Plumbing the Death Star - Which Fictional Universe Would Kill YOU the Quickest?

Episode Date: October 4, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most cowardly podcast network. Hey everyone and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, which fictional universe would kill you the quickest? Okay, so I'm going to pick... We're going to another universe. Yeah, okay, you're giving us some... We're gonna fucking die. Here I am jumping in.

I'm ready. I'm at the race beginning. You're at that portal. You've put your toe in it's nearly been sliced off and then jd's grabbing white hold on do you know what we're doing here and i'm like yeah i'm going in there to die dude i'm like yeah but do the audience know what's about to happen are they about to see a portal a man step in and then no man come back and they'll be like is that what was meant to? I know the only way to break the witch's curse

is to die in another dimension, dude. This ain't news to me. Quit your yamming. I'm going in. I shove Jack. You're like, did he say yamming? What did he mean? Quit your yamming?

So Plumbing the Dust, I guess, got cursed by a witch and to break the witch's curse you've got to go into a fictional universe and die as quick as possible but I guess the rules are you can't just go into a universe and then just

I don't know kill yourself that's cheating nor can you I guess aggravate people you can't set the portal up real high so you've gotten

by fall damage I pick this universe and I get in and you're like where is he and then I slam him in the ground next to you. Oh, clever. But I don't think that's gonna work.

He's just dead. Anyway. Anyway. This plumbing is the most unnecessary setup of any plumbing we've ever done. And I love that. I'm gonna go to the DC universe because I don't think any superhero would

save me. Comics or movie? Comics. They might save me once, but they won't save me twice. And I will need saving at least twice. You know that classic Superman? It's like somebody's on the top of a skyscraper and Superman talks them down. That, but I'm not about to commit suicide. I'm just lost.

And Superman is like, maybe you should jump, Jackson, after a conversation with me. But I'm here on this sidewalk. What do you mean? Let me just fly. Hang on. I'll pick you up. Superman, I'm confused.

The buses are really low down on that road when I'm just on the regular sidewalk. How did you get on this roof? Upstairs? But you don't think you're on the top of a building not us superman i sure don't can't trick me okay can't trick me mr superman i know what you're trying to do the superman's like okay then walk into traffic and then i just fall off but look that situation aside i just think if i'm ever maybe

i'll be saved once but i'll never be saved twice and maybe i'll open it up to movies as well why not look i mean that's fair i mean the problem is though if uh i mean yeah you're probably not going to get saved more than once and you also have a high risk of collateral damage but that's only if you're living in america oh that's true We probably got Boomerang He'll probably get me You got that Batman that went insane a bit or whatever That's true Well, maybe I have to move to the States for this to work then

Oh, wait, hang on No, no Boomerang robbed every bank in Australia Australia might be fucked We are experiencing a severe economic struggle because boomerang robbed every bank every single bank every single bank so many banks withdraw money from the commonwealth bank and i'm like have you got any of my money and they're like boomerang stole it all i'm like should i go to another bank they're like you know you're not hearing me motherfucker

stole all the money in every single goddamn bank. So then I have to go to the States. I like the idea of an immigration. They're like, why are you here? And I'm like, so Superman can kill me? Because he won't get a chance. Yeah. I also like the immigration.

I was like, are you there? And you're like, I need to withdraw some money. And they're like, what do you mean? And I was like, yeah, all our money in Australia, some guy stole it. Yeah. Some guys took it, man. Immigration is working for you. And they're like, what do you mean? And I was like, yeah, all that money in Australia, some guy stole it. Some guys took it, man. It was working for you. Your taxpaying money is paying for the cunt that stole my money.

That's a good thing because I imagine going to an American bank and I'm like, I'd like to withdraw some money. And they're like, do you have an account here? And I'm like, what? Huh? No, I don't have any money in Australia but there's money here what are you saying sir you're just poor now so Jackson you

did say at the start of this episode that it was a very convoluted introduction and an overly unnecessary explanation but you've missed one of the massively key parts of the question. The fastest! You've fucking waited around in Australia,

you've tried to withdraw money, you've then scraped together enough money to get a flight to America, you've then gone through customs, you're then in America and now you've gone to a bank. Yeah. The length of time. What happens at banks?

