Plumbing the Death Star - Which Superhero is the Best Lover?

Episode Date: October 12, 2015

In which our heroes light the gamma-irradiated candles, burn cosmic-ray infused incense and astral project to the most romantic place in the known universe to discuss which superhero would make the best lover. We look at the jealous nature of Professor Xavier, wonder if Tony Stark gets sick of having to solve every mutants sexual problems, and imagine rough sex with the Hulk. Jackson attempts to connect on a mental level, Zammit explores new sexual heights to really push his limits, and Duscher just opts for raw strength. So get cosy, turn out the lights, and realise you'll never want to have sex ever again. Genitals. They’re kind of gross.Want to help fund better super powered sex ed? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help prevent super-STIs.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least eleven books about how to remove a super-scientist from your butthole. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Fans Radio, it's me, Cathy. Bleachmore. You're a bunch of radical lads. And that's been today's episode of Patreon Shoutouts. Enjoy the episode that's coming after this episode. It's my side podcast. The sequel. Rest in peace. It's a shame that all of our fans died. They got a cruise liner we bought for them and into a volcano.

We shouldn't have sanded up that volcano. No, we're pretty sure boats go in lava. i think it works like that hey guys welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star where we ask important questions like which superhero would make the best lover well you're gonna say hey his legs are crippled and his wiener doesn't work. And whilst that's probably true. I feel like I know where this is going already.

And I'm also going to say, no luscious locks to hold on to. Well, yes. Charles Xavier. Hey. But you're forgetting. Okay. Any fantasy you have. Any sexual adventure you want to be part of,

Charles Xavier can make that happen. Also, Charles Xavier is of dubious morals, so he'd be on board. He'll go places. Like, Xavier, I want to fuck Jessica Rabbit, but, like, with a rabbit face. He'll be like, okay, done. I'm doing it right now. No judgements, baby

doll. Charles Xavier, apparently the only thing he's not good at is sexy talk. Come on, baby. It's like he got all his sexy talk from fucking Austin Powell. Groovy. Shagdellic.

Do I make you horny baby You horny because of me And plus extra bonus The danger room Oh that's a lot of fantasies all coming through All at once I would just like to be railed in all my holes Charles Xavier's like hop in the danger room I'll get up in the control tower

It'll be a grand old time. Even holes you didn't know you had would be real. He'll penetrate them. And the thing about Charles Xavier is that he could just make you think you had a mind-blowing orgasm. That's true. And that would basically be enough because you'd be like, whoa, that was good.

And he'd be like, I know, I know. The only downside with Charles Xavier is that you're not getting anything mutual because, like I said, his wiener probably doesn't work. So it's not like you can do shit to him. And that's a bit sad. I feel like Xavier would get off more on mine stuff anyway. I feel like you could rim him. You could.

Like you could bend him over and give his butthole a little bit of a tongue. But would he feel it as well no parallax from the waist down so does that mean Charles Xavier is shitting himself yup does Professor X wear a diaper guy no a colostomy bag a colostomy bag that he secretly is like

alright X go investigate that outpost and then he like swivels on his chair and just empties it into the snow I knew I was in for a time when I asked that fucking question at the start. Like, which superhero would be the best lover? You've floored me straight off the bat. We basically instantly got to colostomy bags and rimming Charles Xavier. Just lift him up in his wheelchair and go to town.

I feel like he looks quite light. I feel like he'd get wooly to help change him. But also because his legs would be all shit and shibbled up, right? So, yeah, he would be very light. You could do what you like to him. His legs would just be like flapping about like in the wind. Yeah. Basically, you could be like, Charles, okay, like you bring me there.

My fantasy is that I'm fucked by a billion cactuses, but it's good. And he's like, yeah, all right, whatever. And you're like, that was a grand old time. I am spent. But semen everywhere. He could give you multiple, as a dude, he could give you multiple orgasms. Your pleasure center, just be pinging. Until you're just like one ball and it's just like a shriveled up sack.

