Plumbing the Death Star - Which TV Mentor Would Make the Best Dad?

Episode Date: December 2, 2018

Where we are joined by our good friend Zoe Bilotta to ask the hard hitting question like Which TV Mentor Would Make the Best Dad?Sign up to our newsletter here; http://eepurl.com/cM3in9Join our facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Watch us stream here; https://www.twitch.tv/sanspantsradioYou can now physically send us stuff to PO BOX 7127, Reservoir East, Victoria, 3073Theme music by the wonderfully talented Benny Davis! You can find all his stuff at his website https://bennydavismusic.com or check out his YouTube https://youtube.com/bennythejukeboxWant to help support the show?Sanspants+: https://sanspantsplus.comPodkeep: https://sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: https://audiobooksontape.comMerch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: https://twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: http://www.sanspantsradio.comFacebook: https://facebook.com/SanspantsRadioReddit: https://reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: https://twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadDuscher: https://twitter.com/dusch13Zammit: https://twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio. No, seriously Spider-Man, go fuck yourself. Hey everybody and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star, where we ask the important questions like, Which TV mentor would make the best dad? I got that out right. Struggled a bit there, Jack. Look, I wanted to put in fictional, but I mean, I could. I felt like it would. You'd fuck me on my answer if you did that. Well, I'm glad I didn't. did that Well I'm glad I didn't

Thank you I'm glad I didn't So best dad Alright who are we picking Um yeah I don't wanna go first I'm afraid mine will be Torn to shit

Alright so Long and hard And I want Project Runway's Tim Gunn Who is he Who First question

First question First question you ask When you meet your dad Who Who Um So Project Runway Is a reality competition show Sure Where they make fashion Uh huh First question. First question. First question you ask when you meet your dad. Who? Who? So Project Runway is a reality competition show where they make fashion.

Uh-huh. And like most reality shows, Tim Gunn is the mentor, not the judge. Okay. So he comes in and he helps everyone, kind of like he gives a bit of critique. Mm-hmm. He gives them a bit of love. Is he like the blonde guy on Australian Idol? Remember? Osher Ginsberg?

The little blonde guy coming up and be like, do you think you did well? Do you remember him? Isn't that Osher? Osher Ginsberg? Well, I never learned his name. I was like, we could have never solved that. That was an unsolvable moment.

Osher Ginsberg just sounds wrong. I thought his name was like James or something. I don't know. Anyway. Yeah, during the show his name was Andrew G and now he's Osher Ginsberg. Andrew G! If you'd said that I would have got it.

So it was solvable. It was solvable. I didn't know his name. The whole time I knew who he was. So, but yes. Project Broadway. But is it like that guy in that he comes along and he's- No, so he's not the host. Okay.

But he's a mentor. His role is literally mentor. Okay. Sure. So during every episode, Heidi Klum's the host. She will introduce the challenge, and then Tim Gunn will take you to Mood Which is the fabric store And he will let you know that you've got half an hour left

And then while you're making your fashion He'll come in about halfway through And he'll look at it and he'll be like Do you think you're on the best path? What makes him a good dad? Yeah, timekeeping was a great skill I'm not sure if it's a good dad skill Tim Gunn's catchphrase is

Make it work That is a good dad catchphrase That is a good dad catchphrase is make it work. Okay. That's good. That is a good dad catchphrase. That is a good dad catchphrase. You're not wrong there. All right.

I just think taking your child to the fabric store wasn't great if they want to go to the fabric store. Yes, for me that is such a good dad experience. Okay. And Tim Gunn. You're looking for in a dad. I want a man who is wearing a three-piece suit with kind eyes to tell me to make it work. It's always like this is a make-it-work moment.

Okay, okay, okay. So we should categorize some good dad qualities. So first one is fashion. Do they dress like a good dad? Are they fashionable or are they dad fashion? I'll write this down. You get on that. I feel like there's three different kinds of dad fashion.

There's young dad fashion, old dad fashion, and cool dad fashion. Yeah. They just need to fit one, right? They just need to fit one. Because they're all dad fashion. Because if they are wearing a polo shirt tucked into some knee-length shorts, that's dad fashion. That is.

That's dad fashion. Absolutely. Or if they're wearing, say, sandals, blue jeans, and a polo shirt, young dad fashion. If you go to a fancy opera, and you are wearing basically a button-down flannel shirt, an ill-fitting suit jacket, jeans, and some work boots, that's some good dad fashion.

That's dad fashion. Was it the ballet recently? Every dad looked like that. I was in a suit, I was very overdressed. But I looked better than all the dads. Sure did. That's why I go out anyway. Show up the dads. That's why you go to the Kmart kind of in the poorer

end of Melbourne so I just feel real pretty. Alright, so fashion. Alright, what else we got? Good hugs. Dad's gotta give you good hugs. Dad's gotta give a bear hug. If dad's giving you bad hugs, fuck him off tim gunn king of the group hug group hug i don't know if i want a group hug from my dad have you ever had a

group hug in your family no oh my family's big on a group hug that's foreign weird no thank you in our family and i like my mom initiates the group hug. We'll have group hugs for photos. No, not for photos. Sometimes you'll just be sitting and maybe like me and mum will be hugging in the kitchen and my brother will walk past and she'll like, scoop him in. And he'll be like, fine. And then my dad will walk past and he'll be like, ooh!