Crime. And who stops crime? Superheroes. And that's your one thing that they say to you. So again, this has almost probably been like two weeks. At least. Yeah.

I'm at the bank. Somebody tries to rob the bank the penguin i get shot in the gut with a penguin gun i guess there's a penguin in my guts is that just a regular gun penguin good oh fucking hell that's such a blunt animal. Jesus. Just the barrel of that gun is so fat. Bet the bullets are huge. Oh! You shot me in the belly with a penguin? Whoa, Batman, get this penguin out of my guts. It's the size of my guts

it's opening it's beak and it's hurting it's still alive in there Batman's like well uh it's actually dangerous to remove an object that stabbed you it could cause you to bleed it's flapping Batman come on

it's a fucking penguin this has got to be having it in me he's got to be worse than having it out me. Batman, pop it from my gut hole. I'll do it. Whatever. And then I like to imagine that to get it out, for some reason I don't try and pull it out with my hands. I like try and scrape it off

the wall. It's not working. It just hurts more. I'm just pushing it in further. Maybe I'll just push it out the back. Yeah. It's making it madder and wriggle more. So Jackson eventually dies by being snapped in half by a penguin. Well, I was imagining as I try and scrape it off,

Batman's like, Christ, and then he shoots me with a tranq gun, takes me to his lab, fixes me up, and then like two days later, I'm there again. And he's like, I'm not saving you this time. That's the exact same thing. Once again, you're not doing it fast. Secondly, unfortunately, you've chosen a superhero or a hero who has a very strong, at least

maybe not in practice, but in theory, ethical way of not killing people or making people not. So are you saying that I couldn't be annoying enough for Batman to let me die? I just don't think so, no. I think I'm that powerful. No, I just think his lip service to the fact that Batman doesn't kill people is that he will save you. Okay, imagine this.

Penguin shoots you with a swordfish gun. Hey, I'm not going to kill you, but it doesn't mean I can't save you or whatever. Yeah, but I still think you're not causing Batman that much like, you're not being as annoying as, say, Jason Todd. Yeah, but hear me out. I've been shot in the neck with a swordfish gun through my neck. I'm like, oh, Batman's like, I've got to take him back to the Batcave. He chucks me in the back of his Batbike.

While I have my arms around his waist, I start opening his utility belt and just getting stuff out. Smoke bombs are going off. Flash bangs are going off. Batman crashes his bike. He's like, why did you do that? I'm like, I don't know, except I just say, whoa. Once again, Batman, like, while you might piss him off and annoy him he he's just gonna knock you out he's gonna have like a bat dart you're gonna be trained wake up and you're like where'd my neck

fish go i just have a big neck hole where the fish went bring it back. I miss it. I've grown accustomed to it, Batman. I feel it's just you are going to be saved over and over again. I'm just like, in our world, we have collectively between me and Dusha, no way, you almost keep on going, I have saved you from getting run over by a car on multiple occasions, and you're fairly annoying to me. That is true. I do try and stop you from getting hit by...

JD, on the other hand, opposite way. I did get you hit by a car and you didn't die. That's true. That's true. I survived that. Much to, I assume, your chagrin. You weren't happy about it. The moment I turned around and I was like,

I thought we were both crossing the road in your head. You were like, fuck, because you thought I'd die. I survived. I glared at the old man that was driving his car that hit you out of spite, and I was like, why did you slow down? Arguably, both Clark Kent

and Bruce Wayne have a much better and stronger moral compass than me and JD. Especially me. Especially. So I just feel much to your, I guess, willfulness to put yourself in the way of as many bird and fish guns as possible.

Yeah, absolutely. You are going to be saved, and you might not die. What about would eventually, maybe if Batman wouldn't kill me. Stop saying eventually. That's the second part of the question you're ignoring. It's been about three weeks at this point. So would eventually Batman offload me on another superhero who may kill me? Do we think?

