first. All butt in the air. Arse in the air. Here comes the bear.

Oh, no. Perfect. Yeah, done. Yeah, what activates the bear? Is it's in the air. Here comes the bear. Oh, no. Perfect. Yeah, done. Yeah, what activates the bear? Is it going into the- It would be sleeping in the right bed, surely. But you have to hit, because if you just fell asleep in the bear's front door and hadn't touched anything, they'd just leave you.

Well, they'd drag you outside, probably. They might still eat you, but- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the whole thing is they're furious because someone's been eating my porridge. Someone's been eating my porridge. Someone's been eating my porridge. Yeah. I think to clock it, you need that kind of thing where the mama bear, the papa bear, and the baby bear both have it.

Someone's been eating my porridge. That's a good point. You do need to sit on every bear. Someone's been eating my porridge. So imagine the bears come in. Someone has grabbed all three of our porridges and put them together to make one gruel. One person has dragged a chair half

up the stairs and is now asleep across three beds. Someone's been jumping in his broken my bed. Someone's been jumping in his broken my bed. Someone maybe jumped on this bed, but they're still here. So I think you have to interact with all three things. Yeah, that's true.

So you can't boundary break and you can't have the bears come home and be like, someone's asleep on our front porch. Arse in the air. So I think, all right, so you get a big spoon and just grab a spoonful of each porridge.

Okay, that's clever. So quickly, maybe go, say, porridge one with the spoon, porridge two with the spoon, porridge three with the spoon in my gob. Hot one first. Well, I don't know, because you can't tell right now

because we're trying to save them frames, JD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to save them frames. So that's what we're doing. And then I just take a gamble. Yeah. And hopefully I don't burn my mouth. Yeah.

How are you going to sit on all three chairs? You just have to go like, bop, bop, bop. So this is what you do. You sit on one and you feed on the other. Oh. And then maybe a hand on the other one. So you reckon you just need to interact with the chair and that counts. Yeah.

Yeah. I think so. Like press E to interact. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can do it. You just do a half press on every chair.

So if I can sit on one, what if you do a video game jump, just do a crouch jump and run across all three. Yeah. I was thinking maybe, um, sit on one chair and a leg on either one. Oh yeah.

Like the splits. Yeah. So I can kind of sit down and have two footstools. That's ticking all those three chairs. Yeah, that's clever. And then, yeah, if I can perhaps, I don't know if it's going to save some frames because there's some setup time,

but it makes it like quickly, instantly like, you know, tick. Push all the beds together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then lay across all three of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that going to save some time? Someone's still sleeping in my bed. Someone's still sleeping in my bed.

Someone's still sleeping in my bed. Some piece of shit moved our bed. Someone's still sleeping in my bed, and they're still sleeping in my bed. Let's eat them. I feel like that is just glitching out the beds. Someone's been, and then eaten. Then you're instantly done. You're in their bellies.

Yeah. I think, look, it's quick. And then eaten. Then you're instantly done. You're in their bellies. Yes. Yeah. I think, look, it's quick. And I guess you didn't do it. Is there any way to save any more friends? Yeah, I'm trying to think. It's only if, because they have to react. That's the issue.

Yeah. Well, I'm trying to think, is there a way to get to the bed early? You know what I mean? Is there a way to skip the whole porridge chair sequence and get straight to the bed? Because I feel like if you can activate the bed, if you can trick the fairy tale into thinking that you've eaten the porridge and sat in the chairs.

Okay, could you tip over the porridges? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. What if you go to the house already full? You've eaten a big thing of spaghetti. Yeah, that's true. You go inside. The moment you step over the threshold of the door, the fairy tale, excuse me. It's like,

oh, full. Porridge eaten. You already need to go with a comfortable posterior as well. You need to have sat before you enter into the... Or you just sit on the bed. That's true. Then you've got..., but is that sitting? Is that sitting?

What if you sit on the bed and then you like swing your legs around and then lie down? But you got to go in with the carb sleepiness. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big bowl of spaghetti. Yeah, yeah. Big bowl of spaghetti for- Maybe 2.30 in the afternoon, too late for lunch.