Yeah. Just you actually ejaculate your one ball yeah hey fingers crossed you ejaculate the fake one yeah exactly right back down um but yeah charles could give me that that's what you wanted a lover who doesn't and then like i could get charles would be easy charles xavier would be easy to pleasure i'm worried. Who doesn't? And then, like, I could get... Charles would be easy... Charles Xavier would be easy to pleasure. I'm worried that he doesn't have control of his sphincter now. He wouldn't. Which means... Which means he'd be hard to pleasure.

No, but again, I think Xavier gets his pleasure either through control, so with his mind powers. Which you've just given him a lot of. So you'd be like, Charles, think whatever you want to me and make it happen. Or, Danger Room again, Charles, do whatever you want to me and make it happen. Or danger him again. Charles, do whatever you want to me. Go nuts.

So you're saying that Charles Xavier gets off more on like a mental level than a physical level? Definitely, definitely. Charles Xavier still has a prostate, though. Yeah, but if he's paralyzed in the waist, can he feel a prostate if you're paralyzed? I don't know. It would depend on what kind of paralyzation he had. And it also depends on what time Xavier was at. Because there's a time where it was just psychosomatic,

so he could feel everything. As we've previously discussed, whether or not Charles Xavier is actually crippled is a little bit up for debate. Also, with people in wheelchairs, especially when it comes to sex, a lot of people can sort of transfer their sensitive areas to other areas. The brain sort of rewires. It's like, oh, i don't have a dick anymore but my pinky if you tug on that

for a bit oh boy there you go so i'll just you know that is that is the thing that can happen right i didn't make that up you might be i've never heard of it in my life but yeah i've never heard of it either but sure okay i feel like it's true i'm sure i saw it on like a weird sex documentary i'm sure it could happen okay i'll believe you also i don't know but xavier if you're getting is an omega level telepath mutant he could probably rewire his own brain to that happens yeah he is a powerful man yeah and that's what you wanted so even if that wasn't the case and you're just making stuff up, which you're all way too eager and readily to believe, I'm sure Xavier could somehow do it. Yeah, and

I think another nice thing about Xavier as a lover is that I feel like he'd be quite discreet. And I feel like there's no emotional attachment there. I'll just be like, Hey, Xavier, it's Jackson. And he'll be like, Oh, hello. And I'll be like, Come into my office. What are you doing right now? And he'll be like, Oh, and he'll just wheel over to me, touch my forehead. I'll be like, oh, hello, and I'll be like, what are you doing right now?

And he'll be like, oh, and he'll just wheel over to me, touch my forehead, I'll come like a thousand times. Pop out a fake ball, put it back in. And also, booty calling Xavier would be really easy because you don't even have to use a phone. You just have to think it. I'll just be sitting there like, Xavier, I'm thinking about sexy thoughts.

I could probably just be like Have a think about Xavier and he could just give me an orgasm There's been moments in the comic Where Moira McTaggart This shouldn't be relevant to the comics And it scares me that it is When Moira McTaggart's about to die They're like

One last hurrah In his little psychic form, he bonds with her, and they just start going to town to the point where it's almost dangerous for Xavier because as she's dying, he just doesn't want to release. He doesn't want to let go.

And so there's a point where he's like astral projecting fucking Moira. He almost fucks himself to death. Sort of, yeah. He's like bonding with Moira a little bit too hard as she's dying. So he can astral project himself. And that's another thing, because without the shitty legs,

again, astral projection's a thing in the X-Men. You could both just astral project each other. Can I? Well, I'm assuming so. I don't have any mutant powers, I'm assuming. Yeah, but he'd be able to draw it out of you. Oh, that's nice. Because it happens with Moira.

