Plumbing the Death Star - Which Superhero is the Worst at Keeping Their Identity Secret?

Episode Date: April 29, 2018

In which our heroes are ask the hard hitting question; Which Superhero is the Worst at Keeping Their Identity Secret?Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/ Check out our upcoming lives shows right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter:  twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: twitter.com/dusch13Zammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio. Life is like a box of chocolates and you don't like chocolate. so come and say goodbye to your favorite storytellers have a laugh buy some very cheap merchandise and watch as plumbing the death star yell at each other loudly with no regard to the gravity of the event tickets are 10 bucks each and you can grab them from sanspanseradio.com slash live comment down and say hello then say goodbye hey everybody and welcome to this week's episode of plumbing the death star where we ask the important questions like which superhero is the worst at keeping their secret identity secret mask on fucking mask on mask on fucking mask on Hulk I don't know who that guy is no I, I disagree. Okay, I gave no evidence. I have no evidence. You said one word.

You know what? I take umbrage. I disagree. But it's good. You dumb gnomey fuck. Because I had nothing. So douchey disagreeing might give me a chance to think about why I...

To revolt. Okay. The Hulk, because when you see the Hulk, he hulks out, everything gets destroyed, and then he calms down a little bit, and then there's just

a wee little science boy in giant purple pants, and we're like, oi, it's you. That's Hulk right there. Yeah, but how often does he turn back

into Bruce Banner in public? Often. Often. Well, like, what? I was thinking about the Avengers. Yeah, okay.

Sorry, the MCU. The MCU. It is weird that if you live in the avengers yeah they have to go looking for him yeah that's true because and he's like how do you know who i was and they're like where's shield but like that means the general public probably don't know but say hulk attacks my city yeah i guess all i see is hulk but it must be weird to see both. So if I know about the Avengers, right? I know the Avengers have Hulk on their team, but sometimes he's just not there. Sometimes I know where he is, and sometimes I see him destroying the city. That's a very, very good point. Sometimes Hulk's just not part of it.

The Avengers are public in the MCU. Yeah. No, no, they're very public. So they're like, this is Bruce Banner. Yeah. But do they say who turns into the Hulk? Well, are they even saying this is Bruce Banner? Is he just their dirty little secret?

Because you've got to think, like, think of the MCU, right? Initially, Hulk would be perceived as a villain. Yeah, absolutely. Surely to the general public, because the army are going and attacking him. Yeah. And then he gets, you know, he attacks another Hulk attacks another Hulk, and they have a fight, and you're like, damn, what's going on? Two Hulks are fighting. It's like Hulk's are a problem.

And then suddenly you're like, oh, this government-sanctioned team has a Hulk on it. Yeah. Is that the same Hulk as before? I don't know. That's weird. Weird, isn't it? He's changed a bit If they're ashamed of The Hulk This has also led me to

Be bothered Because Thor doesn't hide Loki When he comes to Earth In Thor Ragnarok He's just like Yeah it's Loki It's actually one

Don't stress That's crazy That's true Yeah yeah yeah So if they're hiding Hulk Yeah you're right When he comes to Earth Someone's like

Hey Thor From the Avengers I know you And you're big and muscly and handsome. Let me take a selfie. Fun fact, I know that person in real life. That's great. Her name's Taylor.

Shout out to you, Taylor. You never told me you were a movie star. Shout out to Taylor. But then Loki is here, right there, as you say. And he was on the news as big villain. He makes everyone kneel. If I was walking down the street and I see Loki and Thor, I'd just be like, what? Don't worry, he's good blo bloke now Do I call the cops?

I do, I already have Please arrest Loki In fact I might have called the Avengers Do they have a line? No you can't just call them up You just gotta hope Do I call S.H.I.E.L.D? Can you call MI6? Well what shield there can you call mi6 well what

if i well i can you call the fbi right now there is in a world where there is hulks just left right and center just willy-nilly just jumping around destroying the city surely i could be like there's got to be a number i can call the cops and the cops call shield all right i just but also think about

the avengers think about the Avengers. Think about the Avengers. Who tries to deal with Loki first? The cops? So then they go assess the situation and then they eat the S.H.I.E.D. Yeah. And they call the army who eat the S.H.I.E.D. Yeah.

And they call the Avengers who in the Avengers eat the S.H.I.E.D. Yeah, yeah. But then Hulk? No, Iron Man is like, I'm going to eat S.H.I.E.D. for everyone. Yeah, yeah. But then he doesn't. It's just about people eating shit. And then he gets shawarma, which... It's alright. Yeah, I wouldn't call it shit. No.

It's quite nice. It's very funny that you must look at the Avengers sometimes. So cops eat the shit. Army eat the shit. Avengers eat the shawarma. Take shits. It's a heavy food. Big shits. Cycle of shits. But you must look at the Avengers and be sometimes like they have a scientist with them sometimes.

I don't know if I... But do they even have that sometimes? Oh, actually. Because wouldn't he just be in the lab doing science-y things? And also, isn't that kind of a plot point that Bruce Banner doesn't consider himself a member of the Avengers? He's like, Hulk is, I'm just... Yeah, he's just like, I'm... He's almost like he works for S.H.I.E.L.D.

Like, as in, he would say he's like, kind of like on the Maria Hill level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just a tech guy, sort of. But Hulk is a member of the Avengers. That's weird. That is weird. That's a weird partition for him to have.

Is there, like, you reckon, once he's been Hulked, whatever, and he goes, like, you know, after he goes to bed or whatever, and he you reckon, once he's been Hulked, whatever, after he goes to bed or whatever, and he wakes up, and there's just like, scrawled on the mirror, Hulk is better than you. Hulk has job security. Hulk. Come on. You're so petty.

Because like, it's a better job. Well, it is. I mean, like, where's the slutty mince? It's better. Like, Bruce Banner, you got a shit job. Hulk, good job. Bruce Banner's got a much better job yeah i think i think it's the fuck with science shit bruce banner gets a punch here hulk can be shot and die bruce banner gets a chill in a comfy lab it's true mixing chems injecting snakes with chemicals. Hang out with Tony Stark, who is a playboy, so like, chicks.

Hulk, no chicks. Why Hulk, no chicks? Hulk, think about the logistics. I just think- No! Hulk might be like, ah, whatever, Tony Stark, he piss.