And you're just like so tired. Your body is exhausted. What about if you do that thing, you know, you put a chair, like you sit on a chair and then you stand up holding the chair and then you walk across the threshold into the goldilocks house the fairytale clocks sat full straight to the bat yep skipped skip that whole sequence what if i have so i do that so i bring so i got a chair i pull up a chair on your ass on my ass and I'm walking in. I've already had a delicious spaghetti lunch. Yeah.

A late lunch of spaghetti. I think I had about what? Like finish eating about two o'clock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, what if I had in the crook of my neck had a pillow?

Or one of those ones you have for a fight. Cause they need to find you in the bed. That part you can't skip. Okay. Okay. But I could already be half falling asleep. Yeah. That's true. And then fall into bed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think you can't skip. But I could already be half falling asleep and then

fall into bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you've done this pretty quick. That's good fairy tale done quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, how long do you reckon, let's figure out, how long do you reckon it would take to beat Goldilocks initially? At regular speed? Regular speed. Yeah, just a regular playthrough of Goldilocks.

Yeah, Goldilocks probably does it in like 25 to 30 minutes. Yeah, yeah, I'd say Zamasu got it down to like 10, maybe even subocks. Yeah, Goldilocks probably does it in like 25 to 30 minutes. Yeah, I'd say Zalzaman's got it down to like 10, maybe even sub 10. If he's coming in with spaghetti guts, he's sub 5. Yeah, dude, this is a 5 minutes in and out. Yeah, absolutely. Top of the leaderboards for doing Goldilocks, Joel Zalzaman. Yeah, yeah, that's impressive.

And now a quick word from our sponsors. Hi, this is Levens, and I'm one of the hosts of all the small games a weekly podcast all about indie video games every week my friend John Valenzuela and I review a bunch of indie games both new and old from indie Metroidvanias like Hollow Knight to indie puzzle games like Baba is you if you're looking for something

cool and obscure to play subscribe to all the small games now at sanspants radio.com a cast or wherever you listen to podcasts. Well, I was thinking I'd try Little Red Riding Hood. Okay. What? Okay, Little Red Riding Hood is a bit more complicated than Gollywood. It's a more complicated fairy tale.

What's the ending that causes the credits to roll? The ending needs to be that the wolf, the big bad wolf, is eviscerated and filled with rocks. Okay. Yes, the hunter needs to kill the wolf. The hunter needs to kill the wolf. The hunter needs to kill the wolf and fill it with rocks. Yeah. And then wake the wolf up.

That is the ending of that fairy tale, right? Wake them up. Wake them up. It's not the ending of Little Red Riding Hood. The ending I'm familiar with. Who's the them in that sentence? The wolf. The wolf.

So the hunter finds the wolf with grandma inside. And Little Red Riding Hood slices open the wolf. Yeah. Gets out grandma. Yeah. But the wolf with grandma inside And Little Red Riding Hood Slices it, open the wolf Gets out grandma But the wolf's asleep Fills the wolf up with bricks Sows up the wolf The wolf wakes up Oh no, I'm full of bricks

Dies I don't know about filling it with bricks Yes, Little Red Riding Hood gets eaten Is in the wolf of Guards. The hunter does, opens up the wolf. And then the next part I'm like, hmm. See, I'm like, does the wolf get filled with rocks, but then doesn't the hunter yuck it in a lake?

Yeah. How did none of us remember the ending of Little Red Riding Hood? I'm fairly sure either the wolf just gets cut open and out pops Little Red Riding Hood, hooray, hurrah, grandma saved, or you get the extra sequence of the big bad wolf being filled with rocks. Yeah. It's a layer trap for Little Red Riding Hood. Little Red Riding Hood ends up being asked to climb into bed

before she's eaten by the wolf where the story ends. The wolf emerges the victor of the encounter and there's no happy ending. Damn. But that's the original one and that's boring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That eat, get eaten by a wolf? Easy. It's funny that they're both getting eaten by a predator.

Wolf rocks? Yeah. Or wolf bricks? What should I- Go bricks. Go wolf bricks guts. Bricks. That's what you gotta say.

Guts. Red riding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, I guess option one. Yeah. The original. The steps- To get ate out by a wolf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The steps I need I guess option one to the original. Well, the steps. To get ate out by a wolf.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The steps I need to hit are acquire treats for grandma. Yep. Meet wolf in forest. Yep. Well, go off path, meet wolf in forest. Get bad directions from wolf. Meet wolf at grandma's house.