And he'll just like join in. I don't think we have that many group hugs. Lots of one-on-ones, don't get me wrong. Maybe one-on-two, but no, no big old group hugs. Now maybe a sad little insight into Zama's family life. When was the last time I hugged my family? Maybe decades. I hugged my dad as he dropped me off today.

Maybe decades. I hugged my dad in the driveway of the studio today. I guess maybe we are bad ga today. I think I've hugged my mum more recently than I saw her last. I gave my dad a firm handshake.

It might also be... Gotta have a firm handshake. It might be different like dad for boys, dad for girls. I hug my dad. I hug my mum, I hug my dad. I hug my mum. I hug Ryder.

I give him one of my sibling hugs where he's like, yeah, whatever. I don't think I've ever hugged my siblings. Like, I just don't think. We always do a resistance hug, which is me hugging Ari and him trying to worm. Like a cat would try and wriggle out of it. Or then the only other time, like, we will hug is if one of us, probably me, is crying. And then Ari will come up and just be like, ah, fuck. It's like a big bear hug to kind of get me to stop.

Well, look, so I guess hugging is important. Yeah. Hugging slash firm handshake. Firm handshake. If hug not available, firm handshake will do. Teaching you baseball. Yeah. All right, teaching baseball.

Hands up in this room whose dad has taught them baseball my dad and i made a baseball bat together did you play please okay hang on no it was more so i could have a i was i was really paranoid about stuff forever defense space it was a defense baseball i was really paranoid that someone was going i couldn't sleep so we made a defense baseball bat that i could leave under my bed. That's good. Baseball, just playing catch. Yeah. Any game you can play catch, play catch with cricket.

You can just need a ball. Play catch with football? Play catch with rotten fruit like when I was a kid. Yeah. Let's unpack this. That's the game we would play. We would play rotten fruit. Well, we didn't play catch.

It was rotten fruit cricket where dad would throw rotten fruit at me and I'd have to whack it with a cricket bat. Your dad's amazing. And I remember once, very distinctly, I smashed a rotten pineapple and a bit got in my mouth. And also a bit got in my eye and I cried.

But then, because I could taste the pineapple, I was like, it's all right. It's all right. It's a bit of pineapple. Not everything's beautiful life. There's light to it's all right. Good. It's all right. It's a bit of pineapple. Not everything's this light to the darkness. Sure it is. That's beautiful. Okay.

So yeah, playing catch. Yeah. Playing catch. How many categories is that? Four? So that's four. That's good. Three.

That's, isn't it? It's three. Three. I would, I would, in catch. Yeah. But maybe a subcategory of catch, or maybe catch is a subcategory of this teachable skills oh yes no i think that's its own category all right teachable skills skills dad's gonna be dad's a skilled yeah dad's dad's gonna be like here's some wisdom i'm applying on you my youth

you know and can we just do like a final category yeah sure of just how how to listen to words of that that feeling of when you disappoint for father. Oh, yes. What do you call that? That kind of like, you know. Shame. Shame. Dad shame.

Dad shame. Dad shame slash dad pride. Yeah, yes. Because nothing's better than dad pride. That's true. Dad shame slash dad pride. Because if you, like, make your father proud or if you disappoint your father. Yeah.

I reckon let's see how our dad choices. Can we put in just one more? And this is a very brief category. This is not going to take up much of our time. Smell. or if you disappoint your father. I reckon let's see how our dad choices. Can we put in just one more? This is a very brief category. This is not going to take up much of our time. Smell. Yes. This is dad smell. This is dad smell.

Dads have a smell. What does your dad smell like? I know my dad smell. Dad's got a smell. Can you describe it? Because I... No, no, no. I'm with you.

I'm with you. Dammit's the weird one here It's just fair Your fathers have a smell But isn't it just like, that's dad There's a specific dad smell It's not like you like Alright, so I would describe my dad

As sawdust and metal shavings My dad is B.O. Old t-shirt and dirt. All right. Fair. I think I understand this more than I understand this sort of. Yeah. B.O. and dirt is basically my dad's smell.

Yeah. So dad's got a smell. Dad's always got a smell. I do see your point, like, that's just the smell. It's not a specific endemic to that. That's just all people smell. That is the smell of John Bailey. That is not the smell of dad.

But there's no smell of John Bailey that you associate with that because you grew up with that. Because that's your dad. So if you grew up with any of these ass-wee juice people, that's a dad smell. Unless you have some kind of like you personally have anosmia smell. Unless you have some kind of you personally have anosmia, or they themselves somehow have some kind of condition where they don't have a scent.

What if one of us chooses someone that doesn't have a scent? How do you know that they don't have a scent? Unless you're choosing a bug dad, there'll be a chance. I'm just... Smell! I already wrote it

So it's a category I mean Cool Alright so Tim Gunn What was his name? Tim Gunn Tim Gunn

I got it right Yeah So Tim Gunn Let's go through the categories High fashion High fashion Absolutely Even in the episode

Where they had to design beachwear And he came out in his beachwear He still looked hella stylish What category of dad does he fit in? Young dad, old dad, fashion dad? Fashion dad. Is it too fashionable for dad? He's too fashion dad. He's gay fashion dad. I don't know.

