Plumbing the Death Star - Which Fictional Teens Would Make the Best Boy Band?

Episode Date: September 2, 2018

In which our heroes ask the hard hitting question; Which Fictional Teens Would Make the Best Boy Band?Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/ Check out our upcoming lives shows right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Theme music by the wonderfully talented Benny Davis! You can find all his stuff at his website bennydavismusic.com or check out his YouTube youtube.com/bennythejukeboxWant to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter:  twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: twitter.com/dusch13Zammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, which fictional teens would make the best boy band? I think the best way to do this is we just take from fictional teens and we make them together as a unit. We create a boy band. Yeah, cool. Because you don't want to just be like Riverdale.

Yeah, that's cheating. You know? Can we Luke Perry this? What? So when someone is obviously 40 years old but can pass for a team. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously pass for a team. I assume most team boy bands are comprised of 40-year-olds.

All right. Okay, so with a boy band, you generally have a team of five. Yeah. An archetypal team of five. Yeah. So you've got the heartthrob. Heartthrob. So they're usually kind of like the face of the boy band.

The Harry Styles. Yes. Often blonde. Often blonde. Would that be not right? Is that true? What was Justin Timberlake? He was bleached.

He's got the bleached tips. He's blonde. He was in a boy band. Yeah. Good. You're sweating bullets right now. God, my boy band knowledge is so limited You got the bad boy

It's a classic Leather jacket No shirt You got the cute one The cute one Yeah So while he's not the heartthrob He's kind of like a baby face

Right yes He's like the second heartthrob Yeah Usually he's like Not as sexually threatening As the first one It's the one that the mums are like Yes, that one's okay He's like the promise ring member

Yeah The Nick Jonas Yeah You've got the older brother What was the first one? The heartthrob Bad boy The cute one Cute one Sorry, I was writing this down Who's the older brother Wait, what was the first one? The heartthrob The heartthrob, bad boy The cute one

Cute one Sorry, I'm just writing this down Who's the older brother? What's that? So it's like the cool reassuring figure That people can relate to Is that generally the Luke power? Yes, I feel

I want to say it's kind of almost like Drama from Entourage He's literally the older brother But he's a bit of a fuck-up. The Kevin. The Kevin Jonas. And then you've got the shy one, who is a bit nerdier than the rest of the band.

Yeah. Can you give me... The Adam Cannavale. Can you give me where in the music video each of these boy band members would be found? All right, so the heartthrob is front and center. Yeah. I'm in literal locale. where in the music video each of these boy band members would be found. All right, so the heartthrob is, like, front and center. Yeah.

Like, I'm in literal location. Yeah. Okay, like, as in... All right, so we are in an old-timey malt shop. Cool, that's what I'm looking for. And they're all wearing, like, button-down shirts. Bad boy alleyway. Yeah. Yeah.

Older brother... He's working the... older brother he's he's working he's working the construction no he's working he's like the cook yeah he's like behind the counter he's got one of those like paper hats on and he's like wiping his forehead and being like working's hard um having responsibility the cute one is having a milkshake Yes The heartthrob walks in to pay And then he sees you Would the heartthrob maybe be mopping? Why? What's sexy about mopping?

Something sexy about mopping And then he chucks down the mop No, I'm with Simon on this one He starts singing a bit Yeah You say mop, I smell a mop Fine, he's wiping down tables Yeah, that's much better

A mop is just not sexy Maybe they're all working there Yeah, so the bad boy is mopping He's like taking out the trash Yeah, yeah Yeah, he's taking out the trash The heartthrob is like your waiter He's wiping down tables

And he's like, you're drinking your milkshake You're there like Yeah, yeah Sexy noises Sexy, sexy noises And he like, yeah, he comes up to you. He maybe puts a like a banana split down in front of you and you make eye contact, like prolonged eye contact.

Where's the shy guy? The shy guy. He's in the back stacking shelves. He doesn't get to be in the music video. Be more absurd. We need a good harmony. All right, okay. Now I've kind of got visually where they are now.

The shy guy is maybe around the jukebox. Yeah. He's the one that presses the button so the jams come on. Yeah. Yeah. All right. He's the instigator of said music clip. I'm there.