Get eaten, get saved. Yep. So I'm quite passive, really, in the Little Red Riding Hood narrative. So I think, yeah, let me Little Red Riding Hood narrative. So I think Where can you save time? I think you start with treats. Yes, I think I start with treats. I think that's easy to acquire. Mama's like, here you go, here's some treats.

Or if Mama has the treats in a basket I can just get them before Mama gives them to me and I've already saved some frames. Yeah, you can just grab those treats and chuff off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm assuming that I can't run to Grandma's house straight away. Okay, so look. Yeah.

I apologize to interrupt, but it turns out you're both right. So, well, Jackson, less right. Oh. That's a shame. But still a bit right. So the woodcutter or hunter cuts open the wolf's stomach. Little Red Riding Hood and the Grand grandmother emerge, shaken but unharmed. They then fill the wolf's body with heavy stones.

The wolf awakens and attempt to flee. But he's full of rocks. So the woodcutter doesn't wake him up to be like, hi, you're full of rocks. That's the part you're wrong. But the wolf does wake up, attempts to flee and dies because the stones have collapsed him. But in the grim version of the story,

the wolf does leave the house full of stones. Yeah. And is like very thirsty because he's full of rocks. Yeah, makes sense. Leans into a well to try and drink out of it. Oh, falls in the well. Drowns because he's full of rocks. Okay.

All right. Great. Well, that's good to know. And boring versions of the story, little red riding hood doesn't get eaten and grandma's hiding in a closet and the woodcutter just comes in and kills him. Nonsense.

Absolute nonsense. No, thank you. So, okay. A couple of things that I think would be useful for this run. If I can activate the woodcutter early, that would be good. But I don't know where the woodcutter lives. So that's going to be hard to do.

So you're going to start in the forest. So, so, so. Mama's got treats. I take the treats before she can give them to me, save frames already. I will need, need to activate the wolf though, because I probably need to activate the wolf before arriving at grandma's.

If I get to grandma's first, the wolf will never arrive because the wolf doesn't know where grandma's is. You've got to go into the forest being like, wolf, wolf. So you've got to make a big line to the wolf. Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true.

Well, I know the wolf's tracking me, so I just stop. Yep. Wolf slams into me okay then i gotta really quickly skip through the dialogue like yes uh-huh yes uh-huh yes to the point where i can tell the wolf that i'm going to grandma's i need to get that in the wolf's head and then i need to rapidly get to grandma's can i make my is there a way to force my way through the dialogue with i've got a lot of dialogue to skip in Little Red Riding Hood

yeah that's fine it's taking up time that's the problem can you play as the wolf? can you glitch into the game so you're the wolf and you gotta go eat out grandma and then eat out Little Red Riding Hood and then die yeah maybe if I'm picking my spawn point instead of spawning in mama's house

or the Little Red Riding Hood's house or you have to be like, okay, I'm going to Grandma's house. Because you have to get lost or take the directions of the wolf and you get lost for a bit, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you don't. You don't have to do that. You're like, I'm going to Grandma's house.

And the wolf can be like, well, you've got to do this, this, and this. You're like, okay, wolf. But then you make a beeline to Grandma's house. But then you sit. Yes, that's clever. And you wait. Sequence skip the whole thing so that the wolf arrives yeah but like like you can see the wolf go entering the door basically yeah yeah that's clever that's clever and in fact if i can when the wolf arrives

if i can be in grandma's house with grandma and grandma's like oh little red riding hood wonderful and i'm like shut up we're about to be eaten by the wolf. And that means I can skip the whole what big eyes you have sequence. Oh, that's true. I don't need that at all. Whatever. I just got to go in, get in bed with grandma. I don't even press A on grandma. I don't even interact with her.

Huck sweets at her maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put down the, maybe I get in and I just, you know, throw. Do you think you could accidentally get a game over screen though if you die, if you get eaten before grandma? Oh, that's true. Well, then I hide in the closet. Clever.

Yeah. Wolf comes in, eats grandma. Immediately I get out, get eaten. Nobody tells the woodsman. Game over again. How does the woodsman even find out? I think that you run into the woodsman when following the wolf's directions, don't you?