No, I think you're also thinking that Batman will recognize you, but he probably won't care. It's me, Jackson. Remember? No. Dude, I took the shark repellent out your belt pockets. Yeah, do you know how many people I save on a day-to-day basis? How many people like to rifle through?

Yeah, I know. Yeah. Okay. There's a lot of you. You're all idiots. How much of that shark repellent is too much to eat? Do you know? Here you go.

He might just huck you with some shark repellent. Go nuts, boyo. This is my afternoon taken care of. Go down to the beach, drink that shark repellent. Safe. Yeah. But then if you drown drown the witch's curse isn't broken, didn't count

yeah unless you accidentally drown, in which case I guess that's fine we're going back to the witch and the witch is going to be like, let's see how Jackson is faring, oh he's still alive it's been three years

he's in the water sucking down shark repellent did he forget why he went there i think he did i love the taste it tastes like no sharks and that's delicious so i i just feel i'm so sorry but we remain cursed so damn i'm sorry boys that is happening i going to quickly jump through that portal and land myself into the wonderful world of water, Waterworld. Oh, wet. Very wet. So easy to drown. I've never ridden a skidoo, a jet ski. I don't know, and I'm not that confident in thinking I would be able to do it.

Not a strong or comfortable swimmer myself. Okay. And I reckon I could definitely easily piss off Dennis Hopper. It's good to imagine that your plan to die is just like a skidoo accident, like a thing that could happen here in real life. That's right. I have ridden a jet ski, and I've got some bad news. It's not that hard.

So as someone who is a very capable driver, I don't think that will cause you any issues. What I think may happen, and especially, I mean, if you're not a particularly confident swimmer, I'd recommend a life jacket, but you are trying to die.

I don't know if life jackets exist in Waterworld. Yeah. They'd be worth their weight in gold, you know? Yeah. Also, I'm not hugely comfortable with drinking my own piss, so I might die of dehydration and exposure. Yeah. Also, them big sea monsters might get me.

Okay. Plus, if I ever meet Kevin Costner's character, I might try and finger his gills just to see what that might feel like, and I feel he might kill me. Yeah, you're certainly getting the shit beat out of you. That's a guarantee. And then drowned in that weird yellow liquid. Piss.

They've got a word for that. No, it's thick, though. Thick piss. Like you're dehydrated and you piss thick It always looked like custard when I watched it Anyway, yes So I think your best bet here is dehydration And exposure to the elements

However, like Jackson That isn't just like an instant thing You can't just be like, oh man, I'm thirsty If I don't drink my piss today, I'm gonna die Yeah, that's true Three days Yeah, three days, no water, and you're dead. So that's still...

That's like, okay, bare minimum, though, is the three days, right? Yeah. At least in three days, I am definitely dead from dehydration because I'm going to try and, like, try my darndest to try and find water or at least one of those, like, flotating cities, and I'm going to be like, hey, I would like some water, and then they're going to be like, well, you have to pay, and I'm like, I have no money.

I left my wallet on earth. Sorry. I can't pay with a jar of dirt. I know that it seems to be currency for some reason, but I don't have a jar of dirt with me, so help. And they won't because they might want to drink my blood. Yeah, it's good to imagine all of us before we jump in our portals dropping our wallets and keys in the middle meet back here

in an hour wallet keys oh no yeah and also again uh yes while i am relying on a skidoo accident yeah i might just be plopped into water world in water yeah i don't know if i can water for that long i give myself a good 30 minutes yeah yeah that's pretty that's more than i could do sometimes i like to play a game at the pool where i'm like how long till i drown and i just go out in the middle of the deep water and kick and i got less than that, man. So the trick is, Jackson, just float. Don't kick. Yeah. Because, like, why? Yeah, that's an option.