I feel... He almost fails fashion. He maybe does because it's too good. It's too good. Do you guys know who Tim Gunn is? Show me a picture. I want you to see this kind man. What I imagine is Tim Allen Tim Gunn is? Show me a picture. Because I want you to see this kind man. Because what I imagine is Tim Allen under gun. Yes.

Because if you take it and you say, you know, your dad's picking up from school. For some reason I'm on primary. I'm real regressing now. It's fine. Or it's like come in, like, you know, show your dad what he does for a living. And then he comes in dressed up all to the nines.

Look at those kind eyes. I might feel a little bit embarrassed. Yeah, he does have kind eyes. If your dad works in an industry where he has to wear a suit. No, actually, looking at him, I think he passes. He's just a very fashionable dad. It's not as... It's not a tuxedo.

Yeah, look. It's just a stylish suit. It is a stylish suit. That's just dad that works. He's got to wear a suit and he wears it well. But he doesn't look tired enough to be a dad. No. I feel like that would go well if you're parading your dad

to all your classmates in primary school. I reckon that would go down really well. Yeah, true. In high school, may get picked on. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Whose dad's a prissy boy? And I'll be like, my dad. Whose dad's a prissy boy? And I'll be like, my dad.

My dad's a prissy boy. He's amazing. And I love him. He's married to someone I know. Look, let's call that... Let's call that a five out of ten. Five out of ten. Five out of ten. Yeah, because he is fashionable.

Maybe a bit too fashionable for a dad. But no, I think it counts. I think it counts. All right. He does have kind eyes. He's got a kind face. Now that I get a look at Tim Gunn, I can sense...

In category one, fashion, he gets a five. To me, Tim Gunn almost looks like good either uncle quality or even granddad. Yeah, I was thinking granddad. He had a bit of the granddad, but he's got granddad eyes. Not kind granddad eyes. No, but I think dad. Old, I was thinking granddad. He had a bit of a granddad, but he's got granddad eyes. He's got kind granddad eyes.

Yeah. No, but I think dad. I think dad. Older dad? Older dad. That's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking Tim Gunn and his life partner decided to adopt later in life. Yeah, and adopted you.

And that was me. They were like 40 and they were like, we should have a kid. And then I was like, yes. Adopt a mid-20s Australian woman. Done. All right, what's the next category? What are we talking? Hugs.

Tim Gunn, always down for a hug. He does look like a hugger. He's a good hugger? He's a good hugger. King of the group hugs. Whenever someone gets eliminated, they do a big, like, hug thing. That's right. King of the group hugs.

King of the group hugs. He'll just go. And then he'll be like, and if everyone else is hugging and he's not included, he'll be like, guys, and then they'll be like, oh, Tim, and then he'll, like, swim his way into the middle. That's a nice, like, affectionate start. That's pretty good. That's good affection.

Yeah, give that a 10 out of 10 for the hug. 10 out of 10. I hope that our categories just go 5 or 10. Let's make sure we only go 5 or 10. Because it's easy to add at the end. Yeah, yeah, this is for our own math. We should have done like one, two, and three, to be perfectly honest. But fives and tens will do.

So it's zero, five, and ten. But really, it's one, two, three. All right, what's the next category? Firm handshake. Well, that was part of hugs. That was part of hugs. He's passed. Tick.

Catch. I will admit that I have seen Tim Gunn have to play sports in some episodes of Project Runway. Yeah? Tim Gunn gets a zero. All right. That's good. I like we breezed through that. For execution.

Yeah? But he would try. Well, that's good. So that's a three. I think. Oh, no. So we already settled on. That's a five if it's anything.

So it's a zero for catch. For catch, it's got to be a zero. All right. Yeah, otherwise, if we add threes to this... No, but it's a zero. Because a zero is a zero. A zero is I don't want to try, I don't want to do it. He'll try.

He's just bad at it. So it's a zero. Our scale, though, is not one, two, three, four, five. It doesn't allow five and ten. It's almost like if we had other numbers in between. Pointless. Just don't allow for that. 1, 2, 3, however, 1 is 0, 2 is 5, 3 is 10.

It's very simple. Okay, all right. Well, Tim Gunn is getting a 0 for cash out of 10 skills. It seems like he has a lot of skills He's got fashion skills Before he was Tim Gunn from Project Runner He was one of the head lecturers At the Parsons School of Fashion

Is it a thing though with a dad That a dad needs quite an array of skills To pass on My dad has taught me Well my dad has tried To teach me to garden To to play an instrument, to do math. My dad has taught me business skills or has tried to teach me accountancy, which I rebel against at every opportunity. Good.

Because I need those shoes, dammit. But I think he's tried. Yeah, okay, good. Is there any other skills your dad's attempted to teach you? Driving. Yeah, driving. Dad's tried to teach me to drive. My dad's teaching me how to drive right now,

and he taught me how to boost a car up off one of those jacks. I thought that meant by stealing. No. He taught me how to steal a car. I don't know how to hotwire any vehicle. No, we went through what the motor is. Oh, well, there you go. My dad tried to teach me that.

