Plumbing the Death Star - Which Vampire Did Olivia Rodrigo Date in the song ‘Vampire’ by Oliva Rodrigo?

Episode Date: February 4, 2024

Oh no! Plumbing the Death Star’s best friend Olivia Rodrigo has started dating a vampire. That was probably a mistake. What’s more, she went and wrote a song about it for some reason. But which vampire dammit! Who’s got their fangs in our bff! Zammit thinks he can change a sewer dwelling Nosferatu! Duscher refuses to believe Edward Cullen is a virgin! Jackson thinks all blowjobs should happen standing up! Don’t worry though, the boys get to the bottom of it eventually. They also maybe defame some people. Classic Plumbing the Death Star.Links to everything in our linktr.ee including our terrible merch, social media garbage and where to become a subscriber to Bad Brain Boys+ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. I have the question.

Excellent. All right. Let's stop fucking around. And let's... Let's fuck around now. Fuck around time. Hey, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. I'm Joel.

I'm Jackson. And I'm also Joel. Plumbing the Death Star is a comedy pop culture podcast that asks the important questions like, which vampire did Olivia Rodrigo date in the song Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo? Okay. So, Olivia Rodrigo. Yes. A singer?

A singer. She's also one of the stars of High School the Musical. High School Musical. The musical. The show, the TV show, the musical. Yeah, okay. That Disney Plus series. Okay.

She's on that. Is that how she started? Is that in one of the movies? High School Musical was a television movie. People forget that. I do. It's a television movie. I did forget that.

It's a Disney Channel movie. Whoa. And then I think the first one to get a theatrical release was High School Musical 3. Anyway, they made a TV show called High School Musical, the TV show, the musical. Anyway, Olivia Rodrigues in that. Okay. She got her start. She was a Disney kid prior to that. I'm pretty sure. Oh, Olivia Rodrigo's in that. Okay. She got her start. She was a Disney kid prior to that, I'm pretty sure.

Oh, like Ryan Gosling. Like Ryan Gosling. Okay, now I understand this. Was she a mousketeer like Ryan Gosling? No, she's like 21 years old. Maybe Ryan Gosling wasn't a Disney star. He was a mousketeer. Same thing.

Yeah. Like Britney Spears. Like Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. They were mousketeers. Yeah. Great stuff. They were part of the Mickey Mouse Club. Yeah.

Yeah. That rat. Okay. Yeah, anyway, Olivia Rodrigo, she's young. A young pop star. Okay. A pop sensation. Yes.

All right. Her music has taken the world by storm. Uh-huh. But she's- Singing about vampires. She's unfortunately unlucky in love. Yeah. A lot of her very popular songs, quite- Love them. You know, she's- This is about where she got a driver's Love. Yeah. A lot of very popular songs. Quite, you know.

There's a song about where she got a driver's license. Yeah. She drive past boyfriend house, have a cry? No, she drive past ex-boyfriend house, have a cry. Because he was like,

I'll teach you to drive. And when I got my driver's license, and then they'd broken up and she got a driver's license. Oh, tainted. Anyway, she's experiencing her early 20s in the same way that everyone experiences

their early 20s, but she way that everyone experiences their early 20s But she has musical talent Musical talent and good ideas for music Yeah, okay Anyway, she also dated a vampire Alright Look, that sucks Which is a hard right turn

It's not a typical part of your early 20s Well, if you don't know going in And it could come as a bit of a shock Yeah, that's true So maybe it was just a thing of like Oh, this is a handsome individual Oh, okay He's a bit of a shock. Yeah, that's true. So maybe it was just a thing of like, oh, this is a handsome individual. Oh, okay. He's a bit nice.

Day three. Vampires! Oh, I was going to ask. Oh, my God, he's a bloodsucker fame fucker. Vampire! Before we get to the lyrics of the song, how long in a relationship, say the vampire didn't want to eat your blood. Yeah. Eat your blood?

Drink your blood? Anyway. You can eat a drink. How long into the relationship before you realize your partner's a vampire? Well, it depends on which traits

of a vampire they have. Like, if it's a Nosferatu, oh, moment one. If he's there, like, ghoulishly, like, completely bald, pointy ears, I'm just stating it

ugly guy. And I'm like, okay, okay. Suicide time? I'm like, I don't want to go to the suicide. He hates his son, my boyfriend. Yeah, that's fair. But he's? I'm like, I don't want to go to the sewer. Sewer! He has to sign my boyfriend.

Yeah, that's fair. But he's got a great personality. Does he? Does Nosferatu have a good personality? I don't think so. If you like sewers and rats. That's not personality. He's got the sort of same personality as a rat, I think.

Like a ghoul boy. I don't think that I would say any of the things on the list have a good personality. If you're into ghoul boys or rat boys, I can change you. I can change this rat. I could fix it.

I'm going to fix this rat. Buy a cat if you're trying to fix your rat. You know what I mean? Yeah, look, a cat is a fixed rat. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? Yeah, look. A cat is a fixed rat. Oh, okay. I thought you were fixing the rat the way a mobster fixes a problem. Oh, okay.

No. I got this rat that I own as my pet. So I'm going to get him fixed. I'm going to get him hit. If you've got a rat, its personality stinks. And if you're sick of its stinky personality, rather than trying to train it, just get rid of it and then buy a cat. What do you mean by get rid of it? Give it to someone else who loves a rat.

Well, I mean, if you are what you eat, then we give that rat to the cat, and then that cat is that rat. If you are what you eat, and then you apply that to, I love this pet, but I'm sick of dealing with it, so I'm going to feed this pet to another pet, and then my new pet is my old pet because you are what you eat. That's a dangerous precedent. Dude, if you are what you eat, I'm a bunch of hot dogs. I'm a bunch of shit. It's funny,

you just made me think of having pets where you wait until the pet gets old enough and then get it eaten by the next pet. Yeah. It's a way, instead of clothing. Yeah, you'll get the rat, when the rat comes of age, it gets eaten by a cat, then you buy a big lizard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the idea of like, I say, say I have a corgi. Where do you go from big lizard? Dog? Yeah. Bigger dog, yeah. Or a cat. So cat, lizard, cat. No, the rat eats the cat. I mean, the cat. The world has gone topsy-turvy! So you want to go rat, cat, the cat. So you go rat, the world has gone topsy-turvy. So you want to go

rat, cat, big lizard. Yes. Wow. Then? Probably like, like Alsatian,

like a Doberman, big dog. Then? Or is that it? No, we can keep going. Well, I was going to say,

rather than like upgrading the size factor, it's to say, I have a corgi. Right. And I love this corgi. Feed it to another corgi? I was going to say,

we have 14 years of great corgi times, and then it dies, or it's about to die. Yeah. And I love this corgi. Feed it to another corgi? I was going to say, we have 14 years of great corgi times and then it dies, or it's about to die. And then I'm like, well, I want this corgi to continue. But I love a corgi. So I get a corgi. But as a puppy,

what do? Do I have to butcher my dog? Well, that's why I was just sort of leaving it in God's hands. You put a cat, an old cat and a hungry lizard together. I guess the best thing

would be a snake, right? Nature take its course, yeah. To eat a corgi. No, to anything. What if, what do I get to eat the snake? Well, because snakes, they can keep,

their jaw keeps getting bigger and bigger, right? Do snakes ever eat other snakes? Yeah. Yeah, have you, you seen that guy, that famous one?

