Plumbing the Death Star - Which Superhero Would Be the Worst Co-Worker?

Episode Date: August 8, 2021

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's happiest podcast network? Hey everyone and welcome to another episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like which superhero would be the worst co-worker? So I've been thinking about secret identity recently. And I've been thinking there's a lot of superheroes. Thinking about getting one? Yeah. What if I was mild-mannered reporter? Dave. Dave Hughes.

And what if you got really angry? What if I did Davey loses it? Anyway, no. That's better than the name that I was going to give you. I was like, yeah, maybe I should be a mild-mannered reporter. And my brain was like, Johnny Republic. That's a superhero name. Johnny Republic.

Jackson Bailey, a.k.a. Johnny Republic. No, but what I was thinking of is that a lot of these superheroes will work an everyday job, but obviously they're superheroes. So it's going to make it complicated to work alongside one of them. Yeah. Because it's not an even playing field. Yeah. So mainly I think of the- Well, there's a lot of problems.

Jackson, you don't have a real job, so you wouldn't know. But Joel Zammett has worked at many reputable businesses. Yeah, for sure. And it's not just that- So one thing you said there is like competition, but it's not just that. It's they're unreliable. They're annoying.

They're usually traditionally very attractive. Late. True. Late all the time. Always late. Late, leaving early. Leaving in the middle of meetings. Having what they call a smoker, but it goes for way too long.

Constant smokers, but they never smell like smoke. Yeah, what's that about? Never come to work drinks. Never come to work drinks. True. They always seem tired or distracted. Yeah, and you're like, you're not working that hard. How come you're looking so tired?

So I think one of the worst. Black eyes, beat up. One of the worst co-workers, and I don't think he would look like that. Superman, Clark Kent. One of the worst co-workers and I don't think he would look like that. Superman, Clark Kent, working alongside Clark Kent because again, I have this giant

handsome farm boy. So already my masculinity is threatened just by his pure nature. It's so great to imagine you first day at the Daily Planet. You're like, all right,

hottest guy in the office. And then he's like, oh, hey, it's a pleasure to meet you. And you're like, fuck. Are you kidding me? Look at that chin. Look at that chin.

Look at that chin. Have you guys, you guys, oh, and he is so nice. He is the loveliest, most charming man. He's so lovely. Fuck. Fucking funny guy. I'm very angry and cynical. So this will not work out for me.

And because of your reaction, you drop from, not only from hottest guy to hottest to second hottest guy, but then you drop an extra spot because your personality makes you ugly. But apart from him being an absolute smoke show, there's a few times, I'm just trying to think of the Man of Steel kind of Clark Kent,

where our... Good luck! Where our beautiful owner, editor in charge? What was Perry, editor in charge. What was Perry White? Editor in charge. Editor in chief?

Definitely not owner. Owner. Editor in chief? Well, that's my owner. Do you mean boss? What was Perry White's job description? Is it editor? It'd probably be editor in chief, I would imagine.

Is that the right term? I think so. I don't know. I refuse to look it up. Okay, look. Why lies is bothering you. I don't know. How many times do we confidently say the wrong thing? I don't know, but it to look it up. Okay, look. Why is this bothering you? I don't know. How many times do we confidently say the wrong thing?

I know, but it just got stuck in my brain. I'm sorry. It just got in there. Recently we got into a trend of Googling stuff, and yes, it is 100% me. Yeah. But I'm stamping it out now. I've had enough.

Who cares? Good. Editor-in-chief. Yeah, that's Perry White. So, yeah, he has printed just blank bits of nothing to be like, because Clark Kent was late in terms of putting out an article, we just printed nothing. So in terms of as a co-worker, I'd be like, well, first off,

I'm a person who takes pride in my work. I'm here. I'm like nine or five if I'm in the office, but also if I'm a reporter, I'm out there on the beat trying to get these stories, and I'm trying to do my best in trying to put out a good story. And there's this handsome idiot who is so handsome, but he doesn't even do the work.

Yeah. And our wonderfully incompetent editor-in-chief is like, I'm going to print nothing instead. And so I'm like, hey, I could have had a sports story ready to go i i could have i could have covered that but also i could have simply covered that and picked up that coin but instead we have nothing so you're bringing the repute of our paper down it's also so funny because he's the sports reporter in the end of seal right but also because he's superman i feel like he's like he's got an ear to the ground so you can imagine him coming in and being like

well i don't know if this is the kind of thing we should be reported on. And then bringing up some, like, I don't know, some public workers. It turns out that Superman, y'all, here, he's been framed for murder. Maybe we should write another story about what a good guy Superman is. He's on the beat of, like, the sports stuff. But then he's like, well, you hear about that Batman? He a branding people. Maybe somebody should write about that.

What has this got to do with the scores at all, Peter Clark? Well, that also happens because in Batman v Superman, Clark is like, y'all see this Batman on the television screen? It's distracting me from my smalls. Well, yeah, we understand this, Clark Kent. We know about Batman. Water is wet, whatever, it's fine. But also, you'd be so pissed off because you'd be like, stay in your lanes.

Well, that's what I mean. He'd be like, yeah. Because you have to usually, like, with news, like, places like that, your writing has to be popular or you need to be, like, poached because of a good story you do. You can't just be like, y'all here, I'm writing about them damn Batman. So on this Sunday, the Jets were fighting the Raptors, but they obviously were a bit distracted with the news of that murderous Batman.