I'm with you. All right. So where do we want to begin? Okay. Do we want to start at the heartthrob? Yeah. Who's this teen heartthrob? Who's the greatest fictional teen heartthrob?

Magneto. Magneto. Magneto. I'm listening. So there is several issues where they baby-ify Magneto, and then he's got to get older a bit. Do they teen-ify or baby-ify? They baby-ify him, and presumably he has to grow up for a bit

He's a teen for a moment At some point in his life he was a teen Clearly there has to be a moment where Magneto Is a teen No because from the movies I remember Childs Adults He goes from child

To Ian McKellen And then we backtrack a bit to Michael Fassbender. There's got to be a time before Michael Fassbender. I mean, it's got to, but we haven't seen it yet on screen. Can I actually make an amendment? Joseph, as in Magneto's clone, younger self. Okay. So he was, whilst not as old as Magneto and probably not a teen,

I reckon he could have Luke Perry this because he had long, flowing white hair. Is Magneto considered a heartthrob by anyone in the Marvel Universe? I mean by Rogue and myself. Rogue does fuck Magneto. That's fair. That's fair. She wants to cheat on Remy Lebut, who is also a heartthrob. But isn't it also because Magneto cannot get rogued by her?

That's also an aspect, yes. She's not like, damn. That old, more like, huh, I guess so. I guess this is the only way I'm getting off. All right. Cool. I guess I'll go in for it. No, but look, we'll go Magneto.

Look, you can put forward some ones as well. Look, I'm just going to get some images of Magneto. Yeah, try and find me a very sexy image of Magneto. It's not easy. Why is that one coming up? Hey, here's one. Look. All right, show me sexy Magneto.

There you go. He's in the Xavier's kind of like the yellow and gold outfit. Platinum hair. outfit, platinum hair. Long, platinum anime hair. But is he more of a bad boy? Yeah, he's maybe a bit more of a bad boy or even an older brother type. He's not a heartthrob. I will hold my comment until we get to the bad boy or brother thing.

I'll pass that out. Yes. All right, then. Heartthrob. Who do we want for a heartthrob? Bumblebee from the Transformers. Yes. All right, then. Heartthrob. Who do we want for a heartthrob? Bumblebee from the Transformers. Good. Car.

A car. You've picked a car. He's a car man. Just a car. So are we talking Bumblebee from... The Michael Bay Bumblebee. The sexy Bumblebee. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So in a boy band where you need to sing, who famously can't talk. He goes from the radio. So he does the samples. Good, good, good. Every bumblebee's no good for the pin in bumblebee. There's something there. Hey, how old's Wally from Where's Wally? From Where's Waldo?

Waldo from Where's Waldo? I don't know if he could pass as a teen. That's a dad. You reckon? He's fairly hairless. Get a picture of Waldo or Wally up there. I mean, he's a twunk. He's one hell of a twunk.

But he ain't a twink. Is he in shape, actually? He's just very gangly. You don't want a heartthrob to be gangly. Show me Wally. He could maybe be a teen, but he no he's too oh my jesus christ maybe the shy boy maybe the shy boy type in sexy words let's see what we get if you put the little qualifier sexy uh that it's a lot of costumes like a halloween costumes of a of a woman. That's not what I want. Mainly photos of me, actually.

Every Halloween. Oh, there's a tubby boy who's worn a onesie. That's a sex. That's not even Wes Wally. He's just wearing a fucking striped one-piece. He's hung, though. He's quite hung. He's a big boy. I went to an underwear store today. Sorry to sidetrack. I went to an underwear store today

and in the guys section the mannequin was hung what yeah how big like notice i was like what that's weird but i guess it's underwear so like i want to be if you know if i if i was maybe insecure about my penis or whatever and i'd look at it and be like damn my dick will look big in that underwear. Maybe. Right? That mannequin has just got a massive bulge. I hope they've just been slowly making dongs on mannequins, bigger and bigger and bigger, hoping no one notices. That was weird.