Yeah. I don't know. I want to see. Me and Jack are both drowning because we're dumb. Because we're not floating. Oh, I'm too tired for my legs kicking this whole time. I should just die. Or I could, like, I guess lie on my back and float.

If I'm kicking my legs and I'm not floating, hopefully that is attracting a sea monster of sorts. Does it count though within the hypothetical if it's a thing that you could die from in the real world? So Zammett could just drown

now in our oceans. That's possible. The fact that it's water world doesn't change much. Zammett could just stop drinking water now And refuse to drink his own piss Yeah, and refuse to drink his own piss It doesn't change much I don't know if by virtue of it being Waterworld, you've died

Okay, however Because it is Waterworld There is more chance of me being in water As opposed to just now Whereas now, I could just go to the beach And not hop into the water. Whereas water world, I don't have that luxury. I have to be in water or a boat.

There is a lot of water in water world. That's true. So I don't have access to a boat. So I feel that's also going to be a bit of a problem. And in terms of dehydration, yes, I could refuse to drink my own piss today. I am. Every day so far, baby. Because I have access to drinkable water.

If I'm in Waterworld, I might not. Are you really refusing to drink your own piss? I wouldn't say I refuse to drink my own piss. I just don't. No one's giving me the option. If someone says, Jackson, drink your own piss, then I could refuse it. But otherwise, I'm just not drinking my own piss. You've approached this the wrong way.

That can't be true. You're arguing that you're not refusing to drink piss because people haven't asked you, and therefore implying that I guess you would. Nothing to refuse. Yeah. So wouldn't the thing be less that he's refusing to drink piss and more that like he just couldn't drink piss like he can drink piss

at any time well yeah but that's the risk of drinking piss as the rhyme goes down like if you're spewing up your piss then it's not gonna keep you very hydrated you just be spewy and pissy yeah i don't see what you're arguing well i think it was more than my argument i think i think i then just got lost there what i was trying to say is jackson sounds like you want to drink your own piss and you're sad that that hasn't come up but it doesn't want to drink his own piss okay i guess the other difference is that i okay even if i'm not refusing to drink my own piss now clearly if somebody asked me it's not a sure thing whereas Zammett's sort of like in a

pre-refusing to drink his own piss state but he knows what the answer would be if it came up that's fair, I'm glad we clarified but then also does that count as suicide I guess if you have the option to drink your own piss to stay alive drowning's the way to go Zammett

for you I I think. Do I have access? I mean, again, it depends where the portal has opened up and I've slopped out into Waterworld. Where have I slopped out into? Am I on one of those flotillas? Am I on Kevin Costa's boat? Am I on that big oil tanker?

Really, it depends where I've slopped out. I slopped out in Australia. Yeah. So depends where I slopped out on. I slopped out in Australia. Yeah. So you must have slopped out in Australia as well, right where you are, in Waterworld, which means you definitely drowned very quickly. And if we sort of go by the idea that, like, there are a lot of monsters in Waterworld,

and I guess they were sort of, like, evolved that way, grew that sort of large. And I think Kevin Costner scoops up sediment or dirt from what is an American city. Now, Australia is already surrounded by big animals that will hurt us. Crocodiles and sharks to come to mind. So I fear that I don't know what kind of big creatures uh surround new york i can't imagine that they have many big sharks so i just feel that i will be eaten by a very very very big shark so pretty much the portal opens up for you you jump in and we can see as the portal closes.

Yeah, there's a shark's mouth. And as I jump in, I'm like, oh, Zammett's going to win. And as you jump into yours, Dusha, you're like, it's not a competition. We all just need to die. Zammett beat us. That's why you didn't take, like, you took your time. You go into the DC one. You're like, it doesn't even matter because I didn't die instantly.

Yeah. Worst case, best case, I'm silver second silver who cares i'm going to a bank to withdraw all my money i'm gonna live the high life what do you mean all my money's gone that's it i'm going to america to chase this up with the bigger banks yell at the penguin or something. Sir, what? But I'm out of there. It's out of diet largely instantly. Yeah, so I think

Australia would definitely be underwater at that point. I'm trying to remember the opening scene where the polar ice caps are melting and I'm pretty sure Australia got dunked hard. If the only piece of dry land is the top of the Himalayas and Mount Everest, we are lower than that.