Yeah, oh yeah, I think that's a lot. Tony Stark, yeah, see that's another thing, Bruce Banner thinks Tony Stark's, well, he now thinks tony stark's piece of shit yeah but but pre ultron he was like tony stark he's all right yeah so actually you know what like you're right please stop punching our 2017 podcast award best comedy podcast trophy i'm giving it biffs i'm bopping it good i was playing with it um no i think because i was thinking with it No I think I was thinking about it

You're right if you looked at Hulk He does not look like Actually he looks a bit like He looks a bit like Bruce Banner He's Ruffalo-y If I looked at him and I looked at Bruce Banner I might be like same guy If I went in one of those conspiracy websites

And there were red circles and be like Is this the same man I'd be like, is this the same man? I'd be like I'd be like, who is that first man? Yeah, they look similar Do you think if you looked at Hulk But didn't have the context that he became a Hulk You would be like, that's what he looks like all the time

And someone tailored pants for him Would I know that someone even turns into the Hulk Or I'm like, yeah, it's just the Hulk, he exists Like the expression, someone hulking out I wouldn't know that someone even turns into the Hulk, or I'm like, yeah, it's just the Hulk, he exists. Like, the expression, like, someone hulking out, I wouldn't maybe not know that. I would just be like, yeah, there's just a big green bloke. Or, when he becomes the Hulk in The Incredible Hulk, does the news break that he is Bruce Banner then?

I think it might. Yeah, because he's in hiding. Yeah. He, Bruce Banner, at the start of Avengers, is in hiding. But is he in hiding because they know he's the Hulk, or is he in hiding because he doesn't want people to know he's the Hulk? This would help if anyone in the room had seen The Incredible Hulk more recently than the last five years.

Five. I've definitely seen him more than once. For a while, it was my favorite MCU film. It was a good time. Up until I saw... Because I didn't see... This is a very boring side sure jackson jackson's trying to search something on his phone so i'm just filling in dead air i didn't see captain america

the first avenger at the cinema um i had a choice between that and the thor and i went for thor instead um anyway so for a while up until probably after the avengers i'm just gonna shuffle some cards you know yep go yeah no no let's do dead air instead okay dead air anyway bruce no no no It's going to take a while, up until probably after the Avengers. I'm just going to shuffle some cards. Yeah? No, no, no. Let's do Dead Air instead. Okay, Dead Air. Anyway, Bruce Banner. No, no, no. Oh, my God.

No, John Mulcholzama's just talking shit. I'm just trying to get Spike on track. I'm just trying to find out if people know that Bruce Banner is the Hulk. Do people know Bruce Banner is the Hulk? This story I was telling would have been so much better than this. Shut up, the both of you. Paulie reading from a phone. I mean, what the fuck is this?

Do people know Bruce Banner's secret identity? Identities. Hey, Siri, do people know Bruce Banner is the Hulk in the MCU? Hey, Switch. Oh, no. Hey, Switch came up on my phone. Do people know that I'm going to start playing

Old Man's Journey? Okay, I found this on the web for Do People Know Bruce Banner is the Hulk in the MCU? Hey, Switch on Who Are You? Switch came up on my phone. So, yes, in Age of Ultron Yes

Tony Stark gets him With the Hulkbuster Yes And in the news They say Bruce Banner Has been arrested Yes So Bruce Banner's

Secret identity Is out there And my whole point That's right That's the episode It's meaningless Good Okay cool

Bruce Banner's Secret identity Is known Even before that He's bad at keeping it Because he has no control over it. Yeah. He's because his alter ego is the Hulk. Ah, his trick is that he's always angry.

So he is good at keeping it. Well, he was until he got too angry. Yeah, because people know. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, people know. So, like, he just wasn't good because, again, there's not much control there. I...

So, all of the Marvel characters are out because they don't have a... No, I have a list of the ones who are out. Would you like to know who's out and who's not? Um, yes. Okay. Who's in and who's out? Who's the hardy and who's the naughty? Iron Man, out. Yes. Steve Rogers, out. James Rodney

Rhodes, out. Bruce Banner, out. Natasha Romanoff, out. Thor, out. Bucky Barnes, out. Sam Wilson, out. Bruce Banner, out. Natasha Romanoff, out. Thor, out. Bucky Barnes, out. Sam Wilson, out. Wanda Maximoff, The Vision, Frank Castle, T'Challa, and Luke Cage. Secret identities, Matthew Murdoch, Peter Parker, and Robbie Reyes, who's Ghost Rider. So there's three people.

Yeah, I was like, Ghost Rider? Oh yeah, he was in S.H.I.E.L.D. Three fucking idiots. Peter Parker's a kid was in S.H.I.E.L.D. Three fucking idiots. Peter Parker's a kid, fair enough. Who are the other two? Matthew Murdoch and Ghost Rider. And old bloke Daredevil. Ghost Rider, fair enough. That guy's great at keeping

his secret identity because I would never look at the skull on fire and be like, that's a man. I'd be like, demon. That's a demon. Sick. And Matt Murdocheds to give his secret identity Otherwise he'll lose his job Otherwise the bar

Go to jail Yeah Take him down Oh hang on That's only Marvel Yeah Yeah no That's what I was saying

The MCU is just totally Off the table for this question now Because Yeah But yeah That's actually I'm anti-Daredevil Alright

Because his vigilanteism. Interesting stance. His vigilanteism conflicts totally with his job. Yeah. So quit being a lawyer. You can't do your job properly. You can't make money, though, as a daredevil. No, but that's the thing.

You should just pick another job. Bottom line is the dollar. I mean, like, I agree with you. In fact, you're right. Because if he has to try a villain. Yeah. No, not try. If he has to defend a villain, he's going to throw the case, and that's not fair.

That's not what lawyers are for. Oh, yeah, absolutely. That being said... Like, what he should do is... Lawyers are corrupt, and if you've got more money, then you're going to win the case anyway. Or what he should do is just try and, like, you know, use his powers in law, and that's it. Don't be daredevil. Yeah, pick one or the other.

Pick one or the other. Or, like, become a cop or some shit. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah? Why not just join the police force? You can't be a blind cop. Yeah, pick one or the other. Pick one or the other. Or, like, become a cop or some shit. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah? Why not just join the police force? You can't be a blind cop. Well, you can, but... I mean, he could be like, I'm not blind.

They'll be like, your eyes are fucked. He's like, what? He's like, give me a gun. Give me a gun, I'll show you. And put me through the training, and look, I'm fine. Can he drive a car? I don't know. I've never seen him drive a car, but I feel like he probably could.

Is the suspension of disbelief, is that pushing it a bit too far? Blind men driving a car? No, thank you. He can do some flips and shits and fight a ninja, but the moment he puts his fucking foot on a pedal, I refuse. But he's not getting the right vibrations. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Like the horns and shit.

