Plumbing the Death Star - Which Fictional Universe Has the Worst Moral Message? (Feat. Follow)

Episode Date: November 6, 2016

In which our heroes consume all of pop culture, sit alone in their rooms and then use this knowledge to make real life decisions while asking Which Fictional Universe Has the Worst Moral Message? Join the Plumbing boys as they battle through constant interruptions from Zoe taking selfies, constant interruptions from Adam sneezing and constant interruptions from Follow (may he rest in peace) knocking everything off our recording desk. Jackson reveals how close to anime he can get without getting a blood nose, Zammit is angry we wasted money on sending a man to space and Duscher just wants to make everyone get out their phones literally the moment the episode starts. Today's episode is a real exercise in professionalism and we bloody nail it, so let's have a moment of silence to celebrate the unwavering motivation of the boys. We did it.Want to help us afford a new dog with an untwistable stomach? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, we can get right on that.And don’t forget to check out our video only YouTube channel; Sanspants CinemaScope! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, like a house of cards. Hey everyone, just letting you know that we've launched a video-only YouTube channel, Sands Pants CinemaScope. Right now you can watch a Let's Play of Never Alone, and in the upcoming weeks and months we'll be throwing up even more content. We hope. Also, this episode was recorded a few months back and we thought we'd lost it, but fortunately we managed to find the recording,

which was a little bittersweet, as it features the last known recording of Follow before he shuffled off this mortal coil. So listen out for him as he stumbles his way over recording equipment and tries to sit down wrong. Follow, you will be missed. Now, enjoy the show. Hey everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Flumming the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, which fictional universe has the worst moral message? Check it! Who's gonna go first? I will.

Whoa. The DC Extended Universe. Do you mean the DCCU? The DCEU. What? No, but isn't it a CU? The EU is like, isn't that comics? Yeah, it would be the DCCU.

DCCU. No, no, no, no, no. It's a DC Universe. Trust. Trust. No, I don't. Okay, look. I refuse.

Everyone, open up Wikipedia, type in DCEU. No, not you guys. You're not holding a phone. I am, but I refuse. Listeners, do it. DCEU. Why don't they call it the DCCU? Is it because they don't want to pretend we're Marvel

and don't want to be like, we don't want to be like the MCCU? We're our own thing. DC Extended Universe is an American media franchise and shared fictional universe that is centered on... Thanks, Wikipedia. That's all it says. Who knows what it's

centered on? It's a mystery. Anyway, so the moral message of that is, it doesn't matter if you have the moral message of not Wikipedia, the moral message of the DCEU or Man of Steel and Batman v Superman is it doesn't matter if you're powered or if you have great potential.

Just be a piece of shit and that's fine. When do these six explicitly say? I will quote Mark Kent. Show your working. Okay. Park Kent. We'll start with Park Kent. We'll go with Man of Steel first.

We'll do it chronologically as I do everything. I live in. I live chronologically I eat chronologically I breathe chronologically I've never once had lunch before breakfast ever yeah so

in the first film Man of Steel Park Kent is like it's a super lad boy. Yep. Super boy. Kent Child.

Kent Child. Yep. He really is a Kent Child. Yeah. Your dog is so confused right now. Yeah, I'm really distracted by your dog walking around in the background.

I have no idea what the fuck's going on. He's just patrolling. Zoe is also here. You can hear some giggling by the way. That's not just like it's not a haunted episode.

They're just like nails clacking in the background and then just every now and then. Just ghosts. This episode is full of ghosts. Zoe and Follow are here, or ghosts. You're called listeners. Adam's also here, but he's not going to make a noise. He's listening to something.

Anyway. It's real sad. He's watching a youtube video um go on yeah so park and he's pretty much like hey super boy i know that you're in a bus full of drowning children maybe you shouldn't have saved him which is often focused on when people talk about how man of steel is kind of bullshit plus Plus, it's not just like, oh, Pa Kent said that, so that is the message of that movie. Like, he destroys Metropolis so that Zod will die. Like, he does what his Pa said to do. His Pa was like, ah, sometimes you've got to break a few eggs. And even when the mother comes in to be like,

he says, your boy is something. It's almost kind of like your boy is a devil man. Yeah, which he kind of is. I think the movie's meant to be like, oh, Jesus, but no. I don't actually know whose side I'm meant to be on in Man of Steel. Oh, follow. What are you doing? He does knock over my laptop.

It's back and up. He's just not. His legs are a mess. Did he do it? I can hear things falling over. This episode is shambles. Already. You weren't able to hear my thing, were you?

What thing? What thing? My music. See, I told you Adam's here, everyone. There he is. Say something. Hey. Thanks, Adam. Anyway. there he is say something uh hey thanks Adam

anyway anyway my dog Zoe and Adam are side they're outnumbered by people that aren't in this episode and it's very distracting

shut up Adam anyway oh man this is also this has been a Patreon episode so I hope Anyway. Oh, man. Also, this has been a Patreon episode, so...