Oh, yeah, same. Shaking a tire? It did not work. I got the basics. What? We went through what the motor is. Oh, well, there you go. You might have tried to teach me that. Oh, yeah, same. Check your tyre? It did not work. I got the basics. What the? Not at all. Yeah, all right. Just so I know, if there is ever a situation, I'm in charge.

Yeah. I remember when I drive the car, the car falls down. Because I can't drive, but I can fix the car. You fix the car. And I'll look down. It falls. Huh? What happened?

All the wheels splay out at once. It just got pooped. I'll look down. False. Huh? What happened? All the wheels splay out at once. Fucking trip. Just got pooped. Man. All right. So what do we... Because, yeah, does he have any other skills other than fashion? I don't know if he has any other skills.

I can Google if he has... I'll put this for you, all right? Yeah. So, like, you know, think of this scenario. You yourself going on a date. Yeah. You're like, Dad yourself going on a date. You're like, Dad, I need some advice. I need to be able to dress well.

Can you help me? Guess who's got you covered? Yeah, that's true. Tim Gunn, Dad. Tim Gunn, Dad. What if you're like, Dad, the plumbing's gone in the bathroom and we're afraid of plumbers in this house. Can you help me here? Or, Dad, I need to train

a wily dog and I don't want to pay a guy to do it. He's good with dogs. That's good. That's another skill. From what I've seen of him interacting with Swatch on the show. Swatch a dog? Yeah, Swatch is a French dog.

That's my favourite kind of dog. I think we could call this a five because whilst the skills aren't, what's the word I'm looking for here? Diverse. You know, it is just one main skill. He's good at it. Yeah. And plus he's all right at dogs.

As far as we know. All right. I'll give him a five out of 10. Yeah. Or a two as some would say. Not us. All right. So dad shame, dad pride. Dad pride sounds like it would say. Not us. All right. So, Dad Shame, Dad Pride.

Dad Pride sounds like it would be through the roof. Dad Pride would be just... There is... Yes. In the show... Yes. Which is very serious right now. There is what is known in the later seasons, known as the Tim Gunn save.

Okay. And so, if one of the eliminated designers, if Tim Gunn feels that they haven't reached their full potential on the show, he has the ability to bring them back. Oh. Which is a very fun twist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And every time Tim Gunn brings someone back because he's like, I think you deserve to stay here a little bit longer, I cry.

Yeah, okay. Tim Gunn cries. Everyone cries. Sure. Everyone is crying. It is so sweet. There is one, I think it is season, I want to say nine or 12. Sure.

Could be any. Maybe 13. Look, there's like 15 seasons of the show, so give me some leeway. Look, we were never going to correct you. Yeah. I don't know. One of the- Andrew G?

Yeah. Oshie Bogoshi? What was his name? Osher Ginsberg. One of the. Andrew G? Yeah. Oshigin. Oshigin. What was his name? Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin.

Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin.

Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin.

Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin.

Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin.

Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin.

Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin.

Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Oshigin. Osh Tim Gunn save on you because I believe in you. I think you've got the potential. But it's very early in the show. And so she leaves. It's next week. They're doing their challenge. They start the challenge.

They have to design a wedding gown based off diamonds that they got given. That's great. Beautiful challenge. Gorgeous. And then halfway through, like, he's kind of doing the introductions and stuff, and you can see that Tim Gunn is set. Yeah. You can see, like, Tim Gunn is struggling.

Yeah. And then they go to start the challenge, and Tim Gunn brings the eliminated contestant back And he was like We started this week And it did not feel the same without you So you need to come back I'm gonna cry now

And that is Tim Gunn 10 out of 10 10 out of 10 But, but, but No, shut up Jackson I'm writing it down Tim Gunn shame Oh, I've seen Tim Gunn shame

Okay, so it exists That's all I wanted to check I wanted to check that it wasn't the kind of thing Where Tim Gunn is. Oh, I've seen Tim Gunn shame. Okay, so it exists. That's all I wanted to check. I wanted to check that it wasn't the kind of thing where Tim Gunn is always like building you up, but he's never breaking you down. No. Sometimes dad got to break you down. That's life. That is what dad do.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. So is that all the categories? And smell. Smell. You're a very important category 10. He would smell so high class.

I guess it would smell of a nice deodorant. Yeah, like a nice cologne. It looks like he showers. It wouldn't be a dad smell. No, but if it's your dad, it would smell like your dad. So 10. So I guess 10 out of 10. Yep.

That's the problem with this category. You can't lose. You can't get a five either. How can you smell a bit? It's very, okay, yep, yep. So what are we at at the end of the day? So out of 60, we are at... Quick math.

We tried to avoid math, and yet here we are. We are at 40 out of 60. That's good. All right, so that's a 60% chance. That's a hard act to follow for Tim Gunn. Do you think you can beat it, Zaman? Yep, in a heartbeat. But first, let's have a quick word from our sponsor.