What about other secret identities? Okay. Bat-aattered keeping them. Battered keeping. Yeah, I was thinking a Batman. A Batman, especially in the DCEU. Yeah? Why specifically there?

Aquaman says, hey, Bruce Wayne. That's not Aquaman. Actually, no, you're right. He's bad at keeping... Because Lex Luthor has to know he is batman and bruce wayne or else that plot doesn't make any sense yeah so you know the rest of the movie's airtight yeah 100 there's no flaws in that film i love it so much so yeah you're right i think batman is very bad at keeping his secret there well i think also it's just the kind of thing

that if you if you apply a modicum of reason, of common sense. Say we're living in Gotham. Yeah. And we're having that conversation. Say we live in the DCU. We know who's in the DC universe. And we're like, hey, while we're having this coffee, who do you reckon Batman is? Let me see.

Okay, so he's in Gotham. So it's probably a Gothamite because he's here all the time. And it's got to be someone who fucking loves this shit. I live in Gotham. I work in Gotham. I like Gotham, so it's got to be one of like- It's probably a Gothamite, because he's here all the time. And it's got to be someone who fucking loves this shit. I live in Gotham. I work in Gotham. I like Gotham. I don't think I fucking love it as much as Batman. I'll level with you guys.

I don't know you, but I nearly die every day. Oh, it's the fucking worst. But I like living here, because it puts me on the edge, you know? I spot. I kind of like it. It keeps me tough. Yeah, sure. But Batman, he fucking loves this city.

He loves this city It's gotta be someone That grew up here Surely It can't be someone That just you know Came in to Gotham And was like

I like this town I'm gonna protect it Nah it's gotta be Someone from Gotham It's Gothamite It has to be I think it's Superman Nah

Shut up You never see him fly though I hate when you join In these conversations You just try and Cause trouble What if it's Robin Shut up You see Batman With Robin all the time Bluff in these conversations. You just try and cause trouble. What if it's Robin?

Shut up. You see Batman with Robin all the time. Bluff. Well, what does he need? What's a two Robin theory, I reckon. Two Robin theory? I mean, what, you reckon they switch sometimes? That Batman is Robin.

So you reckon Batman is Robin and Robin is Batman? And sometimes they switch? That is the least back-up-able theory I've ever heard in my life Hang on, let's entertain him Alright, so yeah Let's say they're the same I've seen them in real life I've seen them jump the buildings

Sometimes they swap so the bad guy doesn't know who's going to hit them harder But like, one is clearly taller One is Batman One is a child Oh, that's not all right. I know. What are you saying? They swap sometimes.

But yes, but are you saying that the adult, when the adult is not dressed like Batman, he's dressed like a Robin? Yes. That, I mean... His suit is special. So when Robin... They're both boys. So you're saying...

They're both boys. So you're saying that the Batman is actually a Batboy, and he's what, a teenager? Yeah, wearing a tough suit. All right. So they're both children. They're both the same age. They swap.

So for that to work, Robin clearly doesn't... So what kind of teenager has the technology or access to a suit like that? Next question, before you answer the first. Does a suit with that technology even exist? Why would you make a suit with that technology? Damien Wayne. Damien Wayne. It's funny to have a stupid theory like that and then get that close.

Damien Wayne, the son of the multi billionaire Bruce Wayne. Yeah. He probably has him some money on board. His dad's the dickhead. Do you think he's doing it under his dad's watchful eye? Do you reckon what? I mean, well, who's the mother? That's a good question. Where did he get that boy from?

Does Batman pretend there's a good question where do you get that boy from does batman pretend there's a mom or is batman like my son who is 13 just appeared who is his mom i mean because because you're as a gothamite he's always in the tabloids he's like a playboy yeah so you'd be like oh you know the the gotham weekly or whatever they'd be like oh bruce wayne you know uh bachelor of the year 10 times running has a 13 year old son who's the mother everyone be like yeah good that's a very good question who is the mom i reckon and of the way you'd figure out batman secret identity the way i do it is so swap it from just us having our lunch at a fancy gala. Like,

and maybe it's the sixth one we've been to this year with Bruce Wayne and he's always tired. You notice Bruce Wayne is always sleepy. Something that doesn't get discussed that would have to happen. Yes. Bruce Wayne has to be on drugs. Yes. Because when does he sleep?

Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Well, I know how he sleeps. Upside down like a bat. I think I might have killed douchebag. What if Mr. Freeze is Batman and they

swap? What? What do you mean? So, we know that Mr. Freeze is in a permanent freezing costume. What if the Batman suit is cold on the inside? Did you ever think about that?

I mean, he doesn't have blue skin, and there's parts of him that's exposed, like his mouth area. They have different mouths. You know what I would probably think? I would think Man-Bat was Batman. Oh, yeah. That's pretty reasonable. You say Man-Bat. Do you not know who Man- is? No, I do.

How do you not know who man bat is? Oh, you know who man bat is. Man bat's an actual bat. Yeah, but he looks like a man. Yeah. So you'd think that. He's got the legs of a man. He does. And he's got the shape of a man with a bit of a bat. Yeah, so I'd say, well, just because think about the way you'd encounter Batman

if you're not doing crimes. You're living in Gotham. You hear about this mask, people say it's a man, but you might not believe necessarily it was a man. It can do some incredible things. Protecting the city, moves like a bat, big cape, flies around, and then you're like, man bat. Maybe a bat? It's

just very similar thematically. Yeah, you hear about that, then you hear like, fuck, what was his name? Steven something like that. Yes, a young man has turned himself into bat. You're like, oh, what was his name? Steven something like that. Yes, a young man has turned himself into bat. You're like, oh, that's the Batman. It's probably that guy. I guess he was being Batman this whole time and was experimenting. I guess he just went too far.

Yeah. Fuck, it's fucking a world we live where that can happen. You're like, science too hard. Stay away from STEM subjects, basically. I'm now a bat. Yeah, I don't want to become a man bat. Also, you know how I'd not? Well, no, because actually the moment they called him the man bat, I don't want to become a man bat. Also, you know how I'd not... Well, no, because actually the moment they called him the man bat,

I'd be like, oh, different guys. We got a Batman and a man bat. They wouldn't have called him man bat. Oh, when they see them fight. They're the same guy, the same guy. And what? Man bat got hit by Batman. Ah.

They must swap sometimes. It is funny that in a... You and your swapping theory. In what world do you think... Because it doesn't answer anything? No. Because like, yeah, Robin's Batman, and Batman's Robin sometimes.