Yeah. Or a horse? Yeah. He's eating his own, that famous one, Ouroboros? He's eating his own ass, so I guess he becomes his ass. I don't think Ouroboros is eating his own ass, but anyway! You look at that picture, you tell me what he's doing.

He's sucking his own tail. And where is the snake's ass? I have no idea. If I said, hey, Jackson's just in the other room sucking his own tail. Yeah. I would imagine you're sucking your own dick,

right? Yes. Yeah. But that's a dick and an ass. I mean, match made in heaven. I mean,

once you get to your dick, you're like, well, what if I could keep going? And Ourobor, Ourobor, Ourobor, Ourobor,

yeah, Ourobor, Ouroborialis, the star shit. Ouroborialis, the star shit. Ouroborialis. Okay. Eating its own snoring. Skin of steamed hands?

No, I'm just sucking my own tail. He's just sucking his own hands. Skin of steamed hands. Good stuff. This has gone away from us. A tiny bit. Less than ten minutes into. Okay, vampire.

Yes. Olivia. Roger E. Green. What vampire is she dating? She's fucked up. She dated a vampire. Here, I'm plumbing the desk stuff. We never asked that, Pangean.

Okay. I answered, sorry. Yeah, I guess date three. Okay, fair enough. I'm going to just accept it and not riff any further so we can get to the question. Well, never mind. If it's fucking Dracula, you're probably going to just accept it and not riff any further so we can get to the question. Well, never mind. If it's fucking Dracula, you're probably going to notice pretty quickly. But if it's like fucking Edward Cullen, yeah, it'll take a bit.

I mean, yeah, but most Draculas or most vampires, you could hide yourself as in, I'm not a vampire, I'm just foreign. I guess if they only ate blood, then the fact that we never ate food together would probably tip me off. Well, again, like, day one, we're going to see a movie. Do you want popcorn chocked up? Sure. Because it's dark, I can mime throwing under the thing, and I can just throw it behind me. That's true.

That's true. Hey! Stop throwing popcorn at me! My clown's throwing popcorn at me! I'll kill them! And they turn around and they, Hey, I'm a vampire. I tried to trick a girlfriend.

You're fucking it up, man. Just wear the popcorn. It's the cow. I give you free popcorn. Leave me alone. Bro, she's already dating a fucking Muppet. If she finds out

that I'm a vampire too, I'm fucked, okay? I'm fucked. Okay, so I'm going to throw one piece of popcorn. One, two pieces of popcorn. Three. Date two, we're just, I was going to say,

I was going to meet for a lovely park time date. No, I'm on fire in an act. The carnival at night? Maybe the carnival at night. No, because there's popcorn there and fairy floss. Well, you just do the same thing. Have you already eaten? No, thank you.

I was thinking like, where can you- Buy a fairy floss and you just do the same thing they have the same thing ah they already eaten it thank you I was thinking like buy a fairy floss and accidentally drop it oh no make sure it's raining so the rain dissolves the fairy floss on the stick nothing I could do about it ah ah ah

yeah like date one I mean going date one and being like let's go on a date and then you go to a movie is bad because I'm like I didn't get to talk to you

yeah I don't know who you are but maybe that's for the best because I'm trying to hide you any setting where you're like yeah but you gotta still get into the date yeah and any setting because I'm like, I didn't get to talk to you. I don't know who you are. But maybe that's for the best because I'm trying to hide you. Any setting where you're like... Yeah, but you've got to still get into the date. Yeah, and any setting where it's like, oh, let's go for... Like, hey, let's meet at a park or whatever like that.

At night... What about... Hey! Hey, there's some alarm bells. Sir, hey, I figured for our second date, I'm going to hit you with the biggest red flag idea of all time. And you're going to be worried I am going to kill you. I think it's the first date.

The first date has to be the red flag. No, you just go to, like, the aquarium or some shit. That's indoors. How are you getting into the aquarium? Where I could. What if you're, like, a shift worker or something like that, and you get off at night, so that's the only time. Something like that.

Date one, if it's a traditional vampire. And Edward Cullen could probably trick me for a couple of dates. Yeah, I just don't know where you're taking anyone. What if you just say, I'm also albino? I know I don't look like I'm albino, but I'm albino. Yeah, but that doesn't- I'm a special kind of albino that doesn't look albino, and that's why I can't be in the sun

yeah but even without that the not eating, the not sleeping can you fake eating? yeah, Edward does I'm pretty sure well if a vampire eats what happens? Do they get the blood shits? yeah that's what I always imagine don't they not have guts? oh no where's it going?

I think like cause they're undead I guess the cullens are, like, full of venom. So I guess the venom would eat it. And Edward's got jeers. Edward comes. Edward has jeers. So, yeah.

What have we done with this? Well, I mean, like, he's not eating it. He's not Rob Roxing himself. You fucking, oh, if Edward eats it, it goes into his nuts? Is that where you were going with that I just mean his internal systems are working no his nuts work yeah well why would only his nuts work no no he's nuts and his son's working because he can also get an erection unless he's just like thumbing in a doughy yeah but I mean it could also I mean in that sex scene if that that man

is not flaccid no No, he's not. You can't. He's not. You can't fuck a bed like that. You can't fuck that up. You're pushing rope. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. How does this? May I say, instead of, well, because instead of blood, he's probably just got venom in his veins. Then how is the venom being made? What do you mean, how is it being made? In his guts.

In his guts, right? So it's like, we consume, we breathe. Vamp breathe you know the whole yeah oxygen exchange don't make me think about science because it's not going to go well for any of us because you turn but it's like food and air and water all that bullshit that we need to survive let's just assume kind of like let's just assume that eating the sucking off the blood yeah creates venom in his body. And then the venom courses through his veins like blood. But if I eat a steak, a rare steak as a vampire, what happens?

Is it that you can't... When I'm sucking the blood, I'm swallowing the blood? Or is it like a snake? We've had this conversation before. Or is it like straws in my teeth and they're going somewhere else? I think it's straws in your teeth. Does that mean Edward Cullen's guts are like atrophied in there?

Probably. When they're sucking, do they swallow? No. Because when they're like... They must... But also, Edward can push venom out of his teeth. That's how he turns people into vampires. Because you can drink, but you can also put venom back.