That was almost a vomit. Yeah, that's not good, Jack. All right. But again, we need someone archetypal. Archie Andrews. Archie Andrews from the comics. Archie and Jughead. Yeahs From the comics Archie and Jughead Yeah

Or from the TV show Riverdale I want to go from the comics Because he's so pure In the comics Riverdale is killing people But will he make A lot of say

Millions of Adoring teenage girls Squee Yeah Maybe not He's a bit too Clean Archie Certainly comic Archie

Yeah Could we take First season One of the Supernatural brothers? Oh, yeah. Which one? Jared Padalecki. See, I would have gone the other one. No, because that's a bad boy.

Can they share the role? No. I want a Jedward situation. No. What about Fred Jones? Fred Jones. He's so he's such a handsome muscular good blonde blonde ascot and he's got like a hook yeah exactly that's the thing everyone will be wearing ascots because fred jones will be wearing ascots fred jones is fucking man eating and and and the

fact that he's clearly a grasshopper and a man's skin. It's the kind of thing we'll just keep under wraps. It'll be a big Hollywood secret. So I think that's good. I think Fred Jones makes a good front man to our boy band. Fred Jones, as much as I like Bumblebee,

he's not going to make many teenage girls squee. He'll make teenage girl robots squee. How many are there? There's one, R.C. R.C., yeah. Is she loving it? Is she loving it? She's not loving it.

She's loving Hot Rod. I think actually in the Michael Bay movie, she's just dead. Oh, yeah. Never mind. Although I am like a Transformer role. Yeah, because the problem is you can't have a lot of women in movies.

Yeah, that's Michael Bay's fault. Because or else their periods sync up and it's a whole thing. Yeah, look. Does R.Cie have a period? Yes. Oil's got to leak at some point. Fucking Optimus Prime takes a piss so bodily functions are happening.

One of the Transformers has balls, so I guess yes. Okay, so at least we've got our protagonist. Yeah, we've got Fred Jones. We've got our heartthrob. All right, what's next? All right, so the bad boy. The bad boy. Now, I know you've seen Hot Rod from Transformers.

Which one was Hot Rod? He was the one that was voiced by Judd Nelson in the 1986 cartoon movie. Oh, good, you painted a picture of him. He ends up becoming... What kind of car is Hot Rod? I believe... I felt like an ethnic grandmother. Zameth, Zameth, what kind of car is Hot Rod?

He ends up becoming Rodimus Prime. Rodimus Prime. Because he gets the basic... Because he digs him down good. He gets the all spark or whatever. Okay, he becomes a prime. He becomes a new leader of the Autobots. Show me a picture.

There he is, this little handsome fella. Yes. And he's a bit like a rebel. Look, my vote will always be not a car. However, he's like a sweet hot rod. I think that the bad boy in a boy band has to be the most fuckable. That's my belief. They're the one that everybody secretly wants.

I'd fuck Judd Nelson wants I'd fuck Judd Nelson I'd fuck Judd Nelson maybe but not a car I'd fuck a car I would fuck Hot Rod Because what a jerk But there's a difference between fucking someone Because you want to fuck them And fucking someone because you're like that's going to be a good story

For the sweet novelty of being like Hot Rod is handsome I think you go the ultimate bad boy, Voldemort. Too far, can't pass as a teenager. We cannot Luke Perry. Ah, Tom Riddle. Tom Riddle? Tom Riddle, sure.

Tom Riddle. He's very evil. Is he sexy, though? He's kind of attractive when he's Tom Riddle. When he's Tom Riddle. He's killing cats, but we just keep that under wraps with Fred Jones' mantis. cats, but we just keep that under wraps with Fred Jones' mantis.

I wanted Kenny Wrangler from Oz. Who's Kenny Wrangler? I know you, which is kind of. So you know in The Wire, you know Bodhi from The Wire. Yeah. So Bodhi from The Wire or Kenny Wrangler from Oz, because they're played by the same actor. Okay. Both bad boys.

Who the hell is Kenny Wangler? Oh, fuck you. All right, hold on. Get me a photo and then we'll talk. You made me think of someone with Kenny Wangler. Who'd you make me think of? How about, while that's happening, another Judd Nelson character. Sure.