So, yeah, you will at least drown, I'm going to say 30 minutes. Let's call it 30 minutes for Zamit, three years for me. All right, JD, so you can come either with, you've got the target here of getting gold. Silver, you've got a lot. You've got a big gap here for silver. Absolutely. And now a quick word from our sponsor. Also, if you want to keep up to date with everything we do,

why not join our newsletter? Just check the show notes or head to our website, sanspantsradio.com, and sign up today. So I'm going straight to the Star Wars universe. Okay. Doesn't matter where, doesn't matter when. You can put me in space and die immediately, but that's easy, obviously.

Yeah. So if I start where Australia is, probably just floating in space. Yeah, that's a shame. Yeah, again, instantly dead. Maybe we'll have to alter the rules for you slightly what's like a Tatooine you slop out into Tatooine

you slop out into Tatooine a planet where everyone a hive of scum and villainy if you will that's what they call it how quickly do you reckon a stormtrooper is going to shoot me immediately I walk into Moz Isley first thing they're like weird way to be like. I walk into Mos Eisley. Yeah.

Okay. First thing they're like, weird way to say it was Mos Eisley. Is this Mos Eisley? Do you mean Mos Eisley? Mos Eisley. Mos Eisley. Mos Easley. Is this Tantoween?

I love. Don't you love it how when you're walking around a town, you just bellow, is this the town I'm in? Is this Melbourne? Is this, is this the town I'm in? Is this Melbourne? Is this, is this am I where I am? Help! Tatooine's the planet, not the city. Is this Earth?

That's better. Come on, Earth! Yes, you are, sir. So, I go into Mos Eisley and Stormtroopers are like, have you seen the droids? And like, what if I just say yes? Well, then you'll be interrogated and taken away.

Yeah, and guess who will not- And tortured, maybe. You're not going to get got. Yeah, they won't kill you. You're not dying. I would say I have the information, and then they can torture me, and I'll just die. Yeah, well-

That's not... What? Hey, do you know where the droids are? Is this the scenario you're imagining? The stormtrooper. Jal Dushy, do you know where the droids are? You, Jal Dushy. Yes, I do.

The stormtrooper pulls out his blaster and shoots you in the head. Well, I don't want to know where the droids are. So I hope you die. He's not going to say that. He's going to be like, get in the fucking bike. We're going to Stormtrooper HQ. Long interrogation. This con says he knows where the fucking droids are.

Keep him alive so he can lead us to the droids. I guess you die when they're like, where are the droids? And you're like, no, I don't know. They're like, you wasted our time. Then maybe they blast you in the head. Or they might be like, well, what do you know? Yeah, exactly. Not a lot. Then they might blast you in the head.

Why'd you answer yes then? I don't know. See? See, I'm in a universe where you can be too annoying to live. Yeah, well, you've picked the villain. I, for some reason, didn't pick any villains in mine. I picked the good guy. You probably should have got caught by maybe the Joker or something. Yeah, look, I've had many missteps, but Joel Dusha...

But also, like, when do we see the stormtroopers just absolutely, like, kill a prisoner of war? Well, even then, like, I mean, they fired the rebel ship, so even if I... Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that, but, like, when have a stormtrooper captured someone and shot them in the head? I don't know if I've ever seen a stormtrooper that aggressive yeah stormtroopers or yeah yeah at the start episode four they kill yeah they kill aunt and uncle brew or whatever yeah yeah so you're placing yourself at the same

level of value so killing aunt and uncle brew why did they kill Aunt and Uncle Beru? Yeah, because they had information that they wouldn't share. They were calling them Aunt and Uncle Beru. Aunt and Uncle Beru died because they had information that they wouldn't give up. The same thing that I will claim to do. This is where my strategy came from. Well, that's because they're like,

we know that Luke piece of shit is your adopted son or whatever. They know. You're just some fucking guy. But I'm dressed. I know where some droids are. But they're like, what droids? And you're like, I don't know. They're like, oh, he doesn't have any information.