You can suck and you can blow. So maybe it's like how a snake can shoot. It's crazy that it's called a blowjob, yet they suck, eh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if it's that crazy. If anything, it should be called like a mouth job. That's the one that's working. That's true, because it's hand, foot, arse.

Arse job? For the other job. Dude, that's hot-dogging. That's true, because it's a hand, foot, ass job. Dude, that's hot-dogging. That is hot-dogging. And that's what you're made of. Okay, so, Olivia Rodrigo has a song, Vampire. She'll be so disappointed when she hears this episode. They spent too long bullshitting. They didn't crack the code that I put out there.

So the song is about her dating a vampire. She dated a vampire. People were like, hey, watch out for this guy. And then Olivia Rodrigo was like, I actually know better than you. And then in the song, she's like, actually, I didn't know Jack shit, and I dated a vampire. Bro was a vampire. But Plummet the Death Star, we're asking. Which vampire?

Which vampire? Because there's a fucking ton of them. Who was that? Who wasn't? Okay, so straight off the bat, she eases us in with the lyrics. She doesn't just go real hard straight away. It's, I hate to give the satisfaction asking how you're doing now, so that's just classic X stuff. Exactly.

Now this... This is the first clue, I think. That's all, folks. This is the first clue. How's the castle built off people you pretend to care about? Okay, this vampire has a castle. Now. It could be a metaphor.

Could be a metaphorical castle. Is it a castle made of bones? That's definitely one way to interpret it. I don't know any castle, any vampire with a skeletor. A skeletor vampire. What is skeletor? He's a famous skeleton. But he's got fangs, I think.

Or are they just like his regular canines, but we can see them more? But also, I remember playing with the action figure or the toy, and it was just a skull face, but he had a big muscular blue body. That's right. What's that? Did Skeletor get his head de-gloved at some point? He got his face skin caught in an industrial accident? That's why he cut...

Why was it a hood? I don't want to... And that little weird shoulder pad thing. Yeah. So that we'd never see that transition. Yeah, exactly. I feel that transition scares me. Well, meat hits bone, yeah.

It's like a gradient. So Skeletor doesn't have fangs. He just has regular teeth. It's not Skeletor. It's not Skeletor. I would love someone, as a Skeletor aside, Skeletor corner. You know how people do that thing where they get the bones of like a, like if they find bones in an archaeological site,

and then there's people whose job it is to reconstruct the face? Has anyone reconstructed Skeletor? What did that guy look like? Surely someone has. Somebody should. Some archaeologist should get on that. Who was Skeletor? All right. Well, it's not Skeletor. Now the next obvious one with the castle, I'm thinking the OG Dracula. Yeah, but this castle's not made of guys. No. It's made of bricks. But maybe it means, like, the castle built of people

you pretend to care about. The community. Or, like, the laborers who built the castle. Yeah. Look, we'll go... Doesn't pay them, eats them. Yeah, exactly.

Which could be any vampire at this point. Yeah, true. They built the colored house. I don't know. They're dead now. And then, again, because they've got to

keep building it and it's all very secretive, they ate those guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. 100%. Any worker that worked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. 100%. Any worker that worked for the Cullens, consumed. I think that you meet the people that worked on the Cullens house in Twilight,

and also they definitely haven't eaten people because their eyes are gold. Oh, that's true. They're vegetarians. They're not vegetarians. They eat deers and shit. I don't know if eating a deer counts as a vampire vegetarian. I think it does. It's all relative.

Then she goes, I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes. We skipped a line where, well, we skipped two lines. You think of meaningless, like just what you wanted. Look at you, cool guy. You got it. Okay. Cool guy. Cool guy.

Could be Skeletor still. He's a vintage cool guy. Once again, it could be Skeletor. We're all thinking Skeletor. But why don't we, insteadletor but why don't we instead of that why don't we just have the obvious answer

which we're all thinking about because we do love a Cullen yeah we do so why don't we so it's probably gonna be I think look I'm gonna put forward I have never heard this song

nor have I read ahead to the lyrics but I'm gonna put forward that yes we're gonna go with Edward Cullen let's see if Edward Cullen can fit some of this if it makes sense

now Castle built off people you pretend to care about. I think right now... Big house. Big house. Community. They pretend to care about the community. Yeah, that's true. Well, they do care about the community, but if someone was like, I hate the Cullens, they'd

be like, look at you, you pretend to care about the community. Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's true. There's all those weird things to be like, you know, you are like, you pretend to care, but really, you're just like hundreds of years old. Hundreds of years old, and all you do is go to school? Exactly.

What are you doing for the wider community? You could help us out. Why are we so dark here? I miss the sun. Yeah, it's all over, Carlos. Is this your fault, Collins? I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes. Diamonds?

I mean, Edward Cullen is shiny. That's true. That's true. Oh, they have parties at their house? No. They invite prom. They invite Bella for spaghetti? They have fake prom. Yeah, that's right. They have vampire prom.

And like, it's not a game of baseball sort of a party? That's a game of baseball. If there's a barbecue attached? No, that just still becomes baseball. If anything, that just... They have couches in the Cullen house. That's like a baseball If there's a barbecue attached No That just still becomes baseball If anything that just Do they have couches In the Colin house?

Yeah they do Okay There's no beds Edward sleeps on a chaise lounge Well he doesn't sleep But he lounges On a chaise lounge Yeah

And he listens to boring music Yeah Listen to You've been alive for Hundreds of years Yeah The bussy isn't the best we got No man

If you had the pussy and then you're like that's what i'm listening to for the next say 40 years yeah and then suddenly you're listening to i don't know let's say slipknot you're like if i could time travel 100 years into the future the first thing i do would be listen to songs well of course i would love to hear what the fuck happens to music over the holidays. Edward's a little bit of a fancy boy. He's a bit scared and he's got a lot of guilt. There's fancy music in the future, probably.

He's not good on it. Does he know how to use Google? I don't think so. How far into the future? He also didn't time travel. He's existed, like, he lived normal. He could have acclimatized. Yeah, he could have, but I just don't think so.

He chose not to. That's true. That's true. Imagine all the information that he would have in terms of, I don't know, ferrying a horse. I forget when he turned. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, here's a new VCR, program it kind of stuff. And then it's like, now here's DVDs with menus.

We got rid of them and it's called Blu-ray. I don't know. I just think this is too fast for him. Do you think a VR headset would kill him? Oh, yeah a headset like watch the sunrise he's gonna scream am i on fire how far into the future before you got scared of listening to music no i think that like if i went 1 000 years into the future dude i look i guess there's probably a chance that media evolves so much that me um an ape man compared to the future people, I put on a song and it just kills me. Yes.

But that's exciting. That's true. Imagine watching a movie from the year 3000. And it kills you. Yeah. Honestly, if I've traveled that far, I mean, everyone I know and love is dead anyway. Yeah. So I might as well watch a movie.