I don't, I think the woodsman just turns up. How does the woodsman interact with this story? Yeah, don't you? I think the woodsman just turns up. How does the woodsman interact with this story? Yeah, but I'm pretty sure Little Red Riding Hood speaks to the woodsman prior to arriving at the house. Yeah, yeah, okay. But that's okay, because I can just tell the woodsman, come with me.

Wait in the closet with me. Stay here, don't be discovered then you just go out eaten the woodsman's like what the fuck what is happening the woodsman comes out just comes to rescue with an axe there you go

so I don't even have to worry about it get eaten by the wolf hope the woodsman still spawns because I've done it a bit early but I think it'll be fine because it's still within the same sort of sequence I'm just cutting off I'm not's still within the same sort of sequence. I'm just cutting off. I'm not like Zammett was doing some sequence skipping or whatever.

I'm just cutting off frames here and there. And then the wolf, the woodsman comes in, cuts open the wolf, fills him with rocks. Maybe I've not done it as quick as Zammett. I've not cut off as many frames, but I think I've still done it quicker than a typical run of Little Red Riding Hood. Yeah, well, so the only thing you've skipped

is following the wolf's directions. Yes, and the how big your eyes are sequence as well. Two lengthy, well, one a lengthy fetch quest, I guess. The other one a lengthy conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do we think it could be improved upon, though? What can I do? So things I really need to do?

What if you kill Grandma? Oh, okay. If I kill Grandma, then the wolf only has to eat me. But the thing is, the grandma is saved at the end. Yes, that's true. But does she need to be? Is grandma disposable? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is she an essential NPC or can she die? Because if grandma can die, if I can kill grandma, what about this? I don't even worry about the treats. I quickly get out the door before mom can even give me the treats that means i can sequence skip having to deliver them i can go straight to grandma's house okay kill grandma grandma's death i don't well here's a question what activates the huntsman okay is it the wolf eating grandma or grandma dying well grandma doesn't die so it's probably not that.

I would say. What if you just bring an axe? Yeah, I was about to say, how about this? Like, save a lot of frames. What makes the game end is the wolf getting gut. Wolf getting gutted. Rather than being like grabbing sweets, be like grab axe. Grab axe.

Is there like a big knife in the kitchen? Take sweets. Take knife. Kill wolf. The end. Yeah. Well, okay. But even if there's not a big knife in the kitchen? Take sweets. Take knife. Kill wolf. The end. Yeah. Well, okay. But even if there's not a knife, what about this?

Because I don't know if there's a knife in mom's kitchen, but you know what? There will be. Why would there be knives in the kitchen? Well, I don't even know if I'm in the kitchen. But what there will be is rocks, right? In the woods or whatever. Collect rocks. Get eaten by the wolf before I even go to grandma's house.

Oh, yeah. Wolf's full of rocks. Finish the game. Okay. Okay. Look, you might be onto something here. Because, like, as opposed to, like, you know, skipping dialogue, just be like, oh, whatever, just eat me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just bump into the wolf enough that I aggro it. It eats me. I've already got an armful of rocks. The wolf's full of rocks. The wolf dies. I think that I've skipped he. It eats me. I've already got an arm full of rocks. The wolf's full of rocks. The wolf dies. I think that I've skipped heaps of that fairy tale. Yeah, I just wonder if the credits roll if you still die.

Oh, that's true, because I'm not saved in that situation. But you are on a path quite close to home. My guts. Yeah, that's true, and it doesn't activate the huntsman either. Yeah, the huntsman gets activated by grandma being eaten. Yeah, that's true. And it doesn't activate the huntsman either. Yeah, the huntsman gets activated by grandma being eaten. Yeah, that's true. If I am rocks inside the wolf's belly, that just feels like the fairy tale just stays

with the wolf standing there kind of glitched out, not doing anything. Health bar going, like, lowering, lowering. It's a zero. It just stays there. But it's a zero. Uh-oh, and I gotta turn the fairy tale off and on again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. Okay, what about this?