How? Why? But like, who's Robin? It still doesn't answer. It solves nothing. But I think with Batman, you'd be like, yeah, well, which Gotham... Also, it's like, it's got to be a Gothamite.

Yeah. Before like the two Robin theory over here interjects. He's it's like, it's got to be a Gothamite. Yeah. Before, like, the two-Robin theory over here interjects. You'd be like, yeah, it's got to be a Gothamite. It's got to be someone that's rich. Yeah, absolutely. Because, like, you've seen all these. He's got, like, an amazing car. It's always in good nick, right?

Yeah, yeah. But, like, he's got gadgets unheard of. Yeah. Like, who's the largest gadget manufacturer in Gotham? Oh, fucking Wayne. Wayne Tech. Wayne Tech. So it's got to be someone that either is stealing from Wayne Tech or knows

like, you know, that kind of stuff. What if Wayne Tech is sponsoring him? I would have that theory. That Batman is like a bodyguard or like a state-sponsored... Like he's a walking advertisement? Like Wayne Enterprise kind of thing? That'd be very funny if Batman, like Wayne Tech, starts

going down. So every time he kills a criminal, he's like, invest in Wayne Tech! And then flies away invest in wayne tech what you heard me but that's what i might think because it's like well someone and like or someone who's stolen it from me i think if i went down that path i wouldn't think it was bruce wayne because i think that's he's too high up yeah i'd be like why would bruce wayne be risking his life also because like if you don't know that much about bruce wayne he seems like he'd be a scumbag yeah but then i'd be like he's a scumbag and like i'd be kind of narrowed down to be like all right well someone that's associated with wayne tech yeah i probably i'd honestly think it was like lucius fox but you gotta be like well

who's fit yeah yeah who's physically fit because bruce wayne doesn't exactly hide his physique but at a certain point i think i would just be like, he's too old. Yeah. Like, and he's not that old. But when somebody hits 50, I'm like, they're probably not superheroing around anymore. Except, you know, when Batman is like, Batman looks 50. I think also you just do a bit of math as well. You'd be like, huh?

Well, Bruce Wayne and the Bat family, you're like Batman and the Bat family. Then you'd be like Bruce Wayne and his three sons. And no like Batman and the Bat family. Then you'd be like, Bruce Wayne and his three sons. And no mum. Hmm. That's suspicious. And then you maybe put two and two together. Is Dick Grayson in that, in the tabloids? I don't know.

Well, they know that the idea, I think, is that Bruce Wayne has adopted some kids. Yeah. But they're never like, fuck. It's so, if you're looking for it, surely it's so obvious. Like, Bruce Wayne adopts a child and then Batman gets a new ward. Yeah. And you're just like, what?

Yeah. It's not even like, it's even more obvious because like Bruce Wayne adopts a circus performing child. Yeah. In some kind of, after the parents died in a circus accident. And look, there's Robin doing flips and shit. And you'd just be like, I'm just... It's kind of like a circus performer. In fact, he's wearing similar tights to the Flying Graysons. To the boy that...

And he's the boy that... I mean, you know, Vicky Vale here, very shit investigative journalist, apparently. And even I gotta say, this is immensely suspicious. This is very, very sus. I just think either way, are the journalists just really bad in Gotham? Especially. The giveaway would be, so there's a classic comic run called Nightfall, right?

Where Batman gets pneumonia. Yep. Which I think is great. Ah, I love it. Because nobody likes doing anything with a cold. And imagine having to be Batman with a cold fuck that but surely when Batman gets pneumonia

at the same time Bruce Wayne gets pneumonia you're just like ah wait Nightfall you said right that's where he gets his back broken he's got pneumonia when he gets his back broken Bane is like the best fucking villain what he does is like okay cool

I'm gonna exhaust this shit out of Batman cause he lets all of the yeah lets all the villains out of Batman with pneumonia he's like

oh my fucking god and goes to town and like gets them all in after that when he's finally like I feel like I'm running a fever I got them all away

Bane's like hello Batman time to break you on my knees and he does time to spank the bat. Imagine the cover of that. Rather than just like a knee through his back.

It's just on his knees, spanking the shit. Time to get spanked, Batman. Imagine. Batman's like, I wish you'd broke it. This is the most humiliating moment of my life. Stop it. Stop it. Please stop spanking me in front of Gotham.

Gotham's friend of God. In front of Gotham, God, and my three adoptive boys. Gotham's protector spanked. That's what the news would say. A different Batman, like Dark Knight Rises. By that point, everyone fucking knows who Batman is. Yeah. You know just that Batman,

we haven't seen him in eight years? That's real fucking crazy. Hey, where's Bruce Wayne? Haven't seen him in eight fucking years. That's real strange. Anyway, oh, look, Bruce is coming out of his hiding. And so is Batman. I am a Gothamite, and I refuse to put two and two together.

You know who's actually bad at keeping their secret identity? Superman. Yeah, well, Superman just goes to no effort. That's really funny. Nah, maybe I'll put glasses on. Glasses on, I'll push my hair back a little bit. Or let it down. Wait, does Clark Kent have the curl or does Superman have the curl?

Superman's got the curl. He parts it differently as well. I would love to live or to see a comic. Hang on, hang on. I'm just going to do something with my hair. So I'm going to part my hair like this. So I'm pushing it to the left. So this is hi, everybody.

My name's Joel. Hey, how you doing, Joel? It's lovely to meet you. Who's this? Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Hold on. We're getting some theater happening.

I've got some glasses. New bloke? Who's this guy in the studio? New bloke? Where's Zermatt? Ah! So Joel Zermatt just parted his hair from the left to the right and then put on a pair of glasses.

And instantly, I don't know who he is. Could be anybody. Yeah? Could be anyone. No? Bad. Plus, Superman is like seven foot tall and hulked. Hi, I'm a journalist.

I have to walk through doors sideways. I'm too jacked um the one really good superman comic is superman all-star and the way they get around this is that when he's clark kent he hunches over and he's a bit more bumbling oh yeah and so he doesn't look like he doesn't look muscular he just kind of looks thick and a little bit like clumsy and kind of like just a big boy. Also in All-Star Superman, isn't Lex Luthor straight off the bat just like, I know who you are? No, because he's like, look at you, Clark. Oh, that's right.

He's like, imagine you are bumbling fuck. Imagine comparing yourself all the way to Superman. And that's sort of like- That's right, because he's interviewing him. Yeah. That's a great comic. It's so good. That's why you didn't like it.