I hope... Fuck, this is a mess. This is a Patreon episode that has been told for us to do, so I hope the quality has lived up to your expectations. Hey, it's bonuses. Anyway, Markham. Yes. Oh, it's bonuses. Anyway, Mark Kent. Oh yeah, so yeah, Superman may be the devil in

Man of Steel. Yeah, who are we supposed to side with in Man of Steel? Because if we're supposed to side with like, Park Kent's never presented as a bad guy. Right? Yeah, no, he has a weirdly heroic sacrifice. Yeah, he does. I'm gonna go stand in a tornado and die. It's not really heroic.

Yeah. Oh, wait, he saves the dog, doesn't he? Yeah. Does he throw the dog from the car? No, the dog runs. So he doesn't really do shit. He opens a door. He opens a door.

If a dog can outrun a fucking tornado, Papa can. Check your working, Jackson. If the dog had just stayed in the car, would he have been fine? Nah. Let's put a dog in a car And then put a car in a tornado And see if we don't get a slurry

Also I mean this is a bit harsh And dog lovers tune out But I'd prefer my dad to be alive Than my dog Depends how old the dog was Actually no you're right either way If it's a puppy then you're like Look I had him for a little amount of time and whatever i'll get a new dog and be definitely

fully grown but if it's old and it's like it hasn't got that many years left dogs don't know what tornadoes were oh it probably wasn't even scared and zoe's got a good point depends how old your dad is if your dad's real old you're like well he's 90 and it's a puppy you're like hey probably gonna get more years from the puppy I'd rather my dad died in a fucking I keep wanting to say volcano tornado than my dog at this point how good though would it have been a

volcano and he's like son I'm doing this for your own good just left him and I'm sorry and then so yeah that message is then continued by mark and who is meant to be she's kind of lovely in the first yeah bless you adam bless you again adam jesus christ what an episode yep

go on i'm there i'm holding it there it like it's like we're in a bloody white water raft the currents are coming from fucking all sides and we're like no paddle on we're fucking doing this episode and nothing's gonna stop us we will paddle on if Adam sneezes

Zoe takes selfies it doesn't matter I like that the microphone is right near Zoe's mouth so really she could be in this episode but you're not zoe so don't get any ideas go on just keep paddling um any yeah in batman Superman yeah Mark who is the surviving Kent at this point yeah uh Superman goes to visit her after he's been put on trial Utter is suspected in shooting everyone Yeah Classic Superman move

Superman with a gun Fuck that Like it's so funny It's unimaginably funny Like fucking Lex being like Oh no Superman's just like bang bang bang bang Eat hot lad dickhead

That's good that's his new catchphrase Exactly Imagine Superman just shooting You know the classic Superman holding a car Bang, bang, bang. Eat hot lead, dickhead. That's good. That's his new catchphrase. Exactly. Imagine Superman just shooting. You know the classic Superman holding a car? He's just shooting. Shooting the car. He's like, I'm not fussing a speeding bullet.

I use one. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Because you're like Superman. You just, you don't need. Why? Yeah, and then he goes to visit Mark Ant, and she's like, hey, Superman, do good or don't, because humanity, fuck them.

Yeah, what did you say? She's like, they don't owe you anything. Save them or don't, I don't give a shit. Whatever, you don't owe them nothing. Fuck them. Exact quote. Yeah. And like, in the end, does Superman,

like, they defeat Doomsday, but like, is it for Metropolis? Well, that's another thing. They make a really big point in batman v superman to be like superman is a savior we like metropolis might need like we don't necessarily need to like him but like he is a savior but then he doesn't do anything for metropolis like doomsday only exists because fuck you superman from. Yeah. Also, when he goes into the Dios Los Muertos Day of the Dead thing, what's he doing there? Just getting touched. No, he rescued some lads from a burning thing.

Oh, yeah, rescues a child from a building. Let's talk about the maths behind Superman. Superman's fast, right? He's pretty fast, yeah. But how many crimes happen within the city of Metropolis that Superman thinks that he can take it out of his day to go to Mexico, save two people from a burning building? You're telling me that at the exact same time in Metropolis

there wasn't, like, another crime happening he could sort out? The reason Batman is not, like, I guess I'll Batman the world, except in Batman Incorporated where exactly that happens, is because he knows he can't. I think it was more to do... Superman is, one, easily distracted, and two, loves TV, so he's always just watching...

Because he doesn't have a police scanner. No. Because I think if he had a police scanner, he might do some good, but he's just watching shit on TV. Superman more just knows what the key crimes to stop are. Well, in a deleted scene that doesn't actually exist because it was deleted and I might not even be on the Blu-ray.

So does it exist? Does it not? At this point, hard to say. How do you know about it? Zack Snyder said in an interview. Zack Snyder told me. Zack Snyder called me up and he was like, Joel Dusha, I was like, yes, Zack. He's like, let me tell you something.