Okay, as opposed to, I've got to go to Grandma's house. And Wolf's like, okay, well, you get there, you go, no, no, no, no, you follow me. Oh, okay. And then you turn the, you basically make an escort mission, taking the wolf to Grandma. Okay, well, that cuts. And then that kind of cuts that weird, like, you know, waiting around. You'd be like, well, you go into Grandma's house, that cuts. Then that kind of cuts that weird, like, you know, waiting around. You'd be like, well, you go into the grandma's house, say hello. I'm going to go and just wait out here for a mere moment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He eats grandma. You come in. You might have to, like, quickly, like, you know, tap A. I feel like, you know, what big teeth you have. I have to. Yeah. That's such a shame.

I skipped that. What if you ask the wolf to eat grandma? Oh, okay. I hate my grandma. Can you go eat her? Okay. And the wolf's like, yeah, all right. And then when you get there. And eat grandma? Oh, okay. I hate my grandma. Can you go eat her? Okay. And the wolf's like, yeah, all right. And then when you get there.

And then also. You get there and then you say, I'm telling everyone you ate grandma. And then. He eats me. Woodsman. But also, that's a good idea because you can be like, hey, you can go eat grandma. Also, you're a wolf and therefore faster. Let me like ride you and grab onto you.

And so you kind of like teleport almost, like fast travel to grandma's house. The whole woods sequence. Genius, genius. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. Well, how much do you think I've cut off then? I think you've skipped a lot of the woods.

I've pretty much cut it in half. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've definitely skipped the woods sequence. I think it's about a 40-minute, 50-minute, maybe an hour and a half even, typical run. I reckon I've cut that down to 20 minutes. Yeah, that's huge. I think that's amazing.

That's amazing. Top of the leaderboards for Little Red Riding Hood. I'm trying to rack my brain. I don't know if you could save some frames. It's hard to do Little Red Riding Hood. There's dialogue sequences. It's a lot of dialogue and a lot of things have to happen to trigger other things. And that's what you have to do.

I chose a bad fairy tale for it. But I think I did okay. I think you did really well. With the fairy tale you chose yeah you did so well because i just realized that i've picked an even worse fairy tale jack and the beanstalk okay okay but i realized because my original plan was just kill the goose yeah that upsets the giant i just walk in kill the goose leave giant doesn't really realize but i I make a... Anyway, the problem is, I gotta get the fucking beans. The beans are gonna fucking grow. You gotta sell the cow, get four beans.

Get yelled at. Get yelled at. Throw the beans out the window. You've got a whole trade sequence to work with to even get to the giant. What year do you reckon... I almost said James from the Giant Peach. Like 1300, something like that?

Perfect. Okay. Trevor Chase. Okay. So when you go into the market i find a force your way into like the the military section whatever the barracks the launch myself into the clouds oh i see okay but then you don't have the beanstalk to get back down because i was, if you can get a trebuchet to your farm, maybe you could just trebuchet the giant. Because surely you clock Jack and the beanstalk when the

giant dies. Yeah. Because you've got to chop down the beanstalk, it falls, kills the giant. So killing the giant or getting the golden goose? It's killing the giant through fall damage. That's what beats Jack and the beanstalk. So again, there's some easy ways to save some frames really early on. Trebuchet up to heaven.

Yes, but again, acquiring a trebuchet, your starting equipment is a cow. I don't know if you can trade a cow for a trebuchet. What about a trebuchet ride? Surely I'd be like, hey, can you shoot me out of... Or a catapult. I just don't know if you're going to get high enough

because again, the beanstalk... But if I miss, what a story! Again, that beanstalk grows real, real big, and again, with a trebuchet, they tend to go for height as opposed to distance. So the thing is, though, you can

trade your cow for those beans and instantly plant them. Yeah, that's true. Plant them in the middle of town. Yeah, bang, down. Do I miss heaven? Well, I think the giant's kingdom is not happening. First off. I'm going to kill God when I got done, mate. That's an interesting take on it.

Jack makes a beans dog to heaven. He meets God, who's like, be five, foe, foe. So I hate you, God. Yeah, give me your goose. Now fall over. But if you plant the beans, what about this as well for another sequence skip? You can skip a whole night, I think.

You can skip a whole 12 hours. You plant the beans and you don't move. You stand on top of them, okay? That's true. And then when the beanstalk grows, you go up on top of the beanstalk. You don't even have to climb it. Sit down.