Stay in your lane, Clark! Well, I think that the lead Jetsman missed the most winning goal there because he was too busy thinking about that there bad Batman. That would be the most insane article to read. Oh man, I'm going to read about the Raptors versus the Jets. What the hell? The head Jetsman?

Excuse me? Has this guy seen a fucking sport? When you were a sports journo, you need to have an affiliation for sports. What sports does Clark Kent have? Superman does not follow sports. He does not follow sports.

I grew up in Smallville, which probably played some baseball. Played some skinball, yeah. Played some football. What did he do? How did he land a job as an investigative sports journalist? I don't know, but I just imagined the power. What did he do? How did he land a job as a investigative sports journalist? I don't know, but I just imagined the power. What questions do you think Clark is asking

at a press conference? So I see you play baseball. I see you have a bet. So I didn't want to think about Batman. Perry White publishes the story in Batman v Superman, right? Because that's, yeah Superman right Superman would be like congratulations on the win

have you seen the Batman also do you believe that the Superman shot that man with a gun Superman with laser eyes shot a man through the head with a gun one of these things don't make sense to a

simple boy these things don't make sense to a simple boy why is he a sports writer and then again if i'm like like imagine the absurdity of here's this guy meathead yeah you know you know what i mean like you you don't want to stereotype but a big muscly guy in an in a suit that is barely containing his rippling abs abs doing the sports set you're like okay yeah like a jock like a lunkhead

you watch sports right but then he has the audacity to be like hey maybe we should be like I know I'm never in and my articles are bad but maybe we should be reporting on this batman guy you'd be, I wouldn't think oh, he has a story to tell.

I would think he's not paying attention or very clever and is trying to elevate himself in the newspaper. You'd be like, who are you? Shut up! You've been here for like a year or something. Batman's been around for 15 or something. You should know about him. You idiot.

Not only are you bad at your job, you're making our prize Pulitzer-winning journalist dumber. Yeah, exactly. And you would also, the fact that he was with Lois Lane, you would be like, not only would you think he was an idiot meathead, you would also be like, you're so sneaky. Like, what are you doing? Trying to work your way up the ladder.

Yeah, because if he's up the ladder asking questions about like oh you know what about this thing over here instead of this sports thing what about this thing and then to be like dating the award winning journalist that is on staff we're like is he even or is he just more because he wants to don't you think he's trying to like

imagine to be honest, if I was working in that workplace, I would assume the opposite. I'd be like, not that he's using Lois' leverage, but trying to use his journal like trying to get articles published about Batman so

he seems clever because he's only just started dating Lois. So I'd be like, he knows he's in over his head. Or he's like he's just doing this to try and impress a girl. That's very annoying for the workplace. That's also true. If he's just trying to like, you know,

oh yeah, I have opinions on Batman, but I'm only just trying to do that to impress mothers. Yeah, cause like, you know, like when relationships first start, for the first couple of months, like the person who is, like people, they're still trying to woo each other, even though they are in a relationship.

I would just assume that. Shut up is what I'd say. Sit down, shut up, write about the football. Because he also doesn't have, it's not like he has like amazing opinions about it. He's like, he's branding people. That's bad. You're like, yeah. You boys seeing this on the news?

Yes. It's on the news already. We should put it in the news. When do you think we're hearing it? That's another good point. Excuse me, Batman? Well, I read in the newspaper that Batman's branding people so I thought well

gee whiz we got a newspaper yeah yeah what if we wrote an article that was the same and he leans back and is a chair Barry White's like well not only is that a bad idea but you also

didn't actually write anything, so I've published a blank square. You're not doing the job that I've paid you for, and now you're trying to plagiarize? But it's also so funny, because a real-world equivalent of this is like, you join a newspaper, say New York Times. Congratulations, us. Yeah, well done.

Like, we listen to your podcast. You sound stupid. Yes, yes, yes. And that could put an interesting twist on how the New York Times are respected, well done. Like, we listened to your podcast. You sound stupid. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And that could put an interesting twist on how the New York Times are respected, not We're releasing sort of like a spin-off newspaper called the New York Times Dumb. It's the same articles, but it's written by Gray Day Morrow. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, and you want us to source someone for that? Uh, no. How is it written? The New York Times colon dumb? I was imagining. But then, so it's like you've joined the New York Times. Yeah. And there's some big, stupid, muscle-bound freak who's working with you.

And he's like, did you hear about this Zodiac killer? Maybe we should write articles about the Zodiac. And you're like, it's been done. It's not news. Yeah, we have them. Someone did them 15 years ago when it was like a thing to talk about. Or it's like, hey,

you know that attack by the alien? Do we write an article about that? Yes. Yeah. Heaps. Yeah, we wrote heaps. What are you saying? And then also the fact that he's never there. Superman, he'll go. So yeah, apart from him just being bad at his job And the fact that he doesn't actually write his articles

Which then brings the whole newspaper down Because like, what kind Imagine you picking up that newspaper and being like Oh sweet, I'm going to check the sports And oh, nothing Because again, it questions It puts into question the journalist Puts into question the abilities of

the boss man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What were you thinking? If you pick up a newspaper and the sports section says sports and then it's just blank. Oh, it's a printing error. Yeah. It's a printing error or you're like, the owner of the newspaper fucked this up. I'm not like, they're getting back at the journalist.