No, you're filming shit, stop. No, I'm like, how did you get this number just answer it's practically on our twitter that's how that's true yeah and also it's quick side note i will get back to what i promised there's actually a may hate superman and batman and i hope that's kind of funny if he's just like i'm only in this for the money fuck these superheroes are dumb so like um because that reminds me you know avatar the last airbender? it's a pretty decent cartoon the closest thing to an anime I'll watch without getting a blood nose yes

so everybody who loves that TV show hates the M. Night Shyamalan movie but like what's the opposite of a love letter? hate letter? because that's what that movie is and it's so good everything that's good about Avatar The Last Airbender Adam thought he had a sneeze

Adam made us pause recording Because he thought he had a sneeze But he didn't How long am I waiting for this sneeze Adam Fuck you Anyway It's like if Zack Snyder is making a hate letter To Superman It's like a's if zach snyder is making a hate letter to superman it's like a

dog shit on a doorstep because oh like oh man m night shamans avatar is infinitely better if you've watched like in avatar they're like oh i'm using water powers to like send like a water missile i can move it like it's a martial art in the m night shamalan one they need like five people to move a rock like it's amazing he's just like hey fuck you yeah fucking die p.s i'm m night charmala well the only thing that makes what a twist my mind is blown um the only thing that makes me think that zack snyder might hate batman and superman is because he had adapted watchmen yeah one that movie came out too early for it to be culturally... If Watchmen came out now, everyone would be like, fuck. Well, actually, no, it wouldn't

because Watchmen was dark and gritty. If Watchmen came out maybe four years ago? No, before Man of Steel. Yeah. Just before Man of Steel. No, it had to be before Batman. It had to be before The Dark Knight. Yeah, not true.

There it is. Bless you, Adam. Hey, we've arrived. We should. Bless you, Adam. Hey, we've arrived. We should just give you a microphone just to sneeze into at multiple points during this episode. That's true. It could be the chair. That's not how it works, but sure. I'll believe it. So what is the message?

So, no, deleted scene. Yes, let's We're back. Keep paddling. Delete. Dodge the fucking rapids. we can get there this is only the first is it I hope you guys like hour and a

half long episode deleted scene so there's a deleted scene where Superman makes reference to the fact that he can he has like

purposely dulled his own hearing because he can just hear all the cries to help in Metropolis at the same time which is why he doesn't hear

Mark Kent being kidnapped when she gets kidnapped okay but then that does, that completely contradicts the fact that he fucks off to terror, fucks off to stop terrorism. But he knows Lois Lane.

I guess he's sort of fine-tuned in that frequency. He's my girlfriend, but also your mum, mate. I know. Although your mum's like, actually, maybe he listened to his mum real well. And she was like, you don't know humanity a goddamn fucking thing. And he's like, right on, mom. Yeah, right on, mom.

You know what you are? You're a goddamn human. Fuck you, mate. You're fucked. You're fucked. Was Mark Kent just super spiteful? Like, what's she doing? Well, her husband stepped into a tornado on purpose.

Well, how much must you hate your wife to do that? I just imagine Mark Kent at, like, the casket, just being like, what the fuck? I like the idea that Mark Kent was just like, I want to get out of this marriage, but I got, like, a super baby and a nagging wife, and I'm all, I'm fucked. Woo!

Also, suicide by tornado is the best death. Like, just, I imagine, like, before grief hit him, it'd be like a month of shock. Where you were like, what? What? Why? Superman being like, mum, why? She's like, I don't know.

Is dad trying to teach me a lesson? Anyway, and that brings me to the end of the Man of Steel thing, where the moral message of that film is, no matter if you're gifted or if you're clever fuck that noise who cares be a cunt kind of i mean i don't know if it's that explicit do what you want no because do what you want it's a nice message mate just do what you want i think it's that you can't make an omulet... You can't make an omulet... Omulet.

You can't make an omulet without breaking a few eggs. That's what I always say. You can't create an omulet without breaking a few eggs. But no, I think that's the message of that movie. Oh, God god it's just we can do this

we have it in us it's 16 minutes in um can I do a thing again Adam shush anyway good good message Dusha well done yes what's yours, Jackson?

Fuck everyone else in this room. Jurassic Park. No! Shut up. You don't have a microphone. Jackson. Jurassic Park. The message of Jurassic Park is that you should stay together with your partner for the children,

no matter how terrible your marriage or relationship is. This is something, this is a theory I've been sitting on for a while. Zamek brought it up in, I think, Jurassic World movie maintenance that I think you did, because me and Zamek were discussing this in the car on the way home from Jurassic World. Okay, so I'll go backwards from Jurassic World and show my working followers back in the room. It started raining. When? I don't know, you got a tin roof? It's raining. Follow's back in the room soldiering on.

When? I don't know. You got a tin roof? It's raining. It's raining, everybody. Please, bloody, hold on to your hearts

for your three baby boys. Lost a drift. Because we're... Actually, this might be a good time to visit our iTunes store page and give us a review. So.