Bender from Breakfast Club. He's too bad a boy. No, he's too bad. Kind of a rapist. A little bit, yeah. Not a fan. But he's got a leather jacket and that's what you need and good hair. He does have a leather jacket. Attractive. Attractive. We're on the Kenny Wenger because in both things that I know him from, that one episode of Law and Order

SVU, he is a drug dealer. Okay. That's too bad. No, too bad because in one he's in prison and one he's working the streets. He's working the corner. See, that's too bad., too bad, because in one he's in prison And in one he's working the streets He's working the corner See, that's too bad See, I think a bad boy's gotta have soft edges Edges, but soft edges

So maybe Voldemort's not a good choice Yeah, you picked Voldemort Yeah, you kind of want someone that would appear to be a bad boy Rides a motorcycle Maybe could win a fight, but isn't gonna go pick a fight Yeah, absolutely Yeah, no Kenny's not gonna, Kenny's picking fights

You kind of want, like, that middle ground bad boy fight but isn't going to go pick a fight. Yeah, absolutely. Kenny's picking fights. You kind of want that middle ground bad boy. What of Bowser? From Mario? Yeah. I don't know if we could Luke Perry that. He is man. Is he his turtle? Age hard to define. I mean, he could be teen for turtle.

Yeah, do you know how old Bowser is? I don't fucking think so Good point I certainly don't I don't know how old Mario is He's so youthful but he's got that mustache He might just be an out of shape teen What about in that same vicinity of teens

What about Donkey Kong? Ah Now that's a bad boy He could put him in a leather jacket He could be a teen. Yeah, because he's not wearing pants. Loose tie.

Tie and no shirt. It's a pretty bad boy. That's pretty bad. He's like, fuck the formality rules. Yeah, he's like, look, I'm going to wear a tie, but just to point out

how silly wearing a tie is. Also no pants. Dicks out for the girls. Yeah. And then he could just be slapping the stage to get some good percussion going.

Only downside of Donkey Kong is that he just hoots like an ape. That's what you might need in the backing. You're not coming to see a concert of our wonderful bad boy We're picking the best musicians. We haven't quite nailed it. He'll lip sync.

We haven't quite got the name of this thing, but I reckon DK would be a pretty good addition to the squad. As Fred Jones is like, Baby, you're my forever. And then he points to Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong's just like... Yeah. And look, he's making screeches.

Yeah. And he can easily lip sync over those screeches. I guess somebody has to quiet those screeches down. Well, it's like in, oh, fuck. So you know the Jonas Brothers who I mentioned prior. I'm going to say this sentence and I know maybe Jackson will know. How can I not know the Jonas Brothers? You know in Burning Up?

Sure. Yeah, see? So in Burning Up, there's a bit and Joe Jonas is like, he's like, red dress. And then backing, Nick Jonas is like, red dress. And it's like, there's a bit in Joe Jonas is like, he's like red dress and then backing Nick Jonas is like red dress. And it's like that's Donkey Kong. He's like back in red dress. Yeah.

Yeah. It's perfect. Not enough. You know, we need to combine the 1950s to 60s and 70s love of chimps and gorillas and film with the modern love of boy bands. Oh, 100%. Mix that shit together. Give me chimp boy bands. I think we definitely need to combine these boy band and ape perception.

I just think it's about time. All right. I think that's a money-making machine. The ape from Ape Escape instead of DK. There are many apes in Ape Escape. Ape Escape is about acquiring apes. You play as a young boy with spiky hair who needs to get all the apes for reasons I cannot remember.

And then you do. What if we get ape from George of the Jungle? Ah. Fancy ape. Or even ape from Tarzan. Yeah. It's a lady. Are they bad boy apes, though? No, that would be like the older brother

ape. Yeah. Are we now making an ape boy band? We'll stick with a fronted by one Jones, yes. Okay, next one we've got. Fuck, there's an ape boy band. A cute one. That's a stressed Fred Jones. Alright, the cute one. So we've got to get someone

who's quite young-ish. Yeah. Can you go in the opposite direction? Can you go up? As in... Older? Younger? As in younger, but like the opposite of a Luke Perry.