You could be banging literally at any time. And that's the best thing with psychics, because again, using Emma Frost as an example, when she's having the secret affair with Scott Summers, there's a thing, I think Scott Summers is on a boat just looking off into the distance,

but they're like going at it in their heads, so you could be literally anywhere. But then there's no intimacy. Also, Scott's just standing on a boat with a giant erection and then comes in his pants. I guess so. Everybody else in the boat is like, who's this guy?

Not again. But is there that intimacy? Is there flesh on flesh? But it's like you'd be able to, because it's using your brain, it's that feeling of intimacy. It's mimicking the... But I know it wasn't.

Deep in my heart, I would be like, this is not fulfilling me sexually. But you're not just melding bodies, you're melding minds. Yeah, but I'm not looking for a melding of minds. I'm looking for a melding of bodies. You're looking for a bit of hot genital on genital action. That's what I'm looking for. But it would replicate that for all intents and purposes. At the end of the day, you can just put your dick on his dick,

and you're going to feel dick on dick, and it's going to be all right. I mean, I can fuck him. I feel like his dick would be pretty shriveled as well. I could fuck his butthole. You could. That's not out of the question. And whilst you're doing it, he could be projecting this awesome sort of whatever it is that you want to be doing.

And I guess that's nice. I wish I wasn't doing this. Charles, I wish there was another art room where we trapped in a desert island. No. Just in his office. Wolverine opens his door. Oh, okay. I like to imagine the O.K. is like, oh, okay.

Anyway, so here's some notes I've got for my class Hey boss My head went to you He's projecting Wolverine's face on his butt Charles, why would you do that? You're basically fucking Logan's mouth that is Xavier's butt But here's another issue with Charles

because I chose Charles and I think for the most part, Charles is a good choice. But you also have a couple of issues. One, if I'm done with him, if say Iceman's like, hey Jackson. You know, because Iceman, he's more handsome. He's a cool guy. He's a bit sexy. If he was like, Jackson, come on,

let's get together. I'd be like, yeah, okay. Sick. But Charles, he can just be like, Jackson. He can be like... He would know the instant you were like either cheating on him, thinking about cheating on him, thinking about having sex with anyone else. I feel like Charles would just be too clingy. Would he be a jealous lover? Yeah, he would.

I feel like I'd be like at Iceman's home. We'd just be cuddling. I'd be getting all like frosty on my nipples. And just in my head, I'd be like, what are you doing, Jackson? Nothing. It's me and Bobby You're just having some Very hard Jackson We're just watching the game

I know what you've been up to But then I guess Like what the fuck can Charles do He's in a wheelchair He can just obliterate you From the inside out I feel like Iceman would know what happened. I feel like I'd be like Iceman.

If I die, if my head just explodes within the next few days, it's Charles. He's a jealous lover. I made a mistake. You'd ever see him? Not with you. And then my head explodes and Charles Xavier is just like wheeling past Iceman.

Iceman's like, hello, Charles. Hello, Iceman. I'm watching you. What's happened to your lover, Iceman? Yeah, damn right what happened to your lover. It's a clear downside. I like to imagine that when Charles bursts your head, his head just grows out of your neck.

Astro projects his head. Yeah. Don't cheat on me. This is your last lesson to learn, Iceman. You are now a true X-Man. A true X-Man. Iceman, I will always be the winner here. Don't fuck me, Iceman. Iceman, look the winner here Don't fuck me, Iceman

Iceman, look at me Don't fuck me My body just sort of like Sways for a bit Falls to the ground Bobby screams Aside from that Great lover

At that point, I think I regret it Okay So I guess for the sex The sex is good I, the sex is good. I think the sex is good. The emotional attachment might be hard. Everything surrounding the sex, even though me and Charles are just fuck buddies in this scenario,

everything that surrounds the sex is kind of racking it. Yeah, if he gets too emotionally attached. And I feel like he's the kind of guy who would, or I might get emotionally attached, I might become dependent on his mind-blowing orgasms, and then he'll get sick of me what if he's like jack's this isn't working out yet i'm sick of fulfilling all your fantasies i get nothing in return also there's a very big thing we mentioned earlier on that i feel like he's gonna be a big issue for you he likes having intelligent conversations oh no i will be a trophy fuck.