No, it's great. Okay, never mind. He should shave great comic. It's so good. I thought you didn't like it. No, it's great. Oh, okay. Never mind. He should shave his head. What? Hang on. Think about that. I refuse.

No, no, no, no. Think about that. All right. Clark Kent shaves his head. Superman still has no hair. You idiot. Superman wears a toupee. You both are fuckwits.

Like, first off, yes, shave your head. Superman's bald. Clark wears the toupee. Why? Because when you're flying, guess what's yes, shave your head Superman's bald, Clark wears the toupee Why? Because when you're flying, guess what's also flying off your head? The toupee Ya fuck Superman flying, the toupee coming off

And a bystander watching me like Oh my god, it's Clark Kent Oh my god, he's bald as fuck You idiot Yeah What do you think about If Superman kept his hair up Like you do in a man bun

And then When he's Superman He just let it all hang Actually what about Alright so this is me normal Yeah So yeah there you go Hey everyone stop

Now Different person No Not at all But also If Superman's bald It'll be hard to tell Who's who

When he's talking to Lex Luthor. He'll be like, which one's the baddie? I don't know. Which one's the one we elected for president? I don't remember. Lex v Superman as president. Well, Superman can't run for president. Wasn't born in America. That's true.

Alien. But Clark Kent can. Oh. Yeah, gotcha. Because Clark Kent, ostensensibly human on paper at least what about if you'd grown up in Kansas and you'd gotten to know Superman surely then the moment he's Superman well Superman also has a habit of doing dumb heroic things whilst as Clark Kent yeah yeah Clark that's so unlike you and he's like no I'm just yeah but like if you're around him enough, you're like, you do that like once a week. Yeah, absolutely.

Remember that time he pushed a fucking boss out of the ocean? Did he ever join the football team? No. He should've. Well, in Smallville Park Camp was like, don't you fucking dare. But then he does. I would. And Park Camp's like, yeah, alright, fair enough. Is he good at it? Yeah, he's great at it. Damn right he's good at it.

But then he loses on purpose, like the end of Incredibles. Don't lose on purpose. Be good. I don't know why Superman's dad... Superman's dad's also scared of him fucking, I don't know, Smallville Scrub. Fair enough, because, like, who knows? But in that situation, right, if he's like, all right, he looks jacked. He looks like he's, you know, well-trained.

Just, yeah, don't purposely lose or whatever, but just dial it back a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make it look like a believable win. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Have some glory, man. Become a fucking quarterback or whatever. Yeah, no, Parken didn't want it. Parken has a heart attack, though, so he gets his justice. I was watching Man of Steel because it was on TV

again. That death scene is really, really funny. It's hilarious. It's also almost directly after the speech about don't save everyone. Don't save everyone., really funny. It's hilarious. It's also almost directly after the speech about don't save everyone. Don't save everyone. I'm gonna punch this tornado. Goodbye. Catch you cunts. Whoop! I can next appear.

I got this. Oi! Dog bloke! Get out of the car! Oi, tornado! I'm coming for ya! Catch you cunts. Salutes. Whoop! It's just kind of like'm coming for you. Catch you, cunts. Salutes. It's just kind of like, you reckon you're so mighty, Clark?

You're good at stopping things? I'll stop this, tornado. It's actually, fuck. The vibe you get from that scene

watching it again, because I didn't watch the, I literally just watched like 15 minutes while I was eating dinner. The vibe you get is like, I'm teaching you a lesson. The lesson is you have to watch people die.

Catch you later. What a bizarre message that film had. Great message. You can't save everyone, Clark. Well, actually, I can save most people. I mean, if you had a heart attack or something, you probably couldn't save that. But if you're going to get sucked up by a tornado...

I reckon I could stop that. Because Clark goes to run. I reckon I could stop that. But I guess not. Because Clark goes to run. Yeah. And Paul's like, no. It's fine. You know, another easy way to, you know, the classic Superman goes into a phone booth and changes? Yeah.

That's just like in public. You'd be like, where did that man that went into that phone booth? And say you're like waiting outside. Yeah. Ready to use that phone booth. And he goes in there. And he's so fast, you don't really notice it. You just like this big like gust of wind something happened anyway when this fucker getting out of this phone exactly i gotta make some go yeah but i think i think this uses oh my god i'm gonna this is a bad reference but this is the

only one i have um i think superman sort of because cl clark kent is so such like an average person yeah he's like that doctor who logic of like oh like you see a police box that's not meant to be there but also like you're like whatever that's not that unusual you're like i can't imagine you're like it's almost too weird for me to think about it's too weird you're just like he's too much of a book to be a super even like so your brain just can't put to yeah like when a phone box is in the wrong place you're not just like, oh, alien. You're like,

oh, that's weird, whatever. Somebody probably fucked up. Yeah. I feel like Superman couldn't have done what he did with phone booths in Australia because we have like open phone booths.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He usually does a spin though, doesn't he? He does. Yeah. Wonder Woman does a spin. She does the like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They both do a bit of a spin. Yeah, everyone's spinning. Superman should do- Does Flash do a spin? Oh, wait. Flash has a bit of a spin. Yeah, everyone's spinning. Superman should do... Does Flash do a spin? Oh, wait. Flash has his costume in a ring. Does he do like a pirouette when he presses it? He should. I think he'd look good doing it. Yeah, I was

going to say Superman should do the Spider-Man thing, but he does. Yeah. Where the Superman costume is under his regular clothes. Yeah. That's another problem. That's a spin. And I'm sure we'll get to that if we discuss Spider-Man. But Superman just having his Superman suit underneath. Hot. That's another problem. That's a spin. And I'm sure we'll get to that if we discuss Spider-Man. But Superman just having his Superman suit underneath. Hot. Well, hot, but also, like, I hang out with you guys, and you will wear shirts over t-shirts.

Yeah. And I see those t-shirts. Well, yeah. So, like, Superman has to keep it buttoned up to the neck. Yeah. And not just that, like, he wears, say, a white shirt. Yeah. That S is shining through. I would just think he's a superman enthusiast i

would be like that's real sad that he could also be wearing an undershirt he's just wearing heaps of layers of clothes he's always sweaty that helps the nerd really help i'd be like god that clock gets always sweaty but does he sweat because superman i don't feel would i don't if superman doesn't sweat i know clock can't assume it because Because on a 40 degree day at a company picnic, I'm like, it's weird. Clark is dry. Yeah, though. Because when you think about it, there's all those little tiny things that we take for granted. That we're part of being human.