Does such a thing exist? Oh, right. Oh, like younger but could play older. Yeah. Because what are you thinking? Oh, God, no. The weird child from the Babadook? What?

That is the most left-field answer. I was actually thinking Ralph Wiggum. Is it like, wait, by cute one, is it like, oh, he's like the sweet, innocent one? I think he even plays the cute one when they make a boy band in The Simpsons. He's like the sweet, innocent one, yeah? Yeah.

I guess that's why I was thinking real. The boy from The Babadook. That kid's like a monster in that movie. So generally they act kind of opposite where the bad boy is, right? Yes. So they're diametrically opposite, right? So you have DK, who is our bad boy. Diddy Kong.

True. Diddy Kong wears a T-shirt. Diddy Kong just make an ape band Why not so? That's not the question For the love of god Why not? Alright

Because my other two answers Are also Kongs We should have just made A Kong band We've done the Konga I want The boy From Stranger Things That didn't have teeth in the first season. Oh, yeah.

Dustin? Dustin. How did I remember that? Because A, cute as a button. Yeah, absolutely. Cute as a button. And B, his mum seems hella cool. Which is a big factor in how I choose a loved one.

Okay, that wasn't the question. Sure. He's got to be cute, and his mum's real cute. She's got a cat that he loves. And then in the second season he gets that weird pet thing that he loves. That's true. Yeah. Is that going to translate to the stage?

Well, yes, because it'll be like his hook, is that he's always taking photos with his pet demogorgons. Like, oh, man, Fred Jones has that cool ass guy, and Dustin, he's got the demogorgon. Donkey Kong's hook, he's a big ape. He's a fucking ape. He's a full-on gorilla. That's why I like listening to his music.

No, look, you're right. Dustin, he's got no teeth. He is cute. He wears that little, like, hat, the little trucker cap. Yeah. And he's always wearing, well, he's riding a bike because he's a child. He probably won't be riding the bike in the music. He might be in the music video, yeah.

In the mall shop. In the mall shop. Yeah, he's late for his shift. Shift, yeah. Or he's like, he's up. Or is he meeting a cute little girl somewhere and he's right there and then you've got to have a cute milkshake. Yeah.

We're going to meet soon. Donkey Kong's a bad boy. He's meant to be mopping. He's just throwing the mop and mopping around. He seems panicked. He's just a gorilla. He's a gorilla in a leather jacket. He's a gorilla in a tight leather jacket

That's restricting his movement And he seems angry And off stage you know there are people with cattle prods Just being like God please hurry up and finish filming We are all in danger One guy with a train Alright I'm happy to call Dustin from Stranger Things

Our innocent sweet boy The older brother Bumblebee. Stop suggesting cars and monkeys. Bumblebee is like an older brother to Sam Witwicky. No, again, he just can't. He just used. I mean, yes, we have Donkey Kong.

Bumblebee has no voice. Bumblebee plays songs from the radio. Yeah, we're not making a Milli Vanilli here All we gotta do is have someone Record his line, put it on The radio, and then he says How do we record the original line?

We get someone else to do it Dub it We're not making a Milli Vanilli Someone else dubs a line Then Bumblebee re-records that line. Can anyone relate to Bumblebee? As an older brother. Are you going to Bumblebee

for advice? Sam Witwicky does. He shouldn't. He does. He shouldn't. Bumblebee really wants him to fuck. There's that scene in the first Transformers I know the scene Megan Fox and Sam Witwicky Hop in a car together

Well they're in Bumblebee And then Bumblebee locks the doors and plays sexy music That sounds hella rapey Yeah I don't know why Bumblebee does that Herbie the Lovebug does the same thing Why haven't you suggested Herbie the Lovebug? Herbie the Lovebug! Now we're talking

Herbie the Lovebug is like an older brother. He looks after fucking, what's her name? Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan in Herbie Fully Loaded. Okay, I don't know much about Herbie, but I'm intrigued. In a live car. Live, I'm fairly sure, from the one movie I remember that may have been from the late 90s because the person making the car juice

Tipped a photograph of his wife whom he loved in and that made her become alive an evil herbie happens because someone's trying to make another herbie and The their cronies are like you got to put in something you really love and the villain puts in a photograph of himself And then he gets an evil herbie. So you've got a good Herbie, a bad Herbie. So I'm actually going to choose that for bad. Bad boy, yeah, to be honest. But older brother Herbie, just saying. He's kind of a mentor in a car form. Can't tour.