Like, I'll be there looking pretty at a party, and then I'll be like, yeah, that, and Charles will just shoot me a dirty laugh. And he'll be like, go wait by the snack table. You're embarrassing me, Jackson. He'll be like, how do you feel about these physics? And you'll be like, I do not understand. What is physics?

He's there talking about beautified rights, and you're like I ate a whole wheel of cheese today. What if instead of growing in bunches, bananas grew on bushes? What if instead of growing in bunches, bananas grew one at a time? That would make them harder

to find. Jackson, go to the car. Jackson, we're done here. Go home. So there's that. Sorry guys. But also when he inevitably, if he does inevitably break up with you. And he will. 100%.

You know, you try and hook up with. Fuck you, Jackson. Yeah. You hooking up with anyone else, this might not be the same. You'd have to chase another psychic, I guess. Emma Frost. She was like, we've got a better choice for your general needs. Yeah, I guess.

General basic needs. i don't know charles is gonna be grounded nah but then play the bongo on but the problem with emma frost though is that she's attracted to man of power emma frost is very power hungry kind of i am not that so charles is perfect for you great for me all that kind of stuff. Why did Charles even choose me in this scenario? Was he just like, Wolverine, get me that fine piece of ass. Bring that into my office. I like that face. Beardy.

And then I just feel like he's like chaining you up like Slave Leia. I just can't get the image of you licking his bald head out of my head. Just Charles, put all of your dick nerves in your head. And I'll pleasure you that way. Charles would be fun. Don't judge it like that. Jalducia told me this was a thing, so do it. Is this good? Is this good?

You can do this, right? Flicking his bald head. You having a good time? Is this what you want? He just like vomits. He's like, I'm done. Charles, yuck. Clean yourself up.

So Charles Xavier would be fun. That's something. Yeah, I think Charles Xavier, solid answer. I'm going to put forward Mr. Fantastic, or as I like to call him, Dr. Fantastic. Mr.? Okay. For a second i was like ah miss okay cool you go invisible woman no why no doucha that'd be weird like fucking an invisible chick because you could see your wang all squished and then you'd see yourself come inside a lady in the semen

nah that'd be weird doucha oh that's fucked see nah man invisible lady do you guys just want my dick because i don't really want it invisible invisible girl or woman yeah we'll say we'll go woman poor choice douche no you want mr fantastic because think about it he is pliable he can make his dick into any shape he can get into. He can pleasure you in any way. He could go inside you, wrap himself around your prostate and just milk it ever so gently

and it wouldn't be intrusive. There'd be no real need for lube because he could just squeeze right in there and just go to town. I feel like it'd be

good eventually but that first time would just be so... Oh, it'd be so foreign and alien but you'd have to just give yourself oh it'd be so foreign alien oh but you'd have to just give yourself to just have to go with it you just have to go with it also when he said pliable i thought you meant plowable for a second he's also very plowable just such a bad he's a power bottom that fucking silver streak in his hair i i'd even i'm not even talking about

how handsome reed is I'm just talking about his Stretchiness I guess you'd never need I guess you'd never need I guess you'd never need lube No matter who is giving And who is taking as well It's not like you need to stretch that butthole

No And also oh my god Fucking him Because he would stretch it and then just move it in. He'd have such control over his sphincter. It would just feel incredible. Yeah, but I feel like... No, you're going to need lube because the whole point of sex is friction, you idiots.

Shut up, Dusha. That is a very good point. Joe Dusha, sex expert of plumbing the desk stuff. But also, you could get into some weird kinky sex games that you can't even possibly fathom. Oh, no, I'm not arguing that. I'm just saying that you probably want him to stay a little tight. No, loose as hell. I want to get in there and have a nap.