Follow just came up and hassled me for a bit. He doesn't know what's going on. He's like, what the fuck? Okay. So in Jurassic World, okay. Yes, I'm there. The children's parents, they telegraph it. The children's parents, right, are getting a divorce.

That's a plot point. Okay. Now, in the end, they don't get back together. Nothing's explicitly said, right? But Chris Pratt and stilettos jessica chatwin thank you zoe that is not her name jessica jones yes closer um it's howard howard chris pratt and howard it's bryce dallas how Howard. We got there. We did it. Okay. Good. So Chris Pratt and 1980s sitcom Dallas. Okay.

In that movie, they become like surrogate parents for the two kids. Yeah. We can agree there. Yep. Okay. And also Chris Pratt and 1980s sitcom Dallas. They are not like the kind of people that should be together. Right.

They are not like the kind of people that should be together, right? He's a fun-loving Chris Pratt, and she's an uptight 1986 on Dallas, right? Right. Okay, but because the message of the Jurassic Park movies is that you have to stay together for the children, that's what happens to those two. Like Chris Pratt becomes like this stereotypical, he goes out and he hunts and bloody 1986 on Dallas

stays back and protects the children. I think the most damning piece of evidence in that whole film is at the very end, Chris Pratt and 1986 on Dallas are walking... At the very, very end. At the very...

I think it's the last scene, right? You have all of the survivors of Jurassic World, right? And they're all leaning, like kneeling down, tending to the sick and they've made this kind of alley this kind of aisle which chris pratt and 986 on dallas walk down hand in hand and she's wearing white he's wearing dark colors it's basically like this bizarre mock wedding that happens at the end of jurassic world and they in beforehand she goes from like i'm never having kids to like her sister being like oh yeah that's a whole day she's like i'm not gonna have kids this is like do it she's like no it's not happening but in the end she's like maybe i should have kids maybe the bloody nuclear family three and a half children calm

down two and a half children is the way to go. Like, watch that last scene because it's fucked. They actually have a little wedding, and it goes back through all of the films. And more damaging to the whole idea of staying together with the kids is those parents of the two children, they come back and then they hug the kids and everything. That's a family unit that is staying together. And we as the audience are expected to want that family to remain a family.

Because we don't know anything about their divorce at all. We don't know if any of them is like, we don't know if one hits the other, if they're cheating, or literally anything. We just know that this is going to happen. Zoe is mocking the way I speak. She is, and I'm just doing my best to ignore it, Zammett. You had to bring it up.

Go on, Zammett. Anyway, I lost my train of thought. God is, and I'm just doing my best to ignore it, Zammett. You had to bring it up. Go on, Zammett. Anyway, I lost my train of thought. God damn it, Zoe! So, hang on. Where was I? Yes. Hang on. Okay, so we don't know about the family. We don't know anything about the family, and they just come together, they're hugging, and you're like, that's a family that's going to stay together no matter what.

So if you think of the two couples in that film, in Jurassic World, this is just Jurassic World, it's through all of the Jurassic Parks. So you have those kids' parents and Chris Pratt and 1986 from Dallas, right? And the parents we know nothing about. We know they're divorced. And in the end, we're like, oh, it's fucked up the children.

We want them as the audience to get back together. Chris Pratt and the girl, 1986 from Dallas, again, we are like, we want these people to get together even though they're not right for each other and they form a family unit again for some reason Jurassic Park 3 is actually about Sam Neill getting a family back together yeah that's the plot

of that film he fixes a marriage Jurassic Park 2 has uh what's his face fucking Jeff Goldblum thank you Zoe Jeff Goldblum who has a black daughter for some reason, and he is going back to Jurassic Park to get his girlfriend

that Richard Hammond has sent there. Richard Hammond? Which one's Richard Hammond? From Top Gear. He's the one that probably... Hit a guy? I'm going to say, he definitely hit a guy. He also seems like someone

that would be inappropriate in the workplace. But that's solely just a smear campaign started by me right now. Richard Hammond seems like the guy who would think pissing on you was a joke. Yeah, he does. Yeah, like he'd piss on you from like a roof and think it was like a real good gag. Yeah, like he got you good. Or he'd like put his balls on your computer. Yeah.

While you were typing on it. Yeah, yeah. Fuck you, Richard Hammond. I don't want your old man vinegar balls, Richard Hammond. Fucking die. good or he'd like put his balls on your computer and yeah while you were typing on it yeah yeah old man vinegar balls richard hammond fucking die um anyway he probably will someday yeah we'll outlive him fingers crossed yeah um so yeah in the second one jeff goldblum john hammond is like i've sent your girlfriend to the park and again though they're not a happy couple but by the end they come together to look after their young black daughter like it's it's bizarre and in the first one uh sam neill and his wife are having problems but over the course of jurassic park brings them together and he's like i want

kids yeah it goes from like i don't want kids so i want kids but what's weird about it is that it's not like oh one director decided this would be the message. It's the message of every Jurassic Park. Yeah, that is very strange. I just don't know why. They're different directors, presumably different writers. Is that like a staple? Is it like they tried to write a Jurassic Park and it didn't have that?