Yeah. You're in heaven. T Yeah. You're in heaven. Tired. I'm in heaven. Have a little bit of a nap on the growing stalk. What if I put like, so obviously because of the way the stalk's going to grow, maybe if I put like a plank or something so I can lie on it and still go up. So I sleep, but I just wake up high.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the problem there. Again, the problem is like a plank, like being unbalanced. What a story. What a story. What a story indeed. You seem to think dying from falling from a height is a story. And what is it if not? No, I mean, you're not wrong.

Someone will tell that story, yes. That was a boy. Traded a cow. We don't know where he was going or why he was doing that. What a story. Put me in. Cut that rope. He gave us a whole cow for that.

He was like, can I have, I'll give you this cow for that catapult. We were like, no. He was like, I'll give you this cow for one ride in this catapult. We went, okay. What do you mean? He's like, don't worry. You don't ride in a catapult, but you mean but sure you can hop on and have a go and before we knew he cut the rope and well what a story what a story

don't know what that boy was thinking that day but we do know that he made a big splat you can put like something wider than a plank though put it down yeah you can put something there that I reckon when it starts to grow, you'll be like, oh, and you'll be able to quickly tie something in. So yes, you're in heaven. I'm in heaven. I got to heaven. Safe and sound. Now you need to collect, well,

the three things that Jack collects, harp, golden goose, some third thing. Golden goose, harp. What does the harp do? It puts a giant to sleep, right? So it can steal the golden goose. Yeah, yeah. Is golden egg the first thing it takes? Yes, yes, it is. Golden goose, harp. What does the harp do? It puts a giant to sleep, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it can steal the golden goose. Yeah, yeah. Is golden egg the first thing it takes? Yes, yes, it is.

Golden egg, harp, goose. Yeah. So those are the three things Jack steals. You only really need to steal the goose. I only really need to cause a ruckus. That is true. I'm going to break that bird's neck. I mean, it's not really.

Well, no, but I mean, he's right. Because all he needs to do is kill the giant become the giant slayer but here's the thing where are you killing the goose? when I see the goose or do I just find the egg on the ground I'm like what is this and then I meet the giant the giant's like how did you get to heaven

this goose is mine and it lays the golden eggs well you meet the giant's wife the giant's wife cooks for you and then you find the egg you You take that back to mama. And then you go like, I need to get the goose so we can have eggs forever. You get the harp. You play the harp. The giant goes to sleep.

You take the goose. Giant wakes up. Giant wakes up. Because that's the thing. The giant wakes up once you're quite a bit away. You're at the beanstalk. If you kill the goose in front of the giant, he just picks you up and eats you like a jolly rancher. What a story.

What if I insult the giant's wife's cooking? Oh, yeah, so that none of them are your friends. Yeah. Okay. So I got no friends. That's the sound of me falling off a thing. Yeah. What a story.

Yeah. So insult the giant's wife's cooking. Okay, so she's like, I'll cook for you. You're like, this tastes like shit. Shut up, idiot. Your cooking sucks shit. She's like, all right, time to eat you. You killed so she's like, I'll cook for you. You're like, this tastes like shit. Shut up, idiot! Your cooking sucks shit! She's like, alright, time to eat you. You kill the giant's wife. With

fall damage. Okay. You climb down. So you're gonna, so you're you're doing the end sequence early, but with a different NPC. That won't work. No. That will get your game over in no other way of getting to happen. Well, where the bean...

So, because in the original, where you plant the stalk is where you come out, right? Or where your mother throws out the beans is where you... You've moved the starting point. You've changed the spawn point of the beanstalk. I have a great idea. I'm planting the beans

under the catapult. I'm riding the catapult to heaven. I guess it's going to cause full damage for the giant being beans under the catapult. I'm riding the catapult to heaven. I guess it's going to cause fall damage for the giant. What? Being launched by a catapult. Okay. He's too big for the catapult. Yeah.

But I like your thinking there, because we know we can put whatever we want on top of the beanstalk to get it up to heaven. Which we've accepted. So why not take You know like And once again we know where the giant is In relation to the beanstalk

So we can kind of position the bean growing So you're basically underneath The giant Now what destroys clouds? Because if you can do that A vacuum? No vacuums in medieval England, unfortunately. Nor gun, unfortunately.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is an interesting development, that we can get anything to the giant quick, smart. Yeah. And again, all you can do is you do that. Because if you're making the beanstalk right next to the giant, right, you just got to grab the goose and run. That's true.