Whereas, like, laboured breath or anything like that. He'd have to be on 24-7. How weird is that? Superman taking the stairs. He has to pretend to be out of breath. Yeah, he you'd be so put off yeah he's like yeah and you're like oh that was rough was it you that was talking about how clark kent has to go to the toilet and just pretend to stand there and take a shit well yeah i've certainly brought that up before that if he doesn't shit he has to so to avoid suspicion just sit on the toilet but my argument there

was that i work in an office and i have never ever paid attention to when people shit exactly you don't pay attention because it always sort of happens whereas like i think subconsciously you don't shit at work sometimes no but like he would never it'd be over a period yeah so if superman doesn't like need i think if i never see him leave his desk for like three months, I might be like, that's weird. Like I've never seen him eat or nor have I seen him go to the bathroom at all. That's what I mean. Like, you know, if- You're making it sound like within a week, if you're like-

Oi, stop. No, no, no. You just had lunch and you haven't taken a shit. I'm like, hey, so my charts, I do a chart. You're fired. It's called a shit chart, where I chart how long people shit for. It's very funny to imagine somebody just like nudging Clark Kennedy like, hey, look, just a by the by, you're new here. But Jackson has a shit chart where I chart how long people shit for. It's very funny to imagine somebody just like nudging Clark Kennedy, like, hey, look, just a by the by, you're new here.

But Jackson has a shit chart. So you might want to go take a shit, otherwise he will get irate. Hi. Melanie, you shit today yet? Not Melanie, Melanie. It's a made up office lady that I made. Jackson, stop asking Melanie, go shit

You're overdue on my chart You didn't shit here yesterday And frankly, I am irate I go when I wake up Check your fibre I'm a morning person You know what, I'm going to take this opportunity Everyone in the office

I don't know what's going on, but you are throwing this chart out of fucking whack. I mean, I come in at 9, but I usually poop at 7.15. Yeah, well, you pooped at 7.30 yesterday. Well, I was at my home. Yeah, well, I've got to be thorough. I'll sit back down. How about that?

How come I've not been fired You're the boss HR HR I have some questions And issues When I took over This The Daily Planet

From Perry White I told you There would be some changes And one of those changes Was a shit chart And you all signed A legal binding document That said

Shit chart yes No But I crossed out the no. This is very invasive. I quit. I just want to know when you shit. Why? For my own personal well-being.

Nothing stresses out work as more than not taking a shit at work. Here I am, Jackson Bailey encouraging you. What study have you read? The Jay Bailey 2015 report Stress levels increased by over 100% Productivity is down On your desk you will find a book Written by me in the winter of 2017

Entitled Shitting at Work Good for you A study by Jackson Bailey. I expect it read. Well, let me just have a... Oh, no, you're right. Yeah, you've done a lot of research. I spoke to three doctors.

And a nurse. And one chiropractor. I took what I could get. Anyway, in that kind of hostile environment, Superman best be shitting, or at least pretending. But yeah, Superman, I think he'll fuck up on a long enough period of time. Yeah.

Even if it's like, all right, so he's working at the Daily Planet for what, 10 years? Yeah. Say he's just been keeping it going for 10 years. Like, hey man, you haven't aged. Yeah, that's another problem. Like, what's your diet? Your're skin is amazing though superman does age in some comic books yeah but slowly yeah yeah but not that like whatever happened to the man of tomorrow he's like

no but not all right so i'm just gonna start a comic book and you can argue with me but it happens in this one so whatever happened to the the man of... And whatever happened to the man of tomorrow, he... I'm like, this is a disguise. No, I can't. Well, whatever happened to the man of tomorrow, like, lots of what-ifs, though. Because whatever happened to the Caped Crusaderers, it's a lot of like, oh, wouldn't this be... This is a neat idea.

This is a... Oh, yeah, no, this is... The Alan Moore one, yeah? This is the end of Superman, yeah. Oh, okay. Well yeah the end of superman yeah okay well the end of superman pretty much what happens is the person that causes mischief what's that one mr mix-up yeah mix-up looks like yeah he uh he realizes he's existed for so long and he's never tried murder oh yeah then, like, starts killing people. And, like, he gives Brainiac- he puts Brainiac on Lex

Luthor. Oh, yeah. And, yeah, everyone dies, basically, except, um- Superman. Lois. Jimmy Olsen. Jimmy Olsen dies. And all of his friends die.

How quickly does Superman age in it? Well, he's like middle-aged at the same time Lois is middle-aged. Well, I think by and large in most of the comics he ages very slowly. Yeah. Yeah. Which would become suspicious eventually. I mean, if he's clever, he just starts putting grey in his hair. Yeah, but it would only become suspicious over like 40 years.

Yeah, that's what I mean. After 10 years, he's like, fuck, fuck Clark you've got a good skin care regime After 20 years he'd be like Clark how come you How come you Superman Also why are you still here at this job Yeah what the fuck man Move on

Yeah so that would become a problem Get into blogging Also like so Superman generally wears like a white T-shirt with a black tie when he's got Kent. Yeah. If I spill coffee on that. Yeah. Does he have to take it off?

Yep. And reveal his Superman suit? Yeah. Well, that's when he goes to the bathroom. So, he's stashed. Well, he's fast, Jack. So, he's- So, he's going to the bathroom, right?

Yeah. Zip out the window to anywhere. Get a change of clothes. Because he might, like, he might not be morally, but, like, okay, so, scenario, because, again, you've got to think about morals. Yeah, sure. Because he's not going to steal. No, no.

But, like, he would go to a suit shop, maybe grab a suit. Yeah. And leave, but then there'd be, like, a water, like, a $100 note or whatever on the counter. On the table, yeah, yeah, I suppose. and that's something that i i can almost imagine seeing like that seems like something that's happened in like the the adventures of lois and clark yeah yeah yeah whereas yeah i feel like that because he's so quick but if you were suspicious you could trap him like that i mean you're throwing a lot of coffee on him yeah but also like you spill like he's wearing white you spill water because then it just goes see-through.

You know, he's wearing an undershirt, say. You're like, oh, you spill it, and he's like, well, you can't quite see, he's wearing, like, a white thing underneath. And then you're like, well, take it off, it's all good, I'll give you a change. And he's like, no. But then again, like, that's not that outside the realm of possibility. If you spill, like, coffee on me or whatever, you take off your top, I'm like, no. But then again, that's not that outside the realm of possibility. If you spill coffee on me or whatever, you take off your top, I'm like, no. But it's weird if I spill coffee. Obviously, if I tell you to get nude, that's strange.