Also, if you just hate these ads, you can sign up to SandsPantsPlus.com, and for as little as $5 a month, you get access to not only this show completely ad-free, but a heap of bonus content, like Jackson Bailey's Spooks America, a show where Jackson Bailey goes through a spook or a ghoul or a mysterious happenstance, and we try and work out what happened.

There are over 50 episodes available already, and that's just one of the many shows that we have over at SandsPantsPlus.com. All right, who are you going? Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights. Take a knee. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. Clear eyes, full hearts. I was slight.

Slight. And action. All right. So we all know who Coach Taylor is. I assume everyone has watched Friday Night Lights. If not, watch Friday Night Lights every single season because every episode is just beautiful and gold. Yes.

But he is the coach of a football team. What are they called? I was going to say the Lions, but I think that's towards the end. I don't know. Panthers? Yeah, I think it is the Panthers. Yeah, Panthers. Okay, well, what makes him a good dad just in general before we get to the category?

Well, he is an amazing coach. He basically takes every single person in his football team under his wing and really pushes them hard and makes sure that they do their best. Each person he'll kind of focus in on and make sure that they are doing the best that they can do. That's beautiful. And he tailors. He does. Coach Taylor tailors. He tailors to the best that they can do. That's beautiful. And he tailors. He does. Coach Taylor tailors.

He tailors to the team. To the players. To the individual player. He doesn't just coach one way. He coaches every individual fella in the football team. Plus, he's got kids of his own, doesn't he? He does. He's got two kids of his own.

Any trouble with those kids? One kind of goes a little bit off the rails a little bit towards the end when the writers didn't know what to do. Who murdered someone? Yeah, that was Landry. No, I remember that. The guy from Black Mirror. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is that either of his kids, though? No, no, not his kids. It would be a dark mark against him. He doesn't cover it up because no one tells him, but I'm pretty sure if Landry and What's-Her-Face went to him that he would have gotten some good advice. Okay, that's good. Which was turn yourself in. Which would have been turn yourself in and go, you know, let's talk

to the police. In fact, that's probably some advice here for plumbing the death cell. You've committed a murder. Now's the time. Yeah, turn yourself in. Now's your chance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you've been waiting for someone to tell you to do it, we're telling you to do it right now. Turn yourself in. Exactly. And like when, say, a street, like, paraplegic or... Oh!

No, paraplegic, when he gets injured in, like, the first episode of Friday Night Live. Yeah. Not a spoiler, guys. Not a spoiler, because, like... The major plot point. Yes. It hurts Coach Taylor. Like, he takes it to heart.

That's good. And, like, he makes sure that, you know, Street is looked after. To the point where there's, like, later on in the season, like, his family, Street's family, like, you should, like, try and sue Coach Taylor. Yeah. It's a blow to him. Talking about dad shame. Yeah.

Right there. And even the kid's like, I didn't want to do this, but we need this money. But Coach Taylor's just like, what the hell? He's so caught about it. Yeah. I never got that storyline because I was like, who do you think you're suing? Like, sue the school. Sue the school district.

Yeah, it's weird to sue Coach Tate. Like, schools sue football as a whole, but suing the man who just was doing his job. Maybe don't sue football. I don't know if you can sue a concert. I mean, you can try. I'm suing trams. Cough up the money, trams.

There's someone in charge of those tramps. Well, they were telling Jason Street to be like, look, did Coach Taylor ever tell you you need to duck your head or whatever? And the thing is, Jason Street should not have been doing what he did. He was not a wide receiver. He was a goddamn quarterback. Quarterback. I lost steam there.

He was a goddamn Hard to say Alright so let's go through these dad categories So fashion Fashion Well he dresses in a baseball cap A polo and shorts Dad fashion 10 out of 10

That's dad fashion That is classic vintage dad Polo shirt because it looks formal But is basically a t-shirt. And because the coach of a high school football team in a high school football town, anytime he's out for a fancy dinner, you know what he's wearing? That fucking Letterman jacket. Damn right.

Oh, that's good. That's dad. That is like a strange subset of fashion where it's like uniform. Yeah, like football. Like you shouldn't wear your uniform out except if you're a coach in a football exactly or as we're in a baseball cap maybe the same baseball cap uh yeah potentially that's good that's what i want it's like a team's baseball yeah yeah yeah that's the answer baseball cap it'll be like uh you know he'll have the polo

shirt on with a lanyard and a whistle yes does he wear that out? Probably not out. Without lanyard and whistle. But then maybe some chinos and some boots or whatever. Okay, so that's his going out fashion. Yeah. That's pretty good dad fashion. That's primo. That's a 10 right there. Yeah, that's a 10 out of 10.

That's a 10 out of 10 or a 3 out of 3. No. Depends on who's counting. 10 out of 10, Jack. It's easier to count 10s. Hey, 10 out of 10. All right, what's the next one? Hugs. H Jack. It's easier to count tens. Hey, ten out of ten. All right, what's the next one? Hugs.

Hugs. Coach Taylor, good at hugging. When does he hug? I think I'm pretty sure. My memory's not 100% perfect when it comes to Friday Night Lights, but I'm fairly certain he does give some good hugs and intimacy to the team. It seems like, well done, congratulations. Gives them a hug when they win a good game.