Oh, 100%. Oh, yeah, no, don't get me wrong. It's shown me how incompetent Perry White is. So not only have I been, like, pissed off at my co-worker, I'm now also pissed off at how incompetent my boss is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Hey, excuse me, Perry, boss Perry, sir. You're an idiot. Hey, hey, I've just realized, sorry, Perry,

here's my resignation letter because I've realized that I work for Metropolis's dumbest fuck. Perry, I'm just wondering if you have, you know, like a leotard or a line, because apparently I joined the circus. And not a newspaper. Excuse me. Sorry, my mistake.

My mistake. Sorry. It's your nose. It's big and red. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, Perry, I forgot my clay on shoes today. Perry, yeah, yeah. I was just wondering if I could talk to you

about getting a transfer to the New York Times dumb. Because at least they're a respected fucking organization. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was working for the Daily Bugle stupid. Yeah, yeah. At least the New York Times dumb is on purpose. Just being like, sorry, Perry, when did you put me in the Daily Bugle stupid? Yeah.

Seems to be some kind of error. I thought I was working for the Daily Bugle, not the Daily Planet Dumb. But then also there's the- Oh yeah, we kept saying Bugle, we meant Daily Planet. But then there's the minutia of everyday- The what? The minutia? The minutia.

That's a- The minutia. I know what it is. It's just surprising coming out of his mouth. Coming out of his mouth? Mouth. Sorry, let me say that again. I mumble, Zamit.

I've got two... You've got two choices with me. Quick and slurred or loud. That's fair. Let me reiterate. In high school, teachers would be like, what? Speak up. And now they've got this to deal with.

It's their fault. I'm aware. Take it up with Joel Dusha's educators. I will. I went to high school dumb. We all did, J.D. You think you went to high school clever? Come on.

I'll reiterate. Okay, but there's also lots of- No, no, no. I was on board. I was just making fun of you. Yeah, I know. But maybe this will be easier for you. To bully?

Okay. Strap me in then. This might be easier for- It might be less strange coming out of my mouth there's lots of tiny little things you do in office yes yeah weena baby dick stuff that happens all around an office on the regular yeah that superman can't also wouldn't do imagine it's his job something simple as this to get the donuts right you're like oh we're having donuts today we want we need donuts in the do. Imagine it's his job, something simple as this, to get the donuts, right? You're like, oh, we're having donuts today.

We need donuts in the break room. And it's on like a rotation or whatever. And you're like, Clark Kent's will bring them in. And then Clark Kent's got to stop Brainiac. And you're like, fucking pissing me off. See, Jackson and Joel Zammett, I have a bit of a controversial opinion with stuff like this because I think that this is the exact type of thing

that Clark Kent would thrive at, which is why he's always in everyone's good books. He would. He's quick. He would. He's quick. If people aren't looking at him, he can just be like, well, I'll just miss my speed. Whatever.

I'll get the donuts. That's true. I'm too busy eating a custard cream to even notice that he's not at work. Because I'm like, oh, how good's Clark Kent? He bought these donuts for me. He's taking one of his world famous three hour shits but that's another thing i mean like he's gotta he's gotta find some excuse yeah if superman gets up to leave i'm like hey where are you going man and he's like oh just out to the out to the shops and i'm like could you get me a chocolate if i was

if i was clark i'd be just like, oh, RBS. Excuse me. Excuse me. I got a bit of RBS. I must take care of my unmentionables. I say, I say, I say. Don't worry. I'll bring my tablet into the cubicle so I'll work from there. Ew.

Excuse me, boys. I'm off to go drop a huge turd. Gross. Gross. You don't need to tell me. It's a friendly environment. I feel I can be honest with you. Okay.

I don't know what gave you that impression. But do you think you would ever become suspicious? It's a classic question. I don't think I would because I think I'd be too infuriated with him. I think I'd be more annoyed that he's either missing deadlines or he's not staying in his lane. All those kinds of things. But if you're another journalist and he is thriving in workplace conditions, but he's not doing good work. Yeah.

Does that really affect you? Or are you like, I'm going to get a promotion soon because I'm going to look so much better than this fuckhead? That's a good point. That's true. I think that what is going to happen is Superman actually, or Clark Kent, I should say, because I don't know he's Superman. You don't know he's Superman. No, I do, but I'm not in the office.

I found out by accident. He introduced, he saved me from a burning building, and he's like, and remember, my name's Clark Kent, Superman. Oh, okay. I don't know who Clark Kent is, but thanks for telling me. I don't know who you are, but thanks, man. I work in the Daily Planet. I see.

Give me them glasses. I put these on. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. Enjoy your day. Yeah, I think that working with Clark Kent would actually rule, because I think that he would, one, be really nice and whatever around the office,

so he wouldn't lose his job to someone cleverer than him. That's true. But then also you would just seem like all of your articles would seem like a plus compared to him. Cause you'd be like, I wrote not about the Batman. I hit my deadline. I hit my deadline.

I wrote about sports as I should. Yeah. I wrote about the baseball game where the jets beat the Steelers. Yeah. Or you wrote about Batman, but it wasn't just like a listing of his weaknesses and whereabouts. Like an actual article.