Might as well watch a movie and just know like, hey. Let the movie kill me. Yeah. Okay. Anyway. Six months of torture. You and just know, like, hey. Let the movie kill me. Yeah. Okay. Anyway. Six months of torture. You sold a son for a bit in paradise. That's just a six-month bad relationship.

I loved you truly. Get a laugh at the stupidity. I loved you. You didn't love me, maybe. So six months of torture. I'm guessing, because, look, Edward, he loved so quickly. Yeah, that's true. And he loved deep.

Yeah. And when you get out of that relationship, you can be like, oh, that was a little bit weird. That was intense. A bit of, relationship, you can be like, oh, that was a little bit weird. That was kind of torture. A bit of, like, you know, forbidden paradise. I'm gonna put it out there that if this is Edward, this Olivia Rodrigo sadly is the girl that he dated before.

Bella. That we never hear about. Yeah, okay. Or, look, it might be a different Cullen. We don't know. That's true. There's many a Cullen. Because I've made some real's true. There's many a Cullen. Because I've made some real big mistakes, but you make the worst ones look fine. I should have known it was strange you only come out at night.

Well, that's... That's exactly what we talked about in the top of the episode. That's a basic vampire. I used to think I was smart, but you made me look so naive. The way you sold me for parts. Let's suck all that. Let's put a red ring around that. As you suck your teeth into me again, classic vampire stuff. Oh, but that's not a Cullen.

That's true. That can't be a Cullen. Jasper still drinks human blood. Okay, that could be a Jasper. Could be about Jasper, but not Edward. Blood sucker, fame fucker, bleeding me dry like a goddamn vampire. I don't think it's any Cullen. Cullens want to be under the radar.

They don't want fame. They don't want to fuck fame. I don't think that any of the Cullens know about any modern celebrities. No. I think they've got no idea. And they themselves are famous in Forks. Yeah, that's true. Like the utensil.

Yeah. Yep, yep. What a doubt. That is how I would where are you from Forks oh like the you just like it yeah yeah yeah

they're the most famous like if anything if she was called say I don't know a Forks fucker you're like you're fucking a Cullen absolutely

blood sucker fork fucker yeah blood sucker unless it's like you're the blood sucker I'm the fame fucker and you're famous in Forks

but I think I don't think so I think you're right. I don't think this can be about the Cullens. So is this from her perspective and she is famous as in she is a famous person dating a vampire? Is this an autobiographical is what I'm asking. Now, this is a very popular song. So I was like, there'll be a radio edit.

You can't say fuck on the radio because it's fucking... Kids could listen. It's 1683 still. And you shouldn't swear. Swear is bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So in the radio edit, it says bloodsucker dream crusher. Oh!

Now that could be Edward again. He's crushing Olivia's dreams by breaking into her bedroom and not letting her sleep because he's watching her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I've always wanted to go to Italy, and then he goes off instead without you. To Italy. And you're like, I want to go to Italy. And he's like, well, I was going there to kill myself.

And you're like, still? Don't even bring me. I, okay. Uh-huh. What's the relationship between Frankenstein's monster and Dracula Okay Just because of the line The way you sold me for parts

I don't know call me crazy That makes me think about Frankenstein That also makes me now think about Frankenstein And I just wonder if perhaps the song is about Or a gravedigger at least Well okay One of the other lines she tried out instead of fame fucker with garlic butter

that would have really thrown a spanner in the woods. That's awesome. Blood sucker, garlic butter. She should have kept with that. Okay, so if you're a vampire and you're strapped for cash, maybe you're selling blood. Well, again, okay.

It's ethical. Because you're using the whole animal. You're sucking them dry. That's true. And then you're like, well, I got nothing. I don't need these. Or... And you sell them to Frankenstein. Dr. Frankenstein.

Alternatively, we go back to the Cullens again. What's that high court of the fucking vampires? They're like... Venturi? Venturi? Venturion? No, you're going to... Yeah, you're going to... High Valeria, Game of Thrones.

You're going Game of Thrones or you're going Invincible. You're thinking Voltron. Venturi? My cousin Vinny. My cousin Vinny. My cousin Vinny. My dinner with Andre. I'll find out.

Who the hell are those guys? Anyway, so those guys. Vinny, Vichy, yes. So Vinny. Vinny, Vichy. I saw her at Concord. Anyway, so those guys. Rome, ancient Rome.

They want Balor. Yeah. Okay. So, and Edward's like, fuck you, I love Balor. Yeah. Maybe if Edward was like, oh. I'm okay about this one. I don't love Olivia.

Yeah. I love the idea. Volturi. Volturi. Which sounds wrong, but apparently that's Voltari. I don't know. Volturi. Voltari.

Volturi. Voltarans? Voltarans? My brain's still sucking Viltrumite. Yeah. Yeah. That's the Omni-Man. Yeah, I know. What's he doing? Big mustaches. Yeah. That's the Omni-Man. Yeah, I know.

What's he doing? Big mustaches, I understand. Big mustaches, big punches. All right. Every girl I ever talked to told me you were bad, bad news. Yeah, the town fucking hates the Cullens. That makes sense. No, they don't.

They love the Cullens. They hate the Cullens. They love the Cullens. The school is like, look at these fucking friends. Aren't they horned up for the Cullens at school? They're the most famous bad bitches thereed up for the Cullens at school? They're like, they're the most famous bad bitches there. They love the Cullens. No, at school, Anna Kendrick's

character, whatever her name is, Becky or some shit, is like, yeah, they're stepbrother and sister, yet they're fucking. That's fucked up. We hate this family. I think they're family. They're like the most popular kids in school. They're not popular.

Isn't everyone really impressed when Bella starts dating Edward? Yeah, because no one's fucking spoken to them. Aren't they like, Bella, you're plain as hell, and Edward's the most fuckable guy in school? They're mysterious. They're not the most fuckable in school. Isn't that like a whole family everyone wants to fuck? They're basically the most famous family in Forks.

I don't know. They seem famous. If you went to a school in a small town and one of the families there were all the same age and fucking, they'd be famous too, but you'd be like, look at this freak family. Yeah, but that's us looking in, right? That's not, we're outsiders.

As it's presented in the films, everyone's like, damn. No, I think the school's like, fuck these guys. Why are they always going, They're mysterious. They're not popular. I think they're mysterious and excited. They get a full on intro music like goddamn wrestlers and they're the coolest people I know. And then, yeah. But isn't that in the movie, not in the...

As an outsider looking in, that's them showing us how great they are. It's shorthand for like they're cool. Everyone gets musical stuff in movies. I don't think Anna Kendrick gets a slow-mo intro. No, she doesn't. It's not cool and sexy. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet.

Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. Anyway, look. You called them crazy. Gotta hate the way I called them crazy too. You were so convincing. How do you lie without flinching? How do you lie?

How do you lie? How do you lie? So again, that could be It's classic toxic boyfriend stuff and also classic vampire stuff. It is, but not Cullen, because he doesn't really lie. No? Okay, pretend that instead of saying every girl, it

says Taylor Lautner. Jacob! The werewolves hate the vampire, sure. You called them crazy. The werewolves called the vampires crazy. Called them crazy too. Agreed with Taylor Lautner. You're so convincing, Taylor Lautner.

No. No, no, no. So every time I talk to Jacob, Jacob told me that you were bad, bad news. You called Jacob crazy. God, I hate the way that I called Jacob crazy too. That's okay. Look, and like, yeah, how do you lie without flinching?

Because I'm like, look, Edward doesn't really lie that much because he's like, you know what I am. He gives him the clues. He's like, say it, say it, say it. And then he doesn't shy away from it. But he is living a lie of being, I am but 16 years old. Yeah, exactly. 17. I am 17 years old.

Yeah. And I look like a fully adult man. But no, they do lie all the time. That's what I mean. I'm retracting my name. They are liars. They're living a lie. So how do they keep living that lie? Because even like, doesn't Edward lie to Bella when they

break up? He's like, we're leaving. I'm going to Rome. For a trip? Yeah, sort of. An awesome one. I am long, Trips. Ooh, what a mesmerizing, paralyzing, fucked up little thrill.

Can't figure out just how you do it. God knows I never will. Went for me and not her, because girls your age know better. Now, how old is Edward Cullen again? He's quite old. Several hundo years. So I guess they're talking about another vampire here. Again, mesmerizing.

Oh yeah, like a vampire. And if they're caught in sunlight, you know, do the Cullens have that mesmerizing ability? I think some of them do. Okay. Because they each get

an X-Man superpower. They're all a little bit mutant-like. Because we all need a little bit of X-Men in our vampire stories. Yeah, yeah. But like a classic vampire is very mesmerizing, quite literally hypnotic kind of.

Like a snake. Yeah. Does Cullen have that ability? Girls your age know better. Went for me and not her. Who's her? Who is the other girl? His sister.

Because there's never a point where Edward Cullen is like. Interested in anyone else Yeah I just don't think this is Because Edward is Edward Edward is very He's almost celibate

Yeah, yeah, he is Yeah, yeah Wait, he's a big virgin Yeah, yeah Yeah, he's a big He's a big virgin Is he a virgin? I think so

He's very much Catholic guilt Does it count? Religious guilt Does it get wiped clean when you become a vampire? So we say he banged a lot as a non-vampire, but then afterwards. I feel like even if he says he's a virgin, he knows too much about like, because there's a difference between being like one of those sex obsessed virgins that is like, I know exactly how it works.

But like Edward's like hey if we fuck I will kill you yeah that's true and like he wouldn't know that's upbringing right no but uh don't fuck you will kill her yeah okay cause he knows no but I just feel like that cause

yeah you think he's fucked you think he's killed another woman at some point he's talking from experience he's like? You think he's killed another woman at some point? Are you talking from experience? Yeah, he ruins that bed. Yeah. I think it was absolutely a risk. And wait, when does Bella get turned?

Oh, no, she gets turned so that she can have the baby, right? Yeah. Okay, so she is a human when they fuck down. Okay, so... You found on Reddit, I see. Is Edward a big virgin? Okay, yeah. On Reddit, it's just Edward Virgin. Okay, I'm a recent Twi-hard,

and there's something I'm hung up on. I know it doesn't matter, but I literally can't get over it. Is Edward a virgin before he meets Bella? The reason I ask is because in one of the movies, Edward says he wants to wait until marriage and that he's old fashioned. I don't know about you, but that screams I'm a virgin.

Yeah, or born again. I'm pondering back and forth if he's a verge. Hashtag verge alert. Or if he's just waiting until Bella's a vampire. Anyway, team Edward for life. Glad I finally have joined the fandom. And then the first reply is Edward is a hard virgin,

but the horniest... Hard virgin? What's a hard virgin versus a soft virgin? Oh, he's not pushing, right? Well, Edward is a hard virgin, but is the horniest motherfucker in the world. A true king of duality. Yeah, I think he's a virgin. Well, maybe by hard virgin

they mean, like, nothing. He's not even done a handjob or anything. Yeah, yeah think he's a virgin. Well, maybe by hard virgin they mean like nothing. He's not even done a hand job or anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a soft virgin is like maybe you've licked a nipple or two. They start at breaking a bed fucking. Yeah, absolutely. Well, I guess he's got a lot of pent-up sexual rage. Well, I guess.

I was like, because he's scared about the venom cum. I'm like a hand job. Yeah. Safest option. It's true. He's got to aim him. Foot job. Safest option.

Firthest away. No, but then if he sprays and it's like, oh, that's true. Yeah, that's true. Easy to kind of be next to you in a cinema. Say. And then he jerks up, sizzles on the back of the cinema chair in front of him. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that's the safest option. Blowjob, most risky, I feel. What about a pit job where they fuck the armpit? Where am I? Are we standing? You're standing up facing ahead. He's behind you on a stool. He's behind me on a stool. Why wouldn't you kneel?

I got bad knees. That's fucked me up. Because now I've just applied that to, I would say, a more traditional experience. Not relationship. A more traditional sexual experience of a blowjob. Right. And now I'm just imagining someone getting, like, the person doing the sucking standing fully upright. Like, standing fully upright.

You're standing on the couch. That's the best. That's how you should do it. No. You get your whole range of movement. Absolutely. That's great. Good for your knees.

What range of movements do you get? You're moving like one of those big clown dolls. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. What range of movements do you get you moving like one of those big clowns? Is that good no I'm gonna have to report back babe stand up Pretend to be a inflatable clown. I like that you went You know, I have a thing for them. If you could do, I don't know. Pretend to be an inflatable clown. I like that you went for a stool. That's so precarious.

Yeah. You said stool. I know, I know, but it's still funny. Hey, dude, I like that funny thing you just said. It didn't make any sense. No, because we moved to couch. Well, I'm funny. Oh, yeah, actually. No, because we moved to couch.

Then you moved back to the stool. I moved. Zabit moved Then you moved back to the stool. I moved. Zabit moved the standing blowjob to the couch. Well, I didn't want precarious landing on a stool. Which made sense. And then you said, fuck the couch. I clambered back up to the stool. I think the order of this conversation, and I don't want to, like, gaslight or anything.

I'm pretty sure I said stool, then Zabit made it couch, and then we went to this part. Yeah. I never said stool. No, you said stool. Fuck this. I'm pretty sure I said stool then Zamet made it couch and then we went to this part. Yeah. I never said stool. No, you said stool. Fuck this. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to break your head open. I think I went stool, couch, stool.