Is it a man hug or is it a dad hug? Yeah, what variety of hug though? Is it a coach hug like a or is it a dad hug where it like holds you and you kind of melt a little bit? Yeah. I think for certain players when there's some hardship he brings out the dad hug. Oh, that's good to hear. But I'm trying to

go through my memory. But he picks favourites. He does. He does pick favourites. But doesn't he pick favour favorites based on the kids that need it yeah like if a kid's like in trouble that's his favorite when uh michael b jordan comes onto the uh scene like he puts a lot of time and effort into that kid because that kid is missing a father figure yeah it's just so good what a beautiful show tonight um but yeah he acts like an amazing father figure to Michael B. Jordan. Okay.

All right. So, hugs. Good. That's a win. That's another 10. 10 out of 10. Cool. Now, I'm misremembering a scene, but there is that moment with Michael B. Jordan's character

where something big happens and everyone's basically in tears and he gives him a big old bear hug. Did that happen? Did that happen? It wouldn't surprise me in the four seasons the show's on air that there's gives him a big old bear hug. Did that happen? Did that happen? It wouldn't surprise me in the four seasons the show's on air that there's like a bear hug in this somewhere. I think a 10 is reasonable. I think a 10 is reasonable.

Five seasons? I'm so sorry. It's all right. Kill yourself. All right, what's the next cat? Catch. Catch. Come on, catch. Well, I mean, I guess the next catch? Catch. Catch. Come on, catch.

Well, I mean, I guess, but it's cheating. It's like you set this up for yourself. Yep. Controversial question, though. Yeah. Does Coach Taylor play catch with his own kids? Yes. And I think he really wants to.

I think he's very excited when his daughter wants to play catch. He gets all like, oh, God, yes. Oh, that's real good. He's so good. Fuck you, Sam. Fuck you, Sam. Another 10 out of 10. All right.

We'll get him in the next category. Other skills. Other skills? What other skills does Coach Taylor have? I don't think he has as many. He is good at football and coaching football. He's good at football, coaching inspirational speeches. That's part of being a coach.

Driving? He definitely has driven in that show that I have. So I guess we're going down to a zero. Yeah, look, I think that's a zero. I think that's a zero. I think all Tolly can do is coach. He coaches well, but I don't know of any other skills Driving, walking, wearing shoes

Teaching because he's a coach That's true He's a coach though I had Jack for a moment If he was a coach And I also taught geometry I'd be like If you teach football

Then you're good at football. And I guess teaching football. I would say he's good at community, building a community. He's good at making sure. Again, another scene with Michael B. Jordan, because I feel for some reason those two scenes are stuck in my mind the most. It seems like they resonate. But there's a moment where they're like, I They're like you know He's like I need you guys To be going out Fundraising or whatever

And if you don't have a suit You know go I think he tries to like Either make sure That they're in like Proper attire Like it gives him suits And that kind of stuff

So knowing When to wear it Is so good Yeah Is that a teaching What did Tim get What did Tim get Tim got a five

Because he's good at fashion And dogs Look A dog thing What did Tim get? Tim got a five because he's good at fashion and dogs. Look, the dog thing is... I'm pretty sure there's been... Certainly there's been some scenes where Coach Taylor is helping out around the house handyman style. All right, yeah, look, look.

That's a five. I'm sure there's been some. Bump him up to a five. Has he ever been with a dog? I don't know if there's been a dog storyline in friday night lights then he stays at a five but i'm trying to think he definitely does try and help out around the house although they do tend to get like um the football team to do a lot of stuff because that's part of it look at that i'm not All right. So I'm like bumping it down, bumping it back down.

Pride and shame. Pride and shame. Ten out of ten. The moment that like. I hate it, Zoe, but like. The moment that like the football, the moment that he finds out that, I forget the guy's name, but it looks like he's taking steroids. Oh, yeah.

I think he's taking steroids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the shame that Coach Taylor rains down on that kid. And if the team wins, the pride. You can feel it. I can feel it right now. That's got to be a 10 out of 10. Maybe he'll lose on smell.

Is smell what's next? Yeah, smell is what's next. So, smell, he smells like a dad. Because he's a dad. Also, I guess he would smell like leather from the... Letterman jacket? Letterman jacket. And also the balls. And the dirt from the football.

Oh, and that's that fresh grass smell. Fresh grass, kind of like sweat. And I imagine a specific kind of aftershave as well. Or something like that added to the smell. Anyway, I reckon I got you. Doc Hudson from Cars. What? There was a Cars TV show called Possibly Mater Tales.

Okay, so before we move on, I'm pretty sure I got 55 out of 60. Yep, yep. So that's a 92 92 percenter So you're going with a car Doc Hudson Doc Hudson who helped Lightning McQueen in the movie Beat the Alright

Big race Okay are we going with just the TV series? Yeah we're still in it He's just dead I wanted to squalify here, just on principle, but you know what? Let it slide. Make your case. Make your case. Which car is

he again? Do you remember the car that has like an old cowboy accent and he used to be a big famous racer? Yes. Yeah, he's that guy. But let's say while he's alive otherwise... There's just zeros across the board. Except for smell. No, I'm going to argue with zero for that one.