But if I spill coffee on your white shirt and you don't take it off? But I would get up and go. You know, okay. I would go to the bathroom. The issue comes here that Jackson has not worked in a proper work environment. So we are currently recording in Joel Zemmert's house. Yeah. So if you spill something on his shirt, then yes, it would be weird if you didn't change.

Yeah. Because his clothes are all here. Also, I would just get up and be like, all right, cool. I'll just change. You wouldn't be like, yeah. Well, like, I've been at my job before, and I've spilled like an entire thing of Fanta on myself. But what I mean is that I-

Which is, I made my shirt orange. Yeah. But I've had to work with that on because I'm at work. But do you have something underneath you could take off? I don't mean necessarily go home. I just mean, like, take off your shirt. No, he's saying you have to work with the sticky Fanta on your shirt. Because, like, I can't take my shirt off at work.

Yeah, but do you have, like, a T-shirt on underneath? I still can't... He couldn't take that off. Yeah, but you're working at a cinema not like okay so yeah well fair enough good point you got a uniform yeah there's no uniform for clark well what i would do is yes there is it's a white shirt yeah and tie so if you spill something on his shirt he can't work with a t-shirt on surely parry white is not going to be like no no i agree with jackie however however what i would do is like ah you got coffee

on me cool uh hey i'm just gonna nip downstairs because i work in a city with clothing stores everywhere i'm just gonna quickly buy a new shirt yeah it would be more for that than him working a t-shirt because if you wanted him to work in a t-shirt he would be allowed to wear a t-shirt to work yeah so like i'd be just i mean it's a weird thing because you're not going to trap him unless you keep spilling coffee on him. Well, that's an option. But then he's just going to keep buying shirts. Well, you've...

At this point, you would buy the shirts. I think after the first one, he buys a shirt. After the second one, you're buying shirts. And after the sixth one, he uses his laser eyes and melts your brain. What about just ripping your shirt? After the sixth one, he's just dodging it. Yeah.

Without meaning to. He's just like, oh, Jackson. I know what you're doing now. Please stop. What about if I tear his shirt? Like I pretend to trip over and grab his shirt

and tear it open. Do you have suspicion that he is Superman? I'm like, I see Superman, this muscly guy, and I've noticed how muscular Clark Kent is.

Because initially I'm like, why are you tearing your co-worker's shirts? Because that just seems weird and I'm going to give Clark Kent is. Because initially I'm like, why are you tearing your co-workers' shirts? Because that just seems weird and I'm going to give you another call from HR. I'm just getting aggression out. Maybe you have suspicion. I hate your shirt!

I mean, at this point, why don't you just try and stab him? Well, because that's going to kill... I think he's Superman. I'm not going to be like, I'll get him with a bottom knife. I just want to know. And I tear his shirt open,

his shirt opens up and there's the Superman suit underneath. And he goes, I'm a cosplay enthusiast. I'll be like, that's a lie. No. Superman is my persona. I identify as him. Actually, if I just jumped out a window. Yeah. Well, that's a big risk.

It's a big risk. Small risk. Big risk for you yeah funny to imagine superman being like yeah no he tore my shirt earlier today eight times he did it i know this guy times in four days not doing that nope nope he can he can get broken i'm just gonna quickly close my ear lids. I can do that because I'm an alien and not hear his screams.

Yep, not listening to that. What about the same thing for Peter Parker? Because Peter Parker wears his Spider-Man suit underneath. Yeah. And the thing is, Superman, I can be like, okay, cool. He's maybe that good an actor that he can be like, yep, I'm going to try and sweat or I'm going to try and pretend I'm being puffed. Yeah, yeah. Spider-Man, though, I feel he would be sweating.

Spider-Man's a bit different, though, because Spider-Man got his powers when he was already a kid. So people probably wouldn't assume that he's Spider-Man. Because one, they assume Spider-Man's an adult. Yeah. That's something Spider-Man does have going for him. He's a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's something Spider-Man does have going for him. He's a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. But he's a child, so he's not going to be thinking like, you know, he's still got child advice for coffee on Spider-Man's shirt.

Yeah. Spider-Man is also poor. Yeah. And bullied, though, so it wouldn't be that out of, he'd be like, oh. He'd be like, oh, what? You think another stain on this shirt is going to make a difference? I think I give a shit. I'm like, you are aggressive.

He's like, yeah. I'll come here, I'll hit you. But with Spider-Man, because he's a teenager, he's not going to think of like, he's not going to be like that clever brain maybe that Superman or even Batman might have to try and hide the identity. Even though Peter Parker is quite intelligent. Yeah.

Like he's still a kid. He's got teen brain. He's got teen brain. Full of calm. Full of calm. Oh, my God. Going through. Yeah. Like, he's still a kid. He's got teen brain. He's got teen brain. Full of cum. Full of cum. Oh, my God. Going through puberty. Oh, good Lord.

Yeah. Yeah. I reckon it... No, you know what? I'm keeping that one to myself. All right. Fuck fair. Yeah.

I think Spider-Man... Self-censorship at its finest. That's what that was. I think I could figure out Spider-Man's secret identity. Well, it'd be, like, who's the kid that's always skipping class? Yeah, exactly. Also, like, you notice this kid, he was a bit nerdy, and, like, he was a dweeb.

Yeah. But now, full of muscles. Yeah, he got very, very buff very, very quickly. But when he dresses, it's hard to tell. Yeah, true. And he does try to hide it when he's doing the Cap American Fitness thing, where he's like, slow down. He's like, oh, yeah, slow down.

But that, so that's like, that's... If, sorry to interrupt. Please. If his mate, the big chubby boy, if he got bit by the spider... Would he get muscular? Would he get, like, just, like, fit? Because it's kind of lucky that Peter Parker is not fit, but kind of slim. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because if he'd been, like, a big boy, and then got bitten, and then he'd just become real muscular... I assume it's like the fat would have become... He would have been like a like a like a tank yeah a little bodybuilder kind of yeah yeah absolutely like like that would be harder to hide yeah that would be harder to hide all of a sudden that fat is muscle i think he'd just lose weight real quick he wouldn't it wouldn't be like an instant thing it's just that he's because he's like his stamina and stuff like that the things that would make exercising hard for him because of his size would no longer be obstacles. And so his body weight would just naturally drop.

Yeah, yeah. Did that happen? No, because Peter Parker gets fit overnight. It's instant. Certainly in the first Spider-Man trilogy. And in the second one. Oh, sorry, the third one. In the MCU, yeah.