Like this. Crack it like an egg. Yeah. Like the butt reverse egg. Because with an egg you'd usually go like that. I'm going like this. Like a warm night. Like a warm night. Yeah.. I'm going like this. Like a warm night.

Anyway. Then we get the fame fucker part again. Yeah, back to the chorus. You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard? You said you can't love anyone because that would mean you had a heart. No heart. No heart. I tried to help you out.

Now I know that I can't because how you think is the kind of thing I'll never understand. Okay, so... I... I... I... Honestly, when we went into this,

I was like, I don't think it's Edward. I don't think it's Edward. But... Yeah? You know how you kill vampires in Twilight? They have them.

That's true. Where every other vampire is traditionally a stake through the heart. Yes. And this motherfucker doesn't have a heart. Yeah.

Okay. And that how you think's the kind of thing I'll never understand. Edward can read thoughts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think it could be our boy Edward Cullen. There's still, there's too many things. There is a lot of doubt.

I'm like, nah, nah, that's not Edward, that's not Edward. Well, look, and then the chorus happens again, which we've already discussed. No, that's not Edward. That's not Edward. Well, look, and then the chorus happens again, which we've already discussed. But maybe, okay, I think this actually secretly could be Edward and that Olivia Rodrigo was Edward's ex prior to Bella and in a previous town,

and Edward was lying about being a virgin because he's got too much fuck knowledge. Okay, well, why don't we? But I think what we should do Okay We'll pick a couple of people Yeah I think so And try to apply it to the lyrics

And see if there's someone That fits better So out of 10 fangs Yeah How many fangs Do you think this In terms of like percentage Is this out of 8 fangs

How many fangs In terms of percentage Yeah yeah Is this For Edward right 10% fang No So if 10% that would not

100% fang I don't understand this Out of% fangs. No. For 10%, that would not be. 100% fangs? I don't understand this. Out of 10 fangs. I'm going to go, I think, honestly, at this point, 91% fang. So that's nine fangs. 9.1 fangs out of 10, yes. 9.1. All right.

So I reckon I'm about eight fangs. Yeah, I'm about eight fangs, too. I'm going to go a light nine. Okay, a light nine. A light nine fangs. Okay. Now, see, when it says no heart, the immediate thing that kind of, and we've mentioned them already, kind of like starting alarm bells, is the count.

Okay. The Muppet. Okay. The famous Dracula Muppet, because he's got no heart. That's true. It's all felt, dude. It's all felt. Whoa, castle built off people.

Puppets built off people. Literally. They got a person in their guts. Exactly. And it's a lie because you're not a guy, that's a hand. There's usually several guys. Hang on. Okay. Is it the Count the person

or is it the Count the puppet piloted by somebody and this song is about Olivia Rodrigo realising it was a puppet that she was dating and also when it comes to the Muppets usually it's a team

it's a team who are controlling did a team of Muppeteers trick Olivia Rodrigo into dating the count I say yes okay

there is one line where that I think will come into consideration but I think we're gonna hit a couple a couple first that don't make sense. The castle you built of people you pretend to care about. Muppets. What is that?

There's a beautiful media empire. Yeah, exactly. Which could be a media castle. I like as well that it seems like Olivia's still a bit unclear as to whether the Count's a real guy or not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that feels like she's saying the Count doesn't care about the Muppeteers and the team that made the Muppets.

Exactly. Now, parties and diamonds, that's not the Count. Yeah. He's not a... He's partying with chickens. Yeah. Yeah, and he doesn't have his castle... Well, the Muppets have parties, right?

Yeah, but his castle... Yeah, but the Count... They're sort of isolated. He's also Sesame Street, not the Muppets. Yeah, that's true. He doesn't know Kermit. Well, he is, because Sesame Street and the M Muppets. Yeah, that's true. He doesn't know Kermit. Well, he is because Sesame Street and the Muppets do. Yeah, they interact, but I don't think the count of Kermit have ever hung out.

No, and like the count's not on the fucking. He's not really even on the street. No, he's in a castle that sucks. Where's that castle? Sesame Street. The end of. Sesame Street's in New York. Yeah, it's at the end of the street.

Yeah, fair enough. Okay. Six months of torture. Yeah, again, that's just a six-month relationship. Six months of torture! I truly loved you get a laugh at the stupidity. Is the count clever? I am dumb for dating a Muppet. I'm dumb for Muppets.

That's on my Tinder profile. Jackson Bailey, 32, dumb for Muppets. I was dating a hand. I'm DMP, dude. dating a hand I'm DMP dude DMP I'm DFP as like if you feel if the whole Muppets

stick is counting and like math and then it's just like maybe to be like no that's stupid yeah that's true you kind of get a bit of a dig there

yeah yeah yeah you gotta laugh at the stupidity of someone who every time they say a number they laugh at the numbers it's a bit silly

also it's maybe three to five guys I think it is pretty funny. I think, exactly. It's a bit silly. Also, it's maybe three to five guys. I don't know. I think it is pretty funny. Like, I loved you truly. Got a laugh at the stupidity of that because I was in love with the hands. I was in love with a felt creature.

Yeah, the stupidity of me. A felt thing I thought was a lot. Yeah, and a team of about eight puppeteers and set designers. Okay, so real big stakes. Yeah, I made a big mistake of thinking a Muppet was a real thing. You make my worst mistakes look

fine. I should have known it was strange that you only come out at night. Doesn't only come out at night. Well, if to continue the ruse, if you are in that sort of like when you're a stagehand, you're all dressed in black to blend in with it. Maybe you

want to keep that ruse going, you know, at night. It's so funny to imagine Olivia Rodrigo's door opening and the Count coming out the side of the door sitting at Netflix. Hello! I know it's night time, but shall we take another date?

It is time to go on a date with me, a real human vampire. I have brought my bench that I'm always behind. Oh my God, I just realized behind. Ah, ah, ah. Oh, my God. I just realized who this song is actually about, but we're going to get to it. Okay.

It's a little-known vampire. I'm excited. Okay. Oh, yeah, because Bloodsucker, Famefucker. Well, he's famous. He's famous. He's on TV. Exactly.

Absolutely. I used to think I was so smart, he made me look naive. Well, if she's... Would the Count be using them to get to fame? Who's more famous? The Count or Olivia Rodrigo? Depends who you're asking. Are you asking six-year-olds?

I honestly think... Am I going to a preschool? Hey, baby. Which one do you know more? This felt great. I went to a baby that was two this felt great I went to a baby that was two years old I go to a fresh baby

I gotta get to like a couple month old baby that's why no one let me in the hospital think if you're asking the entire population and you're asking in a way where you

hold up to two photos one of Olivia Rodrigo and one of the Counts and you're asking everyone I think that the Count will come out on top okay so Olivia Rodrigo

was fame fucking theucking the count. Again, this probably hasn't applied. Or alternatively, I mean, because Sesame Street have guests. He's just in general a fame-fucker. He could be. He could be like I can't say that. That would be libel.