No. What about, again, Hot Rod? Fuck, put the Batmobile in there. The Batmobile. Bat wing. Flying. Certainly has to be a car Or an ape

Actually look We've been skirting around the edges here In Herbie, Bumblebee, Hot Rod When really we should have picked the most obvious choice Optimus Prime Oh my god yeah How old a brother is Optimus Prime? Optimus Prime is so old a brother

Mondo old a brother He'sus Prime? Optimus Prime is so old a brother. Mondo older brother. Yeah. He's cool. He's a reassuring figure. And everyone can relate to him. Absolutely. Both boys and girls. That's great because that sounded like the pitch.

Everyone can relate. Our test audiences relate to Optimus Prime. Optimus Prime boys have little Optimus Prime costumes. Girls have little Optimus Prime tutus. Yeah, exactly. Perfect. Optimus Prime. Optimus Prime boys have little Optimus Prime costumes. Girls have little Optimus Prime tutus. Yeah, exactly. Perfect. Optimus Prime relates to everyone. Again, because he's like the older brother, he's got those sweet baritone kind of notes.

Oh, yeah. I am Optimus Prime. Yeah. Can he sing? Well, it doesn't matter. Can Fred join? So I reckon Optimus Prime is the older brother. I'll pick you up in me, baby. He also accesses the tour van.

Yeah, exactly. They can ride everywhere they need to go inside Optimus. Well, it's a cramped tour van because Optimus Prime is just the front of a truck. He also has the trailer thing. Is that him? Well, it always comes with him when he transforms. Where does it go? Who knows?

The cartoons never explained it. It just kind of went off camera for a bit. And then when he wanted it, it was there. All right. I know we're super into the idea of it just being all cars. Yeah. Yeah. So far, only one of them is a car.

It's a truck. Oh, my fucking god I would also accept an Ultra Magnus but I'm going to go with Optimus Prime Who's Ultra You know what I don't want to know What about Thor Can we have Thor as the older brother He's kind of reassuring

He's a bit too goofy No an older brother's goofy Because you can muck around with an older brother but you know he's going to love you Is Thor reassuring, though? Do you want to get a hug from Thor? Yeah. He's more almost like the heartthrob. Yeah.

Can I change Fred Jones? Ah, but Fred Jones. He's got that ascot going on. What has Thor had to do? He's already done the marketing. A hammer. Thor's got a hammer. Yeah.

We can't sell a hammer. An eye patch. We can sell an ascot. Fuck. All right, I guess I'll write down Optimus Prime. Yes! We did it. And the shy one. Harry Potter.

Oh, yeah. Harry Potter's shy. He's angry. He's an angry boy. But do you think he would struggle not being the heartthrob? Yeah, I think Harry Potter might struggle not being the centre of attention Yeah, that's true Try to think of fictional turtle men

Some, maybe Ninja Turtles Yeah, I don't think possibly Which one? Donatello? Can the Ninja Turtles go into their shells? Yeah I want to say, I'm sure What about Franklin the Turtle from the children's books?

Okay. Let's just get Kalalau. Kalalau? Do you mean Caillou? Or do you mean Galalai? Both. Fuck. Don't you just say a word written down so many times and you're like, that's how it's pronounced.

Caillou looks like it's spelt Kalalai. But no, it's... Caillou. Caillou's very young. He's a small, bald child from television. Too young. Yeah, that's maybe too young. I like this turtle idea.

Either Franklin or Donatello. Donatello? Is Donatello shy? He's a nerd. Is he the one that does machines? He's the one that does machines. Okay. Put some glasses on him.

Where are we going? Yeah, he's a good shy one. That's true. He's eating pizza, on him. There we go. Yeah, he's a good shy one, that's true. He's eating pizza though, so he'll die. What about that robot turtle that they make? What about the rat that looks after? Splinter. Splinter. That's more of an older brother.