Who knows about the second one? I can guess. No one. No one. In the MCU, you don't see the origin. Yeah, I don't think he gets- No, you're right, you don't. You don't seem to get muscly.

But in definitely Tobey Maguire, it's instant muscles. He wakes up and he's like, I am Jack. I am a strong boy. He's like, I'm a muscly boy. And also, in the Tobey Maguire one, he catches that plate. With Webb. But again, that's the situation. He isn't Spider-Man at that point.

But I would then later figure out when Spider-Man... Your memory is not that good. I would be like, the one kid that ejaculated Webb at his wrist is when Spider-Man Your memory is not that good. I would be like the one kid that ejaculated Webb at his wrist is probably Spider-Man. And now we have this Spider-Menace. I would not be like

I wonder if those two things are connected. No, I just don't think you'd remember the first incident. Are you telling me I'm not going to remember a guy jizzing

Webb at his wrist? I reckon you wouldn't have even noticed. Wouldn't have noticed too busy drinking my milk. When I clearly bullied Peter Parker And pushed him When I absolutely take the role of Flash Thompson

In Peter Parker's life And for his entire school career Call him Jizz Wrist Hey commie hand What's up comm wrist How you doing Gonna jizz out your wrist again It's funny that I'm just, like,

an opportunity for bullying. Not like a, that kid, what did I say? You be going to give, like, someone a handshake, come up, slap them out the way, don't do it.

Don't touch jizz wrist. He'll jizz out his wrist. This is a ploy. He wants you to jerk him off. Unless you love cum. You love cum? I'm bullying you now, too. Look, he's going to do his jerk off

with his wrist. He loves it, see? Can you shake his hand? Did you say he jizzed out his wrist? Yeah What do you mean? No, look, give me your wrist, Parker Give me your wrist Com came out his wrist

That's fucked Yeah, he was probably holding it That's why we call him Com wrist No Peter Parker would just have to own that he was holding cum. It's like, yeah, I came out my wrist. No, no, no, it was just holding cum. Well, that's a weird sex pest.

Don't do that. I'm going to play with my cum. Then I'm probably not going to be like, that's Spider-Man. I am not going to be like the guy who keeps saving New York, his old jizz wrist from high school. You know, like the reason why like Daredevil is called Daredevil is because in his younger ages,

people used to bully him and call him a daredevil, and that's why he took that into his moniker. So it would be great to be like, they used to tease me when I was younger, but I'm showing them now. They will fear the amazing Jizzrist. It's Jizz, not web. That's a terrible catchphrase.

What's funny about that? Hey, criminal. It's going to jizz you up. It's jizz, not web. Eat a dick, crime. So like Spider-Man called himself Spider-Man because he's like, well, obviously the wrestling thing, but he's also, like, associated the powers he got with a spider. I think he figured out how he got them pretty much straight away.

He got bit by a spider. Yeah, but if you didn't make that connection, you could call yourself Jizzrist. You know what I mean? Like, say it's a mutant power that just turned up. So, I have jizz amount in my hand that's a bit sticky. You stick to the walls like you've got jizz hands. My hands get covered in a fine layer of jizz.

So it makes me stick to them. And then I have like semi-precog abilities. You know, like a post-orgasm feeling of like, I know what's happening. I know what's going on. You could find a way to... Well, because I was thinking about Toad. And how it annoys me that Toad's name is Toad. Yeah. He know what's going on. You could find a way to... Well, because I was thinking about Toad and how it annoys me that Toad's

name is Toad. Yeah. Because he's only called Toad because he looks like a Toad. He actually doesn't have Toad powers. That doesn't make sense. He's a long tongue. So his name could have been Long Tongue. He could have been Long Tongue Wallsticker. Yeah, exactly. Just like Spider-Man could have been Jizz Wrist. Jizz Wrist Wallsticker. Yeah.

What was this episode about again? Spider-Man has fine hands on his... Fine hands on his hands. He gets his hand, zooms in, and there's more little tinier hands. Zoom in again, even tinier hands. Fine hair on his hands so that he can climb walls. That means that if you shook his hand or something, it would feel very wrong.

Yeah. It'd be rough. He might stick to you. And you'd be like, oh, God, jizz hands yet again. Oh, classic jizz hands. Strikes again. He keeps coming on his hands. Can't help it.

This version of Spider-Man kills me. I think he just, like, fills you up with web. Like, as in, you're yelling and he just, like, webs into your mouth. Yeah. Have you ever seen that fucked up? It's from a comic where Sandman just fills Spider-Man with sand. Kill him? Yeah. He explodes. The last thing he says is Gwen. It is the most grisly thing. Sandman thinks he's a zombie Spider-Man from Marvel Zombies,

but he's just Spider-Man. So he fills him with sand until his stomach explodes open and he's like Gwen and dies. That's fucked. Yeah, it's grim. What's that from? I don't know. It's like a Marvel Zombies, I'm guessing? I think it's like a post Marvel Zombies, but with the effects of Marvel Zombies. Alright. I'm assuming they re-

Well, Spider-Man's alive now. He's not full of they're not like Rastanby's Spider-Man full of sand. So who do we think had the worst secret was the worst at keeping the secret identity Oh right that was yep Tony Stark told everyone thanks for listening You idiot Tony

Now everyone knows I am I am man He was like could be my bodyguard Everyone could have been like sus but sure Imagine if in that grand reveal He'd said it wrong I am Iger man

fuck I don't know why I did the Wonder Woman music and on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson I've also been Joel keep your secrets secret Excelsior

what does Stanley I always forget what no no no your secrets secret. Excelsior. What does Stanley... I always forget what... Excelsior. No, not that. No, no, no. Stay true, true believers. Stay true, true... Stay true, true believers? Stay true, true believers. Believe, true believe. Stay true, true, true, true believers.

No, that doesn't... Baby, baby, baby. That's sad that the most recent Justin Bieber reference you can make is baby. That song's very old now. Despacito. Yes. Jackson Bailey, hip with the kids. Jackson Bailey raps America.

That's not a rap song. Oh, Jackson Bailey music cunt. Goodbye. Bye. Goodbye listening and if you want to follow us on twitter you can find us at sanspants radio or you can find us individually i'm at douche13 i'm at old dog the dad and i'm at god damn it zamit if you want to hear our other shows you can head to sanspantsradio.com and you'll find all our other content there there's heaps and if you want to support us head to sanspantsplus.com uh thank you again for listening and we'll see you again next time good night for now but not forever kisses