But, like, I'm saying, he has that much control over his body. He has infinite control, almost. Is there a length that he can stretch? Like, think about... Forever. I don't know. He can get into, like, a little ball. Like, he can get his finger, right?

Wrap it up into, like, some, like, anal bead-type shape, and there you go. Having some fun with that. I think I would be too disturbed. I just have one question. You could wear him. Could... You could be literally inside him.

Could he stretch his arm around... Sorry, he holds one hand up backwards. Yeah. And then he stretches his other arm all around the world and high-fives himself? Is that a thing he could do? I think there's an upper limit to I feel like he'd try and stretch back

And it would be like stretched and loose And he'd be like Ben! Ben help! Ben! Get my wife! Sue! Sue help!

What have I done? I feel like Reed is going to go weird too quick. No, but like, you can't... Yeah, there's no way to not go weird with Reed. Yes, there is. I could just be like, let's have regular, like, anal sex, Reed, but just let's make it easy on both of us.

I don't know. Like, if you want to go weird, great, but I feel like Reed is going to go weird straight away. Do you know what Reed could also do? What's that? He could test the limits. See how, like, at first, make his dick, like, slightly below average. You're like, oh, that wasn't that great.

Or like, oh, it was fine, but it could be a bit bigger. And every time just increase the size. He'd inflate you. Oh, no. I think you have a lot of fun with Reed. feel like you go into the hospital a lot with Reed Yeah I feel like Reed is like Let's try this You wear me and I'll go inside you

And then you go into the hospital and they're like Reed Richards and you're like no it's actually Jackson in Reed Richards Sorry Zammett in Reed Richards We were trying something new in the bedroom And something happened What if you had to go Z Zamit, into the fucking emergency ward and they're like, what's wrong?

And you're like, I slipped in the shower and fell on Reed Richards. You're forgetting, Jackson, Reed Richards is a doctor. Any internal hemorrhaging or tears, Reed's got me. Reed's got me. While he's down there. While he's down there. If Reed Richards gets really small, does he get really dense? Well, I don't think he can...

He can't shrink. Can he get big? No. What if he just, like, loosens everything so he's quite hollow and light? He can make himself into a parachute. No, but, like... Also, and not just being a lover, but you can go on, like, fun weekends. You can go parasailing, and you could wear Reed as a parasail.

I guess that's a benefit. That's fun i mean that's not so you guys have gone also you know again out of control intelligent conversation reed is so so above me i would be sort of like that's what i mean i feel like you're not even like you're a plaything for him. He's also married, you sick fuck. Sue's into it. Sue watches. She's invisible. She's in the corner. What was that noise? It's really scary to imagine just Reed Richards like over the top of Zammett enveloping him in his like body,

pounding away and then his head's like and just stretches and looks around the room. What's that noise? Who's going there? What's this? Doing, like, a fucking loop just on this long neck. Yeah, well, I think... And just like as in Xavier can do almost any sort of fantasy for you, I think Reed could do any fantasy that you want as long as it was bondage-related.

Yeah, I guess, but I just think I'd have such a hard time. Because Reed could then tie you up with himself. But then, like... I guess. Is that pleasant? I mean, that's what you're into. That's not what I want, but I feel if Reed wanted it, I'd be into it, because I'd be pleasing Reed.

I feel like you'd want to please Reed. Almost definitely, because he has, like, an ultimate nullifier. I don't want that anywhere near my balls. I feel like you'd want to please Reed. Oh, almost definitely. Because he has like an ultimate nullifier. I don't want that anywhere near my balls. I feel like you've entered in a fuck buddy relationship that is going to end very poorly for you. It's just like your balls never existed. Reed, did I have something here? Nope.

I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Just a skin patch. Like, I noticed you have them. No, I don't. You just didn't, I nullifying something really specific not even both of us just one also another problem is uh reed's got kids and that'd be a hassle particularly franklin because franklin can alter reality and if he walks in and me and his dad up to no business

he's going to be like this is wrong I don't like this you're not mummy I'm going to make an enemy out of Franklin not going to exist anymore he's going to turn me into a blue ball or something imagine that

you're going to exist the rest of your life as a dog's butthole. Yeah. I don't want that. This is my dog's spot and this is his butthole, Joel Zammett. Hello. Don't speak. Imagine Zammett though.