I hear he hates Sona. I will find a way to kill the Batman. This is the weirdest sports article I've ever read. You're right. You might be infuriating initially, but then if you would say, I know he's going to be bad and really the biggest problem in this office

isn't actually Clark, it's Perry Perry is the one that's fucking it up Perry is the one that's making this office sorry, making the newspaper kind of in disrepute because you're like oh, he's printed a blank piece of paper well done, you fuckwit do you think that looks good for him? No

no one gives a shit and not even just printing the blank paper allowing Superman to continue releasing what we have to assume are bad articles it will be known that the Daily Planet has a terrible sports section you know what I mean? it's not the paper you go to

and it won't necessarily affect you because if you're writing good articles and the Daily Planet sucks, and everyone's like, that's a joke newspaper, but your articles are good, your resume is still sick and you can go work for The New York Times. And if they're bad articles, The New York Times is dumb. Exactly. And again, because The Daily Planet does have a Pulitzer winning journalist.

So again, you're right. It doesn't probably affect you that much. If anything, it just kind of elevates your work. It's so good to imagine Clark Kent, he's like, I need to nip out. And you just watch him down the bottom of the Daily Planet. You're like, oh, he's making a phone call. He goes into a phone booth.

Superman comes out. I don't know what's happening. Actually, wait, what? Superman just came out of that phone. I guess Superman was making a call and Clark Kent has, like, he's swapped. I'll just wait for Clark Kent to come out. Any second now. As an investigative journalist, maybe I'll put one and one together.

No, I don't think so. I miss swap. So I think you're on to something there. But I think that you've gone for the wrong man in the wrong office job. Yeah. Well, because I was thinking, not a man and not an office job. Oh, yeah. What about a woman and a job at the museum?

Some kind of wonder woman. Yeah, some kind of wonderful woman at the museum she works at. So I think that Wonder Woman in a museum is bad because Wonder Woman has this leg up on everyone else. And we see it in Wonder Woman 1986, where she just knows. 1986. Excuse me, excuse me. How dare you get something wrong on this very show?

You didn't see the minutiae of that one, did you, fuckhead? How dare you remember my birth year. Thank you, Jason. You're welcome. How sweet of fuckhead. How dare you remember my birth year. Thank you, Jason. You're welcome. Sweet of you. But she just knows. She has a leg up that I will never be able to surpass. What job are you having in the museum?

Because I'm interested to see why you think- Goodwill hunting style, Jonathan. Then that's good. What do you mean it's good? What do you mean?'s good? What do you mean? It's bad. How? Why is Diana being good at her job bad for you, the janitor?

But not just janitor, goodwill, hunting style janitor. Are you goodwill at history? Yeah, I'm goodwill hunting for history. So Diana's put a historical equation up, and he's like, or historical riddle. Whoever can fix this, you're like, I'd know it. I wheel past, I type in, I don't know, Julius Caesar, Ides of March, and I wheel away, and Diana sees that,

and she's like, who wrote this? Uh-huh. And then. And then. She's like, okay. She's seeking me out. I just want to stay a janitor for us. Okay.

So you're then on the run. I guess so. She's just like, you're that person that ends that riddle? Cool. Where'd he go? Where'd he go? We lost our janitor? No.

Well, okay. Maybe if I'm not a good hunting style janitor, tragically but I am also an academic I don't have the years, the centuries of history behind me, plus I'm not magic to be able to she will always do her job better than I can Okay, so here's the thing

I think that you don't know what people at museums do. Well, that's what Diana does. Yeah, but having Diana in the museum means that they wouldn't then also assign you to the same job. Yeah, but also... Are you a tour guide? Like, if you were a tour guide and she was a tour guide at the museum and you were giving like... Well, I've got to have the same job.

I kind of accept... No, but it's like Diana is in 1984. What do you see in that? She's in charge of certain stuff but she pops over to Minerva or whatever. Imagine I'm Minerva in that situation.

Yeah, but it's still, she's not she doesn't take credit for it. She just knows it and you're like, oh, okay. It's still annoying. Yeah, but then you get the credit for it. She just knows it. And you're like, oh, okay. It's still annoying. Yeah, but then you get the credit for it. I guess. The reason why Kristen Wiig doesn't like her is because she's prettier and people listen to her. I don't like that either.

Everyone for some reason really just bullies her for no reason. They just slap some fucking files out of her arm like it's in high school. She does get high school bullied in Wonder Woman 1984 for some reason. Yeah, so I'm still unsure of where you think this rivalry... This'll be a thing a famous city I've created.

Yeah, a famous thing of, like, you being like, I hate you, and she'll be like, I don't think about you at all. Sorry, who are you? You know that time that you wrote that riddle that I couldn't fix? No. I ran away for a year. Why?

Because you were hunting me. Good hunting. Do you think the hunting in the title of that movie refers to? Well, clearly I was mistaken So sue me For what? Anyway I think this is my stop Are we on the bus together?

Out of the elevator floor Level Well what about the fact that I don't know why this is bad for me Like the other things you've said What about the fact what? You say it with the same amount of passion. What about the fact that she's going to live forever?

Yeah. What about that? What about that? How does that affect your job? Jackson, I'm starting to wonder. I know I made fun of you before for having a job no one respects, a podcaster. I'm starting to wonder, I know I made fun of you before for having a job no one respects, a podcaster. But now I'm starting to understand that maybe you don't have a concept of what a job is.

Why would that affect you? Well, because she's going to be constantly improving. Well, also, she'll have to just leave at some point. And she's one of our best academics at the museum. Then the problem takes care of it. The problem you've made up in your head, this crazy rivalry, then solves itself. Yeah, she leaves. Yeah, but it's bad for the museum.