Just go 10 out of 10 because there is a smell. It's not a nice smell, but we'll save it for that category. Okay, why is he just... Because throughout the film, he takes Lightning McQueen, who's this rambunctious, very self-centered, he's not a very grounded person, and he brings him down and he grounds him with good advice, with helping him get to the core of his problems,

affection, and also discipline, until Lightning McQueen not only wins the race, but he learns lessons along the way. That's a good mental. That's classic dad. That is classic dad. Plus, he's got a big mustache. Fashion.

Fashion. As a car. As a car. Does he dress that differently to other cars? He used to, when he was on the racetrack, have white rim tires. Oh. Yeah, he had white rims or white tires. Yeah, that's very Italian or French.

And now, in his old age, he maybe doesn't anymore. Because his dad fashion's kicked in. Jack, argue the mustache. Plus the mustache. See, look. I almost want to quickly Google because I reckon

he doesn't. I reckon he's got the same tires that he had when he was younger. What is more dad than dressing like you did when you were a young man when it's no longer fashionable? No. That's not a dad fashion. Let me find a picture of Doc Hudson.

By the way, he still has white tires. Okay, so clearly his fashion hasn't changed. Yeah, well, true. Did he have a mustache when he was younger? He doesn't have a moustache at all. His grill looks like a moustache. No, it just doesn't. Okay, so when he's younger, Jack, his grill, did it also look like a moustache?

Yes. He hasn't changed at all. He's gotten rid of some of his gaudy Hudson Hornet nonsense on the side. I want to argue zero. The Hornet's a good car. I know, but as fashion goes. I mean, out of all the cars. I mean, the colour is blue.

He's stylish. Compared to Mater. Yeah, exactly. He's not rusty. He's not rusty, and he's not covered in stickers like the Kombi. Yeah, I guess, look, so in the car equivalent. And he's not gaudy like Lightning McQueen. That's true. I'm guessing for the Cars Universe equivalent, he's showered. Yeah. I guess, look, so in the car equivalent. And he's not corny like Lightning McQueen. That's true.

I'm guessing for the Cars universe equivalent, he's showered. Yeah. Exactly. So I'll just give that a hot zero? Yeah. Yeah, just zero out of ten. That's the two of you. Okay, what's next?

Hugs. I could hug him. He can't hug you. Zero. He can drive onto me. Pressure. He's a bad boy. He can just gently run his grill into me.

He stands. You push him all the way back up. Yeah. Sitting on his boot. Then his two thighs go onto my head on either side. And he embraces me like that. Uh-huh. Zero.

Yeah, okay, good. I just feel like Whilst maybe you could hug him But maybe if he just like Pops out his Car door I just You're not wide enough

I am wide But I'm not wide enough To be hugged by a car You could get in him But I feel Is that a hug? That's not a hug That's something else

Don't get into your father Alright That's just a hug. That's something else. Don't get into your father. All right? That's just a hot tip from me to you. Don't enter your dad. Okay. Next category. Oh, catch. He could bounce the ball on his tie.

How does he bounce it? Okay, we have a stationary ball. Do they have balls in the Cars universe? Sure, their fucking tires are very malleable Okay, look, I understand that you could bounce, say, a ball off A basketball, for example, or a soccer ball off You could kick it Dog Hudson

However, there is a stationary ball sitting in front of him I am ten feet away. Oh, Papa! Please throw me the ball! He spins round and then gets his tyre just on the edge of the ball and he accelerates and the ball flips around the tyre

and flies up. And hits him in the head and I'm knocked at zero. He does it gently. He can't. Zero. Zero. He does it gently. He can. Zero. Yep. Got that down. Next category is skills. Skills?

Racing. That's one. Owning a museum. Okay. Is it a car museum? Yeah. To his racing days. Owning a museum and racing are two vastly different skillsets. Is it a success way? And we're like, you're now in charge of the fucking National Hockey League.

He's not going to know what to do. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. If you gave whatever that car guy you just mentioned Doc Hudson. No, the other one. Dale Earhart Jr. Dale Earhart Jr. If you gave him a museum that was about him,

do you think he could run it? Possibly. Doc Hudson is also a mayor. Mayor's pretty good. Mayor's pretty good. Does Doc Hudson, does the museum, is it well run? Well, I mean, it's in a shitty town, but that's because of the interstate.

Okay, so hang on. A shitty town, you said? Yeah. And he's the mayor in a shitty town But that's because of the interstate That's not his fault Okay so hang on Hang on A shitty town you said Yeah And he's the mayor of that How many people How many cars live in this town It's not his fault It's because a highway was built

It's not his So he's shirking responsibility They wrote a whole song about it Jack's right The whole plot of the movie But he's shirking responsibility Yeah It's not my fault

And if he was a good mayor He would have gotten that, like, he would have argued. No, but they thought the highway was going to be good for them. Yeah, they were very excited. Well, then that makes it even worse. No, I'm with Jack, five. No, look, so they're arguing that that freeway.