I'm just shooting out. Gross. Disgusting. Imagine you've just been fucking Reed Richards. Yeah, I'm there. It's happened. It's done. You're sore as hell because you would be. But it was a good time. Oh, man, no.

He'd, like, stretch you out. Not just as, like, stretch you out, but, I mean, like, muscle-wise, he'd be a pretty good masseuse. Would he? Yeah, because he'd be able to, like, move your body and stretch it and be really good. I don't know how. How? Because he'd be, like, your body and stretch it and be really good. I don't know how.

How? Because he'd be like, say... He could stretch you, I guess, but he doesn't have any massage training. Is he a chiropractor or something? How to stretch your body? He's a doctor. He might be. He might be.

He's a space doctor, though. Hold your leg down that way and put pressure over there. He's not helping you out in a medical situation. He's a doctor of space. I'm pretty sure he's a biologist as well. That's not helping you out in a medical situation. He's a doctor of space. I'm pretty sure he's a biologist as well. That does not mean you're a medical doctor. He's like a genius. I'm pretty clever.

I'm pretty clever. I could... If you were like, you've racked my prostate, he'd be like, you're a doctor. He's like, well, I'm a biologist. Well, then he could be, let me call my good friend, he's like, well I'm a biologist Well then he could be Let me call my good friend

Either Scott Lang or Let me call my good friend Ben Scott Lang or It's clobbering time Or no, Ben Or Tony Stark I think Tony Stark is going to be like Alright, Sam, let's do this

Y'all read, Richards, you've just wrecked Joel Samet's butthole I'll like Tony Stark is going to be like, all right, Zammett, let's do this. Y'all read, Richards. You've just wrecked Joel Zammett's butthole. All right. I'll be Tony Stark. Tony Stark. Playboy billionaire. All right. Radical 90s dude.

All right. Beep, beep, beep. Ring, ring. What's up? Tony Stark here. Hey, Tone, it's Reed. I need help. All right, what's wrong?

Robots? Aliens? I gotcha. Well, you know how I took on a new lover? Yeah. This Joel Zammett guy. Yeah. I might have shredded his prostate. Don't call me Reed. Please.

Tone. I just... Tone, the amount of times I've helped you out with all manners of bullshit... Reed, I... Remember that time you got your dick caught in a scroll? I was there to pry you out. I was there to pry you out, Tone. I need help. Tone,

don't you fucking hang up. Don't you fucking hang up on my fucking god. Nobody is gonna help you out if you've wrecked someone's butthole. The superhero community is not that tight-knit that they're going to be like,

hey, buddy, that's okay. Wait, who else did you say you were going to call? Scott Lang, I ant man, because he could shrink down. Oh, my God, that's a good one. All right. Scott Lang, crawl inside this guy's butthole, please. Help out. Scott Lang's just like, no.

But then the process is like, Reed Richards owes you a favor. It's not worth it, Sam. Last time Reed Richards owed me a favor, I ended up with half a million robots and a very big debt. The Beast, he could help out. If I was Reed Richards' lover and Reed Richards was like, it's fine, someone's going to come in, and any of the people you've suggested came in,

you'd be like, what are they going to do? And he's like, oh, they're doctors. I'd be like, no, one's a playboy, one's a physicist, the other's a beast man. My buttholes aren't feeling any better, Zabit. Cecilia Reese? Keep a boy from my prostate, please. Or just take me to a hospital i feel reed

would want to keep this on the dl i feel like reed would be the type of guy where like something minor goes wrong and you're just like look i've just broken my wrist we just need to go to a doctor and he's like no i've got this it calls up all these bullshit friends you've got like nine people looking at your wrist everyone's made it worse you're You're like, look. And then you're going to go to a doctor after that and they're going to be like, look, if you had to just come in, we could have done

something about it. But now you're losing your whole arm. Just love like, Reed Richards is like, oh no, I got something. And you're like, no. Is that like a giant ray?