So like say certain people who are very famous in a long-running Australian sitcom that's very famous maybe. Not a like a TV show, and say, like, not that great in, say, Australia, kind of successful, but very big overseas, let's say in the UK. Yeah. And then so you go over there. Oh, where you're far more famous. And you use that to, like, sleep with a lot of people

Like in that situation I think a name I could throw around And they are a certified cunt So I'm happy to say it And if we have to bleep it, we will But like Kyle Sandilands A true human piece of shit And a fame fucker

I like the implication Comfort And the fame fucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the implication. Yeah. Comfort. Australia laws with libel are good, yeah? On our side. I'll be in court. I'll defend myself and I will win.

Yeah, okay. Imagine you got her. Imagine this is played in court. Olivia Rodrigo might be there too. She also, see, her. Yeah. Imagine this is played in court. Oof. Olivia Rodrigo might be there too. Yeah. She also, see, look. Okay. Is it liable to say she's fucking a Muppet?

Olivia Rodrigo. She's not bad for a rap. Hey, look. I think it's good. I quite like your music and I'm sorry that I've said these horrible things about your songs. Yeah.

By horrible, I mean just implied that you had sex with a mop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But in the song, not you in real life. You seem lovely, lovely to me. I'm going to jail for a long time. Anyway, this guy, he's a piece of shit. I like the implication that the count. Olivia Rodrigo, you're like 22.

Do podcasts even mean anything to you? No, no. It's an old man's game, right? Yeah. You're on TikTok. It's not an old man's game either. It's not a no one's game anymore. It's a no man's land game.

There's a little flash in the pan. Anyway, I love the implication that the count is a fame fucker because that feels like every guest that comes on the Sesame Street, he's having a crack. Is that the implication? Yeah. And if Olivia Rodrigo was, this sparks happened and now they're dating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so...

Here we go, it's all your bad, bad news. I mean, like, that's... Hey, I'm dating this guy. I think that you dating a Muppet is going to blow up in your face, Olivia. He's not a Muppet. He's just a really hot, lovely, tiny little guy. Okay.

How do you tell your friend that they're dating a Muppet? How do you tell your friend that you're not dating someone, but you're dating, say, a team of eight who are controlling a felt Muppet? You know how he doesn't have a throat? Huh? Or a tongue that moves? And then I guess... No lips?

Yeah. Then I guess, like, you call them crazy. God, I hate the way I call them crazy, too. I can I guess. No lips? Yeah. No. Then I guess like you call them crazy. God, I hate the way I call them crazy too. I can't imagine the Count calling people crazy. But I guess if he's like, oh, I'm not a Muppet. Babe, people keep telling me that you're not real, that you're a Muppet. You have five crazy friends. I do have five crazy friends.

God, you love counting, babe. How do you lie without flinching? Well, because he's got no muscles. Oh, what a mesmerizing, paralyzing, fucked up little thrill. He's a fucked up little guy. Can't figure out how you do it. God knows I never will. Can Oliver Rodrigo not count?

How do you count so high? I how you do it. God knows I never will. Can Oliver Rodrigo not count? How do you count so high? I don't get it. I get to 10 and I'm... This is one where it kind of falls apart again. Went for me and not for her because girls your age no better. Who is the count? When was Sesame Street made?

Who's the count risen? I don't know the... Count's got no riz. I'll say it. I'll see the count in court's the count risen, hey? I don't know the... Count's got no riz. I'll say it. I'll see the count in court for libel as well. He's got some riz. Got no riz? Got one riz.

Got two riz. I don't think the count knows what riz is. G'day, welcome to Australian libel court. I sentence shelters to death by hanging. Death to hanging. Yeah, kill it good. Yeah, get rid of hanging. Hang that noose.

They didn't want to admit their mistake, so they hanged some rope. They just like dangling there. They just pull the lever. The rope sort of flops But that'd be a lesson To you Joel Dude Crowd cheers

What the fuck is happening I'm just glad They didn't kill me Yeah we killed that noose Woo Better the rope than me Yeah Am I free to go

Oh no Firing squad Oh damn it You get a firing squad To the firing squad Gonna shoot a gun Yeah is it That's the firing squad

No we figured it out. No, we remember. All jokes aside, though. You are going to die. We almost said death to fire, but we remember. We're not doing the thing where one of the guns or some of the guns have blanks. All of them have bullets, and they're all hungry and feel no restraint, no issue with killing. Everyone firing requested this.

Friends and family are there too. We've got them extra guns. Oh man. We are going to give a chair the chair though.

But you're not going to get to see that because that's after the firing. Oh this is the worst news. So yeah I think it does fall apart.

Yeah. You said it was true love Sold me for parts One Yeah true Sunk your teeth into me He doesn't have teeth to sink You can't love anyone

Because that would mean you had a heart He doesn't have a heart Maybe it's a heart thing I think I'm going to go Strong six Six? I was going being like, maybe it's a hard thing to discuss. I think I'm going to go strong six. Six? Look, I was going to give it maybe two fangs. Two fangs? Yeah, I'm six fangs.

Almost toothless, actually. Yeah, yeah. Strong six to me. Now, Jackson, you got someone up your sleeve? Because otherwise I can reveal who I think this song is about. Please. Now, this is a movie that is quite popular as a franchise, but it's not one that our brains go to immediately.

I can't remember if we've done an episode about this franchise in particular, but if we haven't, we probably should. Because I think that this song is about a vampire that Olivia Rodrigo dated and probably would have fucked her up a bit. And I think she dated Dracula from Hotel Transylvania. Adam Sandler'svania. Oh! Adam Sandler's Dracula. Oh my God.

The Sandman himself. Big castle. Very big castle. It's a hotel, so there's parties. And people you pretend to care about. Adam Sandler's Dracula is a bit of a piece of shit. Yep. He's not nice to his friends, and he's rude to his daughter's new husband.

Fame fucker? Yeah, because he's fucking friends with all, because like fame fucker could be like, it doesn't mean you're fucking famous people. You could also be like, oh, you're doing, you're just like trying to ride.

Absolutely. Using people, yeah. Which is what he does with the other monsters. He loathes them, but he's like, well, I'm the guy.

Parties, diamonds. Yeah. That makes sense. He has parties at the Hotel Transylvania all the time. Diamonds, he's rich as fuck, dude.

Yeah, he's also, like, every girl I ever talk to told me you were bad, bad news. Yeah, because he is bad news. Yeah. And he'd be like, no, babe, they're crazy. No. Okay, okay, okay, okay. He also seems like the kind of guy that would do the gaslighting and being like, yeah, exactly. How can you lie without flinching?