So you want her more there. So you want her there then. So then it's good to work alongside her. Well, no. Would you want to? I think it sounds like you just hate working in the museum. Yeah. Because if she's there being like, oh, I understand and know a lot about, say, ancient Greece,

and you're like, okay, cool, I know more about, like, the Aztec, kind of like that kind of stuff. It's not going to cross over. Well, imagine I'm also, because ancient Greece might. Because they'd be like, oh, she might be able to help you out and be like, oh, that discovery, hey, this, this, and this, and maybe put you on the right path. Maybe she has an air of arrogance. Well, but also the ancient Greece department wouldn't be one individual. Realistically, it would be a department.

So imagine I'm in that department and she's the head of the department, but then she's got to go off and fight a Greek god. That's annoying. Why? Because she's not here to do her job. She's the head. She delegates. You don't know jobs.

I don't like the idea. If Zammett delegated to us and then left to fight a Greek god, that would be annoying. If Zammett says, I'm going on a business trip for two weeks, this is the work delegated. Which I've done in the past. This is the work being delegated to you for the next two weeks. We'd be like, yeah, that makes sense.

Zammett has done that. Yeah. It's the same if you're sick. Yeah. We're not like, what a motherfucker. Like, you can get annoyed of Diana if, like, of all the lies she tells. But you won't know their lies.

You're like, hey, Diana, did you watch the latest Mad Men? And she's like, I don't own a TV. You're like, you own them. You own several TVs. You own a TV. How do I know about Mad Men and that TV? That's a big question Diana carry on

Did you see the new Thundercats 1984 Have you heard the new Simpsons will come out in six years Thunderbirds You're in Nostradamus For television So will Seinfeld

That'll be good Did you watch Cheers Cheers that is the 80s So will Seinfeld That'll be good That'll be a good show Yeah I like Seinfeld Did you watch Cheers? Cheers that is That is the 80s But yeah She just lied to you And said no

She's annoying in terms of like If you want to kind of Hang out with her As in kind of like A personal level Because she seems to be Bad at making friends Because she looks at us

Like we're dogs Yeah yeah yeah We are dogs to her Maybe that annoys me Maybe I can sense it I can sense it. I can sense her distaste for the human race. Maybe I'm annoyed because it'll be

the Friday night drinks thing. I'm like, Diana's never here. She's never there. She's like, she's never there. And when she does come around, she's in like a fucking ball gown. And I'm like, here I am in a fucking flanny and some shorts. In the middle of winter, I am poorly dressed.

Okay. I'm sorry. That's not my fault. You're in a ball gown. Yeah. What are you saying? I'm wearing Uggs. Okay.

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Just head to sanspantsradio.com slash shop and check out all our new merchandise. I fucked up, Diana. Should I go? Should I go get changed? Are you putting on some dress shoes? That's up to you. Maybe some jeans or I guess a tuxedo.

Diana, you. Where are we? You see me as a dog. A black tie dinner, you say? I thought this was Friday night drinks, for which this would also be inappropriate. I'm still trying to wrap my head around, so where did your brain go at the start

that made you think that Diana was annoying? What I imagined is that, if I was also in the ancient Greek department, that Diana is using knowledge that she didn't earn necessarily through academic study. But she was there. Like I did. Yeah, well, that feels like it's a different thing.

It feels like she didn't study for it. It feels like she lived that. Yeah, I don't know. Do you get angry when, okay, so when a sports reporter writes a sport article and you want to know the results of the sport, do you get angry at that man because he was at the game and you weren't? If the person

who was on the field wrote the report, that would feel strange. You know that sports personalities work in the media too, yeah. Do they report on themselves? Is this not the Superman problem? Okay, okay, okay. How would you know?

How would I know? I don't know. She'd just be too clever. Yeah, that's the thing. How would you know? I guess she studied better. Say I get that wishing pot or whatever. And she's like, oh, it's an ancient wishing stone.

And I'm like, how did you know that? How would you figure that out? Well, she said. She's like Minerva or whatever her name is. Kristen Wiig. I refuse to remember more about the movie. Chitara? Minerva. I think's like Minerva or whatever her name is. Kristen Wiig. I refuse to remember more about the movie. Chitara? It's Minerva.

I think it is Minerva. She's like, how did you know that? And she's like, I used to like study geology or something and something. Yeah. See, that's too vague. It's suspicious. Well, she doesn't say something and something. She actually gives an answer.

I just can't remember because I refuse to remember. Yeah. You should be like, oh, we have a clever person. You have a clever person working like alongside you or you're at a computer you're trying to run your famous your famous fucking skyrim modded thing okay adam friend of the show yeah walks past you're furious because you mean 25 minutes where the game won't load up yeah adam's like oh yeah i had a similar problem here just disable this one and run this pack the game won't load up. Adam's like, oh, yeah, I had a similar problem here. Just disable this one and run this pack. The game works immediately.

Are you angry at Adam? No. Yeah. So then why are you angry at Diana? I guess I'm not. I guess it would actually be a good job. Yeah. Because, again, much like the fucking newspaper thing,

if the museum's boosted up, then job is worth more even if you're the same level of and again like you you worked in the department of oh diana prince oh wow we've heard about this uh they have like an amazing ancient greek uh you worked in the ancient greek that's crazy i guess that would be pretty good again if you are working there you i i would probably have a love of that field yeah yeah which means you'd be very interested and you'd probably learn a lot from her. Do you think I would, like we said, would I be suspicious?