Yeah, he's like, just put your fist in this. And you're like, what'll happen? You pull out, it's just like a skeleton hand. Like you can still move it. You're like, Reed.

Damn it, Reed. I'm going to need to fix some things. Like my hand? Like my hand? Well like, Reed. Damn it, Reed. I'm going to need to fix some things. Like my hand? Like my hand? Well, that machine. Then Ben comes in. Let me tell you about Reed trying to fix shit.

Skeleton hand. Doesn't work. If he had a skeleton hand, would you? A little bit Ghost Rider. I like the idea of him calling up the Black Panther, the King of Wakanda. It's like, Reed, I've got so much better things to do right now. I'm not helping you out.

I'm not helping you fix another prostate. I've got a country to run. Calls up Doom. I got this, Reed. I'll come and help Reed, but this is the last time. Swear to God. I'll use some fucking sorcery. Doctor Strange!

He's the doctor! He's the protector of all magic. He's like, I've got better things to do than fix buttholes, Reed. There is nobody in the Marvel universe that doesn't have better things to do than fix buttholes. Charles Xavier. I'm

there! A butthole's in danger I've got this his head would just pop out he's there you'd just be bending over you'd be like what was that I don't know

but I feel way better I've used my mind powers to make it make him think that it's fine you didn't fix it Charles did you? No. No, I just thought coming out

of the butthole gag would... Oh, hang on. What is the Bugs Bunny thing he says? Something about Albuquerque? I don't know. I took a wrong turn in Albuquerque. Like Bugs Bunny, anyway. Was that funny, Reed?

Bye! I thought you'd get a kick out of it.. Was that funny, Reed? Bye! I thought you'd get a kick out of it. Doodle-oo, Reed! Just like Benny. Was that Charles? Is Charles Xavier here? And Reed's just like cracking up. Like, what's that, Charles? Bugs Bunny in the butthole.

Gets me every time. Sorry, Sam, but you see it. Yeah. You're wrecked. I'm out of friends. Put your butthole in this machine. Oh, no, you've time. Sorry, Sam, but you see it. Yeah. You're wrecked. I'm out of friends. Put your butthole in this machine. You got a skeleton butthole. Just push that prolapse in.

There you go. I've got to reel. Writers are right. Way to reel. So I'm going to sort this out with my perfect lover. You guys have gone for people that could potentially fulfill all of your fantasies except the one thing, the one important aspect of a good, strong, romantic bond. Yeah.

Brute Force. The Hulk is my Perfect Lover. The Hulk or Bruce Banner? I was going to say. I didn't fucking stutter. The Hulk. I feel you would. As as reed would ruin my prostate i feel the hulk would ruin your prostate your sphincter both your intestines your pelvis

your legs but i know what i'm signing up for i feel okay okay go on well okay so you've got charles xavier who's like making you magic magically making you feel nice but not doing I feel... Okay. Okay, go on. Well, okay. So you've got Charles Xavier, who's like making you magic... Magically making you feel nice, but not doing shit. Yeah. Reed Richards is doing too much weird shit. You're like...

Pushing it. Like, silly party weird. Hulk probably just has a big throbbing green dick. Well, yeah. It's more conventional-ish. Okay, here's a question. Uh-huh. Are you beginning with Bruce Banner?

Yes. And then getting him mad halfway through? I'm building up to it. Of course I am. Anal tear. He will tear you. He would literally tear you in half. What if...