Go back down. What if? And you're like, oi You just got to grab the goose and run. That's true. Go back down. What if? And you're like, Oi, dickhead, got your goose? And then you kind of scramble down and then you cut the beanstalk, which I think you could save a lot of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's true. I could just get the beanstalk, grow the beanstalk into him. Yeah, how about I say, or find out where he's sitting. Beanstalk up the arsehole. Right up the noose. Youans up the arsehole. All right, up the noose.

You're on top, fist up. Whoa, out the top of his skull, although he's got a thick giant skull, so he just gets squished. I die inside a man's head. Well, here's the thing. Waste his brain, yep. If you go up there, right, and you grab the goose,

instantly you've aggroed the giant, okay? Then typically you would have to climb back down the beanstalk. What if I use the Zelda technique? Yeah. Hold on to the goose and jump. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, because I was thinking, if you fall off the beanstalk

and the giant falls off after you, the giant is heavier and will hit the ground first, dying, which will beat the game just before you die. This is that terrible question about if something is heavy, does it fall faster that we don't want to know. Terminal velocity. It does, but everything has a terminal velocity, which means that it'll fall faster.

Its terminal velocity just needs to be higher than yours. It will. So if you fall off before the giant, will he overtake you? I'm not as confident. I'm pretty sure yes. Because this is what you want. Boom, boom, as the giant lands, as you land. But you still won because the giant died first.

But before that, you get the credits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you don't want, boom, boom. Yeah. Because then they're just going to game over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if you... We go through this,

but we also then use the Zelda technique of using the goose to flap its wings. The goose flaps down as the giant falls to his death. Then definitely. Then we don't have to worry about this terminal velocity thing. What if I just tie a rope to the beanstalk and around my waist and I jump off and the giant falls and then I just... Well, the problem there is he's climbing down the beanstalk.

Yeah, yeah, so you just like swing around and into his mouth. Yeah. Oh, damn. I ate that boy and the goose. Oh, fuck. God damn it. And the giant climbs back up. I wanted that.

I needed that goose. That was mine. I ate the golden egg. Honey, what up? I ate the goose. I ate the goose. I ate the goose. God damn it.

And that bloody. Oh, you love that goose. Yeah. I know. I ate the blood of a. Why'd you eat it? I didn't mean to. He was doing some rope trick.

I don't know. Yeah. Fucking hell. That's going to be pissing me off for weeks. You accidentally ate your favourite goose So I think you've done pretty well You've saved quite a few frames If the terminal velocity thing works

Or the goose thing works The only problem with the goose thing is it'll take you longer I think to get down But if the giant falls then it doesn't matter The idea is you gotta You're either relying on the giant being a big doofus to then knock you as a beanstalk. So you, yeah.

You want to flap around to the bottom and just land at the giant's feet because he climbed down quicker than you. You're just standing with an open palm waiting for me and just pushes me with the other hand. Got him. Off it goes. No! God damn it.

Climb him back up. What? You're an idiot. What happened? I squished the good. Like a fly. Oh, no. Jesus Christ.

Why'd you do it? He was doing a... He was doing a Zelda. Like Zelda? You know Zelda? Yes. Yeah. He was doing a Zelda and... You? You know Zelda? Yes. Yeah.

He was doing a Zelda and... You squished your favorite cruise. Yeah. I know. You shouldn't have done that. I know. Can't do it now. I'm wondering if there's a way to get the giant onto the ground and then chop down the beanstalk so that you've trapped the giant,

but he's not died from fall damage, but he can't get back to heaven. And then the game is like... Sorry. Then the fairy tale's like, well, the giant's not died from fall damage, but he can't get back to heaven. And then the game is like, sorry. Then the fairy tale is like, well, the giant's not meant to be here alive with no way back up. So his health just drains. Yeah, death. And then you beat the game. But I think you've come up with many good theories here.