That's more of a manager. Can Splinter manage them? He managed the Ninja Turtles so well. He managed another separate little topic, I think, because we need that. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if... Shy. Shy, shy, shy. Shy guys?

Shy guys from Mario. They are. Shy in the title. It's there. I'm just trying to think of someone, something that goes inside itself. You just need basically a nerd. Are there snail men? Like a Seth Cohen?

Who? From the... Fuck, I really wish I did this episode with Cass and Chris. Huh? How about... Okay, Spider-Man's good friend from Spider-Man Homecoming. I forget his name. Oh, yeah, that dude.

But the Chunky Boy. Chunky Boy. Is his name Plunky? I don't think so. Oh, controversial opinion, Michael Keaton. Again, more of a managerial position. He could be shy. Look, I'll even take Tom Holland's Spider-Man as a shy boy.

I don't know if he's... I think he'd be... He'd want the heartthrob. Yeah, he may want the heartthrob. That's true. His name is Ned. Yeah, Ned. No, I think this Peter Parker would be okay with not being a heart drop.

I think maybe he doesn't actually seem like he loves being the center of attention that much. I think he loves being a hero. He does love being a hero, which isn't potentially great for what you want from a boy band. No, because if you think like when we're in Infinity, no, what's the one before Infinity? Civil War. Yeah. When he's just so happy to be there. Yeah, that's true.. Yeah. When he's just so happy to be there. Yeah, that's true.

That's true. He's just so happy to be there. What about controversial opinion Groot? Shy, doesn't like being the center of attention. Groot. Now, Team Groot's a little bit of an asshole, though. Now, Team Groot is an asshole. Damn, Team Groot could have been the bad boy,

but Donkey Kong's the bad boy. Gotta let Donkey Kong be. That's perfect. We can't go back on that. help us we can't could spider be the cute one who we got for the cute one again dustin from stranger things that's that's good that's good that's good that's good yeah i think it's the shy one yeah because he doesn't because in his day-to-day when he is p Peter Parker, he's just a nerd. He's on the educational decathlon team or something. I just don't think he's that shy. He's a nerd.

He is a nerd, though. He is a nerd. And you couldn't have someone who is actually shy being a boy band. That's true. You need the illusion of shy. I know. You want that vulnerability. I just don't think Peter Parker.

I think Peter Parker. Tom Holland Peter Parker. Tom Holland Peter Parker. What about Tobey Maguire Peter Parker? Now we're talking. Now Holland, Peter Parker. Tom Holland, Peter Parker. What about Tobey Maguire, Peter Parker? Now we're talking. Now we're talking from the third film. Yeah. Or the second film where he's just struggling.

Both are good. And he's always a bit dangerous and unhinged. Yeah, that's what we want. That's the best thing about Tobey Maguire. He is a big old nerd. Oh, he is. He's quite shy. Like, he's very soft-spoken Yeah

And he's got that wonderful face Yeah, he's got that That wonderful punchable face He gets, in the third one when he's clearly 30 He gets a bit of the neck waddle going on Oh, yeah Oh, it's good You're not a teen, Tobey Maguire

You weren't a teen when we started this We're Luke Parrots, so we're all good So, Tobey Maguire, Spider't a teen when we started this We're Luke Parrot so we're all good So Toby Maguire's Spider-Man? I reckon Yeah why not just regular Toby Maguire He's sort of fictional No So what is our

And manager I think Splinter from the Ninja Turtles is perfect He's I think Michael Keaton the Ninja Turtles was perfect. He's managed. I think Michael Keaton from Birdman. Oh, yes! Because I wanted Michael Keaton. I'll get a Michael Keaton. Michael Keaton from Birdman, you've sold me. He's too depressed

though. He's just the right amount of depressed. He used to be famous himself. He's struggling with the fact that he is now behind the scenes. He'll try to live through the boy band he might give them cocaine it's all options apes on coke optimus prime on cocaine i forgot he was the older brother what a good good band we've got i reckon michael keaton from

birdman is perfect so what's out what's our band now we got fred j Michael Keaton from Birdman is perfect. So what's our band now? We've got Fred Jones. Uh-huh. Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong. Dustin from Stranger Things. Yeah.