And people are like, no, it's not as good. You need to have a family get back together or I'm not watching your Jurassic Park. Well, it's like dinosaurs are unbelievable, but relationship problems are real. Exactly. Relationship problems can be fixed by going and fighting a dinosaur. Actually, that means the movies are really conservative.

Yeah, they are, and that's so strange. So what's the message? Apart from it, yes, being that... Stay together for the kids. So is it stay together for the kids? Yeah. Yeah, which is bad. Which is not...

Break up for the kids. It's better for them. Two Christmases. Double the Christmas, double the trouble. I don't know. That always seemed so strange to me that those films... I remember driving home with Zammett and being like, wait, this. Wait, this.

Why? It's puzzling, but I guess it is an odd message in fictional universe to be that way. To be like, no, no, no. No matter what happens, stay together for the kids. I guess the bit... It's just why I associate it with Jurassic Park. Nobody's like, man, the new Jurassic Park movie for the kids. I guess the bit, it's just why associated with Jurassic Park. Like nobody's like,

man, the new Jurassic Park movie is coming out. I wonder what couple gets together for the kids. You're like, I wonder who gets ate by a Diplodocus.

Well, what's... Answer, all of them. Answer, no one. Diplodocus was one of them big herbivores. Like a baby baby it could eat. Like who gets stomped by one though.

Imagine how shocking that would be. You know when the dinosaurs revolt in Jurassic Park? It's just like a lady walking along with a kid in her arms and the Diplodocus is just like oh? And they're like oh, the dinosaurs are rogue. That's my prediction for Jurassic World 2. You should not have made all the herbivores

start eating babies. I like the sound effect that made like He swoops down with his big long neck. Again, you'd be in shock for a bit and then grief would hit. You'd be like, wait, wait, wait, what? And then like, oh no, no child. Oh my god.

It's alright, you can make another one. So what's worse? I guess Superman, Man of Steel being like... Superman, Man of Steel is basically Nietzsche's idea that if you're real good, then you should be in charge. Oh, that's true. Yeah, it's that, and it's also like... The Ubermensch, the Supermensch.

Yeah, the Supermensch. So we've stayed together for the kids i'm gonna bring up gattaca okay the 1999 classic directed written by i don't know andrew nickel i was associated with gothica the movie with hallie berry that's so bad uh don't do that so gotta go for those who don't know what it is starring ethan hawke yep great uh emma thurman and it's all about in the future we can have designers designer so it's the holy trinity of babies right so it's like if you want a baby who's like fuck all these genetic diseases we can go in there and just muck around with the code and be like sick it's got a good baby yeah so this is what's gonna

happen but ethan hawke he's like it was a natural birth. He was like a natural occurring thing. Like Superman. Actually, very similar to Superman. They, maybe I'm just getting Gattaca and Man of Steel confused. Because Superman's conceived by sex, presumably. It's referred to like that. In Gattaca, Ethan Hawke's character is made by banging in the backseat of a car. But I associate that with Superman's origin. Yeah, it's spot on. Like banging in the backseat of a car, but I associate that with Superman's origin. Yeah, it's spot on.

Like banging in the back of whatever the Kryptonian equivalent of... No, but in my head. I don't know why. That's canon. Yeah, that's canon. I like that we've all chosen films that involve live birth. That's been a weird thing. Like Jurassic Park 1, they're like,

oh, they're giving birth. What? That's crazy. They're all females. That's not... Life will find a way. So... Boy did it.

So Gattaca... Ethan Hawke. I'm going to call him Gattaca. So Gattaca, he's born, and he's just like, oh, man, he's born with a hole in his heart. Vincent, there he is. Oh, boy.

Yeah. So he's got, like, a shitty heart disease, so he's just going to be a piece of shit. He's called it invalid. And then they're like, well, we fucked up with that one. So we're going to have another baby and we're going to make it sick. And so then this whole society is around about invalids and valids. And so it's all about like, well, you're clearly superior so that you can do these jobs.

And you're inferior so you can't do these jobs. But good old Gattaca is like, no, I want to be an astronaut because i want to go to saturn okay uh or jupiter or something whatever space space he wants to go to space and he's they're like well you can't because your heart thing but he's like not and just lies his way real just okay okay through the whole thing and eventually he does go to space and he's like haha fucked him good like my heart was meant to give away like fucking five years ago yeah but now i'm like it's beating like you wouldn't believe and i'm in space and the movie ends as he's like chuffing off to space but and so it's like whatever man don't do what you're predestined to do no matter people say you can't do something you can do something

that's a great message but when he goes into space yeah and he has a fucking heart attack, because chances are now he will. Yeah. Is my dad in the kitchen now? Sure is. That's the best. Keep paddling. We're almost there.