Because he's like, he's one of those guys that just stacks lies upon lies upon lies upon lies. His whole life is lies. Like, say, Frankenstein, he said that you're a piece of shit. No, he's a piece of shit! Fuck Frankenstein! Forget about him! He has a brain of dog in head.

I knew Dr. Frankenstein. I was the one that gave him the dog brain. Hey, and sort of for parts, maybe to Dr. Frankenstein. I was the one that gave him the dog brain. Hey, and sold it for parts, maybe, to Dr. Frankenstein. Because this is the only vampire we have that knows all of the monsters. And would probably sell parts of people too, that guy. Yeah, because Adam Sandler's Dracula, he's up to his neck in schemes all the time. I thought you were going to say up to his neck in debt, which I would have also believed.

Oh, yeah. And how is he making all them riches? Yeah. A little side hustle there. Selling parts of his exes. And the whole thing. Or carrying girlfriends. Yeah.

The whole thing with his daughter's new boyfriend that he learns is that he is a human being and a buffoon. Absolutely. He does kind of loathe humans. He doesn't like humans. He's human. He doesn't care. He'll fucking eat a guy. Yeah, exactly. He'll kind of loathe humans. He doesn't like humans. He's human. He doesn't care. He'll fucking eat a guy.

Yeah, exactly. He'll sell Olivia Rodrigo for parts. You shouldn't have dated Adam Sandler's Dracula, Olivia. What were you thinking? Yeah, yeah. I think you're right. I think it makes complete sense

across all of it. It could be, you know, it's sold me for, it could be even attempted to sell. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Like, you know, she's like, oh, you're trying to, I get what you're doing. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Like, you know, she's like, oh, you're trying to,

I get what you're doing. Yeah, yeah. So that's, you know, she was quickly backed out. Yeah. So I think six months, right? Because this is a relationship

with six months. Yeah, it was a six month, Worldwide adventure. Because like six months is a decent scheme there. Yeah. Date someone and then to try So you're imagining

Adam Sandler's Dracula and there was no affection really. Yeah, it was all a scheme. Which I guess makes sense because like you said, he hates his daughter's human boyfriend. So he would never really be attracted to a human being. Unless this takes place when...

Who's the daughter's mom? Is it a human? No, I think it is another monster. Surely one of the Hotel Transylvania movies is about this. Or maybe she's dead. Because there's one movie where he go on a boat. Yeah, and then he gets new girlfriend. Yeah.

Hotel Transylvania characters. One movie, he go on a boat. Yeah, there's one movie he go on a boat. Yeah, it's Hotel Transylvania 3 Summer Vacation. Yeah, exactly. So in that he's dating someone. So the mom's not around anymore, actually, I think.

Where is the instigating incident where the daughter comes and lives with him? Yeah. Because she's the daughter. What power set does she have? She's just like a vampire girl. Yeah, run-of-the-mill vampire. Yeah, just a straight-up regular normie vampire.

But, I mean, Adam Sandler's Dracula's friends with, like, a mummy, an invisible man. I know the invisible man because he was invisible. Everybody thought. Martha is Count Dracula's. Why'd you say that name? Why'd you say that name? What the fuck is going on?

Who the fuck is Martha? In the Hotel Transylvania, Invisible Man, nobody ever saw him And fan artists and people part of the Hotel Transylvania fandom, I guess Drew him really hot and sexy And then in one of the movies It was revealed what he looked like And he's just like a funny looking old man

And dude, people were so pissed off That's awesome That was Hotel Transylvania for Transformania Yeah, yeah, yeah So Martha was killed pissed off. That's awesome. That was Hotel Transylvania 4 Transformania. So Martha was killed by the humans. Okay. So it's a monster of sorts. Not quite sure what kind.

Yeah, but she was some kind of creature. Martha Hotel Transylvania. Do we ever see her? Do we know what they were? Oh, they were just another... Oh, they're just a vampire. Okay.

So it's just a regular vampire family. And on the Heroes Wiki page about Martha Dracula, that's her name. Okay. Wait, what? Her name is Martha Dracula. What's Dracula's name, then? Count Dracula. Is his first name Count?

I guess, yeah, because... Well, no, because it's Count, your last name, right? So if I was a Count, I'd be Count Zamet. I wouldn't be called Count Joel. Yeah, that's true. Martha Dracula and her powers slash skills are vampire powers, and her hobby is loves her husband and her daughter. What's Adam Sandler's Dracula's name? Yeah.

Because if we're getting Martha Dracula, surely we get a name there. John Dracula. Is there a name drop? His alias we get a name there. John Dracula. His name drop? His full name is Count Dracula. His alias is Dracula, Monsieur Dracula, Mr. Tough Guy, Drac, Papa Drac,

Rat Bat, Captain Control Freak, Mr. Tight Coffin, Dad, Daddy, Count Croc, Count Croocula., Count Croocula. Or Count Croocula. Again, he's making schemes. He's a crook guy, yeah.

So I'm guessing if he's in this period of time where he might be even mad at, like even furtherly mad at humans, a six-month relationship to try and get some revenge to be like if i can be friends with this person date them pretend to date them and then uh maybe eat their friends or get their friends and like give them to frankenstein or selling for parts and then eventually give me like my scheme here is to sell you yeah and you know girls your age know better he's like it's olivia being like a vampire would know what schemes a vampire was going to pull. Someone who isn't 20 would understand that you're just a vampire using me for my delicious blood. I think we've cracked the case.

I think we have. I think you're right. Olivia Rodrigo, do not date Adam Sandler's Dracula again. He's bad news. Do not say that he is a hotel owner. And that's a male with a P.L. Obviously. Again, he's got some room to stay.

He can sustain a beautiful castle. He seems like a family man. He's's a male with a penis. Obviously. Again, he's got some real estate. He can sustain a beautiful castle. He seems like a family man. He's got a daughter. But he's no good. No good for you. And you learnt the hard way. Yeah. You did make some really big mistakes.

But that's okay. Move on. Get revenge like you do in your other song. Good for... Not good for you, the other one. The one, you know the one, Olivia. Either way, Olivia, good for you. Good for you. That's, I mean, that's, you're upset in that song too. Thanks for listening to and watching this episode, Olivia.

Olivia, you, hey, big fans here. Hope you're having a great day. You know, just don't go back to that hotel I reckon get him back was the song I was thinking of anyway on that note I've been Joel I've been Jackson I have also been Joel

and this has been another episode of Plumbing the Death Star it's good stuff it's really good stuff we'll see you in court I guess I'm representing myself I'll be fine we should end every episode by defending this podcast. I think that's a funny bit. That was Bobby Valsar, and it's actually good.

It's a good podcast. It's actually great. It's entertaining. It's funny. People like it. We've got a good dynamic, right? Yeah. Love each other?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Goodbye. Bye. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details.

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