Don't even bother with him. Throw him out. Put him back in Mazisley. Yeah. Because they're asking everyone, like, do you know anything about these droids? And they show, like, a hologram, and you're like, yeah. You think every guy that says yes dies?

In all of Mazisely? Well, I mean, I know who the droids are, because it's R2-D2 and C-3PO. So what if I'm like, oh, yeah, that's R2-D2 and C-3PO, and they're like, give us more information. Oh, yeah, well, what else do you know? And I'm like, you'll have to kill me. They're like, what? What are you saying? you'll have to kill me. They're like, what?

What are you saying? You'll have to kill me to get the information. What? I'd rather die than tell you. You'd rather die than tell us, well, we're not going to kill you, we're just going to torture you. And if they find out

that you somehow, through meta-knowledge Of having seen the films They're just going to Torture you for information Well what if Guess who's alive and being tortured You, you idiot You might last longer than three years

You might come out bronze here No chance Because even if the storms were planned There's so many things on Tatooine that would just kill me, even if I'm not trying to die. Yeah. Okay, so okay, using my- Okay, you've gone into Mos Eislam, and you're like, hey, yeah,

I know some droids. They've tortured you for a bit. They've realized you know nothing. You're like, hang on, I want a do-over. Can you just put me back to that- They're dumping you back into Mos Eislam. I'm sorry. I know nothing. They're like, alright, you know know nothing this is a bit of a bum alright so we'll make that an hour

an hour and a half I'm now second you're silver you got silver that's okay an hour and a half of the stormtroopers being like this idiot just wasted our time do we want to kill this guy like Aunt and Uncle Peru and it's like what are you talking about no it's just some shit it's just throw him out put it back in his

eyes lee it doesn't matter he wasted our time but i'm still getting paid in space credits for this yeah okay it's just a bad lead of what a fucking get out of our go shoot good they've shooed you off because my brain for a second i was like no look i know luke skywalker and then they just turn around to torture me some more because i have no real information oh you knew no luke i'll get back in here then okay okay i realized before i said it i realized before i said that that's not a good plan because i can just walk into that bar and hassle obi-wan who cut off a guy's arm with a lightsaber. Something that he survived that I would not. Well, you would survive because it's a lightsaber.

It cauterizes the wound, you big fucking idiot. Hey, Obi-Wan, fuck you. Piss you. Oh my God. Why are they dead? Because it's a lightsaber. Well, it's a lightsaber. Fucking hell.

I've got gotta sit down. It's great to imagine you then, like, trying to get in the way of Han shooting Greedo, but he just hits you in, like, the side of your stomach. Oh! He just, like, shoots your cut-off arm. Oh! I was gonna reattach that.

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! You it. Damn it. You're struggling to die, dude. Come on. Not much kills you in style. It wounds you, sure. Yeah, you're in pain. You're in a lot of pain, but you're alive.

Because then there's also Jabba the Hutt. There's a Sarlacc pit. There's a Rancor. Yeah, you're right. Jabba the Hutt, who loves putting people who've wronged him in carbonite as art that's alive but that can probably live for 20 000 years that's putting too much self-importance on me though zamit because job of the heart kills like han is constantly threatened with death from java and he only puts him in carbonite because han is like the man who wronged him the most it's kind of like that's true we're not him in carbonite because Han is like the man who wronged him the most. It's kind of like a trophy. That's true.

We're not wasting good carbonite and gel to show. Like Boba Fett gets told off for disintegrations. He's like Han. He's not even mint condition. Fuck. So you're going to go into the Sarlacc pit? I don't even think you're worth putting in the Sarlacc pit. Rancored.