Keep paddling. We're nearly there. We can do this. Go on. You should not go to space if you have a bad heart. So he might die. You should have a hole in your heart. Don't they like if a baby's born with a hole in its heart?

Aren't they like, ooh, I'm sorry? No. Okay, there's no putting down of babies. They're not just like, try again, better luck next time. You can live with a hole in your heart. It needs surgery. But it's more worrying because he is suspectable to have had a heart attack by now.

It just hasn't happened. And all the stress of trying to be a valid that has put on his heart. Why did they choose something like hole in a heart and not like... It's not hole in a heart. I think it's more just a congenital heart disease thing. Okay. Right? Or whatever it is.

It might actually be a hole in his heart. It might be. Who knows? Fuck, I don't know. I haven't seen the movie since I was in year 11, which, for those playing at home, was 1987. Good one. Oh, yeah. Fuck.

So, if he does have a heart issue or whatever in the space, everyone's going to be confused, because they're like, you what? You're meant to be an amazing human being. You're meant to be a Jude Law, who's got this great heartbeat, and you're having a heart attack.

We're all confused. Now you're dead. And, well, who's got like this great heartbeat and you're having a heart attack we're all confused now you're dead and well we needed you for this space mission and you kind of fucked us. I know the message there like look follow your dreams that's good but follow your dreams like practically. Like be realistic mate. You know like if you're a surfer or you want to be a surfer but you have no

legs. No be a surfer it is happening people do surf without legs. What? Yeah. How do they stand up on the board? There's a guy who was like, I wasn't born with arms, but I'm going to be an archer, and he became a fucking good one.

With his feet? Yeah. Fuck you, you piece of shit. Do surfers with no legs stand on their arms? I'm guessing they stand on their stumps. I don't know. Maybe. Surgeon with no hands.

That's a better metaphor. Yeah. Doctor Strange? What? He's a surgeon with no hands. He has hands, metaphor. Doctor Strange? What? He's a surgeon with no hands. He has hands, but they don't work good. That's true. Because he gets drunk and crashes his car like an idiot.

You can follow your dreams, but you being a surfer with no legs is fine because that's not going to impact... You can get by and you're not going to die. It's not going to impact anyone. You being an astronaut... But if you're surfing with no legs, good job anyone. You being an astronaut... Like, good job. But you being an astronaut with a very serious problem,

and if you go down, you're jeopardizing your co-pilots and the whole space mission. It actually doesn't just affect you, it affects everyone. And so it's a very selfish, selfish film. Gattaca was putting other people in danger by doing that. Yeah. And not only that, the medical doctor that was testing Gattaca all those years at the company knew he was an invalid

and lying about and just did shit all. That's treason. Was he? Well, no, it isn't. But was he just lazy or like an idiot? Nah, because his son was an invalid. His son had a problem with some bullshit. Even the, like, hey, if you can make a baby not have a hole in its heart...

Also, a man... Right? A man fucking... What's the word? Cremates himself while he's still alive. That's hectic. Why? What is this film?

Because he's like, I don't have my legs anymore. I'm paralyzed, so whatever. And he's like, oh, no, because his goal in life is to get Vincent, which is his name, Vincent Freeman, light on the fucking bloody metaphor there, mate. No, I don't know. Have you ever seen his other film, Truman? He's a Truman show.

Did you know? He's a Truman. Would it be funny to call it the Freeman show? Andy Nichols. Because he's not. Also, because I studied Gattaca, every fucking staircase in that movie is a spiral staircase and looks like a DNA thing.

Every single one. Did you know that when Jude Law goes into the furnace, because the whole big thing is because he was like, meant to be the Ubermensch, right? So he was meant to get silver as a swimmer. No, he was meant to get gold. But he got silver. And he's like, what?

Got real drunk And then he got in a car accident That's why he's a cripple Anyway Vincent also has bad eyes, remember? He does He puts around his neck the gold and silver medal And he's like, man, I'm just going to burn myself

Hops in the furnace and burns himself And the flames from the fire Make his silver medal gold Because dying means you'll always be number one. What? What a message. If you get silver, kill yourself. That is the message.

What is he saying? Hey, he got gold because he died. Basically, this film is saying if you are in an accident and you become paralyzed, top yourself. If you get silver, top yourself. If you get silver, top yourself. If you're not good enough for a job, lie your way. And then top yourself by doing it. And if it jeopardizes anyone else, don't worry about it. Fuck them.

You got there. You got there in the end. You did it. You're the real hero. You are number one champion of the world fucking chuffing off into space. That's ridiculous. First man to ever have a heart attack in space. Vincent Freeman.

Yeah. Also, just while we're talking about names in Gattaca, Jude Law's character is Jerome, but when he swaps, because he sells his DNA to Vincent so that Vincent can be like, I'm a valid, here's all my perfect shit. Like pissing in a jar for a friend.