Mayor is a skill. Yeah, but he did it poorly. So they were arguing that freeway was going to be good for them. Yeah. So the mayor was like, this is going to be good for our town. Yeah. And then it was? Bad. Yeah. right back to zero so i'm sorry but uh not great um dad shame dad pride when lightning mcqueen is like i'm a hot shit racer doc hudson's

like son you gotta slow down and then when he finally gets on the race track and he's racing around doc hudson is there and doc hudson's like you got a kid and then that's pride and grief doesn't something happen where like there is a race or something like that and like something happens but there is like lightning mcqueen thinks he's won but it's just shameful no see lightning mcqueen because of the great lessons doc hudson taught him he's about to win the race but then he sees another car that's smashed and so he gets around behind that car and he pushes that car over the finish line because he's learned a lesson and at the start of the film where lightning mcqueen tries to repave the road yeah doc hudson is like that was a bad job yeah he shames him you need to You need to do it better. But then he's like, you go race, kid.

I got pride in you. 10 out of 10. Wasn't there something to do with him in a dirt bowl? Yeah. And Lightning McQueen doesn't know how to turn left to go right or right to go left. He falls into cacti. What happens? Something happens there.

I just feel like there's some disappointment going on. Yeah. But I forget what it was about. Lightning McQueen is a goofball and he needs to learn to get grounded, which he does at the end of the film. Yeah, because... But I forget what it was about. Lightning McQueen is a goofball and he still, he needs to learn to get grounded, which he does at the end of the film. But during that period of time, he's too hot-headed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he disappoints Like, I'm on your side, I'm just trying to remember the scene.

I think it's when Lightning McQueen falls in a cactus patch, and he's like, fuck this, I'm a great racing car driver. But even though he's just proven that he isn't. Yeah. And Doc Hudson's like, son, 10 out of 10 Hudson's like Son, 10 out of 10 Look, yes 10 out of 10

Nothing would have pleased me for you to get 0 across the board But I'm You just can't argue 0 here That's an airtight case And for the last one, smell Now I was, as you listened famously Back at the start of the episode Being like, of course everyone wins this because you have to have a dad smell.

It's a car. Do they have offspring? He's a car dad. Not is he? He's my dad. If a car adopts me and I smell that car, car smell. That's the phrase. You car smell.

However, does that car smell smell different than another car smell? Or is it just a generic car smell? Well. Of leather. And that's about it. Old leather. Yeah, but if you got into a different car. Don't get into your dad.

Yeah, you're smelling the outside. Well, then you just got petrol. And nothing. Nothing. There's nothing. Zero out of ten. So what are the final scores here? Can you just tally them up for us? In last place, we have Jackson B. Bailey with 10 out of 60. That's a 17%, Jack.

That's a hard fail. Hard fail. Not even a, you know, D's get degrees kind of 60. That's a 17%, Jack. That's a hard fail. Hard fail. Not even a, you know, D's get degrees kind of situation. So, Doc Hudson, worst dad. Yeah, yeah. Coming in second place is me. Yeah. With 40 out of 60.

Pretty good. Still far above. It's a first, second, third deal, but where the third is. So far behind. It's like a race, like a running race. A C+. A C+. That's a C+. like a running race. A C plus. A C plus. A C plus.

You just wrote your name on the paper. I fell over the first hurdle and went to sleep. You became third because there was only three in the running. And they're like, well, you didn't finish, but. But Jackie gets a medal. It's like how I was the only girl in my year in primary school. And so I just got first place a lot. That's exactly how you win.

Like a champion. That's the wrong message. Or be the only girl your age. Controversial opinion. And finally, in first place, our pride and joy, Joel Samet with Coach Taylor. Yes. There it is.

There it is. 55 out of 60 people. Sort of cheating. Because you made the categories. Hey, I was arguing against smell. I should have made them all things everyone has. I was going to point out. You still picked a car.

You were the one arguing for smell And what did you pick again? Well I thought he'd have a specific car smell That was a dad smell Whatever One car has a particular car smell That you've ever been in Old cars smell different If you get in the car, old cars smell different

Because the people driving it or the people inside it. Or air freshness. For example, if your dad was driving his car around, you get into the car without your father and be like, this smells like dad. And you'd be like, this is a dad car. The car by itself though.

No, that's just a car. The outside. It smells like what? Rain? Petrol? Paint? Maybe. a car. The outside. It smells like what? Rain? Petrol. Paint, maybe. Dead bugs. Doug Hudson. Doug Hudson. Spends his time inside a museum.

Yes. Right. Fillmore, the hippie van, is full of biodiesel, so he'll have a different smell. The car, played by either Cheech or Chong, is always getting a fresh coat of paint So he'll smell different So Dr. Hudson will have a unique smell

I should have gotten a five Look, I'm happy to amend that to a five Fifteen out of sixty, baby Still a fail And on that note I've been Jackson Bailey. I've been Zoe Bellotto. And I've been Joel Zammett.

Smell your dad. Thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter, you can find us at Sandspants Radio. Or you can find us individually. I'm at Douche13. I'm at OldDogsOfDead. And I'm at GodDammitZammett. If you want to hear our other shows, you can head to S I'm at douche13. I'm at olddogthedad. And I'm at goddammitzammit If you want to hear our other shows you can head to

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