Would you be suspicious? Well, I don't know. I guess the difference is that Wonder Woman is very rarely, like Superman might leave the office and then fly past the window. Which I feel like is probably not going to happen with Wonder Woman necessarily. Wonder Woman sometimes goes 60 years without being Wonder Woman.

Wonder Woman sometimes don't give a shit. But also Wonder Woman doesn't, I guess neither does Superman, but Wonder Woman doesn't hide her identity quite as much. Do you know what I mean? Like the way Wonder Woman, like Superman does all of that stuff where he like hunches and he wears glasses and stuff like that, messes up his hair. Well, that's probably the thing where Diana becomes Wonder Woman

and she then leaves the museum. Yeah. Because you're like, oh, shit, that was Wonder Woman. The whole fucking time is crazy. Oh, my God. And then you can get angry. Are you kidding me? That would annoy me.

But also, Wonder Woman seems to hate cameras, so she seems to bust any kind of surveillance. No, that's a good point. She would. So, yeah, you've picked a nothing thing. She's fine as a worker. I mean, maybe she's flaky, but like. I'm going to return to my Goodwill hunting,

but for museum fantasy. I would solve that riddle. Ramesses. Ramesses. Pooh. Here I'm it. B, C. I'm a genius.C. I'm a genius

Rock So I guess We fucked this So you both are on What I feel is close But you missed it Who was closer? You Zamet because mine also takes place in an office

In fact a newspaper office Jackson less close But I can understand the jealousy thing Because mine also takes place in an office. In fact, a newspaper office. Oh, my God. Jackson, less close, but I can understand the jealousy thing, sort of. But it seemed like Jackson just rolled into it angry, thinking about someone just being better than him. So I think that being a photographer, the Daily Bugle, would be by far the worst. Because working alongside Peter Parker would suck shit. Well, you're kind of on the money there because the Daily Bugle, what does it trade in? Photos of Spider-Man.

So if you are also a photographer for the Daily Bugle- Which we've seen, there is multiple. It happens. So it's not like you could just go out and take nice photos of Central Park or like the people of New York kind of thing. J. Jonah Jameson is pretty specific. And the Daily Bugle, unlike the Daily Planet, is a rag. Yeah.

J. Jonah Jameson's not like, we need to maintain professional integrity. He's like, I will kill you for a picture of the goddamn fucking menace that is the New York fucking spider cunt man. He does hate spiders. Dusha, get in here. And then you get in and he's got his cigar in his mouth

and he in his mouth rotates it and then spits it out so it boons you when it hits you. All right, you can leave. Dusha, get in here. I hate you. Get out of my office so what is Peter Parker doing

to make this a terrible workplace environment similar to Clark Kent Peter Parker unlike Clark Kent sucks shit at the extra stuff

we know that because he struggles the work life balance of being Spiderman and Peter Parker he is dog shit at it New York hates him I can only imagine

his co-workers hate him that's correct he's hateable he's buying donuts for the office and then webbing them He is dog shit. New York hates him. I can only imagine his coworkers hate him. That's correct. He's hateable. He's buying donuts for the office and then webbing them and then running into fucking lizard and then dropping the donuts, but then still bringing the box of donuts and they're all crushed on like peanuts. It's so easy to imagine him like, oh no, there's the lizard. He shoves it into like somewhere out out of the way but then like a you know somebody coming by is like oh donuts and then you know there's not that many left or the box is squished yeah yeah he's late to work he leaves all the time which would benefit me except

for the fact that he also on top of being just a fuckhead to work with has these pristine photos of Spider-Man. Yeah. And also the best photos of Spider-Man. The Mona Lisa of Spider-Man photos. This cunt. And in a way that is almost like a more reasonable and justified version of my argument is that he's got a leg up on you that is unfair in that he is friends with Spider-Man. Yeah. That's like if you worked for a newspaper and they were like,

we need pictures of Joel Zammett. That's what we need. You've got the leg up. You have an in. Ah, time to read the Melbourne Bugle. Fuck Joel Zammett, Menace of Melbourne. Oh, I'm just a guy. What the hell?

This is a rag. Yeah. Yeah. So Peter Parker. And he's open about it. So I'm like, why? Dusha, you asked me to post this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Peter Parker. And he's open about it. So I'm like, why? Dusha, you asked me to post this. Yeah.

I'm smiling. I don't like 40 bucks. 20 bucks is 20 bucks, baby. Yeah. That's right. 20 bucks. 20 bucks. That's much.

It took me one second. 20 bucks was rolled. But yeah. So yeah. Like Peter Parker's like, oh, well, I'm friends with Spider-Man. That's how I get them. And you're like, well, that's not. Well, that's not fair, right? Yeah. It's that. And then Parker's like, oh, well, I'm friends with Spider-Man. That's how I get them. And you're like, well, that's not fair, right?

Yeah, it's that. And then it's like, well, okay. But then like- Well, how much of a friend of Spider-Man is he if he's getting these photos of Spider-Man then giving them to Jason and James and he's like, this dog cunt. Put him. Spider-Man, the biggest fuck New York's ever seen. It's funny Peter Parker being like, yeah, he's my good friend. And you're like, really?