So then Vincent becomes Jerome, obviously. And Jerome's like, I'll go by my middle name, Eugene, which is eugenics. It's a film anti-eugenics. Yeah. What's wrong with making a baby good? And then it's like heavy handed to be like,

if we had this stuff, we wouldn't have gotten an Albert Einstein or a this or a that because we would have bred it out of them. And my point would be like, no, we're just getting rid of the bad things. Couldn't you at this point breed it into them? Yes.

Just go to the brain knob and be like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Up to 100. I'll take a big one. Also, there's a guy in there who was genetically modified in birth to have, I think, like 11 or 12 fingers. Oh, yeah, the pianist. The pianist.

So that means from birth, he was a fucking pianist, right? Yeah. He has 10 fingers on one hand. So he's got 11 fingers on one hand? Ten on one hand, according to Adam, who has spoken many times during the episode, but now has decided to be like, no, no, no, I'll just mouth it.

Eleven? Eleven on each hand? No, wait. He's got... Yeah, because he's got six on each hand. It's twelve. Shut up, Adam. Go back to watching YouTube.

it's 12 shut up Adam go back to watching YouTube yeah it is a piece you have to have anyway whatever so the guy's got

12 fingers and so from a very young age he's been like you are going to be a goddamn piano player no matter what because I got you

those fingers so you're just a song old little kid with 12 fingers man yeah which is also another kind of I guess

it's bad because you're predestined to do something fair. Don't do that. But like if Freeman didn't have a hole in his heart

Vincent, yes. He'd have gotten to space real quick. Yeah. So like it's not good that he had a hole in his heart.

No, but he wouldn't have because it was his determination because he's an invalid to then push himself to the limit and almost die every day. That's foolish. Because there's another scene with his brother,

who is the cop, hunting him. And it's weird. When they're swimming, Vincent is like, whenever we raced, they talk about his race, we raced out to a buoy in the ocean. He'd be like, I'd always swim there and I'd always beat you even though I'm an invalid. But the reason why I would always beat you

is because I would save nothing for the trip back. Okay. And so every time he's swimming, he's always going further. Every time his brother's swimming, he's swimming in a treadmill but for water. So he's always staying in the same place. So basically he's like, I'll die in space because space is worth it. Yeah, basically like, I'm not going to think about anything.

I'm not going to think about the consequences. I'm just going to fucking do something. Think about the consequences, you piece of shit. Gattaca's message is, it doesn't matter what you do. Just try your best. Everyone dies. That's all right, though, is dies that's alright though that's pretty good realistic

if you come second, that's alright because you'll come first in death if you've got a hole in your heart, try real hard you'll either die trying, that's alright because you'll die a trying hero a battler or you'll make your goal and you'll die a hero that's pretty good that's a good message so who's the worst? a battler or you'll make your goal and you'll die a hero yeah

that's pretty good that's a good message so who's the worst? kinda you what about Greece? which one? change places no Adam sit down

so I guess the message with Grease is like change everything about yourself to win over a man and then fly away in a car yeah because I was gonna say like well no cause Danny DeVito no no no Danny DeVito

you mean Danny played by John Travolta John Travolta I John Travolta. I was like, he changes himself for her. No, he doesn't. Yeah, he does. He gets on like a sweater and shit. And he's like, no, I'm doing it for her. Hey, it's me, John Travolta.

And then if that doesn't work, then he races a car. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Then she comes along and she's changed for him. And he's like, oh, sick. Never mind my change. That is bullshit. You've changed good. That movie would be great if he was like, oh, but now I'm real sweet.

And she was like, well, I'm kind of punk now. And they're just like, well, never mind. He became a pink lady, she became a T-Bird. Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. Do T-Birds have a Thunderbirds? Yep. That's all right.

The Native American Great Eagle. Or, yeah, the Puppets. Yeah, the message of that film is not Good Not It's just bad Like it's not even like You can really kind of like look

Also because it's aimed at What I would imagine would be High schoolers Because like the characters Are in high school So it's like Hey you're like this boy And he thinks you're a bit shit

Change every aspect of yourself And like the fucked up thing Actually though Change everything about you Except for your looks Because those are good It's actually. And like the fucked up thing. Actually, though. Change everything about you except for your looks. Cause those are good. It's actually, it's even more fucked up because he doesn't care.

So like he doesn't want her to change. Cause the girl he fell in love with on a beach, saw my love and had me a blast. Was like, did she put up a fight? Yeah. That's a weird question. Did she put up a fight?

He should have been like, what? Uh huh. Uh huh. Huh? Uh what? Nothing. You know, weird question the moment he's like did she put up a fight he should have been like what what he's like uh huh uh huh huh a what a what nothing

you know did she put up a fight hey like was it why is okay Grease Delight this is just complete sidetrack also fun fact

Grease was critically panned when it came out I don't know how it became a classic weird because there was another musical that came out in the same year

and everyone was like that's sick Grease is trash and now I can't even remember the name of the other one. Grease 2. Hot Tippies.