Optimus Prime and Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man. So in the rap breakdown, when they're, like, introducing themselves and they give a little bit of information, they're like, I'm Fred Jones and I have an ascot. And there's just little subtitles of I'm DK and I have a tie. And again, in the rap breakdown, well, DK's experienced. He is. DK, Donkey Kong. DK, Donkey Kong is here. Yeah.

And then what was it? Optimus Prime next. Dustin from Stranger Things. I'm Dustin and I'm from Stranger Things. All right. I'll take you to my upside down Optimus Prime I am Optimus Prime

And then Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man Just like doing that weird dance I'm Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man And then Michael Keaton slides on the stage And I manage them all And it's this weird amalgamation of Birdman And like a Beetlejuice. For some reason in my mind, he's just dressed like Birdman.

Imagine Birdman. He does that kind of... You're like, God, this band rules. What are we calling them? It's got to be a combination of letters and numbers and have the word boy in there somewhere. Yes, so... Boy five, then six in brackets, because Michael Keaton sometimes comes on stage.

Well, boy five, six. Hang on. No, I reckon we got something from the 80s. Okay. We've got an 80s theme almost here, because we got like, all right, so Fred Jones, Scooby-Doo. Yeah. That was primarily in the 80s or 90s? Primarily in the 1960s.

But it's been going on the whole forever. The longevity. Yeah, exactly. So we guess we've got 80s. It does count. We'll make it count on the whole forever. The longevity. So we guess we've got 80s. It does count. We'll make it count. Donkey Kong. Optimus Prime. He's definitely from the 80s.

Stranger Things boy, Dustin. That's an homage to the 80s. And Tobey Maguire's Spider-Man was probably born in the 80s. Yes, he was. It counts. It counts. And Michael Keaton's prime. Michael Keaton's prime would have been in the 80s. And who did we miss out?

Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong was invented in the 80s. I think that's when Jumpman happened, or Donkey Kong the fucking thing happened. Jumpman. I think it was the 80s. I'm going to say that. Yeah.

And then you could call it Or like, Orson Welles 1984. Boyson Welles 1984. Got to get boy in there somewhere so the people know. Like, One Direction doesn't have boy in there. No, they have a number, though. So you can have one or... Yeah, that's true. It's Backstreet Boys or NSYNC, like a fun play.

Remember, like, Scandalous and stuff like that? It was always a fun play on a word. Yeah, yeah. So, Orson Welles, 1984. DK is an arcade game released by Nintendo in 1981. There is an 80s theme happening. It was completely accidental. Yeah.

So we could call it like Judd Nelson's Good Time Funk Band. I do like that. I'm going to be like, oh, has Judd Nelson got a band? Oh, I guess not. It's just an ape, a robot man, and several humans. A child and a spider boy. Cool, I guess. I mean, that spider boy is clearly like a 35-year-old man,

but one of them's a robot, so I guess there's no rules to this boy band. Yeah, cool. The lead singer seems to be some kind of mantis in a skin suit. In a human skin, and it's not even very obvious. You can always see an eagle sighting on the side of stage, trying his best to find his break to jump in. Is he singing?

There's an eagle who's also just singing around, doing the dances offstage. I can see him. Like a proud mother. I can see him offstage. He's not on stage. He's just in the wings, but he's very visible. Who is that? John Nelson's

Good Times Punk Band is not what I imagined. This is not also funk. This is just pop. This is boy band pop. Why'd I buy tickets to this? Fuck, I love John Nelson. tickets to this. Fuck, I love Judd Nelson.

And on that note, I've been Jackson Bailey. I've been Zoe Bellotto. And I've been Jill Sandvik. See Judd Nelson's Good Time Funk Band tonight at the Videodrome. Get your tickets today at sandspansradio.com slash live.

I'm at olddogthedad and I'm at goddammitzammit if you want to hear our other shows you can head to sanspantsradio.com and you'll find all our other content there there's heaps and if you want to support us head to sanspantsplus.com thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time goodnight for now

but not forever kisses