You are not a good friend. Well, that's another thing. That's another reason why everyone hates Peter Parker. This guy is your good friend. And this is how you treat him? Have you ever read an article we've released? You're stabbing him in the back. You're like, shit.

I don't trust him as a co-worker. I'm like, this is his good friend. What is he going to do to me, a man he feels neutral about? It is crazy to imagine your photos of Spider-Man versus his. Because his, like you said, they're pristine. It'll be Spider-Man on a fucking pole posing. I'm like, Venom threw a building at Spider-Man, yet you're one and a half meters away.

I got hit with a fucking rock during the fight to get this photo. And he's blurry. It's blurry. A mere smudge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. I'd be furious. And then J. Jonah Jameson. And then on top of that, J. Jonah Jameson. I really need to figure out opening and closing my mouth. J. Jonah Jameson will roll in and be like, Dusha, get in here. Your photos, they suck shit.

Get out of my office! And I'm like, fucking hell. You're fired! And you're like, well, where am I meant to go? What? I mean, I keep trying to take pictures of the destruction of that Spider-Man, so I'm taking pictures of, like, the other problems. I will help you write articles about Spider-Man being the world's biggest cunt.

Don't fire me. I hate him too. I guess that's the kind of thing. There's no way you'll ever be able to compete with peter parker for spider-man photos but then he's also annoying to work with on top of that so not only is it the competition but he's a shit co-worker yeah yeah yeah not in like a worse because obviously he's clearly the worst out of the three here i've already i'm well aware i'm in front yeah yeah yeah i mean separate to that just like him in the workplace suck shit but then he's also thriving in his work yeah which then means that you can't be good at both I'm in front. Yeah. I mean, separate to that, just like him in the workplace sucks shit,

but then he's also thriving in his work, which then means that you can't be good at both, which means that like you're stunted career wise as well. Cause also unlike you guys, I also ended up with a dog shit resume. Yeah. I worked at a rag. They wouldn't publish my photos. Yeah.

I had the worst photos of the Daily Bugle. I worked at Daily Bugle and all they want is photos of Spider-Man. Nothing else. Just pictures of Spider-Man. That's it. I have all these other beautiful things in my portfolio, but I just do not want it. And another thing, and I don't know if this is common.

I don't know if I've picked this up from the Spider-Man movies or if it's just in the comics or whatever. Because Peter Parker gives J. Jonah Jameson so many photos of Spider-Man, he also doesn't pay him really much for them, meaning that he's wrecked the market for Spider-Man photos, meaning that if Peter Parker quits and then I take photos of Spider-Man, J. Jonah Jameson will be like, sweet, you risked your life. Here's five bucks per photo.

He's right. Subpar Spider-Man pictures. Yeah, Peter Parker used to give him 20 bucks a photo. I'm going to give you five because yours are four times worse. And also you don't have the benefit So like Clark Kent If he needs to go off and fight crime He's quick, he's a zippy boy

Spider-Man's not Spider-Man has to make up some excuse Walk out of there If you are taking photos of Spider-Man as your job You have become a Spider-Man chaser Oh that sucks So when Peter Parker leaves You also have to leave to try and find Peter. Plus, would you get suspicious of Peter?

Yeah. Depends. He's friends with Spider-Man. Keep taking these photos. I would only be suspicious if the photos of Spider-Man are taking are ones that happen during events. Like a fight or whatever? Yeah, a fight, but not in the way of like...

Well, because there's a certain level where you're like, actually no human being could have taken this. You might figure this out. You could be like the second Zapruder film. You'd be taking a photo of Spider-Man fighting, say, the lizard, and then you'd see a flash in your photograph, and from that perspective is the one that Peter Parker gave in, but that's like a camera attached to a wall with webbing so you'd be like, not only

are you, maybe you'd be like, not only are you a piece of shit liar, but Spider-Man took these photos, you didn't! And also, it's funny to imagine you, because you want to get in the fight, you want to get the best photos possible, and the way Peter takes photos from every ride is he like, webs the camera away It's so funny to imagine you getting hit

in the head by a camera that he's spinning around. And then you're like, wait a fucking second. I know what a camera hitting my head feels like. I know what the hell that was. But even like. Because, yeah, sometimes he puts like a timer on and puts it to a wall. Or, yeah, he flips away and takes a photo. But then Spider-Man, I think there's also been times where Peter Parker would be like, yeah, I gave my camera to Spider-Man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's a good friend. Yeah. You might. I think I would be like, yeah, I gave my camera to Spider-Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's a good friend. Yeah. You might. I think I would be. Oh, the sussest boy. I'd be like, you're Spider-Man. And Peter Parker would be like, no, I'm not.

And I'd be like, hmm. You're nervous. Either you're Spider-Man or Spider-Man's taking these photos and you're getting credit, you piece of shit. Either you're Spider-Man or you're fucking Spider-Man. What? Yeah, which one is it? Those are my theories.

But, look, I can see myself going to church and praying for god to kill spider-man you'll get a block god kill just a human just a regular dear god it's been a long time between prayers but can you please please god kill peter i hate him i hate him so much. But you also might, if you don't figure out Spider-Man's thing there, that he is Spider-Man, that Peter Parker is Spider-Man, maybe you would go and you'd be like, well, I can't get

pictures of Spider-Man because I'm not Spider-Man's friend, but maybe I could become friends with the lizard or something. You know what I mean? Like there are other costumed people out here. Yeah, but guess what, Jackson? Who does J. Jonah Jameson want photos of? He wants pictures of spiders.