Yes. Grease 2, colon, Hot Tippies. Grease 2 is the best because it's exactly the same storyline as Grease 1, but with motorbikes instead of a car. That is good. Even still set in the 50s? Yep. Weird.

Go on. Greased Lightning. That's the most famous song in that movie except for maybe Summer Lovin', but probably still. Yeah. There's a lyric it's a real pussy wagon in it. That's good. And also what's the point? What are they making up the car

for? For the race. Yeah, but is the race happening at that point already? I'm assuming that they're greasers so the race is always going to be happening in the near future. That's weird. mean that's i mean what does he mean when he says this car could be hydromatic does he mean this car could be powered by water yes because like dynamic whilst i don't think being a word at least underpowered by dynamite powered by dynamite hydromatic he's like actually fuck that Because it could be greased lightning

Also, I like the song Greased lightning, they should have called the movie greased They should This episode is quickly becoming a Grease what? We want to avoid a grease what? But yeah, the message of greased lightning It's fucked up because

He doesn't fall in love with Sandy The fucking greaser girl't fall in love with Sandy, the fucking greaser girl. He falls in love with Sandy, the humble Australian Christian lady. Yeah. And so when she changes, is he like, oh, I was ready to change for you, but I guess you changed for me and I still got to keep up appearances. So this is good. You're like 20 years into their relationship, you know,

flying in a car around the world he's she's gonna be like this isn't really mean he's gonna be like for 20 years i thought this is what you wanted that's sad greece is sad guys roz thinks she gets pregnant but she doesn't that's good well yeah i guess he's excited for the baby though and being a teenager in the 50s was hard i guess it does sound kind of rough i guess is grease the worst message well okay because we've got look we've got let's count the messages we've got grease being change women change yourself for your man And make a good car because you are supreme. The chicks will cream for grease lightening.

So chicks love to cream for... That's it. It's not quite the message of the film, but it's a message. We've got stay together for the kids. For the children. We've got just lie and be very selfish in Gattaca. No, no, no. Die. Just die. It doesn't matter what you do

because you're going to die. Now I'm turning around. Gattaca, what a good film. I know, I'm great. And Man of Steel is no matter if you... Don't help. Do whatever you want, regardless of if it's... If you can help, don't. Or do. We don't care. The world doesn't care what you do.

Man, they're all kind of... Man of Steel and Gattaca are very nihilistic of like, fuck, who gives a shit? The world doesn't care what you do Man they're all kind of Grease Man of Steel and Gattaca are very nihilistic Of like fuck who gives a shit But it's not a positive who gives a shit It's not like hey I'm giving it to either Grease or Jurassic World Then you have to go with Grease

Because Jurassic World is just like a really conservative message Staying together for the kids is bad advice It is But like change yourself For the man you love in like a drastic way and sing a song about it. That's a pretty terrible message. Yeah.

I'm going to say that because Jurassic, the only reason I'm going to give it to Greece is the Jurassic Park message is somewhat hidden. Yeah. It's a secret message. We have to dig deep for that. The other one is just a plot of the film. This is the actual point of the film.

That's the resolution and then they sing the wing wang walla walla bing bang song oi oi oi no ding ding

walla walla bing bang oi oi oi ding ding walla walla bing bang classic is that from Greece

I always associate that with chitty chitty bang bang because that's what I'm associating it with not right chitty chitty bang bang is chitty chitty

also I associate it with the chipmunks movie wait the like boobity bop bada bish boobity wambadoo yeah Right. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is... Also, I associate it with the Chipmunks movie. Wait. The, like, boobity bop bop shoo bitty womba doo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like, boobity boobity bop shoo bitty womba doo. Yeah, like, boobity bop bop shoo bitty womba doo.

I just remember the dancing on that. The dancing on the thing that looked fun. I remember in... Yeah, they are dancing on the thing that looked fun. I remember in that where the principal at the school dance he's like don't fuck on the dance floor have a good night

that's a good message but that is a good message in fact they're all alright they all have good messages nothing is a worse message it's all great Ferris Bueller's Day Off late contender

for worst message fuck your dad and mum yeah steal steal from your dad and mum wag school fuck your friend over who gives a shit about Cameron who gives a shit about anyone just have a sick one Fuck your dad and mum Steal from your dad and mum Wag school Fuck your friend over

Who gives a shit about Cameron Who gives a shit about anyone Just have a sick one Everyone can go fuck themselves It's the same message of Man of Steel And Conagattica Oh my god everything's the same And on that note

And on that note I've been Jackson Bailey I've been Joel Dusha I've been Joel Zamet And I've been Zoe Malotta And that's been Adam and that's been Follow what are you doing bud?

hey bud what's going on? he pissed on the floor before that was alright he did I had to clean it up and put some vinegar down oh it was bad If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com.