You're getting rancored, dude. Even that. I don't want to open up my trap door for you. Well, rancor is better because. What do you do in a slight Jabba? Yeah. Great question. You make your way through the desert sands to Jabba's palace,

dehydrated, tired. You walk in, no plan. Jabba's like, what can I do for you? What the fuck are you saying, Jabba the Hutt? I don't speak Hutt. Huttese? The last sentence is always English. You might be, I guess, kidnapped by Jabba's goons.

Well, his goons have a big axe. Surely they just hit me with it. I think Dusha is just bashed by the guards. You might get bashed and maybe, like, enslaved at Jabba's palace. No, here's what happens. So bashed, chucked on a hover car, driven back to Mos Eisley, dumped. And stay

out. And then they drive back to Jabba's palace. You stand up, dehydrated, bruised, missing an arm, tortured to shit. Shot in the belly. Shot in the belly. God damn it. Why aren't I worth killing for any of these people?

Because no one knows you. And also a Sarlacc pit doesn't work either because that doesn't kill me. I'm digested for a thousand years. And I'm guessing if it's like it's digested by a thousand years, I'm guessing does that mean that there's some space magic that's keeping people alive I suppose so Why would they say it Like I don't care

I mean you could I guess you could try and hitch a ride into space Try your luck somewhere else You're like hey Han I know you shot me in the belly accidentally But maybe I can help smuggle No one knows me so that's good man Maybe to make up you shot me in the belly accidentally, but maybe I can help smuggle. No one knows me, so that's good, man. Maybe to make up for shooting me in the belly, Han,

you could take me into space with you. There's a lot of bounty hunters and stuff like that. Lots of people that just kill without a... Like, I don't think I need to leave Tatooine. No, no, a bounty hunter kills for a bounty. Yes, but also they will kill if wronged. Like, if I try and take... Say Greedo survives this thing

because I take the bullet in the guts and not Greedo. Like, if I then try and take Greedo's gun or something, he'll just shoot me. They don't care. I guess Mos Eisley is a scum of... a hive of scum and villainy. A scum of hive and villainy. So is your plan, you've returned-

Or even the Jawas. Like, if I- The Jawas would just rob you. The sand, like, the sand raiders, they might kill you. Tusken raiders, yeah. If you go for the Jawas first, now you're nude in the desert, dehydrated,

bashed, robbed blind. Then you go up to the Tusken Raiders and they're like, what happened to you, dude? Come in. Let's look after you. You are in trouble. I might give you a mask. Like, you are so beaten and bruised and injured

that they might just adopt you. I just become a Tusken Raider. That's it. It's great to imagine the witch then looking in her cauldron to being like, well, the other two boys, damn it's done it. Let's see how douche is doing. And you're just Tusken Raider with the boys.

Yeah, you're like, maybe I'll just chill here. I'll wait out till Anakin goes a little bit nuts and he kills a bunch of Tuscan Raiders. And they're all like, oh, the shit that happened 20 years ago? Yeah, that was terrible for us. Dude, you're a Raider

for life now. That's great to imagine the witch has been waiting for ages dusha eventually just in some raiding accident a rock falls on you but it's been decades i don't even die at the beach in three years i die as an old man surrounded by a wife who i love and many children turning back up up there, Zammett's been there for ages because he got eaten by a shark straight away. Oh, yeah. That's what we were doing. We were meant to die.

I forgot. I became a Tusken Raider. We had the whole thing explained. The witch. Remember the witch? I learned how to cure hams. That was my job. I was okay at it.

Yeah. I got given a big gun, but I only had one arm, so I couldn't really shoot it did we fix the curse witch and she's like no you made it worse you have to keep doing this fucking podcast forever now like god damn it damn it wish i hadn't smashed that crystal ball at the witch's shop. I curse you boys to do a terrible podcast for a million years. Lady,

that sounds arse. And start kicking her in the shins. And then that's how we ended. That's a prequel to what happened here today. And on that note, I've been dead. I've been dead. I've been dead I've been dead I've been alive

For far too long And uh Turns out that exposition Doesn't help us Yeah Yeah We were no better off Thanks for listening

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