He doesn't want pictures of the lizard. He doesn't give a shit. You bring him pictures of lizard, what's going to happen? The lizard? This look like a spider to you? And then he'll whack you with a rolled up newspaper like the dog you are. He's wearing a lab coat. He's clearly on the side of New York, you fuckhead.

He's a doctor. He's a lizard, sir. A doctor lizard. Justin, you're fired. Oh, man. Yeah, so I would become Venom immediately. Maybe I could be. You're not really becoming Venom.

You're becoming a guy who hates people. You don't have a symbiote. Yeah, but how does Eddie Brock get it? He doesn't get it for hating Spider-Man. But hating Peter Parker puts him in the position where he hates Spider-Man, doesn't it? No, hating Peter Parker just... Him praying to God in a church just happens to coincidentally put him in the place where the symbiote falls on him. So I guess you could become Joel Dush's Venom.

Me and Eddie Brock are next to each other. Well, maybe Eddie Brock would hate Peter Parker less because I'm in the office just fucking someone to bitch with. Eddie Brock would be like, I hate Peter Parker. Join the fucking club. He sucks. I want to hit him with my car.

Hey, I'm going down to the church to pray for his death. You want to come with? Yes. That's an insane request, but yeah. We become twin venom. But are you hating Peter Parker or are you simply hating the job you work for? Because really, the problem

isn't just that Peter Parker is taking photos of Spider-Man that are really great, because that's what your boss wants, but your boss only wants photos of Spider-Man. I would hate my job, yes, but I would hate Peter Parker more because Peter Parker is a terrible mix of someone that's bad to work with but also sucking up to my boss and making my job actively worse. You would know you

worked in an insane workplace, but you would be like, he just makes it all the worse. I know I work for a rag. We hate Spider-Man here. I get it. I have a poster on my desk that says, fuck Spider-Man. Would you hire other people to dress up as Spider-Man and then to stage muggings and take photos of them? Yeah, would you lean in?

I'd consider it. I mean, if you want to get the leg up on Spider-Man, I mean on Peter Parker, Peter Parker just takes, the photos Peter Parker takes never reinforce J. Jonah Jameson's narrative, do they? They're just photos of Spider-Man. So if you can take photos, you're just Eddie Brock.

You're Eddie Brock. You can doctor some photos or just doctor some situations and get some guy to dress up like a Spider-Man. I'll get really good at Photoshop. Yeah, that's a good idea. And then Spider-Man is going to, because he's got the venom juice in him, he's going to call you out literally you're gonna have eddie brock's situation happen exactly to joel brock doucher brock okay yeah yeah yeah so i i feel like yeah if if peter parker is taking

these great pictures of spider-man you're gonna have to get creative yeah and yeah i'll just besmirch a hero in sake of keeping my job at a rag that is that i won't feel bad about it i'll sleep like an angel every night well that's the one thing you pile of 20s yeah that is the one thing you have over peter parker peter parker will never besmirch spider-man's name but you'll happily put spider-man in danger you'll be like yeah jay jonah jameson what about this for the headline? Kill Spider-Man, get $50. New York, it's time to kill Spider-Man. Yeah, and unlike what happens with, say, Eddie,

because Eddie Brock's problem is that he Photoshopps pictures of Spider-Man. But if you go and hire people to take photos of Spider-Man, do you think J. Jonah's going to give a shit? Nah. So if anything, Peter Barker might come in and be like, that's not Spider-Man, that's a guy in a cheap suit. And then J.J. and Jameson might just be like, Spider-Man is a guy in a cheap suit.

What are you talking about? And here he is doing exactly the thing we know he does, shooting dogs or whatever. Spider-Man with a gun, putting down dogs. Yeah, see, we hate him here, and that's good. If anything, you're going to make Spider-Man more villainous. Yeah, kill Spider-Man. Or Spider-Man will kill you. No. They find me with a web noose.

That does make him the worst person to work with. Because he hanged you. Especially if he's like, yeah, the symbiote, he's off his rocker. That's crazy to see, to be like, well, we haven't seen Joel Dershowitz for the officer a couple of days. They go to my

house, they find me hanging from the roof with a web noose with the biggest smile on my face because I know I've won. And you know what that would do? Make a great photo for the Daily Bugle. There's a camera stuck to the wall. Oh, my God. He's done it. His final work of art.

Fucking got him. Spider-Man, the piece of shit. Talk about the smooch. Nothing but proof. And on that note, I've been Joel Dusha, co-worker of Peter Parker. I've been Jackson, co-worker of Diana Prince. And I've been Joel Zammett, co-worker of Clark Kent. I love ghouls and ghosts.

I unironically believe in Sasquatch. I spend too much time reading about unsolved crime, and I've got no podcast where I can discuss any of this. Oh, wait, shit, yes, I do. If you head to SandsPantsRadio.com forward slash plus, for as little as five buckaroonies a month, you gain access to Jackson Bailey's Spooks America, a show where I try to explain an unsolved mystery or a monster setting or a ghost story or whatever to the rest of SandsPantsRadio

who do not care or listen. Once again, that's SandsPpantsradio.com forward slash plus to gain access to Jackson Bailey's Spooks America today.