Maybe not even tear you in half. Maybe, like, go through your pelvis. Well, imagine I was blowing him and that happened. You would have... Oh, my God. You would have basically... I'd be dead. your lower jaw would be on the floor. Hulk's penis through your

penis just bursting out. How big is Hulk? He's like 7 feet. He's 9, I think. I'm pretty sure he's 9 foot. So Hulk is 9 foot. I feel like he'd, imagine how disappointing it would be if Bruce Banner's penis wasn't affected, so it was just normal dick. Well, it might, because

his shorts don't rip. That's Spanner's penis was an effect, so it was just normal dick? Well, it might be. A little white dick hanging down. His shorts don't rip. That's true. But I think his hips move, don't they? Do they? I feel like he might get a bit bigger, but not that much bigger. But how are you controlling him, Dusha? I'm not.

It's wild. Are you just going for the ride? Yeah. Just along for the trip? It's like taming a wild stallion. Unless you were also a Hulk like a She-Hulk, but then that's weird because they're cousins. Douche Hulk.

If you were maybe like the Abomination or like the Absorbing Man Oh, the Absorbing Man, that sounds alright. If you were Reed Richards Oh, wait. Or if you were Xavier Those could take the Hulk Xavier couldn't take the Hulk

With his little weak butthole With his mind powers Convince the Hulk that he's fucking Charles His dick would destroy me but I'm scared To what ejaculation for the Hulk would be like Powerful It would like launch me off his dick Like a shotgun

Oh boy I have made some good decisions Powerful. Powerful. He would, like, launch me off his dick. Like a shotgun. Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah. I have made some good decisions. It'll be the ride of your life. Don't get me wrong. The last ride of my life. As a way to go, like...

It's pretty good. Joel Dusha lived, he died, fucking the Hulk on your gravestone, and, like, a little, you know, carving of that. Yeah. A sick gravestone. A carving little carving of that sick gravestone of just the Hulk standing there with you impaled on his penis on the tombstone as a lover

goes I think the Hulk is a poor choice unless you went out of your way don't point at me like you know where I'm going like hey here comes Jackson bringing it back unless you went out of your way to also get gamma radiation

like you tried it tore your butthole six months later you're out of hospital you're like I know what we can do I put my butthole in the same machine that Reed has skeleton butthole the Hulk just shatters it would the Hulk semen be radioactive?

Sick. Or gamma radiated at least. Is his blood? Yes, because that's what fucking She-Hulk drinks. Stan Lee has in the Incredible Hulk film. Yes, true. So I guess you could... How does She-Hulk drink his blood? It's a blood transfusion. Ah, okay.

It's like vampire style. I was like, I thought I knew about She-Hulk. Like, she's a lawyer and a wrestler and a vampire okay that's like vampire style i was like i thought i knew about she like she's a lawyer and a wrestler and a vampire like hulk cuts himself she holds i got this yeah now i'm gonna be a lawyer time to lawyer some shit does she ever use wrestling moves in the courtroom sometimes the judge does not approve she h-Hulk, this is a place of law, not of wrestling. She's like, can you smell what She-Hulk's got? Just like raising her eyebrow

at people and stuff. She wears like a onesie leotard. Not to court. Is She-Hulk Hulk all the time? Yeah, she's permanently Hulk. Unless... Poor She-Hulk. Nah, she gets by She has so many dudes, it's the best

Like the Juggernaut with one That's another lover I reckon I could get by Dusha just wants to be destroyed Joel Dusha wants to explode from pleasure I feel like you'd have to start Slow with the Hulk Just frustrate him So he's a little bit bigger.

I was going to say even Hulk's pinky. Just slapping his dick around a bit. Even Hulk's pinky would be huge. You'd want like a hair. If Hulk sucked you off maybe. No, that force. Oh Jesus.

Like a fucking psycho. He just stands up and you're like I'm going gonna need that back You'd feel pelvis He could probably suck your testicles Through your penis Me and Dammit chose choices That have issues

Yours was just flat out wrong Well I think we all know Who won here So on that note, I've been Joel. I've been Jackson. And I've also been Joel. The answer was Hulk. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account?

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