All great ways to slay. All great ways to tell a story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And what a story. And what a story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And what a story. And what a story. Typical Jack and the Beanstalk takes anywhere from

a day to three days. A week, maybe. Yeah, you nailed it in an afternoon. And I left an impact and left many a story. Could you, for example, as opposed to a catapult

going on top of the Beanstalk, a small British army? Yeah, yeahstalk, or a small British army. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Small British army. I feel like, look, getting a catapult will be difficult. Getting a small British army harder. Yeah, yeah, that's true. And then

they kill the giant, but it's not through fall damage. Will it even count? Yeah, yeah, good point, good point, good point. What about a rope tied around the giant's leg, tied back to the beanstalk, climb back down, chop the beanstalk, he comes, good point. What about a rope tied around the giant's leg, tied back to the beanstalk, climb back down, chop the beanstalk, he comes with it? Yeah.

You know what I mean? Whoa, like a whip or a bommie knocker, but he's the knocker part. Yeah. What if tied around, oh, no, I'm not heavy enough. Because if I tie the rope around his foot, jump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he pulls you up like a yo-yo and hop.

And he's like, honey, I ate that little boy and not my goose. Oh, honey. That's good. You love that goose. He's my favourite goose. I just couldn't bear to think what would happen if I accidentally ate him or squished him like a fly. Could you do a thing where you tie a rope around the giant's neck

and then to the beanstalk and then somehow jump off and have the giant just hang there? You want to hang the giant? Yeah, I'm wondering beanstalk and then somehow jump off and have the giant just you want to hang the giant yeah i'm wondering if there's a way to do i guess i would take the beanstalk with it yeah crush the town yeah because also you've you've moved this the starting for the spawn point of the beanstalk so if the giant will fall and crush the town yeah yeah yeah that is true yeah it's not just in a field now. It's in the market. But that's okay.

That blood's not on your hands. A part of Jack and the Beanstalk, the winning conditions, really, is for Jack and his family to prosper. So if the rest of the town is dead, you are the richest family in that town by default. Yeah. Maybe that's good. Maybe I just let the giant down and by default. Maybe that's good. Maybe I just let the giant down

and climb up. Maybe. And then cut the beanstalk. You become the king of giants. Cut the top of the beanstalk off so the giant can't go. What about this? Glitch your way into the palace. Glitch your way into the palace, plant the

seeds under the king of England and be like, if you don't give me money, I'll water these. He gives you a fine bounty and then you're rich. Game. You did it. Alternatively, he calls the royal guards in who shoot me in the back of the head with their bayonets.

Yeah, that is true. You have a wild 1300s of history. I thought you were going to say bows, but no. I forgot. I was thinking like 17th century for some reason. Anyway, yes, they shoot me in the back of the head with a bow and arrow. Or they just walk up with me with their sword and just stab me through the back of the... So the king sitting in front of me just sees a sword come out from between my eyes.

And he claps and says, well done. And then they're like, excuse me, remove these. I shall remove these magic seeds. And they do. And everyone claps and says, well done. And then they're like, excuse me, remove these. I shall remove these magic seeds. And they do. And everyone claps. Yeah, that is true. Well, I think you've done. You haven't clocked it.

You've made it interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a story. I clocked it the original way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Getting us stabbed through the head by the king was not a clocking. That was an unfortunate side effect. It was a story.

It was the intended ending of Jack and the Beanstalk It's a big stab in the head In front of the camera So who do you reckon saved the most time? I think Jackson Yeah, I don't know, you saved What is normally a week, you saved days For sure, I think you definitely saved the most time Saved the most time, not

Sure if you got the right ending Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I got an ending Yours also involved the most sequence breaks And boundary breaks Sure, if you got the right ending. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got an ending. You got an ending. Yours also involved the most sequence breaks and boundary breaks and save frames and stuff. You definitely glitched the hell out of that game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Out of that fairy tale.

I wouldn't be welcoming the town again after the credits rolled. No, for sure, for sure. Yeah. There's no end credits there. But it's good to know that all three of us are the top of the leaderboards for these fairy tales. Yeah, we did it. Undefeated champions. Yes.

Yeah, that's us. Underneath it just says GMM for grim, not for jort. It's just going to say PDS for plumbing the Death Star. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's nice. We did it. And on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've been Joel.

High scores, arcades, you only get three letters. Yes! I did the best that I could. A-A-A. Hey, dickhead. Are you thirsty for more Sandspants? Let us shoot our long, hot ropes of content right into your gaping ear holes. Head to sandspantsradio.com to check out all 26 of our public podcasts and become a member of Sandspants Plus to check out 20 more bonus shows

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